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Turning a Past into a Purpose | Tom Bohannan
68 Plays1 month ago
Tom is a father, husband, and a discipler of men. One of Todd's dearest friends, they discuss all that Tom is learning with the Lord right now; the importance of forgiveness, grace, and God's truth. Todd and Tom talk about WayForward trip #1, the impact of a community of men, how God can truly transform someones life, and that there is freedom in being fully known and fully loved.
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Transcript
Intro
Introduction of Tom Bohannon
00:00:57
Todd Pinkston
All right, here we are. Tom Bohannon, one of the founders of VPs of sales at in ed Sendera. Tom Bohannon is a father. He is a husband. He is one heck of a discipler of men.
00:01:10
Todd Pinkston
Tom Bohannon has been on numerous way forward trips and a dear friend of mine, a man that I talk to regularly and share my heart with. And I'm a better man because TB is in my life. So TB, welcome.
00:01:21
Todd Pinkston
Excited to have a conversation with you.
00:01:24
Tom Bohannon
I appreciate that, Todd. I appreciate the kind introduction. And the as you know, I've told you many times, the feeling is more than mutual, brother. i you met me at one of the lowest points of my life and and the way you love me without even needing to will never be forgotten brother so i will be in debt to you for a very long time
00:01:42
Todd Pinkston
Praise God. All right. Hey, so we we talk once a month and i'm I'm always blown away. You've always got something you're learning. Like you're leaning into the Lord. Lord's teaching you something.
00:01:53
Todd Pinkston
What about right now? Like what are you learning with the Lord right now?
Marriage Challenges and Faith
00:01:58
Tom Bohannon
Man, that's a great question, Todd. And as always, God's timing is is sovereign and good. Yeah, it's funny. I was wondering if this would come up. And you've obviously asked a question where I can't really avoid it. But as you mentioned, I've been married for six years to my best friend, my helper.
00:02:17
Tom Bohannon
i I would not, I cannot look at my wife and my child and not just recognize God's grace and God's power to redeem and restore everything. But here recently, my wife and I had been through some conflict that was a little bit unforeseen.
00:02:36
Tom Bohannon
And as we kind of walked through that, you know, a lot of incredible men have spoken into my life. Of course, you being one of those people.
00:02:44
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:02:44
Tom Bohannon
And we actually had a meeting on Saturday excuse me, on Sunday with the pastor that is a senior pastor of a church body that we are currently at plan of.
00:02:56
Tom Bohannon
And, you know, we we talked to him for about three hours a day individually for a period of time. And then he brought us back together. and one of the things he really leaned on me on was like, you know, Tom, are you a disciple of Christ?
00:03:09
Tom Bohannon
I mean, like, cause this is moments like this, that everything you say you believe in terms of grace
00:03:10
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:03:16
Tom Bohannon
everything you say you believe in terms of forgiveness, everything you say you believe about the gospel, this is your opportunity to really hold a fire to those beliefs and and and and walk that out in a way that I'm gonna go, hope I'm gonna be humble, i'm gonna I'm gonna be surrendered, and I'm gonna trust God.
00:03:26
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:03:31
Tom Bohannon
And and even though this hurts, I'm but i'm gonna i'm gonna exalt God and and and just choose she's a way of truth versus my feelings.
00:03:42
Tom Bohannon
Because you know when you get hurt sometimes, your feelings say one thing, And as I've said numerous times the last six weeks as I've kind of walked through this with my wife, that, I mean, my feelings can sound so real. They can be so overwhelming and so powerful and they can be so dictating to to what I want to do and what I feel like I should do because, mean, Todd, you know me, man, I'm just, i'm I'm driven. I mean, I'm a super passionate guy and, you know, the old, you know, your greatest strength is your greatest weakness. and And, you know, what God's teaching me is that
00:04:14
Tom Bohannon
doesn't matter what my feelings say, truth is truth. And if my truth, meaning my truth, meaning God's truth contradicts your feelings, then your feelings are a lot of hell, period. And that you're called to step outside of your feelings and to and to be who you say you are according to my truth.
00:04:31
Tom Bohannon
And you know that's part of my story, as you know, Todd, is that you know my wife has given me so much grace and look past the old man that I was and looked to the cross and who I was.
00:04:43
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:04:44
Tom Bohannon
I mean, you know, i this may come up or I may not come up, but you know, Nicole's not my first spouse. And one thing she told me early on was that, you know, it's, I know you've been married before, but the reality is i don't feel like this man's ever been married because, you know, the man I married just is not the man you were when you were married the first time.
00:04:58
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:05:01
Tom Bohannon
And I'm rambling to lay on the plane to simply say that, you know, what God's teach me right now is that it's really easy to say, you believe all the things you're supposed to believe.
00:05:10
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:05:10
Tom Bohannon
when the rainbows out and the sky is sunny and the, and the, you know, the sky's blue and everything's perfect.
00:05:11
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:05:15
Tom Bohannon
But, you know, when there's a fire held up to your feelings, you know, or, or you know, when, when it's a very uncomfortable moment, your feelings are a bit overwhelming is the man that you say you are still going to rise above those feelings and and
Grace in Marriage
00:05:27
Tom Bohannon
claim truth and, and give your wife and and accept her as a redeemed creation and recognize that whatever happened in the past has nothing to do with who you guys are as husband and wife.
00:05:29
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:05:38
Tom Bohannon
And, And to move forward and look at her as a new child of God, like she gave you the same opportunity, you know, six, seven years ago. So, you know, it's, in you know, Ronnie, this is the pastor we spoke with.
00:05:49
Tom Bohannon
He looked me the and he said, man, I don't know what God's doing, but really does he do it in an easy way in terms of the change he's trying to create in you.
00:05:55
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:05:56
Tom Bohannon
He said that, you know, and there's all the illustrations in the Bible that when God changes us, it you know, it's kind of the fire. anvil cold water thing, you know, and none of that sounds comfortable. And, and that's just where you are right now.
00:06:06
Tom Bohannon
And accepted as, you know, just God's hand on your life and not, you know, being satisfied where you are right now. And, you know, some of my greatest moments are discomfort, of discomfort events, the greatest moments of of life change and heart change.
00:06:19
Tom Bohannon
And a lot of who I am today, I would attribute it through really, really hard seasons and just trusting God.
00:06:20
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:06:25
Tom Bohannon
And it's just another opportunity to trust God and kind of rise above quote unquote, hurt feelings, hurt pride, hurt ego, all the things that I just completely, you know tend to war with daily.
00:06:37
Tom Bohannon
God's given me an opportunity to rise above that and and offer to others what has been offered to me countless times.
00:06:42
Todd Pinkston
you Praise God. Thanks for sharing TB.
00:06:46
Tom Bohannon
yeah
00:06:47
Todd Pinkston
So i was I was in the store last night with with a group and you know it didn't even it didn't even dawn on me that you know we were talking today. But one of the guys asked, he's like, man, I'm i'm sure you've seen some great moments. I'm sure you've seen the Lord show up in some powerful ways.
00:07:04
Todd Pinkston
He's like, well you know what what are some of those? like What are some of the times in which you just knew that this was what you were supposed to be doing? and And the first thing that popped to my mind was you telling your life story.
00:07:17
Todd Pinkston
year one way forward, trip one. And you know we we had known each other before, but I had not been you know not been let in on your story. And I remember where we were. i remember you sharing. And the realization hit me of, you know you hear like, man, everybody's got a story. Everybody's got their demons. like you You hear those things.
00:07:40
Todd Pinkston
But when you told your story to me, it was like, holy cow, like this is,
Redemption from Troubled Past
00:07:45
Todd Pinkston
this needs to happen. Like these circles need to be created for more people because you never know what's going on underneath the surface. You never know what's in somebody's past. And so, I mean, I just love to one, i mean, thank you. Like your your boldness, your courage, your vulnerability has been shaping for my life and the ministry way forward.
00:08:03
Todd Pinkston
But we'd just love to explore like, you know, as you look back, you know, peaks and valleys, like what What has the Lord brought you through to make you who the man you are today?
00:08:14
Tom Bohannon
Yeah, I mean, you know, ill I think I'll just kind of give my story right now, you know, just to version of it.
00:08:19
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:08:21
Tom Bohannon
And, you know, I said a few minutes ago that
00:08:26
Tom Bohannon
you I told myself, don't get emotional on this call, but it's just hard to think about my first 35 years of life and contrast them to the last 15 years.
00:08:34
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:08:38
Tom Bohannon
It just taught me, you know, blowing away what God's done, you know, like you've heard me say a million times, TP, my life does not pencil.
00:08:41
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:08:46
Tom Bohannon
There's nothing about my life that is possible without the power of the cross.
00:08:47
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:08:50
Tom Bohannon
And I guess with that, I'll just kind of jump into, you know, my story and I'll do the best I can to keep it abbreviated out of respect for time and, and just being long winded, but, you know, short story, you know, kind of boring.
00:08:50
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:09:01
Tom Bohannon
Born raised and raised in a very loving family. You know, mom and dad love me. i wouldn't say my dad was a discipler, but he was definitely, he modeled what does what a servant leader looked like. You know, definitely set a good example for my brother and I. Grew up in a small farming community, but, you know, like I say, born and raised in church. Had an early acceptance of Christ. I was about 13 years old, but before that 13th, or before that acceptance of Christ, I had a lot of, you know,
00:09:30
Tom Bohannon
just inferiority issues. You know, it's funny, <unk>ve I've tried to, even after all these years of all the work I've done, I don't know if I've ever really nailed it down exactly what it is, but I'm sure a lot of it was with status.
00:09:40
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:09:41
Tom Bohannon
You didn't have, you know, we weren't a wealthy family, so I didn't have all the things that made you cool, whether be clothes, shoes, et cetera, back then. It's just funny to even say that out loud now to think about it. But nonetheless, you know wasn't a great athlete. You know, that's a big one too, that maybe I felt inferior to that,
Struggles with Addiction
00:09:56
Tom Bohannon
but But the way I medicate the inferiority complex is I was exposed to porn when I was a very, very, very young man.
00:10:01
Tom Bohannon
And even though I didn't know what I was looking at, i was a porn addict by the time i was seven, eight, nine years old. I mean, literally, I was buying my own pornography with my lunch money, is as crazy as that sounds.
00:10:07
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:10:12
Tom Bohannon
You fast forward the tape, and you know that all kind of compounded. I had a lot of guilt and shame that was being built up in myself, and even at a young age even though I didn't really understand what the concept of guilt shame was.
00:10:24
Tom Bohannon
I know it was packing my lunch and it was it was really building cancer inside my soul. around the age of 13, 14 years old, we moved to Missouri and, and really I got, I got just ran over by insecurity there. i I went from at least having a body of friends that the kind of masked a lot of the insecurity to literally have no friends. And essentially what happened just to be really quick with it is, is my aunt uncle lived there at the time. and My uncle sort of grooming me in a way that I really didn't understand at the time, but essentially it was it just grew into an abusive relationship.
00:10:56
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:10:59
Tom Bohannon
And that went on for about 18 months my life. So by the time I'm 15, 16 years old, I'm a porn addict. I've been sexually abused by my uncle. And then the way he kind of closed that off is he introduced me to the world of prostitution.
00:11:13
Tom Bohannon
I lost my virginity to a prostitute when I was 16 years old. So you got a 16 year old kid who's been sexually abused. He's addicted to pornography. He's insecure and he lost his virginity to a prostitute.
00:11:27
Tom Bohannon
And essentially Todd, what that did is that just spiraled completely out of tro control for about really 16 years of every level depravity that you can think of.
00:11:36
Todd Pinkston
Okay.
00:11:37
Tom Bohannon
There's a failed marriage in there. And and that failed marriage was 100% because of just the deplicit life I was living, the lies I was telling him. the addiction, infidelity in every way possible, whether it pornography, prostitutes, or just other women in general.
00:11:54
Tom Bohannon
And like I said, Todd, I mean, this is 20 years going, this story. I mean, it started when i was a kid, but from like that moment when I lost my virginity to a prostitute, it it really spiraled completely out of your control for about 20 years.
00:12:08
Tom Bohannon
And even to the point after my first failed marriage,
00:12:08
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:12:12
Tom Bohannon
I looked at the Lord and I literally told him up to go, go to H-E-L-L. Just not, not because I didn't think he was there. i just, I didn't understand that he could really fix the problem or fix the insanity. And I just kind of given up and I literally thought God hated me. And i thought he hated me because would, because I was who I was and i was unredeemable.
00:12:36
Tom Bohannon
And that's really what I believed in. And when I told God to, to you know, to go away, there was about another five or six years there where there was no moral compass at all. And it was, you know, I can't look back to those years to say that God even wasn't, I can't look back at those years and say God wasn't with me because while there were consequences for my decisions and a lot of painful consequences, there's a second failed marriage in that story there.
00:12:57
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:13:03
Tom Bohannon
His hand of grace was there because it could have been so much worse. And so that went on forever. and you know, just through God's sovereignty and God's grace and God's constant pursuit of of me and my heart.
00:13:15
Tom Bohannon
I moved to Dallas, Texas in 2007. So that was, you know, 18 years ago, was, you know, pushing 40 years old. i had not walked with the Lord in any capacity for five or six years.
00:13:27
Tom Bohannon
And, I finally got to a point in the recovery world they call just being sick and tired of being sick and tired.
00:13:35
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:13:35
Tom Bohannon
knew I knew knew what I was doing was wrong. And I knew i knew that I knew I didn't want to do it anymore. And I wish I could say that I gave my life back to Christ. And there was there was a quick moment of repentance and a radical change. But I kind of i was in and out of church even, you know, for for another good season. But what God began to do was God begin to bring men in my life that challenged me in a way that had never been challenged before, that that began to emulate to me what a life of Christ looked like, what what what it what it truly meant to, like i you know we talked about a few minutes ago, to live
00:14:16
Tom Bohannon
you know, above your flesh and to be surrendered to, truth and to be surrendered, you know, to the, you know, to Jesus, to God, to the universe, to the Lord is the Lord of your life. And I just, uh, not, you know, just to kind of, uh, uh, you know, a ticket to heaven.
00:14:31
Tom Bohannon
And and, you know, it's one of those things that I, I can't deny God's power because I know how broken I was. And, you know, in 2016, I finally came to the conclusion that,
00:14:40
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:14:46
Tom Bohannon
I'm not going to date anymore. I'd gone through a bad relationship that I thought i was going to marry the girl. She broke my heart. And I, you know, it's funny as, as you know, Todd, I, I, I got heart broken and two days later i went way forward trip and I literally went to fall.
00:14:57
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:14:59
Tom Bohannon
But, but what God did in 2016 was he really held it, you know, kind of going back to what I said a few minutes ago, he began to hold the fire to me, but he held me close through, through, through that season. I was going, I mean, I mean, you know, not to belabor an old relationship, but man, I was hurt.
00:15:15
Tom Bohannon
I mean, i I, had never been hurt before.
00:15:17
Todd Pinkston
Okay.
00:15:17
Tom Bohannon
I'd had my feelings hurt, but I was, my heart was broken. My business was failing. You know, we lost a substantial but but amount of money as in the business that year. I thought I was, you know, I had no idea where that was going.
00:15:30
Tom Bohannon
And literally all my friends in the world that love me like Christ love, or, you know love me like Christ loves me. they were all married with two and a half kids. So even though I was surrounded by amazing men and just just so many people who loved me for the first time, and you know, the way, like i say, like, you know, in in a Christ-like way,
00:15:50
Tom Bohannon
I was lonely. i was broken. i was my business was failing. I was heartbroken. But what I did was i began to trust God. And because that's what hit me through that season that even in my greatest you know season with the Lord, never trusted him.
00:15:59
Todd Pinkston
Here.
00:16:05
Tom Bohannon
Like I trusted him with my salvation, but I did not trust him with my life. And, and you know, going back to what I said a few minutes ago, I was so addicted to my feelings. And every time my feelings were hurting or uncomfortable or insecure or whatever, I ran into some bites, you know, whether it be porn, another woman, a prostitute, whatever it was.
00:16:13
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:16:22
Tom Bohannon
I mean, I don't want to minimize the level of insanity. I know I've kind of brushed through it for sake of time, but I mean, was an addict. I mean, I never did drugs as an addict, but, but, you know, when it came to sexual impurity, anytime I was rattled, I medicated in some form of that for, you know, you call it 30 years, 30 years of my life.
00:16:42
Tom Bohannon
And, You know, for the first time my life in 2016, had people in my life that, you know, in in a spiritual way, were just going to kick my butt and not let me off the hook and not let me succumb to this anymore and not let me be a liar, not let me be addicted to my feelings and challenge every lie that the the enemy of hell was telling me.
00:17:01
Tom Bohannon
And I just remember. you know, just how lonely and sad. i mean I remember crying daily and snot bubbles and just, I mean, all the emotion of that. but But what I did was I trusted God. i didn't medicate. I didn't do the thing. I ran to Jesus and I didn't run to my vices that I had run to forever.
00:17:18
Tom Bohannon
And what he began to do in those two or three years is he began to galvanize something to me that I never thought possible in me.
00:17:23
Todd Pinkston
Hmm. Hmm.
00:17:23
Tom Bohannon
And that was I was becoming a man of God. I was being informed by truth. I was being informed by my spirit. I was being informed by a faith that the trusted God, even when the waves were over over my head, you know? And you know i remember telling people that you know there would be nights where all I wanted to do was act out in any form or fashion you could think.
00:17:41
Tom Bohannon
And I didn't. I said, Lord, I'm gonna trust you. you know Here's what your word says in this moment. Here's what my feelings say, and I'm gonna trust you. And I just remember every day waking up and just feeling stronger in the Lord. Like, I can't explain it. It's like, you know he just began to galvanize something in me that...
00:17:59
Tom Bohannon
That that I can't that I could do on my own. I tried. i didn't I didn't want to be the man I was. I wanted to stop. But I needed his I needed his redemptive power to begin to do that. And and, you know, you fast forward the tape and I didn't date at all for about three years. And, you know, you walk through a lot of that with me. I wrestled with divorce and remarriage and the biblical grounds of that. I talked to a lot of men about it.
00:18:23
Tom Bohannon
Through that journey, I was able to make amends with both of my ex-wives. They're both remarried now, praise God. And then, you know, in early 2019, like i say, about three years into my singleness, two and a half years in my singleness, I met my wife, Nicole, and we dated for a year. and We got married in January, 2020. And twenty and i think the the best, I guess, icing on the cake I can tell in my story is that, you know, I had always been unfaithful in relationship I've been in.
Transformation through Fatherhood
00:18:55
Tom Bohannon
I had been verbally abusive in every relationship I've been in. I had been unsafe, destructive in so many different ways. And two years into our marriage, the Lord blessed us with Hallie Edwin Bohan. She's my three and half year old daughter. And I think the thing that kind of, i think puts a bow in all this is that we're, you know,
00:19:13
Tom Bohannon
I think Hallie was two weeks old when we were standing in her nursery and i was just kind of, I just got really overwhelmed by God's goodness and and God's power and God's just his grace, his grace in my life and just all the redemption that he and like had allowed in my life.
00:19:20
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:19:27
Tom Bohannon
And literally in front of me was writing a story. even when I was trusting him, he would be as good as what he was riding.
00:19:30
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:19:34
Tom Bohannon
And I literally just started sobbing and Todd, you know me, I'm my wife's 5'8". I was standing there and I was literally laying on shoulder crying like a baby. And I'll never forget, she she took my cheeks and she looked at my cheeks up and she looked me right eye she says, I'm so thankful that God has allowed you to be my husband and the father of my child.
00:19:54
Tom Bohannon
And I don't tell you that. I don't tell you that to boast. I tell you that because that's Jesus and that's the cross. And that that statement is impossible without the gospel and the cross.
00:20:00
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:20:05
Tom Bohannon
And not sure. What he's allowed me to do in terms of ministry and and just loving, as I said one time around a a way forward campfire. I just love, love it.
00:20:15
Tom Bohannon
I love, love it on broken dudes because I don't, I don't care what your story is.
00:20:18
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:20:20
Tom Bohannon
I could care less.
00:20:21
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:20:21
Tom Bohannon
I know the power of the cross is bigger than your story. And, and I know that because I've lived, I've lived it.
00:20:24
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:20:27
Tom Bohannon
You know, it's, I, yeah I've got a business that I started about 15 years ago, so almost 16 years ago.
00:20:27
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:20:32
Tom Bohannon
and Now it's crazy to say that. And it's funny, I was speaking anytime you start a business, everyone thinks you're businessman, which I think is hilarious because I have a lot of things my about a businessman.
00:20:39
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:20:41
Tom Bohannon
So I got invited to this Christian businessman panel at SMU a couple of weeks ago, probably a couple months ago now. And one of the questions they asked us was like, hey, how do you balance your walk with Jesus and just the rigors of business?
00:20:53
Tom Bohannon
And I remember I sat there and I was like, man, this is pretty easy for me, or not easy, but this, I mean, I know i know my answer. and And it's like, I haven't forgotten. Like, I know who I am without Jesus.
00:21:02
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:21:03
Tom Bohannon
I'm an insecure, destructive, lying, unworthy, unreliable. There's nothing good that lives within me without Christ, nothing.
00:21:14
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:21:15
Tom Bohannon
And, you know, I've got 30 years of that. I've like got years of the alternative. and So I don't have an option. It's like without Jesus, man, you don't want me to mow your yard, let alone, you know, be a business leader or whatever heck you want to call me or your husband or your friend or whatever.
00:21:30
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:21:32
Tom Bohannon
mean, I'm a liar, you know, without Jesus.
00:21:33
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:21:33
Tom Bohannon
saying So yeah, that's like, how do I balance it? With with as tight hands as I possibly can, because I know who am without Jesus. I have not forgotten and I don't want to be that man again.
00:21:46
Tom Bohannon
And I know I'm um'm a couple of bad decisions away from being that man again.
00:21:49
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. TB, man, I love hearing your story. It is – remember sitting around the fire last year with you talking and just – it's a reminder all the time of God's grace.
00:22:02
Todd Pinkston
It's a reminder. I mean, the way you love your girls, it can be easy to take those things for granted and and you don't like exactly what you just said of when you compare it to who you've been, you just feel so blessed to be where you are right now.
00:22:10
Tom Bohannon
Thank you.
00:22:16
Todd Pinkston
And, and that's evident. I mean, just in the way you live and the way you love and Nicole and Hallie and just a, Yeah, to me, I wish I could hear the story more often because it's such a good reminder for me.
00:22:28
Todd Pinkston
So, mean, you said it earlier, like your story doesn't pencil. Most people that go through one of those things don't come out of it. You know, they they end up putting on a mask. They end up, you know, pretending to be somebody they're not. And that becomes the story of their life is is believing the lie so much that it shapes their identity.
00:22:49
Todd Pinkston
How have you... successfully walked in vulnerability, you know, sharing a story that most people wouldn't share, that that most people would hide behind?
Power of Vulnerability
00:23:00
Todd Pinkston
Like what, what was the catalyst for you to start talking about it?
00:23:06
Tom Bohannon
Yeah. So, I mean, you know, I joke all the time. I was kind of given the gift of desperation. you know, i i didn't.
00:23:12
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:23:16
Tom Bohannon
i there's a lot of ways to answer that question, Todd. I mean, number one, I've i've been blessed with men in my life who led me well.
00:23:26
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:23:27
Tom Bohannon
i
00:23:30
Tom Bohannon
I'll never forget. I mean, there's there's a guy in my life. His name is Marcelo. He and I grabbed lunch early in 2008 after I had moved here. And he has a 20-year drug addiction and just every bit of depravity that can come with that.
00:23:47
Tom Bohannon
and And we sat there at lunch one day and he told me his entire store.
00:23:48
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:23:52
Tom Bohannon
And I just remember hearing it and I couldn't believe that he just told me what he told me because his story was so much worse than mine.
00:24:00
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Yeah.
00:24:03
Tom Bohannon
know mean?
00:24:03
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:24:03
Tom Bohannon
And I remember that moment, I'm like, dude, like if he can share that with me, the hell, I got, I mean, so I literally, Marcel Unterbug early 2008, I'm not sure, I think it was March of 2008 is the first man that,
00:24:19
Tom Bohannon
I told my entire story to in terms of level of abuse, all that happened, all that kind of, basically stuff I said that i would never tell anybody. I would take it to the grave with me.
00:24:27
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:24:29
Tom Bohannon
And honestly, Todd, I mean, like God gave me a gift that day that, that I'll never forget. And that is that there was freedom and to be fully known and fully loved.
00:24:36
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:24:37
Tom Bohannon
You know, like there was, there you know, i've I've had people tell me that when somebody fully knows you and fully loves you, that's how Christ loves us. So it just gives you a small glimpse of like the way Christ loves you.
00:24:44
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:24:46
Tom Bohannon
And then, because of that freedom and because of that, like, you know, I call it the empty closet. I want to i want to stay there. Like, I love the fact that my wife and I can go out wherever I want to and I have nothing to hide from.
00:24:58
Tom Bohannon
Like, I have no secrets, no, there's just, there I mean, like, Todd, I think you know everything about me.
00:24:59
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:25:03
Tom Bohannon
And if you don't ask, you know, it's that kind of thing. and And I think that's the thing is like, I know that the enemy, you know, that there's a saying you hear all the time, we're only as sick as our secrets. And i mean, that's what the enemy wants is he wants us to believe that
00:25:13
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:25:16
Tom Bohannon
that no one else will understand that no, that there's no one else in the world as sick as you.
00:25:17
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:21
Tom Bohannon
There's no one in the world that thinks the way you think there's no one in world that has the same lust problems you do, or that thinks this is attractive or that's attractive, or, you know, exclusivity is what this is, what Satan wants to keep us in bondage to and and make us think that we're terminally unique.
00:25:22
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:25:36
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:25:38
Tom Bohannon
But God says that, that no temptation has seized you except for what is common to mankind. There's nothing unique. I remember sitting in my first recovery room and hearing men talk about their quote, unquote struggles.
00:25:48
Tom Bohannon
And I literally was like, oh my God, I thought I was the only person in the world who fill in the blank.
00:25:52
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:53
Tom Bohannon
And you hear a room full of people that have the exact same struggles.
00:25:53
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:25:56
Tom Bohannon
And that's what the enemy wants you to do is just tie you up, put a gag in you and throw you in the corner and leave you, you know, in your own depravity and your own secrets. Because because he knows, I mean, God says it. i mean, you if you bring it to the light, you know, there's there's life there. There's freedom there.
00:26:10
Tom Bohannon
you know You know, the Bible talks about the guide sets us free for the for the for the purpose of freedom, not to, that's that we shall be captives again. And i mean, that's it. I mean, TB is like, God has blessed me with men. and They know everything and they want to know everything.
00:26:24
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Yeah. Hmm.
00:26:25
Tom Bohannon
and they and and and And I want them to know everything because want them to ask me the hard questions and I want them to know when I'm full of crap and I want them to dig deeper. I mean, you know, TB, you said to me two years ago, like, Tom, how much closer do you get to the old self before you wont wake up and recognize it?
00:26:39
Tom Bohannon
you know, just some of the decisions I was making and and and I needed to hear, I knew it was true. i mean, it was already in my spirit, man, but but you you you had that freedom to do because you know me, you know everything. And yeah, so I mean, that that that's that's why I live a life where I'm probably, I overshare maybe to a fault, but I know the freedom that's there. i know the i know the power it has against the enemy.
00:27:07
Tom Bohannon
as opposed to the opposite.
00:27:08
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:27:09
Tom Bohannon
And I mean, you know, like some of this marriage stuff, man, I mean, you know, my head got so wrapped up in this insanity that in the moment, I mean, it looked like good dad to me, i was ready to make a decision, but I shared all that crap.
00:27:22
Tom Bohannon
And it's just, it's amazing.
00:27:23
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:27:23
Tom Bohannon
The second you share the lies from hell, I'm not saying they go away. i think that's a bit overstated, But man, the grip they have with the ripping your flesh open, man, that power is relented in a way that that is impossible without, you know, putting bringing that stuff to light, sharing it with the brothers so they can hold truth up to it.
00:27:42
Tom Bohannon
And and like I say, set you free.
00:27:42
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:46
Tom Bohannon
I mean, you know, the Bible says, mean, TP, on my best day, I'm still a fool.
00:27:47
Todd Pinkston
Dude, I wish every man could.
00:27:51
Tom Bohannon
i mean tp on west day i'm still full
00:27:52
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:27:55
Tom Bohannon
And I need guys to speak truth into my life.
00:27:55
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:27:57
Tom Bohannon
And is my as much as I know the scriptures now, as much as I pray, as much as I'm close to the Lord, my feelings still can be super loud. and And I can be a fool.
00:28:06
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:28:07
Tom Bohannon
I can be a fool a lot more than I care to admit, especially when it comes to my pride and my ego. And I need wise men in my life to speak truth.
00:28:11
Todd Pinkston
Hmm. yeah
00:28:16
Tom Bohannon
Sorry about that. Any interruptions, you mean?
00:28:17
Todd Pinkston
No, dude, i wish i wish every I wish every dude could hear that because it's what we all long for. we want We want to experience just what you talked about, freedom. We want to experience life.
00:28:30
Todd Pinkston
Yet we don't we don't want to take the risk of being known. And those things keep us keep us captive. like They keep us in a place where you know look Chandler says it to be 99% known is to be unknown.
00:28:40
Tom Bohannon
Thank you.
00:28:44
Todd Pinkston
Because if you're 99% known, when somebody says something about you, you're thinking, well, they wouldn't say that if they knew the 1%. They would not say that about me. They wouldn't love me that way. And And man, I think like that's, you know, you and Nicole have that. Like you and the men that you've let in in your life have that of, you know, you know me, you know the depravity, you know the madness. And and it's not all in the past. I think that's the other thing that like I'm always refreshed when I get to talk to you because you'll share openly about your struggles today.
00:29:13
Todd Pinkston
Like that's, we always feel like we have to be five years removed to look back and and share the struggle. And it's just like, it just keeps us in a grip. And so I, thanks for Thanks for sharing that. And you've talked a little bit about community. You talked about your move to Dallas.
00:29:29
Todd Pinkston
You know, going to the CrossFit gym, being around those guys, like what has what has that done for you in just the sense of like understanding who you are as a man and and being welcomed
Importance of Community
00:29:41
Todd Pinkston
into a community? how has that How has that been a part of the formation process?
00:29:44
Tom Bohannon
Yeah, you know it's funny. I tell this story often. You know, like like I say, I was a young believer and, and you know, i kind of got into the bad sooner or pretty quickly there. But mean, at one time, I and i i was really trying to live my faith out and i was trying to make, you know, God-honoring decisions. And a lot of it was about rule following versus, you know, relationship with Lord and and and a more fulfilling life. But,
00:30:08
Tom Bohannon
Nonetheless, I was trying. And I remember that that was like it such a struggle for me is that I just didn't really have any friends that were kind of had my back, you know, in terms of like, you know, those moments when I didn't want to could be God honoring or those moments when being being a believer and, you know, whatever year it was, was really, really tough. I didn't really have that backup system. And I remember I would pray like, Lord, you know,
00:30:30
Tom Bohannon
put men in my life that, that, that I'm friends with that, that love you. And that that will spur me on. And that was a prayer at a young age, man, like a teenage, my teenage years. And, you know, they always say that God, God never doesn't answer a prayer. it's just, you know, it's a matter when, or what's it, it may not be what we want, but you know, his timing is not our timing. The answer may not be our answer, whatever. But I joke all the time that it took him about 25 years to answer the prayer, but man, what he did, he did it in such a mighty way.
00:30:55
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:30:55
Tom Bohannon
And I joked with you or I joked with earlier about it and I kind of brushed through it. But, you know, when I when I moved in this area back in 2012, it's like I had to figure out who I was again, because all the men that God allowed to be my life, like the guy that I wanted to be wasn't cool. Like I had to figure out who I was because.
00:31:16
Tom Bohannon
the life that I was trying to live wasn't, wasn't accepted, you know, by them because, you know, they were, they were doing the deal, man. They were all in, you know, their, their faith was not about Sunday, you know, 90 minutes on Sunday, their faith was informed, informed every aspect of the life. And, and i mean, it's one of those things that, again, I mean, you know, I say all the time that, you know, I had a pretty good run in college. I had a pretty good run in Kentucky. You know, I had a lot of great friends or a lot, a lot of great, you know, surface level worldly friends, but like when Nicole and i got married, you know,
00:31:46
Tom Bohannon
you know, six years ago, half the men that were up there were men that I've known in less than 10 years. And not because I was, I didn't have a list of friends I could have brought there with me, but because of the men that were up there, i was,
00:31:50
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:31:58
Tom Bohannon
you know, Nicole and when we got married, I mean, we had been pure, you know, we, and I, and I don't take credit for that. i It's because the men of my life kind of held me accountable to who I said I wanted it to be, you know, and,
00:32:10
Tom Bohannon
you know it just It began to inform my life and enrich my life and and and and elevate my life in terms just the calling that was on it. It kind of goes back to what we said earlier. man just I didn't have any secrets for these guys. They were asking the tough questions. They were challenging me. you know and like When I think about the husband I am today and the father I am,
00:32:29
Tom Bohannon
You know, I know it's the Holy Spirit in me that' that's making me who I am. But man, it's it's also all these men, including yourself, Todd, hear that loud clear, brother, that but God has put in my life that have lived out what Christ looks like in a marriage, what Christ looks like as a father, what Christ looks like in conflict, what Christ looks like in struggles.
00:32:51
Tom Bohannon
And I mean, frankly, it was contagious for me, man. And, yeah, I, there's, mean, again, I give God all the credit and you know, the, the cross, all the credit, but the way he mightily used the men you're talking about, the men of the CrossFit gym, the men away forward, the men of just the area in general, man, I just, I don't understand why God answered that prayer, that prayer as abundantly as he did. But,
00:33:15
Tom Bohannon
the depth, mean, I'm 50 years old, Todd. I mean, you don't develop new friendships at 37 years old. you just don't do it. The textbook says not a chance because men don't, they just, at that point it's too late.
00:33:23
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:33:24
Tom Bohannon
We all have our golfing buddies. We have our hunting buddies, you know, life goes on. But the men that I'm friends with that really I've basically met the last 13 years. I mean, I literally believe that I will take my last breath and those guys will be at my funeral because I mean, i just, these are, these are friendships last forever because the foundation of them,
00:33:36
Todd Pinkston
Yup.
00:33:41
Tom Bohannon
being a fully known and love in Christ. I mean, Jesus, the hope in Jesus and and and just a fully known, authentic relationship, man.
00:33:43
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:33:49
Tom Bohannon
And it's, it creates a bond that frankly is unbreakable.
00:33:50
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:33:53
Tom Bohannon
And I've been blessed with more than handful of those.
00:33:54
Todd Pinkston
yeah got Yeah, dude.
00:33:57
Tom Bohannon
Did I answer your questions? I don't know if I answered
00:34:00
Todd Pinkston
I mean, i Tombo, I want to be there when you do take your last breath. I'm just glad it wasn't at Goose Lake, you know? Yeah.
00:34:09
Tom Bohannon
I'm closer, man. I turned 50 since saw you, so I'm all away.
00:34:13
Todd Pinkston
yeah All right. So you're 50, turned 50 not too long ago. You've got a freaking 30-year-old body. You're driven. You're working out all the time. You ran 100K not too long ago.
00:34:26
Todd Pinkston
you're you're You are successful at work. And I don't mean that in like the worldly sense, but but you're driven. i mean, you said it earlier, like You are hard charging.
00:34:37
Todd Pinkston
you know Patience is not always at the top of the list when when Tom Bohannon is working on something. You're super passionate. And at the same time, you you invest in your girls.
00:34:46
Tom Bohannon
Thank you.
00:34:48
Todd Pinkston
You invest in your community. like what does I know you you mentioned earlier like not knowing about like the the secret, but what do your rhythms look like? like how do you How do you keep those things balanced?
00:35:00
Todd Pinkston
How do you live life in seasons? like what is if you If you pull back the curtain on Tom Bohannon's life, like what advice would you give to men that that are trying to do a lot and follow after Christ on on how to keep things in check?
Daily Spiritual Practices
00:35:15
Tom Bohannon
Absolutely. Yeah. So I'm going to ask your question, Todd, but please, for all the listeners out there, nothing i I'm going to say right now, I do, I do perfectly. So like, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to present it the way it looks perfectly in my life, but just please do not hear anyone out there that this is a hundred percent of my life, a hundred percent of the time. And it's exactly how I do it.
00:35:36
Tom Bohannon
but But when, when my rhythms are in line with where they need to be, this is what it looks like. So I just want to preface it by saying that. Cause you sometimes you hear people talk and it's like, man, like, wherere where's this guy miss that?
00:35:46
Tom Bohannon
I mean, it just all sounds perfect, you know, bo blah, blah, blah.
00:35:47
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Yeah.
00:35:48
Tom Bohannon
And I just want to make sure I kind of give that disclaimer that the way I'm going to answer your question is is when I am in line doing the right things. And by God's grace, right now is one of those seasons.
00:35:59
Tom Bohannon
But no, I am an early riser. I set my alarm four o'clock every morning, pop out, usually set this office that we're in right now, try to spend an hour with the Lord, you know, whether they be reading, journaling, listening to music, you know worship music.
00:36:13
Tom Bohannon
Just really connect to him, surrender my day to him, Lord, you know, ask ask for his spirit to kind of inform everything I do to make his priorities my priorities, to not allow me to be distracted by the cares of the world, but to be invested in kingdom priorities, you know, and it's just a prayer pray, you know, because like I said a few minutes ago, I mean, I'm i'm i'm a very fleshly guy.
00:36:35
Tom Bohannon
You know, i'm just yeah I got a lot of feelings, you know, but why God wired me up that way.
00:36:36
Todd Pinkston
Mm-hmm.
00:36:39
Tom Bohannon
I mean, I could have almost cried three times in this call. that lot of that's the gospel because I, when I, before Jesus, i was pretty calloused inside. Actually, I don't fight my tears because I do believe that's the word and what he's allowed my heart, the softening of my heart. but Anyway, so yeah, I try to spend an hour with the Lord every morning and and I really try to be intentional about praying without ceasing me.
00:36:57
Tom Bohannon
And I, you know, every day I've got decisions I got to make. I got conflict I got to deal with with work. I got, you know, customer issues. There's there's always something going on and I'm always asking the Lord to help because I mean, frankly, there's many moments in the day i don't even know what to do.
00:37:10
Tom Bohannon
I really don't. And just kind of depending on him and it's,
00:37:11
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:37:13
Tom Bohannon
It's funny. i had somebody say, man, you should write a book one of these days on on business and success and blah, blah, blah, how you did this, how you did that. And honestly, man, it would just say pray a lot because i I don't even know how I've done what I've done.
00:37:24
Tom Bohannon
I mean, if you ask me to capture it in a textbook or not a textbook, but in the pages of a book, I don't know. i mean, there's been there's been so much that we made it through that even looking back, I don't even know other than I just prayed to Lord, you know,
00:37:30
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:37:36
Tom Bohannon
You do it today because I don't know. I have no idea what to do. So I'm going to trust that you're going get me each step the way because I have no idea. So I am very intentional about prayer, man.
00:37:43
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:37:44
Tom Bohannon
As I walk through this conflict with my wife, I mean, God, I pray all the time. Again, not because I'm so good. because I'm so bad. And I just need his spirit to be my beacon and not who I am on my own.
00:37:58
Tom Bohannon
You know, start my day with the Lord. pray as much as I can. You know, when i text somebody and say, i'm praying for you, I will stop right there and pray for them because, you know, the number one lie in church is, hey, brother, i'm praying for you.
00:38:10
Tom Bohannon
And I want to make sure that that at least in that moment, I'm going to pray for you So that's something i try to be really intentional about.
00:38:14
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Yeah.
00:38:17
Tom Bohannon
Again, i I'll preface it by saying i am the CEO of my own schedule. So I know that a lot of people out there have eight to five jobs or W2 employees, they have supervisors and all that. So, you know, please, please hear that that, that grace for me at least, but you know i the CEO of my own schedule.
00:38:33
Tom Bohannon
So if somebody, if somebody needs me, you know, because they're hurting or because they need to talk about Jesus or they want to hear my story or they just need to be encouraged, you're going my calendar. And, and what I always try to do before I leave that meeting is schedule the next meeting.
00:38:48
Tom Bohannon
So to be just super intentional about that. And I think when people may know that you're invested in a man, it just, it gives a little bit of hope. Cause I think it's, I think for a lot of us, it's tough to kind of afford that time to others. But again, I'm just given what's been given to me. you know what I mean? Like i I, would not be here where I am right now. If it wasn't for a hundred men, they're just poured into me and love me. And I mean,
00:39:09
Tom Bohannon
Frankly, I would have given up on me. Like there's no way in the world I would have put up with me at my deepest, darkest depravity. And for some reason, they people didn't give up on And I don't know why other than God's grace. So all I'm trying to do now is give be give back what's been given to me.
00:39:19
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:39:24
Tom Bohannon
There's a guy that, like I mentioned earlier, you of course, you know the guy that that started this church that I'm in. And his brother has been through some really tough stuff and made some really hard, rough decisions.
00:39:35
Tom Bohannon
And I've been getting time with him here lately. And first time we met together, I just told him my story, you know, the whole story.
00:39:38
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:39:41
Tom Bohannon
and you know, he had tears pouring down his face after I shared everything with him. And he said, bro, he's like, he's like, no one has ever like shared, us like no, no one's ever been that vulnerable with me before.
00:39:52
Tom Bohannon
And what that allowed him to do is basically it was a Marcelo Tom moment, but 20 years later that I gave him the gift to finally set up self free.
00:39:57
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Yeah.
00:40:01
Tom Bohannon
and And I'm pretty confident that day. He probably told me things he had never told anybody. and And now i'm kind of walking through life with him and, And that's been a tremendous blessing. And it's great because I can look at it and say, we're like, God's not done with you yet.
00:40:12
Tom Bohannon
I don't care what the enemy's telling you. i could care less of the lies he's telling you.
00:40:15
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:40:16
Tom Bohannon
I know that God's not done with you if you're not done with God, but you've got to stay in the life anyway.
00:40:20
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:40:21
Tom Bohannon
So, yeah, I mean, I try to be very intentional when people need my time. or vice versa. i mean, you know, there's tons of people that, you know, i get time with it's, it's mutually edifying and Todd, you're one of them that, you know, as you know, Todd, I don't go off the with you without scheduling our next call.
00:40:35
Tom Bohannon
It just, you know, I, to me, it's a lot, its to me, it's like, it's a, if I needed heart medicine, I'm going to make sure i take my heart medicine every day.
00:40:36
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:40:42
Tom Bohannon
Well, I need one hour of TP once a month or I'm to in trouble. So I'm not going let that, that prescription expire.
00:40:48
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:40:48
Tom Bohannon
So The men that speak life into me, i make sure I get a lot of time with those guys or you know, a lot of time. It could be an hour a month, but just just to remain intentional. And like I said earlier, that, you know, God's, you know, there's there's there's several people that fit that bill in my life. And someone might see, you know, talk to once a week. Someone might talk to him once a month. But I need those relationships to keep me sharp, because if I don't have those relationships, my my blade will dull pretty quick.
00:41:15
Todd Pinkston
yeah i cannot I can attest to that, man. you're You are super intentional. how many Just for for context, how many guys are you meeting with, whether they're phone calls or in person on a monthly basis right now? like How many are on the list of whether it's you for them or mutually beneficial?
00:41:37
Todd Pinkston
How many guys are you connecting with?
00:41:39
Tom Bohannon
oh
00:41:46
Tom Bohannon
But hey, guys.
00:41:48
Todd Pinkston
Okay. I think it's good. I mean, it's good for people to to hear, you know, just just like you said, you know, like the whole I'm praying for you. I think we hear sometimes, yeah, I'm connecting with some guys.
00:41:59
Todd Pinkston
But to tangibly know, you know, TB, I mean, i can I can't say enough. Like the the times that I talk to you, my wife notices a difference. Like she, I mean, she's like, hey, you you talked to Tom. Like something something shifted. There's more joy. There's more patience. There's more appreciation. Like,
00:42:17
Todd Pinkston
and And the time we talk on the phone is not, you know, catching up on on Cowboys news. It's not, you know, hammering out a business problem. It is going straight to, you know, what's going on in your heart. It's talking about the the the things you're wrestling with right now. It's talking about identity. And then and then you're right. You you schedule the next call.
00:42:37
Todd Pinkston
And I love it. You know that that we are on the books for the next month before we finish that call and it's super intentional. So eight guys that you're pouring into or or that you're connecting with.
00:42:49
Todd Pinkston
What would you say from those times like what do men need right now. Like what do we need more than anything else.
00:42:59
Tom Bohannon
Oh, man, I mean, what men need is the ability to truly inventory their heart and their mind and be honest.
00:43:11
Tom Bohannon
Because like our our darkest moments don't start in action. They start somewhere in our heart. or somewhere in our mind. and it's typically, the catalyst is typically a lot of the enemies telling us, whatever it is.
00:43:22
Tom Bohannon
know mean? I think, I think as men in 2025, that we feel like if we didn't look at porn this week or we didn't masturbate, then, Hey, man, bro, it's been a good week, man. I didn i didn't, I didn't do anything.
00:43:31
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Yeah.
00:43:32
Tom Bohannon
And they don't, they forget about their heart and their mind. And it doesn't matter if they looked at porn or masturbate that week. They still need Jesus, man. The Bible says that if we say we do not have sin, we're a liar.
00:43:41
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. yeah
00:43:44
Tom Bohannon
So like, what is going on inside of you, man?
00:43:44
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:43:46
Tom Bohannon
And I think someone that either, if you're not going pull it out yourself, that you give them, you give them the freedom. Like, you know the Bible says that the wound of a friend can be trusted more than that, than the kiss of the enemy.
00:43:58
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:43:59
Tom Bohannon
And, I love it when my friends wound me. I love it because I know that's what I need.
00:44:02
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:44:03
Tom Bohannon
I know, know it's easier not to say the hard thing than to hurt a brother, but a brother that's willing to hurt me.
00:44:04
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:44:11
Tom Bohannon
I know they love me because it's so much easier just go about their day and say, Hey, how are the Cowboys playing or how whatever.
00:44:12
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:44:16
Todd Pinkston
yeah yeah
00:44:16
Tom Bohannon
if someone's willing to speak into my life and challenge me, Oh my God, man, like I'll, I'll, I'll go to war any day of the week with that guy. Cause I know he's got my back.
00:44:24
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:44:24
Tom Bohannon
I know he's got my back. I say that all time. was like, bro, like, do you know much I love you, man? Like, I promise you, it is much easier for me just not to even talk about this right now.
00:44:30
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:44:33
Tom Bohannon
I'm not comfortable with the conversation any more than you are, but I love you too much not to say it to you.
00:44:36
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:44:38
Tom Bohannon
And that's what we need, man, is somebody that is going to speak into us and hurt our feelings, that challenge us, not tell us how pretty we are, not tell us how great our week is, but to ask those those hard questions and then also in return, be that same person for somebody else, man.
00:44:39
Todd Pinkston
yeah yeah
00:44:52
Tom Bohannon
i mean, you know, again, I know I keep wrenching in, but like, you know, I, I've been kicked in the face about three or three times the last month over this marriage dump. Cause you I'll just start rambling and I know I, and praise God, my rambling is usually a confession. Like, hey guys, this is how I feel. And I know I'm wrong.
00:45:10
Tom Bohannon
So this is a confession, not a validation. And man, when they speak into it, I can't argue with them, man, as much as it hurts, as much as I don't like it, as much as I want to say, what about me? know, truth is truth, man. And our feelings are our feelings never trump truth. And, uh,
00:45:26
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:45:26
Tom Bohannon
Guys in our lives that will hold that that that standard up to us is is what we need.
00:45:32
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Man, TB, wish everybody could hear that. Just that the... God, the trap we fall into of like sin management of, you know, make a list of your five worst things and avoid them for the next seven days.
00:45:45
Todd Pinkston
And if you do that, you check the box.
00:45:46
Tom Bohannon
Yeah.
00:45:47
Todd Pinkston
And along the way, there's just zero heart transformation.
00:45:47
Tom Bohannon
Yeah.
00:45:51
Todd Pinkston
There's zero like digging deeper on where are you struggle with identity.
00:45:51
Tom Bohannon
Yeah.
00:45:54
Todd Pinkston
I mean, where are you struggling with trying to find validation and worth outside of at the Lord? And I'll never forget like, Gosh, we were out to lunch one day and you back in Dallas, you said something of like, I'm an affirmation junkie of like, where can i look around and just find something that will affirm me? Somebody that'll lock eyes with me, somebody that'll, you know, notice what I'm doing.
00:46:17
Todd Pinkston
And it's like, you know, when I heard that guy like change, like, I do like i do that same crap. And I never even knew it knew I did it. I couldn't confess it because I didn't know what was going on You share that. And all of a sudden I started noticing to myself and it's like, man, now it's, you know, and it has nothing to do with, yeah, did I look at porn this week? You know, was I was i faithful to my wife? Like, yes, all those things are, they are worthy, you know.
00:46:39
Todd Pinkston
I hope on my deathbed that I can look at my bride and say there was not a moment where i touched another female. I hope for the rest of my life I can look around and say i have not looked at the things online I'm not supposed to look at.
00:46:50
Todd Pinkston
But those aren't the things that make me righteous. Like those are not the things that are going me more like the husband that I want to be and the dad that I aspire to be. And so I think that's great. You. you you were, you were telling me earlier about the poster behind you, uh, before we, we started recording and, love it.
00:47:06
Tom Bohannon
Please.
00:47:08
Todd Pinkston
I got to, i got to go to your house not too long ago. And, uh, you know, you walked me through your office and, you know, there's the picture you on the mountain right there and and a story behind it. There's the, the tobacco leaves that are up on the wall and the story behind that of, you know, your roots and and where you came from.
00:47:23
Todd Pinkston
And, man, I think in so many ways, you know We look at some of those things. You told your story. like there is There is hardship from where you were raised. It'd be easy to you know try to put that in the past, but you you have these relics around you that remind you of the Lord's goodness, of the Lord's faithfulness.
00:47:41
Todd Pinkston
And I'd love for you to just share the story of, you know, a couple years ago, you guys lost Bo, you know, that was a tragic time for you and Nicole and, you know, a blessing of a little boy that you were you were long anticipating and excited for.
00:47:56
Todd Pinkston
And just kind of share that story, what you learned in it, and then the the picture you have behind you and and what the Lord teaches you through that when you walk in your office.
00:48:04
Tom Bohannon
Yeah, for yeah. So as you said, you know, like I said, we've been married, be six years and in January and, uh, you know, miscarriage has definitely, uh, been part of our story. We had a miscarriage before Hallie.
00:48:17
Tom Bohannon
Uh, it was early on. And then the Lord blessed us with Hallie, uh, you know, 10 perfect toes, 10 perfect fingers, uh, personality, uh, bigger than mine and her mom combined.
00:48:28
Tom Bohannon
Uh, anyway, just tremendous blessing.
00:48:28
Todd Pinkston
Sweet little girl.
00:48:30
Tom Bohannon
Yeah. I could talk about her all day long. uh, and then about, it you know, six to nine months after Hallie was born, I actually hope everything with us for a second. That's, I guess about a year, a year after Hallie was born, we found out we were pregnant with, with our son, Beau and everything was perfect. I mean, we, you know, we were kind of going through it. We were doing our checkups and, you know, there was, there was no sign of anything.
00:48:54
Tom Bohannon
And about 18 weeks into that pregnancy, my wife, you know, I don't, I don't know the doctors would call it this, but I don't know what to call it. She kind of went in just to, she basically went into pre, pre or early labor.
00:49:03
Todd Pinkston
Bye.
00:49:06
Tom Bohannon
And, you know, people on the call that may not know, you know, vitality of life doesn't start to about the 23rd or 24th week. So we were obviously super early and we had to figure out how to get this thing under control or were going to be in danger losing our son. And I remember going to the hospital that Monday morning and just kind of hoping for the best and really trying to trust God and and know that, you know Hey, you're, you're in control of everything and you can stop this pregnant or you can stop this labor pains. And,
00:49:35
Tom Bohannon
we can get this all under control and so the doctors admit us to the hospital at night and and you know we all you know we pray together we pray that her body would calm down and and we'd wake up the next morning and this would kind of be you know we maybe get some rest and hold the baby for another five to six weeks and hopefully get to hopefully get to a point where the where mo could survive and unfortunately that wasn't what god's plan was her body had actually progressed overnight we went in to do a sonogram first thing that morning and He headed advance more down the birth canal. And, you know, essentially we we were at that point, we were just in the waiting game. We knew that at some point today we were going to deliver our son and we would hold him for, they said somewhere between three to six minutes.
00:50:17
Tom Bohannon
And he would, he would be with us before he went to be the Lord.
00:50:22
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:50:23
Tom Bohannon
And, you it's one of those things like, I can't really explain it other than saying it was the hardest day of my life. remember being so broken. I remember being so confused because my wife, you know, i'm i'm I'm like literally bawling like a baby off and on throughout the day as we're in the labor room waiting waiting for Mo to come.
00:50:44
Tom Bohannon
And I just remember how strong she was. And it was one of those things, you know, she's talked to me since then that she said that, you know, I didn't have the choice to, you know, to be and emotional because I i had i was in labor. I was delivering a child.
00:50:56
Tom Bohannon
But it's one of those things that I'll never forget it because i don't think I could be any more broken emotionally than I was in that labor room that day.
00:51:02
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:51:04
Tom Bohannon
And then when he was born, my wife actually passed out. It's a longer story. But so I held him the last two minutes of his life by myself over in a corner of the labor room. And I remember just being depressed.
00:51:17
Tom Bohannon
done. I mean, broke, not done. Like I wasn't, I didn't want to hurt myself anything like that, but just, I had nothing left. And I just remember knowing God was with me.
00:51:23
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:51:25
Tom Bohannon
I just, i remember like I wanted to collapse and I, and and I just knew that something was sustaining me because I have nothing in me left to give.
00:51:25
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:51:34
Tom Bohannon
And it was one of those moments that is in all my brokenness and all my sadness and all my grief and all my limiting and all the, all the, just the, there was not one positive emotion I was having at that point time, but I knew God was with me. And it it was it was one of those moments that, you know, in scripture where it talks about the peace that surpasses
Faith Amidst Personal Loss
00:51:49
Tom Bohannon
all understanding. i think it's one of those things you don't really understand what that means until you have it.
00:51:54
Tom Bohannon
And I had it in that moment.
00:51:55
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. Yeah.
00:51:56
Tom Bohannon
I knew that God was good. knew that God was in control. And I remember one time I've said, like through this journey of of the story I'm telling you today that I remember saying like, well, you know i trust God today, but would I really trust him if he threw me a curveball?
00:52:09
Tom Bohannon
Like if if he took my sign, if he took my business, if he took my marriage, if he took whatever, would I really trust him?
00:52:10
Todd Pinkston
Yeah. yeah
00:52:15
Tom Bohannon
Like is my faith is as real as I say it is? And I trusted him in that moment in a loss that I've never experienced before then.
00:52:20
Todd Pinkston
yeah
00:52:23
Tom Bohannon
I've lost my mom unexpectedly. That was that was tragic and that was hard, but even losing my mom didn't feel like when we lost Bo. And he and he he allowed me to answer that question. Like is as bad as I heard, as much as I knew he was in control and he could have stopped what happened, I knew he was good and I knew he loved me and I knew he had a plan through this loss.
00:52:48
Tom Bohannon
And i don't say that to say, oh I'm so, I have so much faith, I'm so strong. I don't say that. I say, man, got God gave me something that I couldn't have had on my own. Cause I, there's nothing in me that could have produced the peace that I had in that moment. Cause everything around me was broken.
00:53:04
Tom Bohannon
So anyway, I'll bring it back to the the illustration above my shoulder there. But sort of Cole and I, obviously we kind of walked through just the grief and the lamenting of that. And, you know,
00:53:16
Tom Bohannon
it was really kind of weird because after a few days, kind of was like ready to kind of move past the emotion and kind of get back to life. And of course, at that point, that's when Nicole was in the, just the depths of her lamenting and grief. And it honestly went on for a pretty long time. And, I think, know, it probably took two years before she really kind of turned the corner, but, you know, two people going through a hardship emotion. mean, we, we, you know, we, we kind of got,
00:53:44
Tom Bohannon
it produced some conflict in our marriage. And i don't think we even, if you ask either one of us what was causing the conflict, I don't think we even really know. There's just a lot of raw emotion and just two people that love each other, that around each other, that had no one else to take out on took on each other.
00:54:00
Tom Bohannon
But on one given Sunday morning, we were supposed to go to church and we got a huge fight. And honestly, I don't remember what was over, but but it was the kind of fight where we're not going to go church.
00:54:13
Tom Bohannon
You know, you go to your corner, I'm going to corner, but I'm mad. I don't want to talk to you and you don't want talk to talk And something came over my wife. She's a pretty strong woman. Don't don't hear me say otherwise, but on this given moment, she had super power strength.
00:54:22
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:54:25
Tom Bohannon
And she basically walked up to me and said, no, we are going to church this morning. And let's, you know, we missed the nine o'clock. So we went to the second service. And it was one of those moments that I just, I just humbly said, okay, yes, ma'am, let's go to church.
00:54:39
Tom Bohannon
So we got up and we went to church and the the, I wish I could tell you the Psalm specifically, but the sermon was essentially talking about God reaching down into our bog,
00:54:50
Tom Bohannon
in rescuing us. and what a bog is like you know, if you're from Texas, I guess, you know, when you kind of go out the plains for whatever reason, there's certain low points where the the saturation just really builds up and it almost becomes quicksand that the mud becomes so saturated that you could be walking through a plain land and all of a sudden you hit a bog and it just kind of just, it just sucks you in. and obviously West Texas, we're cattle country out there and, and,
00:55:19
Tom Bohannon
there's there's a position in a cowboy group where the the guy's called a bog rider. And what he does is he follows the the herd, he's he's last man back.
00:55:30
Tom Bohannon
And if any cows get stuck in the bog while they come through there, it's his job to, regardless of how nasty and disgusting and manure and just the filth of bog, how much of that is there, it's his job to go down into that bog and rescue that rescue that that cow.
00:55:48
Tom Bohannon
And this this stuff this illustration here by a local artist, it's called The Savior. And it's an illustration basically showing how Christ is our bog rider, that it doesn't matter how broken the situation is, how filthy it is, how disgusting it is, that if we call out, he will come down into whatever bog we're and rescue us.
00:55:56
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:55:58
Todd Pinkston
Yeah.
00:56:09
Tom Bohannon
And he'll get in the he'll get in the filth with us and he'll and he'll pull us out and not on our own accord, not on our own strength, but but by his power and his strength and his sacrifice. And, you know, I went to a church that was not very, it was not charismatic at all.
00:56:23
Tom Bohannon
I mean, we didn't pray for people like consistently on Sunday as far as like a public prayer or whatever, or like asking people to stand up in the service and pray. But for whatever reason, on this given morning, using illustration that that was used, the pastor said, hey, right now, if you're in a bog, will you please stand up and trust us with that?
00:56:41
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:56:43
Tom Bohannon
And I'll never forget. i stood up and, you Todd, you know me. You know, it's just I probably normally wouldn't have stood up just because there's other people that are hurt worse than I am kind of mentality. I'm not saying that's right. i'm just confessing my pride.
00:56:56
Tom Bohannon
And I stood up and when I stood up, I reached down and grabbed my wife's hand. i pulled her up with me. And, you know, and next thing you know, we went from at each other's throat to kind of embracing each other. And the pastor said, you know, if you if you guys will, just please close your eyes and I want to pray for you.
00:57:12
Tom Bohannon
And then he invited anyone around us to to come over and pray for us. And, you know, remember early in the conversation that normally we went to the nine o'clock service. And at that service, we would have 50 friends around us. But on this service, we we you know, we probably knew people in the audience, but no one was around us.
00:57:29
Tom Bohannon
And we bowed our heads. We began to pray. And, you know, I got real emotional in that moment. And I just felt God's peace kind of come come over me. And i remember when we opened our eyes, it was literally 30 people surrounding us praying for us.
00:57:41
Todd Pinkston
Hmm. Hmm.
00:57:42
Tom Bohannon
And as God so often does, one of the young ladies that was praying had literally gone through the exact same thing that we had gone through two years earlier. And she began to minister to my wife. And it was one of those moments that hu I just couldn't deny God.
00:57:52
Todd Pinkston
Hmm.
00:57:57
Tom Bohannon
I knew God loved us and I knew God was with us. And I knew that we he was asking us to trust him and stay in the fight. And I remember when I told Nicole, we were in the process of building a house. I'm like, babe, I never want to forget this moment. I never, ever, ever want to forget this moment because we cannot deny god loves us and he's with us and he's he's fighting the fight for us right now.
00:58:15
Tom Bohannon
And so I called, actually, I called John Fleming, the artist behind the print behind me and told him the whole story and told him that I wanted to use his piece as a centerpiece of my office because If I ever forget how much God loves me, I know that I can look at that picture and be reminded pretty quickly on his presence, on his power, and and just his ability to deliver even through life's hardest challenges or hardships or losses or grief or whatever you want to call it. But yeah, that's that's the story with that.
00:58:50
Todd Pinkston
Come on. TB, man. I could literally listen to you tell stories for hours. It is... Dude,
00:58:58
Tom Bohannon
It's all his, it's all his stories.
00:59:01
Todd Pinkston
I think of... yeah mean the the The podcast is called Unstuck and Alive. And I think that is so what we so desire. We desire to get unstuck in the places that have kept us from finding life. And we desire it for life in the Lord.
00:59:16
Todd Pinkston
And... you are a walking, talking model of that, that no matter what you're going through, i mean, all of these stories are not in the past. Like you started out, you know, talking about something that's happening right now and what the Lord's doing and your perspective, like,
00:59:33
Todd Pinkston
You are strong. You are the leader so oftentimes in the in the room that's helping people see. But you've also surrounded yourself with with folks, your wife included, that when you get down, when when your perspective is not where it should be, man, they grab your hand and say, no, we're going to church today. Hey, you need to see this different.
00:59:53
Todd Pinkston
And Man, I just think like that is yeah that's it. like we are We are called to be men that help other people see what they're not seeing. And we need to surround ourselves with people that help us see currently what we're not seeing.
01:00:07
Todd Pinkston
And the perspective on that is no matter what happens, no matter what our past is, no matter how much hurt, no matter how much pain,
01:00:08
Tom Bohannon
Amen.
01:00:15
Todd Pinkston
like there are opportunities for the Lord to redeem that. And you've told, you know, numerous stories yeah just in this hour of that and of what the Lord's doing and the the lessons you've learned and the things you never want to forget.
01:00:27
Todd Pinkston
And TB, I'm better because I know you. I love you, dude. I'm so grateful for this time.
01:00:32
Tom Bohannon
Love you guys.
01:00:33
Todd Pinkston
thanks for Thanks for jumping on here. Thanks for sharing your stories with the world. You are a catalyst to transformation and in way more people than you'll ever know. There will be a line of folks greeting you in heaven, talking about how their life is different and and how they were impacted by the way you lived your life. So thanks for being faithful. Thanks for the way you intentionally pour into me.
01:00:53
Todd Pinkston
Thanks for the the ways that you have shaped this ministry and made it what it is. And I'm grateful. So love you, brother. Thanks for this time and pray it's a blessing for everybody that gets to hear.
01:01:04
Tom Bohannon
Todd, love you brother. i appreciate the time. I appreciate the opportunity to share God's goodness in my life, man.
01:01:10
Todd Pinkston
Praise God.