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313 — Illegal Chicken Tenders
57 Plays1 year ago
Ty & Eric brainstorm ways to exploit Subway’s loyalty program, the idea of free footlong trials, the pains of aging, getting refunded at Subway, Kellogg’s CEO’s controversial statements about dinner, rizzing up your sandwich artist for a discount, buying toilet paper from 7-11, better uses for the grocery store checkout screen, taking a Subway lie detector test, pupil scanning at airports, and what to do when your sandwich artist is a conspiracy theorist.
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Transcript
Recording Amidst Social Distancing
00:00:03
Speaker
Yo, yo, yo, yo. Bread's so good, it's an honor roll. Yoo-hoo. How's it going? You're doing so well, Eric. So happy to be in the booth with you. Only six foot longs apart. It's a pleasure as always and yourself.
00:00:20
Speaker
That's right. I'm doing okay, I guess. For the breadheads listening, we are social distancing. This is like a traumatic exercise, but we're doing it because I am a little bit under the weather, as you might be able to tell from my voice. But more importantly, Tai, my body is just aching in all corners.
00:00:44
Speaker
It is due to whatever infliction you have or simply because you are a frail old man, a shadow of your younger years.
Feeling Old After Basketball
00:00:52
Speaker
Well, let me tell you, I am an old man and I'm reminded of this every single time I pick up basketball now. Like just moving my foot is painful right now.
00:01:05
Speaker
It's not bad, eh? Okay, so you played some basketball, you realize you don't have the same youthful energy and abilities as once before, and now you're regretting your choices? I don't know if I'm regretting your choices. I think I need to play more often to rebuild those tiny little muscles that are kind of like
00:01:24
Speaker
you know, hidden behind the big ones. You know what I mean? Cause in the gym you're hitting the big muscles, but that little muscle that keeps you from falling over while you're running is more important when you're playing basketball. You know what I mean? Yeah. I imagine you like, dude, I feel the same way. I went for a run yesterday and I felt like I was like the co-op guy, the way I was moving because none of my muscles, you know, co-op the video game on the computer, the guy like, did we lose this again?
00:01:54
Speaker
says you're offline. Is that true? No, it's not true. I'm recording, huh? Okay. Oh, now I'm offline and now I'm back online. And he's back. I have no idea if any of that conversation just got recorded.
Running and Technical Glitches
00:02:05
Speaker
Doesn't matter, Ty. You were saying something about being a Michelin man or something? No, no, I'm not a Michelin man. When I go for a run right now, I'm like the co-op guy.
00:02:12
Speaker
QWOP is that video game from like 2015. You sound like you're saying cop in a New York accent. Show your badge, I'm a QWOP. Yeah, you're right. No, it's like that dude that would run. You'd make him run by moving your key.
00:02:29
Speaker
Do you remember this? It was really popular and the guy like flailed his arms and legs like he was like a Barbie doll and he'd always fall over. And you had to keep pressing the buttons in a certain like rhythm to keep the guy standing. Yeah, exactly.
00:02:45
Speaker
And then it would be like really hard to do it for even like 10 seconds, right? Yeah. And that's how I felt going for a run yesterday is I couldn't do it for more than 10 seconds without co-oping. Yeah. Tell me more about that. Did you just run too fast out of the gate or what happened? I think it's that frigid Canadian air this time of year. Running is resilience training, not for the legs, but resilience training for the lungs. Yes.
00:03:09
Speaker
And you see Eric, the only thing near my lungs that's well-trained is my stomach at expanding and contracting. Perhaps my liver as well. Dude, nothing can get past that thing. Bad day to be a shot. It's my strongest defense, but so I can totally relate to your basketball tribulations. Yeah. My tribulations. Yeah, dude. So
Playing with Younger Players
00:03:36
Speaker
I just play on Sunday sometimes at this open gym with a few friends and I'm starting to realize like I'm the oldest person there. Like pretty frequently I'll just look around and like, damn, I'm just surrounded by kids right now or people in high school. And it's a weird feeling because I was sitting on the bench just kind of waiting my turn and sitting next to this kid and he just starts pressing me for no reason. He just goes, how old are you?
00:04:04
Speaker
Oh no. Which is the fucking worst thing to hear when you're the oldest guy in the room. It's like they know. It's like they've, they've sussed me out already. And I just go like, what the fuck did you say to me? I just go like, why do you ask? And he's like, Oh, I don't know. Cause I'm 14.
00:04:24
Speaker
Like I'm like, I don't believe because this kid was whooping with us earlier. He's like, you know, he has skills. So I just assume he's like, I don't know, a senior in high school or something at least down. But yeah, it's good in grade nine and he was playing with us. So I don't know. It's good. So the experience. Yeah, that must make you feel pretty, pretty crippled. Hey, a little bit. Only when he asked me if my knees hurt.
00:04:47
Speaker
Ooh. What's going on here, kid? Like, do you want to like fight or something? Dude, these zoomers are so ballsy. Yeah, I know. And I'm like, why do you ask? And he's like, oh, because mine hurt. Oh, OK. And then I was I felt more vulnerable or I felt like more available to like open up. So I was like, yeah, my back hurts. Thanks for asking. Everything hurts. Yeah.
00:05:09
Speaker
Damn. That's crazy. This is your focal era. You're hanging out with 14-year-olds, fondling balls. Don't do that. Don't do that. Yeah, not at all. No.
00:05:21
Speaker
Something entirely different perhaps. Yeah, perhaps. How are you sounding over there on your end? Everything's looking good. I don't think we're gonna have any issues.
Teenagers and Public Spaces
00:05:29
Speaker
Okay, good. Dude, I feel like if you're playing basketball with kids, are you going for the pre-game or post-game footlong with them? Which one? Does everyone at the end of the sesh are like, you guys want to grab a bite? Damn, that's a good question. I think out of
00:05:46
Speaker
Everyone there, I'll be able to handle the pre-game footlong the worst. You know what I mean? That thing will knock me the fuck out. And that's not what you need before a game. You know what I mean? Young people will digest that in like 10 seconds flat.
00:06:03
Speaker
Last time we were at Subway, it was around like four o'clock and it had flooded with high school students. That's their pre-dinner, you know, gobble, gobble and then they go home and they don't even tell mom they ate it. Yeah, exactly. I don't really think half of those kids ate anything, but that's like the beauty of being a kid. You're just like one person gets something and that allows everyone to sit down.
00:06:24
Speaker
Yeah, there's kind of a whole pass rule there where you just have to make the smallest purchase to it's like your loitering pass. Yeah. What's the men spend? The men span. Exactly. Everywhere has a men spend, even if it's not documented. You know what I mean?
00:06:40
Speaker
And it might be not just even like monetary sense, like the minceback could be attention as well. Sometimes when I walk into a store, I don't feel like shopping or buying anything, but I must give attention to the products on the shelves for some amount of time to earn my right to be there. Totally. If you're just standing around like, I don't know, playing on your phone, like sitting in the corner and playing your phone, they're going to be asked to leave, right? Yeah, exactly.
00:07:06
Speaker
And same with like a library, like you have to pretend to be there to like learn. You know what I mean? You can't just be there to take a nap. You'll get kicked out. That's true. So you have to spend a few minutes perusing the books, which is like the unhoused version of watching an advertisement so that you can use the facility to nap. Totally. 30 second Spotify ad at the beginning that you just got to get out of the way. And then as long as you fall asleep with a book on your chest, you're fine.
00:07:31
Speaker
I was like, yeah, it's got a really not conked out reading. Yeah. Let him cook. Nothing. Nothing is free. Eric. No, really nothing is. Um, some ways should be more free, I think. Let's double click into that. Well, I don't know. I just feel like with rampant inflation, the way should be cheaper. Yeah. It's $5 foot long is, is,
00:08:00
Speaker
like a concept of yesteryear, my grandkids will not even be able to fathom that idea of 12 inches, $4 or $5, but surely Subway can pull some strings and bring down the price here. Totally. I just had the thought like, you know how like calling someone a boomer is like a derogatory term? In like 30 years, is millennial going to be a derogatory term in
The Future of 'Millennial' as a Term
00:08:22
Speaker
the same way? It's like, oh, you fucking millennial, you don't know shit.
00:08:24
Speaker
Dude, I think it already is. That's why I identify as a Zoomer. Oh, no. I don't think you can just do that. Well, unless you're trans, trans generation. Trans generation. There's something in there. No, dude, it's to prevent my own kind of, I don't know, maintain my own credibility, especially as someone in the public eye, as a podcaster. That's important to do. No one wants to listen to an old fart podcast.
00:08:51
Speaker
Yeah, a cultural expert. Yeah, exactly. But I bring this up because like, I'm sure one day to
00:08:57
Speaker
You know, our kids or something will say back in my day, when I was little, you could get a sandwich for $5 and they're going to be paying like 10 million for their one bedroom. They'd be like, the fuck up that. Yeah. Fucking millennial. Yeah.
Inflation and Subway Strategies
00:09:13
Speaker
Damn. And then I'll tell them ice on my veins. That's what they say, right? Maybe. I don't really know. Yeah. Well, what can we do, Ty, to
00:09:26
Speaker
break the barrier of going to Subway. Cause obviously cost is only going to go up. Um, is there a way we can, I don't know, give people like a free trial of some kind. You know what I mean? Like I don't want to spend $15 on a sandwich that I might hate. Can I just make a new email and get it for free?
00:09:48
Speaker
Yeah, that's a good idea, Eric. I think Subway should absolutely offer a free trial of the footlongs. It won't work for you and I first time, long time eat consumers, but they want to keep these younger generations actually buying the footlongs at Subway and not just loitering while they're, while Hudson gets a cookie, you know? Yeah, not Jackson and Praxin.
00:10:14
Speaker
Yeah why is that like every single digital service has a free trial period right like Netflix I can get a week or a month off right for free but no restaurant or food.
00:10:27
Speaker
Like place will give you that. Yeah. Why can't I get like my first sub for free? Yeah. Too valuable. I don't, I don't know. They should do that. Like the hard part would be proving that it's your first foot long. Like if you can prove to subway that this is your first ever foot long, then you should be able to have that one for free.
00:10:48
Speaker
Yeah. The only way you can prove it, Eric, there's only one way I can think of, which is you consent to a blood test. And if they find the same microplastics that are in the yoga mat bread in your bloodstream, then you are, you have to shell out $13 for your sandwich. But if you are, have got that clean, clean blood, you're walking away with a free sandwich, my guy.
00:11:11
Speaker
Interesting, interesting. I'm trying to think, is there any other DNA proof that you can provide that would make you entitled to a free sandwich? You know what I mean? If you can prove you're a descendant of, what's the guy's name? Peter? Pete's? Pete's submarines. Whatever Pete's last name is. If you can prove that you are related to him in some form, then I don't see why you shouldn't be able to get a 10% off minimum. Yeah, that's kind of a cool idea.
00:11:41
Speaker
only one person would benefit from that probably. But you could also conduct like consent to a lie detector test at the beginning. Um, and they ask you things like what questions are we going to say when you make the sandwich? If you don't know what order you're going to make the sandwich in or even the options on the subway series menu, then that is free. That is such a bad idea because think about how long it takes the sandwich artists to make a sandwich.
00:12:09
Speaker
Like just for one person with like the, with like a line behind them, strap you in first, strap you in first and ask you 20 questions. And then guys like, fuck, just.
00:12:19
Speaker
get the meatball already. It's taken way too long now. Yeah, totally. But I feel like artificial intelligence could help us here. You ever do those things where you just download a government app and you have to take a video of yourself saying random words? Yeah. If you could just do that before you go in and they could ask you the questions, prompt you with the questions, you say it out loud, they run that through some sort of third party software to check for
00:12:46
Speaker
honesty and then you present your QR code when you roll up. I always do those videos shirtless.
00:12:54
Speaker
because I just want the government to think that I'm some low life. That's really funny. Yeah. If you're going to have my pupil in your database, you might as well have my nipple too. It's like giving you more than what you asked for. One might say that the nipple is the third eye, third and fourth. Third and fourth place. That's nice. Some people say that the heart is another eye, Eric.
00:13:19
Speaker
because it sees things that maybe the other two don't, but I think the stomach is the third eye. Yeah, it's interesting. I've heard a saying that you can't listen to your brain all the time. Mm-hmm.
00:13:37
Speaker
because your brain will make decisions for you based on safety or like based on some kind of like primal kind of like urge, you know what I mean? And sometimes you got to detach yourself from your own thoughts to make the correct decision. Right. Can only imagine how that would affect Subway's bottom line, you know? Well, dude, this is the challenge is that your brain heart
00:13:59
Speaker
mouth and schlong or all have primal urges that you need to detach yourself from. And Subway is like kind of like edging that detachment, you know, you're giving into them a little bit. And then you're also self-aware that maybe this isn't the right choice. That's a tough game. It is a tough game, Ty. Tough games yield high rewards though.
00:14:23
Speaker
That's true. No risk, no reward. Another thing I'm noticing with, okay, so this conversation about free trial started with this conversation about inflation being maybe the dominant factor in people.
00:14:35
Speaker
wanting to save money. I saw this week that the CEO of Kellogg's, the cereal brand has suggested fighting inflation by eating cereal for dinner. They're getting a lot of backlash for this, Eric, because I don't think people want to accept that they're too broke just to have a normal dinner.
00:14:57
Speaker
Okay, so let's just rewind a tad, okay? So people can't afford to have dinner, or maybe they're just stretching themselves a little bit more than they would like to. And so rather than doing everything you can to spend smart
00:15:17
Speaker
I don't know, maybe just minimize the calories or whatever. Instead, Kellogg's billionaire is coming in and saying, just buy my product instead. Why are you stressing about not eating? Just eat sugar for dinner.
00:15:31
Speaker
Just eat the crappiest breakfast you can have for dinner. Yeah, exactly. You know, a commercial came on last night when I was watching TV with Bay and it was Lucky Charms commercial. And when I saw it, I just said, wow, the worst cereal of all time. And she's like, what do you mean? The marshmallows are so good. And there was this clear division between our two takes on that.
00:15:54
Speaker
Yo, that's crazy because my bae loves Lucky Charms too. Favorite cereal. I think it's a feminine thing. I think they're charmed by that little Irish man. Dude, what's with these Irish men taking all of our chicks? Damn. Lucky hate it. Yeah, we need to get rid of Ed Sheeran.
00:16:11
Speaker
I like, imagine if like it was your first crush was like the lucky charms guy. Yeah. It's like, mom, can we please buy the lucky charms? Like, nevermind. I beat off. So I've been a strong advocate for breakfast for dinner for a long time. It's one of my favorite like cheat meals for dinner. You're not talking about cereal though. You're talking about like eggs. I assumed is more like the grand slam. And that's why I'm so bullish on Denny's.
00:16:39
Speaker
You are, dude. That's actually a fact of well-known lore. I think there's an opportunity here for other breakfast chains or industries to pile in on this statement, back their industry peer CEO of Kellogg's, and make this new movement happen. That would be really good for my investment plan. Yeah, absolutely. But going to Denny's,
00:17:07
Speaker
Let's, let's unpack that one a little bit. Is it cheaper to go to Denny's than it is to buy eggs and breakfast sausages and bacon? I honestly don't know, dude. I'm so detached from the price of eggs at this point. I have no idea. Like they shouldn't hit us hard. So did Denny's adjust or not?
00:17:30
Speaker
Okay, so someone said to me the other day, they're like, yeah, man, eggflation is real. I spent over $4 on a carton of eggs the other day. And I was like, what? Because I only buy the organic free range eggs. And I spend like, those cost nine or $10 a carton. I was like,
00:17:49
Speaker
Eggs cost $4? What are you talking about? I completely forgot that other options exist. So I don't really know. I'm detached from the entire industry. You tell me what's going on with eggs. This is why we need to tax the middle class, Ty. Because you shouldn't be allowed to get away with spending $10 for a carton of eggs. I really shouldn't.
Grocery Costs and Birthday Promotions
00:18:06
Speaker
It feels like a little treat, though, you know, a little luxury to be able to know that my chickens are, they've fled the coop. They're not cooped up. Wow, true. Yeah, that's fascinating, actually.
00:18:18
Speaker
I was thinking about, I think it was, was it IHOP? They do like the free breakfast or something on your birthday. Is that right? I think Denny's does that too. I think they all do it. They're all competing with the same perks. Yeah. They're way too similar of a places to not have the same strategy. Yeah. So, okay. Rather than making a fake email to get a free sandwich, what if you made a fake birthday to get free Denny's?
00:18:46
Speaker
Hmm. I wonder how many times you're allowed to, oh, you can get fake IDs. You get a fake ID for every day you want to go to Denny's. Exactly. That's so smart, Eric. So we're doubling down on breakfast for dinner and we're screwing the Kellogg CEO. And we are getting a free meal. The little guy wins. Little guy wins. Dude, this is so great. Is there any subway loyalty or program that we can exploit in the same way? What do you get on your birthday at subway, a cookie?
00:19:16
Speaker
I don't think you get anything, but you're right. We should definitely find a way to hack the point system of the subway app. And if you're listening to this subway HQ, we're not going to do that. Don't worry about it. The other thing I did with the free trial though, Eric, is you could like some, you know how there's some like software or whatever where you can
00:19:38
Speaker
go through the trial right up until purchase then you get to decide like squarespace will let you build a website and you only have to pay to publish it you know right log hours late night go ahead for sure on like the website you can completely customize your car with all the all the quattro and you don't have to pull the trigger on that the more invested you get.
00:20:03
Speaker
the better chance you will purchase it at the end of the free. For sure. Something, something, sales funnel. It's kind of crazy that at the moment you order the bread, there's an expectation that you are paying for that bread. And I would like Subway to give me the free trial at least of let's make the sandwich together and then I'll see if I want it at the end. But no pressure. No pressure if I don't. I like this strategy a lot. However, I'm starting to realize, Ty, that
00:20:31
Speaker
we're able to do this with digital products super easily. Like Squarespace, there's no little leprechaun in your laptop making the website. You know what I mean? That's employed by Squarespace. It's all you. Right. And you're maybe taking up a little bit of space on their servers, but that's about it. So I'm the only sunken cost. There's no sunken tomatoes and there's no sunken artist's time. Exactly. Yeah, you're right. You're lined up behind you to make a website as well.
00:21:00
Speaker
Damn. That's a good point. That's a good point. Okay. So maybe I'll have to retract that previous thought. Yeah. But you know what? If we can figure out the unlimited points hack or just be like points brokers on the subway app for others, I think that could be a move. The black market of buying and selling inch points. You can't really print money as a normal citizen, but you can hit command D on some points, right?
00:21:27
Speaker
I don't think there's any laws protecting company, probably private companies from having their own point systems scammed. Uh, no, there isn't because it's not money. It's not legal tender. Yeah, exactly. So it's not really. Yeah. Any type of fraud. They're just Starbucks stars. They're not real.
00:21:46
Speaker
Yeah, they're not legal tender, but you can convert it to legal chicken tenders. Ayo. Or should I say illegal chicken tenders?
Subway Stories and Customer Perks
00:21:57
Speaker
Shit. Wow. I want to take a little bit of a pivot here because I want to read to you this story that a listener sent in. Subway related, of course. And I think you're going to find it quite fascinating. Yeah. Okay, let's go. Okay, cool. I haven't pulled up here.
00:22:12
Speaker
I don't know who the author of this is. I just have the narrative. So if this was you, please write into us. We'd love to feature you. The year was 2009. I was hungry and subway was the only thing available in the small town I was in for the day. I walked in and approached the counter wearing a shirt with a soldier behind a set of turntables. What?
00:22:38
Speaker
On the chest of the shirt in graffiti style font it read drop beats not bombs It all makes sense now, right? Wait, this guy was in a subway. He walked into a subway. He's wearing this t-shirt Oh, he's wearing the t-shirt. He's wearing the t-shirt. This is his go to subway fit he put down the reflective safety vest and put on the drop beats not bombs t-shirt and
00:23:01
Speaker
So wait, who's DJing then? I'm so confused. What do you mean turntables? This is the graphic that's on the t-shirt, Eric. It's a graphic of a soldier behind a set of turntables. Oh, I thought there was a soldier DJing in the subway. I was like, where the hell is this? This is crazy. Yeah. Next level blue lives matter.
00:23:23
Speaker
So he stands there and the employee approached. I stood there and the employee approached me asking for my order. He grabbed my bread of choice, like lychees and toasted, and started to cut into it, but paused. He peered up at me and said, cool shirt, man. I like that. I thanked him. And he responded with a nod. He then looked over both shoulders.
00:23:47
Speaker
Checking to see if anyone was around and said ever so gently Do you think 9-11 was an inside job?
00:23:59
Speaker
I became nervous thinking this was some kind of strange test, but replied honestly. I nodded, up and down, questionably saying, yes. A big smile plastered his face and he chuckled excitedly, explaining with him, oh yeah. Yeah, we got a conspiracy among us. Holy shit. This is the exciting part.
00:24:22
Speaker
Every meat on my sandwich was then doubled. Every drop of sauce placed was at a beautiful zigzag formation. The cheese was abundant. The veggies were in heft and the price was discounted. So this guy got the elusive subway discount via this interaction. Wow, that's actually amazing. So there's only one way to answer that question, and it's yes, because like if they're even asking, it's it's going to have to be a yes to please the artist. You know what I mean?
00:24:52
Speaker
Mm-hmm for sure and you don't you don't want to displease your sandwich artist Yeah, unless he's like feel strongly that it wasn't an inside job and he's just checking with every single customer that comes in I don't think you want to get in that debate with a footlong sandwich in between the two of you though things could get real sour real fast I'm not talking about the milk to go Milk to go
00:25:13
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, how do you feel about that? What if someone asked you that while you were ordering a sandwich? Like entertain the idea or just be like, man, shut up, make my food. All right. I think I would absolutely entertain it because it's good fodder for this podcast, but also because I realizing that this is an opportunity to get that discount. Eric, you can, your sandwich artists, they have all the cards. This makes me realize they have way more power than I originally expected. They can, they can just override a price in the register.
00:25:42
Speaker
They can just put double meat and not charge me. Yeah, that's true. Dude, we gotta riz up our artists. I think that's my takeaway here. Okay, next time we have to have a competition to see who can riz their artists better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See if we can get at least a free cookie or a little extra cheese out of this thing. Yeah, totally. Especially because we go to the same one every time now, we have to at least know their name. I don't know this guy's name, but...
00:26:08
Speaker
He seems to have a decent sense of humor. Like I don't think a lot of people joke with him. I mean, he's pretty serious about his job. So if we can break through that tough, crusty, toasted exterior, then I'm sure we can get a free salami or something. Yeah, dude. So what, I know what t-shirt I'm going to be wearing. I'm going to make a custom t-shirt that says make sandwich art, not war. I think that'll, that'll really like rub them the right way. Any ideas of, cause if you can like,
00:26:35
Speaker
This story is a good example of how you can engage them non-verbally, show that you are a friend not foe, give them a reason to want to give you a discount.
00:26:47
Speaker
I'm going to have one that says I'm a patron of the sandwich arts. Ooh, I like that. Yeah, exactly. Real, real ally. I'm here to donate my time and my money. Mm hmm. Shit. I just want to make it say I respect you. That's all it's going to say.
00:27:05
Speaker
Totally. Having a gag t-shirt for every subway visit would be really funny. It would be. How do you have so many bespoke subway shirts? It's the only way I get what I want. Exactly. I like this a lot better, Ty, than having two different tip jars where you have to devote by putting a tip in either jar. That could cause an argument.
00:27:30
Speaker
Yeah, totally. It's always like new Star Wars or old Star Wars or like exactly Zendaya city, Sweeney, you know, you got to pick one. Exactly. Yeah. Dune one, Dune two. Exactly. Israel, Palestine. Like this is too much conflict. Whatever the conflict of the month is. Yeah, exactly. Damn. Yeah. I like the shirt idea. We should do that. We've still yet to make podcast merch, unfortunately for our listeners. So we'll have to tap into that pretty soon, I think.
00:28:00
Speaker
I think so too. Yeah. Big things coming in 2024. Watch this space. She she's, um, Taiwan to recap a little bit, close the loop on a story we talked about not too long ago, actually. We talked about a subway goer who spent a thousand dollars inadvertently on their sandwich and they just got the refund recently.
00:28:23
Speaker
No way. That is such a feel-good story. It really is. This Ohio mother finally got her refund. She purchased three sandwiches inside of the Thornton's gas station in Columbus, Ohio.
00:28:40
Speaker
Yes, listeners who caught the previous episode will remember that the Thornton Gas Station subway is the most liminal space ever to exist. Turns out the staff of the subway told her to contact corporate. Obviously, that's not going to help at all. And also her bank refused to dispute the charge.
00:29:00
Speaker
What banks on big sandwiches side here big banks and big sandwiches are in big bed together Yeah, dude, it's two sides of the same bun if you ask me damn the king side the king sized Casper's full of these crooks 100% Yes, she's unfortunate that um, she wasn't able to have that purchase protection from American Express Mm-hmm You want to use protection that's right, dude
00:29:28
Speaker
I don't use protection all the time, but when I do, it's with the MX. That should be a fucking magazine. Magazine ad. Absolutely. So shout out to this, um, Ohio resident. That's so great. I love to hear that the little guy wanting it subway. I was a little nervous after hearing that story that that could happen to me.
Grocery Checkout Innovations
00:29:48
Speaker
I could have a thousand dollars just
00:29:52
Speaker
hold from my visa card because I wasn't paying attention when I tapped my phone. I mean, do you ever look at the price when you tap? I, I never do because I don't know what it is, but machines today, they always have the, uh, what is it? The little icon that says tap here. And then that sits there for five seconds before the actual amount shows on the screen. I'm talking about, I'm not going to stand there and wait.
00:30:16
Speaker
Frozen in time. Yeah, I don't care. I don't got time to look at numbers. No, not at all. So not even on the screen at the grocery store when they're like running things through the garden and each line item populates on the screen. I'm not even paying attention to that. They should just get rid of those screens. They're distraction. Like use that as ad space. Show me a commercial. Yeah, it should be a space to like advertise
00:30:43
Speaker
quick ads to my cart. You know what I mean? It's like, do you need milk? It's like, yeah, boom, done. I actually would like to use that for positive affirmations about what I purchased. I don't want to actually see a Honda ad. I want to see like a picture of the like canned soup. I just got like nice and big and then show me what, what they paired it with it to make a dinner and then be like good soup choice tie. Yeah. It's like, would you like us to email you this?
00:31:12
Speaker
cream of mushroom recipe. They're just like rapid flashing you QR codes for different recipes. I would love a recipe for that. You're holding up your phone at the cash register, snagging a QR code read. There's actually a missed opportunity here in the like the final grocery store touch point, which is I gave you my phone number or email or whatever for
00:31:33
Speaker
their loyalty system, which I haven't exploited. And then all I got in return was some mysterious points. As a grocery store, there's a missed opportunity to text or email me a bunch of ideas for meals right afterwards with what I just bought. It's so weird that they don't want to continue that conversation. They're like, you get your spaghetti noodles and you walk out the door and they just assume you know what you're doing with them.
00:32:01
Speaker
Yeah. Let me tell you, most people don't. Um, that's interesting. What is the like, what is the conversion on that? You know what I mean? Like, are they coming back for, I guess they're coming back for more cause the loyalty is there. It's like, you know, Safeway helps me cook. I'm going to shop there more.
00:32:19
Speaker
Yeah. Well, maybe it's like, Oh shit. I do want to use these spaghetti noodles to make a pesto based sauce, not just a marinara. So click in, like deliver me some walnuts or some basil.
00:32:34
Speaker
Oh, that's interesting. So every recipe should have like three to four ingredients that aren't in your cart. Like, oh fuck, I forgot the fresh basil for this spaghetti that you just bought, right? And you're able to quickly get that delivered instead. Exactly. Yeah, the fast follow on, you know? The fast follow. Yeah. Which would be really cool even at Subway too, you know? Like they're
00:32:59
Speaker
Like finishing you up at the register like you want me to just unwrap this and squeeze a few more bell peppers in here for a Nominal up charge. Yeah, we'll stop this thing interesting To be honest though. It kind of reminds me of when you like order something on uber eats and then it every single time it asks you Do you also want something from 7-eleven?
00:33:19
Speaker
It's like, no, I don't fucking want anything. I don't need a tequito or a bag of M&M's. I ordered a pizza. Do you think I need a bag of M&M's too? Like, why? Shit. Slurpee goes with everything, my guy. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's kind of nice if you, like, are having like a date night and you're like, oh fuck, I need condoms too or something. Right, right, right. I guess it's the only use case.
00:33:39
Speaker
The only time I ever go to 7-Eleven now is because I ran out of toilet paper in my house and all the grocery stores are closed. So I go there and buy a single roll of toilet paper to get me through till tomorrow. That's the only time I go to 7-Eleven. I've done that maybe once or twice in my life and I used to do this at a small boutique grocery store on my street in Chinatown.
00:34:02
Speaker
And it would be like $9 for a roll of toilet paper. Like they know exactly what they're gonna do. Yeah. They're like, you got to shit. Bathrooms are for customers only. So spend $9 on this broccolini or $9 on toilet paper and go use your own facility.
00:34:18
Speaker
Wow, true. That's actually kind of smart. I'll just buy an espresso instead and then light up your bathroom. Damn. Yeah, it's in their best interest to like undercharge for the toilet paper just to get you out of there. Get out of the door.
Facial Recognition Skepticism
00:34:32
Speaker
It also reminds me of the time I was at McDonald's on Pender and Abbott. Have you been to that one? That's a dicey McDonald's. That's the diciest one the whole time. They have the black light in the bathroom so you can't shoot an F up in there. Yeah, totally. You can't find a vein in there.
00:34:48
Speaker
But yeah, I was in there and waiting for my order and some guy was like, had his hands down his pants. Nice. And started screaming at the staff being like, I need some napkins. Give me some fucking napkins. Oh no. And then the security guard, obviously who's on staff has to escort them out, right?
00:35:08
Speaker
And then he just gets rocked in the face. Oh, God. Dude, the guy gets punched by a guy who just had his hands up his ass crack. Damn. For who knows what reason, right? Well, if you need napkins, there's some unfinished wiping likely going on there. Yeah, exactly. Damn. So the guy got shit-faced is what you're trying to say. Exactly. Got knocked right in the mouth. Damn. Eat shit. Yeah, dude.
00:35:34
Speaker
Wow. Give people what they need, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Napkins should be free. Like, they're everywhere. They're like air. Yeah. Napkins, plastic straws. Mm-hmm. Cardboard. Tampons. All these things should be free. And condoms, I think. And your first footlong. And your first footlong. As long as you can provide a government issued ID.
00:35:57
Speaker
And we verified it on the blockchain. You have never eaten one of these. Subway just installed a retina scanner, so they'll know before you do, if you've had a footlong. Damn. I see my pupils dilating when I walk in there.
00:36:14
Speaker
Have you experienced that facial recognition at the airport before? Yeah, it's weird. It's weird. I don't think it works well. No, because they never get your photo right. It doesn't really work. And I think it's kind of a fugazi. A fugazi? Yeah. Because you're fugazin' at the camera? No, it's like you're walking through and...
00:36:35
Speaker
most of the time it doesn't work. And I'm pretty sure the times it does quote work. I'm pretty sure they're like, Oh, fuck it. Just go. Yeah. They don't care. You know what I mean? Cause like, it's not that much faster than just scanning your passport.
00:36:48
Speaker
If anything, it's slower, actually. I don't, I don't get why big tech is even a thing. That's true. But do you think that it doesn't work? And they say, fuck it. You can go because you're a white male with it. European union passport. That's true. Muhammad is not getting the free pass. Unfortunately for him, we don't make the rules. We just are aware of them. Yeah, that's right. Not, not by my choice. It was just the reality of the, of YVR airport.
00:37:14
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Poor, poor guy. Free YVR and free YSL baby. Dude, if your airport was named YSL, it'd be pretty cool. That'd be so sick. I want to go there. I'm going to slime out there. You're, when you're flying the flagship YSL to FPG. Free band gang airport. You're so far with the acronyms. Thank you. That's futures label. Is it? Yeah. I didn't know that.
00:37:44
Speaker
YSL is a label, not a gang. I don't know if you knew that. I know it's a label, not a gang. I would hold up in court that statement. Absolutely. Well, think fresh as a label, not a gang. TF. TF, baby. Anything else we want
Episode Conclusion
00:38:00
Speaker
to talk about today, Ty? I think we got to go get a beer, King. This has been an excellent episode and I need some, I need some lunch now, some liquid lunch. That's right. I need a recovery beer to help me, you know, heal these
00:38:11
Speaker
sore muscles of mine, being jammed finger finger swollen. Yeah, dude. The way, the way you're chatting right now, you're like a wounded parrot. You know, we got to get you some resuscitation. Yeah, I know. I've just been, I haven't moved an inch since sitting here. So it's time to go. Damn. Thanks for listening. Bread heads. Ciao.