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432 — Cuke 30
39 Plays24 days ago
Ty & Eric reflect on the cucumber footlong they ravaged together, exercising jesters privilege inside a Subway, entrapping their sandwich artist under duress, exposing themselves to the footlong nachos, and which milk is regular milk.
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Transcript
Introduction & Satire Law
00:00:50
Think Fresh
It is us bread heads, your favorite subway enthusiasts, enjoyers, critics. Consumers. We are consumers, isn't that right, Eric?
00:01:01
Think Fresh
We're consumers, haters, lovers. Participants, I think is maybe the best term. Intellectual property stealers. yeah Yeah, we definitely are using their logo in ways the brand guidelines would never approve of.
00:01:15
Think Fresh
But the court of law suggests otherwise, Ty. I think we are well within our remix rights. That's right. This is a parody, parity and we are protected under satire law. Exactly. So let us pray, Eric. That means we can literally say anything we want because this is we're just two jesters. high That's true. this is We have a jesters privilege on this podcast.
00:01:37
Think Fresh
um I'm a no stranger to privilege in my life. That's It's one of many. It's crazy because ah in the time and in the history where jesters were a thing, they didn't have shields.
00:01:48
Think Fresh
But today they do because we're shielding the law. That's true. yeah Before they just had cloth hats. Yeah, that's not going to protect you from anything physical. so No, no.
00:01:59
Think Fresh
Yeah, the gestures are probably... that's ah That's a tricky game to play in ah in the king's court. Usually the first to get shot in the head. I think so. late cut off First i want get to get laid off to when the barbarians invade.
00:02:14
Think Fresh
Yeah, hope that Times getting tough. hope that happens.
Sydney Sweeney's Bathwater Soap - Real or Gimmick?
00:02:18
Think Fresh
So it's pretty hot in this car today. Yeah, should we crack the window? Honestly, I think that might be the move here. I'm going to get all sweaty and then I'm going have to Sydney Sweeney's bathwater soap to get all the sweat off. Wait, yeah you got a link for that? Are you not seeing on the news? This is breaking news.
00:02:35
Think Fresh
She's actually selling her bathwater? As soap. It's mixed into the soap bar. Tell me more. What are the actual ingredients of this? Yeah, I'm going to have to Google I'm going to have to pull the nutritional facts on this.
00:02:47
Think Fresh
Yeah, there's no way that this is actually a thing because... Selling your bath water should be illegal. Dude, real thing. It's making the news everywhere. I'm surprised this hasn't crossed your feed. It's from ah terrible known terrible like soap manufacturer, Dr. Squatch. um It's called Sydney's Bathwater Bliss. There's an you ah like a Kimmoji of Sydney Sweeney on the front cover.
00:03:13
Think Fresh
It's green, it's medium grit. Interesting. So is it um is this just like a play on words here where it's not actually made from bathwater? It's just kind of like alluding to stan and cuck culture?
00:03:28
Think Fresh
No, dude, I think they actually put bathwater in this thing. I think it's real. I think that's the whole idea is limited edition. I don't know how many baths were taken in order to make 5,000 bars of this. but Jamie, pull up the ingredients. Yeah.
00:03:42
Think Fresh
I don't know how to even look up what's in this thing. What is in soap? It's just soap. That's the only ingredient, right? Can't you make a bomb out of soap? That's a thing, right? ah I don't want to get ah restricted access to chat GPT for asking.
The Cucumber Sandwich Experiment
00:03:56
Think Fresh
yeah me neither um but anyways ty speaking of bath bombs bath bathroom bombs um we had a freaky little sandwich at the at the way the other day oh wow dude we had a crazy subway experience breadheads you're gonna want to hear about this yeah i don't even know where to begin ty but man let's just start at the very top we walked in we um walked straight up to the the line and said we want a cucumber sandwich today we're gonna go with a veggie delight with nothing yeah that's what you said yeah it was like a veggie delight with nothing please the sandwich artist was he was like cute curious he was like okay i'm i'm open to this i'll i'll riff with you guys yeah we were well within our
00:04:41
Think Fresh
sandwich making rights. you i mean we We weren't asking for anything out of the ordinary. We got a foot long white Italian bread. Untoasted. Kept it raw. Kept it cold. Just like a cucumber. yeah Cool as a cucumber. Cool as cube, yeah. yeah And then we got we went down to the veggie section.
00:04:57
Think Fresh
Obviously skipping all the meats. don't want any that shit. None of that. None of that treasonous garbage. Straight to the cube section and we said we want all of them. who Yeah, run it through one garden. And he did the guy like gloved up, he just takes his hand and just like scoops almost every cucumber out of the bucket.
00:05:18
Think Fresh
It was pretty impressive actually how he managed to do that. i I don't think like he's clearly done this before because I would not be able to pick up that many slices in one go of it. Yeah, we have to ask him three times to load up the cuke. More cuke. More please.
00:05:32
Think Fresh
Yeah. But it's pretty funny to go from nothing to everything in one order. Yeah. It was so simple. So efficient. Yeah. ah Yeah. Great layering. I felt like, like the cross section of the sandwich was just bread and then it like a really thick green wall and then more bread.
00:05:51
Think Fresh
And you know, the real bread heads will remember that we discussed this, when I came back from Korea, which was a it was a popular sandwich available in Korea.
00:06:02
Think Fresh
it's um It's the default menu option. Yeah, Neri five episodes ago, Cucumber 15, go check that episode out, 426, if you want to. Eric's Trials and Tribulations in Seoul.
Minimalism in Subway Sandwiches
00:06:15
Think Fresh
ah Yeah, the cucumber 15, they call it 15 centimeters long. That's right. We got a cube 30 though. 30 baby. It's kind of like a perk 30, but better. Hell yeah, way healthier. ah So okay, let's talk sauces.
00:06:28
Think Fresh
We're not going to hit this thing dry. ah Mayo and ranch. We got cheese though. We did we get cheese. We did get cheese, of course. It felt wrong to not get that. It's free. It comes with the sandwich. Exactly. ah Mayo and ranch made the most sense, you know, like a little creamy cuke action.
00:06:44
Think Fresh
Yeah. And then you are ah very, very insistent on a heavy handed pepper shake. Oh, absolutely. Salt and pepper are two incredibly important ingredients when having cucumber because it's just water it's just crunchy water yeah it is kind of like lettuce um but if once you add some salt and pepper i think you can even like overdo it and it still tastes awesome yeah you want like a shit ton of salt like you want you want it to be like spicy from the salt yes and um yeah it was fantastic dude like we we got it wrapped up and ty and i shared it and oh dude
00:07:18
Think Fresh
It was a, yeah, it was a nice, nice sandwich. It was so refreshing. I honestly, I can't, I can't even just find the words to describe how good it tasted. It's the simplest Subway order I've ever had.
00:07:31
Think Fresh
Cucumbers, two sauces and salt and pepper. Mm-hmm. But it was so worth the money. the You feel like you have to maximize your sandwich because so many options are available. But I realized we had it wrong the whole time, Eric.
00:07:44
Think Fresh
We got to minimize the sandwich. I think so, too. Less is more. And think this is something that our friend Jason Stewart talked about before, too. It's not about the number of ingredients you can cram in. It's about the wet to dry ratio. You know, I mean, the letting the each ingredient kind sing you know give it its own uh solo yeah just because you add more members to the band doesn't mean the music's going to be better sometimes it gets worse sometimes the best musicians are one man show you know exactly so if you have 40 musicians in your band how are you going to coordinate a delightful pause you know there's just too much sound totally totally
00:08:24
Think Fresh
And um I got to say it that it didn't even like fill me up either. It was like the perfect little snack. Some bread and cute. like what yeah so I didn't feel terrible after, which is a testament to the sandwich. And I felt it was so good.
00:08:41
Think Fresh
It's top three for me, dude. That was top three. Let me guess. Number two is the falafel. Yeah. R.I.P. R.I.P. the falafel. That was a fucking great sandwich. I missed that thing so much. We had so many good times with that falafel. Yeah, dude, we used to have freak offs with the falafel.
00:08:57
Think Fresh
Take me back. Yeah, dude. um But yeah, dude, the cuke was nice. I think we're going to take this energy into future sandwich orders. um Next, Ty, I want to try a tomato sandwich.
00:09:11
Think Fresh
I want to try, you know, toasting. some mozzarella on top of us, tomato with lots of oregano, maybe herbs and cheese bread, and maybe some garlic oil if they still have that backstage. Oh as the yeah, that would be an excellent tomato sandwich. Oh, 100%. And um yeah, I think toast with the cheese and tomato in the toaster.
00:09:32
Think Fresh
You know, that's the key here a little warm tomato would be really fun i think the juice flowing yeah dude this is like it's just like it's everything to me it's giving an alfay coast it's like a quiet luxury caprese i had a banged crazy salad last night tell me more that's it it banged my mouth felt good got mouth banged that's awesome yeah uh i loved it so i want to now have it at subway too that's awesome yeah dude and the great thing is like you're paying Reggie Delight prices, yeah which you're no stranger to. But for me, it's like getting 20% off.
00:10:04
Think Fresh
It's like subsidized eating. Yeah, totally. Who knows? Like maybe it's a permanent fixture in the rotation for me to get just one ingredient It's kind one-pan sandwich or one-pan meal, but one-ingredient meal.
00:10:18
Think Fresh
It's kind of awesome. It's almost like grab-and-go quality. Like, that cucumber sandwich would have made it all the way home. And it wouldn't it wouldn't have like gone bad in any way.
00:10:29
Think Fresh
i think it's because we didn't toast. Yeah, too. That actually goes a long way. It's true. if If the bread's soggy, it doesn't matter if you didn't toast it. But if you if you toasted it and it's soggy, it's just like, why the fuck did I toast it?
00:10:41
Think Fresh
Yeah, tick-tock. Time is ticking once the toaster's ticked. Yeah. Some would say. Some would say that, hey? Very, very many people might.
The Footlong Nachos Dilemma
00:10:53
Think Fresh
But, Derek, the cucumber sandwich, in all its glory, was not the star of that meal. Yep. There was more. Amen, brother. Amen. Yeah. Preach it.
00:11:05
Think Fresh
ah Halfway through the subway order, promotional poster catches Eric's tongue. A pop-up. A pop-up.
00:11:17
Think Fresh
It popped up in our face. The footlong nachos. That's right. So we couldn't resist the opportunity to try. We tried. We tried to get the footlong nachos.
00:11:28
Think Fresh
We tried our best. We did try. tried. And we were going to get them. But then our lovely sandwich artist, who definitely is not the manager, mentioned that they are out of boats.
00:11:42
Think Fresh
Yeah, he he said, denied, kind of like we were an American immigrant yeah trying to get into the country. Denied. Yeah. Come back to where you came from. <unk>ll Go back to where came from. But they ran out of those like two inch by 12 like foot long kind of containers. Like the tray. Boat is actually the right term. It's like a banana boat shaped apparatus. Chris Black called it when we talked to him. yeah So check out that episode. yeah There you go. but Yeah, the the boat was no longer.
00:12:13
Think Fresh
And so we had to obviously put our problem solving hats on. them We said, why don't you use the salad bowl and just kind of fill that up? Yeah, yeah. so the Subway salad bowl, because the breadheads have probably never ordered it, is this like cardboard container. It's a half dome, ah pretty thin material.
00:12:33
Think Fresh
i think you would just like dump all the ingredients in there is what yeah kind of happens. And before you breadheads... get your panties in a knot and tell me that like you're going to measure the chips well it's still one bag of chips yeah that's that's what i didn't realize they just take a doritos off the shelf and make the nachos with it yeah a pro literally goes over to the chip section grabs a bag of doritos and opens it and then pours it on the bowl yeah so what what does the vessel have to do with this the footlong has nothing to do with it whether it's a sailboat or a yacht I don't give a fuck or ah or a hot tub time machine like fill her up like I think we just overpaid for Doritos I think that's what happened here
00:13:11
Think Fresh
This is the only ingredient or only thing you can get at Subway where you have to pay for the veggies. Yeah, that's a good point. Because it's an upcharge to have Doritos with veggies. But the veggies are included with everything else. Yeah, exactly. It's crazy.
Subway's Inventory Issues
00:13:24
Think Fresh
And it's funny because we actually, we paid to only get one veggie on the sandwich.
00:13:29
Think Fresh
And then paid even more to have all those other veggies go on the Doritos. Looking back, we should just put all the veggies on the sandwich, taking everything off but the cucumber and put them in the Dorito bag. That would have been smart of us to We're idiots.
00:13:39
Think Fresh
So stupid. We just pay for veggies two kinds of ways. Yeah, damn. We really overpaid. Okay. Wow. I got you fired up on that one. Yeah. Fuck, dude. You're right. It's stupid. Damn. So, okay.
00:13:50
Think Fresh
The other thing was those bowls don't go in the toaster. Yes. That's actually the real constraint here. Not just the form factor. And you can't have nachos cold. Or so we thought. So we thought. Yeah.
00:14:03
Think Fresh
We had nachos go hard. It's really just a bag of Doritos. Yeah, we had a cold bag of Doritos with cheese on them. It was awesome. Okay, but the problem here was the sandwich artist didn't want to put the nachos in salad bowl.
00:14:17
Think Fresh
He said he would not do that despite our suggestion. We said, why? Why won't? Why can't we just get the footlong nachos in the salad bowl? And he gave this like very strange answer that I'm still thinking about. It keeps me up at night, Eric.
00:14:31
Think Fresh
This just goes to show you the mismanagement of Subway's assets. Yeah, sure. Because because boss says, ah boss man says, i can't give you the salad bowl because then I'll get in trouble.
00:14:44
Think Fresh
And we say, what what do you mean you'll get in trouble? and he said, we have to count every single salad bowl. And if If there's any missing, we get in trouble from our boss man.
00:14:57
Think Fresh
It comes out of our boy's paycheck. It's coming out of the paycheck, which is insane. They're they're tracking inventory on the number of salad bowls. Not just salad bowls, but like literally like the piece of paper that the bowl or the salad goes into.
00:15:09
Think Fresh
Yeah. like It's unbelievable because what if you drop one on the ground or like accidentally get a little bit of mustard on the side? Like you don't want to give that to a customer. Where's the quality control? Exactly. Like if their job is at stake, if they give you the wrong, like a dirty bowl, that's not going to stop them.
00:15:27
Think Fresh
Their life's on the line. Yeah. They can't say, sorry, like the bowl's dirty. I got to throw this one out because that'll... Who knows? Maybe they'll assume that the artist made himself a salad.
00:15:38
Think Fresh
I don't think they're counting. They're not weighing the lettuce, right? yeah Absolutely not. I don't think so. i don't think so. They're probably just counting the bowls and wrapping papers. You think they're counting the papers too, eh? Well, the logic would lead me to a belief. That's true.
00:15:51
Think Fresh
You think there's other ways of tracking how many sandwiches they sell besides the number number of papers missing? Well, they probably have to line up, right? It's like, you sold 10 sandwiches today. Why are there 11 papers missing? Did you make yourself a sneaky little sandwich? You're giving foodies to your friends? Yeah. A complimentary foodie for your lover? Yeah. Like if you're your boy works at Subway and you're trying to get a freebie, like you got to eat it off the table. but You can't eat it off the paper. know what I mean? Dude, you're so right. BYO played.
00:16:19
Think Fresh
Yeah, that's actually pretty smart. So if you want a free sandwich from your friend, you have to bring your own inventory. That's the rule. Exactly. Interesting. So the guy would not give us the footlong nachos because he would not put it in a salad bowl because he would get in trouble if he used a extra salad bowl.
00:16:36
Think Fresh
That's right. and they were all out of the boats. That's right. An insane situation that should never happen at a fast food restaurant. But, uh... Ty and I persevered. We convinced our sandwich artists to give us a bowl anyway. Break the rules. Break the rules for us, bro. Come on. We're bringing you so much business. yeah Let us try the nachos.
00:16:54
Think Fresh
yeah Come on, let us try it Yeah.
Cold Nachos Surprise
00:17:00
Think Fresh
So we got the nachos and um we go to the cash register. Well, actually, let's back up a step here.
00:17:06
Think Fresh
We got Chipotle Southwest. Artist recommendation. Yep. Salsa it up. Shredded cheese. Tomato, cucumber. right yep green peppers onions cucumber was kind of a wild play i was here for it though banana peppers yeah that's right uh and uh anyways we go to the fucking cash register and then bro bro does not know how to ring us through he says it's not even in our system anymore but there's a little literally a fucking poster on your stupid line that says get the nachos.
00:17:37
Think Fresh
Doesn't have bowls. Can't even ring us through. Like, what the fuck are you guys doing here? some dude I think what happened is I think when they ran out of the trays for the footlong nacho, they just deleted it as a sellable option in the point of sale, which kind of makes sense. They can't sell it. They're out of the trays.
00:17:52
Think Fresh
The trays is what they're selling. So the dude is like, I can't sell you this thing. I I've screwed. I've sewed myself now. like I've opened the bag of chips.
00:18:04
Think Fresh
Yeah, Pandora's bowl right there. Yeah, dude. So what did he charge us for? Like a cookie? i think so. I think it was like three bucks or something. did I don't know. I don't know, man. But he could have just charged us for a bag of chips because the veggies are free in any other scenario. In this case, like, give us, charge us the 25 cents for the bowl, the bag of chips, and send us on our way. Exactly.
00:18:25
Think Fresh
Yeah, that was wild. and We did end up obtaining the nachos. We sat down, had our cold nachos. Yeah. What did you think? Oh, fantastic, dude. like Insane, right? And I mean, obviously, the Doritos are the heavy hitters here. Like, it's carrying the bowl on its, or the nachos on its back. of But yeah, fantastic. Like, who knew chips and sauce and Some random sort of veggies would be so good. No kidding. Like it's pretty tough to build on the Dorito formula. It's pretty, it's pretty well built.
00:18:56
Think Fresh
Like that's a, that's a good flavor. It's hard to like mess with that and improve it. But I genuinely think I would advocate for everyone to eat these. They made it way better. The Chipotle mayo and the cucumbers, the wet tomato. Mm-hmm.
00:19:11
Think Fresh
i was i was blown away, Eric. I was like, I can't believe how good this tastes. I couldn't believe it. was absolutely gobsmacked. It was like, what? If anything, this is a common... Or it's a very rare scenario, actually, with like normal nachos when you get at a Mexican restaurant.
00:19:26
Think Fresh
There were more toppings than chips. like You could have easily had two bags with the same amount of toppings and it would have been fine. But they really fucking loaded those nachos. like Lots of lettuce...
00:19:38
Think Fresh
Right? We had lettuce in that. There was a little lettuce, yeah. Lots of everything. And it just was like a fucking garden medley. it was amazing. was awesome. It made the Doritos feel healthier, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. No, I'm really impressed. I'm definitely going to get that again, especially on a day when I don't feel like I have anything to live for. think it's a good it's a good like depression snack. you know Yeah, it's totally. like like This is like going to be the male equivalent of a pint of ice cream, I think. Mm-hmm.
00:20:03
Think Fresh
Like, they dumped you. Go get the footlong Doritos. I think yeah actually makes a lot of sense because, like, you could get the meal, right? You can get the chips in a drink. and You can get the meal.
00:20:14
Think Fresh
Or you can just fucking upgrade your chips. It's like getting the poutine upgrade at McDonald's. It is, dude. Yeah, you're just adding gravy, essentially. Yeah, you're adding toppings. Or the dirty fries at any other burger restaurant. Yeah, you're getting you're getting your Doritos animal style.
00:20:27
Think Fresh
oh yeah you're right holy shit um yeah so what an incredible subway experience yeah awesome it was ah it was a two dollar up charge for the nachos if you got a combo which we didn't do i wonder if that would have been easier to bring us through with probably um but i don't think we were feeling milk that day i would have forced you to get milk you would i would have hated it I keep challenging my baristas.
What is 'Regular Milk'?
00:20:52
Think Fresh
They always say like regular milk. Okay. And then I say, you mean like the cow? It always throws them. Like I can't, as a society, we've all decided that regular milk just means cow milk.
00:21:04
Think Fresh
Why can't it mean almond? Well, because that would be irregular. Well, that's the thing. Like who says one is more regular than the other society. well we've all We've all societally agreed that milk originated from cows.
00:21:16
Think Fresh
Yeah. Or at least like from the human consumption perspective. I think it's the baristas have all come together and made this call without the consumer's perspective. don't think this is customer first language. I disagree, Ty. If you Google milk, you will get a glass of cow. I'm going to Google right now. Milk.
00:21:36
Think Fresh
Milk is a white milk. can't believe I see a fucking cow on your screen, bitch. I told you. Whatever. Fair enough. That's regular milk right there. If anything, like, the almond shit, that's just almond juice.
00:21:47
Think Fresh
Dude, this is how you know. It's a milky type substance, but it's not milk. I know. like It's just a white, creamy nut juice. Yeah, it's nut juice. here You want a nut to nut on you? No. But you know what? Googling milk just now made me realize that the internet isn't as personalized as, like...
00:22:03
Think Fresh
the tech moguls want us to think, you know, because if it was, I would be looking at pictures of nuts right now. My screen would be full of nuts. In your scenario, yes. Are you logged in? I'm not. Yeah, i usually do see nuts when I open it. Oh, shit. Before you, Paige, on Google. Damn.
00:22:23
Think Fresh
Well, anyways, should we just wrap it here, Ty? Yeah, let's wrap it here. right. We're nuts. We're nuts. Time to go nuts. Redheads, thank you for listening. Have fresh day. Ciao.