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Ep. 89 Clip Clop - Bellum Draconis
39 Plays5 months ago
We have one rule, STAY ON THE CART
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Follow us on our Twitters - @FellowshipTable
Intro written and produced by Joseph McDade
Music kindly provided by Fesliyan Studios
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Transcript
Chungus's Podcast Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello. Chungus Bongwater here. Druid. Stargazer. God Killer. You know me. I love nothing more than just to sit down by myself and have a good fiddle with my dick. One eye on the sky, counting the stars, the other on my dick. That's my motto. I made them myself, you know. Each and every card. I'd love to share it with you. Best case scenario, you could see my dick? Maybe hold it? But I know that we're miles and miles away, so that's not
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Speaker
exactly practical. So instead, I thought I'd set up a podcast all about my dick. And you know what? The best browser software to help me do this has been Zencaster. It's super easy for me to record studio quality sound with up to 4K video with guests. They'll be able to pick out every minute detail of my dick off cards. It's so exciting. But what if there's an unstable connection between us? I hear you scream? Well, multi-layered backups ensure that I get to keep safe all the recordings in the highest quality. If you're anything like Kratz, with a voice like a Badger's arse, you might worry what you sound like. Zencaster's post
Podcast Wrap-Up
00:01:18
Speaker
-production processes can help there, making you sound as smooth as the box which contains all my astrology cards. My dick, for those unsure.
00:01:29
Speaker
You can set the podcast loudness and levels with the click of a button and the post-production processes can also automatically remove those um's and ah's in recordings and even awkward pauses in conversation. Like when you ask Kratz to not shit in the house and he just sits there, in bare form, squeezing and grunting. What's better is that I have a code which you can use to get 30% off your first month of any paid Zencaster plan. Just go to zencaster dot.com forward slash pricing and use my code table top and you'll get 30% off your first month of any Zencaster paid plan. I want you to have the same easy experiences I do for all my podcasting and content needs. It's time to share your story.
00:02:18
Speaker
You can find links to this in the podcast description via whatever podcast app you're using. Oh, right, I've got to go. Kratz is pouring at the back door again. Kratz, no, no, no Kratz, not on my carpet now. Fuck. If we freeze in a Mark's face right there, that was a thing that a vagina sees. Right.
00:02:45
Speaker
ah so
00:02:48
Speaker
That one eye of Sauron unblinking.
Fellowship of the Tabletop Begins
00:03:18
Speaker
Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of The Fellowship of the Tabletop. I am Draconis. We are a live play 5e D&D podcast set in the magical homebrew world of Eryth in the kingdom of Dralak. Joining you for this week's episode, we have Ian, who plays the Tiefling Warcer and Nyx Karel. Hello! We've got Catelyn, who plays the Warforged Shout Office Alpha. Fantastic introduction, Mark. Will, who plays the human cloak, Emron. Really good intro. He's really, really good. Will, who plays the Dragon Ball Druid, Balvarkon. It's like you've got it written down. Darren Baze, the High of Artifice of Ringed Shout Out. oh I preferred last week's, actually. My name is Mark and I'm playing the Human Blade singer Seth Faraway from Fuck You All. And I'm the last one, my name is Lisa Zalmaestro of Magic, our DMD of D-D-Dungeon Master Danny! You're just so pro at this, Mark. You're just too good. When you say you do compliments, then... Yeah, I said prefer, but I didn't say it. And you tell toesles for that themselves.
00:04:04
Speaker
I can't take it. We're all going to beat Seth up now. And speaking of beating off, maybe b see us we see what seems to be a a large amount of white sticky mist in the air as old girl steps into a what can only be described as a medieval steam room with a small dirty brown towel wrapped around his trunk. He sits down. has missed parts slowly as he seems to be biting and chewing the last little bit of a what seems to be a half cut cucumber into his mouth. An orb appears, we don't know where from, in his hand and he looks at it and he gives us a toothy grin and begins.
00:04:49
Speaker
Ooh, ask first, shoot questions later. Trunks got polymorph, Nix and Seth too, and it looks like some sort of cowboy with ginger hair, some little halfling folk. There's the good guy, we like them halflings. He's trendy as fuck. He's just sauntering in on the back of his horsey horse with a cigar, and he's there to fuck. with Dribbo! That's right, Dribbo diddled his missus!
Moral Dilemma and Sponsorship
00:05:15
Speaker
This is Winifred! Ballbag! Or something like that. And he really wants to boop Dribbo on the snooter. Can you believe it? Well, apparently the party can't. Reigns learns of Burt's shadow and basically wants some answers. And just before Emron decides to smite a bitch, Ballbags reveals that he knows of more Nakavolo! There's more than one! Oh, shit!
00:05:39
Speaker
One should be actually fighting in the arena, some sort of axe-armed hulking Goliath-style Nakavolo. Damn! Seth comes back from froggy frog form, and he's like, why haven't they killed this guy yet? And Winifred's like, I'm gonna give you options, boys. Number one, I biff up the prisoner. Number two, I biff up the prisoner, but I pay a bit of money. Number three, you can bring the prisoner to me in Scorch Helm and I'll put him in my torture chamber. Or number four, I'll pay you more but you'll have to come and collect half when you come to Scorch's Scorch Helm. Ballbags gives a little bit more background, send all of his ships done being sold to Vossen and he's bought a property pretty much everywhere. He offers the party some sponsorship in the big old fucking arena, that sounds awesome! finally the group decide to let him just twat Dribbo on the face. And he does so. And he basically says to the party, when you get to Scotch Helm, you just go to Milkgate, look for that orange net over Blackfish, and you'll find me and my crew, if you like. And Winifred is a happy, happy halfling. um dri o ah And at the fucking net of the prison and pokes his fucking head out.
00:06:54
Speaker
And as this frog flies slowly through the air, you just look up, all of you, and you're blinded by the sun because you're having to look so high. And then you're no longer blinded by the sun. The sun's actually eclipsed by this much bigger form. As everyone, you're primed to catch something the size of a tennis ball quite quickly. You open your arms and you're catching Nick's full size and I need you to make a strength saving throw as you're unexpecting this weight. Fail, fail, fail. That's a four. Nick's you are hurtled through the air.
00:07:42
Speaker
and then you feel yourself reform, and you just crash into this stump that is Emron, and both of you just fall to the floor. Emron, you sustain three points of bludgeoning damage as your friend just flies into you. Fuck's sake, Nix. ah oh oh
00:08:05
Speaker
Your hand begins to get very... Just get your horn out of my face. ah While your hand begins to get very, very heavy very quickly, as the frog you're holding slowly grows back to this 15 foot elephant. I fuck, I fuck, I fuck, Trunks is coming, Trunks is coming! And I'll kind of, if I can...
00:08:29
Speaker
Catch it! Yeah, all over my face. No, if I can, kind of throw him towards the front of the cart, but I don't know where I am currently. That's up the cart. If he's getting bigger, if he's coming, I'm going to be ready for it. I bet you are. You're able to navigate that resizing. That coming, yeah. Quite expertly. But we cross back to the pile of M-ron and... You've got the first F-L. Muscle memory, yeah. That's coming in your hands.
00:08:59
Speaker
Nix, you're now pinning Emron, and the referee has counted to three. What are you doing? Nix, get your fucking horn out my face! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I'll just, uh, hop off. You. Ugh, what the fuck happened to me? You got turned into a frog by a halfling. Yes, I know that. By who? By a halfling who's called Winifred de Boebank. And he... De Boebank? I heard all this. We're okay. It's just a bit disorientated. My memory's coming back to me. It's okay. Right. Okay, so... Good catch, by the way. Biles a lot stronger than you. But, you know, you still did... Well, I was expecting to catch a frog, not a full-on, next. So, you know...
00:09:50
Speaker
um Anyway, if you do need to cat look any magic on you anymore, that's fine. So it's fine. um Because we're going to check what magic was affecting you to make you into a frog. So yeah, yeah, those faces on poking out just as a heads up. and Baal will point to the now the prisoner with his kind of face pushed towards it. and far it had been had moved towards setph and was about to ask him about the assassin and val in the dragonborn and turned his attention towards that as well yeah mean that's but strike now
00:10:21
Speaker
No.
Discussing Strategies and Concerns
00:10:22
Speaker
Why are we killing Dribbo? What's happened? He's a prisoner. We are not supposed to kill Dribbo. He's currently escaping with that, that, that... No, he's in a cage. He's in a cage. Oh, stop Dribbo. How's it going? What the fuck? Is this the prisoner? Is this the actual prisoner? This is the prisoner. Yeah, I saw him in the old jailhouse. How the fuck did you even get out of the jailhouse? That's a story for another time, really. I've just come back from being a fucking frog. My memory is not as sharp as it was previously. I might have to just think about it, go back a couple of episodes and really kind of materialize it in my mind. Everyone's going to go over to the prison cart then.
00:11:05
Speaker
So what's happened is where that bullet hole went through, there has been sort of a a tear of about two foot, and it's almost like a small window, like a triangular window has just appeared. You see the form of this green dragonborn, like half the snout, one yellowish eye, forehead, and and part of the head looking at you. But There's also this blue magical film as well that sort of acts as a, hill like like a barrier, but it's not necessarily a barrier, but there is like another screen in there of magical property that is stopping him from sort of reaching out. Fucking told you we save your ass. Can you hear us? Just looks at you blankly. Told you. I'll try again. We save your ass. Draconic.
00:12:01
Speaker
This looks at you blankly. I told you. And then just can hear just sort of. gesture that lifts himself up. So you see his full face completely perfect. Like there's no blemishes and no scratches. This dragon born is sort of immaculately untouched and just does that head shake. Uh, and then the, the flapping of the flapping, it's not the right gesture. I'm doing this on the screen, helping someone else can describe what I'm doing, but like doing wanking. Yeah. Can't, can't hear what you're saying. Gesture. Okay.
00:12:39
Speaker
That's how I went. ah Okay. Can I just attempt to cast message to him saying, is this better? Okay. Nothing bad. Hmm. Interesting. Okay. So, do we want to get back on the road and then we can unpick the big pile of shit that we've got to talk about? Yes. That's already i' been strapping up trunks again that while this has been going on. Okay. On mountain trunks. So, um as we're getting back into the back of the main car, so it means um let's talk about this fella as Emmeron looks down at the hog-tied prisoner. so Wait, Emmeron, before you do that, sorry to interrupt you. He's doing this from the front clip, clapping on the back of trunks at full pelt now. Have you told him how we're going to get embushed soon?
00:13:28
Speaker
we i want be a walk one of thing ryan yeah We're walking directly into a trap. We're going to probably die. bri We're going to spring the trap. Why are we walking into a trap? It's not the way because this suit is' the only way to get there. ah The owner of this car that we bought off apparently wants to steal our cargo. ah Seth told the guy to fuck off. Don't ever think it. Anyway, ah this guy here, Emron gestures down. You remember your grandfather. He is go to. You told me about this man. Look at him. Who is he? Right now, before you say anything, just look him dead in his eyes and tell us his name. That way we know you're the real everyone. And not an impersonator because the weird shit has been happening. You mean Reigns? Because I know his name. Yeah, I know. um That's what Nixon said there to Reigns. Yeah.
00:14:25
Speaker
Raines will go over to the hood and take it off. this key He's hooded, so Raines can't look him in the eyes at the minute, so he'll take the hood. Oh, isn he's not hooded. I thought you said he was bound and hooded. He's bound. He's not hooded. He's bound. He's not got any armour on. OK, scratch that. Raines is just going to go look at him. Do I recognise him? You do. This individual's unmistakably Kedark Birch Shadow, the nefarious um agent of your grandfather. Your grandfather deployed on missions of espionage, of ah political manipulation, of assassination, um the off-the-book stuff, the stuff that that that your father wouldn't necessarily be be looped in on.
00:15:20
Speaker
This person you've seen multiple times in your youth, you understand he is a nefarious character. um
00:15:30
Speaker
You know that for him to be in this position, the party, the party, he would have killed the party in a heartbeat if he wanted to.
00:15:51
Speaker
Raines takes a deep breath. You reckon?
00:16:01
Speaker
Say that one more time, Raines. There was a bump in the car and all of a sudden we couldn't hear you. Name is Kedark. I know, I talked about this. seemed That's not. Did you tell them that? Should he have chosen to kill everyone in this cart, he probably would have. yes set Seth from the front will shout back, his name's Kedark and he could have killed us all if he wanted to.
00:16:29
Speaker
What's he doing here? the old one did he yeah He had this on him and emer everyone will pass Reigns a note and it says on it, bring it home. I don't care about collateral. Last seen at Goldview, then to the desert.
00:16:45
Speaker
He had this on him. you He had a note on him. I'm sorry, I'll stop. Now, the handwriting reigns is immediately obvious of your grandfather's. Alpha and I had a quick chat about this and we find it very convenient that it says, bring it home rather than bring him home.
00:17:10
Speaker
Reigns has gone quite quiet at this.
00:17:16
Speaker
He's going to say,
00:17:22
Speaker
well, we ain't going to get any answers from him while he's unconscious on the floor.
Unveiling Secrets and Planning
00:17:30
Speaker
We did discuss this. We said and that's why we kept him alive rather than killing him and leaving him behind, um that you'd probably want to talk to him. We also discussed trying to get him somewhere where we can cast a zone of truth to try and get some truth out of him because there's no guarantee it will actually tell us anything we want to know. But I'm totally with you for waking him up and talking to him. He'll talk. The fact that he's here means there's more to what's going on than meets the eye. Alpha and I think he's after Alpha. Indeed. He's after Alpha. I think more is going on in Shadow Man than perhaps we fully understand at the minute. Last I heard,
00:18:11
Speaker
this man at your feet had been excommunicated. And anyone who was excommunicated by my grandfather is not a man that you want to take lightly. Last time I was in shadow man, my grandfather had some flu skin dragonborn scoping about doing his business. So the fact that this fella is back on the scene. I don't understand yet. We shouldn't take this man lightly. Well, exactly. That's why he's bound as he is. And why I did not wish you to get too close. And I warned them all, because, you know, as much as your granddaddy may have excommunicated him, they might have done it, you know. Well, yeah, I'm aware of that, but I'm also aware of the fact that... Do you remember what they said?
00:19:03
Speaker
We were told just a couple of days back that the Upriscuous Reach has gone further than we understood, leaning to... Give me the impression he's reached Shadow Man. I... Well, I don't like this. Your family locked down Shadow Man pretty tight, so... Maybe. Maybe. Well, they have Krisker here. In Goldview they may be oppressors. Here they seem to be liberators. There's a lot of people in Shadow Man who would welcome liberation. I don't know what's going on in Shadow Man. I don't have any...
00:19:39
Speaker
knowledge of where my grandfather is, or what he's up to, or what my father has done, or any of it, but... To large, being here is a... This is a complication. In fact, he knew where we were, with a pretty good amount of information. Was telling. Ironically, the only new information here would be that he could be after Alpha. We knew that. That's why we left. Yeah, I know. He had a few bits on him, but that was the most important thing.
00:20:14
Speaker
And we ran into a trick. Yeah, so I think the owner of this, the person who bought the car itself wants our prisoner. Seth told him to fuck off. So when we get to the exchange point with the owner of the the person who bought the car itself, that's when it's going to kick off. I think the plan was for us not to stop. Everyone will sort of look towards the front of the car where Seth was.
00:20:41
Speaker
Sorry, what was that? I can't hear you because of the wind. I think the plan is for us not to stop at the trap. We just keep going. Oh yeah, keep going. Don't stop it. When you're going to get ambushed, it's best not to get ambushed. But if you can't help getting ambushed, just keep going. Unless they turn your elephants into a fucking frog. Yeah, that that that tends to slow us down a bit. good good Good lesson for us all. Who found Key Dark? Who found him? ah That would be Seth and Baal and Nyx. They went wandering off in the dark. We got the elephant!
00:21:16
Speaker
how How did you get him? and um we How did this happen? He had a lion. We'd bought him already. And so we went and picked him up. It's called a trade where you exchange money for services or items. I say something really cool. No, no, no, no. When we made tramp... Trunks was upright. He was alive. Trunks was fine. why was he but Why would he be unconscious? He tried to kill us, Raines. Sorry. Trunks didn't kill us. Hold on, hold on. Next week. We went to go and collect the elephant. There's a long story as to why, how, and...
00:21:48
Speaker
What the fuck happened? But the long and short of it is, ah upon collecting the elephant, Kedark was there and almost damn near killed us if it wasn't for the help from the Aquisca. It's a very exciting story. Well, we have a bit of a horror tale, all of this for you, but long story short, we almost died. Seth had the bright idea of rather than, we got the upper hand late on in the battle, rather than killing this dude. Seth said, Reigns will want to talk to him, and knocked him unconscious. And then we bound him up, took him to Emron, and Emron forced us just kind of took over from there, just so that you could question him. Everyone had your back, really, on this. But yeah, he was going to kill us. But yeah but we prevailed. We be mighty. He straight up paralyzed you when he got there. We we fucked up. Sorry. Sorry about that. that's
00:22:44
Speaker
That's what I'm saying. You want to know, it's not your fault, but this man is incredibly dangerous. Which makes us incredibly dangerous, the fact that we not only survived, but reprimanded such a fiend. Yeah, I definitely burnt like one of his henchmen's faces off. Yeah, I think high fives all around, really. They were high fives. Well, I should be. Well. And importantly, the chryscra helped him out. Helped him. No, no, us. Helped Nick's, Seth, and Barl out. The woman that Barl tried to cook alive helped him out. Name's Shirley. No. Did you mention the bit about the chris cry helping us out? No, fuck me. And the real moral dilemma it gave Nick's and also Barl. There's a lot that we need to discuss, but right now we have to be aware of this this upcoming trap and make sure that we're ready
00:23:40
Speaker
In the best way, I'm sorry that I was turning to a frog before, I'll try and be a little bit more with it this time. But ah yeah, we should... It's okay, gear up. we well Guys, look! There's the trap!
00:23:56
Speaker
Not really, but now can we talk about the fact that we're going to get ambushed and we should come up with a plan? Well, we stay in the car, we fight was on the move. Everyone find a point. to fire things from. As long as we all accept Alito in our arts, I'm sure we'll be blessed in this. Fuck off. Ah, god. No. There will be no Alito around. I don't think I have room in my soul for another god. Good to know. Raines, do you want this Burt shadow person, do you do you want them alive? can Can I cook him? He was wearing, I said something really cool. I was like, you're talking an awful lot of shit for someone wearing metal armour. And i like, because I was making reference to the other person that I cook, can I cook him?
00:24:39
Speaker
Which is weird, because you had leather arm run. Did he? Yeah. No one's cooking in just yet. An alternative is to throw in front of trunks. o Just a thought. No, no, we're not going to underestimate this man. We're not going to do anything particularly dangerous at this point. We're just going to deal with the trap and then we'll deal with him. Reigns is going to just start pointing the Rubik's Cube and in the the back of his gauntlet at him. And he's going as a ritual to just start casting alarm around this man. He moves, I'll know about it. For now, we're just going to leave him where he is. Reigns.
00:25:18
Speaker
Rain, there and if i if we if we do end up cooking him, can I have his bones? It's really important I need his bones.
00:25:31
Speaker
one no jump and i just keep passing alarm ring I don't know if he's answered me. I think that was a yes, Seth. That was a yes. That was a definite clear yes. I think the wind took it because we're behind you and the wind is obviously in our faces, but he said a definite yes. Did you say bone, Seth? What do you want bones for? None of your damn business. right Clip club. I like think you're actually saying clip club. Clip club tricks. It's nice that we're all really open and not keeping secrets from each other again. Rains is just going to say, at yeah and on that score, you should all be aware of the fact that Kydark might be here because he wants to be.
00:26:15
Speaker
and this is exactly where he wants to be. So, I don't necessarily- Are you saying that we should have not bought him to you to question? No, you've done the right thing, but we should- Cool. Yeah, you didn't say that at first. And it's quite an important point to make, I would say at first, just to go, thanks guys. I see that you literally put your lives on the live to bring this guy to me so that I could question him. And I really appreciate you all. Loves and hugs. Just didn't know, just straight into the, yeah, he might want to be here. Might fuck us up still. cut his fucking head off and throw him overboard. That too, we could just do that right now. No, we need to get him somewhere where A, we need to talk to him and also work out a way to talk to him without him being able to delight us.
00:26:56
Speaker
do we Do we? Do we need that? He does have some information about his, like, whole history of family tree and the great ah dealings that shine. Oh, shit, it goes that... Oh, sorry. It goes deep. Remember we talked about this? Family tree, more of a bush. for Ah, yes, yes, yes. Sorry, Raines' bush. I'm with you.
00:27:15
Speaker
Reigns is going to just concentrate on Alarm. I've got to spend 10 minutes doing this. This man is incredibly dangerous and Reigns wants a tab on him. Should we get Ambush? Reigns wants to know if he moves. How long does Alarm last?
Ambush and Aftermath
00:27:31
Speaker
Alarm last. That's a good question. I think that was a long time. We've used it through rests before, yeah.
00:27:40
Speaker
Yeah, it lasts a while, but I will i will find that out. It lasts eight hours. Well, are you still riding trunks? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, so you're in front of me. So I've just been literally shouting in your ear this entire time. I've been in, that's fine. It's not a problem. You're moving at a decent pace. Like yeah there's wind resistance there. I like to think it's not really that windy. um I don't know. What did Baal have for dinner? We've just had an hand sandwich with a mustard. I didn't. I didn't touch it. While that's going, I think the Nix would have realised how close Baal is. Not whispering his ear, but kind of speaking his ear. Baal, when we get to the ambush, I'm probably going to make Trunks get really big. Just be aware. Will the rain stay attached if he gets really big?
00:28:26
Speaker
Oh shit, that's a good point. Right. Um, maybe not. Can you do something about that? No, I don't think so. It's just a person or an object. I can make the rains very big. Not that one, but I could make him big, but, um, or I make the elephant big or I can make the cart big, but if I make the cart big, I don't think trunks will be able to pull it very well. No, but I fucking love the idea of making him huge. Uh, and Bob will point to trunks, but if, if we can make sure he stays attached, then I'm a hundred percent in.
00:28:57
Speaker
The Hulk's trousers always stay attached. Who? What's a Hulk? The shirt goes off into the wind, though. Alpha, you build things, don't you? Yes. This is going to point to Trunks. While we're moving at this rapid pace, can you make it so the reins will not fall off when Trunks doubles at... Why is he called Trunks? When Trunks doubles in size. And not that reins. These reins. ah can't I can't even go down that whole thing. of No, that range, not that range. Possibly, but it would take a few hours to concoct such a thing. It's just not good enough, Alpha.
00:29:41
Speaker
oh and this not good and It's just going to look around at um everybody and fuck you. Whoa, Alfa. I like him. Yes! He's got spunk. More of it than we thought. It's growing. I like it. Okay. Not like Trunks here unfortunately. Alfa wasn't sure if he was using that right, so all those sponsors have just made Alfa go, oh yeah, I've done that right, that's lovely. And you can see he's had some cheer on his face. Right. I'm going to be driving because I know ah how to drive this thing. Um, and I'm going to be using little bits and pieces from a distance, but, um, I don't really know what we're going to face. We've all got magical abilities to attack things at range. So you keep us moving and we should be fine. Okay. Uh, Danny, yep did we take a short rest on the, on part of the journey or we didn't manage to, no, that's fine. It hasn't happened yet. Yeah, no worries. You can, but it will for an hour.
00:30:40
Speaker
I'll just play your ability. It's all good. I'll keep my hand as well. Because it'd be fine. I mean, I could say it's a character. If you guys want to have a chill out for a bit for an hour or so, I'll just keep clip-clopping along. before Before we get to a point where it's suitable to chill out. and your put you On this road, and it's worth saying that about every quarter of a mile, there has been a wooden post with ah an unlit torch above it. Really strict with a quarter of a mile. and And we're at that point now where you've been moving at such a pace, even with that delay, that you're sort of seeing that camps have sort of ah um various travelers have appeared on the sides of either sides of these roads or evidence that camps have exist. You haven't really passed anyone yet. You've been following tracks, Seth, um for for most of the journey. They're quite fresh of various hooves and various impressions. If you haven't, unless you're caught up to whatever that that that is on the road. But you do get the sense of this road is populous.
00:31:39
Speaker
um That sand stream still continues to run adjacent to you that hasn't changed direction or stopped. You do spy as you're sort of approaching another half hour of this so steady journey. One single figure stood us on horseback, just off the road, just watching, just watching about a quarter of a mile, but Not in a threatening way, no weapons are out, but that there is a figure. Are they wearing a Stetson? No. As we're travelling, are we able to roll up the sides of the canvas a bit? So just to but pull the windows up essentially.
00:32:23
Speaker
Essentially, so so we can cast stuff out of the sides of the car. Absolutely. Lock the doors, it's a dodgy neighbourhood. Then you continue to make distance now. You're going at quite a pace. So you're now within about 600 feet of this individual?
00:32:43
Speaker
500 feet of this individual? Anyone gonna mention that the fact that we've got a lone, solitary figure out there who's just kind of eyeballing us from 500 feet away? I mean, the halfling was doing the same, so until he gets a bit closer, there's fuck all I can do about it, really. He doesn't move. He doesn't fancy being a frog again. I'm gonna run him over if he doesn't move. He's off-road. He's not on the road. I don't think the drums are set up for off-road. It's not got nobody's on. If he does anything threatening, we just fuck him up. Cook him. Remember the plan. We do not stop. Cool. I wanted to make sure we're all seeing the same thing. If you're seeing it and I'm seeing it, we're all cool. If someone falls off the car, do we stop? No. No.
00:33:28
Speaker
I can yeah pull you back on but only a short distance. There are mean there are means and methods to retrieve people. It's definitely a pirate ship that we're running here then. Savvy. So if anyone who falls behind... Dead. Yes. hit Just want to establish where we're at. Then be the rules, M. Ron. Don't fall behind. Find a way to get back. Don't fall off the fucking cart. Okay. I like my captain. I like this. Okay. I know we plan on not falling off the car, but when things happen where we've actually planned it, you know. They've all gone wrong. Maybe we just lean into the fact that we don't plan things more.
00:34:10
Speaker
Most of the time we get fucked over by stuff that we don't expect, just saying. Have we ever planned anything? You're now about 120 feet. I'm just trying to lifetime that approach from this individual. We're about 120 feet away. This individual who's holding up a wooden board just with the word scorch helm written on it and a thumb raised out to the road. That's all. Oh, it's the guy, it's a friendly traveller just looking to thumb his weight. 60 feet now? Oh, we should stop. Come on, we should totally let him on, look. what no You just said about being a pirate crew and not stopping for anyone, anyone to stop for this fucker. Well, maybe he's got, like, some cool, otherworldly wares. He's got a horse. they know He's got a dagger that could speak another session. we just need you need to help him. You've now passed this person, because Seth hasn't indicated this a deceleration. Go fuck yourself. I've asked, motherfucker. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
00:35:06
Speaker
And you continue. And that individual just turns back in the direction of whatever's coming next. Brings his grandfather turns around, sadly. Damn it, Ty. This guy didn't work. Shacks. You press for another half hour. nothing else on the road and then again you just see one in individual vote this time walking on the road um on horseback in the direction of scorch helm so you're you're just sort of you're going to catch up with them in about two minutes again from this distance we can't make it much more other than this big red traveling cloak they seem to be wearing on a brown horse
00:35:46
Speaker
Nick's not everyone needs saving don't say- I don't know this one's riding towards Scorch Helm there's no big sign saying can I have a lift I'm gonna die if you don't help me and all my children and my family and everything after me will die too all I need is that one. Or perhaps we should stop and ask if he needs help. This one is just going the right way by the looks of things. This was a very long sign I didn't read all that. I inferred a lot of it, but that's still just how my mind works. I feel like we're okay here unless something untowards his... It seems okay. It seems okay. Remember what we said. We don't stop. We go to scorch helm. We keep going. Let's hop through it. I'm sorry for the frog puns. They're just coming towards me today. Nix. Yes. Do you have a sudden inclination to want to eat flies? I wondered if that was... Is that just you as well? Like crunchy. I want something crunchy and small in my mouth.
00:36:38
Speaker
Mmm. I like peanuts. Something that you can swallow whole. Dragon scales. Something warm and wriggling. Not warm. It's crunchy. Maybe it's crisps. that time Anyway, kick upp you get now within 120 feet of this individual and this individual turns as you imagine they're beginning to feel the approach of the elephant and car and the weight that brings. Um, immediately you can recognize it's Kareem, but I'm over creamless waves, just at one hand up waved. High five. Can I lean out and high five cream at speed taking that off?
00:37:23
Speaker
Are you making any alteration to speed here, Seth? Look, we're going. We're past it. Kareem sort of marks that you're not slowing down and sort of turns his horse and begins to ride at your pace. Whoa. He's ah a bit probably a canter is about the appropriate pace that he has to keep. And he just sort of marks you both. And all of the windows are up now. So he's basically seeing all of your faces.
00:37:47
Speaker
I guess you're not. Oh, no, it wasn't his voice. Wasn't he Australian? No, he was a Cockney boy. Wasn't he? What's his name from Afterlife? He was the therapist from Afterlife. I guess... And I fucked him all at night. I guess you're not planning on stopping then. That's it. I love it, it's so good. Hooray there! Everyone's going to look to the group. Is this a guy we should tell to fuck off? Excuse me, this is my elephant. Well, it's not mine anymore.
00:38:22
Speaker
no Everyone's still looking at the group. Not going to leave it there. Let me just shout them back. No, we've got to go. We've got things to do in Scorchel and Kareem, but I'll be seeing you there. Don't forget our bet. Big love. yeah We need to rearrange that bet because your boy Seth, he ain't in trouble no more. So I thought you might want to change the stakes. If you're not going to leave me the prisoner, at least let's review the bet. All right, fine. But I'll catch you in Scorchel. Of course, I'm not going to leave you the prisoner. I've told you this. And this is really awkward because he's just still riding alongside you at pace. Or we could just do it now. Well, I see now that, like, I just thought this was more of a gentleman's bet. It's more of a one-on-one, not a one-on-group. The bet's invalidated because the check... Oh, I see how it is. He's not a criminal anymore. He's not a criminal. I thought you were more of a gentleman about this. I thought we shook on it. There was an agreement in principle, in words... Yeah, but the thing doesn't exist anymore. It was a bet, but see, the champion of the Scorchum. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:39:21
Speaker
But the the reward was that I turned Seth in if I won, but that doesn't, he can't be turned in no more, do you understand? We still got the monetary value though. Oh, what's the monetary value of Seth? Was it a thousand gold? So you'll give me Seth. I'm not giving you Seth, Seth's really fucking good. Okay, so we could change it straight up money. A thousand gold if M-Ron wins for you, a thousand gold if my one wins for me. What? Yeah, your, your one. Yeah. All right. Your champion. I'm down with that. And he just reaches that hand one hand on his reign still, which that is right hand across to you. and I will reach out and grasp. And which one's Emeron then? This chunk of metal here. And he points out to Emeron. Ah, that fouls and goes as good as mine, Nick. We'll see. I have faith in my boy. I really want to hit him. Don't hit him. You're the worst pun in the group. Emeron's really, really violent. Murder hobo.
00:40:18
Speaker
Have them go, I like a lead though, at which point everyone will do everything you save his life. I was a sec. Alright. As I understand it, we're not doing the prisoner today. No hard feelings. Cream, ah just one more question before you inevitably back away or... um Yeah, go on. Where's the trap? What is a trap? I just said... You said there's a trap? No, I said when you get distance out of town, you just leave him there and I will collect him. I said I would do one thing but the group will do the other thing and to create a harmonious environment we're leading as a group here so I can't just leave the prisoner here. Have you told your mates that there was a trap?
00:41:00
Speaker
but Maybe. Seth, you were there. I never said that there was a trap. I said you go out on the road, you let go with a car, that's all.
00:41:10
Speaker
But then you did like a smile about it, as if, yeah, if you don't do it, I'm going to fuck you up. So we inferred that you've laid a trap for us. I might fuck you up, but I should have beat you up in an alley in, in scorcher. You and everyone else has beat me up in an alley. That's
Managing Ambush Consequences
00:41:25
Speaker
nothing. Yeah. Which alley? I don't know. I've been beat up in which alley too. No, I meant... we let's see There's no fucking trap, all right? I'm not that kind of guy. I'm not going to ambush you on the road and leave you for the vultures. See, I told you, this guy is solid. I thought we were going to have an ambush.
00:41:45
Speaker
They'll be ambushes. Other people are after you. That's not what I'm going to say. We were told that this would be a valuable cargo store. Yeah. It's just important that you realize that nothing on this road is set by Kareem, all right? Ah, OK, cool. And we will also still advertise you and your wares upon the arrival. Hang on, what? That's a different thing. Everyone is fine. Anyway, Kareem, when you're going to wear a uniform, it says my name all over it when you're fighting. Yeah, you have to. No, he gave us the elephant in the car. You were happy about it. Don't pretend that you weren't. I thought you paid for these. I did discounted rate on these terms. At a very good discounted rate. Look, you're here, you're riding it, you're wearing it. Nick, just give them a thousand gold. Nick, just give them a thousand gold.
00:42:28
Speaker
Yeah, Nixx is giving me 1000 gold. Who said I'm going to wear whatever he was fucking wearing? I'm not going to wear something with Kareem's, you know, cats on it. Is anyone else here gonna willing to wear Kareem's wares here as as a champion? Oh, wear it? Kareem, I want to change my bet. Champion is this guy, Seth. Oh, shit. Alright, I'm not going to change mine. Okay. If Seth is the champion, 1000 gold, he's going to win. And he reaches his hand out again. Okay. Good luck, Seth. All right. All right. Well, I'm not going all the way with you all the way there cause it'll be awkward as fuck. Are you going to talk on or shall I talk on? I think we're going to talk on cause like, you know, we've got the elephant. It looks grand. All right. Okay. Well, you know, safe journey.
00:43:16
Speaker
wo really Safe journey. um Yeah, just watch out for them nasties on the road. Storm's coming in. I still feel like there's a trap. I feel like there's going to be a trap. Yeah, inevitably, mate. Everyone fucking wants that guy in the back you got there. Do you mind if I just take a look? I haven't seen him. He's poked his head out earlier. He's just, you know, yeah feel free. And he's just going to decelerate a little bit and just sort of go behind the car now. And no one can actually see him at this point because of the shake of the prison car. He's behind there for almost a minute.
00:43:51
Speaker
This is not good. I feel like he's taking him. Anyone else feel that? And then he veers out and then catches back up on your side, Nyx. Yeah, right? Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah. He's bigger than I thought. ah he's is' he's He's quite sizable. Yeah, I wouldn't, you know, don't let him out. Don't mess with them cages. but Don't mess with Dragonborns in general, but I'll tell me that. Yeah, but don't mess with them cages. Okay. But no matter what happens, keep that cage shut. What have you done? Well, nothing I've done. Have you put trout on the cage? I have not. But there is a trap on the cage. I can tell you that. Oh, OK. All right. That's really good. I want your 1,000 gold. So you better get your bottom into scorch helm safely. I will. Thanks, Karim. I knew that you were a likely person. This is great. Everything's coming up next. It's great. And he just sort of...
00:44:46
Speaker
lifts his arm, so his his sort of huge red turban is connected to his wrist, like a really elaborate sort of gold chain. And just sort of, there's a half salute, not a military salute, but like ah a respectful salute to you all. Slows his horse down and lets you sort of so accelerate beyond as though not to make things awkward, but there is a chance if anyone wants to say anything as paces change at all. I only need to agree. Yeah, he's now with waves. He does not strike me as the kind of fella that we want to be in business with Nix. That's why I didn't want to wear his fucking tabard away. That's fine. Hey, look, you didn't want to wear it. I didn't make you wear it. The bet's changed. It's all good. Steph's wearing it. Well, I was just going to put it on your back without you knowing him, Ron. You know, like they do at school where they put... I'm afraid you're going to have to wear it now, Steph. You're the champion of this group. My schooling was a bit different. And you also need to win. I believe in you. That's a lot of additional pressure.
00:45:43
Speaker
I think you're up for the task. I feel like this is going to either make you or break you. Like you come out of this, you're going to be a stronger, better, more powerful version of you. And if you don't come out of it, well, I mean, let's not go down that road because you don't. Death. But. A little bit of fun. You're going to be the champion. Have you ever been a champion before? Like a true champion? Think of the glory. Think of the gold. Think of the title champion. What if I still want to be champion? Everyone fuck off. You had your chance. You can't just keep flip-flopping around. I put your name first. I put you in the Goblet of Fire, but you decided to fuck off it. So now is safe. What's the Goblet of Fire? Anyway, Seth.
00:46:27
Speaker
You're our champion. We will do everything in our power to make sure that you win this tournament. Do I still have to be, um, the, um, uh, Osiris? No, we should, we should know. Well, are we going to keep our cover names? but we're in eata Chiseling and your repair experts. I feel like... Nicks, we've got Tim Tim. Tinny Tim. I will have your... Tim Tim. Here we go. Kennard and Barry. Barry, uh, Reids, I think you're Barry. Tim Tim, I forgot about Tim Tim. I'm not a horse anymore, do I still have to be trigger? Yes. I'm still your name. An unluckly band of heroes.
00:47:11
Speaker
ah Nice. Right. They clocked you saying that M. Ron Raines didn't take that. I mean, we're in a very small car. I don't know how you've got clocked us. He's not paying attention to anything other than the man who he's currently casting alarm on. Well, that 10 minutes went a real long time. That 10 minutes really stretched it out. Well, I assume 10 minutes in real time. I started that about 10 minutes. He said half an hour. I moved time on by half an hour. Oh, nice. Okay. Even then, his constant computation is still there. There is a very dangerous man at our feet.
00:47:43
Speaker
Okay. Um, so are we going to be traveling through the night? We're going to make camp. It's about mid-afternoon now. So you've still got some time to, I don't just discuss it. We're going to make a plan. You know, we, we plan now we're a group. I have the capacity to build an unbreakable, uh, shelter. Well, why are we not just sleeping in the car with one of us just clip clopping? Yeah. because Can you, can you see in the dark? Yes. I don't know how to see in the dark. It's an elephant! How much sleep does an elephant eat? Can Trunks see in the dark? Trunks needs to sleep. He's an elephant, you're right. Of course he needs to fucking sleep. I don't know! It's my first time riding an elephant! I mean, do you need to sit? I'm sorry. What other things would be written that don't need to sleep? Some things deep, deep in another alley, far away from here, will stay up all night letting you ride them. What's the name of that alley? Yes, where can I meet them?
00:48:38
Speaker
Don't we Charlie again? Famous witch Ellie. We do poor too good but do need to find a place to rest. ah no In all seriousness though, I do have the capacity now. I've been looking at my spell book and I have got this thing I can build with magic that is impenetrable and we can all sleep in there. And I could put it maybe over the cart so we can sleep in the cart, but I can build something else. Could Trunks fit? No. Okay, so trunks be outside it, okay. We can see out of it. Is that trunks one of us now? Okay, well, we either get infestible... Can't we just smoosh it down? Yeah, because you're not making really small. No, not for a long time. Do you want impenetrable safety for us? And not impenetrable safety, does it sound good? Or do you want us all out in the open and probably going to get fucked on by some other... It's always good to have protection if we're going to get fucked on. How far are we from Portugal?
00:49:37
Speaker
It's a four-day journey with an elephant. It's a any of the rest of that thing. Yes. So, okay. Well, Baal, you're the you know survival expert, especially with our reinstick thing. Do you want to start looking out for a place for us to camp? It's the early afternoon, isn't it? We've got time. Yes, but we can keep looking, because I imagine in the desert, I think from experience, when that sun sets, it goes quite quickly, doesn't it? It does go quickly. But listen, M1, we can literally set up camp anywhere, because I can build this thing anywhere.
00:50:08
Speaker
So it doesn't matter where we... Do we want to find you with an a nice outcrop of rocks so we can have it to our back so we can at least keep trunks sheltered as well? That'll be nice. Oh, that would be good. Maybe a garage. Maybe we could find something big enough to put him in, like a cave.
00:50:26
Speaker
Oh, yeah, sure. When n everyone's talking about rocks, everyone gets bored and I start talking about caves.
00:50:32
Speaker
Silence, a lot of you. I'll just worry when there's a cave something lives in it and I don't think... Yeah, normally if there's something that has a cave in the desert probably been occupied. It's fine. We'd all be laughing if we come across an empty cave though. We don't want to face a roper again. We faced a roper, nice. We did, yes. maybe Were you as dysfunctional as we are? ah No, we don't like to talk about this. Right. clip clop.
00:51:05
Speaker
Actually really, I really appreciate clip clop because it's like Mark wants to end the chapter now next chapter. Not at all. I just wanted to say a lot in this episode. So everyone's going to sort of episode title switch yeah moves down from the front of the cart towards Rens. Are you okay? I'm not one of the most dangerous men that I've ever met is currently on our feet. Yep. Yep, he's as dangerous as as you told me about him. And that's why I told this lot when me think. We do need to keep him fed and watered though if we want to, you know, not kill him. So we will have to wake him up at some point. All right. When we start, we'll wake him. Okay. Lip clop?
00:51:57
Speaker
seems Seems... I mean, you know, the fact that they've come after Alpha rather than you. What do you think about that? The last letter we had wanted me and Alpha. But also the fact that it said any casualties were any collateral was acceptable. Yeah, exactly.
00:52:25
Speaker
Yeah, just wanted to take a temperature on that.
00:52:30
Speaker
The last assassin or the last mercenary to come for us was directly from my father and made it explicitly clear that it was me and Alpha alive. This one is deliberately vague and comes from a much dangerouser place. Yep. And the mold isn't much more muddier than perhaps the ones we encountered before.
00:52:57
Speaker
Okay, well, I'll just- How about your idea about making this guy speak the truth? Well, I just think, you know, everything you told me about him, this guy is, you know, the shadiest fucking shadow man. And there is no way, we're going we're not going to ask him and he's not going to sit there and go, oh yes, of course, I will of course now model of my old plan to you because you've bound me. It's absolutely fine. I imagine we're going to have to use magic like a zone of truth. So he finds one who can cast one to actually get any kind of truth out of him without having to question everything he says.
00:53:36
Speaker
Everything he says I don't like the fact that he was taken down by the others not because I don't oh It wasn't easy sort from the way they told it and the way they came back. They were fucking And everyone looks around because realize this conversation is probably quite easy to head. Yeah, here. They you They got saved By Charlie say surely show D show D Shouldy, they got saved by her. She's amazing. They indicated they probably wouldn't be coming back. More than dead. Super dead. Dead of the dead. Sure dead, they got brought back to life and killed again. That's how dead they'd be. Incredibly dead. No bring back dead. Day of the dead. free Night of the dead. To my mind that has allowed this to happen.
00:54:36
Speaker
all of which involved me thanking every single one of you for for fun for us. So thank you. You have my sincere thanks for that. First option. What's this? this What's the options for? I missed the last bit. I heard the thank you. And then you really started buzzing. And that was it. I think that's the first time you said thank you. This is amazing. Rains, this is awesome. but you you You're welcome, Nick. um Yeah, three options, I think, as to how this person's here. One, he's made a mistake and he's underestimated all of you, which would be unlike Kydark. Two, he got sloppy and he's desperate and that's even more worrying. Or three, and this is the one that worries me the most, this is exactly what he intended to happen.
00:55:37
Speaker
Well, we need to be careful. You can supersede all three of those options by throwing him off the fucking cart right now! That's not actually a bad idea. Well, we could just fucking kill him if he's that dangerous. That too, like... I mean, yeah, I mean, if we're going to kill him, I'd rather do it, rather than chucking him off the cart and leaving the vagarities of, oh, did he die, didn't he? You're right. You're all right. Every single one of you are right. I think the blood lost everyone, by the way. Can we just take a book check on that? You were all right.
00:56:09
Speaker
I have no right to put you in danger and ask you to keep him on this cart purely for me, but that's what I'm doing because I need to know. No, no, I think it's wise. I'll level with you. What you have said is correct. Loving him into the desert is exactly what we should do, but I'm asking you not to because I need to know. Well, ah all I did was come to a conclusion of three options. That's all. I wasn't saying that we should actually throw him out of the desert, but you just, pro you proceeded to say option one to three. Nick, you have been good to me. You've you tried to do something for me and you did a big thing for me and you have my thanks. I'm giving you the truth here and telling you that when you say throwing him off the court his car is what you should do, then that is precisely what you should do.
00:56:49
Speaker
But I'm asking you not to, because I need him alive. Yeah, we defeated him once before we could defeat him mc again. I wish Shelly was here, though. Shelly was here, though. She's cool. You'd like her. She's great. But you like her too. Oh, I do fucking like her. Come on. She took your worst and came back. like he's also She's also saved us twice in one day. You know, she saved us she saved you three, and then she saved us when we were picking up prison. You don't have to say that you like her, but inside there's a little bit of a flame there. No, she fucking infuriates me, but this isn't about me, sorry. Love and hate, I mean, you know.
00:57:26
Speaker
I'm putting you all in danger with what I'm doing here. I just want to make sure that you're all aware of that and that you're on board with it. If you're not, I understand. I mean, brains, look around. We are clip-clopping as hard as possible towards an unknown place with a prisoner at the back. Your deadbeat fucking axe murderer psychopath here. Grandfather. Grandfather. We're all in this together. Like if we don't have each other's backs, we're fucking as good as dead ever as anyway. So the way I see it, we might as well just unite under one awesome banner. Just see where the road takes us. clip crop but did you Did you say that there's a chance that just to hear you, right? My grandfather could be in, could be in Drolak.
00:58:18
Speaker
but that's a big reach i didn't say that specifically but i can't deny that okay it's fine fine fine i misheard you that's fine okay that's fine i'm happy to let be a reach and i mean if he is then fucking hell i know that would be a turn yeah so we're not killing him either not a lot of death not yet Which part of the bush is he? What would you do with him, Alpha? You've been quiet this whole time. Would you just literally take a gun to his face right now? Like, if you had known... He couldn't. His gun doesn't work. Ah. I had already suggested throwing him off the front of the elephant. Well, you could just step on him. Like, I'm pretty sure that you stepping on something would fucking kill him. You weigh a ton. We could experiment. Seth. You ever felt like it? Seth, could you make a perception check, please? Oh, shit. A perception check? Yeah.
00:59:05
Speaker
i I can definitely try to do a perception. Excellent, 16. You've been listening but watching the road during this time and coming up about 300 feet is adjacent to the road, parallel to the road is this rising ridge atop the ridge are two different groups clashing swords.
00:59:35
Speaker
within a few seconds of you studying it, one is propelled off this ridge and falls about 60 feet down, lifeless. It's about 300 feet ahead of you. Just you have seen that. Bal, are you still on the elephant at this point, or have you come back in? ah i I mean, I think you'd enjoy riding the elephant more than riding in the car. Then you're also seeing this, because your passive is high enough.
01:00:05
Speaker
Should we mention something about the... Is it en route? Yeah, it's ah over the road, almost. Oh shit, okay. Um, probably yes, because we're gonna have to charge through, I imagine. Guys, there seems to be a serious clash of swords up ahead. I'm right in thinking we're just charging through, right?
01:00:27
Speaker
You recognize anyone? Who is it? Looks like people. And lemmings. You're about 150 feet now. And Seth, you don't need to roll on this. There are two coats of arms you would recognize a mile away. Well, not a mile away, otherwise I would have already said that already. There are chriscra.
01:00:54
Speaker
And there are sleet guard forces.
01:01:00
Speaker
Sorry lads.
01:01:04
Speaker
What are you sorry for, sir? What took, sir? What I'm about to do.
01:01:11
Speaker
And, uh, he's just going to slowly ebb, uh, trunks off the, I imagine they kind of off the path a little bit off onto the, and he's just going to aim for his, his mind will be, I'm aiming for the largest group of Chris grub minus hitting any sneak guard that he possibly can. And it's going to crush them in the approach is against you get to ah about, I'll say about 80 feet now. You're seeing on the ridge no more of Kriskra. You're seeing on the road, however, one of Kriskra left. There is about six of Kriskra that are on the floor, one Sleek Guardian on the floor. And as you're just getting to the point where if you if you don't decelerate, you're going to run over Sleek Guard soldiers.
01:02:03
Speaker
yeah yeah we' get it is that like great We're going to try and move out of the way and then going to pull back slightly, pull back slightly. But we're still going to, I want to be still moving relatively quickly because, because I'll get in trouble. Okay. And he's going to shout out. Brothers, everything okay? So as you shout that out, there are, are you shouting out to the sleep guard forces? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So they're above us on a ridge. Yeah. There are six on a ridge. So you're in a gorge on one sided gorge, if you will. Um, there are six remaining sleep guardians on that ridge. And there are six sleep guardians on the ground. There is one lone standing of Chris. We're still trying to fight them off as you shout brothers, the ones on the gorge of turn and mark your approach. They notice you're slowing down and you just see this, this of Chris is backing towards the cart.
01:02:52
Speaker
played out facing all of the sleep guardians in front of them, but it is it is six and six against that one and they are backing towards the car. The loan of Chris goes back into it. Yeah. Yeah. They got hood up. Do I recognize? They're in that purple robe. You don't, you'd have to be like face to face to recognize this person. if you were to recognise them at all. But the car is probably now coming to you. You run over a shoulder, I swear to God. Seth's going to lean forward to Baal and be like, I very much want to run him over. We do not stop. Very good. And then he's going to just pull on the reins a little bit. Not to pull back, sorry, just to encourage trunks to move forward with Baal's.
01:03:44
Speaker
agreement there. I'm sure he'll give me giving him a little bit of a hike as well. I'm going to build him up to what can be considered a run for basically top speed for trunks and I'm aiming for the member of the of Chris Graham. Okay. And as you're gaining that top speed, there's only about 10 feet between that and a line of sleek audience. Wait, are they in the way? they're in they They're across your road entirely. Okay, right. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I miss, I miss up on that. Sorry. Yes, you have been a bit bottlenecked at this point. Yep. ah Fuck, this changes things. Sorry, can I, can I rip right on that? Yes, sorry. I of course you can move slightly wrong.
01:04:26
Speaker
ah a Partfuls. We're going, we're going to pass through. Move, please. One of you. They don't seem to necessarily heed your warning. They're fixated on the Uppercrisca. And Uppercrisca just now is like, it's at the point, probably, where unless you need to turn, you need to come to a stop. Or you need to push through. You will hit Uppercrisca and then you will be essentially bowling down s sleep guards.
01:05:05
Speaker
I see a stop. Okay. Or start pulling to a very, very, very, very slow walk. I haven't stopped yet. You are slowing down. It's okay, Seth. We understand. Yeah, there's like a wall of people there. Like, who are you to run through them? Yeah, definitely didn't pass my mind. See, this is why you're the champion. And this this very out of breath um of Crisco just sort of turns and begins to just run around the back of your cart to climb into the wagon with you. And as they do, just get two hands onto the wagon before you can really do anything. They are just pummeled by four different arrows coming into the hip from off the ridge. And they just sort of lock eyes with you, Emron, as the first person they see begin to teeter and this elven male
01:05:56
Speaker
just falls to the floor between the carts.
01:06:03
Speaker
Do we recognize him? No. At Raines. While this is happening, Raines, obviously, again, is is quite familiar with sleep guardian heraldry himself. He studied them a lot. He will know that there there are differences between the insignias of of Leopold and Helena. um Rains is starting to smell a rat himself and has been warned about ambushes and will know that there's enough people here who could be convinced to stop by Sweet Guardian Insignia and if people who knew that about them knew
01:06:39
Speaker
that would be a good ploy to get us to stop. The Rains is just scanning around to see if there's anything on the insignia of these sleep guardians to perhaps make does their armor look like it fits properly? does Is there anything here that could smell a rat basically like this armor that's too loose that would suggest? No, that this is the exact reason that caused Seth to instinctively stop is that they- It's the real deal. Yeah, without doubt, unless they were you know magically reproduced somehow, this is this is them.
01:07:12
Speaker
Seth knows the formation. He recognises the the how they fought down to a tee. Reigns glances at his feet. ah the The man is down on the floor. He glances back. He glances back again. Damn it. Reigns is going to jump off the back of the cart with his hands in the air. Anyone else following suit?
01:07:36
Speaker
ah so before before Before we get off, em everyone's like, Seth, what are we doing?
01:07:43
Speaker
as The cart stopped. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so at the moment, to ah it's rolling. Raines has jumped off and he's putting his hands up. Elf guy from the of Kriska is like riddled with arrows and he's dying. Yeah. Oh boy. Quite the situation. and You could just see corpses of a Kriska around you and do at best a sleek audience.
01:08:13
Speaker
ah Seth will jump off and run over to the nearest sleep guardian he can find, and he's going to go and, ah if he can, perform a medicine check. and To any of the injured ones, you mean? ah Yeah, the's the the ones who are kind of look the most the most un uneasy. So you sort of see a real, I'm sorry, you'll see a real, like, and dark darkness in Seth's face, again, and a seriousness that he, that's been lost in the joviality of the last, a couple of days of ridiculousness. And and it's it's it's like ah like a gaunt pulling at the face down um as he approaches again. You approach this group that's not on the ridge because it would be too too difficult to, but the the the five who remain standing in front of you um behind the other side of them are the the injured or or deceased. And as you start to approach, they begin to look at you a bit wearily.
01:09:10
Speaker
And one just says, Where do you think you're going? You've got two injured down there. I'm going to help them. What are you, some sort of a medic? No.
01:09:26
Speaker
But I thought, I thought of the blight. Didn't everyone? Yeah, so we must look after those that are living. Yeah, all right. Thanks, please. Yeah, sorry. Desert heat and that. understand Just sort of steps aside and lets you go. And yeah, there's one clearly dead and there's one panting for breath on the other side. I'll go to him and quickly scan over and he'll be straight into warm mode and trying to figure out yeah stem the bleeding, cauterise wounds. Do a medicine check for me. Thank you.
Tension and Battle Preparation
01:09:59
Speaker
All the stuff that he would have learned, it's coming back instinctively a little too quickly and a little too viscerally.
01:10:06
Speaker
for his liking. Ah, press the wrong button, apologies. That is good, that is a 23. Yeah, you stabilise this individual. You're able to just sort of dress where you can, put pressure where you can, prevent prevent this person from death. But they just quickly fall unconscious from the pain. While that's happening, what's everyone else doing? So, brains, you've stepped out and you've raised your hands. I'm following Seth in the direction of the ofrissker gra or crisker of sweet guardians.
01:10:35
Speaker
Okay, Baal's still atop the elephant muttering to himself in Draconic, basically saying, fucking agreed that we wouldn't stop. I'm pretty sure we talked about that several times. Don't stop, don't stop. And now we've stopped fucking twice, just kind of grumbling away to himself, eyes peeled. Okay. I will probably respond to Baal in Draconic as well. I know, I know, fucking... c Plans go out the window and it's mostly us that fuck them up. What's Nick doing? I'm gonna hang around the ah the fucking prisoner area and just keep an eye on Dribbo, like position myself.
01:11:20
Speaker
within sight so I can just focus, I'm not really focusing on what's going on. I don't have a lot of stake with sleep guard. So I'm primarily focused on Dribbo and also aware of our fucking Kai Dark person as well. So just just an eye on our prisoners, I guess, both of them. That's where I'm at. Okay. The one who let you through, Seth, just says, I'm sorry I had to see this scene. Just couldn't... couldn't better let these fucks go, you know? I understand. What brings you so far south? We're looking for someone. Or who? Maybe we've seen them on our travels and we can point you in the right direction.
01:12:10
Speaker
um Um... You thought with the blight, you say? Aye. The dark tower right at the end. Just sort of turns his back on new reigns and you feel a bit ushered away from Seth. There's one individual just leans in very quietly to you Seth and says, I'll give you a chance to run and now. Just keep heading down that road. What do you need to do? You don't need to ask, just go.
01:12:49
Speaker
So you're saying, I'll walk past you and continue on the road on foot? Yeah, just go. If you are, who you say, well, if you did what you did, thank you for what you did to my friend, but just keep walking, just you. So that's going to look down for a second and there's like heavy breathing and it's going to matter to this individual
01:13:21
Speaker
Not even trying to hide it really this time. Crude mud iron from the north.
01:13:28
Speaker
What? Come on. Crude mud iron from the north, please. Mate, honestly, just keep going. Please, just say the thing. Crude mud iron from the north. No. And it's kind of cast third level shadow blade. oh shit As you go to do that Let's you gesture that you just get a shove in your chest from this guy's it just pushes you back It just turns the rest of group and says get the metal man now And I want you all to roll initiative oh oh oh my god i get gar Here's what's gonna happen
01:14:23
Speaker
Collectively as a group, I want you all to tell me your initiative, but you're all going to act on the same turn. Forever's got the highest initiative. So everyone tell me what you got. Well, 13. Anyone get above 13? Yes. What'd you get? 19. Anyone above 19? No. Okay.
01:14:45
Speaker
So. A vast motherfuckers? Initiative. A vast motherfuckers. Has. two, two parties in it, you and them and you will all take your turns in unison. Okay. So you can communicate, you can, you can, you know, combo it up to your heart to content. There's a lot to manage here. So I'm just going to try this instead. Uh, however, they rolled higher on initiative and you just hear,
01:15:21
Speaker
I don't care that they look like us, I don't care that they're not up a quiz square. Get the metal man and get him back. And there's going to be a volley of arrows fired, initially from the ridge. One towards Baal, one towards Emron, one towards Nyx, two towards Trunks. What? Not Trunks. Alpha is not being shot.
01:15:51
Speaker
Okay. The one on Baal is a seven to hit. Misses, thankfully. The one on Emron is a 20 to hit non-natural. Misses. The one on Nyx is a 16 to hit. Oh yeah. That that hits. Okay. yeah I need good armor. I need it. I need a vest. On my cell vest. Take six points of piercing damage. YOW! And then natural one on the first shot and then a 17 on the second for Trunks. Trunks, can someone... No, I'm gonna do that myself. It's a 12 armor class. It is, isn't it? Thank you. Trunks is hit by an arrow and you just hear this bellow from Trunks. Poor Trunks, man. Mother Trucker. He's just a passive elephant in all of this. And then...
01:16:44
Speaker
Sorry. It's a massive knob. Raines, you are going to get hit from three separate sources. Seth, you're going to get hit from one. The person who spoke first used their turn essentially to shove you back. Raines, does the following here. A 14. Miss. 18. Hit. Six. Miss. Are you in the cart? Are you in the cart? No, Reigns followed you out. So, Reigns, you take seven points of piercing damage as this spear is just lunged towards you and just catches the bicep pretty aggressively. Next, the one... Sorry, Seth, the one person that's going for you rolls a 16. Misses. Okay. That is all of their turn. It is the party's turn. What are you guys going to do? Right. I'd like to cast Bless.
01:17:39
Speaker
Okay. What level, how many people? I'm going to cast a second level Bless. So that's four targets and the targets are going to be myself, Seth, Reigns and Baal. Okay. Everyone who received a Bless, please write down that you received a Bless. Emron, please mark that you're concentrating. Yes. Okay, what else is happening in this turn? Sorry, Emran, did you give me a blast? I was focused on something else. Now for yourself, Reigns. That's fine. um Seth and Baal. Thank you. Seth will be aiming to do something, but can I use just a shout? Get the fucking cart moving! Back at them. That's a thing. Free action dish to to communicate?
01:18:35
Speaker
And then we'll be turning back to the one who shoved him, looking at him and is going to pull out a tab from his spell book. And as he pulls it out, the tab kind of im dissolves into thousands of tiny red wisps of smoke that actually then just kind of morph and change into these small, then larger and larger crickets that are then all going to form a swarm and fly directly towards at the individual um and casting infestation. Okay, which is a wisdom. No, sorry. It's a constitution saving throw.
Casting Spells and Tactical Maneuvers
01:19:10
Speaker
15. Okay. Is it natural one? Excellent. He's going to take their four, uh, seven points of poison damage, poisoning, poisoning.
01:19:29
Speaker
Poison damage. Poison damage? Yeah. Is that a thing? It is. I feel really tired. Poison damage. But there is a another condition upon that. um The target message of consaving threat fails. It takes the poison damage and moves five feet in a random direction. It can move and it's as its speed. and its speed is at least five feet. Roll a d4 for the direction, one for north, two for south, three for east, four for west. Go for it. If it doesn't provoke opportunity attacks, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So that is going to be a three. I forgot what I said for it. West. No, south. He's going to... North, south, east, east. He's going east. East. He's going right. He can't go. He can't go southeast towards Reins. So Reins, you are now surrounded almost on all sides. Oh, brilliant.
01:20:15
Speaker
sort want Who hasn't gone yet? Sorry, Seth, anything else for you? Yeah, then I'd use a bit of movement to skedaddle down, ah not provoking any opportunities, but kind of moving so that I am closer to Reigns so I can support him, but kind of still within the melee yeah of the ah of the attackers, looking to try and get Reigns out of there. Okay, Nick, see you next up. What do you want to do? uh, Nick's just goes, Oh, why does this always happen to us as he kneels down? Cause he hasn't left the car. So he's going to kneel down from where he is. He's probably by the prisoner. You said me, but the car side of that.
01:20:56
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, I assumed that because we pull the prisoner and we've got a pie dart in front of the prisoner. You're between carts. Is that what you're thinking? Yeah, cool. I was never leaving the cart area because, like I said, I had no personal stake in Sleet Guard until now. So why has this always happened to us? As he kneels down on the cart one knee and he pulls off his hat and he dives another hand into his component pouch and he gets this crumbled up bit of coal and as he crumbles it up into his hat, there's this dark orb that starts to emanate from it and then it expands out from the hat and it smokes out as he casts darkness on the cart, on the cart, 15 foot radius fear. So it shrouds everyone who's near me and he's going to shout out, get on the cart. That's my go. Nice. Can you just write down that you're concentrating on darkness? Is that concentration? It is for 10 minutes. Okay, cool.
01:21:51
Speaker
And now we can't see out of it, can we? Correct. Yeah, I am completely blind. Yeah, sorry. I can't even... Reactionary, going for it. Okay. Bal, you want to go next? If I'm on top of the elephant, am I in the darkness or...? Nyx is 15 feet from the elephant. It's not on the elephant. No, you're good. Okay. Am I right in thinking that the archers are the ones that are off to kind of the... Yeah, on that raised ridge to the left. Amazing. Lip. Amazing in which case Baal is going to ah kind of with the legs astride the elephant ah basically kind of be channeling with his hands as well. You look like he's kind of breathing in. Imagine that like the balrog and Felishbeth the reed you know when it roars and it's just like a furnace in its mouth. Imagine that but with an inward breath and he's going to be as he's kind of doing that he's going to when he's kind of reached full breath just shout out kruhan verkcar valdradekorov
01:22:46
Speaker
and just spit this tiny little bead, flaming bead that just lands directly underneath the arches up on the hill. And from beneath them, the earth is just going to erupt. So third level. erupting earth. I need a deck save from um all of those archers while one of them is a bit too far away. ah Yeah. I'd say the DC is 15 to beat. Okay. They roll pretty well. I'm going to go top to bottom. It was a 17, a 10, a 17, a 21.
01:23:27
Speaker
Okay, one fails, yeah ah three succeed, which means the ones that succeed take nine points of bludgeoning damage. um The one that fails will take 18 points of bludgeoning damage. um And that area which I've marked out on roll 20 is now difficult terrain as well. um So it's it's basically that the bead of fire kind of lands in the the the sands, I suppose, beneath them and just erupts into this. And you also see this huge um explosion of earth. And then on all of those ah sort of sleek guardian pauldrons that the soldiers are wearing, there is this this glow of this mirroring, this this red and brown explosion. Thank you. Alpha, you haven't taken a turn. Rains, you haven't taken a turn.
01:24:20
Speaker
I think Alpha is going to kind of stumble out of the smoke screen a little bit. He's not going to know which way to go. I actually want to move a little bit just past Baal's fiery, erupted earth. And as I am doing sparks will be flying from me. Alpha is very angry that they shot at Trunks. If you want me, then you can come and get me. And I am going to cast ah my Thunderwave, which is a 15 foot square. So I'm going to stand at the front and just it's kind of going all around the yeah ball lava zone, but I can stand on the edge of it. So not hurting myself, but I'm not hurting Seth over there either. So I think I can find a nice spot here where I can do hit these bottom three with a Thunderwave. Okay, go for it.
01:25:23
Speaker
And clever looks it is a constitution ah saving throw on um all three as well. ah That is a nine, a 19 and a 10. Okay. So the 91 passes.
01:25:45
Speaker
So you only take half as much damage.
01:25:51
Speaker
So is it rounded up or down? The ones that failed take 17 points of thunder damage. Thank you very much. And are pushed 10 feet back.
01:26:07
Speaker
10 feet. And then yeah the one that passed, stayed where he is, but would still take eight points of thunder damage. Thank you very much for doing all of the maths for me as well. Great. most welcome Anything else with a turn alpha?
01:26:25
Speaker
ah Yeah, bonus action. I am going to activate beta as well. Wait, hang on. Let me. And then while you're activating him brains, do you want to do anything? Yes, I do. Reigns is, at this point, is going to just recoil um from being stabbed with the spear. He's going to have been the fury of that Sin Alpha, get out of the cart, and is realizing that this is a ah newfound danger. And without thinking, he's going to turn and move away, which will trigger a tax opportunity, I guess, from all four of them. um So I'll do that first.
01:27:15
Speaker
Okay, two of them have advantage on this. That's 22 on the first one. Hits. 19 on the second one. Hits. 23 on the third one. hits And a natural 20 on the fourth, Darren. Oh my gosh. Wow. Okay, so four hits, the fourth is a crit. I wouldn't move yet, you might might be might be on the floor.
01:27:44
Speaker
Okay, I'm just gonna combine this.
01:27:52
Speaker
That crit's gonna hurt. That is all gonna hurt. Luckily it was a one, no one that gets doubled. And then plus modifiers.
01:28:05
Speaker
Okay. So you take four spear prods, pokes, uh, for a combined damage of 29 points of piercing damage. You're still up. Yep. I'll take it to Dan. Thank you, Lord.
01:28:27
Speaker
Raines all of a sudden, it's just going to get to the point where he's in view of alpha and he's going to say,
01:28:34
Speaker
get back to the cart now and as he does that blood is just pouring from him. He is just i a seeping porous wreck of blood. um i'm going to use He's going to go his full 30 feet but I'll do that at the end of his turn and what he does is he's just going to turn around and the Rubik's Cube is going to rotate into the forearm on the glove and what's going to happen is, is that all of a sudden the Rubik's Cube is going to pulse and it's going to show the image of a spider and what Reigns is going to do is, um it will catch the four who have just stabbed him. i and it's So it's going to land in a 20-foot cube but importantly the edge of it is going to miss Seth.
01:29:21
Speaker
And I'm going to cast web on these people. four of them What's the save? The save is 15. Sorry, what's that? It's a deck save. Thank you.
01:29:38
Speaker
Fail, fail, pass, fail. OK. So what one of them will succeed. I'll let you pick which one. Yeah, so um the one that succeeds can be the one at the back in the middle. Are you going to let me pick? Yep. They are all restrained by the one who has failed. ah The entire surface counts as difficult to rain, so their movement is halved while they are in that. And as he does that, a bloody drain from his final bit of intuition just before he's he's on the verge of passing out.
01:30:23
Speaker
He's just going to say, I think that shit is flammable back in that direction to to whoever could hear it. um Yeah. It's got a good perception. Yeah, it is. Reigns is then ah going to move whatever the rest of his movement is to get behind probably the elephant in the first instance, just so he's behind some cover because Reigns is not in a good way. Okay, that's everyone's turn. There's a bonus action from Emron and there's a bonus action from Alpha. Go, go, go. Sorry, I just have to clarify. I'd said I'd use my bonus action for bringing my ah beta cannon to life. I can't use it as a bonus action, so I will have no more saying it. Thank you, Emron.
01:31:04
Speaker
rights ah Everyone stumbles out of the darkness, not knowing where it's come from. He heard check from Nix, stumbles off the cart. And then I'm going to cast my my spiritual weapon um to bring my spiritual weapon online. And they seem to have changed Roll 20. How do I draw objects? I found it, found it, found it. And I will summon my spiritual weapon just to the right of the soldier that's on the far south of the ridge. Okay. as a bonus action. And as a bonus action for me, sorry, I will just fall into bladesong, into bladesinger stance and Mongolians wrote singing. Just making note that you're doing that. Yeah, I have, yeah. How much? 25 to hit. That hits. And he will take 8 points of force damage.
01:31:56
Speaker
Sorry, well, I thought you could just, somebody didn't, he could hit us while I wouldn't have interrupted. Apologies, it's my fault for interrupting. It's the party have all taken all the turns, all movement actions and bonus actions. Wonderful. Okay. It's the top of the round. It's the sleek guardians turn. And the one that i' has been talking just announces he's here for King and country and lobs a spear.
Cliffhanger Ending
01:32:23
Speaker
He was holding in the direction of alpha.
01:32:28
Speaker
Before we know whether it hit, there is a eruption coming from somewhere.
01:32:41
Speaker
And that's where we're going to end this week's episode. fell a bustard why did you get off the car don't stop the cart but scott a yeah don't get off the cart keep the cart moving get on the cart is off the cart gotta join him oh look there's a big dragonborn titties oh i'm just gonna leave
01:33:08
Speaker
You would. You would for Dragonborn. You know it, you would. For some dritties. Please make a note of everything you're concentrating on, all the bonuses, etc. yeah yeah I can be my character. I hate to recap that shit. don't Wow, I tell you what. You're going to want to tune in and listen next week to what happens here. So please do so. And while I am here, to let me thank you for tuning in this week and making this a part of your lives. We'd love you for it. If you wanted to do something with the podcast where you can find out, poke us or update yourselves on something that's going on. We have an X page, which is at fellowship table. And if you want to go one step over and follow us individually, you can do so too. I'm at iWorlda1, Alpha Willis at.
01:34:01
Speaker
Natural 20 well. Were you sure? but I was muted so I had to, you know. I'm better, Will is at. Well, I'll be out for next time. ah Fellowship NPC PC. Darren's at. Darren Peugeot 6. Mark is at. Hasteler all DM. Kyloam is at. The D20 Gamer. And our wonderfully illustrious, awesome DM can be found at. Total Party Thrills. Until next time, guys. Farewell.