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Episode 14: Rule Breakers Series: Rewriting the Wedding Playbook with Kate Faoro Wright
59 Plays1 year ago
In this episode of our Rule Breakers series, we sit down with Kate Faoro Wright of Tapestry Events—a wedding planner who’s flipping the script on tradition. Instead of leading with over-the-top design or trends, Kate is boldly couple-forward—crafting celebrations rooted in the people, not just the Pinterest boards. We explore how she challenges industry norms, redefines success, and builds weddings that actually feel like the people getting married. If you're curious what it looks like to design with meaning over metrics, this one's for you.
If you resonated with Kate's method, be sure to grab her DIY Planning tools:
https://www.tapestryeventco.com/diy-planning-tools
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Kate and Tapestry Event Co.
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everybody. hi Welcome to our ah Rule Followers podcast today. um We're very excited. We have a guest with us. It's Kate from Tapestry Event Co. She is the creative director and lead planner there and we're just really pumped to have you.
00:00:21
Speaker
So thank you for joining us.
Breaking Wedding Industry Norms with Kate
00:00:24
Speaker
for um For those that don't know, we want to introduce some people that are sort of rule breakers in their own industries and can give us sort of a unique perspective on different things. So Kate's going to give us...
00:00:41
Speaker
some cool perspectives on the wedding industry today. We're really excited and specifically wedding planning.
Rapid-Fire Questions with Kate
00:00:48
Speaker
So we're pumped about it. But I wanted to start with some rapid fire questions to just sort of throw you completely off your game.
00:00:58
Speaker
i'm ready. <unk> I'm ready for the unknown. ah great Okay. So first one, if you could banish one wedding trend forever, what would it be?
00:01:09
Speaker
Oh man, like these are going to be tough. One wedding trend forever. i have so many answers, but if I had to pick one, it would be the garter toss.
00:01:23
Speaker
I mean, granted my clients don't really do this at all. So it's not something I am necessarily confronted with in my work on a regular basis. Man, the garter toss is just forever patriarchal cringe for me. Yes. So,
00:01:40
Speaker
Agreed. Okay. This one's easy. Cake or donuts at a wedding reception?
00:01:49
Speaker
IMO donuts, mostly because I see a lot of cake and cake is delicious and cake is incredible and and cake art is amazing. But like there is something nostalgic about like the donuts that got brought to class because you're whole class accomplished some kind of goal and it was the reward and you're an elementary school and you're living your best life donuts just do that for me yes i love that i completely agree um favorite reality tv show but this is this is where i'm gonna get judged
00:02:24
Speaker
Not at all. No, it's it's it's funny because it's so out of line with my whole personality that when my closest friends find this out about me, they're like, what? what And they refuse to believe it until I tell them things about this show that they're like, only someone who's seen every episode would know that.
00:02:43
Speaker
And it's Keeping Up With The Kardashians. and No. Okay. I am actually shocked. Yeah.
00:02:53
Speaker
What the heck? So here's my spiel real quickly because I always feel the need to justify this. need justification. In every episode, I have watched them since I was a youth.
00:03:05
Speaker
And once you get, it's literally the sunk cost fallacy. Once you get in like a certain point to knowing about their lives, it's like you just can't stop, which I think is what really good reality TV is. It's like something drives you forward even though you have this cognitive dissonance that like...
00:03:22
Speaker
significant elements of this are trash. ah Maybe not good for the human population. And for me, that's the Kardashians.
Kate's Love for Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and Karaoke
00:03:29
Speaker
I'm so deep in and it's and I think it's why they keep going to it's like they know people have seen so much of their lives or what they choose to project about their lives and are like so fully invested in this whole family is like long tail story That like once you're in the cult of the Kardashians, there is no, there's no getting out. You just can't. And I am, I'm in the cult, guess.
00:03:52
Speaker
ah Do I agree with everything they do? No. Do I frequent their businesses? No. Like, do I support them in any other way other than consuming, keeping up with the Kardashians?
00:04:03
Speaker
Absolutely not. But I will say counterpoint to my own self. There are some really incredible facets of some of their individual personalities and they are really smart business people in some aspects. So there's also that business part of my brain that sometimes it's like, oh, there's a glimmer of hope somewhere in here. Yeah.
00:04:20
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I'm shook. So, yeah, I'm going to need three to five business days to like recover oh not yourself. So I did. I really, really did.
00:04:34
Speaker
OK. What's the last book that you read? I am currently reading and like so close to done um with the series of books that silo the television show based off of I'm like a big sci fi nerd a little dash of fantasy in there but that's my my genre of choice before bed ah And that book series, if you've seen the show, like you have an idea of some of the things that go on, but the book is just so much more elaborate and conspiratorial and it jumps into different timelines.
00:05:09
Speaker
It is so good. I highly recommend Love that. That that show was so trippy. So trippy. So trippy. The twist at the end of the first season was insane. Yeah. Well, the book, even more.
People-Centric Wedding Planning
00:05:23
Speaker
the books, I should say. It's a three book series. Go to karaoke song.
00:05:30
Speaker
Zombie. I love it. I love it love so much. I love it more when I have someone else who's going to like headbang with me up there. And I'm not a good singer. So it fits my vocal range quite well to just like get really into character and sell the physical appearance of the song and just like jam out to it. But nothing tops that for me.
00:05:50
Speaker
i love that. um If you weren't a wedding planner, what's your alternate universe dream job? I'm a Gemini. So like my answers can always go into like a few different personality buckets at any given time.
00:06:03
Speaker
ah But I would say leaning more into my interest in public service is probably like the realistic version of me answer the real world version being some sort of maybe like Even in these dark and troubled times, ah being some sort of like state representative ah or or something of that ilk feels like.
00:06:25
Speaker
a different path and manifestation of the life that I'm living right now. i like that. Yeah. Okay. Finish this sentence. Every wedding needs blank.
00:06:37
Speaker
Joy. Love that. Yeah. What a good transition. Okay. So we're going to dig into it. Kate, what inspired you to focus more on intentional people centric weddings as opposed to maybe more removed, more, I like, i don't want to say traditional really, because I don't necessarily know that there's like just the one way to wedding plan, but what, what helped you focus on being intentional, being people centric?
00:07:10
Speaker
Yeah. So I think there's a lot of roots into it in what came before planning weddings for me, because I never grew up and was like, I'm going to become a wedding planner.
00:07:22
Speaker
Something that kind of just happened through a marriage of friendships that I had being introduced to the industry and planning my own wedding and kind of just like continuing to tug on that thread of following, ah people that I thought in business treated people really well industries that I thought, um, were really impactful on the human experience.
00:07:47
Speaker
Um, And also ah really strong, I've always been drawn to spaces where There are women in positions of leadership. So before this, you know, I was in a little bit more of like the yoga and wellness space full time. And I was drawn to that space for all of those exact same reasons. um Yeah. And before that, I was very much preparing myself for a full time career in public service and very like people focused work. um And when I entered the wedding industry after kind of like those two roots coming beforehand, I was really struck by
00:08:21
Speaker
by how often the planning process revolved around aesthetics and checklists and keeping up with trends rather than actually focusing on like the two people getting married and what they valued.
00:08:34
Speaker
So for me, it was really easy to draw on those roots in like public service and the wellness space to keep the focus on the people and then to build a wedding planning experience with that as the core instead of getting pulled into all of these outside areas influences and other driven reasons for creating a wedding.
00:08:53
Speaker
um Yeah. So I would say that was like kind of the primary driver for me taking a little bit more of a people centric approach. um I also just personally believe that weddings are one of the more personal and profound milestones in a person's life.
00:09:10
Speaker
ah And as a result, they deserve to be deeply reflective of the company's values and their relationship and their community. um That should be the core because that is also what's going to carry them into a successful marriage with the same support of those loved ones surrounding them and helping them move through the chapters that come after a wedding day.
00:09:33
Speaker
um So I guess all that to say, I definitely naturally gravitated towards a planning approach that prioritizes how people feel over how things look.
00:09:46
Speaker
um And I think that's something that we ask our clients to reflect on time and again. Like, what story are you telling? How can you make sure everyone present feels seen and loved and a part
Aligning Clients with Intentional Wedding Values
00:09:58
Speaker
of that story? And how do we build a celebration around that as your focal point?
00:10:02
Speaker
Do you find that the clients that find you are pretty like right away just on board with that? Or do you end up ever running into like... resistance or like they come in like more like design heavy and then you're like, let's bring it back to the people that are, you know, like, do you find what do you find there?
00:10:23
Speaker
um I find that most of the people who actually make it to applying to work with us are very on board with that approach. It's something that actually stands out that resonates with them. And it's something that they really appreciate in contrast to maybe what they're seeing in other areas of the wedding industry or other approaches that wedding planners are putting forth on their websites. So, and and we were kind of like require that they be aligned with that since it is such like a core principle and we literally built our own planning experience around that as the core. So in order for them to be happy with the process of working with us, they definitely need to be on that same page. um And we offer a lot of kind of like
00:11:02
Speaker
Ongoing support and coaching around staying focused on that as we move through through the relationship. I'm so realistic that there are lots of things out in the world that are going to draw someone away from that focus.
00:11:16
Speaker
And that also it's not wrong to... have an eye for aesthetics or to be drawn towards lovely design like that. Those two things don't have to sit in conflict with each other.
00:11:28
Speaker
But I think it's when the aesthetics and design and the desires of others start to supersede the couple's values. You see them get lost. You see them start to kind of like swirl and lose interest.
00:11:41
Speaker
their anchor and question why they're even taking on something like this in the first place. And so there's a lot that I do throughout the process of working with our clients at Tapestry to make sure that they're staying grounded in those items, that we have the space to discuss when those feelings are coming up to, um to be able to strike the balance, uh, between aesthetics and like a deep, rich, meaningful decision-making.
00:12:08
Speaker
So there's, there's definitely room for all of it in the process, but I would say having your priorities anchored, you know, here's, here's where we're operating from as our like shared base. And then we can layer other pieces on top that appeal to us as long as they align with that foundation is ah is a successful way of approaching it for our clients.
00:12:28
Speaker
Can you give some examples from a real wedding of ways that you guys have really brought that intentionality and that like people centric focus to a wedding, like an actual wedding day? Let's say a couple really prioritizes the outdoors adventure and having experiences in nature.
00:12:51
Speaker
We work into their weekend schedule. How do we create opportunities for people to join you in that space that you enjoy? So maybe it's like a hosted morning kayak session the day of your wedding. um Instead of getting up at seven in the morning and having a huge you know hair and makeup getting ready schedule, it's like...
00:13:11
Speaker
How can we actually either minimize that or consolidate that to fit in proportion in your day in a way that feels good and open up more space before that to connect with nature, connect with your people in nature, be able to enjoy the environment you're choosing to celebrate in um and let that energy kind of like lead you into the day.
00:13:31
Speaker
So and we work with a fair number of clients where um they're celebrating in like retreat style locations or a Pacific Northwest destination locations. locations where that kind of activity is available to them. And it's such a waste to miss it. Right. Because that's why they're choosing to celebrate
Balancing Traditional and Modern Wedding Elements
00:13:50
Speaker
there. Like they're going to that place and then to be stuck in a room or to be stuck doing obligatory activities that don't feel like like you And to miss all of that connection time with your people just feels like a loss and a big ah a big error in in the why of doing this. So that's an example kind of for our more outdoorsy retreatsy people. And then there are some clients we work with where, um you know, their wedding is a little bit more production forward. so maybe there's performances or there's multiple kinds of musical acts. And what they're trying to do is they're trying to show their guests that
00:14:28
Speaker
The elements and features of where they live that they love and enjoy. They're trying to give their guests like the fanciest date night that they would personally enjoy going on and trying to really gift them an experience and a combination of things they enjoy. And so.
00:14:42
Speaker
um Sometimes we take on weddings, usually day weddings, where it's a very production forward. The vendor team can be quite large for those, but it's really trying to give an entertainment experience that aligns with what the couple enjoys doing for fun, um usually in the city, um and translating that into like just a really smooth guest experience where they can just...
00:15:02
Speaker
enter and enjoy and don't have to think too much about the proceedings of the day. And with that, you have to take a lot of emphasis off of tradition, like really heavy tradition, right? Like the expectations of family members, especially if there are multiple cultures at play, it's like, okay, definitely making sure that we are um honoring those cultures and traditions in the way that you want to, but that the the weight of it um is not...
00:15:30
Speaker
overriding the type of maybe more modernized experience that you want to give people. That's so interesting that you would bring that up, Kate. So I just got back from second shooting a wedding in Cancun. Okay.
00:15:43
Speaker
And it was... Very hot. yeah um But something that myself and the first shooter Jackie talked about is like we literally we showed up at the venue 11 to do like location scouting. We picked every spot for like first look family. that did did And we started shooting at about.
00:16:03
Speaker
twelve thirty We did not sit down for a break until 830 at night. And even then the planner was like, are you sure? like do you need to sit?
00:16:14
Speaker
um And I would say like Jackie and I were just like, wow, this couple has not had time to just sit down and like witness what is happening in front of them. Yeah. And it was so interesting because like in a way it was this mix of wanting to do so many popular Western traditions. Like we now have like champagne towers. We now have dress changes. We now have, you know, ah multiple entrances. And then we um they also had they were a Vietnamese couple.
00:16:47
Speaker
So one of their traditions is you go to every single table and you have a shot with them. Wow. And there were 12 tables. So i hope some of those were water. Yes. So some of them were, I think. And then like, I guess the tradition is you can also have like your backup person, like your best man can take a shot for you. So you can like get to beat it up.
00:17:05
Speaker
Yeah. But quite literally, like, it was just nonstop. And then we didn't depart from the wedding until 1130. So 11 hours of nonstop go go, go, go, go. And like, I was just like, this is...
00:17:23
Speaker
It was such a beautiful wedding. And I think that that type of wedding aligns very much with like what's happening in our industry in terms of like publication worthiness. Like it very showy. yes um But I don't necessarily know if like personally, if I'm like, oh, I don't know I would want that. Like, um I mean, thankfully it was a destination wedding. So I'm assuming that they had other touch points with their guests. But like really, they did not get to hang out with their guests until the dance floor.
00:17:51
Speaker
Wow. It's and it's tough. I think you're right. There's a very traditional model, especially if it has a lot of Western driven components to it, where it's like, here is here. I don't you know, we all know the template. We've all been to those weddings. Like here is the run of show. Here's the order of events.
00:18:07
Speaker
Here's how things happen. And then the couple gets spit out into open dancing and they can finally be like. free to socialize. And one of the one of the shifts that I made, I think, pretty early on in wedding planning was going from like that more kind of expectations driven script into a more experiential framework of what does the stay look like from the couple's perspective? And then what does it look like from the guest perspective? And that helps couples, I think, kind of exit from the heaviness of those traditions and expectations and really makes them consider like moment to moment, how am I spending my day?
00:18:42
Speaker
and am I enjoying it? Do I have the energy for what's going on? um It's just a little bit more thoughtful than an approach, but it's a shift. And I have to kind of almost like draw each couple into that new framework because it's so easy to follow the template, right?
Breaking Free from Wedding Templates
00:18:58
Speaker
There's a lot less thought and decision-making that needs to happen if you just drop yourself into that template, copy, paste, paste,
00:19:03
Speaker
Take it out the door. Ready. Go. um But I think one of the things I observed really early on when I was operating a little bit more from that space was that the couple would get spit out into that end of day and be like, what just happened?
00:19:17
Speaker
hah And like I saw the looks on their faces of like, I think I got the wedding day i wanted. We did all the things we said we wanted to do. But like. not the true, ecstatic, joy, overwhelm, feeling really, like that just seemed to be missing in a pretty significant way. And that made me go back and reconsider the entire way that I schedule a wedding day and how I approach that. Cause I was like, that doesn't seem correct. that that I feel like we can do better here. Yeah.
00:19:46
Speaker
So, i mean, you're obviously happy having to help your couples get into that space for yourself as your... Was it like a muscle you had to exercise to like brainstorm, like come up with ideas like, okay, you could go kayaking, you could go do this.
00:20:01
Speaker
Because I feel like even for, you know, Sarah and I, we talk a lot about like... as photographer videographer, like we'll go into a wedding day and you kind of get on autopilot a little bit kind of what you're saying, like, it's easy to just go with the template.
00:20:16
Speaker
So I imagine that there is a little bit of like, okay, no, I need to like stop and I need to like, what can I do to think outside the box a little bit? Is that something that you still have to do? Or is it more like natural at this point? Do you think?
00:20:30
Speaker
It definitely feels a little more natural at this point because I have so many examples to point to and like different ways I've approached it in the past um that I can share with couples where they can go, oh, I can see myself in that example.
00:20:44
Speaker
Or if we're building it from scratch, um one of the things I do in the beginning of working with a client is I have a couple of questionnaires that write. send them that are trying to get to know them and their lives and their preferences outside of the wedding space. And then I have that to draw on to then create something that's a a fit for who they actually are as people inside of the wedding space. And I do that early because I want that fresh brain space of I'm not yet just like mentally living in the wedding and wedding based answers. Yeah.
00:21:18
Speaker
all of the time. So I'd say between the two, having lots of examples to draw on and actually getting to know very deeply and richly things about their lives outside of weddings, we're able to naturally pull that together now. But it definitely, it took, you know, putting together those questionnaires from scratch, figuring out how to do that definitely has taken, taken time and a lot of reps to do it successfully.
00:21:42
Speaker
what Going off of what you're talking about, Kate, I think what is so refreshing is like I think so talking about like trends and what's happening, at least from like my perspective as a photographer is like everyone is now getting into this like, oh, I want the candid moments. I want these candid things to happen. Yeah.
00:21:58
Speaker
And unless they are taking the perspective shift that you're coming from of like, how do I want to feel in this day? Like, what do I want to experience?
00:22:11
Speaker
That's where I feel like as photographer as a photographer, I notice that the day becomes one big photo shoot if they're not thinking values first. Because What a lot of couples don't understand is like if you want candid, natural reactions, interaction photos, you have to have time to naturally interact with your people and your guests and to like be in the environment that you're in. And I think it's so interesting because like it kind of feels like a duh moment. But a lot of people don't.
00:22:41
Speaker
it It takes that you have to click it for them. like You have to get them into that space to be like, oh, This is how I want to feel. This is what I want my imagery to look like. So I do have to like reverse engineer what is this day going to be and and get out of that cycle of like the template, the the the loop.
00:22:59
Speaker
Yeah. Going through the motions, running at a pace. Absolutely. I agree. And I think, too, a big a big factor in this day and age especially is. Just slowing things down for me, like I unless it's a more production forward wedding um and that's kind of like the goal of the wedding.
00:23:17
Speaker
um Unless it's one of those, oftentimes I'm sitting with my couples on the second or third kind of review of the timeline and you know, asking how how do we slow this down or.
00:23:28
Speaker
What can we take out? How can we edit this? And I think that's another um important aspect of creating a date that gives them the space to have natural feelings and to be really engaged and to enjoy it instead of just going through the motions and getting spit out on the other end. I love that because I think, oh, sorry, Jamie.
00:23:49
Speaker
ah it this i I love that because as vendors, like like for for Jamie and I, as people who have to create art around a person's wedding day, it is so nice for us also as creatives to have that breathing space to be like, what am I witnessing?
00:24:07
Speaker
What is happening in this area? Like, what are the dynamics? What are the relationships, the small moments that are all part of the tapestry of this wedding day? And so, yeah, like i adore that. I wish that more planners thought about it that way as like, how do we slow it down? Because truly, it's not an experience unless you're actually present in it.
00:24:31
Speaker
Yeah. And like, what if we took this approach of quality over quantity? Like, what what would that do to your wedding day? Instead of having to fit in all of the ideas and trends and things that you've seen that may or may not have been passed through the filter of do I value this?
Navigating Wedding Trends and Budget Realities
00:24:47
Speaker
And does this speak true to me? What if we like set all that aside and instead picked three to five key moments and feelings where we could just let you be in them?
00:24:59
Speaker
And then also have the mechanics of a wedding. Like if social media didn't exist, like if Instagram wasn't here, what would you be doing at your wedding? i think that yeah would totally rock some people's worlds.
00:25:11
Speaker
Oh, for sure. that Same with Pinterest. You're so radical, you guys. my God. Meta and Pinterest are going to come after us now. But like if those two platforms didn't exist, people would be making...
00:25:24
Speaker
very different decisions about their weddings. And I'd be really interested to see what that world at large looked like. Yeah. So talk a little bit about that. What, where do you see the biggest pressure?
00:25:38
Speaker
Like, are you, I mean, your couples come to you because they know kind of your approach. Right. But I'm sure you still see people getting pressured by Instagram moments or like trends.
00:25:52
Speaker
Like, where do you, where do you see that coming into play the most? Yeah, I so I I don't think social media is the devil's work, right? Like, I think that there is good and bad to most human creations in this world.
00:26:06
Speaker
um And a lot of the time it's in how humans actually use it. ah And I think that social media can be great for the. the ah the unlimited sharing of ideas, right? Like there are ideas for free. There's inspiration for free available on these platforms at any given time of day.
00:26:28
Speaker
And that spread of ideas that almost like democratization of ideas is at its core, a pretty incredible thing. But when it gets used to pressure couples into spending more money, to creating unrealistic expectations, to making couples feel less than that's when it starts to get really icky for lack of a better term. um And I think that if if a couple is mindfully engaging with a platform in the pursuit of ideas and passing it through the filter of, is this for me?
00:27:00
Speaker
Does it actually like deeply resonate with something that I want for myself? Then I think that's a really great use of that idea machine. um But it's so easy. We've all experienced it In any area of our life, it's so easy to get drawn into feeling less than, not enough, outsized expectations meets reality. Like all of those things that can feel really negative as a result of being on those platforms.
00:27:26
Speaker
And actually have a really great... Example from chatting with a client yesterday in a planning meeting. Yeah. So we were, they, um you know, they interviewed two florists.
00:27:37
Speaker
Both are incredible florists. Both put together amazing designs. Both put together proposals right on budget. Like all the things are correct. So we're deciding at the margin, which is often happening with my clients.
00:27:48
Speaker
We're deciding at the margin on who to hire. It's really tricky. It's not apples and oranges. It's like oranges and nectarines over here and both are juicy and ripe and ready to go. So they're having a really hard time with this decision. And this um client in particular said, like, I don't think she realized how insightful this was. But I was like, oh, my God, like could you say that again for the people in the back?
00:28:10
Speaker
She was like, you know, I really like the design of, let's say, florist A. I really like the design that Florist A put together a lot more. But Florist is able to do a little bit more with the budget that we have. And her design is good as well.
00:28:26
Speaker
I don't know if I need floral art in my wedding. Like I can see and appreciate that florist A is putting together something artful that I've never seen before that is incredible that would be great to have at my wedding.
00:28:38
Speaker
But is it more important for us to have kind of more of the full checklist of items, including something that like was really important to her partner to include that florist A wouldn't be able to include on the contract? And that distinction of like, do I need floral art at my wedding put so poignantly?
00:28:57
Speaker
i was like, whoa, just had to like sit and be quiet For a second. ah Cause I was like, I can't tell you the answer to that question. You know, like I can't tell you, yes, you need the floral art or yes, you need the coverage. I can kind of help guide guide this conversation for you to make the decision that is correct for you.
00:29:14
Speaker
But I think a lot of people get caught up in that. Oh my gosh, that aspirational, like one of a kind, seeing all of this inspiration must have something trendy, new, unique, um,
00:29:27
Speaker
And not having it grounded in, is it on budget? Is it achievable? Is it workable for the event? And I think it's really easy to just, it's really easy to get caught up in the aspirational side of things. I think that is the dark side of the wedding industry, especially on social. It's like, it's really, really tricky. And so to have that client backup step and be like, wait, do I need that?
00:29:47
Speaker
I was like, whew, emotional intelligence exuding off of you. I'm here for it. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:58
Speaker
um Are there any particular trends that have like been haunting you that people have been like bringing up over and over and over again from social media? Okay, need my 2025 clients to stop listening for the next 30 seconds.
00:30:13
Speaker
Okay. la la um And no shade on this at all. The one tapestry is currently grappling with is the trend of like the clean white tablecloth reception aesthetic with kind of like the little bit more chaotic approach to the table styling.
00:30:31
Speaker
And it's not that it's bad. I think it's a very fun, cute, cheeky trend. It's just that it is such a pervasive trend that we have so much white tablecloth in 2025.
00:30:43
Speaker
And despite my best efforts to try and like encourage people to like think outside the box and like take different approach, like it's just, it is, once it's, it seems like this is one of those trends that once it's in there, it cannot be supplanted. So we have a fair amount of that going on in 2025 and don't get me wrong. It's going to look classic. It's going to look cream clean. We're taking everyone, each person has their own take on it. So it's not necessarily a monoculture, but like Let's just say I'm taking on more styled shoots than usual this year because I just need some color in my face right now.
00:31:17
Speaker
that's how I felt uh don't I don't think it was this last season maybe the season before where like literally every wedding I was at was white and green florals yep and I was like there are only so many ways to do this my friends like it's too much totally it's also it's such a balance too because when I like kind of tamper that in myself when I go okay Kate like what are we really getting worked up about over here it's because I am seeing know like I'm leading 14 weddings in a year right so if seven or more are white tablecloth driven to me that is a lot but to the client this is their only wedding it's their day yeah yeah I totally know perspective back
00:32:00
Speaker
It'll just be so interesting to see how the wedding trends continue, if that makes sense. Because i also think like to to bring it to like a totally different topic, I also think that there's this huge division line now in the wedding industry that like there's like this ultra luxury trendy aesthetic and price point that is happening.
00:32:23
Speaker
And then there is a lot of like, much more mid budget weddings. And like, there is just this large gap that is growing deeper and deeper.
00:32:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:38
Speaker
used to booking that mid-market range or premmier range are really having a hard time at least from a different vendor's perspective um because you either like that it's like the it's like america them
00:32:52
Speaker
That's what I was going to say. The middle class of weddings is disappearing. like The middle class of weddings is disappearing. So people are having to choose whether they go up here and succumb to the pressure and da-da-da-da-da unless you're so already rich and you have that money and that's great.
00:33:11
Speaker
Or you have to like... be like you have to make a lot of sacrifices to have a wedding because a wedding I believe and across the board weddings have become a truly luxury item even if your wedding isn't deemed luxury it is a fuck ton of money to throw at one-day event and I like my husband and I we spent around $28,000 on our wedding like nine years ago there is no way we could do that wedding again for that same amount No, same boat. I got married in 2017. We people at our wedding. It was a day wedding, like an hour outside of the city of Seattle. So a little bit more kind of like rural.
00:33:50
Speaker
We were in our like upper mid twenties. You know, we had help from our parents because we were at the stage we were at and our parents are lovely human beings. But like we threw that wedding.
00:34:01
Speaker
was a great family style dinner, like lovely floral, all this stuff for $35,000.
00:34:08
Speaker
And I could maybe figure out how to help someone today in Seattle. Well, it would be outside of Seattle, but i could maybe help someone figure out how to do a thirty five thousand dollar wedding for two hundred people. But it would be hard to do.
00:34:23
Speaker
And like that is the reality of where we live and it's the reality of how. um quickly costs have risen in the last two eight years. um How quickly for where we live, you know, the the cost of living has particularly gone up. These service providers also need to survive and have housing and all of that. So it's been a a pretty wild jump since I started and it's been pretty wild to observe. Yeah. Yeah.
00:34:50
Speaker
Well, this is a great transition because I do want to talk about budget. Let's do it. Okay. so I would love to hear your process that you go through with couples and then we can kind of break it down from there in terms of budget specifically.
00:35:05
Speaker
Yeah. So... I think that this is the biggest gray area people have when planning a wedding. And it it occurs at any budget level that I work with. And for context, you know, in 2025, we have weddings that are operating with a budget $60,000 and we have weddings that are operating with a budget of $300,000. And we love working in that spread because because it's it's fun to be able to provide a high quality service to people who have lots of different needs and operate in different spaces. Our process still applies to that like broader range of audience, which is fun. But I would say the budget process feels equally murky. Yeah.
00:35:53
Speaker
and to someone with a $60,000 budget and someone with a $300,000 budget. And so we spend a lot of time early in the relationship getting clear on their budget. um You know, we obviously go into the relationship knowing what their target budget is.
00:36:07
Speaker
If we didn't, we couldn't ethically take them on as clients and say, yes, like we can deliver what it is you want with the resources you have. So we generally have like a beginning target that often is flexible in some ways. And they know there's some discovery that needs to happen around the specifics.
00:36:23
Speaker
And then in the first few planning meetings where we work with our clients, we are doing a really thorough vetting of who they want to hire, what that vision looks like, and then attaching with our knowledge an estimate of what that costs in the market that they're celebrating in. And so usually by meeting number three, we have a very flushed out budget for what their vision will cost in real life.
00:36:49
Speaker
And from there, it's a conversation of, How do we prioritize your hires to make sure that we are hiring both the most urgent and important from a wedding standpoint, but also your highest value people first and your highest impact on the wedding day people first. um And then moving kind of like down the phases of hiring um with an eye for flexibility if we need to be flexible.
00:37:15
Speaker
um You know, if you ah overspend a little bit, quote unquote, overspend, on your photographer or on your florist, what are the areas that follow that are of less value to you and are less integral to the wedding day that we can be a little more economical with?
00:37:31
Speaker
I think especially with budgets that exist kind of more toward the lower end of who we work with, it's really important to take that approach and just have a really open conversation um as you go through the hiring process of the implications of if you choose this year, like what kind of a shift do we make over here?
00:37:50
Speaker
Yeah. So what are some of the biggest roadblocks that you see people run into when it comes to the budget process? I think that I think first I run into a fair bit of surprise when people learn what their vision costs.
00:38:06
Speaker
I think that's always kind of like a first reality check of, oh, I didn't realize that I had vision. $30,000 taste in floral and maybe ah yeah a reasonable amount in your budget, depending on your number, obviously, but maybe a more reasonable and proportional amount to spend on a floral is actually $15,000.
00:38:22
Speaker
fifteen thousand dollars So it's having a conversation of, okay how do we either, how do we land where you want to land somewhere in that range and find the funds from elsewhere?
00:38:34
Speaker
Or how do we kind of peel back to what's important and still accomplish the vision that you have, but more strategically? ah so I think that is kind of the first moment of, oh, got it.
00:38:47
Speaker
And that's usually the biggest one with my clients. They they usually calibrate pretty quickly. And then it's relatively smooth sailing moving forward. um Every once in a while, we get surprised with a quote from a vendor where costs went up really staggeringly in the last year, and right? Like I estimated in one spot and it turns out something has changed um and their quote comes in significantly higher. i haven't seen that quite yet with the economic uncertainty we're currently living in, but I anticipate that that could be a factor.
Educating Clients on Wedding Costs
00:39:24
Speaker
i think especially 2025 moving into
00:39:28
Speaker
um So it's something I have my eye on. But I think that's something where when an unexpected number comes in, often you then have to have a conversation um and figure out again, where that sits. Do we need to find?
00:39:40
Speaker
Other quotes, is it specific to this vendor? do we need to get resourceful? Do we need to to rethink our approach? um But all is pretty solvable through just like clear communication. Well, I was going back to our ah talk about like trends and like what's happening. I love that you called out that like people are like, oh, I have a very expensive taste in this category.
00:40:02
Speaker
um and I think that that's one thing that... A lot of these wedding websites like The Knot, WeddingWire, everyone who writes out what your vendor should cost you if you have X budget, which has always been total bullshit. Like, let's just be honest.
00:40:19
Speaker
But it's fascinating when people just are not... um if they're not in this world, it is just, they are just mind blown at the cost of things.
00:40:30
Speaker
Like I remember, so we were also very fortunate that my parents helped us with our wedding. And so um my dad gave us $8,000 and he thought that that would cover the entire wedding.
00:40:42
Speaker
And I was a wedding photographer at the time. And I'm like, dad, do you know how much I charge at a wedding? Like, I love you so much, but like there was, I mean, his wedding he had done in the eighties. Like it didn't like he, so like, it's just, it's so funny. And especially now where we have like influencers who were like talking to their planners and their vendors and they're like, oh, exposure. And then they're getting all this extra added to their wedding for free, which is also skewing the perspective of like, what does this actually cost? Totally. Yeah.
00:41:18
Speaker
So much of my job is education, which I love. Like, I love that I kind of get to take an educational seat and tell people about how things work or how price points come together and, you know, help them realize that for the folks that at least I have the pleasure of working with.
00:41:36
Speaker
that those costs are very well founded. You know, it's like, this is giving this person a very like reasonable, non-extravagant quality of life. It's sustaining a business. It's sustaining employees. It's giving you a great product.
00:41:49
Speaker
um And i like I think one of the things I not so secretly love about this industry is there's always more to learn. Like I love learning new things. I love getting into the nitty gritty. I love having a deep and rich understanding of how things work. And so when clients maybe have objections along those lines or or there's a disconnect between... what something costs and what their expectation was, and they want to understand better about that gap, I'm able to step in and give them that perspective and help generate that understanding. um So that way it doesn't come through into the vendor relationship in a way that it doesn't really need to.
00:42:27
Speaker
Right. um And I think that's something that I enjoy doing for my vendors as well as kind of being a educational buffer, right? Between them and the clients so that the full brunt isn't necessarily being presented to them and in their inboxes when it does come up and I can help generate a little bit more understanding and ease and kind of like grease the relationship in a really honest way and where everyone feels like they're OK choosing each other moving forward.
00:42:52
Speaker
Mm hmm. Well, and one of the reasons that like I love you and I just respect you so much as a planner, too, is I see how much care you have taken in like respecting people's budgets and finding ways to like.
00:43:12
Speaker
hierarchically put like their wedding day in perspective and just respecting that budget whereas like we we know Sarah and I know planners that are which maybe I should cut this up like we know planners that are like constantly pushing people on their budget or constantly trying to like pull more to the design aspect and it's like such a skewed and on I just think wrong, like a way of approaching somebody's wedding day. Yeah. Well, it's it's coming from a value.
00:43:47
Speaker
it is coming from a planner's value, not the client's value. So like there is a need, and like a fundamental shift of philosophy that needs to happen for people who operate their businesses like that. It's the same thing for photographers and videographers who push planners or push the client to have more extravagant things because we desire to shoot pretty things. But like, there's story and there's ability to craft and create out of out of anything, as long as you're managing expectations. I think that from a different perspective when I, you know, 2021, 2022, our boom years, you know, when COVID was lifting and we were all like drinking from the fire hose, it got, it got really hard when people started seeing these extravagant weddings and then the, like looking at the budget that they had and then expecting videographers and photographers to make it look like, um,
00:44:42
Speaker
that high end budget because honestly as a creative it was extremely exhausting and draining to be the highest paid vendor in the room and trying to make mountains out of molehills like it was this weird issue and so like think there's been like an overcorrection um I don't know it's an overcorrection, but I will say like for me, I think the burnout factor is what I'm getting to of like, it took me ah switching my perspective of being like value first for the client, what is important to them.
00:45:16
Speaker
And that allowed me to kind of like see past my own ego of like, oh my God, they want me to make this look like a Kardashian wedding. And it's that dairy land in Snohomish, you know what i mean? Sure. Yeah.
00:45:28
Speaker
So speaking to the point of these planners that are putting their values first. And their portfolio first. Yeah. it's it's yeah I think once you drop the ego and really remind yourself why we're even in this fucking business right or why we should be in this business is because we all should be people-centric. Totally.
00:45:49
Speaker
Couldn't agree more. it's um It's interesting always to learn like the motivations behind why other planners... exist, operate, do things, right? Like, you know, i think a lot of us get into this because we are more service driven people and we are very people centric at our core where we have a passion for hospitality.
00:46:10
Speaker
um And some people get into it because they want a big educational platform or it evolves into that space or, you know, they evolve into wanting to do luxury weddings and all of a sudden the portfolio becomes more important than the people.
00:46:26
Speaker
I've always been really clear for myself and my team that like we are here to support our couples, that their financial well-being during this process, but also like starting their marriage is one of the most important things that we can protect as planners and that we should let that be a driver of the decisions that we make in the planning experience.
00:46:53
Speaker
I firmly believe that If you're a great planner at almost any budget, you can make a really freaking cool wedding happen. And it can still look beautiful and joyful and emotive and personalized, right? Like you you have unbound creativity that you can tap into.
00:47:13
Speaker
Definitely with fewer financial resources, there's a little bit more muscle. That has to go into making that happen a little bit more creativity or even like, let's say you're a planner with really great boundaries, a little extra coaching to help couples get to that end result. But it's not that it's not possible.
00:47:30
Speaker
um So whenever, you know, whenever I'm having my own. comparison is the thief of joy moment on Instagram, right? Where I'm looking at other planners and production companies and I am looking at the events that they're posting and the photos and the glamour and the uniqueness. And I think, sure, like give me a million dollars, give me $500,000. Like I can make a really sick wedding happen too.
00:47:55
Speaker
ah It's important to kind of remember and get grounded back in that. And then I always look back to the people that I'm serving and that they're like real people. Yeah. with real lives that will continue after this wedding. And that helps kind of bring me into a reality of like, okay, you are doing the thing that is more important. And I, my wedding this last weekend, I stood back for a minute and I was like, it looked beautiful.
00:48:20
Speaker
And I was like, you know what I'm even more proud of? Cause someone was telling me, oh my gosh, this looks great. la And I was like, you know what I'm even more proud of? I'm proud of the fact that I did this on their budget. It looks great. And we did it on budget. And that's a fricking cool thing.
00:48:31
Speaker
Well, i was going to say, Kate, you're like a fiduciary planner. 100%. I love that. And like I think for creatives, I think there is a time and a place to put your values forward. And it's called a styled shoot where it's your money on the line and you get to craft and create and do whatever you want. Yes.
00:48:51
Speaker
With your money. With your money. And you can inspire your couples, your fellow vendors. like That is the time that we get to create what we're excited about.
00:49:02
Speaker
And you know I think it is it's that little – it's almost like when you release your Instapot. It's like the steam that blows off. It's like go – Go do your thing and enjoy what you love. Like I know for me, like moving from the mid market to the premier and like lower end luxury market, it was a lot about going to styled shoots where that is the goal. Like that is the purpose of that space. I'm not having to worry about a couple. They're paid models, you know, like there is a world in which you can just create for yourself.
00:49:33
Speaker
But when it comes to your weddings, like you have to like, I think every every vendor should be a fiduciary vendor. like We have to look out for other people because social media, just like it has us addicted to our phones, it has addict us addicted to status, this fake status that like if our friends see it on Instagram, we're going to be so cool. But it's like, guess what?
00:49:55
Speaker
As soon as you post your wedding on Instagram, I love you all so much. And like literally, my job is to post weddings to Instagram. Nobody cares. Like it is the 24 hour news cycle it is where great. The next celebrity just got married. This next person just got married. So in a way, like I hate to, I hate to have that perspective on here because of course I love my weddings and I look at them and I think about them all the time, but like,
00:50:24
Speaker
if it If you're only coming at a wedding from a client perspective of like, I want this to go amazing on Instagram or a vendor, I want this to be amazing on an Instagram, like that is going to be such a hollow reward at the end. Like it's not going to have that richness to it. So instead, again, being people forward, it's so much more fulfilling.
Building Meaningful Vendor Relationships
00:50:44
Speaker
I've observed it myself. Like the you know sometimes you get an application to work with you. And you're like, this wedding is going to look so like you can just tell from the level of detail and like curation. And they're already sharing their Pinterest board with you, blah, blah, blah.
00:50:58
Speaker
You're like, wow, this wedding going to look so cool. And it would be wrong as someone who works in an industry with such a strong aesthetic component to say, I never think about that. Because that that would be a lie. do you think about that. And when someone presents that, it would be a lie to say, I don't have that thought of like, ooh, wouldn't that look?
00:51:16
Speaker
fantastic, you know, and I've had those applications before and sometimes they turn into really great clients, but I've always observed in myself if I take on that client because the idea of the design aesthetic is speaking more loudly than let's say the purpose, the why, the values, it there always ends up being a lot more
00:51:41
Speaker
friction for me in the planning process. It's not necessarily between me and the clients, but there tends to just be a lot more of kind of like this feeling of like pulling the project forward because it doesn't have those roots and values that you can come back to. You're kind of almost like chasing the look of something as the primary driver of decision-making for the couple, rather than you and the couple just kind of like marching forward together arm in arm. And that's come up for me.
00:52:10
Speaker
in a few different instances over the years. And it always has reminded me of like, oh that's because the design was speaking to you louder than the values basis. So your choice.
00:52:20
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Well, and a series that I love that you're doing recently is where you break down a real wedding budget. Yeah. and On your Instagram.
00:52:32
Speaker
And i love how all of those that you shared reflect that people centric that you drive home with your couples. Like. Where people are staying, the weekend experiences, like those are always like some of the biggest money, ah the food, like those are the things like, and yeah, those things are expensive for a certain amount of people. But the fact that you're couples like that is where their money is going. it just shows that like they get it yep Yeah. Yeah. They're putting, yeah, they're putting their money where their intention and their heart is. love that. Let's take people to a cool location. Let's feed them great food. Let's make sure we can all hang in house together.
00:53:15
Speaker
And you know, if you were to take that money from like a weekend experience and invest it in a day wedding, that day wedding would look banging because that is a lot of money that you could put into the more aesthetically driven items that tend to get more emphasis in like a day venue wedding. Um,
00:53:32
Speaker
that in a weekend retreat experience, you're focused a lot more on like the experiential end of things. And I i appreciate you seeing and calling that out because I think um that's another area where people who are taking on like a multi-day celebration don't realize how quickly those costs can add up.
00:53:52
Speaker
But they're still yeah my clients are still choosing to do that because that's I think Sarah is looking at it right now. yeah I'm literally looking at your Instagram. And the thing I was going to say was I had gone through some of your website and looked at the photographers because obviously like.
00:54:09
Speaker
I'm of an image whore and I love to just look at pretty things. And so, but I was noticing that a lot of the photographers that you hire to be on your vendor teams, or maybe your couples are looking at them, are also intention value-based photographers. Like they're very much about storytelling. And like, I love that that has naturally become like a very cohesive relationship because I also see that,
00:54:33
Speaker
um in our industry we we see like these c clicks of people that happen and it's usually because there is an a ah a alignment of a certain value like whatever it is like whether it's to be that viral team on instagram or it's to honor the client like whatever it is and so anyway i just want to let you know that aesthetically i can see your values being brought out in the images that are provided by your photographers because they clearly align with you I appreciate that. i We are very, very lucky. um We've always had kind of a wider foundation of partners that we like to work with. We're not the planners who are like, we only work with three photographers and we only work with three venues and we are camp, no new friends, like definitely got our vibes.
00:55:17
Speaker
And so would say there's probably 10 to 15 photographers we work with very regularly, like one or more times a season. And then there's, you know, probably another 10 that rotate in every couple of seasons. And again, that comes down to kind of like being really thoughtful about matching the clients with the approach, the personality and the like art product that is going to be the best fit for them and not constraining their options to fit what we think a nice wedding looks like, truly matching it.
00:55:46
Speaker
to what their vision of their wedding day photography is or whatever the category ah might be. And I think we're lucky that we've been able to develop such a broad base across a number of vendor categories where we um have folks who share the same values as such us and as our clients and help create that like consistent experience that we as planners kick off and promise, but that really it takes a full vendor team to carry for the year leading up to the wedding.
00:56:15
Speaker
Well, just going to sell selflessly plug, Jamie and I make a great team. Literally would be honored. would literally love for this to happen we'll be scheming behind the scenes love right love that jamie and i at one point we're like should we do like a ridgewood thompson like a norman and blake but like ridgewood and thompson like around i'm not gonna lie it does have a ring it's got like a sexy estate ring to it i'm into it
00:56:47
Speaker
um Before we move on from budget, ah do you have any tips for either couples listening or whatever tips on allocating budget intentionally to enhance the emotional value of the wedding day or wedding weekend?
00:57:03
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, my first tip is just get educated. as soon and as quickly as you can. um Whether that is talking to other people um who you know who have gotten married in the same market you're getting married in or tapping into hiring a couple of early industry experts who you can query, whether that's you know a planner or a very education forward photographer or something else.
00:57:28
Speaker
Just getting to know what things actually cost in your local market, I think is the huge thing. first step that you can take and then being thoughtful about how you will approach and allocate the rest of your budget. Something we offer at Tapestry to kind of help with this and like deliver this more broadly to people is we have a service where you can just basically rent our brain for an hour.
00:57:53
Speaker
um And a lot of the time when people do buy that service, we're talking about budgets. We're talking about how to be realistic about what things cost in the Pacific Northwest market, what their wedding budget is, how to break that down um in a successful way for their investments.
00:58:10
Speaker
And because we are so well-versed in this, we're able to accomplish a lot, usually in a single hour of time with someone. But I think that's the single biggest thing any couple can do to set themselves up for success, understand your market and put together a framework.
00:58:25
Speaker
um And do it before you start hiring people, because one out of proportion hire can really set the rest of your budget up for a friction full.
00:58:39
Speaker
experience for lack of a better term no that is a great point um and i just want to plug real quick uh kate's company has tapestry touch products that's what they're called right yeah okay we're gonna put it in the show notes um but lots of education lots of resources including the um power hour planning power hour that you can invest in so we'll put that in the show notes but thanks jamie yeah
00:59:09
Speaker
The wedding planning to the people at any budget. but your Yes. No, I love it. Yeah. um Yeah. Okay. And did you have any other tips on budget or if not, that's fine. I just didn't want to cut you off. No, that's i I mean, I love the way you asked about enhancing the emotional value of the wedding day.
00:59:30
Speaker
um I guess my other big tip, you know, which is something we've kind of touched on in conversation a lot is to think about the experience of your wedding in addition to the aesthetics, because there's going be so much in the outside world that's going to try and draw you into an aesthetic focus.
00:59:48
Speaker
um And if you simply make decisions in service of that outcome, your experience will suffer. So also regularly grounding into the experience of your wedding and how you're spending money towards that end And, you know, what your investments are producing for your experience, as well as
Enhancing Guest Experiences and Inclusivity
01:00:08
Speaker
the guest experience. I think that's another key area of focus to just continually stay in touch with as you're making investments.
01:00:15
Speaker
Or you could also just make an OnlyFans and sell your feet pics, have a higher budget. You know, i don't know much about the foot market, but I'm going to say you're not wrong.
01:00:30
Speaker
I think that there's a niche for everyone. So like, I don't know, just figure out something weird and someone will like it. Yeah. In addition to planning your wedding, um develop another side hustle and exactly online.
01:00:43
Speaker
Yes. Or for ladies and gentlemen out there, if you're single and you're thinking about one day, I want to get married. Start now. Yeah. Build up that little nest egg. Put it in a high yield savings account. You're going to be fine.
01:00:56
Speaker
ah Talk to chat GPT. They'll get you set up. They'll tell you what to do. but tell you what's trending. feel a spinoff podcast episode brewing for you guys in this. Yeah. Yeah.
01:01:11
Speaker
It's called Unhage Career Paths. I'm here for that um Okay, so kind of talk, it kind of goes off of what you're saying, but have you seen um a shift or a trend in what guests are liking at weddings versus maybe what a couple comes in thinking their guests will want?
01:01:31
Speaker
Yeah. So my, my sample is biased because I work with tapestry clients. So I think that's an important thing to to start with, uh, answering this question. i have like really noticed in the last three to four years, quality time is what people want at weddings.
01:01:54
Speaker
They want the time to connect They want the time to have a conversation. i think this is true for couples and for guests. They want the energetic and emotional space to be present with the people that they love.
01:02:09
Speaker
And it's not that people didn't want that before the pandemic. People did want that. But I think we all took it a lot more for granted. um Or we just knew we would see people maybe a little bit more frequently in our lives at a younger age, whatever the case may be.
01:02:25
Speaker
um But I think post pandemic, and think especially because my average client tends to be anywhere from their late 20s to early forty s So a little bit more kind of like developed in their life, advanced in their career. Maybe they also don't live in the same states as their friends and family. Like that quality time is just hugely valuable to them for a number of reasons. And it's felt by their guests as well.
01:02:48
Speaker
And that probably is what has inspired, you know, the question that I ask clients of how do we slow this down? How do we create more room? How do we... take away some of the stage managing in your wedding day and just let you kind of move through it with your people and enjoy each other's company. I think that's definitely the biggest shift I've seen in the last three to four years.
01:03:09
Speaker
I would like to add to that shift and say, DJs, turn the music down. I am so tired having guests yell at me or me having to yell at guests, like simple conversations like, oh, I am a person who suffers from misophonia, so I am very attuned when I hear noises. And like that is something at a restaurant, at a workshop, any place I am at where there is background music, I can instantly tell when that decibel has gone way too high. and like
01:03:42
Speaker
that's when I hate events is because it it becomes it's a strain to have that connection because like you're yelling at someone, someone's yelling at you. so uh psa djs turn that shit down yeah we are just as like another option and thinking outside the box i'm i'm currently helping my niece kind of plan her wedding for next year so i'm like my brain is just like okay what can we do and she has a very like small diy budget so like what can we do and we're at christianson's and i was just thinking about this i was like okay yeah
01:04:14
Speaker
what if we were able to create a space like just outside the doors where like people that don't want to be in the loud music, they can go sit, they can still feel a part of it. But like there's comfortable seating, there's heaters, there's like something like where they can still be like we can think outside the box. So like we can create spaces where people can be and still feel a part of the wedding and also get away from the music or from the loud. Yeah, I think that goes a long way to like the inclusivity.
01:04:45
Speaker
of a wedding and like thinking about the different guests or different audiences that are going to be there and making sure that you're giving them the opportunities to stay engaged in the event like You know, not everyone wants to be in the middle of the dance floor for three hours straight drinking and driving to really loud music. Some people do.
01:05:02
Speaker
And like there are some weddings where I'm like, that's where you'll find me. A hundred and ten percent. Like, let me go. Let me who let me be unleashed and unhinged for these people I love. ah But also those areas for quiet conversation. Right. You don't want to automatically say, hey, you know, those who um are maybe more.
01:05:19
Speaker
auditorily attuned or those who get um exhausted by being in loud music environments for a long time, or even like, you know, you see the exodus of like, quote unquote, the older, more wizened folks from the wedding after defer to serve because the music just gets too loud. They can't hear anyone talk. yeah Like they're not interested in being in the middle of the dance floor.
01:05:39
Speaker
um And I think that's where, again, the experiential approach thinking about like who your guests are, how you are creating the experience for them can kind of help mitigate that like mono approach to everyone is in their early twenty s and can talk loudly at a bar for hours on end.
01:05:56
Speaker
Yeah. Amen. I love that. I yeah, because like, again, about the connection point, like, you can't connect to people unless you're grinding on them on a dance floor.
01:06:09
Speaker
Yeah. It's giving middle school dance. It's giving middle school one, two steps, Sierra. Like, tone it down, y'all. Yes.
01:06:20
Speaker
ah Take it back now, y'all. well um So kind of speaking to that inclusive inclusivity, ah how does tapestry specifically incorporate other sustainable, inclusive, ethical practices um into your wedding planning approach?
01:06:41
Speaker
I feel like you just asked three questions at once. Okay. So sorry. no, no. That's great. I'm just like the universe of the answer. i think on an include, like to answer the inclusivity piece, um we are so fortunate that we are trusted by clients every year that are often differently abled.
01:07:03
Speaker
And so we're constantly learning about perspectives that aren't made aren't necessarily like the white Western able-bodied approach to weddings and being a lot more thoughtful about how to create diverse wedding experiences that create joy for all kinds of audiences.
01:07:27
Speaker
um We've been lucky to, you know, we embrace weddings. neurodivergent folks as someone who is also neurodivergent in a way that fits really well with being a wedding planner.
01:07:38
Speaker
Like I love to learn more about how people think and interact and thrive in different environments. um We've worked with clients who are deaf. And so we had to learn a ton about the deaf community.
01:07:50
Speaker
You know, we've worked with lots of different cultures of weddings. We've worked with clients who have suffered traumatic brain injuries. so Like there are so many different ways that people experience celebratory group events. And I count myself really lucky that in the course of doing this work and creating a wedding planning environment that is welcoming to people of diverse backgrounds and needs, I've been able to learn through their experience.
01:08:15
Speaker
And there's like really no secret to it. It's just being curious, like being intrinsically curious and wanting to learn what it looks like for them to have their best wedding day or what it looks like for their um autistic sibling to have their best wedding day.
01:08:31
Speaker
um So just being really curious, I think is like the biggest asset to being able to produce an event that is inclusive and really just taking your time. um Sustainability, I find is like a whole other i could do this A whole other beast. yeah yeah there There are some really incredible wedding vendors in the Pacific Northwest in particular who specialize in sustainability.
01:08:56
Speaker
I would say that at Tapestry, we have an eye for sustainability and trying to encourage our couple's to take on more sustainable practices, but it isn't necessarily a core tenant for us like it is for some of the other Pacific Northwest vendors that exist out there.
01:09:11
Speaker
um But our approach is just to encourage folks to be thoughtful um in how they are hosting their wedding. And it could look like, you know, thoughtfully taking advantage of in-house offered item items. So we're reducing carbon emissions in the transport of additional items. It could look like, you know, renting over buying,
01:09:33
Speaker
like one-time use items are the bane of my existence. So we avoid those like the absolute plague. um But again, with the marketing to to folks who are having weddings, it's really easy to get caught up in like the Amazon amazon purchasing cycle of, I need this for my wedding, you know, so I'm just going buy, buy, buy.
01:09:51
Speaker
And I remember the... First wedding I ever helped design, um which feels like it was a million years ago now. I showed up on the wedding day, right? We'd put together all of these plans. I was there to help coordinate the execution of the design.
01:10:07
Speaker
And I walked into the back of house room and there were like four, eight or 10 foot tables with just boxes, just brown boxes covering the surface of all of these tables.
01:10:23
Speaker
And I turned to the couple and I said, Hey, what's all this stuff for? And it is stuff that they had bought for their wedding because ah it had been marketed to them.
01:10:35
Speaker
They thought it was a good idea. Whatever the thing was like frames without photos in them, like that, that level stuff where it just was going to be so unachievable to make any of this unplanned,
01:10:46
Speaker
and not pre-communicated stuff happen. And again, I think that I was lucky that that was one of my first weddings because I took that step back and I went, oh, like, this is not that the person is a bad person. This is that the person got caught up in expectations outside of like their their own values and their wedding day. And so, you know, we have an eye for sustainability because we want to prevent those like one-time use purchases. We want to prevent wedding being weddings being an industry of like incredible,
01:11:15
Speaker
waste um And so I would say we definitely bring that approach in, but there are other really great specialists out there that offer, I think, a lot more in that vein. and I think there are, we, you're right. There's like a lot of Pacific Northwest florists specifically because florals is like the first thing that comes to mind when I think of waste. Yeah. And we have so many that are dedicated to reducing the waste, figuring out how to like dry the flowers and make them into beautiful installations or whatever.
01:11:48
Speaker
um but yeah, I, Yeah. Yeah. And grow things themselves or, well you know, whatever it is. Yeah. but And as a planner, sometimes my job is not necessarily providing what the solution is, but it's knowing the other professionals to refer you to.
Capturing Emotional Depth in Weddings
01:12:03
Speaker
yeah Who align with that value. Like me being a Rolodex of the Pacific Northwest is a real is a huge service ah in terms of helping my clients accomplish their goals and their values related to weddings, especially in the area of sustainability.
01:12:20
Speaker
um So this is sort of a ah selfish question, but as a planner ah with um so much intentionality, how do you think that photographers and videographers can be better people centric artists?
01:12:38
Speaker
I mean, I think it's appropriate for me to start with the fact that the people I work with, I think, already do a really good job of this. And there aren't a lot of immediate critiques in my network, in my circle that refer clients to that come to mind. i I think what I appreciate about the approach of the people I do work with is that they take the time to get to know the client We're very thoughtful and intentional about teeing up our introduction emails, sending you all of our, you know, vetting notes so you understand the conversation that's been had so far.
01:13:13
Speaker
and Us giving you the context of what we think would work as a starting package. talk about in your conversation us handing you the getting to know you questionnaire that we have our clients fill out so you can get the nitties and gritties about their real life which is often a lot more in depth than um a website contact form you know the people who really take the time with that stuff that we send them and roll that into the consultation get the benefit of having a much deeper relationship with our client to start off and then it makes it really easy
01:13:44
Speaker
as we get past the planning and logistics, when it's time to revisit the wedding and reconnect with the couple, they're able to jump again, right back into the deep end of the pool with them, apply to the day of logistics and take a really just like catered personalized approach to setting up their expectations for the wedding day.
01:14:01
Speaker
And then in the interim, you know they're available, right? It's like, Hey, we decided we wanted to upgrade and add two hours or add a second shoot or whatever. It's like, they're very available and responsive, but they're not putting a lot of, labor on the couple in the interim because they know they're working with a part or full service um planner.
01:14:19
Speaker
They know that they're getting the benefit of all of those resources. So they're kind of pulling back the labor that they would otherwise expect a couple to do in the planning experience, filling out a bunch of questionnaires or bugging them for a copy of their timeline. They have a liaison to come to for that stuff and just really focusing on the personal connection to kick off the relationship and then tee it up for the wedding day.
01:14:40
Speaker
um And I love in particular when my photographers and videographers have like a little T minus one month session with the couple.
01:14:50
Speaker
The timeline has been worked out like they're very mentally prepared for this day. But I really love when my media people can sit with the couple and go through the timeline from their perspective and to talk about how this day occurs from the couple and the photographer or the videographer working together and moving through the day together, it gives the couple another layer of exposure to the timeline, which never hurts.
01:15:16
Speaker
Um, but it also sets them up for success because you guys are going to physically be with them for so much of the day. So it helps them better envision that aspect. And I think feel a lot more comfortable on their wedding day.
01:15:29
Speaker
Um, and it's something that is their planner. Like, I could mimic, but I cannot do ah the same way that you all would do it. So it's a talent and a skill that I always appreciate having my partners bring to the table.
01:15:42
Speaker
And then for... um either people that are in the midst of planning a wedding, going to plan one in the future, planning events for themselves, how would you suggest people drill down to their why?
01:15:59
Speaker
Like initially as they begin planning. Um, I think the best way to approach this exercise of your why, um,
01:16:11
Speaker
Obviously we have a blog all about it, but to just kind of give this to someone in a verbal way where they can take it and run with it. um
01:16:20
Speaker
Set aside a regular time interval with your partner. to do wedding planning stuff. Like that's step one, like every other Wednesday for two hours after work, you know, time block it, do whatever you need to do, but have that time set aside to be able to just focus on wedding stuff and to know that you have a distinct container to talk about that stuff. So it doesn't bleed into your life in very unwelcome or kind of like half formed ways.
01:16:43
Speaker
And then at that first session together where you're coming in prepared to talk about wedding stuff, sit down, each have a piece of paper or journal, And as your individual selves, write down your three top values for your wedding day.
01:17:01
Speaker
What are the three things that you are going to value the absolute most just for yourself? And then when you're done with that, get together with your partner and come up with three values that you share between the two of you.
01:17:13
Speaker
So three things that you agree are like the most important for your conjoined selves. And there might be some overlap with your individual list. There might not. But I think that usually helps set a really good focal point for how you can pass decisions through a filter or how you can um reconnect about what you value moving forward.
01:17:34
Speaker
And keep it somewhere prominent, keep it somewhere like easy to access. So that way, every time you get together for these meetings, it's really easy to come back to them if you find yourself feeling a little bit lost.
Focusing on Joy and Connection in Planning
01:17:45
Speaker
Yeah, that's great advice. And is there anything else you would like to share or comment on before we sign off? I think I would encourage couples to just remember to have fun with the process.
01:17:59
Speaker
And, you know, it's not going to be all rainbows and butterflies. Like you will have to make some tough decisions. You might have to have some hard conversations. I think anything worth investing in and jointly project managing is going to bring things like that up.
01:18:17
Speaker
Um, But as much as you can, try and bring it back to the fun and the joy and the connection, um because those are the reasons that are pulling you forward.
01:18:29
Speaker
And the that's the why that makes getting through maybe the hard, sticky stuff worthwhile. Love that. Yeah. Snap, snap, snap. Yeah.
01:18:42
Speaker
Well, rule followers, thank you so much for listening today. Thank you to Kate for joining us. It was so much
01:18:50
Speaker
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01:19:03
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Kate. My friends. Thanks, Kate.