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016: Advice to my younger self: 20s
45 Plays9 months ago
My twenties were riddled with self doubt and questioning the future and trying to figure out what is next. Hindsight is 20/20 - however if I look back on how everything came together there some things I wish I did differently. At a time where young people are facing a lot of pressure to have it "all figured out" I share 5 things I would say to my younger self!
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Transcript
Affirm Self-Worth and Set Boundaries
00:00:00
Speaker
you deserve to be in a place where you are respected, where you're valued and just because you're young doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be treated with respect and I think that's important and it comes back to that first point where I said stop doubting yourself because I think
00:00:18
Speaker
the more you are affirming of yourself from within, the bolder you are to say and to have healthy boundaries and to say I'm not going to stand for that. Hello and
Introduction to the Podcast and Brenda's Advice
00:00:29
Speaker
welcome to another episode of the Curiously Talks podcast. My name is Brenda Dogbay and in this podcast I center Black Canadian voices and the African diaspora, particularly professionals, but of course anybody and everybody is welcome to listen to and enjoy this podcast.
00:00:46
Speaker
So today I wanted to talk to you about what advice would I give to my younger self? This is a question that I often get just in terms of professionals, especially who are relatively early on in their career. And so I wanted to speak to my younger self. I'm in my mid-40s. I might not look it, but I am. And so this is the advice that I wanted to give to my quarter century self.
Overcoming Self-Doubt and Embracing Uncertainty
00:01:13
Speaker
Terms of how to navigate career path and moving forward so the first one I will say is number one is to stop doubting yourself I remember my 20s being so filled with self doubt so many questions like
00:01:31
Speaker
Am I good enough? Am I doing the right thing? Did I study the right thing? Did I go through the right path? It's exhausting. When I think now, of course, hindsight is 20-20 and I've got the benefit of 20 years on how things worked out, I think that I would stop doubting myself.
00:01:52
Speaker
and believe in myself. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Give yourself the benefit of, I don't have to have all the answers right now, and that's okay. And I think self-doubt was probably one of the biggest things that I dealt with that I would tell myself, my younger self, not to bother with. The second one that I would say is that nobody knows everything.
00:02:17
Speaker
If anything, in my mid-40s, there are still things that I either don't know or I'm still struggling with, I'm still figuring out. And so everyone, for the most part, is faking it, and some are better than others.
00:02:34
Speaker
And I think the older you get, you just don't care. So you don't need to front, you don't need to pretend, you're just good. Like if I don't know the answer, okay, either I'll Google it or I'll look it up or I'll find the resource. I'll give myself a lot of grace because everyone's figuring things out and I think the older you get, you get more comfortable with the fact that I actually don't have to know everything and that's okay.
00:02:59
Speaker
And
Expanding Horizons and Travel Experiences
00:02:59
Speaker
I'd give myself that reassurance. The third advice that I would give to my younger self would be broaden the experiences that you have professionally and personally. See the world, I think, related to that broadening of your experiences. And I think I did.
00:03:20
Speaker
When I was an undergrad, I went on an exchange to Australia with my housemate. This is a good 20 years ago now, and it was a very life-changing experience. So amazing to see another complete different corner of the world.
00:03:36
Speaker
Following that, I think when I started my career in global health, I traveled a fair bit. I went to Cuba, I went to Ecuador, and just explored the world and get to see the world. And I think things change once you're settled and you have a family. It's a lot more complicated. Like for me, we're a family of five. There's absolutely no way that you pick up
00:03:59
Speaker
And just say hey let's go to a random location in the world and so I would really say broaden your experiences personally but also broaden your experiences professionally because there is so much value in broadening your perspective.
00:04:17
Speaker
And the 20s are a very neat time in your life to do that. And it doesn't mean that you have to stop that when you get further down. But I think that's one of the things that I would definitely say to myself. The
Leaving Toxic Environments Early
00:04:29
Speaker
fourth thing I would say to my younger self, leave toxic environments. And I think this goes both in terms of professional as well as personal. I think there's a lot of the time, this perseverance, the sense that you have to just deal with
00:04:45
Speaker
toxic workplaces because you're young and you don't have options but I think you might have more options than you give yourself credit for and you deserve to not be in a toxic environment whether that's a toxic relationship I think that's the other time when you're kind of discovering yourself
00:05:02
Speaker
you tend to be a lot more patient with nonsense. And I think that's part of, again, when you grow older, at least for me, I found my tolerance level for BS is just like really low. And so leave toxic environments, knowing that you deserve to be in a place where you are respected, where you're valued,
00:05:24
Speaker
And just because you're young doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be treated with respect. And I think that's important.
Finding and Sharing Your Voice
00:05:32
Speaker
And it comes back to that first point where I said stop doubting yourself because I think the more you are affirming of yourself from within, the bolder you are
00:05:43
Speaker
choose say and to have healthy boundaries and to say i'm not gonna stand for that so i definitely say leave toxic environments i think the problem with not leaving those toxic environments from early on is that it becomes a pattern and then further down the line actually becomes harder and harder for you to walk away from this contacts and i think that's really important.
00:06:05
Speaker
A fifth point, and I would say this is my final point today, is to speak up. I'm always encouraged when I see the younger generation. I'm really being vocal in the workplace, in meetings, etc. I've also seen a lot of people who are very, kind of, much more quiet when I've seen, like I said, people who are really passive when it comes to meetings, when it comes to talking.
00:06:30
Speaker
And I think part of that self-doubt, I feel like it's a bit of a triangle where you're doubting yourself and then you're questioning whether you know, whether your perspective is valid, and then you're much more silent and you're not sharing your perspective. And a lot of the times, what I do, at least in the teams that I lead, I make sure that I ask more quiet people, the more junior people in terms of their career, the people earlier in their career,
00:07:00
Speaker
What do you think? What's your perspective? And nine out of 10 times, once they open their mouth, nothing but like wisdom comes out. And the types of perspectives, the types of insights that come are just so amazing. And so I really encourage you to speak up, speak up in meetings, take space and be vocal, be heard. Now that doesn't have to translate into being
00:07:27
Speaker
ruled and that doesn't have to translate into being extroverted if you're an introvert but there's also ways to speak up that are not necessarily verbal if you're having say a meeting you could provide your comments and you know a lot of us are doing virtual meetings.
00:07:43
Speaker
All day and so there's a chat you could leave your thoughts in the chat You could type them up you could send an email after the the meeting and say hey I had a few minutes to reflect and these are some of the things that I wanted to contribute to the conversation I think all of those things allow you to be seen and to be heard and
00:08:03
Speaker
And that's kind of where the confidence comes from. And the more you do it, the more refined you are, the more comfortable you get. And so
Trusting the Journey and Embracing Outcomes
00:08:13
Speaker
that's the advice that I would give to my younger self. And maybe, bonus point, I would say, it all works out.
00:08:21
Speaker
and you know your mother probably has said this to you and probably hear that a lot but it really does all work out and i think it's important for us to realize that a lot of the worry a lot of the stressing out it might not work out the way you wanted it to work out but everything kind of comes together further down the line and i
00:08:42
Speaker
If I look back, I wish I worried less and I wish I trusted more and trust the process, trust the journey. It might
Closing Remarks and Call to Action
00:08:49
Speaker
not look as glamorous upfront, but it definitely, definitely gets better. All right, so I'm going to stop there. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Please follow the podcast on social media, so at careerslay talks.
00:09:05
Speaker
on Instagram. If you're following it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, please rate the podcast and subscribe for notifications so that you know when the next episode comes and let's slay together.