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Ep. 88 Hop To It - Bellum Draconis
45 Plays8 months ago
You're a frog, I'm a Frog, He's a Frog, We're all Frogs.
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Intro written and produced by Joseph McDade
Music kindly provided by Fesliyan Studios
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Transcript
Nazca's Humorous Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Why? It's me, Nazca, from Season 1. You don't know me? i I'm kind of a big deal, guys. Anyway, I was the product of a long-ass week, some shorty planning, and next to no character prep for an NPC, and here I am four years later, still stuck in this damn podcast. Still referenced, even though they don't know me. That's why I needed a therapist, you see. So lonely, stuck back here in Season 1. No distinct accent. No real development. No one to talk to. Blight everywhere. All my goblin folk are murdered. Fucking hell. If only I had a way to talk to others and share my story.
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Speaker
That's what I was saying before I learned about Zencaster. You get to expand upon my super detailed and
00:00:54
Speaker
yeah My intricate backstory, which why I wasn't able to join the fellowship of the tabletop. More like fellow shit. Yeah. Obviously I'm a goblin, right? I know goblins like a simple browser-led software for their recording needs with an accent that stays the same. It's so easy. and It's super easy to record a podcast with Zencaster. Log on using your browser and start using high-quality podcasts right away. Record studio quality sound and up to 4K video with your guests. Feel a sense of zen knowings and gasses multi-layered backups and studio OS have your recordings in the highest quality, even if the connection is unstable. Oh, you can't retain your accent. I've gone French.
00:01:42
Speaker
You may be thinking, therapist, but your voice is so shit so nothing can improve you. You can't polish a turd. But with Zancaster, you can sound your best. Have you ever worried about what you sound like? I know I do. Zancaster's post-production process makes you feel and sound buttery smooth. Imagine these, these sultry tones coming across like butter. Can you imagine, therapist, just like butter? No, I don't fancy my mum! Look, it automatically removes the arms and arms from your recording. It removes those awkward pauses, you know, and when you meet some characters and they don't know how to talk to you, because they'll worry for your DM sanity.
00:02:29
Speaker
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00:02:36
Speaker
Go to zencaster.com forward slash pricing and use the code table top. And you'll get 30% off your first month of any Zencaster paid plan. If you want to have, no, I want you to have the same easy experiences I do for all my podcasting and content needs. It's time to share your story. What? Thumbs up. How much was that? 50,000 gold! Oh, come on. Be a nice guy. Let me have it for free. yeah ah What the fuck was that? What the
Fellowship of the Tabletop Episode Introduction
00:03:21
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fuck? what where where
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um
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a
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are
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are
00:03:49
Speaker
Hello everyone and welcome to this week's episode of the Fellowship of the Tabletop Bellum Draconis. My name is Danny and I'm the Dungeon Master. We are joined today by the individual who plays the Warforged Artificer Alpha Callum. We are a live play 5e TNT group. Thank you for filling in for that extra detail that I forgot to mention. We have the Will who plays the Dragonborn Druid, Bowel Valkon. We're also in Dralak at the point, I think. I'm doing terrible here. We can pull this together as a team. We will. We believe in you guys. We will. I believe in you all. Mark is in here for one minute and everything just derails anyway. Playing the human cleric fighter, Emron is...
00:04:42
Speaker
set in the magical home-brewed world of Eryth and in the in the kingdom of Dralak.
00:04:51
Speaker
Well, I didn't even say her name as Will. No, he didn't. I'd finally do it. I'd leave it there. I'd like to know who he is. i He's back from his annual general meeting of the knitting club of the north, playing the elven artificer Rainshadow. We have Darren And you thought my introductions were bad. This is genuine, full respect. This is how hard it is to do with things off script for like these intro things. This is why he has a script. This is why he has a script. We only use it for an intro. That is it. And that's why all the Christmas episodes have one. Like, if you listen to the Christmas episodes, they're all pretty slick. But it's because if you go back and listen to the Shadow Men episodes, which were an absolute car crash, that's why it's quite different. I enjoy the script. I think you could probably tell that I'm just looking at notes every time Mark does that. Now I massively regret not putting that in my mouth. I like the fact that you forgot our names. Just yours. Just yours, Will. I do at first have the same fucking name. I literally, if you guess Will, you have a 50% chance of being right. If you just go Will with a 50% chance, you're right. the thing or you could have just said will for everything and you know you would have at least been right about two. A 50% ratio. I was so damn confident that I just I just had your character names up on D&D Beyond. Just the next time somebody springs an introduction on me that I have to kind of do.
00:06:15
Speaker
We do that regularly, Alan. We're always freaking interested on you. Well, the thing is, I think, I know we've done it at least once, and I did the exact same, tried it improv. It was fucking worse than that. Mine was an absolute... Segue us into the recap, Alan. So, we find ourselves in a bathhouse in a northern sleek yard in a town called Blackmouth.
00:06:43
Speaker
In this bathhouse, cucumber adorned over each eyelid in this big porcelain mud tub. This oozy bubbling liquid lies a very old, old man.
00:07:06
Speaker
Old girl, what are you pondering while soaking in the mud?
Interrogation and Conflict
00:07:13
Speaker
Fuck! That prisoner turns out to be the Dragonborn, Dribbo the Dragonborn and he tells Nix pretty much that he's fucked. The conversation turns mental literally and they start measuring dicks but keep changing their rulers. Nix turns out has finally met his match and he's been out mouthed by Dribbo. Emron goes off to the shrine because he's got a crisis of faith because he done fucked up pretty fucking mad, and he comes back to the camp and tells Alpha pretty much exactly the same. Alpha calls Emron out on his hypocritical bullshit, and at dawn, Nyx gets forced into a sacky sack, blindfolded and rushed somewhere in the upcrisker stronghold. He's thrust into some sort of stone room. There's some beautiful lady teeth fleeing all blue and horny. And Nix gets an old frozen bum spinal torture chair, it's like some sort of kinky boner torture chair, who knows? That lady Don says, you're getting in the way and she's got his search history so you know he's fucked. She warns Nix to stop meddling because she says, we're trying to save Aerith from something that you can't comprehend. She then name drops herself as General Deltus and says, you ain't nothing compared to what is coming. And finally, she manages to stop him fucking talking.
00:08:31
Speaker
But Nix uses telepathy because he can't fucking shut up! So she pulls out her rapier and gives him three options. Option number one, I'm gonna fucking kill you with a rapier. Option number two, you leave here and you never mention the name to a crisper again. Or option number three, here, take some gold and I'm gonna give you an item that's gonna stay with you forever. Now Nix spends about ten fucking minutes choosing and making up his mind, but eventually he uses Mage Hand and takes the money. And he gets permanently ever scried by another figure. What a bitch! Now, he sees Dribbo get put into a 10 by 10 cut, and then, Emron reveals everything that he done did to the group. They decide on giving themselves really fucking stupid names like Bjorn Osiris Triggered, Dix, Barry Kennard, and my personal favorite, Tin Tim. And then they form their plan, which is to disguise themselves and go and save Nix and Nix.
00:09:28
Speaker
Turns out he's just sitting outside and he shouts out the normal names anyway. So Anywho, Seth becomes the front man. He says, we're the Vos and Vipers. We're some sort of new crew. But he fucks it up. So he decides to try and cast some sort of fear on them. Fucks that up too. But fortunately, Shlody sleeps in, sleeps in, what the fuck does that mean? Sweeps in and saves the day yet again, and confirms that we're the people there that need to take that prisoner. When I say we, I mean they. And she tells Baal, because she knows that he's in horsey form, that they're on to us. And Baal's like, get the fuck out of my face, woman. And he takes a shit. Finally, they decide to take trunks with them and get moving, which is fantastic.
00:10:12
Speaker
And on their way out of Snake Run, they bump into another individual on the road. It's none other than Kareem, who reminds them of his deal. And Seth says, get
Sandstorm Encounter
00:10:23
Speaker
fuck oh shit, they're fucked now. An hour goes past Biles, no longer a horse. He's riding fucking elephants. The plan is to keep on moving. Nix tries to cast message to find out about the person that's the prisoner, but here's absolutely nothing fucking back. Seth notices some sort of sandstorm behind him, which turns out to be a fucking naked hulk riding a giant across this crazy river of death and she's like fuck you and right behind her there's someone on horseback that just shoots a fucking firearm that's what I'm thinking
00:10:55
Speaker
There was so much I'd forgotten. I forgot so what and forgotten how much it happened. with good long fun Lord Almighty. I can't tell you how surreal Will's intros are when you don't have the audio. He just gets redder and redder and redder. He is radish red right now. Look at that. And that's all you can focus on when you don't have the audio. It's just Will's complexion changing slowly. but Put him in a little tin and cook him as a lobster. There we go. So you find yourselves jaw dropped initially at this very obscure scene of hope riding a giant ant bareback through a sand stream, 20, 30 feet adjacent to you. And then there is this sound, this deafening sound that fills the desert around you. There is no one else on the road at this point.
00:11:52
Speaker
apart from this figure following you on horseback. You look towards those inside the wagon, which is Emron, Reigns lying down currently, another figure we won't introduce just yet, Alpha.
00:12:13
Speaker
Driving the wagon at the front, Seth and Nix, and then atop the elephant is Baal. except while when you hear this noise it's also met a few seconds later with a sudden drop as this sort of I want to say about 15 foot tall elephant that you were astride disappears and you fall plummeting to the ground oh fuck
00:12:51
Speaker
You're just saying two points of bludgeoning damage as you just impact sand. And as you hit that sand and just sort of look around you, there is this tiny frog in place of where the elephant was. No bigger than your palm. And as you look up from your position, at the sand as the wagon is just sort of losing momentum and the the the ropes that were being used as reins, not reins, the character reins as literal reins to tether the wagon to the elephant, sort of slope and fall on you as well. And partly the wagon just sort of rolls over the top of you, not wheel end, you just sort of find yourself underneath a moving wagon that's slowing down in the sand. Two more frogs just hop off from the top of that cart.
00:13:40
Speaker
Emron immediately, as you hear that sound, you feel that sudden jolt of that momentum dropping, alpha the same.
00:13:56
Speaker
However, as you're sort of coming to and trying getting in your bearings, there are three distinct holes in the canvas of the top of this wagon towards the driving end of it. three scorched, very small holes that weren't there before, rains. You awaken to the sound of a very loud gunshot, an incredibly loud gunshot, and find yourself within this wooden structure with this canvas top
00:14:31
Speaker
your your mechanical child to to the right, your haggard best friend to the left, and this other figure you don't recognize bound on the floor incapacitated. The last thing you remember hearing was the sounds of an elephant approaching and then nothing. And now you find yourself inside a wagon being awoken by gunfire. What do you want to do? yeah What the fuck was that? What the fuck? what where where someone talks Someone talk, someone talk. It's a week. like brilliantt You're awake. That's fantastic news. You recovered far
Approaching Mysterious Figure
00:15:12
Speaker
quicker than possible. um What the fuck's going on? One second. I'm going to do something very stupid. um I am going to poke my head outside of the wagon.
00:15:21
Speaker
Just a little bit. It's almost a curiosity cartoonish style thing. Are you looking ahead of you? Are you looking out over the prisoner cart, back in the direction you've been travelling? um I would try and look at at wherever the direction it originated from. It's hard to tell because you're in that that canvas sphere, but it definitely did come from behind rather than ahead. Right, is it possible for me to just kind of stick my head up to look over? Yes, you'd have to like look over the top of the the prison cart that's just behind and attached to the cart you're you in, that the sort of passenger wagon. And you can just see about 120 feet away, the single figure on horseback. No longer, but not that you saw, but but walking on horseback towards you, not like trotting or galloping. OK, I'll just come back in.
00:16:14
Speaker
The gentleman is approaching us. All right. What the hell's the gentleman... with have what that you Tell me what's going on, Alfred. Why are you being so weird about this, Emron? Please talk. Raines, please calm down. You're right. Trunks, I think has been turned into a frog. Okay. Seth, Nix, you're right. You hear no response. I can see two more frogs. What the fuck is going on? I don't know. There's someone coming now, you say Alpha. Someone is coming quite, not casually, but at a gentle pace on Hawke. What the fuck do you mean someone's coming? Someone's right here. Who with the fuck is this at my feet? We'll explain in a minute. Let's get out of the wagon because we can't fight here. Let's work out what's happening. We need to get the frogs and we can work out who's following us.
00:17:03
Speaker
reigns i feel i must advise points down to the guy that's tied up deadly assassin please stay away i mean if there's a reason he's tied up and not like you know there's a reason he is octard in the back of the car so yeah um are we under attack we we don't know who bar yeah grab the frogs Yeah, Bar's going to try and scoop up the frogs and also unhitch his shield and equip that if he can. So we'd probably stow the staff um or that rod that he's got with and get the get the shield out and scoop up some frogs. So here's the thing. Oh, no. Nyx and Seth and immediately aren't necessarily aware they're frogs.
00:17:51
Speaker
so Seth has sort of scrambled trying to collect the reins again, hops down and begins to look at the other frog that was the elephant and is there. Nix is just sort of taking it all in. there was You get the sense that they aren't um behaving like frogs, but they aren't also behaving like themselves knowing they're frogs. So it's a bit of a strange one. But it's easy enough for you to sort of scoop them into into both hands. You're just leaving the elephant frog. No, no, no, I want trunks as well because I know the last thing, last thing I said to trunks was keep moving. Okay. ah So I'm going to have to try and keep, I'm jumping frogs. literally trunks Trunks is just hopping. Trunks hasn't really stopped. Okay. So you've you've got trunks. They're about the size of your palms. you You need to sort of use both hands to hold three. Oh shit. Okay.
00:18:47
Speaker
Uh, I think, fuck, I think because he was riding on trunks and if trunks seems to be the one that's trying to scoot away, trunks is the one that I'm going to grab. Cause that's, we lose trunks and and everything goes to shit. So okay yeah, trunks, trunks would be the one that I grab. Uh, if I can't do it with a shield out, then I obviously wouldn't have my shield equipped if I'd know that. So yeah, you don't, it doesn't look like frog nicks and frog Seth are going far from the car. I'll leave them be. Uh, the The two other frogs that I believe are our friends, they're not going anywhere. just I've got to hold onto trunks. He's trying to fucking move off. okay What was that person? Are they are they are we under attack? sort I'm getting out, so everyone will get out. He's grabbed his shield, grabbed his hammer, and he's going hot out of the the the wagon, so he's in between the two wagons. He's now going and sort of going towards the the back end of the prison wagon to sort of be ready to intercept this this rider. And these individuals, you sort of get yourself about 30 feet closer. They stay at a fair distance and and they it's hard to tell shape right now and and and race because the ah way they're dressed.
00:19:58
Speaker
very Western the way that that they hold themselves like a really confident cowboy like it's not a rifle they use but picture someone just fired a rifle and then has has managed to stop a scene something in the style of Red Dead Redemption if you will and this individual just slowly approaches on the horse and as they sort of comes more into view It's a halfling, a ginger-haired halfling with a short haircut, the very, very well-kept stubble and and this very ornate mustache that curls was Captain Hook style.
00:20:34
Speaker
He's wearing a poncho, a very a sandy colored poncho and he has this this this hat that he's just removed again in a sort of cowboy Stetson style and it's just sat there both hands wasted resting on the waist atop this horse. How far away is he? About 60 feet. Thank you.
00:20:57
Speaker
ah Rains will leap out of the back. k I don't know what clue what's going on. And as he's going to land on the floor on both feet. And as his feet hit the floor, the Rubik's Cube, which is in his hand is going to pulse to life. And for the first time, his new studded lever is just going to encapsulate around him with a single piece of cloth just going across the mouth and nose. um And as he lands, the dust just kicks up and seems to just merge with this studded lever, almost as if the sand and the but the suit were one. as if this would give him advantage on stealth checks, okay because that's all he now does. It's interesting as well, as you as you sort of land to that very first land, you don't your feet don't land confidently and you have to sort of stumble to the floor and help yourself back up again.
Character Tensions Rise
00:21:41
Speaker
yo Your legs aren't quite responding.
00:21:45
Speaker
particularly well, Reigns, you do feel like you've been in some really deep sleep. And the first thing you've had to do is do a physical activity. You know, when your body just sort of isn't ready, primed for that straight away and you sort of, you don't necessarily twist your ankle, but you just feel like a bad landing. Yeah. Okay. hell How long was I out for? Only a few hours and Alpha will again, he's going to jump out, um, as best as what he can do clock eyes with the half leg. First of all, really kind of dig the look that he's got going off, I will admit. um And not in aggressive way, but it's just kind of very Western holding his hand around um his hand crossbow that's just kind of mounted to his hip, just ready. um And it with the crossbow is going to be slightly glowing um a little bit. Nice. And what Bar will do as well as he'll look down at the other frogs or toads or whatever they are and say,
00:22:42
Speaker
If you can understand me, get yourself into cover behind the card. Does anyone know, is the prisoner okay? And I'll go to check on the the kind of the semi-crashed cart, see if there's signs of life coming from within the jet. Make an investigation check. So it's fully covered. It's ah um for for your benefit reigns. Behind the wagon that that you just jumped out of, tethered almost like a train, is another cart. This cart is about 10 foot by 10 foot with this steel, um sorry, this iron cage.
00:23:13
Speaker
ah surrounding it, then inside the iron cage is like this linen um ah sheet almost that's sort of protecting from the sun. So you have the cage to keep someone confined and then you have some sort of sun protection in there. There isn't any sort of recognizable windows to it. There is a door, but it's and it's it's welded shut. and Yeah, your investigation check, please. 13. You know what this did look like before? um There don't seem to be any bricks in any of the metalwork. You sort of look around at the wooden base of this cart, nothing there, but you do see a tear, well, a hole, a scorched hole at the front end facing the group and facing the stranger and at the end connecting. So almost like something has traveled directly through the back of that wagon.
00:24:10
Speaker
Oh, fuck. And because I don't know firearms yet either, I wouldn't necessarily pin it down to that. But could I have a quick peek through some of the holes and just see if I can see a prisoner in there? Yeah, so you'd have to sort of climb onto the car itself and you can sort of peer in this tiny hole and um almost on a ah really perfect um straight line at an inclining angle is the exit hole, if you will. Not much light is in that space and you just see this black hulking shape just just moving from left to right. I'll put my snout up to it and go, are you okay in there?
00:24:54
Speaker
You don't hear anything. No, fuck the prisoners in there or something's in there, but they're not responding. I don't know whether that's part of the way they had to be transported either way. Uh, this is fucked. Uh, and I'll get down and and sidle up beside Emron with trunks still in my hands, held out in front of me. If this goes sideways, I think fire first questions later. and Everyone will just sort of, he he won't have he won't have looked at Baal, but you'll just see him sort of just nod. And then he'll sort of take a half a step forward. Can we help you?
00:25:39
Speaker
The halfling just puts the Stetson back onto his head and just ah with the flick of one hand produces a small flame. And then the other just puts this huge, by halfling standards, cigar into its mouth, lights it very slowly.
00:26:01
Speaker
Takes a boom big inhale. exhales out this really, really shimmering off blue smoke. not This isn't sort of like a natural tobacco. This is this is something magical. It takes a second inhalation. It really takes his time. You don't have much time to answer me.
00:26:35
Speaker
G'day. Hello. Do you mind explaining what's going on? I'm after your man here. The man in the cage. And he just begins to just walk his horse within now 20 feet of you. Okay. I'm afraid he's ours, so I'll ask you to stop there. We're taking him where we're going. We're not giving to you. I think you'll find you are. You've got no way of going forward, Sonny. I cast Spiritual Weapon and hit him. Oh, God. Oh, shit. Okay. There's Escalated quickly. Roll to hit, please. Fuck. Okay. So my Spiritual Hammer suddenly appears at 12. That hits. Go ahead, roll some damage. Okay.
00:27:33
Speaker
ah He takes 10 points of force damage. Damn! Just as this spiritual hammer comes down, I'm just going to look at Emron with a sly glance. So much for the peaceful option, eh, Emron? I was following what Baal said. it's it's ah It's a hammer, yeah? It's a hammer. This hammer just gets conjured about... it's a halfling on a on a small horse so it's about ah yeah about eight feet in the air and just has this swing and knocks him and you just watch as he sort of falls off his horse like to the side still holding on clambers back up and just goes ah for fuck's sake mate what the fuck are you doing i explained he's ours and you can fuck up
00:28:24
Speaker
not looked like but put the magic hammer down I just fucking talk you rot one ah did um why did you want him that man in there that's dribbo if I'm not mistaken Who's a fucking dribbo? Who's dribbo? Raines. Raines, it is. Raines is. All right. At the moment, he was the one we are escorting to our destination as we have previously discussed. I've been following dribbo for about two months and he's been in, you know, a criss-cross care. This is my only chance I've had in a long time to get close to him.
00:29:13
Speaker
Okay, well, I'd look. We've got him. Shame. Look, you're stuck here in the desert now for a while, right? Those froggies aren't going to pull your cart. Yeah, care to wouldn't do that. I can't.
00:29:34
Speaker
Just give me the man, all right, and I'll go. No. No. Come on and lie. I haven't heard yet. so Perhaps shed some light on your request. Why is it that you wish to take him? You're very aware that he's been on Chris McCare for the last couple of months. We have been assigned to escort him somewhere. Why have you not attempted to do anything before now? And why is he so important to you? Well, because I'm not stupid enough to, you know, bust into a chryscra facility and take him out. I was gonna wait for him to go on the road with some, you know, unknowns like you, and then just intercept like I've done. It still seems stupid to engage a group where you are solely outnumbered.
00:30:25
Speaker
Yeah, but I'd hoped you know my intimidating approach would have just convinced you to just like run away. No, were we're not we're not your average MOOCs or mercenaries. No. Your intimidating approach has merely made us more cautious to you and and really quite annoyed actually. i'm I'll be honest, I'm currently stopping myself from just going fucking hell for leather and immolating you on the spot. ah That is quite an honor and a privilege. It's no need. There's no need for this. All
Winifred's Vendetta
00:30:54
Speaker
right. There's no need. Look, that that Drongo in there, he slept with my wife and I want to beef him up. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I'm having my say here. I have not had my coffee just yet. I've just woken up and someone has just tried to set me on fire while I'm asleep. No, I find that quite rude. So perhaps everybody can take a, take a, just take a breath, take a second. And perhaps you, you Mr. Horsey Halfling, you, you can tell me
00:31:20
Speaker
who you are and why you want that prisoner. And if if you say because he slept with your wife, I'm afraid that's a try for the matter that we're going to have to decline on. I don't believe you. There's more to it than that. And I don't believe him. Can I make an insight check? Go for it. Yeah, you beat me to it. You beat me to it.
00:31:41
Speaker
And literally yours is probably a lot better. You think that.
00:31:47
Speaker
Six. So what's your passive, ten? Yeah. You believe him? I am not surprised. So we're escorten a Scotland dribble who's some kind of cock holder and this fella wants to take him, that's the play. ah Look fella, I have a sympathy, but I'm... I mean, you can leave Nix as a frog, but we we really need the others back. I was only aiming for your driver and you your elephant there. I didn't mean to get your other man. Well, that is no foul. And you've you've inconvenienced us somewhat. Look, I understand, right? This clearly didn't work the way I had in mind. I had in mind you'd all run for terror and I'd just go in there and beef him up a little bit and then I'd be on my way.
00:32:36
Speaker
yeah can i go in there and just beef him up no i won't kill him no i won't no like i got a potion you can drink the potion afterwards i just need i'm on a revenge mission all right well unfortunately you'd have to go home and say oh well i wasn't able to get revenge It's not an option for me, mate. It's a matter of pride. so so he's He's quite a figure. you like i Just just just just just not not insulting you or anything. anything but What are you trying to say? You say I couldn't take a Dragonborn? No, I just want to know who he is, that's all. He's a dragonborn. Okay, he's a dragonborn. So, so um unfortunately, you're going to get yourself into trouble, mate. You're going to get yourself into a bit of trouble. No, because you could just let me just shut your eyes, then you won't know. Okay, okay so how about our but we get him out and do a fair fight?
00:33:26
Speaker
No, why, why the fuck do we do that? Well, can I can i also- If he's committed, if he's committed to this, then quite frankly, short of us killing him. It takes two to tango, Emron. Why are you not pointing the finger at your wife who's been fucking dragons? Oh, I have, mate. I pointed real good and I said, I'm going to get that dribbo and when I have, we're going to have a chat. So, why did you chat with the wife, but not chat with the dragonborn? Because I can't find her, mate. I can't find her anything. Coming back to it, let's just... That's a dragonborn in there. It's angry. It's caged up. Someone's called it Dribble since birth, and that that in itself isn't a particularly flattering name for a dragonborn. But, um anyways, can you please just like... can Can we come to some kind of a chord here where it's like... Yeah, I'm quite... Sorry, my my friend.
00:34:18
Speaker
You shot whatever the fuck that was, flaming things yeah through at the prisoner. And that was to not do any damage to it. You've turned my fucking beautiful elephant into a frog and some other beautiful things into frogs as well. No, you can't just go and fucking punch things. Why why are we standing for this? I'll give you again the last thing we ah give you some gold. I've got to pay you just to... Oh, in that case, yes, let's do it. yeah No, no. No, I'm fucking joking. Emron, can I cook this bitch? I am inclined at the moment my halfling friend to let my friend here ah cook you and then you know we'll be done with it and we'll have a nice rest and wait for these guys to recover so I would request that you leave the gun if possible just just just to help us weigh up perhaps potentially what's going on here and this this thing you've done it's a is this a polymorph oh yeah it's I got a special bullet from the market in scorch helm
00:35:16
Speaker
hi Wow, we never found that. I didn't know it would shoot three. um I only meant to get the early belly, and I ended up hitting your man, and I'm really sorry about that. You do know that polymorph, if it's a conventional polymorph, because I i studied the arcane arts, it requires something known as a conscious concentration, which means if if you are unconscious or, I don't know, dead, ah they're going to turn back to normal. If my understanding of the spell is correct... I don't know, I made a stock magic, could do anything. This is for fucks sake. I had to, I had to do some quite unsavoury things the last time I tried this. So you need to decide whether you want to be able to go home and have a conversation with your wife or not. She's not there mate. He can't find her. Would you perhaps like to be able to see the next sunrise? Yeah, I'd like that. Yeah, okay. So I think you owe us some recompense.
00:36:15
Speaker
Well, I'll give you some gold if you just don't turn your back for like five minutes. No. What do you mean recompense? You've assaulted us. I haven't hurt anybody yet. ah Bar, how do you feel? Do you feel injured by this encounter? i I hurt my bottom when I fell from the height. It hurts. I am sorry about that. That was just an accident. Well, do you have a potion? I have a potion. I trade you a potion for five minutes of your back's turn. No, no. Two minutes of your back's turn. I just got to get in there and just biff him on the nose on that stupid green snout. I am very close to finishing biffing you. Oh, mate, don't, because that really hurt.
00:37:00
Speaker
Are you aware a dragonborn has the means to like incinerate you with their breath? Yeah, but he won't. not But don't tar us all with the same brush rains. Not everyone has this. And Baal points to himself ability. No, okay. Well, a variation of some kind of elemental one. He's never used it on me before. Like we've known each other for about four decades. Can I start walking towards the halfling? Yeah. okay He just, as so you get, so you were 20 feet, you get within 10 and he's like, he puts his hands up, says, look, just don't hit me again. All right.
00:37:40
Speaker
Okay. So how are we going to resolve this? It takes another token, his cigar, and then swings a leg over and hops off his horse. And he goes from you looking sort of upwards towards him to you now looking at knee level. as he just sort of slumps to the ground. Puts her hands up. Her name's DeBaulbeck. Winnifred DeBaulbeck. Sorry. so Don't you think I've heard that, mate? Move on. Yeah, they called me Balls last time, first time I met them. Balls? yeah It's a cracking name. I may look like I'm 50 years old, but by my elven standards, I'm like 12, so that's... Yeah, mate, it's just me. I'm still experiencing puberty. eye
00:38:22
Speaker
Well, actually, yes, but I appreciate you you not to bring that up, Frank. That raises so many questions. We're going to get to that later, Aids. This hand is just thrust it towards your your belly, Emeron. Everyone will look at it. ah Master de Bulbak, pleasure to meet you. Well, no, it's not a pleasure to meet you. It's really fucking inconvenient to meet you. um lot the shit ran What's the inconvenience other than this just exchange? you've You've stopped us on our travels. We were, quite frankly, wanting to get where we were going quite quickly. You've inconvenienced us. Now we have to sit here in the desert and wait for them. It could take hours, mate. I really don't know. It could. Yeah. So now so you could just just let me you know do my biffing and I'll be good to go. No. Did you shake his hand and all that? No, I didn't.
00:39:08
Speaker
He's just gonna sort of pull his hand back. Hold up, hold up, hold up. There is another issue at play here. You've hit our friends with Stark magic and... Oh no, they they'll be fine. I, you know, I'd probably have to donate a lung or something. Okay, so... Look, is it really... You're not gonna be a far friend, put it this way. You're not gonna be far afraid of prisoner. It's not Gahra. Is he your... Oh, is he your friend? He's a prisoner. We're transporting him. You're not biffing him. Do you even know what he's done? He's done some pretty bad shit. Great. We've been asked to travel transport him. We're not here to ask what he's done.
00:39:48
Speaker
Isn't that a bit you know suspicious that you're just carrying this awful guy and you're not thinking, oh, why what are we doing here, lads? No, we were as you can see, we're a group of mercenaries. We tend not to ask questions, we tend to just take the money. yeah Well, how much are you being paid for this little venture? And I'll double it. 10,000 gold. He's doing an insight check on you, you feel. OK. Fair crack. Fair crack. Nice, I love it. You're not being paid anywhere near that, mate. No, I'm not. You're absolutely not. Like, put a number on it. Put a, you know, reasonable number on it for what I carry with me in the desert. Okay. How much is your life worth? My life? Yeah. Well, quite a lot. I have a, you know, sizable fortune.
00:40:41
Speaker
Okay. So... Never heard of the Dibbobex. Never heard of the Dibbobex, no. Uh, Bic. Deep old Bic. Oh, sorry. it It's the accent. Nah. Clearly you've never been to Moonrise. No. Nah. Well, you haven't heard of us. You know, we're pretty decent stock.
00:41:07
Speaker
Rich as fuck as well, mate. Rich is absolutely high heaven. So get yourself a new wife. You don't just buy wives. What the hell? Where do you come from? I'm saying use your money to charm another woman. No, that's gross.
00:41:21
Speaker
that what you' happening Well that's happening, Rains is going to have just lent over to Bar and it's going to go on. His accent actually sounds ah like a tinge, like it's quite similar to ah to the verandian twang. And tawa and ah in Dash Cowray, you sometimes have these fortune tellers and they read cards and they sometimes go, do you want to see my dick? And he's going to leave it at that. Oh, God. And they let you see it for free. yeah but it's it's out not but Sorry, it's a it's their way of saying dick, like cards. Anyway, I think we should go into this. You really are a child, aren't you, mate? I ah didn't realize you heard that. um i Yeah. I think it's a really good hearing, Rains, just so you know. No.
00:42:03
Speaker
I'm ah um'm a really perceptive guy. I'm excited. That's the word. Right. You say you're from the east? Perhaps. Oh, nice. I never been too far. I want to go, though. any any could Any good spots? Yeah, like proper East. like you know You can go East right now. Just let our friends go. and then you Well, i I am going East. I'm going i'm going back to mine. Can Baal... I want to make an insight check. Basically, I want to determine whether Mr. Bulbak is stalling us, whether he's deliberately trying to kind of hold us up for other means. So my eyes are kind of scanning the horizon. um I don't know whether that would count as insight or... Yeah, make an insight check. You're you're trying to ascertain as whether or not you are... You kind of read into his intentions. Yeah, it's a 15.
00:43:00
Speaker
There's nothing about him that presents like he's performing in any way. like When he said he wants to hit this prisoner, he means it. He doesn't seem to be travelling with anyone. He certainly stands out. You haven't heard anyone sound like this before. You did you don't recognise him from Snake Run in a group. um You can't 100% rule it out, though. But you just get the feeling like he has not got an ulterior motive. His thing is is he has told you already. right Let's have a chat with R.
00:43:41
Speaker
prisoner then. Can anyone climb up to the thing and try and pull down the sheet? It's inside that they the membrane. So it's 10 foot by 10 foot cage and then inside immediately is just like this tacked on linen. Okay. And is there a door? There is sort one yeah cage door, that the rear facing end, but it is welded. there isn't This is not something you can open with a key. How'd they get him out? What's the force lid made of? Is it a full metal? Yes, it's a cage. um ah so you know So there's a wooden base and then there's the metallic cage and then inside is the linen structure. Okay. Do you mind if I you know just perch in the shade there while you're figuring it out? No, you can stay there.
00:44:31
Speaker
Right. He's just going to sort of sit down in the sack. Well, he's going to go back to his horse and just rustle out of one of the side settles this bottle of wine and offers it around to anyone who fancies partaking. Go straight to you first. ba Yeah. I just shake my head hand still on these two hands on this toad trunks the toad. I don't know why we haven't just fucking killed you yet. And I'll turn around and go back to the the group. No way mate, I'm a good guy. And he just sort of sits in the sand and salts. So everyone's going to try and usher the group away from, you know, ball bag. And he's just there, just holding his arm where your spiritual weapon gave him a good knock. Which has disappeared now, by the way, yeah and and talk quietly to others in a way that hopefully ball bag can't hear. So we have a choice, either we convince him to fuck off or we kill him.
00:45:24
Speaker
Did he say he was from a rich and powerful family? He did, yes. Is that true? Is that bullshit? Do you do you know of the bull bags on the moon rises? I think the only person who might know is Seth and he's currently a frog, so... the usual I mean, we could add him to our prisoner collection. I don't know. i don't Someone comes across us, the back of the road, with the last thing we said was that we're going to keep moving no matter what and now we've fucked it. I totally agree. yeah Our mission here is not to have some person come and slap a prisoner, it's to get this prisoner off. He's why I started it and in the moment he said he wanted our prisoners. Yeah, I was very close to joining you. and't We should factor in with just slightly cooler heads that that guy's got some quite powerful stock magic and we don't know what else he could do. well and Currently, he is right about the fact that we ain't moving anywhere.
00:46:13
Speaker
Well, I can probably i use some of my magic to create ah something that can pull the cart, but only for a little while. What time of day is it? Sorry, it's out for you in this huddle as well. Just necking the wine. No, I think I would have let them go off and have their discussion. And it took a very long, hard look at the halfling, but I actually think I would have probably stayed a little bit nearer, um, the assassin that we've got timed up. So I'm, I'm just, I'm hanging around the wagon and I'm keeping an eye on him. Okay. So you've sort of taken a step back. So you're now about 30 feet away from, from Winifred. Um, yeah we of like um you do notice the Winifred has just sat there in the sand with his hand up waiting for someone to notice him, but M Ron in your huddle, you were asking what time of day it's not yet midday.
00:47:09
Speaker
Thank you.
00:47:12
Speaker
Rains. So this dribble fella's tied up in there, right? It's the guy on the floor. we just As far as we're aware, the person that we're transporting is called Dribble. Yeah. And that's the guy on the floor in there, the dangerous. We don't know. We never got a chance to look at him before. No, no, no, no. The person on the floor. No, that's... oh I thought you knew them. Oh, of course you didn't get to see them, did you? No, this is this someone here for you. So the person on the floor is... Rains, you remember your grandfather? you know, being a shady folk. Just quickly, everyone, I'm really sorry to interrupt. Do we unpack this now when we've got this halfling... Well, he's asking. Yes, he's asking, but do we just... Part of me is like, let's just off this fuck and be on our way. Well, that's what I'm trying to get to point to. But you're not, you're going to unpack and he's going to... Baal's going to point at the unconscious assassin at our feet. Well, what I'm trying to get to is, well, Ray and Dath... Anyway, okay, let's get back onto track with Baal.
00:48:08
Speaker
What were you doing with the Aflin?
00:48:13
Speaker
I mean, I'm happy to try to fucking explode him, if you will. OK, well, we'll give him a chance to go away. And if he doesn't, then we'll deal with him like we should do. You hear quite a loud voice. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to. There's an assassin in there who was sent by my grandfather to kill me. somebody Wow, I knew he'd do that. If you just fuck sake. The same time Rayn's asked that question, you hear a voice that's magically empowered through Thaumaturge. You're just saying, look, I'm making sarnies. Does anybody want one? And Alfred, as you have sight, you just see like there is now like a basket being open and he's sort of rooting around for provisions inside it.
00:48:56
Speaker
at literally at the same time that Raine says about my grandfather. Are we going to tell him to fuck off? Okay, no answers here then. And Raine is going to go in the cart towards the assassin. rain i will I will physically, if Reigns is going towards the assassin, I will physically put my arm up and stop him from going in there. Now is not the time to unpick that, is it? Move your hand, Alfred. Reigns, I will not let you get close to this gentleman.
00:49:34
Speaker
move your hand alpha rains let's just can can we can we put the ego away and just listen to us for what there is no bigger fish than my grandfather you have no idea one of the earthly idea what you are dealing with and if he knows where i am that's a big problem now move your hand i will not calm itself please
00:50:01
Speaker
Alba will just pipe up to Winifred and just say, could you just fuck off, please? There's so much going on and I don't, I'm trying not to immolate people on site. I i don't want to have to do this. Just take take your horse and just fuck off and just say that you punched him. I mean, ah fuck it, please. Don't punch him. If that's what's gonna let him fuck off so I can get in there, let him do it. Let him go in there and punch him. In you come, fella. Go punch him. Yeah? Alright! Well, you got, there's two options here. Either way, this is moving so I can get in that cart. And Ron's gonna walk on towards Winifred with his hammer outgoing. Trying to intimidate him going, you need to fuck off now. Come on, your man Pee Wee, he just said I could. Right.
00:50:52
Speaker
Did he just call me Pee-wee? Yes, he did. Leave. Okay, I'm punching him. And Reigns is going to start there. Come on. And he's just going to sort of wince and recoil a little bit. Why is no one letting me go and talk to the damn assassin who tries to kill me? Let him talk to his assassin. Not just leave me a alone. Let him talk to his assassin. I'm not punching him actually. Let me talk to the damn assassin. Let him talk to his assassin. The assassin is still unconscious. He will not be able to engage you in conversation, but he has feigned death or unconsciousness before in order to paralyze you previously. there is a reason until we have paralyed me ive been pump two up fuckcker he's being paralyzed shut up you ah he's got to point to the half leg rain Until we have full party and full strength, I advise you stay away from the assassin. If I must intervene with your approach to him, I will do, but I will not do so happily.
00:51:50
Speaker
Look him in the eyes, Alpha. Alpha will meet him eye to eye. You promise me that whenever this is solved and we get Nyx and Seth back, that I can go in there and get some answers? I will escort you. When he is conscious, we will have a conversation, because there is much I also wish to know. But until then... I get to talk to him. That's what you're saying. Rains, there's much I can tell you, lad. But with my company, you can talk to him. If you just give it a minute.
00:52:25
Speaker
Here's a present from Seth, by the way. All right. You have your minute. Fine. Right. Okay. Winifred. So I'm going to be really nice about this. You need to leave. Ah, can I feed? Can we like, can we just revise the offer that I said to like, I can just give you money and you let me do this and I'll go. Right. I'm going to swing my hammer at him. I'm going to be sitting for okay non-lethal damage. As you raise your hammer, he just puts his hands up and says, right. I understand this is not going to get me anywhere. All right. I'm just going to go wait by my horse. You guys figure your stuff out. I will pay you 500 gold. Right. If you let me do it.
00:53:06
Speaker
and then I'll be on my way. You can take this potion, your hands want a bowl, for your troubles. I'm sorry about that fall, right? We could be really civil about this, yeah? You don't know half the shit this guy's done. The fact that you're not burned alive, mate, is a real step for that. Oh, I get that. I understand. I'm glad you noticed everyone, thank you. I appreciate what you've done. I have a question though. Can I ask a question? Is that all right? Not about the prisoner, about your situation.
00:53:43
Speaker
I've been inclined to say no. It's about you, metal guy. Okay. I didn't know they could talk. There. This isn't the first one you've seen. Nah, there's a couple I've seen and they never talk like this. One said a couple of things just like beep, boop, boop, but this, he he can talk. How's that? Rains, please excuse me. I am walking directly up to Winifred. Oh, he's already recoiling from Emron and he's now at Double Down. I've still got the hand near the hand crossbow at this stage. Pee-wee, your boy, he's coming at me quite quick. Yeah, no, Rains is not going to step back. and Whoa, whoa, who whoa, whoa, Alfred, if I don't get to go on there and punch that assassin, you don't get to do this either. Everybody calm down.
00:54:28
Speaker
I'll go watch the assassin come on Trunks and I'll go over and stand over the unconscious. obvious I'm gonna go back to halfling. Halfling, you've bought yourself 10 seconds of my attention. What other Nakavola? What other versions of him? What is that word? Doesn't matter, irrelevant to you. All right. What other versions of him have you seen? You speak to him and you speak to us and you do it quickly. Well, it looks like him. The one I saw was a bit bulkier, not as polished and clean. He looks like, you know, a really souped up model. Traveling with a lizard, folk? No. well What? Bless you. Was he traveling with a lizard? Nah, nah, I haven't seen none in travels. I've seen some in, well, just places, just doing bits. Where? Where? Where? Yeah. Ah, man, let me think. Now there was one in Scorchhelm. Yeah. I've seen one in Scorchhelm. When?
00:55:22
Speaker
When? Maybe a month. I'm aware there has been one in Scorchhelm previously. I have encountered him in my travels. I know he is no longer in Scorchhelm. I need time. Was it? Maybe a month ago. Yeah, because I've been following Dribbo now. It was two months ago, the last time we were in Scorchhelm, and then we went up to Sleekguard for a bit. And then, yeah, we've been, in well, he's been incarcerated in Snakerun for like couple of weeks. We know who the one in scorch home is then.
00:55:58
Speaker
What? Does the timing work out for that? Yes, as far as I'm aware unless Danny says no. You don't know.
00:56:10
Speaker
But this one we're not traveling with a lizard. It could be- Nah, this one he worked in a shop or no. Oh, no, I know what he did. Nah, he's like a fighting machine. Yeah, he kills folks for like, you know, sport. He might be at the games actually. You going to the duel? I'm heading to the duel soon. You gonna go? I will be competing in the jury. Yeah, you won't be the only one then. Yeah, that's it. I remember there is one that's like, you know, fucking gnarly and it's going to hurt you. Like it's got, it's got your arms and then it's got like weapons and it's got, it's quite a bit bigger, but it's like, everything's a bit cloudy. You're really that's polished.
00:56:54
Speaker
Yeah, that's it. Hmm. I didn't catch a name though, but but he's still forced to range as like, oh, I'm still kind of desperately wanting to get closer, but I can feel range is resistant still. oh allfred He had like, you know, the physique of, and he's sort of scanning around all of you. Maybe you points at Emron, but just like taller, like you points at Baal.
00:57:27
Speaker
And I just remember this big old axe, he had his big old axe on his arm. Does it have a name? It sounds quite distinctive. The axe? I don't know. that I'm gonna let Alpha go, I'm gonna let the snack of all of my friends here go in a minute. Did the creature have a name? ah I don't remember, mate. I just remember it being about like this guy. that, uh, you know, everyone was like, fuck, look at that guy in metal. And then it turns out there's not someone in it. The metal is alive. Like your man here.
00:58:03
Speaker
You're not going to get your answers here. Okay. okay M1 steps away and goes back towards the cart, towards Baal, leaving Rainsen. I'm going to go to my horse and make some sarnies. Feel free to come and join. I've got some really nice cured meats. You take your time figuring this out. I preferably would like to leave here with my knuckles a bit bruised on Dribbo's face. Alright? But, I don't want to die. Like I said, I will pay you, I'll give you somewhat something to do in Scorch Helm. It's up to you, but I'm gonna go make a sani while you figure this shit out. Alright?
00:58:47
Speaker
As he does that, Rains is going to go to Alpha Alpha. I have just agreed to put my own emotions aside for the greater cause. You have to do the same. You are not going to get the answers you want from him. He is an idiot. idiot The answers you want are in Scorched Hill. The longer we spend Fanny and with him, the further you are away from those answers. Please, please, please park this. the rage you can obviously feel still in Alfa is probably like a few sparks shedding off the the metallic parts of his body but the logic is sound that you have presented to him so it does slowly kind of subside and if it was visible it feels like it takes a big inhalation of breath um just for you. You are correct, Reince. Problems for later.
00:59:36
Speaker
For what it's worth, so are you. We listen to each other and we help each other. That's what we do. The reins will just tap them on the shoulder. So, ah Winifred sort of tepidly walks back to his sort of mock makeshift picnic
Seth's Transformation and Decisions
00:59:56
Speaker
space. And as he does, about You just notice this one frog really aggressively hopping towards Winifred.
01:00:08
Speaker
So, as Winifred begins to sit down and rummage through his basket and start putting together a sandwich, you just see this one frog and while you spy this in the corner of your eye and like, okay, that's definitely not Trunks. Nyx is somewhere over there. The only person stupid enough to me out going head on in is Seth. And Seth, you sort of, ah you hop at this basket and just look up at this halfling who looks at you and says, oh, mate, sorry. like Let me, let me switch your ass. I didn't mean to get all of you. And he does that. I'm going to jump directly at his crotch. Go for it. Can you just find a stat block for a ah tiny frog? I think it's tiny frog. Let me double check. I've got nothing ready. I've just typed in five. I've got my mom's name. Hold on.
01:01:00
Speaker
Why did I do that? that It's just regular frog. Just a regular frog. I know. I know, but I didn't type D and D. So you have no other stats. i know your I know what your armor class is. So you just just roll it out. You have no pluses or minuses to it. Okay. No minuses, that's not fair. So roll a D20. I think as far as mine. Under pet. Okay, okay. 10. And then it's minus Five? Yes, it's the minus five. yeah um yeah yeah that You have a strength modifier of one. So here's what happens is you sort of hop and you go to try and headbutt him in the nads as hard as you can. It just catches you like he just thinks that you're just know trying to get a bit closer. And um you just watch as he just sort of rubs this ointment.
01:01:44
Speaker
into your skin and almost strokes you like a frog, like a pet. And you just slowly begin to morph back to full Seth. And then he just offers you with his other hand, this sort of cured ham sandwich. Are I clothed? Yeah, you're exactly as you were seconds ago. The last thing you remember was hearing this loud bang and then you became a very small creature. Trunks was a frog in front of you. All of the reins that were attached to the trunks fell. Nyx who was sat to the left of you also became a frog. And then you figured out a few minutes later that you too were a frog. But now you are you again.
01:02:30
Speaker
What the frog just happened there? Ah, g'day. Name's Winnifred. I'm Major Sarni. Come sit down. i'm here to punch I'm here to punch your boy in the back there and then I'll be on my way. Who are you going to punch? Tribbo, the Dragonborn, in the back of that cage. Alright. Just want to beef him up a bit. Yeah, he slept with my wife. Why was I a frog? Oh, that was an accident, mate. I was just trying to temporarily slow down your Ellie boy. And um this turns out the stock magic thing that I got. It's good for three shots, not one. Who'd have thought?
01:03:07
Speaker
Seth's going to take like a long pause and rub his bad eye um under the eye patch and then turn to Baal. Is Baal nearby? No one has seen you morph back. Everyone has been sort of in their own um heated moment except for Rains who has just watched. So ah you're holding back Alpha. Alpha and Rains have seen you and I'm picturing Baal and him running just a bit more around the corner. We're back near the assassin aren't we? Because Baal wouldn't look after the assassin. So Alpha and Rains have seen you. ah He turned around and Uh, Alpha, have you fixed your gun yet?
01:03:41
Speaker
Can you just shoot this fucker and we could move on? Oh, come on. I can shoot him. Guys. Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy. Yeah, out alpha's Alpha's pulled out the crossbow and he's pointing it. Remember, this guy has this guy has used stock magic. We should not be meddling with stock magic until we fully understand what's happening. no If he's dead, he can't use stock magic. Yes, he can, but then he we don't he's just undone what's happened to Seth. We still need him to do the same to Trunks. Turn back my elephant. Uh, I'm sorry. I can't. That was my last bit of remedy. So at the back inside check. rollin
01:04:21
Speaker
and' come on um i'm I'm going to whisper to bar once that's happened. Oh, 13. You believe him. Okay. Fuck. So Bao and then one's whispering to talk because we're behind the others. So this guy knows our names. He knows we've got the prisoner. We could consider our secrecy and our destination and our intentions to enter enter into a tournament are now blown. So are we going to let this guy go or not? Well, like you say,
01:04:51
Speaker
i I'm all for just fucking cooking him up. I was just waiting. Oh, you technically you did through the first punch, but I did. You said you said if this is going to look like going to go south, it's through the first punch. I did so. on And nobody followed me in. You chastised me so hard for cooking that lady in her fucking armor. You chastised me so hard, and but now you've made me question myself. You you said you said to me, look, if this is going to kick off, that's where the first punch first, I nodded, and then it did kick off and no, anyway. Right, but can I blow him up then? Let's go over and talk to him. Now Seth's here. Maybe Reigns is preoccupied with the assassin, so let's go and see if set what Seth thinks as well. Oh, fuck's sake. I missed my chance. Yes, you have. yeah
01:05:39
Speaker
Seth, are you partaking in the sandwich that's in your hand? He's just going to be looking at it. He's eating the exact same. and just like it doesn't like He's hungry, but he knows this meal won't be crunchy or taste like fly. For some reason not considering the sandwich. it's just He doesn't really know why at the moment. He hopes it's a fleeting thing. You can save it for later, mate. It'll last you a couple of days. and Everyone's going to have them now marching towards Winifred. Oh, hey, big guy, big guy. So, Seth, to summarise, this guy attacks on the road, has stopped us where we're going. Oh, attack is a punch big word. You shot at us and attacked us. I'm talking now, shush. Oh, right. ah Tried to, try tried to, wants to punch on ah our friends. opera You said he's not your friend.
01:06:31
Speaker
I wouldn't want to punch your friends, that will be worth it. Shut up. Shut up. Right. Wants to punch our prisoner and quite frankly, we're of the opinion that he even needs to fuck off or he's going to become a bleach-borne corpse in the middle of the desert.
01:06:49
Speaker
Why, what what why, why, why? I have lots of questions in my head. Take a seat, mate. I'm here.
01:06:58
Speaker
No, Winifred. Stupid name. Oh, come on. It's Winifred, the ball bag. Yep, there we go, surname. The ball bag. Ball back with a C and a K. Why would you take the name that reminds you of the sack which contains yours? I don't get to pick my name. It was given to me by my parents. Guys, come on now. We can be civil about this. Don't you think I got all this in school? You shot us not in the desert on the roof. I disabled your elephant. ni has got out the door If everyone just stands back 20 feet, I will literally blow him up. Look, how much money do you have on you? I'll give you 500 gold. Like I said, you can have my 500 gold. Let me biff him. I'll be on my horse. I'll go. I won't even like properly hurt him. I just need to hit that guy so hard. You know, 20 feet.
01:07:48
Speaker
Right, ah this brings me to a good question. Bo, oh, hello. I was a frog, apparently. ah Yes, this is a frog too. This is this is trunks. Nick's somewhere over there, and one old gesture towards the front of the cat. Go get him before he starts humping other folks. But listen, i they do that I mean, I'm all for it. He doesn't let the fucker punch the fucker. But do we even know we have the fucker? Because I know there was a concern earlier that we didn't even have the fucker. I peeked through the three little fiery holes that were left, and there's some sort of hulking figure suspended in that thing. yes I've been following this guy for months. It's him.
01:08:28
Speaker
some sort. Should we crack open the cage? Mate, you don't want to be opening that thing. How are we going to go to punch him then? Just punch through the cage. He's he's in the middle of a 10-foot cage. You're not going to be able to reach. I'll do it a couple of times. I'll find it. I'll get a stick. Look, if i can't reach if I can't reach the material in there to tear it down. I'll get a stick. Your little stubby arm can't punch it. Touch him with a stick. Yeah, just going to poke him with something. just let me but don know that's not Whatever you do, don't open that cage. That's not punching him then, is it? You just tighten him with a stick. No, but you know if he wants to poke him with a stick for 500 gold, you know I'd let him poke me with a stick for 500 gold. I don't want to hurt you, mate. You've done nothing wrong. Why not? I'm just making my point. Could we find a mistake? I wouldn't be a mess if the gun got put into that trade. I'm just saying. Oh, this is nice. It's no good. It's dead. OK. Well, how about you give it, because it's dead, you can give it to our friend for free. ah Thank you very much. If um if I can punch your prisoner, yeah.
01:09:24
Speaker
Are we just going to let him punch him? I'm of mind of the fact that we're either going to have to kill him or let him punch him. Pee Wee, why do you want to kill me? so that Since you won't fuck off without those, that's the two options that we seem to have. your goal If we have a convo, I could give you some other options. Okay. Keep going. How interesting. Do you want to sit down and have a sandwich? I'm just going to go capture Nick. He seems to be running up the dune, hopping up the dune. I'm just going to go grab him and put him in a glass of water or something. And then you'll see Seth like half run, half like hop skiddly, like half hop, half jump nice off as he tries to like run shake his head and rub his eyes and he's going to go off for a few minutes and grab, grab Nick.
01:10:08
Speaker
Range is going to sit down and it's going to go into the sandwich basket and go, you wouldn't poison a child, would you? No, mate. or this thus No, you guys are an interesting bunch. Remember what I said about elven our lessons. Range is just going to start eating one of the sandwiches. so ah Yeah, go for it. Knock yourself out. That sounded like, remember those adverts ages ago, you wouldn't rob a bank. You wouldn't steal a hat. You would steal a TV. You would steal a child. You sounded like that. Look, while you mention on my jerky, just come and hear me out. All right. And while you are hearing these options, this is the the best. this This isn't dry rations, by the way, and it's quite tasty. It's not bad. It's from Moonrise. It's great. It's good stuff. Okay. Everyone's going to, you want some of this and he's going to pass you half a cigar. I'll take the cigar and I'll take a sandwich.
01:10:55
Speaker
Right, now isn't this much better? look Look how open we are with each other. And Ron's still frowning. He's got' still frowning at him. You're meeting me halfway and I acknowledge that. Thank you. Right? Would you like mustard with your sandwich? No. Right you are. He makes her the other he makes you another one. Right. The way I see it, we've got a couple of things on the table here. You let me live, right? I've done nothing to hurt you. I've temporarily... And from turn three it was into frogs, could have caused the whole cart to crash and we could have died, yep. And my bum. Yes, I gave you a potion for that and I'm deeply sorry, that was definitely not my intention. We're lucky these carts, because we were travelling at quiet speed, didn't come out into a stop and kill us. And if there's anyone sustained any sort of mental trauma from this, again, I'll be here to sort of hash that out with you, okay? Down the road.
01:11:45
Speaker
Option number one, just let me go in there and biff him up, right? I'm not gonna open that thing, because you don't open up Criscra cards. It's not good for your health, right? But I'll throw something in there. Oh, there's some rocks or a stick, one of your swords maybe, just poke him a bit, right? You just, that's one
Negotiation Options
01:12:03
Speaker
option. Option two, you don't like the incentive. I'll give you another sandwich, 500 gold, I'll do the same. Option three, You don't seem to want to let me do this. So I say, well, let's meet in less. Why don't we meet at my house in scorch run at my Villa? You bring me him there. Sorry. Just let's network. Good sandwich. but yeah
01:12:30
Speaker
Ah, thank you. That hammer blow you just hit me with, it's, you know, it's hurting a bit. You meet me at my place in Scorch Helm. You bring the prisoner. You let me take Dribbo down to my torture chamber and I rough him up a bit more. But at least then you you can get yourself paid for dropping him off or whatever.
Family Wealth Explained
01:12:50
Speaker
Option four. um whatever they are paying you, which I don't think is 10,000 gold. Like this isn't my first rodeo. All right. I'll pay you the same now. I'll beef him up. Um, but you're going to have to come and collect the rest cause I've only got 500 on me.
01:13:08
Speaker
Okay. Um, or we can just be pals. Like I'm a pretty big guy in central Aerith one, not big in stature, but big in name. My name carries. I take it. You haven't heard much of the double backs. No. Right. well We used to be fishers, right? Huge fishing colony, ah my family owned. And then we sold all of our ships, all of our ships to this slaver called Vossen, who now runs the joint here in Dralak. He paid so much money for all our vessels that we have just been living the high life for decades. I've just been buying property left, right and center.
Contemplating Connections
01:13:47
Speaker
Chances are you probably stayed in an establishment that I've bought since. Okay.
01:13:55
Speaker
While this is happening, Seth is going to have returned. He's trying to like hold on to a Wriggley nicks. And then he's going to be listening to this furrowed brow, very similar, actually, to Emron's face. And then we'll, like, ping, have a little a light bulb moment, and we'll quickly reach for his book and search the back pages. And over the charcoal drawing of the cart where he scribbled a sentence down, he's going to quickly read everything on the look up. And you see his eyes kind of searching for a second. Lip bites, closes the book again. He's going to say to, um, but back
01:14:26
Speaker
um
01:14:29
Speaker
So, how did you say you got all your money for your family again? Was that from crude mud iron from the north? No mate, selling fishing ships. Not fishing ships. Alright, sorry. I thought you said it was something to do with crude mud iron from the north. No, no idea what you're saying. I'm going to tell you where I'm at. I haven't tried this delicious sandwich and listen to you. yeah mean Knock yourself out. Do you want some wine? Can you have one? Is he old enough? Power in the desert, who gives a fuck? Take some wine, kiddo.
Prisoner Harm Debate
01:15:00
Speaker
Yeah, thanks. And Raines will have a sip of wine and he's then just going to go. wait Now, we don't have anywhere to go ourselves when we are in this place. Or perhaps we could be on the market for finding somewhere. We do have options when we get there. We have options, but the villa sounds pretty good, right? And you say you're well connected. Yeah, mate. ah Yeah, if you want to. whoop Depends on who you want to be connected to.
01:15:25
Speaker
Right, well, we... we You want a date? Are you old enough to date? I could set you up. I'm... You do not want to know that that day in practices, that they practice with each other, man. So we let you punch our prisoner and you owe us. Yeah. And then we'll come and visit you in the city. You think about an appropriate thing that you'd like in... I can sponsor you in the jewel, whoever wants to do that. I could, you know, make sure there's some good odds. I could pull in some few favours and... Does it cost to enter the jewel? No, but you know, it costs if you want to... with what there's a There's a proving, right? I could make sure you get decent proving odds, make sure you're not in there with like, you know, six grizzly bears. I could, you know, just bribe someone to make sure you're in there with like one bunny rabbit.
01:16:10
Speaker
um I thought bunny rabbits can be, you know, i've otherve heard there's ah there's a legend in where we come from, about a bunny in a cave. Well, I won't do bunny rabbit either then. um I could, you know, wangle my way in there. I get you some good odds. I could improve the odds on your, you know, your names being the winners. I could get you some and and advanced information about what's going to be in there. I could find out a bit earlier what some of the prizes might be. um okay I could just do whatever you need, mate. whatever There's some limitations, but just let me biff this guy up and i you know I'll call him whatever favor you need.
01:16:46
Speaker
Okay, you can even think about what you need on the road. Just I'll keep you and I know you I'm going to say something rains instead of just been intently listening to this and he's actually for the first time applied as he's as he's got used to the the drinking wine and and bartering in this way it reminds him of the way his father saw him to negotiate and obviously the bull decks and He has had read out to him many times like a series of like names of influential people from around the world and hosting
Safety Concerns and Next Steps
01:17:16
Speaker
them. Can I do a history check to see just just I want to see if this guy's story is checking out. So actually the name is. Go for it.
01:17:28
Speaker
And eleven. Not a name you recognize, but not enough to make you suspiciously unrecognizing of it, if that makes sense.
01:17:41
Speaker
Raines is leaning toward, Raines will then turn to Emrom and say, I'm leaning towards if this fella's gonna put 500 golds in our pocket and it's gonna let us get in our way, we should, this is now the most expedient option. And he makes a good sandwich. Thank you. 20 feet back is all you need to stand for me to explode him. Oh my God, I think we moved on from violence. Just go take a seat. No, I don't want to. I have a jam. okay When's the last time you tried jam?
01:18:12
Speaker
I don't even fucking know, but i can if i am not let me put it this way. If we let you punch this person in the fucking cage and you fuck off on your merry way and we get all these wonderful things that you're telling us, ah if any damage comes to him from the punching, I will fucking explode you. And here, and I'll point to Seth, I'm pretty sure he's recently learned how to explode someone's fucking head. So he's going to explode your head and I'll just blast you to... fuckery. And then can we just get this done? I want my trunks back. I want us to stay on the move. We need to be on the road. This person, ah you you said fuck you to some bigwig in Scorchow recently, didn't you? He's going to be wanting your fucking head as well as all of our fucking heads. We just need to move. So let's just get this cart back on the road. Are you in some sort of hurry? I agree with that. So
Deal Making and Favors
01:19:00
Speaker
we need to. We want to get where we're going. I'm sorry about inconvenient. Are you in a hurry?
01:19:07
Speaker
Oh, no shit. to We're travelling a very dangerous desert. and you've Not on this road, mate. This road, well, yeah, this time of year, it gets a bit tricky, but this is one of the safest places to travel in the entire kingdom. You owe us a favour. What? Yeah, if you let me do the thing I came here to do. You... gone biffing. Oh, great. And he just gets up and immediately starts to stroll towards the cart. Ah, 500 gold. who whoa whoaa Ah, favor or gold, mate? What do you want? It's not a favor. If we if you're going to do it, and you know if you're holding it as blackmail, that's called blackmail, not a favor. A favor is something you don't need anything in return. You've said, oh, yeah, I'll fix your your boy, your elephant boy, trying to do your accent. But only if you let me biff this guy. That's not a favor. That's a bloody blackmail, that.
01:20:00
Speaker
I know my way around. I've been around next long enough. I can't do anything about your elephant or your other friend just yet. This is going to have to wait until that wears off. Right. Alpha. But I'll give you the gold. He didn't say the thing. He's going to wink at you. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Everybody hold the hold. 500 gold. and You better hum good on your word in Scorched Helm or I'm gonna let ball. I'm gonna move in 20 feet in Scorched Helm and we'll blow you up
Fairness and Threats
01:20:30
Speaker
there. So you've got to move 20 feet now. Just so we're clear, what is it the word you'd like me to hold in Scorched Helm? About favours, about helping us, about sponsorship, about somewhere to stay if it's a nice villa, all of that. Right, you've got yourself a deal and he puts his hand up towards you. Yep, and the 500 goal we're getting right now.
01:20:49
Speaker
Yeah. Can I beef him up and then give him the gold? Or do you want the gold first? I'll tell you why. And the broken gun you can give to our friend out there. Guys, I still have to get home, you know? Are you sure about the gun? We're not taking your horse. You can still get home. Are you sure about the gun? It's my last bit of, you know, intimidation and performance. Are you sure you need that? How far you got a weapon you can trade for this gun? Use your personality. I can't. I don't know how to use weapons, guys. I'm a decent shot, but that's all.
01:21:20
Speaker
If you leave him with that thing, I might not make it back to Scorchell. And I'm going to use this. And we're going to offer him a short sword. I don't know how to use those things. Don't give him a fucking sword before he punches the fucking prisoner. Fuck me. we are we are being slept Dysfunctional. Look me in the eyes right now, Winifred, and say, I
Cathartic Punch and Gratitude
01:21:40
Speaker
just want to punch this person, not do serious damage, not kill them. Look me in the eyes and tell me that. I just want to punch this guy. I want to punch Dribbo on his stupid snout. I don't want to kill him. I don't want to do any serious damage. No maiming. No impalement. None of it. I just want to punch his snout.
01:22:02
Speaker
passive 17 will you take it or not he is he was being entirely sincere for a 17 he's fucking sincere let him punch the fucking snout and that part of me wants to see how we can reach him in the middle of the cart so i'm i'm willing to let him yeah so we'll forgo the we'll we'll we'll we'll take the gold you can keep your weapon and we'll have the favors once we're in scorcher and you do serious damage and i fucking ignite you and i'll blow your head up i agree but like Guys, I really like how he overcame this immediate sense of violence. And when you listen, okay, right. And he doubles back to his horse, rustles around and pulls out a pouch and begins to sort of count out, realizes it's all he's got and just sort of hands it back to you, Reins, as he walks past. ah And then as he walks past, he says, when you get to Scorch Hill, come and find my place, you'll find it in Milk Gate. All right, find it on Milk Gate.
01:23:01
Speaker
Look for this and he sort of tears off a bit of his poncho and it's ah it's um actually repurposed from an old sort of sailing sack and it's got a symbol of this sort of orange net over a black fish. Look for that. It's on my villa. Come give us a knock. Come give us a knock. How about that? That's a good joke. then he stole punch One punch. One landed punch, correct? If I miss, I get to go again.
01:23:33
Speaker
More of this fear. Okay. Yeah, is that fear? And he's... yeah just Just fucking punch him. Everyone's watching because he wants to see how this halfling can reach like, you know. So he sort of looks around, puts his hand through the the cage and then hits the the the linen mess and he's sort of trying to push through that to try and get to him and it doesn't quite lift the way he likes. So he sort of does a 180 around and he says, guys, who's this guy sleeping in your car? He looks tied up. Let's just ignore that. Let's carry on with this. Right. It looks hurt. Just carry on with this. Have you fed him or? Carry on with this. Right.
Reflection and Moving On
01:24:12
Speaker
And he just looks around for a bit. Says, yeah, I'm going to need a stick. And it starts to look around. Can't find a stick or anything like that. It's like, comes back. Can I borrow that short sword real quick? I use the, the blunt end.
01:24:28
Speaker
absolutely gonna look at ball no no no no what a fucking and I trusted that you weren't gonna do anything other than kind of punch him up but if you can't punch him just oh fuck me uh can I give him my navigators stick yeah so use this twatter on the head give it back and fuck off Right on. Thanks, mate. And he's going to just go up and he's just going to almost like, um, you know, the game pop-up pirate, where you just blindly stab swords into a wooden barrel. He's just doing that in cages till he feels impact. And after about the seventh time, you just, he just doesn't get the cane in as far as it the others have gone. And he's like, you fucking take that, you bastard.
01:25:12
Speaker
Yeah. And he just lets out this really hulking roar for a tiny creature and then just do feel better takes a breath. I was cathartic, you know, I just, and he starts getting quite emotional at this point and he starts tearing up. You know, you you just, you chase a guy for months around Aerith thinking I'm never going to hit him. And then you just feel that sweet sound of wood hitting his snouty flesh. And it just makes your day, you know, it just gives you that purpose. Guys, I can't thank you enough. I really can't. I know you can't, so hopefully you'll be able to make it up to us when we're in Scorch Elm. Yeah. And I'll take the stick. Oh, yeah. My friend is all yours. I'll take the gold. Yeah. I gave it to you, guy. Pointing at rain.
01:26:08
Speaker
But this was nice. Do you want a sandwich before I go? Anyone who's not easy. I think Rains has something to say, but he's muted. Ah, Phoebe, how can I help? His mouth is moving, but he's insane. Yeah, sorry. No, I was just saying, while this is happening, Rains has put the gold in the bag of holding, and NC has dived into the bag of holding, and it's just counting the gold to just check how much he's there. In the few moments, everything that NC has discovered so far has been gold coin.
01:26:34
Speaker
I gotta say, I really feel like we've we made a connection today, guys. I really appreciate what you've done for me.
01:26:45
Speaker
You know, thank you. There's yours. Yeah, right, right on. Nali. Yeah, so come look me up. Think about what sort of favor you might like. I'll see what I can do. Okay. And he just sort of puts the steps and back on. adjusts himself, still wincing a little bit of that hammer impact that he had. Mounts his horse, takes a few goes because he has to sort of, he tries to leap up, doesn't quite get enough height, tries again, doesn't quite get enough height, looks around a bit embarrassed, and then sort of clambers up really, really awkwardly. Don't help him, no one help him. No, mate. He ain't helping him. He's watching. just All of us just staring at him right now. My name's Winifred de Bulbeck.
01:27:34
Speaker
And I think I've just made friends for life.
01:27:40
Speaker
I'll be seeing you and just sort of nods and begins to do a really slow walk on his horse around the cart and heads off in the direction you want to be heading. I really want that hat. We need to get moving because Kareem's going to fuck you up. Karim's going to run with Shaun the Road, so, you know. ah we can over bleed until it is back to normal Hopefully they spring the trap on him and it'd be fine. Anyway. Is it seems wrong that I have a real, real, real dislike for him? Like I really want to hurt him. Well, i I did. We had this bar was like, look, if this goes south, we'll just kick off. He wanted to punch our prisoner. I said, no, kicked off and then nothing else happened. So, you know.
01:28:30
Speaker
Why was I a frog? Why are they frogs? He turned you into frogs. Why? What's wrong with him? Attempted intimidation. A what magic? he stock magic oh right stock by okay yeah i'll voted that He thought he could scare us all. If he turned some of you into frogs, the rest of us being just humble mercenaries would skedaddle and be like, oh, fucking this, run away. But he just discovered that we didn't. No, we don't sound like that either. No. um So we might as well just rest here. He didn't make a good point. We should probably try and make sure that we feed and water the assassin. Otherwise... Who is the assassin? Oh, the prisoner. The person in the back. The other prisoner. Not the prisoner. We collected the prisoner that you guys caught. Wait. Oh yeah, we've got lots of prisoners.
01:29:22
Speaker
Yes. Oh, reigns. Uh, he's awake now, by the way, he's looked well. Well, you can see, obviously he's been talking for the last half fucking hour, but reigns, Seth brought you a prisoner that anyway, you should probably unpack that. Hello. I need to explain to range who he is. Yeah. he You know him from before. That was hard. You do reigns. You do know him. You might not be able to recognize him right now, but you do know him. Oh, he knows you. you going to have to anyway and on before we go it how long are we going to be resting here because
01:29:52
Speaker
ah feel old full of magical goodness and i've got some i've got some things of my slaves ah all we could we could we could have a rest for an hour have some have some you know It will probably be until at least Trunks is back to normal. Can I do a an Arcana check, please? I'm going to be looking at Nyx, the frog who's kind of trying to escape from hand and I keep grabbing his back leg, dangling in by one leg as he wriggles, kind of enjoying the fact that I can torture him this way. um Not painfully, but just kind of fucking with him a little bit. But I want to then stare at the kind of the energy around the stock magic spell and do an arcana check. mean, you can tell me the check. I want to figure out, can I get a sense of how powerful this is and slash how long this kind of magic might last for? I mean, um' looking at it in terms of maybe it being an illusion or some kind of polycarbonate? No, what am I trying to say? Polymorph? Polymorph-esque spell that he's trying to discern kind of the strength of or something like that. Make an arcana check, then.
01:30:54
Speaker
um on oh That makes me very kind to you. That is really kind. I rolled a three, so that's 10. You can't tell what school of magic this this attaches to, but you have a decent guess. You can't tell the limit. There's no indication of it sort of phasing out. It's not like sparking or like flashing to show like low battery. um
01:31:22
Speaker
It's not an incantation you're particularly familiar with, so you're not sure on on the size or scale of it. It's also stock magic base, so it is is um manipulated somehow. It is magnified beyond a regular spell. can't yeah You can't, with a 10, really place it any more in hard info than that. me going oh shit and he's going to just like throw down. Do you want to melt the sand? I didn't realise it was next but oh shit he picked him up again. I mean if you want to know about it I can probably have a look at it as well it's up to you.
01:31:57
Speaker
You're gone then, he's going to toss up Nyx. And as you lob Nyx mid-air, and everyone's just sort of looking for a second at that this throne. Frog. Frog. From where you are, your passive wisdom, you're looking sort of in that general direction anyways, you're watching Nyx in frog form fly, looking at his underbelly. You just see a tear. in the linen in the prisoner cart happening like one claw has gone into that bullet hole and is beginning to tear the fabric and you could just make out this green forehead and this yellow eye staring at you from within the prisoner cart
01:32:46
Speaker
And that is where we're going to end this week's episode of The Fellowship of the Tabletop, Bella is green nows someone clever girl was it ian that not here and I better not do this wrap up because I absolutely tanked the intro. Could've killed him guys. I'm gonna be an absolute douche and say, Callum, wrap this up please.
01:33:21
Speaker
Ah, improvisation, always the fun way to go. So whenever you're ready, Callum, you can
Closing Remarks and Social Media
01:33:26
Speaker
start. Nick is the only one that has met Callum, and if you want to meet any of us, not in personally, but online, now you can do so at our Twitter page, at Fellowship Table. oh there's not page x I've already fucked it up, but there we are. We are also on Facebook and other social media, so by all means, um do obviously Drop us a Give us a review. Give us a rating. Five stars, please. um Not for this exit. not for this leg Definitely not for this exit. If you want to write a personalised review about this exit, then how much is going to be terrible? thing magazine If you wish to write a personalised review... If you wish to follow us all individually, you can do. You can follow Darren at... Darren Page, A6. You can follow Mark at... Hastier or Deanna. You can follow Will at... Natural20Will.
01:34:15
Speaker
you can follow our other Will at Fellowship NPC PC and if you wish to follow our wonderful DM you can always find him at Total Party Thrills and until next time guys and
01:34:35
Speaker
are are