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Field Notes: The Name I Choose to Be Known By
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I recently introduced myself as Marie-Nicole…
and someone said;
“I never hear anyone use their full name.”
Later, I heard her do the same.
A small moment… but a powerful reminder.
Our names carry more than sound.
They carry identity.
Mine was never something to simplify.
I say it in full.
And when it’s met… I feel seen.
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Transcript
The Significance of Names
00:00:00
Speaker
For most of my life, when I introduced myself as Marina Paul, people would ask, what should I call you?
00:00:13
Speaker
And for a long time, I'll let them choose.
00:00:22
Speaker
But my name was never something to simplify. It holds the fullness of who I am.
00:00:32
Speaker
Marie and Nicole, feminine and masculine, they're equally part of me.
00:00:46
Speaker
And when someone takes the time to say it I feel seen.
00:00:59
Speaker
my family, each of us females have the first name Marie. It's almost like Marie is the representation of the female. And then the second name is the identification of who we are individually.
00:01:12
Speaker
In our cultural background, a lot of men are named Jean. And that's like the male but um distinction. And then their second name is their identity, their unique identity.
00:01:28
Speaker
So to just call me Marie, it feels like it's only half of me being addressed.
Embracing Identity
00:01:34
Speaker
In my immediate family, my mum's name's Marie, followed by Heidi, my sister's name's Marie, followed by Josie, and then I and Marie Nicole.
00:01:46
Speaker
So when people would call the house and ask to speak to Marie Meunier, we'd have to distinguish which Marie they were talking about. And that was tricky because we're all...
00:01:57
Speaker
similar similar height, similar colouring, same colour hair and same surname. So unless they knew our birth date, it was very difficult to distinguish who they were actually after.
00:02:09
Speaker
And I found that very tricky growing up, that everyone would be named the same name. But we're all individuals. But it took a bit of getting used to, you know, people would call me Nikki or Nick or Nicole.
00:02:25
Speaker
And it got to a point where I just decided, you know what, I'm Marie Nicole. I'm all of them. Now, for some people, the fullness of me is too much. And that's okay. I'm not going to resonate with everyone.
00:02:39
Speaker
That's impossible for us to resonate with everyone. And, you know, if it actually acts as a natural filter. So when I introduce myself as Marie Nicole, if that's too much for someone and they decide to shorten my name, so be it.
00:02:55
Speaker
But in all honesty, I feel like Marie Nicole has always represented the entirety of me. Introducing myself as Marie Nicole offers the whole of me to them. I have had many experiences in my lifetime of being too much.
00:03:11
Speaker
too left of centre, too different, too out there. But that's okay. Not everyone's going to resonate with me, as I've said. But there's also people who actually really appreciate my too muchness, my too out there-ness, my too left offended-ness. And that's really beautiful to actually have authentic quality connections with people who resonate is much more powerful than trying to appeal to everyone and not really connect on a deep level with anyone.
Valuing Uniqueness
00:03:42
Speaker
I actually feel like it's a lot less taxing to just show up as myself and if somebody else can't accept me in my fullness, then that's okay. I'm better off not to try and be accepted by someone one who cannot accept me as I am than to stretch myself to to to actually to try and be something I'm not in order to be accepted.
00:04:04
Speaker
This kind of acts as a natural filter. And this is a natural filter for those who I am truly in resonance with and those who take a step back or take a wide berth, then that's an indication that potentially they're not more to be in my world and me in theirs. And that's fine too.
00:04:23
Speaker
I have no expectations of other people being exactly like me And I do not try to blend in and be normal. I don't believe there's such thing as normal. I believe we're all our unique selves for a reason.
00:04:37
Speaker
And like Dr. Zou said, why fit in when we were born to stand out? That's how I've approached my life. I'm quite okay not being liked by everybody or understood by everybody in the same way that I don't necessarily understand everybody else out there.
Family Heritage and Names
00:04:52
Speaker
When I was growing up, my father was really proud of his name. His name being Pierre Meunier, full name Pierre Walter Meunier. But Pierre Meunier was how he introduced himself to people. He was so proud of his name.
00:05:08
Speaker
For his birthday one year, I gave him a bottle of sparkling wine, which was the variety of Pinot Meunier, spelled exactly the same way as our surname.
00:05:19
Speaker
He was so chuffed to receive that. Being a real estate agent at this time in his life, he then gifted that to any settlements. any of his clients that settled on a property. And he was so proud to give them a wine that had his name on it.
00:05:34
Speaker
The funny thing is, he was not wanting any anyone to know his age. He was very proud when it came to his age. He looked a lot younger than he was all his life. And he introduced me to everybody at age 12, even till the point I was age 21. But his name was something he was extremely proud of.
00:05:55
Speaker
Now, when I got married, I actually did not want to change my name, my surname, because I actually loved the sound of Marie-Nicole Meunier.
00:06:06
Speaker
It's melodious. And my father liked the sound of melodious names too, and that's a very French thing, so it didn't surprise me. But there was a bit of a fuss in the family made about me not changing my name on my then-husband's side.
00:06:22
Speaker
And in the end, to keep the peace, I changed my name. but it never sounded quite, it never sounded as melodious as Marie Nicole Mignogne.
00:06:33
Speaker
And when my father pronounced my married name, he would say it with a French accent.
Navigating Name Changes
00:06:39
Speaker
I mean, he spoke with a French accent, but he would emphasise it to make that sound even more beautiful because the English version of it was quite harsh at the end in comparison to the way that my name actually sounded.
00:06:54
Speaker
The irony is, is that I changed my name to keep the peace in the family. And yet 24 years later, when my husband decided to end our marriage, I was left with a name that was actually not mine to carry.
00:07:12
Speaker
I were did not identify as one of them. I married into their family. And so the way that our system works, where the female generally changes her name to become the man's name, I don't necessarily think is in service to the woman because, especially since after my marriage ended, I have to go through the process of changing my name. I wasn't going to at first.
00:07:37
Speaker
All of my accreditation and life my details were in that married name. and had been for 24 years, that was a lot to consider going back to my maiden name.
00:07:49
Speaker
And I did a whole video on this, I'm not going to go on about it for too much longer, but I just wanted to express that there is an identity with our name. It carries an essence of who we are.
00:08:01
Speaker
For this, I actually want to focus just on my first two names, but let's not forget that our surnames have an energy and essence to them as well. In our culture here in Australia, people love to shorten names.
00:08:14
Speaker
And that is probably one of the reasons why people asked me when I first introduced myself as Noreen Nicole. So what do we call you? Because they want to make it easier for them to remember my name.
00:08:27
Speaker
and to be able to in it you know and it's all very cute when it's a playful name that you give someone based on their personality traits and and it becomes a nickname based on that but to instantly shorten a name because it's convenient that i'm not so sure about because when i like when i chose names for my children I was very careful not to choose names that were easily shortened.
00:08:54
Speaker
I wanted them to be expressed fully as their name. And we put a lot of effort into choosing our children's names. And while my youngest son's name can be shortened, we've never done it.
00:09:06
Speaker
We've always called him by his full name and it is a big part of his identity. It's a part of his French heritage. When someone one calls me Nick, Nicky, Nicole, or just Marie,
00:09:18
Speaker
I feel like they are only addressing a part of who I am. I'm a multi-faceted being. And so when someone one addresses me with my full name, I feel acknowledged. I feel seen.
00:09:32
Speaker
i feel like I've been witness in my fullness. I'm no longer shrinking myself to be accepted. So now when I introduce myself, I say Marie Nicole.
00:09:46
Speaker
Not because it's easier. but because it's true.