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STANDING on the EDGE of the UKNOWN - FEAR TAKING the WRONG next STEP? image

STANDING on the EDGE of the UKNOWN - FEAR TAKING the WRONG next STEP?

S4 E85 · A Life By Design
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16 Plays12 days ago

Are you on the edge of a new reality and fear taking the wrong next step?

Leaning into the unknown with awareness makes taking those next aligned steps a lot less frightening.

In this episode I share how I’ve managed this fear, not just over my lifetime of navigating big changes and the unknown, but currently as I move through the final stages of the biggest transition in my lifetime yet.

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Intro & Outro Music: Shaman Dance by slavamusic

We respect and honour Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Elders past, present, and future. We acknowledge the stories, traditions, and living cultures of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples on this land and commit to building a brighter future together.

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Transcript

Introduction and Life Changes

00:00:00
Speaker
Do you feel like you're on the edge of a whole new reality and you're just really not sure which way to step? Well, I don't think I'm alone in this. I actually feel like energetically we are all going through changes. I'm Marie Nicole and this is Bandit behind me. For those of you who are watching the video, he decided to sit in here today for this podcast episode recording.
00:00:24
Speaker
I'm going through a pretty major shift and I've spoken about it on the podcast before where I've had major changes over the last three years but the current major shift is we are selling our family home and my youngest son and I who still live here, we actually don't know where we're going to live next.

Embracing Uncertainty and Change

00:00:47
Speaker
The other day I was sitting here and I opened up my phone to just escape into Instagram for a moment and there was this beautiful video of a condor and they were releasing this condor back into the wild and they had this condor at the top of a mountain overlooking this ah deep valley watching this condor come out of its cage and it opened up its wings and it just walked from side to side of that cliff's edge and it was just moving its wings
00:01:19
Speaker
and just walking and looking and this video, I think the clip went for over two minutes and it was just doing that. Just looking with its wings open, pacing, trying to determine what to do, not really knowing whether or not to actually take that leap and let its wings actually open up fully and fly.
00:01:42
Speaker
That's exactly how I feel right now. My eldest son came into the room and asked me what I was doing because at that point I'd already watched the video but it didn't actually have the conclusion. It didn't have the end result. I didn't see the condor flying and I was curious as to whether or not it actually made it.
00:02:02
Speaker
Whether or not it actually had the courage to leap off the edge and spread out its wings and fly. And at this point that my eldest son walked in, I was looking for the next video. I was looking for the the share of this condor actually achieving its goal.
00:02:19
Speaker
And this particular video had was a collaboration between two profiles. And so I was jumping over to the other profile to see if I could find whether or not this condor actually took flight.
00:02:32
Speaker
And I was sharing this with my eldest son saying, you know, I just want to see, did it actually make it? And as I reflected on this afterwards, I thought this is exactly how we operate in life.

Facing Fears and Trusting Ourselves

00:02:45
Speaker
We want to know that our next step is going to guarantee the outcome that we desire.
00:02:52
Speaker
And at the moment, I am in a position of not knowing, really leaning into the unknown. And that's really scary. And so I was thinking about this condor and how it has everything it needs.
00:03:06
Speaker
to actually fly. It is built for flying but something had actually taken this condor back to uncertainty about whether or not it still had it within itself to open those wings and allow itself to just float gently into the ether.
00:03:26
Speaker
Now we as humans have experiences in our life that take us back to that uncertainty and that doubt and that fear of whether or not we actually have what it takes within us to move forward.
00:03:41
Speaker
And I'm feeling that myself and have done for the last three years. So I wanted to jump in here and just express this, that if you're feeling on the edge of a new reality and you don't think you have everything it takes to actually realise your full potential.
00:04:00
Speaker
I'm here say to you, you're not alone, but you do have it within you. And I have within me what it takes to actually thrive. We all do.
00:04:11
Speaker
We are built to survive and not just survive, but we are built to thrive. So what do you think it would take for you to actually step off the edge and trust that all that preparation you've put in leading up to that point is actually going to carry you to the next step.
00:04:31
Speaker
And that is exactly how I'm operating at the

Navigating Life's Unpredictability

00:04:34
Speaker
moment. It's not looking at the bigger picture of will I achieve the goal that I set out to achieve because we can't know for certain that it's going to turn out the way that we thought it would.
00:04:46
Speaker
I didn't expect to be in this position at age 50. I had planned my life and I had taken the necessary steps to create the life that I desire and yet here I am, 50 years old, single mum, about to move out of her home not knowing where she's going to live next.
00:05:07
Speaker
And is that frightening? Of course it's frightening. It's really unsettling at times. But when I look back, over all that I have done over my adult life, even leading up to my adult life, in preparation for building up the skills that actually mean I have the power within me to realize my own dreams. I mean, I was not born where I am living. I was born in Australia, but I was not born in this location that I live.
00:05:40
Speaker
And I have moved several times in in order to reach those next steps and those next goals and to realize the dreams that that we had as a family collectively at first as a couple and then as a family to be able to live off the land was a big dream and for us to move here from our previous location it took a lot of trust we knew no one in this region we didn't know whether or not what we thought we were moving into was going to be exactly what we were after but we just had to trust so we took the steps to make it happen each step along the way has been a journey of discovery of learning of pivoting i mean I'm a creative professional by trade I my first business was as a photographer I had no idea whether or not I would actually have
00:06:33
Speaker
the potential to bring my skills to this region and create something that people would see as valuable to invest in.

Entrepreneurial Journey and Community Building

00:06:41
Speaker
When I moved to this region, I was an artisan only and I had i'd already let go of the photography business and I was making and designing items to sell which I was doing through retail stores and the occasional market and moving down here I didn't know whether or not what I was making would even be embraced in my region so it it was a risk for me to rely on that as an income stream and in order to sustain that I ended up travelling to trade.
00:07:12
Speaker
Most weekends I was off somewhere even with children in tow meeting my audience where they were actually Creating content for Instagram and monitoring where people were ordering from in terms of through my Etsy store enabled me to work out where I should travel to trade.
00:07:31
Speaker
So it's that data collection that supported that. And then I would go out to those markets there and I would trade and meet my customers in person. I also had a lot of customers overseas that I've never met in person.
00:07:43
Speaker
But I didn't know whether or not that was going to work. It was actually just taking the steps forward, fostering the conditions to support my thriving. And in the end, I did suffer from the isolation of living out on a property where I was the only person other than the farmer and the farm hand. And i ended up spending way too much time on my own. And then we bought this place and I was working here during the week on my own. And all I really wanted to do was connect with other people And not all the time, just enough for me to feel like I was still a part of the world. The way that I pivoted at that time, I was suffering from isolation. I actually decided that I could not be the only person suffering from this and that there would surely be others in the region.
00:08:28
Speaker
So I established a commercial space, especially for creative women who were mothers, who were working within the constraints of their families. I really wanted to create a space that fostered that supportive environment for any creatives. It wasn't just for women, but they were my initial muse because I started to meet other women who were in a similar situation to me, moved to the region based on their partner's work, not having their own employment opportunity that aligns with who they are.
00:08:57
Speaker
So I wanted to support that and create a space that enabled us to thrive alongside of each other. And that was great. You know, I had that space for six years until it wasn't.
00:09:09
Speaker
And it was time for another change. when Once my marriage ended and I found myself a single mum trying to support not only my son and our pets, but also sustain this commercial space, I just couldn't do it.
00:09:23
Speaker
So once again, it was time to pivot. Now that was more of a um de-layering process. So the last three years has really been about shedding the layers of all of the things that I had accumulated and carried that were no longer serving.

Readiness and Life Opportunities

00:09:39
Speaker
And now I'm in that space of feeling like I've connected back to the essence of who I am and I am ready, like the condor, to actually spread my wings and take the leap and fly into that next iteration of my life's journey.
00:09:57
Speaker
However, like the condor, it sometimes takes a little bit of trust that we really do have everything within us. I'm sure that the people who nurtured the condor back to its potential of being released out into the wild did not push it out there before it seemed like it was ready.
00:10:17
Speaker
So let's look at that from the perspective of life. Life helps us get to the point that we need to get to to be able to elevate to that next level.
00:10:28
Speaker
So often we think we're not ready to take that plunge or to do that thing. And a good example of that is when I got notice of the fact that we were proceeding forward with the next steps in the sale of the property and I called my my eldest son and I said, right, you and your brother want to get a place together and with your friends.
00:10:47
Speaker
This is the time frame we might need to work with and then I will just find where I'm going to move to with the dogs and the cat. And he's like, oh, that's a lot earlier than I had planned. I was thinking more October and I'm like,
00:11:01
Speaker
Life doesn't work that way, unfortunately. doesn't always wait for when we think we're ready. What life does is it presents us with the opportunities to being ready for that next step, even when we don't recognize it ourselves.
00:11:17
Speaker
So while we haven't sorted out exactly where we're going to live next, whether or not it's going to be my youngest son and I again moving into a new location as a temporary step, between them actually getting their own place like they had planned.
00:11:30
Speaker
But it doesn't matter. The point is, is that we have to keep moving forward. Life is going to keep moving forward, whether or not we are ready. And we can't sell the house and stay here and not let the new owners move in because we haven't found a place yet.
00:11:44
Speaker
So what do we focus

Preparedness and Authenticity

00:11:46
Speaker
on? How do we prepare? And this is not just something I'm going through. I'm sure that there are many of you out there who are stepping into a new phase of your life's journey, feeling unprepared and uncertain as to how to take those next steps.
00:12:03
Speaker
And as I've said, I've done that many times over the years. I have moved a lot and i have taken i have taken risks in new businesses and new offerings. And each time,
00:12:15
Speaker
The thing that has got me to where I want to be or where I see myself being next is to actually just focus on the next step. What's the next aligned step that I need to take?
00:12:28
Speaker
And so currently, that's what I'm focusing on. All right, so I don't know where I'm going to live next, but what's the process that I need to go through in order to prepare myself to be ready when that exchange of contract comes through and we need to start moving out of here.
00:12:46
Speaker
You know, as a coach in the Digital Solutions Program, which I've been doing for the last couple of years, um I've often had people say, should I do this now?
00:12:57
Speaker
And one recent example of that was a client who asked if she should start actually writing a newsletter or should I wait until my business is rolling a little bit more along before I actually start writing a newsletter.
00:13:10
Speaker
And my response to that was I've always believed that we should behave like the business we wish to become. When I was had the photography business, before we were even ready to register for GST,
00:13:23
Speaker
I put into practice the systems that supported us in actually submitting our BAS statements and being prepared for GST because we were selling packages for weddings that were a few thousand dollars each. It wouldn't take long for us to have to actually put in for our GST reporting. So setting up the systems to support that is actually how we prepare to be ready for it when we need it.
00:13:49
Speaker
And I can say the same thing for even writing a newsletter myself. When I was an artisan only, I started collecting emails at market stalls just with a pen and paper and ah a little form.
00:14:01
Speaker
It was just literally, manually, people writing down their email address. I we're talking 17 years ago that I started that artisanal business. So technology has has advanced a lot since then, and it's a lot easier to capture people's emails.
00:14:16
Speaker
But that was still very new back then. So I would get people to just fill out a form, and then I found it very hard to read their writing sometimes, and sometimes got the email addresses wrong. So as soon as I was able to actually upgrade to an app that I could just have it on my iPad and they could fill it in on the spot, I did that.
00:14:34
Speaker
But I didn't let the fact that I didn't have the app hold me back from collecting their email addresses. Even before I started writing a newsletter, I was collecting their email addresses because I realized the value of me having communication directly with them rather than just relying on them discovering me through Etsy at the time which was my platform that I sold through and even that was a very new platform for Australia. So a lot of people didn't know about Etsy when I first started trading on on there and I had international customers before I even had Australian customers.
00:15:12
Speaker
So by putting in those steps to prepare for where we want to be next and taking those actions in fostering those conditions for the becoming of who we want to be is what supports us in actually embodying it. Now let's look at embodiment for a moment because I've been reflecting on this a lot lately in terms of is embodiment really about faking it till you make it or is embodiment about being who we are here to be and that's where self-awareness comes in so being aware of our own traits our own needs what actually enables us to thrive what actually enables us to feel alive what actually provides us with what we need to spread our wings and fly
00:16:05
Speaker
The whole idea of trying to squeeze ourselves as square pegs into round holes, I don't believe is embodiment. To actually try and mould ourselves into what we are not here to be in order to get to where we think we should be next, that to me is not embodiment.
00:16:22
Speaker
That is about trying to be something that we are not. And so recognising where our strengths are, looking at the condor, it was built to fly.
00:16:34
Speaker
So to say to that condor, you know what, I'm going to strap your wings and for the rest of your time I want you to climb a tree to get to the the nest that you have your hatchlings in, that's limiting for the condor.
00:16:46
Speaker
So let's look at that for ourselves. We are all unique. We all have our unique thread that we contribute to the collective tapestry. So even with me moving to this region as an artisan in an area, an agricultural area, not certain as to whether or not this area is going to be one that embraces my bohemian style and artisanal ways, not in the traditional sense, which in agriculture there is a lot of traditional artisanal creation that takes place, but with my bohemian edge on things, like would they embrace that?
00:17:18
Speaker
I don't know. Well, what I discovered was that there were people who were here trying to fit in to the classic, traditional, R.M. Williams-style way of um dressing who would come into my store and say, what a breath of fresh air.
00:17:37
Speaker
I actually feel like I have permission now to dress the way that I feel more comfortable rather than dress the way that I think I should because I'm in an area where you need to be wearing R.M. Williams or Ariat boots to fit in.
00:17:50
Speaker
And that's where we just, that's not embodiment. That is a fake it till you make it. I don't know about that. I actually think we are here to express our individuality and to contribute our unique thread to the collective tapestry Because that creates a biodiversity that actually supports thriving for even our communities, our different perspectives, our different way of looking at things.
00:18:15
Speaker
That is how in a community we create strength, by looking at things from different perspectives and angles. So in terms of where to next and what aligns with me personally and me embodying who I am and as inspiration for you to do this for yourself,
00:18:34
Speaker
I have really looked at the elements of what makes me feel fulfilled, what makes me feel like I am actually living with purpose and on purpose, which I felt like I was doing when I had my commercial space and I was supporting other people from our region and beyond in their creative professions and connecting them to

Living in Alignment with Purpose

00:18:54
Speaker
customers.
00:18:54
Speaker
I felt so on purpose in that space. But now that I'm in this position of not even knowing if I'm going to stay in this region, I don't actually think I will stay in this region long term.
00:19:06
Speaker
Not because I don't love this region, but because I feel the pull and the call to that next iteration of who I am here to be, which actually is not here.
00:19:16
Speaker
I feel like I've served my purpose here and now it's time to move on to another area. And so when I looked at what are those, what does that area look like? What does it even feel like to feel like I'm living in alignment with an area?
00:19:31
Speaker
Being connected to wild nature is a big part of that. Having access to community, big part of that. Being able to get to the city and do what I need to in the city to foster the work that I do, being able to have internet communication and connection that supports me in my global reach and meeting with clients all around the world or all around the country to continue to support others remotely.
00:19:59
Speaker
But also having that physical space where I can connect with other people. I don't want to be a hermit. I don't want to live on my own long term. And I do want to be a part of and contribute to a community.
00:20:12
Speaker
So what does creating my life by design look like when I'm leaning into the unknown? Well, it's actually knowing what's essential for my thriving and what actually supports me in feeling like I am living in alignment with my values.
00:20:29
Speaker
And then there's what is it that I need to be able to feel like I am creating or fostering the not only my physical health but my mental health and well-being and being able to sustain my way of being financially, all of these elements, that's what we need to look at to be able to say, I'm making a decision that's ah in alignment with what not only I need, but how I can be of service to others.
00:21:00
Speaker
And so if you're sitting on that edge of not knowing whether or not to take a step to the left or take a step to the right, maybe take a moment to just reconnect.
00:21:12
Speaker
to your inner knowing, to yourself and feel into what your body is telling you. was thinking about the challenge that we did as the content creators challenge and how one of the questions was if money was not an object, you know what would you be doing?
00:21:31
Speaker
It surfaced in my mind again in the last few days as I was thinking about this leaning into the unknown of where I'm going to live next. I was thinking, if money wasn't an object, what would I do?
00:21:41
Speaker
And then I thought, actually, it's very difficult to imagine what it would be like to take money out of the equation and not have it be an ah an object because that is our current system.
00:21:54
Speaker
So instead of looking at it like that, I thought it would be better to look at it from what would it look like to receive money to support me in a way that doesn't actually crush my joy?
00:22:06
Speaker
Because there are lots of ways to earn an income and there are lots of jobs out there But when I asked myself that question, what would it look like to earn money in a way that's supportive to me and doesn't crush my joy?
00:22:21
Speaker
My body felt lighter thinking about it that way because then that enables me to tick off the things of what I love to do. I would rather be able to be my creative expression of self, not have to change that element about myself in order to do a job and fulfill a role in order to make the money that supports me living.
00:22:44
Speaker
So being able to be creatively expressed is one thing. Being able to move throughout the day, sitting at a desk for eight hours on end, just sitting in front of a computer is not supportive to my thriving.
00:22:58
Speaker
it It actually drains my energy to do that. So I wouldn't actually be as effective in a job but if that's what I was doing just to make money. They're just two aspects of me knowing myself and and actually tuning into what it is I need to feel like I'm actually thriving, not just surviving.
00:23:19
Speaker
So when it comes to leaning into that unknown of, okay, so where to next? Right, I need to know what I need to feel like I'm thriving and make choices that support that.
00:23:31
Speaker
It's not just about getting by. We're not here just to survive. We are here to actually not only thrive, but contribute with our thriving to the collective with the results of that.
00:23:44
Speaker
Because when we feel lighter and brighter and we feel empowered, to be the version of ourselves that we are here to be, then we have so much more to give to others.
00:23:55
Speaker
And that in itself is permission giving because when people actually come into your presence and you are in alignment, they want to be in alignment too. They feel that resonance of how that feels so good to be aligned rather than feeling heavy and weighed down by expectation and trying to fit yourself into a box.

Focusing on Thriving and Unique Contribution

00:24:16
Speaker
that it was not designed for you, then that's not supportive to anyone. It actually drags everyone down around us as well. So that's what I would like to leave you with today is think about what it is you need, what it is that makes you feel like you are thriving, what it is that makes you feel alive and like your life here on earth is actually a contribution to the collective,
00:24:45
Speaker
Not how can you just make money to pay the bills, but what are you here to give to the collective through being uniquely you? So a life by design is really, it really starts with self-awareness. It starts with knowing who we are, how we're here to serve, what it is we're here to give to the collective.
00:25:05
Speaker
So if you would like support with that, I'm an embodiment coach and that is really about understanding your unique thread and how you are here to serve the collective.
00:25:16
Speaker
It doesn't mean you have to have your own business in order to do that. It could be what kind of work you do that is supportive to your thriving, that enables you to just freely be you and being what your family needs or your community needs through being yourself.
00:25:34
Speaker
So if you want support with that, as an embodiment coach, I am here to help. I love to see people actually connect with the essence of who they are and to shine like a firefly.
00:25:46
Speaker
A firefly does not say, sorry, i'm shining a little brighter than today than I usually do because I'm a little bit excited. The firefly just is connected with its inner essence and radiates out from that its expression. And that's what we are here to do as humans as well.
00:26:06
Speaker
So until next time, I want to encourage you to lean into the unknown. If you're on that edge, lean into it. Do what you can to just focus on the next step.
00:26:17
Speaker
The bigger picture will reveal itself as you start to take those next steps forward. But take steps that are aligned with what you need and how you feel like you thrive.
00:26:29
Speaker
So I hope this was supportive to you if you are feeling uncertain about leaning into the unknown and that next phase of your journey, know that I'm up right here alongside of you taking those steps too.