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SURVIVAL mode to CREATION Mode - CONVENIENCE kills JOY
11 Plays12 days ago
Becoming a single mum in the last 3 years has really brought into my experience the importance of ensuring I am operating in a way that also supports my own needs not just that of the son who still lives here with me.
In this video I share what I have learned as I have moved through the process of operating in survival mode through to creation mode.
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Transcript
Introduction and Perspective of a Mother
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Life by Design podcast. I am Maureen Nicole and as a mother, I can only really speak from a mother's perspective. It can be easy to fall into the trap of doing what's convenient because our lives are so complex, accounting for the needs of others, being available, adaptable, the on-call parent more often than not.
Creating a Desired Life vs. Convenience
00:00:21
Speaker
But I personally have found creating what I desire to be much more fulfilling than opting for simply convenience. Becoming a single mum in the last three years has really brought to my experience the importance of ensuring i am operating in a way that also supports my needs and not just the son who still lives here with me.
Balancing Motherhood and Personal Goals
00:00:44
Speaker
In this video, I am not going to tell you how to live your life. I am simply here sharing with you what I have learned as I have moved through the process of operating in survival mode through to creation mode.
00:01:01
Speaker
As a mother of two young men sustaining my professional identity throughout my journey of motherhood over the last 23 years, I have been very intentional about not falling into the trap of blaming motherhood on being the reason for not fulfilling my own needs or reaching my own personal goals.
00:01:20
Speaker
In my childhood and throughout my adult life, I have been surrounded by the negative impacts of this way of thinking that becoming a mum means letting go of your own needs.
Transition from Survival to Creation Mode
00:01:30
Speaker
then expressing the burden carried as mothers or walking away from that responsibility altogether in order to fulfill their own desires and meet their own needs. I never wanted to be that way or feel that about motherhood.
00:01:45
Speaker
Being a first-time mum at age 27 after establishing a business at age 23, I wanted to break that cycle of sacrifice or burdens and endeavor to have the best of both worlds.
00:01:59
Speaker
What I didn't expect to experience was to become a single mum at age 47 and enter into the mode of pure survival after all I had put into laying down a solid foundation for my life.
Main Points on Responsibility and Lifestyle Choices
00:02:12
Speaker
But the last three years has served to teach me more than I could ever imagined or even planned for myself. I realized that I have the choice to move from survival mode to creation mode, no matter what the circumstance.
00:02:28
Speaker
So three main points I want to cover in this video today is one that responsibility is actually healthy for us. Having others to account for provides us with a purpose.
00:02:38
Speaker
It makes us feel valued. And this includes having plants and animals to look after as well.
Purpose in Caring for Others
00:02:44
Speaker
And creating. Creating fosters gratitude and supports wellbeing.
00:02:49
Speaker
Convenience actually kills joy. Now, cooking condiments, creating a home that supports our wellbeing, establishing a curated wardrobe. For those of you who are listening to the audio only, in this video, I am actually going to share some of these activities that I love to engage in that actually fosters my wellbeing and makes me feel grateful.
00:03:10
Speaker
And the third part is choosing a lifestyle that supports thriving in creating our life by design, aligned with our values. Let's look at responsibility for a moment.
00:03:22
Speaker
The other night, I was invited to go out to dinner to a friend's place, and she actually offered for me to stay the night because my youngest son, who still lives here with me, is currently away, and I was on my own.
00:03:33
Speaker
And I actually said, i I'll think about that. But ah in the end, I declined because I did have the animals to consider. And, you know, I said, as much as I wish it was all about me, it's not.
00:03:46
Speaker
And then I quickly retracted that comment of I wish it was all about me because I actually don't wish it was all about me because I know that responsibility for the animals and even for my son, I mean, I'm soon to be an empty nester, but still having the animals to to actually consider makes me feel like I am needed. I am needed to actually support the life and wellbeing of other beings.
00:04:15
Speaker
You know, it's winter and I couldn't leave the animals outside of an evening. So I've left them in the house and i wanted to make sure that I got back to be able to stoke the fire again and keep them warm and also let them out the next morning when they needed to go and relieve themselves.
Mindset Shift: Surviving to Thriving
00:04:32
Speaker
And I think that this is a really important aspect of responsibility. just makes us consider that there's a flow-on effect on all of our choices. And plus, they add so much magic to my life. You know, it's not always easy to account for their needs and sometimes they can be ah pain.
00:04:50
Speaker
like I had the dogs in here when I first started recording this and they started fighting and knocking things over and I just had to put them out. But I love their company and I really value having them in my life. So being responsible for them is adding magic back to my life.
00:05:07
Speaker
So I actually really think responsibility is healthy for us. And when I first entered into this ah phase of being a single mother, I actually really did go into the mode of survival.
00:05:20
Speaker
ah It's such a big shift to being a part of a team of four, to being just the two of us and being him being so dependent on me. It really did kick me into survival mode for a while.
00:05:32
Speaker
And especially after I closed my commercial space and I shifted to working... completely from home and have had to account for his schedule since he left school and is working permanent part time and doesn't have his license yet.
00:05:48
Speaker
That really did tip me into survival mode. Shifting my thinking from being in survival mode to creation mode made me look at things
Supporting Family Needs and Personal Goals
00:05:57
Speaker
differently. That I actually get to choose how I spend my days, what I focus my energy on, where I actually place my attention And living a life by design is not about just surviving. It is about thriving.
00:06:12
Speaker
And so doing things that support my thriving is actually a pleasure. Now, you accounting for his schedule and working in and around his schedule while also needing to meet my own needs, that gives me a sense of purpose outside of just doing what I feel like I want to do for me.
00:06:30
Speaker
I love being here for him and I love being available to support his emotional journey as well as his just physical needs. So in the final stages of this transition of selling our family home and choosing where to live next, still needs to account for his lack of independence because he doesn't have his own license.
00:06:53
Speaker
And so while I could look at that as, I am trapped in this situation of not being able to do what I want to do after 23 years of being and mum and responsible for children. It's, you know, my time now.
00:07:08
Speaker
i don't see it that way. I actually see this as a part of the journey of life that I have created for myself, which I chose. I chose to become a mum because I actually value family and the contribution we get to make to the next generation and also the contribution they get to make to us.
00:07:28
Speaker
So it is actually not a difficult thing to say no to staying somewhere overnight. As nice as it would have been to stay at her place, and I did enjoy her company and the company of her children while I was alone, I also still enjoyed coming back to my own space and tending to the needs of my family, be it my fur family, without my children around, I still have my fur family to care for.
Joy in Home and Lifestyle Creation
00:07:55
Speaker
Which actually brings me to the whole thing of fostering gratitude that supports our wellbeing because convenience kills joy. i don't seek the easy way of doing things in order to live the life that I desire. I actually love the process of creating.
00:08:11
Speaker
and The process of creating the life that I wish to live is a part of the joy. Creating a home that supports our wellbeing, collecting kindling to actually start the fire that warms our house.
00:08:25
Speaker
I actually really enjoy the process of collecting kindling and I take the dogs out there with me and it's almost like an adventure just on our own little property, picking up twigs and breaking them and putting them into tubs, putting them on the veranda so that they will stay dry. And when I wake up in the morning and the house has cooled down overnight because the fire has gone out and often there's just a bit of coals left in the bottom of the fire,
00:08:51
Speaker
the first thing I do is actually restart the fire. And if I didn't bring kindling into the house, then I have to go outside onto the veranda to collect some. And it's often very crisp out there. And if it's a frosty morning, even more so.
00:09:06
Speaker
And so that actually feels invigorating to go outside and feel that crisp morning air, then collecting my kindling, coming back into the house and stoking the fire before making my tea and easing my way into the morning.
Connecting with Nature through Food
00:09:21
Speaker
These are the things that actually add to the magic of our existence. Well, for me anyway, I actually love to live a life that I've created for myself rather than a life that has been created for me.
00:09:34
Speaker
And a part of that is actually growing our own food, which we used to have a big veggie garden here and we used to grow a lot of our own food. I have not been able to sustain that and I would like to one day be able to do that again.
00:09:47
Speaker
But while I've been navigating this change, that is something I let go of, is having such a big veggie garden. And I still have herbs out in the veggie garden area that I love to go and forage for and bring them back in and and make things like pestos and olive tapenades.
00:10:05
Speaker
The olive tapenades, which I've used, our parsley and our thyme and oregano and our rosemary that's growing out there still, That's actually a part of the pleasure of living is to not only make that, but we have that tapenade for breakfast on a sourdough with a blue cheese and then ah roasted pork that we I've roasted for dinner one night and then we slice up and put on top of our savoury breakfast, which we have every day.
00:10:35
Speaker
And each time I make the tapenade, I do something a little bit different and I experiment with it and try new things and So as we sit there eating our tapenade, we actually talk about the flavours and these flavours came from our environment. So for me, that's really special.
00:10:52
Speaker
I think that that whole idea of creating actually fosters gratitude I find that the fact that I've made it myself, I enjoy it even more. Like even though i I'm not against buying pre-made goods, and I just don't find that same kind of pleasure when buying something off a store shelf, opening it up and spreading it on my bread.
00:11:14
Speaker
I do find that pleasure when I go to a restaurant or a cafe and i can see the passion of the chef or the cook going into what they serve. That is a part of that creation process that ah also fosters gratitude for me.
00:11:28
Speaker
But I also believe it supports my wellbeing because eating the herbs that have grown in my environment is a part of what fosters my health and wellbeing.
00:11:39
Speaker
Let alone the fact that going out there and engaging in my environment is a part of that.
Empowerment through Personal Wardrobe
00:11:44
Speaker
The other part is actually harvesting and drying seeds has been something that I have thoroughly enjoyed over the years.
00:11:52
Speaker
We used to grow a big bed of fennel and not only would we harvest the fennel and cook it, but when it would go to seed, we would harvest the seeds and I'd hang them up to dry in the larder.
00:12:03
Speaker
And then once they've dried, I'd take the seeds off to cook with. And and the same with coriander. We'd let the the coriander go to seed, actually bagged it in a coffee sack because I did find that the coriander seeds fell off easier. Then I would take that big sack and sit through the sack and pull off the seeds and put them in a jar. And they're our dried spices that we use that were grown in our own backyard. And since we are selling our place now, I've actually spent one afternoon on the weekend just harvesting all of the leftover dried seeds and bottling them up. And that in itself is a very slow but satisfying process.
00:12:43
Speaker
And I really enjoy that. It actually makes me not only grateful for what we grew here, but the what continues to come with us that we grew from this place. Another part of creating that fosters gratitude and well-being for me is actually curating my own wardrobe.
00:12:58
Speaker
Now, the poncho that I'm wearing today is one that I actually made from a throw rug, and I created a tutorial series on three designs that I make regularly and also how to make bias trim. So you can learn to make your own designs of a chandra top, which is a design I made and I've explained that in another video, so I won't go into too much detail.
00:13:21
Speaker
But these are layerable items that I have created and sold to customers for many years and just find to be valuable items in my wardrobe. The reason I love to have a curated wardrobe is it takes the thinking out of my morning.
00:13:36
Speaker
I just know what's in my wardrobe will work for me. When I go in there and I need to get dressed quickly and get out the door, especially with all of the extra responsibility as a single mum, I don't need to worry about whether or not this works for me or not, whether or not the colours work, because I've curated the wardrobe so that it is effortless for me to get ready in the morning.
00:13:57
Speaker
And so I've got this tutorial series that I've created with how to make these three designs that I think are essential to have in a wardrobe that are layerable. I've also created an Empower Dressing Guidebook, an e-book to support you in creating your own wardrobe.
00:14:13
Speaker
Both of these are available through my online store and there are links to those in the show notes. And I think it's really valuable, even if you're not a sewer, to curate a wardrobe that supports you moving through your days more effortlessly, at least starting your days without the concern of what will I wear today, whether or not it will suit me, do the colours work, do the cuts work,
00:14:35
Speaker
If you actually put together a wardrobe, that just starts you off on a good foot where you know that when you open up that door, you can just choose a few items, put them together, get out the door and do what you're here to do to serve the collective.
Artistic Creations and Lifestyle Values
00:14:48
Speaker
And if you're not a sewer, I even have a measurement card in there so that you can take your measurements to a dressmaker and have things made for you. those are available through the and the links in the show notes.
00:15:01
Speaker
But the whole point of actually creating as a part of our wellbeing is we are here to live as creators of our existence. We're not here to just survive and pay bills and get through the day and then collapse on the sofa at the end of the day thinking, oh my goodness, I've got to do it all again tomorrow, which to me is survival mode. It is the ah whole responsive reactive way of being. Whereas if we actually choose where we focus our energy on things that make us feel beautiful and amazing and
00:15:35
Speaker
supported and like just being sitting here in front of the fire with my cotton throw poncho on which I actually thought I would only wear over summer but I'm inside right now and It is comfortable, but when I do move to another room that's a little cooler, I've still got this nice little protective shell around me that insulates me from the cold. And I'm heading out shortly to go into town and it'll be much colder outside. So I will take the cotton poncho off and replace it with my llama poncho because that's a lot more snug.
00:16:06
Speaker
But that element of thinking about ahead of time, what supports my needs, my wellbeing, not going I'm a mum who's busy, who's got other people to take care of.
00:16:16
Speaker
My needs will come last. I actually don't think that supports us or our families when we do that. And so focusing on how do I create this wardrobe or this lifestyle that supports what I need as well as my family, I think is a much more beautiful way to operate.
00:16:35
Speaker
The other thing I did on the weekend was actually rework the design of this pendant, which I've shared in another video that I actually was gifted some copper wire from a friend who is also a
Designing a Life for Thriving
00:16:49
Speaker
maker.
00:16:49
Speaker
And I was using the copper wire to practice the art of actually having a small maker's kit. If I needed to live on the road or um and in transition between selling the house and finding my next place to work,
00:17:05
Speaker
lay down my roots. As a maker and designer, I have found it really therapeutic to actually make as a part of my processing, of my emotional processing, as well as just to get out of my head and into my hands.
00:17:19
Speaker
So working with this wire has been really supportive. And so through the process of making this, not only have I been working out how to work with a copper wire materials, originally the design had a feather which was a tawny frogmouth feather, like the feathers in my earrings here.
00:17:37
Speaker
And the feather was not coping so well with like a seatbelt cutting across it when I got into the car. So I ended up reworking the design and put a citrine crystal in there instead.
00:17:51
Speaker
And the beautiful element of this is that while I've been trying to work out whether or not I could let go of making mostly bigger items, which I have been as an artisan for many years, to actually just handcrafting on a small scale.
00:18:07
Speaker
And I've enjoyed that process. I've enjoyed getting to know the materials and seeing what I can do with them. But it has also brought me back to the understanding of what is actually important to me, which is the next element I really want to talk about. And that is choosing a lifestyle that supports thriving,
00:18:24
Speaker
and creating our life by design, aligned with our values. And so for me, even though I thought that potentially I could go down to living on the road for a while, becoming a gypsy at 50, making small things rather than working on my big kangaroo fur vests and my kangaroo leather bags, I actually have realised that I still need a maker space that enables me to utilise my bigger tools because don't as much as I've enjoyed working in a small scale, there is more to it than that. And also part of that is I like to move throughout my days. I like to move my whole body, not just my hands. And when I'm working in my studio shed, I get that opportunity to walk around from bench to bench and sit down, stand up, and just actually get the blood pumping in a different way. So I'm not sure I could really just condense it down to small-scale living, small-scale making.
00:19:22
Speaker
And that is making me really research what that next chapter of my life is going to look like. Moving into not only, in i might have an interim step with living in a dwelling that still supports my youngest son towards his independence.
00:19:39
Speaker
But then after that, when I am an empty nester, what is that going to look like
Importance of Cyclical Living
00:19:44
Speaker
for me? Not what's just essential, but what is important? What actually fosters my well-being?
00:19:51
Speaker
And so I've been researching options for that in terms of the types of homes that I could not only rent, but eventually rent. build myself and so I've been looking into tiny homes and earth ships which I'm loving the idea of the earth ship because of the recycled materials involved in that so my whole ethos behind my artisanal brand of rescuing and repurposing items and transforming them into statement pieces aligns beautifully with what the Earthship is about.
00:20:21
Speaker
Now, I'm not in a position to just go out there and build an Earthship right now, but in the meantime, I am going to continue researching and even getting involved in some of those projects so that I can work towards that being the next thing.
00:20:35
Speaker
And I can just imagine living in a home that I have created with a team of people would be the most magical outcome of this whole experience of suddenly ending up in a position I didn't expect to be at 50, but also having that align with my values.
00:20:54
Speaker
I just think that would be amazing. So considering all of these factors of what's not just essential, it's not just about surviving and getting through the days, it's what is it that actually is important to us?
00:21:08
Speaker
What is it that actually makes me feel alive and living in alignment? So wearing jewellery pieces that are a part of my hand creations or the creations of other people, wearing garments that I have created myself, wearing hats that have been created ethically and with consideration for our environment, all of these align with my values.
00:21:32
Speaker
So creating a life by design that fosters more of that is going to be really important for me in that third chapter of my life. And cyclical living has been a really big part of the process for me over the last three years maintaining health and wellbeing and a balanced lifestyle, being able to work through the closure of my commercial space to working from home to pivoting my business offerings to rethinking how to sustain the income that I need to sustain while also supporting my son through his final transition into independence.
00:22:11
Speaker
Cyclical living has been so critical for that. in terms of working with the moon cycles and my personal cycle so that i cover all elements of life and what needs to be done, but so not just what needs to be done, but also what I need.
00:22:28
Speaker
So that balance between the masculine and the feminine, that balance of receiving as well as giving and taking the guilt out of the days like when I have sat down by the fire, enjoying cacao, journaling for a moment in between those busy, active, needing to get things done periods to just retreating, allowing myself to just sit, smell, sip, enjoy.
00:22:57
Speaker
amazing.
Living in Creation Mode
00:22:58
Speaker
the feminine element of my day and then going back into now what needs to be done that next step of what needs to be done for the day the masculine or planning ahead spending that time working on spreadsheets and doing all of the the background administration work for the business like all of and even life that is the masculine energy so Cyclical living has been really important in that respect.
00:23:25
Speaker
But the other thing, you know, in terms of the the feminine, after days of experiencing icy, bone-chilling conditions and then suddenly having the sun come out and pulling my grandpa chair out in from the studio shed and sitting in the sun and just melting in that grandpa chair, just journaling and taking in the beautiful sun's rays.
00:23:48
Speaker
This is a part of what cyclical living actually encourages us to do because nature goes through its seasons in order to fulfill the outcome that it desires and blooming being a part of that.
00:24:02
Speaker
But there's also a need for time to retreat and to rest and to recuperate. And so taking these things into account when actually designing our life, it's not all about chasing the outcomes and getting to this desired outcome.
00:24:18
Speaker
and letting go of living in alignment in the process or living in the bliss of the moment, that is where the real magic happens. Without that time period of retreating into ourselves and reflecting on what was and preparing for yeah new ideas to come through, without that, we can't actually bloom into that next phase.
00:24:40
Speaker
So that's a really important thing to contemplate that you know I have found to be very helpful in this three-year transition and will continue to carry through into that next chapter of my life. It is not just about chasing goals. It is also about living in the moment and enjoying that too, which is a really big part of creation mode. Creation mode is creating the life that we desire, but it's not just about surviving. It's not just about operating in ah reactive, just got to get this done, feeling guilty for actually enjoying the pleasures of life
00:25:16
Speaker
So I really wanted to share this with you because I think we as a society have become um accustomed to just racing through our days, living for the future, not actually taking as much pleasure in not only the now but the process of getting what we are working towards achieving, the process of making our own food, our own clothes, our own homes,
00:25:44
Speaker
but not actually living in a mode of struggle and sacrifice, actually still allowing for those adventurous, enjoyable experiences to be a part of our journey, but just remembering that it is all elements that create the bigger picture of our existence. It's not just those one-off adventures that you take on holiday. It's not just the weekend.
00:26:08
Speaker
It is everything in between. And so for me, operating as a single mum, self-employed, still working towards realising some of the bigger picture visions for my own life, it has been so important to make space for those little magical moments to be there.
00:26:26
Speaker
And that's what I wanted to share with you today, that operating from creation mode is about the everyday living experience. It's not just about surviving. So if you would like to actually know how to create these three simple designs that I've shared in the tutorial series. if you'd like some inspiration on curating your own Empowered Dressing wardrobe so that you can move through your days with more effortless flow and grace and enjoy opening your wardrobe doors and just knowing what you've got in there is supportive to your well-being.
00:26:58
Speaker
then be sure to click on the links in the show notes and and discover what magic you can create for yourself. And there are two videos that you might like to watch also, and they are the three essential layerable items that I think are essential for your capsule wardrobe. And then the other is create your unique capsule wardrobe.
00:27:18
Speaker
so that it supports you and your lifestyle because this is not about me saying this is how you need to live. This is about you tuning into what is supportive for you and what actually enables you to move through your days in a way that feels magical and enjoyable.
00:27:35
Speaker
Not that we're always going to operate in our days in in bliss, there are always going to be elements that are not fun to have to do. and And actually, that's part of the reason why I like to have a curated wardrobe that supports me to get through all of the elements of my days, to pull off the layers, do what I need to do, and then put the layers back on to do the next thing in a pleasurable way.
00:27:57
Speaker
So I hope me sharing how I've moved from survival mode to creation mode and the fact that I believe convenience kills joy, is supportive to you in creating your life by design too. And I look forward to being with you here again soon.