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WORST transfers that looked AMAZING on paper - Picking an XI
36 Plays7 months ago
From fantasy to fiasco: Meet the starting XI that promised the world but delivered nothing but disappointment. 😢 Tune in as we unravel the mysteries behind their lackluster performances ⚽️
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Transcript
Kickoff: Famous Football Moments
00:00:02
Speaker
Messi, Messi! Oh my goodness! It's L.A. Acuero! That is extraordinary! What a hit! What a hit! Back of the net.
Introduction and Host Greetings
00:00:17
Speaker
Hello, hello, hello. This is the Not Upon The Podcast. I'm Killian. I'm joined by Connor and
Jesse Lingard's South Korean League Move
00:00:23
Speaker
Nate. You know the story here, but the story we're going to be actually looking at today is Jesse Lingard to the South Korean League looked on paper to be a match made in heaven. Perfect for commercial, perfect for him to reunite his career, get back on the pitch, lead a league.
00:00:43
Speaker
It's about six weeks in and his managers told him he's not a footballer. So that's gone really, really well. Not ideal.
Main Topic: Worst Football Signings
00:00:50
Speaker
We saw from the lads in our little WhatsApp group, we're chatting away and kind of going, what are the worst signings that looked great on paper? So what we're going to do is going to go to an 11 of the worst signings that looked great on paper, but a few qualifiers.
00:01:05
Speaker
We're looking at this as kind of going, that move seemed absolutely perfect until it actually happened. So for whatever reason, it just didn't work. But we're not going to include the likes of the Saudi League or the Chinese League, because Teves de Chenoa, we all knew why he went there. It was for the money. It was never going to be a good footballing decision. That's fine. We're going to exclude them. We want moves that made you go, oh, that's going to be class.
00:01:32
Speaker
and it did the exact opposite.
Formations and Surprises
00:01:34
Speaker
Gentlemen, how are we feeling? I'm excited to, I suppose, jog the memory of some players that I've tried my hardest to forget about. Yeah, for sure. And I feel like there'll be a few surprises in there that probably have slipped them out in the past, but yeah, we'll get to the bottom of
Failed Goalkeeper Transfers Discussion
00:01:53
Speaker
it. Are we going for a Mike Bassett 4-4-2 here, or what are we saying in formations?
00:01:59
Speaker
So for those that can't see, I actually have a little 11 lined up here for us to be able to just not forget who we've chosen. But I have a currently in like a 442 with two wingers. But we can change that as we go along. Like if we're kind of going to know what, I'd rather one striker or we only need three defenders, which
00:02:22
Speaker
We will have that discussion very, very soon because with that list, there's defenders. There's just not too many of them. So we're going to start off on goals. A few names here. I mean, who are you going? Kappa.
00:02:41
Speaker
He is the one that I think sticking with all of us. As usual, as the resident L bastard of the pod, I do have to suggest the likes of Massimo Taibbi. But as he was on a free, I think that some say he cost up to four and a half million quid, according to sources, who knows, but let's count him as a free. What was Kepa though? 70 odd? 60 odd? He was the record for a goalkeeper, wasn't he? He broke the record. Yeah, I believe 78 million.
00:03:09
Speaker
What's funny is like six months after Real Madrid almost got him for 20 million. He goes for 70 and I'm at what 23 too.
00:03:21
Speaker
Yeah, he was young and his own is like his breakout season that like made him anything. Plus, then you have to remember how like bad his time at Chelsea was not not necessarily just performance wise, but for the the lack of cohesion that he brought to the team. Now,
Infamous Defender Signings
00:03:38
Speaker
it's Chelsea. You can say that about most players any any season, like look at them now, like Poch has in broadly any cohesion. But
00:03:49
Speaker
That feed. It's very, very hard to get around. Now, there is other names I want to throw in. Claudio Bravo, the city. That's OK. Resident bench sitter. Yeah, but he was signed to be the man. And the other one, which is because of Claudio Bravo arriving, was Joe Hartetorino, which was again meant to reignite his career. I really thought that was a joke. My memory was that pre or post-Celtic? It was pre-Celtic, wasn't it? Oh, way pre. Yeah. Yeah. This was when he was
00:04:19
Speaker
Like it was only a loan to Torino. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Like Joe Hart, I think is one of those players that just had the poison chalice. That is the England number one Jersey. Like once he hit the England form, everything went off a cliff from there.
Midfield Transfer Flops
00:04:38
Speaker
yeah and like i think people really forget how bloody good he was when he was at his at his peak like even coming through birmingham like he was he was so good but there there is another player i want to throw in which i think use may not have heard of but i think his story is worth mentioning because
00:04:56
Speaker
The signing of this player made the women's team manager quit. It had sponsors pull out overnight. This probably goes down as one of the worst signings in history. So it was five games as all this guy lasted for.
00:05:13
Speaker
which was Galero Bruno, so the goalkeeper Bruno, to Bon Esporte in 2017. Now, first of all, where's Bon Esporte before we even dig into this man? It's in the Brazilian leagues. Okay. Not high, you put it that way. But the reason why it was so controversial was because
00:05:35
Speaker
Bruno
Disappointing Attacking Midfielders
00:05:36
Speaker
had been in prison for the previous seven years for the murder and disposing of the body of his girlfriend. Oh, Jesus Christ. He was released on appeal after seven years. So the club let's just drop allegedly there to be safe. Allegedly, allegedly. He's been convicted for this. This is off the record, like going on to his Wikipedia page is is a Brazilian convicted murderer and professional footballer.
00:06:02
Speaker
that's some cv right there but this club as soon as he left prison gave him a contract for two years and then the reason why the contract was annulled was because he went back to prison for another two years oh my god for what do we know
00:06:20
Speaker
for the murder. He was initially sentenced to 22 years and on appeal he was released after less and then he went back because that appeal failed and then he got out on a different appeal. So I think if nothing gets up there...
00:06:40
Speaker
Honorable mention, absolutely.
Failed Wingers and Forwards
00:06:43
Speaker
And one I will take straight down the pub for pub chat the next time. But I don't know about you boys. I'm thinking Kepa.
00:06:54
Speaker
Yeah, but Kepa would be my go-to. I think the Fiend is just too astronomical. Yeah. Although we can't do anything about that, and there's other people on this list that will be the same, I also think for the mere shit-housery, obviously, Cup antics, when he told Sarri he wasn't coming off, he gets the win from me. Yeah.
00:07:15
Speaker
So I'll bow to you guys on that one. I am going to suggest that we move the formation to being like a tree five.
00:07:26
Speaker
two or a three four tree or something like that, maybe a three four tree, just because I'm already looking ahead and there's a lot of forwards to be put on this list. And whilst there is plenty of defenders, I think we're going to run out of space. Are we saying they have to be, because I think
00:07:49
Speaker
there is a few defenders in there that
Striker Signing Disasters
00:07:52
Speaker
i've mentioned even though they're limited i i think if we keep it to they're just defenders we don't have to go left back for left back right back right back no so we'll just go for uh
00:08:05
Speaker
defenders in general and we'll pick three of them. So, anybody want to start us off? One of the strongest men the Newcastle team has ever seen in terms of bench press, the club record, still to be beaten, I believe, John Allen Boom song. Absolutely brutal at football, but incredibly strong. Was he like nine million or something? He was something I can't remember the fee, but it was it was something seriously
00:08:34
Speaker
For his time, it was heavy because he was a fantastic player for, was it Leon or? Yeah, French league anyway. And then did he end up at Rangers for a little while? Ooh, yeah, eight million. We signed him on a five and a half year deal. And he was at Leon. No, he joined from Rangers. Rangers. And then he went to Leon. Okay. Yeah. Get me history backwards. Yeah. He was not like, would you put him alongside Bramble?
00:09:03
Speaker
Oh, I don't know. Bramble had times where he was decent
Final Reflections and Premier League Influence
00:09:09
Speaker
and also times where he was an abominable footballer who
00:09:13
Speaker
Yeah, I'd rather not even jog my memory of that man. But I think Boom Song is possibly... Anytime people say he was the worst player Newcastle ever signed, he's very much up there in my mind. So just to jog your brains yet, 2004-05 Rangers, 5-6 Newcastle, 6-8, he went to Juventus, good agent, and then he hit Leon in 2008. 6-8, was that not after the Calciopoli? So would that have been Sarri B? Yeah, probably why he got it.
00:09:43
Speaker
Yeah. Um, Nate, any suggestions for you? Harry Maguire. Ooh! A million quid. See, this is where the kappa thing is, is he can't dictate the fee.
00:09:56
Speaker
But, has he lived up to his fee of 80 million quid, which is absurd. I don't think he's even got close to it. He'd be up there for me, and another name I'd probably try out would be Mustafie. Ooh, Mustafie's a good show. That is strong. I would have thought you would have defended Mags. I really did. No. No, I won't. I think he's one of the worst signings probably in primary day history.
00:10:21
Speaker
But do you think he's been done by situation? So first of all, he can't, yeah, English tax. He can't control the fee. Then he gets the, you know, the team that are already struggling and in trouble and lacking leaders. Then he's made to be a leader when he's not one, he's made to then be the captain. He's not one. So like, I think, had he been in, had he rolled into, let's face it, Fergie would never have signed him, but if Fergie was his gaffer, I'd love to see what would happen.
00:10:47
Speaker
Yeah, but it's worse signs that look good on paper. The hype around with wire when he joined was huge coming from last year. 80 million quid. When you look at it, I'd argue if he was a 20-minute quid player at the end of the day. Yeah. That'd be the only thing. Was the expectation for him really there? It wasn't
00:11:12
Speaker
people saw that and went, wow, that's a really good transfer of really good money. Well, I mean, people were going, he's the best defender in England. Yeah. And City were also there to spend the money as well. They were very close to signing them. So the hype was there around them. I remember that summer very vividly. United fans were excited to get them. It's just, you don't want to irritate them in a good time.
00:11:36
Speaker
see like if you're going on the money argument like would you put in Mangala there for city then he was what 40 million pounds being released on a free business I still think McGuire Gil goes down that alley of signs that look good on paper because at the time you look good on paper yeah it's just
00:11:58
Speaker
he did live up to that. But I think Mustafie fits perfectly at the worst signs that look good on paper because he was really hyped coming from Valencia that time. And we all know that I went. He was. I'm not going to defend Mustafie. I just think that when you look back at how
00:12:21
Speaker
bad Arsenal defence has been over the years. Like don't forget was Mustafí just after or at the same time as Schalache?
00:12:30
Speaker
Would you say Schalachi I think of a certain curse word but yeah continue on. The friend Schalachi who I think retired pretty much after that. I'm just going to try a few other names just so that they're in the discussion because I think some of these seemed perfect on paper and then didn't go Vermal into Barcelona.
00:12:54
Speaker
That was because of injury, but that looked to be a very astute signing. It did. It really did. And I think it's a shame that never worked out. Rocket Junior to Leeds after doing very well for Brazil up until 2002 World Cup and then just forgetting how to play football. Like I think he was 12 million or 10 million back in like 2003, 2004. Marco Madarazzi of Interfame being at Everton, a very, very, very forgettable season.
00:13:22
Speaker
When was that? I think it was like 2003, 2004 or something like that. Right. He was young. It was around the same time that Gattuso was going to Rangers. Oh, yeah. The Italians were just doing their international tours. Would get to Madrid. Again, injuries and...
00:13:40
Speaker
Yeah, but also scoring an OG and getting my card on your debut. Possibly the greatest debut of all time, outside Wayne Rooney. Wouldn't you suggest that just Connor, before we came on was Benucci to Izzy Milan and then back to you, eh? Yeah, I mean, see, it's funny with these things though, because like you look at someone like Benucci and like, yeah, absolutely for what we're doing here on paper, should have absolutely nailed it, didn't, but like,
00:14:07
Speaker
I think where he differs is like, Banucci is one of, I'm not saying he's like top five defenders all the time, but he's in the, he's, you know, if you're talking top 10, 15 players in his position, his name would come up. So like, I think that move just wasn't right for him as opposed to him being not a good player. Um, Titi could be one as well. Oh. Because he has Barca. Yeah. That was not a good one. A throwback one. What about Titus Bramble to Newcastle?
00:14:36
Speaker
Okay, yeah. Between him and Celestine Babiaro, we've had some clangers over the years. I think for the sake of the visuals of this, we go with a higher profile player than Titus Bramble, so we don't lower our credibility. It's like seven million in 2002, it was a lot of money.
00:14:55
Speaker
Yeah, no, that was a lot, a lot of money. Like, you know, when clubs were paying six, seven million, it was like, who the hell is he? And if you didn't know his name, you were really worried. But again, he was one of them kind of guys that like he when Newcastle signed them, he was on. Did he get a couple of England caps?
00:15:12
Speaker
or he was definitely in and around the England town. Did Tynesboro play for England? Because he came through an Ipswich, I think, and did very well. Yeah. That'd be like saying that Jermaine Genis was a bad signing for Newcastle. He seemed to be on the up and up. He 10-caps for the 21s. Yeah. Yeah. So that was a strong 21s. Yeah. Like you were playing alongside
00:15:39
Speaker
like you would have probably played it in around Beckham. One thing I completely forgot is Mr. Bramble played for both the black and red side of the Northeast. Yeah. And we got him at the end of the career. And I think he scored two OGs in about 12 appearances. One guy for Sutherland that I have to mention, and I will strongly put into this team, was Papi De La Boge.
00:16:05
Speaker
So there's 8 million quid that we spent on him coming from Chelsea, kind of going for that like, right, Chelsea, no players. And not only did he help drag us down to the championship under Mr. Moyes, he decided not to turn up afterwards.
00:16:23
Speaker
which a couple of the other players did as well. At least Lamine Kone who stopped playing, but he did come back. But De La Bougie turned up eventually and then didn't pass any fitness tests. Do you think that was a tactic to just push a move though? He was 100% going for a move, but he didn't adhere to the contract. So he was sacked for breach of contract. I'd say the club were delighted to get him off the wage Bill.
00:16:53
Speaker
yeah but it's also an eight million quid yeah yeah like he he was only there for i think was like a year and a half or two years like between him and didier in dong i'm not sure who's worse um in dong in dong with this 18 million
00:17:12
Speaker
Yeah, I think he actually had to, I don't think he actually ever went back to the club. I think his permit didn't work, so. I'll be bringing up Mr. Indong again anyway. I'm thinking to kick us off just to get one on the list. I'm saying, I do think Harry Mags. Yeah, Harry Mags. It was just a late one, lads. I know it's not too late, but do we have to fulfill Jones? I don't agree. I don't agree.
00:17:41
Speaker
this guy has played no football whatsoever like and he's pretty much retired at 30 i just think he was there was a point where he was a utility a player you know like some other players just to mention winston bogart at chelsea he spent about two years just getting paid 40 grand a week into in like 2000 um and then just retired sounds like half the city didn't play it again so he didn't
00:18:08
Speaker
Um, and just, and what, when he was asked, why, why is he doing this? He's like, well, I have a contract to get paid this and I'm going to take that money. Fair point. I'm not going to get a contract like that again. Um.
00:18:23
Speaker
I'd put in the likes of maybe like an Alexander Butner or Paul Kanczewski to Liverpool, but I don't think on paper that looked good anyway. That was like... That was a weird one, that was... That was Paul Hudson trying to recreate his Europa League run for Fulham. Yeah.
00:18:39
Speaker
There was also on Wayu for Milan, who was an American centre back, who was meant to be class. And he was one of my favourites in football manager because he was always free, but he was just a big, brutal defender. But I think he played for like two games for Milan in like four years and even offered to play for free for a year if they'd re-sign him. That's so grim. Like, that is beyond grim.
00:19:05
Speaker
Um, so who's saying for the second one? Yeah. You, you go first on this one. Like.
00:19:14
Speaker
Oh, it's so hard because like, my gala is another money one, but I don't want everything to be just money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think Rocket Junior. I think people forget how hyped that was because that was like a World Cup winner coming to Leeds. Yeah. Going to Europe and he's the worst player they have. For me, it's between him and Vermalen. Anybody getting your vote?
00:19:40
Speaker
Mustafi I think he provided great entertainment in the very minute he was he was just a funny player to watch and I think how bad of a sign that he was whereas though I'd go okay if we go how about we go Mustafi and This is where it gets tricky when there's one left it's like okay Mustafi and
00:20:07
Speaker
I'm gonna go price tag again. Mangala, I'm saying. You're the final decision maker though, boys. Okay, Nate, you got Mustafie, so we'll give Kill the choice on this one. What are you saying? Like, I think Vermalon is a tough one because injuries. But it did look, it wasn't that good on paper.
00:20:36
Speaker
It could have. Well, you know, he was coming from a gut or something. No, but don't forget how bad he was before he left. Like he was one that he was a club captain and all that. So I think it was more that it was like he was really well liked rather than I was apparently a good leader. But yeah, there's there's another lad was this.
00:21:06
Speaker
Jean, was it Matthias? Jeremy Matthieu from Valencia, a 30 year old French dude that signed for 20 million and I think he like ended up leaving them to go to an amateur side.
00:21:20
Speaker
So like Jesus and or um remember they had that Ukrainian dude from Shakhtar Donetsk like Barcelona have had made some terrible terrible signings and now they're paying for it with the lack of money they have in the coffers. Well I will say though is um I think for lots of different reasons
00:21:43
Speaker
I'd be happy enough to go with Mangala mainly because that's three M's at the back. And I think defenders wise and all that, it's fairly inconsequential because we're coming up to the big boys now. We're going into centre midfield. Oh, I've won, I've won, I've won. Kick us off. Go. Calvin Phillips.
00:22:04
Speaker
oh wow you're going in hard from the go that's not what i expected not what i expected 18 million squared to man city now see the only only thing i'd say about that and i think it's it's the odd thing that kind of excuses guadiola guadiola sign players which is like all guadiola players who banned the first year it's just unusual to have seen him gone in the second year
00:22:29
Speaker
Um, but it's hard to deny that it was, it was like, yeah, but he's been called out for fitness reasons as well. Stuff like that. Like, I think he's up there like 50 million. That's a lot from Leeds to city to not to like, I like not even stands out to me for him playing for city. Like I can't. I raise your 50 million and I see you 89 million. Mr. Paul Labeel Pogba.
00:22:56
Speaker
No comment. He was perfect on paper and just did like he had that seven game run beginning one year that was absolutely amazing. Like we said before though you know again these are the ones I find difficult because like we said in a recent episode about you know the who's the biggest what if on his day he was truly game-changingly good
00:23:26
Speaker
But if we're going by the specifics of the request here, I think there's no one but Paul Pogba that can be on this list. Is there midfielders that have done much less than he done for United during that period? Are you thinking of a certain angle Di Maria?
00:23:45
Speaker
But no, I'm not even just talking specifically, you know, related, I'm just talking like, say, like, I don't think Calvin Phillips has contributed as much as Papa did to United. Is there not other midfielders that might agree with that? Yeah, I would agree with that. There's there is plenty of midfielders that went for big fees that did much, much less like Danny Drinkwater at Chelsea.
00:24:03
Speaker
Yes, relatively. That's what you're talking about. Half the money of Polva. Yeah, not even. I think it was like, I think it was like 20 mil or actually, I think it was 35. I think it was actually the 40 if I remember. Yeah. Maybe 40 euro. But like how many games do you play? Like you spend most of the time out on loan.
00:24:24
Speaker
There is one now it was a free transfer, but I do want to put it in just because for like underwhelming like it was a bad signing to pay them big wages and it looked perfect on paper and it just did not work out really keen to Celtic that I think that was I don't think that was anything to do with football. I think that was pure Jersey sales and get the more patties flying over than there already are.
00:24:49
Speaker
True, I agree. I really think that was just pure. We'll get a load of jerseys out the door. We'll get a load more coaches coming across in the ferry. This will be solid. Yeah. Well, like Pogba had great shirt sales when he arrived. So like, does that mitigate his fee? An Irishman who's former captain of Ireland and Man United going to Celtic is about throwing a tweet hat with every season ticket, you know.
00:25:16
Speaker
Yeah, but then again, like Adam Ida just went to Celtic and now he's the big man there, but at least he's like performing somewhat. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like just to put out a few other kind of big names, as you mentioned, Didier Ndong again, he got sacked and I think Zaviza was revoked once he was sacked. So he had to leave the UK. Kakka to Real Madrid, although I think that's hard done by because like
00:25:42
Speaker
That was timing again, you know, like he went that was it was him Ronaldo and who's the third big one that year
00:25:49
Speaker
Which was sorry? Benzema. Oh yeah. Jesus, how could I forget? Yeah. Like that was a year that, but like when you look back at that team, it was the most unbalanced team like ever. They, they bought Benzema and Ronaldo and they already had like Higuain Raoul. They still have Robin. Yeah, they did. Yeah. Like they, it was trying to make the Galactica was all over again. Yeah. I think they still had van der Vars. I think they still had Schneider like.
00:26:16
Speaker
Kaká was just not the player they needed. And it was just a pure, like, we're going to finally put it up against Barcelona. And they didn't. Fun fact about that team, actually, but Ronaldo and Benzema made their debuts for Real Madrid in Tala Stadium. Another big, big money and big name signing at the time. One, Sebastian Varon for United.
00:26:46
Speaker
That was my hat. That was going to be a biggie. But I'm just very conscious that we don't want to make this all pure man united. I do think that there is this kind of man united biases that kind of go on. Like you expect them always to do well. Yeah. And that's just not the case anymore. It's man united. Spurs have had some terrible ones haven't they? They've had the end in bed and the sell. So like they're too... In the belly the money is just...
00:27:13
Speaker
Yeah, but Lussello as well was 50 million. But was he not unknown at first and did well on the loan? He did do well on the loan. Boy, he was then signed for 50 million. Now he's a bit of a hell, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I mean, like, it's understandable. And once, like, in dumbbell, it looked to be like this is finally, we finally found the new dumbbell to replace it. This is going to be what's going to bring them to the next level. I think Lussello was kind of like,
00:27:40
Speaker
uh, like a lamella when he came in for Spurs, that kind of like, he's going to be a very good player in this team. Whereas like Dembele was just getting, I don't know if it was just the, the pundit guys I was watching, but they were like, yes, he is what's going to take them to the next level. Um, I don't think we can do this list and have midfielders without Antoine Griezmann in the conversation.
00:28:02
Speaker
Well, I think we leave him for the wingers. Oh, we're going centers here. Okay. Yeah. This is our center tree, our number five, six and eight. Um, but there is one name we can't not mention, which is Jack Rodwell. Oh yeah. Ten mill. I remember that.
00:28:17
Speaker
10 mil, but 60 grand a week with no relegation clause. And he wouldn't leave us when we're in the championship. Like it was not good time, boys. He was, he's another kind of what if actually, I'm surprised we didn't think of him. He was an incredible player for everything. Yeah. Um, he was, he was just the perfect proof of why you don't go to the likes of Chelsea or a city. Yeah. Don't get swallowed by the big guys. Um, you're not going to get any benefit for it. Um,
00:28:47
Speaker
Jackie Yoko is another one. That's a show. He was somebody I really wanted to work out because he was so good at Monaco. Do you remember that Monaco team like that? What a team that was. Like I remember that season when they got to the semis, was it? And the Champions League. Yeah. And you were like, you already knew like this team's going to swallow it up. But like it was so creation of youngsters there. So for our two kind of holding midfielders, who are we putting in?
00:29:18
Speaker
I, I, I'm going to have to put in, I'm going to suggest anyway, Rodwell, just when you look at Sunderland, the money at the time, their position and what was expected of them. Like it was just a perfect storm to go wrong. Is maybe it's just me being better as a Newcastle fan. Is he too small a fish to be on this list?
00:29:47
Speaker
I don't know. When you consider how much he cost over the lifespan of him being there, I don't think for his last two years at the club he played. Yeah. Maybe two and a half years. Because when he eventually went off to, I think it was Bolton afterwards, it just was such a waste of money and such a waste of talent as well. And when he was signed, it was like, oh my god, this is a statement of intent.
00:30:17
Speaker
I'd put, if we're putting Rodwell in, I'd put Drinkwater in, too. Like, I'm happy to bow to democracy. Like, if we, if we get a two-hour tree on any of these, we put them in. What are you saying, what are you saying, Nathan? Rodwell or Drinkwater? Um, I'd say Drinkwater just purely because he disappears off the face of the earth.
00:30:40
Speaker
Can you even tell me where Jack Rodwell is now? No, like, at least he played, you know? Yeah. He came in a centre back out in Australia. It's always, anytime people say Australia, it's always the Melbourne team or the one that Robbie Fowler played for us, or if that's not the same team.
00:31:00
Speaker
No, so there was Melbourne and where Robbie Fowler was, was I think, was it North Queensland Fury? Or Gold Coast Mariners. They're the only three that you ever hear people go to. Oh, Melbourne City. Yeah, Melbourne City, then Sydney. And there's Melbourne Victory, where you'll end it up. This guy went to Western Sydney Wanderers, which is a new team. There was Sydney FC, where Dwight York was before he went to Sunderland. I remember that, yeah.
00:31:30
Speaker
Who else was there? There's a Gold Coast one in there. Gold Coast Mariners. Which I think Mark Bosnich, who could have been a shout for the goalkeeper, I think he ended up out there. Grog's got him, wasn't it?
00:31:43
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, cocaine. Yeah, which cocaine will be brought up again later. And actually, another name just to think of it, nothing to do with like, I know it's not for the I know the reasons of why it didn't work out. But it still works out to be a terrible signing, which is Delly Alley to everything.
00:32:01
Speaker
Yeah, I thought about this too and I, you know, doing a bit of research. I saw them on a few lists. My only thing with that is that's quite a mental health situation as opposed to a playing situation. So that was kind of why I didn't think of them for that list. If we're going purely off playing output, absolutely. But I think with all that's going on there would be harsh.
00:32:24
Speaker
Yeah, so I think you boys are saying drink water instead of rumble. Yeah, I'm going to drink water. You have me brain-ticking on Kean if we're going fully off playing, but I do think that was purely a commercial decision there. Do we put Varan there? Varan's a... I always find Varan a really weird one, because it's like... Or could we say Gatusa to Rangers, actually?
00:32:53
Speaker
Was he that bad at Rangers? No, but he wasn't game-changently good. No, yeah. Like, of the names that we've mentioned now, is there anybody there that makes you go, actually, yeah? Like, Indombele for the money, Calvin Phillips. Calvin Phillips, yeah, Calvin Phillips. Give it to him. I think, yeah.
00:33:14
Speaker
I don't know with Pogba, but like, do you think Pogba, like, this is a question D-Lads saying in Ivans, do you think he contributed more than other people on the list? Yeah, I do. Like, even as much as he didn't do what he should have done, he definitely did more than the people we've mentioned. I can't. Only, I'd include him only because he went on a free.
00:33:42
Speaker
like yeah, because like to just give up on an investment of that with 300 grand wages. Like what he was on Jesus. He was pretty sure it was 300 grand. What's Calvin Phillips on though? Probably 50. That's still crazy though for him. Yeah. But the only thing as well with him now is there's two things. One, it's not done yet. Like he's at West Ham's a week.
00:34:11
Speaker
Technically could make it better. On paper, was he ever that blown up? Like, it was a weird signing at the time. And then too, it's City. So what does 50 million think? Yeah, but like, I'd struggle to even call to have a Phillips a squad player. Like, I don't think he plays for City. Like, you know what I mean? Like, honestly, I think he's a training squad player. Like, you know, the NFL. Like Tom Huddleston going to United. That's Calvin Phillips. That man can still ball. But anyway,
00:34:38
Speaker
I looked up his contract, yeah, so he's getting paid 48 million over five years. Yeah, he's going straight on that list. Sorry. So unless we're putting Pogba in at number eight, Phillips gets six. That's what I'm saying. Because of some of the other players that we're going to mention that could fill in that eight, I think it's a toss up between Pogba or Phillips.
00:35:03
Speaker
Okay, I'm gonna say... For me, it'd be Pogba. I'm going Phillips. Nate, you're just later. Think about it this way, and before you make your decision, Pogba did a lot more than Calvin Phillips. That sort of was close, you know what I mean? But I do understand the Pogba angle. Phillips was there a year. Yeah, but Phillips, like, literally did not touch the beach, like, maybe once. Like, honestly, I need to know how many times he's played.
00:35:34
Speaker
But, uh, I'm going to actually just, I'm going to look this up here. How much, so the fee in Euro, um, for Pogba, uh, was 105 million Euro. Calvin Phillips has played 16 games for man city. How many minutes?
00:35:55
Speaker
Oh Jesus, I don't even know that now, but he's crazy. The total fee for Pogba, gluten wages over the six years was 214 million euro. Calvin Phillips has played 593 minutes last season for Man City, okay? He's only played 600 minutes this season for West Ham. Also bear in mind, this is how little he's played for Man City. He nearly has doubled the caps for the senior team of England.
00:36:25
Speaker
That's crazy. He has 31 England caps and 16 caps from Man City. That's cementum for me. Even if you look at Pogba now at the event, it was costing them $65,000 per minute to have him on the pitch. I just don't want to... We've done a few on money. I'm just... I don't care if a Phillips is 28.
00:36:52
Speaker
Oh Jesus, I forgot that too. Yeah, it's Philip's mate. I'll bow to democracy, but I don't agree. That's the most diplomatic answer I've heard in a while. He's nearly had me on Pogba, but I think Philip's just sweet. So the reason why I didn't want to take up this eight spot with the likes of a Pogba is because we have so many forward players and a lot of them could fill in this. So let's even think.
00:37:21
Speaker
Kaká, Real Madrid, Hazard at Real Madrid, Coutinho to Barcelona, Griezmann to Barcelona. They could all fill in that position. Could we also throw Jack Griehlish into this? Yeah. Or is that harsh? I think that's harsh. Like, again, if you look at the expectation of what was expected from like, in a Guardiola team,
00:37:44
Speaker
there's only there's only one player I can remember Guardiola really signing that was like okay he he needs to do well which is how yeah I think greed is needed needed to do well well I do think he
00:38:02
Speaker
some way done well. I also think he, see this is the thing with CT that was there were so much good players that like, you can't judge them all on how much minutes they get if you get what I mean. Yeah, it's what they do with the minutes here. Like, arguably, Cristiano Ronaldo to United
00:38:22
Speaker
No, I thought he had a very good season. I think he was a, I think he was a bit of a shite bag in terms of his attitude and the way he left was obviously abominable, but I think he actually played well that season and I think it was down to a lot of that was down to
00:38:38
Speaker
didn't you get like three primary league player in a month that season? Yeah and he got something really bad boy like come on he was scoring goals at 38. I think I think Messi all I had it all about three league player of the month in his career. The only thing that I'm saying is the only thing keeping Ronaldo off this list for me is there's a couple of games in that season where
00:39:00
Speaker
Ronaldo won them by the scruff of them by solely him and yeah, but it's good for the neck So I think he's for me. I I've Vito Ronaldo the chance to take like there's two players I think are vying for this position really which is either Eden Hazard or Coutinho Coutinho Yeah, I think over the two of them because hazard although we had an awful time at Madrid it's gotta be Coutinho because even
00:39:29
Speaker
Yeah, be a Barcelona owner when he went to Villa. The Barcelona one. Because at least we're doing the correct thing by Coutinho on playing them through the centre, which Barcelona never did, and they never got the benefit of. By the way, La Liga, expect to check through the mail. The amount of airtime they're about to get with these next five players is going to be crazy. Jesus Christ. So we'll go for the left wing now. Obviously Griezmann has to be mentioned. Ricardo Quesma.
00:39:59
Speaker
Yeah. Inter or even his loan where he played all about seven seconds for Chelsea, like terrible. He was great for Portugal though. Fantastic player. Yeah. He was Ronaldo without the dedication. Yeah. He was great. He was great on the old YouTube highlight reels. You could watch some absolute zingers of his skills there.
00:40:24
Speaker
Oh, and Turkey loved, like he did so well out there. I think he only retired at like 40. I just cannot. I will not sleep tonight unless Griezmann is on this list. Be it on the left, be it on the right. I don't care where you put them. What was he thought of that? Yes, 120 million euro. Like. To then go back to the club that you left for. Yeah. It's the fee. It's on the fee. Nicholas Pepe.
00:40:52
Speaker
But what did he do at Barcelona? He went for 120 million yeah and then went back to the club he went to and then started performing unreal. So like when you look at that transfer it's literally the definition of like one of the worst transfers. Like he'll have a statue from making Atletico Madrid money even though it's the top goal scorer or is it goal scorer or top amount of games he's played? It may possibly be both.
00:41:16
Speaker
but either way that man has put more money in their bank account than any other human being alive. He was a literal stock for them. He went down of value which helped. We could do a whole 11 on bad Barrisa signings but that's a bad Barrisa team as well.
00:41:41
Speaker
I don't know like he's a stinker man like he is as bad as it gets is he is but like if you're going to mention that letter Madrid is he as bad as Joe Felix for medical Madrid when he's feeling yes he is yes worse worse yeah I'd say he's worse so just want him in on the left
00:42:02
Speaker
or anybody else that you think just the last nail in the coffin i will say is back to Nate's point he went on loan to the Lettico Madrid with an option to buy for 80 million euro less than what they sold him for that is crazy like that is like that is one of the worst stories you will ever hear from football business and then he went back and he played unreal he didn't he just get the most champions he goes for Lettico Madrid
00:42:29
Speaker
Well, the only cop-out as well that Barca can throw at them is Messi left because of the financial troubles. And they can go, oh, but Jesus Christ. Most players don't even see a value of 80 million in their career, let alone have their buyback being 80 million less. Just to have it said, Nicholas Pepper was bought for 80 million euro and left on a free.
00:42:52
Speaker
for a club like Arsenal, who does not have that money. Barcelona don't have that money, they still spend it. They have more credit cards than human beings exist, but Arsenal do not have that money to spend, and especially then they did not have it. And he left on a free. Was Pepe that bad or did he just have one lucky time with Saka and Martinelli coming here?
00:43:13
Speaker
You could say the same for Griezmann going to Barcelona. Yeah, you could. That, I think, is a fair... For me, though, I just... We'll go democracy on this one again. And it is razor thin. Especially with the leaving on a free. That throws in a little pube in the soup. But for me, it's Griezmann. Nate?
00:43:41
Speaker
Me and Connor are disagreeing on everything this episode has done. It's usually not that way. Okay, Griezmann goes in on the left. Right wing, some of the names that was mentioned was
00:43:57
Speaker
Alvarez to Sunderland, Ricardo Alvarez, for the context of that was Alvarez was on loan at Sunderland from Inter Milan, Argentinian International, playing alongside Messi. I think he actually went to one of the World Cups as well. And because he played a certain number of games for Sunderland, it triggered an automatic buyout of his contract for I think it was 11 million euro, but
00:44:24
Speaker
Sunland contested that because he was injured and basically said that they kind of bought that out. Basically, after a year and a half, nearly two years, Sunland had to pay the full fee plus all of his lost earnings because he ended up never playing for Sunland again after his loan, despite the fact that we owned him, but he had no contract with us. So we had to pay the money for a player that we never owned.
00:44:48
Speaker
That is the most sundering thing you've ever heard. I lobbed the pot, uh, Userman Dembele. Yes. Ah, he's doing well now though. He's doing well now, but his fee, his transfer fee was a hundred and five million and rose to a hundred and 45 million euro with add-ons.
00:45:10
Speaker
That poor fella couldn't get off the bleeding injury bench like Jesus Christ. I would argue a bigger disappointment was Alexei Sanchez at United. Oh yeah, actually. Yeah. Yeah. That was still big money.
00:45:24
Speaker
even if you take out the Mikotarin non-trade trade, like difference between Sanchez and say like Bebe. Nope, nobody expected Bebe to do well. Yeah, Bebe was just shy, but no one expected him to do well. Whereas again, Sanchez I think was on 300k a week. I'm working so badly and cost a lot of money. And the hype around him coming in was gigantic.
00:45:47
Speaker
I am still hurt by that transfer, like that piano got me, like I was here, like I remember it wouldn't like this thing says overly to me we're playing Newport away and Sanchez came on and he scored a goal I think and I was like oh my god he's arrived like that's him I wanted this guy to succeed so much you don't understand yeah like to me he he's my vote
00:46:09
Speaker
Why do you think that didn't work out? I don't know. I think the money was a big part of it. I think he probably switched off when he left Arsenal a bit. He wasn't really a Mourinho signing either, even though Mourinho did sign them.
00:46:32
Speaker
Yeah, I don't really know why it didn't work out. It was just, it was a very sad time. He was on the website signed for his name to try and be like, hey, we're actually going to do something here without any thought of how he's going to play or how he's going to fit into a team. It was just like, listen, we just need somebody that's going to make us look good right now. It did sound like a match made in heaven though. It really did. I'll never look at a piano the same ever again. Honestly, it's rounder for me.
00:46:59
Speaker
Just a few other honourable mentions that Matt mentioned in here. Andy Vandermaeder for Everton back in the day. Terrible. David Bentley for Tottenham. Big money. Yeah, I think his... How much? I think it was like 19 million at the time. Oh my life. Like that was big money. Yeah.
00:47:18
Speaker
Even though it was only alone, it tells how bad this move was. Julien Faubert from West Ham to Real Madrid. Sure, no, to his agent. Pure vibe zero. Yeah. DeMaria? Sanchez is worse. Yeah, Sanchez is worse. I was on record saying DeMaria is a snake.
00:47:42
Speaker
Now we're going into our two forwards. We have two positions and I have a list of I think about 12 players here. So I'm going to rattle off a few names here and just watch the fires burn. Fernando Torres to Chelsea, Andy Carroll to Liverpool, Chivchenko to Chelsea, Ibrahimovic to Barcelona with Samuel Eto going to Inter and I think it was 60 million quid as well going to Inter.
00:48:10
Speaker
Um, Adrian Mutu, that was our mention of cocaine coming back. Yeah. Um, Barahino, that was meant to do so good and then didn't. Lukaku, uh, any of us. I was about to say which time.
00:48:25
Speaker
Willofford Boney going to Man City and then going back to Swansea and just forgetting how to play football. Luca Jovic, we mentioned earlier. Diego Costa going back to Atletico. Francis Jeffords, the Fox in the Box, one of the original Wonderkid failed signings.
00:48:44
Speaker
Um, Milton Nunes, the Sunderland, because there was a lawsuit because they actually signed the wrong player. He was about five foot four. And, um, yeah, I think he only retired in the last three or four years and he signed for someone in like 2001. Um, he was like 45. Um, or.
00:49:02
Speaker
My one, which is a little bit spicy because I think this era of his career gets forgotten and it's two times. These are two different moves about seven years apart that I think could get him on this list. Robbie Keen to Enter or Robbie Keen to Liverpool.
00:49:18
Speaker
Robby Keen to enter, I think it was too early for him. Big hype looked good though. Yeah, I would say Robby Keen to Liverpool again. Big hype looked good, looked to be the perfect foil for... That's a really keen-ish situation for me. You know, all the patties that are Liverpool fans.
00:49:39
Speaker
I don't think that comes into it when Rafa Benitez is in your manager. Rafa never really did that. Like he would sell his own mother to get a Spanish player around. I don't think he cared about the fucking the patties. One person I would add to that list and it causes me great heartbreak to go back to this period in my brain is Michael Owen at Newcastle.
00:50:04
Speaker
and Michael Owen at United and Michael Owen at Stoke. Maybe it's just Michael Owen lads, you know what I mean? Well the one for me I will die on this hill is Shevchenko because that man is the only reason lotto boots existed ever. He also at his prime jokes aside was nothing short of extraordinary and
00:50:28
Speaker
That was a, it's a real, the three that are really burning in my brain are him, Andy Carroll, and Tarez. They're the ones that are really, you know. Like Naku. Ibra. You see, was that Ibra as Ibra as we know now though?
00:50:49
Speaker
Yeah, it was him after winning the treble, but no, just before Inter Milan won the treble. So like he was amazing. And like he did well, but then Guardiola played him out in left wing because Messi decided, you know what, I want to play in the center.
00:51:02
Speaker
I mean, and that worked out just fine. That was great, but it's just like why sign a player to not do what he's good at and then spend 66 million euro and one of the greatest African strikers of all time who was in his prime and went, hey, you know what? Yeah, we don't actually like you after a year. We're going to send you to AC Milan because why not pure vibes? Oh, AC or Inter?
00:51:32
Speaker
No, I think he went to AC then. He started off at Inter, went to AC, and then it became permanent. And then he went to PSG, United LA Galaxy, United. Oh, yeah. OK, yeah. Can we can we point out as well how bad Chelsea are with Strikers? Lukaku, Maratha, Verner.
00:51:57
Speaker
Werner. Crespo. Crespo had some bangers. They need a new Stryker scout. There's a reason why Steve Stidwell got the number nine because that shirt was cursed. Is Diego's floor line up there?
00:52:20
Speaker
Oh, honorable mention. Honorable mention anyway. I think Shifchenko should get in because he is the perfect example of an on paper should have been and it just didn't work. Yeah. Thank you. I can sleep tonight. Now this one, this final spot is, this is tricky.
00:52:46
Speaker
Yeah. So Torres, big money, few goals. Was he a player on the Wayne? Well, he cut his hair off. He cut his hair off and everything went bad for Torres. Those golden locks were his source of skill. Andy Carroll, did anybody expect him to do 40 million pounds in then money's terms? Like I think
00:53:10
Speaker
I remember the day it happened and kind of going, nah, I couldn't have been that much. And that must be just add-ons and all that. It was like, and it kind of came out of nowhere. Like that was pure. I mean, as a Newcastle fan at the time, it was like, you what? You pay how much? OK. And he was your key striker at that point. And like, I know there was always be that kind of like, oh, we don't want to see him leave. But you know what's bad when
00:53:36
Speaker
the team who you're signing that key striker from is kind of going, oh, yeah. I remember at the time it was like, yeah, look, he was an important player on our team, but he was completely replaceable and especially for 40 million quid. Or how much was it in the end? Was it 40? I think it was in and around 40.
00:53:58
Speaker
like then there's also to remember the like 50 million for Torres back when 50 million meant something like was not the Premier League record at the time biggest fee yeah around that and I think until very very recently that was the biggest January fee ever lads does Lukaku have to be up there with just how much time he's made for him being a fee
00:54:21
Speaker
My only thing with that is wasn't, he wasn't as declined something to do with health issues, wasn't it? He had like, remember he, he had some like good issue and he put on a load of weight and that's where he was crap at multiple clubs.
00:54:36
Speaker
I'm not, I'm not sure, but like just looking at it. He was sold to, he sold to Everton for 35 million. United bought him for 84 million. Then Inter bought him for 74. Then Chelsea bought him for 113. Then he was loaned out to Inter and now loaned out to Roma. Like, that's crazy. Like that's only $250 million in transfer. I think his return to Chelsea is the one that would get him in this.
00:55:03
Speaker
Yeah. Because that looked to be like, oh my God, he's arrived again. More so than the United one, because I think at United he had spells and then by the end of it, it all turned sour. Whereas when he went back to Chelsea, it was just nothing there. What did he enter about? Like 74 million? Yeah, I think he makes his list. He was damn good at intro though. He's also what age is he now? 30. Like, I mean, if we're putting Calvin Phillips on it for being 28.
00:55:31
Speaker
Like, like, you know, actually, you know, I had only lost 10 million of him. So when we put in Lukaku? Yeah, that 130 million from the Chelsea's crazy. Yeah. So there we are, gentlemen. Right. Read out this team. Let's go. We have Peppa in goals with a back three of Mangala, Maguire and Mustafie. All right. We have two holding midfielders of Calvin Phillips and Danny Drinkwater.
00:56:02
Speaker
with Coutinho in the in the hole as our fault nine with wingers of Antoine Griezmann and Alexei Sanchez and up front leading the line for Chelsea, Shevchenko and Lukaku. It is a very very Premier League heavy team. It is. But I would love and maybe we'll do this
00:56:26
Speaker
in a social post if we actually go and add up all the transfer fees of what this team would have cost. Maybe one honorable mention each.
00:56:36
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I, I'd say has had a huge one, although the injuries, but I would say he's a huge one just for that thing. My one would be, we've mentioned them a couple of times throughout this pod, Kaka. Uh, and just because my heart still has not recovered about the amount of time that man spent injured, didn't even live in the city and took a helicopter from Wales to training every day. Michael Owen.
00:57:05
Speaker
Yeah, I think for me, I'm going to be so stunned and biased. And I'm going to go Jack Rodwell. Just, yeah, what should have been. I remember him being signed, and the whole argument of it was, yeah, in a year's time, he said he would be buying them back. One question I have, Jens. Within this team, every team needs a captain. Who's our captain?
00:57:35
Speaker
Who is on that list, the worst signing of them all? Hmm, interesting. For me, I am going to say, tenure Calvin Phillips is our team captain. Oh no. I'm going to disagree with you. I'm going to go with his good pal, Danny Drinkwater is captain. We're in the same neck of the woods.
00:58:02
Speaker
What are you saying, Kil? I would put an honorable mention of Shivchenko. Nine golds in three years for Shivchenko at Chelsea, and pretty much it was the end of his career after that. But to kind of jump on the democratic bandwagon, I think it has to be Danny Drinkwater.
00:58:23
Speaker
Don't go with that. I win. Yep. So, gentlemen, that has been the worst signings that looked good on paper. I'm very happy with that list. I am too. I think it's a fair one. And as much as myself, I must say, Nathan, my envelope in the post full of cash for agreeing with me so much today.
00:58:46
Speaker
Yeah, I got rinsed. Yeah, you did. I talked a lot in the last episode, so I guess apparently this is me and Connor's team, sorry. Yeah, Nathan's manager, I'm assistant. I enjoyed this. Maybe we'll look to do a few of these again in the future, a few kind of 11s and stuff. Absolutely. A little bit of fun. But gentlemen, thank you very much, and I'll chat to you next week. Bye-bye.
00:59:13
Speaker
Messy! Messy! Oh my goodness! Italy! Aquero! That is extraordinary! What a hit! Right, right, right! Back of the net!