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E42: The Five Rules in Life & Relationships
11 Plays24 days ago
This week, we're diving into our very own Five Rules for Life and Relationships! These aren't your average guidelines, these rules are built from our very own real-life experiences. Join us as we navigate the minefields of marriage, divorce, and everything in between. Whether you're tying the knot or thinking of untying it, you'll want to hear the wisdom (and warnings) we've gathered from the front lines of family dynamics!
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Transcript
Introduction to Wills, Trusts, and Estate Planning
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to another episode of One of Us Knows What They're Talking About. Another one is you. I'm Lori Burch, your host. Join us as we discuss and unpack wills, trust, estate planning, and probate law in a way that's actually informative, interesting, and well, hopefully entertaining. Because if you don't have a will, the state of Texas has one for you. Let's dive in.
00:00:40
Speaker
So let's get to it, shall we? Yeah. We shall.
Five Rules for Life and Estate Planning
00:00:48
Speaker
Shall we? OK. This is a good topic today, as they all are every day. But there let me tell you how this started. is and And I feel like we've added on to it. But basically, we're going to talk about the five rules that I've created for staff, people, life, and what I was thinking we would do and before we talk about these is to just name the five and if you're listening to this you need to understand these are tongue-in-cheek, okay? Then what we'll do is break down why I'm saying this about each one of these rules, but there's the five rules
00:01:37
Speaker
or life and or maybe at least relationships. How's that relationships because I could come up with some other roles there. So important to to remember that these are tongue in cheek. So don't don't write any hate mail. Oh, Sarah, do you get hate mail? No. Let's get our first piece.
00:02:03
Speaker
No, i'm shocked about that I don't I don't think people do that anymore. I think they just post about things or make videos about things. So anyway, ah it is tongue in cheek. Don't take this too seriously, but underlying each one of these rules that we're going to go through is some experience in real life experience and some thoughts for you to have and they are mostly based on legal cases, but some of them are um experiences that I've had or I know that others have had but a lot of them relate to what we experience here at birch law and
00:02:44
Speaker
The impetus of really starting these rules is because somehow, when I really started growing the practice, I started hiring, or started having to apply, and those were the ones we chose, fairly young people.
00:03:04
Speaker
Early, mid-20s, or at least that's how they started out.
00:03:10
Speaker
And so, you know, I had i had just a ah wee bit more ah life experience, relationship experience. So I started with these roles. so Overview of the rules, tongue in cheek, we're going to go back and break them down because they are all based on some real actual examples. And I do expect class participation when we go back and talk about these. Okay. And then I believe Sam and Sarah have some other life rules or relationship rules that they have no business establishing or making, but they're going to, but I've been told none of them involve a dream of becoming a DJ. Correct.
00:03:48
Speaker
All right, the five rules.
Rule 1: Marriage Considerations
00:03:49
Speaker
already Number one, thanks for thanks for talking over me, Cynthia, with the most important part of this. All right, let's start again. All right, the five rules. Number one, don't get married. Number two, if you do get married, don't get divorced. Number three, if you think you're gonna get divorced, don't have kids,
00:04:17
Speaker
Number four, in a blended family situation, and if you have stepchildren, just let them get your stuff. And number five, don't change your name. Got it? ah Got it. Got it. So let's start with the first one. The first one was what? Don't get married. Don't get married.
00:04:39
Speaker
wo All right, why do you think now you've heard all the the reason why I wanted to go through all five rules So you knew other things were coming and nobody was gonna be like, oh my gosh. He's saying don't get married what based on Your experience at birch law or personal experience, which I think there's very little there um Do you think would be the justification for one of the rules of being hey just don't get married Nothing maybe air rushing into it. Maybe it's a mistake. Sarah always looks like she's going to say Sarah. like She does open her mouth and I'm just like happens every week. You're just, you know what it is? You're a mouth breather. And so yeah you're breathing, but it looks like you're about to say something.
00:05:24
Speaker
like so you take a breath But you're doing it towards the mic so it makes it look like you're about to speak. I was just thinking you're about to share something and I was like this is going to get interesting. You're like the visual representation of grants responding to something in ReCentral where it's like typing, stop. Typing, stop. Typing, stop. And then there's never anything actually submitted except like 10 minutes later.
00:05:52
Speaker
and And it's like two sentences. It's not even that like, and why did that take that long? And so that's what yours like. So we're all waiting for you. All right, don't get married.
00:06:04
Speaker
So they're obviously tongue-in-cheek, right? I've tried to establish that, but you've heard the other rules. So you know that there is some allowance for getting married. But interestingly enough, the other married person here is the one who got to the heart of this. And that is people rush in. Wise men say, only fools rush in. And that is true. And as our Dear Listers fans,
00:06:33
Speaker
know or should know if they're listeners and or fans or both. ah We deal a lot with the LGBTQ community and this was something definitely when marriage equality passed, hopefully we have to keep that by the way, ah but when marriage equality passed,
00:06:51
Speaker
like there was just a flood of, hey, should we get married now? And just because you can get married doesn't mean you should. And now that we're in an age where it could all go away, same questions are being asked to firms like ours that have special focus on said community, where should we get married before this or that? And you know what, I am never I mean, rule number one is don't get married, right? So it is something that from a legal standpoint, for sure. But really, I guess if we have to talk about emotions and feelings and other things, it's very hard to be untangled from.
Challenges and Compatibility in Marriage
00:07:35
Speaker
yeah And so that's why reason number two is if you do get married, don't get divorced, but we'll get we'll get to that a little bit more and we'll flesh that out. But the idea is really to go into getting married um very purposefully, very knowingly.
00:07:51
Speaker
um and Again, this is just this is just input. You can take it or leave it. It's just you know rules for life, for relationships that you can and take or leave, but far too many. and i think I think that younger generations are actually being a little bit more discerning about this. It's not always going to work out like Cynthia and Luke, where they're you know They have a shotgun wedding. Oh my God. That was only in my dream. Okay. That was only in my dream. But they did. They did know each other since they were like embryos ah essentially. But you how long did you all know each other before you got married? Um, before we got married, we met, we were about
00:08:42
Speaker
I'm gonna say 12 and 13. And we got married at 25 and When did you get 13? Around 15. So like we knew each other and we were really good friends. And then we were like, yeah, sure. But then the thing is, we always had this, this thought of we need to be real with ourselves. And if we're gonna grow, if we're gonna like actually be happy and so like we did a long-distance thing we hated it and like got married planned a wedding in six months um don't recommend but kind of do because and it you just got get it over with but it is the most stressful thing ever to plan a whole last wedding in six months
00:09:29
Speaker
but no It's stressful to plan a wedding period and no matter how low-key you think it's gonna be Depending on how domineering your parents are it never is because it will never ever be about you Yes, I know. It's your wedding air quotes. But your wedding will never ever be about you. And actually, one of the reasons I say that is when I get to the next point of don't get divorced, and I'll speak a little bit as safely as I feel like I can about being a child of divorce and why I feel strongly about about what it's like to experience that um but yes so the other thing that I have a couple things that I think you should do before you decide to get married one I think you should hear them eat a bowl of cereal
00:10:20
Speaker
yeah And then when you listen to them eat a bowl of cereal, you need to tell yourself or or ask yourself, I'm sorry, ask yourself if that is something that once they're not as cute anymore, that you are good listening to that sound the rest of your life. It doesn't mean you have to like it. right I'm not saying that like, oh, I love the way they eat cereal or it doesn't bother me. It will bother you at some point.
00:10:51
Speaker
it will, you just have to decide, is that something that I can just deal with? Okay, the other thing is, I've had this theory, you know, I do any of you watch these dating shows, like the especially the ones that end up in engagement, like The Bachelor, you know, those, not a sponsor, you watch those. So yeah that's fine. But you know, it's not like,
00:11:17
Speaker
What bothers me about it is I feel like anybody could fall in love if they're in like the most beautiful places on earth. They've got food and adventure and activity, all of that. like ah Again, like who who couldn't who couldn't feel like this is my soulmate?
00:11:39
Speaker
I feel like they need to do a little bit of like ah a bachelor and survivor or that show weakest link that they had or well not, not weakest link. What was the one where they would go? It'd be two people and it can be friends or married couples or siblings. And they had to go on like excursions and do amazing race. Yes. So I think they should do like a bachelor and amazing race.
00:12:04
Speaker
before you get married. And like you need, or they need to go on a trip where one loses the luggage or where a flight's delayed or where, so amazing race. Well, no, where you, like you booked the wrong flight to where you have to get like on a bus to another town to get the airport there. Or how about you move together, move like a three bedroom apartment.
00:12:30
Speaker
Oh, moving together. What are other good things that bring out the worst in people? Doing the dishes, loading the dishwasher. Oh, how you load the dishwasher. I feel like sleeping would be a big one, right? Because you're going to be potentially sleeping next to this person for the rest of your life. So if you- Not necessarily. That's why I said potentially. Like they could be kicking in their sleep. And like, if you can't handle that for the next 40 years. What if they have night terrors and scream? Yeah.
00:12:59
Speaker
They see the demon in the corner of the room. yeah and I show what I find interesting, i'm going back to Bachelor, is that a lot of them will break up like a year later. That big brother, um that reality show has the most stable couples that are still together. Because you're spending 90, possibly 90 days in the house with somebody 24-7.
00:13:20
Speaker
yeah not having a good time. And here's what I wanna say is the idea of them coming out of that and doing well with each other and getting along during the process yeah is not the test. It's to see if you can still love and care about that person afterwards. I'm gonna tell you right now, i I would venture to say that I think you all probably would agree that that Kimberly and I are a very well matched couple. Yeah.
00:13:51
Speaker
A lot of stability there. I am telling you right now, if we went on amazing race together, we would kill each other. You would have went within five minutes. No, they would.
00:14:05
Speaker
Somebody would have to be restrained. it Yes, it would not be good. And it would be Lauren. And the way that it would, of course it would be. And the way would happen is the first couple episodes, if they edited it accurately, people will be like, wow, Laurie's really rude to Kimberly, and she's so sweet. And then there's going to be this tipping point.
00:14:27
Speaker
where they're like, Oh my God, we completely understand why Laurie reacts this way and why she can't handle it. And I did a lot of team Laurie, they'd still be like, but Kimberly so sweet, like it would still i still lose in public opinion, I think. Yeah, I get a few more people on my side.
00:14:46
Speaker
Whenever I first started working in the suite, that was a big thing for me. I'm like, wow, Lori is so mean to Kimberly, and Kimberly's just giving all these really helpful suggestions. She's always just like the nicest wanting to be helpful. And then I was like, wait, that was not the best time for that to be brought up. Wait, is that what it always is? Why did she wheel the baby in behind her? Wait, does she like bang on the,
00:15:16
Speaker
She has no concept of timing and she always has like the best ideas and brings them up at the worst and most inconvenient times. But if you want anything done, like any project done, ah like just give it to her and it's going to be done. And like, it's not even humanly possible. I think the way that she gets things done. But anyway, so my point is, is I think this would be a fun show. So I don't know why nobody's created this.
00:15:44
Speaker
But what I'm telling you as far as the advice of don't get married, I don't want to say just because you don't get along in those situations, it doesn't mean that you should not get married. It just means what did you do with that information? How did you handle that? How do you feel about that person now, knowing that you've seen them at their worst? And can you deal with that the rest of your life?
00:16:09
Speaker
That's my thoughts. So let's let's then do an easy segue that's somewhat related is rule number two. If you do get married, don't get divorced.
Impact of Divorce on Emotions and Finances
00:16:20
Speaker
And the reason why number one is about being, you know, don't get married, ha ha, but being very purposeful and and intentional about getting married and having realistic expectations is because divorce is terrible. It sucks.
00:16:38
Speaker
um We're in a community property state in Texas and we have far too many people who come to us and they want, they're not happy with their spouse, so they wanna set up their documents, their wills, their trust, powers of attorney and stuff without any any knowledge of the spouse. And there there's certain things you can do, but because it's a community property state,
00:17:03
Speaker
your Your assets are commingled. I mean, there's only so much that you can do and create and wanting to hide things and this and that I mean the degree of clients that we have and we don't do family law meaning we don't do divorces and separation and child custody We don't do that. So the extent of people that we have that Want to keep things from their spouse or they're thinking about divorce but haven't communicated that to them It's it's really quite quite insane and it's such a messy emotional expensive process to go through. And so if you've done your due diligence and really making sure that you feel confident about the person that you're getting married to, then before you're ready to call it quits and hey, I've got a divorce under my belt, you know, I've learned the hard way sometimes. And and a lot of people have to have starter marriages. But
00:17:59
Speaker
before you call it quits, like really examine and and give it your all, like really make sure that this is the right decision. ah Counseling, talking through things, and you know,
00:18:13
Speaker
anything that you can do. um Because it just it really causes problems. And I guess if we were a family law firm, we'd be like, Oh, but then get divorced. It's fine, because there's a lot of money in it. But we don't do that. We're on the side of things where we either like happy couples, or we like happily divorced people.
00:18:34
Speaker
And when I was first doing this practice, I remember one of my early clients that was a married couple and I was in my twenties, not married, no kids, nothing like that. So it was a new world to me. And my first client got divorced and sent me an email. So she said, Hey, I'm getting divorced. I need to update my stuff. And so my immediate immediate response was like, Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
00:18:58
Speaker
And I hadn't even hit send on my email before I got a reply back because it's like i'm not it's the best thing ever but i'm like My bad and so now ah What I hear people who say we're getting divorce is I'll say Congratulations um But I'll say, you know, I I know no matter how ah No matter how this needed how this may have needed to happen that it's not an easy process to go through and I wish you the best, you know, because because of all of that, but yes, ah do do any of you want to offer a
00:19:39
Speaker
input thoughts, things that you've seen from knowing that number two will get to kids of divorce, but knowing just the idea of a relationship or marriage dissolving, whether it's with the practice or your own limited experience. That's really for Sam and Sarah, because Cynthia has lived a hundred lifetimes. And also I worked in a family bowl emily law law firm. Anyway, but back to was one of the things that you said about counseling and about, um,
00:20:10
Speaker
going trying to see if you can work things out. I feel that a lot of people get into a marriage thinking every day is going to be super, super easy, super fun, this, that. It's like, no, it's. It's great, but you also do have to keep working at it every day. Like you have to choose to be there. You have to choose to like do the things to help both of you. And I think that's one piece that a lot of people gloss over. And so it's really think about it before you get married. But also when if you're going to get divorced. Don't be a but like don't be mean. Like notice or realize that you made a mistake. You both did. There's no finger pointing. You both got into this whenever you probably weren't ready. you Probably shouldn't have. And here we are.
00:21:11
Speaker
You have to own your own stuff. Own your own stuff. Self-awareness, emotional intelligence, make it happen. Sam, Sarah, anything? You don't have to. ah Now so and Sarah's going to do the whole thing where it looks like, sounds like. You did like lean in. did You did. I know of divorced people, but that's all I have. Yeah, same. and I'm not a child of porn if I don't have any.
00:21:39
Speaker
All right. Well, I was going to save that. Well. Good segue. OK, yeah, segue. So rule number three.
Children and Divorce Complexities
00:21:51
Speaker
If you think you might get divorced, so you're ignoring the first two rules, and that is don't get married. Number two, if you do to get married, don't get divorced. But yet you have found yourself getting married, but you think you might get divorced. Please, please don't have children. um You know, for a lot of the aforementioned reasons, it, and I'm not going to use too much of my personal experience since both of my parents are still alive.
00:22:20
Speaker
And so catch up or revisit this another time ah because, you know, there are avid listeners. but but I don't even think I know we had a pocket. We have a podcast. um nice and And I'm not going to fault either of them. You know, divorce is not when you're at your best. And so then when kids are involved and I wouldn't I wasn't in one of those situations where I would say I've really felt like I was used as a pawn in the divorce. It's really more the difficulties I've experienced since then and growing up and divided loyalties and the visitations and the this and the that and
00:22:57
Speaker
um Of course, good things have happened. I've never had the most incredible stepdad who passed. And then, of course, now, because he passed another incredible stepdad. I'm not saying another way, though. My dad's married some nice ladies. And some not so nice ladies. He's got a few under his belt. I'm not sure if there were old ladies.
00:23:26
Speaker
Well, some that can mean a lot of things to you. They're all they're all women. Okay. So some better than than not. And, but yeah, it's, um you know, when we're talking about marriages earlier, or not really marriages, but weddings, that's really why one of the areas where I was Man, it's just balancing you know two people. and It even happened um when when ah my graduations, and like I had three graduations and they were all three different versions of hell. There was some my high school, my college, and my law school graduation, which I wasn't even originally going to have my law school go to my law school graduation because of this very instance.
00:24:10
Speaker
um But I was seeing a therapist at the time, as I have many times throughout my life, which is why I believe very strongly in therapy. And ah she convinced me that it was an important thing to acknowledge and as an accomplishment, and so I made it happen. and I the the high school graduation was a disaster. The college graduation I learned from it. So I kept things very separate. And then my law school graduation, I was a lot more intentional where I gave them both.
00:24:43
Speaker
their own time. And then by the time I got married, I was like, you got you know what, you all just sort this out, like you're gonna be in the same room. And I can and now that we've had, you know, kids, and we've had ah birthday parties here at our house. um And if they're but you know, if my dad's in town and my mom comes over, like you all I can't anymore. I've got my own kids. I just can't with you just deal with it. And they actually do very well yeah together. Yeah. Yeah. So it's fine, but it really does take a toll on children. And so if you again, these are tongue in cheek, and I know that it can strike a nerve with a lot of people and just so you know, come from, you know, personal experience a lot of this. But certainly when it comes to when we're trying to help do the legal planning for people, it's a real struggle because you know, i if you've had children and you don't think that you're
00:25:38
Speaker
Ex-spouse is the best person to raise them That's who there is very very limited circumstances where you can exclude Their parrot their other parrot from being the one who would raise them no matter what he's married to uh but preventing them from from raising them. Now you can though, and this is important, you can prevent your ex-spouse, your children's other parent from controlling any of your money and assets. And that's something that we always try to tell our divorced clients that that they can do. But um yeah, if you if you can have the foresight, you are not going to listen to, don't get buried without putting some intention and planning and thought behind it.
00:26:23
Speaker
And if you do get married, but you feel pretty strongly that you're not ever going to get divorced or in it to win it, um, wore the roses style even, um, then if you're in the third camp, you've ignored the first two roles, then try not to have children. Just try not to procreate. It's very hard on them. any else Anybody else want to contribute? Yeah. Um, one of the biggest things that I feel like Okay, my parents will never listen to this podcast. They don't know. So I don't care. Um, they should never have gotten period. That's just full stop. However, one thing that they did that was good for me and my brother is my brother and I are 10 years apart. They waited until I was legally an adult to actually go through the divorce process. Where for them, the community property stuff was one thing, but at least
00:27:18
Speaker
we didn't get put in the middle of it. Like a city going back and forth, hearing like a lot of like the horror stories I heard from like friends growing up or people that I know, like they would hear their parents fight about what was going on, like in their court matter. And it's like, I appreciate that that didn't happen. Like, oh,
00:27:42
Speaker
oh I'll share this at a risk that it'll come back to haunt me, but I mean, I was seven, eight years old and I remember whatever I would go visit. what I'm not going to say which parents, so we'll do that. I do know when I was going to go visit one parent, I was told all the things I could and couldn't say. And then when I would visit the other parent, I'd be pumped for information because they had a very contentious divorce.
00:28:12
Speaker
And so um that that was pretty difficult. i was I was eight years old and it it messed with me a little bit um having to do that. I also, being that age, I remember vividly fights. I can see them. I can see where I am in the house. I can hear my mother's voice. I can i saw these fights play out. um So to this day, 40 years later,
00:28:40
Speaker
I can still recall words and feelings and scenes of what played out. And I don't think any of us want that for our kids if we can avoid it. Whether it's avoiding getting divorced or avoiding having kids if you don't feel like you're in a good relationship.
00:29:00
Speaker
All right, let's move on to the next one because this is a real downer for me personally. I should have thought about that before we ventured into this, but it's okay. I mean, and it can be somewhat serious sometimes, right? But it is, it is the ultimate. One of us knows what they're talking about and the other one is you.
00:29:18
Speaker
Like, you know, here I am speaking to this from personal experience. Alright, so number four, this, this has come more from strictly the estate planning piece.
Inheritance in Blended Families
00:29:30
Speaker
um Although, because I've dealt with blended families, and personally, it's come up, but the thing is, my family has never been the like, it's just just have it like no we're all good all the step kids all the step siblings like everybody really really gets along so i can't draw from some of the experiences that we've seen but the rule number four is if you have step kids just accept the fact that they can they can inherit your stuff now again
00:30:01
Speaker
caveat tongue in cheek. We do know that there are, you know, reasons that you want to make sure that you preserve wealth or you have a financial obligation to your own children versus the children of who you're getting married to like we get all of that. But what some people quite often they don't want to do the intricate legal work that it takes to make sure that you can enforce that and because we're in a community property state it really to keep assets separate previous but certainly once you're married the best way to do that is with a pre-marital agreement or if you're already married a post-marital agreement because it makes it very hard to say well I want this to go to my spouse but you know I don't want it to go to his kids
00:30:45
Speaker
or something like that, a scenario like that. it that's That's very cumbersome and very restrictive. So how do you do that? how Well, he can have it, but it can be in a trust for him. And then when he passes away, the trust is going to go back to my kids. OK, so who's the trustee of that trust? Is he the trustee of that trust? Well, sure. OK, so you trust him to make like to you not to use up all your money so there is something left for your kids? Well, no, no. um you know I'd rather have a different trustee.
00:31:14
Speaker
Okay, so you want your husband to have to be able to pay bills and pay the mortgage by going to someone else for having access to money. It's just, you know, on and on and on these kinds of scenarios. They don't make it easy. It makes it very difficult when you're trying to slice and dice who gets what. And once you're gone, who gets what?
00:31:35
Speaker
with 100 different scenarios that can play out if you're the first to die. And so again, another kind of one where it's like, you know, if you want things to be as simple and a straightforward, which is actually the number one thing we hear from 99% of people who want to get their will or trust done, wanting to make all these caveats of who gets what and when, it makes it very difficult.
00:31:59
Speaker
And for those who are just like, you know what, it's fine. We don't, we're not going to do the pre or post marital agreement because that's, that is, that may feel like a, a complicated estate matter to do, but it actually makes your assets very simple when it comes to division. So if you're not going to do something like that, it really is just going to be much simpler and easier to just say, you know what,
00:32:25
Speaker
I'm gone. Let's divide it up. Let's divide it up this way and not not try to over overdo it and over plan. Or you know there's other strategies where if you've got a life insurance policy that you can just designate a beneficiary on, if the kids are adults, maybe you can do it that way. but again If you're in a situation where the money that you have, you would want so good your surviving spouse to be able to use it, that's where it starts to get really sticky. Where we don't see this as much of an issue is when people um get married get remarried later in life and they have adult children. If we use the premarital agreement especially, that's a little bit easier. But when they have like a his, hers, and ours scenario,
00:33:14
Speaker
that that can get a little tricky. And I think it's good for, I think it's good for couples to have that talk with each other before they meet with an estate planning attorney. Because when you decide can Because it helps if you've gone through some sort of discussion and and are on the same page with each other because there's been far too many meetings that I've had and other attorneys that are firm and other people that are from Frankly have had.
00:33:45
Speaker
where we know this is the first time they're having this conversation and they're not being completely forthcoming with one another. So when they walk out of the office, I mean, you're look, we're we're in business to make money. we We do it by helping people with very um important things, but we are a for-profit business.
00:34:04
Speaker
So for you to meet with us and then to walk out our door and know that well that grenade just went off and the two of you are going to be going back and forth on stuff for quite some time. Who knows if you'll ever hire us. um It really it's not beneficial. It's not beneficial to us from a from a selfish standpoint, but it's certainly not beneficial if um if you want to get anywhere and actually get something done. Try to start having those conversations about how you would imagine things to be divided up. Even if you don't have kids and even if you don't have a blended family, it's still a good idea to talk about it before rather than during your your meeting with somebody. um So wait, thought are you saying that counselor-at-law doesn't mean that you can counsel them on these things?
00:34:54
Speaker
I would rather not, no. There is no actual ah training that attorneys have when it comes to ah therapy or emotional distress. You just have to work it out. ah just Just work it out. Just work it out.
Name Change Complications
00:35:12
Speaker
Okay. So the final rule for relationships from Lori L. Birch Esquire is don't change your name.
00:35:23
Speaker
Now, of course, if you want to change your name, change your name, right? I just put this here because Changing your name the legal mechanics of changing your name. So if you want to go through a legal name change That's really easy. You go to the court It's one of the few things that are pretty spelled out without even needing an attorney or if you're doing this because you got married Just take your marriage license and Social Security driver's license that you know, you get that change. It's all the other stuff it's
00:35:54
Speaker
Oh, we have our our trip booked to Hawaii and my tickets in this name and now I have this name or its passport or it's how your name is listed on bank accounts or how your home is titled or your beneficiaries are set up or at the HR department at work. I mean, it's just if you change your name, be committed to that name. So for people who change their name through marriage,
00:36:25
Speaker
understand that if you do get divorced, is that a name you want to keep with? If you have kids and they have the surname of the person that you married, do you want to keep that surname, at least while they're in their growing years, so that you have the same name as your kids? Like how do you feel about all of that? um Something that I've seen more recently is people is couples who will agree upon a completely third name and that's going to be their family name.
00:36:55
Speaker
I mean, maybe that's the way to go or hyphenated names or what have you. um We talked about this when Jamie Dugan was on last time is just how people don't actually know what their legal names are, which is just really quite shocking. But changing your name is really a big legal and social Undertaking and by social I mean all the other things that you would have to do in society To make that name change and then if you want to change it back because you got divorced. It's just Wash rinse repeat. It's messy and difficult if you just don't change your name, you don't have to do any of that. I Did see something and this is completely not researched by the way.
00:37:42
Speaker
It was just one of those things because everybody's in a mad panic about ah something going on during current political times where something about preventing women from being able to change their names if they get married to their husband's names. Oh no, no, it's not that. It's about voting. It's about you can only vote with your given name at birth. So because customarily women, you usually are the ones who change their name to their husband's name, they would, unless they go and change their birth certificate, they wouldn't be able to vote. I i don't even want to take the time to like break this down. i don't know It's even slightly legit or not, but I did see something about it. And since we're talking about name changes, I just had to bring it up.
00:38:40
Speaker
Sarah. Fingers crossed, I guess. That's all I'm thinking. Yeah, it's. It's changing your name anytime soon. Well, I guess. Oh, it's not. I guess that it is the same as birth. Yeah. Yes, Sarah. Sam's isn't the same, though. Right. Well, she's also. Has it legally changed? I shouldn't be legally changed. I would hope so.
00:39:08
Speaker
But your parents had just decided to just ah say that you're not sure. It just proves the point of what we do. i It's like you asked me where my birth certificate is. I do. like Well, your birth certificate is going to sing walls. Yeah.
00:39:23
Speaker
but I don't know if they like officially changed it when they got married. Also another thing, people don't realize all the stuff you have to do to update your social security card, update your driver's license, and like do all the little things, even with the marriage ah license and everything. If you're going to undo it, it is a pain.
00:39:48
Speaker
Yeah, mean taught like having have talked people through the process several, several times. Good luck. What if you just so what if you just keep your previous driver's license and social security card when you change it back and you just throw away the new ones? Hey Sarah, have you gotten a new driver license recently? Say it wasn't expired.
00:40:13
Speaker
Yes, I have to answer your question. oh and you oh Oh, hold on. I guess you can renew yours online. Must be nice. Yeah, must be nice. Whenever you go in person, they take your old one and they cut the top. Yeah, they do like a little corner.
00:40:28
Speaker
but Do they really? Yeah. Well, yeah um because you can only renew unless they've changed it, you can only renew online so many times until you do have to go back in one person. You probably haven't lived long enough to know that. so um But I always do. I always want to keep it because, you know, a little a little well known fact about me is I'm photogenic. And so all my driver's license pictures are are really good. so i want to keep up i I I lived out in DC when I went to law school and I didn't know whether I was gonna stay out there So I kept my Texas driver's license and then I finally decided well, it seems like I'm gonna stay here and so I had just gotten my Virginia driver's license great picture, by the way, and It was just a couple months later It was just a couple months later when my stepdad had passed and I decided I'm gonna move back Texas. So I
00:41:25
Speaker
I didn't get to have that that one too long. But anyway, yes, it's a big pain to change your name. So those are the five rules for relationships. Take it or leave it. But I think while the main headline of each rule may seem a little drastic, hopefully our discussion of it will give people some more thought as to how they decide to navigate life and certainly how they decide to navigate relationships when it comes to their estate planning.
00:41:56
Speaker
With that, I believe that
Comedic Perspective on Relationships
00:41:58
Speaker
Sam and Sarah have their own rules for something? Yes. Yes. Five rules for new couples. So you also have for new couples. Right. For new couples. OK. Yes. OK. The first one is, tell them you're afraid of commitment. Play hard to get. Excellent.
00:42:26
Speaker
Yes. And then number two, what you want to do is you want to show up at their residence at 3AM every three and a half nights so they know who's in charge. How do you do that every three and a half nights? That's up to you. Like you do three and then one.
00:42:49
Speaker
or there was There was no rhyme and reason to the hot part. I'm going to venture to say that these were not very well thought out.
00:43:00
Speaker
I mean, some of it's just up to your interpretation. What do you think is three and a half nights? Also, I hope neither of you have done these things. No. You think that saying three and a half days is subject to interpretation. That is the exact problem of where we are in this world right now. Every three and a half nights, not days. Yeah, sorry.
00:43:21
Speaker
says nights. Don't say nights. I still feel like that isn't that that's not subject to interpretation. We'll just say three nights just to make it easier. We'll take a break. There you go. We are so nights. Okay.
00:43:37
Speaker
Oh, even the next one, ah the next role for new couples, slowly steal one of their socks every few weeks and then find it a month later. So they associate you with having time and with happy times, which is having their full socks back. Isn't that kind of like gaslighting? More like conditioning.
00:43:59
Speaker
Okay. Okay. So next i pick guys on I need to, I need to add something. My vacuum robot accidentally does this to us quite frequently. And you've, you've kept this was a while ago. Yeah, but he does. It does frustrate me more than it makes me happy to find the dirty sock. Yeah. That's why our socks are on your floor. That's something that, um, all the time at my home. Not me. It's my husband.
00:44:31
Speaker
I will throw him into the bus. They're his songs. Okay. Next, you want to propose on the second date to show them that you are committed after saying you're not to a full 180.
00:44:50
Speaker
Okay. Okay. And then the last, uh, role for new couples is to make them sign a blood contract.
00:45:02
Speaker
What exactly is a blood contract? You make them sign it with their blood. And what does the contract say? That's up to you. But is it written in blood and they sign it in blood? Can we use this ink that looks like blood? No, it's going to be blood. It's not a blood contract if it's not blood. I think it just written in your blood. At least could that be a holographic will?
00:45:28
Speaker
Well, if you write it it, it has to be in your own hand, but if it's in your blood in somebody else's hand, I think that takes away from the holograph. What if somebody cuts off your hand and then writes a will with the head with the blood from your hand? You tell me, counselor. I think we'd have to litigate it. We don't do that. We'd refer it out. Oh, we certainly would.
00:45:55
Speaker
We will look through our little Rolodex, which is an old-timey expression. We don't actually have one. We need one. We'll look through our little Rolodex and find an estate planning and probate firm that we like the least. Yeah. I would just like to say that my five rules were all fact-based on actual life events or experiences. And your five rules are complete nonsense based on nothing.
00:46:25
Speaker
Yes, isn't it? Yeah, isn't that usually how our segment goes?
00:46:34
Speaker
Both of you don't like the size of blood. I don't mind blood. I don't mind blood. Wait, whose blood is it? Body? Like, I'm not gonna faint at blood.
00:46:49
Speaker
ah watch the needle go in it's fine ah okay but here oh yeah no we have now breto sam not you i had hor with ah Okay, so to sum up, there are lots of different rules for new relationships, marriage, what have you. You decide which ones you want to take or um or ignore, but I will say with my five, if you ignore any of them, don't say I didn't tell
00:47:25
Speaker
Thanks for listening. And just to cover all our bases about what you just heard, I'm sorry and you're welcome.
Conclusion and Engagement
00:47:33
Speaker
Make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode and tell your friends about us. We do webinars and live events. The best way to stay up to date is to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and YouTube.
00:47:46
Speaker
Links are in the show notes. If there's a topic you'd like us to cover, maybe you have a question you'd like us to answer, or maybe you just want to say hi, hit the link in the show notes or go to birch-law.com forward slash podcast and fill out the contact form.
00:48:10
Speaker
Much better. Yeah, I thought that had a lot of energy.