Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
E49: Do Couples Have To Do Their Estate Plan Together?
12 Plays23 days ago
Should couples handle estate planning together or go solo?
We'll dissect Texas’s community property laws, common law marriages, and the mixing of personal and joint assets. We’ll tackle the big questions for coupled and uncoupled partners alike, highlighting how essential legal documents are in protecting everyone’s rights.
Tune in to discover why flying solo in estate planning might be trickier than you think, and how joining forces can pave a smoother road for the future.
Join us every Wednesday for new episodes! Subscribe now to get notified.
Where you can find Burch Law:
- IG @BurchLawTX
- FB @BurchLaw
- YT @LorieBurchLaw
- hello@burch-law.com
- (972) 385-0558
Visit burch-law.com/podcast to reach out!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Importance of a Will
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to another episode of One of Us Knows What They're Talking About and the other one is you. I'm Lori Birch, your host. Join us as we discuss and unpack wills, trusts, estate planning, and probate law in a way that's actually informative, interesting, and well, hopefully entertaining. Because if you don't have a will, the state of Texas has one for you.
00:00:27
Speaker
Let's dive in.
Choosing Topics and Avoiding Controversy
00:00:40
Speaker
Sometimes topics are ones that we think are good ones to cover. And sometimes they're topics that you people out there, that the public bring to us that we would not ordinarily consider something that needs to be talked about.
00:01:03
Speaker
And my concern, colleagues,
00:01:07
Speaker
is that I don't, from our many, many listeners and fans, I don't want to get any hate mail. Because, you know all the mail that we get.
00:01:18
Speaker
Anyway. um because I want to be delicate about this stuff because what we're going to talk about today something that comes up with some regularity and has to do.
00:01:29
Speaker
um I know there are many different types of relationships and there's many types of relationships that have any various number of people associated with them.
Should Couples Plan Estates Together?
00:01:39
Speaker
But for today's purposes, we're going to talk about couples.
00:01:43
Speaker
Okay. We're going to talk about two people.
00:01:48
Speaker
Married, unmarried or not. But something that comes up with a fair amount of regularity for us is whether you should do your estate planning legal documents together or not. And so what I don't want to inadvertently do is to sound judgmental on this topic.
00:02:07
Speaker
Because I very intentionally am judgmental about other topics. But this one, occurs to that that People just have different definitions, goals, needs, and so forth in their relationships and in their marriages.
00:02:26
Speaker
And when I have my viewpoint of what it means... i I try to be respectful that it doesn't mean that to everybody because some of the things that people will present to us and they'll say, um you know, I want to get my will done, but my husband doesn't want to be involved and i don't want anything to go to him. And I'm just like, what, what is the point then? Like, why are you all married? Like what, why can't you talk to them? Like, no, no, I can't talk to them about this. There's no way.
00:02:58
Speaker
I just need to do this on the slide. And I like that happens a lot. Does it not happen a lot? It does. Or does it not happen that much? But for the people it happens to, they come to us.
00:03:09
Speaker
I don't know. Well, I think it just happens a lot more than you would think, especially with something as, oh, all of my stuff. Who am I going to leave it to? And i may or may not own it.
00:03:23
Speaker
Jointly with somebody else, but I still don't want them to know is really weird.
00:03:30
Speaker
Well, again, give it works for them, but then I also don't know, is this just a different way to view how a relationship works or is it a cry for help?
00:03:42
Speaker
Well, I have a really good example of like, I knew a couple, they had been together for years and years and years, like decades. However... they um one They lived, whenever they started um dating, they didn't live together.
00:03:58
Speaker
and then they never cohabitated. They never lived together. What they did is they each had their own house on the opposite side of the street. So one lived on this side of the street street, the other person lived on the other side of the street.
00:04:12
Speaker
And then one of them was like, she was little bit, she was the older one in the relationship. She was a retired teacher. And, um, the other one, he was, he owned um a tattoo shop and he would come home later, but they like a great relationship, but they just kept everything separate, lived across the street from each other, never made anything formal.
00:04:35
Speaker
And then Years and years when i like down the line, whenever it came time for stuff to get done, my understanding is one of the ah ah Connie is passed now.
00:04:49
Speaker
She had cancer and it was really horrible and sad. and you know Casey took care of her and it was a whole... like It was just a lot for everybody who really knew them.
00:05:00
Speaker
But he got her house. He's renting his house out now. But that was the thing. They lived across the street from each other. That's how their relationship worked. And it was great.
00:05:12
Speaker
So it's like, that's how you operate your life. You know, you found something that works for you. so Yeah. But outline it. i think communication, they outlined it to each other. They were open about it.
00:05:24
Speaker
And they told each other, hey, this is what I'm going to do. Okay, this is what I'm going to do. Great. None of this, oh, let me keep it secret from the other person. Especially if you live with them.
00:05:35
Speaker
and you i hope that' I think that's the one that that just kind of catches me off guard is when we have the people are like, oh, no, i can't talk to i can't talk to my spouse about this. And or like they'll never agree to do anything.
00:05:51
Speaker
I want to get this done, but they don't want to. So I'm just going to get it done. And so let's talk a little bit about the challenges that presents from a legal standpoint.
Common Law Marriage and Community Property in Texas
00:06:00
Speaker
So in the first two big issues are very specific to Texas. So one, Texas is both a community property state and a common law marriage state.
00:06:13
Speaker
Does anyone does anyone feel like defining those two terms or you just want me to do it? um I need Sam to pass me a tissue. can you pass me a tissue?
00:06:25
Speaker
Oh no, we're ruining the mystique for people that the two of you aren't in the same room. We've discussed this before. We've discussed this plenty of times.
00:06:37
Speaker
ah ah Just have small coffee situation. Do y'all just want me to go over these concepts? I know I like to do the Socratic method with you guys, but I'm... Look, we just did two days, Cynthia and I did two days of quarterly reviews for the entire team.
00:06:55
Speaker
And it, I mean, i don't I don't think it's hyperbole to say it was life-sucking. Like, you know, the Princess Bride, and if you don't know the Princess Bride, that's really sad. But there's the machine. Oh, what's that machine called? Anyway, it sucks life from you.
00:07:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:15
Speaker
Yeah. I'm sorry we did that to you. Well, and Sarah didn't. Yeah, mine wasn't juicy. Sarah's lasted maybe five minutes.
00:07:27
Speaker
Usually that's mine. Yeah. Didn't even close the door.
00:07:32
Speaker
yeah yeah yeah were didn't even close the door I didn't even close the door. Did you not? That's so funny. Well, listen, Sarah is pretty straightforward because we' are in constant communication with Sarah about her job, and her performance, her duties, when you know something goes awry.
00:07:52
Speaker
So... And one of my favorite things about Sarah, and that's a very long list, but one of my favorite favorite things is she allows me to critique her publicly in front of all of you.
00:08:05
Speaker
So she gets feedback, real-time feedback constantly. Yeah. In front of everybody. Yeah.
00:08:16
Speaker
And i think most other employees of Birch Law would cripple under that kind of exposure.
00:08:28
Speaker
ah It keeps me humble. Well, just some of the messages you get sent. Just do better. Yeah. yeah So it's it's good that you're like that, Sarah, because besides Cynthia, you're also the person I work most closely with.
00:08:47
Speaker
and Yeah.
00:08:51
Speaker
So it's good that you can take me. And there you know there's a weird thing about our mutual sense ah senses of humor or a sense of humors. I think it's senses of humors. Anyway, Sarah, there's something we have.
00:09:03
Speaker
There's some vibe we've got. Yeah. She laughs at everything I do and your memes are always the funniest to me. Sorry, Sam.
00:09:16
Speaker
Yeah, listen, I talk. like i'm I'm getting close to the microphone. for um I talked to Sarah about this. No, no, no. She's taken from my meme stash. I told her where I got them. And now that's oh where she gets them. Because every day, one of us will post something and the other one will go, no, I was going to post that.
00:09:34
Speaker
The amount of times it's happened the last few weeks. But what's so... But Sam, I don't, I'm having, I believe you, but I'm having a hard time believing you. No, because kids yeah not this is not the same.
00:09:48
Speaker
This is what I said to Sarah. I was like, that's why you're the favorite. Because if I posted these, I would have been last. But because you posted them, they got first. This is why.
00:09:59
Speaker
ah this is why This is why the reviews were life-sucking, Sam. Because... i should have brought this up in my review. The head trash. You guys tell yourselves. If you would have, would have told you to leave the room. Thank you. Oh my gosh. Anyway. So, anyway. They do. Just fine. Yes. don't know.
00:10:21
Speaker
I'm...
00:10:23
Speaker
they do just fine yes
00:10:28
Speaker
i don't know i'm i'm gonna I'm going to have to ah meditate on that later. Okay. But anyway, but it did remind me. So we do we do KPIs. Which word do KPIs stand for? Sarah? Key performance indicators.
00:10:47
Speaker
Okay. And Sarah, please define ah key performance indicator.
00:10:53
Speaker
They indicators. Oh, Lord. Okay. How did we say Indicators that are um to your key to your performance.
00:11:08
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. So anyway, getting back to my original point, I'm really highly skilled at being derailed, but also remembering exactly where we derailed, is i don't have the energy to quiz you guys on some of this stuff today as I normally do. That's so valid.
00:11:28
Speaker
So... Common law marriage. So one of the biggest misperceptions about common law marriage is people think that there is a time period. You have to cohabitate more than X amount of time.
00:11:41
Speaker
In Texas, that is not true. It could be an overnight stay. Sorry, lesbians. but but I mean, okay.
00:11:55
Speaker
And it's not going to get any better for you guys. As I mentioned, the other two requirements, you have, you have to have the intent of being married. And third, you have to hold yourselves out as being married.
00:12:11
Speaker
So this is my spouse. This is my partner. This is my wife. This is my husband. All of those. Ding, ding, ding. can get you to where, whoops, we are considered common law married under the state Texas.
00:12:27
Speaker
So then that's a natural segue to the fact that, okay, so married on purpose or by accident, we are a common or a community property state. And there's only nine.
00:12:40
Speaker
but we're one of them. So community property, you know, there's a lot of caveats to this because it's the law. So heaven forbid it's black and white because if it were, we couldn't justify our fees.
00:12:53
Speaker
So essentially anything you have going into a marriage is your separate property. Once you are married, Assets that you acquire, regardless of whose name it's in, is community property. So you get married, you go buy a house, maybe a better credit or whatever, and it's in your name.
00:13:17
Speaker
But that doesn't matter because it was bought during the marriage. It's considered community property where your spouse owns has an interest in the wealth. We'll just say half, even though we've talked about community property before and it's actually just equal rights to the whole, but let's just say half.
00:13:37
Speaker
Now, again, there's a lot of yeah, buts. if you purchase the home with separate property funds and this, that, and the other, but the way that most of y'all conduct your lives, you fall in this category.
00:13:49
Speaker
Also income off separate property is community property. um So if you have a retirement account and it has it's worth when you get married, and then by the time you get, better, it's $200,000.
00:14:07
Speaker
Then that $100,000 property. ah time you get divorced and or die you choose which d is better ah it's two hundred thousand and that hundred thousand is community property If you have a stock that increases in value, if you have a home, technically you could argue that the increase in value, like all of that, it it gets tricky.
00:14:30
Speaker
There are some exceptions. I'm not going to talk about um awards you can get from like injury claims or settlements that you get from court. Like, let's just not worry about that.
00:14:41
Speaker
But one thing that's interesting is inheritance is considered separate property. So if you're married and you inherit a bunch of money from your family or what will happen for me, a bunch of teapots, that is completely separate property, even though it was acquired air quote during the marriage.
00:15:02
Speaker
What happens though, where we have to talk to people about this is then what happens, let's just say it's money and then you deposit it in a joint account. And then later on you get divorced or let's say you pass away and you want whatever's yours to go a different way than to your spouse.
00:15:19
Speaker
There's this thing called tracing that you would have to do to really figure out, well, how did you do that? Because you commingled it. So it gets complicated.
Inheritance as Separate Property
00:15:27
Speaker
So that's why it's good to try and set things up separately.
00:15:31
Speaker
So the under under this understanding of common law and community property law, when people come to us and say that they want to do planning, but they don't want their other spouse to know about it and they don't want their spouse to get anything,
00:15:52
Speaker
Hopefully by now you can kind of understand where that can cause some conflicts. Some great ways to avoid that being an issue are things that are going to be an issue or else you wouldn't be in that situation. But premarital agreements or postmarital agreements are are a way to circumvent the stuff we just said.
00:16:10
Speaker
So you can have, you can say something is separate property, community property, yours, mine, whatever, joint. But if you're, if you can't get your spouse on board or you don't want to talk to them, then it's really hard to get a pre or post-marital agreement as well.
00:16:27
Speaker
I do want to emphasize though, it's not uncommon or even unusual for two different people to have their own attorneys to do this. Yep. Like that's not, that that's totally fine. ah Especially if you do have pre or post-marital agreements.
00:16:43
Speaker
um And you don't even have to disclose that to each other. You really don't. um But when it's a situation where... Again, you're wanting to keep things secret, everyone say, well, I want everything to go to, let's just say my kids instead of my spouse, because of community property laws, like we can, we really can only do so much.
00:17:07
Speaker
Now I was talking to someone recently who said, well, you know, my my husband's never gonna get involved. He's not ever gonna do anything. And then just part of this as a segue is nobody has automatic rights to do anything, to make decisions. So your spouse doesn't have automatic rights to make medical decisions, have access to medical records, pay bills, be executed or inherit property.
00:17:25
Speaker
So the problem becomes is what, you know, with your spouse saying, well, not going to do any of this. Then that means if they're in the hospital, you are, you don't have rights to make medical decisions or get emergency medical information.
00:17:37
Speaker
Um, What happens occasionally is a hospital will be like, okay, we're going to pretend like it's not a problem, but they don't have to do that. And legally they should. you can ah sometimes have to go to a court get appointed to get information to make decisions.
00:17:53
Speaker
Or what if... um Your spouse's adult children from another marriage or their parents come in and they equally want to make decisions. And a hospital or doctors can be like, hey, you guys, none of you technically have any rights because there's no medical power attorney, no HIPAA release, no directive.
00:18:11
Speaker
You guys need to go to court and sort this out and come back to us with someone who's officially appointed. So when people say their spouse won't agree to do anything, just know that you're going to be in a position where you're powerless to do anything on their behalf.
00:18:23
Speaker
but So just putting that out there. But anyway, ah somebody i was talking to recently was saying that, um no, they don't have a pre or post-marital agreement. Husband won't be a part of this. Nothing. What can I do And it's like, cute you can set everything up and you certainly don't have to have your spouse be a decision maker. Like that's not a problem, but it's really the property that is. And that's what we're in the assets.
00:18:44
Speaker
And so, but she said, the big thing was, is my parents want to make sure that my inheritance doesn't go to my spouse. And so then it was like, okay, well, inheritance is separate property, but what would be really nice.
00:18:58
Speaker
So we don't get to that whole tracing thing I was talking about or commingling. is sure, go ahead and set up a trust and then your inheritance and everything can feed into there and keep it separate from your spouse. So, I mean, there are ways to do this stuff.
00:19:12
Speaker
It just, ah it's, I think the, back to like the fundamental issue that I have is like, if you can't talk to your spouse about these important decisions and what you want to do or what's important to you then why are you married?
00:19:33
Speaker
And I never say that to people because I just, I really do struggle with this, but I can tell you that is what I'm thinking. It's like, I guess the point of being married is far different for me than it is for other people. But when the lawyer hat comes on, it's like you're no non-judgment zone, but you're making this very difficult to sometimes impossible to do anything about it.
00:19:59
Speaker
Sarah, you're smiling. What are you thinking? i I just think it's funny that, well, it's not funny, but it's like it's like, yeah, why are you married if you can't talk about it, you know?
00:20:14
Speaker
And I mean, we do have people then who respond like, well, I'm in a bad marriage. And like, well, then can you get out of it? But again, we don't do divorce or fail a lot. I'm like, i I don't know what to do.
00:20:26
Speaker
don't know. I don't have to tell you, but if you should get out of it, come back and see us.
00:20:35
Speaker
Yeah. um A couple other things on this topic, but it sounds like Cynthia, are you doing the Sarah thing where it looks like you're about to say something, but you're actually not? Or do you have... little column A, a little column B.
00:20:50
Speaker
Because it's one those things. You're going, you were talking about the premarital, post-marital agreements and how like those are really good. Like we use them as estate planning tools, not necessarily just like, oh, in case of divorce. It's like, no, these are really good tools for us.
00:21:09
Speaker
What's really frustrating, something that's happened a few times we're whenever one of the one of the people entering into these agreements, they're saying, oh no, we're going to do it.
00:21:19
Speaker
But we have to have ah schedule. We have to have something delineating like which assets are going to take on what characteristic, if they're going to remain separate property, or if you're going to allow them to, one of my favorite words, be commingled and become community property, things like that.
00:21:38
Speaker
And whenever people refuse, like, no, I don't want them to know. It's like, you understand that in the future though, if you have this document, you haven't, disclosed something like arguments could be made to where you know it's it's community property or something else like and it's just really frustrating whenever you're trying to explain to people it's like this isn't about them knowing what you have or us knowing what you have it's you trying to protect whatever asset you want to protect so you do have to be open with everybody
00:22:13
Speaker
And that that's a really big frustration I have and I've had with different... Because I've worked in family law here. but like We did free and post-marital agreements there for different purposes, but it's just...
00:22:26
Speaker
like at the end of the day, we don't want to ask these things for our sheer amusement. It's there's, there's a reason for it or how like Laura was saying like, yeah, you put your lawyer hat on or you put your like legal field hat on and it's like, okay, what is the nature of this transaction? This agreement that you're in with this other person?
00:22:48
Speaker
Like what, what is it? What is the transaction you're doing? Like,
00:22:55
Speaker
It's just frustrating when there were people like don't see that that is what it is. Transaction. yeah And I think another kind of segue to that is another thing that we encounter, and it's not necessarily couples who want to keep it secret or one's not on board or something like that, but it's where they very much are um on board to do their will, their trust, their estate planning together, but they don't agree on the
Disagreements on Guardianship in Estate Planning
00:23:25
Speaker
decisions. And I know since we deal with a lot of parents with young kids,
00:23:30
Speaker
Like they don't agree on guardianship. that's That's one thing. And look, you guys, so we this is very important planning.
00:23:43
Speaker
And there's a lot of really great things that we can do to make things better for your family, for each other, for yourself. But what we cannot do is wave a magic wand and either make decisions for you Or if you're someone who doesn't have anybody that you want to name to do anything, you don't have anybody in your life that you trust.
00:24:07
Speaker
We can't just go find someone for you. Like these are things that you're going to have to consider. So like the guardianship thing, it kind of gets back to this. this fundamental issue it's like maybe before you chose to have kids whether it's before you got married or or not um maybe you should have talked about this like i i just don't
00:24:33
Speaker
i mean look i i've been married more than once and um married Because I don't know, maybe I just come from a perspective that if it's not working out, you don't have to stay at it. I don't know.
00:24:47
Speaker
But regardless, it's not like I'm some newlywed, even in my current and last and and final marriage here. um And it's not like we agree on everything.
00:25:02
Speaker
But there's this mutual love and respect where we talk things out and we come to a an agreement.
00:25:14
Speaker
And and i just, like, we can't do that for you. Attorneys shouldn't have to try and do that for you. I mean, I guess if you want to, like, okay, you two, who do you want to be your guardians? Name them. Okay, I pick this person.
00:25:28
Speaker
All right, done. Let's move on. I mean... But what's sad is that people like can't agree on it. So what happens? They don't get anything done. So they're left at square one. And in this particular scenario, we're talking about ah where kids are going to end up being words of the state and in foster care. And a judge is going to make that decision for you. So...
00:25:49
Speaker
You know, any decision you can make, even if it's a compromise or not your first choice, if you were just on your own, I would hope is going to be better than what a judge would pick.
00:25:59
Speaker
And even if you don't think it's better than what a judge would pick, it at least will be quicker and less expensive than having to go through a court process while your kids are in are in limbo for a judge to decide on who it's going to be.
00:26:15
Speaker
And a judge in Texas is just limited by statute or statues, right, Sarah? It's limited on who they can even pick. So if you have a best friend or if you're estranged from your family and those are the people who are in the running, it's going to be family. like that's not It doesn't matter, oh, my you know best friend is my god is the godparent of my kids. like That doesn't mean anything in the law.
00:26:42
Speaker
It just doesn't. So figure it out. And then the last thing I want to hit on here is not really related to trying to do planning separately.
Estate Planning for Unmarried Partners
00:26:52
Speaker
It's just more for people who are ah unmarried and are not common law married or don't want to have to worry about whether that's true or not.
00:27:05
Speaker
You are considered strangers in the eyes of the law. So even like falling back on, well, the law would default to a spouse, even though it's a lot more expensive and time consuming and other people could still challenge them, other family members could challenge them. So again, even being married, it's important to do this, but you're not even considered, you're not even in the running. And it's not like, well, I know this is someone that, you know, is you're in a relationship with, but you don't have a medical power attorney naming them. They can't make decisions for you. So unmarried partners certainly really need to understand and that they should get some planning done to protect the ability to take care of one another and make decisions for one another, if you so choose.
00:27:55
Speaker
So Again, and don't want to turn into a marriage counselor for therapist, but i do I do. Some of the scenarios that, that we encounter, I do really wonder sometimes, like what, what was your purpose?
00:28:15
Speaker
Like, cause we're not, it's not like one of them is really wealthy. Like, okay, they just had a lot of money. That's why you got married. um It's not. ah I like, why did you get married? And I, you know, I'd like to i If there's a way to like ask people in an open forum without people getting defensive, like I really i really love to know because I.
00:28:42
Speaker
You know, the everybody has their own preconceived notions of why people get married and what's the importance of relationship and all of that. So I guess I just feel that taking it to that level and that commitment means that you are that person is just as important as you are.
00:29:03
Speaker
Their opinions, their needs, their ah Their goals are just as important as yours and you need to forge a future and a life together where both of you are an equal playing field of that and that there are certain shared experiences and responsibilities that come with that.
00:29:28
Speaker
Which is actually a little bit of what was the demise of by my first marriage. It's just it felt like it was very... There's a lot... to me, my perspective, because I promise you this was not shared, um was there is a lot of imbalance on who is carrying the weight of everything. Right.
00:29:50
Speaker
And so it's like currently like all, you know, since I, you know, I guess Kimberly's temporarily retired. I don't know. But she's not really working a whole lot because she's working at taking care of um Banter Inc.
00:30:09
Speaker
are, you know all our kids. And so she feels like there's certain of things that are her responsibility. So, and it's very interesting in the same sex dynamic because, you know, there's no gender roles that you're prescribed. So it's kind of like, you know, anyone's game and that has benefits, but also some challenges to it.
00:30:31
Speaker
But if I just decide to unload the dishwasher or do the dishes, like she gets frustrated. and I'm like, well, I just want it done. So I'm going to do it. It's like, but that's my job.
00:30:43
Speaker
And if I see you doing it it makes me feel like I'm not upholding my end of the bargain.
00:30:51
Speaker
So I say, that's right, ladies. So do it.
00:30:56
Speaker
but no so anyway to me it's like if you're not if you're not sharing those experiences and all that like i don't know i don't know it's it's what works for me like sharing everything discussing everything i mean it doesn't really work for kimberly because she does whatever she wants and i just find out about it but see i accept that love that i love that Yeah, it's fun.
00:31:23
Speaker
It's fun. But I don't know. I've maybe I just I do. I feel very lucky in this time around. Very lucky to have found a perfect partner and balance for me.
00:31:35
Speaker
um So it's kind of hard to try and wrap my head around what other people have going on, except Luke and Cynthia. I get them. yeah They make sense to me.
Marriage Dynamics and Responsibilities
00:31:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:47
Speaker
I think we have very similar relationships. We have a very similar thing where Luke is typically the one that like loads the dishwasher. Not the dishwasher. well Yes. But also like the laundry. like He'll start it.
00:31:58
Speaker
And then typically I'm the one who ends up like folding it, putting away and everything. One day, this was like six months after we moved into our most recent house where we live right now.
00:32:09
Speaker
I'm in the middle of like carrying a basket full of laundry. like I'm walking towards the laundry room. He's like in the living room. He gets up and walks and follows me. He's like, what are you doing? like I'm loading the washer. And he's like, what do you mean? i'm like, I'm trying to wash this laundry.
00:32:27
Speaker
and he looks at me. He's like, do you know how to work the washer? And I i look at him. And I'm like, um need you to leave this room. He's so but brave. Crazy. yeah So, I go to the flip side of that, because we've talked about this.
00:32:44
Speaker
um The flip side of that, though, is one of the things that I think is most amusing about marriage is how, at least in my experience, like we'll just say Kimberly and I, we were both single adults taking care of ourselves. In Kimberly's case, taking care of kids, all of that. So you just have to presume fully functional human beings.
00:33:04
Speaker
And there's something about marriage that... that you suddenly forget willfully, I think on how to do the most basic things. And so I can tell you right now, like I kind of feel Luke on this because if I saw Kimberly doing laundry, I would be thinking, do you even know how to use my washing machine?
00:33:27
Speaker
And then we have this whole thing where for some reason i am the ah microwaving guru. And I'm going to tell you all a little secret.
00:33:40
Speaker
It's only because I actively use 50% on the microwave. But if Kaya, the soon to be 15 year old is like rewarming spaghetti and I see her put a big bowl of spaghetti with a big meatball in and she puts it on high power for three minutes. I'm like, no, you can't do First of all, you're going to burn and like pop everything. And then the center of everything's going to be freezing.
00:34:08
Speaker
And so because I'm very particular about how I microwave things, if Kai goes to warm something up and I'll hear her in the kitchen with Kimberly and she'll say, like, how long should I warm this up for?
00:34:19
Speaker
Kimberly will say, my mom. I'm like, seriously? Like, i I need to come in there. That's not my business. That's not my job. I've got to come in there and be like, all right, let me see what you got. Okay. First of all, let's make a little hole in the middle.
00:34:35
Speaker
Okay. And let's warm it up first. Two minutes, 50%. Check it, stir it. Stirring. Do another. Okay.
00:34:45
Speaker
All right. Now we take, all right. Minute and a half, 50%. All right. How's that? Okay. Stir it. And then 30, 30 seconds, full power.
00:34:58
Speaker
yeah
00:35:01
Speaker
And I have suddenly forgotten how to make customer service calls.
00:35:10
Speaker
I don't know if I know how to work a gas pump anymore. I haven't gotten gas in years. No, I seriously, the other day I was like, what if I absolutely have to? I don't know that I have not gotten gas since 2020 people.
00:35:23
Speaker
My husband does that. Dang.
00:35:30
Speaker
If he's like ever going out of town, he'll fault my car before he leaves. He knows to do that.
00:35:37
Speaker
Well, it used to be. oh this used to be. Because you guys don't the truck anymore, do you? Luke has the truck. Okay. Yeah. Because it used to be like when I would pull into the office and you wouldn't have the Subaru, you have the truck.
00:35:53
Speaker
I would come in and be like, let me guess. The Subaru needs an oil change or is that a guess? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. like You just won't even take it. Well, because then he has to take it. So, you know, or I'll have him drop me off now every now and then whenever it's the gas.
00:36:09
Speaker
I mean, the oil. The oil change.
00:36:15
Speaker
You know what? It's nice. Leave me alone. that's That's nice. It's a good system. Yeah. yeah yeah But anyway, I just, yeah. So to me, like that like when we were dating, this stuff didn't happen.
00:36:28
Speaker
But when we got married, it's like, all right, look, we're going to have to get real, real with each other. And we got to, we got to split up and decide who does what.
00:36:40
Speaker
But that's what works for us. I guess not for everybody. So and speaking of what works or doesn't work, um Sam and Sarah, and you know, Sarah's in an interesting relationship scenario.
Relationship Advice and Estate Planning Humor
00:36:53
Speaker
ah she has a common law roommate. Is it interesting? They're just cohabitating. They're cohabitating. um But anyway, what did what did you two come up with related to this topic?
00:37:09
Speaker
We came up with the do's and don'ts for couples. Oh, boy. Take it away, Sam. I can't think of two better people to do this. um We're actually going to start with the don'ts first.
00:37:21
Speaker
um So that way our last do is us. um But don't rob a bank together and tell people about it. Oh, wait, Sarah, wait.
00:37:33
Speaker
Can I interject something? do you realize that one of the benefits of being married is spousal immunity? Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah.
00:37:42
Speaker
So you could rob a bank. Oh. You can't be compelled. Like, you couldn't tell on the other one. yeah Yeah. Okay. So you can tell them about it, just not people. You can't testify against your own spouse.
00:37:55
Speaker
Yes. Like, you could, but you can't be compelled to do it. For, private conversations. Mm-hmm.
00:38:04
Speaker
so And, of course, there's exceptions.
00:38:09
Speaker
Okay.
00:38:11
Speaker
Do... Knight each other with a really cool sword.
00:38:20
Speaker
Okay. yeah Okay. Next. Don't cut each other. um That's a long one. Okay. Okay. Don't quit your job, cut off your family and move to another country after only knowing them for two and a half months and then realizing they've had a secret family this entire time.
00:38:33
Speaker
And now you're in a foreign country where you don't know the language and you can't ask your family for help because you deleted all of their numbers and you don't have them at least.
00:38:43
Speaker
But if you do, you need to make sure you go on 90 Day Fiance so that I can watch and you can get your bag. All right. So, Sarah, are going to talk about 90 Day Fiance? 90 Day Finance? 90 Day Finance. This is a real live thing that happened.
00:39:04
Speaker
where we were messaging and Sarah said that there's this firm that we know locally that had a commercial on TV and that she saw it while she was watching 90 day finance.
00:39:19
Speaker
At least that's how I read it. And from what I know of Sarah, I was very perplexed as to why she was watching finance show. And I have to tell you, my first thought was, this must be something for Emily, maybe?
00:39:33
Speaker
Maybe she's trying to get you guys on a budget? Like with all these thoughts, it never occurred to me that I read it wrong until we're like days later, we're meeting in person. And I just, I interrupt Sarah as I often do. I'm like, what's this 90 day finance you're watching?
00:39:48
Speaker
And she's like, what? It's like, no, 90 day fiance. Oh, that, that makes a lot more sense. Yeah.
00:40:01
Speaker
yeah yeah ah so Yeah. Okay. And our last don't cook together because according to Sarah, it's chaotic. We cook together a lot.
00:40:12
Speaker
Can you elaborate on that, Sarah? I need Sarah to explain her and Emily's cooking styles. so We are not allowed to cook together because we have very different cooking styles.
00:40:24
Speaker
I am a feel-the-vibe cook. I don't need times. I don't need measurements. I feel the vibe. Emily is not that. And she does not. I'm also really quick.
00:40:36
Speaker
I'm like, let's just get it done. And she wants to take her time. And at the end of the day, like, I'm just not allowed to cook with her anymore. Notice that she's not allowed to cook with her. not Right. She could. ka I think I would. Yeah, I would not be able to cook with you. I get you on the quickness part, but I have to have a recipe or I'm scared. I'm going to fail.
00:40:54
Speaker
You could cook with me and Luke. You just have to clean up after yourself. For more like feel the vibes. I think that needs a little more. Let's just. Yeah. Also, Luca's a really good cook. So.
00:41:06
Speaker
I don't like to cook that often.
00:41:10
Speaker
All right. And the last do Is to do your estate plan together. If you. Yeah. If you want to. If you want. If you want to let them know.
00:41:21
Speaker
Or not. Yeah.
00:41:25
Speaker
It's just easier. Right. and Just easier if you can talk to your spouse about major life and death decisions. I think we can end it on that.
00:41:38
Speaker
Thanks for listening. And just to cover all our bases about what you just heard, I'm sorry and you're welcome. Make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode and tell your friends about us.
00:41:51
Speaker
We do webinars and live events. The best way to stay up to date is to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and YouTube. Links are in the show notes.
00:42:01
Speaker
If there's a topic you'd like us to cover, maybe you have a question you'd like us to answer, or maybe you just want to say hi, hit the link in the show notes or go to birch-law.com forward slash podcast and fill out the contact form.
00:42:23
Speaker
Much better. Yeah, I thought that had a lot of energy.