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Let That Ish Go: Cultivating Self-Love and Self-Trust - A Conversation with Yenory Pouncil
26 Plays2 months ago
In this powerful episode, we sit down with Yenory Pouncil, a fourth-generation Garifuna High Priestess, lightworker, and icon, to explore the vital connection between self-love and self-trust, especially for Black moms. Yenory shares her wisdom and insights on navigating the unique challenges of motherhood, entrepreneurship, and cultural expectations, offering practical strategies for cultivating presence, embracing generational gifts, and letting go of what no longer serves.
What You'll Learn:
- The crucial role of self-love in building unshakeable self-trust.
- How to identify and harness the power of your generational gifts.
- Understanding the specific challenges faced by Black mompreneurs in today's world.
- Practical steps for cultivating self-compassion and acceptance.
- Strategies for achieving presence and managing the often overwhelming "invisible load."
- The transformative power of meditation and mindfulness practices.
- Techniques for finding joy and beauty in everyday moments, even amidst chaos.
- How to reframe challenging situations and discover the lessons within.
- The intimate link between self-care, confidence, and empowered decision-making.
- Letting go of limiting beliefs and embracing your authentic self.
This episode is for you if:
- You're a Black mompreneur seeking community, support, and practical advice.
- You're ready to deepen your understanding of culturally relevant self-care practices.
- You're struggling with self-trust, self-doubt, or feeling overwhelmed by the demands of life.
- You're looking for actionable strategies to cultivate presence, joy, and peace in your daily life.
- You're interested in exploring the power of generational gifts and ancestral wisdom.
About Yenory Pouncil:
Yenory Pouncil is a 4th Generation Garifuna Spiritual Guide and self-trust catalyst for ICONIC Leaders. Recognized by Pinterest as a top global tastemaker, she's a leading expert in Spiritual Mastery and Intuitive Insight. Yenory co-founded The Self-Trust Company, reaching over 40,000 people monthly. Known as the Coaches' Coach, she masterfully guides clients to break through emotional barriers, unlocking expansive personal and business success. Beyond her spiritual work, Yenory is a devoted Dragon Ball fan, finds solace in the ritual of tea, and expresses herself through the art of pole dancing.
Connect with Yenory:
- s: Subscribe to my Youtube Channel
- e: yenory@yenorypouncil.com
- w: yenorypouncil.com
- Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-yenory-pouncil-podcast/id1366398787
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Theme
00:00:15
Speaker
Hey mamas and welcome back to the Sew Well podcast. I'm your host Autumn Cologne and today's that a taste episode excuse me is so great. It is our first episode of 2025 and it's titled let that ish go because just because like when you hear the conversation you're going to know. You're going to know what I mean
Introducing Jenniri and Her Impact
00:00:40
Speaker
by that. um We're talking about self-love, self-trust, self-actualization,
00:00:45
Speaker
um And my guest today is Jenniri. She is a fourth-generation Garafina spiritual guide and self-trust catalyst for iconic leaders. Recognized by Pinterest as a top global tastemaker, she's a leading expert in spiritual mastery.
00:01:05
Speaker
an intuitive insight. Unity co-founded the self-trust company reaching over 40,000 people monthly. Known as the coach's coach, she masterfully guides clients to break through emotional barriers, unlocking expansive personal and business success. This conversation really touched my soul actually I ended up crying in the middle of of the episode. um And i'm I'm excited to share with you guys. I hope that you learn something, that you take something from it, um and that you are able to just let it feed your soul. Let it feed your soul. Let it speak to you in any way that and that it that you can. um And so let's start off today's episode with
00:01:56
Speaker
a affirmation.
Setting the Tone: Affirmation of Self-Worth
00:01:58
Speaker
And the affirmation today is, I am worthy to love and be loved. And I'm going to say that again. I am worthy to love and be loved. And with that, let's jump right into today's episode.
Shared Experiences and Cultural Heritage
00:02:36
Speaker
Hello, hello. I'm excited for to be here. It feels like such a long time coming. I know. It's so great that we're getting to have this conversation right now in this period of life and all that you have worked on and I have worked on. So it's a great culmination.
00:02:51
Speaker
of a conversation that we have we we needed to have for a long time. So I'm excited to to get to introduce you to our audience. I'm going to let you do that yourself. So just go ahead, introduce yourself, and tell us a little bit about your background, who you are. And make sure to emphasize like what we're going to be talking about today, which is self-care.
00:03:11
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes. Hola, everyone. My name is Jenori Pouncil, and I am a light. I am a icon, and I'm all about prioritizing ourselves with love, with unconditional love, and doing it in a way that ripples a magnitude of impact across the universe. And I'm passionate about supporting Black women tap into their authenticity, tap into their inner essence, and express their cultural heritage, their richness of their cultural heritage with ease and with flow.
00:03:47
Speaker
And that's what I dedicate myself to. I am a fourth generation Garifuna High Priestess and it is an honor for me to get to lead with my ancestors and to bring them and allow them to bring me really for the ride that has been co-creating this magical life I've lived so far. So that's me. That's what I'm into. I am a huge Dragon Ball fan. Y'all gotta know this about me because she goes hard in the pain for her Dragon Ball and I love tea and I love pole dancing.
00:04:25
Speaker
Love, love, love that intro. I just feel such a calm when I hear you speak about you being a light and I can't wait to just dive into what that all means. like' just so um I'm so excited. like We have so much in common and but also you have a unique story and I'm excited to to jump into that.
Embracing Ancestral Wisdom and Self-Care
00:04:45
Speaker
um So tell me a little bit about your journey in your story and um how you got into self care, your motherhood story, anything that you may have your mental health story, um anything that you might want to share like about your background that was the catalyst for diving into the type of work that you're doing.
00:05:07
Speaker
Mm, that is such a yummy question because it gives me so many ways to approach this. Okay, so when it comes to self care, I was introduced to this idea idea of self care. I didn't without knowing that that's what I was doing is actually through movement. Movement has always been the way that I have entered into the realm of self care, physical self care, specifically, we're going to talk about it.
00:05:31
Speaker
My mother, who was a dancer, a Garifuna dancer, it's a little bit of a context for y'all. The Garifunas are an ethnic group that was exiled from the island of St. Vincent in the Grenadines and they were sent to Honduras and they arrived in Honduras. honduras was the place where we arrived. And we arrived in Honduras in 1797. And we have been there ever since. We are not just unique to Honduras. We are also in Guatemala. We are also in Nicaragua. And we are also in Belize as well. And the Garifonas are the combination of the Arabic Indians or the meridian. Sometimes they call them like meridian Indians that were in the area of San Vincent with the Africans that came through when they were bringing like slave ships.
00:06:17
Speaker
The interesting about Garifuna is that we were never enslaved. So I feel like that is something that we carry with us and helps us build our strength from a different foundation than some of our fellow brothers and sisters that did experience slavery as part of their foundation. So that's the culture that I come from. And I was really blessed because my family, when the Garifunas arrived in Honduras, there were a set of three siblings in those ships. There were two ships that arrived.
00:06:46
Speaker
And those three siblings were my ancestors. And we we have direct connection to them. We know who they are. They helped build the Garifuna community that i I'm from here in Honduras called Santa Rosa de Aguan. And we have such a rich history in that space. And that's the fabric of where I come from and who I am and where my people come from. And when it comes to health and wellness, we had a lot of the core pieces of self-care, as most Black folk tend to do. I mean, we used to call it what it is. Like, we actually have known self-care for a really long time, and we've been engaging the practices of self-care. It just wasn't called that. It wasn't it wasn't the thing that thing, you know? so It wasn't trendy yet.
00:07:30
Speaker
it was It wasn't trendy yet. It wasn't trendy. So like things like what we ate, we grew our own foods. We raised our own cattle and the animals that we consumed. like We have such a connection to Mother Earth. We did not over crop certain areas. We were patient with the land.
00:07:50
Speaker
That to me is all self-care, you know what I mean? And then when we get into the physicalness of it, we were very active people. A lot of people, we work by the sea, we live by this by the ocean, so we live off of fishing, we live off of the water. So like, Garifuna, we have, like many people that grew up by that, with that similar lifestyle, they're very active people. So I feel like my self-care really comes in when I got to grow up with my aunts in aguan which i I moved to from the city. And I got to learn about like our foods and our culture and what it meant to be Garifuna. My mom was very adamant about my but bal me speaking the language. So that's a lot of what helped me begin to see that version of me. Fast forward to 2010 when I graduated from college.
00:08:39
Speaker
ah went I went to RIT, and I graduated from undergraduate school. And I was 20 pounds heavier. I didn't even know it, because I'm the type of person that if I gain weight, I just go up a size. I'm not about to be stressed by this. And I started to, I came home after graduation because I had no job. This was at the height of the recession. And when I got home, my aunts my cousins were like, um you look fat. Listen, when you come from a Latin American family, this is how they speak, all right? This this like gentle parenting, that's us. Gentle loving, that's our generation.
00:09:08
Speaker
That's us. Our people, no, but they don't care. She's like, you look mad fat. And I'm like, I guess I i was, it was used to me. And then she, it was two of my cousins. One was a former professional bodybuilder and the other one was a former athlete for Honduras playing volleyball.
00:09:29
Speaker
And they helped me, again, self-care is embedded in the roots of my fabric because I have had cousins that were like professional athletes, you know, and they could teach me how to eat and how to exercise. And that's how I began to take it more seriously because I spent a year in Honduras in 2010 and they taught me how to eat and how to take care of myself in that way. So there were things about self-care I feel like were in the fabric of my being. And then there were other things about self-care that I've learned along the way.
00:10:08
Speaker
you pick up pieces of your culture and intertwine them with that new generation and what is is new. and your In your response, you talked a lot about how you know what we're doing now like it's just our generation but you are weaving in your cultural aspects um into every single thing that you do which is an important aspect because it gets lost and a lot of times with the watering down of what self-care is when you actually go to the root of it and know that that's where we come from it empowers you even more so to embrace
00:10:43
Speaker
this this entity or this this notion of like taking care of yourself. like that's you know I think that's ah the beauty of kind of weaving that in and having your culture be the catalyst for the work that you're doing. I think that's awesome.
00:10:59
Speaker
Thank you. It is really a gift because I feel like as a people right now looking into ourselves at this place in 2024, we talk a lot about generational curses. There's so much conversation about generational curses and I get it. There are quite a lot of things that you wish folks had told you and they didn't and now here we are, babes. At the same time, there's a plethora of generational gifts and I find that for me what's important where I draw joy, where I draw power from, where I draw confidence from, it's those generational gifts. So yes, I can invest my energy into all the things that my people didn't know and them not knowing how to do yoga or whatever it is. Shit, I'm into this. It's going to curse on here.
00:11:43
Speaker
Yes, girl. Okay. Or could I be into, they may not be poor dancing like I'm poor dancing. At the same time, though, they did give me the gifts that they had to give. And when I focus on those gifts, I see how those gifts lay the foundation for me to be where I am right now.
00:12:01
Speaker
and then give them the grace for not having those other things, because if they would have had it, they would have given it to me, right? So it is a very beautiful thing for us to shift into. And I, I praise my intention that as people listen to this conversation, they are inspired to ask themselves a new question instead of thinking about well what are the generational curses that I need to overcome and I need to leave behind and all those other things.
00:12:25
Speaker
What are the generational gifts I want to tap into? What is available for me to learn from like my culture and my heritage and the richness that it comes with that because there's beauty there. If you go looking for beauty, you're going to find it.
00:12:37
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that's so beautiful. I love the way that you just even stated that end and your approach to that because you're so right. You're so true. One of the things that helped me in my relationship with my mom is realizing that if she had the tools, then she would have given them and that allowed me to see her in a different light and as being a mom myself seeing my own flaws and seeing like if I could do more if I had more like you know like if I had the tools
00:13:12
Speaker
I would have given them and that allowed our relationship to be restored because a lot of time the focus is so much on, Oh, like I didn't, this didn't blame, blame, blame. And sure, people need to be held accountable for the trauma that they may have caused. And, but also we have to look at our parents as people and as human and having their own human experience. And what, ah where do they come from? What is their background?
00:13:37
Speaker
They are, your mom was a little girl too with dreams and hopes and wishes and who hurt her. And how did that, how is that impacting how she may have parented you? I think that oftentimes gets lost in this search for a new self or this search for rediscovery and shutting people out that we forget to go back and look for the joy that may have been in that. And I love that you talked about the joy because I have this ah thing that I'm doing and it's called living for the glimmers and it's finding the joy in everyday life.
00:14:07
Speaker
yeah Because so often, like you said, it's...
00:14:19
Speaker
I saw two birds singing and they were Cardinals. And i they are apparently all over this neighborhood, but I never actually stopped and sat long enough to look out the window to see the joy that is around me. And that in itself and finding peace in that, I think is the small joy that we get in everyday life. That if you really lean into that,
00:14:42
Speaker
It'll really help you and it has really helped me get through some really hard times. I do these things with my clients. Every time they drop gems, I crack this fan. I'm cracking the fan for you because this is so amazing. like People don't realize how big of a wind that is. but We're talking about it in this context of being like a really small thing. like We looked at the window, we saw the birds,
00:15:08
Speaker
like the level of intention that that requires when you are a mother and when you're an entrepreneur, and if you have multiple businesses, you're constantly being put in so many different directions. So being able to take time and say, I am going to look at what else is beautiful in my life and what else is joyful in my life. And I'm going to take my attention from the thing that I'm constantly being directed to, which is problem solving, putting out fires, fixing some shit, make sure somebody's alive.
00:15:41
Speaker
that yeah quite a bit of effort that most of us don't realize. So I want to celebrate you for doing that because it's not as easy as these. Right, which brings me to my a great segue to bring me into my next question for you is just,
00:16:08
Speaker
I know that you work with lots of women, right? Like, you are you are a coach, you are you do all the things, and you work with a lot of mompreneurs, and you kind of touched on a little bit some of the challenges that Black mothers and Black and brown mothers specifically face in are and our world. And can you just talk a little bit about those challenges that either you are facing, your clients are facing, um and what that may look like?
00:16:38
Speaker
course, I feel that, and I'm going to share my experience, which resonates quite a bit of the experiences, the women that I attract, because we all seem to be in some similar frequency, right? Like that's how it is. You know, you attract who you are. So if you are in a space where you experience in those things, people that are going to come to you are going to come because you can support them with those things. I had a mentor once and she and I talked all the time and she would tell me like, look, you teach what you need the most. All right. So For me, that's been self-trust. And I find that quite a number of moms, they're a big challenge, especially Black and brown moms.
Challenges of Self-Trust for Mothers and Entrepreneurs
00:17:13
Speaker
And I just mainly like Black moms because to me, if you brown you in there, you know what I mean? Like, this is what it is.
00:17:21
Speaker
What I find is that trusting ourselves is one of our biggest challenge because there are so many voices, right? And we grew up in a society where there's this focus on external knowing and internal confusion, where you, other people know better than you and you don't know enough about yourself and you're not to be trusted with yourself. And this is not something that's good or bad, right? Like if we look at Creation, from the moment you are born and you being a mother and the mothers listening and y'all gonna get this a thousand percent, your child is dependent on you. Before the child is born, as you're carrying the child in your womb, the child is dependent on you. The life of this being depends on you. So immediately we're bombarded with these messages that the baby comes first. Don't worry, like is the baby okay? And even when you may have a plan in case something goes wrong in the pregnancy, the delivery It's like, what is it? Save the baby first, right? Like there's this focus on something outside of ourselves from the beginning. So we rely on another person for survival. And as mammals, we are the ones that rely on our parents for the longest was we are born.
00:18:31
Speaker
Baby animals who are also mammals, they be out the womb and they out. They literally getting kicked out, go out. I mean, I learned that panthers actually eat their own young. Exactly. Panthers actually eat their own young. So like you want to look at the context of what's happening here, right? So we have all these messages that says, hey, the baby comes first. like That's what you hear as a mom. And then the kid is born. And they're looking at you like, yeah, I come first. Give me the energy. Give me the attention.
00:19:01
Speaker
And in Latino culture, there is this almost like badge of honor that everybody comes before you, right? and that eat last so you can watch everybody else eating. yeah A lot of it's on comedy around that how like mom is looking at everybody while they eating their food and she's just now eating, right? She's been cooking all day long. So we have all this conditioning around what it means to be a good mother and what does she look like and what does she wear and what kind of things she say and how does she treat the kids and how does she treat the family, how does she treat the husband? And that
00:19:38
Speaker
Concussion of identity we've created isn't who we are, isn't who you are. You parent in your own way and I parent in my own way. And there are things about us outside of this role of being mothers. And when you're constantly fed this narrative and you are not creating a separation between your true self and the narrative you adopted as your identity,
00:20:01
Speaker
you're going to have a hard time raising children because you're not going to trust yourself. You won't be looking outside yourself for everything. Mom, am I doing a good job or auntie? This is how I should be doing it. and And it's okay to ask questions, right? Like I don't want to deter out of that because I believe in the power of community and the power of having a village yeah to pass down insights and collective wisdom. What I am referring to is you learning as a mom that it is okay that you don't have all the answers. It's you learning as a mom that it's okay that the answer is actually right now. Like if you've closed your ears to everybody and you focus on your child, you're going to see what the answer is because your kid is telling you what it is. And the question is not, do I know the answer is in my piece with the answer I'm getting.
00:20:49
Speaker
yeah Yeah, we're gonna trust ourselves. So that's one of the biggest challenges I see. Then we get into like, what I think is a lower level challenge, but because of that root, we don't trust ourselves. So we have all the symptoms that emerge as challenges for us. Guilt.
00:21:04
Speaker
feeling guilty for putting ourselves first, feeling guilty because we're taking time to go get our nails done, feeling guilty because we are taking time to go to a conference that we may be into feeling guilty because we are locking the door so we can have an hour of Dragon Ball time uninterrupted.
00:21:21
Speaker
I feel guilty for these things because we have been told a good mom doesn't do that. A good mom doesn't show up like this. And you don't want to be a bad mom, right? You don't want to be judged. You don't want to be put differently. So the guilt becomes a thing for us. And right hanging out with guilt is what shame.
00:21:38
Speaker
yeah but Now we're feeling shameful. Now we feel like we're doing things wrong and we're not good enough. Now our sense of worthiness starts to get eroded. Now what happens, we don't feel confident in ourselves and in our role as a mother. And if you have a business, that energy, it starts to move towards your business. So you don't feel confident in your business either because you birthed that as well. And you ain't doing a good job with the kids, so you must not be doing a good job with the business. So now you're not raising your prices or you're saying yes to people that you know are not a good fit for you or you're not going after contracts that you know you want to go after because you feel like you're not good enough for these things because you feel like you're not a good enough mom because you're not trusting yourself with this kid that you have.
00:22:21
Speaker
Yes. And all that cycle. Wow. Yes. Come on, get into it. These is gems. I love it. And you're teaching me so much in this right now. Like I'm like, I have 50 million questions um that I can even just come off of that. But I love this centered focus on that self trust because you are so right that it begins in, you know, at the beginning of time, you know, like that that is passed down.
00:22:50
Speaker
And I even think just like when people think about self-care, like motherhood isn't rooted in self-care, right? The first that people come around, they don't even ask about the mom. It's all about the baby, right? How many um how many doctors appointments did the baby have from you know birth to you know six months, probably about four or five in there. And the mom is going one time after she doesn't just gave life to a whole human being. um And so I love that it's,
00:23:18
Speaker
your focus is on that self trust and how do you actually build that? And I really want to get into like, maybe if you have like tips, like, that moms, like women can, can even, how do they begin to build this catalyst of building back that self trust that has been broken down for so long?
00:23:41
Speaker
Let's take me for example, right? Like I've been a mom for 14 years. This is not in particular like my my particular issue, right? But let's say 14 years of motherhood and self-sabotage and abandonment and not trusting my vet in my motherhood. How do you come back from that? How do you heal? How do you work through figuring out how to trust yourself again?
00:24:07
Speaker
That is such a powerful question, right? With 14 years under someone's belt, that's quite a lot of conditioning and that's 14 years of being a certain way. So the first thing I would say is, and i the first thing I would say to this is acknowledging that you are acknowledging yourself.
00:24:30
Speaker
That initial awareness that you can look at yourself and be like, you know what, this is where I am and I'ma be okay with it. You can't heal what you don't reveal. So once you have looked at yourself and you identify like, yo, there are all these things about going on right now that I don't know how to even come back of this, be aware that that's the first step.
00:24:54
Speaker
Like that in that of itself is the first step because what you're doing is you shining light onto something about yourself that you can now do something about. I learned this from this chairman and he talks about the idea of the higher self.
00:25:08
Speaker
and how most of us think of the highest self as something that's up here. And he got some judgment thing, when looking at us, like, you're not being your highest self, you're not being your highest self. And what he perceives the highest self to be, and I love this definition, I've been,
00:25:25
Speaker
it has resonated so much with me, is the higher self is actually the shadow self. It's those things about you that you don't like, those things about you that you judge, those things about you that you are insecure about, those things about you that you feel the people have wronged you on. And what you do is you bring the light of love into the shadow and by shining light onto that shadow of yourself, which means by looking at those things about you that you don't like and learning to accept them, learning that you can only control yourself. So learning to do what you can control about those things, learning to give you yourself grace for your humanity and not judge yourself because you're not perfect.
00:26:07
Speaker
When you bring the light of love by doing those things, then that transmutes into your highest self. Because then you don't look at yourself like that anymore. The areas where you used to see yourself and be like,
00:26:19
Speaker
How did I let myself go? Or why don't I trust myself? The things that were rooted before in darkness are now rooted in light. So they transmute from self-doubt into self-trust, from low sense of self-worth to an increased level of self-confidence because you went there. The confidence comes because you go to those parts of yourself and you bring that lot of love so you know what it takes to care for yourself and love on yourself.
00:26:44
Speaker
So if you are a mom and you're going through all these things and you want to know, how do I start to rebuild myself? Trust. I want you to know that that question alone means that you already started because you wouldn't have that question if you hadn't started already. And the next thing for you.
00:27:00
Speaker
is to start to look at yourself with compassion. Cultivate that self-acceptance. Cultivate being able to see yourself and not judge yourself. Cultivate being able to see your humanity, meaning the things that you've been taught are not good enough, and see what is good.
00:27:19
Speaker
In a tip I want to give you that I actually showed one of my clients yesterday, so I'm giving you yeah thousands for baby. i bring and me that don't work ok i love it that I would recommend at that point, it's really simple is to focus on how everything is unfolding for your favor. Focus on where is the joy. It's what you're doing right now. You are looking for the joy in everything, right? So then looking the joy in the places where it's harder to find, like if there's an outcome to a situation and you don't fuck with that outcome, how is that outcome working out for your highest good? I will give you an example.
00:28:01
Speaker
I had a situation two years ago with a client that ended in a $20,000 charge back on my business. It was the first time anything like this ever happened to me and I was like distraught. And for a while I didn't even know how much it was impacting me, right? And I just shared this so you can have context so you can know how much this thing fuck with me.
00:28:23
Speaker
Right? And then when I took a step back and I started to take my own advice and remember that I have a methodology that I lean into to navigate this moment and build my own self-trust, I was able to see that that situation was revealing to me how out of alignment I have become in my business.
00:28:44
Speaker
And it has showed me that in order to get into alignment, I had to energetically release any and everything that was not aligned. And that included those financial resources because they are energy. Everything is energy. So when that situation happened, what was actually going on underneath the surface was a purging of what's not in alignment to create space for what is in alignment.
00:29:12
Speaker
yeah It was necessary. It was a powerful part of the process. And I couldn't see that until down the line because I was too busy seeing how much I hated that, how much I hated the the the things that happened as a result of that. And when I came to the decision that I was going to look for the joy,
00:29:31
Speaker
I found it. And now I can feel that joy, right? And what happens when you feel the joy of knowing that everything is unfolding for your favor, you feel good about your decisions. And a lot of us don't feel good about our decisions. We feel like we're not good decision makers because we associate being a good decision maker with getting the outcome that you want. Right, right. Just because you didn't get the outcome doesn't mean it was a bad decision.
00:29:58
Speaker
Right. So we don't know that that decision could have been right. Anything, had you made that decision, something else may not have, you never know, you know, like who are you to question how the the universe of God, how, how that's supposed to go. We don't have the plans, right? Exactly. Yes.
00:30:18
Speaker
So to bring it back into clo into trust, to close that loop is what we are learning to do. And we look at how life got our back, how God has our back, how God has our favor. Then what we begin to see is we develop a trusting relationship with God and with the creation and with everything that's happening. And we noticed that, oh, life is not happening to me. Life is not happening through me.
00:30:46
Speaker
life is happening. I am the life. like I'm given that life. Life is happening through me. like I am life. So now it's like, okay, well, if this is what's happening, it's because this is what's supposed to help me in some shape or form. So there's no losing here.
00:31:02
Speaker
Let me be here and learn about it. So that's what I will give you as an insight is to look at every moment and see what you can learn from it. see how you can See how you feel about the moment. See what kind of thoughts you think about the moment. See what kind of reactions your body has to the moment. Sometimes some people come around you and you immediately you're like, ugh.
00:31:25
Speaker
You can't even help it. That energy enters your face and you're like, ugh, ugh. And some people enter your space and you're like, oh my God, yes. Who are those people and why do we feel like that about them? yeah That is what begins to make those changes that but develop into building our self-trust because we trust ourselves to see ourselves and accept ourselves and do something with the information that we learn about ourselves so our lives can be in alignment.
00:32:10
Speaker
because that is some bars that is that's truth wisdom all that passed down 100% and I think that what I'm taking from that even still is being in the present moment to to be in, in, like allowing yourself to be in the experience instead of trying to figure out like, why is this happening to me? What can I do to solve this problem? Which is something that women who are mompreneurs or who are entrepreneurs, who are
00:32:42
Speaker
high decision and high impact making, high earning women. A lot of us, like we have a lot going on all the time that our brain is focused on so many other things that we don't get to stop and see yeah the joy or the beauty and not getting a contract or you know making
Trusting the Process and Divine Timing
00:32:59
Speaker
it late to a meeting. Being late could be the fact the reason that you're alive. That's how I look at traffic now.
00:33:05
Speaker
Like, when I see traffic in Atlanta, I'm like, you know what? Thank you God for this protection. Because had I been 10 minutes earlier, that could be me in that accident with my children. And so when you're able to bring yourself into the present moment when a situation happens and lean on that trusting God, like, I love that that leads back to trust. That makes so much sense, right? Like, so, so impactful. And I keep saying I love that because I just, I love it.
00:33:32
Speaker
And you're bringing up such a great point too because when we are in that space, right, when we are as leaders, we are learning to trust by letting go as well. Being present is very challenging for a powerful leaders, especially for Black women because we are being pulled in so many directions and then we have are race going too, right? like I personally, I'm aware that I'm a Black woman. I do my best to let that be my superpower and not be something that I feel like I got to fight because of no matter what the environment is. like I lean into the power of my Blackness, hence why I lean into the generational gifts of my people, first said the yeah versus it while being aware of any generational curses. right like i I play with both.
00:34:23
Speaker
It's very difficult for us to be present because we're being pulled in so many directions and many of us are afraid of being the angry black woman. So now we're carrying this thing that I learned about. My husband told me about it from um YouTube and people are calling it invisible load.
00:34:39
Speaker
So it's like this thing that you're carrying. It's the person that remembers when the kid's going to go to the dentist. ah The person remembers when is an appointment or when the gross is going to be bought or when the first is going to be cleaned. You see, as I'm sharing examples, you're already thinking about the invisible load that you may be carrying. and a lot of ah If you are an oldest daughter, that's an additional layer of invisible weight load.
00:35:03
Speaker
That's here too. As your parents are aging, you're thinking about, like okay, do we have a plan for you guys? What is the plan? Are you talking about the plan? If you come from a cultural where death is not something that people talk about freely, then you're also carrying the invisible load of having those conversations. So like as a Black person, you're having your invisible load looks different than other groups. So knowing what you're the invisible load that you may be carrying and looks like helps you release that. And I feel like as black moms and business owners, we have quite an invisible load. And because of that, we have a hard time being present with our kids when we are with our kids at their events, right? So if your kid is playing a sport and you're there and you're like, I want to be here,
00:35:51
Speaker
If somebody hitting you up talking about, hey, a client needs something, or this didn't go through, or a client may be messaging you like I'm having an emergency or something. If you don't have a system in place where you can remain present and grounded in those moments, it's only very difficult for you to enjoy yourself at your kid's event. And you're going to see your event as an inconvenience to you because you're focused on something that is not the thing that is in the present moment.
00:36:18
Speaker
And the present is all we have. like I tell my clients this all the time. The past is the present that already happened. And the future is the present that is going to happen. It's all the present. So pay attention to what's happening in your present, because that's the only place where you can do
Tools for Managing Motherhood and Business
00:36:38
Speaker
something. It's only the past or the future, depending on what angle you're looking at and from what perspective you're looking at. yeah So that's yeah a big challenge for Black women.
00:36:47
Speaker
that our business owners and our moms is being present. And the tip that I would give to help you with presence, it is meditation. I feel like meditation is something that has helped me. I've been meditating. It's going to be 10 years next year since I began my meditation practice, my daily meditation practice. And what I can tell you is it's very powerful to slow down. And I don't want to even say slow down because to me, meditation has helped me return to my natural rhythm because I come from New York.
00:37:18
Speaker
Yeah. We want people to have time for nothing. Let's go. Get out of my way. We will avoid entire parts of the city so that we don't have to deal with people. And when you grow up- You don't need to be up because they're not going to Times Square. We're not doing that. Ever. You're not you' never going to see us there. You're never going to see us at no other Empire State Building unless there's a specific thing we're there for. You're not going to see us in all of these places because we don't want to be around people like that. we We are in a political rush. And what we are learning, what I'm learning that I'm a big part of my self-care, especially as a mother,
00:37:47
Speaker
is to not be in a rush, is to be where I am in that moment. And what has helped me with that is meditation. What has helped me is playing with my child, those of us, this is a mom podcast, right? So like your kids want to play. Do take the five minutes to play with them. If you play with your kids, if your kids come and they want to play, it usually is like five minutes and they're good, to be honest. Then they'd be like, all right, off to do my own thing now. At least that's how my son is. Playing with my kid has been really healing in helping me be in the present as well as creating space from where I'm not doing business related activities because yeah then I teach myself
00:38:25
Speaker
I don't have to be on all the time. And I can do other things that bring me joy as well. What you did earlier, too, what you talked about, looking at the birds, being in nature, those are all ways where you can tap into your inner rhythm. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Can you hear me still? Yeah, I can. Okay, perfect. I don't see my sound wave popping up, so I was like getting nervous. I see it on my side.
00:38:48
Speaker
Okay. Perfect. Um, anxiety kind of got the being busy.
00:38:59
Speaker
I personally, right? And this is, I'm going to go literally to yesterday. My daughter had a recital at school, a Christmas recital, and she was like in the middle of the program. And I had a deadline. I have to get this website for my client done by today. And so that means I need to actually have it done yesterday. And I'm sitting in the auditorium just like literally working on the client website up until the minute before. And, uh, the person came onto the, you know, to the loudspeaker and he's like, you guys are ready for the show. And I actually like had to stop myself and be like, girl, what are you doing? Like you need to be here. Like there is nothing more important than being in the present moment because what you're doing right now can honestly wait. But I think as business owners and as black women, we have this.
00:39:53
Speaker
need to be perfect. We have this need in our, in our businesses that we need to like do things a lot of the times at the absolute highest capacity. And if we're not doing it, we're not giving it our all. You need to never sleep, never rest. That was the culture that I was brought up in. It was if you're a black woman, you work twice as hard because you have to. And so therefore for me, what that unfortunately led me to is severe burnout and severely overworking myself, even is even as an entrepreneur. And that really, and it was honestly like a conversation with my husband. I was like, I need to get some things off my plate. Like I need to move some things around.
00:40:41
Speaker
especially it's the holidays and I want I don't want to carry this with me into 2025 but it's so hard and I'm just speaking candidly to prioritize you know the financials the you know actually loving the work that you do and not wanting to give it up and loving your clients and wanting to take on more and wanting to help more people but there needs to be a harmony I don't really like the word balance There has to be a harmony in your life in order for that song to hum. And right now, my song is off key because my work life is so crazy. um And I know there are so many moms that are listening to that. And we they hear the advice of self-care, self-care, self-trust, and do all these things. and But also, they have deadlines. And they have school events. And how do you slow it down, right? I love that you brought up meditation.
00:41:37
Speaker
as a practice did you do you do that like you know practically like in the middle of the day like when you're feeling like stress like how do we practically get into doing some of this thing to get out of that hustle and bustle culture Mm-hmm. Girl, that is such a great question. And honestly, close to you for having the awareness to see what was going on with you in that laptop at your daughter's event. Because most of us don't even get that. Most of us are getting it after the fact. And you're like, OK, after to the very last minute, I'm going to close the laptop. Most of us are not even there because we are working on the project. Because we think that's what's going to give them a better life. And we want this better life for them. Meanwhile, they just want our attention and our energy.
00:42:20
Speaker
I feel like the first thing is knowing that your kid picked you. like The child that you have, whether you believe in before earth or whatever it is, if you are like, well, I only believe in the creator.
00:42:35
Speaker
the creator picked that baby with you, right, for a reason. And you don't have to be anything for this baby to love you. This baby already loves you. He doesn't need more toys, doesn't need more clothes, doesn't need fancier stuff. This baby fucking loves you. Our kids love us. They want to go back to our womb if they could. That's how much... all back in if That's not funny. They love our bodies. They're like, I want to go back in there. Let me be one with your skin again, please. Like that's how much these kids love us. And when we are aware of that, we can stop auditioning for our kids. Yeah. We can stop auditioning for our babies. You need to put the fan up for that. Like for yourself. That is a bar. Why are we performing? They don't pay the bills.
00:43:27
Speaker
Because that's what we are used to doing, right? like One thing I learned very early on in my business in my role as a business owner, my my hat as a business owner, is that I didn't have business problems. I had personal patterns of behavior that were manifesting in my business. Cool. Yes.
00:43:47
Speaker
you don't have business problems. You got personal patterns of behavior that are manifesting in your business. So the reason why you are waiting to you at the recital or the event with the laptop on is because you have developed a pattern of people pleasing. And now that pattern means that I can't have them be mad at me because you associate your sense of self worth with a deadline.
00:44:10
Speaker
It has nothing to do with a fucking deadline. People are with you because they love your energetic signature. They love the way you treat them and the way that you are with them. It has nothing to do with the design of the document.
00:44:22
Speaker
yeah They actually put care less of the design of the document. They want to be in your energetic vibration, right? They want to be in that frequency. And when we realize that, we can stop performing. We tend to have this scarcity set up as a foundation where I got to give more and more and more. In a way that I see this, no shade to help people market this stuff. Like I've done this as well, so I know the vibes. We'll be like, here is a product and it costs
00:44:50
Speaker
$150, and I'm giving you $2,000 worth of bonuses. Why? yeah Why are we doing that? Because that's that scarcity, right? Like, if I give you more, you're going to want more. And you know how many things I'm going to do? Zero. Because as you increase things that you give to people, this is a psychological the thing that happens to us. The more options we got, the less the less likely we are to make a decision. yeah yeah So for us as as moms, we got a number one to stop auditioning to our babies. They already picked us.
00:45:19
Speaker
yeah They love us. If you don't know that your kid loves you, stop what you're doing and watch your kid and watch how your kid wants to be around you all the time. The second thing I will say is we get to be okay with the outcome, whether we like it or not. Somebody's not going to be happy. yeah You will disappoint people. Be at peace with that knowing. Be at peace with knowing that to prioritize yourself means to disappoint others and that's okay.
00:45:49
Speaker
Because people disappoint you all the fucking time. All the time you get disappointed by somebody and you move on, right? So if you can do that, they can do that too. Self trust is actually four layers of trust. It's trusting yourself.
00:46:05
Speaker
is trusting others, is trusting the process or timing and distrusting God. Trusting yourself that you have everything within you to be the light that you have been placed to be and that no matter what you're doing, you're being that light. yeah There are moments when I'm in my darkest and I'm still being the light because it's shining to other people what their darkness is. So in a way, the light is still doing this thing.
00:46:31
Speaker
Yes, yes, that's real. There's trusting others, trusting the people going to be all right. You don't got to take responsibility for everybody, just you. If you focus on you, the kids are going to get it because you're going to do it at a vibrational level, at a frequency level. It's a different thing if you tell your kid, hey, don't do this, than if your kid sees you not doing it. Two different things, trusting others, trusting the process or timing. You got to trust that the day you plant in the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.
00:47:00
Speaker
yeah yeah The day you get pregnant, the day you give birth. There's a process. Yeah, you're planting. Yeah. You get it. You absolutely get it, right? So it's trusting that timing, trusting the process of creation. It is for the best of humanity that the day we plant the season or the day you eat the fruit, it wouldn't work.
00:47:23
Speaker
Yeah, the whole cycle will be thrown off if that was the way that things happened. And if you notice fruits that take longer to prepare to grow have a different taste level, a different level of sweetness because they have taken their time.
00:47:39
Speaker
Right? And then we're going to trust God. We're going to trust that everything is unfolding for our highest good and that of humanity. The fact that you are your kid's mom is for their greatest good and the greatest good of humanity. like They're coming to be in the presence of someone that cares about self-care, that cares about them being beautiful people in the world, that cares about who their what their heart is like.
00:48:01
Speaker
That's what they wanted to experience in this lifetime. And they came to you because you are the best in the world at it. And if we start to look at ourselves from the perspective of, I'm the best mother for this kid versus what the fuck am I doing with this kid? The entire perspective is gonna shift. And then you'll be able to say, okay, why are we rushing with work?
00:48:23
Speaker
Let's close this laptop down and let's position ourselves to win. Let's tell the client, hey, I'm the type of person that will not respond to your stuff and my kid has an event. Yeah. All right. My kid is that important to me. So if you have a thing and is this a dilemma attached to it and my kid has an event around that time, add three or three three or four days to that because That's important to me. And then he's going to be okay with the fact that the person might say, I don't like that. I want to work with you. Okay, baby, I'm not the person for you because this is yeah right. So that is part of, for us, it's it's on a surface level. It's the laptop. The laptop is the combination of that moment.
00:49:07
Speaker
What's underneath that surface is I have to work hard. I have to work hard every moment. My kid requires that I do this so that I can give them a better life. Therefore, there I'm actually doing this for my kid. I'm not even doing this for me. And then underneath it's like, I'm doing this for my family. and i like You gotta to look you guys start deconstructing those belief system and the story you're telling yourself and see that you set the schedule.
00:49:35
Speaker
You set the tone, and it's up to you to decide what's going to happen. I don't want to sit here and be like, y'all, this is that easy piece, because I know how challenging this shit is. like I know how challenging this thing is. And at the same time, what I can tell you is that it's worth the initial discomfort. I used to work 40 to 50 hours a week.
00:50:00
Speaker
And I was miserable. I was so miserable because that is so not how I'm energetically designed to be operating. So I'm here exhausted and I have no energy for anything. And then I used to feel bad about it because I'm like, well, I don't have the numbers because I'm not working hard or I'm not doing the thing that so and so is doing. And damn, here goes another person with another six figure day and I'm here like barely picking the bills paid. So I'm comparing myself to other people and I'm thinking that the answer is outside of myself.
00:50:29
Speaker
And the reality is, is in here, if I want to work a number of hours, I get to set those hours. Yeah. And being okay with what that's going to look like for me. So for example, I'm getting ready to do something that rationally is a bad decision. I've grown a business using social media quite a bit, and I've grown my business to the point that in the sixth year, we got up to five to half a million dollars in sales.
00:50:59
Speaker
And I realized that I don't like doing business like that. It is very exhausting. i have I'm a very spiritual being. I'm very spiritually tapped in. I'm a channeler. I'm a medium. I can be around people's energy like that without me first being okay with myself. And because of that, I have ah developed a very unhealthy dynamic with platforms like Facebook,
00:51:18
Speaker
like Instagram and like threads, where I feel like I can't just be myself. I got to be thinking about how it's going to impact a potential client or this is still going on. Everything has to be so meticulously created and that's not authentic. One of my core values is authenticity and I'm not living in alignment with that value because I'm worried about what other people thinking. I don't even fuck with you, I think. Right, right.
00:51:40
Speaker
It's okay. you If you're bad with it, you're bad with it. If not, you're not. So what I'm doing is next week is actually my last day on Tuesday. I'm going off social. I'm going to Facebook, Instagram, and threads. And next mix next week, Tuesday is my last day. I'm going to be on there. So I'm going to do a live on my Facebook page to talk about how people can, how can people stay connected with me? And i'm I'm going, I'm going. And my ancestors have told me to do this.
00:52:05
Speaker
a year ago, I believe. And I had so much FOMO, so much like, I can't do this. And like, how am I going to make money? How am I going to get clients? And what about this? What about that? And I was coming from that survival state because I was in that frequency of striving, posturing, looking like I got it together versus being honest with the fact that I have been fucking tired.
00:52:28
Speaker
I birthed a whole human and that's a big change. And my body's different and I'm getting to know me and getting to know this body. And it can be a lot to be constantly putting yourself out there in a space when you don't even know yourself. So it's like not congruent and just being willing to say, I'm going to do things differently. I moved from the United States to Honduras in July.
00:52:53
Speaker
My family, my hope my my son and my husband, we all moved here to Honduras because we wanted to live a life that had a deeper level of ease. Does that mean that I'm making still that much money as I was making before? No, not right now, because I'm in a different place. And that money doesn't have that power over me either. So I'm able to have a level of peace that before I couldn't have had because I was too busy thinking that the money was going to give me that peace.
00:53:20
Speaker
yeah And the money didn't give me that piece. I gave me that piece. Having the courage to say, I'm going to stop at this point gave me that piece. i December 11th, I go on break. After that, I don't do anything more work related.
00:53:36
Speaker
This year, I may do one thing for one of my clients, who knows? maybe Maybe not. But then I'm gone. I don't do social. I don't do anything. I completely just recharge myself. It's the first second time I do that since I started my business in 2018. Because I used to think I can't be off. My mentors say that you got to be show up every time. People got to have consistency. And they got to expect you to be there. And ah that don't feel good to me. Because I don't want to fucking talk to people sometimes. I want to recharge my battery.
00:54:06
Speaker
Like, I get to do that. I get to not wait till I'm on E, right? So this is a journey. I would say this is a ah dance. The point is not the end. The point is the dance. yeah Learn to appreciate what you're experiencing. Learn to be OK with these challenges that you're having as a mom and know that you get to create it. You get to then show your kids that you could create whatever life you desire. And the life you desire is available to you.
00:54:33
Speaker
You've got to be, number one, willing to disappoint people, including the past version of yourself. There is a version of you that's going to be disappointed, and she's not going to like it. And you've got to be willing to disappoint that version of yourself so that a new version of you can emerge from that. right And then disappoint others. People are not going to like it. People are not going to be like, oh, I can't work with you. People are not. People have things to say. That's OK.
00:55:01
Speaker
i used to I remember remembering that a lot of people don't even like themselves. So here I am putting my my life on your hand, and you don't even like the life you're living. I'm going to like the life I'm living, and I can only control myself.
Building Self-Trust and Cultural Reflections
00:55:12
Speaker
So those are the things that like help me do this. it's not eat It's not the type of thing that happens overnight, y'all. What does happen over time is that you get better at it because you are willing to be uncomfortable for you, for your self-trust.
00:55:28
Speaker
And you are OK with the fact that not everybody is going to get it. Not everybody gets that I'm getting off social because they're like, you made all this money on there. Why will you leave? You don't bring me joy. Right, right, right. To me, it's about what brings me joy. And if that means that I ain't going to make that money, then that's all right. I make money somewhere else. I'll do something else on my time. And that has given me space. That has given me room today. This is the only thing I'm doing today.
00:55:54
Speaker
yeah this conversation I'm having with you before I would have had a whole agenda of every single moment. I got to make sure I'm being very productive. Girl, I'm like, I'm trying to do one thing. What's my one thing of the day? All right. That's it. All of this is so that I could do this. Like, it's just that is that that's a different level of freedom. And I'm going to tell you something. Moving from ah New York from the United States to Honduras, people see Honduras as a third world country.
00:56:22
Speaker
There's a level of freedom people have here that we don't have in the States. Yeah, I'm sure. There's a freedom of being able to say, I'm going to do what I want to do, and I impress about your deadlines. Yeah. That people just have here. They're not in a rush. They're free. Because of that, you can breathe. You don't have to. you can like You can literally. And it's a culture thing. So you just kind of get over it. Because that's how everybody moves. And we can do that with ourselves as well.
00:56:52
Speaker
Yeah, I just feel transparent moment like I only believe in instances happening because they're designed to happen that way. And you don't know this, but I've had a really, really, really hard day. And I almost didn't do this podcast because I was just having a hard day. And I called my girlfriend and I was crying with her and talking to her and just sharing with her. and
00:57:22
Speaker
one of the things that she said to me was very similar to what you just shared with me. And she was asking me like, is it going to take you like not being here anymore to actually realize that So um I don't know if I'm going to cut it out, but keep it just like,
00:57:53
Speaker
I feel such a release in answers that I have been searching for because I am tired. I am so tired. um And I do so much. I work probably 14 hours a day. And it's a lot, but I often feel that it's unnecessary a lot, but it's not. um And I am having the reality of that come to me Very hard quick and fast that that something has to shift and I've been in this position Many times last year was in the same position and went to treatment. I went to a mental health treatment program um For six hours a day. um I was allowed to go home because that's what I wanted but it was because of severe burnout It was because of the same actions that I'm actually doing very much right now in this moment feeling like I have no choice because of
00:58:52
Speaker
capitalism and the rat race and the need for financial stability, right? And having kids and having all the things. And I just feel like, I don't know, like personally, what you are sharing frees me. Um, and, and just hearing that, um, ah you're going to be okay. It's really kind of where I think I've been like struggling, feeling like if you make this decision like everything's going to follow and you're not goingnna be okay and and it's like actually no like you're gonna be
00:59:26
Speaker
and everything's going to work out. And I think that that just really, like I needed to be here today and have this conversation with you. And there was a whole outline for this podcast. And we have, I've asked, you know, those questions because that wasn't the point, right? Like what needed to happen was what happened just now. And I'm so, so thankful for it. Invoice me after this for the session. I'll send you an invoice for the session.
00:59:52
Speaker
listen oh i I'm so grateful for you holding this space for yourself because it could have been very easy for you to be like, girl, I'm in the middle of a podcast. I got time to finish it. That you are allowing, like, I see so much of myself in you. And I haven't been a mom for 14 years. I've been a business owner for 14 years, though. And I've been a mom for three years, going to be three years in January.
01:00:23
Speaker
that I birthed in my own kid. I've been mothering for my whole life though. yeah So I want you to know that not only are you gonna be okay, not only are you gonna be fine, you're gonna be more than that.
01:00:39
Speaker
You're gonna be static because you ain't gonna have all this shit stressing you the fuck out. You're not gonna be carrying all this invisible load, all this baggage we talked about. like yeah yeah yeah and And this is the thing.
01:00:59
Speaker
When you focus your energy, the output of what you create is going to have a different type of impact. So what you are going to be able to charge for your services is going to be a different amount. So it's going to take less work to make more money. That's what people mean when they say that. like That's how that happens. It comes from your ability to focus yourself, though. And if you are not in a place where you are okay, you're going to have a very difficult time creating at that frequency that you can create and that you want to create at because the frequency of what you can create is more important than what you are creating.
01:01:45
Speaker
So you're creating out of sadness, out of depression, out of upsetness, out of lack. You're going to give birth to sadness, depression, and more lack. So begin first with your frequency and looking at, you know what, I'm a BI. And then This is the thing I remind myself often. You can always go back to this shit so you can always do it if you wanted to do it. You can always come back and you know what's going to happen. You won't. You won't because you're just going to feel so good. Like I am in the place right now where I used to work.
01:02:24
Speaker
When I started my business, I would say i when I still had a nine to five, I used to wake up at five in the morning and work on my business from five to eight, then get ready to go to work and go to work, come back from work by seven o'clock, six o'clock, and then work on my business from seven to 10. And then my husband tried to get some in in the middle of it, and then I'd do it all over again, right? That was my life. And it was a very exhausting life.
01:02:54
Speaker
We're so tired. We don't have energy. And it's hitting everything. It's hitting our intimacy with our partner. It's hitting ourself because we're like, why can't I get myself to sit stop doing this shit? Like I see myself doing this shit and I'm doing this shit more than shit. And it gets frustrating and it gets hankering. And then we resent ourselves. We resent our partner. We resent everybody.
01:03:16
Speaker
And we carry this very dense energy that blocks our creativity. We can't see things clearly, and now we're even more upset and more irritated and theyre more judgmental because we're starting to hear all the things that criticize our well-being. So it's a very energetically taxing place to be. I'm not even talking about the physicalness of it all, right? And then you layer in having children and being a mom.
01:03:41
Speaker
so This is a place that I'm very familiar with and the energy of being shameful for feeling bad about that because people would love to have this life and have a partner that is amazing, like your partner and live in the house that's beautiful, like your house and have a career and make your own hours and yada, yada, yada, yada, without them knowing the first shit that comes with that, right? And what helped me was to be willing to bet on myself. you are being
01:04:13
Speaker
ascended right now. Like a part of you feels like things are breaking down and they are because when we are ascending, there isn't a layering that occurs where we are exposing the parts of ourselves that require that lot of love we talked about so that they can be ascended into the next level. And that's what you are in the middle of it. And it requires that you let that shit go. Yeah. and i know i request them More. yeah More. You're like, I want more, but you come in like this and your hands are closed. How are you going to carry it?
01:04:43
Speaker
You gotta to let go of what's inside there so you can receive what's there for you. And sometimes the thing we gotta receive is just an hour for ourselves. The first person you got to pay in your business is you. Energetically, it's the same. You got to pay yourself first. And I am familiar with your burnout. I was burned out. I feel like I'm currently healing from burnout right now. Because healing from burnout is not something that happens overnight. It takes sometimes years to heal from it because of the severity of it. And that means you can't heal from the same environment that caused the issue.
01:05:19
Speaker
It's not going to work. So give yourself permission to be like, I'm going to come back and I'm going to see how he goes and how I feel and let that feeling guide you. allow Give yourself permission to do what feels good to you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do what feels good to you. Let it go. Let that shit go. like That is it. like That's all there needs to be said because I think that, just sorry, i have again, that I had that crying moment. You don't have to apologize. like Take up space, right? like That's another example. like This is your podcast.
01:05:58
Speaker
We cry. This shit is deep, y'all. We care very deeply for this, for helping others and seeing them win and making sure that we're making an impact. like We care very fucking deeply about this. And sometimes we are going to cry about it because we are preaching the thing we're not doing. And there's something about it that doesn't feel good to us because we care. So don't apologize for your tears. like I am a huge advocate for crying because that's literally you hitting something that's deep and then letting it go. So give yourself room to like,
01:06:28
Speaker
Let it go celebrate that you're letting it go because as moms we always want to hide our emotion We don't have the kiss to see you don't want the kiss to see us blah blah blah blah like girl be on full-blown cry mode and let your children see that you you go through this stuff too and let your audience your Community see that too because that's what y'all here for y'all know y'all be crying in your house or in the car or in the bathroom. And I was crying this morning on the way to drop off and I had to cry. And I was just like, I'm very much one of the, I'm an emotional person. So it's very hard for me to not cry, like cry for any, not for anything, but I'm, I do not hide my emotions from my kids. the nus So my daughter, before she went in, she's like, I hope you have a great day, mom. And my kids are really in tune.
01:07:13
Speaker
with me emotionally in that way. And I'm so, so thankful for that. My son shouldn't be emailing me, but sometimes in the middle of the day, he'll send me an email like, how did that call go? Or like, i congrats on your, on your, you know, this or whatever. And that's always like a sweet moment. um And they're just there and we're in tune. And I love that about our relationship because you're right, kids need to see the emotion. We need to feel our emotions. We need to see the emotion. So I'm not gonna say sorry for my tears but yeah you're a great but I'm also a damn good mom. and it i'm
01:08:02
Speaker
proud of of my journey and my motherhood and it's why I go so hard for moms because this isn't something like me being in a good place in my motherhood journey is something that I i work at. I always work on this self-trust and self-care and trying to figure myself out. I'm in a constant state of growing and figuring it it out. I've had children since ah had a child since I was 19 years old. So I've grown up with my child. Like I knew motherhood before I knew womanhood. And so finding myself outside of that has been
01:08:44
Speaker
a long journey that I'm still on and um that's why I like I love having these just open-handed conversations because I don't know everything. I come to women in my community seeking answers, seeking how do we do this? How did our ancestors do this? What are you doing? We talked about this before we hit record but it's about reaching across and understanding like from mom to mom, mompreneur to mompreneur like how are you navigating having just one thing to do for a day? Like, I need that tea. Like, that's a tea. Like, you know what I'm saying? And I think our community sharing, the more, you know, just loving on each other. One of the slogans for the brand is, it takes a village to raise a mother.
01:09:29
Speaker
because we hear so much about it takes a village to read a child and that is true and but also motherhood is not done in a silo and it should never be. You do need to trust yourself but also lean on your village, lean on your aunties and your grandparents and the ancestors.
01:09:46
Speaker
and the people that you meet in in in spaces like this. Like I would not have known you if I didn't have social media, you know what I mean? And just kind of like having that interaction online and I pay attention to that. And I thank you for sharing your energy with me and your light. I receive it all. Like I really like wholeheartedly, like you fed me Like, you fed me today. Out of the overflow, because it was in the cup is for me. I love it. I love it so much. And that's so, so, so true.
01:10:19
Speaker
um The ending of each episode, the thing that I really want moms to take away from each of it is like, what is the advice that you as a coach, as an entity, as a light, as a mother, a daughter, a partner, all the things in the title that you are, what advice do you give to our listeners to take away from this conversation?
01:10:51
Speaker
My advice is put yourself first. Put yourself first because you are at the center of your life, your ecosystem. And if You're not paying attention. And let me say what I mean by putting yourself first. Be aware of what feelings you are experiencing from moment to moment without becoming that feeling. So notice if you're experiencing anger. Don't take ownership. I wouldn't say I'm angry. I would say I'm experiencing anger to have that separation. And then pay attention to what thoughts that feeling is bringing up for you. What stories are you telling yourself?
01:11:37
Speaker
What stories have you learned to tell yourself and allow yourself to build and write a new story? A story where you show up as that version of you that lights you up and that feels really good. So if the story you're telling yourself is that I have to work and I got to meet this deadline, start telling yourself the story that I am worthy without the deadline. The deadline doesn't create who I am or my purpose or my impact I am the impact. My enigmatic signature is the impact. Being who I am is the impact. So give yourself permission to sit in the joy of that, the joy of knowing that you honor yourself, especially when it feels hard, especially when it requires that people are disappointed, especially as it is required that your past self is disappointed.
01:12:33
Speaker
and give yourself the room to sit in the joy of knowing that you honor yourself daily. The path that you have chosen into the role of motherhood can be done with ease. Motherhood can be done with ease. And if you want to enjoy ah one thing a day, college schedule, like I'm enjoying, it's going to be required that you disappoint a lot of folks. It's going to be required that you some people don't like it.
01:13:02
Speaker
And that person might be you. And it's gonna require that you are willing to see what it's like to live life differently and trust that you are gonna be supported on the other side. And that what you are experiencing is not a punishment, it's an ascension into your next level. And it requires that some things don't go with you because that's how you create space.
01:13:27
Speaker
So my advice is to put yourself first. Be willing to see who you have become and then choose who you will be moment to moment and lean into your village to support you and to help you. They are amazing women, I'm sure, that have come through this podcast that can help you and be there for you. I'm one of them.
01:13:49
Speaker
If you feel aligned with me, we can certainly see if that's the space for you before December 10th. Because after that, I'm on break to January, Lauren knows what. yeah um like just Just allow yourself to be supported. As moms, we often think that we have to do all the supporting. And there is a beauty in you letting yourself be supported, be held, and trust that you can be held.
01:14:14
Speaker
because you can and and people are wanting to hold you and love you. So put yourself first no matter how uncomfortable it feels and give you yourself permission to love and care for who you find.
Prioritizing Self-Care and Personal Narratives
01:14:33
Speaker
So good. That's going to be a clip because that was and was too good. That was too, too good. And you mentioned working with you and how people can connect with you. So can you share a little bit about your company, your practice, what you do, and how our listeners can get in tune and get in touch? Yes, yes, yes. So my company is called the Self Trust Company. It's a company I've co-founded with my husband.
01:15:03
Speaker
we are both on this path and we life together. And we are both people that are committed to healing and operating out of a healing centered space. And our company is really a beautiful love letter. We both have different things we focus on. So my husband actually focuses more on human design and we have been studying human design and put it into practice for going on five years, I believe. So he plays more in that
01:15:34
Speaker
My expertise is focused more on self-trust and really ensuring that women, particularly business women, are prioritizing themselves and putting themselves first no matter what and no matter how uncomfortable you can feel. And one of the things that I feel that is really beautiful about the work that we do, I don't want to even call it work, y'all.
01:15:54
Speaker
Every podcast I've been doing, I've been telling people, tap into your intuition and see if there's a new word for work because it's not work. Nobody want to do work. What is the word that we can utilize to express the nurturing of our inner garden? Because that's the word I want to use.
01:16:10
Speaker
And what we do the beautiful thing about what we the the way we nurture our inner garden is that we are focused on preserving our cultural traditions, our rich heritage. So we explore ourselves and look at ourselves from the context of honoring our ancestors, looking at the practices that they had, building our knowledge of collective wisdom, and sharing that knowledge with each other. I feel like When we are operating from our foundation and the foundation of richness, the foundation of generational gifts, we can transform the world in a different way than when we are grounded in lack and when we are grounded in not knowing of who we are.
01:16:58
Speaker
So what I feel like brings beauty into what we do and I call it what helps us create luxury for the soul is that we connect with that soul knowledge that comes from those that were before us and we give ourselves permission to infuse and harmonize new practices that we are learning about to bring it all together and that's what I do. I like for people to I love for people to have a system that works for them. I don't teach how to be your nori because I'm already taking yards. It's already done. And I believe Lauren Hale when she says, your worst version, your best version of someone else is, your worst version of yourself is better than your best version of somebody else.
01:17:46
Speaker
And when we are ourselves, we ignite a chain reaction of transformation. You've seen it here. You saw it in this conversation that I just had with you where like you having your own aha moments and I'm having my own aha moments because we both be in ourselves.
01:18:02
Speaker
And that is the life that I like people to co-create. A life where they can have one thing on their calendar and that be enough. A life where they can hold space for themselves and that be enough. A life where they can live life being fully present with their children and basking in the joy of humanity that they can do with joy. That's what I'm about and that's what I'm passionate for. And I love doing this with Black women because we're a whole fucking vibe, you know? Here we is.
01:18:36
Speaker
I'm going to put all the details in, um, in the show notes for y'all to like go and click the links and all the things. But what is the title? You said self, you said it's self trust company is that self trust company.com. Like how, are how can people reach you? So there are two ways that y'all can connect with me. If you ready to work with me and you're like, you know, put me,
01:18:58
Speaker
put me on the Put me on the list, send me the intake form, send me what I need to do for that. I want you to head to selftrustmastery dot.com and that would take you into a page where you can learn more about me and what I do and learn more about the women that I serve. You ain't gonna see a long sales copy there now. I'm just giving you videos of people that I've served, women that have I've helped over the years and let them tell you what has happened.
01:19:27
Speaker
So you can see yourself reflected in their stories. And if you feel that we are in alignment, then you take the next step and you book a time to talk to me. It's going to include an application process. And what we'll do is we'll get on the conversation to see where does it make the most sense for us to co-create magic together. And if I'm the person to co-create magic with you because I'm not for everybody, y'all. And I relish in not working with everybody because the reality is that who I am for gets to experience a level of transformation that I don't like to negotiate on. So i that's how you can get in touch with me for working with me. If you are not ready to work with me with your life, you know, I want more of this. Give me more of this magic.
Emotional Self-Care for Black Women
01:20:09
Speaker
Give me more of this icon energy.
01:20:11
Speaker
head to my YouTube channel, youtube dot.com backslash January pencil. And there I am currently focused on building community with Black women business owners that are focused on embracing their emotional self-care. Why emotional self-care? I looked at this report on Black women and self-care, and he shared that the the type of self-care that Black women are committed to the less the last the least is emotional self-care. And in my experience, emotional self-care is
01:20:47
Speaker
pretty major. like it is ah it's literally I know that they are all very important. I would say it's the most important one because how you show up to your emotions, how how you feel is how you act. So if you don't know how you're tapping into your emotions, you're going to be living your life in survival mode and not even know it and be very upset about it.
01:21:11
Speaker
So I feel like I have this very unique opportunity to help my fellow Black sisters in to see how they can respond to their emotions without carrying the burden of being an angry Black woman, of seeing how they can honor themselves and feel good about it, seeing how they can build their self-trust from within and not relying on external validation so they can feel good about themselves because that's a path that I very intentionally walk on regularly and I can share what it's been like to live life this way for consciously 14 years and subconsciously my entire life. So that is what I'm co-creating on the YouTube channel and I'm launching a newsletter in the top of the year. It's
Achieving Inner Harmony and Conclusion
01:21:52
Speaker
called Inner Harmony.
01:21:54
Speaker
And it's going to be all about how you can be in a state of inner harmony, looking at the patterns of behaviors that are impacting our ability to be in inner harmony so that you can show up to your life in a way that feels fucking good. like Things can be happening in your life that you don't like, and you can still enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. And I love that it's harmony. you know I said that earlier. I know. You said it earlier. I was like, look at the alignment.
01:22:21
Speaker
Oh my God, this honestly, we need to talk after this because I have so many so many things and I learned so much and I'm so appreciative. I've said it so many times of your in energy and your light and thank you for being here and sharing that with me and sharing that.
Final Affirmation and Closing Remarks
01:22:37
Speaker
with my guests, and I hope those of you that are listening, you take something from this. I know you will. The last thing that I'll ask you, and I ask all of my guests to close our episode, is to share an affirmation, scripture, prayer, or intention that you have, that you love, or that you just want to leave for our guests today. What I will leave for y'all today, and I felt it earlier in this conversation when I said it, and I'm like, this can be our mantra, is Let that shit go. All right. Let that shit go.
01:23:11
Speaker
Let it go. Let that shit go. Let it go. There's actually a few songs on Spotify that are called Let That Shit Go. Listen to them songs and let them sit. Playlist. I think that's all my, I have a playlist called You Are A Vibe. I think I'll grab the link and I'll send it to you. And I feel like I have a few songs there with that title. I just let the shit go. Please. Yes. Please. worlds We began our conversation with taking a deep breath. So we're going to end with taking a deep breath.
01:23:45
Speaker
Thank you so, so much. Thank you to our listeners that are listening. I hope you heal well and I will see you next time.