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Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Setting Boundaries for a Healthier You
17 Plays27 days ago
In this episode of the Sol Well Podcast, we’re diving into the power of setting boundaries—not just with others, but with ourselves as moms. We explore how to recognize when boundaries are needed, how to release relationships or commitments that no longer serve us, and practical ways to protect our energy and well-being.
What You’ll Learn:
✔️ How to identify when a boundary needs to be set
✔️ The importance of saying goodbye to things that no longer align with your well-being
✔️ How to set personal boundaries as a mom to prevent burnout
✔️ Practical strategies for maintaining boundaries in daily life
Key Takeaways:
💡 Set Time Limits – Give yourself permission to take breaks and recharge
💡 Say No to Mom Guilt – Your well-being matters just as much as your family’s
💡 Create a Daily Non-Negotiable – Prioritize at least one self-care habit each day
💡 Limit Overcommitment – Protect your peace over pleasing others
Resources Mentioned:
📚 Set Boundaries, Find Peace – Nedra Glover Tawwab
📚 Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are – Lysa TerKeurst
Let’s Connect:
✨ Follow Sol Well on Instagram: @solwell_
✨ Join The Mom Space for support and community
✨ Share this episode with someone who needs it!
Join the Conversation:
Share your plans to rest and tag @SolWell on Instagram! Let’s support each other in achieving our goals and creating a meaningful year. Interested in being a guest on the podcast? Email us at podcast@solwell.co
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
The Saulwell podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes
Introduction and Purpose of the Podcast
00:00:05
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only. We are not doctors, therapists, or medical professionals, and the content shared here is based on personal experiences and research, and it should not be taken as medical or therapeutic advice.
00:00:18
Speaker
Please consult a qualified professional for any mental health or medical concerns.
Focus on Moms of Color and Mental Health
00:00:28
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Welcome to the Soul Well Podcast, where moms of color find strength and community in the mental health space. Each week, we ignite inspiration as we set our intentions with affirmations and dive deep into honest conversations with fellow moms and mental health experts. We're here hold space for you, to shatter stigmas and elevate the voices of moms of color. We'll fight for policy change, empower you with mindful resources, and most importantly, remind you that you're never alone on this journey. It takes a village to raise a mother. Now let's meet at the well.
00:01:03
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Hey mamas and welcome back to the Soul Will podcast where we create space for healing, self-discovery, and real conversations that honor our well being.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries
00:01:13
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I'm your host, Autumn Colon, and today we're diving into a topic that's necessary, but ah very hard. Albeit very hard for me, for most moms that I know, and even if you're not a mom, setting boundaries are hard.
00:01:27
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So today's episode is all about good boundaries and goodbyes. How do we set boundaries, stick to them, advocate for ourselves, and why are they necessary?
00:01:39
Speaker
If I'm being real with you, setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable. They can be hard. um But I think I said this before, they are very, very necessary. Whether it's with family, friends, or work, or even boundaries with yourself, to state to yourself, this is what I need.
00:01:58
Speaker
This is what I want. This is what I deserve. Even feeling those feelings can bring up guilt, fear, and doubt. But I want to remind you that boundaries aren't walls.
00:02:10
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They are bridges for healthier relationships, self self-respect, and peace of mind. And who doesn't want that? um I mean, I know I do, but like I said, boundaries are hard,
Challenges in Setting Boundaries with Children
00:02:23
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right? We're moms.
00:02:24
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Most of you listening are moms here and setting boundaries with your children or with your partner or with your family can be extremely hard. But what I have found in my experience is that these boundaries are for me.
00:02:36
Speaker
And um if I don't uphold them, if I don't stick up for myself, then I will lose my peace of mind, right? um It's very hard to set boundaries sometimes with little kids because they don't understand no.
00:02:51
Speaker
But the earlier you do it, the easier it will become to teach them about boundaries for themselves as well. It's okay to tell them, hey, have a seat right here while mom goes to the bathroom and alone. Like you will be fine if you go to the bathroom by yourself. Okay.
00:03:04
Speaker
Like that's a boundary you can set up very early. um And so um I wanted to kind of bring boundaries to the forefront of the So Well podcast because it's something we all should be practicing. It's something we all should be advocating for for ourselves. And so yeah,
00:03:21
Speaker
this really quick episode is just going to be on
Identifying Situations for Boundaries
00:03:24
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boundaries, right? How do we do that? How do we set ourselves up for success when trying to create a boundary? um First, let's start with, do you need boundaries, right?
00:03:36
Speaker
um When you are considering setting a boundary, how do you know a boundary even needs to be set, right? First, you should ask yourself, like, do I feel drained after interacting with this person or this situation, right? Is this draining me?
00:03:51
Speaker
Am I constantly over-explaining myself or justifying my needs? Do I feel resentment building up, right? And this is related specifically to boundaries with people, right?
The Difficulty of Saying Goodbye
00:04:03
Speaker
We're talking about good boundaries and goodbyes and how do we set up boundaries with people who may not be serving us in our best interests.
00:04:14
Speaker
If you answered no to any of those questions, it's time to draw the line. I'm laughing, but I'm dead serious, girl. And remember, boundaries aren't just about what we don't follow. They're about what we do to protect our energy, our time, our well-being.
00:04:36
Speaker
So if someone's draining you, if you're constantly over-explaining yourself and resentment begins to build, it might be time to set a boundary. um The hardest part, though, when setting a boundary, whether it be saying no or removing someone from your life, is saying goodbye.
00:04:57
Speaker
taking a deep breath there because It's easier said than done to set a boundary and then say goodbye. Letting go is never easy, even when we know that it's necessary, because most so often these boundaries are being set with people who are very close to us, right?
00:05:13
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um But I want you to hold on to this. Every goodbye creates space for something better. Whether be a relationship, a job, or a situation that's no longer all aligned with who you're becoming, releasing it isn't losing.
00:05:28
Speaker
Okay. I'm to say that again. Releasing it isn't losing. it is choosing yourself. So today I want you to decide after this episode, want you to say to yourself, I'm choosing me, girl. I am choosing myself. That is why I'm setting these boundaries.
00:05:48
Speaker
All right. So Going into setting boundaries, not just with others, but with ourselves as moms. and This is a podcast about maternal mental mental health, so it's obvious I'm going talk about
Preventing Burnout Through Boundaries
00:06:00
Speaker
moms, right?
00:06:00
Speaker
As moms, we give ourselves so much um to others, to our families, to our work, our responsibilities. I mean, we're taught even from when we're pregnant to take care of our baby, right? Everything we're eating is for the baby, it's for the baby, everything's for the baby.
00:06:15
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um But I want you to remember yourself in this. um we need to set boundaries for our own wellbeing. Because here's the truth. if we don't sell If we don't set boundaries, if we don't, we limit ourselves.
00:06:32
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Burnout is inevitable. And it's just not the way to go if I'm being real, right? So how do we start? Set time limits. If you're constantly working, caregiving, or overextending yourself, like give yourself permission to take a break.
00:06:49
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And if you need to get even more granular with it, like me, give yourself a timer. Put on a timer and say, I'm going to do this for this amount of time. And then I'm going to have some uninterrupted me time.
00:07:03
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Even if you need to put a timer on for that uninterrupted me time, 10 minutes, take a breathe, take a stretch, go for a walk. Go to the bathroom with the door closed. This is from my mom's the toddlers. Y'all know what I'm talking about.
00:07:17
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You can set time limits if you are always working. Give yourself some time. Like, ask for a partner to help you or friend or neighbor. or even the TV or the iPad, right? Like sit them down so you can take a break.
00:07:31
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You deserve that. um Saying no, um it's not just saying no to things, but say no to mom guilt. Boundaries start in our mind. If you feel guilty for resting or asking for help, remind yourself the mantra that you cannot pour from an empty cup.
00:07:51
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and your well-being matters. Guilt trip is always going to be what gets us as moms that mom guilt is real. um i need to do whole episode just on mom guilt in itself.
00:08:05
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But in order to set good boundaries and say goodbyes and think of yourself, it starts with what you think about boundaries, right? And think about yourself. Do you deserve that time?
00:08:16
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I'm going answer to that for you. Because yes, sis. Yes, mama. You absolutely do.
Self-Care and Non-Negotiables
00:08:22
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Create a daily non-negotiable. This is absolutely important. This is something that has helped me tremendously.
00:08:27
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and non-negotiable is something that it's in its name. You do every single day. One of my non-negotiables is drinking coffee. You will never catch me happy if I have not had caffeine. know So my daily non-negotiables, I start my day with coffee. I don't care what it is, who who is dying, who's bleeding. i'm having caffeine.
00:08:46
Speaker
um For you, it could be journaling, exercise, or literally literally just stepping outside for fresh air. Commit to one small thing that's just for you and honor it like you would an important appointment.
00:08:57
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Honor yourself, honor your boundaries like you would anything else for anyone else because you matter too. Another boundary that you can set for yourself is to limit your overcommitment, right? It's okay to decline extra obligations.
00:09:13
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It's okay to buy store-bought cupcakes instead of baking them for the entire class, mom. Yes, I'm talking to you. You can buy the cupcakes. Limit your overcommitment.
00:09:25
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um Ask yourself, is this something I truly want to do or am I saying yes out of obligation? so much off so much so we are saying yes because we feel like we have to You owe nothing to no one but yourself. So protect your peace. It's more important. It is more important. It is more important than pleasing everyone else.
00:09:43
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So remember setting boundaries, again, for yourself is an act of self-respect. You deserve to take up space. You deserve to prioritize your needs. And you deserve to nurture yourself just as much as you nurture everyone else.
00:09:59
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We are always, always putting others on the top of the to-do list. And I know you're tired of it because I am too. So put yourself first, girl.
00:10:11
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um i want to leave you
Boundaries as Self-Love
00:10:12
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with this. Boundaries are an act of self-love. And goodbyes are often acts of growth. You deserve relationships and spaces that honor you and not a drain you.
00:10:24
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So this week I asked you to challenge yourself, right? This is your challenge. Set one small boundary and honor it. We're gonna be talking about boundaries on the So Well channels all month long.
00:10:36
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And so if you see a post about boundaries, I encourage you to encourage somebody else that's at a boundary by telling them what you've done. Even if that means saying no to something that doesn't serve you, even if that means going to the bathroom alone, you deserve it.
00:10:50
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And your future self, trust me, your future self will thank you. It will thank you so, so much for you just deciding that you deserve a boundary.
Engagement and Community Building
00:11:01
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You absolutely do. And with that, I want to thank you all for tuning into the So Well podcast. If this episode spoke to you, share it with your mom, friends, a therapist, or someone who just needs to hear it.
00:11:14
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And as always, take care of yourself, set those boundaries, and don't be afraid to say goodbye if you need to. Until next time, stay well, stay whole, and I'll see you next time on the So Well podcast.
00:11:27
Speaker
If you want to dive deeper outside of this episode into boundaries and healthy relationships, here are some great resources. I have read the book Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nidra Glover-Tawwab.
00:11:40
Speaker
Amazing book. Get that book. um It really helps understand. seek and search for and find that inner peace about like why you should be setting those boundaries in the first place another good book that was recommended to me is called good boundaries and goodbyes loving others without losing the best of who you are by Lisa Turekhorst.
00:12:02
Speaker
I may be butchering the name, but you get the point. These are really two good books that I have personally read that have helped me with overcoming my own doubt, mom guilt for setting boundaries and saying goodbye. Don't forget the goodbye part because a lot of times we hold onto things and we set boundaries without actually releasing them.
00:12:21
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And I don't just mean people, i mean places and I mean things that no longer serve us.
Healing Space and Intergenerational Trauma
00:12:26
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It is okay to say goodbye. If you also want to dig deeper and to connect with other moms, join the Mom Space community.
00:12:34
Speaker
That is the Mom Space. The link for the community is directly on any of our social media channels. But if you look us up on the Mighty Networks, we're located on the Mighty Networks platform.
00:12:47
Speaker
And we're called the Mom Space community. and look forward to seeing you in the Mom Space. And i' catch you next time on the Solo Podcast. Hit the notification bell wherever you are listening to us today and join us next week as we delve into more mental health conversations.
00:13:04
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The So Well community offers a safe ground for the transformative healing and restoration of intergenerational trauma, ensuring moms of color have a space to rewrite their stories, recover, live well, be seen and heard.
00:13:19
Speaker
Join us online and on Instagram at So Well for daily inspiration, blogs, events and more. See you next time.