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Navigating the Journey: Mental Health, Motherhood, Sistahood & Wellness with Kieara Pittman, LCSW
40 Plays8 months ago
In this episode, we delve into the unique challenges and triumphs of Black moms navigating motherhood, friendships, mental health and therapy. Our guest, Kieara Pittman, a licensed clinical social worker, shares her personal experiences and offers valuable insights for listeners.
Key Takeaways:
- The importance of self-care and seeking support for mental health as a mother
- The power of sisterhood and community in overcoming challenges
- Breaking down stigmas surrounding mental health in the Black community
- Practical strategies for managing stress and finding balance
- The significance of culturally competent therapy for Black women
Guest Bio: Kieara Pittman is a licensed clinical social worker specializing in women's mental health. Kieara Pittman is a Black Woman, Wife, Boy Mama, Big Sister, Therapist, Navy Veteran, and all-around “girls girl.” As the owner of Sistahood & Wellness, in Tampa, FL, Kieara takes pride in being an inclusive therapist who LOUDLY represents Black Women.
Resources:
- Website: https://www.sistahoodandwellness.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sistahoodandwellness/
- Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
- Therapy for Black Girls: https://providers.therapyforblackgirls.com/
Call to Action:
Share your experiences and connect with other mothers on our social media channels using #iamsolwell. Let's create a supportive community for Black women navigating motherhood and mental health.
By tuning in, you're taking a step towards prioritizing your mental health and well-being.
Don't forget to subscribe to Sol Well for more inspiring stories and practical advice!
Want to be a guest on the pod? Send us an email to podcast@solwell.co
By tuning in, you're taking a step towards prioritizing your mental health and well-being.
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Transcript
Introduction and Purpose
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to the Soul Well Podcast, where moms of color find strength and community in the mental health space. Each week, we ignite inspiration as we set our intentions with affirmations and dive deep into honest conversations with fellow moms and mental health experts. We're here to hold space for you, to shatter stigmas and elevate the voices of moms of color. We'll fight for policy change, empower you with mindful resources, and most important remind you that you're never alone on this journey. It takes a village to raise a mother. Now let's meet at the well. Hey mamas, welcome back to the Sew Well podcast.
Meet Autumn and Kiara
00:00:43
Speaker
I'm your host Autumn Cologne and I am excited for this week episode as I am every week and for every episode. I feel like I say excited.
00:00:56
Speaker
so much on this podcast but i truly am ecstatic to speak to every single one of my guests um which reminds me if you want to be a guest on the so well podcast you can email podcast at so well co and we love um to chat with other moms. and We love to chat with other mental health ah experts and professionals and specialists. And um if you feel like you have something that you want to say to an audience of ah black and brown mamas,
00:01:28
Speaker
who are managing motherhood and mental health. That is what the Sew Well podcast is all ah about. All right, so today's guest is Kiara Pittman. She is a wife, boy mama, big sister, therapist, Navy veteran, and an all around girls girl. We love a girls girl. As the owner of Sisterhood and Wellness in Tampa, Florida, Kiara takes pride in being an inclusive therapist who loudly represents black,
00:01:57
Speaker
Women. Yes. And we love to hear you are going to love this episode. We talk about all things motherhood and mental health and self-care and just what it's like to be a girl's girl um in the mental health space. um And I'm excited for y'all to just listen in um and learn something today. For today's affirmation, I'm going to be sharing an affirmation on acceptance.
00:02:24
Speaker
um Oftentimes when we are dealing with our mental health or stressors or things that are happening that we feel are out of our control, sometimes acceptance is the only thing that can really get us through, right? um And so this affirmation is rooted in you accepting things as they are and you as yourself. The affirmation reads, I accept myself as I am. I accept others as they are.
00:02:54
Speaker
May I rest in full acceptance as a gift of love. And with that, let's jump into today's episode.
Kiara's Journey and Challenges
00:03:03
Speaker
Hey, mamas, and welcome back to the Sew Well podcast. I'm your host, Autumn Cologne, and I'm excited to welcome our guest, Kiara Pittman. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Hi, how you doing, Autumn? I'm doing well. How are you?
00:03:21
Speaker
I'm doing good. It's Friday. It's 95 degrees A.
00:03:27
Speaker
yeah it's really The weather in Georgia is really good right now. Where are you based out of? I'm in Tampa and it is hot. I'm pretty sure it's hotter than 95 degrees, but you know.
00:03:39
Speaker
Yeah. Get in the last little bit of summer and I love the fall. I can't wait for the fall. I'm biased because my name is Autumn, obviously, so I can't wait for fall weather to get here. Yes. But thank you again so much for joining us. I'm excited for you to be here because we are we're talking all things sisterhood, motherhood, wellness, mental health,
00:04:04
Speaker
Um, and I would love for you to talk to our guests, just to introduce yourself and also talk to us about just who you are, your motherhood journey or, um, any, you know, uh, anything that you want to share with our, with our guests. Okay. Well, Hey y'all. My name is Kiara Pittman. I'm a licensed clinical social worker in Tampa, Florida. Um, I've been in private practice for.
00:04:33
Speaker
Three years now, um and prior to that, I was doing group therapy practice before. Before that, I was in the Navy for eight years, so I feel like I've lived a few lives. I'm a new mama. My baby is 20 weeks old, and he would he is like the best thing since life spread to me. I say that motherhood is like an uphill battle of stress and amazement.
00:05:01
Speaker
And I'm enjoying that journey so far. Yes. Thank you. And congratulations on the new baby. um I remember those early days. So when we first, when you first came on and we were talking about you being in the throes of it. is I remember being in the throes. Can you talk to us just about like your journey with motherhood and mental health and just kind of where you are with that?
00:05:30
Speaker
Yeah, motherhood and mental health. who um My journey to motherhood was a little bit different. I started off with unexplained infertility. Me and my husband have been married for six years, but together for 14, I believe. And, you know, never got pregnant over that, of that course of time. So it was really odd to me. So I went through all the.
00:05:57
Speaker
natural steps to try and figure out, you know, how to have a baby. Um, and it wasn't happening for me. So I, I want to say I became a mom of two years before I actually got pregnant because I was very much, uh, committed to motherhood. I wanted to have a child. It was like the next best step for our family. And so, um, I pray for this baby. You know, I manifested this baby. I did all the things in preparation for this baby with my own body.
00:06:26
Speaker
Um, if any of your audience members are aware of the, the throws of infertility treatment, it is invasive. Um, it's emotional, sometimes it's super long. Um, and it's worth it, you know, once you get, once you get your baby. So I would say that I've been in that emotional state for two years now. And so now having my baby and just loving on him.
00:06:54
Speaker
ah My mental health has been a roller coaster. Like I've experienced the highs and the lows of, okay, I went on, you know, I went through all these things to have this baby. Now he's here and now I'm feeling crazy. You know, and now there's like actual life that's supposed to happen. And now I'm supposed to balance being ah ah a whole therapist and a mom and a wife and a sister and a friend, you know? And so I would say right now my mental health um in motherhood are very much intertwined we are we are doing it and we are fighting for our lives a little bit you know mother the middle middle hook got a little hand but we're still here we're we're surviving so i can say i feel pretty hopeful about where i am right now
00:07:43
Speaker
Yes, thank you. And and i love that I love that you are your vulnerability and that, and just like, we fighting through it, because I'm like, and you know what? Like, I was talking to someone the other day, my girlfriend, and I'm like, you know, when you become a parent, like motherhood, it really rips you open, right? And you, I mean, literally and figuratively, right?
00:08:05
Speaker
And then things of like, you literally, you become someone different, right? But you are still yourself, right? But you are still yourself. And so it takes this like relearning of yourself and kind of like a re-parenting for and preparation for this next, your next life almost, right? It's like you have to go into a a new life and that journey can can have its moments for sure. Can you talk a little bit about um like when during that preparation like and during during that preparation preparing for your baby, what type of um work did you do? like Were you in therapy? like what type Were you reading resources? What did your regimen look like to prepare yourself?
00:08:53
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I was I was doing a little bit of everything. Physically, I was you know trying to stay in shape. I was doing acupuncture, which is also I feel a form of self-care because it just keeps your body attuned and aligned. Mentally, I was in therapy. I had really good, long, vulnerable conversations with my girlfriends. They supported me through all of that.
00:09:19
Speaker
Um, and I prayed, I'm a Christian, uh, you know, we love Jesus over here. And so I was really just into like, God, and this is for me. Let me have it. And I just. held on to that belief that it would happen for me. So all these things were helpful. Yes, absolutely.
Support Systems and Community
00:09:36
Speaker
I love that. And so like you mentioned earlier, you are therapists or you have your own clients that you're dealing with, you that you're working with, in addition to my motherhood and wifehood and all the other things, right? how do you How are you able to manage your mental health while also helping others care for theirs?
00:09:57
Speaker
um I definitely am a therapist with a therapist. on I don't have one currently. The therapist that I had, we've done great work over the past few years. But I have grown, I think, past where she's able to help me. So I'm currently looking for a new therapist. But um it's been helpful for me to just bounce my thoughts and ideas off of someone else who is also non-biased.
00:10:25
Speaker
So as I'm going through with, you know, being in the trenches with my clients, as they're going through their things, it's also important for me to have somewhere to throw my stuff too. Yeah. yeah yeah yeah In addition to our familiar support. Yes, absolutely. and I love that you said that, like, I am like, you know, as a healer, right? Like, I think there is a healing practice. um you You absolutely need to be working on yourself as well, because you're taking in and absorbing a lot of that energy, a lot of what, you know, the heaviness that people are going through is, you know, you're putting that into your world and you need to take care of yourself absolutely first. And so I love to hear that it's like therapist with the therapist, like that's what it's supposed to be. Yes, it is. And if your therapist does not have a therapist or has never been a therapy, like question that because man, we're not perfect. We and we all need somebody.
00:11:21
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes. One of the things that you mentioned like in in in your sharing was support, support from your your your girlfriends and your community. um Can you talk a little bit about like how that was pivotal for you in your experience, whether it was trying to conceive or your early days in motherhood? Yeah.
00:11:45
Speaker
I believe that no person is an island. Like we all need support. We all need somebody to lean on. And for me, I was the first out of my girl group, out of my family who had experienced infertility. And so that felt very lonely to me. And in the beginning, I wouldn't share because I'm like, oh, they don't understand, you know, they have children or, you know, they're not trying to have kids right now. Or, you know, it's just a taboo subject in the Black community overall when it comes to infertility for some reason.
00:12:14
Speaker
That's the thing. I don't know, because I'm we all, you know, collectively as Black women, we've gone through it. But it's like, for some reason, even in me trying to find resources, while I was in the trenches of infertility, it was very few and far between. If there was a group, it was a, you know, oh mostly white women group. And I'm the only Black girl coming in there like, hey, I'm struggling too. You know, it just didn't feel I didn't feel supported in that space. So what helped me along the way was actually explaining to my friends what was going on, like being able to give them the literal definition of what infertility is and the steps that I have to take. And that was helpful for them to support me. Like, oh, I didn't know that it was that serious or or I didn't know that you had to take a shot every day in your butt. You know, I didn't know that, you know, you were taking these hormones and
00:13:12
Speaker
Hey, how are you feeling today? You know, I know this emotional roller coaster for you. So me being able to tell people how to support me was the best thing I could do for myself so that I didn't feel like I was alone in my journey.
00:13:26
Speaker
Wow. Yes. I love that last statement that you said. Me being able to communicate what I need. And I think it's so important that women speak up in that way because a lot of times what we end up doing is we end up taking on everything and just kind of shrugging it off and being like, I'm taking it on. But when you actually just say like, I'm struggling. I need help. Here's how I need support. You'd be surprised how many people in your village would be like, I'm here to help you. You know what I mean? You just have to ask for what you need. Ask for what you need. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And it, again, it it also takes a certain amount of vulnerability, right? The things that we go through as women sometimes feel lonely, sometimes feel like too much.
00:14:13
Speaker
And sometimes you don't know where to start or how to even say what you need, but just by simply saying, like, girl, it's a lie. You know, even that opens the door for more to happen. So I think that in having a sisterhood, you know, a girl group that I feel very secure in, the vulnerability came easy. But in those moments where you feel like you can't trust or don't, you know, don't want to be vulnerable,
00:14:38
Speaker
You have to challenge what that looks like too. Who can I talk to? Who can I talk to? Yeah. Yeah. That's so, I think that's so key. And that's actually something that I learned um very early on in my motherhood journey. I was a young mom, so none of my friends were having kids.
00:14:54
Speaker
Um, but I latch onto an online community and it was, it's literally like how I got through those very early days, like asking for advice and just, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, can I have support? Um, and then now as, as an adult with teen children, I'm leaning on my sisterhood, like that I have developed over time, even more, right? Like I'm i'm learning about the importance of having a strong sisterhood.
00:15:21
Speaker
more so now um in my 30s than I did when I was younger, when I was in my teens, in my early 20s. Like for me, yes, it was the motherhood aspect, but now for me, it's like the sisterhood aspect that I'm looking for, that camaraderie,
Sisterhood and Wellness Principles
00:15:36
Speaker
vice that that wisdom, that just just love that you can get from someone in your in your village, I think is so key and it's been so instrumental to my own healing.
00:15:46
Speaker
so that I can show up better for myself and for my kids. And that's one of the reasons why I actually connected with the material that you're sharing online, because it is so centered on sisterhood and community. And I would love for you to just talk about that approach in your practice and like what that like how that differentiates differentiates you from other other therapy practices.
00:16:13
Speaker
yeah that's a good question so I guess I skipped this part before the name of my therapy practice is sisterhood and wellness and that is just I mean I feel like I embody what that what that means sisterhood to me is everything I grew up in a very close-knit family and then my family you know got smaller over time But in the military, I had to sort of find what my family was. I didn't have like my mom and my sister readily available to me, so I had to create that on my own. And I realized that what I was creating was a system, a system that to me are genuine people who are coming together to be vulnerable, to talk, to share our lives with.
00:16:57
Speaker
And um I created my own sisterhood over time. So I have women who are like 50 plus who I consider to be my sisterhood as well as like women who are also my age. And we've all come together and vowed to be there and support each other in whatever way we need to. And so in creating my business, sisterhood and wellness, it was important for me to have that same sort of genuineness, camaraderie, honesty, and vulnerability. Because as women who are in therapy,
00:17:27
Speaker
we need that sort of support too. We need to know, you know, or my clients need to know that as their therapist, I'm going to show up for you. I'm going to give you a side eye when you need one. I'm going to, you know, encourage and validate you when you need that too. And of course I'm going to be supportive and always tell you the truth. Um, and so that's what sisterhood means to me and my practice. And I would say for the past couple of years, I've been able to really highlight that for my ladies.
00:17:55
Speaker
Do you work primarily only with women in your practice? Yes, and I will even go further and say I work primarily black with Black women. I may have one or two non-women of color, but every woman that I see is basically Black. Do you feel them? Go ahead, say that again.
00:18:17
Speaker
I'm proud of that. Yeah. Because there's such stigma when it comes to therapy and black women or therapy and black people in general. And, you know, I'm like, I don't see that stigma because that's all I work with. They seek me out and, you know, they tell their friends and their mamas and I'm seeing them too. yeah And, you know, I have a community of black therapists that I also, you know, kick it with from time to time. So I don't, I don't see that stigma in my own community.
00:18:46
Speaker
But I know that it exists, but black women are out here getting therapy from other black women and they're feeling seen and they're relating and they're loving and they're growing and they're healing. So I just think that all those things are so important to continue to.
00:19:02
Speaker
advertised to show, um, to represent. Yeah. Yes. So, and so, and it's so good. And I, and I love the shift. I love the shift in the culture because like my mom is in therapy and growing up, like it was like, girl, ain't no room to like, you know, go to church. Like, you know what I'm saying? So it was like,
00:19:23
Speaker
Right. Like, let's pray about it. Like, we're going to pray and we're going to also go to the therapist too, okay?
Finding the Right Therapist
00:19:30
Speaker
Because we need both. Duality, you know what I'm saying? And I love that the culture has shifted to acceptance of that. And so while we know there are common stigmas that exist in the black and brown community,
00:19:45
Speaker
There are also a high percentage of black women who are seeking support. There are black and brown doctors who are so serving our community. And like, I love ah that we're amplifying that we need help and that the help is there and you're not alone in it. It's just so great to see the shift.
00:20:03
Speaker
Yes. And we're not scared to get it. Like, you know, prior therapy looked very white. It was very much you go, you sit on this white woman's couch and you tell her your problems and she writes you a script or something. And then that's it. Yeah. But the truth of the matter is that no, I need to go to someone who looks like me because I don't have time to explain all the nuances of what it means to be a black woman. I need you to already know that so we can get into the tea.
00:20:29
Speaker
of what's going on in my life. You won't even understand if I'm saying T, right? Exactly. No, since I don't want nothing to track, I'm trying to tell you what happened. And so I think that Black women are becoming more bold and seeking that out, like not being afraid to say, no, I'm looking for a Black woman therapist. And and that's OK. That's my choice.
00:20:53
Speaker
Yes, period. Yes, I love that. Listen, I love that approach. And I think that is so necessary and so needed. And when we talk about culturally relevant resources and talk about culturally relevant practices. It's like, this is what we're talking about, right? And so um I love that you, that you serve in mostly Black women. That's so dope and so amazing. How do you create safe spaces in your environment for your clients to be able to open up and share when you're counseling them. Ooh, I would like to say that I am authentically myself. So when I show up in a session for the first time, you'll see me with some sneakers on. I'm a sneaker girl. You know, I'm not coming in um super dressed up in a three-piece suit, which is fine if your therapist does that. That ain't me.
00:21:44
Speaker
Um, and I, so I think that my appearance shows that we're on the same page. Like we're, I'm not above you. I think that a lot of people go to therapy, you know, and this idea that their therapist has it all together. I think that me being able to re relate on a common level work, most of my clients are in their thirties just like me. So me just coming in already, I feel like unintimidating, um,
00:22:09
Speaker
is helpful in that. And then, of course, my office is very, you know, set up very nicely, a lot of candle. You know, we make references to things that are happening in the world today that they can relate to. And I just, I'm very non-judgmental. I'm very genuine. And I think that's kind of felt, you know, you can feel that energy shift of, oh, this person really cares about what I'm talking about, not just here for the money.
00:22:35
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And actually like cares about my growth and my, and my experience. And I think that that's so important when finding a therapist and when looking, looking for a therapist, do you like, when you're.
00:22:50
Speaker
Maybe you've counseled your friends or you've, not actual counsel, You When you're telling them to seek counsel, right? um What would you tell them to look for to make sure that this is somebody that, you know, would have their best interest at heart? Well, there's a few online resources that I like. One of them is Psychology Today, another one is Therapy for Black Girls.
00:23:18
Speaker
So I would encourage them to use whatever the filters are. like The filters can be very specific. You look for a Black woman who niches anxiety or depression you know that it takes insurance or not. like Be as specific as possible so that you can narrow down your search. From there, you can pick you know a few women that mean all they have initially is a bio and a picture. So you can look at the women there and choose you know based on who you think looks like but Looks the part, right? And then from there, read their bios, and then shop around. I encourage my friends and clients, you know like look for multiple therapists. Date your therapist. Go on one, two, three you know initial sessions just to see which one is best. If the therapist is offering a consultation, take up on that consultation just so you can see what's going on before you commit, because therapy is a commitment and you want to have someone that matches you.
00:24:17
Speaker
And so definitely knowing what you're going through before is helpful in figuring out or narrowing down who would best fit for you. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I love that. And I love that you talked about the filtering, because not a lot of people know like those types of things exist, like you can get very specific, even down to looking for faith based, they have those as well, or ones that practice in, you know, certain techniques, I think, um even if you don't know what that is, but you can research them and look them up and see which ones are better for you. So
00:24:49
Speaker
um Thank you for mentioning the filters. um I want to pivot back into just kind of talking about motherhood, right? In your experience with motherhood, how are you managing your mental health and motherhood, right? Like are you, I know you said you're seeking a therapist, but what are some practical tools in your motherhood journey that's just like a day-to-day thing that you're doing um just to kind of maintain your mental state of being? I take a break.
00:25:17
Speaker
Like there's this meme that I saw on Instagram where it was like, oh, the baby's crying and I'm in the shower. You know, your husband, you you hear your baby crying with your husband and you're just like in the shower. That's really me. Like the world could be ending outside, but I'm going to take a shower and I'm going to take my time to moisturize and do all the things I need to do.
00:25:41
Speaker
And I owe myself that time because I give my time away to my clients, to my baby, to my husband. So I'm like, this is my time to just breathe. And I really utilize those moments. I eat well. like I love a good snack. I love a good meal. And so being intentional about the food that I eat, that feels good and tastes good to me. I make sure you know I reward myself in that way with good food.
00:26:10
Speaker
And also journal, I probably have like 75 journals. Right? Like, I'm a journal girl. And if it's cute, I'm, I'm, I'm a bi, you know? Yes. If you got to give them a quote on it, I'll be like, oh my God. That's me. Yes. So taking time out to journal my thoughts.
00:26:32
Speaker
um Even if it's just like today I'm grateful for this or today I'm not grateful for this and just being able to be honest with where I am has been helpful for me in starting my day and making sure that I'm not messing up nobody else's stuff that I'm able to get my rocks off in a sense and just, you know, start fresh. Yes, absolutely. I love that. Take a break because you deserve it. Yes. 100%. So on the topics of mom motherhood and moms, do you work with a lot of moms and like, what are some of the common challenges you're seeing with moms that they need to address?
Motherhood and Identity
00:27:11
Speaker
Yeah, I do have quite a few mom clients. One of the main things that we talk about is their enoughness, feeling like they're not doing a good enough job as a mom, not knowing who they are outside of being a mom, and learning, or not necessarily learning, but trying to figure out who they are now after becoming a mom. So those are the main things that I see a lot of.
00:27:41
Speaker
I would say the highlight is definitely, am I doing this right? Am I good enough? Who am I outside of this? Right. Right. Um, and I find that to be a common theme, just like across the board, even for moms that aren't in therapy. Um, what kind of advice would you give somebody who who does come to you and says like, or like, I'm, I don't feel like I'm doing enough or I don't feel like I'm good enough. Right. Like one issue, what would be like your approach to helping that mom understand and know that that's a, you know, an invalid thought, you know, um, that needs to be changed. How would you approach that?
00:28:18
Speaker
Yeah, I call it out i'm like, you know, I would say, you know, that's not true and let's talk about why it's not, you know, we define what enough even means. What do you mean you're not enough? Where's that thought come from? You know, who are you comparing yourself to that makes you feel like you're not doing something right? And so calling out those negative thoughts and reworking them, reframing them into a more positive ones, or just having an understanding of where those thoughts came from is important.
00:28:47
Speaker
Because a lot of it boils down to comparison. like I don't think I'm doing it like her, so that means I'm not doing it right. And that's not true. yeah Right, yeah, definitely. Calling out, looking for evidence to be like, Yes, in my career, my professional career, and I'm i'm always like counseling interns, I'm like, keep a Bragg book like in your career, because there's going to be one day that you need to pull up the fact that you did this to you know for a raise or what have you,
00:29:23
Speaker
And it's not like you need a brag book for motherhood, but whenever you're feeling like you're not enough, it's like, look at all the things that you got done today. And even if that getting things, even if that today was just getting rest on, because that's what you needed, that's good enough to like, you know, um more moms need to hear that. So I'm um' glad that, you know, that that's, you know, that vice that you give is just kind of like calling it out, girl, like, if that ain't true.
00:29:49
Speaker
That ain't true. Like, what do you mean? And my favorite thing to say in my clients is they hear this will probably laugh. I'm like, you had a whole baby. You know, let's not forget that you had a baby and there's so much that goes into that. So pat yourself on the back for keeping you and your child alive. You know, they ate today. They're in school. They look good. They're clean.
00:30:13
Speaker
You know, some of those basic things that people tend to overlook are important because there's somebody out there that's not doing that. And so just reminding them how much it takes just to be who you are and to not forget that. Yes, yes, that's so good. That is so, so, so good. um I want to um just talk about, you know, therapy, right? We talked about therapy, getting into it in different practices. I want to talk a little bit about maybe potentially um some signs and symptoms of someone needing to get help, right? Like, especially moms, right? Like, a lot of times, you know, moms are living in overwhelm, we're living in burnout, and we're just kind of going with the flow. What would you say is something that you need to pay attention to, right? And and your emotional life to, you know, to say, oh, wow, I actually should reach out for help. Yeah, if you notice that your thoughts are becoming very negative, very dark, if you find yourself
00:31:13
Speaker
having like little ah to no interest to doing things, not finding any pleasure in doing things, having a poor appetite or overeating, having a hard time sleeping or you know, trouble falling asleep or staying asleep or sleeping too much, i feeling irritable or angry. And the biggest one is hopelessness. If you feel like there's no hope in your life or you can't find joy in anything,
00:31:42
Speaker
I would say those are some of the main things that would sound the alarm. like This is when you need to to seek help, to talk to someone outside of you know yourself. yeah Yes. One of the things that you mentioned and called out was seeking joy or not finding any joy, right? and And then earlier you also talked a lot about how some moms come to you with the problem of like, I don't know myself outside of my kids, right? And so maybe they're not experiencing joy.
00:32:14
Speaker
Um, and I actually have had that experience as well. Like I shared earlier, I had kids very young. And so all of my twenties was just spent on raising, you know, raising my babies and going to school and working and just kind of like, that's what I poured myself into. And then my kids get older and I'm like, kind of like, okay, now like, what do I actually want to do with myself and my life? And I don't really even know what that looks like. Right. So.
00:32:41
Speaker
I have to go through my own healing journey to figure that out. But you know do you have any personal experience or anecdotes with any of your clients where you have to counsel them through that? And what is your approach or conversation with that client? What would that look like? Yeah. um Becoming a mother is a huge transition in all of our lives. And so I like to say that it's like grief.
00:33:09
Speaker
It's like grieving the person or the woman that you used to be. you know she She was amazing and in all of her pre-baby thunder, right? But now she doesn't exist anymore because you're a mom now. So that version of you can no longer be. And so it's not so much about going back to that girl. It's about figuring out who you are now. And so there's a grief process that comes with that. you know Even as simple as ah or for the simple things like not being able to fit those jeans anymore or you know not knowing how to wear your hair because it's falling out, you know not knowing what to do. um And so giving yourself the space to mourn that version of yourself, I think is first and foremost. And then after that, learning small things about what you like to do now. And then also not giving yourself a whole lot of, not putting a whole bunch of pressure on yourself to figure it out. I mean, you've had, you know,
00:34:05
Speaker
It takes nine months to cook a baby and then you gotta add a baby. And then there's so many things that happen after that. And so just being curious about the space that you're in now, you know, instead of making yourself kind of fit this mold, just be open to what, what it could look like, what, what things you could enjoy and find those small moments, you know? I love that. I love that. I absolutely love, um, it's like, and the one thing that you said that really stuck out to me was,
00:34:35
Speaker
A lot of people are always saying like, we need to get back. We need to get back. We need to get back. And it's not about getting back. It's about uncovering and understanding who you are now because you're never going to not be a mom, right? Like, exactly like you need to, you're going to be caring forever, right? you know so after that point. So it's like it's more about uncovering and like peeling back the layers of like who is this woman now? right like Who is she? And what does what does she like? you What does she like? What does she want to do?
Podcast Motivation and Co-host's Journey
00:35:07
Speaker
And one of the things that helped me in my personal journey, I created a bucket list. And a lot of people think like they think like a bucket list is like for when you're going to die, you know kick the bucket, whatever. but
00:35:19
Speaker
Um, I made a list and I was like, you know what, like I've always wanted to do one of those like clay classes, like in ghost, you know, the little fire. And I was like, I've always just random things that I just never got to do that. I was like, maybe I might like it. You know what I mean? I just yeah made a list of all those different things and it can honestly be just the most random things. Like I want to like walk barefoot outside in the sun, like, you know, just um And it really helped me to just like really solidify like my my direction and like what my purpose is. um And I think a lot of times moms struggle with that in the early parts of their journey because they're not sure. They're like, okay, this kid needs me, but like I also need me. And what you know it's really hard. and i And I think it took me a while in my journey to get to that point, but I really,
00:36:13
Speaker
will launch this podcast so that moms that are new and that are like, are able to listen to this, they don't, it doesn't take them 13 years to to figure that out. I want moms to listen and feel like and know that there's resources out there. There are other things, you know, there's support. You're not alone. Yeah.
00:36:34
Speaker
yeah it's end in there No, I agree with you. I agree with you. I would say I'm i'm in that space now trying to figure out who am I outside of being a mom. And I can say that I haven't quite figured that out yet. Like I know that I'm not that same girl that I was miss her sometimes because she's seen that, you know, I've had it all together. and Now I'm like, I got it. You know, and so I know who I am to my baby. I know who I am to my husband. I know who I am to my clients, but who am I to myself? And so learning that version of me now is, it's a lot, but i'm again, I'm super curious about who I am and you know what will I become? And again, not giving myself too much flack for not knowing or
00:37:25
Speaker
you know, if I do something different with my hair, or I was telling you about my clippings today, you know, if I do something, if I wear something different, you know, just if I choose something different, just being open to that without being judgmental of myself, like, girl, wait, you know, like, yeah being able to embrace all the things concerning me.
00:37:45
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. And you know, I think that it'll come, like you said, like you're in the throes of it, your baby is still a baby. And I think over time, you, you discover, it's kind of like, re it's not like parenting yourself, reparenting, right? It's very much like,
00:38:02
Speaker
you know, if you, if you start finding yourself being upset about certain things, you're like, where is that coming from? let me yeah Let me go back in time and be like, why am I upset over this film? Why am I upset because my child's not doing exactly what I want to be doing at the exact time. Maybe it's a control issue there, right? So yes, that takes inner work. And I think that there's not a lot being said about moms needing to do that in the beginning and consistently and before they get pregnant, because it is going to come to you as a shock, right? When you, when you come home with a little baby and you're a different person, you know? Oh my goodness. That's so true. Like when I'll tell you one of the things that I i learned about myself so far is that
00:38:53
Speaker
I was a super like rigid person. I think I was very regimented in terms of like, I had routine and it was like, I'm gonna go to bed at this time and I'll wake up at this time. And you know, the baby, a baby don't care if you got one hour sleep. like ah So like, sleep? Like we, you know, so trying to kind of dial that back and be more flexible um is something new that I'm learning that I didn't know that I wasn't before, because I guess I never really had to be, but now I'm being stretched in a way that I've never had
Millennial Moms and Self-Compassion
00:39:31
Speaker
to be. And so.
00:39:32
Speaker
learning that you know old here was a little rigid but this new mama here is you know very flexible yes it's been something that i can appreciate and i didn't it was something that i didn't know that i needed and so i'm loving that part like yeah seven o'clock seven fifteen whatever ever You know, yeah i mean another one well motherhood has a way of literally rocking you to your core and making you see yourself in a way that I don't think there's any other experience that allows you to do that because as you raise your kid,
00:40:08
Speaker
you start i mean like You start to see yourself through them and you want to be better, i mean especially in this generation as millennials. We are cycle breakers. We are the generation that's like, we're not standing for the ways that our parents raised us. We sit in a corner,
00:40:38
Speaker
i And I think that these conversations are important to have to know that you know there's a different way to do it. And one of the other things that called out to me that when you were speaking about working with moms and and and give and and your own story is this ability to have compassion and that self-compassion for yourself and giving yourself grace. grace um Can you discuss like any you know um how-compassion plays a role in the healing process, either for yourself or for your clients? Oh my goodness. It plays such an important role.
00:41:15
Speaker
My motto is give yourself some grace. I probably say that a million times a day. I think that self-compassion is important because as you're trying to work on the things that you need to work on, judgment should not play a role in that because you're judging yourself based on what you know now, right? So I do a lot of inner child work with my clients, with a lot of inner inner child healing. And so one of the things that will come up a lot is I wish I would have did this or I should have known better. And I'm always like, well, wait a minute. You're judging the 20 year old version of yourself by the 35 year old woman that you are today. Of course you would do things differently now. You know more. You've been through life.
00:42:00
Speaker
But thank that version of yourself for getting you to this point. Instead of leading with judgment, lead with grace, what was that 20-year-old version of yourself going through? What choices did she have? What resources did she have? And somehow, when you know when all the things that you feel that she's done wrong, she still led you here. you know And so there's a gratitude and a gratefulness that needs to accompany that healing of of you did these things and you're here. Look at you now, right? It wasn't all bad. And so I think that self-compassion can only live in the same space as healing. like you you You can't have one without the other. Yes. Yes. I love that. I have to thank your 24-year-old self for where you are now. That is so true. I love the way that you phrase that because I think that
00:42:52
Speaker
we sometimes, you know, when you struggle with mental health, you may, you know, overanalyze or should have put a Buddha or future trip. And it's just kind of like, use a little like using a little bit of mindfulness in that and grace, I think is so important and essential to the journey. um that Like, I've had I had someone tell me, like, you know, if you are going to beat yourself up to use a feather instead of a hammer,
00:43:19
Speaker
I love that. And I was like, you know what? That's so good. We don't got to be so hard on ourselves. But I feel like as moms, we're judging ourselves, like you said, by I don't know whose standards. Maybe it's our moms or our friends or social media or whatever. But your journey is your journey alone. And it's not going to look like anyone else's. And it shouldn't. It's your experience.
00:43:48
Speaker
having compassion for yourself in while you're learning is going to be so key to you having a good emotional, strong mental relationship with yourself and mother because there are going to be mistakes.
00:44:03
Speaker
There are going to be times where you you mess up, where you do something wrong, where you you know you feel like, oh i oh, I shouldn't have did this. I'd ruined my kid. Promise you you didn't. But having some self-compassion is going to have to come into play here. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. And even in my own story, um I'm going to try to say this without getting emotional about it. But in the beginning, I was breastfeeding.
00:44:32
Speaker
uh later on my baby stopped latching so I started pumping or whatever but of course you know you go to that first appointment or second appointment and they're like oh your baby's not you know gaining enough weight they should be back of their birth weight or whatever and you know I was strictly breastfeeding at the time and they of course was like you know you need to introduce formula to your baby now so that was a whole thing Anyway, introduced a formula to the baby and he took it like he was like, ah, this I've been waiting on this my whole life. You know, like he was drinking a little bit too fast. Like, you know, I'm going to slam it on these boobs. Okay. And so I was talking to my friend, uh, one of my mom friends and I was like, yeah, he just took the formula like it was nothing. You know, like I, like I wasn't over here.
00:45:22
Speaker
What you know bruise boobs and you know using nipple cream and stuff like that like I ain't nothing And so she was like, did he eat like did he eat and I was like, yeah, he did he drank the formula She said that's all that matters A happy baby is a fat baby, you know, and and that's it It doesn't matter how he gets it as long as he gets it and I probably boo who cried at the time because i'm like But the milk, you know, breastfeeding is elite compared to formula. At least that's how they make you feel. Like if you're not breastfeeding, you're doing something wrong. But in that moment, she was like, hey, you fed your baby. You know, it doesn't matter how you did it. You did it. And that was such a relief for me to say, like, you know what I did? I chose the best formula. And I put that in quotes, you know, and I.
00:46:09
Speaker
i you know I got him a good bottle and I did all the things. And so that mattered too. And taking that judgment away from just you know judging myself for not producing enough milk at that time, but just feeding my baby generally, that was helpful and necessary. And it really helped me, future me when I decided to stop breastfeeding because homeboy you know was not getting enough, period. so yeah Right, right.
00:46:37
Speaker
But I love that. I love that. And I love that your mom friend gave you that advice. be I mean, I've had that experience as well. My my son, he has ADHD and he's a very picky eater. And I remember it used to stress me out as a mom, like, because I wanted them to eat the perfect amount of odd at the time, right? like And I was like, so on it, like, and they were like such good eaters when they were babies, eating all the fruits and vegetables. And then like, once he could speak, it was like, I want nuggets.
00:47:08
Speaker
And I was like, uh, I tried, I would, I would feel, I'm gonna make homemade nuggets because that's going to be better. And, you know, and now part of like, all that stuff. And now it's just kind of like, mo like I had a mom friend tell me too, it's just like, why are you fighting him over the nuggets? Like, is he going to eat today? Like, you know what I mean? Because at the end of it, like,
00:47:32
Speaker
That's my child's sensitivity. And he really loves, that's his comfort food. And he really loves to eat nuggets. And like, is he going to get five other meals throughout the week that are healthy and nutritious? Yes. Like it's okay. If like you're having pizza one night or your burgers one night, like, you know, it's okay. Um, and I think sometimes mom, meet moms need to hear that.
00:47:51
Speaker
yeah absolutely ah We're always trying to do everything right and be like, not harm our kids and give them the best and be sustainable and all that stuff, but it's okay.
00:48:02
Speaker
It's okay. Oh my gosh. It is okay. Oh my My husband, like he's a fast driver and like i I don't like the way he drives and he's always like, but did you die? And I'm like, no. It's sometimes I want to say that to my brother, I'm like, they live today.
00:48:23
Speaker
Yes, that is what matters. And you live too. Did you know? Because it almost took me out today. Okay. Yes, I love that.
Path to Therapy and Empowerment
00:48:37
Speaker
Um, so the the last section of the question that I have for you are just kind of around like, I want to know what got you into therapy? Like, what was your why? Like, what was your why for doing this work?
00:48:50
Speaker
Mm. I would like to say that therapy found me. ah And that sounds so cliche, right? like oh maybe But it's so true. like I was the person, I was a Black girl who didn't know, who had almost debilitating anxiety and didn't know what anxiety was. you know like I just went through life feeling nervous and anxious and on edge and not really yeah knowing how to communicate that. But the long the long skinny version of it is,
00:49:21
Speaker
um When I was in the military, I was trying to get to Jacksonville to be with my then boyfriend and son, now husband, because he was stationed in georgia well he lived in Georgia and his job had a branch in Jacksonville and I was trying to get to Jacksonville because we were long distance. Anyway, the only way to get there was to go through this addictions counseling program in the Navy.
00:49:46
Speaker
And so I was like, sure, like I'll do this addictions counseling thing, whatever. I didn't realize how deep it was going to be, but that process was a parallel process. So they actually put us in like group therapy. That was my first experience with therapy. That was my first time even knowing what therapy meant outside of like watching, you know, people do it on TV.
00:50:08
Speaker
And so in that process, I was able to break down a lot of the things that I have been holding on to. I was a perfectionist. I was going through grief. um I had mother issues. um I had anxiety and depression. And so those things were kind of getting called out.
00:50:25
Speaker
and it wasn't without a fight because initially I went in there like very much mask on like I'm just here so I don't get fine kind of vibe and then the counselors there were like we see you and we're gonna kick you out if you don't start being real with yourself and so I had to kind of you know show up And in that, I just was introduced to this world of therapy. I had no idea that social workers could be therapists. I was one of those ignorant people that thought social workers just take people's kids. So I was like, wait a minute, are you a social worker? And so it was just like this. I was introduced to this whole new world. And once I got to Jacksonville, of course, I was an amazing therapist. I didn't even realize I could do it, but I was an amazing, amazing addictions counselor.
00:51:10
Speaker
And one of my department heads was like, hey, you should look into getting your MSW. you know So I'm like, OK. So I did the research and things. And long story short, I got my image my MSW and then later got licensed. But my journey there was very much a crash course in in all of it. And it started with me learning who I was. And I'm like, man, this is good. If if other people could just know who they are,
00:51:38
Speaker
then, you know, we wouldn't have all these problems. And so at the time I was trying, you know, once I learned about like diagnosing and stuff, I'm like, oh, I'm calling out my family members, you know, my mama didn't like that too much. And everybody was just like, wait a minute, you know, you're in therapy, not us, you know. i i'm not I'm not one of those people, but I was so passionate about, like, these are answers to our problems. Like, I didn't know that there was a reason why I was feeling anxious or what that was even called. And so having the language, I wanted to share with everyone else because I felt seen, I felt empowered. I i felt normal, you know, for probably one of the first times. And so because I felt so passionately about that, I wanted to explore it more.
00:52:25
Speaker
And so now I give my clients language to know how they feel, to give their feelings language so that they can express how they feel to other people, communicate what they need um and show up for themselves. So I didn't know what it was at first, but listen, I found out in quick. I
Support for New Moms
00:52:45
Speaker
love that. I love that. That's such a beautiful journey and you're right. It did find you.
00:52:51
Speaker
It came to you exactly when you needed it in your life and then your back as though that's a beautiful journey. I want to ask you just as a final question, what would be your advice to another mom that's out there that's like, maybe I need to go to therapy, maybe I don't, I just became a mom, I'm not really sure. What kind of advice would you give to that to that person that's struggling and not really sure about asking for help?
00:53:19
Speaker
I would say ask for help. my If you ever have a thought about going to therapy, go. At least try it out. If you're unable to go, talk to your friends. Talk to whoever you feel is supportive of you, talk to them because keeping those thoughts inside your head, letting them ruminate and run around, that's not healthy.
00:53:42
Speaker
So if you need help, get help, if you can't find help, talk to somebody and see what sort of resources they have, but you are not alone in this. One of the things that helped me when I was going through the trenches of newborns waking up at 2 a.m. was um I had heard her on TV or something where they were like, um moms, rest new moms, rest assured that your nursery light is not the only light that's on at 3 a.m. And so that sort of like, you know, solidarity and that I'm not going through this by myself.
00:54:15
Speaker
And so as a new mom, if you need to tell somebody how you're feeling, tell them because likely if they're a mom, they've gone through it. And if they're not a mom, they can identify with the feeling, right? Like, oh, I know what it's like to feel alone. I know what it's like to feel angry. I know what it's like to feel crazy, you know? And just share those things because we we all need somebody.
00:54:37
Speaker
Yeah, yes, that's so that's a beautiful one. I love that. And that's why, you know, spaces like sisterhood and wellness exists, why so well exists and therapy for black girls and all the resources that are out there. There are so many for you know, anyone that's out there that's looking for help to to just latch on to right. Just people give social media a bad rap, but start following your favorite Start following some therapists. um I'm dating some really good free therapists. Just make sure it's the right people. you know right right right um And then can you talk a little bit about just how our guests can connect with you, where they can find you, maybe if they're in Florida, how they can work with you. Can you give us a little bit of of that?
00:55:23
Speaker
Yes, so my Instagram is sisterhoodandwellness, it's sister with an A. You can find me online at sisterhoodandwellness.com. You can shoot me an email at Kierra at sisterhoodandwellness, and I'm sure Autumn you'll spell all these things out today.
00:55:42
Speaker
um But yeah, if you're in Florida, im I'm only licensed in Florida right now. So if you're a Florida girly, you can hit me up and we can get started. Yeah. But I am super passionate about what I do. And I love the girls. So yes, yeah, let's get to work. Let's do this thing. Let's get the work. I love it. I love it. I love it. You I so many good gems, so many stories and relatability shared in this episode. So I'm so grateful and thankful for you for being my guest this week. um The final part of the episode, I always ask my guests to close it out for me with their favorite affirmation, scripture or intention or quote. So do you have one that kind of like guides you every day or something you leave with your clients?
Closing Thoughts and Affirmations
00:56:30
Speaker
Yeah, I have a few. um the The main one is give yourself some grace, but I already said that. My other one is do it anyway. Do it scared. Do it sad. do it Do it anxious. Just do it, girl, because it got to get done.
00:56:45
Speaker
Yes, just do it, do it, and share, just do it. That's so good. Do it anyway. I appreciate you so, so much for coming on today. To my guests that are listening, I hope you heal well, and we will see you next week on the Zola Podcast. Bye.
00:57:03
Speaker
Hit the notification bell wherever you are listening to us today and join us next week as we delve into more mental health conversations. The Sew Well community offers a safe ground for the transformative healing and restoration of intergenerational trauma, ensuring moms of color have a space to rewrite their stories, recover, live well, be seen and heard. Join us online and on Instagram at Sew Well for daily inspiration, blogs, events and more.
00:57:33
Speaker
See you next time!