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Rediscovering Self, SelfCare & Motherhood: A Conversation with Tiffany Heard
29 Plays5 months ago
In this episode of the Sol Well Podcast, host Autumn Colon sits down with Tiffany Heard, a women's health advocate and coach, to discuss her journey of personal growth and self-discovery. Tiffany shares her experiences as a mother, the challenges she faced, and how she overcame adversity.
Guest Bio
Tiffany Heard, also known as The Selfish Bae, is a Peak Performance Mindset Coach specializing in Self-Care and Women's Health Advocacy. With over two decades of experience in the holistic healing space, Tiffany empowers individuals to transform their lives through fearless self-discovery, guiding them to embrace change, authenticity, and intentional living.
Having started her journey as a single mother to four children while pursuing her education in her late 20s, Tiffany knows firsthand the challenges of balancing personal growth with the demands of motherhood. She successfully navigated those early years, earning degrees in Science and Writing, becoming a licensed Massage Therapist and Reiki healer, and building a career as a coach and entrepreneur.
Now, as a newly single mother to an only child a role she has never had. Tiffany is embracing this new chapter in her life. She is committed to modeling self-care and prioritizing her own needs without guilt or shame, understanding that this is crucial not only for her well-being but also for her daughter’s development. By living authentically and putting herself first, Tiffany shows her daughter and others that self-care is essential for showing up fully in life.
Tiffany’s work is dedicated to helping others unlock their full potential by teaching them to be beautifully selfish. She believes that by taking care of yourself first, you can give more to those you love, leading a life of true fulfillment and purpose.
Key Takeaways:
- The Importance of Self-Care: Learn how self-care can help you navigate life's challenges and maintain mental well-being.
- Embracing Change: Discover strategies for adapting to change and finding opportunities for growth.
- Prioritizing Mental Health: Understand the significance of mental health, especially for mothers, and the importance of seeking support.
- Building Resilience: Learn how to develop resilience and overcome obstacles.
Connect with Tiffany On Social
@theselfishcoach
Additional Resources:
- SolWell Resources
- Join the Sol Well Community “The Mom Space”:
- Therapy for Black Girl
- Postpartum Support International
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline - Call. Text. Chat.
Join the Conversation:
Share your experiences and connect with others on social media using #SolWellPod and #IamSolWell. Let's create a supportive community for moms of color managing motherhood and mental health.
Don't forget to subscribe to Sol Well for more inspiring stories and practical advice!
Want to be a guest on the pod? Send us an email to podcast@solwell.co
By tuning in, you're taking a step towards prioritizing your mental health and well-being.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Mission
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to the Soul Well Podcast, where moms of color find strength and community in the mental health space. Each week, we ignite inspiration as we set our intentions with affirmations and dive deep into honest conversations with fellow moms and mental health experts. We're here to hold space for you, to shatter stigmas and elevate the voices of moms of color. We'll fight for policy change, empower you with mindful resources, and most importantly,
00:00:31
Speaker
remind you that you're never alone on this journey. It takes a village to raise a mother. Now let's meet at the well.
Embracing Change in Motherhood
00:00:39
Speaker
Hey mamas, welcome back to the Sew Well podcast. I'm your host, Autumn Colon, and today's episode is a really good one. You don't want to miss it. It's all about embracing change and motherhood. And we're going to hear a really great unfiltered story from my guest, Tiffany Heard.
00:00:57
Speaker
Tiffany is a self-care advocate and coach who empowers individuals to prioritize their wellbeing and live authentically.
Tiffany's Journey in Self-Care and Advocacy
00:01:05
Speaker
With a background in holistic healing and personal experience as a single mom, Tiffany understands the importance of self-care for both personal and familial growth. She guides her clients to embrace change, overcome challenges, and live their best lives. I had a great time talking to Tiffany and I think everybody can learn a lot from our conversation, so I'm excited for you to listen on, and and I would love to hear how you feel about it. So if you um enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review, a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or you can connect with us on our social media platforms, act so well. Today, I'm actually going to be pulling a affirmation. I have my favorite ami affirmation cards here.
00:01:54
Speaker
from the brand OK&RX, Black Girl Affirm. And today's card says,
00:02:06
Speaker
I will not carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. That is no longer the job description of this black woman. That is good.
00:02:19
Speaker
This is Black Girl Resilience and I love that. I love that so much. It honestly relates to the story that we're about to dig into. And with that, let's jump into today.
00:02:38
Speaker
Hi.
Building Community Through Social Media
00:02:41
Speaker
Welcome back to the Sew Well podcast. I'm your host, Autumn Colon, and I am here today with my guest, Tiffany Heard. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
00:02:53
Speaker
Thank you. yeah Yes, I'm so glad to have you on our um one our show. this um This podcast came about just one of the by one of my favorite ways of using social media, and that's using it to extend your community. And so you and I connected, I think it was through threads or Instagram or something. Thread.
00:03:18
Speaker
Yeah, my favorite place. Yes, right. um But it's so it just kind of to me just like always like grounds me and the fact that there there's some bad in social, but there's so much good in it as well. And that's the ability to connect with people to build community with others and to just have conversation and relatability and learn from one another. So I'm so grateful to have you here today um to talk about your story and a little bit about your journey and um just to get to know you and to have you share with our our audience of mamas in in the So Well community.
Challenges in Motherhood and Mental Health
00:03:55
Speaker
Thank you, and I'm so happy to be here.
00:03:58
Speaker
I love to be here. Yes. Love it. Love it. So tell me a little bit about, you know, your story, like your experience with personal transformation and self-discovery. Um, and also like you're a mom, right? This is ah a podcast all about maternal mental health. So I want to get into that too. I want to get into all the things and we're going to, you know, get into the questions, but if you want to just give me like, just a little brief who you are about you and kind of, you know, what you're here to talk about today.
00:04:26
Speaker
Okay. So me, I am, uh, a women's health advocate and, um, in a coach and I specialize in self care. I've been in the holistic space for over two decades. And I think that self advocacy is of the most importance, especially in maternal health, because sometimes when you, you know something and then the person that's sitting across from you, which it may be a doctor, a nurse, or anybody else, they may not think that you know what you're talking about. And a lot of the times, not all the times, people do know what you're talking about, and it is actually ringing true. And then you have to fight for for them to hear you, listen to you, and find what but you say that you have or don't have or whatever the case may be.
00:05:23
Speaker
um
00:05:27
Speaker
That's a little bit about who I am and what I do.
00:05:32
Speaker
What was the other question? Did I answer you? Yeah, you did. You did. You did. I want to talk about, I want to, it's fine. I want to get into your mother experience just to kind of ground us in, you know, but your story and how you got into self-care and how you got it into, you know, self-discovery and all those good things. Can you share a little bit about your personal journey and the new challenges you faced? Okay. So I am a,
00:06:00
Speaker
I'm going to say two generation mom. Okay. So all of my, all of my children of the latter are adults. Okay. And I have an only child. So she's literally an only child because all her siblings are adults. And, um, when I first, I first got introduced to mental health and wellness.
00:06:24
Speaker
when I was 17 though. I was before I even had kids. I think I was around, maybe I was around 15, 16. I think, you know, the time rolls. Time be rolling. Time be rolling. And, you know, it was it was it was a very long time ago and on um ah you know different than what most people say when in the black community, you know, you know there was a black woman who said to me, do you talk to other people? Because they were always talking to me. I was in i had dropped out of high school and dropped right back in to to get my GED. And the friends that I had, were everybody was older than me. I was 17. The youngest girl that I was friends with was 25. The oldest was in her 50s. And they used to tell me about their problems. And they used to talk to me about things. And then we would break it down.
00:07:24
Speaker
and And things like that. And then she asked me, she was like, well, do you go to therapy or something? And I'm like, no. She was like, maybe you should. you know Maybe you should go to therapy. And um and maybe you should pursue doing this thing because I guess they and but you know took value in what I was saying about them about themselves, these ah adult people who embraced me as a young girl.
00:07:52
Speaker
um so I started therapy very early on. And then I stopped when, you know, after life and I had my first set of kids and what brought me back to therapy was my son. He had actually, my kids were laughing and in their room and the laughing bothered me. And then what hit me was my son said, but we're just laughing. What's wrong with laughing mom? And I'm like,
00:08:25
Speaker
Oh, there is nothing wrong with laughing, but it's making me mad. So I was dysregulated right there. And I was like, you know what, it's time for me to go back to therapy. And then I, that's when I went back into therapy because, um,
00:08:43
Speaker
I didn't and you know, you know, when you, when you are faced with something and you're like, hold on. And then you just go, I went to try to fix that. And so that's where it began for for me a second time was when I had when i had the four kids. ah love this javascript i love that you I love that you mentioned something as simple as not enjoying the laughter.
Setting Boundaries and Therapy
00:09:10
Speaker
I think that's not something people talk about when they think when they hear mental health, they think,
00:09:16
Speaker
oh, panic attacks, or they faint, you know, hyperventilation, but really there are so many symptoms that in our culture present, don't present as mental health issues, but are signs and symptoms that something else is going on, like agitation, like being stressed and continuously being stressed, like the irritability that we face, right? Those are symptoms and signs of depression as well, but we get,
00:09:46
Speaker
probe of angry black women, or she has an attitude, or you're always mad, or mommy's always whatever. And really, those are symptoms that we have suppressed for generations right because we haven't learned to recognize them as dysregulation. and And so I love that you brought that up because it's so easy for us to look at mental health as one way.
00:10:13
Speaker
when there are so many other, you know, so many facets, so many facets and so many things that are normal that we're going through life with, which are actually symptoms of like, Hey, hello, something else might be going on. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Yeah. That was a, yeah, that was a big wake up call. That was like, like, what?
00:10:37
Speaker
is happening. you know i um But you know what, I think that that's how motherhood is though, right? Motherhood is is like, you don't really, I mean, we yeah like you know a baby gonna come, but you don't really know all that's really coming with it, right? And so it's like, it's a wake up call and all facets from everything from having to do with the life of another child, but also the changes that happen you know, within you as a mom and as a woman. Right. And, um, I had my kids when I was young, so I was growing up with my kids. Um, and that, and that right. Same. Okay. So, and that experience definitely impacted my mental health. Do you think that that was something that impacted you as well, being a mom, like a young mom? Well, um, as a young mom,
00:11:26
Speaker
Because I had my kids when I was 19 and 20, 21, something like that. But I have, I have stair-step kids. I have a 26, a 25, and then I wait a little second. And then I have a 20, 21, he's about to be 22, and then 19 year old. That's now. So back then, they all grew up together. And me and my sisters had stair-step kids. So it goes down from The 26, we got 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 24. That's how it was with my cousins growing up. So it's a lot of, ah they have a lot of, they they had, there was a lot of relief, I would say, when you have, when they have other siblings and sister cousins, brother cousins, you know, and in that in that respect.
00:12:24
Speaker
So, and yeah, I do think that it really did impact a lot because like I said, when it showed up, when I was listening to my kids laugh and that literally had me like upset, just like in that way. So yeah, it did impact because I was the only one, I guess, because maybe maybe it maybe it was because I was a single mom too and I was, I had,
00:12:52
Speaker
I had three different jobs. I was working dipping different times. And I mean, I i was been an entrepreneur for the last like 25 years. So I would hustle hard so I don't have to work in the summertime when they're out of school and give them um give them some kind of comfort, some kind of balance, some kind of fun.
00:13:14
Speaker
um And to give myself some kind of break as well. you know So um yeah. parenthood and being a social, having ah having a social life, um being a parent, also having your friends or having a family lean on you depending, you know, it it just depends on, you know, it's a whole bunch of stuff that all wrapped up into one.
00:13:42
Speaker
Right. Absolutely. And all of that combined, obviously, motherhood, and like you said, career, all the different things. How how did you recognize or how did you go about prioritizing yourself amidst the demands of all of those things, right? So you have all those things.
00:14:02
Speaker
and you recognizing yourself, oh, I'm just regulated. How did you decide or come to a point in your journey where you were like, you know what? I need to prioritize myself, actually, because that's hard. Because I was the Mikey of the family. The Mikey, Tiffany will do it. She got it. She going to do it.
00:14:30
Speaker
um, from adults, cousins, family, friends. And so I had to, I had to make a decision. I had to decide that I have to put up boundaries. I have to, I have to just, I have to cut off certain things. So I stopped gossiping and I stopped, I stopped, um, you know, I stopped doing things, being the doer of every, of everything, of everybody. And, um,
00:14:59
Speaker
It was really, that was a rough time, but you have to, because when you cut out drama, when you cut out gossip, then your phone doesn't ring. Talk about it. I used to call my phone. I used to call my cell phone from my house phone. Like, is it the phone? Like, where's the phone? And it didn't ring. And then, you know, then another problem came up. It was like, you know,
00:15:30
Speaker
Do I have a need to be needed? Is that my addiction? Ooh. That's good. Wow. I want to start this in a second real quick because it all the time, right? And and it comes from this this, you know, there's this,
00:15:59
Speaker
oh I don't know. What do you call it? There's this, I'm going to just, I don't know what to call it, but superwoman syndrome, right? Has been so vetted, right? Like in our society from our grandmothers, like, you know, all the way down, back, back, back, you know, way back when, when we had to take on doing so much all the time and we learned.
00:16:20
Speaker
this and gain this feeling of needing to be needed because we are the matriarchs of the family. We are the ones that do it all. We are, you know, we're holding it down. Right. And it's like it becomes an addiction. It's that that's that's that's the kryptonite right there is is when I realized that my phone, if i I'm going to call my phone from my house phone, knowing damn well, I paid the bill. OK, it worked because you paid the bill.
00:16:51
Speaker
But I'm like, when you you do that's that leads you to feeling abandoned and throw it away. when you When you teach people how to treat you, they have to relearn how to re-approach you, and they have to do you know all of those things. But at the same time, on your end, and this is what people don't talk about, is on your end, on your side, when it gets so quiet, and you realize that you need them to need you, and how do you break that?
00:17:21
Speaker
that's the That's the core, that's the core of the boundary. Yeah, it's something for you to work on when you do get to therapy, right? Because if you can recognize that in yourself that, oh, I have this need to be needed, then it's like, oh, where's that coming from? How can I, you know, how can I work through in therapy, figuring out and pinpointing a point in my life where maybe I didn't have that feeling or I needed to have that feeling and where did I learn that behavior and how can I unlearn that addictive behavior of needing to be needed. So I'm so glad you touched on that because it talks about this ability to overcome that I'm hearing a lot, that I'm hearing in your story of overcoming, recognizing something and then putting yourself forward and pushing yourself to to make a change, right? Can you talk about how you navigated that
00:18:17
Speaker
overcoming adversity, right? You talked about being a single mom and having three jobs and and doing all the things. Did you have a community or how were you, you know, was it pulling it up by your bootstraps? Like, tell us a little bit about that story of like how you overcame that. Well, there was I do I did have a support system, but I had to pull away from that support system as well, because at the same time of having the support When you don't want to do certain things, it's always people, places, and things that are going to, that are going to stop you in some way, shape, form, or fashion or certain things, certain people, places, and things where you might not be able to no longer go for a while until you get your own bearings. So I did, I did have a support system and I did have to strap my boots.
00:19:14
Speaker
on you know i had had this I had to lace up these boots and and go ahead with the go ahead. you know But I did have a support system and um it was a it was it was a journey just to say the least.
00:19:32
Speaker
like you know Yeah, I hear you, I hear you. So um just want to transition a little bit into a little bit more of your story, because you share with me and our when we when I looked at some of your information and we talked a little bit at the beginning about some changes,
Impact of Divorce and Health on Family
00:19:49
Speaker
right? Like we're here, we're talking about reclaiming your power and breaking free and overcoming adversity. And I want to hear a little bit more about your story with um your divorce and your marriage and your ability to work through your mental health in that and how you came about, you know, how it even came about. Can you share or go into a little bit into that? About, uh, so when I had gotten married, um, it was, uh, we were together. We, I'm still trying to get divorced child. Okay.
00:20:31
Speaker
that that's That's one thing that I'm still trying to get through. However, um when I realized that everything was not going, it wasn't gonna work out,
00:20:42
Speaker
um i was I was carrying my i was carrying my my latest daughter. we were um i was I was carrying her and I had um i had a relapse, um not in a drugway or anything like that, but I'll i'll explain.
00:21:00
Speaker
So what I didn't know, it was a relapse, but I had gotten sick and my face went numb and I kept going to the doctor, had to had to go to a neurologist and stuff like that. And they told me that they, I can't remember the name that they gave it. Can't remember remember the the the acronym that they had, but they had told me that I was going to lose my sight.
00:21:30
Speaker
and the use of my arms. Oh, wow. So I was about, I want to say, six months pregnant at the time. And so when they said that, I was like, OK, I just laughed. I just literally laughed. And he was like, well, my mother was devastated. But she was like, well, why are you laughing? I'm like, because it's the irony. i I happen to love irony.
00:21:59
Speaker
And the irony in it was the person who likes to observe, I like to watch, I'm going to not be able to see, the person who likes to help, ain't going to be able to move my arms. Like what? I was like, so I had made a decision right then and there that, you know, I'm going to see as much of the world as I can, help as many people as I can while I can, and be grateful that I could hold this baby when she comes. right And in that realization, I had still had to, I couldn't do all the testing, obviously, because I was pregnant. And then I overlooked a lot of things and I just said, you know,
00:22:47
Speaker
I had a second relapse after she had, after she was born, it did the same thing, but on the left side, but a little bit worse. And so then I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. So with, with any autoimmune disease, stress is not your friend. Stress will make you sick. Stress will kill you. So.
00:23:15
Speaker
I then decided that this is not going to work. That was in 2018 when I decided that. And in 2019, I was trying to get divorced. Then 2020, good old 2020 came and we was locked in. ah I thought one of us was going to get dead, but
00:23:39
Speaker
yeah know oh i'ma have to go I thought one of us was going get dead for real because I just couldn't, it was a lot of stress, but 2020 wasn't stressful because everybody was in the house. But in 2019, it was around September, whatever, whatever day that is, I think it's the 26th when it's only a hundred days left in the year. And I had said to him, I was like, you know,
00:24:09
Speaker
I said with all of this, I can't, I can't do it. I can't do this anymore because he's very stressful. Everything is ah the littlest things. um I'm so unbothered by little things. I'm so unbothered by a lot. I'm very relaxed. I'm very calm even when it's a shit storm. That's just my nature. His nature is to panic. I can't, I can't do it.
00:24:40
Speaker
So I had told them that there was only 100 days left in a year. I don't want to spend them with you. That's how true it was. And for me, so it was it was over then.
00:24:54
Speaker
um Obviously, we could not do anything in 2020. 2021. I want to move in. want to leave in my own my own my own apartment and find another one where I am now.
00:25:10
Speaker
And that that's where that has been. I've continued with with therapy and stuff like that. But to me, um the transition is important for my daughter, who who I'm going to have in therapy starting next month because divorce is hard.
Truthfulness with Children and Therapy
00:25:34
Speaker
Having older siblings is hard. Being the only kid in the house is is hard you know and having to navigate and because you have this big dream of mommy and daddy being together and things like that so I think that the her mental space is more important and she needs it.
00:25:56
Speaker
Absolutely. And I think that you raised a really, um first of all, I'm sorry to hear about the MS because you shared that. And I can't imagine how difficult that must be, you know, um having to go through something like that and then dealing with your marriage and dealing with your mental health, all of it kind of combined with then having to be locked in, I'm sure.
00:26:19
Speaker
Did not help the situation in terms of your mental health journey, but it sounds like you were able to you know stay in therapy and stay positive and put yourself first in the situation by saying, you know I'm going to put myself first and leave this marriage and and think about where I want to see myself in the next 100 days. I think that's really admirable.
00:26:40
Speaker
that you were able to do that and push through and to overcome and I love that you talked about your daughter as well and just like the importance of her being in therapy too because you know a lot of people when they go through something for themselves like they aren they aren aren't they aren't thinking about the implications that it has on their children or their partners or their parents, right? Like think about the implications of a parent seeing their child being sick of a disease that's incurable, right? Like what that might do for their mental health. So to have to prioritize your daughter's mental health, I think is great, you know, and just kind of grounding her and being like, okay, what is this new normal going to look like? And how can she emotionally regulate through a divorce, through being only child, through, you know, like all those things that you talk about with their mom, with her mom being sick um sometimes. So that's a lot for a child to take in. So I think it's great that you have her. Yeah. and there yeah I think it's very important. I think it's very important because, you know,
00:27:49
Speaker
she still has to deal with her father who is still very panicky and very, he's a helicopter, you know, that that that kind of thing. And me being who I am, I am a very straightforward and,
00:28:10
Speaker
how do I describe myself? Because I'm um'm very matter of fact a lot, um a lot of times, i'm ah i'm ah um I just, I don't hold the, I mean, I do it on their level, but I don't believe in not telling kids the truth because eventually they will learn the truth. And if you bring them up in ah in ah and in a fairy tale, then when they go out in this real world, it it is not safe and not the same. And then they'd be in this little bubble thinking that it is bubbles and
00:28:49
Speaker
rainbows out there and it's not and I believe in I believe in telling the truth and I believe in and holding them accountable for their decisions and being able to she's able to decide she knows that she can decide that she if she need a break from me to get that break right yeah you know tell me she needs a break that she that she needs to to go away and if you've been when she becomes an adult I hope that she knows, along with my older children, that they know that if they ever think that I am a cause for any kind of mental angst or any kind of um anything for them, that they should be able to step away. Because it's important to be able to trust your own decisions in what you want to do and what you think you need
00:29:49
Speaker
for yourself, because I think that that's very important for my my six-year-old to learn right now, whether she's in school and she has to deal with a teacher, whether she's at whether she's with me and she needs to take a break from me, take a step away. I think her going to therapy now too will give her those tools, even though I'm teaching her those tools as well.
Adapting to Life's Changes
00:30:16
Speaker
um I don't know if that answered your question. oh No, no, it's great. I think that is great sharing i think it's great what you're sharing for our listeners to hear to just kind of your viewpoint on the importance of it um and and being able to use the tools that you've learned for yourself in your own journey and imparting that on your child is really what what transformational generational change is really about what intergenerational change and intergenerational healing is about because it means nothing to leave the secrets within yourself. It means everything to pass it on to the next generation so that it can continue to be a priority for
00:31:00
Speaker
generations to come to think, you know what, I need some time to myself. And I think kids learning that very early on doesn't benefit to the mom and to the child, right? Because like now you get some time to yourself. And that child is also learning the importance of sitting with self and sitting with emotions and and being able to self-regulate and self like, cope with things. I think a lot of people aren't able to do that because, um you know, from a very early age, and so teaching that at a very early age, I think it's really admirable, and I think more moms, you know, can do that in their parenting, and and it can really help them with self-care, right? Like, if your kid is over there taking some time to themselves,
00:31:43
Speaker
You can take a little bit of time with yourself. Why don't you take a little time till they fail? Yeah. Cause I think that is the, it's the, because you, you know, being a mom, you're, if you're a mother or a wife stepmom or, you know, just a woman with a friend group, you, if you are the harmony of that group, then you, you need to, do you need to show and prove, you know, you need to show it.
00:32:13
Speaker
And, um, wait, is this show it like you need to model the behavior and everybody else falls in line from, from, from everybody, you know, whether it's, whether you're married and you, you do have that same thing with your husband and having him have his time with everybody talking about these man caves and stuff like that, or they, they little football and stuff like that. You know, if you just incorporate it and, and, you know, just have it in the language that they can understand.
00:32:43
Speaker
then they'll get it. And then everybody will have it. And then it'll be a copacetic thing in your house. You'll have the harmony. you know So she knows when I need a minute. I know when she need a minute or she need to go to bed.
00:33:06
Speaker
I ah love that. um So one of the things that stuck with me and you just like sharing your story a little bit has just kind of been this um uncanny ability to deal with change, right? And so can you talk about your ability to deal with change and how moms can can learn to deal with change, like a divorce, like thinking you're done with having kids and then you have a six-year-old. How did you embrace the ability to just roll with the punches and go with change? Well, change is hard for a lot of people. Change is going to do what they do. Change is going to change.
00:33:56
Speaker
um the The key, I guess, what I have learned is that change can give you an opportunity to create something new. You can always create a new path when you are, when you have a chance for a change to happen. Right. is you know its um It's a mindset, I believe, when you when you when you're able to embrace change because Embracing change is hard. So it's getting old. It's getting older. And usually if you are, you're going to stop right with at the age you are.
00:34:38
Speaker
you know
00:34:41
Speaker
Change is, i don't know I don't know if I'm answering this right or am I answering that at all? um Just how did you like embrace it? like How did you adapt to it? they were Was it easy for you to just Do you change, like some people when they struggle with their mental health or they have a lot going on and they deal with stress, change isn't easy for them, you know? Like they're not able to navigate it well, they fall apart. Like what has it been like for you? Well, that's not my story. I don't tend to fall apart when when when things are and in a storm or when things have to change.
00:35:24
Speaker
When they told me that I i had um multiple sclerosis, I'm like, okay, well, it ain't my mama's in MS anymore because 20 years ago, 30 years ago, when um they didn't have medication, right? So I'm like, all right, so what's out there now? right What we doing is my outlook. My outlook is like, okay.
00:35:52
Speaker
So. What's the game plan? Let's write something down. Let's do this. What we doing about it? Right. That's that's that's me. i'm um um I am solution driven. That's what my my drive is. My drive is solution. i that's That's what's happening? OK. I had a loss in 2016. And it was a second trimester loss.
00:36:22
Speaker
so that's that um
00:36:26
Speaker
Not normal, that's not something that happens often.
Rediscovering Self and Personal Growth
00:36:31
Speaker
There's a lot of people that had a lot that had a lot worse than me. But what that allowed me to see was that my kids were okay with another kid in the house. That they was okay with it. So that was another thing that I was like, oh, okay. Because I'm one to believe that God giveth and God taketh away. i don't really dwell on why and why me kind of thing. That's not, that's not my, that's not my jam. I'm like, okay. So what I'm going to do next time, if there's enough next time, you know, like I, I mean, then be audacious enough to try it again, then what changes do I need to make with this? How do I not lose again? Yeah. So I just,
00:37:25
Speaker
I just, I look at it for what it is. And then I work what work backwards and try to figure out where can I go different this time. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And I think that not.
00:37:41
Speaker
And I think that it's great that you share that um and not a lot of people have that within them. So for you to say like, I just have it in me, I think it's so, I think it's a good point to call out because you also shared like how you're able to do that, right? Like you're able to be solution focused.
00:37:59
Speaker
Instead of having this like, oh, okay, this is my issue. Like, I'm just going to accept it. Your mindset is more centered on this is my issue. Here's how I'm going to solve this problem. And I think that that's a great mindset to go into things and probably, you know,
00:38:15
Speaker
I think as you've gone through all these different changes in your life, that has been something that I would you say like has been one of the greatest things that have kind of kept you above water through the adversity that you've gone through because you've been so solution focused. Yeah. And I think that it's, it's solutions being a solution focused and not being drama driven. Like when you when you when you have something happen to you, and then you want to just live in the drama of it. that I feel like being solution focused helps me in a lot of ways because and I'm like, well, we got to figure this out. Right. It's not even an panic. It's, it's like
00:39:07
Speaker
There's a whole fire behind me and I'm like, okay, where is the fire extinguisher? Where did I fire it? And you know, I'm just, um I'm sitting in it and I'm like, okay, oh yeah, that's how we do it. And then go do it. Right, right, right.
00:39:26
Speaker
um I think that um you kind of like your mindset is very like operational mindset, youre very like tactical solutions. like like um look like You're probably one of those people that like when they go into the police, they know how to get to the exits as fast as possible. like they You know what I mean? like Always one step ah ahead.
00:39:48
Speaker
I wouldn't go that far because when I'm in places, sometimes I'd be like, yeah, that's where the exit is. But most of the time, like, you know, if it go down, then, yeah, I'm going to find out. I'm going to be with you because you know what the solution is going to happened, I'm going to stand next to you because you're going to want to get it out. Yes, I'm going to figure that part out. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I love that. So can you talk a little bit about the compassion that you may have for yourself in this process. Like self-compassion is important, right? Like giving yourself grace, embracing change, rediscovering yourself, reclaiming your power, you know, like all these things that we talked about. Is there, can you talk a little bit about your ability to have compassion for yourself in this process? I call it being beautifully selfish. I call it being beautifully selfish because
00:40:46
Speaker
is It's, you know, selfish gets such a bad rap and it's not selfish. No, it's in the wording and yeah, people gonna come fight me, but it's okay. You know, selfish is exactly what it is. It's self and you know, you have to take yourself and be selfish. Like, self care is not selfish. Yes, it is. It's in the wording and we could fight about it. It's all right. And there's nothing wrong with that.
00:41:17
Speaker
There's nothing wrong with it. And I think that, you know, giving yourself grace for mistakes, like trusting your decisions that whatever it is, whatever your decisions are, trusting them is very important. And even if they're bad, even if they're bad decisions that you make, give yourself the grace to to be able to regroup and make a new decision. like I know that sound like it's not so is it so easy.
00:41:46
Speaker
It's not easy, it's so learning is ah is is a thing that you have to learn and practice at doing. um Everything is practice. Everything takes practice. Therapy and working on your triggers, all of that, you never get out of therapy. Therapy is a lifelong situation. I had to go back to to the things that and that I had to go back into my own um my own um things that i that i have that I have to teach others. I have to go back into my own workbooks because I'm right back in the same place again. You know what I'm saying? So it's a continuum. It's a continuous journey to have to go back to. And I think that giving yourself the grace
00:42:45
Speaker
is of the utmost importance because you always give somebody else a slide. You always give somebody else a chance. You always give someone else a break. Right, right. Give yourself the same break. Yes. Give yourself, you know, the Bible says that they give you, that that God will give you peace. Okay. He will give you grace and grab some of it. Yes.
00:43:12
Speaker
Give me some of that. Give me some of that. And And use it. So is um it will ground you. it will it will You can reset yourself if you give yourself grace, if you give yourself that that that moment. Being self-aware is very important. Rediscovering yourself is very important. we we learn we we Most of the things that we do is stuff that we've always done.
00:43:43
Speaker
It's stuff that we've learned to do because that's what our parents did or that's what we did with our family and friends. I used to want to talk to my grandmother, both of my grandmothers when they were alive. So what did I do? I watched the things that they watched just so I can have a conversation.
Continuous Personal Development
00:44:01
Speaker
So I used to watch The Young and the Restless. So I could talk to them about The Young and the Restless. I'm like, Victor Newman, what? yeah I was like, what's going on? And that we would have a whole conversation based on what she watched. And my other grandmother watched The Young and the Restless too. So like I had the same conversation with that with her, but then she watched Murder She Wrote, so I used to watch Murder She Wrote, because she watched it. Remember Matlock, Golden Girls? Yes, all of that, all of that. And so to have those conversations, you watch those things. And then I found myself like, I don't even like the soap operas, because they're the same thing. Like how many times you're going to have a ah twin brother?
00:44:49
Speaker
I thought somebody's gonna die and come back to life. You off the cliff, but you held on with your pinky toe. Very good. Okay. It's so reasonable. Right. And it's been on for 50 years. Okay. um You know, just real just just just discovering, and I'm being funny when I'm saying those things, but seriously, you do't you do do things that you've always done because you've always done them. Stepping out.
00:45:16
Speaker
of your comfort zone, trying something new to see if you even like it. And the same thing that I liked at 17, I didn't like at 27, but now um I like it again right now. know't you know In my 40s, I like it again. you know So it's just a matter of rediscovering what you what you really like.
00:45:43
Speaker
Oh, that's so good. Thank you. That was so good. I love that you, I love that just real quick. I love that you, I never really like when you explain rediscovery, when you hear that people are like always going to get back to self, get back to self, get back to self. And really what you're saying is like, it's not about that. Get back to yourself, get back to self. It's about rediscovering.
00:46:06
Speaker
yeah like old things, it's about, you know, learning new things and taking that along with you and incorporating that. And like, you may like it, you may not, like you may find some new things. And that's like, there's joy in that, there's joy in that experience. And there's also room and there should be room for grace, like self grace, like you're talking about, like in that. So that's so good. Yeah, thank you. Yes, that that that's what I live by. So I mean, I'm just,
00:46:35
Speaker
I'm just being me. That's just who I am and how I live and how I teach others to try something new from a different perspective. And that's what I offer a different perspective and way and see things that we've always seen, but let's look at it a different way. Yeah, yeah. Perspective is ever is literally everything. And that brings me to my next question, which is like,
00:47:05
Speaker
What are some practical steps that our listeners can take right to start on their journey of self-discovery, of self-rediscovery, of having self-care and compassion for themselves? What are some practical things that someone listening today can just be like, oh, I can do this today, or I can plan to do this tomorrow?
00:47:28
Speaker
Well, it's still summer. It's still the summertime goal outside.
00:47:37
Speaker
That's a very practical way to change your perspective if you get outside, if you can find some grass, if you live in a city, there are parks, you know, that you can go to. And that's a practical way to really reframe your mind if you, or something that's even more practical than that is to refresh your room. Because your room is,
00:48:06
Speaker
is your sanctuary, right? So resetting it at night, having a nightly routine or not to, you know, just like set a mood for yourself. Set a mood for yourself before you go to bed. um Those are practical ways to to try. Try something new, something that you've never done before.
00:48:32
Speaker
There's so many foods that I have not tried. There's a couple of them that I will do for the rest of my life without. like know i don't I don't have no desire to try no caviar, but I don't need that to to to be who I am. I don't need that. um you know Honoring that, honoring the things that you will not do. Right, right, right.
00:49:02
Speaker
Because when we go into situations, um this is a little off tangent, but being selfish, right? When you consider like, let's say when I was going to a friend's house and I had said i was I was fasting off of meat, I said, I wasn't eating meat at this time. I said, yeah, I'll come to your house for dinner or whatever, but just have some, make sure you have some sides because I'm not going to eat whatever meat you have.
00:49:33
Speaker
Right. This girl thought I was talking about I'm vegan. I'm like, she was like, I'm gonna get some tofu. I said, girl, you know, I put a boundary out there saying I'm not going I don't want that, but you can make this. So if you look at it that way and say, you know, just take something off the table and then try something else to put it in that same in that same space can lead you to a new discovery.
00:50:03
Speaker
of yourself or what you might like. If you've never been sailing, try it. Or if I like tofu. Right. You got to put some onions and peppers on it, baby, and then squeeze that water out.
00:50:19
Speaker
We use the water, get a press, put some water out. It will taste better. My son is vegan, so I know a little bit about a little bit. Oh, me too. Represent for the vegan. Yeah, I know a little bit about a little bit, because he's a strict vegan. He'd be looking at the back of the packages. You strict? You a strict vegan, too? Yes, I am. I'm like, was it made with milk on the milk factory? They put dairy in so many stupid things. You know that? Why?
00:50:48
Speaker
Yes. And so my son now knows every little thing. you know He's coming to my house on Saturday, and he's bringing stuff. And I'm like, OK. All right. you know My mother makes meals. When she makes meals, when we make big meals and stuff, we make sure he has his vegan options. Yes. I like that because he's very strict with his diet. And if you want him to come, you're going to have some form. Period.
00:51:18
Speaker
He's the only vegan in our family. He's the only one. He's the only vegan in our family. So I mean, and he's really strict with it. And so that's something new for him. He's been a vegan for about three, four years, three years now, I think.
Handling Setbacks and Overcoming Challenges
00:51:36
Speaker
And um that's something that he tried that he that he discovered that was new about himself. He said he wanted to try something new.
00:51:47
Speaker
and he embraced that change and I'm pretty sure it was really hard for him. a But that's something that he dick he stuck and is continuing and is going wonderful for him.
00:52:06
Speaker
Which just speaks to your point earlier of you never know what you will find on your journey of rediscovering yourself, on your journey of trying something new. Who knows? like Not everybody wants to be vegan, but you never know. like it For me, like it was a big part of my own personal rediscovery journey and my but and my mental health and my physical health.
00:52:29
Speaker
And I've been a vegan for going on seven years now. Like I wasn't raised vegan. I grew up in the projects in Harlem and we ate canned food, frozen food, you know, regular black people stuff, you know. um And so growing when I decided to become vegan, like I was teaching myself how to eat foods that I, not that I never heard of before, but that I had never tried before. And they were things that like regular people eat, like Brussels sprouts and fresh broccoli and fresh carrots, like things like that. Like I just didn't have that.
00:52:57
Speaker
um Because I wasn't great. I didn't grow up that way and so it allowed me to just rediscover new joys and things that I love and care and and that I absolutely love now but that only came from taking a chance and A practical way that I heard from you say is to just try something new, just take a chance just embark on something. There's nothing that can hold you back if you just put yourself out there and and try that. um And so I want to enclosing kind of get advice from you for our listeners on people who may be
00:53:30
Speaker
like going through an experience and adversity or going to start a journey um and they may experience setbacks. What advice do you have for them for if they experience setbacks in in their journey? So if you are experiencing a setback in your journey, all you have to do is sit back and reroute. If it's a setback, it could be a setback for a bigger comeback.
00:53:58
Speaker
But you when you feel like you like there is no nowhere else to go, you can meditate on it. You could exercise and work it out in your brain to rework it. Because there's nothing wrong with having a contingency plan. Maybe you should start out with a contingency plan in the first place. Some people who says, I only got plan A, and that's all I got.
00:54:29
Speaker
But when in reality you you can have a plan A that might go not the way you want, take a moment and just try to sit quietly and figure out where can you go from here? Where did it go wrong? Maybe you could do something else in that space. But really give yourself grace. Give yourself that that that that grace.
00:54:59
Speaker
for whatever mistake it was or whatever your setback is. um Not all setbacks can be just set back and in and rediscover it or re-route it, but you can learn from whatever it is. You can learn about, you can learn it and don't have to repeat it because some people just don't learn. um Some people have to bump their head before they die. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I think that might be the clip for the episode. When you said if you experience a setback, sit back, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's good. That's good. That was a little preach it moment right there. I love it. That was a little preach it moment. No, because honestly, you know how preachers, they become known with the words. But I think that it's good that you say that because oftentimes,
00:55:57
Speaker
you you know you want to jump right into action but also like you can also sit back and say oh well okay what do i need to do next i don't need to you know what i mean i need to like figure out what happens next i don't need to just like jump into immediate action i can sit back And I can sit back with this setback and figure out what's going to happen next for me. And I think that's so important for us to remember, just as humans and just and women who are always trying to do the things all the time, sometimes it's okay to sit back. Sometimes it's okay. It is okay. It's okay to sit back. It's okay to delegate. It's okay to to have, um to not do it today.
00:56:40
Speaker
Right, right, right. it It's OK. You know, a lot of people say, don't put up on tomorrow what you can do today. But sometimes, pace makes waste. And if you're rushing, what you're rushing for, what are you rushing to? There's a lot of mistakes in rushing. Yes. A lot of mistakes to be made to be rushing. My daughter used to rush all the time. I said, we can't get there dead. Listen.
00:57:07
Speaker
I probably need to hear that too in my previous two years because i'm I am a recovering person in recovery with patients and so I have to learn that lesson too like you said and so sometimes that also makes me sit back like I used to get so mad at traffic and then I'm like you know what there's a reason that I am where I am right now because had I been 10 minutes earlier or whatever in traffic, you don't know what could have been waiting for you. So I always try to keep that in the back of my mind when the rushing or the impatient starts to come up. Keep it in the front, not in the back. Keep that in the front, girl. When you get made a rush, because it's true, when you are rushing, there are just little tenths of a second that you could have missed
00:57:54
Speaker
that you could, that that you might need to slow down or you might need to wait a second. um You know, a friend of mine had, um he had to get neck surgery. And this was years ago. And we were on the train and he had told me that his, his daughter had been in a car accident. And I was like, well, good thing you had your neck surgery because now you know how to hold your head. You know, those type of things.
00:58:24
Speaker
But sometimes those are the things that you need. You need the setup for a better for a better outcome or for a better way to cope. Sometimes you have to you have to you have to get in position to be able to receive what's next. Get in position to be able to move to what's next or in in those types of situations.
00:58:54
Speaker
you you have to but you have to pay attention. Yeah, yes, absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing that. I want to ask just kind of like as my last question, what is the most important message that you want to share with our listeners, right?
Inviting Community Participation
00:59:09
Speaker
Where would you like to leave with them today?
00:59:14
Speaker
That for you today, I want to, I was thinking about this and I, What I usually say is that you you are the shit. You are the moment. You don't have to wait for any special occasion to to smell good, to look good, to feel good because you are at the moment. And every moment counts because we don't know when the last moment will hit. So take every day as the moment.
00:59:54
Speaker
Yes. That's so good. That's so good. I love that. Thank you so much. That was absolutely amazing advice. And I'm going to remember it for myself. um You are the moment, girl. You are the moment. um Thank you for that. Lastly, just kind of, you know, if any of our guests would like to connect with you or work with you, do you work with, um is this like,
01:00:17
Speaker
Helping people and coaching is that something that you do kind of, you know, share a little bit about how our our moms and our listeners can connect with you Yes, you can on all my soul on social on social media is underscore Tiffany heard in one Instagram Facebook TikTok and pray it's Don't go to the reds though. Do it and I'll be I'll be wiling on the threads
01:00:48
Speaker
It's a little fun. I like that free space. um But yeah, I mean, you can face it there is um you can't connect with me there um and you know drop a DM. And that's how we can we can move forward and work together. I'm going to open up my beautifully selfish masterclass probably later on in the beginning of the next quarter, maybe.
01:01:19
Speaker
Um, because I think it's important to be beautifully selfish. Um, and yeah, um, that's how you can get with me. Uh, I will be by the middle of this month, have a self-help guide that, um, the self-care guide for is practical, practical things that you could do with self-care that doesn't break the bank for people who think that you have to spend a ton of money. You don't. Yeah, right, right. Absolutely. I love that. Well, make sure that you send that to me so that way I can add it into the episode. So those of you that are listening, I can share those resources with you um wherever you are, wherever you're listening. I hope that you heal well. Thank you, Tiffany, so much for coming on today. and Thank you for having me. was Really nice talking with you, really nice. yeah I hope I touch at least one person.
01:02:20
Speaker
Yes, listen, that's the goal for me. i I have always said since I started sharing my journey on social media that if in fact I could just touch one person by what I share, I will have fulfilled my purpose here. And my purpose is to be able to use my story to empower and inspire others. And so I'm thankful that you came on to share your story with others and I'm thankful that you have this have this platform to share and yeah have and have um and that you came on threads and said, hey, I'm looking for some people. yeah So um um I'm happy that I've seen that. I'm happy that you that we
01:03:05
Speaker
had gotten to ah orbit together, so. Yes, yes. No mistakes. There are no mistakes. I don't believe in any any mistakes. There's only just and timing ye yeah divine Yes, divine timing and wearing alignment. So thank you, Tiffany, so much. um And I will catch you all next week on the next episode of the Sewell Podcast. Bye. Bye.
01:03:30
Speaker
Welcome to the Soul Well Podcast, where moms of color find strength and community in the mental health space. Each week we ignite inspiration as we set our intentions with affirmations and dive deep into honest conversations with fellow moms and mental health experts. We're here to hold space for you, to shatter stigmas and elevate the voices of moms of color. We'll fight for policy change, empower you with mindful resources, and most importantly remind you that you're never alone on this journey. It takes a village to raise a mother. Now let's meet at the well.
01:04:07
Speaker
It's the teaser episode and I am so, so, so excited. I am your host, Autumn Colon, and I'm glad you're here. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This has been a vision, a purpose, a dream on my heart for so many years, probably since 2011, I wanna say. I have been dreaming of just bringing this to the masses and I'm so excited.
01:04:34
Speaker
Um, but are you ready to prioritize your wellbeing while embracing motherhood? That is what the Soul Well Podcast is all about. This is going to be your one-stop shop for mental health, self-care, being a part of an empowered community, or to just listen in on some mom chat. We are going to be getting all into it this season.
01:04:54
Speaker
and I'm so excited to bring you guys along on the journey. Get ready to ignite your inner strength each week as we open with affirmations. We're going to have mental health tips and mindful exercises to just help each and every one of us on our healing journeys. We'll delve into real stories from moms like you, insightful guest interviews, and topics that matter most to us here at So Well.
01:05:19
Speaker
mental health, maternal health, advocacy, and so much more. Join our journey to redefine mental health and holistic wellness from mothers of color. New episodes will launch each week starting May 28th. That is right around the corner. Oh my gosh. Find us on Spotify, iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe now and share the love. Tell your girlfriends, mom groups, even your therapist girl. Yo, we we want everybody listening in.
01:05:49
Speaker
We're building a village and you're a vital part of it. Have a story to share, a burning question, or an episode idea? We want to hear from you. You can reach out to us via email or you can find us on our social media channels, at so well, across all platforms.
01:06:07
Speaker
and I'm excited to talk to you. I'm excited to get into this season. There's so much that I want to share, so many conversations and connections that I just want to bring to you. We're going to do this together. This is just the beginning. Hit the notification bell wherever you are listening to us today and join us next week as we delve into more mental health conversations.
01:06:29
Speaker
The Sew Well community offers a safe ground for the transformative healing and restoration of intergenerational trauma, ensuring moms of color have a space to rewrite their stories, recover, live well, be seen and heard. Join us online and on Instagram at Sew Well for daily inspiration, blogs, events and more. See you next time.