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Rising from Ashes: A Story of Loss, Resilience, and Rebuilding
34 Plays7 months ago
In this episode, Hellen Kimaru, a Kenyan social entrepreneur, poet, and advocate for youth and women empowerment, dives deep into the moment that redefined her life. She shares her journey of resilience—from a childhood shaped by creativity and poetry to surviving a traumatic event that forced her family to rebuild from scratch. Through heartbreak, displacement, and the power of family and community, she discovered strength in the face of adversity. Tune in to hear how she overcame life’s toughest challenges, the importance of seeking help, and why embracing therapy can help with healing. This is a story of survival, hope, and the power of a life-changing decision.
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Transcript
Introduction & Hosts
00:00:01
Patrick Abure
Welcome to the Spark It podcast with Patrick CJ and Kimaru Baby.
The Life-Changing Decision
00:00:08
Patrick Abure
Today we are going to be diving into a topic that is very interesting and that you might all have encountered in one point or the other. The one decision that changes everything. Kimaru Baby, really good to have you on the show and to dive into this topic with you. How are you doing?
00:00:27
Kimaru
Um, I'm doing well. I can, I am excited actually to be here and I can't wait to see, you know, what to be unveiled from this discussion. Yeah, but it's exciting.
00:00:40
Patrick Abure
That is nice. Yeah, I actually had an interesting question that I just wanted to ask you before we get into the real discussion.
00:00:41
Kimaru
who
Family Traditions & Humor
00:00:51
Kimaru
Okay.
00:00:52
Patrick Abure
When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? What happened?
00:00:58
Kimaru
o Oh my god. I think that's ah it's a hard one. It's so hard to remember.
00:01:10
Kimaru
I don't know. Actually, oh my god.
00:01:11
Patrick Abure
ah
00:01:14
Kimaru
Honestly, I think that one would require me to dig deeper. Why am I finding that? Could you ask me another one?
00:01:25
Kimaru
Oh my god. yeah But if i I don't know honestly I can't remember but if that has happened recently it must have been the last time we were home with my with my family and my my sister had brought us her husband. They had come to um had come to visit our home I think and people are having fun.
00:01:50
Kimaru
There is this poem, they usually, initially, when they were teenagers, they used to be invited at weddings, and then they would recite the poem to their bride and their groom, so that the other siblings decided that they are going to, you know, do that poem.
00:01:54
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:01:58
Patrick Abure
Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:08
Kimaru
I think I actually have the recording in my phone. It was hilarious, yeah.
00:02:11
Patrick Abure
yeah hmm yeah probably and so what what was a particular fun about this fight why did it make you after him
00:02:14
Kimaru
Oh yeah, they should not kill me for telling this here. I hope they don't. But it was fun. It was fun. It was fun to witness it, you know. Yeah.
00:02:35
Kimaru
uh the point the way it is it's like there is a way they say God created Adam and Eve and uh he made Adam to fall asleep so that he could take a rib and do this so uh if you are doing this poem for people in a wedding or something usually insert like the names of the person.
00:02:43
Patrick Abure
Yeah. Right.
00:02:52
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:02:55
Kimaru
So at this point, they would insert the name of the guy there and then they'll be like, oh, you know, got made X and so sleep and then he took his rib and then they made my sister.
00:02:55
Patrick Abure
Oh.
00:02:59
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:03:08
Kimaru
It was so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. it's It was hilarious to see it happen after so long.
00:03:14
Patrick Abure
Let's see. Right, right.
00:03:18
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
00:03:18
Patrick Abure
Were you the one that performed it?
00:03:20
Kimaru
No, no, no, it was my brother. I couldn't remember i like the the words of the whole poem. So I was there taking the videos for them for memory's sake. So if they want the videos, they should look for me.
00:03:30
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:03:33
Patrick Abure
Wow, that's interesting.
00:03:35
Kimaru
Yeah.
00:03:35
Patrick Abure
Wait, that actually reminds me.
00:03:39
Kimaru
who
00:03:39
Patrick Abure
You are a poet. And your brother is a poet too?
00:03:46
Kimaru
I think the whole family.
00:03:49
Patrick Abure
Really?
00:03:50
Kimaru
Oh yeah.
Challenges of Nakuru & Resilience
00:03:51
Kimaru
Growing up, that was like the one thing that brought us together. We did a lot of poetry at church, at school, and also a lot of drama. We were involved in stuff like that.
00:04:01
Kimaru
So I think almost all of us participated at some point. Yeah. If you are not part of like a role in a drama, whatever you are doing a solo verse or something like that, or you are doing like a cultural folk song and you are the lead.
00:04:06
Patrick Abure
oh
00:04:15
Patrick Abure
right that's interesting so uh i i remember one time i was having a chat video and uh one of the things they said was uh you guys used to saying uh chat
00:04:15
Kimaru
That is like sort of what my family has looked like actually since you were kids. Yeah.
00:04:22
Kimaru
Mmhmm.
00:04:27
Kimaru
Mmhmm.
00:04:41
Patrick Abure
yeah music or some songs that you guys sing at night.
00:04:47
Kimaru
I know, yeah. We Yeah, we were the kids at church. If who if you missed church, the Sunday school teacher will be like, all right, we have these children. Yeah, we were very outgoing, actually. Yeah.
00:05:05
Patrick Abure
Wow, that's interesting though. i think I think for me it's the first time
00:05:11
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
00:05:12
Patrick Abure
that I am coming across a a family that all of them are poets.
00:05:21
Kimaru
a good number, we are many but at least not everyone but a good number it's like the talent is there so i would say probably close to five of us so yeah that's a really big number honestly is it even five or six of us yeah yes yes yes yes yes
00:05:36
Patrick Abure
Yeah? Only the same family.
00:05:43
Patrick Abure
i've I've only seen that way that with music. Like, you know, like ah the and it's called the Mayanja family in Uganda. So the Mayanja family is where Jessica Milion comes from, Valaso comes from Weezo, if you know and Radio and Weezo. Yeah.
00:06:12
Patrick Abure
one of those guys come from that same family I think they have also other late brothers that also come from the same family all of them are musicians and they are really doing well musically like all of them yeah yeah but I think
00:06:21
Kimaru
interesting e um calca i see
00:06:32
Kimaru
that's That's nice. The talent there just needs to be nurtured.
00:06:39
Patrick Abure
for For poetry, your family is the first, I know, that has that many people from one family who are all poets.
00:06:42
Kimaru
who
00:06:51
Kimaru
Yeah, we will we enjoyed. That's something we really enjoyed doing when we were growing up. Yeah, it was a good thing.
00:07:00
Patrick Abure
Wow,
Kimaru's Life-Changing Decision & Early Life
00:07:01
Patrick Abure
that's interesting. Yeah. Amazing. so the Oh, back to the conversation. yeah yeah I just wanted to have a chat with you about a decision that you took or made that significantly changed the course of your entire life.
00:07:26
Patrick Abure
There are some people I've spoken to, and many of them that I've spoken to say one decision has led them to literally where they are today.
00:07:27
Kimaru
Mm-hmm.
00:07:36
Kimaru
Uh-huh.
00:07:37
Patrick Abure
and And most of them are like, you know, when I was taking that decision, it really seemed tough and hard. But right now that I look back, it is the most re rewarding thing I've done.
00:07:50
Patrick Abure
And I'm just wondering, like, for you, what is that? And I thought I could maybe start this conversation by getting to maybe understand ah what was your early life like.
00:07:57
Kimaru
ah
00:08:03
Patrick Abure
like
00:08:05
Patrick Abure
Could you tell us a little bit about your life living in Nakoro? I mean, before you moved into Nakoro, there was this play, I think, called Keirid.
00:08:16
Patrick Abure
Keirid.
00:08:16
Kimaru
ke
00:08:18
Patrick Abure
Yeah. really Where you were living?
00:08:19
Kimaru
yeah
00:08:22
Kimaru
Yeah, as far as I can huh thats what i can remember, Kericho was nice.
00:08:24
Patrick Abure
Like, uh-huh.
00:08:29
Kimaru
you know it was that um it was actually yeah We used to live in a village and it was super nice.
00:08:34
Patrick Abure
Yeah. Yeah.
00:08:35
Kimaru
You would wake up and you're just there, you're a child having the best days of your life. My dad used to be the one making us breakfast because my mom never used to eat eggs and my dad wanted us to have eggs every morning so he used to be the one making us breakfast.
00:08:48
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:08:50
Kimaru
Actually it was I would say it was really a very nice childhood and then I remember he used to go to the farm he would come home
00:08:57
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:08:59
Kimaru
ah yeah yeah He used to wear like this very long coat that has like very deep pockets and he used to enjoy picking fruits for us so he would come home and me and my sister Kimzy would be digging deep into his pockets you're like yeah you want the passion fruits and stuff like that.
00:09:07
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:09:15
Kimaru
and stuff like that so as far as i remember it it was a nice childhood like really normal childhood where you are just living the best of your life going to school in a quite a far off distance and i remember those days people used to go to school how i don't know why they used to come back home to have lunch
00:09:29
Patrick Abure
yeah
00:09:35
Patrick Abure
Right, right.
00:09:36
Kimaru
Give you to love it. You go home and you know it's a long walk of to your home.
00:09:40
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:09:41
Kimaru
Yeah, you go home, have lunch and then you go back to school.
00:09:46
Kimaru
ay It was crazy. Yeah, but it was a normal childhood full of laughter and love and you know and good vibes.
00:09:46
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:09:50
Patrick Abure
yeah
00:09:54
Patrick Abure
Mm-hmm.
00:09:54
Kimaru
That was it your mystery. Yeah and games.
00:09:56
Patrick Abure
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. No, that's fantastic.
00:10:01
Kimaru
Yeah, yeah, so it was good.
00:10:01
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:10:04
Patrick Abure
He said you guys you you you you you used to walk four kilometers or four miles from home to school.
00:10:13
Kimaru
i i know I think it used to be like around that I remember it was somewhere it was like down almost like a hilly place yeah it would have been around either three to four kilometers honestly yeah yeah
00:10:22
Patrick Abure
Right. That's interesting. Yeah. And I remember one time we're having a chat with you about this and you said you were making dolls and and very many other art forms as a child
00:10:35
Kimaru
who
00:10:46
Kimaru
ah
00:10:54
Kimaru
I know but I think for me I've always been like a very creative person honestly this is not something that's when I was an adult as a child my mom used to do a lot of crochet so I would actually borrow yarn from her sometimes she would give me like old sweaters and then I would undo them and I'll get the yarn and I'm there um you know i'm making my crochet items so i used to actually make dolls for myself and i'll be there i i learned how to crochet and to sew
Ethnic Clashes of 2001 & Family Tragedy
00:11:22
Kimaru
as a child so i'll be like them i'm i'm making sure like this doll has hair the hair would be yarn so
00:11:23
Patrick Abure
Yeah, yeah.
00:11:27
Patrick Abure
Alright.
00:11:30
Kimaru
I'll use clothes to make the dolls and then I'll use yarn to make the hair.
00:11:33
Patrick Abure
Mm-hmm.
00:11:35
Kimaru
It's just super interesting honestly and then there is also this other thing we used to do we would pick um either sometimes you do things like beans or maize or we would pick some um some seeds from some tree and then you'll make bean bags.
00:11:45
Patrick Abure
Yeah. Yeah.
00:11:51
Kimaru
I don't know whether you know that. There was something you would sew like ah a small thing and then you'll put the seeds in there
00:11:57
Patrick Abure
Oh, okay. Yeah, I think I do.
00:11:59
Kimaru
And then it becomes like something you play with. Yeah, it was nice.
00:12:02
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:12:03
Kimaru
Yeah, it was really nice.
00:12:05
Patrick Abure
That's interesting. I mean, I, I also know that, um, like,
00:12:06
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
00:12:12
Patrick Abure
beadworking and crocheting and other stuff are part of the programs that you implement uh i think under latitude so yeah
00:12:13
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
00:12:25
Kimaru
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, yeah, it ended up being like some of those things that I learned when you ah I was a child, you see the way people learn skills and you're like, I don't know. where I'll use them clearly.
00:12:36
Kimaru
It's something as an adult, I have used um the same skills I've taught people. I've made money from it.
00:12:43
Kimaru
I've sold items and I've mentored people, you know, so it's been fun. It's been a good right. Nothing has gone to waste.
00:12:43
Patrick Abure
a
00:12:51
Patrick Abure
Wow, and that's really nice. how how How many people have you mentored and supported so far?
00:12:54
Kimaru
Yeah.
00:12:59
Kimaru
Uh, directly should be the project I was running in Kaka mega. And another one I did in Westport code should be around 300 people. Yeah.
00:13:11
Patrick Abure
Wow, that's fantastic.
00:13:13
Kimaru
who
00:13:14
Patrick Abure
Congratulations.
00:13:15
Kimaru
Thank you.
00:13:18
Kimaru
Yeah.
00:13:19
Patrick Abure
No, that's good.
00:13:19
Kimaru
It's been nice. Mm-hmm.
00:13:22
Patrick Abure
Yeah, that's amazing. So actually, now now that you've said that, it kind of reminded me of the three, what are those?
00:13:38
Patrick Abure
You have these really nice ah crochet materials behind. you like and the background like yeah like did you work on those yourself yeah
00:13:52
Kimaru
No, I didn't make those ones, but I can make those ones. Actually, those ones are, it's sort of like, there's this traditional ah basket ah that is made by Kikuyu women.
00:14:02
Kimaru
It's called Akiondo. That's the base of Akiondo. My mom taught me how to make Akiondo as a child. I can make that and even make it to be like Akiondo, but I was lazy, so I bought those ones.
00:14:15
Kimaru
I was like, yeah, I'm not doing them today. yeah Yeah, but I do know how to make that from scratch anyway, so.
00:14:23
Patrick Abure
That's nice.
00:14:24
Kimaru
Mm-hmm.
00:14:25
Patrick Abure
Yeah, that's the nice. Well, I mean, you clearly did have a very happy childhood with amazing memories from living in Kericha.
00:14:40
Kimaru
Mm-hmm.
00:14:41
Patrick Abure
Why did you decide to move to Nakura? Like, what was
00:14:45
Kimaru
Ah.
00:14:48
Kimaru
ah her
00:14:48
Patrick Abure
the the the pivotal moment or maybe event that pushed you guys to move.
00:14:55
Kimaru
Oh wow, that's a good question. I would say ah for us it was um it wasn't necessarily a decision we that came easy and it also was it was also not a decision I made i made myself.
00:15:08
Kimaru
ah It was a decision that came ah from like a series of events
00:15:08
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:15:14
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:15:15
Kimaru
Unfortunate events for that matter. Yeah um so either This story it's ah it's like it has not been wanting me to tell it Sounds very bad. Anyway, that's like, honestly, yeah. So ah for ah for the the reason why we moved from Kericho was because of ethnic clashes that happened in 2001. And at this point, a neighbor of ours had actually been murdered. Yeah, and so the way I remember it, it was on a Saturday, was supposed to open school on a Monday.
00:15:58
Kimaru
for the second time of the year. Yeah, so um we were home with my sister cooking dinner. My older sister, because then I was still a child anyway.
00:16:05
Patrick Abure
know
00:16:07
Kimaru
Yeah, yeah so ah where we used to stay, we never used to have fences around our homes. so And that day, remember, we had footstep footsteps.
00:16:13
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:16:17
Kimaru
Like somebody was running just close to our house, and myself was like, could you go and check that out?
00:16:17
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:16:22
Kimaru
So I go out and I check. I only see a man disappear. Somebody is just, you know, they ran past our home.
00:16:26
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:16:29
Kimaru
So I'm like, yeah, guys I just saw a guy and the our life continues. So we go back to our cooking.
00:16:29
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:16:33
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:16:35
Kimaru
We have our dinner. We go to sleep. And then the next morning I remember by 6 a.m. I had people talk like, you know, the way you could hear like there's a crowd gathered close to your place.
00:16:45
Patrick Abure
Yeah, yeah.
00:16:46
Kimaru
Yeah, that's what happened. So you are like, what's up? I wake up. I check in our home. My mom, my parents, they're not there. No one is there. It's just as the kids who are sleeping were in the house.
00:16:59
Kimaru
Everybody had left. So I go outside and then from where I'm standing, I could clearly see like around two to 300 meters from our home was our neighbor's house.
00:17:07
Patrick Abure
Yeah, yeah.
00:17:08
Kimaru
So there was like this huge crowd over there. And then you're wondering, oh, so what's up? And since the parents are not there to stop you from going there and you are a small child who is very curious and you can go there.
00:17:16
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:17:20
Kimaru
So I go there and you try to find out what's up and you can't make your way through the crowd.
00:17:20
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:17:27
Kimaru
But eventually you do hear that the neighbor is dead. Yeah, that's why people people are there and then now the question is what happened to him because clearly this person did not commit suicide This person was not sick.
00:17:41
Kimaru
There is clear indication that this person was actually murdered Yeah, so and that's ah from there. That's where like the everything changes. Yeah because the rest of the day is now the the chief the chief comes and these meetings but the question is oh who who killed our neighbor what happened to him and clearly no one has the answers yeah and i think around around midday there's this um story
00:18:04
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:18:12
Kimaru
flying around that this the person who murdered this person has been found and they're in a totally different area or maybe let's call it another village. They're in a totally different village, kilometers za away from our place. They are at a police station, they've been arrested.
00:18:29
Kimaru
Yeah, so at this point, the the question is, ah you know, who is it? And people are curious, they want to know they just, you know, just at this point, you just know there's a man who is the politician, and he's a suspect.
00:18:40
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:18:44
Kimaru
So, ah living in the Rift Valley for Kenya has a lot of communities honestly and predominantly over the years there's been like if you come to Centro you'll find like the Kikuyu community has predominantly been from Centro if you go to Nyanza you'll find their lower community stuff like that and if you go to the Rift Valley there is the Kalenjin community
00:18:52
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:19:08
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:19:12
Kimaru
Yeah, so for most Kikuyos who probably live in um in the Rift Valley, it's because of the displacement after what happened during their colonial times.
00:19:19
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:19:24
Patrick Abure
yeah
00:19:24
Kimaru
Like a lot of people, they like maybe lost their land, people relocated. And yeah yeah, so people kind of sort of migrated. And then nowadays the people, there's now different tribes living different places in as much as they're still predominantly those specific tribes that live there.
00:19:39
Kimaru
So I think that's what how my my my grandmother, they found themselves there. And then again, my parents, yeah. And that's how I would say we settled down and in the Rift Valley.
00:19:39
Patrick Abure
Mmhmm.
00:19:51
Kimaru
Yeah, but but we are from central Kenya.
00:19:51
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:19:54
Kimaru
Yeah. So the person, on ah my neighbor was from from this community that now lives in the Rift Valley anyway.
00:20:01
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:20:03
Patrick Abure
Mmhmm.
00:20:06
Kimaru
And then they are like, hey, we want to know, we want answers. And at this point, they decide that they are going to go to the police station. to find out and figure it out yeah so we lived close to the road and they take my tattoos and um buses and they go they go there like a very big crowd of people and they are angry and it's bad so they go to the police station and they demand to be given this man at this point what they want is to do like what we call mob justice yeah and yeah they just want to avenge their dead
00:20:15
Patrick Abure
right yeah yeah
00:20:44
Kimaru
It's like no one really cares about the why. It's like, yeah, bring that man to us.
00:20:47
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:20:49
Kimaru
We will know what to do with him. But of course, if a policeman has arrested you and you're in their custody, they will probably not give you away.
00:20:51
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:20:58
Kimaru
There's no way they can hand over somebody to ah an angry mob but for them to do whatever they want with you.
00:20:59
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:21:04
Kimaru
Yeah, so that so the the police, of course, could not hand over the guy to these people.
00:21:04
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:21:08
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:21:11
Kimaru
yeah so they are now even angrier they were angrier yes now it's even worse uh so they they bought their buses and their materials and they're coming back now even way angrier they are like there is no way how come this guy died and no neighbor had him cry for help like what really happened yeah so they they come back they're so angry and whatever and at this point because of what had happened during the day like their whole meeting and the way they are there was just some sort of you could feel like something bad is going to happen it there was no peace
00:21:35
Patrick Abure
Yeah. Yeah.
00:21:51
Kimaru
at this point yeah so by the time they are coming back people are in a state of you know you feel like you are in flight mode yeah so and as far as my mom is concerned she keeps saying for her for example she is experienced Ethnic clashes in so I think in 1997 1992 and stuff like that So these are things they had already seen despite living there for so many years It had happened to them in the past So you can they could they could already feel like something bad is gonna happen because the anger in these people is just out there Yeah
00:22:13
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:22:30
Kimaru
and all that. So by the time they get to our place, because we live ah close to the road, and then this particular community, they have a sort of, i I don't know whether to call it like a war cry or scream or something like that.
00:22:43
Kimaru
So by the time they're lighting their buses and they're my tattoos, that's exactly what is happening.
00:22:46
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:22:48
Kimaru
There's that. And if we are everybody knows that's what is happening. And you've had it.
00:22:53
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:22:54
Kimaru
And because you've had it in the past, you can relate and you know, yeah, shit is going down.
00:22:54
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:22:59
Kimaru
yeah so um they decide so so they when they get there everybody is running they're like yeah we this this is going down and for our own safety we scatter yeah so everybody uh sort of runs away and at this point our last ones i think they were around four years ah my older sisters they carry them on their backs and off we go
00:23:03
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:23:11
Patrick Abure
right
00:23:24
Kimaru
uh so an eyewitness tells us um the one who'd like witnessed this thing alongside my father he told us i think he came to my home like two to three years ago ago if i remember correctly he came home and he was telling uh my mom and my siblings i wasn't there he was telling them the story so according to him
00:23:38
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:23:43
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:23:48
Kimaru
For them, when these people arrive, ah my dad and he and the guy now, they go into our house. For him, I think he's left at the door. My dad is in the house.
00:23:57
Patrick Abure
yeah
00:23:58
Kimaru
I think he was going there to pick something. I clearly don't know what he was going to pick. But now by the time they he's getting out of the house, these guys are already there.
00:24:03
Patrick Abure
yeah
00:24:07
Kimaru
um and they start like drawing stones at them my dad loses his consciousness this guy falls down there's a guy with a machete he cuts like his hand almost i think yeah he cuts his hand his hand it's almost like it's almost detached it's this is a bad story honestly um
00:24:18
Patrick Abure
Oh, my God.
00:24:27
Kimaru
it's just yeah disclaimers honestly to anyone listening yeah so the the the dude now is there he's bleeding for him what saves him from what is happening at that particular moment is he pretends he's dead
00:24:40
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:24:43
Kimaru
Yeah, so what happens is these people who are so angry, this angry mob, and it's a lot of people by the way, they now enter people's homes, they loot whatever they want.
00:24:50
Patrick Abure
Mm-hmm.
00:24:55
Kimaru
And then after they loot, they set the houses on fire. Yeah, so for my father, after he had been stoned, he falls down, he's lost his consciousness.
00:25:05
Kimaru
And then by the time they've finished what they're doing in our home,
00:25:05
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:25:08
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:25:08
Kimaru
When we come out, I think he like moves or something so they can clearly see, oh, he's breathing.
00:25:12
Patrick Abure
Mm-hmm.
00:25:16
Kimaru
So apparently they had made a pact that they would um they would kill five neighbors because ah why didn't you hear our man or our neighbor asking for help?
00:25:31
Kimaru
So they say they are gonna kill five neighbors. And and yeah. so my dad moves and then these guys are like yeah he's alive yeah so they go back into the house they take a mattress they come and put the mattress over him this guy can clearly see this is what is happening but for him him he's really pretending he's dead cabissar yeah so they put the mattress over him and then they get um
00:25:54
Patrick Abure
yeah
00:26:05
Kimaru
They I think they had petrol or something they pour it on him and they light him on fire Yeah, and that's the end of him that's how he dies But at this point we don't know for us.
00:26:12
Patrick Abure
Oh my god.
00:26:22
Kimaru
It's like we took We took off and I remember that night we slept on top of a hill. I think it was a totally different village from our home. But from where we were, because it was sort of a hilly place, you could see the houses. The houses were blazing.
00:26:43
Kimaru
There's this poem I did when I was, I don't know, I think when I was 11 years old, somebody wrote this poem that sort of almost looked like the ordeal we had gone through.
00:26:49
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:26:56
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:26:56
Kimaru
It used to go like fire, fire, houses are on fire. What caused it? We wonder. They came at night. We were too weak to wake up. They stole our belongings.
00:27:09
Kimaru
Something like that. It's a really very Yeah, it's a very emotional poem. And for me, I remember when this person wrote for me this poem, I recited it at church.
00:27:21
Kimaru
Yeah, at the church.
00:27:21
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:27:23
Kimaru
And I remember when I was practicing it, one of the teachers telling me, hey, you know, I think they they already knew like the tragedy we had gone through and they were like, you should
00:27:33
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:27:38
Kimaru
just use your personal experience to channel the emotion and as a child and as a child I actually did that but now looking back maybe that was not the best approach but anyway yeah anyway so at this point we are on a hill we could see the houses are on fire At that point, you can clearly see, ah, yeah, it's gone. Everything, everything you owned, it's gone. It's totally gone. Yeah, so they touch, they touch the whole village. And I remember that night on top of this hill, because we were in groups of people, you're just there, you're, you know, you're seated somewhere, you could see and experience everything that is happening. And then if you had like movement somewhere, because I mean, at this point you're still,
00:28:28
Kimaru
if you hear like movements somewhere ah you would probably be like ah maybe they have come for us so you know because we are the top of the hill you start descending and i remember the the next morning when it went
00:28:41
Patrick Abure
Right Wow
00:28:45
Kimaru
don't broke as we are getting out of this place. My feet hurt a lot. Apparently I lost my shoes because at this point you got to a place at some point the shoes were such a bother. So you remove shoes you start descending the whatever thing without shoes and I remember correctly picking like 17 thorns from my feet.
00:29:10
Kimaru
I know the next day it was like that's what you are doing in the morning because you cannot stand the pain yeah and so After we get off this hill now, because you know, at this point, maybe probably the police are there.
00:29:24
Kimaru
We go, we get out of the hill. We go, there's this lady who lived close to that hill. We knew them.
00:29:30
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:29:30
Kimaru
oh Yeah. So we go to them, to their, I think we go to their house as we were passing by. And by then there's this guy who had actually come and they're like, Oh, by the way, I have bad news for you.
00:29:42
Kimaru
And they're like, Oh, unfortunately your father is dead. and i remember as a child i don't think even at this point i was feeling anything it's like it's like the way you could be watching a movie and that's it's like your life is a movie now you just see it um and it's like you're not there that's exactly the feeling at this point yeah so we go now at this point we just uh go home or what was supposed to be our home
00:30:01
Patrick Abure
who
00:30:04
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
Rebuilding Life in Nakuru
00:30:14
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:30:14
Kimaru
And by the time we get there, my dad had not been moved. He had not been taken to the Moog. So um somebody had been gracious enough and covered them with a blanket. Yeah, so he was just lying there. And then there's this crowd of people. And people are taking turns. They'll be like they want to see. So they, you know, they remove the blanket just a little bit to take a peek. And then they would return the blanket. So you are just there again.
00:30:44
Kimaru
it feels like a movie that is being played as if it's not your reality so you're just there you're also looking every time he's opened you see a little bit of him every time somebody moves that blanket you see a bit of him yeah that was it
00:31:00
Kimaru
um and at this point now uh so our our relatives they all definitely get the news and they decide to come funeral arrangements are made and yeah we bury my dad and from there it's more of it wasn't a discussion of you're going to live here or not Clearly, you don't have a home.
00:31:22
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:31:24
Kimaru
You've lost your dad. You've lost everything that you you had. So it's not a matter of, I don't think it was even negotiable. We just, our um my extended family and my mother, they made the the decision for us to move to a place that would have been much safer for us.
00:31:42
Kimaru
So Yeah, we are nine in our family. So I remember, I remember there was ah my brother who was actually in Fung Fa at that time. He was left there to do his exams because he had already registered for his exams from there. So he was left there to live in a totally different village with some other long distance relatives of ours. And then my other older siblings, they were just kind of sort of distributed. Oh, you and you. Me and my brother went to live with my auntie.
00:32:13
Kimaru
my other siblings went to live with my grandmother. It was, yeah, so at this point now, it's like there's this thing on TikTok, people, it's called a cat distribution system.
00:32:28
Kimaru
I'm trying to make light of this situ situation.
00:32:30
Patrick Abure
Okay. it Yeah.
00:32:32
Kimaru
Yeah.
00:32:35
Kimaru
it's like when a cat finds you and then you adopt it yeah the cat distribution system anyway but that's just on a lighter note yeah so anyway we end up going to live with our relatives and I end up living with my auntie So at this point we ah we enrolled into new schools and at my aunties we spend now the second term and the third term that was 2001.
00:32:38
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm. Oh, okay.
00:33:08
Kimaru
And then again another decision is made. There is a fundraiser I think at the end of that year and they buy land for us in our kuru. um and so we go back to living with my mother now all of us and again we have to be enrolled to new schools again start a new life yeah it was sort of it's just up and down up and down yeah in those in those two years a lot happened honestly
00:33:29
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:33:39
Patrick Abure
You. You really did go through an incredibly traumatic event, experience, you and your family. I can't possibly imagine what going through that looks like, because I think it's really horrible. like yeah it it's it's ah it's It's a traumatic, tragic event that leaves a lasting mark on someone's life and I just can't imagine like what that was for you and your family so at at this point when this tragic incident happens you guys move to Nakulu where they got you a new
00:34:30
Kimaru
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
00:34:36
Patrick Abure
a piece of land where you guys were now settled in.
00:34:40
Kimaru
Uh-huh.
00:34:42
Patrick Abure
What was the hardest part about starting over? Because you had you had to rebuild your lives afresh from scratch.
00:34:51
Kimaru
a oh and i think before i even answer that i think i've forgotten a very important detail of this story so i just to go back before i answer that just to go back to this story apparently the reason why my neighbor was was my dad they had uh he had three wives they had issues in the family and then one of their wives sent somebody to come and do that yeah so that this is stuff they found out later
00:35:00
Patrick Abure
Right. Yeah.
00:35:22
Kimaru
yeah and then also like another neighbor of ours also escaped death you know just like this yeah he escaped death because he had also been he had been housed at one of the one of the friend's home he had the the friend had told him oh you can come and set my house everything will be fine you know we've been friends all this time and he trusted him and went to his home
00:35:34
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:35:41
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:35:46
Kimaru
And that night, when everything is happening, the guy ah tells this this man, like, hey, I need to step out of the house for a few. I'm coming back. And when he leaves, the wife tells this guy, by the way, let me tell you the honest truth. This guy has gone to call the mob on you. And you are one of the people who had been mocked as people among the five.
00:35:46
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:36:13
Kimaru
Yeah, among the five neighbors who did not come to the rescue of the day of their dead guy. Yeah, so the wife tells him, you know what, even just live through the window. So the guy hey ah left through the window and he couldn't even go so far.
00:36:28
Kimaru
By the time he's leaving, he could hear footsteps of people coming and he decides to just climb a tree.
00:36:35
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:36:35
Kimaru
That was the border of their land. So he climbs the tree, these guys come and they're like, oh, where's this dude? Wife says, oh, he left when you left. And now they start looking for him and they cannot find him. But what saved him was he was on top of that of a tree and they didn't bother to check. I guess at this point they didn't think he would have been on top of a tree. So that that's how another neighbor escaped death.
00:37:02
Patrick Abure
From my friend
00:37:04
Kimaru
Yes.
00:37:06
Kimaru
I think sometimes ah from what I have seen or what I know even like in 2008 when there was seven, 2008 when there was chaos in Kenya, sometimes when these things happen, when tribal clashes or tribal things happen, it's like at that point people don't think about those days when you're just friends with people, when you're smiling,
00:37:29
Kimaru
sharing a meal or just your friends you've been there for each other at this point it's like it's like almost a seed of heat is planted or maybe that seed of heat has always been there and it just needed something to trigger it I don't know but yeah yeah so that's exactly what that looks like in those times
00:37:53
Patrick Abure
it's a very dark um incident i agree 100% yeah yeah yeah
00:37:58
Kimaru
yeah it is very it's it's actually weird i think we need to do better over yeah yeah
00:38:13
Kimaru
yeah so anyway going back to you were asking me what like was the hardest thing that happened for us when you're trying to reset your hand rebuild first and foremost i think at this point now i think rebuilding for us was really hard because i mean you are from this space or place where you had everything and now It's no longer there. It doesn't exist. There's nothing you can go back. You can salvage anything. It's like time has wiped off all that. And now you have to start from scratch. You have to and then you don't you don't have much. I remember at this point my mother got sick.
00:38:57
Kimaru
she got asthmatic and for like two to three years she was bedridden literally she couldn't do much i remember we would go to school and then we would come back and find her she had done very little in the house or maybe had not even done anything because she's not okay completely it was really that bad but for me the most significant part also was the fact that i quit school
00:38:58
Patrick Abure
yeah.
00:39:25
Kimaru
I quit school as a child. I was like, nah, I'm not going to that school now. Because, okay, so what happened was, as I tried to start from scratch and all that, like I remember now, the other year, when my dad passed on, we spent now at our relatives' places.
00:39:33
Patrick Abure
Yeah
00:39:42
Patrick Abure
yeah
00:39:43
Kimaru
And then now, so there's that time, then we we we move from there and now we are living with our mother, so we have to go to new schools. Then we go to these new schools and everyone is like, oh, we don't have a vacancy for the next class. If anything, all of you have to repeat the same class you were in the previous year. In my heart, I'm like, me? Repeat a class? Hey, you're taking me for granted.
00:40:11
Kimaru
I was like, no, no, no, no, no, I can't, I can't be in this class, not again. Yeah, so I refused to go so to school, I think around close to two to three weeks. I was a home, everybody will go to school, they'll come back, no one, not even my mother could convince me to go to school. I was there, I was just having fun, I i don't even but know whether it it was fun, but I was just at home helping around.
00:40:36
Kimaru
Yeah, so ah one of my uncle's friends came at some point and then he was like, oh, hi. I hear you ah have refused to go to school. You know, school is such a good thing.
00:40:49
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:40:50
Kimaru
Yeah, so he goes on and on about, you know, how age is just but a number. It's okay. Just go back to school. You will catch up.
00:41:00
Kimaru
You'll be fine.
00:41:00
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:41:01
Kimaru
You're a brilliant child. You know, even if you will finish school later than any other person, but you'll be fine. Just go." And he said all these very affirming things.
00:41:15
Kimaru
And I think by the end of that conversation, it took that man to convince me to go back to school.
00:41:20
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:41:22
Kimaru
So by the end of that conversation, I was like, yeah. I think it's time. It's time to go to school. Yeah. So I did go back to school, but what happened was I, from that point, I worked so hard because I was really trying to prove myself.
00:41:36
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:41:38
Kimaru
I was trying to prove to even myself that I'm better.
00:41:41
Patrick Abure
Okay.
00:41:42
Kimaru
I'm good enough and I can do these. Yeah. So I was always, anyway, in primary school, I was always top of my class. There i there was no other way.
00:41:53
Kimaru
Yeah, but on the other hand, ah rebuilding for us also, so I would say it wasn't easy. Yeah, I would say it took a village. It took a village for us to rebuild from the church community, ah our friends, our extended family, our neighbors.
00:42:10
Kimaru
And at this point, um we got a lot of help from people, like it was like, you know, the way you just receive, it was like receiving, receiving, receiving, like people come, they give you whether it's food, it's clothes, because you don't have these things.
00:42:26
Kimaru
yeah it's like you are there you are receiving everything from people and to some extent as a child there was a point to go to a place where you receive so much and then there there would be a few children who would make fun of you
00:42:26
Patrick Abure
right.
00:42:30
Patrick Abure
Mm-hmm.
00:42:42
Kimaru
um so there was a times you would feel bad and you'll be like how come we can't afford this you get yeah but but yeah but yeah there was that point and then there was also the other point you remind yourself like you are in this situation you didn't necessarily choose to be in this situation
00:42:48
Patrick Abure
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:43:02
Kimaru
and it's life so you gotta to find the strength to keep moving and also at church it also happened at some point there was some few kids not all few kids who wonder how come these people can't even afford to give offering
00:43:07
Patrick Abure
right right
00:43:21
Kimaru
That was kind of significant for me. So I remember to survive this church thing, there's that offertory basket that passes around when you're giving offering.
00:43:32
Kimaru
I tell before this story we laugh. So the offering basket would pass. You don't have even a chilling to put in.
00:43:36
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:43:39
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:43:39
Kimaru
So please, my siblings, don't kill me for telling this story.
00:43:44
Patrick Abure
and
00:43:46
Kimaru
So when the offering bag would pass,
00:43:50
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:43:50
Kimaru
because it's sort of like an open one. there's this These really tiny ones that you can just slide something in, but these ones are like kinda, you could slide your hand in.
00:43:59
Kimaru
So when they pass there, because you want to to have that, people you want people to have the impression that you put something, so you hold your fist like this and you put your hand inside.
00:44:00
Patrick Abure
yeah
00:44:16
Kimaru
Yeah, you put your hand inside because I realized for me it was a survival mechanism. After that, no one would know whether I gave or I did not give.
00:44:25
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:44:29
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:44:30
Kimaru
So, there is no story.
00:44:31
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:44:35
Kimaru
Yeah so that's what used to happen and I think also another another thing how I survived sort of my childhood but childhood was you see how brilliant I was in at school I think also that kind of helped me survive because kids would come to me to ask questions
00:44:43
Patrick Abure
Yeah. Yeah.
00:44:52
Kimaru
Oh, I don't understand this. Could you teach me this or have a math? Could you do this? ah Tell me why these nouns or pronouns are not working there. That kind of thing. I was like the go-to child. There was this kid, I think in class four, five there. We used to call him Babu.
00:45:11
Kimaru
Babu used to give me his, I don't know this thing, whether it was called a bibbo or bimbo, there was just a small group that had come, ah whatever, in a small park.
00:45:22
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:45:22
Kimaru
I think there used to be 10 shillings and his parent was, um he was in the military. So during the lunch hour, because our school was so close to the barracks, I think the dad would send somebody to bring him lunch like hot lunch with that juice, hey dude give me that juice every day every day every day just because i was teaching him math me i was i was doing the good life because because i could show somebody you know math i'll be like yeah please just come to me i'll show you how it's done in exchange for you
00:45:37
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:45:57
Patrick Abure
All right.
00:46:03
Kimaru
But I didn't remember negotiating for him to give me the juice, but I think he saw it fit to bribe me.
00:46:16
Kimaru
Yeah, but anyway, yeah rebuilding was both um not easy.
00:46:23
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:46:23
Kimaru
It had its very downsides and there were good times, the bad times.
00:46:30
Patrick Abure
Mm-hmm.
00:46:31
Kimaru
Because I also remember at some point as as ah as young as you are, we had also learned to do a lot for ourselves because my mom was not okay.
00:46:40
Kimaru
So we learned how to cook early enough. We learned how to do farm work because even at some point we used to like do farm work for people so that we could um get paid.
00:46:40
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:46:53
Kimaru
yeah so it kind of taught us the whole experience taught us to a lot of you know just being dependent yeah we learned to do a lot of these things earlier and when other kids are just there they're having too much fun as we were having too much some fun and also trying to balance it with those things that needed to be done at home or somewhere else yeah
00:47:02
Patrick Abure
right
00:47:12
Patrick Abure
right right impressive yeah like you you were a child but you were doing so much You know, you were only 11?
00:47:37
Patrick Abure
How old were you at that point?
00:47:37
Kimaru
ah I was so old.
00:47:46
Kimaru
Oh my God. You want me to start calculating my head? They're like...
00:47:55
Kimaru
No. Next question please.
00:47:58
Patrick Abure
It's fine. It's fine.
00:47:59
Kimaru
No. Yeah. o m
00:48:05
Patrick Abure
of Okay, it's fine. All alright So something else I actually wanted to ask you about is, so basically from, because you really had this a very tragic and traumatic experience that, you know, you and your family went through
00:48:14
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
00:48:33
Patrick Abure
and um having to move to a new place where you have to leave all your friends behind, a place that you're very familiar with that you used to call home behind. But most importantly, you know, your dad wasn't moving with you to this new place because of a horrible thing that happened.
00:49:00
Patrick Abure
um and And in this new place, you were able to make use of the resources and opportunities and communities and networks that were in this new place to basically help you adapt and adjust to living in Nakuru and something like that.
00:49:15
Kimaru
Mmhmm.
00:49:19
Kimaru
Mmhmm.
00:49:20
Patrick Abure
For me, I'm wondering what what is the most important lesson you've learned about yourself from this journey?
00:49:32
Patrick Abure
you know, having to like going through what you went through to coming to Nakuru and making all those changes that you had to make to know who you've become today.
00:49:47
Kimaru
Wow, that's ah an interesting question. I think for me, I would say I have learned that I am resilient.
00:49:54
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:49:56
Kimaru
and Like going through something like that, it's crazy.
00:50:01
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
00:50:01
Kimaru
It alters the way you think, the way you do things, the way, you know, it's it's like a whole mindset shift.
00:50:12
Patrick Abure
Right.
00:50:12
Kimaru
It kind of teaches you like in life there's gonna be good times and then there's gonna be hard times and though all these times most of the times you don't you don't anticipate for them like you can't anticipate for bad times if you had anticipated if we had known something like like that would have happened probably would have moved a long time ago yeah you can never anticipate for these times so it has shown me that even in the face of adversity i have sort of gotten some strength
00:50:46
Kimaru
you get you know like you become resilient, you have that strength the to to push on. I wouldn't want to definitely go through something like that again but at this point it has taught me that you see the way sometimes you feel like you've come to the end of the road and you feel like I can do this no more. I think at this point in my life i feel like i have that was like one very defining moment and one very tough moment that at this point i don't think anything will ever beat it so when sometimes i'm going through a rough patch i remind myself i've seen was
00:51:18
Patrick Abure
Mm hmm.
00:51:24
Kimaru
and I have overcome and things will be better and if God was able to take me through or take us through that hard time to where we are right now then it means at this point I don't think he would not take me if I'm going through like a crisis or something like that I feel like he would still give me that strength to you know to overcome so that's sort of what like i have learned about myself in this instance yeah i'm like it's gonna be okay yeah
00:51:57
Patrick Abure
Wow, powerful. That's definitely very powerful. And I think, honestly, I am one of the people that can attest that you are incredibly resilient and tough, you know, having had the chance to work with you.
00:52:20
Patrick Abure
But tough in a good way.
00:52:20
Kimaru
finished by
00:52:24
Kimaru
I know I i don't just want to be tough for the sake of being tough, honestly. But yeah, you know, yeah, I just yeah, I know. I don't know what to say, but.
00:52:37
Patrick Abure
Yeah, that so something important that you said you know about sometimes going through a rough patch and how um you were able to overcome yours when you were going through it together with your family.
00:52:53
Kimaru
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:52:55
Patrick Abure
I'm just wondering, for for someone who is right now going through a rough patch in their lives,
00:53:07
Patrick Abure
um Maybe they're afraid to make a decision or they're unsure about it and things like that. What advice can you give to them in terms of a utilizing their social support system?
00:53:24
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
00:53:25
Patrick Abure
Things because you were able to utilize your social support system like the church, like your family, your friends, um the community to help you in adapting.
00:53:29
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
00:53:36
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
00:53:37
Patrick Abure
when you moved it to this new place. And I'm just wondering for someone who is going through a rough patch, what advice would you have for them regarding how they could utilize for example some of these resources to overcome it?
00:53:54
Kimaru
okay who um i would say uh a lot of times especially you see there's these people who who are usually like the people who are tough in their circle uh you know maybe they're the ones always giving out help and stuff like that so they don't really know how to ask for help i think asking for help is not a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of in life sometimes you go through either tragedies or as i said things you never plan for and they hit you and they can hit you hard the one thing that this story of ours taught me was it's okay
00:54:37
Kimaru
to ask for help and don't be ashamed of your situation station and because I feel like if for us for example if we didn't go to our community whether it's the church or it's our neighbors or it's our family whatever if we had just been like yeah we are fine would have probably ended up on the streets you know or if my mom would have been like yeah we will be okay that's not true we would have ended up somewhere so bad but the fact that sometimes you acknowledge and you're like yeah i am in a bad space
00:55:11
Kimaru
And I need help. And then you go to those people you are sure will help you. It's sort of like a sign of strength to to ask for that help. So my advice is if you're going through a rough time, don't be um don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. At some point in our lives, we all need help. It doesn't matter what type of help. It could be emotional.
00:55:35
Kimaru
It could be financial, it could be, you know, or it could be all these things. So whatever the type of help it is, ask for it from wherever you need it and whoever can give it to you. So ask. Yeah, that's like the thing I would say.
00:55:52
Patrick Abure
Yeah, I think that's really a very important advice. Yeah. Because sometimes they're really resources that are available to help us. And when we don't seek for help, sometimes we never really get it. ah Or they might be someone who knows some resources that might be of help to us and we never get it because we never asked for it. Yeah. um Yeah.
00:56:20
Patrick Abure
Interesting. And i I wanted to also understand what your advice would be for someone who is going through a rough patch regarding utilizing therapy to um help them in rebuilding their lives or overcoming and the rough patch that they could be
00:56:26
Kimaru
Mm-hmm.
00:56:49
Patrick Abure
in at the moment. yeah Because I think there was this one time I had a conversation with you about this experience that you went through and everything. And I think one of the things I remember very vividly from that conversation I had with you was how you were able to utilize therapy to help you in healing from the experience, in rebuilding back and things like that.
00:57:22
Kimaru
oh yeah i think after we went through this a tragedy as children or as a family we didn't go for therapy by the way i think i remember when we were at my auntie's my auntie was walking on eggshells around us i think she didn't know how to handle us at this point she'd be like she was so nice by the way she'd be like have you eaten are you full are you okay i don't want you to say you've never been fed So she was nice but I think at this point as far as something like therapy is concerned at that point because it is like 2001 therapy has just been normalised just the other day and even right now there's people who still don't talk about therapy or we still need to demystify therapy for them so we didn't necessarily like go through therapy and all that and I think even as a person some of the things I went through as a child
00:58:16
Kimaru
when i grew a lot older probably when i was now in high school and in uni is when you start to realize but this thing was really bad it was actually very tragic because as a child i don't think even when you had that whatever to process because as i told you when you were seeing my father that morning people are just there they are opening it closing opening the blanket and closing it it doesn't hit you. So later in life is when it hits you. And I think for me at this point, I talked i would talked to some friends of mine who had been to therapy. People will tell you all this and that about therapy. And then eventually you're like, it sounds like a good idea. And then you start Googling more about therapy, what it entails and all that. And you realize it's not necessarily the same way that we could have a conversation with
00:59:05
Kimaru
somebody and tell them you know i'm feeling bad i'm not okay i've gone this very bad whatever thing yeah therapy is not it's not necessarily as the same as you would tell a friend something like that so i decided to go for therapy therapy a while back i was like sometimes you just need to
00:59:10
Patrick Abure
Mm.
00:59:24
Kimaru
to process some of these things and then I went for therapy is when you realize there's something very different about therapy like this you'll talk to this professional they'll tell you a few things they'll listen more and then they'll probably ask you questions they'll probably ask you questions more questions and then it's like you're in a bar I call it a babo it's like you're in a babo and you're feeling like you're trapped and the more you talk to this person the more they they help you bust that bubble they don't tell you how to bust the bubble but they take you through a process where eventually you will find a way or figure a way to bust the bubble yourself so for me that's kind of what therapy sort of looked like like talking about that experience and stuff like that so in eventually you start sort of
01:00:15
Kimaru
Healing from that experience so if if somebody is thinking about therapy right now I'll probably encourage them to you know sign up even if it's for a session you don't have to go for sign up to like 20 sessions or whatever it could be something experimental that you do like you sign up for a session and you go and find out you know what it is about. Talk to that person. Maybe by the time you are done with that transition, out of your own volition, you'll be feeling like, I need to come for a second time, another time, a fourth time or whatever, however long it takes for you to go through that.
01:00:52
Kimaru
so uh if people are going i would advise somebody who is going through a rough patch if you like fast there's people who don't even know how to talk about stuff like this so you you can find your friends if you don't want to go for their episode talking to somebody you trust and eventually if you get there whatever the courage to go for their epic go even if it's just for that one session but always find somebody to talk to about some of the things you go through because you need to burst a bubble That might be holding you back or might be, you know, traumatizing you and you could be able to deal with it if you got the right help.
01:01:32
Patrick Abure
Yeah. I think that's really super important to be honest. Yeah.
01:01:35
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
01:01:37
Patrick Abure
Yeah. And and I totally agree with you. Apart from just actively seeking out for therapy when we need it, we definitely need to demystify like the denotions, the negative notions around the therapy.
01:01:46
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
01:01:57
Patrick Abure
I think we, we have these negative notions surrounding therapy that, especially back home, like that see that I was like a bad thing.
01:02:07
Kimaru
Okay. Okay.
01:02:10
Patrick Abure
Like, you know, when you're accessing mental health support, that's like, you know, you may be weak.
01:02:15
Kimaru
um know
01:02:15
Patrick Abure
Like there are notions that basically seem to discourage someone from actively utilizing these resources.
01:02:25
Kimaru
Yeah.
01:02:28
Patrick Abure
Yeah.
01:02:28
Kimaru
That's true, that's true.
01:02:29
Patrick Abure
Yeah. So yeah, it's definitely an important advice. So what what would you have as a general, you know, like most important advice for just someone who is, you know, going through a rough time, you know,
01:02:53
Kimaru
oh
01:02:53
Patrick Abure
as like the most if you were to say like you know what if you are not implement A and B and C at least do this one thing
01:03:07
Kimaru
ah I think for me, ah in my own personal experience, what I have ah i found to be very useful is is that tough times don't last forever.
01:03:21
Kimaru
sometimes it's just a phase it is a phase you could be going through and you need to know that it will not last forever so just to hold on for however long you need to and have some hope i think for me i used to tell myself even as i was like as a child i used to be like I know this thing will be over one day, we will be fine. You know, and actually I really used to pray about it. Hey, I was a prayerful child. My mother can tell you, I was a very very prayerful.
01:03:59
Kimaru
I was a very prayerful child. Yeah, i used I used to know that, I think for me what I held on to was the hope. Was the hope that that thing would fizzle out, like that phase. You know, I used to work, even when I'm working hard at school, I'm like, you know what, this is not what my life will look like as an adult. um We are going to overcome, I'm going to overcome. So for me, it's that part of tough, tough times don't last forever. And whatever it is, that like have some hope.
01:04:28
Kimaru
whatever hope you can hold on to like that thing that can keep you going because for us I think even for all of us ah in our family I think all of us had that hope there's something we were holding on to for me specifically it was a fact that I didn't think my childhood my adulthood would look like my childhood I always used to have that hope that things will always get better things will look up Yeah, so I think those are like very key. It wouldn't last forever and have that thing that keeps you going or that thing that you hold on to. Yeah.
01:05:01
Patrick Abure
amazing well thank you so much for sharing that and with us today well so i think you your story is very powerful um and so at the lessons you've learned from the experience you've gone through yeah i i i think that really
01:05:12
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
01:05:27
Patrick Abure
um what you've gone through to who you've become today really speaks so much about you as a person.
01:05:37
Kimaru
Uh-huh.
01:05:38
Patrick Abure
But I think it's an inspiration to us as young people because you didn't let your past to define you.
01:05:50
Patrick Abure
Like you didn't let your past define your present, neither let it define your future. which it's incredible and because I think some of us if we go through such a tragic event can it really really be um super super difficult to come out of like the the the shadow that it de casts on you and your life and everything else yeah and the fact that now you know you
01:06:06
Kimaru
Mm hmm.
01:06:20
Kimaru
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
01:06:25
Patrick Abure
an advocate for women and girls and youth. And you are also running organizations, still organizations, and you're also running a YouTube channel where you're training people on do it yourself skills and things like that. I think it's really like, you know, super exemplary.
01:06:50
Kimaru
Thank you. I try to keep busy.
01:06:59
Kimaru
Oh, yeah.
01:07:01
Patrick Abure
yeah ah you you definitely have been busy yeah yeah but i think it's really powerful yeah um yeah what you've been able to do and what you continue to do it's super inspiring um for for someone who
01:07:07
Kimaru
Oh, yeah yeah. You have to try, by the way. It's it's really important. Oh, yeah.
01:07:19
Kimaru
who
01:07:29
Patrick Abure
has gone a similar experience or is going through a similar phase. I think this is really something they can look up to and they see that, oh no, their situation actually is not completely like a without hope. Yeah, there is something they can do. They can get out of that situation. They can redefine their present and not let whatever they're going through now define the entire trajectory of what their life will look like at the moment and in the future.
01:08:02
Kimaru
o
01:08:04
Patrick Abure
So thank you for sharing that with us. It's ah very powerful, I would say.
01:08:12
Kimaru
You're welcome. I needed to get that out of my chest.
01:08:19
Patrick Abure
Yeah, so um yeah.
01:08:20
Kimaru
yeah but
01:08:24
Patrick Abure
So before we we wrap up, I was wondering what is one spark of wisdom that you would like to live with our listeners and viewers today?
01:08:40
Kimaru
Ah, oh my God. i' They should stay consistent with their hope. Like if you hope for something, stay consistent and work on it. No, honestly, I don't know. I might not be that wise.
01:09:03
Kimaru
Yeah, but but okay, if you are gonna go back to the the same story I've given here, I'll just say like, it's the hope that tomorrow will be better. Whatever it is that somebody is working on, they should be hopeful and keep working on it and know that things will one day look up, even if today they don't look so great. So yeah, whatever it is, keep hoping, keep wishing and keep praying also.
01:09:34
Kimaru
Yeah, because it's that hope that keeps, I think, the human spirit am alive and gets you through the most tragic things that you either encounter in life or you encounter in the future from now. Yeah.
01:09:49
Patrick Abure
Thank you very much. Yeah, i stay consistent.
01:09:54
Kimaru
Yes, they're consistently a hope.
01:09:55
Patrick Abure
that's a Yes, it's ah it's a very important one. I will add that not only with your hope, stay consistent with whatever you're doing.
01:10:01
Kimaru
who
01:10:06
Patrick Abure
If you are applying for scholarships, keep applying for them until you get that scholarship. If you're applying for a job, be consistent.
01:10:18
Patrick Abure
Keep applying.
01:10:18
Kimaru
in
01:10:19
Patrick Abure
Keep learning from the feedback you get and keep applying for that job until you get that job. If it's an internship, do the same. If it's a relationship if you're working on, keep working on it until things get better.
01:10:36
Kimaru
I agree.
01:10:37
Patrick Abure
The point is that whatever it is, stay consistent.
01:10:40
Kimaru
and Consistency is key.
01:10:42
Patrick Abure
keep moving yeah you like consistency is what you've had from her consistency is the key
01:10:46
Kimaru
Is key?
01:10:55
Patrick Abure
So yes, they're consistent. Well, ah thank you very much, Kimaru Gaby for sharing that with us. It's been very nice learning about your story and how you were able to rebuild.
01:11:13
Patrick Abure
from your experience to who you are today. You are an inspiration to all of us. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Keep doing what you're doing and keep inspiring more lives.
01:11:28
Kimaru
I'll try.
01:11:32
Kimaru
yeah It's nice. Thank you for asking the questions and for allowing me to share this story with our listeners and our viewers. I hope they pick a few things from my story.
01:11:44
Patrick Abure
yeah yeah well listeners and viewers if this episode sparked something in you don't forget to subscribe leave a review and share it with someone who needs to hear or needs a little inspiration see you next time on the sparkit podcast with me patrick cj and kimaru baby
01:11:45
Kimaru
yeah
01:12:12
Kimaru
Bye-bye!
01:12:14
Patrick Abure
Bye.