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AMEC: Live in Hartford
33 Plays2 years ago
The Lounge is live in Hartford, Connecticut at the AMEC! Come and join Isabella, Erica, and Dr. Aldwin as they Run The List with a twist! Big thanks to our awesome audience for their participation in this special episode.
To share your thoughts on our discussions or if you have any questions to ask our host, email podcast@snma.org for a chance to be featured on the show!
Disclaimer: The opinion and views expressed on our podcast do not reflect the official stance of the Student National Medical Association.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Run the List' Live Session
00:00:19
Speaker
Hello, everyone, and welcome to a very special episode of SNMA Presents to Lounge. In this episode of The Lounge, we invited all of you to step into The Lounge with us at AMEC 2023 in Hartford, Connecticut, in order to run one of our favorite sessions, Run the List.
The Lounge: A Space for Medical Discussions
00:00:34
Speaker
As always, the views expressed on this podcast represent those of the hosts and only the hosts and the views of the members that chose to join in on the conversation. So without further ado, I present to you The Lounge. The Lounge, the doctor's lounge, or just lounging around at home
00:00:49
Speaker
Now y'all lounge around with us. That's it. We're going to get into some meaningful topics on things that pertain to medicine and the margins of health care, the people that we serve, and the populations that we serve.
Interactive Icebreaker and Host Introductions
00:01:04
Speaker
So we like to do something called run the list, and we're going to get into that in a minute. But let's do a little icebreaker real quick. So orange shirt, we said you're from Indiana. What's your name? What school you go to? And what region?
00:01:28
Speaker
And then I want to call on our pre-med, what's your name? Where are you from?
00:01:35
Speaker
I am, I guess I'm in a gap year. I did a post-bac. Yeah, I'm pre-med. I'm a career champion, actually. I'm a high school manager. I'm ready to go into medicine.
00:01:51
Speaker
Welcome everyone. I'm going to introduce myself and then my co-host will introduce themselves. I'm a career changer too, so shout out to you. So I'm student Dr. Erica Dingle and I'm not really a part of a region per se right now, but I read region four.
00:02:08
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I'm
Networking and Connections at AMEC
00:02:11
Speaker
Dr. Alden Samari. Okay, doctor. Thank you. Appreciate it. No, I'm kidding. Officially, yeah. AKA white copopy underscore Dio. That's my IT tag. Enrichingdocbx, you know, all of that. Hey guys, I'm student Dr. Isabella. I go to Penn Med in Philly, and I'm reaching eight. Thank you guys for coming out. We hope you enjoy this live show.
00:02:37
Speaker
Thank you for the round of applause.
Understanding and Coping with Med School Stress
00:02:40
Speaker
So another icebreaker. Anybody who shouted out, what are you most looking forward to at AMEC?
00:02:49
Speaker
Networking, that's a good one, because your network is what? Network. Research presentations. Research presentations, okay. Can I get another? Connecting with pre-meds. Connecting with pre-meds, may I ask why? I'm helping recruit for the Indiana School of Medicine. That's dope. Oh, that's great. I needed you like five years ago, bro.
00:03:15
Speaker
I love that. And Ms. Pink, I saw you raise your hand. Hey, girl.
00:03:24
Speaker
Yep. So like clinical skills type? Okay. D.O. Life. Nice. T-com. You have to probably know it. I'll pass it to you. Go ahead. If you need. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that. So as we mentioned, for our preclinical students, writing the list on awards allows the team to address present matters of the day. In this segment of the show, we'll be discussing some recent events in medicine and beyond.
00:03:52
Speaker
affecting our communities and the populations we serve. Just a reminder, because we do get crazy, talk crazy, say something. Just saying, our opinions do not necessarily reflect the stance of SNMA as an organization. So keep it separate. We have to. Right. Church and state separate. So as you run the list, we also want to hear
00:04:16
Speaker
your thoughts and would love to have you all in the conversation. So it's going to be all engaged. It's not just going to be us up here. We also want you guys, we have questions. If you have any opinions, anything you want to say, if we, if you want to push back, whatever. If you want to throw hands, we could do that too. You know what I mean? Whatever.
00:04:33
Speaker
But anyway, our first topic that we wanna address, and it's something that everybody in here most likely experience, stress. April is National Stress Awareness Month, and everybody experiences stress differently, right? You might have like palpitations, you might be feeling like you can't eat, you know what I mean? Like the matter of the fact is that stress is interpreted differently by everybody's bodies.
00:04:58
Speaker
And how you think of it also affects how you behave toward the world, and even toward yourself. And what we realized is that stress is a physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension. So in med school, you know, fight or flight, right?
Match Day Experiences and Celebrating Achievements
00:05:14
Speaker
The HPA, adrenal cortex, hypothalamus, pituitary. You feel me? Who's on a step one wave? Y'all get it ready? You already know about that. I'm probably the only person in this room on that wave. No, facts. Facts, facts, facts.
00:05:28
Speaker
Anyway, so speaking to stress, you know, one of the things that we do note is that there's changes in your glucose levels, cortisol, and there's some crazy stats that I want you guys to share to let the world know, like, if you're experiencing stress, you're not the only one. There's people walking around here today. They smiling. I'm experiencing a residency. I'm walking around smiling, like, but deep down, like, I got to do this presentation. I got to speak to his attending. He about to knock my head off. You feel me? But y'all talk about the stats a little bit. Let them know really what
00:05:57
Speaker
Yeah, there's like a lot. I mean, I feel like everybody, most people here are med students, correct? And then we have doctor all the way and we have some more matched med students. So you guys are leaving, probably leaving the med school stress, but you're probably entering a whole new stress. So let me not say that you're out of the woods just yet, because
00:06:14
Speaker
There's always stress in this process. So, um, but yeah, like stress is like such a common thing. I feel like we all go through it, especially like as black people, like it's kind of like you still have to keep your head afloat and then still get by despite what you're going through. So in terms of the stats, according to the American Institute of stress, about 33% of people report feeling extreme stress. 77% of people experience stress that affects their physical health. And then 73% of people said that they have stress that impacts their mental health.
00:06:42
Speaker
48% said that they have trouble sleeping because of stress. So basically you're getting insomnia, you're
00:06:47
Speaker
physical issues, like it's not just stress, but then it's like all these other things that are happening because of the stress, and then you still gotta go study, and you still gotta do all these other things. So it's like, it's a lot. And so we definitely wanna give you guys like a space to talk about, you know, like how stress affects you guys' lives and how you guys kind of cope with it, whether as a medical student or as a resident or whatever. Anyone in the audience, if you guys like kind of wanna just talk about what are some ways you guys kind of help
Media Representation and Stereotypes of Black Women
00:07:10
Speaker
cope with the stress that you guys go through, basically. Trust me, is it free? Oh, you said, you said you weren't, is that what I wanted?
00:07:12
Speaker
getting like
00:07:19
Speaker
Right. Do you want, here, take the mic. But you know yourself. You know, at least you're acknowledging it. Yeah. But we'll let you speak on that. Good afternoon, everyone. Good afternoon. My name is Eviro Kat. I'm a PGY zero. Hey. Oh, I love it. Hey. Congrats. Stress. It's very unhealthy to ignore your stress, which is what I do because I recognize that I have a lot of things to do and I can't dwell on it. But then my jaw becomes very tense and tight.
00:07:51
Speaker
in my mouth. And then I pray. I do pray. Prayer helps. Prayers create. It goes away for a while. Then my jaw starts hurting again the next night because the stress is still there. So it's like until I get rid of what's in front of me, I'm still going to feel that pain in my mouth. In med school, before exams, I couldn't eat. That's unhealthy. You should eat before your exams. But I felt very nauseous. So everybody deals with things different ways. And then there are times where I do have time
00:08:21
Speaker
to just talk to myself and say, hey, love, this is what you're going through. Maybe you should deal with it. And sometimes you can have a five-minute cry break during med school. You can have a friend that you want to speak to. There are healthy ways. You can write. I just chose to ignore it. Unhealthy. Try not to do that. But yeah, that's my experience with stress.
00:08:44
Speaker
Thank you for sharing.
00:09:01
Speaker
like yes you may develop this but you need to figure out how can i fix it and not just ignore it because i know i've learned from therapy myself it comes out in other ways like whether you want it to or not if you suppress suppress suppress you're gonna yell at somebody else later you're gonna be driving and possibly get into an accident because your mind is you know not connected to what you're doing in that moment so it's important to make sure that we
00:09:27
Speaker
do something about it and have a proper response to it. So there's a stress management screener that I'm pretty sure nobody really looks at on the regular, but from the Mental Health America Association, it's like a 16-part screener that you can kind of go through yourself.
00:09:48
Speaker
if interested to try to kind of check, you know, where am I with my own mental health and with others because sometimes people bring the stress to you and you got to sit back and assess them like we do as students and future clinicians. Right. And then, you know, we have our resident
00:10:05
Speaker
So you don't have to do it, Erica. I know. You're going to try to find the title to call you and probably say psychologist and psychiatrist. Yeah, I would have wanted something. But he's just our mental health expert. And one thing I love about Aldwin is he always comes with the uplift, the positivity. And I think because it's his true vein that he stayed to be in, he just gives us some enlightenment every time. So give us something.
00:10:32
Speaker
we could do on a regular basis. You know, one of the most recent things that I started doing was affirming myself, you know, looking into the mirror and telling myself everything's gonna be okay. Because, you know, I was listening to Steve Harvey, like, the other day, and, you know, I say this a lot, but your track record for getting through the worst day of your life is a 100%.
00:10:53
Speaker
But in order to get through life, you need to have support. You need to have encouragement. You need to have those people around you, family, friends, and being able to communicate that and express that is one of the most important things that you could do, especially as black men and women in this space in medicine. They tell you, isolate yourself, work hard.
00:11:13
Speaker
jump off the cliff to do any and everything to make it. But that's dangerous. You might not be here the next day, right? Just based off of doing that. So being mindful, right? And acknowledging that you may have stressors and that it's okay to be stressed, but it is what you do with that stress and how you react to that stress. That's the most important part, right?
00:11:32
Speaker
So taking part in your own personal mental and physical health, right? If your brain and mind is negative, your body's gonna be negative. If your body's negative, your brain's gonna be negative. So you gotta make every attempt that you can to make everything in life positive. And we're just coming out of one of the most stressful periods for most med students, which is match day.
00:11:53
Speaker
I haven't experienced that yet, but you know what, Alton, you have, so how about you continue on your pedestal, tell us about the match day. First and foremost, congratulations to everybody, that match. Shout out to my homie, Darren. Y'all litties, you know what I mean?
00:12:13
Speaker
And also, shout out to people that even if they didn't match, they're still going to be graduating as a physician. And you'll get through and figure it out and proceed through to your greatness and excellence. But I also want to say, each year with match sake, it happens on the third Friday of every March. So everyone that's in here that's going to match, you already know the date. You could look in advance when it's going to be. Oh my god, the stress.
00:12:41
Speaker
I know. Why would you do that? I mean, that's what you, that's your whole life was predicated on that one day. You know what I mean? For a lot of people, for real. When you think about all those hours after from studying and losing sleep. That's a fact. I know. It's crazy. You know, I mean, I want to speak a little bit on my match day. Last year, actually, uh,
00:13:11
Speaker
Definitely wasn't what I expected, I ain't gonna lie to you. I matched in my 10th choice, which is here, and I remember I ain't gonna lie, I was crying, I was so sad and depressed, but everything happens for a reason. And I'll be honest with you, a lot of people with match day, a lot of people don't get they top choices, but it's still the fact that you're gonna proceed on into what God, and if you do believe in God, what he has for you, and still be able to instill the excellence that you wanna see in the world.
00:13:37
Speaker
And I think another thing to note is that we had a lot of first, you know, with Match Day this year. We did. We did. We had one of the first black neurosurgery women to match at Vanderbilt, Dr. Tamia Potter. Shout out to her. We had 29 black women match into orthopedic surgery. That's huge. That's huge. There's less than 100 orthopedic surgeons and black women orthopedic surgeons in the country.
00:14:08
Speaker
Yeah, so to have 29 in one year, you're already more than one fourth, you feel me? And then also another thing is, being in this space, being at AMEC, be able to network and connect with these people in terms of people that have matched, people that are inspiring and encouraging you, being in this space where you learn to grow and navigate that situation, I think is one of the most incredible things. And we don't celebrate enough all the people that be matching.
00:14:37
Speaker
but also all the people that are gonna be matching and will be eventual residents and physicians. So I want you guys, each and every one of you to celebrate yourself wherever you at because I feel like we get into this game where it's like, yo, I'm like, first year, I'm a second year, I gotta take step and this and that. You living, you're beautiful. You have been positioned to be great. So always remind yourself of that. See the uplift?
00:15:01
Speaker
I'm sorry. I just can't help it. I'm sorry. That's, you know, I need to tell myself that more and more times than not. But how do y'all feel about like the match process and like, you know, which I've been seeing, you know, in regards to the world seeing so much black, even the shade room, you know, was putting on for Dr. Potter. And then I recently saw they posted a group of bridesmaids and a whole bunch of them were like residents. I don't know if you guys saw that. So we getting out here.
00:15:30
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? But what's your thoughts on this whole process of black excellence each and every year? I think it's overdue.
00:15:39
Speaker
I feel like they're like, we always wanted to be in these spaces, but there's been so many barriers from even before med school, like undergrad, like I know as a pre-med, some people said, oh yeah, I'm gonna become a
Empowerment and Societal Judgments of Black Women
00:15:50
Speaker
doctor, be pre-med, like, you know, where are they today? Because of all these like, invisible barriers that people don't really talk about. So to even get to the point that you can match is like, incredible, you know? So the fact that there's like, 29 black with a mesh ortho, and then the first neurosurgery, black female, red
00:16:12
Speaker
I think a lot of our people want to see more black doctors now. I think before we were kind of like, all right, I'm still going to go to the doctor, even though I'm seeing somebody that's not the same race as I am. But now there's like a demand for it.
00:16:32
Speaker
So it almost is like putting a battery in people's backs. Like, OK, if you have a family member that has this dream, this goal, before they might not have been as supportive. But now you have forces, if you're fortunate enough, you have forces of people behind you that are really trying to push you to that end goal. And to your point, Isabella, the barriers that we see,
00:16:57
Speaker
We see it all the time, and we're going to talk about how we even see it in sports as of recent. You have black people trying to get, or people of color trying to get to the next level. And it's so hard for us. And then you have other races. Sorry. It's OK. They've been dominating this field for years. They've been dominating this field for years. And no matter how they dominate, they could be doing
00:17:27
Speaker
the worst of domination, you know, having their families paid for buildings and their family name, and that's how they're passing through and becoming doctors, and then not always as intelligent as we are. And, you know, they just, they get through and they don't give us the best care. So I just, I don't think the playing field will ever be leveled by, you know, the whole issue with equity. I don't know that we'll ever see that.
00:17:53
Speaker
I would love for us to, but I'm a realist. I don't know that that'll ever happen. And like I mentioned, in terms of sports, we've seen how it doesn't matter whether you are the top competitor or not.
Social Media's Influence on Beauty Standards
00:18:07
Speaker
Like equity doesn't even matter with regards to sports. So what I'm talking about, I'm not sure if you all are familiar.
00:18:13
Speaker
Miss Angel Reese versus Kaitlyn Clark, right? Y'all saw her. She, the whole- Wait, hold up. It ain't seen her. Let me play the song. Let me play the song so y'all know. Put it on this mic.
00:18:31
Speaker
One shot, one kill, what's the deal? It's Tony Ayo. G you, bitch! That's where I joined from. I'm living my rapper life real quick. I'm going to pass this up. Alden is also our resident sports expert. But I did see it. And again, here we go. We have somebody white doing something. The same thing and get praised for it. Oh, she's dominating. Oh, she's just showing that she's a champion.
00:19:01
Speaker
And then you have Miss Angela doing it, and now she needs to sit down, be quiet, be humble, and sit in silence. Although she's, what you saying? Oh, this is Kendrick Lamar. Oh, okay, got it. Although she's just kinda living in her victory, and I just, I don't understand why this is still a thing.
00:19:23
Speaker
in this day and age. You want to go into more detail though? Or did I? I could go into knowing. I mean you did a good justice thank you. You know I love you Ray. But actually I wanted to ask you guys your opinion in regards to you know what transpired as you guys know with Iowa
00:19:39
Speaker
Completely white team versus LSU. They often bad rules, you know, most of them, you know from Louisiana just rapping and they about that energy they play boozy I don't know if y'all saw but it was playing boozy in the locker room when they were celebrating versus Iowa I don't know what what they was playing Anybody see the clip? Do y'all know exactly what we're talking about? Are you completely lost? Oh, yeah. Okay, do give like a background
00:20:04
Speaker
Yeah, I'm gonna give you like a quick synopsis. So, you know, NCAA Women's Championship just occurred. It was Iowa versus LSU, the women's basketball team. One of the players, who we mentioned, Kaitlyn Clark, she's like one of the top players in the country, essentially. Her previous game, she was found to be taunting the opponent. So she was like doing this and all that, like, you can't see me, John Cena, but really it's Tony Ayo.
00:20:28
Speaker
But anyway, so the next game when she played against LSU, all right, the LSU player, Angel Reese, she did the same thing, was taunting Kaitlyn Clark. And so what happened was that the media was in on an uproar like, oh, this black woman, not black, but this woman, she's distasteful, like she is very rude, inappropriate, it was the wrong time. Exactly.
00:20:54
Speaker
And she was like, yeah, I put the same energy that you did for Kaitlyn Clark. And even Kaitlyn Clark, the white player from Iowa, even admitted she went on ESPN and was like, no, this is all about part of competition. This is like what happens. If you're competitive, of course you're going to flaunt. Like, yeah, we beating you. We give you that energy. You know, we try to knock heads off over here.
00:21:16
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? So that's essentially, you know, what has transpired with that whole process. But also another thing that we noted was that Dr. Joe Biden, President Biden, if you want to call him president, but you know, we have our opinions about who the president is. You probably don't know if he's the president.
00:21:37
Speaker
For his sake, I hope he's the president. I'm the president myself in my life. I'm the only president. But anyway, so Dr. Joe Biden invited, usually only one team gets invited, the team that wins the national championship. But she invited Iowa, who lost?
00:22:03
Speaker
along with LSU, who won. And that player that I mentioned, Angel Reese, was like, nah, you bugging. We ain't going. And it's one of the most prestigious things you can do is go to a lot of these players. They've never been to the White House, probably let alone DC, you know, a lot of times, you know. So,
00:22:21
Speaker
I want to ask you guys like your opinion about like what transpired, like our perception of what black women are in media. You know, oftentimes our black women are objectified. They're disrespected. And I think they're probably the most disrespected
Personal Transformations and Societal Scrutiny
00:22:34
Speaker
demographic group in America. They are. Yes, you are. You got it. Yes, EP, Executive Producer. You got it. But I wanted to ask your opinions on our viewpoints about black women in America in regards to this. Anybody have thoughts on that?
00:23:05
Speaker
Black people continue to take up space. I am not a fan or opponent of exchanging words with people. I think it's a waste of time. They believe what they want to believe.
00:23:16
Speaker
waste your time. Continue to take up space, okay? Be unapologetic about it and do what you have to do. We are excellent in our, just our being as is. So like just do what you have to do to not mind what other people are saying. It's a, honestly it's a waste of time.
00:23:32
Speaker
I don't like small talk, I don't like exchanging words when nothing is going to change. I was looking up, I can't find it, but there was something I saw on Instagram within the last two days, and of course, you know, because I think you can tell by the way I'm speaking. I thought I might have responded to it, but there was a post talking about humbling, well, aha, I found it. So it says, slay Senkai or Senkai. Oh, no, go back.
00:24:02
Speaker
Okay, so it says, y'all want black women girls to be humble winners and gracious losers, the answer is no. And of course I added, I corrected the black locates B to capital B, and then I also said disrespectfully no. This is not about being respectful and saying no to being small. We're not small people, we have big legacies, we are big people, continue to take
00:24:27
Speaker
Talk, that's all. That's real talk. It's all about the mindset. Anybody else has thoughts about that? Are black women in their portrayal in media? We have another psychiatrist here, future psychiatrist, so she could talk about that. I'm putting it on the spot. Mary in the building. Oh, wow.
00:24:51
Speaker
I'm wrong for that. But anyway, so did you hear about the LSU versus Iowa game? Angel Reese and the whole, and how she was being disrespected basically as a black woman and a white woman did the same thing in the previous game and nobody said anything. Okay. A double standard, yes. Yeah. Exactly. Right.
00:25:27
Speaker
She already said what she said. She said what she said. There you go. Yeah, and I think that's actually a great... Oh, you want to say something? Yeah, say something real quick. Hi, y'all. My name is Stephen. I wrote Mansplain, but when I did think
00:25:45
Speaker
You know, we talk a lot about, especially with the NBA. The WNBA has such a disparity in terms of immersion. And one of the takes I remember seeing online recently was like the competitive nature. Like, if that was a men's team, would an invitation be extended to the loser team to come round? It never happens.
00:26:05
Speaker
Oh, maybe Dr. Joe Biden was kind of in the spirit of like, oh, let's celebrate women athletics and whatnot. But I think part of the competitive nature that we like and that I think draws viewership in men's sports is that. She could have done that last year, to be honest. But no, I just, like you said, continue to take up space.
00:26:29
Speaker
list of like, how am I coming across so that you weren't right with how you're moving? And if it's getting the work done, I think don't have that extra pressure on yourself to try to be somebody that may not really ever accept you to begin with. And that's it. Oh, OK. We're commentary.
00:27:05
Speaker
So just be black and be apologetic about that. And then also when it comes to black women, the older I get, I feel like black women are at the intersection.
00:27:34
Speaker
there's like sports and like you said there's so many layers and then like yeah and then completely like outside of
00:27:53
Speaker
like what she's doing. Kaitlyn is doing you know the Tony AO, she thinks she's black but then when Miss Reese does it you know she's ghetto so there's you know. So I feel like you know like women, black women you know they have to fight against being
00:28:20
Speaker
Yeah, I just want to say I love black woman. I love black woman. I really I really love Okay
00:28:35
Speaker
But you know, this is a great segue into our next point, which is a lot of black women, one that a lot of you guys probably know, black China, but right now she's going by Angela White now because she's, she's transitioning. She's evolving. Um, basically she's going through a spiritual journey. So I kind of was looking at her Instagram and she got baptized last year. And then I guess it's, it's unclear cause she got baptized and then it seemed like she was,
00:29:02
Speaker
not doing anything different and then all of a sudden she was like getting her tattoos off, she was getting her lip fillers off, her BBL, like everything was coming off and then she was talking about it on her platform. So, you know, this is kind of a good topic in two ways in terms of like one, black women choosing to evolve and like tap into her spiritual journey, but also two, like the medical, she kind of, one time I think when she was getting her BBL removal, she went to like the plastic surgeon and he's also a black physician.
00:29:30
Speaker
And he was talking about the dangers of silicone injections and all of that. And I like how she put that on a public platform, right? Because a lot of people don't know about the medical dangers of using things like that. And he makes money from it. So the fact that he decided to speak out against it, I thought was really bold of him. And, Erica, I know you wanted to touch on this more in terms of the medical aspects if you wanted to chime in. Yeah, I think I feel a couple ways about this.
00:29:59
Speaker
So you were just giving us the instances where black women have to kind of fight to be black women. And I think in Angela's case, she's fighting to become a new person, and she's getting so much flack for it. And it's like, first of all, why do we care so much if a person wants to become better? I mean, I don't understand. She should be able to do whatever she wants to do whenever she wants to do it.
00:30:25
Speaker
I think she's making a turn in a positive direction for herself. But even from our own community, people are talking smack about her on the regular. So that's just crazy to me. And then I do love that she used her platform to educate others on the harms and the risks of those types of procedures.
00:30:47
Speaker
Especially when you have, I don't know if y'all listened to the podcast in the past, but I went back and forth with, I want to say it was both of y'all at once. That could have happened. But I was talking about the city girl era, right? Where it just kind of seemed like we're in a day where the city girl is winning. No shade to the city girl winning. Shade to them. No, no, not at all.
00:31:14
Speaker
There's so many things that come with that. The fillers that are not paid for and you don't go to a dermatologist or a plastic surgeon, you're getting them done at these little centers, the estheticians. And I love an esthetician for a facial, but not to inject my face because that's what's going to happen. I can end up with necrosis. Like you could literally block my face and now I have
00:31:39
Speaker
skin falling off. So I think in her case, in Angela's case, educating people with a doctor nonetheless kind of shows like, OK, I'm taking the steps to have this done or have this removed in the proper way. And maybe more people, whether they want to alter themselves or not, will choose to actually put up money for these procedures or at least seek out a professional.
00:32:05
Speaker
That was really it. I mean, there's a lot of different variables regarding making the decision to have these types of procedures. We know the body dysmorphia, self-esteem, even depression and anxiety. But in her case, I'm hoping that her fan base, whatever that fan base is, decides to maybe make changes alongside her. It can only improve.
00:32:30
Speaker
other people's lives if they actually are that invested in my opinion. Anybody have thoughts? Anybody want to go into derm or plastics in the room? That might have thoughts.
00:32:42
Speaker
What's your thoughts on should people that are grand on social media, do they have a responsibility to disclose? When we talk about the aesthetics, a lot of our black women, black girls are growing up and they go on social media and the value of beauty is seeing a woman with accentuated body parts.
00:33:05
Speaker
and they see that as being validated because this individual is getting this and that many likes and dopamine and all that. Yeah, you already know all of that. So what's your thoughts on what is beauty? What should be the standard of beauty in our world today despite what social media is showing? Do you think that people in social media, do they have some type of culpability in that?
00:33:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. I would love to hear a male's perspective. I was going to say I would love a male's perspective on this one. Yeah, it's messing up. Okay. I just wanted to ask you guys a question. So for me, I like natural, I like to look natural. Facts.
00:34:13
Speaker
How do you answer a question with another question? I'm mad at you. That was a good question though, that's a good question.
00:34:30
Speaker
uh... extensions it's going to get that i really do want to sell it for five i think
00:34:45
Speaker
In this day and age, I don't see it going away. Because it's what's in, right? And I don't think the lashes and the long hair, whatever it is, takes away from a person's level of care. Because I've had care, and I've seen others have care from people who looked pristine, and the care was trash. Do I think?
00:35:14
Speaker
It could influence how others perceive us still, yes. Would I, and I like lashes, I don't know, I don't wear them all the time, but would I go on an interview in the future, like nails blinged out, hair ready for vacation, lashes, I wouldn't do it still because I don't think the system has changed enough to accommodate that. And like I said, I don't think it takes away from you as a person, you as a,
00:35:44
Speaker
who's applying to be a physician, but we're just not there yet. And I appreciate a naturalista.
00:35:54
Speaker
these locks are in, because I just can't deal with my hair right now. But similar to you, I wear my pro, my wash and go, and I keep it minimal. And I think that is beauty. And beauty is whatever you want it to be, right? It can be, like, is this beauty right now with her lashes? And that's it. I was going to say, like, here I am sitting with my lashes and my extensions and everything. I'm handsome, right? Yeah, I see your hands. It's not about you. Yeah.
00:36:18
Speaker
But yeah, I think it's all about how you play it out, right? So for instance, like she was saying, if you go on an interview, some of those things may come off a certain way to people, depending on their background. And you don't know, you can't estimate who's going to be that person. You kind of have to play it smart when you're there.
00:36:37
Speaker
I mean, do what you gotta do. Just be yourself. I don't think you have to fake it because at the end of the day, it's your life. You have to be authentic to who you are. So if who you are is lashes in extensions, then that's fine. It's not, and that's not. So I totally think that, I think the day Eric was saying doesn't determine the level of care that you give somebody. But yeah, I think we gotta talk about black women making decisions on their own
00:37:07
Speaker
without the input of anybody else but a black, I mean, Lori Harvey, that's a good example, right? That is. Lori Harvey, ooh, that is good. You know what, it's not right here, let me pass you the mic. You got the mic cut. Number one, everyone in here, do y'all know Lori Harvey, who she is?
00:37:29
Speaker
Okay, just making sure. She is a daughter, stepdaughter of Steve Harvey. I think he's a legend. She was, or she is dating Damson Idris. And she has been romantically involved in many ways with many people. From P Diddy. P Diddy. So. What's your definition of many people? Is there a number? There's a number. What's the number somewhere? I know more than my two hands.
00:38:00
Speaker
You know what I mean?
Gender Norms and Relationship Expectations
00:38:04
Speaker
She had more than, come on, she got more than 10 bodies. Stop it, let's stop it now.
00:38:16
Speaker
She got she got more than 10 bodies right Jared she got more than 10 bodies. I'm moderating this. I'm moderating this. No there's a cat for men too you don't want to be a cat. I heard that question and it said why does it even
00:38:34
Speaker
It matters because... Because look, this is how it is, right? A man will look at you, right? If he know your body work, it's gonna turn him off. If he know that you smash 10 heads and turn them into celebrities that you're aware of, he gonna be like,
00:38:55
Speaker
I don't know, she, I gotta be with that. You feel me? Right, give her a little massage. She ready to pop off. Yes mama, we waited for this because this is a topic that a lot of women don't understand. I just don't understand.
00:39:12
Speaker
why it is important to know the amount of women, us women, men, what people, the amount of people. I'm not saying it's important. I'm saying that if we are aware of it, right, there's gonna be a challenge for a man to really respect what you got going on. And I have a problem with that because if, no, no, I think that's true. I'm sorry, I got a problem with it, but it's realities. No, so I get that it's reality and I have a problem with that reality. I don't think that reality should be, right? Because if we flip the tables, and we're talking about heterosexual,
00:39:41
Speaker
Relationships right now if we put the tables in let's ask Woman if you know a man, you know more than 10 bodies. What do how would you feel about it?
00:39:53
Speaker
If you feel negatively, raise your hand. If you are, it's different, raise your hand. It doesn't matter. Okay, okay. We said woman. Look, look, look. Many women in this room raise their hand and say that it either doesn't matter or they're indifferent. But as for men, they gonna die if they find us out. Oh my goodness. It's ridiculous, man. I think it's because we place so much value on the woman's vagina.
00:40:20
Speaker
So the extent we're now regulating abortions and all these type of things. No, because they're- Which I don't agree with regulated abortion today. No, so I'm glad you don't, thank God. But like, if we're related, if we have to be honest with ourselves, because women are basically like property and items and stuff like that. We're so invested in their reproductive system. And it's like men- What did you say? I was about to go over there. Be careful. No, good. No, because I was going to say, you know, men sometimes can't even-
00:40:51
Speaker
It's real, though. That's real. Oh, I didn't know we were going there. That's crazy. Wow. She took us there. It is absolutely real. And I feel like maybe men should probably focus on that and pleasuring their partners and being a good partner and not on how many people she's been with. OK, for example, Miss Angela White is her last name. Yeah, China. I don't know how many people she's been with in the past, but she's a changed woman. She's a, I think, amazing woman now. Or, I don't know, she was an amazing woman in the past. That's the point. The point is that she's a good partner to the person that she's with.
00:41:21
Speaker
I think that's all that matters. As long as she's not like lying about like diseases or something that she might have that can affect her partner. Then like what's the big deal? Right. Except for your ego. What's really the big deal? Right. Well, you got to think about it from this perspective, right? For a man, like I don't want to be sexist here, but it's just realities, right?
00:41:42
Speaker
What you got down there is a prized possession and we look at the history of humankind, you feel me? Like a man wants to be with a woman that he could procreate with and that's the only joint that he has procreated with, you feel me?
00:41:58
Speaker
Like, he has it. Wait, what? No, I'm saying. Alright, let me explain it. I'm about to think about it from you. I gotta re- explain that. So what I'm saying is that a man wants to be with a woman that is sacred down there, she's protected it. That womb is special.
00:42:17
Speaker
that womb creates his progeny, his future. And so the more that's going down in there, he gonna have a different mindset, a different perspective of who she is as a woman. And that's just what it is, right? Versus on the other side. I would just quickly say, if that were the case for all men, then I don't think we would have unfaithful people because I
00:42:50
Speaker
personhoods wouldn't be violated, that people really have respect for the personhood. I do think there's a lot of equal involved. I do think there's insecurity, especially when we think of school ground. What's the easiest way to get out of someone with male anatomy? Just say, hmm. There's some insecurities there. When you see an empowered woman, from a heterosexual stance, it's like, is this person going to have
00:43:24
Speaker
So, you know, so I think there's that, and there's another side too, and I think now in any kind of relationship, for me, where I'm dating, like, one of my things is like, you know, we all have past, you know, a lot of us who were into the 20s, into the 30s, like, we have a life experience. If you want your partner to have a low body count, you also have a low body count, you want to be consistent with you yourself, and your partner does one thing, but if also you
00:43:55
Speaker
and you would recognize the humanity of the other person, I'm just saying be consistent. The thing with Laurie Harvey, I think, from what I've seen, I'm not a celebrity, I've had dreams of it. I think that community is smaller than we think it is, so I think on one end it's like, if I'm walking into a room with someone that I'm dating, I want to be hit with no surprises. I don't want nobody to spill my truth or spill my partistry. So I think in that regard, it's like, I want to know
00:44:23
Speaker
that would be like relax you know so I guess it's dangerous levels like I want to know just so I'm not caught on guard and I'm not looking crazy if you walk into a situation but it's not like to shame you because you know keeping consistent and figure out like what is the insecurity where does that come from
00:45:03
Speaker
What if you're saying, oh, that her womb is precious and this is going to be your offspring or this and that? What are your offspring going to learn after they're being heard? What is this person's character like? What kind of generational trauma is she still unpacking about her life? These are the things I feel like relationships be emphasized when you're really trying to find a true partner that you're going to feel a legacy with versus what's her body count, how that is her body is. What does she got lashes on? Does she got extensions on?
00:45:15
Speaker
my future therapist
00:45:30
Speaker
but like, why are we focusing on all of these things? And that's kind of the problem where people feel like, you're gonna be fulfilled because you got a girl, she got a body count of one, and she's loyal, but she's dumb as a box of rocks. And that's the real thing. She doesn't even know the samples that she's facing psychologically. For many, it doesn't matter. Seriously, like, your children are in trouble, you know what I mean? Because of just focus so much on her womb, and she got this, this, and that. So I just feel like there's a large emphasis on the physical, and also the question of like,
00:45:59
Speaker
Does art imitate reality or does reality?
00:46:03
Speaker
Ooh. There are a lot of women out here. It's like, I have a bigger butt. But it's like, OK, people are getting surgeries to have blood that we already have naturally. Exactly. So we have lashes. But there are some people that have naturally long lashes. Like, we're imitating what we already see in our own ancestry and our own legacy. You know what I mean? So braids, even if you go back to the history of reality and Egyptian history, what do they hair look like?
Embracing Authenticity and Empowerment
00:46:33
Speaker
A lot of things we're still internalizing from what white America has determined. You're trying to be something you're not. You're trying to be something you are. This is what you came from. This is African hair. This is what your ancestors did for mud. I feel like it goes deeper than, oh, you have this, you have that. You should be who you just want to be. If you want to be natural,
00:46:57
Speaker
Be natural. You want to be something else, be something else, but make sure that you're that something, because it's what you want to be, and not what you feel like somebody else made you feel like you had to be. I love it. Yes, ma'am. Clap for her. Oh, I'm sorry. I love it. You know, I have a question for you. She finally talked, though. I'm happy. That's what I wanted to know. I have my own question for you. So what would you rather Lori do, like, just be single? Like, sit home so she breaks up with a guy, and she should just be looking at him and... No, no.
00:47:26
Speaker
She's, I'd rather her to live her life, but just know there's a cost and consequence to every action you do. How you model and behave in the public, all right? People are watching you, you're a celebrity. And even if you're not, you can't be mad at that. We have seen so many women, they're coming back like, yo, I shouldn't have done this and that. Amber Rose, there's so many names that we could talk about, even Black China. How I was moving before when I was young, I regret that.
00:47:53
Speaker
Right? I'm moving around doing this and that. And it's not an opinion of minds, it's objective. People watch, men watch. And if you moving crazy, it's going to affect their perceptions of you. They're less likely to wife you if you moving around having mad bodies. And it's not me. I'm just saying like, this wife, this being a wife, because someone actually don't want to get married. You know, the funny thing is that I'm just talking about these scenarios where
00:48:18
Speaker
Those individuals, they want to get wiped. I'm just saying. Okay, so the thing is... Yeah, I'll meet you up, bro. So, for instance, right, like Lori's past relationship before Damson was... My children, Jordan, she broke his heart, man.
00:48:46
Speaker
He be dating a black woman, stop. He's from Newark. He be outside with a black woman. Just because he's from Newark doesn't mean anything. Just because that's who I saw him with. But he be outside with a black woman. Maybe she doesn't want to get married and that's her right. That's fine. And even if she did want to get married, there might be a guy who doesn't care about her past.
00:49:09
Speaker
There is possibility of that, but it depends what is her standard, what kind of God does she want to get, right? We don't know that, only she does. We look at the people she's dated and we can estimate what her standard is. Successful to have money who are in Hollywood, that's all I know so far, but maybe also the
00:49:26
Speaker
the characteristic of their personality. What I'm saying is we're seeing a lot of women coming back and they're saying, yo, I move this way and I'm not happy with how I move and now it's affecting my life. You got the only fans, like you're putting your body out there. And what I'm saying is do that, but don't be disappointed when you get the results that you don't want to get. That's all I'm saying. That's the only decision. I mean, there could be so many different reasons.
00:50:00
Speaker
But that's where we have to have that conversation with our young black woman and young black girls. What is validation? How do you become validated? Do you have to present yourself a certain way? Because I feel like it's been you and me, but it seems like she has some thoughts. I'm enjoying it. She with me. She on my side. I'm not today. I'm on no side. No, I was really enjoying the discourse.
00:50:28
Speaker
I mean, I see both sides. I think we're in the day of the modern woman where we're able to
00:50:46
Speaker
I mean, historically, think about it, right? Let's go back to maybe grandma's, great-grandma's. They didn't work. They took it at home. That's facts. And that was their primary goal. And some would argue that that is what the primary goal of women should be in certain instances, the less traditional roles. And I think that's fine for those who want that. It's absolutely fine. I think it's fine.
00:51:14
Speaker
for Lori Harvey to have men sign NDAs. Huh? If that's what she wants. That's her life. And that's it. I'm not signing that. Here's where I have issues though. I'm not dating her. My issues come in when people who are not of Lori Harvey's status expect to be treated like Lori.
00:51:34
Speaker
Oh, that's where I have issues. And I think that's what happens when you have people in the media, like I mentioned earlier, the city girl era, you have these women who just think, you know,
00:51:46
Speaker
real, you know, but the whole song, I can't even recite the lyrics because they're so vulgar. But you know, singing that, and then it transmits and translates into their lifestyle, and then they're sitting around looking like, well why can't I live the life like Carisha, you know, why can't, why don't I have a ditty sending me on trips, and da da da da. And it's not even a matter of look at you boo, you don't look like her, but it's like, look at,
00:52:14
Speaker
The status tier, if you will. And I think that's the detriment right now that I'm seeing in society with young women. It's like the expectation, the entitlement, you know, based off of just sheer beauty alone. And Deja, you know, that's Deja. What's your name again? Tanisha. You said earlier something that I was like, oh, and now I just lost it. But it was about
00:52:44
Speaker
No, I can't think of it. The art imitates beauty, beauty imitates art. It was definitely that, but it was something else. I just lost it, though. It's all right. It was going to be a good point. What's in the mind? I don't remember anymore. What's in the mind? No, it's OK. She made a lot of points. Oh, no. Thank you. Yes. You made some value. Women can be dumb.
00:53:05
Speaker
And still, let me tell you, there is a group of men that don't care if women are done. That's actually very true. Trophy wives aren't supposed to be smart. I don't think they are. Right. They just want the loyalty and the. She bad. I'm with her. I've been there. I felt like that. Yeah, that she can be beautiful and not really have much else going for her. And I think there is a subset of men that pick that way.
00:53:35
Speaker
But I do believe if marriage and a family is something that we and the women in medicine, because I know this is on a lot of our hearts, right? We go to school, we miss out on so much. It's four years, four more years, and five more years, and you're like, when Lord, or why Lord? But I really think, you know,
00:54:00
Speaker
And I don't know that today's age, we learned to position ourselves like they did back then. When I was in college, I knew like 10 women that met their husbands. And they sat, they positioned themselves. I don't know that we're taught to do that at this point. Right.
00:54:22
Speaker
What? Don't you? Always be in position. All that to say, because we do have to wrap up. Wrap it up there. You know, stay true to you. Don't imitate nothing, right? Just be you. Do you live your truth? And if you don't know what your truth is, figure it out and take time for yourself and do it.
00:54:49
Speaker
That's like the doing the work aspect. You can do that while you're in school. That's the best time to do it. So live your truth. And that's that's the theme. That's the theme. I think the theme of this show is black women living your
00:55:02
Speaker
We used to charge you guys black men, you know, there was a couple, but we thought they were the first ones to leave, right? It got too hot. That's why. Stop it. We had a disadvantage already, like the whole conference is like 30 to 1 black woman to black men. Don't do that. You just have to catch up. If you're falling behind, catch
Conclusion and Audience Engagement
00:55:22
Speaker
up. That's it. And tell your fellow black men that too.
00:55:27
Speaker
But anyway, guys, that's all for our live in-person show. Thank you guys so much for joining us for the AMEC edition of The Lounge. So, thank you for the round of applause. We have an event tonight, it's not our event, but we're hosting. And we would really love you guys to come out. It's called Bumping Karaoke. It's a play on track karaoke. And it'll be a ballroom B. It starts at 9 p.m., but I'm tempted to tell y'all 8.30, because CP time.
00:55:56
Speaker
Okay, so 9 o'clock. If y'all come earlier, there will be music playing. It'll be vibing. We want y'all to come as we start off the evening events and get y'all into the further spirit of AMEX.
00:56:09
Speaker
And be sure to follow us on social media. We are available on all platforms. And we release new episodes every month. So check us out. We love, you know what I'm saying? We have good topics just like today. We get controversial, me and Sabella, like we really almost fought.
00:56:28
Speaker
off of certain things. It's a part of it. Yeah, it's a part of it. It's just natural energy. It's just all family. So definitely tune in, Apple, Google, wherever you listen to your podcast. We did. We are. So thank you for coming out. And I wish you guys a wonderful conference. We active tonight. Be there. Be square. Can we get one more round of applause for our host, please?
00:56:53
Speaker
Okay, thank you all for coming. Before you guys leave, we have one opportunity we would like to extend
00:57:16
Speaker
Thank you very much. Thank you guys.