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Cheers To Conscious Friends Ft. Caroline aka Sage Aesthetics
27 Plays14 days ago
Got to have a powerful conversation with my friend, Caroline. It was my first in person interview and we had great discussion. Caroline is an author, graphic designer, caregiver, copywriter, and artist. Tap into her social media on Instagram @sage__aesthetic. You will find her website and professional work there as well!
Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
And hello everyone. Welcome to another episode of The Weekly Coupe. We've got my friend Caroline on. She is Sage Aesthetics on Instagram. Published author, caregiver, copywriter, conscious friend. Really fun to just talk about life and just talk about our upbringings, being Catholic and you know kind of our relationship with God. and It's a really cool experience, and it was my first in-person interview ever. So like that was meaningful for me, and I know that was meaningful for her. so
00:00:36
Speaker
it's It's a long episode, but it's it is full of just really insightful conversation between two people that are just curious. And that being said, feeder.org, sign up for the app launch should hopefully be here in the next month or so. And we're excited to roll out some ambassadors. So sign up for the app launch and get the emails. And that being said, guys, let's get after it.
00:01:03
Speaker
are
00:01:28
Speaker
Welcome to another episode of the Weekly Coupe. This is actually a first for me because I have never done in-person interviews, so for you to be my first in-person interview is ah pretty special to me just because I've always wanted to do them but I don't have the space right now to obviously do that and a lot of my people that want to go on this show are not from St. Louis so having someone here like yourself that provides so much value I think is
00:02:00
Speaker
really pivotal uh for everyone to know so who the world wants to know who you are so introduce yourself who you are um i know you're born and raised in st louis so you can probably dig into that a little bit but yeah yeah go i'm super excited to be on this show with you uh it's always been a dream of mine to be on a podcast episode so i can check that off the bucket list but My name is Caroline. I am a literary artist and a caregiver. And I met Cooper at a wellness event recently where he was providing Reiki and guided meditation. And we just met and hit it off. And I think being in wellness spaces kind of encourages conversation about chronic illness and trauma absolutely and how emotions play a role in
00:02:54
Speaker
are everything, mind, body, and spirit. 100%. Yeah, absolutely. And and honestly, working I remember when I first met you at the event, it was it pretty crazy like just to like see the amount of people that were so tapped in to the space of wanting to heal. And I always like to be clear when I say this. i might identify as a healer, but you are a healer as well. Like everyone is a healer in their own right. I just help you tap into that. That's all I do. Like you are a healer. Your body is meant to heal on its own. Your spirit is meant to heal on its own. Your mind is meant to heal on its own. I am more just the the guidance of that to help you tap into yourself. And I think trauma,
00:03:46
Speaker
is something we all can relate to on a certain degree. I think everyone has trauma. It's just different levels, different degrees, and different scenarios of trauma. ah um There we go. This is the hydrogen water that's done. But this week in which your water is so critical like yeah for your health too. but You know, when we build up trauma in the body, it manifests into dis-ease. If you look at the etymology of the word disease, it means dis, like discomfort, or just like, it's it's a negative connotation, actually, and then ease, you know, when you think of ease, you think of peace, bliss, relaxation, disease is the lack of, you know, peace, the lack of bliss, the lack of relaxation.
00:04:32
Speaker
Uh, and your trauma builds up in that matter. Uh, and I think with what you've been through in life, you have been able to tap into that and understand that mind, body, soul connection as well. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that that is kind of the.
00:04:52
Speaker
basic idea of holistic health is that everything affects everything. Like in Western medicine, we have all of these different specialties, right? We have gastroenterology, we have your ophthalmologist, we have all of these different sectors and holistic health is more about bringing it all together and looking at the whole person. Yeah. Yeah. I guess like, you know, for what I want to dive in with you on,
00:05:18
Speaker
Depression, you know is is a you know it's real, anxiety, PSD, you know GI issues, and like food intolerances, and know things of of that nature. like I guess what inspired you to, I guess, look into that? What inspired you to, like I guess, take accountability and ownership for your for your own well-being, due to all those things that I just said?
00:05:45
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. So growing up in St. Louis, Missouri, you know, we're in the Midwest, we're in Western culture. And so anytime people have a problem, they go to the doctor, they get a prescription for pills and they start taking medication. And that was what I fell into when I first started seeking treatment, which by the way, was a long time after I started having symptoms. I remember being a child and having severe anxiety, depression,
00:06:12
Speaker
um And by the time I was in fourth grade, I was diagnosed with TMJ disorder, which I later realized was a physical manifestation of the emotional components that were going on. And so I realized that I needed to heal not only my body, but also the mental illness that was at play because we all have you know people in our family who struggle with it and and it can be a there can be a biological component to that, but I think that there were also a lot of circumstantial factors that played into that as well.
00:06:49
Speaker
and I think that it was just kind of like at that point it was like what came first the chicken or the egg like the anxiety was playing into the chronic pain and then the chronic pain in turn was making me more feel more depressed and hopeless because I was like oh my gosh I'm gonna feel this way my whole life and there's I had tried all these different things I went to physical therapy I went to the chiropractor like most kids my age were at school having fun with their friends and I was homeschooled and I was doing physical therapy every day and like I didn't feel like a normal kid because I had all of these different things going on with my health. and so Fast forward to when I was 17, I started on medication and I started going to talk counseling, talk therapy.
00:07:38
Speaker
and that did help for for a time but there have been medications that have helped at the beginning and then over time they ended up making me worse and so these past few years I've really started on this wellness journey especially back in 2021. I started going to the chiropractor and I saw this functional medicine doctor who used machines that are part of primary care over in Germany and these machines can diagnose food intolerances based on frequencies.
00:08:18
Speaker
using muscle testing and things like that. And so he determined that I have a severe weight intolerance. So he was like, you need to go gluten-free for the rest of your life. And it's interesting when you look at the the gut brain connection, how much our food influences our mental health. yeah And my vision got better after I went gluten-free. Like my glasses broke and I went to the eye doctor to to get a new prescription. And she was like, oh, you have 2015 vision. So you're good. You don't need glasses anymore. like changing my diet legitimately changed everything else for me. That's amazing. Um, one story I had with the, he's my business partner now. He healed his, uh, he healed his vision, uh, through grounding and looking at the sun directly, like in the morning, which is kind of wild. Um, it's a very wild story, but, uh, but yeah, Jake Jacobs, you know, definitely more along the hippie mindset with, with healing himself. And honestly,
00:09:18
Speaker
When he, when he first told me that, um, I actually have nearsightedness in my right eye and, and, and, uh, stigmatism. Um, and it's funny because when I did change my diet and those sorts of things, cause I only wore glasses at like night when I was driving and stuff like that. But like, I noticed when my diet changed in those things, I didn't need my glasses. Like my vision actually did improve, i believe it which is pretty wild. Um, and the things that, you know, I've learned about through biohackers like Gary Brekka is a guy that I really consume on ah on a deep level. He talks about the motherfucker gene. Oh, yes. I know. I know that that's part of the notes that we're discussing. But I guess to to kind of get to like your knowledge base was there.
00:10:04
Speaker
And feel free to share as much as you want here, as little as you want here. But was there a catalyst event that got you in this or was it just like a a series of events that created you? Yes, to both. yeah There was a series of catalyst events and I would say 2019 was a hundred percent the tipping point for me as far as my just general health. I had been binge drinking alcohol and not sleeping well. And I had just come out of a an unhealthy relationship. And so I was trying to just regain control over my life because things had spiraled so far out of control and I wasn't coping healthily. And I don't blame myself for that, but I also recognized that like I got to a point where I was like, I will do
00:10:58
Speaker
anything to feel better. And so after 2019, I continued going to therapy and taking medication, but I started looking into the more kind of natural routes for healing. I had a lot of GI issues and that is that makes sense when our brains aren't happy, our gut isn't happy, and vice versa. And so I started drinking ginger tea. It was a simple change And it had tremendous results on my gut health. And I remember there was a time where I was nauseous every day for years and I was losing weight. I was eating pretzel rods for dinner.
00:11:39
Speaker
And I drank ginger tea one day and it gave me an appetite for the first, and that was the first time I had an appetite in, I don't know how long, it had been months, maybe years since I had actually felt like eating food.
00:11:54
Speaker
And I think it's because ginger reduces the inflammation in your body. And I think inflammation is the root of evil. I mean, it causes chronic pain and brain inflammation. I have caregiving clients who I've worked with who have dementia and I believe that I do think that some types of dementia depending on the cause can be healed through an anti-inflammatory diet. yeah And that brings me to the movie Brain on Fire. um it's It's based on a book and this was this New York Times bestselling author and she describes this month of madness that she had and she
00:12:40
Speaker
was a normal person working a normal job. And yeah kind of all of a sudden she started having hallucinations and behavioral issues and all kinds of things go wrong kind of overnight. yeah And it took a long time for doctors to figure out what it was, but she had this rare form of encephalitis. So she had inflammation in her brain. And in one of the scenes, she had to draw So she was with a neurologist from the hospital, and she had to draw a face clock. And she drew the numbers correctly, if I'm remembering correctly, from the movie. She drew 1 through 12, but only on the right side of the clock. yeah And that has to do with the different hemispheres of the brain. And so when I was caregiving and I had a dementia client,
00:13:31
Speaker
I drew a circle and I drew you know the the long hand and the short hand on the clock and I asked her to draw a clock and she did the same exact thing as this girl in the movie did she she numbered the clock one through twelve but she only she only did it on one side of the clock and that was when I had this moment where I was like I wonder if the cause of her dementia is inflammation because that was the cause of this girl's symptoms. this yeah She was a young, healthy writer from New York and I just had this moment where I was like, I want to learn more about this. Wow. Yeah. then No, that's that's incredible. ah It's funny. I just got off a three day water fast last week.
00:14:19
Speaker
And I noticed from my perspective, my cognitive function was actually improving each day as I was fasting because you break down the way cells in your body. Like I think of everything on a cellular level and that's like where inflammation kind of starts. You know, inflammation starts at the cellular level, which It's the building block of life is is a set. Um, and me studying quantum energy and quantum mechanics, quantum physics, everything I studies on a quantum level set is on the, the atomic level. It's how the atomic bombs were made was through quantum physics, actually. okay Um, so that's, that's where I take my studies and, you know, inflammation is like, it's so crazy because inflammation.
00:15:05
Speaker
A part of everyday life just deteriorates you slowly, but it's painful. It's a slow, painful deterioration of your mind and your body, and when do you when you eliminate the inflammation, your mind and your body start to recover.
00:15:22
Speaker
even more quickly than you could imagine, ah it's like going sober, not drinking for me. yeah Like you feel the effects of not drinking alcohol like 30 days after. Honestly, I feel like two weeks after, like 14 days, I start to feel a lot better like yeah with my liver and just everything else. And you know, the liver is a, you know, it's funny cause like everyone talks about like the liver being like,
00:15:48
Speaker
the organ that you know replenishes itself or builds itself back up. you know I think other organs can do the same thing. I think it's very possible. And your brain is definitely one of those things too. I think you can regenerate brain tissue and you can regenerate neuropathways. Playing football, giving myself brain damage for you know as many years as I did.
00:16:11
Speaker
yeah CTE definitely came up in my mind. um Looking at my life now, I definitely would not say CTE is a part of my lifestyle just because of mushrooms and fasting and like eliminating inflammatory aspects. Because that's like what athletes do. They inflame their body. They put pressure on their body constantly. And I noticed and i remember you know talking with you, you played sports. Do you think sports played a part in deteriorating ah the body for the time period that it did? I'm not sure because it's a little bit of both in terms of like sports actually kept me very healthy because I had to do conditioning and practice and all day tournaments on Saturdays and Sundays. I was in a gym 30 hours a week and in addition to going to school.
00:17:06
Speaker
And then when high school came around, I was doing that in addition to work. And so it was holding me accountable to keep my body you know physically active. And I do think that the exertion helped reduce my stress levels. They say exercise is one of the best things for anxiety. But as far as the deterioration goes of my body,
00:17:32
Speaker
I'm sure that there were drills and things that we did that weren't good for us. I mean I was pretty young when I started playing club volleyball and I noticed, I mean I'm very injury prone and I did notice having certain types of joint pain after, either after or during practice.
00:17:53
Speaker
and I don't know, you know, correlation isn't always causation, but I do think that sports can, in good ways and in bad ways, affect our health. But I was lucky because I was not a wrestler. I didn't have to cut weight. yeah I was not a football player. That would be a disaster. No one would want me on their football team. Luckily not. luck not yeah um I was only good at specific sports I should...
00:18:18
Speaker
I should clarify. Well, you played volleyball, right? Yeah, I played volleyball, soccer, table tennis. Played table tennis. I'm obsessed with ping pong. So that was your Olympic sport that you were watching? Yes, 100%. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. um that' yeah I mean ah used to love playing in the basement with my next-door neighbor and my brother, for sure. But yeah, drinking definitely I know you mentioned drinking in college and those things, I know that that doesn't that doesn't help you at all. um But yeah, so in terms of like where you're at with diagnosis and things, like how how has that process been for you? like Have you still gotten answers? are you still
00:19:10
Speaker
trying to figure it out because you're not getting those answers yet. Yeah, there' it's definitely a mix of both. So I have learned a lot and I've healed a lot and I've found a lot of things that help and a lot of explanations for why I feel the way I feel.
00:19:27
Speaker
And then there are other things where I'm still having symptoms that aren't really explained and I'm still trying to kind of figure out diagnoses and treatment for those. But even just this year alone, like I recently got blood testing done and I was deficient in but vitamin B12, vitamin D, and I also have the motherfucker gene, which runs in my family and that's why I got tested for it because it runs in my family. like my cousin who has it like she can't handle fluorescent lighting and I think back to when I was in school and there were harsh fluorescent lights above us and like I remember always having my head down on my desk and it wasn't just because I was tired I think I was overstimulated and when you have the MTHFR
00:20:15
Speaker
gene mutation it's harder for your body to get rid of toxins so scented candles things in your environment things in your food red dye 40 you know like all of the synthetic fragrances and additives in foods and personal care products and perfume i mean i can't really stay in a house that has even like a glade plugged into the wall, like it just triggers headaches for me. yeah And so not being able to get rid of toxins and also having your body has a harder time when you have that gene mutation.
00:20:55
Speaker
absorbing nutrients from food and so part of my wellness journey was going to this chiropractor and she now prescribes me whole food supplements through standard process and the way that these are different is that your body recognizes it as food and so it digests it as if it were food okay as opposed to synthetic vitamins and minerals which your body doesn't necessarily recognize and so you don't always know if you're absorbing that, those nutrients. What is a whole food supplement like brand that you could find? Standard process.
00:21:32
Speaker
It's in your process. No, it's interesting because I take, I don't really take that many vitamins or supplements, I should say. I take Shilajit and ancient nutrition as a multivitamin that's made of like livers and like different, yeah it's it's very clean, very healthy. And then just oil of oregano just for bacteria regulation. So nothing, nothing too crazy. Maybe some you know mushrooms in terms of lion's mane mushrooms and those sorts of things. but No, it's very fascinating. Um, yeah, the journey is, it's tough when you can't get answers. You know, I think the Western medicine system doesn't give us those answers that, you know, we're, we're looking for, um, you know, so I guess, you know, my question is, since I think we can finally talk about this now, did you get the COVID vaccine? I did. Um, it's funny that you mentioned that because I,
00:22:32
Speaker
I've been a very intuitive person my entire life, but I ignored it for a very long time because yeah I was like, well, I don't know what that feeling is. So I'm just going to suppress it. But right when the COVID vaccines were coming out, I was doing in-home caregiving at the time. And so I was under that phase one, a category of people who could get it first. And so my friends were getting it. My family members were getting it. Everybody was talking about it. Everybody was urging you to get it. And there was something in me that told me,
00:23:02
Speaker
not to get it and I ignored that feeling and I got the COVID vaccine anyway I was more worried about my dad's health than myself like I did not want to bring home COVID to my dad just given his compromised immune system and that's understandable though yeah absolutely like I was trying to protect other people more than myself because I have asthma but other than that I'm that's kind of what the media the media was that was the agenda that they were pushing was like you know Think about your family. Think about your friends. like Think about you know people that are immunocompromised, which, yeah, there were definitely some people that you know were immunocompromised and you know you you run that risk. yeah And I got the first dose. I never got the second dose actually because of significant significant events that happened in my personal life with people that I really loved and cared about that were affected by the vaccine. and
00:24:01
Speaker
it's It's interesting to talk about now because we were pressured to get it and it wasn't fair because some people have injuries from that vaccine.
00:24:14
Speaker
Yeah, and I definitely ah was messed up for a while from, I got the one Johnson and Johnson shot. Oh, you got that? You see, I was gonna get that because that was just one shot. Yeah, because it wasn't the mRNA based vaccine. It was a small dose of the COVID virus. And so yeah, what made you go with that? Because the thing is, like, I was very hesitant on the um mRNA myself. Um, I was actually really hesitant on putting that in my body just from the standpoint of, I just didn't trust anything that fucks with your protein synthesis or your DNA. Yeah, for me, I can't really remember exactly what the reason was. I know that I researched all of them before choosing one.
00:25:04
Speaker
i I do remember that the other two were ah mRNA based and so maybe that's why I went with the J and&J. I kind of dissociated from the pandemic just because it was so awful and I struggle to remember things that are that stressful. yeah But I had ignored my intuition and I got the vaccine and I mean for years after I got it I was really struggling and it started the night that I got the vaccine so and I had never experienced that before and so I knew that it was from the shot but I just didn't know
00:25:40
Speaker
Why, like why did this happen? But I reported it to VAERS just so that they could be aware of like what my reaction was. They had never heard of it. I Googled it. Nobody on Google had ever, you know, spoken out about it. But anytime, I mean, I couldn't exercise without blacking out. I couldn't get overheated because I'd black out. um And the day that I actually got it, I couldn't walk. Like I wasn't able to.
00:26:06
Speaker
walk or sit up. I mean, I was like down for the count. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah. My, um, yeah, my girlfriend at the time, she got, well, she was diagnosed with MS, um, because of a vaccine injury. And that's what made me not want to get the second dose. And she found it was like a system where you could look up the doses by the the serial number or whatever that you would get on your vaccine card. oh wow And you could look up the injuries. And I remember I got really lucky because my first dose had like a lot of injuries and a few deaths on the first dose. And I'm like, that's fucking crazy. Like it's just, it's just insane to me that like where we went through that process and it's like, well, I really could die.
00:26:58
Speaker
if I take this and that's like, uh, that, that just, that never sat with me. And the m mRNA stuff, like I said, like, I just didn't trust something messing with my protein synthesis like that, or, you know, messing with my genetic makeup because like m mRNA, you know, kind of, you know, ties in share with your whole genetic makeup. And that's just like,
00:27:23
Speaker
Yeah, that's, that, that's tough. And I'm sorry you went through that. Um, and you know, I'm glad you're here now though. Um, do you, so like, I know you talked about exercising and like blacking out and like those sorts of things. So are you at a point physically where you can exercise? Okay. That's good. I would say last year was the first time.
00:27:47
Speaker
Cause even so I got the vaccine in 2021 and even in 2022, I was outside for five minutes and I blacked out, um, tried going for a jog, blacked out, like, and this was not an issue before I got the vaccine and it was.
00:28:02
Speaker
It was just a neurological thing and my PCP consulted with a neurologist and they were like, we don't know why this happened to you, but just don't get any of the boosters. And I was like, you don't have to tell me twice. i was twenty And I'm not, I'm not anti-vax. I'm pro listening to your body and pro educating yourself on what you think is best for you and everybody has different circumstances and so it's you know it's not like I can come out and say like you should do this or you shouldn't do this. yeah I think it's based on the situation and the person. Yeah it's crazy that you couldn't walk though like after you got it.
00:28:47
Speaker
And the same exact thing happened when I got COVID. And because the J and&J shot is a small dose of the virus itself, it could have been the virus that caused that reaction and not the vaccine, but I'm not a viralologist. I don't know what I'm saying. That's fair. um So with that being said, with where you're at,
00:29:17
Speaker
Like, so you, so you started exercising a year ago. How do you feel now? Like, ah do you still feel like you're recovering in those aspects from that vaccine? Yeah, I'm very weak. Yeah. Like physically. Yeah. But that makes sense because if I can't hit the gym, I feel like I don't think the vaccine had any impact on my mental health whatsoever. I think it was just that initial reaction to the first shot. And that had long-term long side effects for me, but I also know a lot of people who had COVID and who had long-term side effects from that. And so, you know, it's kind of one of those things where
00:30:05
Speaker
there's just no good choice, you know? Yeah. Like not getting the vaccine didn't feel like a safe option and getting the vaccine didn't feel like a safe option. And so, um,
00:30:18
Speaker
Yeah, it's, I was going to bring politics in it talking about the lesser of two evils, but I'm going to just, I'm going to steer clear of that. Yeah. That's fair. Yeah. That's fair. I mean, ah I mean politics aside, you know, it was really, I mean, it was hard to even introduce any sort of, well, the problem with COVID too was we weren't really.
00:30:42
Speaker
open to natural healing modalities with COVID. Um, just from the standpoint of like, you know, people were finding like vitamin, like Kobe's amounts of like, I think it was either vitamin D or vitamin B12, maybe, or something of that nature. Um,
00:31:01
Speaker
People were calling it the kitchen sink that you were throwing at it. Methylene blue is like another thing that people were using to treat COVID and having great results. That was like natural. okay I use methylene blue. Methylene blue is more of a nootropic, but it's also mitochondria boosting.
00:31:21
Speaker
Oh, okay. Like serum that you like put on your tongue and like you keep it on your tongue for like 30 seconds and then you swallow it, tastes awful. Um, but like your brain and your, your body just like really improve. Um, you know, and then people talked about ivermectin too, which I thought was interesting. Uh, I actually did take ivermectin when I got COVID about, what was that, was that four months ago?
00:31:46
Speaker
It was like, it was a few months ago, I want to say. And, um, I kicked in like a couple of days. Yeah. It was crazy. And, um, definitely had the side effects of those still. And I feel like a lot of people, some people still have the side effects of COVID. Um, have you been, I guess, have you looked into natural, like, cause it's like, you say you're still kind of like trying to introduce yourself into like,
00:32:16
Speaker
right physical activity in those things. Have you looked at natural, I guess remedies or things with post COVID? um i I have one kind of symptom, and I think it's neurological, and I don't know if that's from COVID or from the vaccine or from something else entirely. It started around a year ago, um and so I definitely need to, you know, I think I need to make a follow-up appointment with a neurologist about that. but
00:32:47
Speaker
As far as natural remedies for COVID, I mean, I i managed with Paxilovid because I have asthma. So I qualified for Paxilovid to kind of reduce the risk of having issues breathing from it. um So I've been lucky in terms of not really having severe post-COVID like long haul symptoms, but my dad was not lucky with that. He's still with us, but he has a compromised immune system and he finally did get COVID and he wound up in the hospital. He was incoherent. He was unresponsive. His oxygen was dropping. like it was a It was very scary and that was my fear.
00:33:32
Speaker
since 2020 was that that he was going to get sick. And it's crazy that it took four years because he was still going out to Olive Garden and like not taking it seriously. But um yeah, I definitely have people that I love who have long haul COVID symptoms from it. So it's been a traumatic few years for I think all of us.
00:33:57
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, there's no way around it. You know, I think everyone's affected by COVID in some sort of way. Absolutely. You take care of people. Um, you also, you do a lot of things for work. You want to go through all the shit that you do. I'm going to grab my protein shake, but you go ahead and talk a little bit. So I am an in-home caregiver.
00:34:26
Speaker
or also in facility caregiver. I've worked with dementia clients. I've taught kids on the autism spectrum as a registered behavior technician. um I've worked with elderly, young people, people with disabilities, and I started that journey when I was in college back in, I want to say 2016. So it's been a long time now and I've just kind of always come back to it. I've had other jobs and I've gone to school, but um Caregiving is something that I'm really passionate about and I find a lot of meaning and purpose in taking care of people. I'm an Enneagram too so that just like checks out I think as the giver.
00:35:10
Speaker
But it's funny because i I was talking to a friend, this was a few years ago, and I don't i don't remember what the what started the conversation, but I was talking about something and I was like, yeah, I just feel like ah i just feel like a ah bad person. And he was like, what do you do? What do you do again for work? I was like, I'm a caregiver. And he was like, yep, you're a real monster. In that moment, I was like, OK, I need to cut myself some more slack. and i tend to be I tend to be really hard on myself, but um I do think taking care of people is something that I'll never regret doing with my time. um And I'm also a literary artist. I was published in a book this year, and I've been published in printed newspapers and online as well.
00:36:01
Speaker
I have a personal blog, I have a professional website, I have copywriting clients, so I write for a law firm, a marketing firm, and a kombucha brewery. So, yeah, I have kind of an eclectic set of jobs that I work. Clearly. Yeah. In the best way, though. In the best way ever. Yeah. what What would you say is your,
00:36:30
Speaker
favorite job that you're doing right now?
00:36:36
Speaker
I would say my favorite job is writing for Confluence Kombucha because it's something I'm so passionate about and like it's totally in line with I get to be creative but I also get to inform people on the health benefits and the history of plants and the flavor profile and just kind of like everything that's in line with my values in terms of holistic health and nutrition. I'm considering going to WashU in the spring to study plant medicine or you know I don't know I don't remember if I've told you about that yet but well
00:37:18
Speaker
So Sarah that yeah we've talked about, she kind of got into her practice. She studied at Washoe and she is very much so into the whole plant medicine aspect. So I would need to reach out to an advisor and see if that you know if there's a major that kind of like fits under that category but um that would be really cool if WashU had a program because I know that they have all kinds of programs for people going into health care. As far as the holistic side of health I'm not sure what they offer degree program wise but
00:37:56
Speaker
I mean, studying studying psychology, studying plant medicine, I think that our society is becoming more and more aware of the problems that are interconnected.
00:38:10
Speaker
because yeah Like I said, we have a psychiatrist and we have, you know, a GI doctor and we have kind of like all these different people. And that makes sense. You know, they all want to specialize in their own thing, but like something like our food, that affects a million things in our bodies. Like, yeah.
00:38:29
Speaker
If you look up a headache, you're going to get like, Oh, this is a symptom of these hundred different things that could be wrong. And I think if we focus on simplifying and kind of connecting the dots, then we can, you know, alkaline water. Like when I went to that doctor who is, who was using these like machines from Germany, that's part of primary care over there.
00:38:54
Speaker
He told me that my body is very acidic. yeah And so like something as simple as the water that we're drinking or the supplements that we're taking or the produce that we're putting into our bodies, it might not even be.
00:39:08
Speaker
wheat that I'm intolerant to it might be the preservatives that they're spraying on it because it's 100% over in Europe the wheat is free flowing in the wind and then you come over here and it's like stiff all the preservatives they spray on it so it might not even be you know gluten I'm sorry if you've been the scapegoat but you know it could just be what we're putting on our food like they spray oranges to make them look more orange and I didn't know that until recently yeah 100% stuff can just seep into the food and you know become toxic for us. and So i try to be you know I try to be mindful of what we're putting into our bodies because the gut-brain connection is so strong. We produce serotonin in our gut and that's gonna those neurotransmitters are going to play a role ah significant role in mental illness. and
00:40:01
Speaker
this the of depression and anxiety and ADHD that have spiked in recent years in this country is like, okay, we're doing something wrong. We're doing a lot of things wrong, but we don't have time to get into all that. But yeah, I think just being aware of what we're putting into our bodies and The unfortunate thing is like a lot of it is out of our control, right? Unless we each individually start growing our own food, there are a lot of things that we can't control. We get off work, we go to the grocery store, we get whatever we think is best at the grocery store, we come home, we cook it, we eat it. And so unless you're a farmer or you work in agriculture, you don't really have much agency over what they are putting in the food.
00:40:52
Speaker
yeah Um, but something simple, like growing, like my friend gave me a lemon balm plant and I was in control of that plant. And so I watered it and I put it in the sun. I didn't spray anything on it. And then when I wanted lemon balm tea, I plugged the leaves off, I washed them and I steeped them in hot water and lemon balm is like magical. It helps with sleep, depression, anxiety. Um,
00:41:19
Speaker
It helps with all kinds of things. And it's just amazing how one little plant can be. And I eat the leaves as a snack. That's not normal. Most people just lose dried leaves in their tea. If you're indulging in tea leaves, I think you're doing it right. You know what I mean? Yeah. But that's great.
00:41:43
Speaker
Yeah, you'll have to keep me up to date on that WashU stuff. I think that's really cool, really unique. I didn't realize that was a part of it. And you know, like, part of the reason I shifted my whole business concept and demographic was because, um, I mean, financially speaking, it was kind of the reason, but, uh, the other reason too is like bringing the thing as the corporate workplace or just like any workplace in general is Super stressful. Um, and that contributes to your headaches that contributes to your stress when you're stressed at work, uh, and you want to like go to the grocery store. Your stressed buying habits are going to be terrible because like you're, you're stressed the fuck out. So what are you going to grab? You're going to grab.
00:42:27
Speaker
I'm gonna grab chocolate. You're gonna grab chocolate or are you're gonna grab like shitty, like microwavable food because you don't wanna cook because you're so drained from your boss bitching at you all day and not being a good leader and like all these sorts of things. And it's like when we put people in the right leadership positions and put people in the right positions to succeed with what they do outside of their home, um we'll bring a better environment and bring just like better situations like for for people to like make healthy choices. And it's all about just like creating better things. And that's why I think young people and younger generations I think are going to be the shift. And and I'm really proud of, and I'm gonna want your opinion on this, I'll ask you very soon, but like you know I think a lot of older people are going to listen to younger people
00:43:25
Speaker
especially ones that are really healthy, um because one of my limiting beliefs with my business has been age, going into a situation with you know someone in their 40s as an executive, and me being 28, I thought of that age as like a daunting task, but really it's just like, well, we know a lot, like we do. like We don't know everything, but we do know a lot from our traumas, through our pain,
00:43:52
Speaker
disease and our struggle. And like, we now have an opportunity to share that with people that either A, have never been through that or B, they just don't notice it. Yeah. And like, that's the thing, like, you know, older generations are just programmed. Yeah. to a certain degree, i agree which is it's not their fault. You know, you talk about politics, like people are watching like CNN, Fox News, you know, ABC, like whatever. And they think all that is like fact. And they think like Twitter is like bullshit, which Twitter is bullshit to a certain degree, don't get me wrong, but
00:44:30
Speaker
and There are truths to what Twitter you know says versus what you see on like mainstream media TV. you know And that's the thing, like you know older generations, they're programmed in their ways.
00:44:46
Speaker
to yeah just like take everything for what it's worth on a screen just like younger generations do with social media like yeah older generations are like oh social media is like evil and bad and like all these things it's not true there are bad aspects to it yeah but there are some good things that tell you the truth exactly about the worldly level yeah i'm not saying all big media is bad, but the experiences that I've seen, yeah, it's a lot of lies. And that's where we as a younger generation have the opportunity to help people by bringing in that awareness to this is what happened in my personal experience. And that's the thing I think where
00:45:27
Speaker
younger people are validating each other better. Exactly. Personal experience matters just as much as yeah research from a book or a case study or whatever because a lot of those case studies are paid for right by pharmaceutical companies. yeah so Brought to you by Big Pharma. Yeah, so I'm going to listen to Caroline's story more than Johnson & Johnson funding some big-ass use case. Because guess what? I trust you, we're friends, and it just makes more sense to me. Yeah. that's what That's where I'm at with it.
00:46:06
Speaker
I'm a big believer in self-reporting because having worked in journalism and having had that experience, I see the pressure to only report facts, well, the things that people report on kind of automatically, I think, sometimes give away their opinions or their biases. um what What channel it's on it definitely makes a difference. oh my What type of, you know, I won't get into all of that, but I think self-reporting is really important. And I think if you, you know, if you Google what's going on in this,
00:46:40
Speaker
If you Google a you know popular tourist city, you're goingnna if you Google Paris, you're going to get pictures of the Eiffel Tower you know on the internet search. But then if you search Paris on TikTok, you're going to see like protests that are happening there. And like yeah you're going to see things that are happening in real life. And like that news might be brought to you by just a random person like taking a video with their iPhone. or yeah ah Snapchat, you know, whatever like it it's I think self-reporting is really important because it gives us agency and it arguably is more Accurate if it's not being swayed by you know paid advertisements and things like that So I agree with you which actually now like we're seeing a movement on social media where politicians and political parties and corporations are now getting into
00:47:38
Speaker
social media advertising, and they're but it's not advertising. They're using influencers to promote products, which is a very dangerous game. I think that's going to do more harm than good, especially with like, yeah, there's just a lot of things now with social media in terms of, you know, yeah, brought to you by someone with their phone. well Now you kind of add the whole like influencer component where people are getting paid now to record certain things. And it's like, Oh shit. You know, yeah now it's like kind of disenchanting, but I do think genuine, authentic content creators are going to go further. And it's only a matter of time before those big creators that, you know, get exposed for what they're doing.
00:48:26
Speaker
and what they're getting paid for. So, i'm I'm very optimistic. I'm very optimistic on the time period that we're in because we're in the age of authenticity, I think. We're in the age of truth being revealed. And, you know, you work with work with older people. Yeah. ah How has that experience been for you? Because I believe in respecting the elders and your your grandparents or You know, even like, you know, the whole boomer thing I think can be somewhat toxic because I do think there are genuinely good boomers out there too. um Silent generation and like those sorts of things. How's that experience been taking care of someone that's significantly like aged?
00:49:15
Speaker
It's been really good. Um, there are days where I'm really happy that I'm there because I'm not full time with her and she's in a facility. And so I'm just talking about the one client that I have right now. Yeah. And to you know, there was a, there was one week where I left off with her on a Thursday and I didn't come back until Tuesday for next week. And she was really struggling to get up by herself and that's an issue because she's an independent living and after she used the restroom I could tell that she was dehydrated and So I went to Fresh Time. I bought a roar, you know, the roar drinks are like I drink one every day It's like magical. It's called roar and it's got like your
00:50:04
Speaker
It's coconut water based, but it also has like, you know, your vitamins, minerals, electrolytes, like all of that in it. shit I should have never heard of that. I drink it every day. And there's something about when I don't drink it, I'm just not as productive because I don't drink coffee. I don't I don't start my morning with coffee.
00:50:21
Speaker
Sometimes I'll do caffeinated tea, but I really try to energize myself with B vitamins as opposed to caffeine. Cause like caffeine is coffee is a short, is like a shot of cortisol to our system. Like no wonder we're all anxious as fuck. Like we're. We're infusing ourselves with cortisol. we're way to like overcaffeage I don't know whether to have like an IBS attack or a panic attack after I drink coffee. It's just a shit show, quite literally.
00:50:51
Speaker
and so I bought her one of those drinks and by the end of the day, like her, this is going to be a lot of information, but that's what ah her urine was a much better color by the time I left and she was more coherent and she was strong enough to get up on her own. And so simple things like hydration.
00:51:14
Speaker
very easy to overlook when someone is in a nursing home or a facility where they're not getting one-on-one care because she has, she's in a facility. So she has access to caregivers 24 seven whenever she needs, but I specifically come there to look after her individually because a lot of these people I I've seen neglect and I've seen just like subtle abuse with elders. And I'm writing about that with my law firm client, like,
00:51:44
Speaker
It's kind of like this year, especially i've I've become more aware of elder abuse and neglect. And so that's something that I report to the family. I talked to her occupational therapist about, um, I think elderly people struggle with loneliness and one hundred percent you know, even if their basic needs are getting met, I think that.
00:52:08
Speaker
you know I read somewhere that when you're eating a meal with someone, you actually digest it better because socialization tends to reduce anxiety. and so Again, the gut-brain connection, when you're sharing a meal with someone, and that's part of what I do, is I take her down to lunch and I try to facilitate social activities for her. um which becoming a CODA, a certified occupational therapist, that's another route that I could see for myself going back to school. Just because I'm so passionate about all the different aspects of wellness and what makes up a whole person, the emotional aspects and the physical, I think all of it ties together.
00:52:53
Speaker
Yeah, I think there's the hydrogen again. Um, I think I need to get one of those. Yeah. Yeah. Um, tiktok shop. Uh, it is under a Kua boost. It's only, I think it's only $60. Not too bad. But, um, promise you eight cups of this a day, you'll feel fucking electric. But, um,
00:53:18
Speaker
It's interesting, you talk about digestion and eating a meal with someone, you know, with the loneliness thing, I think like, when you get old, like when you grow old, you know, was this person, were they married with someone? with someone Yes. And then that person, did that person pass? Yes. Okay, yeah. I think, well, because like, you know, when like,
00:53:41
Speaker
one person passes away. Like you kind of see like the other person start to. ah So I just witnessed a guy in my parents' neighborhood. He is now in assisted living and his wife died. I want to say it wasn't super long ago, maybe like two years ago, which to me, it's not a long time. And I noticed after his wife died, like,
00:54:07
Speaker
You started changing. and you know its like kind of It was so sad to see. And yeah like I get why companionship now is important, actually, no matter what your sexuality is or you know who you're with. That's why like having a family and being with a loved one is like really is it's special. you know And I think we're, and know I'm not going to be negative about it, but I do think we're not fully grasping the value of like having someone in your life like that you come home to or they come home to you and you can share experiences together and you share that adventure and like adventures. That's another thing about social media too. I think it adventures to over exaggerated like an adventure to me is just being with my person and yeah adventure is literally just
00:55:02
Speaker
I come home to her um just because I identify as straight, but like I come home to her and I see her, I hug her, I embrace her. We talk about her a day. like We make a meal together. like We you know talk about our our like what excites us, what we're grateful for. That ah that is something that it's so hard to,
00:55:30
Speaker
just like, be like, nah, or just like push that to it to the side. And I know a lot of I think a lot of hurt men right now aren't understanding that I think a lot of hurt men need to understand that a companionship with with the right partner, exactly can enhance your life and actually make you even better. Like it can make you even more motivated. And I think we're There's a disconnect right now with that. yeah I'm not entirely sure, well I guess like I think it's just self-obception and self-absorption, in a way. Selfishness is key, but I don't know, there's just, when you give your energy to someone, they give your their energy back to you, and it's like organic, yeah it really enhances your life. I truly believe that. I think there's a lot of fear involved. like We're about the same age, and
00:56:21
Speaker
You know, at this point in my life, I've had multiple relationships. I've had a couple go very badly. And I think a lot of people in their 20s have been hurt by someone. And you mentioned the guy who, his wife passed away. Yeah. And he went into assisted living, did you say? Yeah. I think grief can
00:56:47
Speaker
significantly impair someone's ability to care for themselves and not just in the elderly. This happened to me two years ago. I was so grief-stricken that my hygiene went out the window. I was like a total mess and I got sick like eight times in 2023. Like my body, my body couldn't fight anything and I had also undergone trauma with this person and so my body was just constantly stressed. I was constantly in that like fight or flight mode I saw the meme recently that was like what if instead we had instead of having nervous systems we had really chill systems and I was like that is exactly what we need like not only have we been
00:57:31
Speaker
You know, there's this dichotomy of like, we've never been more connected than ever with social media, but we've never been more separated from each other because like, I'll walk into a room and like, we're all on our phones unless there's some activity that's engaging all of us. And it's like, you know, for sure if, if, if nine out of 10 people are going to be on their phones, what am I going to do? I'm going to get on my phone because if nobody's interacting with each other and that you know, changes depending on the situation. But that's just an example of how, and I think COVID played a large role. I mean, at one point we were literally afraid of being inside of a six foot bubble with another person, even if we love them and we're related to them or they're our partner or our friend. yeah There's this fear of the other now that like, that wasn't there four years ago, you know, at least not from like a viral aspect. And so,
00:58:27
Speaker
six foot bubbles and masks. And there are now all these, you know, new barriers that weren't there before. In addition to broken hearts, like there, are I can't tell you how high my walls can be with certain people. And that's because of trauma and grief and fear. Yeah, I'm the same way. Uh, I think part of my thing is,
00:58:56
Speaker
You know, I've been hurt in my life for sure by many people, men and women both alike since I was a kid, since I was basically a young child. And, you know, I think i think what helps me carry on is is just knowing that, you know, certain people are just really hurt and that's why they project their pain onto you in a sense of hurt people, hurt other people, and there's just different degrees of it. And like it's selfish to those people not to get help for themselves. But you almost take an empathetic route to not want to hurt other people the way you were hurt. And you can take that in two separate ways. You can either become a hero, and this is what I call the hero's journey.
00:59:47
Speaker
You can either take your pain, you can become a villain, you can hurt other people, and you can leave chaos and mess in your life for others to clean up. And that's when people dislike you. And that's when you find yourself isolated and alone and like all those things. Or you take that pain, you become a hero. And you become a loving, embraceful human being that brings community together, brings, you know, attracts opportunities for yourself, attracts the right relationships, the right friendships. And a lot of people are just operating from a sense of hurt. And when you do that, you really can do a lot of damage to other people. And that's not what we're meant to hear to do. Like we're meant to build each other up, no matter what.
01:00:38
Speaker
And that's why forgiveness, I think, is such a huge, huge aspect. At least forgiveness has been such a big part of my life. I don't know about you, but like what does forgiveness mean to you? That's a great question because I do think I have a little bit of an unpopular opinion on forgiveness. I think a lot of people view forgiveness as a choice like, okay, I'm going to forgive this person. yeah I kind of view forgiveness as a process that naturally happens on accident. like yeah I might be set out to like you know heal my wounds and go to therapy and you know just try to heal my mind and my body and my spirit as much as possible.
01:01:31
Speaker
And I think forgiveness is something that just happens when it happens. It's not like a button that you press. Like, you know, Teal Swan, she has this video on YouTube about forgiveness and she describes it, you know, how like some people say that it's just like the press of a button and then, oh, that person's forgiven, but like,
01:01:53
Speaker
I don't view forgiveness as a choice. I view forgiveness as part of a healing process yeah and it either happens or it doesn't and it's on its own timeline completely.
01:02:05
Speaker
um didn Because there are people who, there might be people who I want to forgive, who I can't forgive because I'm not ready yet Or there might be people who i who don't deserve my forgiveness, but I have forgiven them because I've made peace with the situation. And so I think what other people deserve and what you're able to do on your own are not always the same thing, if that makes sense. What about forgiveness itself? I do struggle there. Forgiving myself. Well, where does that stem from? Isn't it interesting? I know where it stems from, but I want to hear where you think it stems from.
01:02:47
Speaker
not to sound like a know-it-all is a is an interesting concept because Like I will do one minor thing wrong and I'll be Incredibly hard on myself like I I have such a fear of making mistakes that I try to make as Few mistakes as possible so that I don't have to then forgive myself and to be honest I don't know where I am in that journey of self forgiveness because it's a I'm either so good at it that i'm not that I don't know where I am or I'm so bad at it that I don't know where I am with it. But that's definitely something I should dive deeper into with my therapist. You should.
01:03:28
Speaker
um You grew up Catholic. you Do you think reconciliation had a part of that in your life?
01:03:38
Speaker
with self-critique. Are you talking about reconciliation from a religious context with the priest and the screen? Or are you talking about with myself? Yeah, do you think that brought any sort of... I think that the things that I confessed in reconciliation weren't necessarily things that I thought were bad, they were more things that the church thought were bad, if that makes sense. Yeah, I see that because where I found my self-critique lying the most was through reconciliation. So like it put me in a state of shame because like I look at everything as frequencies and states of consciousness. So basically when you go to reconciliation, there's a lot of fear, shame, guilt, which are very low vibrations.
01:04:24
Speaker
So I kind of had that mindset for a really long time and I never really understood that until I stepped away from the Catholic Church and realized, you know, being a part of other religions and just like experiencing other religions and they like don't do reconciliation, which is kind of funny. Like cause I was like, why do you guys not do that? But it's like,
01:04:46
Speaker
It's because it's okay to make mistakes. yeah You don't have to like always talk about them. And like that's the thing I try to like help some people that are stuck in religious mindset. Mostly, actually, it's all Catholic people that I've worked with. They all have the mindset of, like the reconciliation mindset, where it's like, I gotta talk about this and like feel really bad about this. and like you know um so like my thing that i tell people is like As long as you don't kill people or hurt people or manipulate people for your own good, yeah if you make a mistake, you make a mistake. And that's okay. You can talk about it and then move on. Don't self-inflict punishment, though. You don't need to exactly you don't need to do twenty our fathers to like feel good about yourself. Just say, you're still a good person at heart.
01:05:39
Speaker
you can move on and the the the imperfectness of life is what makes it so special. Yeah, I saw something recently that said, instead of shaming yourself into transformation, love yourself into transformation. And I really liked that because it just gave me the picture of like, when I shame myself, I'm less likely to do the thing that I'm shaming myself for not doing. no So it's it's like, it's not even effective. yeah Not only is it not effective, but it is that negative way of like, even if it did motivate me, I'm still gonna feel like shit about myself. And what you said reminded me of something my therapist told me a few months ago. She was like, it's okay to hurt people. I was like, what? No, it's not. And she was like, as long as you don't mean to,
01:06:30
Speaker
she she described it as like this box of peaches and we're all just like rolling around in this box together and like we're bound to like bump up next to each other and bruise each other and like as long as it's not you know this malicious intended thing and and I'm not excusing like certain behaviors by any means like you should definitely if you hurt somebody unintentionally, you should definitely own up to that and apologize. And I'm still working, I'm still working on so many things, boundary setting, um, making mistakes. Like I'm so hard on myself when I make a mistake that when other people bring up my mistakes, I, I fall apart because I'm like, Oh, now it's even worse because I'm being hard on myself and now they're bringing this to me. And so I'm really trying to work on that.
01:07:24
Speaker
Yeah and you know that that comes from probably parenting in some degree at least you know from from what I know I love my parents like I really do but there was definitely times where pressure and expectations were really high yeah and um taking critiques from other people weren't like I I was in your shoes I couldn't take critiques from other people and um actually dated someone for a very short period of time. And unfortunately, her parents were very critical of her. And that's why like, if I ever brought in, just even feedback of some degree, it always, there was like a catastrophic ending to it. That's why like, it broke apart was because um the the critiquing, like,
01:08:15
Speaker
was even like a critique, but it was seen negative because of like, the parental guidance that she was under. And it's like, oh real and it's like, you don't even, it's not like I'm not even like, I hope the best for her because like, I really, you know,
01:08:30
Speaker
I really do appreciate her and I appreciate that time. And honestly, like I hope that her, she finds some sort of just like peace with their parents eventually because of like, that's gotta be hard. yeah Like living in that stressful environment all the time, it's gotta to be hard, you know? Yeah, and I think people can kind of crumble under the weight of expectations. yeah And I also read somewhere like,
01:08:59
Speaker
that you can only meet others where you've met yourself and so if you're so uncomfortable with your own mistakes like I am with mine then yeah I'm so uncomfortable with other people bringing up anything about me that is imperfect because I'm such a perfectionist and I really have to get over that and and work through it and it is something that I work on in therapy and like I said I'm i'm just kind of like in the process of working through a lot of those things myself. And like i'm I'm a queer neurodivergent artist. So like the none of the expectations for me were met you know in my family, because I grew up very Catholic, very conservative. And so I felt like just being me was wrong. And I felt like i just always felt like I would never measure up, because I would always be this way. and yeah
01:09:58
Speaker
I was so sheltered that I didn't meet other queer people or other... I mean, there was no culture like in in my and my community. like I did not go to school with a person of color until I was 15. My upbringing was extremely narrow, and so I still feel like I'm learning about myself and and the world around me.
01:10:25
Speaker
And they don't teach us that in school. They don't teach us how to... They honestly don't teach us any life skills like that we need to know. I know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, but i don't I don't know how to like cook and do my taxes. Jesus loves you. Don't forget that. That was a religion class in Catholic school, like all the way through grade school. Jesus loves you.
01:10:50
Speaker
Um, and then I got to this met where it was definitely more scholastic, um, for sure. And I love those complex, uh, topics. Yeah. No, I was, sorry I was, I was going to press you. I wasn't going to press you about ah talking about your, you know, queer lifestyle and and being a queer. Um, obviously that's difficult when you grow up in a Catholic household. So when did you, when did you know you're a queer?
01:11:20
Speaker
I think I knew pretty early on cause I was, I think in second grade when I developed my first first crush on a girl and I. And it was just like, and i look and and I want to make this point clear because I think like some people think it's just like media brainwashing and like those sorts of things, but like this crush you built,
01:11:45
Speaker
This was like completely organic and like, it just kind of came naturally. Yeah, it was a hundred percent. Cause there weren't like, cause remember like gay TV and movies was not. I didn't have access to any of that. That wasn't even a thing when we were kids. And even if it was, I mean, we watched Barney and Arthur and we had limited screen time anyway. Like we were encouraged to like play outside and to draw. Like my parents really fostered this sense of creativity and, yeah,
01:12:15
Speaker
curiosity in this. My entire family is artists and so and we were homeschooled and so but just we were not aware of the world at all. So no for sure. So none of my feelings were influenced by queer culture because there was no queer culture to influence. Yeah it definitely was not as prevalent so yeah so like you developed that you said second grade right? Yeah and like
01:12:45
Speaker
I didn't really know what it was, but I knew it was bad. And I'm putting bad in quotes here. I don't know if you can see the quotes. but You'll definitely be able to see it. The camera's a little pointed your way, so you're yeah you're definitely in the shot. I did that on purpose. yeah We got to see more of you. People are tired of seeing me. So so when you talked about Catholic shame,
01:13:09
Speaker
i yeah I think that the depression and the anxiety that I had at a very young age, I think a lot of that was biological, but I also think a lot of it was knowing that something was, or thinking someone was wrong that something was wrong with me based on the way that I felt about girls. Because you like girls, yeah? Yeah, and like that will never change. like I have been with men, I've been with women. like i don't really I've never really found my label inside the queer community I guess bisexual is maybe the most is maybe the closest but I don't know I also think that like identity is fluid and
01:13:55
Speaker
I think trauma plays a role. like there It's a multi-faceted thing. like I don't know if I like men because I was conditioned to like men or if I like men because I actually like men. so they're There are still things that I'm learning about myself and questioning, but I know that I like women and I know that I always will. and Whether I end up with a woman or not, like that is part of my identity.
01:14:21
Speaker
and You know, i the movie 1946, it's something I really want to watch soon because they go into the mistranslations in the Bible that led in the 1940s that led to this religious rejection of queer people. um So I'm still learning. I'm still unraveling internalized homophobia. So I can only imagine people who aren't queer, they're I just feel like as a society, we're behind and like we're behind the times. like We need to catch up to 2024 and like recognize that like it's okay. you know And that's something that I'm still telling myself. like At 27 years old, I had my first long-term relationship with a woman when I was 18. She and I got together when I was 18. So I was pretty young and pretty inexperienced. but
01:15:17
Speaker
Like even then I knew that that was who I was and I always stayed true to that and it was hard and I've had i've had really awful comments made to me about it. um But I do think that the way society is reacting to queer people, I think that kind of added to the anxiety and the depression that I felt at a very young age.
01:15:46
Speaker
And so I was feeling shame in addition to, I wanted to be at school with my friends, but when I was home schooled, I was, you know, teaching myself algebra and jump roping alone on the driveway. It wasn't it wasn't exactly the experience that I wanted. And so right there were kind of a lot of layers to it um as far as like my mental health goes and just kind of how my childhood played a role in that.
01:16:19
Speaker
And then as an adult experiencing trauma, so you know kind of going back to the wellness conversation, I experienced a very traumatic event back in 2019 at a bar, and there was sexual abuse involved, and so healing the PTSD from that has been very difficult because as a woman, I don't always feel safe in the world. And so I started, in addition to like changing my diet and things like that, I started going to NET, which is narrow, it's a type of therapy and it stands for narrow emotional technique. And it uses muscle testing to release emotions from the body using pressure points.
01:17:07
Speaker
um And when I started going to my chiropractor in 2021, who does NET, I started experiencing major emotional releases, not just about what happened in 2019, but the abusive relationship with my girlfriend and things that happened in childhood. and like we all None of us you know graduate from childhood unscathed. We all have you know our our wounds that we had when we were kids.
01:17:44
Speaker
But that you know that became more fuel as I transitioned into my wellness journey.
01:17:53
Speaker
And it's still a struggle. I still eat too much added sugar and maybe binge watch TV too much, but I think, you know, I became so rigid with my medication schedule, my sleep schedule, my diet. Like there were so many things that I cut out, alcohol, dairy, gluten. Like I, back in 2021, I just like, I was like clean slate, like,
01:18:24
Speaker
healing my body, doing all of that. And so I think I still try to find little ways to be spontaneous and do something different. And last night I let myself have red dye 40. Cause I was like, I'm craving a nerd's rope and I'm gonna let myself, you know, like I'm not, just because I'm on a wellness journey does not mean that I've mastered the art of resisting temptation. Yeah. No, 100%.
01:18:53
Speaker
That makes sense.
01:18:58
Speaker
Yeah, sorry that happened too. Trauma is really hard, especially when you go through it as ah as an adult too, because you have to not only work through childhood stuff, then you gotta work through adulthood stuff. and you know i can't I can't imagine that on that level.
01:19:18
Speaker
so you know kudos to you for seeking help in the proper way to yeah just just cleanse yourself. and I think of it as self-forgiveness when you go to therapy or you know do healing modalities or whatever. and I think of that as self-love and self-forgiveness to a certain degree. yeah So good for you. um Yeah, so like you know being queer,
01:19:50
Speaker
What does your family dynamic look like? Do you know? Like, ah just as a guy who's straight, obviously I want to marry someone that is a woman and then have, kids like, very just stereotypical, like, wifeing kids. Nuclear family, yeah. a Nuclear family, yeah. um But how does that look for, for you? Because, you know, I'm, I'm genuinely curious and I'm sure like other just like straight people that don't maybe have the education on different sexual orientations and those sorts of things. What does that look like to you? I appreciate you asking. Um, it's interesting you ask because before I really came out, I,
01:20:32
Speaker
for some reason kind of always envisioned myself adopting. yeah And I don't really know all the reasons why. And maybe that was a subconscious thing because in my family, especially my mom's side of the family, postpartum depression is a very real thing in my mom's side of the family. And that has ended in tragedy. And I, the last thing that I want is for me to have a kid biologically and then for something in my brain to go haywire with um postpartum depression. yeah And I almost said postmortem, but i I will be very much alive, yeah hopefully. yeah um Postpartum depression and and there are so many, you know aside from that, there are so many kids without homes and
01:21:28
Speaker
I think I struggle with the idea of bringing a child into this world knowing the things that I could pass on to them. as far as, um, the mental illness that runs in the family and things like that. Um, I do think that I, and maybe that's just me being cynical. i I know that I have a lot of positive qualities that I would pass on to my biological kid. one hundred percent And I know that I would do absolutely everything for my child and be the best mom that I can. yeah Um, but there's something about,
01:22:04
Speaker
the idea of adopting a child that really resonates with me. And that was not at all because I'm queer and maybe subconsciously that was part of it. But like, I think I've kind of always had that mindset of adopting. And I don't know if I ever will. That's not a plan. I don't have any family plans for my life because I don't have a partner. And so I haven't thought about kids. I mean, I've thought about kids, but like,
01:22:34
Speaker
I'm 27. I'm still figuring out like my career goals. Am I going back to school? So having kids, whether biological or not is not in my five year plan right now. yeah Um, and I will consider it down the road, but I think I'm more open than I ever have been because there was a guy who I met or kind of reunited with some months back. And I fell in love with him and I didn't know that was possible for me to fall in love with a man because I had, to my knowledge, never fallen in love with a man before. And so that was a strange experience because I had only felt that way toward women.
01:23:24
Speaker
So I was like, okay. way Okay, sorry. I wasn't expecting that. Um, but it was also a very fleeting relationship. And so I don't know if had it been a longer term thing, if I would have sustained that same feeling, um, or not. So yeah, to be determined on that, but wow, man, must've been a pretty great guy. I think it was.
01:23:54
Speaker
I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but I think it was more i think it was more about the way he made me feel than the way that I felt about him, if that makes sense, but the way he made me feel played into the way I felt about him. like yeah I think it was more of just like the way that I felt when I was around him and the chemistry and the conversation and Just the, yeah, like I have not felt that good in a very long time. And it makes me think of my first girlfriend who I was with who at the beginning it's always so exciting and there's the oxytocin and the adrenaline and and I felt that with him. And I was shocked by that.
01:24:51
Speaker
like I wrote a song on the piano about it because I was just like, I don't know what is happening, but. Damn. Yeah. when Taylor Swift on them. Yeah. I'm just kidding. But um yeah yeah, I think think some guys, actually all guys. So there are some guys that are very manipulative and and have horrible intentions, but will give you know a polar opposite type of look. Oh, Oh, I've been there. Yeah, no, for sure. But I think most guys, you know when it's the right fit,
01:25:29
Speaker
though they'll make sure that that person is happy. And they'll make sure that that you know they do what they can to make that person happy. And it looks different, obviously, because it's very subjective. But yeah you know when a guy really cares about someone, like he will go out of his way for her. So like you know if the whole like phrase, if he wanted to, he would. That is a true phrase. like If a guy wanted to, like he would. that yeah That is my opinion, just because of like my dynamics with women in relationships too. like you know There were definitely people that I definitely exuded more energy to. Part of that was people pleasing though as well. But now that I'm in a healed mindset with dating, like it's it's almost like I can tell like, oh, I definitely feel like maybe I give more, like why am I not giving as much? Or like, oh, you know I am giving as much to that person, whether it's time. or
01:26:26
Speaker
Energy or just like trying to know their love languages and those sorts of things so, you know and I do actually my question now do girls kind of have that mindset or What's I guess because you you've dated a woman too. So like is a girl like if she wanted to she would is that does that apply or What's your thought? great question yeah um I think that I might a little bit be in the minority on this because of the way that I was raised. Because my parents would, I was just talking to my sister who I live with yeah about my parents last night, um because they would go out of their way for a stranger. I mean, my parents would make sacrifices for someone they don't even know.
01:27:12
Speaker
And so I think there are extremely high standards in my household growing up for the way that we treat other people. And I think people pleasing is the unhealthy aspect of that. um Or doing things for not the right reasons. Like I read a quote one time that said, character is how you treat people who can do nothing for you. Yeah.
01:27:35
Speaker
And I love that quote because it forces you to think, am I doing this for love or am I doing this from love? yeah Because those are completely opposite. You know, it can look like the same gesture, like opening the door for somebody. Am I doing this so that they love me or am I doing this because I love them? yeah And so I think that I can't just lump all women into one category when we have wildly different upbringings. Like, yeah, we all have our different, you know, conditioning growing up, and then we all have our own like personality types. And like, I'm an ENFP, and I'm a Capricorn. And you know, we have all these different like, right, kind of things that influence who we are as people and how we behave. And so
01:28:35
Speaker
I think with women, I think women more so than men tend to have more of an empathetic approach to other people. And this is again, stereotyping, this is a generalization, but I'm trying to answer your question. yeah I think women in general tend to have a more, um, are more cognizant of other people's needs and feelings. Um, like I'll give you an example. I will often hold the door for people.
01:29:04
Speaker
men or women, and every time I hold the door for a woman, she says, thank you. And about half the times I hold the door for a man, he will even acknowledge it or say, thank you. And I think, yeah, I kind of noticed that too, actually. Yeah. I do that all the time. I think there is definitely a sense of entitlement when it comes to men. Um, and again, this is, I'm not saying all men are that way.
01:29:32
Speaker
But it's surprising when I meet a guy who is as in tune with someone's needs and feelings as the average woman is. I think emotional intelligence is what I think guys like that as a whole. I think it takes a very unique type of guy to obtain emotional intelligence. And the unfortunate thing is I think guys will mistake in emotional intelligence for manipulation because they'll read like you know the 40 the 40 what was it like the 48 power like 48 laws of power or some shit just it's just never heard of it yeah i'm gonna look this up it's basically a book on
01:30:20
Speaker
how to get people to like you, so it's kind of a manipulation book. ah Oh, the okay. I think it's the 48 Laws. Which plays into the idea of like, am I doing this? 48 Laws of Power. For love or from love. And it's funny because like, people obviously like, you know, TikTok shop and like all these stupid ways to make money now. People are like, yeah, like read this book and you'll become like,
01:30:46
Speaker
every girl's dream or like you'll get every business opportunity you want. It's kind of out of a place of manipulation. And that's like not, that's not emotional intelligence. That is emotional manipulation. I don't, I do not stand for that shit. And I think that's where guys like miss the mark. They miss the mark on emotional intelligence being full on a hundred percent empathy. And that's kind of where I want to come in the, you know, corporate workplace and change a lot of these mindsets where it's like doggy dog.
01:31:15
Speaker
And just like, my mom was talking about in her workplace, she was comparing to another worker about like, selling these like memberships to this like, this like osteoporosis gym that she works at. And that's so that is the toxic environment of corporate America is like, doggy dog and we honestly take the same form into dating now. With doggy dog, it's all about like,
01:31:41
Speaker
what guy has the most money or like, you know, what guy has like, you know, the most offering in hard resources or, you know, adventures and like those sorts of things. And now it's like guys just think that is what matters to women and it's a lack of women. and It does, but to a lot of women. No, it doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And like, that's what I've noticed in like in my own just like journey is, you know, women,
01:32:10
Speaker
I really appreciate a man that's emotionally intelligent and actually is holding space. I think a lot of women don't feel safe with men. So if you, if a woman tells you she feels safe with you, that I think is the ultimate compliment as a guy, because if a woman feels safe with you, that is a very rare thing.
01:32:33
Speaker
You can have all the resources. You can have every, everything like materialistically speaking, but she doesn't feel safe around you. Then it's like, what are you doing? Yeah. Like you can have all the material items to make someone feel safe, but she doesn't emotionally feel safe around you. It's not going to be, it's not going to be a, it's not going to be a good time for both of you.
01:32:59
Speaker
And that is where emotional intelligence comes in is being able to hold space for people, not even just women, but just like men holding space for other men that takes a special person. I saw you like put your hand over your heart chakra. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, just being able to hold space, uh, and, and lead from, uh, the heart, uh, the heart area, like because.
01:33:25
Speaker
Not a lot of men do that, they lead from their brain, which it's not bad to have logic. I think logic is very important, but when you tap into feelings, this is why I love interviewing women in business more than men, because like women have the creative energy and they have the feeling space.
01:33:45
Speaker
to b like Women that are successful in business, I love those stories. And I'm not even just saying that to pander, I'm not saying that to like, you know make myself you know look inclusive. like I truly mean that because women that tap into their feminine energy to be successful in life, um like the woman that created Bumble, I hate Bumble, stupid app. However, the woman that created Bumble, she did a great job and she did that because she had a horrible experience at Tinder.
01:34:21
Speaker
was actually sexually harassed. So she said, fuck you guys. And then she left, she created Bumble and she created the new concept and yeah Bumble actually surpassed Tinder as ah as a better application. And you know, I think her, ah she, she took that experience. She didn't operate in a place of anger. She operated in a place of I want women to feel loved and to feel safe. And maybe she was angry and that would be valid. I think that... I think anger can lead to courage.
01:34:53
Speaker
I think anger can lead to action. yeah I think anger, like for me with my experience, anger definitely fueled action and it motivated me. And yeah I used to view anger as this like bad emotion that I had to suppress. But what I've learned about emotions is that they are an energy that needs to get out of your body, which is why I bought a kickboxing bag because after everything happened, I was like,
01:35:20
Speaker
I want to beat the shit out of somebody, but that's not legal. So I need to find a way to do this that, you know, that makes sense. And so one hundred percent um there have been some people that I've wanted to fuck up, but I just go to my, I go to my kickboxing bag. And I think that when we store emotions in our bodies,
01:35:40
Speaker
We store a lot of trauma in our hips. We store anger, see him talk about TMJ disorder. I mean, my anger and my anxiety were always in my jaw. and I ended up getting surgery on that, but I had to travel out of state to see different doctors. It was, it was that bad. And that I was in eight out of 10 pain for years. And I was a child, like I couldn't, I couldn't sing. I couldn't like eat certain foods. Like my, my jaw, my mouth was so, I just was like clenching everything, clenching my fist, clenching my jaw, tensing my muscles, like,
01:36:20
Speaker
I think trauma and and grief and anger and every every emotional experience that there is to be had, I think that we store that in our bodies unless we are able to deal with it in the moment. And that's what I'm working on is like with this most recent situation that put me in this state of like horrible grief, like losing, he was like one of my best friends and being in that grief state I learned that like it was not a linear healing path. it was It was all over the place. I'd be at work and I'd be reading an email that was completely unrelated to him and just something would trigger me and I would think about him and I would go to the bathroom and I would like be doubled over sobbing for 15 minutes straight and like the old me would have suppressed that. I would have gone. i would have
01:37:20
Speaker
I would have done everything I could to not cry at work yeah and then I would have gone home and then by then I would have been in a different state so maybe I wouldn't have cried as much or or I just wouldn't cry when I got home and I would just keep suppressing that feeling and the longer I did that the more my body became just like overhauled with disability and I was like, I just reached this point where I was like, oh, okay, these are my emotions that have been stored in my body for so long because I ended up seeing this physical therapist. This was before I got jaw surgery and I was still kind of like trying to find non-invasive ways to heal.
01:38:05
Speaker
And he did something called traumatizing your joints, which basically was like a very deep pressure, full body massage. And he was trying to traumatize my joints so that they would reform themselves. Yeah. And I.
01:38:21
Speaker
bald my eyes out for two hours straight after that appointment. And it was, I have no doubt that it was all of the emotions that I had stored in my body, just coming out, like coming to the surface. And now that I understand grief better, I understand that it comes and goes in waves and that it's best to be handled at the time that the wave comes up. Because if you run away from something, it keeps chasing you. Like the only way out is through. And that is one of the hardest things that I had to learn about grief was I would normally suppress the wave, run away from it, distract myself, but I don't want to hold onto this shit any longer.
01:39:04
Speaker
And the longer and the more I keep suppressing it, the longer it's going to stay in my body. And yeah I don't want to be 10 years down the road from now still talking about it and doing any tea on it. Like I, I want to.
01:39:18
Speaker
take this shit out of my, it's like taking the trash out, you know? Like I wanna just deal with it when it comes and yeah and it always passes. Like our tears, like our brain releases endorphins when we cry. I didn't know that until recently. I was like, oh, okay. So like crying is actually very therapeutic and it leads to empathy. If your boss sees that you're crying, she knows that you're not, you know, making something up or like,
01:39:46
Speaker
if If your boss sees that you're crying, she's going to understand that you need a 10 minute break from reading emails. You know, unless you're like a trauma surgeon, like it's not a big deal if you take a 10 minute break at your job, depending on what your job is. But you know, like I think, I think having these emotional experiences and I think we also heal collectively. Like in Western culture, we have such an individualistic society that We're alone in our grief and that's not how we're meant to heal. Like we're meant to heal in community. And that's why I love wellness spaces, like the place where we met, because it's just like, we're all gathering together for the same reasons. And it also brings people together who are on that same path, because there are a lot of people who aren't on their healing journey and that's fine. I used to not be, and that worked for me at the time, you know, like I, I wasn't ready until
01:40:41
Speaker
until a few years ago. And so I think that you know the law of attraction brings people together who have the same visions. Well, very well put.
01:41:00
Speaker
So where are you going with life? Where do you want to be? That's a great question. You just you just like redid your whole hair, which I love it, by the way. So like, I feel like we're coming to a new, as the Swifties call it a new era. So what's uh, where's Caroline going? I'm in my pixie cut era for sure. Pixie cut era. Okay. They say that you store emotions in your hair and I was like shocked by that, but also not surprised at all. Because when I got my haircut, I could not stop smiling. Like I was glowing. Like I felt so me for the first time in a long time. So.
01:41:40
Speaker
Anyway, I appreciate the compliment about my hair. Yeah, that's great. Where I'm going in life is hard to answer because I'm kind of at a crossroads a little bit. I live with my sister. We have a nice house. It is a good house. I have three jobs right now. I'm thinking about going back to school. yeah I think it's hard for me to choose a clear path because there are so many things that I'm interested in.
01:42:09
Speaker
and There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but I do kind of have this pattern of analysis paralysis when I think of all my options, because realistically I could do any of the things that I want to do and be good at it. And I'm not like, ah hopefully that doesn't sound like egotistical, but i I just, I'm the type of person where I just have all these kind of different I see these different paths for myself. I've always said that it's like, you know, that my dream is to write a New York Times bestseller and be on a podcast, which thank you for having me. I got you. I got you on at least one of those things. ah but So yeah, I really just want to share my art and share my creative voice. yeah
01:43:04
Speaker
and I want to dabble in comedy. Like I want to publish a book of just my comedy because like having IBS gives me so much material like the amount of... Yeah, having to shit yourself. Yeah, that's great. Everyone loves jokes about shitting themselves. This is great.
01:43:23
Speaker
ah You have IBS, you're automatically a comedian. Yeah, yeah yeah i've I've thought about comedy. it's It's honestly just a great form of It's a great form of entertainment, and I think it's so unfiltered, and I think that's what's the most authentic piece about it, is the people that are very unfiltered with it, even if, you know, you're gonna offend someone. Like, I truly believe in comedy, you're always gonna offend someone, but the thing is like, you know,
01:43:51
Speaker
You get jokes from friends and family that are like sometimes harsh on you, but it's like kind of the truth at the same time, and you just like take it on the chin, and you're like, you're not entirely wrong, you know? But my egos hurt. Yeah, but that's the beautiful thing about comedy, it just brings like an authentic piece out of yourself. yeah So yeah, I think that would be a really good,
01:44:18
Speaker
maneuverable aspect you know yeah you have open mic here at the funny bone or helium or yeah yeahlium yeah yeah yeah yeah so yeah the New York Times bestseller that's definitely been on my list of things, actually Pulitzer Prizes. That is my number one priority at some point in life, to be a Pulitzer Prize winner, especially being from St. Louis, and that's where it originated from, just with Pulitzer, was actually from St. Louis. Oh, I don't think I knew that.
01:44:50
Speaker
He created the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Oh, okay. So to win that award would mean a lot for me as a St. Louisan because I feel like we haven't had a St. Louisan. Yeah. Bring that back in a way that's like really prominent. I'd have to look at past winners, but actually one of my favorite hip-hop artists, Kendrick Lamar, is also a Pulitzer Prize recipient. Okay. So yeah, it's just something I want to check out my to-do's and yeah I love that you want to be and New York Times bestseller. I just think that like artistic I don't know awards don't matter, but they are cool to receive like I first yeah And I think what I mean By that when I say that is that well you're manifest I want to be a full-time paid artist because I have so much to say I have so much to I
01:45:42
Speaker
to say about the things that I've experienced and the things that I've learned and the things that I've been through like trauma, illness, grief. We all have a story, obviously, but I've always been a writer. And so like my artistic expression has always been to write things down in ah in a cohesive and a creative way that kind of captures an audience. And everybody wants to be seen and be heard and feel understood and validated. And that's really important for me. And I don't just want to stop at that. Like I think that the comedy thing
01:46:21
Speaker
It's not just about telling jokes, it's about alchemizing your pain because like I'll be mid-mental breakdown and I'll crack a joke and I'll laugh. like i'll I'll make myself laugh because I think it's funny. and like I think that there is beauty to kind of bringing like the yin and yang together in a situation that's like yeah the worst fucking thing that you've ever been through, but then you're also somehow finding humor in it. Like if you've spent time in a psych ward, you qualify as a comedian because- I probably should have at some point in time, but yeah, that's all right. Too much ketamine as a as a child. Yeah.
01:47:04
Speaker
Actually, they did put me under with ketamine. I have had multiple ketamine injections. Those are very interesting trips, especially when you're seven. I came up with a book title when I was on ketamine. I'll have to refer to my phone notes to find it. I know the simulation theory is real, the matrix theory that we live in a simulation. I know that's real, because when I was on my ketamine trips in the hospital getting chemo,
01:47:33
Speaker
Everything I saw was just like the the green Like squares and like the ones and zeros and like everything is just a projection of your brain Like I realized that at a young age. So that's why wait you think that we live in a simulation. Yeah 100% I think everything is just a construct of your mind like what we believe is true is just what we grew up on like fully like anatomically speaking like this table is a table because we We're taught. It was a take. Right. But you think, do you acknowledge that we are real people and that the earth is real and that? Yeah. Okay. But we're all, but we're all like a part, like if you look at like cities, like if you took a, like an aerial screenshot of a city and you take a picture of a motherboard from a computer, it's the same. It's the exact same.
01:48:26
Speaker
Like if you look at New York City aerial shot straight down, you see all the buildings and the roads and all the connections. If you look at a motherboard, it's the same look. It's really crazy. Like if you think about it on a very microscopic atom level, like if you look at us as like we're all just atoms, like we're all just cells put together.
01:48:50
Speaker
um And the things that I've, the journeys that I've taken with shamans and stuff, like learning how the soul journey is never ending. It's just, this is just one experience that we're living in our life. Like our next, our next experience hopefully is off earth. Just depends on if you want to stay here or not. Um, through, you know, I've learned about the star seats and I've learned about, um, past life regression and like those sorts of things. And you know, I've.
01:49:22
Speaker
I've learned a lot about myself through those types of trips and it's a lot of fun, but it puts a lot of perspective on how little we are. Yeah. We're a microcosm surviving death where they talk about near death experiences or like they have died and come back to life type of situation. I have a friend who that happened to and they now realized like they had a dream about somebody before they met that person in real life like they had a dream about that person and then they met them the next day and I was like that is wild like I consider myself pretty intuitive but I've never had a dream about somebody and then actually met them the next day yeah that's pretty quick turnaround yeah yeah manifestation is definitely real I 100 believe that and that's why like I believe
01:50:13
Speaker
it's somewhat of a simulation because like when you ask for what like you want and you're fully aligned you're gonna get it and you actually will get it quicker than you even know but you have to be fully aligned that's the thing you have to be fully aligned and you have to fully subconsciously believe you're worthy of that. And that's what I teach people. That's what I help people tap into. I tap into their subconscious and I reprogram them. I help them reprogram. because And is that with theta waves?
01:50:44
Speaker
uh through hypnotherapy ah so basically but it is through i get them into a theta wave state because obviously theta wave is like the REM sleep of like your consciousness basically yeah so that's where you get into certain memories and and certain guidances to uh to heal and um you know i i truly believe like the universe doesn't give you what you want the universe gives you what you are And what you receive is a projection of your fifth dimension. And that's like another thing, too, when you talk about third, you know, we live in a 3D realm. This is all 3D, but there are dimensions higher than this 3D realm that you can't see. But when you're tapped into that higher dimension and you're aligned up there, it's going to come down and project itself into your 3D reality.
01:51:41
Speaker
I don't know if I agree with the notion that I think that I agree to an extent that the universe gives us what we are, but thinking back on certain experiences that I've had, like things that have happened to me, like i don't I don't view some of the things that have happened to me as a reflection of who I am. like giving like using trauma as an example like nobody asks for trauma to happen to them and just because trauma happens to you doesn't mean that that's who you are or what you manifested like that's where i i guess that's where i differ with that's fair like people yeah people have argued with me a lot on that which i understand the only thing that i usually tell them is like you know look up your sole contract with
01:52:39
Speaker
what you're meant to learn in this lifetime. And when you learn that and you walk through that journey and you're able to go through that process of healing that certain soul contract that you're meant to do here, um yeah, your life will definitely change and in a way that's very profound in terms of like feeling safe or feeling worthy and just being able to fully express yourself and disperse of negative entities and and energies. And how do you recommend people look up their soul contract?
01:53:23
Speaker
it's It's a good question because people tend to overcomplicate it. They're like, oh, you got to do Akashic record reading or oh, you got to see a shaman. I think, me personally, all I did was ask hey God, universe, whatever higher power you identify with, tell me what I need to learn in this lifetime. And it'll show itself to you.
01:53:53
Speaker
and it's not like ah easy, it's not rapid, it's not instant, it happens to you and then you just have to like take a step back and be like, was that it? And ask you ask yourself that question and then you you just kind of know. Because like my thing that I had to get through was get through the worthiness of being enough just as is.
01:54:18
Speaker
because I was a workaholic, um I was a perfectionist, and I never thought I was worthy of of love and relationships unless like I provided something. But once I figured that out, and I did love myself for just being, I've been able to tap into my full purpose, find the safety within myself to do what I want to do, um surround myself with the people that love me and support me. And it's not always pretty to find what you're meant to learn, because it hurts. Finding out what I needed to learn in this lifetime hurt. That hurt me really bad. I was very alone, very isolated. I wanted to take my own life at you know one point in time. But once I figured out, Cooper, you need to learn how to love yourself.
01:55:11
Speaker
And you need to learn how to feel worthiness in yourself. And then once you feel that worthiness, um, you're going to find that divine protection within you and find that safety within you to go be what you want to be. And people aren't going to reject you because like starting this whole business with hypnotherapy and Reiki, it's crazy. It's out there, but I've had more success.
01:55:39
Speaker
with this business launch in literally just a couple months than I did with investing and entrepreneurship, business concepts. I mean, I have a master's in business. I got a degree in business, like that's what I thought my life was consisting of. yeah But I didn't have the success that I have even now. And it's like, is it somewhat still tangible like there? No, but I know it's coming because I'm fully aligned with that purpose.
01:56:06
Speaker
And I found that because I went through my soul contract and I asked God, Hey, what do I need to learn this lifetime? You learn to love myself and I need to learn how to show people how to love themselves too. Yeah. Yeah. I think that certain experiences definitely teach us things. Um, but I think I struggle with the idea of,
01:56:35
Speaker
everything happening to us being something that we asked for or that, yeah, I just, I, that's, I don't believe that, that everything that happens to us is something that we ask for or as a reflection of us. I think there are some really shitty people in the world who do awful, evil things to people and If you get caught caught in the crossfire, maybe there is something that you said or did that brought that on, but maybe there's not. And it's always a reflection of the other person and not you. That's what I believe.
01:57:21
Speaker
Yeah, I mean trauma, like I said, can be hurt people hurting other people for sure. So that's not always a reflection of you as a person. Yeah, it's, um I think more big picture it's, you know, if things happen repetitively, which for me repetitively was like, you know, why am I always like feeling stagnant with work like in my job? Why don't I always self sabotage romantic relationships?
01:57:50
Speaker
you know or why do I come across like people that cheat on me, or come across physically abusive partners. like Why was that happening? it It was a repeated pattern. And a repeated pattern is my own doing. I'm seeking this pattern. I'm seeking this pattern. And part of that pattern also was like feeling unworthy of love and trying to be a victim. like I always had that victim mindset. And then when I reprogrammed that, I'm like, no.
01:58:20
Speaker
I don't wanna be a victim anymore. I wanna be a victor, and I wanna be great, and I'm worthy of that. and i And once I realized I was worthy of that, I cut off certain people, and but I've attracted so many more people in terms of like friendships and those sorts of things. And that and like victim mentality, that also runs in my family too.
01:58:47
Speaker
And yeah, I was just tired of that. Like I was seeing these patterns in my own life, because they just came up repetitively. And I'm like, why does this keep coming up? You know, and sure enough. Yeah, that's interesting. um I've never heard someone say that they were seeking abusive relationships. Subconsciously it was. Not actively, but subconsciously it was.
01:59:18
Speaker
And why do you say that? Why do I say that I subconsciously was well because the the repetitiveness of The type of partner I was attracting because it was my own It was my own do like if I'm picking The if I'm picking I guess I Want to word this correctly if I'm picking the door that has a the sharp, like, spikes behind it, and I'm still going through that door, whereas there's another door that is sunshine and rainbows. But do you know what's behind the door until it's too late? You know, I think I did, and I just ignored those things, those red flags. See, I think that is the difference, because I think some people
02:00:10
Speaker
go through the door thinking that it's sunshine and rainbows and it's thorns. And I think that is the type of situation where those people did not ask for that to happen. And what those people did to them is not a reflection of who they are. So I think that they're, I don't think that the victim is always to blame in a situation. No, and I'm not saying that I'm saying As an adult, I had to realize that. Because as a kid, I had that subconscious hurt. And it grew on me. Yeah. Because I never took care of it properly. I stayed quiet. But then when I took accountability for my own life as an adult, that's when I realized, oh, I need to go back and heal that part of my life.
02:01:12
Speaker
And that's when I took accountability for, Oh, I was attracting all these because it was a pattern. And the pattern was like, that's where I, like I had to people, please. And as a people pleaser, you attract. Like you can attract narcissistic people. Yeah, exactly. So when I was harmed at a young age, sexually, those were the type of partnerships that I was seeking and, uh,
02:01:39
Speaker
That's what I mean. It's more taking accountability for I need to go heal this before I Jump into like dating or like I need to go heal this before like I jump into like another job or you know Whatever yeah to like fully be sure This is like what I want and this is like a line for me Yeah, I guess that's what I was trying to say and like the thing is that sense. Yeah victims have real feelings, real thoughts, and that is more than okay, because like obviously, yeah, people being hurt, there's no excuse for that. It was more just my childhood being a program in my subconscious. oh And that was the sole contract, is...
02:02:31
Speaker
Kind of because like I also had cancer too. So like my childhood I was just used to like yeah, and I was bullied like I was bullied as a kid So like all the all the things my childhood was based on pain Yeah, so that's what I thought my adulthood was gonna be based on was like pain for people to see me because you You meaning human beings? Yeah gravitate toward what's familiar exactly and I noticed in my healing journey, just in the past few years that I've started attracting people that resonate more with my truest self yeah and not my wounded self. Cause like we have our wounded selves and we have our true selves and they're not the same. No, they're not. But when you're, when you, when from a very young age, you're very wounded, that can be confused as being you.
02:03:24
Speaker
yeah like
02:03:28
Speaker
I don't know. I had a conversation recently with someone who was telling me that the loudest voice in his head wasn't his because he for so long had mistaken mental illness for himself. And that's why I feel about people like you and I who dealt with a lot at a very young age, I think it can be easy for us to think that that is normal and to cling to that because, well, this is life. Like this is who I am. this Like i am being sick is normal. Yeah, being sick is normal. And so when you start to heal, like you and I are both on these healing journeys and
02:04:08
Speaker
Like I've noticed even with my clients, like even the clients that I've attracted yeah this year, I, I absolutely adore all of my clients, like as people and as employers. yeah And it's just like, and, and the caregiving client that I work with, like I have been through the wringer with clients biting me and yeah trying to hit me and trying to terrorize me and like,
02:04:34
Speaker
The client that I have right now is the sweetest most grateful like and maybe I got lucky but maybe I'm Sorry, but you deserve that attract. Yeah, you're attracting that like as I get healthier I think I'm starting to attract healthier people you are sure I see that And I feel like we attracted each other too. Yeah but with that which I think is great, you know, I'm you know having healthy women relationships in my life I think is crucial for my own growth as a as a man. I think it's, yeah, I think it's beautiful that we've shared this space today. And, you know, I think, yeah, people, when you start to heal certain aspects of yourself spiritually and mentally, youre your life does change in a really weird way. Yeah. And honestly, like when my life changes, I'm like, whoa. Yeah.
02:05:32
Speaker
I don't get it. Like I really don't. Like I'm literally like doing outreach for my new business and I've got like fucking 15 LinkedIn messages that I'm like needing to get back to for potential clients. And I'm like, I've never had yeah this success. That's how you know you're aligned. Yeah, because like i worked I worked, I tried to build like a cryptocurrency business and an investing business and like those things and I wasn't building anything. And it was like, man, I'm trying like working long days. I'm trying my hardest and I'm like, it's not working. And it's like, it's not working and you're trying your hardest.
02:06:10
Speaker
It's not aligned. Like, it's really not. Like, I'm all about hard work, grind it out. Like, I get that. Like, you have to start somewhere, right? But it really should be that easy. Kind of like with you. Like, yeah you deserve...
02:06:25
Speaker
like older clients like in your, you know, with home care or, you know, with adult care, like, yeah, they, you deserve people that don't bite you and like, you know, don't spit on you. Like you you deserve that because you've been through so much in your life and it's not, that's not even an entitlement.
02:06:44
Speaker
That's just coming from a place of like love for yourself. yeah And I think it's starting to show for you, which is great. And I'm starting to, I'm starting to see that too, obviously. So like it's, no, now is the time I think to look introspectively and say, Hey, where do I want to be?
02:07:04
Speaker
now fuck where do I want to be in like five years yeah think now it doesn't matter what I want to be in five years because I'm not where I thought it would be five years ago but like it we never know like what's gonna happen you know COVID hits but you're finding out what you love is everything yeah And that's honestly like, I interviewed a girl. She's in New York now. Shout out Molly McCutcheon, if you're listening to this. My homie. she She started doing art two years ago. I interviewed her. She was about six months in. She was selling like her, she does sketch. She's really good at sketch and like charcoal, very unique. She's not, it's not painting at all. She's all pencil and charcoal. It's really amazing.
02:07:49
Speaker
um She was doing NFTs and like she was selling for like a couple hundred dollars maybe. And remind me what NFT is again? Non-fungible token. So it's like a digitized art piece. Okay. But she was selling them online as like a digitized art piece collectible, but sending you the actual copy of her drawing. Okay. Yeah. So she was selling them for like literally maybe a hundred to $200, like not much.
02:08:18
Speaker
So she had to sell like, you know, four or five to like, cover her rent, like, or partially, and she was working in web design. Now, two years later, she lives in fucking Manhattan, New York, um doing art shows and selling her pieces. Like, I just looked at one of her pieces, still an NFT, still selling NFTs, which is crazy because NFTs I thought were a dead concept because of cryptocurrency. And she sold her recent piece for like,
02:08:48
Speaker
five grand, six grand. wow So she covered her rent probably, even though New York's expensive, she probably covered her rent in one art piece, just one. And she spends, you know, probably like a few hours a day doing that. But then the other hours is enjoying New York City and You deserve that too. I deserve that too. yeah And I'm saying that not for entitlement purposes, but I'm just saying that because we're coming from a place of love. Actual love, because her art, she knows like her art is an expression of her love for people. And I think that's where we're coming from with our endeavors. I'm excited for you. I think you're gonna get there.
02:09:38
Speaker
your your writing is spectacular. Thank you, I appreciate it. I haven't gotten through that whole book but I got through your, obviously your writing because that's what was important to me. yeah um Yeah, so it's all gonna be good and we've been at this for like, I'm pretty sure we've been at it for like four hours, which is amazing. What time is it? I don't think 7.30. So yeah, two and a half hours.
02:10:03
Speaker
Oh, do we start at five? i thought was in real estateir Oh, yeah. Cause I got here at like four 30. Yeah. To get ready. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We, yeah. We, this is like one of my longest interviews though, which is awesome. I mean, I don't know. I had so much fun. Do you have any questions for me though?
02:10:19
Speaker
Oh man. I know this is my show. Yeah. Do you have any questions for me? That's a really, that's a really, I'm going to flip the script real quick. I don't have any questions for you necessarily right now. Um, and I'm sure I'll think of some, but yeah, I'm just thinking about the guided meditation that you did at the wellness event because that was what I know Reiki is your main, you know, focus, but that guided meditation was really good.
02:10:47
Speaker
I appreciate that. And you know what, met Reiki, I don't think is going to be my main focus. I realize that from the space. So I've been meditating for five years now, like of my life. Like it's kind of crazy. Like I've been meditating for a really long time. Like I got into Joe Dispenza. Do you know Joe Dispenza? He's like waking up in 5D. That's like his thing. He's all about the other dimensions. Yeah. So I, uh,
02:11:13
Speaker
I got into meditation, well, it was more like four years ago. Like, well, it's the end of this one. Oh, yeah, like four or five years ago. um And I noticed, because like, Jodha Spence is a really big on manifestation, but he's all about like, how you can program your brain to like, change your reality. And I got into meditation like at night before bed, and I noticed it held my sleep. And then like, I noticed he was talking about like, how you can take on certain personas like and I really looked up to like Matthew McConaughey and like Gary Vaynerchuk from like a marketing perspective and like I was like I was like talking to myself like self-talk because I do self-talk a lot and self-talk is soothing I look crazy probably to a lot of people but um self-talk is such a soothing process for me because I
02:12:09
Speaker
I can generate my thoughts and like when I say them out loud to myself, it's like your words are spells. I truly believe that I'm not into witchcraft, but I do believe in words or spells for sure. So getting into it, I was like, you know, I kind of want, I would love to have the charisma like Matthew McConaughey and I love the marketing knowledge of Gary Vanderchuk and I noticed like,
02:12:34
Speaker
when you When I said it over and over again for like, it was literally like just every night before bed for 30 days straight, I started to notice like people were literally telling me like, oh, he's kind of got like a Matthew McConaughey type of like charisma about him. Like some people have said that to me and then like, oh wow and then like I've talked about, oh, another thing, you know, i I said, I want to embody, what was the exact phrase? It was like, I want to embody a Christ like love for others.
02:13:04
Speaker
And that was another thing too. so Like I had people like telling like either friends of mine or like there was a girl I was dating at the time. And like one of her friends was like, he kind of gives off a Jesus vibe. And I was like, that is such a great compliment. But I didn't even realize I was manifesting that until like it just hit me.
02:13:29
Speaker
when when people were telling me these things and I was like, oh, how is it doing that in my bedroom? Like, yeah, three years ago. Yeah. Like it was, I've had things like that. It's crazy. So like, that's when I fully believed like your mind is so powerful of just creating your reality. That's why like, when I talk about the simulation theory, like part of that goes into like, you manifest your your thoughts, you know, and your words. That's why negative self talk is I posted on Instagram today, hey, instead of saying this shit, let's say these things. And, you know, I think your're yourre your mind can really project your reality. It's not instantaneous, like, manifestate manifestation coaches. i have I love... I love you people, but the problem with manifestation coaches is they're like, it comes right away. That's not true. Like you manifest things. That's a practice that takes time. Yeah. And and you manifested just like when I think the time is right. Like, you know, building like, you know, the different personas that I was manifesting in my room, you know, literally now it's like four or five years ago. Yeah. They didn't come to me till like,
02:14:43
Speaker
a couple years down the line when people were actually telling me these things, but it was like years. Like I had to like bring into my, I had to recall those moments where I was like, fuck, I was doing that in my bedroom. And I totally forgot about it. Cause it was just like, I was doing it and then I stopped doing it because like I was kind of bored, you know? Cause like humans, we get bored. We want these things. Yeah, we want an instant gratification for sure. But I planted that seed and I let the seed grow.
02:15:09
Speaker
And that's what like I'm gonna try to teach people, well I won't try, I'm going to, I'm gonna teach these older people that your mind and your stress projects onto your employees. If you have a toxic work environment, that is a leadership issue. And if that's a leadership issue, if you change yourself, yeah and you come from a positive soul, mind, body connection,
02:15:36
Speaker
yeah You're going to be a better leader. People are going to love you. People are going to want to work harder and you're actually going to be more successful. Yeah, you need to work with my manager at Flower Child because the location that I'm at right now, we're having an issue with leadership yeah and it really does affect the whole restaurant.
02:15:56
Speaker
Yeah, because like vibration is everything when you have a leadership that's a low vibe It's like it doesn't matter how high your vibe is like if you're around that it's going to lower your frequency and I'm not saying that to like have a cop-out to like have shitty behavior, but You are a product of your environment. So like the the thing is like if you have a low environment Around you it's gonna bring you down Yeah, I've heard that your aura like expands a few feet beyond your body and I was like, whoa. And so now I use that to my advantage. Like when my manager, when I'm at flower child and my manager is like not treating people well and is clearly very stressed and doesn't have good vibes, I will literally walk away like, and I'm supposed to stay up at the front with them to run food, but I will literally just like walk away for a minute. to get away from that energy because it does affect the people around you. yeah And I understand we all get stressed, but it's one thing to feel stressed and it's another thing to take it out on people when it's not their fault. It's another thing to create it. Yeah. Like creating chaos. If you create chaos, that's on you. Yeah. You don't need to do that. And like the thing is like a lot of these like workplaces, like they treat it like it's life or death. Yeah. I work in tech.
02:17:14
Speaker
the The amount of people that treat it as life and death, like certain projects, I'm like, dude, yeah it's fucking software. Unless you're like a trauma surgeon in the OR. Yeah, that's life and death. That's actual life and death. like yeah It's a fucking software onboarding. like It can literally wait another day. No one's going to fucking die. yeah You know what I mean? Right.
02:17:35
Speaker
That's where I have issues with a lot of these workplaces because they they project like these pressuring organizations and like you know your vibe can be high. right But the problem is if you don't have self-aware people around you, because the manager can't affect you right because you're self-aware and you have a high vibe. The people around you might not be aware.
02:18:01
Speaker
So no, I would say it still does affect me. Yeah. Okay. Well, that oh so yeah, my point like Imagine that with everyone like so then like it's not even just you now There's no everybody it affects. It's like about eight other people like we're all in the chaos Yeah, and then you know, this is why I walk away because I am aware of it the eight workers it affects me, but I'm aware enough Yeah, you have self-awareness so you can remove yourself. So it does affect you right at least like you can Not let it affect you as much where like your co-workers. Yeah that are not self-aware It's like oh fuck so then their vibe is lower and then they bring that to the table and then like
02:18:39
Speaker
fucking, the the the lunch or dinner goes shitty for that table. And then like they take it out on each other, or you know they take it out on their kids, because like they didn't have as good of a time. you know And it's just like, we need to, we just we need to be better. You need to take a breath. Yeah, just take this take a chill pill.
02:19:01
Speaker
but it starts at the subconscious level and through meditation. and i mean i got my hip my head I got my hypnotherapy certification, but the thing was I was doing hypnotherapy and I just didn't even realize it. When I got into the alpha theta wave, that's what I was doing. That was hypnotherapy. yeah cause When I did the certification process, I was like doing the exact same thing, just a different exercise to get there. and I'm like,
02:19:26
Speaker
Damn, I was like, I was doing hypnotherapy and I had no fucking idea. So I've been doing hypnotherapy on like multitudes of people when I like walk into rooms and I'm like, that's really fucking cool. I didn't even realize that. And I wasn't even like, you know, certified or, you know, whatever. Like, so meditation, I think will be my biggest sell point for executives. Cause I think Reiki is still,
02:19:51
Speaker
still a weird term probably with just corporate environments, which is understandable. I will do Reiki if I am asked and virtual Reiki is a little different than in person.
02:20:05
Speaker
I feel like in person I get a lot more out of it. You can't go wrong with those guided meditations though. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. That was really good. Yeah. And I think, um, and like, you know, having act, so I also am certified in life coaching. So like having action plans for like, I'm going to introduce morning routines, not the fucking wake up at 3 AM m and like cold shower and then mind palace and listen to an audio book on double speed and like walk on a treadmill. No, like I am.
02:20:35
Speaker
wake up at a good time, get good sleep. My morning routine will be 30 minutes for these people that I bring up. like and And it's all mindfulness, like just sitting still with your thoughts and like tapping into yourself. And that's all I'm doing for these people. like We don't need to overcomplicate in mental masturbate all the time. that's like part of the dynamic that I'm changing with these like corporations and workplaces, and also just like people in general, because like I think a lot of these biohackers, there are good biohackers, don't get me wrong, I love them. um But the fact of the matter is, like we're not robots. We don't need to do a fucking three hour morning routine to like feel centered. I don't need to do that.
02:21:30
Speaker
like Meditate for literally just 10 minutes when you wake up and then do Like it's Sun or ground, you know, like yeah It doesn't need to be like a cold plunge shower With reading and like, you know, there's like 20 different things you have to do before like you go to work then it's like All right. This is like kind of a fucking like chore Yeah, then it's like kind of miserable and like if you're miserable in a morning routine that's supposed to be mindful and
02:22:01
Speaker
You're missing the point. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I do cold plunge, um, when I can, but like it doesn't, yeah. The morning routine doesn't need to be three hours long. Like it's just, it's just, it's not necessary. Yeah. So.
02:22:20
Speaker
Thank you. Yeah. No, it was great. Uh, this was just one of the best, this is probably the best interviews I've had ever, uh, especially with it being in person. I feel like that dynamic is so, yeah um, raw and organic in a way. Um, I think that, yeah, I wish I, I wish I could do more in-person interviews. Hopefully, you know, I can get to Joe Rogan status and, you know, have people come to a studio, you know, in my,
02:22:48
Speaker
house or whatever and you know do some some cool recordings and shit. yeah But no, I appreciate you. This was a great conversation. I even think you know when we were talking about like...
02:23:01
Speaker
the mindset stuff and like the projection and like the accountability for like what happens in your life. I think it was like good for us to talk through that too, because I think some people you know in those situations I think would have gotten like offended in URI's shoes, but like we talked through that and we felt like we better understood where you're coming from, and I think that's what I appreciate about these like types of conversations.
02:23:27
Speaker
It's okay to disagree on things. I think it's more than okay. But I like i like seeing eye to eye with you on points. I think it's very necessary. yeah Do you have anything else for your for your peeps listening?
02:23:43
Speaker
um People can buy a copy of my anthology. Oh yeah. I know you're not a social media girl anymore, but do you have a blog? I still have social media. Yeah, it's just Sage two underscores aesthetic. You know, when I first met you, I completely forgot your name was Caroline. Somebody called me Sage the other day and I was like, yes! It's kind of a lit name. You kind of look like a Sage. I might change my name to Sage, but I'll answer to Caroline. I use any pronouns. I don't care. a chat let us know if she should change her name i care about other people's pronouns and identifying other people correctly but as far as me people can use caroline they can use sage they can use they them she her i don't care sage would be kind of lit
02:24:29
Speaker
Sage, I also thought about... I'm gonna petition that. So Earl Grey is my favorite tea, but I watched the show with my best friend and okay I very much so resemble the character Pearl and so I thought about Pearl Grey because that like flows really well and I think that would be a really cool pen name. yeah Caroline Frank, I don't like my last name. um I might just change my name because like there are no rules. And if we live in a simulation anyway, then it doesn't matter. We do. We do. We're all just manifesting what we want anyway, or who we are.
02:25:03
Speaker
Yeah, you can be sage gray or pearl. Yeah, I think you should do sage in some degree. Yeah, sage gray, pearl gray. It fits you. yeah Thank you so much, Caroline. I appreciate your time. And thank you for listening. And what's your what's your blog? Plug your blog real quick.
02:25:21
Speaker
Um, so my blog, my personal blog is Caroline, the borderline dot blogspot dot.com. And my professional website is writers work slash Caroline Christine Frank. So beautiful. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks peeps. Appreciate you guys. Love you guys. Y'all the best and I'll see you in the next.