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129: Just Do! Live And Love A Little Differently
251 Plays1 year ago
Brandon Janous joined Jill Devine for a second time on the podcast. His first appearance on Two Kids and A Career was on February 24th, 2021, in Episode 64: A Widower's Advice On Living Life To The Fullest.
Since the airing of Episode 64, a lot has happened in the Janous family, but one of the biggest things is the publication of Brandon’s first book, Just Do!. Here’s part of the introduction Brandon wrote for the book:
This wasn’t how I’d expected my first book to begin. To be honest, before Rachel got sick, I’d already written much of what you’ll read if you keep going. And for the most part, it’s not sad. I had no intention of making you cry or bringing you to tears. Actually, what I’d written before cancer was fun, exciting, joyful, funny, and all the other feel-good words. But then life happened. Life has a way of doing that. It just happens. It would be easy for you to read that opening passage and think that you’ve stumbled upon a book full of pain and sorrow. But I’m here to assure you that what you’ll find in the following pages isn’t that. Yes, we lost Rachel. Yes, I’m going to spend some time talking about that season because she deserves to be talked about, and her story deserves to be told. Yes, it’s sad and hard and may not make sense most days. But what you’re not going to find is a book about death or dying. That’s not what this is. That’s not what Rachel would have wanted. It’s not littered with stories from the hospital or the cancer center. It could be because there were so many beautiful lessons during those days. But that’s not what this story is. It’s actually quite the opposite. This book is about living. It’s about loving. It’s about doing. Because that’s what Rachel chose to do every single moment of every single day. She lived. She loved. And even as she was dying, she continued to do. My hope for this book is that through sharing more of our families’ stories, you choose to live and love a little differently going forward.
Brandon and Jill discussed Just Do! and the important life lessons everyone should learn.
FB and IG: @brandonjanous
Two Kids and A Career Website: https://www.jilldevine.com/
Two Kids and A Career Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jilldevine/?hl=en
Two Kids and A Career Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JillDevineMedia/
Thank you to our sponsor: Elemental Esthetics
This episode is brought to you by Elemental Esthetics. When you call or text the following number (314-279-6069) to schedule your appointment, mention my name and you’ll get a special gift with your purchase.
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Transcript
Living in an RV: Shifted Perspectives
00:00:00
Speaker
The following podcast is a Jill Devine Media production. That's when my perspective began to change. It took me living in 40 feet and nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no office to go into, no door to close. I'm doing our entire lives together for a whole year again with three kids under five. That's when I began to realize how off I was, how my priorities were totally out of whack, how everything
00:00:21
Speaker
seemed more important than the most important thing, which was Rachel and the kids.
Open Discussion on Past Failures
00:00:25
Speaker
I'm very open about how bad I was. One of my buddies read the book and he's like, bro, you really beat yourself up. I feel like someone needs to come in here and talk about you're not that bad, but I was that bad.
Sponsor Introduction: Elemental Aesthetics
00:00:34
Speaker
This episode of Two Kids and a Career is brought to you by Elemental Aesthetics. You can be guaranteed that your experience is going to be unique and customized to your specific needs. See how they can help you focus on natural beauty enhancements by visiting elementalaesthetics.com.
Balancing Business, Family, and Marriage
00:00:51
Speaker
Hi there and welcome to Two Kids and a Career. I'm Jill Devine. As an entrepreneur, wife, and mama, the daily grind of trying to build a business while taking care of kids and trying to maintain a healthy connection with my hubby, it's a lot. With this podcast, you're going to hear candid conversations with other moms.
00:01:08
Speaker
parenting experts who can share their knowledge and insight, or you'll just hear me rambling to get it all out. There's going to be tears, there's going to be laughter, but most importantly, there will be support. Take a listen and connect with me so we can grow and learn from one another. This is Two Kids and a Career.
Guest Appearance: Brandon Janis
00:01:25
Speaker
I am so super excited about this week's guest returning for a second time. I just, I can't stop thinking about you, Brandon. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop thinking about your family, welcoming back Brandon Janis to the podcast.
Brandon's Story and Honoring Rachel
00:01:44
Speaker
How are you doing? I'm doing great. And that's, it's an honor that you would welcome me back.
00:01:49
Speaker
We'll be back. So I've gotten two times to be with you. It's so sweet. And I appreciate you wanting to continue to allow us to share our story and the story of Rachel. So thank you for having me.
00:02:02
Speaker
Oh, I was just hopeful that you weren't too, too busy, and that you would say, yes, I'll come back. Oh, thanks. Or that my hysterical crying in our last episode and the, it was so funny because I got some feedback from people that just absolutely loved that episode. And I had a friend of mine who, she was just trying to poke fun at me, but she's like, Jill, you got to get it together, girl.
00:02:32
Speaker
There was no way. Let's kind of talk about that a little bit for the listener that has maybe not had a chance to listen to that episode. I will have it linked in the show notes.
00:02:46
Speaker
The reason why I have you back is to talk about what has transpired in between the passing of Rachel and where we are now. But I do want to give, I want to just give some honor to Rachel and talk a little bit about her. Can you, you know, I know it's hard to say, briefly summarize, but talk a little bit about Rachel and what happened to her. Yeah, so first Rachel was the best human being I've ever
00:03:16
Speaker
gotten to know my entire life. And I fell in love with her and chased her for 10 years and eventually talked her into marrying me. And we were married for just under 10 years before cancer took her life. We have three precious children, Hadley, Cooper, and Macklin. And man, I got to spend some incredible years with her. She spent her, you know,
00:03:43
Speaker
the rest of her life with me. I did not get to spend the rest of my life with her, but cancer got her and took over her body and eventually
00:03:53
Speaker
led to her passing on March 1st of 2020, leaving me a single dad to three. But Rachel, as you know, Jill, in our past discussion, she prepared us so well for what was next. She was the most selfless human being, again, I've ever had the privilege to be around. And so everything that she did and
00:04:13
Speaker
her final few months, because we were told that she wasn't going to get better, and we believed that God could do some incredible things, and we continue to pray for a miracle, but medically speaking, there was nothing they could do. Rachel turned to just making sure that we would be okay, and gosh, I mean, I've been told many times that, you know, well, after a few months, people will go back to their lives, or after a year, you know, they'll forget about that, or after, you know, whatever,
Rachel's Legacy and Support Network
00:04:42
Speaker
whatever that timetable may be, that you won't feel people anymore. And we just had my daughter's baptism yesterday. And you would not believe the army of people that showed up and continue to show up in our lives because they told Rachel they would. And it's just a beautiful thing. We are so loved. We are so taken care of. I hate that I'm doing life without her, but she prepared us as well as she could for the season of life with no mommy and no wife.
00:05:11
Speaker
Yeah, that is what still gets me. I want to back up and say that, you know, it was a quick diagnosis as far as from when she was diagnosed and when she passed because she was diagnosed on April 17th, 2018. And like you said, she passed on March 1st, 2020. And
00:05:35
Speaker
gosh, how, uh, I can't even imagine like how much you guys had to accomplish in such a short
Rachel's Illness and Impact
00:05:45
Speaker
time. Yeah, that's so, that's so true. And we were actually given a clean bill of health about a year in, you know, she had breast cancer and, and kicked it. And, um, you know, we were told like it is gone. It is, it is not coming back. Now, Rachel never, never felt that she felt that it would,
00:06:02
Speaker
would always come back. For some reason, Rachel felt that that was her purpose, was to be here and that cancer would eventually take her life. And so when it did come back in August of 2019, it came back in her spine. And at that point when it
00:06:20
Speaker
metastasized like that. There's no getting rid of it. You can't remove spine, right? You can't remove bone. And so we knew we were in for a long haul. We did not expect it to be that quick. But it had gotten into her bones and then eventually her spinal fluid and then her brain. And it was pretty quick after that. So we knew a few months before she passed that
00:06:47
Speaker
you know, we had to live the last few months the best we could. And, you know, a lot of people will, you have a few different ways you can choose to do that. And Rachel chose to make sure everybody was taken care of, to make sure she was sharing the good news and what the Lord had done in her life and continues to do in her life and never complained, never had the woe is me attitude. It was a,
00:07:14
Speaker
a beautiful thing to watch as hard as it was. It was so beautiful the way she was able to share so much good and so much joy and such a hard time. But didn't you say to that before this diagnosis that Rachel was just a lover of life? Like she did not take any day for granted. No, you're exactly right. That's what drew me to her to begin with.
00:07:44
Speaker
I remember when I, when I first met her, my parents were like, what is it about her? I'm like, she just would make life so much more fun. And, um, that sounds shallow, but that's, that matters. When you have so many years to live your life, you want to, you want, you want it to be fun. And Rachel made every single day more fun.
00:08:01
Speaker
And that's how she lived. That's how she loved. I mean, she never met a stranger. She did all she could to accept people right where they were, never wanted to change you, never wanted to make you better. She loved you where you were and walked alongside you and was just a constant encourager. She was a noticer. She just showed up.
00:08:26
Speaker
and noticed when people needed help, didn't ask for permission, she just did. And taught us along the way how to do the same
Living Life Fully: Lessons from Rachel
00:08:37
Speaker
thing. And I fall short on a daily basis, but I got to learn from the best again that I know to do it.
00:08:47
Speaker
And that's always like my biggest gripe about myself, like living each day to its fullest. And we're going to get into that because you have some, some tips and tricks now, but I want to go back to something that you were talking about with Rachel preparing all of you. So I was, before this interview, I was talking to some coworkers about
00:09:13
Speaker
who I was interviewing and our first interview, and some of the things that you had told me. And as I was telling them, their eyes were welling up. And I said, that's exactly what happened to me. And one of the examples that I'll give is that you, and we didn't specifically talk about this on the last episode, but you did this on social media. And you said that one of the things that you and Rachel talked about
00:09:43
Speaker
You schedule a date night with your spouse and have the death talk. And you're like, I know that's not sexy and not fun, but here's why. And you explained that
00:09:58
Speaker
Rachel said to you, I'm paraphrasing so you can chime in, but she wanted you to keep living your life after her, and she wanted you to find someone that made you happy, and she wanted you to find someone that would also be there for the kids. Those are tough conversations.
00:10:19
Speaker
to be prepared. None of us want to do that. But gosh, it would suck to not know and to just be going through life and think, oh my gosh, what would they
Rachel's Wishes for Brandon's Future
00:10:32
Speaker
want me to do? So yes, the conversations are hard.
00:10:35
Speaker
But from your experience, do you feel this sense of calm because of those conversations? Absolutely. It's funny. I know this is not a book promo, but I actually just wrote a book as you know. Yeah, we're going to talk about it. I did not.
00:10:53
Speaker
share publicly ever was about the things that were said in our last date. I think I shared that we had a last date. We were in the hospital and Rachel said, you know, all I want is a big old tub of movie theater popcorn and a large Coke, right? That's all she wanted for our last date. And there was very few times where it was just she and I in the room because so many people wanted to come see Rachel and visit Rachel. And so we did. We had a couple hours where it became our last date. And I didn't know that she had planned this. I didn't know
00:11:23
Speaker
To this day, I don't know when she when she planned it and when she wrote these things down, but she had eight things that she wanted from me written down in her phone. And at this point, she wasn't able to to really keep her thoughts straight. She wasn't able to talk a ton. She was super tired, but she had me read those eight things to her. And the very first one was, you know, I want you to find love again. And in true Rachel way,
00:11:52
Speaker
Uh, or true Rachel form. She's, you know, I'm actually reading it right now. She said, not today or in two weeks. That would be super weird. And I want you behind your back, but sooner than later, I want you to find love again. This is so important to me. I want you to find someone that will love you like I do. I want you to find someone that will love the kids like I do. I want you to find someone that will root you on and all your crazy ideas at the same time. I wanted to understand that just because I'm gone.
00:12:16
Speaker
it doesn't mean you stop loving me. I want her to know that you'll always love me, but that she doesn't have to compare, she doesn't have to compare with me. I'm not coming back to take you away from her and I'll be your biggest fan from up there. But I also want her to know that if she screws this up, if she messes with your heart or my babies, she will feel my wrath and believe me, she doesn't want that. So that was one of the things that, one of my eight things and you know,
00:12:44
Speaker
I obviously, Jill would have eventually moved on permission or not because life is short and I have so many years left to live and I want a partner. I want to do life with somebody, but giving your person that freedom and then making it known to
00:13:05
Speaker
all the other people, too, the people that are in our village, in our tribe, knowing that, man, that's really what Rachel wanted, right? It made those times easier when I do date or when I do find someone that it's honoring Rachel as much as it is myself and the kids. And so very important conversation.
Brandon's Journey and Writing Process
00:13:28
Speaker
I don't know, Jill, that I would have been in that state to say that at that point. And it shows a lot more about her as a person. I know a lot of people would have a hard time having that conversation. But man, if you really love your person, I can't imagine you wanting them to be lonely and single and doing life alone forever. And so getting that permission was more than anyone could ever know.
00:13:57
Speaker
Yeah, it's those tough conversations and the thing that hit me when you were reading that too is
00:14:06
Speaker
What a great way, though, to talk about Rachel with a future partner, like joking around and explaining how she is. That's another great way. I can't imagine it would be easy at any time, but wow.
00:14:28
Speaker
That makes it, like you said, it's so much easier to explain and to talk to people about. We are going to transition into the book. And when I saw that you were doing this, I was like, yes. So yes, yes, yes. I just love this. It's called Just Do. And it is stories about discovering purpose, gaining perspectives, and being present.
00:14:56
Speaker
And I'm like, dang, this is exactly what I need in my life. This is, this is what everyone needs in their life. And I know it's because I follow you on social media and I see what you put out there. Like the fact that you show up for your kids every day, but you feel the same as a lot of us where despite
00:15:25
Speaker
what kind of situation we're in. We feel like we fail or we feel like we don't give enough. And I look at you and I'm like, dang, he is a single dad. His kids lost their mom. He lost his wife, his partner. And
00:15:47
Speaker
What I get from you is that don't think about it that way. Don't look at me as a, quote unquote, charity case. Like, yeah, you are in a situation where it is tough, but you're like, listen,
00:16:04
Speaker
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something and be there and you will fail and it's okay, but you got to keep showing up and that's what I am just so so humbled by and like just keep going and I see what you're doing and I I just want to talk about that. I want to talk about
00:16:25
Speaker
Was this something the book that when Rachel was going through her cancer, it came to mind afterwards? Where did it transpire? Yeah, that's a great question. And thank you for saying the things you did.
00:16:40
Speaker
So actually it was one of her eight things. So you're going to get me to read the whole book, not one of her eight things on number six. Um, again, I've never shared this publicly, but number six, um, says, I want you to finish your book. You've been talking about it for way too long. People are tired of hearing about it and probably don't even believe you'll do it anymore. Stop talking about it, babe. Stop thinking about it. It's getting old. Please do me a favor and just do. And, um, so I had been, you know, I don't know if we talked about this, but, um, I had been,
00:17:09
Speaker
a very absent spouse and father for the first five years of my kid's life. I was on the road a lot speaking and doing different events. And I was doing what I was supposed to do by being a provider. I thought that's what my role was.
00:17:26
Speaker
And that's not what Rachel wanted. And she wanted someone to do life with and parent with and have a spouse with her. And so she came up with this bright idea to move into a motor home together and travel with me everywhere I went, which I thought was an asinine idea at the time.
00:17:44
Speaker
with three kids under five years old. But she wasn't going to take no for an answer. Honestly, I wrote about it, but I remember the call. She's like, we're going to come with you. You mean like everywhere? And she's like, yeah, I mean like everywhere. And so that's when my perspective began
Personal Growth through RV Travel
00:18:01
Speaker
to change. It took me living in 40 feet and nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no office to go into, no door to close, doing our entire lives together for a whole year, again, with three kids under five.
00:18:14
Speaker
That's when I began to realize how off I was, how my priorities were totally out of whack, how everything seemed more important than the most important thing, which was Rachel and the kids.
00:18:29
Speaker
I'm very open about how bad I was. One of my buddies read the book and he's like, bro, you really beat yourself up. I feel like someone needs to come in here and talk about you're not that bad, but I was that bad. And it took Rachel realizing, look, this isn't the life I signed up for. We're going to come do it with you. And so that's when I started to write, Jill. I started to write little lessons that I learned from the road that year by simply
00:18:55
Speaker
listening by watching my children, by listening to some of the things Rachel would say and the way she'd communicate.
00:19:03
Speaker
It was just a beautiful year. I wish I could. I would do it again right now if I could. But that year was by far the best year of our lives. It was right before Rachel got diagnosed. So we had no idea this was going to happen. If you think God didn't have something to do with that, you're crazy. This was all part of His perfect plan.
00:19:27
Speaker
It made me a better husband. It made me a better dad. It made me a better friend. It made me a better coworker. It just made me better.
00:19:37
Speaker
because my priorities completely flipped. And I began to keep the main people, the main people in the story. And so I wrote a bunch from the road that year. I had planned on putting this book out just about that year. And then Rachel got sick. And so I stopped that process and began to write through our journey, our cancer journey, as you could see if you follow me. And then the question was, how do I tie these things together? Because I can't put a book out about
00:20:07
Speaker
The RV years without where we are today. I just couldn't figure out how to do that. It seemed disingenuine And then I didn't want to put a book out about just the sick journey because I think there's so much joy that would have been missed out and I wanted to tie them together.
Writing the Book: Guidance and Challenges
00:20:25
Speaker
So We talked offline, but I met with with Bob golf who some people may know I went to a writer's retreat with him and he kind of helped me put it together He said man, it just makes sense and this is how we're gonna do it and
00:20:37
Speaker
So that was kind of an aha moment around a campfire with Bob helping me put a beginning, middle, and end on this thing. And so that's what I did. I met with a buddy and we decided we were going to do it because I don't like logistics. I don't like a lot of the stuff that comes into getting a book done. Like the admin stuff. Yeah, there's so many things.
00:21:02
Speaker
He said, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do all the stuff you don't want to do. I just want you to write and we're going to hit a Christmas deadline so people can have it by Christmas. So, so we have 45 days. We got to go get it done. And so for 45 days, minus the weekends from, um, seven am when the kids got on the bus to two 52, when they get off the bus, I wrote, and it was the most enjoyable.
00:21:24
Speaker
45 days. I had so much fun, and I remember getting to that last chapter. I knew it was going to be the last chapter. My time was running up, and I finished it, and I was so sad, Jill. I'm like, what am I going to do now? This is so much fun and healing.
00:21:43
Speaker
It was just beautiful. It was a beautiful time for me. Um, and it's, and it's, and it happened and we got it done in 45 days. And, um, just thrilled about the, the entire process. But that was one of the things Rachel made me promise that I'd get it done. And so I don't know that anyone will read it, Jill, that I did not promise her people would read it, but I promise I can get it done. And myself and the kids have a book and they're, they're as thrilled as I am about it.
00:22:07
Speaker
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Speaker
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Speaker
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00:23:49
Speaker
Well, you are going to have multiple readers, myself included in that. So don't you worry about that. I'm going to go back to Bob Goff. So he is so big in the Christian world. And how the heck did you get that meeting? Because that's huge. Yeah, so actually he holds writer's retreats in California.
00:24:17
Speaker
On a whim, it was November of 21. A couple weeks before it was going to happen, I just decided I had to do it because I was just stuck. I had the RV season, I had the sick season, I had even the death season in some of where I am today. I just couldn't figure out
00:24:40
Speaker
If there was something there, if I was wasting my time, I just needed to go see. I promise you, it wasn't even anything from the retreat. It wasn't anything he said from stage or the writing things we talk about. It was sitting around a campfire with him, and I explained my story.
00:25:03
Speaker
He said, man, he said, the best part is, like I was talking about the RV season and he said, you have the middle of your book and most people struggle with the middle, but you've already written the middle. The middle words are already there. We got a book ended, right? And so I left that day knowing, okay, I've got it, you know? And again, I didn't jump right into writing when I got back because life happens, right? Right. Three kids.
00:25:27
Speaker
Like, do I go traditional publishing? Do I go self-publishing? What do I want to do there? And so all these logistic things that I hate, and that's what I think a lot where a lot of authors don't get books out, why a lot of storytellers don't tell their story, because there's a lot of headaches that come with doing that, right? Traditional publishers don't want everybody, right? And traditional publishers may want to edit it the way they want it to be edited, right? Self-publishing is hard. Self-publishing is expensive.
00:25:54
Speaker
There's a lot of things that go along with that. So that being said, having this business partner come beside me and say, hey, I'll handle all the stuff. You just write. Let's get this done. And it was just perfect timing. I had exited a business. For the first time in my life, I didn't really even have a job. The kids were back in school.
00:26:16
Speaker
And I had this time where I'm like, okay, I have a moment where I can do it or do it. And a lot of the words were already there, Jill, as you know, like do my social posts and things like that. I would pull that and expand on it and write a chapter, right? And so the words were there. I just had to make them a book and that's what we've done. It's one of those reminders that it's okay to ask for help.
00:26:40
Speaker
And that is in all areas of life.
Parenting Stories and Reflections
00:26:44
Speaker
And I feel you on the whole logistics side of things. There's a million different ideas that I have. And I'm like, man, I don't know how to do this. I don't know this. And then I hate doing research. So I'm like, I don't want to research how to do this. But sometimes when something is put in front of you, that is like, hello, help is here. Take it. You got to just do it. And that's with everything.
00:27:09
Speaker
Yeah, I'm so glad you said that because I had a hard time. I had a hard time accepting help. Again, another thing Rachel wrote in her eight things was like, you have got to accept help. You have got to let people in. Because I had such a hard time with that. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me. I didn't want people to think I needed a casserole. By the way, I don't like casseroles. I didn't want people to
00:27:35
Speaker
to feel sorry for us, I think was the thing. I knew I could do it, but you know what? I can't. There's no way I could do it without my village and my people. And I'm just so grateful, again, that they continue to show up, but it took a lot. I don't know if it's pride, Jill. I don't know what it was, but it took a lot for me to allow people in. And I'm glad Rachel again said, no, you're not good enough at this, at life, to not need help. You need help. And that was another reminder that
00:28:04
Speaker
She was right, and I do, and I always will need help. We all do. Totally. Always. You know, when you said the thing about being in the RV, and if you didn't think that that was a God thing, then yeah. I wanted to yell that out when you were talking. I was like, oh my gosh, God, you know exactly what you're doing. I'm trying to channel
00:28:31
Speaker
the joy that you have for life and your kids and what you are doing now. And I'm bringing that up because I do want to kind of laugh a little bit because when I saw this, I immediately thought of my husband. So here's what's so fun about your book with just you.
00:28:52
Speaker
you are telling these stories, these stories that relate so well. And the puke. Oh my gosh. Let me just, I'm going to read this part. You say, if I see a puke or even hear puke, I puke. No question about it. And there is simply no way to avoid it. I wish I wasn't like this. I hate that puke is my biggest fear in life.
00:29:16
Speaker
Most of you all probably fear public speaking or death, but not me. I fear puke. This causes a huge problem when the kids are sick because I care about them so much and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to care for them until puke happens. And then you say, man, I'm glad God made mommies, not just for times of puke, but in all the other times too. That being said, when puke happens, I do find myself being extra thankful to the big guy for making mommies the way he did. I laugh because I remember one time our oldest
00:29:46
Speaker
one at one point oh i don't know she's maybe two or so she in the middle of the night she's crying i went and got her and she like i knew she did something but i didn't know really what it was i thought maybe she like spit up a little bit on me and then we go in the bathroom and she's crying and.
00:30:09
Speaker
she pukes all over me, and I grab my husband, and I think she had green beans or whatever, and he comes in. I'm like, I need your help. I think she has a stomach flu. She's puking all over, and he's in there gagging, and he's like, I can't do this. I go,
00:30:25
Speaker
I have freaking puke all over me and you're a gag. And we like can laugh about it now. But at the time it was not funny as I'm the one that always gets puked on and he's doing the oh, oh, you're not even doing anything. So thank you for sharing that. Yes, there is a special thing for mommies and the way God made us. But it's those things. It's those things that we can relate to in this book that I absolutely love.
00:30:54
Speaker
Yeah, you're so right. And again, this this goes back to, you know, being a noticer, like, you know, like you said, you and your husband can laugh about that today. But he also knows next time puke happens, you're gonna step up.
00:31:09
Speaker
you know, you're gonna do it and you're gonna handle it. And I think it's important for us to make sure we notice what we have while we have it. I don't know that I was a noticer until it was too late, right? And I noticed all the things Rachel did and all the things I took for granted while she was here because then I had to do them all.
00:31:30
Speaker
and everything from just the daily chores, dishes, laundry. Laundry never stops. I had no idea. I had no idea it never stops. Grocery shopping, all the things that she did, and I never noticed. I knew they got done, but I didn't notice how much time all these things took, and yet she was still able to operate and do all the other things that life threw her way.
00:31:56
Speaker
So I challenge all of y'all to just notice, man, look at your person, look at your people and see all that they do that you take for granted on a daily basis and just thank them and notice the things because when you don't have them anymore, I promise you're going to notice it and you're going to miss all the little things.
00:32:17
Speaker
whether it's puke, a couple weeks after Rachel passed, I have a chapter in the book about had lice because the kids got lice and COVID had just hit. And so no one wanted to see them. And so we have lice everywhere in our house. And it was the most terrible experience as a father trying to figure out what to do. Because I had no idea, because Rachel did lice. I don't do lice. Rachel did puke. Rachel did lunches. I don't do lunch. Right? And so all these things that happen
00:32:45
Speaker
that I took for granted. And so I hope out of this book, people realize, man, I've got it pretty dang good. And I need to be better at being grateful for all the things that I'm not good at, that I don't do, and puke being one of those things.
00:33:01
Speaker
And the thing is, I wanna go to grace because I think sometimes for me, and this is just my personality, is I listen to you and I read this book and I'm like, I've gotta change everything about me and I've gotta read all these self-help books and I have to journal and I have to do that and I have to spend more time with my Bible. And what I'm learning is it doesn't have to be,
00:33:29
Speaker
all or nothing. Start giving yourself grace for the things that you do accomplish, or maybe you didn't do this one thing, but like you said, you noticed. In that particular chapter that I just read from with the puke, here's what you do at the end of the chapters. You do the just do challenge, which we all need this.
00:33:56
Speaker
You, on that particular chapter with the challenge, you said time matters, all time matters. What small changes can you make in your schedule today to be there more? Not next week, not next month, not next quarter. Today, I don't know about you, but I've been guilty of playing busy more than my fair share of times. And I wanted to stop there because I just was reading a devotional about being busy and being hurried.
00:34:24
Speaker
It is very easy to be very, very busy with all the things. And you also mentioned in that challenge things like going through social media and YouTube and going down all these different rabbit holes. And sometimes you just got to stop and you just got to look. And that's the reminder I think we all need. Like it's okay if
00:34:49
Speaker
You're not doing all the things. Nobody can do all the things.
Family Time and Listening Advice
00:34:53
Speaker
But when you stop and you read a book like Brandon's and you do that thing that day, you start to realize how it feels and then you just try to do better and you just keep going. That's it. This isn't about doing it perfectly. None of us ever will. That's not what this is about. But it's amazing what happens when
00:35:18
Speaker
You put the phone down and you spend 10 minutes with the kid who's asking you to play, throw the ball, shoot to hoop, whatever it may be. 10 minutes to a kid is an eternity. The call can wait, the webinar can wait, the podcast can wait. Life has to happen. You have to get your work done. I totally understand that, but I'll never regret putting it down.
00:35:43
Speaker
listening to them. You know, one of the things that Rachel always said was listen with your whole face, not the top of your head, right? When you're scrolling through your phone, listen with your whole face. So when your kids are talking to you or your spouse is talking to you, your coworkers talking to you, listen to them with your whole face. There's a big difference than, than, than not, not right. Just looking down at your phone or your computer, whatever it may be. And I'm seeing the top of your head. And so I've kind of put that practice into place that when I'm talking to anyone, my phone is down because it's so easy to,
00:36:12
Speaker
to kind of listen and kind of be there. And so just these little practices that I put into place and I failed daily, please understand, I failed daily, but I also asked for grace and I asked for forgiveness and I asked for, you know, anytime I lose my patience with my kids, which happens more than it should, you know, there's a conversation about it. Hey, you know, that shouldn't happen and I'm really sorry. Please understand where I was coming from and please forgive me, whatever it may be. And it's amazing.
00:36:42
Speaker
how that translates to them and how they then start to do that the same way. Because our kids are going to watch us. Our spouse is going to watch us. Our friends are going to watch us. And they're going to do, especially our children, they're going to do what we do, good, bad and ugly. And they're going to treat people the way we treat people, good, bad and ugly. And so we are a constant reminder to them of how to love and how to listen and how to show up or not.
00:37:04
Speaker
how to listen or how to not show up. And so, yeah, I just, I am my kid's biggest example on a daily basis and I don't wanna screw this up, Jill. No, no, I feel ya.
Children's Resilience and Personalities
00:37:18
Speaker
Before we wrap up, I do wanna ask about the kids and how they're doing. It's gotta be tough. I know that especially on Macklin, you talked about
00:37:34
Speaker
how his relationship with Rachel, it's not that there's a difference between his sisters, but you described it that, I mean, he was kind of like her bed buddy when she was sick. And so can you talk to me about each of the kids and how they're doing and anything you went, I mean, tell me about them. I want, I feel like I know them. I want to know them a little bit more.
00:38:00
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, gosh, they're so cool. They're so much fun. You know, we hear it all the time. Kids are resilient, but until you're around my kids, you don't realize how resilient they actually are. But more than that, they're so dang happy. I was at two of their parent-teacher conferences the other day, and both of the teachers said, I've never met a happier kid from two different kids. I didn't have a conference for my third one, so they may have said the same thing. I don't know, but it was such a cool thing for me to hear.
00:38:31
Speaker
smiling, they're always happy, they're always kind to people. And I'm like, man, I don't care about their grades. I could not care less what they bring home on the report card. But when I get those kind of reports, we're doing something right. And when I say word, this is not me, this is my entire crew, my people, my village, my tribe, Rachel, what she instilled in them. Yeah, Macklin was mama's boy. All Macklin knew for most of his life was Rachel being sick. And so a lot of that meant
00:39:01
Speaker
time on the bathroom floor, feeding her ice chips or, or whatever it may have been. And he just knew what she needed. And for a four year old boy to show up for his mommy that way. Um, gosh, man, I want to love more like Macklin does. It was just, it was just awesome. And, and you know, so he's, you know, we're next year, I guess two years from now he'll have lived more life without his mommy than he did with his mommy. Um, we talk about Rachel.
00:39:28
Speaker
daily all the time. It's constant. And a lot of it is my failures because mommy cooked better than you or mommy did this better than you. I'm reminded daily, trust me. But man, he's, he's just such a good, happy, stable, fun, funny boy. And
00:39:48
Speaker
Grace, it has nothing to do with me. God is so good and continues to mold that boy into something so special. And Cooper, my middle girl, she's my beautiful mess. She says what's on her mind all the time, lets you know, and is very open about it. She is her mommy. She's feisty and funny and dances through life like you wouldn't believe. She got baptized yesterday, which was just a beautiful moment.
00:40:16
Speaker
for all of us in true group or form. I think I wrote about it, but we were in the Wendy's drive through and she said, Daddy, I want a cheeseburger and I want to be baptized. That's all she told me. And so she says what's on her mind and that's what was on her mind then. So we got to talk about that. And just the way people showed up yesterday for her and her and her moment, just declaring to the world that, look, I love Jesus. I'm a sinner. I need help. Help me walk through this with, you know, walk through this journey.
00:40:46
Speaker
And it was just a beautiful moment. And so I know Rachel was super proud of her coop yesterday and every day. And then Hadley, you know, Hadley's my oldest and had to, she felt like she had to grow up real fast. She felt like she had to be mommy. She felt like she had to take care of daddy and she's done such a good job with it. But I have to remind her all the time that I need her to be a kid. You don't get to be a kid that long. I appreciate her. She's a rule follower. She's responsible.
00:41:16
Speaker
She, um, she cares so deeply for people. She wants nobody to hurt and she'll do anything she can to make sure that we don't. Um, and my biggest prayer for her is man, just let her be a kid. Cause you know, she's 11 years old now and she only has a few more years of being a kid. And I just want her to be able to enjoy those years, but, um, she's just a caretaker and she just wants to make sure all those around her. Okay. Even if it means she's not.
00:41:41
Speaker
And so just three very different personalities, all with the best qualities their mommy had. And I'm just, man, I'm just so, every day is an adventure and every day is so much fun. And I have, they bring me so much danger. And I'm just so, I'm so proud of them. I mean, I held it together for quite a long time. And then you just, you describing those kids.
00:42:12
Speaker
because as a parent, yeah, I just, I don't have the words. I just, I know Rachel's still with them, but yeah, it's the kids. And so I will pray for them and continue to. And it's just, I think I said this to you in our last episode that
Honoring Rachel and Sharing Her Story
00:42:37
Speaker
I wish I could have met Rachel, and I think you've even said that. So many people have said that to you, but I feel the way that you talk about her. I feel her, and I remember you telling me that love like Rachel, that's what you would say, and I would write that down everywhere.
00:42:59
Speaker
Boy, I don't know her at all, but I feel like I know her a lot. And that's what's really cool. And I am so appreciative of you sharing her story and the kid's story and your story and being vulnerable. And I would love to tell people to go get Just Do by Brandon Janus. You can get it at Amazon and you have your own personal website. Where else can people go get it?
00:43:27
Speaker
Yeah, it's at brandonjanis.com. And Jill, thank you for saying that. That's the reason the book was written. This is the story of us, but it's the story of Rachel and the way she lived and loved and taught.
00:43:41
Speaker
So even the last section of the book, I call it the 39, which was the last 39 nights we spent in the hospital. And I invite you into being there and seeing those conversations, like you're sitting at the edge of the bed like I was and getting to learn from her in those final days. And I hope it does her justice. That's the reason it was done.
00:44:05
Speaker
Um, and I hope it causes us to, to do. And that's something Rachel always, always said, you know, it's, it's, it's just stop thinking about it. Stop. Sometimes stop praying about it. Just go do it. Just go do it. And, um, you know, show up for people. There's no, with looking for nothing in return, I think is the important, important thing. You're not doing it because for your intentions, you're doing it for that person. You're doing it for someone else.
00:44:32
Speaker
and sometimes you're not gonna get the thank you you think you need or sometimes you're not gonna get the hug because they're not able to get out of bed or sometimes you're not gonna get what you wanted out of it, but the thing is you did and never in your life will you regret showing up and doing and so that's how she lived her whole life and I hope this book causes us to do a little bit more of that.
00:44:53
Speaker
It is definitely a perspective that everyone needs to witness. And I am just so thankful for you, Brandon. I am gonna keep inviting you back and maybe there's gonna be a sequel, just do too. Who knows? Yes, I would love to come back. I appreciate you. Anytime anyone will share more of Rachel's story.
00:45:19
Speaker
I'm going to say yes. And so thank you for allowing me to talk about her. It's my favorite thing to talk about, that and being a dad to those three little ones. And so I appreciate you and can't wait to do this again sometime.
Conclusion and Self-care Reminder
00:45:32
Speaker
And as we wrap up this week's conversation, a reminder to take care of you. It is so important.
00:45:39
Speaker
And one way you can do that, monthly memberships at Elemental Aesthetics. See, with the monthly memberships, they offer you a discount that you wouldn't normally get if you just made appointments here and there. But it's also a great reminder to get in every month to take care of you. The membership options, there's all kinds of different services available. It just kind of depends on what you're looking for. If you go to elementalaesthetics.com, you can see
00:46:08
Speaker
what's available. But remember, I want you to take care of you. I want you to put yourself first as much as possible this year. elementalaesthetics.com or you can call or text 314-279-6069. Make sure you mention my name. You're going to get a little swag bag just for doing that. And again, at elementalaesthetics.com to learn more about their memberships.
00:46:33
Speaker
And I would like to invite you to check out gilderbein.com. That's where you will find every single episode of the podcast. And you will find some awesome blogs with some great content, whether it's recipes or travel hacks or just things to just unwind. You will find it at gilderbein.com, as well as all my social media handles so you know how to connect with me there. And as always, you know what I'm gonna say?
00:47:02
Speaker
Thank you for your support of two kids and a career.