Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to the Unstuck Mom podcast, where we dive deep into transforming your mindset to create the life you want and deserve. I'm Bethany. I'm here to help you break free from what's holding you back so you can thrive in motherhood and beyond. Whether it's reclaiming your sense of self, strengthening your relationship with your partner and kids, or building the confidence to tackle anything life throws your way, every episode is designed to empower you with practical tools and a fresh perspective. So are you ready to get unstuck? Let's go.
Speaker: Hi friends and welcome back to the Unstuck Mom podcast. Thanks for joining me today. If you don't know me, my name is Bethany and I've got a great episode for you guys today. First things first, I am beginning to think I will never sound normal on a podcast because I've been getting colds nonstop for weeks on end. It's just a never ending cycle of kid illness getting into my home because kids are germ receptacles. And so yeah, this week is no exception. So I'm just here with my tea and my blanket and I'm just trying to get better as soon as humanly possible. um I know this is a little bit early to be posting this podcast, but I really wanted to get it out there in case it could help some stressed out moms in need. So there will be an episode this coming Tuesday, but there will be the following Tuesday on New Year's Eve. So stay tuned for that one. It's going to be a good episode.
Speaker: And just a reminder, if you have not already, you can grab my free 10 mindset shifts for moms printable. It's really a tongue twister at the unstuck mom dot .com forward slash mindset shifts. And I will link that in the show notes.
Speaker: So, right now we are in the thick of the holiday season. This time of year can be so magical, like the lights, the traditions, the time with family, but let's be honest, it can also be overwhelming, right? Between the parties and the gift exchanges, the baking, the hosting, the trying to make everything perfect for everyone, it's just easy to lose yourself in the chaos.
Speaker: If you're feeling the pressure to do it all and keep everyone happy, this episode is for you. Today, we're talking about setting boundaries during the holidays. I know the word boundaries can make people feel a little bit uncomfortable, but trust me, they are a game changer. My goal is to help you protect your time, energy, and peace this season so you can actually enjoy it.
Speaker: No guilt, no drama, just practical tips you can start using today. So, let's dive in. Let's start with the basics. What are boundaries and why do they matter? Think of boundaries as invisible lines that protect your time, your energy, your well -being. They're like little fences you put up and say, this is what works for me and this is what doesn't.
Speaker: During the holidays, those fences can get trampled. There's so many expectations from friends, family, your kids, maybe even yourself. And when we don't set boundaries, we often end up feeling stressed or resentful or completely burned out. Have you ever said yes to something you really didn't want to do and then spend the whole time wishing you just said no? That's what happens when we don't honor our boundaries.
Speaker: And here's the thing, boundaries aren't about being selfish or shutting people out. They're about making sure you have enough energy to show up for the things that matter the most. When you set healthy boundaries, you're protecting your ability to be the best version of yourself for yourself and your family and your loved ones.
Speaker: Here's another important piece to understand. If you've never set boundaries, your brain might freak out a little bit. It's not because something's wrong with you, it's because you're doing something new. Your brain loves the familiar and setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable because it's outside of your comfort zone. That discomfort is totally normal. So let's talk about more on how to navigate that.
Speaker: Before you set boundaries, you need to know what you're protecting. This starts with identifying your priorities for the season. I want you to think about what matters most to you and your families during the holidays. So there are three questions you can ask yourself to kind of clarify what those might be. So the first one is one, what memories do I want to create this year? Number two is what activities or traditions bring me and my family the most joy And then number three is what do I dread or feel obligated to do that doesn't align with my values? For example, maybe your priority is spending quiet mornings with your kids or baking cookies together, maybe watching some holiday movies, but every year you feel pressured to attend a distant relatives party that ends up eating up the entire weekend. If that doesn't align with your priorities, it might be time to set a boundary.
Speaker: Remember, your priorities don't have to match anyone else's. This is your holiday season and you get to decide what feels right for you and your family. Once you're clear on your priorities, setting boundaries becomes so much easier because you're focused on protecting what truly matters. Don't worry, I will have these questions linked in the show notes so that you can find them, write them down, actually do them because that's where the real magic happens here is like doing the things, actually figuring it out.
Speaker: So once you ask yourself those questions and get clear on that, you've identified your priorities. Now comes the part that feels tricky for a lot of people, actually communicating your boundaries. Saying no or setting limits can feel uncomfortable, especially if you're worried about disappointing others. But I want you to remember this, boundaries are an act of self -respect, not selfishness. So here's a simple framework you can use to communicate your boundaries with confidence. Step one,
Speaker: is to be clear and direct. You don't need to over explain or apologize. For example, you could say, this year we've decided to stay home on Christmas morning to have some quiet family time. Number two is to stay kind but firm. You can be polite and compassionate without backing down. For example, I really appreciate the invitation, but we won't be able to make it this year. Thanks for understanding.
Speaker: And the number three would be avoid over explaining. The more you explain, the more it invites others to push back. So keep it simple and just stick to your decision. So I'm gonna walk you through some holiday scenarios that this might pop up in. You can get more examples and more ways that you can use boundaries. So if someone invites you to a party that you'd rather skip, you could say, thanks so much for the invite. We're keeping our schedule light this year, so we won't be able to make it.
Speaker: If relatives want to stay at your house, but you'd prefer they don't, you can say, we're not hosting overnight guests this year, but I'd be happy to recommend a great hotel nearby. And another one would be ah if you're asked to bring food or gifts that you don't have the time or the money for, you could say something like, I won't be able to contribute this year, but I'm looking forward to celebrating with everyone.
Speaker: The key is to keep it simple and remember that it's okay to say no. If you feel guilty saying no, it's because guilt is created by a thought you are having. Remember, thoughts create feelings and feelings drive your actions. When you feel guilt, you can just pause and ask, what thought is creating this feeling? Often it's something like, I'm letting them down or they're going to be upset with me.
Speaker: And that makes you feel that guilt. So once you're aware of the thought, you can call it out and say, but Oh, I'm feeling guilty because I'm thinking this thought. And at that point you can either sit with it or you can choose to reframe it. If you want to reframe it, you could choose a thought like, I'm doing what's best for my family and me, or it's okay for me to prioritize my wellbeing. What changes, what kind of feeling do you have when you think those thoughts instead?
Speaker: It's really important to notice. A lot of moms feel guilty setting boundaries because they worry about letting people down or being seen as selfish. And here's what I want you to know. Feeling guilty doesn't mean you've done something wrong. It just means you're a human. So when guilt creeps in, remind yourself of your why. Why are you setting this boundary? Maybe it's to protect your energy so you can enjoy quality time with your kids or maybe it's to avoid financial stress.
Speaker: Whatever your reason, hold onto it. Another challenge you might face is pushback from others. Not everyone will understand or agree with your boundaries and that's okay. Here's the truth, their feelings are not your responsibility. As moms, we often carry the weight of everyone else's emotions, but it's not our job to manage how others feel about our choices.
Speaker: If someone gets upset, it doesn't mean you've done something wrong. It just means they're adjusting to the new dynamic. And they might take some time to adjust. That's people. Their brains don't like change either, just like your brains don't like change. So it's this process of setting the boundaries, letting it be uncomfortable, and knowing it's probably uncomfortable for them as well, and letting that process kind of take into action so they can get used to you setting boundaries.
Speaker: Think of it this way. When you set a boundary, you're giving people the opportunity to respect you and your needs. If they react negatively, that's about their expectations or beliefs. not about you. You can't control their feelings, but you can control how you respond. So stay calm, kind, and firm. For example, if someone says, you're ruining the tradition by not coming, you might respond, I understand this is disappointing, but this decision works best for me and my family this year.
Speaker: Ultimately, setting boundaries isn't about controlling other people. It's about taking care of yourself so you can show up as the best version of you. It's about creating a holiday season that feels joyful and not draining. And that, my friends, is a gift to everyone around you. I mean, think about it. Isn't this what you want to teach your kids? The only way that you can teach your kids how to set boundaries is by showing them how to set boundaries. You don't want them to feel the way you feel, so It's one of those things that those generational we're breaking the cycle here and this is one of those. This is how we teach them. This is how we pass that on. So setting boundaries is not only important for yourself, it's also important for your kids. So as we wrap up here, I want to leave you with this.
Speaker: Setting boundaries isn't about saying no to others. It's about saying yes to what matters most to you. When you honor your boundaries, you're creating space for more joy, more peace, and more connection this holiday season. Here's your takeaway. Pick one area that you'd like to set a boundary on this holiday season. Maybe it's saying no to an event.
Speaker: or simplifying gift giving or carving out some quiet time for yourself. So start small and practice communicating it with kindness and confidence. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. I hope this episode gave you the tools and encouragement you need to set boundaries without guilt.
Speaker: Or if you do have guilt, you know that it's just a feeling created by your thoughts. If you found this helpful, I'd love for you to share it with a friend who might need these tips too. And don't forget to subscribe or leave a review. It really helps the podcast reach more moms just like you. Next week, we will be talking about how to make 2025 your best year yet.
Speaker: You won't want to miss it. Until then, remember you deserve to create a life you love and it starts with honoring your own needs. Have a beautiful holiday season and I'll see you next time.
