Transcript
Heather Morgan: So I ended up in the emergency room this past weekend. And y 'all. Ah. The whole experience had me thinking about something that I know.
Heather Morgan: that all of us starting over and doing life alone has to face at some point or another. It's that hard reality and those hard moments where you're like, wow.
Heather Morgan: I'm Truly doing. this. Alone.
Heather Morgan: Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy. You're here. Welcome, y 'all. Let's talk about it. That moment where I wanted to not have a crash out in the emergency room because...
Heather Morgan: I was all alone. And I want to talk about that because I know so often when there's those moments where You feel alone. And I've shared a little about, you know, the loneliness and so many people seem to relate and it's.
Heather Morgan: Eh. i I think. about how many of us are just in that situation where we feel. so alone in certain moments. And you can just be going through your life.
Heather Morgan: And suddenly something happens and you're like. Oh my gosh. I'm really doing this alone And this weekend was one of those moments for me going to the emergency room. And so I'll give you a little backstory because it was just a wild.
Heather Morgan: Wild. thing to even happen. and I'm so grateful to even tell the story. so Friday night, like I had such a busy Friday. And I was exhausted when I got home. I had had like a jam -packed day and I laid down on the couch to do some reading and I just fell asleep, which is kind of unlike me, but I was super tired. And I had woken up like in the middle of the night, like one in the morning to
Heather Morgan: The... fire alarm thing beeping. And. I. I thought it was a different one, but i in my tiredness. I was trying to just like, okay, let me just replace the batteries really quick.
Heather Morgan: And so I'm going to do that at like one in the morning, completely exhausted. whatever. I end up, the batteries fall out and I can't get the new ones in. And so the alarm thing is saying like, get the battery's out, low battery, like doing, it was worse than the chirping.
Heather Morgan: And. I... Those moments. like have happened before where I've had to do something that I normally felt like I wouldn't really be responsible to do or I wouldn't have to do because you know when you had a husband or when I was living at home with my parents, like my dad would handle that. And so there's parts of your life where you're like, oh, I didn't normally have to do this. And now I do. And the contrast feels loud.
Heather Morgan: And in my exhaustion, I couldn't for the life of me get these batteries back up. And I was on this like. chair trying to do it that was like wobbly and it was just like a whole ordeal. And I just was like, fine, I'm just going to bed.
Heather Morgan: with this annoyingness. And it was awful. So I like put my AirPods in, which I don't like to sleep in, but I was like, I'm just going to crash. and not hear this as much, but it was just like, I could not sleep. was It was interrupted sleep all night.
Heather Morgan: So I wake up the next day. And I get out of bed. It's still just all night been like. Low batteries, beep! Like, you know, nobody, nobody. wants to hear that literally.
Heather Morgan: And um I get up and I'm. like So lightheaded. So... Like. Eh. I just couldn't even explain the, I felt like so disoriented.
Heather Morgan: And I started walking into my kitchen and I'm like. walking all wobbly. Like I can't even walk straight. Like I'm completely my off balance. And I'm like, okay, maybe I just.
Heather Morgan: Having got some sleep, I'll just go outside and get some fresh air. And I'm outside in the grass with the dog and I'm wobbling, like I'm. walking again off balance. So what? you know What does anyone do when they're unsure and they're alone? They Google their symptoms, which probably wasn't my best i idea, but.
Heather Morgan: So there I am like, oh, you could have a stroke. Um... I was like. could I have had a stroke? Like, I don't even know. So I don't want to like, ah ah freak out my mom and I know she'll probably just say go to the emergency room so I call my ah Which I would call her my other mother. I look to her like another. um really close. friend and kind of like motherly figure in my life back home and i call her and i'm like Hey.
Heather Morgan: Like this is what I have and As soon as she's telling her husband, he's like, she's got to go. It's like he's such a dad. And I'm like. She's like, yeah, I mean.
Heather Morgan: I would just tell you to go back to bed, but like no one's there. So if, you know, you don't get up or if like something happens, like you're. It's just you
Heather Morgan: And. I don't know if i I was just like trying to feel okay, but I literally didn't even feel like I should drive because I just felt so like dizzy and lightheaded.
Heather Morgan: And I didn't really want to call 911. So I was like, I guess I can like Uber. to the emergency room. And. It's so silly because like I do have friends. I don't have any friends that are super like close by. I have some neighbors, but it's like, hey, I'm kind of lightheaded. Can you drive me to the emergency room? Like I realized in that moment, like I'm not the greatest.
Heather Morgan: asking for help. Or being vulnerable like that. So that was like a really hard moment for me because I feel like. I could hide it pretty well my inability to ask for help and support.
Heather Morgan: when I was married because I at least had that person that I felt. I still probably didn't ask of him as much as I. could have, but.
Heather Morgan: It was like we were more of a team. I knew I had someone. But. This is like.
Heather Morgan: Where's your emergency contact when you need them?
Heather Morgan: And I don't even know who to put. This is my emergency contact. I mean, I remember during the divorce having that question pop up and being like, Wow, that was a smack in the face in this waiting room.
Heather Morgan: Because I don't know. And. I feel like there's so many of those moments where it just kind of hits you that you're doing life alone.
Heather Morgan: And. In this, it's it wasn't even like I was throwing myself like this pity party. I think I just realized. this is true about my life and this is true for other people.
Heather Morgan: And it's a very.
Heather Morgan: lonely feeling. And it's, it's hard to explain because
Heather Morgan: what What does this all matter if I'm just doing life alone? And then you start thinking, oh, you know, just like she said, no one's there so I could. fall asleep and not wake up and no one would know.
Heather Morgan: For maybe days.
Heather Morgan: And that was like. These are the thoughts going through my head as I'm... In an Uber. Going to the emergency room.
Heather Morgan: is like, this is this is my life. These are these thoughts. That I have. you know And. it's kind of, it was kind of crazy. So, but of course I'm also like worried about my like state of mind because I've like never been, you know, I, I am so, I feel so blessed, you know, I i rarely get sick.
Heather Morgan: Thank you, Lord. And I just, and and so this just felt so off for me to feel like this. And so. Anyways, I get to the emergency room.
Heather Morgan: And I'm like. Okay.
Heather Morgan: I just have to go up there and I'm like I tell the girl she's like you gotta just wait and then I was like I think I could have had a stroke I don't really know I don't come to the hospital I don't know So they end up like taking me back. And the guy, the doctor is really like nice. He's like this New Jersey guy. Shout out to New Jersey. I have a couple of friends in Nashville from New Jersey and same vibe.
Heather Morgan: And I was like. Okay, so And he's like, I don't think you had a stroke, but we're going to do like your vitals and we'll do the CT scan, which I'm like, I don't even know what all these things are. I don't have anyone to like.
Heather Morgan: bounce okay yes no whatever so I'm just chilling at the mercy of this emergency room doctor And. um I go back and they do some vitals.
Heather Morgan: And I think my, like my blood pressure ended up being low for like a minute and I was a little dehydrated. I knew that I was so busy the day before I didn't drink a ton and that can. Add to it like dehydration with. Um,
Heather Morgan: you know, lack of sleep and all of that. So I end up like getting the CT scan and they like roll you back on this bed. Like all of this is just feeling like overwhelming but they're like rolling me back and they're like gonna do the CT scan Which is like again, I don't even know if it was like necessary, but I'm like so freaked out about feeling this way, that they're doing it. And I'm just in this and I'm, it's. It's like.
Heather Morgan: a weird thing and you're... I can't even explain it. It's just like. you're really dizzy. You're already dizzy. And then they're literally like, it feels like you're on a some kind of amusement park ride. So it doesn't make it any better. And I'm just like,
Heather Morgan: there was like a moment i'm like there and i'm like well this is it like there's they're gonna be like who knows this woman we're like we don't know she just came in and said she thought she had a stroke and like Yeah. No one's even going to know. You know what I mean? It's just like. So wild. Oh, gee, it's like funny and so sad at the very same time.
Heather Morgan: um It's like I want to cry and I want to laugh at the very same time because it was just so weird. And then um they're, scooting me out. It was the nicest, like.
Heather Morgan: Nurse lady. I wish I remembered her name. she was so sweet she's probably just like you don't have anyone you're just like I was just so, I mean, but I know this is not just my reality. I know, unfortunately, a lot of people.
Heather Morgan: probably can of relate to this which is like Sad. And so. I get pulled out and then. I'm like laying down and I end up falling asleep because I was so tired. I like wake up and the New Jersey doctor comes in. He was like, yeah, CT scan looks fine. He didn't have a stroke. Like vitals are good. Bob like.
Heather Morgan: Okay. So I'm just like unexplained, still don't really have any answers, but. I guess we could tie it to like... I didn't get any sleep. I was interrupted by this smoke detector all night. dehydrated.
Heather Morgan: yada yada yada I guess. So. I call you know my other my other mother and I let her know. Because I hadn't even like.
Heather Morgan: Worried my mom And I, you know. get an uber to go home and i'm just like This is wild. That this is like... Um,
Heather Morgan: My life. And.
Heather Morgan: I'm so grateful that I'm fine, but it it just... You know, there's I was talking on another podcast that ah I was a guest on, and I think I've said this before, but it's like, y 'all.
Heather Morgan: Choose your hard. I think there's people that want to – like that ask me often like – Would do you regret it? Is it divorce worth it? da da del And I'm never going to be a one to advocate for divorce. I talk about it because I truly want to help other people feel seen in this journey because it felt nothing like I ever knew that it was. And I know that it's harder than you can.
Heather Morgan: You can't even explain to people that haven't been through it. And I wanted to speak on it because I. knew from experience that people needed to hear from other people that understood.
Heather Morgan: But. It is. Both things are hard. I don't regret my decision because I know that it was the right one. For me, whether people understand it or not, I've accepted that I'm just going to have to let that roll.
Heather Morgan: But. I would say no matter what. It's going to be hard on either side. There's not an easy button. It's not easy.
Heather Morgan: the whole time you're married and it's not easy. being alone and divorced. And those were just one of those hard moments where you're like.
Heather Morgan: Wow. You know, I don't know what to do about it. And the difference is in divorce, when you don't like things, you can talk to the person about it. Let's change it. Let's do this. Let's work on this, whatever.
Heather Morgan: um And hope that, you know, you guys can collaboratively. work through it. But when you're just alone, it's not like I can be like, well, I'm alone. How can we change that? I can't magically.
Heather Morgan: create a partner to be in my life that's completely out of my control And I'm not going to just... Pick someone to have an emergency contact to have.
Heather Morgan: Someone here, like there's a whole process that's completely out of my. Immediate control Right? And so you just have to.
Heather Morgan: roll with the punches of it. and And that feels a little heavy sometimes. And I talked about You know, that night. It was probably a couple months ago where I was in this happy state. I was doing all this stuff for my podcast. I was like, yeah.
Heather Morgan: Oh, I'm so happy. And I jumped in my car, leaving the coffee shop after I had done all this hard work. And again, I was so proud of myself, just happy about life, high on life. Get in the car and I...
Heather Morgan: heard that song, you know, that's like, once I was seven years old or whatever, you know, that song. And there was a part. Um, that was asking like that was talking about at the end where he just like some lyrics just like hit me
Heather Morgan: And I was like. What if no one ever knows my heart?
Heather Morgan: what if no one ever sees me because even in my current life I know no one sees Me. There's all these people and y 'all hear me and know me on this podcast.
Heather Morgan: But I'm not like seen every day. There's no one witnessing my life.
Heather Morgan: And even when the 100th episode came out and I remember eating dinner. alone that night. It should have been such a celebratory night for me and it was, you know, but I'm eating like.
Heather Morgan: I have leftover cupcake and it's just me.
Heather Morgan: And you're like simultaneously so proud of. all of the things you've done.
Heather Morgan: And also.
Heather Morgan: A little bit sad that you have no one to share it with.
Heather Morgan: And I think sometimes I told you at the beginning, it's not like when I got divorced, I wanted this relationship. And it's not even me like begging for this relationship. It's me just acknowledging the fact that.
Heather Morgan: the contrast between having someone to witness you and be there every day of your life be your emergency contact sit next to you at a hospital do all those things That was one part of my reality and when I was married.
Heather Morgan: And that is no longer my life.
Heather Morgan: And that's part of the trade -off. of making decisions.
Heather Morgan: Or even taking chances.
Heather Morgan: Nothing's permanent.
Heather Morgan: In this life. And even in our existence, right? and And so there's just so many things as a deep thinker and someone that's really just. in tune with her emotions. I'm just like.
Heather Morgan: processing a lot of that. and processing what it feels like to... be in an emergency room by myself. Not knowing if there was a real emergency like.
Heather Morgan: Who would be there? And it's crazy because I did ask for some prayers and like some group chats that I'm in, which was even vulnerable for me to do that.
Heather Morgan: You know, because you're like, I just need.
Heather Morgan: People to. Help me through this But I realized even that was super vulnerable for me. And i it's probably an opportunity. And if you're here too in this place and you relate. to build that community and start allowing yourself to be a little more vulnerable.
Heather Morgan: Because... Community starts being really important when we're. when we're feeling alone.
Heather Morgan: And those moments come up that just hit you out of the blue. Whether it's adding an emergency contact or you know the other night, you know these come these come and go ebb and flow in my life where I was going to open a jar.
Heather Morgan: And I was like, really? Really? Because that's like a moment where I realized, oh, there's no one to open the jar. And I got so frustrated with it. I like. Never really get.
Heather Morgan: angry, but I got a little frustrated. I threw it in the sink.
Heather Morgan: And I remember just falling on my knees and being like, look. I'm doing this alone and I'm fine to do it alone, but just help me out a little here.
Heather Morgan: Help me out.
Heather Morgan: And it's not even the jar. I think it's just the loud. contrast in truth.
Heather Morgan: That there's no one No one to take any of any of the. burden from you. In that moment.
Heather Morgan: And so I got up and as soon as I went back to the jar that I had like tossed in the sink. It easily just came right off.
Heather Morgan: And for that, I was thankful.
Heather Morgan: But I know that it continues each time I try to zip up a dress from the back or have to make a hard decision and have no one to kind of. help me walk through the thoughts.
Heather Morgan: um that, you know, this is just part of the journey while you you're alone. And that is okay. you know it It doesn't mean you can't do it alone. It's just sometimes it's loud to realize that you are doing it alone.
Heather Morgan: Um, and And sometimes you just want to hear someone say, I got you. I'll take care of it
Heather Morgan: And honestly, even... doing that for someone else would feel. Amazing.
Heather Morgan: And I think it just reminded me and as it may remind you that just being capable of doing everything alone doesn't necessarily mean you always want to.
Heather Morgan: It doesn't even mean that you need. Someone else. It just means that Sometimes it sure would feel nice.
Heather Morgan: And. i I did like Google and figure out the smoke detector. I actually ended up asking my like neighbor. He's like this. Nice.
Heather Morgan: older gentleman and like helped me with the batteries, but that was so hard for me to even ask. Because I was like, i cannot I don't know what's wrong with these. I don't know why I can't get them in. It was weird. I promise. I've done things like that before. I don't know what was tricky about this. but I don't know maybe I'm just learning to ask for more. help, which is Whoa.
Heather Morgan: If you're like me, it's one of those things that you just don't want to do. But I'm learning along my the way that, you know, you're kind of it's kind of like you're learning life again. as this new version of you that has to do everything on their own.
Heather Morgan: And. um Yeah, it's been it's been a journey. So thankfully. I made the Uber back and the University of Utah beat BYU, but I had missed.
Heather Morgan: Most of the game. Because of that. So it was a crazy time. It was a crazy time, but. Anyways, I just I really felt called to just share with y 'all that.
Heather Morgan: Sometimes.
Heather Morgan: Life feels loud. in the lonely.
Heather Morgan: But we get through it.
Heather Morgan: And you'll continue to get through it.
Heather Morgan: And I want you to know that. Even when you feel alone, you're not alone. I see you. And we're doing it. And we're making it happen. And.
Heather Morgan: Even though sometimes they're like, is life meant to be alone? like I truly don't believe so. But I also think we yeah we we learn in all different stages and all different points in our life. And sometimes the journey... And when we're isolated and alone more, there's things that we, lessons we couldn't learn any other way.
Heather Morgan: So we... We take them in stride. Hopefully. But um if this episode helped you at all and sharing this kind of story helped you at all, I'd love to hear from you. Definitely go to my website, Wandering the Wild Mess. You can leave me a voice note there.
Heather Morgan: I love. for you to leave comments or reviews. If you were leave me a review and a five -star rating, that's like the best way to get more people to find this so more people can really relate to.
Heather Morgan: What we're all going through is just navigating this new life when it's messier than we would have expected or it doesn't look like we thought it should by now. So I appreciate you so much. I want you to know you are loved. You are worthy.
Heather Morgan: And. This was Wandering the Wild Mess. With Heather Morgan. You Matter.
