Transcript
Heather Morgan: Have you ever wanted something so badly, but deep down question whether you were actually worthy of having it? Maybe it's the relationship you've always wanted, the career, the success, the financial freedom, or just a completely different life than the one you're living.
Heather Morgan: And what's interesting is that you can be confident in who you are, you can know your worth, be proud of the person you've become, and still question whether you're good enough. for the things. You.
Heather Morgan: want. Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so. Happy. You're here.
Heather Morgan: Hi y 'all. This is something we're going to unpack because I've been thinking. About this a lot lately both through conversations with other people and just some realizations I've... had about myself on this journey. and I want to share them with you because...
Heather Morgan: I know. Sometimes.
Heather Morgan: We might not even realize places where we. Don't. truly feel worthy. of the things we want from life.
Heather Morgan: And I think there's this difference between knowing your worth. and in actually believing you're worthy of the life you want. And so today I want to talk about why we sometimes struggle with that.
Heather Morgan: where those beliefs come from and how to stop letting them hold us. back. And what I've realized... in processing this in my own life.
Heather Morgan: is that One of the biggest reasons we do this is because we've started Confusing our circumstances. with our worth.
Heather Morgan: And. This is why we start questioning our worth because there's a thing in psychology called contingent self -worth. And it's when our value has... conditions.
Heather Morgan: So. It's described as our sense of personal value. Our worthiness. Depends on meeting certain conditions.
Heather Morgan: or like receiving approval or achieving particular outcomes. So... This is just easy examples of this because we all do it. And sometimes We don't even realize it. And I was starting to realize I'm doing this in my own life. There's things that I.
Heather Morgan: I'm so proud of myself for what I've accomplished. and things that I've moved through over the journey you guys have been here with me, but I realize in other areas of my life. I'm doing these kinds of things. So here's ah some examples. It's like.
Heather Morgan: I'll be worthy of love when I lose the weight. Okay. I'll feel successful when I make more money. Yeah. I'll be good enough for a relationship when I have my life figured out.
Heather Morgan: I'll finally feel worthy when someone chooses me. And. I've felt. you know And if you... resonate with one of those, this is the episode for you.
Heather Morgan: like they all are but this one let's Let's buckle in. Yeah. um But I think a lot of us do that. And then when I'm talking to people, I realize. They're saying that.
Heather Morgan: to me without saying it to me. And. It's almost like they're waiting for the other ball to drop because they don't even believe that they could be worthy of those things because.
Heather Morgan: of all of these other reasons that they're tying to their worth. And the crazy thing is, is our worth is not tied to our accomplishments. And i've I've said this a lot through the podcast, like you are inherently worthy.
Heather Morgan: I realized that you can be. And weirdly, and this is true for me, you can be confident in one area of your life and then still have struggles in another.
Heather Morgan: Like you can be successful professionally, but then you can feel insecure in relationships. And one thing that I see, this is so true and it's a little off, but just it's so wild. It's like.
Heather Morgan: I think I've said this. to ah a friend the other day like, I could. Jump on a stage and speak. to complete strangers and literally be fine. I could speak on stages all day.
Heather Morgan: But you... Get me set up on a date. And those nerves are completely different. And so it's kind of that weird. reminder of like in one area, you could feel completely confident to just go. And then in other areas,
Heather Morgan: Whether that's for whatever reason, you just feel less comfortable. It's less familiar. You feel less like. What am I doing? you know, i whatever the resistance is.
Heather Morgan: We start kind of being like, I don't even know. I mean, one thing I would think even when I would think about like dating, it's like. I don't even know if I want to go like, what if I don't even like them? And then it's like a waste, but it's like. Well, yeah, that's kind of what.
Heather Morgan: dating is. You kind of have to do it, you know? And I... was talking to a friend for coffee today and she was talking about this opportunity And she's like, it's ah it's a really big event. I haven't done an event that big before. So I'm just not even sure that I'm might qualified to do it. And I'm like,
Heather Morgan: They're literally asking you. They think you're qualified. But it's easy to just be like. Well, I haven't done it. I don't know that I could do it. I... don't think I'm going to. And we kind of disqualify o ourselves before we even get a chance.
Heather Morgan: at the life. And the crazy thing is when I was saying, I was like, you should definitely do it is what I told her. And. It's wild because... She has all these big aspirations for her business.
Heather Morgan: But then when she gets offered a big opportunity. To do that, Her hesitation is, well, I'm not. ready. I'm not prepared yet. But it's like, well, when will you ever be unless you get the experience? And so it's this interesting like – dance. And I think that even about like...
Heather Morgan: for the things we want in life I know in a perfect. world. One thing that's held me back is thinking like. Okay. If I eventually want to be in a relationship one day, like I just want to. I just want to feel like my life is really put together when that happens.
Heather Morgan: And then I'm like. Heather, will you ever feel like your life is like fully put together? Will there ever be a time where you don't? that you feel like it's the right time, that it won't disrupt things in your life, that it won't, that you'll...
Heather Morgan: You know, I don't think so. But... then part of me is like, oh, my circumstances don't lend this for being the right time for that. And then I start thinking.
Heather Morgan: Like. Maybe I'm just not. in a good enough spot for that. maybe, you know, I have to do these other things instead of that.
Heather Morgan: And. I think the problem is when we attach our worth to our circumstances. We're constantly moving the finish line. We think we'll finally be good enough when we reach the next milestone.
Heather Morgan: But then there's another thing to fix. another goal to achieve, another reason we tell ourselves we're not quite there yet. And then somewhere along the way, we start.
Heather Morgan: Treating. worthiness, like something we have to qualify for. Like I have to do all these things. before I'll be ready. for that for relationship before i'll be ready for that next step in my business before i'll be ready to publish that book to take a new job to to leave my home state, whatever it is.
Heather Morgan: And.
Heather Morgan: It goes back to when we're overthinking. ourselves.
Heather Morgan: And trying to. decide what qualifies us. for the things we want from life. We're preventing them from from finding us.
Heather Morgan: from being a part of our life.
Heather Morgan: we're not seeing or not taking opportunities that are in front of us because We don't feel like we're good enough. For them.
Heather Morgan: And I want to. point out one of the biggest things. Is that.
Heather Morgan: It's good to want to grow and have things pulled together in your life before you take on new opportunities. Like I'm not saying that having goals isn't the problem. But it's when your your value as a person.
Heather Morgan: Depends on whether or not you achieve those goals. So it's like, if I don't. get this or have that thing or buy this house or get this job or whatever, then.
Heather Morgan: I'm not as worthy as I thought I was. Or I wouldn't be as worthy to. go into business with this person or so have a relationship with someone like that. And we really start to, it almost kind of creates this I would call like shame is one of the heaviest.
Heather Morgan: emotions. to carry. And you're almost like. carrying a shame that like oh I mean, I guess I'm not good enough. because this didn't happen or this hasn't happened yet in my life.
Heather Morgan: And a lot of times that's what happens when we let our past define. what we deserve. So. There are some times where we're like, I've made these big mistakes. You have these regrets.
Heather Morgan: And you're circling. I'm like, how could ever anyone ever love? this about me? How could I ever get, you know, I've already messed up in this marriage. How could I do it right in the next one?
Heather Morgan: I didn't do the right decision in this business. Can I really grow another one? um i should have done this and should have done that. And then it makes you question.
Heather Morgan: Future you. You in the now. And you're continuing to kind of Interpret that as evidence that you're not good enough for something else.
Heather Morgan: but one chapter of your life. does not determine. your worth. And I think that's one thing that people really, I want you to take and understand.
Heather Morgan: Is that. One chapter is not your whole story. Just because there was decisions you made in the past. that you wouldn't make again just because somebody didn't love you as you needed them to.
Heather Morgan: Just because... You found yourself. making decisions that you wouldn't make now. You know that.
Heather Morgan: Allow yourself to move past that and not hold on to that. old truths, old identities. Of. the person that should have done it should have, could have, would have.
Heather Morgan: Because just because something didn't work out. doesn't mean You weren't enough.
Heather Morgan: And in my own self -reflection on this and things that I'm carrying, and still processing through. I feel like I...
Heather Morgan: I do so much self -reflection that sometimes it's... Um, It's beautiful because I'm like, oh, this is what I'm doing. And I can see it so clearly.
Heather Morgan: But then it's It's actually processing it through so that it can stick that like we're going to move past that. And one of the biggest things personally for me. And I realize is that we often are afraid of disappointment.
Heather Morgan: And sometimes... expecting less, feels safer than hoping for more. And I'm sure that if you stopped this right now to think about it, you could write.
Heather Morgan: Down. At least three times. probably even recently. that you you wanted something, but you're like, you know, if I can at least get this, it's good enough.
Heather Morgan: And you just settle for less. Or ask for less? And that could even be in a promotion. It's like instead of the most money you could ask for your...
Heather Morgan: trying to stay safe in the middle like do i really deserve the highest raise whatever it is And it's like, why are we doing that? You know.
Heather Morgan: what you bring to the table, but hearing no seems like it's saying you're not good enough. And that's where like really separating. The truth
Heather Morgan: I know. I never. a rejection per se. is not necessarily about your worth. It's just not aligned with where you are in your current.
Heather Morgan: like where you're going. And that's okay. And so I think. That's like a key piece that. I realized is.
Heather Morgan: We also convince ourselves. We're not. Ready? I think that's been a big one with. Personally, for me. With.
Heather Morgan: when I think about relationships. Um, or even growing this podcast to the next level. i know i can In my mind, I'm like, I know I can do it.
Heather Morgan: But there's like this hesitation of like. Am I fully? Ready? to take on what that actually means. And.
Heather Morgan: Sometimes that's a big jump when we don't have. evidence that we won't be disappointed if we try.
Heather Morgan: And so it feels safer to not be disappointed. than to do the thing.
Heather Morgan: especially if if we know that we're, because when we tie our worth to the thing. Then when it doesn't happen, it. It feels personal. instead of just, it is what it is.
Heather Morgan: And that learning that separation of like not. taking it personally.
Heather Morgan: That's the biggest thing. And I realize even that self -doubt is protecting us from the vulnerability of trying. to putting ourselves out there. And so we reject ourselves.
Heather Morgan: before anyone else has the opportunity to. So we already say like, this isn't going to work out. Okay. I'll ask, but it's not going to work out for me. You're already like. preparing for worst case scenario and it not working out.
Heather Morgan: Almost as if to hurt yourself. Twice. or before you even need to.
Heather Morgan: And so I want to ask you as you're thinking about this in your own life, Are you really convinced you're not? Worthy. Or are you just afraid of wanting something you might?
Heather Morgan: Not. Get.
Heather Morgan: Okay. Okay, loves, that's a tough one. Because. the idea of not getting something that you truly want.
Heather Morgan: is A hard pill to swallow. And I think that's why so many of. us often don't go after big dreams or things that we desire because we're afraid of the pain that would be associated with not getting what we want.
Heather Morgan: If we... actually try.
Heather Morgan: Because if we don't try, we can say, oh, I could have got that, but I never tried. And then you. don't feel the pain of the rejection that you didn't succeed or that you failed. But when you try, it's different.
Heather Morgan: And so.
Heather Morgan: I've been reflecting on that a lot lately. in my life. And just kind of questioning if... how I'm moving through the world is to try to protect.
Heather Morgan: Myself. From... Potential pain. Or... If it's really just. something else.
Heather Morgan: But my realization is. that.
Heather Morgan: I have to kind of separate worthy versus qualified and really hone in on what I've been sharing with y 'all all along is that you're inherently worthy. And I almost think qualified, besides like if you're like a doctor or something, like it's pretty subjective. Like who's qualified to be married? Who's qualified to be in ah a partnership? Who's qualified to start their own business? I mean.
Heather Morgan: Where there's a will, there's a way.
Heather Morgan: And. When I think about. worthiness. ah compared to qualified. that's when i really It's because someone told me recently that I was worthy.
Heather Morgan: And my immediate reaction in my mind was like, I already know I'm. Worthy. But then after I started thinking about it, And I realized i I believe I'm worthy of love and a beautiful life.
Heather Morgan: But yet I still feel like.
Heather Morgan: i want like Am I qualified for them right now? Do I have all my ducks in a row? And I think maybe part of it's because I've been through a divorce and it was so heartbreaking that I just, I want it to be like the optimal situation in my life when someone enters it so that we have the best chance.
Heather Morgan: at it working. And I think that's... Fair. Right.
Heather Morgan: I realize I'm trying to control. the best I can.
Heather Morgan: The success rate. the probability of success in my mind. But there are so many factors in life that... I could never.
Heather Morgan: consider everything that could happen in in a dynamic like that. but Still, there's this part of me that. wants to be able to control it. And.
Heather Morgan: is fearful that if someone really sees all of me.
Heather Morgan: and doesn't choose me.
Heather Morgan: I need to be okay with. still knowing. I'm worthy.
Heather Morgan: I think there's this fear of like.
Heather Morgan: The rejection. actually feeling rejected for who you actually are.
Heather Morgan: Would feel different
Heather Morgan: And that's just it. It's a lot to unpack sometimes when I think about it. And ah because I especially coming and I'm sharing this with y 'all because I know.
Heather Morgan: I am really a confident person and I feel feel like that's how people would perceive me. But I want to be honest with you guys about the thoughts in my head because even as someone that's confident, like you can be confident and still have insecurities.
Heather Morgan: You can be proud of your growth and still have circumstances you're trying to ah improve. And I think sometimes we just don't acknowledge enough.
Heather Morgan: We just don't know if we're good enough for the things that we want in our life. because of the mistakes we've made in our past or because of...
Heather Morgan: Just. Life not. being the picture in which we thought it would be at this point.
Heather Morgan: And so maybe we're not questioning our own worth as much as we're questioning whether someone else will recognize it. When they see parts of our lives that aren't perfect.
Heather Morgan: And I hear that a lot. When people are talking about. relationships. And in a marriage, you realize like... It's two imperfect people.
Heather Morgan: And. I think ideally I'm like, I wish I could just. present myself as this like completely perfect put together person. But I know.
Heather Morgan: I'm not.
Heather Morgan: But that doesn't mean I'm not worthy of the things that I desire. from my life
Heather Morgan: have to just separate our circumstances from our identity.
Heather Morgan: And this is something I've had to do. On my own journey is like, you can be divorced without being a failure. You can be single. without being unwanted.
Heather Morgan: You could have made mistakes. without being defined by them forever.
Heather Morgan: And then. What I would really challenge you to do, and this is how I'm moving through it, and this may be helpful to write down. Ask yourself, am I describing a fact about my life?
Heather Morgan: Or am I turning that fact into a judgment about who I am?
Heather Morgan: Because I think sometimes we start judging.
Heather Morgan: Well, I'm too old for that. Well, I could never do that. and we're already making these judgments about who we are instead of just. actual factual things about our life.
Heather Morgan: And sometimes we make statements about what exists today as if... It has to exist forever When it's something that's changeable.
Heather Morgan: And I think we just really need to stop. making perfection their prerequisite. that's, I'm speaking to me for sure. Cause, because that's what I've been aiming. And it's like, you know, cause then you start going like, well, maybe if I have, once I have this, once that, once this, and and the bar just keeps raising because there's always something that we can improve.
Heather Morgan: And growth and self -worth can exist at the same time. Because again, you The bar is. We are inherently worthy. And we don't have to wait till every part of. our lives are figured out to pursue something meaningful.
Heather Morgan: That's what I want you to remember. If there's something in your heart you desire, you are not unworthy of it.
Heather Morgan: The biggest thing is having to do work on yourself doesn't mean you're unworthy of the things you want.
Heather Morgan: And you know I'm like a big believer in renewing your mind. acting like you believe you're worthy and you know you show up differently when you do. And I know that.
Heather Morgan: When you actually feel like you're worthy of things, you can just go after them. You present yourself differently. Like I said, I feel that way in so many areas of my life where I can just show up to a room and I...
Heather Morgan: be open to meeting someone. and all of the things.
Heather Morgan: And we're, but we're all in different stages. We all have these insecurities and difference. I told you. Mine is on my biggest fear and I'm. Maybe. TMI -ing over here, but like literally this is my podcast. But um just so you guys can feel if you're thinking of the things that you do.
Heather Morgan: That it's like, I want to tell you this, like. The biggest thing that I realized that I fear is. And I'm not even like dating. So it's like funny, but I know that if I'm going to, I've got to think about this. It's like.
Heather Morgan: if I was actually to really, really, really, really genuinely like someone, because I... It's very rare that I have that kind of connection with someone. I mean, I connect with people all the time. I love people. But I'm saying like in that.
Heather Morgan: romantic type of see a future with you. kind of way which is hard for me to even imagine. If I finally felt like that with someone. And they...
Heather Morgan: Didn't want. To be with me. I know I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. I think I would. I'm i'm afraid of that pain.
Heather Morgan: And it's so silly because it's like. Heather, we're not even like close to that. You know what I mean? But I realize it's probably holding me back from even like. seeing opportunities.
Heather Morgan: because I'm like I'm not ready to see them. And that's not just in relationships. That's in opportunities in your business, promotions. Uh, whatever you're pursuing in your life.
Heather Morgan: If you have that. fear running in the background, it will. prevent things from Moving for you. Because you don't even want to see them. You're like, I'm not ready.
Heather Morgan: And. So I want. To remind you that you don't have to have or you don't have to feel. Completely ready. to start moving towards the life you want.
Heather Morgan: And that's what I want to leave you with today. I just want you to take from this episode is that you don't have to have everything figured out. to be worthy of the life you want. You can have a past, you can have regrets, you can have things that you're still working through or circumstances that you're trying to change, but none of that disqualifies you from love.
Heather Morgan: happiness. success or whatever it is you're working towards.
Heather Morgan: There's always room for growth and things to learn and ways to become better, but you don't have to wait until you've become. the perfect version of yourself to believe you're deserving.
Heather Morgan: of something good. So here's what I want to ask you for yourself because I've asked myself this. What would... I do differently.
Heather Morgan: If I already believed I was worthy of the life. I want.
Heather Morgan: Because you still have to build. and do the work to build the life you want. But you don't have to earn. The right. to believe that you're worthy of it.
Heather Morgan: I hope you know. How much you matter. I hope this helps you process through any of the doubts you have about where you're going in your life.
Heather Morgan: And if you're worthy of that thing. I truly believe in my heart of all hearts. And I just want this to. speak to you. That if. You have a strong Genuine desire for something.
Heather Morgan: Do not let your own mind. disqualify you. From. that
Heather Morgan: from pursuing it. from believing it's possible for you, for even putting your name in the hat. All right. Do not let yourself.
Heather Morgan: Go another. six months, five years, whatever it is, trying to tell that story that not good enough for that life.
Heather Morgan: Because that. It couldn't couldn't be farther from the truth.
Heather Morgan: I'm so thankful you're here. And if this... has helped you at all, or you know someone needs to hear this, please send that to them. I want to help so many people just really know they're worthy.
Heather Morgan: In this journey. Because we're all kind of sitting here going, I don't know. sometimes. And you are. You are. I love you so much. so Definitely give the podcast a rating if you haven't before. It helps people find it. And I love to hear from y 'all. So go to wanderingthewildmess .com, send me a voice note, find me on socials, all the things.
Heather Morgan: This was Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You Matter.
