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Combatting Stress: Part II
111 Plays1 year ago
Last week, we dove into the biology behind stress, sensory regulation and what overstimulation can mean for those of us living in our modern day. And while a solid understanding of the underlying issues is critical to redeeming the situation, it’s also true that helpful tips, reframing and advice is invaluable - and between us and all of YOUR input, there is no shortage of fantastic, stress-busting hacks! This week, we are continuing our conversation on stress, and ways we can combat it while seeking peace in our homes, vocations and faith.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Welcome
00:00:00
Speaker
So I have my Instagram open right now. If you could just spell that for me, Michelle, because I can't find it. So Barta is B-A-R-T-A. Okay. And then I found it. Perfect. I was looking at, um, at, oh, I typed in at, like I've never used the internet before.
00:00:24
Speaker
Oh, that was like that meme or that reel that was going on when people in the 90s were talking about that weird at symbol. What does that mean?
00:00:46
Speaker
Welcome back to the Modern Lady podcast. You're listening to episode 134. Hi, I'm Michelle.
Managing Stress Effectively
00:00:54
Speaker
And I'm Lindsay. And today we are continuing our talk about reducing stress in our lives.
00:00:59
Speaker
It's a fact that there are only 24 hours in each day. And boy, do we ever pack those 24 hours tight. Whether we're ready for it or not, life can come at us pretty fast and we can quickly succumb to stress and overwhelm. And while we may not always be able to avoid every stressful situation, we can learn how to manage ourselves well for every speed of life.
00:01:24
Speaker
But first, the best way that you can support the Modern Lady podcast is by giving us a rating and review on whatever app you use to listen to podcasts. Your reviews, especially on iTunes, can really help others who might be interested find our podcast too. Your comments mean the world to us.
00:01:40
Speaker
This week's shout out goes to all of you, our dear listener friends, for your warm welcome when we came out with our first episode back after our break. Your messages were so encouraging to us and we were, as always, so blown away by your support. Thank you so much everyone for your friendship. It is an honour to be able to connect with you all over the topics we love to discuss here at The Modern Lady. So here's to you.
00:02:07
Speaker
And if you would like to leave us a comment you can do so on our website www.themodernlady1950.wordpress.com or you can leave us a comment on Facebook, Instagram or YouTube where you can find us at the Modern Lady podcast.
00:02:28
Speaker
But before we get into today's chat, Lindsay has our Modern Lady Tip of the Week.
Rice Water Beauty Treatment
00:02:33
Speaker
Last time we learned all about the benefits of using rice water to clean our homes and water our plants, and today we are going to learn about it as skin and hair care. So the history of using rice water as a beauty treatment is long and storied.
00:02:47
Speaker
Researchers have discovered that the women of the Royal Court in Japan during the Hien period, which ran from 794 to 1185 AD, used rice water on their floor-length hair. According to an article in El Magazim, this method was popularized though in China by the Yao women, who also have extraordinarily long hair.
00:03:07
Speaker
We know Koreans love it too, so it's safe to say that this technique is beloved throughout history and all over Asia. But first, the science. Our hair requires 18 amino acids to grow strong and healthy, and rice water contains eight of these. These amino acids encourage hair regeneration, and many believe that this can help with male hair loss too. So how do we make rice water that is pure enough to be used on the skin and hair?
00:03:34
Speaker
Well, you want to rinse it until the water runs clear. Then fill a jar or bowl with that rinsed rice and one cup of clean water and shake. The water should look milky. Let it rest and ferment for about 24 to 48 hours. Then strain the liquid and keep it in an empty shampoo bottle or jar.
00:03:53
Speaker
Well how do you use it? Almegasine explains that it can be used like a typical hair mask. Wet your hair with the rice water, concentrating on the scalp, and massage it in for five minutes. Wait another five minutes and wash out with shampoo. So what about our faces? Now I did realize that I have actually used the Tatcha line from Sephora, which is the rice water face wash.
00:04:14
Speaker
and their Dewy Skin Cream that features Japanese purple rice in its ingredient list. And I loved both products. However, they're very expensive. And if I can get similar benefits from just using rice water at home, I am interested. Now, there was a post on bustle.com written by someone who used rice water for one week after seeing countless beauty experts from Korea touting its benefits.
00:04:35
Speaker
But it isn't just beauty influencers talking about this. Dermatologists agree, just like Dr. Schlesinger. He claims that rice water can help smooth a rough texture, minimize pores, and brighten one's complexion. So this person applied the rice water with a cotton pad after washing her face.
00:04:51
Speaker
She immediately liked how her skin felt afterwards. It was soft and not dry. She went on to explain that by day three, her face had a natural shine, but it wasn't oily. And she really loved that after using serums and oils for years that she felt were causing acne.
00:05:07
Speaker
This also resulted in her makeup going on really well and staying matte again without feeling dry. By day six the rice water was smelling pretty awful but she was assured that that was exactly the moment that the anti-aging properties kicked in with that fermented soured rice water. Overall she was pleasantly surprised and said she would return to using the rice water in the future. So I don't know about you Michelle but I am so ready to try this ASAP.
00:05:32
Speaker
Oh yes and I know I said it last time that I'm like kicking myself for all the wasted rice water in my life up to this point. I'm just sitting here thinking oh my goodness like if cleaning my house wasn't motivation enough and we know like we've talked about how beautiful like the Korean like their skin is gorgeous their hair is gorgeous like it's healthy and strong and everything glows and
00:05:58
Speaker
So, I mean, that's all the testimony that I really need. Yeah. K-beauty is the thing still, and it has been for several years now, right? So, yeah, we will try it. We will report back on our social media.
Revisiting Stress and Sensory Regulation
00:06:15
Speaker
Last week, we dove into the biology behind stress, sensory regulation, and what overstimulation can mean for those of us living in our modern day. And while a solid understanding of the underlying issues is critical to redeeming the situation,
00:06:31
Speaker
It's also true that helpful tips, reframing, and advice is invaluable. And between us and all of your input, there is no shortage of fantastic stress-busting hacks, right Lindsay? Oh my goodness, that last episode, there was so much new information. And Michelle, I'm just so excited for us to share now some of the things that we've been doing in our own homes that we found some success with. So we've broken it into three different categories. And the first one is personal stress reduction combined with interpersonal relationships.
00:07:01
Speaker
The second is homemaking stress reduction. And then the third one is ways our faith can help. Yes. And last time we really dug into that first category of personal stress reduction, right? And that was such a good chat, like especially being able to learn a lot of that science behind sensory regulation and talk about some of the ways we can either try to help avoid or deal with overwhelm in the moment. That was a great conversation.
00:07:29
Speaker
So the second area where we could probably use some stress reduction is in our homemaking and in our own houses because we do spend a lot of time in there and we do, especially on the podcast, really emphasize making our homes work for us and for our families. And so if we are feeling overwhelmed in our own spaces, then this is a really critical area to take a look at and to keep on top of, right, Lindsay?
Impact of Home Environment on Stress
00:07:56
Speaker
Yes, and I really I firmly personally believe that our home is one of the greatest contributors either to stress or to peace. It really can shape our moods. Whether people want to admit that or not, it does impact our moods. We've done whole episodes where we've looked into the psychology of clutter and into all of that stuff.
00:08:15
Speaker
So we're not saying here that your house has to be perfect, but if it is stressing you out because there's stuff everywhere, that is something that you could take action on. And you probably could do some immediate things that could make a difference very quickly. And I know that right, just cleaning a closet, you feel this deep sense of satisfaction and peace from one tiny area cleaned.
00:08:38
Speaker
Right? So that would be the first thing that you and I both agree on is a tidy home and decluttering. And again, we're not saying a perfect home, a tidy home. A lot of things out of your eye view, especially if you can only do one room in the room that you sit down and relax in at night when your kids are in bed. That space, if you can make it pleasing and peace-filled, it really can have a significant impact on your stress level.
00:09:04
Speaker
Yeah and I was even thinking about when you were talking about even if you can just do a closet because you tend to want to go to the places that you declutter and so that I'm just visualizing like so many of us just sitting in our closet.
00:09:19
Speaker
as we both are right now recording. Yeah, and I decluttered it before Christmas actually, so it is quite pleasant to be sitting here right now. But I'm actually on a huge decluttering kick right now.
00:09:36
Speaker
I have done it over the years for sure. Anytime anyone challenges me on Instagram to declutter, I'm like, yes, sign me up. Your challenges always participate. And I love it. But something clicked for me after Christmas this year. And I was just like, get it out, get it all out of my house. I don't know what happened. I think I finally realized that the visual clutter was really making a big difference for me. Yeah.
00:10:01
Speaker
And that for right now, the realization was that a simple and easy to maintain home was what I really need in this season of life. I have to be able to tidy up and clean up quickly and for it to be really noticeable to affirm me after I clean it.
00:10:22
Speaker
And I need to be able to find things quickly and then be able to put them away without fussing. And I can't believe how many carloads I've taken to the thrift store since Christmas. And then I come home and still see how much stuff there is in here to sort through at my house. So I thought I had been pretty intentional and deliberate in bringing items in to the house and then decluttering.
00:10:47
Speaker
I really just think I've hit another level and I totally know what you're saying and 100% agree it really does so much for my stress levels to see spaces slowly but surely being very very pared down and then like replacing it eventually with very intentional a few but very meaningful things maybe around the house and the services and just leaving everything else off and away yes
00:11:15
Speaker
And I kind of wonder, as you're saying that, I'm like, I think I know what it was that made it click. You've been homeschooling for over a year now. And when you are using that space in that way, and homeschooling comes with so many materials, so many extra projects on the go and books open. It just, it really adds a lot of very necessary clutter, right? It has to be there. Your home is a school.
00:11:39
Speaker
And so I feel that maybe it was at that point where you're like, okay, it's a lot now. And I want to address this because so many of the messages we received are from fellow homeschooling moms who were like, how do you reduce the stress when you're a homeschooling mom? And so paring down, I know when I was homeschooling and we didn't even buy curriculums and like boxed curriculums and sets, but I bought so many things. I even had the cute polished white porcelain apple on my desk from HomeSense.
00:12:08
Speaker
I had a cute decorative pillow on my chair that had chalkboard writing on it and I bought all the things. And while it could look cute, it's just so many things and not to mention the maps and all of the things that the kids used.
00:12:24
Speaker
homeschooling undoubtedly comes with a lot of stuff. And so just really constantly staying on top of that, especially like how many green pencil crayons do you have right now? I bet you have 10, right? Oh my gosh. Yeah, so many and they're everywhere. Yep. And so I bet you think, well, I should at least have two minimums or two of the four kids could have a green pencil crayon if they need one.
00:12:47
Speaker
Oh, and just to translate for our American listeners, I realized they call them colored pencils, and we call them pencil crayons in Canadian. Canadianese. In Canadian. Yes. But I did want to address that, and maybe I'm wrong, but I just think that maybe that that's where it's really built up for you, where despite the little efforts, now you're like, okay, I'm ready.
00:13:09
Speaker
I think so. I think so because another thing that came with homeschooling is, so this is kind of a side branch of the conversation, but it's, there is no time for much else. Yes. Yes. Right. And so a lot of the things I would maybe hold onto would be like, well, maybe we'll use this or maybe we'll get to this, or I would like to do this. Very idealistic in my view of time and how much time we would have.
00:13:37
Speaker
And now you're right, after homeschooling for a year, I'm like, okay, we're really not using this. Or I really don't even want to bother with it. Yeah. And it's so hard to let it go. Yes. Like homeschool materials, I felt were the hardest. Like you're right. There's so many, like, for example, I bought a book in case my children wanted to design their own family shields, like, you know, like designing like, they're called shields and something else, crests.
00:14:01
Speaker
skills, all that stuff. Yeah. And I'm like, Oh, they're going to love this. No, they're my kids were never going to design there. I had to let that go. But these things that what they are is the idea of a future lesson and
00:14:14
Speaker
And so you do think I'm really reluctant to let these things go in a way that I'm not reluctant with other things. Yeah, exactly. And that you bring things into your home because you want to try them. But sometimes they even required a bit of investment. So then when you realize you're not going to use them, then what do you do?
00:14:33
Speaker
then that's a whole other ball game. So I think the double-edged sword that I've realized with this is that whatever is working right now, just don't look at anything else. Like blinders on, don't reinvent the wheel, bring nothing else in right now.
00:14:49
Speaker
And then just let the other things go even if you can't find someone else who is homeschooling that is really excited about using it because that always helps when you can pass it on to someone who you know is going to use it. But often that isn't the case.
00:15:04
Speaker
letting that go, letting board games go that I know we're probably not going to have interest in, but other homeschoolers really liked it or other families really liked it. It's just, and then knowing that once the homeschooling day is done, I would just like to do so many other things besides clean the house. And so the only option that I could see was
00:15:31
Speaker
minimizing the house. Because I can't like cut out parts of my kids education per se and I don't really want to because we enjoy that. And I don't really want to cut out any of the other life building and life giving things that we do either socially or alone time or anything like that. So the only other thing left to minimize was the stuff in my house. So that laundry and cleaning and everything was as simple and streamlined as it could possibly be.
00:15:59
Speaker
And that required me getting rid of so much stuff. So that's been a journey that I've been on. And like I said, I thought I was doing it before and I was, but it just increased all on its own. The intention behind it just really ramped up a little bit. I love that. And as you know, I purge regularly and often very publicly and share everything online. And even still like you, I still come home. I want like,
00:16:29
Speaker
50% of the stuff in my house gone. I want it gone. And even having it at the level I'm at, and I think our house is pretty minimal. I will say to those who are like, is this really doable? Does it really make an impact? I can clean my entire house. I mean, every square inch of it, two looking like model home cleanliness in eight hours because I know where everything goes.
00:16:50
Speaker
And that is still a long time to clean a house, but that's every room where it's done to perfection because every item in my house has a home and I walk it right to that home. And I never lose things except for my earbuds, which I just lost minutes before we recorded. Aside from, I know you're thinking that, Michelle.
00:17:09
Speaker
I was not, but no one needs to know. But yeah, everything else I know where it goes. So it is, I am huge team decluttering. And then like you said, being really intentional with the pieces that you do buy and bring back in.
00:17:29
Speaker
that leads into my next thing is falling in love with your home. Again, that's a message I've been sharing for years on social media. I have loved every place I've ever lived, whether it was in what I lovingly refer to as crack castle, the first place I lived in that was a castle slash crack house. As if the title implies, I only lived there for a couple months, but I had the cutest little room. And then all of my apartments leading up to the house we're in now. And I have loved every
00:17:57
Speaker
space. It didn't matter how small it was, how affordable it was, I just loved my home. And so I am a big believer in making things as beautiful as they can be within your budget, with shopping from things in your home, with just keeping them tidy. I need, and so does Jason, we have needed this entire 22 years together, a beautiful and peaceful place to relax in at night. It just really
00:18:22
Speaker
restores my soul at night after the chaos of the kids. So yeah, it's sometimes it's looked nicer than it does right now or other times it's looked worse, but it's always been the best we could do at that time. And I really feel satisfied knowing that I put in that effort to make our space beautiful.
00:18:41
Speaker
And I love that you talked about all the different phases that that has gone through, but the contentedness has remained steadfast throughout. And I wonder if that is directly tied to more of the effort than the specific results, right? If you are constantly and intentionally working on your home,
00:19:04
Speaker
and thinking about it and trying things and doing the work to implement things that you know will work for your family and that would make you happy and make you love your house, then I really think that even if you don't like finish that day or it's a work in progress or what have you, you are going to be able to sit down and you're going to look around and be really
00:19:26
Speaker
pleased with where you're sitting.
Finding Satisfaction in Homemaking
00:19:28
Speaker
And I love that about ourselves and about our homemaking, that it's kind of designed to work like that. And I have literally coached hundreds of women about homemaking over the years and they all respond with that. When they first start being intentional about it, that is the messages I get going, you know, I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but it felt so good to start the work.
00:19:49
Speaker
to try. It felt so good. And my husband came home and he noticed and we were so happy. And I'm like, okay, this works. I've seen it work in whatever level people are at. And that actually leads me to the next one, which is stop comparing your house and your self with others. We've done, I think, an
00:20:07
Speaker
episode on comparison, perhaps, or it was a big part of one of our episodes before. And a lot of people talk about this, but you have to remember, some people are years or decades ahead of where you are. I mean, financially, skill wise, how old their kids are. It's just, you know, we're in a very different place now. We are middle aged, Jason and I, and we're in a very different place with what we can do in our home than we were five years ago, 10 years ago,
00:20:36
Speaker
15 years ago, right? So not only do we have to remind ourselves that what we see on social media is filtered and edited and the best moments of our lives. Also, when we do see the things, other things, yeah, people are at all different points in that journey. So just be where you're at. And again, contentedness. I think that's such a key word. I have always felt content with wherever we're at.
00:20:59
Speaker
and very thankful for where we're at. And then if you master that at whatever stage you're at right now, I will promise you that as things get a little bit better and you get a little bit more money to go to HomeSense and buy something new or, you know, maybe redecorate a room, there is such a level of deep appreciation when you can do that because you've always been so thankful and so happy with whatever stage you've been at.
00:21:22
Speaker
You don't, there's not that quest for more and more and more. You're just so thankful when you get to move up to a little bit to the next stage. Well, it's like that saying, right? Comparison is the thief of joy. Yep. And we, we have also referred to that quote often because it's so true. And I think stress when it comes from our house,
00:21:43
Speaker
comes from that double whammy of like trying to do something you've seen somewhere else without the thought behind it of whether that's truly what you want to work towards, whether that truly is what's going to be your taste or work with where you're at in your life and you're trying to force this square peg into a round hole. And when you stop doing that and you just look around
00:22:08
Speaker
and you appreciate what you have to work with and then you actually do work with it, I think that's very natural to see how it breeds joy and contentedness. And those things, even as you're saying it, your stress level comes down, right? And it's like, it's all going to be okay. This is just, this is my place and I delight in working at it. And then there's no stress about it in that sense. That's right.
00:22:34
Speaker
The other thing is, if you can't even redecorate or do any of that more expensive work right now, I still am, and I say this all the time, a huge fan of sensory things. We joke sensual because I still haven't found another word. I think it is just sensory. Sensory, okay. You guys know what I mean. The five senses plus those other three that we just learned about.
00:22:59
Speaker
Always learning something new. So the eight senses, but you want good smells. You know, again, for me, it's lighting. I talk about lighting all the time. And as you guys know, there's lamps everywhere in my house. I've been doing this for years. All of my lights are on dimmers. I have multiple light sources designed into each room.
00:23:21
Speaker
Um, I, you know, I worked at pure one for 11 years, so candles are my thing. Um, so it's just like, yeah, lighting and smells and just sensory things. You talked before Michelle about loving good throws, right? Like having a nice throw on the couch and really feeling what that feels like. So yeah, those things, you usually have things in your house that would work to just make things smell. And I'm talking about smell a little bit better because
00:23:48
Speaker
Because we have kids, and cats, and dogs, and animals, and yeah, sometimes you have to work on that. But anyways, sensory things. Yes, and that really goes along with the sensory inputs that we talked about last time, right? About the overstimulation because of too much input in our senses.
00:24:09
Speaker
So paying attention to the positive ways we can use our senses to reduce our stress will also really help.
Lighting and Stress Management
00:24:18
Speaker
I also, I love what you're saying about lighting. And I'm, I'm constantly trying to incorporate that in our house as well, because I used to think that I was being ridiculous about lights, overhead lights, especially on dark days and into the evenings.
00:24:36
Speaker
I just don't like them on for long periods of time. I do end up feeling very agitated after a while. And I really just thought, you know, well, either I didn't think it was the lights or that it was just me. And if the daylight is decent, I just chose to never have lights on in the house.
00:24:58
Speaker
So it does help. It helps when I can just live by lamplight in the evenings. The other people in my house happen to like lights. So I have to compromise. They like to see things. They like to see what they're doing. And I'm like, no, just go with the feelings.
00:25:23
Speaker
But yeah, modifying the way you light your house, I can totally see how it would help. And that is definitely a work in progress still for us too. And I'm going to say too, I actually don't think I ever use our overhead lights in the evening. Like it's a rare day that I turn those on. And the ones that we do have are all on dimmers. And even with lamps, if you can get a trilite lamp, so they write, they click on three times, low, medium, high. I never put it on high. All of my lamps, if they're trilite, are on the lowest one.
00:25:52
Speaker
And I always buy warm bulbs. Warm bulbs. All the warm lights. All the warm lights, the candlelight, the dimmers. Yeah. It makes a huge difference in my stress level too, like you're saying. You really wind down at night with that type of lighting.
00:26:06
Speaker
So that actually that made me kind of wonder about some people use only red lights. Yes. Yeah, that's a whole thing too. At night. Yeah. Is that for stress reduction? Yeah. And it's just, yeah, it's supposed to help them fall asleep too, right? It's as natural as we can get to living by candlelight. And you and I have joked before about in our imagination episode about like the candle holder carrying it up the stairs to bedtime. I have done that many a night where I try to just turn off all the lights and we live by candlelight. Again, like your family, my family really isn't
00:26:35
Speaker
fully on board with living by candlelight every night. And we don't understand why they won't get on board. I don't understand, but yeah, that makes a huge difference.
00:26:46
Speaker
So right in this line, we got a message from listener at KT Berkey on Instagram.
Listener Insights on Reducing Stress
00:26:53
Speaker
And she said that she stopped buying things that she doesn't need, right? That's what we're saying. And I was thinking that, yeah, you know what? It's kind of contradictory because sometimes shopping does feel like a stress relief in the moment. It feels really good to buy a few things online or in a store. But I feel like it passes very quickly. The aftermath.
00:27:13
Speaker
often doesn't feel as good, right? When you think, oh, I shouldn't have spent that money or where are we going to put that or, or that kind of thing. So just being really, really careful with those decisions. Yeah. And it is so good because it really is that second side of the decluttering coin, not bringing more stuff in once you take the other stuff out. And yeah, trying to force myself to do this, um, during the more intense decluttering process,
00:27:39
Speaker
and finding out how unpleasant it is to have to part with things, how tedious it is to get things back to where they belong. Even, I'll go one step further, that I'm actually finding I have to be much more intentional about what I borrow from people.
00:27:57
Speaker
because I have, as I've been decluttering, figuring out I have brought stuff in not from shopping necessarily, but from very kind and generous people who want to lend me things. And then sometimes they get misplaced or
00:28:12
Speaker
I just haven't returned them in so long. And I'm forcing myself to go through this process as quickly as possible to get them back, these items back to where they belong. And it is so hard. It's so tedious to have to arrange all this that I'm really learning about just how intentional you can be when you're letting things in, whether it is your own shopping habits or even borrowing things from people. And if you are going to bring things in,
00:28:42
Speaker
calculating beforehand the effort it's going to, you're going to have to set aside to make sure those things find a home either in your own house or get back to their previous owners. Yep. Items cause stress. They just do. Especially borrowed things and thinking, what if I break this thing? What if my kids touch it? Like, oh my goodness, when I had your ring light for the one thing I was doing on Instagram and that was sitting in my closet forever. And I'm like, someone's going to break this. Someone's going to break her light. And I couldn't get it back to you forever.
00:29:10
Speaker
And so always in the back of your mind, you've got this running list of things and that certainly adds to stress on that. We might not even recognize the stress. Okay. So when it comes to again, knowing yourself, your temperament and what you're able to actually do in this season of your life, one of the things that I've talked a lot about and other people have is just the idea if something is clean enough.
00:29:34
Speaker
Um, that's something I believe in and there are times where my house can be absolutely sparkling and there's a lot of times that i'm like nope It's good enough. It's it really is and I am naturally a perfectionist I've had to work on myself to say that it's clean enough and i've got a soul sister here on instagram at terra nastasia I think uh, she said she's also trying to learn how to deal with what she called almost perfect um as she's trying to calm down her perfectionist tendencies and I totally understand that
00:30:03
Speaker
Any effort is better than no effort. And again, we're saying that the reward in that is you do feel like you've taken steps forward and that very action can reduce your stress load. And when you have that kind of mentality too, I find that you end up getting through more than you thought you would. And then it is really rewarding. Like you are pleasantly surprised at the end of the day when you sit down and you're happy that you
00:30:31
Speaker
didn't allow yourself to get held up by the perfectionist in you and just not even bothered if you knew you weren't going to be able to get every single thing done on your list. And you just decided to start and see where you end up and whatever, like we were saying about even the satisfaction of putting in effort period, that you did put in effort so things will have gotten done.
00:30:57
Speaker
And you're going to sit down at the end of the day and look around and not only realize that it was more than you expected, but you're going to be happy and fulfilled in like you worked at it. And I think that is almost feels better in some case, in some sense, than having a perfect house.
00:31:16
Speaker
One of the things you and I realized we're getting so many messages over the last week is how much people still loved our opening and closing of homes episode. I feel like that one just touched so many people and it was one that really made a concrete impression on people where a lot of people really took information from that and started doing it in their own houses.
00:31:35
Speaker
And my kids, my older kids are getting to the age where they will happily give me little reviews on my motherhood now, which I love. Actually, it's fine. They sit down like, okay, tell me, give it to me straight. What have I screwed up on? What am I doing well at? A little report card. And my daughter, she just said the other day, I have to tell you,
00:31:53
Speaker
that I have loved that you and dad clean every night and that we all come down to a clean house every morning." I'm like, what? I wasn't expecting that. She said, I feel so much more peaceful and less stressed when I come down in the morning before school because they come down really early, like before 7.30 in the morning. And she's like, and I come down to our clean kitchen and main floor. She said it just sets her brain in the right way in order for her to go out and do grade 11 in high school. And I was like,
00:32:19
Speaker
Thank you. Like it's just so getting that little bit of feedback that our kids do see it and appreciate it. You don't get that when they're four and five and six, but let me tell you, I just got that the other day from my 16 year old and it made all of my efforts worth it. Oh my goodness. That is worth it. So another area in terms of our homemaking that can really help reduce stress is really being discerning about if and where you can delegate tasks and
00:32:47
Speaker
or ask for help or pay for help if you're able to. I've actually found this very helpful not just in my homemaking but again to go back to homeschooling for a minute and how to mitigate stress in homeschool. This year, just this year, we have really sought out some areas where I can delegate the teaching of certain subjects.
00:33:09
Speaker
for my kids. So we have four kids. I do feel like I cheat a little bit because they're twins in the middle. So I only teach three grades, even though there's four kids. Yeah, I know I'm sneaky that way. But it is a lot. And even though they're just starting to be independent, my oldest is pretty independent. The younger three still need quite a lot of hands on help.
00:33:35
Speaker
So one thing that we've tried to really do is to try to see if there's room in our budget this year to offload some of the courses to online courses. And so for the younger three kids, we've been doing Savvy Reading, which is an online live tutoring class for reading Monday through to Thursday every week.
00:33:57
Speaker
For half an hour, they meet with a small group online with a teacher, and they go through reading at their grade level. And I have found that such a massive help, and it has been worth it for us to try to budget for this year. I don't know if this will be an every year thing, and I think all homeschoolers understand the idea that you kind of take stock and modify every year as you go.
00:34:22
Speaker
But it serves that purpose for sure for taking reading off of my personal plate of subjects I have to teach. It also helps reduce my stress because for this particular instance, I scheduled the class at the beginning of the day. And so it keeps that routine for me. So the day doesn't actually get away from me first thing in the morning. They start the day at 830 with their reading class.
00:34:45
Speaker
and the school day progresses from there. For me, routine and falling out of routine can be stressful. So this definitely helps to mitigate the stress and I have found that of benefit. And then the other way that I've delegated subjects is actually getting some help in math. So I have found it really helpful for the kids to be able to take a bit of independence with aid
00:35:11
Speaker
and kind of offload that stress. It kind of has cut my stress level in half when it comes to homeschooling. We tried to find ways to make that work. I know not everyone may be in a financial place that they can do things like that for homeschooling and for curriculum. I took on a bit of extra teaching at our co-op, our classical conversations program that helped to mitigate costs in other areas that we could
00:35:40
Speaker
like outsource here and there and we've, you know, borrowed from entertainment funds to help support this area because that's what we need right now as a family. And just being able to work through that and be honest with ourselves about what we can do, what we need help with.
00:36:00
Speaker
and trying to figure out if there is a way to make it work, to delegate and to ask for help when we need it has been really instructive for me. I didn't want to have to ask for help or admit that it felt good to not have to worry about aspects of my kids homeschooling. But it really was worth it. I love that you did that. And I never even looked into those programs because I thought they were so financially out of reach for us when I was homeschooling.
00:36:29
Speaker
And I wish I would have, and at least I could have made an informed decision then, right? And been like, okay, like you guys, maybe we won't spend here and we'll put that in there. But I just didn't even look into them. And I do feel like then I removed an option for myself without even trying. So it is worth.
00:36:45
Speaker
pricing some of those things out and going, OK, yeah, like my youngest really struggled with reading for a long time. She really could have benefited from that. And maybe we didn't need the help in something else. But I really shot myself in the foot by not even looking into them. So I think that that's wonderful in the same vein, but a little different. We had a lot of people also tell us that they have hired cleaners recently. And there is, I think, a guilt and a stigma attached to why I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep my house clean.
00:37:12
Speaker
There is nothing wrong with having someone come in and help with your housework, if you can afford it and it's been worked into your budget. I think that that's totally fine. And so there were a lot of women who said that that has significantly reduced their stress level, maybe for a short period of their life, maybe it's for longer, who knows? I remember when my mom first started having a cleaning lady, she always worked full time, you know, with three kids. And I remember my mom telling me that as we were becoming teenagers, she was coming home on a Friday and wanting to cry because she knew she had to clean all weekend.
00:37:42
Speaker
Like it ruined her day on Friday every single time. And my parents, as I've always said, no one is cleaner. Okay. Like that house was smallest, but she knew that that was going to take away her whole weekend. And so they found a local lady for a great price and it really significantly helped my mom and dad for all those years. And so that is definitely out there. If you need help.
00:38:04
Speaker
by all means. Again, I've never even looked into it. I don't even know what cleaning costs. I'm starting to consider if I want to do cleaning for people on the flip side to make a little money for my family and because I'd love to gift that to others. Um, but yeah, I've never even looked into it. So I think I can sit here and be like,
00:38:20
Speaker
I don't have my house cleaned right up, but I've never even looked into it. Maybe it's something we could do. I have friends who just have it done before they host Christmas, right? They go out for the whole day. They have two people come in. How awesome would that be? Like that's a great... Oh my gosh. That's brilliant. Yeah. A Christmas gift to yourself, being like, I don't want anything else. I'd rather have somebody come in and do a deep clean right before Christmas. And then there you go. You can enjoy Christmas in a way you might not be able to otherwise.
00:38:46
Speaker
delegate the help and ask for or pay for help if you can. Yes, if you can. And I remember Kendra Tierney, who writes on her blog Catholic All Year, she wrote about this once, where she discusses how at one point, and she was really in the thick of homeschooling all her kids at this point,
00:39:07
Speaker
She realized she could either have someone spend time with her kids so that she could get the housework done, or she could have someone come to help her with her housework so that she could spend more time with her kids. And she, for herself, opted to ask someone to help with the housework, but acknowledged that it was really for everyone to decide for themselves which area they would like to delegate and what would help them the most. And I remember
00:39:32
Speaker
that really sticking with me and really striking me as I'm like, that is so intentional. That was such an on purpose decision that she made. And I want to address our listeners who are working women, working moms. We will talk about you guys a little bit later, but I know a bunch of you did write to me saying that you've hired cleaners because you're not going to work all day and then miss out on your time with your kids at night. Same thing, right?
00:39:57
Speaker
And absolutely. And so that totally makes sense to me too, because you do have to choose like everyone keeps saying you can't, no one can keep all the balls in the air or all the plates spinning. And so if something has to drop, right, if you have to choose priorities, I know that the common thread through all of the moms that wrote me was spending time with their kids.
00:40:16
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. And you said it last time too, that just the reminder that we were never meant to do everything, let alone on our own. And you've also said many times on the podcast, like throughout history even, that was usually not the case.
00:40:35
Speaker
that most of the time there was either family very close by that was in a similar situation as you and everyone was kind of helping everyone else out or people had help and so that was a very different lifestyle and circumstance and so even today it shouldn't be probably too far outside of our realm of possibility to seek out external help if we really need it.
00:41:02
Speaker
Okay, so finally, and we would probably both say most importantly, are ways that our faith has helped both you and I, Michelle, in trying to minimize and dare I say overcome our everyday stresses.
Faith, Exercise, and Stress Reduction
00:41:18
Speaker
The church has so many wonderful devotions and
00:41:22
Speaker
things that we can do and learn and read about and access that can really help us. God wants us to live abundant lives. He wants us to be peace-filled and rooted in the peace of Christ and joy-filled mothers. He doesn't want us frazzled and short with everybody. And at our breaking point, that's the last thing God the Father wants, right? And I mean, it can start right there with that fatherly relationship.
00:41:50
Speaker
when you start your day in prayer. I've said this before, I try to imagine God sitting on the couch with me as my dad. And I'm just saying, these are all the things I'm feeling, dad. This is everything I want to do, right? Abba, father. And of course, as a loving father, he wants to help reduce any of that stress on me so that I can just pour out his love to my family.
00:42:12
Speaker
Nothing else matters if I'm not pouring out the love of God to my family. I have to just have that radiating from me and we need, well, I need supernatural help to do that.
00:42:24
Speaker
Oh yeah, for sure. Like there's a lot in our lives that we can definitely take control of ourselves, but sometimes we, well, all the time, we need grace to do the really big things that are going to make a difference. So it really is holistic in the sense of even bringing our soul into the equation, our soul and our body and our minds having to work together to bring balance in our lives and reduce that stress even from a faith perspective.
00:42:54
Speaker
Now one of the things, so my word of the year is heal. And I am just learning now, this is, I can't believe how I'm just learning this now, but that the church, you know, her sacraments are meant to heal us physically, mentally, spiritually. Like they have all of the essential elements within the reception of the sacraments to heal us. And that means stress, right? Stress takes its toll on us over the years. It compounds and all of the stuff. So one of the sacraments that I think is essential
00:43:24
Speaker
for Catholic women is regular confession. It is just, let's bring all that into the confessional. It's not a counseling session, right? But we want to go in and just list those areas where we've been impatient, where we've snapped, all of those things. And we will get grace
00:43:41
Speaker
that will continue then to compound in the good way, in the right direction and helping us combat those feelings or those habits that maybe we've built up that contribute to our stress. So your spiritual director and mine, I know he wanted like his direct ease going every two weeks.
00:44:00
Speaker
right? At the very minimum once a month. And I know for a lot of people, it can actually be stressful to go to confession, right? It really is something that seems so contrary to our humanness to have to go and do that. But tell me a person who doesn't walk out of there feeling like they just haven't had their soul washed. It is like so
00:44:21
Speaker
stress relieving when it's finally done. So yay to confession. Yay. Yeah. It is like, um, it's like spiritual decluttering, right? It's offloading all of the stuff, letting go of what is cluttering or blocking out your relationship with God to make room for that grace. Um, that grace that's going to help us lead virtuous lives, become closer to God, which will bring us peace. Right? So if we take a look at it in that sense, I mean,
00:44:52
Speaker
Yes, confession is hard to convince ourselves to go to sometimes, but so is decluttering our physical things. And we have to go through that process. So are other things that, you know, we're going to feel really good and that's going to contribute to overall
00:45:09
Speaker
happiness and health, like exercising. I know I harp on exercise, but really it is hard to get up and start working out. But like you were just saying, I don't know very many people who finish a workout and say, well, I feel worse than before I started. And it's the same with confession too, right? You have to go to spiritually declutter your soul and to leave space for that grace to come in.
00:45:37
Speaker
And then piggybacking right off there is a house blessing. I believe that our house has also become spiritually cluttered, that our efforts to overcome venial sin and times when mortal sins happen within our house, I believe that that builds up and you can feel it. I'm talking from personal experience every year by epiphany. I feel a layer of heaviness in my house. Dare I say darkness sometimes. And we're trying so hard as a family to live virtuous lives,
00:46:07
Speaker
Of course, these things are going to pile up. And so this is why the church traditionally has a very special epiphany house blessing. Now, this is not something done in the post Vatican II, but I have since learned, we go to a Novus Ordo Mass currently, that priest, he's like, I've never heard of it, never done one, happy to do it. What do I do? He was so willing to learn how to give us an epiphany house blessing. And in that one, there is a really deep cleaning that happens in the house.
00:46:37
Speaker
cough cough exorcism the priest does as he goes room to room and I the So we've had it done every year for years now But there was a year one or two years ago that Jason likes to tell people about where after the priest left the next day We hadn't really said anything to each other and then one of us said to the other Do you feel like a lightness in the house and the other one was like yeah
00:47:00
Speaker
yes I wasn't gonna say anything and I was like I wasn't gonna say anything but we both physically felt a difference in the house so you and I believe in the realities of spiritual attacks and oppression and that there's a whole battle going on that we can't see and so just like confession clears that pathway in our souls our houses can be blessed at any time by a priest yeah and it's important to do that to like
00:47:28
Speaker
Yeah, I just can't believe how the physical world and the spiritual world are so linked sometimes and even in the effect they have on our mental state and our emotional wellbeing and things like that. It really is like cleaning house.
00:47:44
Speaker
on different levels, essentially. And we have had the house blessing done, the epiphany house blessing done. We had a priest come in and went through every single room. And before the priest arrived, I was like frantic cleaning every single room in my house. That was kind of stressful, admittedly. But yeah, afterwards, it just felt like everything was cleared out. It was like a whoosh almost. It is a whoosh. Yeah.
00:48:12
Speaker
So it really is beneficial. I also recommend it if people are wanting that for their house as well. On the spiritual level, house blessing is such a gift from the church to have a priest come and to bless it for us.
00:48:28
Speaker
And I think I'm correct in saying this. Even if our non-Catholic listeners are listening and they're interested, I do believe a priest will come because it's not a sacrament. I do believe a priest will come and bless a non-Catholic house if the people are willing and open to it. It's worth calling your local parish. So if that's something you're interested in, there's no harm in asking. I think it is one of those things priests will do as an act of goodwill for anybody. And if you have any further questions, you guys can write to us about it.
00:48:56
Speaker
Yeah and then the next thing when we've done a whole episode on this that significantly has impacted the stress levels in my house and just helped us feel peace and joy is that daily rosary. I'll say it over and over and over again we are at oh gosh
00:49:14
Speaker
almost 11 or 12 years of praying a daily rosary and through every stage and i will just reiterate this because i know people are like but we have a baby we did it through a baby and a newborn and two toddlers and we've done it through everything through vacations through hospitalizations we've like like facetimed each other
00:49:34
Speaker
Everything, we've done it through everything. And if there's one thing that I know, even after the longest day, even when you don't want to, when those children are tucked into bed and Jason and I sit in their beds and we pray Rosary, just like there is a collective sigh of relief that just comes from all of us because of that routine, that commitment we have to that devotion, the promises of our lady, it just feels like it is such a major stress reliever. So daily Rosary.
00:50:04
Speaker
Because I think one of the many things that the Rosary does for us is it refocuses us. And especially to end the day, refocusing together as a family on the life of Christ and meditating on the life of Christ, which is what the Rosary is. It's a prayerful meditation on the life of Christ. I mean, he's the Prince of Peace.
00:50:27
Speaker
So you're like dedicating consistently at least at least 15 minutes every day by praying a family rosary and a daily rosary by in your house and in your space then refocusing on the source of peace itself. I don't know what else we could
00:50:45
Speaker
recommend to ourselves to reduce stress than to meditate on the Prince of Peace. And I know what you're saying because we are on, I don't know how many years now, maybe a third or fourth year of a daily family rosary.
00:51:03
Speaker
Um, and my kids ask for it now all the time. Yeah. Like they're like, are we praying the rosary or on the nights where even I will admit that I'm hoping everyone else kind of forgot because I'll pray it by myself, but sometimes to keep the kids up even later, like it's already a late night or something like that, but no one ever regrets it at the end of it. It really sets the tone and brings everyone's like the blood pressure goes down and
00:51:32
Speaker
Sometimes we're all sitting together. Sometimes we're kneeling together at one of our home altars. Sometimes the kids are in bed. Sometimes they're lying on me. Sometimes we're in the car. Sometimes we're in the car driving. Yeah, so it doesn't have to be rigid in how you do it every single day. But yeah, just the practice and the devotion of it does bring forth such fruits of peace.
00:51:57
Speaker
And I know it actually leads perfectly into the next one because I know some of our listeners are like, there is nothing peaceful about trying to pray with a bunch of little kids who are crawling all over the place. Well, let's talk about detachment. And this is perfect because there is this holy detachment from the idea of how things are supposed to look, right? It's just going...
00:52:18
Speaker
you know what it's they might be crawling all over the place but it's about how you center your own heart during that time and they they might be getting up and getting a glass of water um they're gonna be wriggly they're children but there is this umbrella that goes over the family this piece that you might not even feel in the moment right you and i are like we can feel it now because we're really in the habit but just if you guys start praying and you're like i'm not feeling that there is a promise of that and i do believe it grows over time and um
00:52:47
Speaker
but so yeah in the moment it might not feel like it but you need to detach from your ideas sometimes about what it's going to feel like or what to expect in that and then just detachment in general there is oh my goodness if there's one thing I've really learned over these last couple years is
00:53:02
Speaker
to detach from those things that are not life enhancing, that are not serving me well. We talked earlier about how that really came into play in my 40s, but just spiritually this idea of detaching from things that are not properly ordered in my life and then attaching to the things that are properly ordered, right?
00:53:22
Speaker
our faith life, God, husband, children, my vocation, all of those things. So a detachment. Now we have done, again, an entire episode. Michelle, we have quite the library of past episodes that cover a lot of tall things. Yeah. So there is an episode where we go a lot deeper into what detachment looks like. But yeah, it's a key one for me of going this, again, big things, little things. Is this worth me being emotional about? No, I'm going to detach from it. I'm going to let it go.
00:53:51
Speaker
And I find that goes really well with like the next thing that we were kind of talking about and thinking about with surrendering to God's will, because that also takes detachment.
Spiritual Practices to Relieve Stress
00:54:03
Speaker
That is also letting go of your ideals to make room for the ideal that only truly matters, which is God's, right? Because when we do let go of both the little things in our everyday life, that definitely mitigates stress.
00:54:21
Speaker
We let it go because we have that trust that God's got this. And no matter what, if we're placing our trust in Him and His providence, we'll be taken care of. And so on a bigger life level, because sometimes the life stress can become overwhelming, when we have that detachment because of the trust we have in God's providence and goodness, then we can let go of those things too.
00:54:46
Speaker
And they all work together to kind of purge us of what our own ideas are for how things are supposed to look so that it can make room for how they're actually supposed to be. And when you're living God's will for your life, there's no stress in that.
00:55:02
Speaker
right? There might be challenges, there might be difficulties, but there's not like... Yeah, it doesn't promise that there's not those things. That's right. Yeah, it's not easy, but there's less of that conflict, that inner conflict or angst or tension of, I know I could spend forever agonizing over decisions and choices and wondering if I made the right one or the wrong one or, you know,
00:55:29
Speaker
You know, I wanted to do this but it's not looking like that and I'm doing all the right things Why isn't it working all that type of stuff? let it go and let God do his thing in your life you just keep walking and Let it happen and that and as another form of spiritual decluttering is extremely powerful Mm-hmm. I mean you talk about delegation. I want to give control to God You know what God you say you can handle it you say to put all my burdens on you and
00:55:59
Speaker
All right, here you go. Yeah, I'm going to give you all of the stresses. I'm just learning what that really looks like. And again, we've talked about this in past episodes that you can read those words in scripture and then I'm like, but what does that really mean? Like you really want to take it all? Like I can like all cast all of my burdens at your feet, like all of them.
00:56:20
Speaker
And so he just like, yeah, give it to me because his power is made perfect in our weakness, right? And so, yeah, if I want to delegate anything, maybe I can't have a house cleaner, maybe I can't get extra help with my kids' education, but I certainly can ask God to swoop in and to become in control of my life.
00:56:39
Speaker
It takes a daily surrendering. There's the surrender novena. Some people recommend it that they love that one. But just if nothing else, and this is Catholic listeners, Christian listeners, people, agnostics who are wondering about this, wait, start your day. The first words out of your mouth are, Lord, I'll give you this day. Whatever happens, good or bad, it is all yours. And then as you develop that closeness, that relationship with God, where you continue to practice surrendering it to Him, you will feel stirred on what to do next.
00:57:07
Speaker
you will start to pick up on those cues from the Holy Spirit, right? And when we put all that trust in God, yeah, we can let go of the doubt and the second guessing. We can go, nope, it's truly in God's hands. Jesus take the wheel as prophet Carrie Underwood once said.
00:57:29
Speaker
as she said so musically, so beautifully. And actually, you know what? That's exactly what listener at mhabs4 said and reminded us that we aren't meant to understand everything and to lay it at Jesus's feet, right?
00:57:47
Speaker
And I find even for the little minutia of the day when it's starting to stress me out, I will go as far with the task as I can in my own mind or action. But you're right when I've reached that limit or I have to move on to the next thing.
00:58:01
Speaker
I've actually started to practice saying out loud something like, Jesus, I don't know what to do about this. Or Jesus, I don't know how to handle this, but it's stressing me out. Please handle this for me. And in the meantime, give me grace, give me peace.
00:58:17
Speaker
And then I move on and I don't worry about it until the Holy Spirit brings it up again. And that's what you're saying too. And I love this. If it is imminent or important, He will bring it up again. And it will be exactly in the right context that it can be dealt with well.
00:58:34
Speaker
and fully in the moment. Because what parent wouldn't respond with love and tenderness when their kid says, I am stressed right now, mom. You know, your teacher, your young adult saying if they come to you and pour that out and say, I am so stressed, can I get some help right now? My goodness, what we wouldn't do to relieve that burden from them.
00:58:54
Speaker
We are so beautiful in our vulnerability and so just being really open about that with God and then God will often direct us to then to maybe be open with our spouse like that, the person we are one flesh with, right? But you can take it to God first and then just learning, getting into that practice of surrendering, of being tender hearted about being open to that. I just think it just helps us grow so much as people.
00:59:21
Speaker
So right in this line of thinking, one of our beloved listeners, Sarah at Sweet Spontaneity, she asks herself, is this worth my peace, right? When she's starting to feel stressed. And I think that's a great metric to go by. And so I know she would take it to prayer as well, but just that idea, yeah, is this worth my peace?
00:59:41
Speaker
I think that so many times we focus on the stress part, the negative, instead of saying what will give me peace. They are two different things, right? So I just love looking at it in that context. Oh, I love that. And then to go along with that in terms of putting things into proper context and proper perspective, you know, we talk also about looking to the lives of the saints.
01:00:03
Speaker
for inspiration and for perspective. They're so good for that. It's so helpful because sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees. We're in so deep in the middle of whatever we're living that we can't visualize the big picture.
01:00:20
Speaker
And even if we're normally good at trying to see this big picture, we can get bogged down with things and emotions and prejudices where we don't see what could be happening. Having the Holy Spirit speak through the lives of these people who lived virtuous lives.
01:00:37
Speaker
and who really ran the race well, they do help us to step back and see things from God's view, what they underwent, what they had to deal with in their challenges, and how they kept the focus on what truly matters. To see things from God's view is always way less stressful than my view.
01:00:58
Speaker
Yeah. And then, yeah, just these lives of the saints, they inspire that renewed focus on God's view as the only thing that really gives peace. And it's like stress reducing dynamite, really. Yes.
01:01:15
Speaker
And then finally, listener at a Catholic Carol said that she resets her priorities. And I think that that's the right thing to do after you shift your perspective, after you regain your perspective, after you start looking at things through God's eyes. And I think you and I love this because we believe that you can reset your priorities every day if you want. That's right. There's no end to brand new beginnings. So, you know, everywhere.
01:01:39
Speaker
That's right. So reset your perspective, look at things through God's eyes, shift all that around, and then start again. You can start again right now and employ some of these things to help reduce your stress.
Challenges for Working Moms
01:01:55
Speaker
Okay so I do want to pay a little special attention to our listeners who do work outside of the home and it goes without saying that having a job, even one that you love and enjoy and like really want to go to every day, it still adds a whole other layer of stress.
01:02:10
Speaker
Now, I asked working moms to share tips on how they've improved their work-life balance and some things that they've done for stress production. At Annalisa4321 brought up a great point, and she said, balance requires routine and discipline. She goes on to say, this can be difficult to adhere to when flexibility is needed. Now, this idea of having a set routine, a strong sense of discipline seems to be key throughout the responses we got from working moms.
01:02:36
Speaker
Now, the truth is whether we like it or not, we know that mothers, women in general do carry the lion's share of the mental load of running a home. This was revealed to me over and over and over again. And it's, it's an every post about the sort of thing. We actually did an episode again on this called emotional labor, and it is worth checking out.
01:02:56
Speaker
Now, one dear friend of mine shared that in order to have her home life run as smoothly as possible, she has to take the time and she writes out everything in great detail for her husband. She even gathers together the items they need for their extracurricular activities. They're ready to go at the door.
01:03:12
Speaker
This is the only way she can feel less stress herself. She has a very stressful job. She has one of the highest stress jobs out there. And her sharing this with me about how she feels like she needs to do all of that really struck a chord because I know she's not alone in doing that. I know there's a lot of you listening right now who are like,
01:03:29
Speaker
Yeah, if I'm the one who has to work outside the home, I have to do all of this extra work to make sure everything's running smoothly at home. And I just want to say that I'm really familiar with that world, and I do really have a heart for you women who are doing all of that work. And another thing that a lot of those women express to me is that they feel like they are dropping one ball while trying to catch another, that they're a jack of all trades but master of none, and that they constantly feel like they have to prove themselves not only at work, but also at home.
01:03:58
Speaker
And right, they have to prove that they've made the right decision or that they can handle both things well. And gosh, that's heavy. A lot of them just feel like the idea of balance, that word, that idea is truly elusive. But a lot of them, it has forced a lot of them to be more open with their husbands and with their families asking for help. And I think that that's great.
01:04:21
Speaker
They've really realized that they need that. But a lot of them too feel guilty if they have a little bit of time and they need to recharge because they feel like if they're at work most of the day that all of their spare time should be spent with their kids. So then they don't know how to work in that little bit of time for themselves.
01:04:36
Speaker
And I think that that's really important to think about as well. So if this is you, we see you. Michelle and I see you. You were part of our thought process with this whole thing. And we do hope that many of the suggestions that we gave in this episode will work for women in all different seasons and stages of life.
01:04:55
Speaker
I agree. I have a lot of friends and family who work outside the home. And I like what you were saying about how we hope that the things in these episodes, they were shared by a lot of different women on different paths and different walks of life. We're all different in different phases of our life and stages.
01:05:13
Speaker
And hearing that all of us share similar struggles in this one area of life and have found creative ways to come at it from all different angles, from a physical level, from a homemaking level, from a faith level, from a stay at home level and a working outside the home level.
01:05:32
Speaker
That should unite all of us in at least this comfort and this relief of knowing that this is not a solitary struggle. It's not a unique challenge to just us and that we're not alone in it and just know for ourselves that even our smallest efforts reap huge rewards.
01:06:01
Speaker
Okay, it's time for our What We're Loving This Week segment of the show. So, Lindsay, what have you been loving this week? Okay, Michelle, this is special because it's a three for one. And I'll try to keep this short, but it'll make sense in a minute. Okay, I have a three for one, too. You're kidding me! No, I'm not. This is amazing. Amazing.
01:06:27
Speaker
So I read three books during that time warp week after Christmas and before New Year's and I had no idea when I selected these three novels that they would all work so well together, telling one seemingly universal tale of womanhood traversing over different seasons of life through trials and sin, virtue, life, death, and motherhood.
01:06:47
Speaker
So I first read The End of the Affair by Graham Greene. It was written in 1951 and it takes the reader back into the Second World War and its aftermath. It follows the marriage of Sarah and Henry Miles. I was hesitant to read it at first because I don't like forms of entertainment that glamorize infidelity but this was recommended to me by so many women of faith that I had to trust them and I'm so glad I did and I'm so thankful that I stuck with this book to the very end and that is all I'll say about The End of the Affair.
01:07:17
Speaker
The second book was The Awakening by Kate Choppin. It's a late Victorian novel written in 1891 and it was quite risque for its time and considered very feminist even today. We again have a married couple as the foremost characters but soon the plot centers in on Edna and a young man. I found it hard to feel any sympathy at all towards Edna and again I won't spoil anything but this book is an emotional read
01:07:43
Speaker
And it is beautifully written and descriptive. I feel like I was transported back to New Orleans in the late 1800s when I read it. And finally I read, based again on the recommendations of many women I trust, Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry.
01:07:59
Speaker
Now, this isn't a classic and I had no idea when it was written when I read it. I'm actually shocked to discover right now when I was doing my research that it was written in 2004. What? Yes! Yes! Oh, I thought it was like a timeless like way back when classic.
01:08:16
Speaker
Okay. Timeless is the next word I use. I said it is a timeless work of fiction. Okay. But it is. It seems, yeah, just out of time. Like it just is so beautiful. And it's part of a series of books by Barry that follow the lives of the residents of the imaginary town of Port William. I absolutely loved this book and I plan on visiting the other residents of Port William soon.
01:08:40
Speaker
So to sum it all up, these three books have women at different stages of life. One chose childlessness. One is a mother who is completely detached from her offspring. And one devotes it all to her husband and children. Each book is an intimate glimpse into the hearts and minds of these women. And I see bits of myself and bits of every woman I know in them for good and for ill.
01:09:02
Speaker
and I just have to say I highly recommend all three. I love learning about those three books. I've actually seen all three of them referenced in like pop culture or online discussions at different points like you were saying Hannah Coulter is very often talked about in our
01:09:20
Speaker
online, especially the Catholic mom worlds. I found a lot said about it there. And the affair is like one of the classic ones people talk about. And then The Awakening was in a TV show that I recently watched. It kind of kept reoccurring in the TV show. So it might be a sign. And then you referencing them today that I need to pick up these books. Absolutely. Now, what have you been loving this week?
01:09:46
Speaker
Okay, so time for my three for one. This is so uncanny, but also on brand. So in that vein of decluttering and minimalism, that's kind of been all encompassing in my headspace right now. And I am really good at curating for myself resources that are going to keep me going on a specific new task or habit or goal I'm working towards.
01:10:11
Speaker
So, I would love to recommend my current minimalism go-tos that I've been coming back to over and over again for inspiration. So, before Christmas, I actually listened to an audiobook called The More of Less by Joshua Becker. He's the author of the blog Becoming Minimalist.
01:10:32
Speaker
So for me, he was really the first person online I started following maybe a few years ago that put minimalism and decluttering on my radar. And I go back to him over and over again because I really appreciate his tone. It's very calming. And I like that he's realistic about decluttering.
01:10:52
Speaker
and that he always comes back to the why about why is having less better, why it's going to pay off in terms of time and space and simplicity, but also charity, like how it's going to open up that other level of having less and giving to others. So this book was very easy to listen to, which is why I'm going to recommend it. And it was the perfect thing to have on in the background while I was doing tasks.
01:11:19
Speaker
getting ready for Christmas, but I could also see it being something nice to have on if you're looking for calm motivation. And then on the other side of the scale, after Christmas, I read a book called Goodbye Things by a man named Fumio Sasaki, which is like hardcore minimalism, like he owns a handful of items.
01:11:41
Speaker
It was so interesting. And while I'll never reach that level of minimalism, especially as a mom, I find it really interesting to, I found it interesting to hear and see how that works for some people. And I think seeing how he gets by with so, so little has really prompted me to reflect on my own possessions and really think like, do I actually need a lot of these things?
01:12:10
Speaker
So, yeah, it also kind of goes along with my love for extreme sports documentaries, when I know I'll never actually do those things in real life. It is an extreme sport. It is, it is. And I tend to apparently really enjoy learning about the maximized versions.
01:12:29
Speaker
whatever I'm enjoying at any given time. So yeah, if you want that kind of hardcore minimalism, the book Goodbye Things, it did still have a ton of really good tips in it that I could really see relating to and adaptable for my own life.
01:12:47
Speaker
And then the last thing, my absolute favorite inspiration though right now for minimalism is an Instagram account called at the Barta House. And the account is run by a woman named Heather Barta. She practices minimalism in a family setting and her house is one of the calmest homes ever.
01:13:07
Speaker
Like, I love seeing what decluttering and really, really simplified living can look like in a family. And I also appreciate that she, like Joshua Becker, she mixes in her inspiration and tips for decluttering with examples of how simplifying is benefiting her or her housework or her family or her boys. She has three boys. So she has a really unique perspective on minimalism.
01:13:35
Speaker
uh it's really she's really down to earth and engaging online so yeah i find heather at the barter house to be one of the best instagram accounts right now for quick but really meaningful motivation as i keep chugging along on my own decluttering journey
01:13:57
Speaker
Okay that's going to do it for us this week. If you want to get in touch and chat with us about our topic today you can find us on our website www.themodernlady1950.wordpress.com or leave us a comment on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube at The Modern Lady Podcast. I'm Michelle Sacks and you can find me on Instagram at mmsacks.
01:14:21
Speaker
and I'm Lindsay Murray and you can find me on Instagram at Lindsay Homemaker. Thank you so much for listening. Have a great week and we will see you next time.