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NY Damien - Battling Demons in the Bronx | First Marathon | Moving Forward Daily
126 Plays1 year ago
Joe and Rush hang out with NY Damien, an authentic New Yorker from the Bronx. They talk about battling internal demons, training for his first marathon, and the grit needed to get better at life.
Today, NY Damien is the most interesting person in the world. Find him on Instagram.
SUBSCRIBE to keep up with the most interesting people in the world. New episodes release every Friday.
Learn more about the podcast here.
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Transcript
Podcast Setup Challenges
00:00:00
Speaker
what's up can you hear me yeah oh dude this is pretty clean yeah test test one two from the streets of new york what's up well you know again this thing just is such a pain in my butt is this a permanent setup
00:00:27
Speaker
No, this is not a permanent setup. That's why this thing is such a pain in the butt. Get right up on the mic. Let me hear it. All right. How about that? That sounds pretty good, right? Yeah, I think it's fine. Is that good? Yeah, it's good. All right. Nice. This is what it sounds like when your dreams get pushed over and thrown away. They get thrown away.
00:01:15
Speaker
So yeah, so I mean so pretty much pretty much you like you touch one thing in this rig and the whole thing goes down and
00:01:24
Speaker
You know what I mean? Oh, hey, what does this button do? There goes 25 minutes of your life. Yeah. How does this, how does this work Rush? We like every time, every time we get, we get somebody to actually want to do this thing.
00:01:43
Speaker
And it's like, yeah, hey, nice. And then I like, I pull up my coffee or like I bump, I bump something. And it's like, hold on a second, but it's refreshed. No, it's you. And then we're talking that I've learned. I should know it's me. No, it's you. Well, I'll tell you this. I tell you this. He's, he's, he's here and there is not a small demographic that's going to really enjoy this conversation. So you got, we were, we were just saying, Damien, that, that, you know, I touch one.
00:02:13
Speaker
I touch one thing on this rig and the whole thing goes down. I touch one thing and the whole thing falls apart. And then we're like, no, it's you. No, it's me. Oh, let's refresh. And let's hold our finger in the wind and let me put on some. Amateur podcasters. I love it. I love it. I love the beer. I love the beer. Thank you, man. Thank you. Isn't it epic? It's like, and the best part about it is Damien is that he runs.
00:02:39
Speaker
So depending on the day, it kind of has a Forrest Gump vibe, you know what I mean?
Life in the Bronx: Past vs Present
00:02:43
Speaker
So Damien, remind us where you live. I'm from the Bronx, New York. If you can't tell. No joke. You can't tell. Can you tell with the accent? Yeah, absolutely. Wow. I hear so many things. You know, the Bronx is like in my mind.
00:02:59
Speaker
Now again, California born and raised. I don't think I've never been to the Bronx. I've been to like Manhattan once. But the Bronx in my mind, Damien has this like, I don't know, almost like, I want to use the word mythical.
00:03:16
Speaker
So, depends on when you're asking, right? If you ask the kid from when I was a teenager, right? It's like it's everything at your fingertips. You have what you want, right? Like it's the city on every corner. There's a store. You don't have to go far. You don't have to drive. You don't need a car.
00:03:32
Speaker
Um, you asked the man who I am today and it's like, all right, I'm trying to go upstate, right? I'm trying to get away from the city. I want to leave, right? So it's, I want peace and quiet. I don't want to hear the sirens, right? Like, by the way, here it goes. Anymore in New York. Wow. That's, that's amazing. That happens all the time. So yeah, I mean, that's a fire truck. So I mean, those happen everywhere, right? Um,
00:04:00
Speaker
Yeah, especially out in California. Yeah, it is right. Perfect. Perfect timing. You got to queue that up. So I mean, it's.
00:04:08
Speaker
I don't wanna say it's the grit, but it is New York, right? It's a tough place to live. It's a tough place to grow up. It's that you gotta earn your stripes. You gotta stand by your word. I mean, you should stand by your word anywhere you live, but I mean, it's just New York. What you hear comes with the territory. So I have some friends who are from the Bronx, and I've always been jealous in a way of people from New York.
00:04:34
Speaker
I never really have had the experience of having something like a hometown where you really draw your identity from it. I'd like to hear you just say a little bit about what you feel is the pride of being a true New Yorker.
From NYC Pride to Marathoner
00:04:52
Speaker
I mean, you are a true, true New Yorker, right? Being from New York is just the grittiness to it. It's being able to stand and withstand whatever comes at you.
00:05:05
Speaker
The word that you keep using is a word that I really like and I think it fits so well as the word grit. Yeah. Joe, I don't know. I think I told you this. One of the reasons his Instagram account just caught my attention while I was doing the normal scrolling thing was that we do have something in common. I'm not from the Bronx and I don't have a great hometown, but we are both new runners. Yes.
00:05:31
Speaker
He's getting ready to run his first marathon. He's been, he's, he's super trained up. He's fresh. He knows the lingo. He's done his homework. He's tapering down this week. He's got to shake out. Okay. So, okay. So I'm, so I'm kind of new to all of this, right? So, so tell me, tell me why, why, um, why all of a sudden you wanted to run a marathon?
00:05:55
Speaker
So we go prior to all of the running and to the journey. And as you look on, if you see on the page, um, I wasn't the way that I look now prior to, uh, I say 2019. All right. I was actually two, I was actually 250. All right. I weighed 250 pounds.
00:06:15
Speaker
I'm now down to 170. No joke. That was also something really impressive in his account. By the way, before you go any further, congratulations. I met someone the other day who said they were going to run. Now, this is why I'm confused.
00:06:31
Speaker
Uh this person she's a runner and she said oh, yeah i'm training for a marathon and i'm running a marathon And I thought she said the new york city marathon and it's like right up at this time So when you said you were running a marathon, I think I had that in my mind Those must be the maybe she's running what you're running. So is that is the new york city marathon every other year? No, so the new york city marathon is it?
00:06:57
Speaker
It's every year it's in september. What are you laughing at? What are you doing? You know the reason why is because I had a sandwich two days ago as I was thinking about that and then that kind of rhymes with marathon and then this person I met so that's what are we doing? Have you run a marathon Joe?
00:07:19
Speaker
You want to know what? I have. Yes. I wouldn't call them running as much as surviving. I did my first one and I came just under eight hours.
00:07:36
Speaker
So it was like, it was like, so it was the LA marathon because the LA marathon, like I was so bad that they, they, after a while, which this isn't, this isn't going to be, no, I'm serious. They allow it to go that long. I'm not being rude.
00:07:53
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So, so, so they shut down. They shut down. This is just telling you how slow I was that, that they started, you know, it's the LA marathon. So they shut everything down. Well, after a while they had this big truck and they're like, uh, come over to the side. And so I had to go on the sidewalk cause they had to open up the streets again in order for you to get back.
00:08:12
Speaker
And I get, it was great. Like what you're saying, Damien, it's just, you go,
Marathon as a Personal Test
00:08:16
Speaker
you know what? I want to challenge myself. I want to, I want to do something. And the marathon just seems like this Mount Everesty type experience where you're like,
00:08:27
Speaker
How can I push myself? And you go, well, marathon. It just, it seems that. But then when you get into the mix of it, you know, you realize, man, this, uh, so for me, I got into it. I got like three miles into it. And I'm like, Oh no, what have I done? I did not. I'm like, I did not train. But then, and this would be the last, cause I want to hear more about David, but the, what happened was is that I got into it and I kept going. And then I got about 10 miles into it and I'm like,
00:08:57
Speaker
I'm like, okay, man, I'm really hurting. But then, no kidding you, I didn't know how to get back to my car.
00:09:03
Speaker
So the only way that I do how to get back to my car was to finish and to follow all the other people to go down there. So anyway, I finished. I finished at the end and it was just me because it was cold and rainy and nobody came out to see me and I just got back into my car. So there you go. So that, you know, hey, it's a start to something, but I tell you what, you know, your desire to do those things is pretty obvious and that's pretty cool.
00:09:30
Speaker
Yeah. One of the things I noticed as I started running, um, is we, we all have intrusive thoughts in life, right? And if we know that it's important to keep our thought life in control and to be focused and just, just in general life. And so, you know, and you're using the word intrusive the way that Damien was saying, like the demons.
00:09:52
Speaker
Right. Is that am I tracking? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Right. Often they're intrusive and unwanted. But they're coming in for a variety of reasons. But I start to lose control of my thoughts and I start to just like momentarily kind of like obsess about them. And I had to start a kind of practice. I don't know. This might sound silly, but I had to start a practice of saying to myself,
00:10:19
Speaker
hang up, because those thoughts were coming in and distracting me. Or I was thinking about, like you said, Damien, like how far I have to go. And I have to say, hang up. And that's helped me in a lot of other areas of my life, you know, to control and maybe take captive those thoughts.
00:10:39
Speaker
so that we can focus. And so I really appreciate what you're saying and what your experience has been because I think that's a huge part of, you know, I don't think it's just valuable to have, you know, like physical exertion, physical discipline.
00:10:55
Speaker
is obviously very valuable. I mean, it's made you a much healthier person. It's given you a lot of other benefits in life, but there's this other part that goes along with it and huge, huge benefits. Yeah, I mean, part of the journey, like I said, I'm a completely different person than, I mean, if we would have had this conversation seven years ago, I mean, we wouldn't be having this conversation, right?
00:11:22
Speaker
But on this journey that I am to try to become the best version of me daily right if we get 1% better every day like that's the way that I live now and it's it sounds so alien from the way that I grew up and even speaking to family and you know it's
00:11:38
Speaker
People just don't understand this kind of talk because it's just completely different. If you can control your mind, I think you win half of the game of life, right? Or if not majority of
Intrusive Thoughts and Self-Discovery
00:11:48
Speaker
it. I mean, controlling your mind is a hard thing to do as we all have thoughts no matter who we are. And it doesn't have to necessarily mean demons, Joe. Those demons are a little bit different for me. And I'm sure it is different for everybody, right? But those intrusive thoughts of,
00:12:02
Speaker
It could just be like, oh my God, what do I have to do next week? Or I got to pay this bill or that. Those kind of intrusive thoughts, right? Or just thinking about, what am I going to have for dinner? Or what am I going to do tomorrow? And I got games. And how am I going to get things done? So those things always flood our minds. And when I run, none of those come. But the demons that I kind of refer to as just being the person who I was. And as we do things,
00:12:31
Speaker
you know that we don't take care of our bodies and we you know go run a drink if it's you know if you're having a bad day if if you're not happy with you know your job well you know i'm gonna go have a drink i'm tired like you're just not happy with yourself right so all those things are those are the demons that i i fight and and want to pull out of me like you know that person like i said i kill and bury and make sure that you never come out again um so you know those sort of those kind of things but yeah i mean it's helped me mentally
00:13:00
Speaker
get a lot stronger running. It's been a great journey so far.
00:13:07
Speaker
15 weeks, 14 weeks, 413 miles. It's an amazing transformation. I tell you what, thanks so much, Damian, for helping me to hear further about the demons and how that's different than other intrusive thoughts. I really appreciate you being willing to share that. I think it helps me to even
00:13:33
Speaker
just to value even more just what you've been committed to and what you're on the precipice of doing. It's really cool. Let me ask you this. You've used this word a lot too. You've used the word freedom a lot.
00:13:53
Speaker
It's it. I mean, and all the different things we're talking about, you know, this freedom or this is what is what is freedom? What is freedom feel like to you when you when you talk about freedom?
00:14:05
Speaker
So just what we said, the captivity of those intrusive thoughts. And like I said, when you have that, your mind is so strong and it could be your worst enemy. So being able to have freedom from those thoughts who feel weightless. And as we spoke about earlier, it's just having that integrity to who you are, being true to who you are, not trying to fit in, not trying to like, I want to stand away from the crowd. So many.
00:14:33
Speaker
I'm sure I'm not the only one.
00:14:36
Speaker
you know, when you grow up, you're trying to find an identity, you try to hang out with this crowd, you're trying to be so many things because you don't know who you are as a young kid, right? And even until, I don't even know when we grow, I mean, everybody grows up at a different time in their life, but you know, I would say from 13 to 25, you're really just trying to fit in and trying to see where you stand and where you can hold up, right? Until you can, to grow up on your own and just be happy with who you
Growth and Family Dynamics Post-COVID
00:15:02
Speaker
are. And I think that's where freedom comes in. I think if you want to, like, where's that end goal is,
00:15:06
Speaker
being happy with who I am. I don't want to say like live your truth because I know that's like a big thing going out there, but just being true to who you are, right? And I'd say like not caring what anybody thinks and not caring about opinions and just I know who I am and that's it. That's the freedom.
00:15:26
Speaker
Yeah, I really appreciate your story and I appreciate that you're sharing it on Instagram the way that you were, you know, caught my attention. And, uh, why I thought it would be awesome to talk to you. And, um, it absolutely is. I was telling Joe that, you know, when we are like inviting people just to hang out like we are today, uh, it can, it comes off a little like
00:15:46
Speaker
weird, creepy, kind of like, like you, like when you got my, when you got my message, I told Joe, I told Joe, I said, I said, Hey, listen, this guy, he's, he's like, not sure if I'm an AI bot. And he's, he says, Hey, like, it is weird. But this was the thing. This was one of the, this is actually one of the cool things.
00:16:09
Speaker
About why we're doing this because one of the things you said to me when you replied, which I'm grateful that you did it didn't just dismiss me as a and block me as a bot or something right is that you said. You started asking me questions about why would you ask me because the assumption is.
00:16:28
Speaker
Uh, we would like to hang out with you because you're a great runner and you're elite and you have, uh, a hundred thousand followers on Instagram, but you don't. And that's what you said. You said, I don't have any followers. I mean, I think you've got like, uh, 200 followers, you know, and you were like, why would you want to talk to me? Yeah.
00:16:49
Speaker
But yeah, so just that, you know, you felt like, why would you ask me to do this? I'm just an ordinary guy. And that's what I love about your story because your story is sharing that this is what ordinary people can do. We're not, you know, and that's just, I mean, that's the brilliance of our whole conversation. It's amazing to me. Yeah, for sure.
00:17:15
Speaker
It was funny. I mean, like I said, it was this specific specificity, right? Of you saying, Hey, the only thing that made me respond was I enjoyed a marathon training. And I was like, wait, right. He's actually reading it. Right. Like, okay. All right. Let me, let me see what this is about. And then human intelligence might not be much. Well, there is, it's amazing, isn't it? That just the, what, what, or what's ordinary humanity?
00:17:43
Speaker
is really extraordinary. It's just to be able to explore like what you're saying, Damien, about just the exploration of freedom to live and to explore what it means to be human and to move away from things that are toxic and to explore what beauty and goodness and joy is and to have a compass
00:18:12
Speaker
that allows you to strive for that and to explore it. Even as you're talking, it's like when you decided to do that versus how you're thinking now that you've been able to explore both the margins and the depths and the new thoughts. I think that's what's so cool about
00:18:33
Speaker
stories like yours. And honestly, just being able to meet people and to hear is because you get to see that, that being human is really, um, really a fascinating exploration. And that actually the journey, the journey itself is valuable. Yeah. I mean, you learn, as you mentioned, I mean, the depths can be very low, the valleys can be,
00:19:01
Speaker
very, very low. The peaks can be high, but those valleys are where most people get caught up at. They really never climb out of them. To be stuck in a valley for so many years, who knows what the switch was? It all really
00:19:23
Speaker
took a mind of its own during COVID, right, where a lot of people took a step back. A lot of people experienced that. Yeah, and started, you know, relying on drinking and food for comfort and staying home and not being able to do things. And it was like, you have, you're at a pivotal point in life at your age, that's one. And you're at a pivotal point right now, like, where can you go? And it was like,
00:19:53
Speaker
stay in this lane, or make it happen. And I was already on the weight loss journey because it was 19. So it was right before COVID. But it was like, okay, this could really shape up the future. And it just working out from home and just doing what I was doing.
00:20:10
Speaker
just never stopped. And then now it's just, it's who I am. It is my identity. And if I could help anybody who's in my shoes or been through things that I've been through, you know, I'm willing to share and speak my truth to those people, people who are willing to listen, right?
00:20:27
Speaker
It's awesome. I'm telling you what, Heidi's going to go, Joe, why are you running right now? I'm telling you, listen, I talked to David today. I'm going for a run. I'm out of here. Okay. All right. Whatever. I'll tell you later. Actually, I was just thinking about how, speaking of which, you mentioned a little bit about your family.
00:20:49
Speaker
I'd love to just hear what is what is life in relationship in your home? What's it like and who's there and what does it feel like right now? Yeah, no, I mean life is life is great where we're every small family out in the Bronx here So my son Christian he's 12 I have my girl Joey she's a
00:21:11
Speaker
So not his mom, we're separated, but you know, there's plenty of blended families and it's an amazing family have never been in a happier place in my life. And a lot of it does come for you. A lot of that does come from happiness from within, right? I mean, you got to be happy with yourself. We can't pour from empty cups. Alright, so if we're not happy with ourselves, we're not good, we're going to project things on to other people. So, you know, I mean, I always ask for forgiveness for those things. But
00:21:42
Speaker
Other than that, I mean, you know, I have my brother, my mother, they don't live here with me, but you know, that's pretty much here in New York. You know, so it's a small, it's a small crew, or a powerful crew together. But yeah,
Mental Clarity and Shifting Priorities
00:21:56
Speaker
I mean, it's great. My son's 12, he plays baseball. So if I'm not running, or working, I'm at a baseball field.
00:22:06
Speaker
What do you think is the main transformation beyond physical? I'm not talking about physical transformation, but what's the main transformation in you as a person? You say like this, I used to be like this, or this is the way I would describe myself. And today, this is the essential, the deepest transformation of me as a person so far and what I really want to carry on.
00:22:32
Speaker
It's the mental clarity, but it's just the, it's the hanging out. It's the party version, right? It's the wanting to just hang out and that's, you know, always had a fairly decent career and been successful in sales and what I've done, but it was, it was the, I don't want to say prioritization because I mean, family always came first, right? Like taking care of what I had to, but
00:23:00
Speaker
were there lapses for sure of, you know, what am I going to go do? Like, what am I going to go run to, quote, unquote, like it wasn't down the block, it was let's go have fun. But it was dementia. That's the that's the biggest transformation without changing.
00:23:18
Speaker
your outlook and your perspective, then I don't believe anything else can change. I don't think working out is going to do that for you. I think, you know, you could still work out for aesthetics, right, and want to look great. But it's more for mental stability for me and to just be able to walk this path and stay on this journey. It'd be very hard for me to go back to who I was. I mean,
00:23:45
Speaker
There was nothing that could shake me. You'd have to kill me. And I don't mean that. That person is gone. That's amazing. Really amazing. That's actually why Joe works out is the aesthetically pleasing part you were fucking about. I see it. As you can tell, I don't work out. Take your shirt off, Joe. The call name. Take your shirt off.
00:24:12
Speaker
But I've told you what, I'm going to be doing a couple extra, a couple extra rounds this, this week. I'll tell you that. So I have a friend who ran, he's, he has a lot of friends who are runners and he's, he's pretty fast. He's very fit. And then he decided he was going to train for another one, which was this past Saturday in Louisville, Kentucky. Okay.
00:24:35
Speaker
And it's a Boston qualifying marathon.
Unexpected Marathon Challenges
00:24:38
Speaker
So he was going to run the, uh, the marathon. He was, so he has to, to qualify. He had to run under three hours and 20 minutes. And he absolutely is trained, ready to do that. He goes, he runs the, he runs the marathon. He gets in front of the, the three 20 pacer and just knows as long as I stay in front of this guy, I'll have my goal. I'll qualify. And then I'll go run Boston.
00:25:00
Speaker
a huge dream come true. So he runs the marathon and at the end of 26.2 miles, he is at a time of three hours and 17 minutes. When the official time is put out, he's at three hours and 21 minutes. The course was accidentally a half mile too long. Oh no. No way. And I think what happened was,
00:25:29
Speaker
There was the recent shooting tragedy in downtown Louisville. The start finish line on the normal course was to be sort of right in front or nearby where that happened. And they didn't want people congregating and standing around there at the race and celebrating. So they moved it. And they said they had it recertified. But the pacer that he was with, his watch distance measured a half mile too long.
00:25:58
Speaker
Oh no. But that extra half mile put him outside of the time. Yeah, of course. So he doesn't qualify. That is not a positive story, Rush.
00:26:08
Speaker
No, sorry Rush I'm just saying before I do something really hard and I need inspiration. I'm just gonna have Let's bring rush in here to just inspire us all by talking about tragedy about your daughter's wedding
00:26:39
Speaker
That is going to be the worst story ever. Hey listen, before you ask us a question, let me just throw a big wet blanket on your whole day on this weekend. I just want to let you know. Good night, Rush. It's out and back. You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. I told you it was not positive.
00:27:07
Speaker
They should fix that though. They should fix that. I think that's kind of wrong. They should try to do something. Oh, gosh, that gave me a cramp. Oh, man, I laughed so hard.
Trust and Connection in Conversations
00:27:21
Speaker
Damien, thanks so much. Yeah, no problem. For giving us the chance to hang out and to be, it's been really nice to meet you. That's a great conversation. And I wish you all, all the best. Thank you, man. You guys have a great day. Take care.
00:27:36
Speaker
It was really interesting. It's like, even, even in the beginning, even in the beginning when he was talking, he was like, ah, I don't know. Halfway through it. Honestly, it was really when, when he started to talk about what was in his head and he, and he, and we were able to be there and he was like,
00:28:02
Speaker
You know what? You guys are, you guys are with me. You guys are with humans. You're yeah. Yeah. You're, you're with me. You're not trying to take something from me. You're not trying to, not trying to leverage something. Like there's no ulterior motive. He got a sense right around then that he was like, you know what? I think I'm gonna, I think I'm going to be in the moment with you guys. Yeah, just for a little bit. And, and it's interesting. I think everybody, everybody has the, I just, everybody has those moments where you go,
00:28:32
Speaker
Why, is this for real? Is there just genuine interest? He said before when we were just trying to text, I said, I'd like to talk to you on the phone, just settle your nerves. I can immediately settle your nerves. Actually, the first thing I said to him was, listen, we're just a couple of idiots making a podcast.
00:28:55
Speaker
and you have nothing to worry about. But he was concerned in particular, and rightly so. Everybody should be concerned. And again, yeah, because it is interesting that a lot of conversation really does come back down to trust and optimism. And I think what was a really pull out of this conversation today was that, you know, it is interesting that post COVID, I think people realize that relationship really does matter.
00:29:23
Speaker
Hey, listen, friend. Hey, thanks for it. Thanks for letting me hang out with you. My battery, I think on my computer is going to die. So I should probably say goodbye. All right. I love you too. I love you. I'll talk to you later. All right. Bye bye.
00:29:37
Speaker
Well, that's it for today. Our next episode is going to be released one week from today. So make sure to check us out anywhere you get your podcasts. And if you could rate the podcast, we'd love to be able to share what we enjoy with as many people as possible. So we appreciate it. Thanks for listening, everybody. See you next time.