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EP 15: Managing Chronic Stress and Overwhelm as a Busy Mom and Business Owner with Jennifer Bartlett
123 Plays1 year ago
We are back with another amazing guest expert and are so excited to bring you this conversation with Jennifer Bartlett of WOVN Wellness!
Jennifer is a licensed therapist, yoga teacher, and owner of WOVN Wellness - a holistic psychotherapy practice in Birmingham, AL that aims to create spaces for individual and communal healing for women. In her individual therapy work, Jen specializes in working with women seeking relief from anxiety, healing from trauma, seeking more fulfillment and purpose, or navigating life transitions. Jen also has specialized training in perinatal mental health and is passionate about supporting women on their journey to and through motherhood.
Prior to opening her own practice, Jen spent many years working as a therapist in a residential facility in NYC and group therapy practice in Houston, Texas, treating adults with a wide variety of mental health concerns.
You can learn more about Jen’s services and upcoming offerings from WOVN Wellness at wovnwellness.com, and be sure to give her a follow on Instagram @wovnwellness.
Thank you to Jen for joining us on The Business Playdate!
Below are few links to some of the fun things we talked about in the episode:
- The Twelve Dates of Christmas: https://a.co/d/f0PNoEN
- The Whole-Brain Child: https://a.co/d/7TRxZFE
Follow The Business Playdate online & come say hi!
- The Business Playdate Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thebusinessplaydate/
- Lindsay White's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lindsaywhite.co/
- Betsy Moorehead's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/betsymoorehead.biz/
- Learn more about Lindsay's marketing program here: https://lindsaywhite.co/
- Learn more about Betsy's marketing services here: https://betsymoorehead.com/
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Transcript
Impact of Chronic Stress on the Brain
00:00:00
Speaker
Basically, we all have this capacity of stress that we can handle before we move into what's called our stress response, which is that fight-flight-freeze response, where we can viscerally feel the difference in our body, in our mind, in the way that we're thinking.
00:00:17
Speaker
And what's really important about knowing that is that once we actually do cross that threshold, and the way in which our brain functions is different. And so when we are chronically in this like fight or flight state, the part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex that is responsible for this like higher order thinking so
00:00:37
Speaker
critical thinking and taking the information, exercising judgment, forward planning. That is totally inaccessible. Like that is not a part of our brain that we are able to use when we are chronically stressed.
Introduction to Hosts and Podcast Theme
00:00:50
Speaker
Welcome to the Business Playdate, a podcast hosted by Lindsey White and Betsy Moorehead. Two internet strangers turned business besties.
00:00:58
Speaker
We're two marketing professionals living across the country, raising our kiddos while running our own individual businesses. We built these businesses based on our experiences working in corporate management roles with the end goal to be able to show up for our families first. And we did it. We're so happy you're here with us. Now let's get into this week's episode.
Balancing Motherhood and Business
00:01:20
Speaker
Hello, how are you? Hello, I'm doing wonderful. It's another day, you know, doing good. Holiday time over here. It is the season, I know. So this has kind of been like the craziest week. Ellie got sick, like tummy bug sick, like virus, like throwing up all night.
00:01:44
Speaker
I just haven't recovered from that yet. Thankfully, I'm not sick and the baby hasn't gotten sick nor has my husband, but that stomach virus business is no joke. The flu is going around like crazy, so I was just feeling her head every five seconds when she stayed home, making sure she wasn't getting a fever.
00:01:59
Speaker
We're good. She's at school. I just, Godspeed for the rest of you. I know. I know. I saw a meme that was like, um, moms the week before Christmas trying to, or the two weeks before Christmas or whatever, trying to like hold it together. It's like,
00:02:14
Speaker
school parties, teacher gifts, every kid in the world is getting sick right now. Like we're all just trying, the elf on the shelf, we're all just trying to hold it together. Right? I'm like over here, like, Oh my gosh, I've barely bought gifts for anyone else, like my children and it's just chaos. I can't, I can't handle it.
00:02:32
Speaker
Oh, no.
Guest Introduction - Jennifer Bartlett
00:02:33
Speaker
Well, speaking of chaos, this is like this episode couldn't have come at a better time because we have another guest expert for you guys today, Jennifer Bartlett. She is a licensed therapist. And let me tell you this episode, just like this conversation, I should say, gave me like so much clarity. Oh, my gosh. So like massive breakthroughs, massive changes coming to Lindsay White's life in 2024. Oh, my God.
00:03:00
Speaker
Well, let me tell you a little bit about Jennifer for all the listeners out there. She is a licensed therapist, yoga teacher and owner of woven wellness, a holistic psychotherapy practice in Birmingham, Alabama.
00:03:13
Speaker
She aims to create spaces for individual and communal healing for women, and in her individual therapy work, Jennifer specializes in working with women seeking relief from anxiety, healing from trauma, seeking more fulfillment and purpose, and navigating life transitions. Jen also specializes in training women in peri-natal mental health, and she's passionate about supporting women on their journey to and through motherhood. Snaps for that.
00:03:42
Speaker
snaps. Prior to opening her own practice, Jen spent many years working as a therapist in a residential facility in New York city and a group therapy practice in Houston, Texas, treating adults and with a wide variety of mental health concerns. And not to mention she is a very dear personal friend of mine. Her husband and my husband are the best of friends and she is just a gem of a human. So I'm
00:04:04
Speaker
So sweet. So glad we got to bring her onto the podcast.
Managing Overwhelm and Chronic Stress
00:04:07
Speaker
Yes. This conversation, as mentioned, full of breakthrough moments for us, as I'm sure it will be for all of our listeners, but we really covered the gamut on a lot of things here. But I think the main focus of our conversation was managing the overwhelm as it pertains to being a mom and a business owner, but also taking a look at chronic stress, which
00:04:29
Speaker
I think we got to the bottom of my five-week-long bronchitis situation. I think we did. I think we did. We know what's going on. But some of the most impactful pieces of this conversation to me were, of course, these breakthrough moments. But Jennifer really talks about these core five, and I can't stop thinking about them. I raved to my husband about it afterwards. Listen to this, all of these amazing things that
00:04:56
Speaker
really should be our baseline. What we should be doing to not have chronic stress, before you can even do the little bio hacks or the tricks and tips, you got to have this baseline. So listen in, we are going to dive into these five things that you should be doing amongst a bunch of other things, tips, tricks, ideas, ways to manage your own chronic stress and overwhelm.
Jennifer's Career Journey and Woven Wellness
00:05:26
Speaker
Jennifer Bartlett, welcome to the Business Playdate. Thank you all so much for having me. We are so excited that you're here today. Thank you. We are. We are. So we want to just jump right in to the Playdate portion of the Business Playdate. So could you just tell us about your journey? How did you get to where you are today? Yeah.
00:05:50
Speaker
Let's hear it. Yeah, let's jump in. So I, before becoming a therapist, I spent several years working in education. So like within schools and a nonprofit kind of around the educational equity space. But I kind of always knew. I always had an interest in psychology. That was my major in undergrad. I always knew I wanted to go back to the mental health field. Just wasn't quite sure what that journey would look like. And so anyways, went back to grad school, became a therapist.
00:06:19
Speaker
Um...
00:06:20
Speaker
honestly didn't ever really see myself having a private practice or doing what I'm doing, but that's how most journeys go. I started right after grad school, started working as a therapist at this agency that did a lot of different community services, but one of them was they had this residential building where we served adults who had pretty severe mental illness and a history of homelessness and kind of worked in their
00:06:49
Speaker
in their residence, like where they lived and really got to see kind of the, really the more of the context of like what influences our mental health outside of what's happening in our mind. So a lot of that work was intentional community building, supporting people, navigating relationships, helping them interface with
00:07:09
Speaker
healthcare systems, public assistance, like all kinds of things, right, that are just hard. And then life brought me back to Houston. And then I started working at a group practice there doing more individual therapy work kind of long term.
00:07:27
Speaker
Individual therapy and I loved it like just absolutely loved like going deep with like somebody and their life and like what they're struggling with and Really getting to walk with them through a lot of different seasons and
00:07:42
Speaker
So I did that for several years, and then life brought us to Birmingham, which was a really unexpected but great move, and also caused me to really think about, okay, what am
Challenges of Starting a Practice
00:07:55
Speaker
I going to do? Because it was this really natural time to pause and figure out, okay, I got to pivot a little bit here because I can't stay in my practice that I was in. I joked that I would have retired in that little office because it was just lovely, the people I worked with.
00:08:08
Speaker
It was so great. So anyways now I'm here I spent and I can talk more about kind of how I started what I'm doing If you want but I kind of took some time to step back reflect on what I wanted and then in April started my own My own practice here in town. So it's been I love that been a journey So I want to dive in a little bit on What what was that process to figure out what you wanted to actually be doing? Yeah
00:08:39
Speaker
I don't even know if that's a great question. I feel like it's hard to put words to it sometimes. Honestly, I think some of it was like a lot of, um, some of it I was just forced to do because of circumstances. Um, and some of it was intentional. I like to say it was more intentional than it was, but it really wasn't. Um, I think that, you know, we, so we moved to Birmingham. I had a five month old. I know I didn't want to jump right into
00:09:04
Speaker
Working full time again and i was really lucky in that like i had a stable case load of texas clients that wanted to stay with me so i was able to stay afloat with some virtual therapy which gave me the space of about like eight or nine months to just kind of.
00:09:21
Speaker
have some time to think about like what is it that I'm seeing in clients that are themes that I can kind of like use to build the foundation of my practice here, but also what is it that I'm really enjoying working with? I kind of like started to notice what am I drawn to? What do I really energize when I'm talking about what I'm learning about? And so kind of from that I think some themes arose like I noticed that
00:09:48
Speaker
And all the work that I'm doing, the people that I saw making the most progress that they wanted to make were the people that were doing individual work, but were super connected to community. And they were like doing work outside of my office in relationships with other people. And so that was something that I wanted to weave into my practice that kind of rose to the top for me of like,
00:10:08
Speaker
providing community spaces, particularly for women to connect authentically. And then another piece that really came up, which is a lot of my, I mean, probably 80 to 90% of my caseload right now are women in this perinatal season of life.
Focus on Perinatal Mental Health
00:10:21
Speaker
So either thinking about conceiving, trying to conceive, walking through infertility, pregnant, postpartum, early motherhood, that whole season.
00:10:31
Speaker
Cause y'all, it is rough. It is rough. I was just gonna ask you, like what is, when does perinatal season end? I mean, I don't know. Is that ever gonna get easier? I don't know. They say it does. So it does, right? I don't know. It does eventually.
00:10:50
Speaker
I mean, it's hard. Go ahead. Sorry. How was that? No, you're good. How was that? I mean, so I know you personally, so I know a little bit about your journey, but how was it like moving to a new state? You said, you know, you had a five months old at the time and like, what was that like for you as far as balancing motherhood and new motherhood, right? And building a business. What was that like for you?
00:11:20
Speaker
I mean, I feel like hard doesn't even really describe it. You know what I mean? Like it is just in the midst of that like postpartum, just kind of like identity struggle. Like you don't know who you are. I used to get identity from work, but that feels inaccessible now. And like now I'm just kind of like, have no autonomy over my time and what I'm doing. Like it just was kind of this big. There was, I mean, there was a season where it felt really cloudy and it was, um,
00:11:50
Speaker
It wasn't clear. There was some hard conversations with my husband, with my therapist. Shout out to Victoria. She's listening. She's fantastic. She does listen.
00:12:05
Speaker
Oh, good. Okay. Well, she will co-sign that it was a really hard time. Jane and I share a therapist. Sorry. Did I just like out you there? I didn't mean to- No, I talk about it all the time. Yeah, no. There were a lot of hard conversations there. Also, I think it was hard because the move wasn't expected. It was really a good
Community in Healing and Business
00:12:27
Speaker
move for our family, but it wasn't expected, so that was challenging.
00:12:31
Speaker
Feel that one. Yeah. Okay. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's like you can know it's the right thing and it'd still be really hard. Right.
00:12:38
Speaker
We moved a year ago and it's been the hardest year of my, it was a shotgun move and it's been the hardest year of my life. 100%. Yes. And it's like, you have to remind yourself like, okay, this is why we did this. There's a reason for this. I know it's good. But in the moment you're like, what is happening? But a lot of that, honestly, it was a lot of days of like, I have no idea what's happening. And then eventually the next right thing, the next right thing just kind of
00:13:04
Speaker
So, you've had your own private practice, Woven Wellness since April of this year. Yes. That's amazing. That is amazing. Thank you. Yeah, it's so pretty new. It's like not even a year yet. So... So, is it all virtual or are you in office as well? No, I'm in office. Yeah. So, locally, I see a lot of Birmingham clients here and then I... So, I'm licensed in Alabama and Texas. So, I have
00:13:28
Speaker
anywhere in Alabama. I can see somebody in Texas people as well. Very cool. I have a very tactical question for you, but I'm always fascinated by brick and mortar businesses. How did you find your office space? Was that something weird that you had to get your mind over? Oh, I have to
00:13:46
Speaker
invest real money in like real walls for an office. Yeah. No. So I think it was a little bit of an easier jump for me than most because I had an office in Houston and so I was used to kind of what that looked like. But yeah, it was so I'm actually, I'm in my office right now, but I'm only going to be here for like two more weeks and I'm actually moving to a different office.
00:14:06
Speaker
But I found through friends that are all kind of coming together to share a co-working space. And I'm actually going to be sharing my office with a lactation consultant because we kind of serve the same population, which will be nice. But it was so daunting. I had no idea where to start. I was like, do I learn the wheelchair? Do I not? Do I talk to people? I don't know. It was really strange.
00:14:31
Speaker
I feel like it's one of those things where you don't know what you don't know. And going on this business journey, I feel like there's so many of those. You just don't know what you don't know, which is part of why Betsy and I started this podcast is we want to bring people to see what that looks like a little bit more.
00:14:46
Speaker
But finding an office space sounds very daunting to me. Yeah, it is. It was. Hence why I tried one for six months. I'm like, this is nice, but I want to try something else. I think it'll be really cool. One of the things that you had mentioned that really stood out to me was talking about that community aspect and how, I think you mentioned it helps bring people up from a mental clarity standpoint.
00:15:09
Speaker
And it's cool that you're going to be sharing your space now with someone who you're creating a community with now. They're now part of your direct circle of people, I don't know, in your space. Yeah, no. Yes, it's 100%. Even my clinical work, I don't say a lot of things very definitively, but this I do. Healing happens in community, period. There's only so much work that we can do one-on-one in my
00:15:39
Speaker
world where if you are actually out in your life applying what you're doing in relationship with people authentically showing up, that is where healing happens. That's where transformation happens. I think it's true for business too. That's why you're doing this, right? We have to be able to show up authentically and talk to each other about what's happening. Jen, don't make me cry on this podcast.
00:16:03
Speaker
We're only a few minutes in. I know. But it's so true. And like Lindsay said, that's one of the reasons we started this podcast. We just feel very strongly about that, almost exactly what you said, building community, finding people who are in similar seasons to us, and bringing them a space where we can all discuss this and be there for each other. So I love that.
00:16:29
Speaker
There's so much power in like hearing your experience reflected back by somebody else, right? Like just to hear, oh my gosh, you're experiencing that too. Like it's not just me. Like that immediately just helps us feel so much more connected and not alone. There's so much power in that. That's so true. Absolutely. I know. Well, I know today we wanted to talk a lot about the overwhelm. Yeah. So I think that's the word of the day, everyone. I mean,
00:16:58
Speaker
Geez, how often do I, my son started saying, I just feel very overwhelmed. I'm like, I know you got that from me. And I'm like, I probably need to stop saying I'm overwhelmed. That is so funny. So I mean,
00:17:14
Speaker
Talk to us about that. There's so much overwhelm with motherhood and then being business owners and all of the mental load of just all, I actually saw this TikTok that was hysterical. Someone's husband was complaining that she didn't put out Christmas cards and she's like, fine, you do it. And like listed out all the things that go into Christmas cards. He's like, yeah, no, I'm good. Thank you.
00:17:34
Speaker
So talk to us about that. What does that look like? What does overwhelm look like and what can we do about it? Yeah. It's such a big question, right? Because I think overwhelm can look a little different for different people. But I think about somebody coming to my office saying what you said, like, I just feel so overwhelmed. I don't know where to start.
00:17:57
Speaker
You know, I kind of usually go a couple of different directions. Of course somebody's coming to therapy because they want relief, right? So I'm gonna talk to them about like immediate things we can do to get relief, which I can dive into in a second. But I think like the bigger conversation and like the context with which I'm thinking about this in is that like if we are chronically feeling overwhelmed, and I mean like the kind of like physical sensations like muscle tension, our sleep is disrupted, our mood is different, you know, all the things we all experience.
00:18:26
Speaker
I don't know. We're not. We're like, our fuse is a little shorter. All of the things that chronically, when we're feeling stressed and overwhelmed, if we are feeling that outside of really acute circumstances, but most of the time, I think my question is then not how do we mitigate the symptoms, but how can we use the symptoms as a guide or an invitation to us to get a little introspective about what is actually
00:18:55
Speaker
What unmet need do we have that's leading to this? What are we doing in our life that feels out of alignment that's making these kind of things happen for us all the time? Because I think, and I don't know if this speaks to y'all's experience or not, but I think most of us have been given this narrative that motherhood or parenthood is synonymous with exhaustion and burnout and depletion, which let's be honest, it is sometimes.
00:19:20
Speaker
And I actually don't think that that is the narrative that we should accept.
Stress Management Techniques
00:19:25
Speaker
I think that we can use those symptoms, for lack of a better word, to start to get curious about what's actually not working in our life to lead to more long-term sustainable change. If that makes sense.
00:19:40
Speaker
Absolutely. What would you say for someone is the first step? Obviously, to look inward, but how do we do that? I know. How do we look inward to figure out what's not working? Yeah. That's not the first conversation I have with somebody. Because if I said that when they came in, they'd be like, bye. I know. This is not helpful. I know. That's after a little bit of work. Sorry. I'm over here just diving deep. No, no, no, no. That's totally fine. But I would be so annoyed if I went to a therapist. I'm overwhelmed and they hit me with that. They're like, no.
00:20:12
Speaker
I think, you know, where I start, and this is like so frustratingly simple, but I think we start with just like taking a baseline of how are we doing in all the areas of our life that we know influence our mental wellbeing to the basics, right? Like, how are we sleeping? How are we eating? Are we regularly eating food that makes our body feel good? Are we moving regularly? Are we getting outside? How are our relationships? Like, are you spending any time in nature? Are you connected to community?
00:20:40
Speaker
Do we feel a sense of purpose? These other things that we know influence the way that we're showing up on a day-to-day basis. And I think if a client looks at me and they're like, I have no idea, I feel like I'm not doing any of those things, the place I always start is
00:20:55
Speaker
can we focus on sleep and movement first before anything, right? Like if we're not sleeping, like Betsy unfortunately probably knows today, right? If you're not sleeping, it affects our whole wellbeing. If we are feeling chronically stressed or feeling anxious, the fastest way to down regulate our nervous system is adding in a little bit of movement or a little bit of intentional breath. Like those, if we start with those two things, just to get our head above water, then we can start to have these bigger conversations.
00:21:23
Speaker
I saw a video on your Instagram where you had your hand on your chest and you were doing a breathing exercise. Are there specific types of intentional breathing exercises like that that help different situations?
00:21:42
Speaker
Yeah, I'd say so sometimes I feel like we often we like over complicate this and I think the easiest thing to do is if you need some immediate relief and take some intentional breaths probably for like a minute or so where your exhale is longer than your inhale. That is key because if your exhale is a little bit longer than your inhale, it's actually going to activate your parasympathetic nervous system. That's kind of like your rest and digest part of your nervous system. That's going to
00:22:06
Speaker
Um, take that stress response down. That's going to manually kind of calm your body down. That that's the fastest way to do it. Taking a breath right now. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so most of our listeners are moms and business owners and as are the three of us, um, like when it comes to stress and chronic overwhelm,
00:22:33
Speaker
There's two different ways that it can come at you, especially when you're a working mom. What are some experiences or things that have come across your desk of ways that maybe you've recommended how to handle that?
00:22:55
Speaker
the first thing that I do kind of after we've had this conversation of like let's get our head above water right is I do a lot of education around what our stress response is and our stress what's called our stress cycle because I think once we have this context it helps us
00:23:11
Speaker
intervene and manage a little bit more effectively.
Understanding and Completing the Stress Cycle
00:23:15
Speaker
So when I talk to clients about this, basically, we all have this capacity of stress that we can handle before we move into what's called our stress response, which is like that fight-flight-freeze response where we can viscerally feel the difference in our body, in our mind, in the way that we're thinking.
00:23:35
Speaker
And what's really important about knowing that is that once we actually do cross that threshold and the way in which our brain functions is different. And so when we are chronically in this like fight or flight state, the part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex that is
00:23:53
Speaker
responsible for this higher order thinking, so critical thinking, and taking information, exercising judgment, forward planning, that is totally inaccessible. That is not a part of our brain that we are able to use when we are chronically stressed. I don't know if you've had this experience of like... Sorry, you're about to say something. Yeah, it's like... Go ahead. So is this something that you can be in a state in for a really long time?
00:24:22
Speaker
We're not designed to be, but unfortunately we can be. And sometimes if we find ourselves in this like hyperarousal state for a really long time, you might notice, I don't know if this resonates, but you might notice that after a period of time, your body kind of crashes. And we go into this, what's called hypoarousal, where we might notice like our body feels heavy. We have no energy, maybe a little apathy. Like it's like a true,
00:24:48
Speaker
like crashing. Could you get bronchitis for five weeks? You think? One thousand percent. Oh my God, Lucy. I think I'm there. One thousand percent. Yes. There's like so much, I won't bore you with all the research, but there's so much about connected to our, like the actual experience of being in our stress response and our immunity and the way that our body is able to
00:25:12
Speaker
respond to illness. It's fascinating. That is wild. Yeah. That is wild. I had actually been wondering about something similar to that because-
00:25:23
Speaker
I know I have been chronically stressed as mentioned a year. I've been moved. I've been crazy. And then I got so sick and I had heard something where it was like, when you're so stressed out, all of a sudden you have like a change. So we moved into a house and it's like my life kind of started finally falling into place. And then I just, my body was like, okay, I don't have to be so stressed out anymore. You're going to get sick now. And it's like a sickness that I can't kick. And I was like, I wonder.
00:25:48
Speaker
I just felt like inside, I was like, I feel like this is like a response in my body to all of the circumstances that I'm in or I've been putting myself through. It's fascinating to hear that that's a real thing. Oh my gosh. Yes. And it's so like, I know this is such a therapist-y, probably cringy thing to say, but honestly, your body communicates so much.
00:26:13
Speaker
with you, like through physical sensations, through illness, right? And oftentimes when we're chronically stressed, there are other mechanisms happening in our body that either mask them or are diverting our attention. And so sometimes we might've been sick for a lot longer, but when we get out of our stress response, then the body's like, oh yeah, like here's bronchitis, you know, like here's all the things that has been moving, but maybe we didn't realize.
00:26:39
Speaker
Oh my gosh. So wild. Oh, but sorry. And to go back to the, to kind of finish what happens there. So I don't know if you've also had this experience, but when we're in our stress response and that part of our brain is not functioning in the same way. Um, if somebody comes at you with like logic, reason, words, it's like,
00:27:02
Speaker
totally over your head, right? Like we literally cannot process that information. So the strategies that we often use when we're feeling chronically stressed are not as effective because they're targeting that part of our brain. And so there are lots of different ways that we can kind of attack this in terms of like doing more body-based interventions, kind of calming our body down to a state where then that part of our brain comes back online. And then we can hit it with like the planning and the problem solving and the reason.
00:27:31
Speaker
But if we're trying to do that when we're up here, like it just literally doesn't work. I think we're both just like shook at all of this. I know. It's crazy. It's crazy. Well, tell us to more about like you were talking about moving your body. I know in practice, like you also teach yoga. And so can you talk a little bit more about specifically like moving your body, different types of exercises you can do? Because like Lindsay and I are both avid, like
00:28:01
Speaker
Let's go on a walk. We'll tell each other, I'm going on a walk today. I know for me personally, that really helps. My mental state is making time to get outside or go for a walk every day if I can. What types of movement might be good to help reduce the chronic stress and overwhelm?
00:28:20
Speaker
literally anything that feels accessible. It's less important what you're doing, just moving your body.
Physical Activities to Release Stress
00:28:28
Speaker
There's no specific thing. I think anything that is going to feel like it is easier for you to do on a regular basis, because I think we can do it in response to stress, which is helpful, but I think we can do it proactively, like weaving it into your lifestyle that actually over time
00:28:45
Speaker
builds our capacity to manage stress. So we actually are kind of increasing our tolerance. And when we find ourselves kind of like in this, what's called like a stress cycle, and we can imagine this as like a tunnel, right? Like we're starting at the beginning of the tunnel where like we're seeing something brewing, like it's about to be stressful.
00:29:06
Speaker
And then we move through and like we imagine the middle of the tunnels, like we're in it, right? Like toddler's tantruming or something's like not working at work or something like that, we're like dealing with it like right there. We often confuse the removal of the stressor, whether it's the screaming toddler, the deadline at work, whatever it is, as the removal of the stress. And that's not actually true. The stressor and the stressor are different. The stress is like the physiological sensation in our body.
00:29:33
Speaker
And so if you think about whatever the stress is, moving a toddler, whatever it is, when that is taken away, the stressor is moved. We have to go back through the tunnel. We have to finish that stress cycle. One of the easiest ways to do that is movement.
00:29:50
Speaker
And so if we go for a walk, if we do yoga, if we do a spin, like literally whatever it is, if we can move our body, and there are a couple other things too if movement really isn't your thing, like that actually moves us through this tunnel, completes our cycle.
00:30:05
Speaker
And what happens and we might experience is if we don't do that, we stay stuck in the tunnel and then the next stressor comes and then the next stressor comes and then the next stressor comes. And that's when we start to get those feelings of overwhelm and burnout. And we kind of have this sensation for some people that we're stuck in the tunnel with like our gas on the accelerator and the brake. Like we have all of this stuff turning inside of us, but we can't actually move and we can't actually do anything. And that leads to burnout. Yep. Been there.
00:30:35
Speaker
Yeah, so we all need to be moving. That's what I'm hearing. All the time. Not all the time, but try as much as you can. It's 32 degrees out. I need to be out there. Get a walking pad for your new office. I don't know about that.
00:30:51
Speaker
I feel like I have to be outside. There's something about being outside when I'm walking or if I went for a jog. I can't do it on a treadmill. I don't know. Maybe there's some science behind that, but I don't get the same
00:31:06
Speaker
like jazz from it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, but I think that's like, well, yes, going outside of vegan nature obviously is going to be beneficial, but like, I think you're proving the point that like, do what makes you excited. Like do what works. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like treadmill in it, then don't do it.
00:31:23
Speaker
like going outside. So we were moving our bodies where, um, you know, we're, we're not removing the stressor. We're trying to take ourselves through the stress cycle, all of these things that you've talked about. Um, what like, is there anything else that is like a way of us to somehow make it through the tunnel without chronically adding on more and more and more?
00:31:52
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. So there is this fantastic book called Burnout. It's by doctors. I think it's Emily and Amelia and Nagowski. I'll have to double check. They're sisters, right?
00:32:05
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Brené Brown had them on back in the day. Yeah. Okay. I have it on audiobook. I've been meaning it. Yeah. Such a good book. A lot of this comes from their work. So if you want to dive deep and learn about this, I highly recommend that book. But they talk about, I want to say like five or six
00:32:26
Speaker
science-backed ways that you can really move
Alternative Stress Release Methods
00:32:28
Speaker
through the tunnel. So movement is one, breath is one, laughter is one actually, but not like the like, haha, like polite laughter, like true, you know, like real, like authentic belly laughter.
00:32:42
Speaker
A good cry actually is really regulating for our nervous system and not a cry that feels like we are kind of sitting in it for a really, really long time. I mean, like five minutes or so, just to kind of let out and release some of that emotion.
00:33:01
Speaker
Well, if you think about it, sorry to interrupt you, but if you think about it, that's why kids cry so much, right? They can't regulate their emotions and they have to get it out. They can't explain it. I think about that all the time when my four-year-old is having a day. I'm just like, just cry. Just let it out. You just need to get it out.
00:33:25
Speaker
But that makes so much sense. I love a good cry, personally. I know. It's hugely regulating, honestly. A lot of people, there's a stigma around, like, well, this isn't solving a problem. This isn't that. I'm like, actually, it is getting rid of some stress. So it's OK. Let's do this. That's a good point. And I'm trying to think of what the other one was. Oh, actually, this one is a super easy one. A, this sounds weird, but a good,
00:33:52
Speaker
hug like 20 seconds like a real like could even like it could be a partner.
00:33:57
Speaker
could be a pet, but like a real like regulating lean into 20 seconds or so hug where like your body, like you can feel your body relax. Like we are social beings, we co-regulate like finding somebody that feels safe to do that. And also like there's a lot of power in creativity. So like doing something either, it could be related to work that's creative or not. Like it could literally be like,
00:34:27
Speaker
I don't know what a creative activity would be for someone like crafting, knitting. I don't know, I'm not super creative, but something that truly just feels like I'm making something that can kind of like get some of this like internal turmoil, like external and out of my body.
00:34:45
Speaker
I feel like the podcast does that for me, honestly. I feel like Lindsey and I creating this once a week and just hopping on. I really do feel like it's really helped manage my stress level because it's a creative little side thing that we're doing that brings both of us so much joy. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not like it's
00:35:08
Speaker
Like there's a lot of effort that goes into it, but it feels effortless while doing it. So it's funny that you say creativity because I absolutely love to, like I made my daughter's Halloween costume. I spent way more money DIYing this freaking Halloween costume than I would have at the store. But I had, I was, it like brought me so much joy that night. And I was like, I'm not worrying about anything else. I'm just like creating this and I'm watching it come together. And there's so much fulfillment in that.
00:35:35
Speaker
We actually got a question through my Instagram last night for you, and it kind of relates to this, but it was, how can I find something that brings me joy?
Finding Joy and Interest as a New Mom
00:35:46
Speaker
Being a new mom, there's a lot of things going on. How do I prioritize that or find my thing?
00:35:54
Speaker
Yeah, well, I think it's part of like what you just said, right? Like of paying attention to like the Halloween costume, right? Like you noticed that while you were doing it, even if it's momentary or momentarily like being so wrapped up in this, right? Like being so consumed by this, starting to pay attention to the things that are really either peeping your interest
00:36:15
Speaker
that are drawing your energy, I think particularly as a new mom, right? Like I think that if there are things that that feels really far away, if that feels like something that we just have no idea where to even start, I again would start with some of these like basic things, right? Because I think what's hard about being newly postpartum is that we are in survival mode and so it is hard to access and have energy for some of these other things, right? Like who's talking about being creative when you have a two-month-old?
00:36:44
Speaker
Like nobody's worried about that. So I think what I would work with somebody on doing first is like checking in on like, am I sleeping, eating, moving, drinking if water, getting it outside. Once like check, check, check. Once we've got those, then we can start to move up. Okay, now I have the bandwidth.
00:37:03
Speaker
to actually start to think about what is giving me any sort of joy or even if it's not joy yet, what is just peaking my interest? Maybe joy feels far away right now, so what is actually just catching my attention? And then maybe starting to notice throughout the day and out the week what those things are and maybe notice if we have themes or things start to pop up. So I would scale it back
00:37:26
Speaker
And so little bad steps. That makes sense. And don't trust the influencers on the internet that are doing all the things. I know. And we always talk about, Lindsay says, it's like a magazine of their life, all the highlight reels. Well, I think that's something, too. It's like the doom scroll. I always find myself in this doom scroll, and I'm like, why do I feel like there's nothing else I could be doing right now, but I'm stuck in this doom scroll? I know my kitchen needs cleaned, but I don't have the energy to do it. I'm just stuck here. Yeah.
00:37:55
Speaker
I think that that's probably a constant problem with a lot of people. It trickles down to my office too.
Social Media and Parenting Perceptions
00:38:03
Speaker
I can't tell you the last time I had a week where I didn't have at least one mom come in and say,
00:38:11
Speaker
I truly feel like they were the only ones having this experience. I truly feel like everybody else has got it together and I'm like, ugh, we have to start talking to each other. We do. Yeah. It's so isolating.
00:38:27
Speaker
Well, and social media has created... I feel like it was originally intended to create community. Right. And it has gone so far to where there's no community within it at all because it is that magazine. It's the highlight reel. You're seeing isolating things. Totally. Yes. Yeah. You're getting this curated feed.
00:38:49
Speaker
Yes. My husband frequently goes, he hates that I'm on social media in general, and he frequently goes through my people I follow on Instagram and unfollows all the influencers. He's like, you don't need to see any of that. Honestly, it's great for me. I don't miss him. I've never even realized that one. He's like,
00:39:05
Speaker
I deleted like 20 influencers yesterday. It is so funny how you don't really care once it's gone. It's like, oh, why did I ever care so much? I've been there too. Absolutely. I mean, when's the last time we got on social media and got off and you're like, I feel better. I feel so much better. Never. I know. Never happened. I know. Oh my gosh.
00:39:28
Speaker
We're moving into a new year and the new year, new me thing isn't really our thing over here.
Setting Intentional Goals for the New Year
00:39:38
Speaker
But I think a lot of people, especially moms and anyone listening to this episode,
00:39:45
Speaker
We want to just be intentional with what we're doing in the new year and ways of not putting too much pressure on ourselves, reflecting on what happened in the last year. Do you have any tips or do you work with people in this way of setting intentions but not feeling overwhelmed by that process?
00:40:08
Speaker
Totally. Yeah. Yeah. I think if you want a tangent, you guys are all about tangible things to do. Yes. A tangible way that I have found to be really helpful is engaging in this. It's more like a reflective journaling exercise, but really what you're going to do is
00:40:27
Speaker
right out answer the question like if I am at this state next year right and I am like actually happy with the way my year has gone I'm feeling fulfilled in business I am like happy with the way I'm showing up for people in my life
00:40:43
Speaker
and spend a lot of time, well not a lot, but like spend some time writing out with like really specific details. Like what does your life look like? They're like imagine it as if it's happening. Like I am spending my days doing x. I am spending my time with this person. I am engaging in work with
00:41:04
Speaker
whoever I am working in, like what kind of space am I working in? Where am I working? What kind of projects am I working on? And really talk about it as if it is like really happening. And then once you kind of have this clear picture of, okay, December 2024, this is what my life looks like and I am pumped about it, then see if we have this picture, can we then start to take it to, okay,
00:41:27
Speaker
if my life is there in a year, what one to three areas of my life did I put energy and time into now? And see if those one to three things can start to kind of guide the way in which you plan your time, the way you make decisions, the way you kind of look at the next like 12 months of your year. I love that.
00:41:51
Speaker
I know. That's so good. You mentioned earlier, I think it was like five core areas to focus on first, which is sleep, what you're eating, movement. What were those areas? Because I feel like that's the baseline. What's this baseline we need to start with? Because if my life is chaotic everywhere, I don't know if I can pick one to three. I think I just need to start again. Yeah, absolutely. Always start at the beginning. We only move to level two once we're done with those things.
00:42:18
Speaker
So the things that I think about, right, are like, are we sleeping well with their sleep hygiene? Like, are we actually feeling rested? Are we eating regularly foods that make our body feel good? Are we moving our body on a regular basis? Are we getting outside? I also really am curious about relationship health, because we're doing all of this in isolation, we're gonna feel awful. So what are one of our relationships and connection to community like, I think those are kind of my baseline. And then if we can get that, oh, sorry, go ahead.
00:42:49
Speaker
Oh, no. So I wanted to elaborate. I want you to elaborate a little bit on the relationships and community. What are some ways that people can work on that?
00:42:59
Speaker
or implement more of that into your life. Yeah. So I think it's probably different depending on what somebody is experiencing, right? Because I think, I think one, we have to get realistic about our expectations of community kind of going back to this social media piece. Like we get this idea that we're supposed to have this like big group of mom friends and we're supposed to have all of it. Like that's just not, it's just not real. I don't know moms have time for that, honestly. Um,
00:43:24
Speaker
And I usually tell people, if we have one to maybe two or three safe people in our life that we feel like we can be honest and authentic with, then we're good. We're good. And so before we start looking externally to all of these, can I get this big group of friends? And can we have the big play dates? And can we do the thing? Let's start with, what are the actual relationships that I can really show up and be seen?
00:43:53
Speaker
And sometimes that exists, right? Sometimes it takes us like having a little risk, right? Like identifying a safe person that I'm wanting to build that with. And sometimes it's a therapist and that's okay too. Like sometimes that is, if that feels really overwhelming and hard just because of like our own personal circumstances, then maybe we start with a relationship that we know is going to be safe with a therapist that they can kind of work with you to kind of build that into.
00:44:19
Speaker
That's what it took for me. I think I was in a place after my second daughter was born that I reached out to Jen. I was like, hey, I know I can't see you, but do you have anybody in mind? I think that this is the next step for me to really put my mental health, just journey and check. And over the last year, I
00:44:39
Speaker
building a relationship with my therapist. I feel like too, sometimes people feel like it's taboo to talk about going to therapy and it's not something that people want to hear about, but it's so funny that when I've been open about the fact that I'm in therapy, it's encouraged. I feel like other people would be like, oh my gosh, I really need to find somebody. I have been thinking about getting into therapy. What's that been like for you?
00:45:05
Speaker
And, um, like my friend was very open about her therapy journey with me and another like friend of ours. And I think that also kind of led me to be like, okay, I think this is the next step for me. Um, and so, I mean, my relationship with my therapist is like, like so great. You know, I mean, it's just, it is that like safe person that I feel like I can go and talk to aside from my husband, you know, and like,
00:45:31
Speaker
I couldn't agree more. I think it's just life changing.
00:45:37
Speaker
Well, and I think it's so, I mean, I think it's so great that you do share, that you're comfortable to share because certainly not everybody has to, but it does give permission. I think A, give permission for other people to do it, but also for people that are thinking about it, like to actually hear what it's like. Cause honestly, it's like kind of weird at first. You're talking to a stranger about some like really personal stuff. Like it's awkward. It's weird. Um, but it's so, it can be so helpful.
00:46:03
Speaker
It really can. Yeah, definitely. It really can. What else? We've just really covered some really awesome things here. Some ground. I know. I love it. I love it. Lindsay, you had a couple more questions come through. Did you want to ask those? I did. Yeah, let me pull them up real quick.
00:46:24
Speaker
So we had a couple of questions from the audience. Oh, this was a good one. Handling the guilt of wanting to put attention towards cleaning the house or working on your business. I think as work at home moms, I feel this to my core. My house is in constant chaos.
00:46:46
Speaker
Totally. Yeah, sometimes I just have to leave my house because I can't look at it. I just have to, I mean, just go work at a coffee shop because I can't. At least I'm not the only one. I know, I know. So, okay, this, that is such a good one because I think the like,
00:47:01
Speaker
as moms or business owners or both, there are just always competing priorities.
Managing Guilt and Household Balance
00:47:06
Speaker
And prioritizing one thing means that we're not going to be honoring another thing that feels really important. And so something I do a lot with clients, and you don't have to see a therapist to do this, but
00:47:15
Speaker
um,
00:47:20
Speaker
We do a lot of work on, this is going to sound weird talking about cleaning a house, but we do a lot of work around like personal values and about like getting clarity on the things that like truly to your core matter. For some people that is like order and organization and some people that is, you know, there are lots of other things that kind of span the spectrum here.
00:47:40
Speaker
But I think getting clarity on, excuse me, what, like two to three or really three to five values are the most important to you, can help make some of these decisions. Like that, again, feels small in the moment, but lead to a lot of guilt can help make these decisions feel more manageable. So we can say like, okay, I value order an organization in my home. I also value my professional life and development.
00:48:05
Speaker
And if I know that by choosing my professional life, choosing to work on my business, I'm honoring this value. Well, it doesn't make it any better. It doesn't feel any better that we're not honoring this order and organization in our home. But at least we know the decision I'm making is based in substance, feels really important to me, and is aligned for me with how I want to spend my time. It can make those feelings of guilt feel more manageable and feel like we can navigate them a little bit better. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:35
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, like getting clarity on, and there are some ways, and I can share some ways that we can do that even without a therapist. It's something that I do with clients kind of going through values assessments, but you can also look them up on the internet. Honestly, there are some values assessments on there. Or even like thinking about people that
00:48:54
Speaker
you admire, maybe thinking about the things that you admire about them can sometimes illuminate the personal values that feel important to you. There are lots of other ways if you're interested, but I think getting clarity on those two to three things that feel really important can help in this situation. That's smart. That's very smart. That's clever. That is very smart. I did that exercise maybe a year and a half ago, and I do always. I pull out, I have an amount of books,
00:49:22
Speaker
And I pull them out and I look at the values and I'm like, okay, I need to tweak some things or I need to lean into this value a little bit more. Especially even in business, I mean, I try, I talk about this a lot, but I try to craft my offers or my services around the values that I'm trying to build within my life because I feel like it's, you create a much more fulfilling business that way. Totally. Yes. And it becomes, it like feels more sustainable, honestly, if you're doing things that are aligned.
00:49:50
Speaker
And I think when you think about like planning for the new year, if you know your personal values, like really have clarity on them, that's such a good place to start from. And usually to kind of tie back to what we were talking about in the beginning, if we're feeling those chronic, chronic feelings of stress and anxiety, and we kind of look back at what our personal values are and match up how we're spending our time versus our values, there's usually a pretty big disconnect there. So that can be a good way to tie this back to.
00:50:19
Speaker
Yeah. I know what I'm going to do after we get off of here. I'm going to go do assessment.
00:50:26
Speaker
Right? You use your values. I do. I know. I feel like I've learned about this. But Lindsay, I know you did a values session. Training. Yeah, through the DLM program. And I remember writing some stuff out. And then I'm taking that Systemized Your Life class right now. And that's part of the beginning part of it, is defining your core eight non-negotiables, basically. Your things that mean the most to you.
00:50:55
Speaker
And so definitely I'm in practice. It's a daily practice. Yeah, of course. Well, this has been incredible. And I am just so happy that you came on to talk to us. We want to wrap up with a few little fun questions.
00:51:17
Speaker
So the first one is, you are right, we do love a tangible tip. So could you give our audience a tangible tip? It could be personal, business, therapeutic, whatever. Okay. I was debating on which one I want to go. So obviously I already said the breathing thing. That's an easy one. Um, something, okay. Tangible tips. Something I talk a lot with clients about is something called this like glass ball theory.
Glass Ball Theory for Task Prioritization
00:51:41
Speaker
Have y'all heard of this? No. Okay. Have you heard of it? I think I have and I love it. I love it.
00:51:47
Speaker
So if we're talking about going back, your audience is obviously juggling a lot of things. We're all juggling things, right? But not every ball we're juggling is created equally. Some of them are made of glass, some of them are made of rubber, some of them are plastic, right? So getting clarity on what are my glass balls? What are the things that I can never, ever, ever let drop? And what are the things that I'm like, eh, my house can be dirty. And it's not the end of the world.
00:52:12
Speaker
that ball can fall and it'll be fine. But my kid can never fall. My business cannot fall. My marriage cannot fall. But we're getting takeout tonight. It doesn't matter. Being able to know which ones of your glass falls and know that everything else can kind of
00:52:30
Speaker
fall away and we can pick them right back up. Maybe some of them are bouncy and they'll bounce back up by themselves and that's fine too. But that can usually, that's pretty helpful. I love that. I love that one. I love that one. Me too. The next question that we have that's a little fun question is non-business related, but what is something that you're currently loving? So a hobby, a book, something that brings you joy.
00:52:54
Speaker
Um, so first I love like just being connected to like other female entrepreneurs. I'm still so new in this space. So like it's really cool that y'all are doing this and that I've gotten to know people locally too. So that's like a been a big highlight for me. Um, but other than that, I had this really bad habit of like constantly reading. I can never read one book at a time. I've got like two or three constantly. It's terrible. Um, one on audible, one for the morning, one for the, it's so stupid. I love it.
00:53:22
Speaker
Two of the three I'm reading right now I really love. One is like this time of year always makes me want like a little romantic comedy kind of thing, which is like normally not my genre. A Hallmark moment. Yeah. So this one called 12 Dates of Christmas, it's as cheesy as the title. It's lovely. And it's set in the British countryside, so like bonus. Big bonus. I know. Is Jude Law there?
00:53:51
Speaker
I mean, I'm sure if it was a movie, he would be, yes. But y'all, I'm reading this book. I'm actually reading it for the second time. I want to tell every mom about it. It is called Whole Brain Child by Dan Siegel. You've probably seen that. I've seen that, yeah. Yes. 1000% endorse, recommend. If you are a parent, it helps you understand tantrums and all these things in a very different way. I think you told me about that book this summer. Yeah, yeah. I literally haven't read it yet, but I will.
00:54:21
Speaker
I actually think I have it. Oh, great. My terrible habit is that instead of reading multiple books at one time, I buy them all and I don't read any of them. Oh, yeah. No, I do that too. I have one. I'm not alone. Oh, I love that whole brainchild. Okay. We'll have to put the link to these and 12 dates of Christmas. We'll put them in the show notes, obviously.
00:54:45
Speaker
Well, that's me for that one. Well, one of the other questions that I got is, are you accepting patients virtually? So if you can answer that question and then let folks know where they can find you, I think that'd be very helpful. Yeah, yeah. So if you live in Alabama or Texas, yes, I am accepting patients virtually. You can find me at my website. So it's woven without the e-w-o-v-n wellness dot com or Instagram woven wellness is the handle and you can message me there.
00:55:14
Speaker
Are there ways, Jen, that people can obviously follow you online, but are there ways that people can work with you even if they don't live in Texas or Alabama? Yeah. In the new year, I'm going to be offering a new service specifically for female business owners. There are going to be a couple of limited coaching spots for this
00:55:32
Speaker
three-month program that I've designed to help people do a lot of what we talked about in the podcast today. So help get clarity on their values, but bridge the gap between their personal values and how that actually plays out in their business and really feel like we can craft an intentional vision for your business that includes these values and then talk about ways that that can feel and be really sustainable for you long-term.
00:55:59
Speaker
And I love that. Yes. What a great opportunity. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm excited. Good, good, good. Okay. So people can just look on your Instagram or your website for more information about that.
00:56:11
Speaker
Yeah. And if you are specifically interested in that, I would say definitely either send me an email or sign up on my website for email last and that'll be where I'm announcing it first. So that'd be the best way to connect. Awesome. We'll put them in the show now as well. This has been so wonderful. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you all. I'm so glad that I got to be here. Thanks for having me on.
00:56:39
Speaker
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. That's all I could say. What an amazing conversation with Jen Bartlett with Woven Wellness.
00:56:48
Speaker
Amazing, truly amazing. I hope you guys really enjoyed it as much as I know, Betsy and I did. We, I mean, amazing guests to bring on. We're kind of speechless, I think. I think, honestly, yes. Well, make sure you guys are following Jen, keeping up with her. She's at Woven Wellness on Instagram and it's W-O-V-N, no E in Woven.
00:57:09
Speaker
and make sure that you guys are leaving us a review. We would so appreciate it. This is one of our last episodes of 2023 and we got some big goals coming in 24 and your reviews will really, really help. Yes. Your reviews help us break on amazing guests like Jen and keep bringing on really high caliber people. So we would love, love, love to continue to see them come through. We would. We'll see y'all next time.
00:57:38
Speaker
you