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Ripple Resource | Bonus #2
117 Plays11 months ago
In this special Holiday Bonus episode of The Ripple Resource series, hosts Cheech and Nibby tackle the joys and challenges of the festive season. Acknowledging that family time during the holidays can be both meaningful and challenging, this episode is a gift to listeners and the hosts alike, aimed at building resilience and setting mindful intentions. Join them as they share strategies, approaches, and mindsets to embrace for a more aware and fulfilling holiday experience. Breaking away from their usual format, the sister duo engages in an interview-style conversation, reflecting on their holiday experiences and offering insights to help navigate this festive but often complex time of year. Tune in for an episode filled with tips and personal anecdotes to help your holidays a more enriching and internally harmonious time. Happy Holidays to all!
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Overview
00:00:04
Speaker
You're listening to The Ripple Effect with your hosts Cheech and Nippy, a podcast that explores how individual change has the capacity to affect the whole. From neuroscience to donuts, we're two sisters with a deep curiosity for ancient wisdom and modern knowledge, and we're obsessed with learning alongside you because we don't know. Let's dive in.
00:00:29
Speaker
Welcome to another episode of the Ripple Affect podcast.
Challenges of Holiday Family Time
00:00:33
Speaker
This is a holiday bonus episode. With the holiday's past approaching, we acknowledge that family time, while it can be meaningful, has its challenges. This holiday bonus episode is equally for you listening and ourselves, a gift for all of us to build resilience so we can set some intentions and have greater awareness going into
00:00:53
Speaker
the holidays. In this bonus we share strategies approaches and mindsets to try on for the upcoming holiday season. You'll notice this episode doesn't follow any of our normal episode
Hosts Introduction and New Format
00:01:03
Speaker
formats. Instead we decided to ask each other questions interview style about all of our holiday experiences and we got some good info from each other and some good things that we can go into the new year with. We trust it will be helpful for all of you. Happy Holidays!
00:01:28
Speaker
Holiday bonus. I'm stoked to be talking to you. This is gonna be
Chiara's Holiday Preparation as an Empath
00:01:32
Speaker
fun. Okay, this is Kiara's voice, just in case you still need it. Cheer, cheer. This is Isa, Nibi here, my voice. Okay, so we are doing something new for this bonus episode, and we have written questions to ask one another, but we don't know what they are yet. So you're gonna get real off the cuff conversation here.
00:01:58
Speaker
Who wants to start? You start. No, I start. You start. Oh, rock, paper, scissors.
00:02:04
Speaker
No. What? Why not? Look, I'm ready. I don't want to do that. Why not? Because you're afraid you'll lose. Okay, whatever. Okay, ready? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. We've both got scissors. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. I got Rock, her cover, mine. You win. I win. You go first. What? No, you go first. Oh, I go first. Okay, got it. I'm nervous to hear this first question.
00:02:28
Speaker
They're holiday-related, right? Because this is the topic. Yes, they're holiday-related, but I'm actually really looking forward to how different these questions might be. Like, we might be on two completely different, like, pages with this, but whatever. Okay, so my first question has to do with you, Kia ora, being an empath. Oh, God.
00:02:49
Speaker
As an empath, I'm curious how you prepare yourself for an event like the holidays. Okay, as an empath, which is such a weird like identification title, but it's true. I've learned over the years that I have to build it alone time.
00:03:06
Speaker
Like I have to have my own room, my own space when I go places. It's not useful for me to like share a room with someone. I need to have my own space because I need to be able to close the door and like make sure that I can like decompress essentially.
Managing Emotional Energy During Gatherings
00:03:22
Speaker
And it can't be just like a bathroom. It needs to be like a bathroom.
00:03:27
Speaker
sleeping in a bathroom. No, not sleeping. I just mean like going somewhere like able to have a moment, but it's helpful if it's like, you know, not literally not shared space because everybody uses a bathroom, right? So it's like a place where I can go. And it helps if it's an enclosed space, not like being able to go outside is great for a walk, but like something about it being like a place where I can sit and no one can disturb me. Technically, that's nice. I guess this is like when I'm there, but I try not to drink alcohol or like
00:03:57
Speaker
Inebriate myself in any way because it's not even so much the moment of that's fine It's actually like the dull the the recovery of it Like being a little bit more tired or more just out of it hungover or whatever that does not
00:04:12
Speaker
help me take care of myself in the ways energetically that I need to, and emotionally, truly. Because emotionally, that's, I think, the biggest piece of being around any large group, whether it's I go home for family or I stay in with friends or holiday parties.
00:04:28
Speaker
For some reason with the holidays, there's a lot of added energy. I think it's just the end of the year holidays specifically, right? Like Thanksgiving, it's coming to the end of the year. Christmas is coming to the end of the year. Hanukkah, like they're coming to the end of the year. And it feels like there's just like this pressurization that happens for people. And as an empath, when I'm around a lot of that, people might not know it, but there's like a kind of like a low level sound that's going
Empathy, Childhood Trauma, and Personal Space
00:04:56
Speaker
off.
00:04:56
Speaker
And it's like I can like pick up on all of that and if I don't sort through it for myself like oh, that's theirs That's not mine, but obviously I'm a person so I have it to that end of the year pressurization I can have it so it's like being able to just have that time apart from everyone gives me a little bit more Ability to just attune into just me
00:05:20
Speaker
and not all the dynamics because that's the other part of an empath is like I think I feel the dual dynamics, the dynamics between me and somebody else, but then the dynamics of the entire party or the dynamics of like other people interacting. And part of that, honestly, I don't even think is empath and that's being part of like being a traumatized child and having to like be a hypervigilant about everything.
00:05:45
Speaker
So the more I work on myself around hypervigilance, the actually easier it is to be around groups. But it's a tough one. What else do I do? I've learned to build in time after. So I usually drive, say for instance, I'll drive home for the holidays on choice so that I can have that long drive to decompress, to go in.
00:06:08
Speaker
like using the drive going in to like help myself set up mental boundaries and emotional processing. And then on the drive out, like a long drive out to be able to like also decompress from everything I just went through and just be with myself. So that's what I've had the privilege of being able to do. Everybody does. People have to travel with their families or with their kids and stuff, but.
00:06:31
Speaker
You asking me? So I'm saying it. Yeah, that's helpful. That's super helpful. So, OK, just to recap there, I heard to be able to take care of yourself as through the holidays, there are a few things that are you've found are your kind of non-negotiables or the things that are very helpful and one of them being a space for yourself to be able to remove yourself if you need to. That is not a shared space. And I will say going to that space.
00:06:57
Speaker
and utilizing it. I have to utilize it. So I have to take breaks. Like you'll see me just disappear sometimes from a family function, you know, whatever we're doing. Hopefully it's not an inappropriate time, but normally I just like take that time and just go lay down, literally lay down, get under the covers and lay down.
Chiara's Morning Routine for Self-Awareness
00:07:14
Speaker
Because that like reminds me somehow to like check in with myself, like laying flat and being in the covers and like, are you okay?
00:07:21
Speaker
And it sounds like I'm going into a war zone, but it's not. It's just kind of the intensity of being around a lot of energy. So I haven't quite yet learned myself how to function fully while I'm interacting.
00:07:38
Speaker
releasing all of it like all that energy it kind of builds up so I have to like go somewhere and do something that might I hope that's not always the case for me like truly but yeah utilizing that space so going going into the room closing the door sitting when I wake up like not just getting up and leaving the room but like utilizing some of that time in the room by myself before anybody before I interact with anyone in the morning
00:08:04
Speaker
oh when you wake up the morning yeah i thought you meant like you disappear from a party you go immediately into sleep and then you wake up and come back out no i was like wait you're sleeping no no
00:08:19
Speaker
Like little meditations, I don't, yeah. But in the morning, when you wake up in your space, not just getting up and leaving that room, but kind of being like, whoa, how am I? Occupying, setting my own self-awareness of myself before I go interact with people. And then the last thing I realized is while I'm interacting,
00:08:39
Speaker
I need I will I will be way more adamant about reminding myself like not to take people's shit on. Like I have to be really adamant about. That's them, not you. Yeah, that's them, not me. Like, yeah, it's like I have to watch, you know, whoever's preparing the meal, you know, going through their whole whatever and be like, OK, that's that's that person's stress or that's that person's process. Not mine. You know, let and let them have it, you know, just like back off.
00:09:09
Speaker
like back the fuck up from everybody else's stuff. And especially if like dynamics happen from other parents to other kids, like watching that and like really being mindful of like, that is not my, it's not me, it's not my family, it's not my, you know, it's my family, but it's not my inner direct relationship. So I just kinda like separate a lot. Yeah, no one asks you. I love that saying mind your own business and have business to mind.
Staying Grounded with Activities
00:09:34
Speaker
Oh, that's a good one. So it's like, OK, mind your own business, but then have business to mind. Like, what is my deal? What am I doing? What is what can I be doing in this situation? What do I want to be doing in this situation? That is that actually I didn't think about it because it wasn't a conscious coping or tool. But I definitely if you see parties, I will have something to do. Like I used to play video games in college. Like we would have parties, but I would just sit and like play video games.
00:10:02
Speaker
because it was like something to do. But now I'll like clean or I'll be eating. Like eating is a grounding thing that I will do. So you will normally catch me by like if they have food, like a food table, which isn't the healthiest coping, but like it does like help me because it's like something to do. Or if there's an activity, if there's a game being played, like I will engage in those things because it is, it's very helpful to be active, focused on something.
00:10:30
Speaker
And so thereby not to not focus on myself, but actually to like stay more present and engaged with myself and not like caught up in just the thoughts and energy that are all around. That's a great idea, like bringing your own activity. I never thought of that. Like, for example, if you bought a new board game and we have like younger people in our family where you could just bring that to the table or bring that to the event and be like, Hey, you guys want to play this or
00:10:53
Speaker
bringing a puzzle or album to look through that you made that year or people knit art or you know something like bringing something to the table to contribute to the
Isa's Holiday Preparation Strategies
00:11:05
Speaker
event. That's a good idea. I like that idea. Sometimes I'll put myself just silently in charge of taking pictures and video like and so you'll see me like taking a lot of pictures and video because it's an activity that I can enjoy and then it kind of keeps me active. Yeah, I've got a focus. I've brought my camera places before for that reason. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:11:23
Speaker
So those are some I like it Do you feel complete? Yeah that question. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I have mine for you. Okay. Okay. It's funny though because it's the same What do you do to prepare for the holidays and what boundaries do you set up for yourself if any? Oh Okay, so
00:11:40
Speaker
I think I made a point, at least in the past four or five years, to take time for myself before I leave my house. I'll go and read some recovery literature, or I'll call my sponsor, or I'll... Sponsor four. For Al-Anon, my Al-Anon sponsor. Or I'll just take some time to just sit by myself and breathe.
00:12:06
Speaker
to kind of recalibrate because a lot of times I've been cooking to bring something to the event or baking to bring something to the event or getting ready for the event or getting things together or wrapping things or you know there's like action a lot of action involved and I even talking about it can feel like that raising of energy in my system that it's like feels a little bit like low level anxiety raising up you know so just knowing I'm going into
00:12:33
Speaker
an unknown situation. So I'll make sure to just have some time for myself and make sure I kind of recalibrate back to something stable for myself. And then boundaries that I set. Usually I try and kind of have a game plan and I remind myself I can always go for a walk. I remind myself that I'm not the group.
00:12:56
Speaker
And I'm not in charge of calibrating the vibe of the group. I can always go for a walk. That is something that I do. I enjoy naturally, like going for walks. I enjoy it. And it's something that my family now knows that that's something I enjoy.
00:13:12
Speaker
And so if things do get uncomfortable for me, I know that I can do that activity and it won't be judged as anything other than, oh, that's what he said does because she enjoys doing that. But really, it's a self-care technique because nature sues me because I get space away. Confinement can feel heavy for me. Like I use that, you know, it's I feel better sometimes being outside with family members as opposed to inside.
00:13:40
Speaker
So that's something that I do. And as far as boundaries, I don't know, I'm still learning about healthy boundaries and I'm still learning ways to allow people to just be and not have to try and adjust or change or let that affect me so deeply. So I'm still exploring that for sure.
Making Holiday Travel Enjoyable
00:14:01
Speaker
Great. Come on, you feel complete? Yeah, nice. Okay, next question.
00:14:10
Speaker
My next question is how do you make traveling to the holiday more enjoyable? Traveling to?
00:14:21
Speaker
Well I know a lot of people travel for the holidays. They either fly home, they drive home, they take a train ride. A lot of people travel for the holidays. It's a pretty normal thing in our country. So what are some ways that you make that travel more enjoyable for yourself? Because I know you're a good traveler and you really do enjoy the drives and whatnot. What do you do to make it more enjoyable? Because it can be stressful for a lot of people.
00:14:46
Speaker
Oh man, I've never thought about that. Because yeah, it's probably something I look forward the most to. Built in to what the last answer was, was I have consciously used it as a tool to care for myself. So the travel is necessary. I see it as a necessary coping situation. So I think that
00:15:08
Speaker
It frames travel for me going to and coming back from holidays as like part of the necessary care that I like require. So it's very much like built into like, oh, this is a good thing in my mind. I think that travel for me always indicates that something new has started. And so sometimes, especially like if I'm working really hard for myself inside my own home because I work for myself inside my own home.
00:15:39
Speaker
Um, I, it can just like build up as like, Oh, I gotta do all this stuff. I gotta do all this stuff. And then as soon as I like pack my car and get on the road, I'm like, this is something different. This is not what it was. It's an adventure, literally. Like it's like road tripping, um, whether it's in the air or not, but it's like, Oh, I'm doing something different. I use that time well.
00:16:01
Speaker
because I get in stuck in ruts when I'm just in my home, like with my own patterns. So I use the new environment to like jumpstart like different kind of work. It's like this intention to like use the holiday as something that's for me like different time. So if I'm in an airport, I'll bring a podcast or a book that I want and I haven't started. Like, oh, this is the time to start it or a journal, right? Like, oh, I don't usually get to journal. I have been able to journal. So I'm going to do this.
00:16:28
Speaker
You know do that now and it takes a discipline to not go into work, but do the journal But it's kind of like a setup for myself if I'm in a car I will notoriously get like an audiobook that I've been wanting to start and it's a long drive for me So I'm like, oh I get to do this audiobook those things just kind of feel like I guess new and different This is how I frame it. I like that
00:16:48
Speaker
Yeah, I like how you said you start something. You don't just like go back into a book that you've been reading, but you start something new and mark it as something. Yeah, I like that approach. I've definitely used trips to prep. I will say like this, like if I'm avoiding work work, like I have to. I remember one time I had a show I was prepping for and I hadn't written the intro.
00:17:11
Speaker
And I used the drive to write the intro, you know, or like sides that I was meant to prep for an acting thing that was coming up and I hadn't been getting into it. And then I'll use the drive to like have the sides on my, you know, traveler seat, my shotgun seat and all like.
00:17:27
Speaker
Look at them. I'm like, okay here music and podcasts for a little bit But now I need to turn that off and get into the sides. So it's flexible work It's things that I can do but it yeah, it's creative probably which is nice So yeah using it as a jumpstart is one way that I've traveled. Well, I think I like that I like that a lot. Do you bring snacks? I
00:17:49
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've learned over the time. Actually, my husband is the one who got me into this. He one time was like, what are your favorite snacks? I just want to have them all the time around you. I'm like, that's nice because it's like he wanted to avoid me getting hangry and becoming this other person. So then I took the cue and I was like, I should probably do that for myself. So actually, I travel like I always have trail mix chocolate water.
00:18:15
Speaker
I have an absorbent amount of water anytime I travel or a bottle to fill somehow and some fruit, some kind of fruit that I will always bring. I think snacks make travel better for me for sure. Yeah, they're a good traveler too. Can I just ask you that question?
00:18:31
Speaker
Yeah, I usually don't have as far to travel for the holidays. So like I said, I usually do my prep stuff before I leave the house. And then the drive is just a normal drive. But going further, doing travel, I definitely made a point to set my intention to let it be fun instead of brutal. So prepping a guilty pleasure podcast or a magazine that I don't normally buy for myself.
Meeting a Partner's Family and Personal Growth
00:19:00
Speaker
and thinking the thoughts of, oh, maybe I'll meet an interesting person, or a really nice person, or maybe I even said this the other night, maybe I'll see somebody I know, because that's happened to me and it's really fun. I ran into someone I knew in high school in Italy once, and I ran into some Soham locals in Mexico once.
00:19:22
Speaker
And I'm like, wow, you're here? That's crazy. And that's like a fun thing. So I was kind of prepping myself. Like, what if I saw somebody new in the airport? Like, that'd be fun. So just kind of like prepping myself to make it be a fun experience. That's a good primer for your brain.
00:19:38
Speaker
I realize, um, maybe not everybody feels this way, but I really enjoy the novelty of travel in that, like, even if I've been to an airport before, or been on a drive before, like, the same drive, the weather's different, the sun is different, the, like, there's construction somewhere maybe different, like, the airport's like, oh, what's this airport gonna be like? Like, I'm, I will take pictures in airports, because I just think it's,
00:20:05
Speaker
interesting and then the people getting to be around people again from COVID and getting to people watch and just I often will watch people go by in airports and be like well what's their story what's what's their life what a date where are they coming from where are they going or watching people line up to like a country or a city I've never been to be like whoa wonder if they live there or they're coming from there or like so I'm watching people's dynamics what's that
00:20:30
Speaker
Sonder what's that when that happens? It's I don't know the exact exact definition, but it's like when you have a moment where you It all hits you at once that every single person has their entire own lives. Yeah I love that and their own interconnectedness and their own stories and they're just like whoa all these people have what I have like I
00:20:52
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know why also I know this isn't the case for everybody, but for some reason airports put me at ease. That's really probably not the case for people. I realized that I've never had to travel for business. I've always had to got to travel for pleasure. So I don't have a need to get anywhere at a certain time. And I do notice the difference between people who
00:21:13
Speaker
are clearly traveling because they need to get somewhere on time. And the level of anxiety or the stress that I see on others versus me where I'm like, if the flight's delayed, I don't care. It does not bother me or I cannot do anything about it. It's a place in my life where I'm very uncharacteristically surrendered to like, can't do anything about it, like a grocery store line being long.
00:21:38
Speaker
What are you going to do? You know those kind of things, but it just feels that way in the airports and I don't. Maybe it's because I've traveled since I was five. Like I have traveled since I was tiny and it just feels like really like I want, I want to be doing that. So I don't know how I'd have zero advice for someone who just doesn't feel that way. Like I wish I did. I don't know. Everybody's different. Everybody's so different. Yeah. It's really true. Is it my turn? No, I'm going to ask you.
00:22:02
Speaker
Okay, because I kind of dug you in the travel one. You're traveling back east. You are on a different kind of trip, one that I think many people may be able to relate to. You are meeting your partner's parents for
Desire for a Low-Pressure Holiday Season
00:22:18
Speaker
the first time?
00:22:20
Speaker
This parent, this parent, you met one parent and now you're meeting the other parent for the first time and you're traveling to their space. Yes, to meet. I had all kinds of feelings when this happened for me. So I'm very curious about though, what do you have in terms of expectations?
00:22:37
Speaker
And what are you feeling about that going into that scenario? Because I think that might be, for certain people, holidays do mean the first time that they are meeting the other person's families, or even friends, like maybe going to other people's homes. Or that kind of event, that kind of thing that brings people together for the holidays isn't always your family. It's another's family. And that can be interesting. So I wanted to hear what your thoughts are.
00:23:05
Speaker
Yeah, I hadn't put too much thought in it. Let me dump it on you. Yeah, I feel at ease because I got to read a text from his dad to him that said, well, if she loves you, then I already love her.
00:23:20
Speaker
And so that made me feel very much at ease knowing that there was that level of connection between them and that they included me in that. Just immediately made me feel just at ease and excited to meet them and get to see them together and get to see the home that I've heard a lot about.
Consumerism and Personal Traditions
00:23:42
Speaker
I'm just looking forward to that part of it. Yeah.
00:23:45
Speaker
Cause you've met other parents, previous partners too. So maybe just like pulling that whole experience. Cause if you have anything that like how you deal with that situation in general.
00:23:55
Speaker
You know, I think I've always looked at how much I care about my partner and how grateful I am that they exist. And then I know that I'm going to meet the people responsible for that. And that always helps like frame the way I approach them being one of gratitude for that individual.
00:24:21
Speaker
And we all, we're humans, we're all humans. And so I acknowledge this because one person is somebody's parent, you know, doesn't mean they don't have all the hang ups of being human, you know? And so I try not to place them on a different level than myself just being
00:24:42
Speaker
human and and I have felt uncomfortable and out of place before and I think Reminding myself and really like take take that time and space to To talk to myself to self dialogue and be like well, this is the situation you're in you're not less than you're not you know, just because it doesn't feel comfortable doesn't mean it's wrong and
00:25:06
Speaker
really kind of have some self-dialoguing with myself to be able to get to a place of comfort in my own skin because I haven't always felt comfortable in my own skin. I've had insecurities and been in situations that exacerbated those insecurities. And so having to really work, do the work during the situations is
00:25:30
Speaker
challenging, but taking the time to do them has been helpful to me. Oh, that's so good. Yeah, that's I love that. I love that. That's great. And let's break to feed your dog.
00:25:58
Speaker
Welcome back. Mooch is fed. And Nugget is chewing on a bone, my dog. So if you hear her in the background, that is what it is. But it's better than Nugget barking. Always. You're welcome. Whose turn is it? My turn. OK. Your turn to ask me. All right, let's go. OK. Kia ora. I wish everyone could see the look you have on your face right now. It's so intense.
00:26:21
Speaker
Four. What was it? One million? You couldn't remember one million dollars? That's the whole movie. Well, like I thought it was, but then I was like, really? Was it a million? And it doesn't seem like very much money now. That's a long time ago that movie came out. That show was intriguing when it first came out, right? It wasn't a show, it was a movie.
00:26:39
Speaker
Oh, it was a show. Oh, you mean the, like, but it wasn't called Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Oh, it was. You just pulled that out. My bad.
Embracing Personal Holiday Experiences
00:26:49
Speaker
Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Okay. Okay. My question to you is, what is one thing you want to bring with you into this holiday season? Honestly? Kindness to animals and freedom?
00:27:04
Speaker
That's a joke only our family will get. That's good. Honestly, it's going to sound weird, but not caring. I really just want to bring in to this holiday season, not making it a big deal.
00:27:19
Speaker
Not because it doesn't deserve anything, but just enjoying the time I have with the people I have and not making it any bigger thing than just whatever it is it is. I think that's kind of reflective in my plans. I don't have any plans.
00:27:35
Speaker
I don't really I'm not like it doesn't feel pressure to like oh, I need to go see family or oh I need to do this or I need to make sure it's something and I'm just kind of like it's the holidays, but it's kind of like well It's just a season and I'm more looking forward to like the season like changing Than any particular event that season. I think that's right for me Yeah, that feels good for you. I like that Thanks for asking. Mm-hmm
00:28:06
Speaker
My question to you, Isa. What does family time bring to you? Like, how does it give to you? And what, if anything, does it take away? I think family time allows me to, helps me to shed the idea of being all the way put together because I know my family accepts me regardless of if I have things figured out or not.
00:28:34
Speaker
And so it helps me when I'm around them, I just I feel accepted in my process. And it helps me remember that like that, that it's okay to not have it all figured out. And that I still am doing stuff that is influential to the younger people in in my life in my family.
Closing Remarks and Gratitude
00:28:54
Speaker
You know that it's I'm not doing nothing, you know, it also allows me to just be silly and be myself. And it brings me joy in that. There's a bond. That I have with my family members, it's really. Unique. And it feels good to be able to be around people that really have known me for so long.
00:29:24
Speaker
In one way, I think that can be challenging because they think, oh, she's just that certain way. And then they expect you to show up as that old version of you. But I'll say I feel like I have a lot of freedom in my family to reinvent myself and hold my own of what's new for me or what I'm wanting for myself. Did you always feel that way about family time?
00:29:45
Speaker
No. No, I don't think so. Definitely not. But I think with like my own personal maturity that has come, like I think that my relationship and what I get out of my family is framed by what I've chosen to focus on and get out of my family.
00:30:02
Speaker
I don't leave it up to chance of what I get from those experiences. I think I've trained myself to frame my relationship with my family in a way that I can take what I need and leave the rest. I have absolutely observed that in you as a change, as a shift from
00:30:31
Speaker
It's an observable shift of something that you have, I don't want to say gained, but.
00:30:38
Speaker
definitely optically. I can see that being different from previous times being home with you and seeing that. Yeah, it's actually a nice model to watch, like watching sitting next to you being like, oh, oh, you can just do it like that. You can just just do that. You know, it's wonderful. It's a good reminder. And what does it take away? If anything, what does family time take away?
00:31:07
Speaker
I think it takes away some of my autonomy a little bit, I think in certain ways.
00:31:15
Speaker
I feel when I feel a part of my family, I kind of lose my individuality a little bit in that I feel that old pool to be a part of the unit and fall in line. And that's not always a healthy line to fall into. And so sometimes it feels really good to be a part of the whole mix. And I want that so badly to feel accepted and a part of something.
00:31:39
Speaker
that I'll drop into it and I'll kind of lose my individuality and what's really important for my own well-being and health and mental health. So sometimes that's a line that I tow and something that being a part of the family unit can sometimes take away from me. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Mm-hmm. For sharing.
00:32:05
Speaker
My question? Yeah, your turn. Okay. What do you want for the holidays? You know, this echoes the previous answer, but I kind of want them to
00:32:19
Speaker
There's so much crazy shit happening in the world that for my own personal life right now, I think I just want it to feel like nothing, like just an ease into whatever the normalcy means, but just like, no big deal. Just like any other day.
00:32:40
Speaker
And I don't mean that like I'm gonna celebrate it's gonna be wonderful, but I just With nothing that needs to feel too ramped up or too emphasized or make it make too big a deal about these these days because they're not
00:32:57
Speaker
I think they are what we make them. And so it's, what are we really celebrating here? And for me, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Not because of where it comes from, it's origin, because let's be honest, it's fucked.
00:33:15
Speaker
Plain and simple. Glad they're trying to call it something else right now, but it's always going to be this, you know, whether you call it Indigenous Day or Thanksgiving, it's kind of the origin spot. But for me personally, the way that I celebrate that is it's nice because it's it's a gratitude day. It's a time to come around and I love food. I love company. I love gathering. There's not presence exchanged for Thanksgiving, right? It's just this kind of like, let's all get together and have a good time and share a meal and
00:33:45
Speaker
be grateful and for me like that's an attitude and a like a celebration time that is very core to who I am so I want that to like resonate all the time and that feels like a good thing to celebrate and to make time and space for. I get excited for Thanksgiving because that's kind of like a favorite but I just mean like toward the end of the year and and any kind of
00:34:09
Speaker
celebrations toward the end of the year I just feel like they can get again pressurized or ramped up in such a way all that energy of the year having to feel like it has to go somewhere I kind of hope that it can just feel more like
00:34:26
Speaker
less of a buildup and more of like already releasing naturally gradually to then just be able to go swiftly into the demarcation of a new year. And while in the past new years has been a really helpful thing for me in terms of like, okay, that's done something new to begin with momentum energy towards something new.
00:34:46
Speaker
I kind of have really appreciated everything I've gained this year. So I don't want it to start anew. I don't want to tie things up, wrap things up. I want it to feel like a continuation. That's what I want the holidays to be, is something that can just feel like, okay, this is now the season.
00:35:05
Speaker
That's what's nice, it's like winter starts but it continues. The new year doesn't have a moment in the season of the actual movement of the globe, you know? Like December 31st means nothing to the planets fitting around the sun.
00:35:23
Speaker
zero solar connection. It, you know, so and the seasons are the same, you know, so I think it's like my celebrations that are more like obvious to me are like the solstices. And yeah, we have one toward the end of the year, the shortest day of the year. But that just is the continuation. It's like, OK, it goes to being the shortest day when we're, you know, the closest to the sun and then and then we we continue on. So I'm hoping that will feel like that.
00:35:54
Speaker
Yeah, I like that. All right. My question to you, Isa, is if you could change one thing about the holidays, what would it be? Consumerism? Can you say more? That's the first thing that comes to mind. But I guess it's not all holidays. But I think the commercialization of holidays and the the fact that
00:36:19
Speaker
It's like things get lost in all of that. I think of it similar, I've seen it in weddings where the matrimony, the connection, the vow, the thing that's happening, those two people coming together and making that commitment to one another gets lost in the event-ness and the hoopla of it all. Spectacle. Yeah.
00:36:46
Speaker
you know, recently, like learning about our Constitution and what, you know, what our country was started in. It seems like a lot of it is like a similar vein of like, oh, there's something really special happening here. But then it gets lost in all this hoopla of
00:37:04
Speaker
modern day politics, you know, and I think holidays of the gathering of people together, the gathering of loved ones, the essence of having enough food to eat and being together and creating ritual and
00:37:25
Speaker
something that's meaningful that you can come back to every year that is habitual for the children and the next generations and having that thing that you create as a family, whatever that is, whatever you're celebrating, I feel like sometimes it gets lost in the commercialization of consumerism. Can I ask my next question? Because it's kind of a perfect dovetail. What are some traditions that you'd like to create within yourself or externally around the holidays?
00:37:55
Speaker
That's a good question. Can you say it again? What are some traditions that you'd like to create within yourself or externally in the holidays? Within myself, the tradition of making a really conscious effort to at least at one point or more. I think I can work to get to a place of more than one, but starting with one
00:38:22
Speaker
really conscious effort to be really present and really take in all the people that are around me, the environment that I'm in, and kind of like snapshot it for my mind and my heart. I think that would be a tradition for myself in holiday situations that I'd like to internally do.
00:38:45
Speaker
and then externally think something fun or silly. I'll have to think on that, but I think it would be fun to start something fun or silly that really kind of stands out in all our minds.
00:38:58
Speaker
that I don't know revolves around like laughter or something kind of outrageous or like a polar bear plunge or something of that nature that kind of gets us all out of our maybe out of the house or out of the norm. Something random or different. I'll have to give more thought to the external version, but I think that would be that would be fun. Awesome. Those are all my questions. I took the last two to you. So you might have one more or two.
00:39:27
Speaker
I don't know. Okay, so going into the holidays, knowing that our listeners are listening to this going into the holidays and hopefully we gave them some valuable insights. Do you have any direct advice?
00:39:44
Speaker
for anyone who's going into the holiday and wants some like actionable concrete things to do to make sure they maintain themselves and their own like self awareness. Hmm. I don't know. I'm not so big on advice because like I don't know.
00:40:08
Speaker
Okay, then let's go the other way around with it. So do you have any ideas for yourself of what could work for you going into the holidays to make sure you maintain your self awareness and your mental health and your intentions that you're set for yourself of letting it be just like a continuation and ease and notions that you mentioned earlier?
00:40:33
Speaker
Yeah, and I think I can offer both. I'll share for myself and then I think I can offer not advice but maybe just like learnings I've come across. So yeah, one and the same. I think for me right now what comes is like being able to look at my schedule actually.
00:40:52
Speaker
because I think I get caught a little bit in no man's land of just putting my head down and grinding away the thing in front of me and I don't look up until shit it's Thanksgiving or oh it's Hanukkah or oh man it's Christmas like the New Year's here so I think being able to this is a great conversation with myself because I can look and go like okay let me put a calendar
00:41:11
Speaker
make it fun and use my whiteboard calendar and you know kind of plot out okay if I if I plan if I want to do this if I want to feel this way or if I want to bring something nice to this dinner like how far out in advance for me on my schedule do I need to start
00:41:30
Speaker
When do I need to go shopping? When do I need to go to the grocery store? Like, when do I need to look at that recipe or whatever so that I don't back myself into that corner and feel the pressure of like, shit, it's tomorrow and I don't, you know, like didn't look at that. I'd like to be a person who is more intentional with my time because as my friend Coral pointed out, I'm really confident with time and I'm terrible with it.
00:41:56
Speaker
It's a very weird thing that I didn't even recognize. Like I'm so confident with time. I think I can do everything in an hour.
00:42:04
Speaker
whether it's like make a turkey or like finish an Excel sheet, like, oh, this will take an hour. Or drive somewhere, like, I know that takes an hour and a half. And I'll be like, that's an hour, why? That's so weird. And I'm so confident. And the very confidence leads me to be bad with time. I'm late, like I run late. That is not someone who's good with time. You know what I mean?
00:42:31
Speaker
How the fuck can I be so confident with something? And what's weird about that is then the other side of it is that I'm like not confident other things that I'm actually really good at on it. Why is this time thing the thing I'm confident that I should not be confident with time? Wait, didn't we do a coaching session around that for you? And it was so useful. Did we record it?
00:42:51
Speaker
I wonder if you could go back to that. I should because I remember I got better after that coaching because it was like, well, what's my time? Like, what's my relationship to time? And it was all tied up in some weird shit. So that I recall that vaguely went into what your your relationship with time, my relationship with time. And it really helped her a little bit. Like you and I were talking earlier about how some tools can really work.
00:43:12
Speaker
sometimes. Oh, yeah. We were talking about walking downstairs. I did this Sunday live exercise where I had people in order to get out of their heads. You walk downstairs or climb down a ladder into your body. That was a tool I used and went too often. And then it kind of faded. I forgot about it until you were talking about earlier. That tool was
00:43:34
Speaker
really dope. For me too, it was really helpful. I gotta remember that one, put it in my back pocket and use it. Yeah and the relationship to time was like pressurized and from all these different like beliefs I had and so I should look back at that recording. But anyway, so going into the holidays I think it would be nice if I was aware of my relationship to time and what I need to enjoy the gatherings that I'm gonna go to.
00:43:58
Speaker
And then looking at a little bit of planning, again, not to plan to like have some big new year or like break through like once January 1st starts, I'm a new person, but more kind of maybe some long term planning of like, well, what does March look like?
00:44:16
Speaker
What would February look like? What is you know what? Write some things down. We talked about that earlier, too, like the power of when you actually physically write something on a piece of paper, the likelihood of being able to do that thing or it goes up significantly, significant percentage. I don't know the percentage, but I remember reading it and being like jaw drop. Wait, what is that for real? And it's like in a peer reviewed journal article. I'm like, no, that is for real.
00:44:43
Speaker
Yeah, 100. So I'm looking forward to now that this conversation has happened to be able to kind of maybe look at like, okay, are there some things and again, like plotting out because that's clarity coaching that I rarely do for myself and love to do for others. But just taking the time to break something down.
00:45:00
Speaker
backwards to forwards, going like, okay, if that thing's in March and I wanna have that done, what gets done right before that? And then what's right before that? And then if I need to do that, what would happen right before that? And then backing it up and being like, oh yeah, I needed to start three months ago. But instead of that being like, no, I'm gonna start now and it's actually not gonna get done in March, it's gonna get done in May. And I can feel the relaxation in my system be better because they go, okay, that's more of my realistic timeline.
00:45:26
Speaker
Yeah, and being able to chunk down those big ideas, the goals you have for yourself, just being able to implement them slowly and consistently is so much more useful and sustainable. Chip away and feel good about those little chips. And that's, I think, the same for
00:45:46
Speaker
pretty short amount of time because it is only like six weeks you know or like last to the end of the year um and and that's just for our culture of what we celebrate right like there's many other holidays in between and and and after but the the predominant ones like that that feels nice to me to be able to kind of look at these six weeks or whatever it is and just kind of be like okay well
00:46:10
Speaker
Well, what do I want? And for me, I already kind of recognized it, but didn't realize it till this conversation was that I don't really want to go anywhere. And I don't really want to do much in terms of travel or, you know, gathering too much. I feel already called to more of an incubation time and giving myself permission to do that.
00:46:37
Speaker
And I think part of it is because I just got done traveling. So that's a yeah, I already got that done for myself this year. Well, thank you for sharing. Can I ask you that? Because I'd love to hear your perspective. Do you have any advice for anyone going into the holidays? Yes. OK, so here's a really helpful. Let's I really want to share this because it's been so helpful to me and I know that holidays
00:47:04
Speaker
you know, there can be differing opinions and different politics and different ways of being and different just discipline techniques with, you know, your sister's kids and all kinds of stuff, you know, it can be very polarized and just
00:47:24
Speaker
Conflicts can arise that is that is a reality in a lot of families and a lot of homes And this has helped me in so many situations Just using the phrase you might be right Mmm When you really disagree with somebody and you think like they're wrong And you want to fight for your opinion and you want you want to change their mind or whatever it is you're in it's very
00:47:53
Speaker
It de-pressurizes situations. It de-escalates situations when you just say, you might be right.
00:48:03
Speaker
because they feel like they're heard and you don't have to let go the fact that you also might be right and they could be wrong. That's great. So your own mind, you're not giving over saying like you're right, but you are saying like and acknowledging you might be right. I think that's a good phrase and I think it can serve people in gatherings and in the holiday season.
00:48:27
Speaker
And then the other one that's been really helpful for me in in just in relationships and in general, when I can remember to use the framework is super, super. It helps me to stay quiet. And that is the acronym Think. So before you say anything, remember to think. Is it thoughtful? Is it honest? Is it intelligent? Is it necessary? And is it kind?
00:48:55
Speaker
And if it's not all of those things, don't say it. Those are a lot of things to ponder. Can you say those again? You got to stop and think. Is it thoughtful? Is it honest? Is it intelligent? Is it necessary? And is it kind?
00:49:13
Speaker
And it gives you time to be in yourself. So you're not just talking over people, you're being intentional with your words. And if you follow that guideline, your relationships and what comes out of you is ran through a really clear filter system.
00:49:35
Speaker
And it can be challenging. Like I said, it helps me to be a lot quieter of a person. Because when I run what I think I want to say through that framework, a lot of times it's not necessary. Necessary. You know, a lot of times it's not intelligent.
00:49:53
Speaker
So I don't know or or any of the other ones thoughtful. But those two things you might be right. And using that filter system of think I think is really both of those have been really helpful for me in my interactions with other people, especially people that I love a lot and I, I believe deserve the best version of me. Hmm. I can see that it would make you like pause and reflect rather than just say things.
00:50:23
Speaker
That's useful.
00:50:26
Speaker
Yeah, it gives you space, gives you space to act how you want to act instead of just reacting. So that's my advice. That's good advice. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I don't. I'm glad that you're giving me advice at this moment. I don't feel like I have like. Yeah. Well, those I mean, those things are not I think they're just good tools. Yeah. You know, they're good tools. So I'm not advising a specific thing. But if you know, if those
00:50:57
Speaker
Seem like they would be useful for you like pick them up and try them on you know I think that's that's the advice is like try it if it sounds like it could be helpful to you and if not Yeah, and I think I will I will say Thinking of people listening that ones. I love like listening like that delicate reminder inside yourself that you deserve to take up space that you do matter and
00:51:23
Speaker
inside of any kind of dynamic like you do count like and you do contribute and it can be in whatever way that that you want that to be so if it's not going to the holidays maybe that's you contributing because you're contributing to yourself or it is showing up and needing to take breaks or not doing so much for the group or doing
00:51:52
Speaker
or doing more like whatever it is that is you deciding for you I think is is a good thing for autonomy and a good thing for your own agency and a reminder that like regardless again so it's the holidays like so what like it's still it's still your life and it's still your time and it's still like you navigating your life and your time and you matter and I want I want that for my people my community and my almost clan
00:52:22
Speaker
Yeah, we got this guys. Yeah. And people who don't have families to go to or, you know, don't have their parents this year or don't have, you know, their kids that it's just knowing that even if you don't have the idea of a full holiday of what it once was or could have been or will be in the future, like maybe you don't have the love around you that you, you know, want. Know that we love you.
00:52:51
Speaker
Yeah, you matter. Yeah, you know, like it doesn't have to look any way. But this time, again, like the season coming into a summer, a winter solstice is a time that like looks different than it than the rest of the year. So like, how can it look different for you? And how can you make that your own? Yeah, I feel feel empowered to like,
00:53:16
Speaker
It gets to be whatever you want it to be. That's what's really important, too. I think we're so hammered in this idea of what the holiday should quote unquote should look like and how everything should go down and what a loving family does. Yeah, the Instagram like world that we live in. There's always that alternate reality that is shown to us now.
00:53:41
Speaker
in a curated way that never existed before. I think that's the antithesis or the antidote rather to commercialism and that kind of thing you were talking about earlier might be to like make your own. Because I think about that for weddings. I've been to an absorbent amount of weddings. I've been to like 40 something weddings and I'm like, yeah, that reality of watching that many times, the same kind of thing.
00:54:11
Speaker
Is the ones that I feel like gave permission to make it their own To not just individualize the ritual like oh, this is how we do this same thing But to be free enough to like know this is how we're gonna do this or I could just even speak for myself like My wedding wasn't no wedding. It was just me and my husband Literally the person who married us and that was it and it was on the fly and I didn't know
00:54:39
Speaker
I didn't know that's what I wanted until I was in it because no one ever showed that picture because that doesn't make money. You know, like that we didn't have a venue. We were on the beach like none of that makes money. But when I was in it, I was like, oh, this is what I wanted. And I wouldn't have known that because it wasn't sold it.
00:54:55
Speaker
So being able to create whatever it is that you need outside of that consumer circle can be valuable and inside it too. I watch families build beautiful things because they have the privilege to give that to their kids and put all the decorations up and it's wonderful. And I think there's just the spirit of why, you know, like, why are you doing that? Why?
00:55:20
Speaker
Is it important to you? That's really what matters. And if it's not important to you, and it's causing you stress, like, maybe that shouldn't, maybe it doesn't need to be important, you know? Like, what's more important? Like you tell the dogs, leave it. Leave it. Leave it. That's you, not us. That's them, not us.
00:55:38
Speaker
All right, I think that that's all I got. Yeah, I think so too. Thank you for listening. Hope that you all have a good holiday season. Yeah, we're here. We're always here. Yeah, hit us up. And we're truly thankful for this project and what it's bringing us and the people that it's bringing us closer to. Well said. OK, I think we did it. Listen.
00:56:09
Speaker
I don't know what we did, but we did it. Look, unattainable ideals are overrated. We're way more connected and deserving than society's false sense of separation dictates us to be. You're not just one person. You're enough. Your effort is enough, and change is possible. Question the standard that says otherwise, because what if almost is good enough?
00:56:35
Speaker
Just by tuning in, you're part of our clan. Not in a cult way, though. We don't know how far this ripple can go, but we're going to keep showing up. And we'll never get to perfection, but we're all going to be OK if we let the process be the solution and we see the value in the attempt.
00:56:53
Speaker
Thanks for listening to another episode of The Ripple Effect. We're looking forward to exploring a different facet of change with you next Tuesday. Same time, same place, next week. For show notes and additional resources, check out our website at rippleeffectpod.com. That's affect with an A. Kia ora has worked diligently to make our website interactive.
00:57:15
Speaker
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00:57:38
Speaker
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00:58:01
Speaker
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00:58:29
Speaker
A special thank you, love and credit to the magnificent Mia Casasanta for this beautiful music you're listening to right now.