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Tactical Bite | Self-Esteem Unveiled: Where Do You Stand on the Spectrum?
90 Plays10 months ago
In this episode of The Ripple Affect's Tactical Bite, your host, Isa (aka Nibby), takes the reins to explore the nuanced terrain of self-esteem. With a mix of personal insights and research findings, Isa delves into the various dimensions of self-esteem—ranging from excessively high to low—and how it intricately shapes our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. Unpacking the origins of self-esteem, Isa offers a candid look at its developmental roots, highlighting the impact of childhood experiences, societal pressures, and internalized beliefs.
Navigating through the landscape of high self-esteem, Isa addresses the potential pitfalls of arrogance and entitlement. Conversely, she compassionately addresses the challenges associated with low self-esteem, acknowledging the negative thought loops that can impact one's confidence and well-being. The episode unfolds as a practical guide, providing actionable steps to reverse engineer self-esteem, fostering self-awareness, positive relationships, and a healthier self-image.
Isa's engaging narrative draws on relatable anecdotes and thoughtful insights, creating an inviting space for listeners to reflect on their own self-esteem journeys. The episode culminates with a set of tangible strategies, empowering individuals to climb the rungs towards a more realistic, healthy, and balanced sense of self. Whether you resonate with healthy self-esteem or find yourself navigating the challenges of lower self-esteem, this episode offers a compassionate and informative exploration of a crucial aspect of our human experience.
So, tune in and join Isa on this insightful journey to unravel the complexities of self-esteem, celebrating the potential for growth, resilience, and self-acceptance. Don't miss out on this enriching conversation that paves the way to a more empowered and authentic self. Enjoy!
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Transcript
Introduction to 'The Ripple Affect'
00:00:05
Speaker
You're listening to The Ripple Affect with your hosts Cheech and Nippy, a podcast that explores how individual change has the capacity to affect the whole. From neuroscience to donuts, we're two sisters with a deep curiosity for ancient wisdom and modern knowledge, and we're obsessed with learning alongside you because we don't know. Let's dive in.
Exploring Self-Esteem: Definition and Spectrum
00:00:29
Speaker
Welcome to this week's tactical bite.
00:00:32
Speaker
Ever think about how your underlying self-esteem is affecting your self-image and thus all of your behaviors? No? No one? Well, I do, and this episode is going to get into that question and give you some applicable tips to raise your self-esteem if it's low. I'm Isa, AKA Nibi or Nibbs, and I am the co-host of this amazing sister-run podcast that is currently playing on your device. Thank you for listening.
00:01:00
Speaker
Now, before I dive into self-esteem, I think it's important to define what it is and make a few distinctions. Esteem on its own is defined as respect and admiration, typically for a person. Self-esteem can be defined as confidence or satisfaction in oneself, how much you like or appreciate yourself, regardless of your circumstances.
00:01:22
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But the definition that stuck with me from my research is the belief in your own value dictated by your thoughts and feelings, positive or negative, about yourself. So, essentially, an individual's subjective evaluation of his or her own worth as a person.
00:01:40
Speaker
The overarching term associated with self-esteem is self-respect. This concept is based on a scale ranging from excessively high to low. And we all find ourselves at various points on this scale of self-created worth at different times and in different aspects of our lives. This is because it is rooted in our thoughts and feelings, which, as any well-rounded person will affirm,
00:02:05
Speaker
are fluid and pliable. Overly high self-esteem is marked by feelings of superiority to others. People with overly high self-esteem are often arrogant, self-indulgent and express feelings of entitlement. Individuals with low self-esteem often experience feelings of inferiority compared to others. They generally lack self-confidence, engage in negative social comparisons, struggle with asking for help, may incessantly worry or doubt,
00:02:35
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and find it challenging to accept compliments.
Early Development and Impacts of Low Self-Esteem
00:02:39
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Individuals with healthy self-esteem possess an accurate and balanced self-view characterized by confidence in their abilities to make decisions. They can form secure and honest relationships and are adept at discontinuing unhealthy ones.
00:02:54
Speaker
They also maintain realistic expectations and avoid being overly critical of themselves or others. Healthy self-esteem is linked to qualities such as a sense of competence, strong identity, a feeling of belonging, and a sense of security and self-confidence.
00:03:13
Speaker
If you identify with those elements, I'm so happy you exist. If you can, go hug your parents or raise your chin to the sky and thank them with your heart. If you identify with the elements of low self-esteem described above, you're not alone.
00:03:29
Speaker
And the remainder of this episode is made for you. So what we know about self-esteem is that it's developed in childhood, like so many other positive and negative traits that carry or drag us in this life. Low self-esteem can be developed for many reasons at different points in our life as well. It can happen early or it can be brought on by divorce, unresolved trauma.
00:03:54
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internalized shame, societal or cultural pressures, social media, peer pressure from friends or loved ones, or even certain mental health conditions. It's marked by this kind of thinking that can be a loop in your head and it can sound like
00:04:12
Speaker
I look dumb in every outfit I try on. No one hits me up to hang out, so I must not be interesting enough and no one wants to spend time with me. This mindset can blow things out of proportion, even leading to or worsening feelings of depression. It can seriously dent your confidence in social situations. At its extreme, you might start thinking that self-hatred is normal, believing everyone wakes up hating some part of themselves.
00:04:41
Speaker
but I'm here to tell you that's not true. And when you're grappling with low self-esteem, it's easy to be judgmental of others, putting those with higher self-esteem on a pedestal or just simply putting yourself at the bottom rung. Whatever is behind your lower self-esteem needs attention, yes. And behavior matches self-esteem, yes. But the good news is you can reverse engineer self-esteem.
Practical Steps to Improve Self-Esteem
00:05:09
Speaker
Here are some practical steps to help you climb those rungs and reach a more realistic, healthy, and balanced level of self-esteem. Let's dive in. 1. Become aware. Identify and challenge your self-critic and negative self-beliefs. And give yourself a break.
00:05:30
Speaker
We all have negative thoughts that drive behavior, i.e. people pleasing to avoid being unliked because somewhere in there you have a self-belief that you're unlikable. By simply challenging a thought like, what is wrong with me? With, wait, nothing's wrong with me. I'm just experiencing XYZ. Breaks that cycle. Telling yourself, hey, you're doing the best you can, you're human and are still learning leaves room for self-esteem to grow.
00:06:00
Speaker
So, identify the negative thought, challenge it, if nothing's wrong with me, and then giving yourself a break by being nice, telling yourself, hey, I'm doing the best I can. I'm only one person. I'm only where I'm at, whatever that looks like in your own dialogue. Two, identify the positives about yourself. I love how blank and blank I am. Pause and fill in the blank.
00:06:29
Speaker
If you didn't pause, I'm just going to sit here and wait for you to do it out loud. Okay. I'll go next. I love how unreasonable and silly I am. If your self-esteem is really low, this may be a huge challenge or simply not doable at this time. If that's you, try this instead. If someone says or has said something nice about you, write it down.
00:06:58
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and read it often. Keep cards or notes people have sent you and reread them. Side note, write your friends nice notes. Three, build positive relationships and end negative ones. Start by adding in one person or one activity where you are celebrated or even just respected as opposed to being with people who knock you down.
00:07:24
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Crowd these positive people and experiences into your life and eventually you won't have any room for the negative ones. Start small.
00:07:33
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Four, reparent yourself. Children with high self-esteem are often parented in an authoritative parenting style. In this parenting style, the parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children. They attempt to control children's behavior by explaining rules, discussing, and reasoning. They listen to a child's viewpoint, take it into consideration, but don't always accept it.
00:08:01
Speaker
So when your inner voice says, I'm a loser, I don't deserve to be happy, why did I fucking say that? I'm so stupid. Act as your own loving parent, inquire deeper, and know that you don't have to accept or agree with those thoughts. Five, learn to say no. Every time you set a boundary and keep it, you grow esteem. It's like a beanstalker.
00:08:30
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Okay, boundaries are the magic bean that will grow your self-esteem.
00:08:36
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That is off-script. Setting these boundaries. This can be declining anything you don't actually want to do, talking about your experience honestly, or making your expectations clear rather than assuming people will figure them out. Boundaries are something I'm still exploring. If you need more resources, you can see the show notes on this episode because I did find a lot of good information. Six, improve your physical health.
00:09:06
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If you are not taking 30 minutes out of your day to be active, to run, to walk, to jog, then you need to change your lifestyle, period.
00:09:16
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Usually I don't direct assume authority or give just harsh advice like this, but it's true. If your brain isn't a fog or you're feeling low, simply doing this 30 minutes of activity will change that. Try it. Your self-esteem and confidence will improve. Seven, take on challenges.
00:09:39
Speaker
Challenge yourself to grow and change. Challenge yourself to learn something new. Challenge yourself to be in a social setting or a place that you don't normally go. Challenge yourself. This helps build self-esteem because every time you challenge yourself, you're nice to yourself about it and you expand your experiences of what you're capable of, you gather data and that data will help build your self-esteem.
00:10:09
Speaker
Maybe challenge yourself to improve your self-esteem. I will leave you with this. Self-esteem is growable. Self-esteem is adjustable. Self-esteem is based on how you feel about you and you have control over that. No one else. If your self-esteem is extremely low, you may need external input to help raise it.
00:10:36
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you may need some validation. But if your self-esteem is moderately low, you can start within yourself.
Encouraging Self-Acceptance and Listener Engagement
00:10:43
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Run through these steps, give them a try, take what you like, leave the rest, and here's to better self-esteem this year. Here's to helping ourselves accept ourselves deeper and be realistic about our strengths and weaknesses so that we can meet each other on a more wholesome level.
00:11:04
Speaker
Thanks for listening to this week's episode. I really enjoyed diving into all this research on self-esteem. I learned a ton. I read tons of psych papers. I visited many, many sites that led me to all of this information.
00:11:19
Speaker
It's definitely going to be a subject that we continue to touch on on this podcast. If you have any more questions or you want to talk about self-esteem or you need accountability in building your own self-esteem, DMS on Instagram at ripple effect pod. That's affect with an A. All right, clan. I love you all. Have a beautiful day. Okay. I, I think we did it. Listen.
00:11:46
Speaker
I don't know what we did, but we did it. Look, unattainable ideals are overrated. We're way more connected and deserving than society's false sense of separation dictates us to be. You're not just one person, you're enough. Your effort is enough and change is possible. Question the standard that says otherwise because what if almost is good enough? Just by tuning in, you're a part of our clan.
00:12:15
Speaker
Not in a call-to-way though. We don't know how far this ripple can go, but we're going to keep showing up. And we'll never get to perfection, but we're all going to be okay if we let the process be the solution and we see the value in the attempt.
00:12:30
Speaker
Thanks for listening to another episode of the Ripple Affect. We're looking forward to exploring a different facet of change with you next Tuesday. Same time, same place, next week. For show notes and additional resources, check out our website at rippleeffectpod.com. That's affect with an A. Kia ora has worked diligently to make our website interactive.
00:12:51
Speaker
Please visit it so it wasn't all for nothing. In all seriousness though, there's a ton of resources there. DM us directly at rippleeffectpod on Instagram and let us know what you liked about our show or any of your own ideas. We're really excited to hear from you. We value your feedback because it helps us make the pod better and it's our way of including you in our process.
00:13:15
Speaker
Okay, so ratings aren't the point of why we do this. We really want to make a change in the world. But in the matrix, they're all our algorithms. So yeah, every single review we get helps the ripple go farther. To help us out, please take two seconds, find the ratings and review section on whatever platform you're listening from, click five stars, wink, wink.
00:13:38
Speaker
and leave a review. We know you're busy, so just saying hello or literally hi as the review helps us hack the matrix. We sincerely appreciate it. If you want to become officially initiated into our clan, again, not in a cult-y way, hit the subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts. And as always, we're in it with you. Keep questioning. Stay curious. You got this, clan.
00:14:06
Speaker
A special thank you, love and credit to the magnificent Mia Casasanta for this beautiful music you're listening to right now.