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Ep 28: Refined Through the Stretch: Trusting God in Hard Seasons
18 Plays6 days ago
Ever whispered, “God… what is happening?”
In this episode, Dr. Autumn speaks to the seasons that rattle your certainty — heartbreak, disappointment, unanswered prayers, emotional exhaustion — and shows you how to walk through them without losing your faith, your nervous system, or your integrity.
Blending biblical lament, nervous system regulation, and the principles of Aligned Living, she reframes hard seasons not as punishment, but as preparation. Learn how to steady your body, guard your thoughts, protect your character, and stay anchored — even when life feels disorienting.
Intro and Outro Music Credit: Savage by Beat Mekanik, Free Music Archive, License type: CC BY
Please visit: www.autumnswain.com
Contact: autumn@thealignedleader.org
IG: @drautumnswain
FB: Autumn Alena Swain
Mentioned Resources:
The Playground Leader by Dr Autumn Swain
Prophetic Lament by Soong-Chan Rah
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Mission
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello there, I'm Dr. Autumn, leadership consultant, wellness coach, author, and I'm incredibly grateful to be your host of the Align Living podcast.
Empowerment through Wellbeing
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm here to equip you with the tools, inspiration, and practical tips necessary to lead a life of wholeness and pursue greater shalom in your life and that of your families, teams, and communities.
00:00:34
Speaker
My mission is to empower you to lead from a place of holistic wellbeing. It's time to say, peace out to the fatigue, fog, and frustration of living in a place that lacks abundant wellbeing.
Exploring Dimensions of Wellbeing
00:00:49
Speaker
Join me as we embark on a comprehensive exploration of spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, social, and economic well-being, all within the comforting embrace of one podcast.
00:01:08
Speaker
Hey, good people. Dr. Autumn here, and welcome back to the Align Living podcast.
Navigating Difficult Times
00:01:13
Speaker
um I'm actually really excited and a little nervous about today's episode because um it's going to be a little less about the the science and research and theology and a little bit more just about life and navigating some of those really hard times and how to do it well. And to be honest, it's, it's requires some vulnerability on my part. um And what I like to say, just wholly honesty about what I've been navigating, and some of the ah ways, coping strategies that I have found to get through really,
00:01:50
Speaker
crappy seasons well um and just what's required to do so.
Faith and Questioning
00:01:57
Speaker
um So officially, this episode's a lot about the process of, you know, those seasons that are stretching you and refining you and just learning to trust God and and lean on him through those things that we can't control.
00:02:11
Speaker
But more authentically, um my unofficial title is Navigating the What the Heck God Season. And um this is actually something that has come out of my mouth more in the latter part of my life than ever before, where I'm literally like, God, like, what is going on? Like, what the heck? Navigating just feelings of frustration and confusion and so on and so forth. And I know I'm not the only one. And so stick with me because this episode is going like to pack a punch. It's going to be short, but powerful because I would say if you want to live a life well lived, we have to know how to wrestle um through some of these hardest seasons and what that looks like. So
00:02:59
Speaker
um In the season, when I'm asking God these questions, this is not with a posture of rebellion or disbelief by any means. I mean, I've been I've had a faith since I was a little girl and it's been a really, really important, valuable part of my life.
Vulnerability in Growth
00:03:13
Speaker
But what I find is when you go through really hard times, you have a choice. You can either like level up and um and really get vulnerable before God on like what you're truly experiencing and learn and grow through that or. you could um not steward that season and just end up maybe in a not so healthy place. And so um so in this season, for me and choosing to level up, spend a lot of time just being really raw and authentic before God and um really with a posture of lament. And I think this is something that we don't
00:03:53
Speaker
exercise these muscles enough. We don't find peace in this process enough.
Lament as a Tool
00:03:58
Speaker
Soon-Tha Ra actually wrote a fantastic book about lament. I'll include it in the show notes um and um a much abbreviated version um in my book, The Playground Leader.
00:04:08
Speaker
I included a chapter on this because um our our kids are navigating a lot of things and we want to help them understand how to navigate challenging seasons. So understanding the value of lament is really important. And ah for me, it's been a long season of this. And it's not that, you know,
00:04:30
Speaker
in these seasons of stretch and refinement, you could still find joy. You could still find peace. You could still have moments of happiness, but ah you're also experiencing a lot of rollercoaster of different emotions that are really hard.
00:04:43
Speaker
And so giving space for lament is really, really important. um And so let's just kind of get into the nitty gritty of this. So when you're experiencing lament, this could be um while you're navigating confusion or
Biblical Wrestling with Faith
00:04:59
Speaker
grief.
00:04:59
Speaker
um Or just trying to be faithful while feeling stretched really thin or maybe feeling a bit tired. And if you've ever had this moment like me where like you're like, God, what is happening? like Those moments, you are not feeling.
00:05:15
Speaker
weak in your faith, you are merely human. And this is where you get to learn the love of God when you learn how to wrestle, because wrestling is ah super biblical. And I would say whatever um faith journey you're on, if you're questioning, navigating, just know this wrestling process will take you somewhere. And it usually is good.
00:05:40
Speaker
So I want to normalize something. um In the Bible, David said, how long Oh, Lord, there's lot of poetry in the Bible of people crying out to God. Job questioned and Jeremiah lamented and even Jesus cried out from the cross. Right. And so Dr. Anita Phillips says no emotion is bad. It's really just leaning into a level of emotional maturity and intelligence while you're wrestling with the hard and shitty, to be honest.
00:06:12
Speaker
So wrestling is is not about the absence of faith. I think people get scared of that term so they, you know, avoid it. But it's wildly freeing and um helps you get through the heart.
00:06:27
Speaker
ah Wrestling is engagement with God. And so that is good, right? God's not intimidated by your confusion. he is not offended by your tears. He's not shocked by your frustration. If anything, honest lament is at this raw edge of intimacy. And that's, you know, what I was leaning into when I said, you know, it's an opportunity to level up in a really good way.
Challenging Seasons: Formation vs Punishment
00:06:53
Speaker
And so what this season has felt like um and And not all of these are apply applicable to me. I just want to name enough examples so that it feels really relevant to whatever season you're in. But if the season has felt like for you confusion or disappointment or like stretching to the point of hurt, emotional hits that you just didn't expect, like you are strolling, frolicking a field or strolling down the street and you get hit by a Mack truck. Like, that's what I mean. These emotional hits you didn't expect. I'm holding calling and pain at the same time. And actually, this is one um of the things I very much can relate to, because I would say in a time where some areas of my life ah were, um I just had these desires in my heart that weren't being fulfilled. Yet at the same time, doors were opening in other spaces where I felt like I needed to be aligned so that i was thinking clearlyty clearly, that I had clarity of mind. And um piece to get through um a lamenting season a hard season while also staying true to call a calling and doors that were opening in front of me a very interesting place to be and that is why with Align Living these practical
00:08:13
Speaker
things, putting one foot in front of the other, these small habits that I'm trying to get you guys to lean into, whether it's, you know, how to cook healthy food or or hydrate or stay emotionally well or mental health, like it's all to help you put one foot in front of the other while life is lifing, right?
00:08:29
Speaker
And so this tension doesn't mean something's wrong with you. When you're feeling these feelings of disappointment or stretching or whatever, it means you are alive, you're human, you're tender, you're longing for wholeness.
00:08:43
Speaker
So this big reframe that I had to wrestle with is this um season can be about formation. It's not punishment.
00:08:54
Speaker
If a good God has planted something in your heart, it's for a reason. And sometimes we have a limited purview so we don't understand timing always. That is why we just need to keep living well and trusting this formation process, even if it hurts a little.
00:09:12
Speaker
And so I want to offer you a grounded paradigm. um For those who've been following me for a while, I'm big on paradigms. It's how you see the world. What lenses are you looking through? We want to expand our paradigm. And so here you go.
00:09:26
Speaker
You may not be in a punishment season.
Visible Use and Invisible Refinement
00:09:28
Speaker
You may be in a formation season and formation often carries three realities with it. So are you ready for this?
00:09:38
Speaker
You're being used in visible ways. You're leading, you're building, you're serving, you're parenting, you're creating, walking in your calling. That is not accidental. All right.
00:09:51
Speaker
At the same time, you're being refined in invisible ways. It usually doesn't happen on a stage. Like there's a lot of tears behind closed doors and wrestling in so in private, right?
00:10:04
Speaker
This happens in the disappointment and in the boundaries and letting go of timelines. That one will free you big time. um Surrendering outcomes, right?
00:10:16
Speaker
This is like super important. I i challenge you to I'm going to read these again because I challenge you to really sit with this and ask yourself if any of these are really relevant to you right now. um It could be not communicating with someone when you're triggered.
00:10:31
Speaker
ah It could be pausing and regulating yourself first. It could be choosing restraint. Refinement is not rejection. It's preparation. OK, so I'm going to say this again. it it can happen. Refining can happen through disappointment, through the necessary step of setting boundaries, through letting go of timelines, surrendering outcomes,
00:10:58
Speaker
Being mindful of communication when triggered and this leans into emotional health, which we all want.
Emotional Maturity and Restraint
00:11:04
Speaker
Nobody wants to admit that they have some emotional immaturity, um but emotional maturity is probably one of the most important things when it comes to our overall holistic well-being.
00:11:16
Speaker
Again, choosing restraint, right? I've talked about the pause many, many times, and this has a lot to do with nervous system regulation. So the third point here is you're carrying a sacred desire. OK, so um you're being used in visible ways, right?
00:11:34
Speaker
you're you're you're you're living your life mode out of necessity and through this you're being refined right through the hard and being mindful of what that looks like and then again um part of the reason that we usually experience challenges is because you're carrying the sacred desire and the timing is not when you want it or it doesn't look like you thought it would look or um whatever it might be so it could be um a dream or a business goal or a work goal. It could be stability, financial stability, mental or emotional health stability,
Aligning Desires with Faith
00:12:10
Speaker
relationships. It could be marriage. It could be having family. It could be um maybe it's being fully chosen. That longing is not shallow at all. And good God does not mock holy desires. Now, I know this in my heart, right? I know this in my heart and my head. I'm like,
00:12:29
Speaker
God wants what's good for me. But when you want something and it's not there, then you reminding yourself that God does not mock holy desires. That is a truth that I have repeated to myself multiple times.
00:12:45
Speaker
Okay, so then the lie underneath, again, we're human. So like I said, I've had my faith since I was a little kid, yet I'm still human. And when you go through hard times, it's an opportunity for growth, but you still have to battle with thoughts and unhealthy thoughts. And so um a lot of times this is attached to a lie underneath.
00:13:05
Speaker
And so here's a ah subtle lie that high capacity people often fight. If I do everything just right, then God will give me the good thing. But this is false theology. This is performance theology. And it's exhausting. You're not earning love. You're not earning blessing. You're not earning favor. Psalms, again, but ah poetry books of the Bible,
00:13:28
Speaker
no good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly okay um i actually really love the verse i don't know if i've thought my head and talks about you know if we want the very best for our children how much more would a good and perfect god want for us okay and so i'm walking uprightly does not mean perfection it literally means surrender when you're looking at this ah verse here in Psalms, we're talking about just surrendering to God. And this is where um wrestling and being open and honest, that holy honesty, that that's what this is all about, really.
00:14:06
Speaker
So this turning point, okay, um and this is where I really want to serve you guys, is by helping you
Maintaining Peace in Challenges
00:14:14
Speaker
navigate this. So what I've chosen in my what the heck moments,
00:14:18
Speaker
Instead of running from Jesus, you run toward him. All right. Being okay and at peace with asking questions, wrestling, taking your pain to him.
00:14:28
Speaker
And then I've talked to him like he's sitting right next to me, whether I'm sitting by my bed at night or driving in my car, like literally like a friend, right? A really trusted friend. Okay.
00:14:41
Speaker
I've said things that I would not put in a devotional, just poured my heart out and been brutally honest. And then, and then chosen to put one foot in front of the other. You get out of bed, you put one foot in front of the other and make choices that are helping you move down a path of growth, a path that you would be proud of when you look back at yourself and be like, you know, i did right in that season.
00:15:07
Speaker
Okay, so I want to anchor all this. So maybe you're in a different type of season. So, um but you're still finding yourself being stretched or being refined or having to process trust and what that looks like.
00:15:27
Speaker
I want to dig into this a little bit. So Stretching, just know that your capacity is expanding. Okay, so then every time you hit another hard thing or another challenge or another wall to climb over, your capacity for that is expanding. Your resilience is growing. Stretching never feels comfortable.
00:15:47
Speaker
Let me tell you, I know that's true because as an athlete, I'm naturally tight. And when I literally stretch, it is wildly uncomfortable, but it's so good and it feels good after. And it builds into my longevity.
00:16:00
Speaker
in my health as a human being. So same thing as we stretch in other areas of life. It increases what you can hold. The refining process, those old illusions or old attachments or old performance patterns burned off. Refining feels like loss before it feels like clarity. And that's the hard part.
00:16:23
Speaker
That's why we need people in our life, relationships, and know, it's this iron versus iron or like the refining process we cannot do in isolation. We can do it with God and also why we need to be in good, positive, healthy community because People who really love you and care about you will care about you enough to help you through that refining process, which can hurt a little bit.
00:16:44
Speaker
Truth hurts a little bit sometimes. But the important thing about truth, let me say, because I know some people out there will say, well, you know, I speak truth and then I offend and I, um you know, hurt people. but But they do it with a heart's posture of being mean or wanting to be right.
00:17:03
Speaker
If you're going into a situation to speak truth, but your heart's posture is loving towards that person, it comes across completely different. Actually, most of scripture is pointing us to what is your heart posture towards people or towards God or towards yourself? How are you showing up in this world? All right.
00:17:22
Speaker
And that's, again, where that honest conversation of self-awareness is really important. All right. Stretching, refining, trusting, walking without guarantees, who choosing obedience without outcomes. Trust is built in the ambiguity. And we don't like that.
00:17:40
Speaker
And these seasons, the stretching seasons, often precede expansion. So hold on to that. You're being refined for a reason. And the hope and anticipation is expansion. What that looks like, we don't know, but we know that it's good.
00:17:56
Speaker
So expansion isn't just that platform or that goal or that family. It's emotional steadiness. It's secure attachment. It's discernment. It's finding peace strong enough to carry covenant or to carry that deal or to carry whatever might be coming before you. Okay.
00:18:17
Speaker
So what does that have to do
Steady Disciplines for Functioning Well
00:18:19
Speaker
with the line living? So right in the middle of all of this, everything that I teach is about the pursuit of wholeness, right? So alignment is not pretending everything is is fine. Okay. That's that's why i've I've had to practice this, um,
00:18:41
Speaker
This lament, this bringing the hard before God and and being able to function well in the midst of it, okay? Alignment is choosing steady disciplines when your emotions are loud.
00:18:54
Speaker
Okay. And so this is really, really important because this isn't just for people who experience big emotions. This is for people who suppress emotions or numb emotions. This is for all of y'all. Alignment is choosing steady disciplines in the midst of whatever. You could be the type of person like, I just don't feel like doing that. And you isolate and numb. Or you could be the type of person where you're like, oh, your emotions are like a roller coaster. And you're so tempted to act out of a place of um
00:19:25
Speaker
ah feeling or anxiousness instead of steadiness. Okay. So what does this look like? This is where I want to give you the really practical tools because that's what Align Living is all about. This is not sexy. This isn't the most entertaining thing in the world, but it will help you live a life well lived. Okay. So I move my body even when I'm heavy, like feeling heavy, like emotionally, mentally heavy. You move your body. This is like you could be in bed.
00:19:51
Speaker
Your alarm goes off. You're like, I just am sad. I don't feel like getting out of bed. But you do it anyways. You just get up. You open your blinds. You move your body. You get some sunshine on your face. You do whatever you need to do. Right.
00:20:03
Speaker
What else does this look like? I pray even when I'm confused. This is again the wrestling. Go talk to God no matter what. Just put it all out there. I don't send reactive communications. This is really important.
00:20:16
Speaker
to be mindful and to pause in your communications because relationships are essential again for a life well lived. So how do we navigate those? Another one, I don't make permanent decisions and temporary pain, right? So when you're at the peak of an emotion, you need to regulate yourself so that you are fully using your prefrontal cortex, that part of your brain, right? Because our emotions, our limbic brain, a lot of times people make decisions when that is firing, but we have to bring ourself into a place where a parasympathetic nervous system. Now I've talked about all this in previous episodes, but that inner column is there. So your prefrontal cortex could be used because that's the only part of your brain that helps you with discernment and good decision-making. And again, a big part of my passion behind Align Living was how do we bridge the gap between where we are to where we want to be its choices. And I'm actually going be diving deeper and deeper and deeper into this, because if I can help you master making good choices, I will have helped you significantly.
00:21:13
Speaker
um i keep building what God put in front of me. All right. We want to steward even in the midst of the what the heck season. We still want to steward what's been putting in front of us. OK.
00:21:25
Speaker
And then ah lastly, another example, of course, these can go on and on and on. But I steward my health, my mind, in my relationships, the things that are there that you have control over, steward those well.
00:21:38
Speaker
Don't dwell on all the things you don't have control over. Now, grieving's real. You know, I'm an optimist and, you know, I want to be like, OK, God, you've got this, you know, and you try to just like push forward. But what my therapist would say is if you don't give yourself space to grieve, that stress is going to stay in your body.
00:21:58
Speaker
And so um we could steward things well, um but we could still like grieve and process and pray about what we don't have control over. So don't get me wrong there. So all this, this is not denial. This is formation, right? Like doing these good things in the midst of the hard. We're not denying the hard and the challenges, but it is part of the formation process. Okay. Now, some anchoring truths to hold on to because i literally have to have these to remind me when my mind starts taking me to a place. that I don't want it to go. All right.
00:22:32
Speaker
You are allowed to hope without clinging. Okay. Hope is so important, but we, the freedom and hope is when we have it without clinging onto something.
00:22:45
Speaker
You are allowed to grieve without losing faith. Okay. And this is part of the lament process. It's very, it's big part of spiritual formation. You are allowed to want more without being ungrateful. And I have to wrestle with this a lot because i'm like, oh, but God, like, why am I, you know, I want these things and dah, dah, dah. But like, I have all these things to be grateful for. And then I start to feel guilty. That's me. That's my fault. That is not something God wants of us. We are allowed to want more without being ungrateful. We can express what we're grateful for and have other desires.
00:23:19
Speaker
You can wrestle and remain faithful at the same time. Faith is not the absence of what the heck moments. Hold on to that one.
00:23:30
Speaker
It's refusing to let those moments define the narrative. Okay, that's really important. So again, faith's not the absence of like, what the heck is going on?
00:23:41
Speaker
But it's just refusing to let those moments define the narrative. Okay, okay. So if you're in this like, Jesus, what is happening season? Maybe it's not punishment. Maybe it's preparation.
00:23:56
Speaker
Maybe you're in a stretching and refining and learning to trust God season. You are not unseen. You are not forgotten. You are not behind. Remember the timeline conversation we had. You are simply being formed and you are still deeply loved.
00:24:16
Speaker
Alright, so as I wrap up here, what does this look like super practically? Because stretching seasons sound noble in theory. However, what does this actually look like? Let's say on a random Tuesday, you are, you know, tired, your heart is sad, your mind won't slow down, you're foggy. Like, what does formation look like in real life? Okay, so first of all, this is radical self-awareness.
Radical Self-Awareness
00:24:43
Speaker
In my Align Living community, the courses that I offer, one of the initial like onboarding courses has to do with having self-awareness, because if you don't, it becomes very difficult to make steps towards where you want to go. So radical self-awareness, again, without drama, just steady.
00:25:02
Speaker
These stretch seasons demand honesty, not spiraling, not self-condemnation, not analysis paralysis, overthinking, but just honesty.
00:25:14
Speaker
You take a pause or a timeout, whatever you need, and you ask, what am I actually feeling right now? What story am I telling myself?
00:25:25
Speaker
Is this reaction proportionate to what you're going through? What would the secure, grounded version of me do next? Okay.
00:25:36
Speaker
I might put these questions in the show notes so they're easy to access. But if you don't pause to ask honest questions, the process will be very much harder. Trust me, very much. Okay.
00:25:47
Speaker
Whatever. Because what you refuse to examine, you will repeat. Now that is honesty. If you refuse to examine it, it's a pattern. Remember, we've talked about neurons are are attached to your thoughts are attached to embedded memories and your subconscious. So again, if you are not intentional about examining these things, you will repeat them. That's that's self-sabotaging patterns or poor coping strategies, so on and so forth. Poor regular regulate nervous system regulation.
00:26:20
Speaker
So self-awareness shortens the suffering. All right. Like in the moment, you're like, oh, this sucks when you got to really like look at yourself. But it shortens the suffering. Avoidance extends it.
00:26:31
Speaker
All right. This is really, really important to hold on to. Now, the second part here after self-awareness is just regulating your nervous system like it matters because
Regulating the Nervous System
00:26:41
Speaker
it does. Like we hear about this all the time, like nervous system, nervous system. Yes, vagal tone. OK, cool. Sounds lovely. But it is so important because think about it back to choices, everything in life.
00:26:54
Speaker
if you If I was to sit down and interview 100 people and have them tell me about their biggest desires of their life, what's important to them to provide for their kids, to show up while at work, to have a loving whatever family, whatever things, like fulfill their calling, all the desires of your heart.
00:27:11
Speaker
The choices it takes to get there have everything to do with nervous system regulation. So whether you like it or not, you have to have self-awareness around this. Okay, because life is hard. Stress is unavoidable, ah unavoidable but dysregulation is completely optional.
00:27:28
Speaker
If you learn, this is part of putting one foot in front of other, doing the things that you know you need to do. to stay steady and grounded will help you function from a regulated nervous system, which is healthy. Dysregulation leads to dysfunction in every area of your life.
00:27:45
Speaker
Finances, relationships, mental health, physical health, all of it. Here's the truth. You cannot pray your way out of biology. This is still part of spiritual formation. God created our bodies to function in a certain way. When I talk about neurotransmitters, I'm like, oh, this is so cool. Like God literally made it so that We can experience a for boost of oxytocin through a hug.
00:28:07
Speaker
We can experience serotonin a boost of um dopamine or serotonin in a healthy way through, you know, um ah listening to positive music or moving your body or getting sunlight, things that are good for us, right? And and here's the truth. you Okay, your your body stores stress.
00:28:30
Speaker
All right. This I've had to learn a lot about because I could be feeling on the outside pretty good, but my body could be incredibly tight. And this is because of a lot of stress stored in my body, even if mentally, emotionally, I feel fine, you know. So you need to engage it.
00:28:44
Speaker
You need to engage it. I've learned so much about this. It's fascinating. So go outside. Let sunlight hit your face. Walk without your phone. Cook something nourishing. Stretch slowly. Breathe deeply.
00:28:58
Speaker
Dance. Build something with your hands. You gotta using your body. Create something that requires movement. Movement tells your nervous system I'm safe and safety restores clarity.
00:29:12
Speaker
Grounded leaders regulate first, react second. All right. So one of my goals is to make all my decisions out of a regulated place. It takes effort and intentionality. Well worth it. Okay. Now guard the direction of your thoughts.
00:29:26
Speaker
This is so, so important. This is ah the the, um, Three of, I think, four practical tips I want to give you guys.
Directing Thoughts and Avoiding Spirals
00:29:34
Speaker
all right Your thoughts are not neutral. They're they're just aren't. They have a direction. So where are your thoughts taking you?
00:29:42
Speaker
Are they catastrophizing? Are they taking you to the extremes of what a situation could be, even though it's like a point zero one percent chance that that's actually what's going on? Are they fantasy thoughts? Are they fear loops? Right. We don't want to be functioning out of a place of fear. So be i mindful of your thoughts or are your thoughts going towards reality, towards responsibility, towards trust. OK, this is a super important. This is where alignment gets mature.
00:30:10
Speaker
You focus on what you can control. You surrender what you cannot. Simple as that. If you don't, your body will carry the cost. Trust me. Anxious thinking always shows up physically. And peace, the peace that we desire, requires mental stewardship. You have to mind your mind, okay?
00:30:30
Speaker
Non-negotiable. And then when you you don't feel like doing something, do it anyways. This is literally um like something you could repeat to yourself. I tell people this all the time. You're not going to get there. i want you so badly to achieve your goals. You're not going to get there. If you don't get used to doing something you don't feel like doing, I don't feel like going to the gym. I don't feel like cooking. I don't feel like praying. I don't feel like...
00:30:54
Speaker
i don't feel like going hanging out with these people even though i should be around some positive people right now instead of isolate like you've got to get good at doing what you don't feel like doing okay this is the hinge when you don't feel like doing a good thing do it anyways encourage someone one be generous work on that dream take a walk lift some weights send a thoughtful message read a page in a good book cook that meal Because feelings are very real, but they are not in charge.
00:31:25
Speaker
And here's the warning. Mind-numbing coping feels harmless. Sure. Until you realize that you've drifted. Drifted from discipline. Drifted from purpose. Drifted from the version of you that you respect. Think about that. Let me say that again. Mind-numbing coping feels harmless. Right?
00:31:47
Speaker
until you realize that you've drifted. You look up and you've drifted from discipline, you've drifted from purpose, you've drifted from the version of you that you respect. So ask yourself when you're coping, is this building me or is it blurring me?
Evaluating Coping Strategies
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Is this moving me forward or keeping me stuck? Am I at peace with this choice or am I avoiding growth? Weak. That question alone will literally change your trajectory. All right.
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So in every hard moment, ask yourself, what is the shaping in me? This is back to the formation process, right? Stretch seasons, stretch seasons. They're not just testing you. They're revealing your habits and how you cope. They expose your attachments. They clarify your strengths.
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And if you engage them intentionally, they will fortify you. Okay? Intentionality is literally a key word here.
Intentionality in Hardships
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So this process is not passive.
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That's why i'm leaving you with that word intentionality, because we have to be intentional about what we're doing. It's an active participation with God in your own becoming. You don't control the timeline.
00:32:59
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You don't control other people. You can't control other people. And you don't control outcomes, but you absolutely can control your posture, your obedience, your discipline, and your alignment.
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All right? And over time, this will compound. You're not waiting for life to calm down to become whole. You're literally becoming whole in the midst of the hard. And that's the truth we want to hold on to. And it's wildly powerful. so I'm going to leave you with this.
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Showing up well when you're hurting... is hurting in any way. It could be anger, it could be sadness, it could be disappointment, it could be grief, loss, whatever it might be.
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Showing up well in this space is really, really important. One of the most practical things I've learned in in my seasons of HARD is that you don't have to feel steady to act steady.
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right? Putting one foot in the front of the other, it's not denial, it's dignity. It's asking, even though I'm grieving, even though I'm frustrated, even though I'm disappointed, how do I want to show up in this moment?
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Not perfectly. My goodness, no. As someone who struggles with perfectionist tendencies, it's been so freeing. I'm not trying to show up perfect. I'm trying to be intentional.
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So when you're hurting, stay grounded. You regulate your body before you respond. You pause before you communicate.
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You don't let temporary emotions make permanent decisions. You remind yourself of your worth before you seek reassurance from someone one else. And you choose responses you'll respect tomorrow.
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That is strength. That's maturity. That's alignment. You can be heartbroken and still be honorable. You could be grieving and still be grounded, and you can be frustrated and still be faithful.
00:35:01
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This is literally the analogy. I got this vision one day when I was in the midst of my hard. i feel like I have the sun beating on me. It's blue skies. There's a slight breeze that's hitting me. And also signless ta simultaneously, I'm getting pummeled by rain and storms and dark clouds and lightning and all the things. Like to live in this tension well between these two things.
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is a really, really good place to be. And that's alignment. Because you won't be in the really hard forever. It will come and go. But being able to live in this tension well in a way, again, that you choose responses you'll respect tomorrow. And sometimes the greatest growth isn't in getting what you want. It's becoming someone you're proud of while you wait.
00:35:55
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Thank you everyone for listening. I hope this um has left you with some food for thought. And um until next time, stay aligned.
00:36:09
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Thank you for tuning in to the Aligned Living Podcast. I'm Dr. Autumn, your guide on this journey to shalom or wholeness. Ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation?
00:36:23
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Head over to autumnswain.com to learn more and to dive deeper into the world of Align Living. Until next time, stay aligned.