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A Knight & His Sword (with Failnaut & Polearmguy)
95 Plays1 year ago
A Knight and his sword unexpectedly visit the Moonbean Tearooms for a quick bathroom break.
Hosted, produced, and edited by ME, Gloria Shuri Nava aka glowpinkstah
Special thanks to today’s guests Christos & Bill!
Magical Coffee Dates logo by Rae aka Illustraeted
Theme trill by Alex Dudley
Background music and sound effects from Epidemic Sound
Support the podcast on Patreon!:
https://www.patreon.com/glowpinkstah
Find me here:
https://www.twitch.tv/glowpinkstah
https://twitter.com/Glowpinkstah
https://www.instagram.com/glowpinkstah/
https://www.tiktok.com/@glowpinkstah
Find Christos here:
https://www.instagram.com/failnaut/
https://twitter.com/failnaut
"I am a nonprofit specialist in the public media space, as well as a miniature/tabletop hobbyist."
About Bill:
"Dad, former mental health care professional. Nearly 30 years experience in tabletop gaming. The nice side of the souls fandom."
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Transcript
A Quiet Day at the Cafe
00:00:00
Speaker
Okay, Bod, it looks like it's just you and me today. It's too bad no one responded to our letter this week, but that's alright. I think I'll enjoy some quiet time alone. I might even order another sausage roll. I saw that winter brought in some new seasonal ones. There's a chorizo caramelized onion one. Spinach and ricotta. Sweet potato and halloumi rolls. Pork and chives. Just hold on a second. Excuse me, excuse me.
00:00:29
Speaker
Yes. Could could you watch this for me? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can put it. I mean, let me just quickly move my laptop over slightly. Just sit there. OK, I'll I'll be just like one second. OK, I just OK. That's a weird bug. Giant armored person just. Well, he's walking to the bathroom.
00:00:58
Speaker
I don't know what this thing is. Do I want to... Don't touch it, bud! Oh, that was soft. Hello? Um... Hello? Why... Why am I on a... Has he gone to the bathroom again? Uh... The... The armor person? I'm down here. On the table.
Meeting Steel Tooth
00:01:24
Speaker
Oh, oh yeah. I was looking up at the ceiling. I don't know why I was doing that. Um, uh, hello. Hello. I mean, you know, now that I took a closer look, I guess you're shaped like a sword. Yes. I am a sword. An abandoned sword. I mean, I think, I think he'll be back, right? One would hope.
00:01:51
Speaker
Has he left you before? We've had a long working relationship. It would be a shame if he flushed it down the toilet just to flush something else down the toilet. Oh, I mean, I don't I don't think that'll happen. I think, you know, he did say, you know, just to watch you for a sec. Oh, OK. Well, uh, your your your name, please. Uh, my name is Mayari. Nice to meet you.
00:02:20
Speaker
And you are? Me? Well, I am steel tooth, blessed blade of he who stands guard, ancient weapon of the first, knightly order, slayer of beast, dethroner of tyrants flawlessly forged by the fire giants in the depths of hell. Oh.
00:02:42
Speaker
But people generally call me steel tooth for short. I mean, I think that would be really helpful to me as someone who already forgot everything you just said. But nice to meet you, steel tooth. Can I call you toothy? I mean, I don't have to. I obviously want to call you by name that, you know, you approve of. I suppose I am. I'm at your mercy.
00:03:12
Speaker
Oh. Well, that's nice. I mean, I don't really plan on hurting anyone, but cool. I mean, I assume that you meant that I could use you if I wanted to, but I don't, I don't really want to do that. I just thought, you know, anyway. Oh gods. Oh gods. Is he talking to you? You left me on the table.
00:03:34
Speaker
I'm so sorry. I thought, I thought maybe if I just left him here for one second he might, he might just leave. What have you been telling her? Iron, this, this, this person is going to use me to cut sausage rolls. I, yes. Okay. He's certainly, uh, it'd be the first thing you've done helpful in a while. I am, I am the discfoner of tyrants, not the bisector of chorizo.
00:04:04
Speaker
Well, I mean... You could do both. I don't... I could add it to my title. You could. My sector of chorizo.
The Chat and the Podcast Invitation
00:04:16
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I was planning to get one and, you know, maybe we could put your strength to the test. Hi. Did Toothy say that you're Myron? My... Did you, Toothy?
00:04:32
Speaker
Well, I mean, you left me on a table. Time was of the essence. I wasn't going to give you a longer name. I am the guardian of the Grand Crypt. OK. If you insist, you may call me Myron. OK, I mean. What about like Ronnie? Is that something? It's like your thing in Ronnie, like a really cute. Oh, I love that.
00:05:00
Speaker
Look at how uncomfortably he stands when you say it. Ronnie, you can see his armor just tightened together. That's okay, Toothy. So I'm sure, I'm sure he has not been bothering you or telling you any stories, right? You should. No. We should probably explain why we're walking through a cafe. Well, I would love to hear that.
00:05:30
Speaker
actually wait i think the reason i'm walking through is pretty obvious i don't walk that's true i mean i'm carried but never in combat but physically in combat oh and also in combat fine so um
00:05:51
Speaker
Would you like to have a seat? I mean, I'm just sort of, I don't know. I was just looking at the menu and didn't really have any plans, but. You know, we, we could take a, we could take a break. I mean, small, small breather. I mean, the, the grand crypt's not terribly busy this time of day.
00:06:17
Speaker
Oh, no, it's it's pretty dead. Yeah, that was that was yeah, that was great. I love that. Well, here, I would love to hear any stories that you have. And you mentioned that. I don't know if there's like any way like crypt ones or are you. Are you a storyteller? A recorder of deeds about the remembrance?
00:06:48
Speaker
I've met a bard once in the charming region. They were whispering stuff in my ear and just had to sort of leave. But no, I mean, I actually I have a podcast and if you wanted to, you know, share any stories, I can just do a quick set up.
00:07:06
Speaker
If you wanted to do that and participate, we could have our deeds remembered forever. And what deeds are you going to tell today? I've got deeds. I have plenty of deeds. I've heard your deeds. I've also seen your deeds.
00:07:29
Speaker
Well, why don't we let her introduce herself and her purpose here, and then we can decide what kind of deeds
Heroic Tales and Dragons
00:07:38
Speaker
we will regale her with. Okay, let me just quickly set up. Okay, so this is a microphone. You talk into this. I don't know, wait, I mean, the last person didn't know what it was. I don't know if you know much about technology, but... Never seen them before. Okay, well, this is a big thing that you just talk into, and I...
00:07:58
Speaker
plug it into my laptop and I can record and it's not necessarily um like I'm not going to be scribing I'm not like you know going to be doing any of that it's faster to do it this way so um you know you just talk into it and yeah that's it is that okay so it's a it's a it's a thing that you talk to and it never responds it doesn't I mean I'll be so it's like myron
00:08:29
Speaker
Is that what you're like, Myron? I guess. Oh, OK. Well, I'll get my podcast started. Let me just hit record. OK, and don't worry, you will be able to share everything that you want just within a 15 to 20 minute period. That would be great. OK, let me just get this done. OK.
00:08:57
Speaker
Hello listener, my name is Mayari and this is Magical Coffee Date.
00:09:03
Speaker
I'm sitting here in the moonbeam tea rooms. I've got a warm mocha with me, a sausage roll, and the owners are really cool to let me set up my laptop to record these sessions. I'm waiting to meet up with an old friend. Oh, actually, that probably doesn't work today. Well, I moved away from the October region and sort of lost touch with everyone, but it's fine, because I'm back now. I sent out a mailer cat, Bod, to everyone I used to know, and set up a few coffee dates.
00:09:30
Speaker
But today is a little bit different because, well, this Myron is here with Toothy. Welcome. Thank you for taking part in my podcast. Thank you for agreeing to grant us such an audience.
00:09:51
Speaker
Do I need to hold toothy up to the microphone there? It should be able to pick up, but if you wanted to pick them up, you could. Probably safer. Do I need to be held aloft? I'm quite comfortable on the table. Whatever you're comfortable with, that's what I care about. But whatever's safest as well. You both know what's best.
00:10:20
Speaker
Just sit back and listen to your stories. Why don't you regale her? Okay, well, I mean, where to start? There was, I mean, there's the dragon, there's the evil knight, there's the necromancer. I mean, I suppose we could start with the dragon.
00:10:46
Speaker
Oh, definitely. I would love to hear about the dragon. I actually haven't come across one ever. Very, very political beasts, not as violent as one would think. Oh, well, what makes them political?
00:11:05
Speaker
the big big gossips not a lot a lot to do when you're sat on a giant pile of of gold as this one was as we approached to secure the innumerable wealth offered to us by the adventurers guilds and lo did it look down upon us and say hark i see an adventurer approaching with an incredible sword what a beautiful sword i've never seen a weapon
00:11:31
Speaker
of its like, the most stunning form of arms one has ever seen. And of course, I did not respond because I was focused on the mission and not having my ego massaged by a giant lizard. Yeah, of course. I mean... How giant was this lizard? What? You remember? It was... I remember, yeah. I mean, what? A hundred feet? Or five.
00:12:01
Speaker
five five it was it was far but it was far bigger than that it was the size of the size of a house it was a hatchling oh it was not hatchling mate and you know it wasn't a hatchling sorry i i mean it was it was it was showed quantifiably very big listener did did two of these voice just change or did i
00:12:32
Speaker
Probably just imagine it. All very normal. Just a slight trick of the acoustics in this place. We have high ceilings in here, but I don't know about changing. Anyway, so five foot hatchling.
00:12:58
Speaker
the size of a house yes you know very big very very big big lizard and you know we we secured the the treasure and we took it back to the king and the queen and they were very grateful and and they assigned us
00:13:15
Speaker
incredible job guarding a huge ancient crypt, a real city of the dead type place. Well, that's incredible.
Rats in Armor and a Spa Visit
00:13:25
Speaker
What's it like to do something like that responsibility just sounds so, I don't know, just responsibility is not really something that I enjoy, but that sounds incredible. Wow. Well, will Myron tell them all about R?
00:13:46
Speaker
Guarding a crypt is it's it's a lot of sitting and and a lot of waiting. I see it's You you sit there and and you wait and then people don't come because no one wants to go into the crypt It's it's oh Well, that's not as exciting as
00:14:08
Speaker
What tooth he was talking about? Well, you know, there was the time with the, you know, we were guarding the crypt and then there was an evil knight that appeared and he had armor of obsidian and the eyes of a roaring volcano and he demanded to pass into the crypt and we said, nay, thou shalt not pass.
00:14:31
Speaker
Wow. He did say that. He absolutely did say that. I can confirm that, yeah. That's amazing. And what happened then?
00:14:43
Speaker
Well, he insisted on passing so Myron took me up and jewelled him and I kept insulting him really well and then he cried and took off his helmet and the moment he took off his helmet it turned out that he was just a series of rats. He was just rats in the armour and then they all fled out of the armour and the armour just fell apart.
00:15:07
Speaker
Oh my gosh. So did you scare him into turning into a series of rats or is that just what? I think once we revealed the ruse, the rodents decided to flee. Oh my gosh. That's, well, I'm glad that, you know, there's people like you and swords like you who. I remember it. I remember it a little bit different.
00:15:32
Speaker
Oh, I had fallen asleep. We had both fallen asleep and, and, uh, we got woken up by a rat. Oh, it was, it was a large rat and I did, I did jump and I did draw toothy here, not my proudest moment as a guard. Mm-hmm.
00:16:01
Speaker
I mean, it doesn't sound very accurate. Are you sure you weren't just very sleepy? We were both very sleepy. You wouldn't think that a sword could snore? Well, he's implying that it's a single round. I don't snore. That is the sound of my incredibly serrated edge dragging across the flagstone.
00:16:28
Speaker
Okay, all right hold hold on now that you are impugning my honor. I would never ever treat a sword that way Well, how would you sharpen it otherwise, I mean I don't know anything about Well, I don't like why don't you tell her about the day spa for legendary weapons Oh
00:16:51
Speaker
Oh, I would love to hear about this season. That sounds amazing, especially, you know, after really long battles or, you know, doing missions, I can imagine that going to a really beautiful day spa for the both of you. I mean, are there like. Sword and night. Day spas where you just sort of relax in a nice little heating pool.
00:17:17
Speaker
or mud baths, couples massages, those sort of things. Well, there is a bath house and when I go there, I put him in a locker.
00:17:40
Speaker
It's a spa. It's nice and soft in there. I put them on top of some towels. It's probably nicer than having to hang on my hip. You're describing the luxury padded isolation room. That's not a locker with towels in it. You place me in it every time. I do do that, yes.
00:18:02
Speaker
Are you abandoned? Are you in a locker? A whole lot of towels in there for definitely no reason that has anything to do with muffling sound. What does the rest of the spa look like? Oh, no, you don't. Ronnie, you're not quite nice, actually. Oh, my gosh, Ronnie, you need to take toothy to this. I mean, like, I don't I don't want to like
00:18:30
Speaker
This isn't really something I do. I don't normally do like couples therapy, but also I just feel as though, you know, it seems like toothy is sort of feeling abandoned. And, you know, Ronnie, it just seems to me like you might be using toothy as a means to get more golden than shoving toothy in a locker.
00:18:57
Speaker
while you I don't know what you do at a spa what specifically you know you as a knight but like I if I had somebody helping me like if bod for example was scratching the faces of evil doings I just feel for evil doers I just feel like he would deserve to you know at least be next to me while I was getting all the nice stuff done hey hey hey bod bod can you hear me
00:19:27
Speaker
Does she also abandon you in a locker?
Reflections on Companionship
00:19:32
Speaker
Because if she does, you can tell me. I won't tell anyone. We could run away together. We could start a bed and breakfast in Snowfall. And no one would have to know. We could have all the sausage rolls we wanted. And all the towels would be out in the open. What? Hey, where are you going? What? Can we have a treat?
00:19:55
Speaker
Oh, interesting. Seems, seems Bonta's become inspired to explore the room. Oh yeah, he's, he does this from time to time. He, he actually does a lot of the, I don't know if I said it in my intro, but he actually does a lot of the mailing for me. He takes my, um, letters that I'm sending out to people to actually record this podcast, which is what I normally do.
00:20:19
Speaker
um but yeah i mean oh so he can he can he can you know like move things around for you do things for you yeah that sounds sounds very nice he's a really good boy he's very sweet it sounds like a wonderful trait to have in a companion i i i do plenty of i do plenty of other things i i might not be able to move things around i mean potentially i could have a go but
00:20:47
Speaker
According to recently developing information, I appear to just spend some of my time in a small metal box meant for clothes and umbrellas. I have to ask, did you never notice that the writing just says locker room and you never got further than that?
00:21:11
Speaker
I don't pay… how many adventurers have we interacted with who speak wonderful forms of different languages? How many times have we casually stroll past ancient runic script? I'm not going to pay attention to what a sign says, because I…
00:21:27
Speaker
I trust you, Myron. Why would I read the... Oh my gosh. You will work on that. We'll work on that. I can read. I believe you. I can read all sorts of things. I'm definitely not going to take us to the bookstore and get us some basic reading things so you can practice when I'm busy.
00:21:57
Speaker
Do they have books about adventure? We'll find you one about adventure. Okay. Well, I mean, far be it from us to consume all of this time with the incredible tales of our many deeds and the things that we have accomplished in the names of this great land that may or may not be recorded in scripts that I may or may not be able to consume with my vision abilities.
00:22:26
Speaker
I mean I'm really loving hearing this but oh yeah sure yes we we guard an ancient gateway into the domain of the dead
00:22:39
Speaker
And this is a challenging role as it requires patience, but also the ability to protect that which we hold dear, which we may not want people from the outside to see. Are there things that you guard in your life this closely? Bod, who I would not let out of my sight for a second unless he was doing his work,
00:23:06
Speaker
Other than that, no, I'm pretty much just someone that, you know, likes to. I am. Not necessarily guarded, but I do want to fix the friendships that I may have, you know, you know, like when you know, when you accidentally just stop talking to people for a decade.
00:23:31
Speaker
Um, that yes, my runs very familiar with that. Yes. We should try that again. Uh, with the, okay. I assume that's not with me, but no, no, no, no, no. Happy to speak with you. Yeah. Um, I do. I mean, likewise. Uh, but anyway, there you go.
00:23:53
Speaker
well i mean how did how did you meet the small the small furry individual were you were you brought together by happenstance did you did you both accept the same quest in some far-flung adventurous tavern
00:24:07
Speaker
Well, I've had Bod for a long time now, and he's been with me for as long as I can remember, and he's just a really sweet little angel baby boy, and, you know, he's really the only constant I've had in my life for a very long time. That's kind of like us, isn't it, Myron?
00:24:31
Speaker
it is it it is say what you will it is it is nice to have a constant companion someone who does it is listen to you i was the constant companion to myron throughout his nightly career thus far and his mother before him her mother before her oh wow what hold on hold on a moment you think you
00:25:00
Speaker
Do you think that was my mother?
Guarding the Grand Crypt
00:25:03
Speaker
You think I live in a lake?
00:25:08
Speaker
What? Huh? Well, I don't I don't like to criticize people's real estate decisions. I was just it sounded like, you know, to the year passed down through generations. Am I is is Ronnie saying something completely different? Well, you know, like people I was before Ronnie, I was with a lady of
00:25:36
Speaker
you know, a body of water and one day she deigned to hand me down to her worthy successor. I came across a small pond in the forest and
00:25:59
Speaker
A woman rose up out of it, and she presented me with this sword. Oh, wow. And, you know, I had... I maybe should have paid closer attention to what she was saying. She did say that he would speak out if there was danger, among other things. You what, mate?
00:26:29
Speaker
Wait, what? Yeah. I had never met her before. You... I assumed you knew this. I thought... So I'm not from some... I mean... Are you okay there, Tuesday?
00:26:58
Speaker
I thought I thought I was a legendary hereditary weapon. I didn't realize I was some cast off. Doesn't sound like that. She did grant you to a knight. Yeah. You are a legendary weapon. You are a powerfully enchanted, strong, sharp,
00:27:25
Speaker
pretty sword gorgeous i mean last i remember that you know the last conversation that her and i were having was she was uh she was communing with some of her other water based friends and i was regaling them all with the tale about the time where we defeated a kraken and they said
00:27:48
Speaker
There are no krakens in this area of the world, and we're not entirely sure if they exist. So I treated them to a half an hour spiel on the history of the kraken, and there was storylines, and there was a whole cast of characters, and then she said that I was going to be inherited. Okay.
00:28:16
Speaker
Well, you were inherited and you've got a decent life. We do protect the Grand Crypt. Maybe my next inheritor is Bod. Maybe Bod will wield me.
00:28:35
Speaker
He might. He could. He can do anything he wanted. He's just so special and sweet.
Closing Thoughts and Sausage Rolls
00:28:40
Speaker
And, you know, if you ever wanted to, I don't know, teach him how to wield a sword, I wouldn't mind that. I mean, that's looking with you, Ronnie. He could come in and do the trial of the Grand Crypt. I assume that there's some sort of trial in the Grand Crypt.
00:29:07
Speaker
Oh, well, we'll think about that. Um, so, uh, is there anything that, okay, well, maybe is there another, you know, sweet little message that you would like to say to each other before we, uh, well, before you, I mean, you know, uh, I don't really know how to say this, but I also did want to try sausage rolls on the menu.
00:29:30
Speaker
It's a big place.
00:29:36
Speaker
Um, but I mean, you know, before we end this, maybe I could buy all of you, uh, or both of you a sausage roll. Um, is there anything sweet that you would like to say to each other before we end this and I eat the sausage rolls?
00:29:54
Speaker
Well, I would say that although not everybody believes the tales that I tell, Myron is an incredibly brave and talented and intelligent knight, and I worry that if our tales are not of
00:30:15
Speaker
you know, sufficient magnitude that the people will not afford him the respect and the fame that he has earned. It is a hard job to stand by oneself outside a crypt for so long. And I want to feel exciting. I want to feel exciting enough to not be put in a locker at this bar.
00:30:41
Speaker
and I believe that our greatest adventure yet may be letting me beyond the threshold of what I now understand to be the waiting area of the spa.
00:30:54
Speaker
And Ronnie, I mean, you've just heard this beautiful, you know, wonderful words from, uh, toothy. Is there anything, you know, that you want to say to him as somebody who's been by your side for so long? Uh, toothy, steel tooth. I haven't spent a single day watching that tomb by myself.
00:31:27
Speaker
I have spent every day with you. And it is, it is no small thing to have a companion that I know is watching out for me. Aw. Oh, it's really cute. Oh, sorry. I just, I could see, I could see that Toothie's starting to move over to give you a hug.
00:31:55
Speaker
You didn't know that your hilt was also arms. I don't... Sometimes the best offense against a hostile landscape is a good defense. So perhaps moving forward our focus must be on defending one another. And I will ask if they will let you into the
00:32:22
Speaker
Further parts of the spa, they normally don't allow weapons in, which is why I would stow you, otherwise I wouldn't put you in a locker by yourself. If they don't, I want mints. I can see they have mints. They're on the reception desk. We can get you mints.
00:32:45
Speaker
Oh, well, that's really sweet. I am so, you know, I'm I'm really glad that, you know, you both could come to this and, you know, with me and on this podcast for millions of people to listen to it, you know, words. Also, I know I'm just really hungry.
00:33:09
Speaker
and I would as much as I love listening to you both be sweet I am really hungry and I wasn't planning to do this and um would you like some would you like some I can pay for them well I mean yeah I'll have a sausage okay very well to do it true
00:33:32
Speaker
No, no, the pay is absolutely abysmal. It's actually statistically zero.
Behind the Characters
00:33:38
Speaker
They pay us literally in the honor of the roll, but unfortunately that roll has no sausage components whatsoever. So this is a huge upgrade. Yes, and I mean they have amazing different types of coffee drinks as well. They even have orange juice or whatever.
00:33:53
Speaker
Whatever you want, I'm happy, you know, you did take time to, you know, record with me today and I don't want you to, you know, to walk out with nothing aside from the love and friendship you two seem to now have. So, yeah, let's just go in order. Thanks, listener. I'm just going to end here because I'm really hungry and I just
00:34:16
Speaker
They're going to talk about more things and I'm just, I have to go. Bye. See you next week. And we're ourselves now. Yay. I have Christos and Bill with me, uh, who are playing the knight and the sword. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you for having us. Uh, I'm, I'm Bill. I'm polar guy on Twitter. I, uh,
00:34:42
Speaker
Mostly don't stream or anything by myself. You catch me on other people's streams sometimes and uh, amazing. Yeah Yeah been role-playing for 20 30 years something like that Oh, well, I mean it
Outtakes and Social Media
00:34:56
Speaker
definitely shows I've just I could have listened to the both of you talk forever Just it's so fun. Good time
00:35:04
Speaker
My name is Chris Os, a British person living in the American Midwest. I work during the day for a nonprofit. And then in my spare time these days, I just kind of do a lot of like painting and other hopping and enjoy sort of spending time with friends and doing role play, like this sort of stuff. And then I'm fell not basically everywhere.
00:35:31
Speaker
Yeah, I um I just um I've known Christos for like a year now and it's just been really nice chatting with them and to have Bill the two of you on this is just so nice and it was I think everyone listening all two people listening will um sort of
00:35:54
Speaker
I don't know. I'm sure everyone's going to enjoy this. So thank you both very much for a different way to do the episode. It was so nice. It was absolutely wonderful. A lot of fun. Planning was fun, even. So, you know, like doing it. Yes. Thank you so much. And maybe we'll see you in the future. Hello, it's me again.
00:36:25
Speaker
Yep. Please follow me. Did I say the S and the word please just there? Follow me on Twitter, Twitch, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, Twitch, Instagram, TikTok. And if you want to support the podcast, please do so and check out patreon.com slash glowpinksta to see if they're interested in anything that tickles your fancy.
00:36:54
Speaker
Okay, thank you. Bye. Also did not realize that this episode was going to be so long. We had such a great time and I hope you enjoyed it. Okay, bye. See you in two weeks. I feel like I'm forgetting something, but maybe I'll remember in two weeks. Bye.