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Talking All Things Relationships
126 Plays4 years ago
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Transcript
Introduction to Relationship Insights
00:00:01
Speaker
Bigger Talks, Bigger Talks, IG Live Edition.
00:00:04
Speaker
I'm talking all things relationships.
00:00:07
Speaker
That's right, relationships.
00:00:09
Speaker
I'm going to talk, I'm going to communicate, I'm going to chat.
00:00:13
Speaker
You know, that's kind of like the same meaning or term, but I think it's the same thing when it comes to relationship.
00:00:19
Speaker
We like to put it all in one box and everybody has different experiences and upbringing and different ways of defining a relationship.
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Speaker
So, uh,
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Speaker
Yeah, so welcome to everybody that's here.
00:00:34
Speaker
Feel free to chime in.
00:00:36
Speaker
Give me your thoughts, give me your opinions.
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Speaker
I'm gonna get right into it and I'm just gonna talk about relationships.
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Speaker
So the reason for this discussion from my point of view and everything I'm speaking is based off experience, right?
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Speaker
Analysis, analyzing and experiencing life myself through relationships.
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chatting with people, talking to people.
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And also I have a predominantly, you know, I have many women followers.
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Speaker
So I get a lot of DMs and I have women friends, friends who they always seek advice.
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Speaker
And so through their experiences, I learned things about myself and others and just relationships in general.
Formation of Relationship Blueprints
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Speaker
But the first topic I want to discover and for you guys and to unpack is the blueprint of relationships.
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Speaker
When I say the blueprint of relationships, everybody has a blueprint.
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And your blueprint is based off of what was in your environment when you were raised and you grew up, the things you saw as a kid, the things you experienced in your visual, right?
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Because you only can be what you can see.
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When you're a kid and you're young, you're experiencing life from what you're seeing and what's going on around you.
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Speaker
So here it goes.
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Speaker
So you have some people who were raised, right, in a household with a single mother or single father.
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Speaker
You have some people who were raised with mom and dad in a mom and mom and dad in a house.
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together as mates, and they could just be together, they're not married.
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Speaker
Then you have people who experience mom and dad is married, they've been married for years.
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Speaker
And then you have people who've experienced mom has a boyfriend and dad has a girlfriend and they date consistently or they have different partners throughout their life growing up.
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Speaker
So what happens is when you have a blueprint, different blueprints, because we all have different blueprints, usually, and more consistently, you go off what you see.
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Speaker
So when I grew up, I've seen my mom, you know, being single, single mother.
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My dad had, you know, women that he dated at times.
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So growing up in a household with a single mother,
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That's what you see.
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I didn't see my mom date anyone consistently where I thought like, oh, this is what a relationship is.
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This is what love is.
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I didn't, I had no clue.
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So then someone like me, I would, you know, live, you know, my choice is being single because that's what I saw.
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Speaker
Then you have some people have friends who mom has been married for years.
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And so their blueprint is that's what a relationship is.
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I should be with someone.
Understanding Partner's Blueprint
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And then you have people who were raised where people consistently break up.
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So what I'm saying is that you have people who are good at being single.
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You have people who are good at being in relationships.
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You have people who are good at breaking up.
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So a lot of times when you're dating someone or you're trying to be with someone or you're seeking someone and you're really getting to that point of loving that person, experiencing that, not even loving, I'm not saying loving, liking that person.
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You're really getting into that person, right?
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The first thing you should come to mind is like, okay, what was their blueprint?
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for relationships grown up?
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What was their reality like when they were raised?
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Speaker
What was their environment?
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What did they see?
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Did they grow up in a household with a mom and dad?
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Did they grow in a household with a single mom, a single dad, right?
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Was it abusive house?
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So you got to start taking these things in because what happens is if you grew up, mom and dad married, they're still married to this day, and I grew up single, doesn't make no excuse for me being the way I am.
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Um...
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you might project that you and I should be in a relationship because it's based on your perspective.
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And by all means, that's cool.
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But if you don't understand the person that you're dating, that they grew up in a single parent household, they might not know what a relationship looks like or feels like, or they don't know the actions of a relationship because they didn't grow up around it.
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So you can't project and reflect what you feel, what you think, what you experience on the other person because that was your reality.
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So you got to understand that everybody lives a different reality based on that perspective, the experiences, their understanding and what they grew up on.
Comfort in Being Single vs. Relationships
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And so what happens is you get older and then some people get good at being single.
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Right.
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And I say good at being single.
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They can adjust.
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They're comfortable.
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They do want love.
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They do want to be with someone.
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They do.
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They just don't know how to be with someone.
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They don't know how to love someone or they don't know how to receive love for someone or they don't know how to allow someone to be for them with them.
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Right?
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So hear me out.
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You got to be mindful of that.
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You got to know who you're dating.
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You got to know who you're in a situation with.
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You can't just say, well, we should be in a relationship because we have great sex and we have great conversation and I just feel so good when I'm with you.
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That's great.
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But the reality is that person doesn't even know what a relationship actually is.
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They're learning how to be in a relationship.
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They're discovering what the relationship is, right?
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So your blueprint, when you're dating someone or when you're thinking about being with someone, ask yourself, what is their blueprint?
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What is their blueprint?
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What is your blueprint?
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What are you good at?
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Some people are good at being in a relationship.
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They can be codependent in a relationship.
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They can depend on a relationship.
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They can get motivated by the relationship.
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Perfect.
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Some people are good at breaking up.
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They're good at getting in a relationship and breaking up.
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Getting in a relationship, breaking up.
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Getting in a relationship, breaking up.
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They're so good at it.
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It's learned behavior.
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Your blueprint, your program to your blueprint.
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Your program to which you were raised around.
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So you can't expect someone to love you the way you were loved as a kid from your mom and dad when they didn't receive the same love.
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So you gotta be, there's a Proverbs 4.7, and all you're getting, get understanding.
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So when you're dealing with someone, you have to understand who you're dealing with.
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You can't just think, well, because this person buys you nice things, they take you on dinners, you'll have love, and that this person really wants to be in a relationship.
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No, that thing probably is fulfilling them to even just do anything with you.
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That's probably giving them something to do.
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So I don't want to dig too deep in that, but blueprint of relationships is basically the visual, the visual, the template, right?
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The demonstration of what a person has been raised on and what was in their perspective, I mean, in their peripheral, in their vision as they was growing up.
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So I have a friend, mom and dad been married since he's been a kid and still married to this day.
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So he got married at 26.
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Was he wrong for getting married at 26?
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He probably wasn't ready, but he saw his mom and dad married.
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They were together.
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Why not?
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That seems right.
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So you have to you really got to be aware of people's blueprint when it comes to dating and being in love and relation, how they view love, how they view relationships.
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Like I said, some people are good at being single.
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Speaker
Some people are good at being in a relationship.
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Some people are good at breaking up.
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Some people are good at arguing.
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You have to understand before you project your feelings and emotions and perspective on a person because that's what you want.
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Not that a person doesn't want to be in a relationship, but some people don't know how to be in a relationship the way you might.
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And you might not know how to be by yourself for yourself.
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So if you break up, you probably don't know how to be single.
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Right?
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You probably don't know how to be single because you've never been single.
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So the moment you get single, you get scared because you've never been single.
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You're always in a relationship.
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I'm a relationship type of person.
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You know, people say, I'm a relationship type of person.
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And that's great.
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And that's fine.
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But I think dating and in partnership is all about understanding your mate, your significant other, your potential mate, and what they want, what they see, their view of the world, and love, right?
Companionship vs. Relationships
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Speaker
Next, companionship.
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In today's age, from my experience, I believe men and women, they do not want a relationship.
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And the relationship in my eyes is someone you're committed to, just committed to them.
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Speaker
You guys talk about everything, you do everything together.
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Speaker
You might share bank accounts.
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You might live in the same space.
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Speaker
You have a title that we're in a relationship and everyone knows it, right?
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I believe...
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That most people want to be in a companionship.
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They want companionship.
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A companionship is you have someone you really like.
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They really like you.
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You guys go on dates.
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You guys hang out.
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You might even work out together.
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You might hike.
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Y'all have fun.
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Y'all enjoy each other's company.
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I like you.
00:10:11
Speaker
But guess what?
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I really don't want to be committed to no one.
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I don't want to be committed to you.
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But I want to enjoy you because we have fun.
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It's like, yes, let's go out tonight.
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Let's have good food.
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Let's maybe have some drinks and then we can have some sex.
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Speaker
And then we can just keep doing this maybe once or twice a week.
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Speaker
But that's it.
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Speaker
I don't want to know.
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Speaker
I don't I don't want to know all about your personal life and your business.
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You don't want to know about.
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Speaker
I just want the companionship.
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I want someone I know I can call that I can count on to hang out, have a good time.
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and we can enjoy each other's energy.
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Speaker
But I don't want to be committed to that person.
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I don't want to be really responsible for everything that involves them.
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I don't want to be responsible for that.
00:10:56
Speaker
So I believe men and women, everybody wants affection, love, and attention some way, somehow.
00:11:05
Speaker
Everybody wants it.
00:11:06
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It's just we go different ways to get it.
00:11:09
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But I believe
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Speaker
companionship is what everybody wants at least in my age bracket i would say from maybe 25 20 20 20 22 23 young 22 23 to maybe like 35 35 and for guys maybe 40.
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know and uh it's all right because in the companionship it's cool because there's no pressure you guys communicate your feelings where you're at in life what you want what you don't want now look the companionship might turn into a relationship and i believe that if you start off in a companionship with someone
00:11:56
Speaker
I think that's the best way to get in a relationship.
00:11:58
Speaker
But I think what most people try to do is date someone that didn't jump in a relationship.
00:12:03
Speaker
I don't think you should do that.
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Speaker
I think you should, guys, just consistently think and build that rapport, have that companion, build that, you know, that energy, that frequency.
00:12:12
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And then eventually, you know what?
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Speaker
We'd been in this companionship for six months.
00:12:16
Speaker
I'm looking like you.
00:12:18
Speaker
You know what?
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I think we should really date and you should be my girl.
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Speaker
We should be in a relationship.
00:12:25
Speaker
So that's a companionship, right?
00:12:30
Speaker
So I gave you blueprint of relationships.
00:12:32
Speaker
I gave you companionship.
00:12:33
Speaker
I think companionship is 2021.
00:12:34
Speaker
I think people don't really wanna be committed to anyone, anything.
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Speaker
They just want what they want.
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Speaker
They wanna have a good time.
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Speaker
They want a little bit of affection, love in a moment.
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Speaker
They wanna go do that thing.
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Speaker
I don't want to be bothered all day.
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Speaker
I don't want you blowing up the phone.
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Speaker
I don't want you questioning me about where I was at and who I was dealing with.
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I just want you to be honest with me up front.
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I know we can have a good time.
00:12:57
Speaker
You're not entitled to my life.
00:12:58
Speaker
I'm not entitled to your life, but we respect one another.
00:13:02
Speaker
No, you definitely have sex and companionship.
00:13:03
Speaker
That's what keeps it going, right?
00:13:04
Speaker
All right.
00:13:06
Speaker
Next.
00:13:07
Speaker
Now, this is tricky.
Risks in 'Playing for Keeps'
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Playing for keeps.
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Speaker
People play for keeps, right?
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Speaker
Listen, though.
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Speaker
Listen though, people play for keeps.
00:13:18
Speaker
So the plan for keeps is tricky because what happens is you're dating someone.
00:13:26
Speaker
You like this person.
00:13:27
Speaker
This person likes you, but you know, and they know too, maybe for you, red flags, the red flags.
00:13:35
Speaker
Hey, that's a firework play, that's a red flag.
00:13:38
Speaker
You know there are red flags that pop up, right?
00:13:41
Speaker
But you see the potential in a person.
00:13:44
Speaker
Oh, you just got so much potential.
00:13:46
Speaker
Oh, the sex is amazing.
00:13:48
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:13:49
Speaker
The sex is great.
00:13:49
Speaker
Like, yo, like the sex is great.
00:13:52
Speaker
Or, damn girl, this dude got some money.
00:13:56
Speaker
Like, you know what I'm saying?
00:13:57
Speaker
He got some money.
00:13:58
Speaker
Or, yo, bro, she's so bad, bro.
00:14:02
Speaker
She, bro, look at her.
00:14:03
Speaker
Ooh, she gonna make me look good.
00:14:05
Speaker
Like, she had asset, right?
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Speaker
Or like,
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Speaker
Yo, these people know the right people, man.
00:14:11
Speaker
Like, they can get me.
00:14:12
Speaker
They can put me in the right positions.
00:14:14
Speaker
So basically what I'm saying is, what happens when you play for Keats, right?
00:14:20
Speaker
Yeah!
00:14:21
Speaker
When you play for Keats, you don't get kept.
00:14:25
Speaker
You get left.
00:14:27
Speaker
I just came up with that.
00:14:28
Speaker
When you play for Keats, you don't get kept.
00:14:33
Speaker
They don't keep you.
00:14:34
Speaker
They leave you.
00:14:35
Speaker
When you play for Keats, they don't keep you.
00:14:37
Speaker
They leave you.
00:14:39
Speaker
When you play for keep, they don't keep you, they leave you.
00:14:41
Speaker
When you play for keeps, they don't keep you, they leave you.
00:14:46
Speaker
Here's the reason why.
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Speaker
I had a situation I was dating someone.
00:14:53
Speaker
We had great times.
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Speaker
Great times.
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Speaker
Sex was amazing.
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Speaker
Amazing.
00:15:01
Speaker
But I knew, I knew deep down in myself, this ain't it.
00:15:05
Speaker
The sex was so great.
00:15:06
Speaker
The times was so great.
00:15:08
Speaker
Oh, you know, you just reminiscing your head like, man, it was just damn it.
00:15:12
Speaker
We totally opposites.
00:15:14
Speaker
So I told myself, I told myself, I said, I said, E, look, check this out.
00:15:22
Speaker
You can play for keeps, right?
00:15:24
Speaker
And get all the things that's going to keep you around.
00:15:26
Speaker
You can have fun.
00:15:27
Speaker
Y'all can hang out.
00:15:28
Speaker
Y'all can play the little companionship.
00:15:30
Speaker
But you know, on the back end, this ain't going to work.
00:15:32
Speaker
It's not going to last.
00:15:33
Speaker
Right?
00:15:35
Speaker
So I had to be real with myself and say, you know what?
00:15:43
Speaker
Much as I don't want to do this, I got to bite the bullet.
00:15:47
Speaker
I got to take the L. I can't keep the relationship because whatever is keeping me in it is going to fail me on the back end.
00:15:55
Speaker
So what most people do when they find someone they like and they have great times, they play for keys because it's something in the relationship that's keeping them around.
00:16:01
Speaker
But they know that person is not the right person.
00:16:05
Speaker
So what happens is when you're trying to play for keeps, they don't keep you, they leave you, but more than likely they hurt you and they severely hurt you because you played yourself and you got played.
00:16:16
Speaker
So the hardest thing to do when you're dealing with someone in an intimate, emotional, mental, sexual way, when it's really good and it's really great,
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Speaker
but you know it won't work because there's so many red flags.
00:16:32
Speaker
There's so many, there's so many red flags.
00:16:38
Speaker
The toughest thing to do is to leave and walk away and leave it alone.
00:16:42
Speaker
Because you might, oh my God, like,
00:16:45
Speaker
This guy just takes care of everything for me.
00:16:46
Speaker
He pays my bills.
00:16:49
Speaker
He takes care of me.
00:16:50
Speaker
He's so nice.
00:16:51
Speaker
But he doesn't communicate.
00:16:53
Speaker
He doesn't give you the affection, attention you deserve.
00:16:55
Speaker
Not what you need, what you deserve.
00:16:58
Speaker
Or, man, bro, sex is so good, man.
00:17:02
Speaker
She's amazing.
00:17:05
Speaker
Look at her.
00:17:05
Speaker
She's beautiful.
00:17:06
Speaker
She's arm candy.
00:17:07
Speaker
She's arm candy.
00:17:10
Speaker
But yet, she don't pick up the phone when you call.
00:17:12
Speaker
She don't text back.
00:17:15
Speaker
um she's just not as she she do her own thing so what i'm saying is some of you out there in a relationship right now that you're playing for keeps you're playing to keep or this person this guy has status or this girl has status this guy has money this girl has money this person is the niece or daughter of that guy who has millions yeah i know what you're doing but guess what they ain't gonna keep you they gonna leave you and then they're gonna hurt you
00:17:43
Speaker
So stop playing yourself, because what I say, when you play yourself, you get played.
00:17:47
Speaker
So get out of there and run.
00:17:50
Speaker
Someone just said that, run, don't walk.
00:17:53
Speaker
Run, don't walk.
00:17:54
Speaker
And it's, listen, I'm not saying it's easy.
00:17:57
Speaker
Shit is hard.
00:17:58
Speaker
Because what's keeping you there is so strong.
00:18:00
Speaker
It's like a drug.
00:18:02
Speaker
It's literally like a drug.
00:18:03
Speaker
The thing that's keeping you there, it's like a drug.
00:18:06
Speaker
It's like you addicted to it.
00:18:08
Speaker
So you so afraid to let go of that keeping drug,
00:18:13
Speaker
That it suffocates you and it paralyzes you.
00:18:16
Speaker
So what I'm saying is stop playing for keeps.
00:18:19
Speaker
Don't play for keeps.
00:18:20
Speaker
It's not healthy in a relationship.
00:18:22
Speaker
Even in a friendship.
00:18:23
Speaker
Don't play for keeps.
00:18:23
Speaker
Don't just be someone friend because of what they can do for you.
00:18:27
Speaker
Because you're never going to get their best self.
00:18:29
Speaker
Never.
00:18:30
Speaker
So do not play for keeps.
00:18:33
Speaker
All right.
00:18:33
Speaker
All right.
00:18:33
Speaker
Moving to the next one.
Self-Worth and Relationship Health
00:18:35
Speaker
This one is great.
00:18:36
Speaker
Self-worth and self-work.
00:18:39
Speaker
Can I get a amen?
00:18:41
Speaker
Self-worth and self-worth.
00:18:44
Speaker
So here it is.
00:18:47
Speaker
How you feel about yourself is what you gonna get in life.
00:18:52
Speaker
We don't attract what we want.
00:18:54
Speaker
We attract what we are.
00:18:56
Speaker
Let me say it again.
00:18:58
Speaker
We don't attract in life what we want.
00:19:01
Speaker
We attract what we are and we attract the things that we are based on our self-worth.
00:19:06
Speaker
if we feel worthy or not.
00:19:07
Speaker
Listen, as a kid growing up, I didn't feel worthy.
00:19:10
Speaker
I didn't feel like I was good enough.
00:19:12
Speaker
I didn't feel like I deserved the fruits of my labor.
00:19:15
Speaker
I didn't deserve love.
00:19:16
Speaker
I just didn't feel it.
00:19:18
Speaker
So what I did was I pushed all the love and energy on everybody else.
00:19:21
Speaker
I pumped up my friends, motivated my friends, inspired my friends.
00:19:25
Speaker
Y'all put everyone first.
00:19:26
Speaker
Everyone first.
00:19:26
Speaker
You're first.
00:19:27
Speaker
You're first.
00:19:27
Speaker
You're first.
00:19:28
Speaker
Go.
00:19:28
Speaker
Go.
00:19:28
Speaker
Go.
00:19:29
Speaker
I was last.
00:19:30
Speaker
they first they first i'm last i'm last i felt unworthy i didn't know how to receive love i didn't know how to receive help i didn't know how to receive someone really care for me i was afraid of love i was afraid of care i was afraid of nurture i was afraid of it because i wasn't worthy enough based on what i experienced when i was young as a kid so i was running from love and i was only giving love because i was afraid to receive love because of how i felt
00:19:55
Speaker
I wasn't worthy.
00:19:56
Speaker
I didn't feel worthy.
00:19:57
Speaker
So where is your self worth?
00:19:59
Speaker
How do you feel about yourself?
00:20:01
Speaker
Do you think so?
00:20:02
Speaker
Here's the thing.
00:20:04
Speaker
I need women in passing and they say, I want a man that's going to be emotionally vulnerable, communicate, love me, give me attention.
00:20:13
Speaker
They don't want that.
00:20:17
Speaker
They don't want that.
00:20:18
Speaker
They think they want that.
00:20:20
Speaker
And I always say,
00:20:22
Speaker
How do you really, honestly, this is for me too.
00:20:24
Speaker
How do we really know what we want if we never had it?
00:20:28
Speaker
Think about that.
00:20:29
Speaker
How do you know what you want if you never had it?
00:20:33
Speaker
So women will say, I want a guy, and then they get that guy, because I've been that guy for many women.
00:20:39
Speaker
It's too much.
00:20:41
Speaker
Like, damn, you're so authentic, you're so honest.
00:20:45
Speaker
You're emotionally vulnerable and you know how to speak about your feelings, your balance.
00:20:50
Speaker
Most guys are not like that.
00:20:51
Speaker
You threw me off.
00:20:52
Speaker
It's intimidating.
00:20:53
Speaker
I get the intimidating factor, right?
00:20:56
Speaker
Which is fine.
00:20:56
Speaker
That's okay.
00:20:57
Speaker
Then you get a girl who say, they're afraid of that.
00:21:04
Speaker
But then they get the guy, treats them like they don't give a fuck about it.
00:21:09
Speaker
Don't answer the phone.
00:21:11
Speaker
Don't call them.
00:21:12
Speaker
Don't check up on them.
00:21:14
Speaker
Don't take them out.
00:21:16
Speaker
They just call them when it's convenient for them.
00:21:17
Speaker
Like, hey, baby, where you at?
00:21:18
Speaker
We going out tonight.
00:21:19
Speaker
Get your stuff.
00:21:19
Speaker
Get ready.
00:21:20
Speaker
They get ready.
00:21:22
Speaker
They on his time, which is fine.
00:21:24
Speaker
Like, hear me out.
00:21:25
Speaker
That is all good.
00:21:25
Speaker
I'm not saying it's bad.
00:21:27
Speaker
So what I discovered is that in life, we all want to challenge.
00:21:36
Speaker
We don't want gimme, gimme, gimme, yes, yes, yes, nice, nice, nice.
00:21:39
Speaker
That's not real.
00:21:40
Speaker
We want balance.
00:21:41
Speaker
We want a challenge.
00:21:42
Speaker
So there's been time in your life when there's been a guy who's been saying yes to everything, has been doing everything, who's been so nice and so sweet.
00:21:54
Speaker
But he gets on your nerves.
00:21:54
Speaker
He's annoying.
00:21:55
Speaker
It's like, damn, bro, go find some work.
00:21:58
Speaker
No girl wants a guy that's just always blowing up.
00:22:00
Speaker
He like, bro, kick rocks.
00:22:02
Speaker
Get out of here.
00:22:03
Speaker
Same for God.
00:22:05
Speaker
girl blowing me up she really liked me she really into me I don't like it you like me too much you know you let me like you so I failed in the past by over giving over liking over being available for women and then I just scare them off because it's like damn bro like this is not even real there's no balance so what I'm saying is this it's not that you don't it's not that I don't think people
00:22:32
Speaker
It's not that people don't want to challenge and want someone that's going to challenge them.
00:22:36
Speaker
It's just that we don't know how to define that for ourselves.
00:22:40
Speaker
So we put on an idea of this is what I want.
00:22:43
Speaker
We make it general and we think that general thing is what we want.
00:22:47
Speaker
And then when we get it, we don't understand it because we never had it.
00:22:50
Speaker
So that's why in a relationship, you have to define your relationship.
00:22:54
Speaker
I'm speaking today from my perspective, from my experiences.
00:22:57
Speaker
Some of you people have been married.
00:22:59
Speaker
Some of you have been divorced.
00:23:00
Speaker
Some of you have been in an abusive relationship.
00:23:02
Speaker
Some of you have been verbally abused.
00:23:04
Speaker
Some of you have been traumatized.
00:23:06
Speaker
So you got to be in a relationship that's healthy and safe for you.
00:23:11
Speaker
Right?
00:23:12
Speaker
So self-worth.
00:23:14
Speaker
Based on your self-worth, that's how people are going to treat you.
00:23:17
Speaker
Based on how you feel internally.
00:23:20
Speaker
Not how you look.
00:23:21
Speaker
Everyone looks good, but everyone doesn't feel good.
00:23:23
Speaker
Everyone doesn't feel how you look.
00:23:25
Speaker
So self-worth.
00:23:27
Speaker
Where is your worth?
00:23:28
Speaker
Where do you put your worth on a scale of 1 to 10?
00:23:30
Speaker
Are you a 10 or you're 8 or you're 9?
00:23:32
Speaker
Are you 6 or you're 5?
00:23:34
Speaker
So that's one.
00:23:35
Speaker
So we got self-worth, then you got self-work.
00:23:40
Speaker
Now, I can't speak for many people.
00:23:43
Speaker
I can't speak for any of you because I don't know what y'all do on a daily basis.
00:23:46
Speaker
I'm always working on myself.
00:23:48
Speaker
You know, I'm always trying to get better and grow and learn and evolve and be the best me that I can be for me in the world we live in.
00:24:00
Speaker
When you're in a relationship or when you've been in situations where you felt damaged, someone took advantage of you, someone fooled you, manipulated you, deceived you, guess what?
00:24:14
Speaker
You're responsible for that.
00:24:15
Speaker
You're responsible.
00:24:17
Speaker
So before I really break down the self-worth part, I don't want you to give your power away.
00:24:26
Speaker
I had a friend recently say,
00:24:31
Speaker
He put me through so much.
00:24:34
Speaker
He's crying.
00:24:35
Speaker
This guy put me through so much.
00:24:38
Speaker
I hate him.
00:24:38
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:24:39
Speaker
I was like, no, no, no, no.
00:24:40
Speaker
You're not going to do that.
00:24:42
Speaker
You put yourself through so much.
00:24:45
Speaker
You get what you tolerate.
00:24:48
Speaker
Don't point the finger.
00:24:49
Speaker
Don't put off blame on that person.
00:24:51
Speaker
You allow the person to do that to you.
00:24:53
Speaker
You didn't create the boundaries.
00:24:55
Speaker
You didn't communicate how you felt.
00:24:58
Speaker
You allowed it.
00:24:59
Speaker
You get what you tolerate.
00:25:01
Speaker
So for men and women, stop saying he and she.
00:25:04
Speaker
It's you.
00:25:06
Speaker
Self-work.
00:25:09
Speaker
Your self-work is going to be dependent on your self-worth.
00:25:13
Speaker
So if you're feeling down and you feel like you get the short end of the stick every time and people disrespect you and disown you, you got work to do.
00:25:21
Speaker
They only doing it because you're allowing it.
00:25:23
Speaker
You're responsible for your life.
00:25:27
Speaker
I remember my mom saying,
00:25:28
Speaker
I said, yeah, ma, you didn't do this, you didn't.
00:25:30
Speaker
She said, okay, son, when you gonna stop saying that story?
00:25:32
Speaker
When you gonna stop creating that story?
00:25:34
Speaker
When is it gonna stop?
00:25:35
Speaker
What you gonna do about it?
00:25:36
Speaker
I was like, you know what, you're right.
00:25:38
Speaker
You're right.
00:25:39
Speaker
At the end of the day, you gotta live life.
00:25:41
Speaker
You gotta live life.
00:25:43
Speaker
So stop the pointing fingers in relationships.
00:25:45
Speaker
Stop pointing the fingers.
00:25:47
Speaker
Be responsible for your shit.
00:25:48
Speaker
Like literally, be responsible.
00:25:51
Speaker
It's easy to point the finger when you're hurting your damage because you don't wanna take responsibility for your feelings that you feel.
00:25:59
Speaker
Because you put yourself in a position to receive whatever you received in that moment.
00:26:04
Speaker
So it's important that you do internal work.
00:26:07
Speaker
You go back and think, how did I receive love growing up?
00:26:12
Speaker
How did I view love?
00:26:13
Speaker
What was the relationship like growing up?
00:26:16
Speaker
Was it toxic?
00:26:17
Speaker
Was it abuse?
00:26:18
Speaker
Was it chaotic?
00:26:20
Speaker
What was that?
00:26:22
Speaker
What was that relationship like when I grew up?
00:26:26
Speaker
Who was there?
00:26:28
Speaker
How did I see love?
00:26:29
Speaker
How did I receive love?
00:26:32
Speaker
Is someone calling me out on my name, beating me up, manipulating me, lying to me as love?
00:26:36
Speaker
That's how I see love?
00:26:37
Speaker
Maybe.
00:26:38
Speaker
Maybe.
00:26:39
Speaker
But if that is true for you right now, it's okay.
00:26:42
Speaker
You just got to go back and reprogram and rewire that and get the right programming because you deserve the best.
00:26:51
Speaker
But you got to know that.
00:26:53
Speaker
You got to feel that.
00:26:54
Speaker
I can't feel that for you.
00:26:55
Speaker
Only you can.
00:26:57
Speaker
You have to feel you're worthy enough.
00:26:59
Speaker
You have to feel that somebody wants to take you and make you their all.
00:27:04
Speaker
But if you're not giving your all, how can someone give you their all?
00:27:07
Speaker
How can someone be one for you?
00:27:10
Speaker
You're not even one for you.
00:27:13
Speaker
You got to get married to you first.
00:27:15
Speaker
You got to be in a relationship with you first.
00:27:17
Speaker
You got to understand the ugly you, the demons, the stuff, the side that you don't like, the shadow side that you don't like.
00:27:24
Speaker
You got to understand that for you before you can go want someone else to understand it.
00:27:28
Speaker
It don't work like that.
00:27:30
Speaker
You can't want someone to love you.
00:27:32
Speaker
You can't want someone to love you the way you don't love yourself.
00:27:34
Speaker
That don't make sense.
00:27:36
Speaker
You can't coach something you've never been in.
00:27:41
Speaker
So what I'm saying is this.
00:27:45
Speaker
Listen, relationships, very simple.
00:27:51
Speaker
We make it complex because we are afraid of the truth.
00:27:56
Speaker
We're afraid of the truth.
00:27:57
Speaker
We are afraid of the reality of the uncertainty that might happen if we don't have that partner, that relationship or that thing we want so much or that plan for keeps, right?
00:28:09
Speaker
That plan for that thing we're trying to keep leaves us.
00:28:12
Speaker
So you gotta do the work, people.
00:28:14
Speaker
You gotta do the work.
00:28:15
Speaker
I don't care how much money you got.
00:28:16
Speaker
I don't care how good looking you are.
00:28:18
Speaker
I don't care how amazing your sex and your body is.
00:28:20
Speaker
Shit don't mean anything.
00:28:23
Speaker
Because once a guy gets that out of you, once a woman gets that out of you, whatever, what you got in there?
00:28:29
Speaker
What's in there?
00:28:31
Speaker
Are you empty inside?
00:28:36
Speaker
So...
00:28:37
Speaker
What I'm saying is you got to do the work, people.
00:28:39
Speaker
The hardest work we will do in life is on ourselves.
00:28:44
Speaker
So when you're dating someone and you want to be with someone, you got to start asking real questions and stop avoiding and ignoring the red flags because you know there's something they can benefit.
00:28:53
Speaker
You're only going to hurt yourself.
00:28:55
Speaker
Now look, some people like being hurt.
00:28:58
Speaker
They like being in pain.
00:29:00
Speaker
You might say, how?
00:29:02
Speaker
Some people addicted to pain.
00:29:05
Speaker
Some people addicted to being in misery.
00:29:08
Speaker
Some people addicted to being negative.
00:29:11
Speaker
It's a program.
00:29:12
Speaker
They programmed themselves because it makes them comfortable.
00:29:16
Speaker
It makes them normal so they accept it because it's the norm.
00:29:20
Speaker
And then you get someone that's totally out of here.
00:29:22
Speaker
Oh, get away from me.
00:29:22
Speaker
You're too positive.
00:29:23
Speaker
Oh man, you're too spiritual.
00:29:24
Speaker
Oh man, you eat too clean.
00:29:25
Speaker
Oh man, like you can't do that.
00:29:28
Speaker
How you gonna make that amount of money?
00:29:30
Speaker
They're not programmed to that lifestyle.
00:29:32
Speaker
They're not programmed to that frequency.
00:29:36
Speaker
You know?
00:29:37
Speaker
So, you got to understand what you don't understand.
00:29:44
Speaker
You have to understand what you don't understand about yourself.
00:29:50
Speaker
So, stop trying to be in a partnership, relationship with someone that you don't even know, you don't even understand.
00:29:56
Speaker
And damn for sure, if you don't even know and understand yourself.
00:29:58
Speaker
All right?
00:30:01
Speaker
I know there was a lot for that one, but I needed to get that out of there.
00:30:03
Speaker
Self-worth and self-worth.
00:30:05
Speaker
Last but not least, love versus purpose.
Gender Differences in Love and Purpose
00:30:07
Speaker
This is good.
00:30:08
Speaker
This is good.
00:30:10
Speaker
This is what I believe.
00:30:13
Speaker
I believe women, all women need, I can't say all they need, but what they mostly need is love.
00:30:25
Speaker
Fellas, love.
00:30:27
Speaker
L-O-V-E.
00:30:28
Speaker
Now here's the thing.
00:30:29
Speaker
Everybody loves different.
00:30:31
Speaker
Everybody have different love languages.
00:30:33
Speaker
Most women want and need is love.
00:30:37
Speaker
Fellas, ladies, what fellas really need, what men really need is a purpose.
00:30:44
Speaker
Is a purpose, a mission.
00:30:47
Speaker
A purpose, a mission.
00:30:50
Speaker
A purpose, a mission.
00:30:51
Speaker
All women really need is love, love, love.
00:30:53
Speaker
Men need purpose, purpose, purpose.
00:30:54
Speaker
What's my purpose?
00:30:55
Speaker
So here's the things, ladies.
00:30:57
Speaker
A man...
00:31:00
Speaker
I can't say never because that's I don't believe in never.
00:31:04
Speaker
If a guy you're dating is not loving you the way you want to be loved.
00:31:09
Speaker
Right.
00:31:10
Speaker
It's a reason because of that.
00:31:11
Speaker
Right.
00:31:12
Speaker
But I believe mostly say 80%.
00:31:17
Speaker
If a man doesn't have his purpose, he can't love you.
00:31:23
Speaker
He can't love you the way you deserve to be loved because he doesn't have a purpose.
00:31:27
Speaker
He's trying to find his purpose.
00:31:30
Speaker
He's trying to find his purpose.
00:31:32
Speaker
So you can't force a man who don't have a purpose to love you.
00:31:35
Speaker
He don't even have a purpose.
00:31:36
Speaker
So if you don't have a purpose to give you the love you deserve, he could never love you the way you deserve.
00:31:42
Speaker
He just can't.
00:31:43
Speaker
He doesn't have a purpose.
00:31:48
Speaker
He needs the purpose, right?
00:31:51
Speaker
And you don't want to make, because here's the thing, here's the thing, right?
00:31:54
Speaker
So what happens is women are so strong emotionally and mentally, they can finesse and manipulate and deceive a man to get in a relationship who doesn't have a purpose.
00:32:04
Speaker
And they say, and they say, it's all right.
00:32:09
Speaker
Don't worry about it, baby.
00:32:09
Speaker
I take care of it.
00:32:11
Speaker
I can do that for you.
00:32:12
Speaker
I can do this.
00:32:13
Speaker
I can do that.
00:32:13
Speaker
Right?
00:32:14
Speaker
And then they get in a relationship.
00:32:15
Speaker
They get the ring, whatever they want out of the guy.
00:32:18
Speaker
And then they realize he's a piece of shit.
00:32:20
Speaker
He broke.
00:32:22
Speaker
He ain't got no drive or ambition.
00:32:24
Speaker
He can't.
00:32:25
Speaker
Then he start mumbling under their breath because this is the guy you wanted to marry, date you, whatever, because all you wanted was that love.
00:32:31
Speaker
You wanted that out of him.
00:32:32
Speaker
But he doesn't have a purpose.
00:32:35
Speaker
So he's never going to love you.
00:32:37
Speaker
Even if you think you're getting everything he can give you, he's never going to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
00:32:42
Speaker
When a man is in his purpose?
00:32:44
Speaker
Oh, baby.
00:32:47
Speaker
Oh, baby.
00:32:47
Speaker
The love is crazy.
00:32:49
Speaker
The love is crazy.
00:32:51
Speaker
Because as a man, we're thinkers.
00:32:54
Speaker
We're logical.
00:32:55
Speaker
We're practical.
00:32:57
Speaker
Things got to make sense to us.
00:32:59
Speaker
Women are more emotional.
00:33:00
Speaker
They're more feeling based.
00:33:01
Speaker
So they speak on how they feel in the moment.
00:33:04
Speaker
We numb our feelings and think in the moment.
00:33:07
Speaker
So here's the thing.
00:33:09
Speaker
If a man has his all the way together and he has a purpose, oh, baby, I'm going to love you because I got my shit together over here.
00:33:16
Speaker
I'm in line.
00:33:16
Speaker
I have something to give my energy to every single day.
00:33:20
Speaker
to provide for me in you but if I don't have something that can provide for me and you and have something that's going to motivate me I can't motivate or take care of you so what I'm really saying is this a man's meaning in life is his purpose which is what he gives love to first a woman's purpose and meaning
00:33:47
Speaker
Not all, but just in general.
00:33:49
Speaker
It's hard to receive and want love.
00:33:51
Speaker
She wants her business.
00:33:52
Speaker
She wants her purpose.
00:33:53
Speaker
And then, guys, there are some guys that belittle women and make them feel bad for having a purpose.
00:33:59
Speaker
Can't do that, bro.
00:34:01
Speaker
You can't do that, bro.
00:34:02
Speaker
Can't do that, man.
00:34:04
Speaker
If you see her killing it in life and winning, empower her.
00:34:08
Speaker
Women also need empowerment from men.
00:34:09
Speaker
They don't really need money.
00:34:11
Speaker
They want you to have money now.
00:34:12
Speaker
Don't get it twisted.
00:34:12
Speaker
They want you to be stable and secure, but they need empowerment from you.
00:34:15
Speaker
They need that energy, that confidence.
00:34:17
Speaker
They need that out of you.
00:34:19
Speaker
They need you to push them.
00:34:21
Speaker
They don't need you to really take care of them.
00:34:22
Speaker
Take care of them is really loving them and motivating them.
00:34:25
Speaker
That's really loving them.
00:34:29
Speaker
There's also women I know who love taking care of men.
00:34:33
Speaker
right and they're always attracting guys that want to be taken care of which is fine the only thing about that ladies is that and and fellas as well i had to learn this ladies you will never you will never be that man or that guy's mother stop it stop treating him like a son your son of him you're not even dating him you're sonning him
00:34:59
Speaker
Stop treating him like your son.
00:35:01
Speaker
You'll never be his mother.
00:35:02
Speaker
So you women who got the money, who got the bag, who like to take care, and you want to fund everything, and that's all cool, but eventually he gonna leave you.
00:35:11
Speaker
He don't need another mother.
00:35:13
Speaker
He needs someone to just be there and support him.
00:35:16
Speaker
Fellas, she doesn't need a father, bro.
00:35:20
Speaker
So stop trying to treat her like she's your daughter.
00:35:22
Speaker
Like she don't need that.
00:35:25
Speaker
Stop trying to do everything.
00:35:26
Speaker
You know, women say, I've done everything for him.
00:35:30
Speaker
I've done everything for her.
00:35:31
Speaker
She don't need you to do everything.
00:35:33
Speaker
That was her mom and dad's job.
00:35:37
Speaker
The moment you depend on another person to do everything for you, you're going to fail in life.
00:35:42
Speaker
In a relationship, you're not programmed to do everything for your partner.
00:35:47
Speaker
No, that doesn't work.
00:35:50
Speaker
As things in their life...
00:35:52
Speaker
they have to figure out on their own.
00:35:57
Speaker
I used to try to control everything in my friends and people's lives and even my nephews.
Individual Responsibility in Relationships
00:36:08
Speaker
I'm telling my sisters like, no, don't let them do that.
00:36:11
Speaker
And I'm like, you know what?
00:36:12
Speaker
Eric, you can't save them.
00:36:13
Speaker
They still got to go through life just like you did.
00:36:22
Speaker
You know?
00:36:23
Speaker
So it's like, you have to know what you're dating.
00:36:29
Speaker
You have to know what you're up against.
00:36:31
Speaker
You have to know what's in front of you.
00:36:32
Speaker
You gotta ask the right questions.
00:36:38
Speaker
You know, you have to ask the right questions because this is your life at the end of the day.
00:36:45
Speaker
And how you end up in your life is up to you.
00:36:51
Speaker
You know?
00:36:56
Speaker
How you end up in life is best that you live for the long term.
00:37:01
Speaker
And here's the thing.
00:37:02
Speaker
I know a lot of people live different lives and have different experiences.
00:37:05
Speaker
Some people are stressing and struggling and hurting.
00:37:08
Speaker
It's all good.
00:37:10
Speaker
But when you have an understanding of what you're up against or what's in front of you or what you're dealing with as an individual, you're able to process your thoughts and emotions better when you're dealing with someone else.
00:37:22
Speaker
Because if you cannot be you for you, you cannot be you for another person.
00:37:26
Speaker
That's just facts.
00:37:27
Speaker
You can't.
00:37:28
Speaker
You can't be you for you, you can't be you for them.
00:37:32
Speaker
It's not going to work.
00:37:36
Speaker
So think about it.
00:37:40
Speaker
Love, women.
00:37:41
Speaker
Women really, this is my thoughts.
00:37:44
Speaker
I believe women want love, affection, and attention.
00:37:48
Speaker
Women want love, affection, and attention.
00:37:50
Speaker
And time.
00:37:51
Speaker
And time.
00:37:52
Speaker
Make time for them.
00:37:55
Speaker
That's what they really need.
00:37:57
Speaker
A man needs a mission.
00:38:00
Speaker
A man needs purpose and a man need a woman who's going to understand him and love him unconditionally.
00:38:10
Speaker
Men.
00:38:13
Speaker
We have to learn how to be vulnerable with our women.
00:38:16
Speaker
The more vulnerable you are with your women, the more she can help you.
00:38:19
Speaker
the more she can motivate you, the more you can get out of yourself and the more you can get out of her.
00:38:23
Speaker
Vulnerability is powerful.
00:38:28
Speaker
So communicate, you might've been hurt in the past.
00:38:31
Speaker
You might've went through a bad breakup before you got in a situation.
00:38:35
Speaker
Your mom didn't love you as much as a kid.
00:38:37
Speaker
This is why you're so needy as a man.
00:38:40
Speaker
Ladies, your dad probably was never around.
00:38:43
Speaker
Your dad wasn't around, all he did was ever work and just bought you things.
00:38:47
Speaker
So we have to learn how to communicate these things in a relationship so we really know who we dealing with.
00:38:52
Speaker
Because we all put on masks when we date someone.
00:38:54
Speaker
And we play like nothing bothers us or you know, you're fine and it's cool.
00:39:01
Speaker
It's not cool when you're feeling bad and you're feeling down.
00:39:06
Speaker
When you go to therapy, what do you do?
00:39:08
Speaker
You communicate, you're talking, you're releasing things.
00:39:10
Speaker
What we reveal, we will heal.
00:39:14
Speaker
What you reveal will heal, you will heal.
00:39:16
Speaker
So, yeah, man.
00:39:21
Speaker
That's it.
00:39:21
Speaker
I just had to get that off my chest.
00:39:23
Speaker
It was on my spirit.
00:39:24
Speaker
Been talking to a lot of close friends, just dating some guys, and they keep doing the same mistake.
00:39:30
Speaker
And I'm like, yo, you're doing this to yourself.
00:39:33
Speaker
You can't expect a guy to treat you the way you want to be treated if you keep going back to him.
00:39:38
Speaker
He already clearly sees that you don't really care enough or respect yourself for him to respect you.
00:39:47
Speaker
You know?
00:39:51
Speaker
Yeah, we do all need love, time, and attention.
00:39:54
Speaker
For sure.
00:39:56
Speaker
I just believe women... I believe you give those intangible things to women that'll keep them where they need to be for you as a man.
00:40:06
Speaker
That's what I believe.
00:40:11
Speaker
I just need the love, baby.
00:40:12
Speaker
I'm gonna create the time.
00:40:13
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:40:14
Speaker
I'm gonna create the time.
00:40:15
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:40:17
Speaker
uh yeah but that's it man you know we'll get 45 minutes that's all this will be up go re-watch it um run back over the topics you guys remember blueprint of relationships companionship plan for keeps self-worth and work love versus purpose
00:40:46
Speaker
Alright?
Final Thoughts on Self-Love and Standards
00:40:47
Speaker
So, fellas, us guys, we need a purpose.
00:40:52
Speaker
Because if we can't, I can't say all, I can't say all, man.
00:40:55
Speaker
But I think, for me, if I don't have a purpose, something to drive me to be who I need to be in this world, I can't be what I need to be for my significant other.
00:41:07
Speaker
So, um...
00:41:10
Speaker
Love, man.
00:41:11
Speaker
Learn to love you first.
00:41:13
Speaker
Learn to be in a relationship with you first.
00:41:15
Speaker
All right?
00:41:17
Speaker
And don't be so hard on yourself.
00:41:18
Speaker
Have kindness and compassion for yourself.
00:41:21
Speaker
Challenge yourself.
00:41:22
Speaker
Set high standards for yourself.
00:41:24
Speaker
Motivate yourself.
00:41:27
Speaker
Don't play for keeps.
00:41:28
Speaker
You know when you play.
00:41:29
Speaker
When you know you play games, you get played.
00:41:31
Speaker
When you play for keeps, they don't keep you, they leave you.
00:41:34
Speaker
All right?
00:41:36
Speaker
Love versus purpose.
00:41:38
Speaker
Men, we got to be more vulnerable with our women.
00:41:41
Speaker
And what was the other one?
00:41:45
Speaker
Self-worth, self-worth.
00:41:47
Speaker
Companionship.
00:41:48
Speaker
I think companionship is the first phase or great phase to be right before you get in a relationship.
00:41:56
Speaker
Good old companionship right before relationship.
00:41:59
Speaker
Because you give yourself time.
00:42:00
Speaker
When we try to jump right in because we think we should, it's not that it won't work out because I know people that went on one date and they in love.
00:42:08
Speaker
I'm just saying more times than not, you always got to see who people really are when things are not so great.
00:42:13
Speaker
Right?
00:42:14
Speaker
When things are not so well, when adversity hit, when they're struggling.
00:42:18
Speaker
That's when you know who you're dealing with.
00:42:20
Speaker
Not when everyone's like looking good, feeling good, being good, you know, living good.
00:42:24
Speaker
So, and look, just because a person loves you, just because you love a person doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with them.
00:42:31
Speaker
That's another thing.
00:42:32
Speaker
We force ourselves to be in a relationship because, oh, I love this person.
00:42:35
Speaker
I care about them.
00:42:36
Speaker
But the relationship is not compatible after five years.
00:42:39
Speaker
Relationship is not compatible after four years.
00:42:43
Speaker
So you can leave it.
00:42:44
Speaker
Stop shooting yourself in the foot and stay in the relationship because you feel like, I love this person, I don't wanna hurt them.
00:42:50
Speaker
Well, you're hurting them just be staying there because you don't really wanna be with them.
00:42:54
Speaker
So you're already hurting them.
00:42:59
Speaker
So, you know.
00:43:01
Speaker
That's it, man.
00:43:02
Speaker
You guys be great.
00:43:03
Speaker
Be safe, man.
00:43:04
Speaker
Happy Friday.
00:43:05
Speaker
Enjoy the weekend.
00:43:07
Speaker
Be nice to yourself.
00:43:09
Speaker
I'm out.
00:43:10
Speaker
It's a miracle season.
00:43:12
Speaker
Appreciate all the support.
00:43:13
Speaker
Everybody who chimed in.
00:43:14
Speaker
Thank you.
00:43:15
Speaker
Thank you.
00:43:15
Speaker
Thank you.
00:43:15
Speaker
Thank you.
00:43:16
Speaker
Thank you.
00:43:17
Speaker
Appreciate you.
00:43:18
Speaker
Hopefully, just help someone out there and just...
00:43:22
Speaker
changes your perspective, give you some perspective.
00:43:25
Speaker
My intention today was to give you my perspective and maybe you can add it to your perspective or you can challenge this perspective.
00:43:31
Speaker
But it's to give you what I believe and what I've experienced and what I think and then do your thing.
00:43:37
Speaker
But have a good day, good weekend, be safe.
00:43:39
Speaker
I'm out.