Transcript
Speaker: Bigger Talks, Bigger Talks, IG Live Edition.
Speaker: I'm talking all things relationships.
Speaker: That's right, relationships.
Speaker: I'm going to talk, I'm going to communicate, I'm going to chat.
Speaker: You know, that's kind of like the same meaning or term, but I think it's the same thing when it comes to relationship.
Speaker: We like to put it all in one box and everybody has different experiences and upbringing and different ways of defining a relationship.
Speaker: So, uh,
Speaker: Yeah, so welcome to everybody that's here.
Speaker: Feel free to chime in.
Speaker: Give me your thoughts, give me your opinions.
Speaker: I'm gonna get right into it and I'm just gonna talk about relationships.
Speaker: So the reason for this discussion from my point of view and everything I'm speaking is based off experience, right?
Speaker: Analysis, analyzing and experiencing life myself through relationships.
Speaker: chatting with people, talking to people.
Speaker: And also I have a predominantly, you know, I have many women followers.
Speaker: So I get a lot of DMs and I have women friends, friends who they always seek advice.
Speaker: And so through their experiences, I learned things about myself and others and just relationships in general.
Speaker: But the first topic I want to discover and for you guys and to unpack is the blueprint of relationships.
Speaker: When I say the blueprint of relationships, everybody has a blueprint.
Speaker: And your blueprint is based off of what was in your environment when you were raised and you grew up, the things you saw as a kid, the things you experienced in your visual, right?
Speaker: Because you only can be what you can see.
Speaker: When you're a kid and you're young, you're experiencing life from what you're seeing and what's going on around you.
Speaker: So here it goes.
Speaker: So you have some people who were raised, right, in a household with a single mother or single father.
Speaker: You have some people who were raised with mom and dad in a mom and mom and dad in a house.
Speaker: together as mates, and they could just be together, they're not married.
Speaker: Then you have people who experience mom and dad is married, they've been married for years.
Speaker: And then you have people who've experienced mom has a boyfriend and dad has a girlfriend and they date consistently or they have different partners throughout their life growing up.
Speaker: So what happens is when you have a blueprint, different blueprints, because we all have different blueprints, usually, and more consistently, you go off what you see.
Speaker: So when I grew up, I've seen my mom, you know, being single, single mother.
Speaker: My dad had, you know, women that he dated at times.
Speaker: So growing up in a household with a single mother,
Speaker: That's what you see.
Speaker: I didn't see my mom date anyone consistently where I thought like, oh, this is what a relationship is.
Speaker: This is what love is.
Speaker: I didn't, I had no clue.
Speaker: So then someone like me, I would, you know, live, you know, my choice is being single because that's what I saw.
Speaker: Then you have some people have friends who mom has been married for years.
Speaker: And so their blueprint is that's what a relationship is.
Speaker: I should be with someone.
Speaker: And then you have people who were raised where people consistently break up.
Speaker: So what I'm saying is that you have people who are good at being single.
Speaker: You have people who are good at being in relationships.
Speaker: You have people who are good at breaking up.
Speaker: So a lot of times when you're dating someone or you're trying to be with someone or you're seeking someone and you're really getting to that point of loving that person, experiencing that, not even loving, I'm not saying loving, liking that person.
Speaker: You're really getting into that person, right?
Speaker: The first thing you should come to mind is like, okay, what was their blueprint?
Speaker: for relationships grown up?
Speaker: What was their reality like when they were raised?
Speaker: What was their environment?
Speaker: What did they see?
Speaker: Did they grow up in a household with a mom and dad?
Speaker: Did they grow in a household with a single mom, a single dad, right?
Speaker: Was it abusive house?
Speaker: So you got to start taking these things in because what happens is if you grew up, mom and dad married, they're still married to this day, and I grew up single, doesn't make no excuse for me being the way I am.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: you might project that you and I should be in a relationship because it's based on your perspective.
Speaker: And by all means, that's cool.
Speaker: But if you don't understand the person that you're dating, that they grew up in a single parent household, they might not know what a relationship looks like or feels like, or they don't know the actions of a relationship because they didn't grow up around it.
Speaker: So you can't project and reflect what you feel, what you think, what you experience on the other person because that was your reality.
Speaker: So you got to understand that everybody lives a different reality based on that perspective, the experiences, their understanding and what they grew up on.
Speaker: And so what happens is you get older and then some people get good at being single.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And I say good at being single.
Speaker: They can adjust.
Speaker: They're comfortable.
Speaker: They do want love.
Speaker: They do want to be with someone.
Speaker: They do.
Speaker: They just don't know how to be with someone.
Speaker: They don't know how to love someone or they don't know how to receive love for someone or they don't know how to allow someone to be for them with them.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: So hear me out.
Speaker: You got to be mindful of that.
Speaker: You got to know who you're dating.
Speaker: You got to know who you're in a situation with.
Speaker: You can't just say, well, we should be in a relationship because we have great sex and we have great conversation and I just feel so good when I'm with you.
Speaker: That's great.
Speaker: But the reality is that person doesn't even know what a relationship actually is.
Speaker: They're learning how to be in a relationship.
Speaker: They're discovering what the relationship is, right?
Speaker: So your blueprint, when you're dating someone or when you're thinking about being with someone, ask yourself, what is their blueprint?
Speaker: What is their blueprint?
Speaker: What is your blueprint?
Speaker: What are you good at?
Speaker: Some people are good at being in a relationship.
Speaker: They can be codependent in a relationship.
Speaker: They can depend on a relationship.
Speaker: They can get motivated by the relationship.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: Some people are good at breaking up.
Speaker: They're good at getting in a relationship and breaking up.
Speaker: Getting in a relationship, breaking up.
Speaker: Getting in a relationship, breaking up.
Speaker: They're so good at it.
Speaker: It's learned behavior.
Speaker: Your blueprint, your program to your blueprint.
Speaker: Your program to which you were raised around.
Speaker: So you can't expect someone to love you the way you were loved as a kid from your mom and dad when they didn't receive the same love.
Speaker: So you gotta be, there's a Proverbs 4.7, and all you're getting, get understanding.
Speaker: So when you're dealing with someone, you have to understand who you're dealing with.
Speaker: You can't just think, well, because this person buys you nice things, they take you on dinners, you'll have love, and that this person really wants to be in a relationship.
Speaker: No, that thing probably is fulfilling them to even just do anything with you.
Speaker: That's probably giving them something to do.
Speaker: So I don't want to dig too deep in that, but blueprint of relationships is basically the visual, the visual, the template, right?
Speaker: The demonstration of what a person has been raised on and what was in their perspective, I mean, in their peripheral, in their vision as they was growing up.
Speaker: So I have a friend, mom and dad been married since he's been a kid and still married to this day.
Speaker: So he got married at 26.
Speaker: Was he wrong for getting married at 26?
Speaker: He probably wasn't ready, but he saw his mom and dad married.
Speaker: They were together.
Speaker: Why not?
Speaker: That seems right.
Speaker: So you have to you really got to be aware of people's blueprint when it comes to dating and being in love and relation, how they view love, how they view relationships.
Speaker: Like I said, some people are good at being single.
Speaker: Some people are good at being in a relationship.
Speaker: Some people are good at breaking up.
Speaker: Some people are good at arguing.
Speaker: You have to understand before you project your feelings and emotions and perspective on a person because that's what you want.
Speaker: Not that a person doesn't want to be in a relationship, but some people don't know how to be in a relationship the way you might.
Speaker: And you might not know how to be by yourself for yourself.
Speaker: So if you break up, you probably don't know how to be single.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: You probably don't know how to be single because you've never been single.
Speaker: So the moment you get single, you get scared because you've never been single.
Speaker: You're always in a relationship.
Speaker: I'm a relationship type of person.
Speaker: You know, people say, I'm a relationship type of person.
Speaker: And that's great.
Speaker: And that's fine.
Speaker: But I think dating and in partnership is all about understanding your mate, your significant other, your potential mate, and what they want, what they see, their view of the world, and love, right?
Speaker: Next, companionship.
Speaker: In today's age, from my experience, I believe men and women, they do not want a relationship.
Speaker: And the relationship in my eyes is someone you're committed to, just committed to them.
Speaker: You guys talk about everything, you do everything together.
Speaker: You might share bank accounts.
Speaker: You might live in the same space.
Speaker: You have a title that we're in a relationship and everyone knows it, right?
Speaker: I believe...
Speaker: That most people want to be in a companionship.
Speaker: They want companionship.
Speaker: A companionship is you have someone you really like.
Speaker: They really like you.
Speaker: You guys go on dates.
Speaker: You guys hang out.
Speaker: You might even work out together.
Speaker: You might hike.
Speaker: Y'all have fun.
Speaker: Y'all enjoy each other's company.
Speaker: I like you.
Speaker: But guess what?
Speaker: I really don't want to be committed to no one.
Speaker: I don't want to be committed to you.
Speaker: But I want to enjoy you because we have fun.
Speaker: It's like, yes, let's go out tonight.
Speaker: Let's have good food.
Speaker: Let's maybe have some drinks and then we can have some sex.
Speaker: And then we can just keep doing this maybe once or twice a week.
Speaker: But that's it.
Speaker: I don't want to know.
Speaker: I don't I don't want to know all about your personal life and your business.
Speaker: You don't want to know about.
Speaker: I just want the companionship.
Speaker: I want someone I know I can call that I can count on to hang out, have a good time.
Speaker: and we can enjoy each other's energy.
Speaker: But I don't want to be committed to that person.
Speaker: I don't want to be really responsible for everything that involves them.
Speaker: I don't want to be responsible for that.
Speaker: So I believe men and women, everybody wants affection, love, and attention some way, somehow.
Speaker: Everybody wants it.
Speaker: It's just we go different ways to get it.
Speaker: But I believe
Speaker: companionship is what everybody wants at least in my age bracket i would say from maybe 25 20 20 20 22 23 young 22 23 to maybe like 35 35 and for guys maybe 40.
Speaker: know and uh it's all right because in the companionship it's cool because there's no pressure you guys communicate your feelings where you're at in life what you want what you don't want now look the companionship might turn into a relationship and i believe that if you start off in a companionship with someone
Speaker: I think that's the best way to get in a relationship.
Speaker: But I think what most people try to do is date someone that didn't jump in a relationship.
Speaker: I don't think you should do that.
Speaker: I think you should, guys, just consistently think and build that rapport, have that companion, build that, you know, that energy, that frequency.
Speaker: And then eventually, you know what?
Speaker: We'd been in this companionship for six months.
Speaker: I'm looking like you.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: I think we should really date and you should be my girl.
Speaker: We should be in a relationship.
Speaker: So that's a companionship, right?
Speaker: So I gave you blueprint of relationships.
Speaker: I gave you companionship.
Speaker: I think companionship is 2021.
Speaker: I think people don't really wanna be committed to anyone, anything.
Speaker: They just want what they want.
Speaker: They wanna have a good time.
Speaker: They want a little bit of affection, love in a moment.
Speaker: They wanna go do that thing.
Speaker: I don't want to be bothered all day.
Speaker: I don't want you blowing up the phone.
Speaker: I don't want you questioning me about where I was at and who I was dealing with.
Speaker: I just want you to be honest with me up front.
Speaker: I know we can have a good time.
Speaker: You're not entitled to my life.
Speaker: I'm not entitled to your life, but we respect one another.
Speaker: No, you definitely have sex and companionship.
Speaker: That's what keeps it going, right?
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Next.
Speaker: Now, this is tricky.
Speaker: Playing for keeps.
Speaker: People play for keeps, right?
Speaker: Listen, though.
Speaker: Listen though, people play for keeps.
Speaker: So the plan for keeps is tricky because what happens is you're dating someone.
Speaker: You like this person.
Speaker: This person likes you, but you know, and they know too, maybe for you, red flags, the red flags.
Speaker: Hey, that's a firework play, that's a red flag.
Speaker: You know there are red flags that pop up, right?
Speaker: But you see the potential in a person.
Speaker: Oh, you just got so much potential.
Speaker: Oh, the sex is amazing.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: The sex is great.
Speaker: Like, yo, like the sex is great.
Speaker: Or, damn girl, this dude got some money.
Speaker: Like, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker: He got some money.
Speaker: Or, yo, bro, she's so bad, bro.
Speaker: She, bro, look at her.
Speaker: Ooh, she gonna make me look good.
Speaker: Like, she had asset, right?
Speaker: Or like,
Speaker: Yo, these people know the right people, man.
Speaker: Like, they can get me.
Speaker: They can put me in the right positions.
Speaker: So basically what I'm saying is, what happens when you play for Keats, right?
Speaker: Yeah!
Speaker: When you play for Keats, you don't get kept.
Speaker: You get left.
Speaker: I just came up with that.
Speaker: When you play for Keats, you don't get kept.
Speaker: They don't keep you.
Speaker: They leave you.
Speaker: When you play for Keats, they don't keep you.
Speaker: They leave you.
Speaker: When you play for keep, they don't keep you, they leave you.
Speaker: When you play for keeps, they don't keep you, they leave you.
Speaker: Here's the reason why.
Speaker: I had a situation I was dating someone.
Speaker: We had great times.
Speaker: Great times.
Speaker: Sex was amazing.
Speaker: Amazing.
Speaker: But I knew, I knew deep down in myself, this ain't it.
Speaker: The sex was so great.
Speaker: The times was so great.
Speaker: Oh, you know, you just reminiscing your head like, man, it was just damn it.
Speaker: We totally opposites.
Speaker: So I told myself, I told myself, I said, I said, E, look, check this out.
Speaker: You can play for keeps, right?
Speaker: And get all the things that's going to keep you around.
Speaker: You can have fun.
Speaker: Y'all can hang out.
Speaker: Y'all can play the little companionship.
Speaker: But you know, on the back end, this ain't going to work.
Speaker: It's not going to last.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: So I had to be real with myself and say, you know what?
Speaker: Much as I don't want to do this, I got to bite the bullet.
Speaker: I got to take the L. I can't keep the relationship because whatever is keeping me in it is going to fail me on the back end.
Speaker: So what most people do when they find someone they like and they have great times, they play for keys because it's something in the relationship that's keeping them around.
Speaker: But they know that person is not the right person.
Speaker: So what happens is when you're trying to play for keeps, they don't keep you, they leave you, but more than likely they hurt you and they severely hurt you because you played yourself and you got played.
Speaker: So the hardest thing to do when you're dealing with someone in an intimate, emotional, mental, sexual way, when it's really good and it's really great,
Speaker: but you know it won't work because there's so many red flags.
Speaker: There's so many, there's so many red flags.
Speaker: The toughest thing to do is to leave and walk away and leave it alone.
Speaker: Because you might, oh my God, like,
Speaker: This guy just takes care of everything for me.
Speaker: He pays my bills.
Speaker: He takes care of me.
Speaker: He's so nice.
Speaker: But he doesn't communicate.
Speaker: He doesn't give you the affection, attention you deserve.
Speaker: Not what you need, what you deserve.
Speaker: Or, man, bro, sex is so good, man.
Speaker: She's amazing.
Speaker: Look at her.
Speaker: She's beautiful.
Speaker: She's arm candy.
Speaker: She's arm candy.
Speaker: But yet, she don't pick up the phone when you call.
Speaker: She don't text back.
Speaker: um she's just not as she she do her own thing so what i'm saying is some of you out there in a relationship right now that you're playing for keeps you're playing to keep or this person this guy has status or this girl has status this guy has money this girl has money this person is the niece or daughter of that guy who has millions yeah i know what you're doing but guess what they ain't gonna keep you they gonna leave you and then they're gonna hurt you
Speaker: So stop playing yourself, because what I say, when you play yourself, you get played.
Speaker: So get out of there and run.
Speaker: Someone just said that, run, don't walk.
Speaker: Run, don't walk.
Speaker: And it's, listen, I'm not saying it's easy.
Speaker: Shit is hard.
Speaker: Because what's keeping you there is so strong.
Speaker: It's like a drug.
Speaker: It's literally like a drug.
Speaker: The thing that's keeping you there, it's like a drug.
Speaker: It's like you addicted to it.
Speaker: So you so afraid to let go of that keeping drug,
Speaker: That it suffocates you and it paralyzes you.
Speaker: So what I'm saying is stop playing for keeps.
Speaker: Don't play for keeps.
Speaker: It's not healthy in a relationship.
Speaker: Even in a friendship.
Speaker: Don't play for keeps.
Speaker: Don't just be someone friend because of what they can do for you.
Speaker: Because you're never going to get their best self.
Speaker: Never.
Speaker: So do not play for keeps.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Moving to the next one.
Speaker: This one is great.
Speaker: Self-worth and self-work.
Speaker: Can I get a amen?
Speaker: Self-worth and self-worth.
Speaker: So here it is.
Speaker: How you feel about yourself is what you gonna get in life.
Speaker: We don't attract what we want.
Speaker: We attract what we are.
Speaker: Let me say it again.
Speaker: We don't attract in life what we want.
Speaker: We attract what we are and we attract the things that we are based on our self-worth.
Speaker: if we feel worthy or not.
Speaker: Listen, as a kid growing up, I didn't feel worthy.
Speaker: I didn't feel like I was good enough.
Speaker: I didn't feel like I deserved the fruits of my labor.
Speaker: I didn't deserve love.
Speaker: I just didn't feel it.
Speaker: So what I did was I pushed all the love and energy on everybody else.
Speaker: I pumped up my friends, motivated my friends, inspired my friends.
Speaker: Y'all put everyone first.
Speaker: Everyone first.
Speaker: You're first.
Speaker: You're first.
Speaker: You're first.
Speaker: Go.
Speaker: Go.
Speaker: Go.
Speaker: I was last.
Speaker: they first they first i'm last i'm last i felt unworthy i didn't know how to receive love i didn't know how to receive help i didn't know how to receive someone really care for me i was afraid of love i was afraid of care i was afraid of nurture i was afraid of it because i wasn't worthy enough based on what i experienced when i was young as a kid so i was running from love and i was only giving love because i was afraid to receive love because of how i felt
Speaker: I wasn't worthy.
Speaker: I didn't feel worthy.
Speaker: So where is your self worth?
Speaker: How do you feel about yourself?
Speaker: Do you think so?
Speaker: Here's the thing.
Speaker: I need women in passing and they say, I want a man that's going to be emotionally vulnerable, communicate, love me, give me attention.
Speaker: They don't want that.
Speaker: They don't want that.
Speaker: They think they want that.
Speaker: And I always say,
Speaker: How do you really, honestly, this is for me too.
Speaker: How do we really know what we want if we never had it?
Speaker: Think about that.
Speaker: How do you know what you want if you never had it?
Speaker: So women will say, I want a guy, and then they get that guy, because I've been that guy for many women.
Speaker: It's too much.
Speaker: Like, damn, you're so authentic, you're so honest.
Speaker: You're emotionally vulnerable and you know how to speak about your feelings, your balance.
Speaker: Most guys are not like that.
Speaker: You threw me off.
Speaker: It's intimidating.
Speaker: I get the intimidating factor, right?
Speaker: Which is fine.
Speaker: That's okay.
Speaker: Then you get a girl who say, they're afraid of that.
Speaker: But then they get the guy, treats them like they don't give a fuck about it.
Speaker: Don't answer the phone.
Speaker: Don't call them.
Speaker: Don't check up on them.
Speaker: Don't take them out.
Speaker: They just call them when it's convenient for them.
Speaker: Like, hey, baby, where you at?
Speaker: We going out tonight.
Speaker: Get your stuff.
Speaker: Get ready.
Speaker: They get ready.
Speaker: They on his time, which is fine.
Speaker: Like, hear me out.
Speaker: That is all good.
Speaker: I'm not saying it's bad.
Speaker: So what I discovered is that in life, we all want to challenge.
Speaker: We don't want gimme, gimme, gimme, yes, yes, yes, nice, nice, nice.
Speaker: That's not real.
Speaker: We want balance.
Speaker: We want a challenge.
Speaker: So there's been time in your life when there's been a guy who's been saying yes to everything, has been doing everything, who's been so nice and so sweet.
Speaker: But he gets on your nerves.
Speaker: He's annoying.
Speaker: It's like, damn, bro, go find some work.
Speaker: No girl wants a guy that's just always blowing up.
Speaker: He like, bro, kick rocks.
Speaker: Get out of here.
Speaker: Same for God.
Speaker: girl blowing me up she really liked me she really into me I don't like it you like me too much you know you let me like you so I failed in the past by over giving over liking over being available for women and then I just scare them off because it's like damn bro like this is not even real there's no balance so what I'm saying is this it's not that you don't it's not that I don't think people
Speaker: It's not that people don't want to challenge and want someone that's going to challenge them.
Speaker: It's just that we don't know how to define that for ourselves.
Speaker: So we put on an idea of this is what I want.
Speaker: We make it general and we think that general thing is what we want.
Speaker: And then when we get it, we don't understand it because we never had it.
Speaker: So that's why in a relationship, you have to define your relationship.
Speaker: I'm speaking today from my perspective, from my experiences.
Speaker: Some of you people have been married.
Speaker: Some of you have been divorced.
Speaker: Some of you have been in an abusive relationship.
Speaker: Some of you have been verbally abused.
Speaker: Some of you have been traumatized.
Speaker: So you got to be in a relationship that's healthy and safe for you.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: So self-worth.
Speaker: Based on your self-worth, that's how people are going to treat you.
Speaker: Based on how you feel internally.
Speaker: Not how you look.
Speaker: Everyone looks good, but everyone doesn't feel good.
Speaker: Everyone doesn't feel how you look.
Speaker: So self-worth.
Speaker: Where is your worth?
Speaker: Where do you put your worth on a scale of 1 to 10?
Speaker: Are you a 10 or you're 8 or you're 9?
Speaker: Are you 6 or you're 5?
Speaker: So that's one.
Speaker: So we got self-worth, then you got self-work.
Speaker: Now, I can't speak for many people.
Speaker: I can't speak for any of you because I don't know what y'all do on a daily basis.
Speaker: I'm always working on myself.
Speaker: You know, I'm always trying to get better and grow and learn and evolve and be the best me that I can be for me in the world we live in.
Speaker: When you're in a relationship or when you've been in situations where you felt damaged, someone took advantage of you, someone fooled you, manipulated you, deceived you, guess what?
Speaker: You're responsible for that.
Speaker: You're responsible.
Speaker: So before I really break down the self-worth part, I don't want you to give your power away.
Speaker: I had a friend recently say,
Speaker: He put me through so much.
Speaker: He's crying.
Speaker: This guy put me through so much.
Speaker: I hate him.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: I was like, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: You're not going to do that.
Speaker: You put yourself through so much.
Speaker: You get what you tolerate.
Speaker: Don't point the finger.
Speaker: Don't put off blame on that person.
Speaker: You allow the person to do that to you.
Speaker: You didn't create the boundaries.
Speaker: You didn't communicate how you felt.
Speaker: You allowed it.
Speaker: You get what you tolerate.
Speaker: So for men and women, stop saying he and she.
Speaker: It's you.
Speaker: Self-work.
Speaker: Your self-work is going to be dependent on your self-worth.
Speaker: So if you're feeling down and you feel like you get the short end of the stick every time and people disrespect you and disown you, you got work to do.
Speaker: They only doing it because you're allowing it.
Speaker: You're responsible for your life.
Speaker: I remember my mom saying,
Speaker: I said, yeah, ma, you didn't do this, you didn't.
Speaker: She said, okay, son, when you gonna stop saying that story?
Speaker: When you gonna stop creating that story?
Speaker: When is it gonna stop?
Speaker: What you gonna do about it?
Speaker: I was like, you know what, you're right.
Speaker: You're right.
Speaker: At the end of the day, you gotta live life.
Speaker: You gotta live life.
Speaker: So stop the pointing fingers in relationships.
Speaker: Stop pointing the fingers.
Speaker: Be responsible for your shit.
Speaker: Like literally, be responsible.
Speaker: It's easy to point the finger when you're hurting your damage because you don't wanna take responsibility for your feelings that you feel.
Speaker: Because you put yourself in a position to receive whatever you received in that moment.
Speaker: So it's important that you do internal work.
Speaker: You go back and think, how did I receive love growing up?
Speaker: How did I view love?
Speaker: What was the relationship like growing up?
Speaker: Was it toxic?
Speaker: Was it abuse?
Speaker: Was it chaotic?
Speaker: What was that?
Speaker: What was that relationship like when I grew up?
Speaker: Who was there?
Speaker: How did I see love?
Speaker: How did I receive love?
Speaker: Is someone calling me out on my name, beating me up, manipulating me, lying to me as love?
Speaker: That's how I see love?
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: But if that is true for you right now, it's okay.
Speaker: You just got to go back and reprogram and rewire that and get the right programming because you deserve the best.
Speaker: But you got to know that.
Speaker: You got to feel that.
Speaker: I can't feel that for you.
Speaker: Only you can.
Speaker: You have to feel you're worthy enough.
Speaker: You have to feel that somebody wants to take you and make you their all.
Speaker: But if you're not giving your all, how can someone give you their all?
Speaker: How can someone be one for you?
Speaker: You're not even one for you.
Speaker: You got to get married to you first.
Speaker: You got to be in a relationship with you first.
Speaker: You got to understand the ugly you, the demons, the stuff, the side that you don't like, the shadow side that you don't like.
Speaker: You got to understand that for you before you can go want someone else to understand it.
Speaker: It don't work like that.
Speaker: You can't want someone to love you.
Speaker: You can't want someone to love you the way you don't love yourself.
Speaker: That don't make sense.
Speaker: You can't coach something you've never been in.
Speaker: So what I'm saying is this.
Speaker: Listen, relationships, very simple.
Speaker: We make it complex because we are afraid of the truth.
Speaker: We're afraid of the truth.
Speaker: We are afraid of the reality of the uncertainty that might happen if we don't have that partner, that relationship or that thing we want so much or that plan for keeps, right?
Speaker: That plan for that thing we're trying to keep leaves us.
Speaker: So you gotta do the work, people.
Speaker: You gotta do the work.
Speaker: I don't care how much money you got.
Speaker: I don't care how good looking you are.
Speaker: I don't care how amazing your sex and your body is.
Speaker: Shit don't mean anything.
Speaker: Because once a guy gets that out of you, once a woman gets that out of you, whatever, what you got in there?
Speaker: What's in there?
Speaker: Are you empty inside?
Speaker: So...
Speaker: What I'm saying is you got to do the work, people.
Speaker: The hardest work we will do in life is on ourselves.
Speaker: So when you're dating someone and you want to be with someone, you got to start asking real questions and stop avoiding and ignoring the red flags because you know there's something they can benefit.
Speaker: You're only going to hurt yourself.
Speaker: Now look, some people like being hurt.
Speaker: They like being in pain.
Speaker: You might say, how?
Speaker: Some people addicted to pain.
Speaker: Some people addicted to being in misery.
Speaker: Some people addicted to being negative.
Speaker: It's a program.
Speaker: They programmed themselves because it makes them comfortable.
Speaker: It makes them normal so they accept it because it's the norm.
Speaker: And then you get someone that's totally out of here.
Speaker: Oh, get away from me.
Speaker: You're too positive.
Speaker: Oh man, you're too spiritual.
Speaker: Oh man, you eat too clean.
Speaker: Oh man, like you can't do that.
Speaker: How you gonna make that amount of money?
Speaker: They're not programmed to that lifestyle.
Speaker: They're not programmed to that frequency.
Speaker: You know?
Speaker: So, you got to understand what you don't understand.
Speaker: You have to understand what you don't understand about yourself.
Speaker: So, stop trying to be in a partnership, relationship with someone that you don't even know, you don't even understand.
Speaker: And damn for sure, if you don't even know and understand yourself.
Speaker: All right?
Speaker: I know there was a lot for that one, but I needed to get that out of there.
Speaker: Self-worth and self-worth.
Speaker: Last but not least, love versus purpose.
Speaker: This is good.
Speaker: This is good.
Speaker: This is what I believe.
Speaker: I believe women, all women need, I can't say all they need, but what they mostly need is love.
Speaker: Fellas, love.
Speaker: L-O-V-E.
Speaker: Now here's the thing.
Speaker: Everybody loves different.
Speaker: Everybody have different love languages.
Speaker: Most women want and need is love.
Speaker: Fellas, ladies, what fellas really need, what men really need is a purpose.
Speaker: Is a purpose, a mission.
Speaker: A purpose, a mission.
Speaker: A purpose, a mission.
Speaker: All women really need is love, love, love.
Speaker: Men need purpose, purpose, purpose.
Speaker: What's my purpose?
Speaker: So here's the things, ladies.
Speaker: A man...
Speaker: I can't say never because that's I don't believe in never.
Speaker: If a guy you're dating is not loving you the way you want to be loved.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's a reason because of that.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But I believe mostly say 80%.
Speaker: If a man doesn't have his purpose, he can't love you.
Speaker: He can't love you the way you deserve to be loved because he doesn't have a purpose.
Speaker: He's trying to find his purpose.
Speaker: He's trying to find his purpose.
Speaker: So you can't force a man who don't have a purpose to love you.
Speaker: He don't even have a purpose.
Speaker: So if you don't have a purpose to give you the love you deserve, he could never love you the way you deserve.
Speaker: He just can't.
Speaker: He doesn't have a purpose.
Speaker: He needs the purpose, right?
Speaker: And you don't want to make, because here's the thing, here's the thing, right?
Speaker: So what happens is women are so strong emotionally and mentally, they can finesse and manipulate and deceive a man to get in a relationship who doesn't have a purpose.
Speaker: And they say, and they say, it's all right.
Speaker: Don't worry about it, baby.
Speaker: I take care of it.
Speaker: I can do that for you.
Speaker: I can do this.
Speaker: I can do that.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: And then they get in a relationship.
Speaker: They get the ring, whatever they want out of the guy.
Speaker: And then they realize he's a piece of shit.
Speaker: He broke.
Speaker: He ain't got no drive or ambition.
Speaker: He can't.
Speaker: Then he start mumbling under their breath because this is the guy you wanted to marry, date you, whatever, because all you wanted was that love.
Speaker: You wanted that out of him.
Speaker: But he doesn't have a purpose.
Speaker: So he's never going to love you.
Speaker: Even if you think you're getting everything he can give you, he's never going to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Speaker: When a man is in his purpose?
Speaker: Oh, baby.
Speaker: Oh, baby.
Speaker: The love is crazy.
Speaker: The love is crazy.
Speaker: Because as a man, we're thinkers.
Speaker: We're logical.
Speaker: We're practical.
Speaker: Things got to make sense to us.
Speaker: Women are more emotional.
Speaker: They're more feeling based.
Speaker: So they speak on how they feel in the moment.
Speaker: We numb our feelings and think in the moment.
Speaker: So here's the thing.
Speaker: If a man has his all the way together and he has a purpose, oh, baby, I'm going to love you because I got my shit together over here.
Speaker: I'm in line.
Speaker: I have something to give my energy to every single day.
Speaker: to provide for me in you but if I don't have something that can provide for me and you and have something that's going to motivate me I can't motivate or take care of you so what I'm really saying is this a man's meaning in life is his purpose which is what he gives love to first a woman's purpose and meaning
Speaker: Not all, but just in general.
Speaker: It's hard to receive and want love.
Speaker: She wants her business.
Speaker: She wants her purpose.
Speaker: And then, guys, there are some guys that belittle women and make them feel bad for having a purpose.
Speaker: Can't do that, bro.
Speaker: You can't do that, bro.
Speaker: Can't do that, man.
Speaker: If you see her killing it in life and winning, empower her.
Speaker: Women also need empowerment from men.
Speaker: They don't really need money.
Speaker: They want you to have money now.
Speaker: Don't get it twisted.
Speaker: They want you to be stable and secure, but they need empowerment from you.
Speaker: They need that energy, that confidence.
Speaker: They need that out of you.
Speaker: They need you to push them.
Speaker: They don't need you to really take care of them.
Speaker: Take care of them is really loving them and motivating them.
Speaker: That's really loving them.
Speaker: There's also women I know who love taking care of men.
Speaker: right and they're always attracting guys that want to be taken care of which is fine the only thing about that ladies is that and and fellas as well i had to learn this ladies you will never you will never be that man or that guy's mother stop it stop treating him like a son your son of him you're not even dating him you're sonning him
Speaker: Stop treating him like your son.
Speaker: You'll never be his mother.
Speaker: So you women who got the money, who got the bag, who like to take care, and you want to fund everything, and that's all cool, but eventually he gonna leave you.
Speaker: He don't need another mother.
Speaker: He needs someone to just be there and support him.
Speaker: Fellas, she doesn't need a father, bro.
Speaker: So stop trying to treat her like she's your daughter.
Speaker: Like she don't need that.
Speaker: Stop trying to do everything.
Speaker: You know, women say, I've done everything for him.
Speaker: I've done everything for her.
Speaker: She don't need you to do everything.
Speaker: That was her mom and dad's job.
Speaker: The moment you depend on another person to do everything for you, you're going to fail in life.
Speaker: In a relationship, you're not programmed to do everything for your partner.
Speaker: No, that doesn't work.
Speaker: As things in their life...
Speaker: they have to figure out on their own.
Speaker: I used to try to control everything in my friends and people's lives and even my nephews.
Speaker: I'm telling my sisters like, no, don't let them do that.
Speaker: And I'm like, you know what?
Speaker: Eric, you can't save them.
Speaker: They still got to go through life just like you did.
Speaker: You know?
Speaker: So it's like, you have to know what you're dating.
Speaker: You have to know what you're up against.
Speaker: You have to know what's in front of you.
Speaker: You gotta ask the right questions.
Speaker: You know, you have to ask the right questions because this is your life at the end of the day.
Speaker: And how you end up in your life is up to you.
Speaker: You know?
Speaker: How you end up in life is best that you live for the long term.
Speaker: And here's the thing.
Speaker: I know a lot of people live different lives and have different experiences.
Speaker: Some people are stressing and struggling and hurting.
Speaker: It's all good.
Speaker: But when you have an understanding of what you're up against or what's in front of you or what you're dealing with as an individual, you're able to process your thoughts and emotions better when you're dealing with someone else.
Speaker: Because if you cannot be you for you, you cannot be you for another person.
Speaker: That's just facts.
Speaker: You can't.
Speaker: You can't be you for you, you can't be you for them.
Speaker: It's not going to work.
Speaker: So think about it.
Speaker: Love, women.
Speaker: Women really, this is my thoughts.
Speaker: I believe women want love, affection, and attention.
Speaker: Women want love, affection, and attention.
Speaker: And time.
Speaker: And time.
Speaker: Make time for them.
Speaker: That's what they really need.
Speaker: A man needs a mission.
Speaker: A man needs purpose and a man need a woman who's going to understand him and love him unconditionally.
Speaker: Men.
Speaker: We have to learn how to be vulnerable with our women.
Speaker: The more vulnerable you are with your women, the more she can help you.
Speaker: the more she can motivate you, the more you can get out of yourself and the more you can get out of her.
Speaker: Vulnerability is powerful.
Speaker: So communicate, you might've been hurt in the past.
Speaker: You might've went through a bad breakup before you got in a situation.
Speaker: Your mom didn't love you as much as a kid.
Speaker: This is why you're so needy as a man.
Speaker: Ladies, your dad probably was never around.
Speaker: Your dad wasn't around, all he did was ever work and just bought you things.
Speaker: So we have to learn how to communicate these things in a relationship so we really know who we dealing with.
Speaker: Because we all put on masks when we date someone.
Speaker: And we play like nothing bothers us or you know, you're fine and it's cool.
Speaker: It's not cool when you're feeling bad and you're feeling down.
Speaker: When you go to therapy, what do you do?
Speaker: You communicate, you're talking, you're releasing things.
Speaker: What we reveal, we will heal.
Speaker: What you reveal will heal, you will heal.
Speaker: So, yeah, man.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: I just had to get that off my chest.
Speaker: It was on my spirit.
Speaker: Been talking to a lot of close friends, just dating some guys, and they keep doing the same mistake.
Speaker: And I'm like, yo, you're doing this to yourself.
Speaker: You can't expect a guy to treat you the way you want to be treated if you keep going back to him.
Speaker: He already clearly sees that you don't really care enough or respect yourself for him to respect you.
Speaker: You know?
Speaker: Yeah, we do all need love, time, and attention.
Speaker: For sure.
Speaker: I just believe women... I believe you give those intangible things to women that'll keep them where they need to be for you as a man.
Speaker: That's what I believe.
Speaker: I just need the love, baby.
Speaker: I'm gonna create the time.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: I'm gonna create the time.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: uh yeah but that's it man you know we'll get 45 minutes that's all this will be up go re-watch it um run back over the topics you guys remember blueprint of relationships companionship plan for keeps self-worth and work love versus purpose
Speaker: Alright?
Speaker: So, fellas, us guys, we need a purpose.
Speaker: Because if we can't, I can't say all, I can't say all, man.
Speaker: But I think, for me, if I don't have a purpose, something to drive me to be who I need to be in this world, I can't be what I need to be for my significant other.
Speaker: So, um...
Speaker: Love, man.
Speaker: Learn to love you first.
Speaker: Learn to be in a relationship with you first.
Speaker: All right?
Speaker: And don't be so hard on yourself.
Speaker: Have kindness and compassion for yourself.
Speaker: Challenge yourself.
Speaker: Set high standards for yourself.
Speaker: Motivate yourself.
Speaker: Don't play for keeps.
Speaker: You know when you play.
Speaker: When you know you play games, you get played.
Speaker: When you play for keeps, they don't keep you, they leave you.
Speaker: All right?
Speaker: Love versus purpose.
Speaker: Men, we got to be more vulnerable with our women.
Speaker: And what was the other one?
Speaker: Self-worth, self-worth.
Speaker: Companionship.
Speaker: I think companionship is the first phase or great phase to be right before you get in a relationship.
Speaker: Good old companionship right before relationship.
Speaker: Because you give yourself time.
Speaker: When we try to jump right in because we think we should, it's not that it won't work out because I know people that went on one date and they in love.
Speaker: I'm just saying more times than not, you always got to see who people really are when things are not so great.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: When things are not so well, when adversity hit, when they're struggling.
Speaker: That's when you know who you're dealing with.
Speaker: Not when everyone's like looking good, feeling good, being good, you know, living good.
Speaker: So, and look, just because a person loves you, just because you love a person doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with them.
Speaker: That's another thing.
Speaker: We force ourselves to be in a relationship because, oh, I love this person.
Speaker: I care about them.
Speaker: But the relationship is not compatible after five years.
Speaker: Relationship is not compatible after four years.
Speaker: So you can leave it.
Speaker: Stop shooting yourself in the foot and stay in the relationship because you feel like, I love this person, I don't wanna hurt them.
Speaker: Well, you're hurting them just be staying there because you don't really wanna be with them.
Speaker: So you're already hurting them.
Speaker: So, you know.
Speaker: That's it, man.
Speaker: You guys be great.
Speaker: Be safe, man.
Speaker: Happy Friday.
Speaker: Enjoy the weekend.
Speaker: Be nice to yourself.
Speaker: I'm out.
Speaker: It's a miracle season.
Speaker: Appreciate all the support.
Speaker: Everybody who chimed in.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Appreciate you.
Speaker: Hopefully, just help someone out there and just...
Speaker: changes your perspective, give you some perspective.
Speaker: My intention today was to give you my perspective and maybe you can add it to your perspective or you can challenge this perspective.
Speaker: But it's to give you what I believe and what I've experienced and what I think and then do your thing.
Speaker: But have a good day, good weekend, be safe.
Speaker: I'm out.
