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Ep. 105 Fantasy Horse Maker - De Profundis
102 Plays3 years ago
After over two years together, the players of the podcast face the hardest decision yet. Which Horse should they take.
Follow us on our Twitters - @FellowshipTable
Intro written and produced by Joseph McDade - https://josephmcdade.com/
The Fellowship Party Twitter Pages:
- The DM/Mark - @HastilyRolledDM
- Drago/Ian - @IRolledA1
- Folly/Callum - @TheD20Gamer
- Princess Helena/Casey - @unicorncrit
- Carstan/Will - @Natural20Will
- Robin/Darren - @DarrenPage06
- Claude/Danny - @totalpartythrlz
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Transcript
Introduction and Scene Setting
00:00:00
Speaker
Half a league, half a league, half a league onwards. All in the valley of Blight rode the brave fellowship. Forward Obsidian is charged for the dead, he said, into the valley of Blight rode the brave fellowship. Dead to the right of them, monster to the left of them, the black tower in front of them, volleyed and thundered, stormed out with fireball and hell. Whilst horse and hero fell, boldly they rolled and well into the jaws of Blight, into the mouth of hell, rode the brave fellowship.
Cast Introduction
00:00:50
Speaker
Hello everyone and welcome to this week's episode of The Fellowship of the Tabletop. We are a live Play 5e D&D podcast set in the magical homebrew world of Eryth. My name is Mark and I'm the Dungeon Master and also with us for today's episode we have Will who plays the human bard, Karstan. Can we just like go home and not bother fighting the undead? We've got Callum who plays the gnome-saucer of Folly Fizzlebang the Ninth. Jarred into battle. Ian who plays the dragonborn barbarian paladin, Drago.
00:01:13
Speaker
You say that again and I'll be the one killing you. We've got Darren who plays the human fighter rogue, Robin. We few. We happy few. We band of brothers. And we have Danny who plays the human cleric, Claude. Bunch fucking boar, boys!
00:01:34
Speaker
we are we find ourselves on the cusp of war right on the very cusp of it and last week's episode obviously you've heard that episode if not go back and listen to episode 104 actually go back and listen to episode 20 and start from there if you haven't we find ourselves we'll see you in a few hours we'll see you in a few weeks we find ourselves on the edge of war our intrepid
Battle Preparations and Strategy
00:01:55
Speaker
The band of warriors find themselves on the edge of the Blightlands, facing up towards the Black Tower, the tower in which they must enter and destroy the Blights. They have opened two of the three possible portal places and allowed four forces of the living, including the fourth battalion of the Obsidianis, led by Garmir, the Tiefling that you met back at the Battle of Bligmore.
00:02:18
Speaker
And the first place where you had the Goblin Camp has left forth forces from the Sillyguard Surge and the Blackmouth Rangers, the archers you managed to secure from Blackmouth all those days ago, really. Yet all these forces have started coming pouring forth. You had a long chat last summer about the plan of action, how you wanted to proceed. The armies were going to attack either way, and it was up to you to decide how you wanted to attack. You decided to follow in behind Garmir and the fourth,
00:02:47
Speaker
borrowing or procuring a number of horses in order to allow you to follow in behind. You find yourself huddled around your smaller now extinguished fire. You're loading up. The cold air feels frosty in your lungs. The moon is high in the sky. And yet the sun is too. A thin veil of fog or cloud shrouds the air above you. Yet it is still. Quiet.
00:03:15
Speaker
Even with the 8,000 strong horseback riders of the Obsidianus in close proximity to you, there is a stillness. As more and more troops continue to pour through, there is very little talking.
00:03:31
Speaker
As you start loading up and preparing yourselves for this battle, a battle which you may not return from, you see the outline of the commander of the fourth battalion, Garmir, the stout, tall, strong looking Tiefling commander approaching
Logistics and Personal Stakes
00:03:45
Speaker
you. His black, scratched armor scraping as he itches the back of his head as he approaches you. We are 10 minutes out. The battalion are almost through.
00:03:57
Speaker
Once they're through, we'll need to move to give the men from Spiritmon readout room to get through the portal. Ten minutes, and then we ride to war. Is there anything you need from me before this begins? Commander, will anyone be going back through the portals before they close? How so?
00:04:21
Speaker
I mean, is there opportunity to, if I had a few things that could need to be sent back to Obsidia, if any of the mages were going back through the portal and not staying here or something like that, I would appreciate it.
00:04:39
Speaker
If you pass what you mean to me, but I will pass it to the Magi of the Acrisca who set up this portal. I believe you already met her. I can pass any paperwork or any particulars to her. And yester, I believe her name was. And she could take them through for you back into safety. Thank you. So Karstam will then rummage around his pouch. He's going to get out his main
00:05:03
Speaker
sort of like book that he's been writing everything on and he's going to keep his reserve on in there and he's going to give it to, it's Garmir, isn't it? Correct. Here we go, Commander. If this could be taken to the house of the family Valhorn in Obsidia, just in case we don't get back, one of my siblings will be able to interpret these notes and at least our story will
00:05:28
Speaker
be told, even if it didn't come to a happy end. To the House of Valhorn. I shall make it so. Yes, thank you. You're welcome. Can you... It's not the same place, but if I give you something, what's the chances you could take it to Goldview, to a little pub ran by a girl called Tali? We have messengers that can travel to any part of Sleetguard.
00:05:55
Speaker
Yes. Drago reaches down into his satchel and he pulls out a vial and in the short rest that just preceded this, there's a little note wrapped around it and he's going to just, the vial's the size of Drago's hand and he's going to just put it out in front of him.
00:06:16
Speaker
Gummy is going to put his palm side up his pauldron all over the back of his hand and you see this scratched and bruised and bloodied hand of a well-seasoned warrior reached out and this vial gets placed within his palm.
00:06:40
Speaker
And what Drago's given, for those who remember way back when Drago unleashed one of the few times in his life that he's cracked open a spell scroll
00:06:52
Speaker
And he had that vial of essence of himself that if he were to die and this vial had like the essence had fully grown, his soul would be transferred into the body. I can't remember the exact spell off the top of my head. It's a proto drago. The proto drago was a clone. The note is very short and in drago school and it would just say, Dali, take care of this for me. Your book should help as some guidance.
00:07:21
Speaker
I hope you're safe, Drago. He closes his hand around the vial, nods and places it into a satchel along with the accoutrement that Karsten has handed in. He turns to the other four of you, to Helena, to Claude, to Robin and to Folly, as if to say anything from you.
00:07:42
Speaker
Claude is going to take his executioner's axe that's now been inscribed the initials LB, meaning Lucian Blightbane. You might find it hard to locate him. He's probably in a brothel or some sort, but perhaps send it to Tali at the half hoof inn as well. This is to go to Sebastian Sleekguard.
00:08:09
Speaker
It goes by a different name but yeah this should stay within the family I think.
00:08:17
Speaker
and I'll pass my axe over. Very well. And he slings it, takes the weight of it and puts it up on his shoulder deftly. He's a very strong tiefling. Half of him is where that's the same place. It's the same girl, Tali. She owns that. Oh, I didn't say the place name before. I thought I'd help without pointing out that you were really stupid to forget that. I appreciate that. That was helpful. Yes. Otherwise, you know, walking the streets out shouting Tali might have taken us some time. Thank you.
00:08:47
Speaker
Claude, anything else for the rest of you? I'm turning into a bit of a messenger. I just came here to tell you 10 minutes, but this is good. Give me more things. Sorry, Garbier. No, no, no, absolutely. This is an important moment.
Strategy Discussions and Coordination
00:08:59
Speaker
Many of us will make it through. Your mission is deadly. My supply of silver arrows is now finite. I could do with replenishing.
00:09:16
Speaker
I'm hoping to live to deliver my own messages so I'll leave it at that I think. Optimism suits you Robin. Good luck.
00:09:29
Speaker
Thank you. You didn't dance to the arrows? Oh, arrows. I thought you didn't. Yes. Let me... I'm sure we've got some somewhere and I'll see what I can find. I'll send over. I might send them to Lucian. I know he wants to pop over in a second before we head off. I can't promise anything though. We're not ones who arranged to tax us. I'll see what we can find. It turns finally to Folly.
00:09:58
Speaker
Anything in that backpack you want to help lighten your load? No. That backpack is quite light enough. Thank you very much. But, um, no, no, I'm, I'm afraid I don't have anything quite so to send home. I'm, I'm sure I'll be seeing them soon enough. Let's hope that's somewhere safe and somewhere warm away from this God forsaken place. No, I sincerely hope so.
00:10:26
Speaker
He lets out a wry smile and looks around you all. You'll hear me on the battlefield. You'll hear our calls. Just keep pace for you are to keep up with us. We ride fast and we ride hard.
00:10:42
Speaker
I don't know what we'll face when we get there. Be prepared for everything and be prepared for the worst. At any opening you get, take it. For it is only a matter of time before it will close. And no help, none of us will be able to help you then once you're through our lines. About the lines, quickly, if I may. I assume this is gonna be in some sort of wave, the attack.
00:11:11
Speaker
yes the idea is the vanguard over to our left here and he gestures over towards where the first portal was set up they will engage with the front lines of the forces if you will the black mother angels will lay down volleys the magi of the abcriss crew will lay down a series of spells to oppress the first few lines the soldiers of the silly guard search will engage and when they are fully engaged we shall attack upon the right flank
00:11:40
Speaker
We attack in RV formation. It's deep. It is the long line that pierces through from the front forward, from the very tip of a sword, so to speak. You will follow behind that first wave. We will have a third wave behind a smaller wave to make sure that our lines and flank internally are secured. Now bear in mind, we are expert riders, and you are not from as much as I know. We will ride fast.
00:12:11
Speaker
and everyone's eyes will be up for the battle and not down. Do not fall from your horse. They are well trained, well broken in, well bred. If you fall from your horse, I cannot guarantee the rear guard will not continue to ride. Be aware. Taken. Just one important note. We stick together.
00:12:36
Speaker
And by that I mean the party, of course, places next to each other. You will hear my unit at the front. We have a call system. You won't be able to not hear it, unfortunately. It's incredibly loud. So you'll always be able to find us on the battlefield if you do get separated, don't need to know where the spearhead of our attack is. I will charge forth towards the tower.
00:13:01
Speaker
My attack will always be towards the tower, and so if ever you find yourself lost or not knowing which direction you should head, head towards the sound that I will be making. What aim? Commander Garmia sir, just as, you know, you're a military man, how do you rate your chances of sort of cutting your way to the tower? I mean... We aren't, we won't.
00:13:28
Speaker
There's no way. We can cause enough of a distraction to allow either you to get through, above, below or through. And then once you are through and we see you at the tower, we will retreat.
00:13:40
Speaker
OK, thank you. I just wanted to check just sort of to get my idea. I thought, you know, if we were able to cut away through that would be great, but OK. Maybe to make a small line through, but we will not be able to clear them. No. And when we get closer, you will understand. My companion makes an excellent point, though. If you can't get to the tower, don't over exude the army. It's more important that you keep the undead contained.
00:14:10
Speaker
I assume you know what business we're about. Yes, I've heard. I've heard of the mission. Then keep faith in us and we will try to end this battle for you. But don't over exude your forces. We need you alive and we need you withholding them. I would ask one thing from you all.
00:14:30
Speaker
When you get to the tower, we need a signal. For I have a number of Acryscra mages who have, within their ability, the power to hold up a shield, to stop forces swarming back to the tower to overwhelm you.
Camaraderie and Morale Boosting
00:14:45
Speaker
When you get to the tower, we need some kind of signal. Is there something you could organise, something we could agree upon, that when we see I can signal to my mages, to put up a defensive heal? Pretty sure.
00:14:55
Speaker
Pretty sure, Folly. And I'm sure I can fling up a few balls of fire. Would that do for you, Gomir? No, unfortunately. What about if I broke the clouds and you could see the sun? He smiles. I'd love to see the sun again in this place. Yes. All due respect, would that require
00:15:21
Speaker
Resources from you, Claude. Not significant ones.
00:15:27
Speaker
Okay. He turns back to folly and just kind of with kind of calming hands, not to say that your fire bulbs would not be effective, but when we get close, there'll be a lot of fire flying and a lot of flak. I just don't want to make sure I do not want to miss the signal and I think the clouds parting will be one that we will not be able to miss given any gestures over towards now the ominous black hide surrounding where the tower should be given the state of things over there.
00:15:55
Speaker
As you say, it would be nice to have a bit of light in this place. Can I just ask, Claude, will it cost any of your abilities? Because I know that... Don't matter. Don't matter. I'm not. I don't want us to die. And this isn't matter at all. No. I would love to see the sun one last time.
00:16:23
Speaker
one last time doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo cast ons just sat staring at the meta pigeon that's in a tree nearby see you in a while friends have you got left polly oh
00:16:46
Speaker
I know what Aaron was trying to do. We wrote what was sorcery points you had down last episode. We're tracking this shit now, Callum. You're hard. Let me double check. Let me double check. I'm on eight. But when he cashes in and cashes out his sorcery points, then does a backflip, he gets double.
00:17:07
Speaker
I do a backflip. I'd love to make a dexterity check for Folly to do a backflip. I can see how well that would go. We have time. We have 10 minutes. I imagine Folly jumping. He lands on his back on his backpack and he just turtles. He's done that many a time. Yeah, arms and legs are wiggling in the air. It takes a while for him. The four horse has got to carry your fucking ass.
00:17:33
Speaker
I have a proper warhorse, I do. I feel the sorry for the one carrying you, Drago, that's like, you know. You're going to sit on the horse and your feet will be on the floor as well. It's like the splitting stones paddling the car. Just ride me, for God's sake. Sorry, can I just ask, what was the signal for again?
00:17:59
Speaker
Oh, when you're at the tower so that they know and he can charge the Chris Grimages to form a defensive shield to stop the Blight surging back at the tower and basically shoving you in the rear whilst you deal with whatever's in the tower and hopefully end the Blight. Thank you. Health here and a big bad guy.
00:18:19
Speaker
Maybe, maybe not, probably. Otherwise, it'd be a bit of an unfinished story. Lots of loose bits at the end, and we've got enough of them as it is. Very proceeding team, right? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Oh, cool. Right. So, shoe pigeon. Now, is there anything else you need to discuss before I go? Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming to our aid.
00:18:48
Speaker
It's not your aid I come to, unfortunately. It's to the aid of all of the living. This is what I live for. This is what I hope to continue living for. Don't fail. And if you do fail, Godspeed. We'll be fine. We won't fail. Good. I'll see you soon. In a tavern somewhere with a drink in hand. We're telling stories of the battles we fought. Until then, fight well.
00:19:17
Speaker
Quite hard. Then he turns at that and starts clunking off with great axe, satchel full of items, and you see him discussing off in the distance some things with the extra passing
Humorous Interactions and Tension Easing
00:19:27
Speaker
items over. She nods and actually takes her own smaller portal out and back to return items. Guys... There is... Sorry. We just made one of the most powerful fighters on Eryth our luggage boy. Good. We don't need it. He was our bitch. Yeah, he was.
00:19:48
Speaker
I mean, I was happy to take the book over to the woman, but, you know, he didn't like wanted to do it. So the power trip is. Folly feels big right now. Folly feels big. And that's saying something. Well, I'm ready. Let's do this. Anyone got much experience riding horses?
00:20:10
Speaker
Surprisingly, no. I don't feel it is going very well. I've ridden the horse before. Can't say I've ever ridden one into legions of the undead. Yeah, it's it's you know, it's not exactly like pony trekking at the fairground. I spent 10 years in a stable. So, you know. Did you ride any of those horses? No, no. But I'm sure I can tell you if I look concerned or not. Did you live with horses? Some nights.
00:20:40
Speaker
let's not have this something we go down and discuss at the moment yeah this is not the last image i need in my mind as we ride into the... oh i don't know it's it's it's better than what's out there i hope Lucian comes over to talk to us be nice to speak to him regardless has anyone got everything
00:21:00
Speaker
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Should I shoot that fucking thing? I don't know. I know. I fear I may have invited it over, but should I shoot that? You said Lura. Lura fucking got that bird. No, stop trying. Stop trying to mate with it. Oh no, it's a familiar slash meta pigeon. It's a, it's a, it's a fae meta. It's like putting another rift. A half pigeon, half hawk. It's Facebook. Yeah, it's Facebook.
00:21:29
Speaker
Oh God. Lucian does come over. Why not? Let's have Lucian come over then. He is kind of moving his right arm around as you see. He's kind of well oiled up joints of his new kind of anchor arm mace scenario he has all set up and he's just testing out the movement of it as he went off to get it oiled and reset ready for combat. He comes over to you all in jovial spirit, a big smile on his face. Now then, everyone.
00:21:58
Speaker
Ready to fucking do this or what? Yeah. Okay. Let's give it a razz. Let's go. I like where you're at. You know what? I'm picking up what you're putting out there, Lucian. I'm ready. I'm kind of excited. I won't lie. There's this adrenaline rush that comes in the heat of battle like this, especially when you're riding towards an army.
00:22:27
Speaker
There's a sense of empowerment that overcomes one. If this is to be our final image, what an image to fucking see. And if it isn't our final image, what a story to tell. That's all we must hope for. I mean, you only live once after all, so... Well, unless we, you know... Well, okay, apart from Claude and... Yeah, yeah. And, you know, also all the undead of the Blight. Yeah, okay. And actually, I know a guy who lives in Goldview who actually...
00:22:53
Speaker
He died for a whole minute, man. He was dead. Bloody dead. But he came back, you know. You seem to be in good spirits yourself. Well, if it shall be my last day, which I am certain it will be, then why should one wallow in the mud when one is in such good company as you? Are you appreciated? Are you going to ride with us? I shall.
00:23:19
Speaker
Honestly man, drago is adrenaline, it's almost resonating with the rest of us right now, so it's a good train to be on. Then I shall. I shall come with. It'll be intense. I cannot promise I will keep pace with you all, but I am a rider of only 15 years, so...
00:23:37
Speaker
We will see how I can handle the horses. Yeah, try and keep up, try and keep up. It's not quite the level of experience we were expecting, but don't worry Lucian, I'm sure you'll be great. I will maybe sit behind and follow your prime examples as I'm sure you're all right. Drago, Drago is the expert horseman here, so follow his lead. I shall be on your left side then, Drago.
00:24:01
Speaker
That's good. I'm right-handed with dengon, so yep, that will work. That makes sense, that makes sense. Now, we need horses. Shall we go find some horses? Yes, please. Lovely, right. I hope they brought spares, otherwise we're gonna steal someone's horses. Well, I have a brown one. Pretty sure they don't mind if we take a horse. I think the concept is we are ending the blight, so I think we get what the fuck we like, actually. Could I have a brown one?
00:24:24
Speaker
No, Claude, there are no brown ones. They're all black. Look at them all. It would ruin the aesthetic. They look at the armor. Black, obsidian. The horses must be black. The horses wearing black obsidian. If it's a brown horse, that's just jars. Think of the aesthetic. Come on. Do you think one of the other armies has a brown horse? Yeah, maybe the ones that haven't been here yet. He sighs. This is prejudice against other horses. He sighs and puts his shoulders down. Listen, I don't fucking decide on the color of the bloody horses. They're here.
00:24:54
Speaker
yes please whatever's going spare or you know we could we could pull him off you into a brown horse if you bloody want i'm just going to cast pressure digitization i can change the color of a surface anyway so i'm going to turn one of the horses brown for color oh can i have that one can i have that one that is really brown the bloody hell is a brown horse doing here what the fuck i believe it helps like um break up the profile so it's harder to see it's like camouflage
00:25:21
Speaker
Yeah, but also, because I want people to know where I am. If I'm the only one on a brown one, they'll be like, oh, there's Claude. Let's go near him because he'll stop us from dying. You know, the one that sticks out among everyone else, not looking like a target at all. OK, brilliant. Yeah. Well, this giant mirrored shield isn't much.
00:25:37
Speaker
I'm a deterrent. You're a big glitter ball pretty much, aren't you? Thank you. What's a glitter ball? I'll take the angriest one. What's a glitter ball? Glitter ball. So when this is all said and done, Robin, we're going to go to the disco tech in Goldview. It's only late hours of the night, but I'll show you what a glitter ball looks like.
00:25:57
Speaker
That sounds overly sexual. I mean, if we survive this, Claude, I'll be up for anything, so... Goodbye. If Dranko's going for an angry-looking horse... The angriest-looking horse in this whole motherfucking lot. Can I have one that looks really calm and maybe wants to live? Could you give Kastan a donkey? Did you bring a donkey for sustenance? I have never known a group ask so little questions until it comes to the decision of horses.
00:26:26
Speaker
You are a strange boy. You can bloody decide for yourself. He turns to them and there they are. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven horses, all lined up and muzzled to steaks on the ground looking calm, doe style with a little bucket of water near each of them and some grain on the ground just munching away.
00:26:48
Speaker
in full of a full obsidian armor. This is an impressive looking horses with pauldrons metallic almost layers of metal protecting the neck a large helmet covering and allowing just the eyes and mouth to stick out the bottom with three spikes the largest one near the forehead smaller and then smaller as it reaches the nose the armor around the midsection and around the kind of the
00:27:11
Speaker
kind of chest portion of it in front of the horse's neck is this incredible almost battering ram-esque shape, a pointed spike almost at the front. These horses are designed for charging. The other, the legs and knees of the horse's front legs are also very well protected and the knee kind of joints are also spiked as well.
00:27:30
Speaker
On top of the horse itself and protecting the flanks inside are these large pieces of again shining black obsidian armor that hang down over the body hiding most of itself. You can tell these horses are massive powerful war horses designed for combat and bred for combat as well because just the sheer weight of this armor must be more than any single any single of you could genuinely carry. The armor continues back over its impressive tail which is kind of matted
00:28:00
Speaker
platted back into a tight tail to stay out of the way and not get caught in anything or caught in any of the armour as it swishes from side to side. Drago, could you give me a perception check, please? See if we can find the angry one. Absolutely. The first role in two episodes. Here we go. Animal handling. You'd be surprised if my animal handling... Mucking's pigeon. Back one more.
00:28:24
Speaker
let's drop the pigeon though seriously oh my god talk about flogging a dead pigeon oh god perception perception please 11 okay you are certain that the second from the left um just scowled at you just for a second
00:28:43
Speaker
I found my horse. And Drago kind of walks. So to like an alpha, there's always an alpha in the relationship. So Drago, chest up, stiff upper lip, walks, stoic towards the horse, looks it dead in the eye, almost like intense stare off. The horse stares back for a couple of seconds, unblinking as large black eyes looking on the face.
00:29:11
Speaker
and then quickly looks down and continues eating from the trough and kind of shakes its mane. You hear the of the armour shifting on its back as it moves its heavy and strong front legs and hind legs. Yeah, this motherfucker's mine. What's this name? Anyone? Anyone? What's this one's name? No one's listening. You can name it what you want, Drago. Whatever you wanted. We don't name that. They don't name the horses, apparently. Oh, that's same.
00:29:40
Speaker
Do you want to name it, Trago? Brood. Brood. Okay. Brood. Does the horse, uh, does he acknowledge anything when I said that?
00:29:52
Speaker
My name's Timothy. I'll do it. I just want somebody to cast talk with animals on Draggo right now. Talk with animals, just to check whether you could actually kill a horse. My name's... have data. That's not my name at all. You're a bloody fool. Sounds like Chuffin Kevin. A black beauty, actually. A bloody hard life. Let me help this. No. The horse doesn't react because it's a horse. Brood it is.
00:30:23
Speaker
Drago. Drago. Brood. Drago. And then Drago is just going to take the next moment just from the little he knows about horses and armour. He does know stuff about armour. He's just going to go and walk around the horse and check the straps and the the ties around the horse and make sure everything's kind of like tight.
00:30:45
Speaker
as it should be. Okay, and as you're going around there, the other remaining people, do you have any preference of horse? I know Castani mentioned about a calm horse and... Claude, you mentioned about a brown horse. Yeah, I'm going to go to the brown horse that fully turned brown. I'm not really paying attention to how Drago approached his situation there. I'm just going to go with the horse and say, please don't eat me. I'm going to ungraciously try and just climb on top.
00:31:16
Speaker
Do you want to get on the horse straight away? Yeah, like in my head picturing where, you know, when Gimli is on horseback in Two Towers and then just falls off instantly. I'm imagining a situation like that. You've literally stolen my thing there. Well, you're not stolen my thing. You've stolen another instinct. This is what I was going to do, god damn it. As you get up, could you give me a, hmm, let's go with athletics check?
00:31:39
Speaker
if you're going to say you're 19. Yeah, you managed to get up actually your you get your arms up and then you get your foot in the left syrup and stir up and as you go to your foot slips up your arms holding your messages by your arms in your arm and managed to pull yourself up on almost like you did on purpose and into position just by like just the pure strength of your arms into the position.
00:31:58
Speaker
As you sit into the seat you realise these seats are really really really comfortable actually. They're designed to be satin and rowed in for a very long time and this seat seems to be well worn in and it sits very comfortably on your buttocks.
00:32:11
Speaker
I'm sitting on a horse. I know. I'll tell you what, Claude, if I had the time, I would draw a picture, but I don't. But maybe I'll remember it and I'll draw a picture for you next time. Whatever. Just get on your horse. Hey, Karsan goes over to a horse. He's gonna rummage in his bag and he's gonna pull out some of the dried fruit from his rations and offer it to his horse. The horse is gonna look up and...
00:32:34
Speaker
Sniff your hand and pull them off. Eat them off your hands. And then just kind of like lick around the rest of your hand and between your fingers a little bit and then start to kind of nuzzle up at your hand a little bit ever so slightly. However, it does kind of go to nuzzle up because it has these three horrifically violent spikes on the middle of its face through the armour which narrowly avoids your hand and arm.
00:33:05
Speaker
Okay, good horse, you calm down. Okay, okay, okay. Save it for the bad guys. And then Carstan's going to admire this fine obsidianus horse, clearly wearing the best armor that the sanguine lands can produce. And Carstan will attempt to get on the horse as well. Okay, could you give me a, I wasn't gonna say animal handling, but you've just kind of calmed it with food. Just a bit of acrobatics or athletics check just to get you on there? Acrobatics would be lovely. Let's go with acrobatics then.
00:33:35
Speaker
Cheers, babe. That's a 24. Yeah, not a problem. You nimbly and deftly step up and it's almost light as anything. You've done it 100 times before by the looks of things straight up into position on the horse and you start getting comfortable getting to know the positions of the horse, the stirrups, the reins, et cetera, and getting to grips with kind of how the horse feels and how it kind of moves, even though it's still tied up at the time.
00:33:57
Speaker
Lovely, Drago, sorry, Drago, you're by your horse, Claude's by your horse, on his horse, Car stands on his horse, Robin and Folly. You've got three horses left to pick from, four horses, sorry, left to pick from, if you want to pick or are you just going to jump on any which way? Robin will look at the horses, he'll glance at Folly and say, do you have a preference, my friend? The shortest one?
00:34:26
Speaker
I think they're quite uniform in size. Would you like me to come over to your horse and just help you onto it? I don't know if that would be a good idea. I have something that can help me out in this situation anyway. It's got me in handy more times than I'd care to realise.
00:34:42
Speaker
and Folly is going to go up to his horse and he's just going to mage hand out of his rucksack a literal like mini stepladder type of situation just to put it in front of the horse. Amazing. And he's going to clamber up a little bit and then just the horse is distracted by food that's far by Folly he has no idea what he's doing with horses and he's just going to kind of pat a hand on the horse and just see if it does anything.
00:35:08
Speaker
And if there's no response, he's going to do it a couple more times, just see if it reacts. And then he's going to try and... Well, not jump, literally, but he has to jump up to try and slide himself over the back of the horse. Could you make a death save? No. As you pat the horse... That would probably be right. As you pat the horse, it doesn't react. It's seen you move around it, it's not an idiot, and knows where you are, and it doesn't react to the pat. It's used to having someone...
00:35:34
Speaker
Then Folly is basically going to try and grab the reins and ungraciously pull himself up and just kind of slide over the back of the horse until he's straddled it. Okay, give me an acrobatics check please. Oh, this is not going to go well. I said A acrobatics and acrobatics I should say.
00:35:55
Speaker
I was so close to a natural one, but 16. Absolutely fine. He managed to get in position. You realise this is designed for someone that is taller and bigger than you. However, as you get yourself into position, you realise the stirrups are way too low for your legs, but Lucian is already by your side and he's pulling on some of the straps to shorten them up.
00:36:14
Speaker
and so they're kind of more accurate and akin to to your leg length and he just gives you a wink doesn't say anything just does it but i ask him get some lined up gives you a wink and then and then walks off to his source which he quickly jumps on the back of in a single depth uh
00:36:28
Speaker
No, he doesn't actually. He goes to jump up and unfortunately the mud on his boots slips and he rolled a natural one and he falls face first onto the ground next to his horse. Rather embarrassed by this, he's just wiping the mud out of his face. He can't look around to see if anyone... Yeah, the folly, he's just going to nonchalantly look away and pretend he didn't see anything of that.
00:36:49
Speaker
he appreciates that he remembers that and he quickly gets back up and very coyly this time gets up into the horse and just kind of sets himself up and starts tinkering with his arm to make sure that everything's kind of set for battle fighting on the back of a horse with a half an arms very different and so he's just preparing for that
00:37:07
Speaker
Robin and Helena, Helena is just going to very quietly actually for Helena, look towards Lucian, look at the horse he's got on and we'll get on the horse next to him. She'll then have untied the horse and just bring the horse closer to Lucian and just start speaking very, very quietly to Lucian, leaving Robin the final horse to take. Well then,
00:37:33
Speaker
I'll walk over to it and I will just very calmly offer it some dry rations similar to Karstan seeing that as probably the most pragmatic approach that Robin has seen from his peers and we'll offer the horse that and we'll then as well just kneel down with the stirrup in his hands and he's just going to put his hand to the floor and feel how dry the ground is. He's just trying to get a sense of just
00:37:59
Speaker
what the impact of this armour is going to be because there's going to be a payoff in armouring up the horses this much to the mobility and as we're charging down towards the tower he just wants to get a sense of the lay of the land how dry the ground is and just if there is going to be any problem he's not seen any streams or rivers since he's been here but he's just he's just wanting to get a feel for this
00:38:23
Speaker
The ground is rather wet given it's been lightly raining as a film of rain that's been falling for quite a while now. It's formed a slight layer of mud where you currently are. This might be the footfall and hooffall in the area given that we've had 8,000 come through. So you can
00:38:43
Speaker
ascertain from that and you've kind of glanced up or at least cast and glanced up over at the at the armies of the undead and it is solid it seems to be solid grind between you and the tower. Feeling the dampness he's just going to feel a little bit uneasy and he's just then going to as he continues to pet the horse just navigate his way around the armor and he's just going to investigate if there are any
00:39:09
Speaker
links or kinks where armour can be dropped relatively quickly. Should a horse struggle for footing? Yeah, sure. I do want to give me an investigation check. I do. Twelve plus. Yeah, it's good.
00:39:26
Speaker
23. So as you figure around and just kind of overlook, oversee the horses, others have done, you notice there are two distinct straps that are the easiest to reach from a straddled position that could release two actually the largest pieces of armour. You could in theory release the larger plates of armour that cover the hind legs, the top of the flanks of the back of the horse.
00:39:49
Speaker
And then also one that would actually quite simply drop, it almost sits like a necklace on the horse. The large and most battering ram pointed front that sits below the horse's neck on its kind of chest. You could drop those two pieces with a relatively simple slight of hand check, let's say, for D&D purposes, in a deft couple of moves. So yes, you could drop those two large pieces in a short space of time.
00:40:16
Speaker
Robin will just mount up on his horse and will just say to whoever is nearest to him. I don't know who that is. It might be Carstan, it might be, I don't know. He'll be without looking up at it. He'll just start to stay looking at the horse still. The armour is able to be loosened here if... Oh. Hi, Claude. Hi, I'm sitting on a horse, mate.
00:40:44
Speaker
That is, that is, that is great. Come on, it's fun! He'll then just lean over to the next person and go, the armour is loose on the back of the hind leg, should we get particularly bogged down and we need to loosen up the horse's weight load. Okay.
00:41:02
Speaker
How do I do that? Get up, you silly man! I am giving up. That's currently what I'm doing. I'm up. Cast down, I think Robin's scared of horses. Robin, don't worry, the horse is more scared if you know that's spiders. I'm still scared of getting bogged down. How do I loosen this thing if I need to? It's a strap on the back of the belt, mate. Use the strap on, Folly! Use the strap on. What's a strap on? Oh, God. You're all terrible.
00:41:31
Speaker
Mark's level of tension and we're just destroying it. No, no, it always happens. It's obviously good shit. Hey, Robert's going to end up on his horse and just kind of trying to show that he's not scared now. It's then just like, it's not moving. Good, good, good. I think you have to say go or something. Can Claude's horse just start running forward at that? You have to say giddy up.
00:41:58
Speaker
Well, I think firstly, and Lucian kind of calls out from his position, still wiping bits of mud off his face. None of you really untied your horse. So they're also tied to the blocks here, so... Perhaps we could ask one of the most fearsome fighters in Eryth to come and, like, undo a horse, like he did undo a horse. A gourmet. Drago, while you're there, be a doll. Would you just unleash their horses? I mean, I did mine and Helen did hers, but... I did mine. Did you just always say, be a doll?
00:42:26
Speaker
You know what I mean, darling? Just, you know... Darling! I'm joking! I'm trying to lighten the mood. Okay. Babe.
00:42:36
Speaker
No, that didn't sit well. No, don't say that don't say that it's weird. What did you want me to do? Sorry? Just if only someone had like a mate hand that could do it from yeah, I'm Gonna send my not like I did my do you want me to do just? Unleash thought the horses are still tied to the post if you could just done Okay, buy them from the post for cast and for Claude and for followed. I got you. I hear you. Thank you. I'll be right back
00:43:01
Speaker
Don't go anywhere, I'm gonna... I'm gonna do anything. It's Folly, could you use your mage hand and do my horse? Yeah, Mark, Folly... I will do, but I'm gonna wait until Drago gets off his horse. He wasn't on it. I'm not on my horse. I'm gonna be on my horse. Okay, as Drago gets close to it, a mage hand's gonna appear and just start doing the work anyway. Drago don't give a shit. He's just going over and he's gonna... And if you move it out of the way, you move it out of the way. If it's there, I'm gonna untie it. I'm not gonna make a thing out of this. Oh, dear.
00:43:31
Speaker
Yeah, I didn't remember, Mark, but I'm going to just sit there and be looking like trying to look absolutely inconspicuous, and the invisible mage hand is just going to start untying a strap. I've totally remembered. Don't know what anyone's talking about. Brilliant. Drago just goes and unties the fucking horses. Thank you, Drago. Thank you. Yeah. OK, whatever. It's all good. Brood, let's do this. And Drago is going to...
00:43:57
Speaker
Get up on the horse. Is Brood kind of like Roach from The Witcher? Is that what you're going for? No, just literally pulled a name out of somewhere. That's good. I like Brood. Yeah. Thank you. I'm going to call mine Horsey. Oh, God. I'm going to call mine Bill. I'm going to call mine Carstan. You're riding Carstan. You're riding Carstan into battle? Yeah, because then I can make sure at least one Carstan follows us into fucking battle.
00:44:28
Speaker
I was going to write a nice part of the story about you, but I am going to write about how you were scared of the horses. I gave away the master copy of the so far and Carson's going to pull out his other book and it's going to say back up book. And then Carson's going to reach in and go and he get it over and it says back up, back up book.
00:44:53
Speaker
It's okay. It's a lot of bloody books to carry into Battlecast, and do you really need all that paper? Yes, yes. Fair enough. They say the pen is mightier than the sword. Well, I'm not sure the pen's mightier than the hordes of undead, but you know, we'll see.
00:45:07
Speaker
We will see. We will see very soon. Gosh, it's always seems to be humour, seems to fill these final last moments as the adrenaline starts to kick in. I believe the term is gallows humour, my friend. Well, I think this is... Is that what you... I don't know, the last time I saw someone at a gallows, it didn't look very pretty. There was no humour. No, it's a figure of speech.
00:45:29
Speaker
I was the person who used to take the people to the gallows and then removed their limbs. Yeah. Did we already? Sorry, no. Glory. Onwards to glory. Just stay close to each other.
Steeling for Battle
00:45:42
Speaker
You've got to make it through. Get to the tower. Finish this. Save the world. Save it. Is that how the story ends, Castan? Yeah. I've already written the last page. It says, and they lived happily ever after the end. I like the sound of that.
00:46:00
Speaker
Let's go make it happen. Yeehaw. Now. I was leaving a pregnant pause and then I was going to give it some pictures. You stand ready. Your warriors and arms around you and the sea of shining black armor surrounding you. You take a left.
00:46:29
Speaker
and your horses slowly and calmly walk alongside you and the forces of the obsidianis start to spread like wings of a giant raven spreading wide across the blightlands the rain falls vertical rain windless rain there is a stillness in the air and anticipation in nature itself it's holding its breath it's waiting for the plunge
00:46:59
Speaker
you stand ready and as you follow in behind line after line of the obsidianus and look up towards your folly your mission the black tower the hordes of the undead bearing down on you that's where we're gonna leave it for this week's episode of the fellowship of the tabletop
00:47:23
Speaker
Here we go guys. Here we go. Into the valley of death. Into the valley of death. I'm so ready. I am so ready. I nearly said, are you sure we're looking up at our folly? Because I'm pretty sure we always look down at our folly. Everybody looks up to folly. And if you wanted to hear jokes like that, make sure you come in and tune in next week where Will is here as a mainstay.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:47:46
Speaker
Thank you very much, everyone, for tuning in and listening to us and making us a part of your everyday week. We love you for it. Shout outs to anyone who might send us tweets with created memes on there. We get a massive kick out of that. Yeah, we do. So shout out to the fans out there. Really cool.
00:48:08
Speaker
If you wanted to send us tweets and memes and gifs and all of that goodness, you can do so on our combined Twitter page, which is at Fellowship Table. And then if you wanted to send us individual memes and gifs and all those good things, you can do so. I'm at, I've order one, Darren's at. Darren Pageau 6. Danny's at. Total Party Thrills. Big Willy Willy's at. Natural 20 Will. Callum's at. The D20 Gamer.
00:48:38
Speaker
Casey's at Unicorn Grid. And our wordsmith of a DM is at Hastily Roll DM. Until next time guys. Farewell.