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"Embracing Change" #62
5 Plays1 year ago
Halcyon & Betsy sit down to look at the ways we can reframe our fears and truly embrace change. We discuss all the ways we resist change. We also share personal tricks we use and people who have inspired us.
HOSTS
BETSY FINKLEHOO is a healer of massage therapy, CranioSacral and Dharma Coaching. She is an 8 year burner and has spent the last several years seeped in the personal development world, cultivating her passion for transformation and growth. Her recent project, The Power Affirmation Journal and virtual group empowers women to cultivate self awareness and healthy habits so they can live in greater freedom, mind body and spirit.
http://poweraffirmation.com/
Click here to get a FREE affirmation for Stay Sparked Listeners!
HALCYON is full-time Love Ambassador. He is the founder of Hug Nation YouTube channel and daily zoom gratitude circles. He is co-founder of the Pink Heart Burning Man camp and the 1st Saturdays project for people experiencing homelessness. In his free time he coaches individuals on how to live joyfully and authentically. His other podcast is "Hard on the 80's."
http://LifeStudent.com
MASSIVE Thank you to Dub Sutra for their beautiful opening music. Check out their incredible music catalogue online.
https://dubsutra.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Theme of Change
00:00:01
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Welcome to Stay Sparked.
00:00:02
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On today's episode, we talk about embracing change.
00:00:05
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We talk about our own personal relationship to change and transformation and explore all kinds of different ways that we resist change.
00:00:13
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Enjoy the episode.
00:00:15
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Hello and welcome to Stay Sparked.
00:00:18
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We are here to share conversations aimed to light you up.
00:00:22
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I'm Betsy, a Catalyst of Transformation.
00:00:25
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And I'm Halcyon, a Love Ambassador.
00:00:28
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We usually have Giannis here to share a conversation, but he is taking this episode out today.
00:00:34
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So the two of us are excited to get to spark up a conversation around the topic, embracing change.
Understanding Change and Its Pillars
00:00:42
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Change is an inevitable part of our lives and it's all around us all the time.
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It is essentially the one universal law that everything is changing, right?
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Everything is impermanent.
00:00:54
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And so there's a lot to explore in this conversation and we'd love to start off just around how do we embrace changes when they come?
00:01:05
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And we wanted to kind of tune in about a few different pillars of change.
00:01:11
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around aging, around relationships, around home.
00:01:15
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What's our resistance to change?
00:01:17
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How do we face changes with grace?
Personal Reflections on Change
00:01:20
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And so I'd love to tune in with you, Halcyon, at this stage of your life and all the wisdom that you have gathered on this journey of being the magical being that you are.
00:01:31
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You've traversed so many territories of yourself and of your life and of this world.
00:01:37
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How do you embrace change?
00:01:40
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Well, it's really interesting to think about my relationship to change over a lifetime.
00:01:47
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As I'm in my 50s now, there was a time when I identified as someone who changed.
00:01:55
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I looked at my heroes like David Bowie as someone who continually reinvented himself.
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And that was someone that I can look back at my chapters of my life and whole different visual appearances and whole different styles of showing up in the world.
00:02:10
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But if I look at the last decade or so, it's much less evident.
00:02:16
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And I think that as I have aged, I have had more and more difficulty embracing change.
00:02:22
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I'm really excited to talk about, maybe not excited, maybe hesitant, a little scared to talk about this topic.
00:02:29
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Because I can see in myself now how much more difficult it is to leave comfort and embrace change.
00:02:39
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And it's something that I'm really noticing as I compare maybe youthful decisions that I make or courageous embracings of unknowns and seeing how much I now have to talk myself differently.
00:02:59
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into it, that there is a real strong desire to resist and to protect, which I, you know, my younger me would look at me now going, come on, come on.
00:03:14
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I'll see a little small version of you on your shoulder.
00:03:18
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Exactly.
00:03:19
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Yeah.
00:03:21
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Yeah, I hear that.
Intuition vs. Fear of Change
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And it is such an interesting thing where we resist change, but it's so it's inevitable.
00:03:28
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Right.
00:03:29
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Right.
00:03:30
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And so, you know, for me, one of the things that has really, really helped me to embrace change is when I did a 10 day Vipassana.
00:03:39
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The first time, I did it three times, and the teachings essentially are all about impermanence and coming into places of equanimity within the mind to witness with sensation and respiration that everything's changing.
00:03:56
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Everything's always changing.
00:03:57
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And so to get into a meditation of witnessing changes has really helped me to face the big changes that happen in my day-to-day life.
00:04:08
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and cycles of life.
00:04:11
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You know, just to be able to see, wow, okay, who I was five years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, is very different.
00:04:20
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Even though I have some qualities and, you know, belief systems and values that are still the same, there's still a lot of things that are so different.
00:04:29
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And so I feel like to be able to practice that, knowing that this too will change, this too will pass, everything does, helps me to really relax into big changes and also to be aware where the resistances are.
00:04:45
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Because, you know, there is that tightness that can come when there's resistance.
00:04:50
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you know, in a meditation, when I'm witnessing my breath or I'm witnessing my body, when there's shortness of breath or when there is a tightness in my belly or tightness in my chest, I can actually feel that that may be certain places where I'm resisting either change or resisting something that is in my life at the moment.
00:05:15
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Yeah.
00:05:17
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I'm wondering, I've been struggling a little bit lately with
00:05:22
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Am I experiencing intuition?
00:05:24
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Like, oh, maybe you shouldn't go on this trip.
00:05:27
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Or is it just my fearing of change and fearing, you know, of something different?
00:05:33
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Like, is this my inner voice, my gut telling me, you don't need this?
00:05:38
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Or is this some, you know,
00:05:42
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weakness or fear that is actually making me say, that's a change, we don't, an unknown, don't do that.
00:05:49
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And so I'm really having to go, is this a place of going deeper and listening or showing courage and going beyond that fear?
00:06:01
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Mm hmm.
00:06:01
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That's a good question to be in.
00:06:03
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Yeah.
00:06:03
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You know, to simply
Embracing Life Changes
00:06:05
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even be in that question, I think says a lot, because if you start to just identify with the doubter or that part of you that is trying to protect you from something, you know, don't do the thing because, you know, then something's going to change and I just want everything to stay the same.
00:06:21
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You know, there's obviously some part of
00:06:23
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that is saying, you know, to keep you safe or to, you know, do something, right?
00:06:29
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And so to be able to check in and understand that there's all these different parts of us that are having all these different experiences, you know, we get to choose which part, which voice we want to listen to.
00:06:42
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Whether you call it intuition or ego or higher self or whatever it is, it's about for me getting into a relationship with these different elements and different aspects of my psyche.
00:06:56
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I really like that.
00:06:58
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And the listening is listening, paying attention and listening to all the different voices when they're coming in.
00:07:04
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And I feel like that's why I keep coming back to meditation.
00:07:08
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When we get quiet enough and to just slow down for a bit, then we can actually start to fine tune our abilities to listen.
00:07:16
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Yeah.
00:07:17
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And I love that, you know, maybe it's not an either or that there are these multiple voices, these multiple impulses and guidance, you know, even a fearful thought is somebody inside me trying to protect me.
00:07:32
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You know, that's good to remember.
00:07:34
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Mm hmm.
00:07:35
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Yeah.
00:07:36
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Well, what about what's that saying?
00:07:37
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Like, you know, face your fear and do it anyway.
00:07:40
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Yeah.
00:07:43
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You know, because if I if I sit in fear,
00:07:46
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And don't do the thing is that like something trying to protect me or is it my intuition saying i'm fearful don't just you know just do it anyways, you know i'm fearful of swimming out past the break.
00:07:59
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That's one of my fears.
00:08:00
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I have this like intimidation of the ocean and its vast power.
00:08:07
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And that is a protector.
00:08:08
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Yeah.
00:08:10
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Sounds like a healthy fear.
00:08:12
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I'm not going to do it.
00:08:13
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You know, I'm not going to face my fear and do it anyways, because I just, I mean, I could, but also like I care about my life, you know?
00:08:20
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So I think there's a balance.
00:08:22
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Totally.
00:08:24
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I heard someone say, you know, thinking about being fearless, that being fearless is impossible.
00:08:28
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Right.
00:08:29
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but you can
Shifting Perspectives on Aging
00:08:30
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be brave.
00:08:31
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And I really like that shift so that there's no sense of weakness in having fears.
00:08:36
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There's just an acknowledgement and recognition of fears and then deciding, as you said, to do it anyways.
00:08:42
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Or in the case of maybe an angry C, maybe not do it anyways.
00:08:46
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Yeah, exactly.
00:08:48
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Yeah, you know, the what if.
00:08:50
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But what if this or what if that?
00:08:53
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And, you know, I'm facing this big shift in my life right now.
00:08:57
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I like in my own personal journey right now I'm facing a really, really big change and I have a lot of confidence within myself.
00:09:07
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I know that these, that this is the direction that I want to go.
00:09:11
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And also there is that deeper part of me that is scared and that's okay.
00:09:18
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And so to kind of like share a little with some of our listeners out there, I am about to enter into a whole new life.
00:09:27
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My 20-year cycle of living in San Diego is coming to a completion, and I'm going to be moving into a different place and trying on a new life.
00:09:39
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And it's a really big deal.
00:09:41
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It's really exciting.
00:09:43
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It's also really scary.
00:09:44
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And I am really just...
00:09:48
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allowing myself to feel all the feels that come along with embracing a change, you know, and I'm watching where the tendency is to hold on to what is and how that actually is, um, is unhealthy, you know, to try and grasp on to like, Oh, but I want this to stay the same all the time and to actually shift into a savoring of
00:10:17
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Like I've been savoring every moment.
00:10:19
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I've been savoring every hug.
00:10:21
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I've been savoring every walk on the beach, even more so than I was before I knew that I was going to move, you know?
00:10:30
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And so I think that that's been a really helpful way to embrace this change and also to come into a place of knowing that everything has cycles and everything has seasons.
00:10:41
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There's change happening, you know?
00:10:43
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It's like, I'm not going to try and
00:10:45
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Resist that winter is coming or resist that, you know, the night is going to come.
00:10:52
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It's like that's just the part of nature.
00:10:55
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And that is our own personal journey as well.
00:10:58
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There are cycles and rhythms and changes of life.
00:11:01
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And I'm excited to be able to embrace a big change.
00:11:04
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And
Infinite Mindset and Community Support
00:11:05
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you said, how do we be brave, right?
00:11:07
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It's like, okay, well, yes, I'm really scared, but I have a deep sense of courage that is building within me to make a big change in my life right now.
00:11:17
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Oh, my gosh.
00:11:19
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I so love that perspective you just gave of
00:11:24
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embracing change adds preciousness to what is.
00:11:30
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It's a whole like Burning Man thing of like, well, when you know that the temple is gonna burn, it just amplifies the power of the time that you have with it.
00:11:39
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And the truth is everything in your life is that way.
00:11:43
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Everything in your life is temporary.
00:11:45
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And so by embracing any sort of future change,
00:11:50
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you can shift from fear of the unknown to a appreciation of the now wow that is that is so helpful i'm so glad you said that i love that so much yes appreciation of the now knowing that this too will change you know and the children i feel like teach me that as well i have a lot of really special children in my life and they're not going to be kids forever
00:12:17
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And so I savor the sweet moments of when my little three-year-old buddy comes running up to me and is like, Betsy, you know, because I know one day he's going to be like 14 or 17 and be like, meh, and his hormones and stuff.
00:12:35
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And, you know, he's, he's only going to be this little for a short time.
00:12:41
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And so to savor the preciousness of it and like not trying to resist the fact that this little being is going to become an adult one day, but to really be grateful for what is now.
00:12:53
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This is a going cut is the teacher of the vipassana he is the man responsible for bringing.
00:13:00
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teachings of the Buddha to the West.
00:13:03
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And he's just always saying, Anicca, Anicca, Anicca.
00:13:08
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And that essentially means that everything is changing, changing, changing, everything changing, changing, changing, changing.
00:13:19
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I think that same tactic can be very helpful with aging.
00:13:24
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I saw a meme a few months ago that so stuck with me that instead of waking up and kind of finding all the faults in my 50-year-old body,
00:13:35
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Imagine waking up at 80 and looking back at what it was like to have a 50 year old body and how precious and incredible it would be to be able to be this active.
00:13:46
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And so shifting that to a present day appreciation, just like a child that can only be three.
00:13:52
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I can only be this young today.
00:13:55
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Tomorrow I will be older.
00:13:56
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And so trying to really shift that perspective.
00:14:00
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And there's another shift to the thing in terms of like the
00:14:04
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You're talking about the what if kind of negative thoughts that we can have fearful, but there's also that shift of trying to go to, but what could happen in a positive way?
00:14:14
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I know that tends to be a really hard one for me.
00:14:16
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My brain tends to really collect a list of things that can go wrong.
00:14:21
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And I had a friend recently say, seek out possibilities of low probability events.
00:14:29
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And it's like,
00:14:31
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Oh, like, right.
00:14:31
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Can you say that again?
00:14:33
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Like seek the possibility of low probability events.
00:14:37
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Meaning you could create, your mind can say, this is, you know, you're probably gonna lose at this.
00:14:42
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You're probably gonna fail.
00:14:44
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This could probably gonna go wrong and all these examples.
00:14:46
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But the reality is,
00:14:48
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there are possibilities that everything goes perfect.
00:14:50
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There's a possibility that even within your budget, you could find the perfect home, that even with your health, you could find the perfect healer that helps you fix that pain.
00:14:59
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There is these possibilities and you can look at your life and it has happened.
00:15:02
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You've had things happen that
00:15:05
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Your negative mind said wouldn't, but a way was found.
00:15:09
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And so just reminding yourself that those low possibility events are out there is an antidote I've been using lately to speak to my mind that is collecting the stories of negative what-ifs.
00:15:23
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Mm, yes.
00:15:25
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Oh my God, so powerful when we can start to catch the stories.
00:15:29
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Yeah.
00:15:29
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You know, because it is can be a tendency to go into that fear based mentality around like,
Self-Care and Societal Views on Aging
00:15:35
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Oh, God, what if everything crumbles?
00:15:37
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Or what if like the worst case scenario?
00:15:40
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And it's like, well, we get to practice.
00:15:44
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I know I'll speak for myself, I get to practice catching how much energy and time I want to spend on my mental energy.
00:15:52
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you know, going down that rabbit hole, right?
00:15:55
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And so it's a practice to keep catching.
00:15:58
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Actually, is this a story that I want to be telling myself right now?
00:16:02
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And is this what if scenario actually going to support me?
00:16:06
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And sometimes maybe yes, right?
00:16:08
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Like if it's worst case scenario, then it's like, well, what if this happens?
00:16:12
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And it's a worst case scenario.
00:16:13
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It's like, well, then I'll figure it out.
00:16:16
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I'll figure it out, you know, as I okay, but what if actually something even better happens?
00:16:23
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Right?
00:16:23
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I like the saying that I learned in it was MITT is a transformational program.
00:16:29
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One of the trainers says, what would an infinite mindset think about this?
00:16:34
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What would an infinite mindset think about this?
00:16:37
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And I have that posted up on my wall to give myself a reminder, what is the infinite possibility?
00:16:44
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Right.
00:16:45
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It's like I I'm living right now in a multi-million dollar home on the ocean bluff.
00:16:51
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I've been here for almost two years.
00:16:54
Speaker
And two years ago, I was like trying to figure out where I was going to live next.
00:16:58
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And I was like in that place of like, oh, God, what if I don't find a place?
00:17:02
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And what if I can't, you know, what if I have to, you know, stop.
00:17:06
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through all the state of friends or whatever, what if I'm homeless?
00:17:11
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And I got that, I saw that sign on my wall.
00:17:14
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What would an infinite mindset think about this?
00:17:16
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And so then I really got to be with it.
00:17:18
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And I was like, well, anything is possible.
00:17:21
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What if it was actually, what if the place that I'm living now is like, it's gonna be even better.
00:17:27
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Is that even possible?
00:17:28
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Is that possible?
00:17:29
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I was like, well, yeah.
00:17:31
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And then poof, here all of a sudden, I found this beautiful,
00:17:35
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situation where I've been living for the last two years on the ocean.
00:17:39
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And as I'm about to leave, I get to continue to practice that.
00:17:44
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Right.
00:17:45
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What if, what if where I'm going is going to be even more magical and more beautiful?
00:17:50
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Is that even possible?
00:17:53
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How I think the question is, how can it get better than this?
00:17:57
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Right.
00:17:57
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And I oftentimes will hear people say, it can't get better than this.
00:18:03
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And I see that as an expression of gratitude for what's happening.
00:18:07
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It can't get better than this.
00:18:09
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But I like to remember that our words are powerful.
00:18:12
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We're spellcasting all the time.
00:18:15
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And so if we're aware of that, well, how can it get better than this?
00:18:21
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How could it get better than this?
00:18:22
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And I think it's really important to be able to support each other, especially at this time where there is imminent big, big, big, big changes globally happening.
00:18:34
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How do we support each other on a personal level to stay hopeful, to catch ourselves, catch each other when we start going down a fear narrative, down the what-if spiral in the downward direction?
00:18:47
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How do we manage our stress and embrace these big changes that are happening in a way that is hopeful?
00:18:58
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Yeah.
00:18:58
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Oh, man.
00:19:00
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About, I don't know, 15 years ago or so, I was at this secret Baja Mexico event that was just so glorious and incredible.
00:19:10
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And I remember just crying.
00:19:13
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in amongst those beautiful people, I think you were probably there, Betsy.
00:19:18
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And saying, I can't believe my life is like this.
00:19:21
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I can't believe that this is, my decisions have led to this place.
00:19:25
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And Yanis said to me, he goes, just make sure you leave room for it to get better.
00:19:31
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I was like, what?
00:19:33
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Oh my God.
00:19:35
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Yes.
00:19:37
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And the other thing I want to share is that like, Betsy, you are the, the most practiced, powerful person.
00:19:47
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demonstrator of this that I know.
00:19:49
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And so if you're listening along, and I really encourage you to look at the resources that Betsy provides or working with her personally, because you are such an ally in that mindset shift.
00:20:03
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And I see you change people's eyes.
00:20:04
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I see how you have changed my life in that way.
00:20:07
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And your life is a demonstration of it.
00:20:10
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So it is legit.
00:20:12
Speaker
And it's so easy to fall into, like, well, I got to be realistic.
00:20:18
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know but then they go no actually think about low the possibility of low probability events like is it realistic to only focus on the 90 bad things that could happen because that's you're totally putting your energy in the wrong place and i think that it you know it takes work it takes practice to fight the natural instincts of our mind that are looking for the problems the survival instincts of focusing on the bear and not the beautiful flowers
00:20:47
Speaker
Yes, absolutely.
00:20:48
Speaker
It's, it's reprogramming and finding ways to really infuse our consciousness regularly.
00:20:54
Speaker
And thank you so much for that acknowledgement.
00:20:57
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I feel really grateful that I can share what I've get to, I've gotten to implement into my life with you and with my clients and the people that I get to be in communion with.
00:21:09
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I love to be in service to transformation as I shared today.
00:21:13
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Transformation is one of the highest values that I hold in my life and continuously embracing the journey of shifting into the next highest version of myself and being able to ride the waves of challenges that come because life is not all rainbows and butterflies.
00:21:33
Speaker
It's also death and disease and challenges.
00:21:36
Speaker
And really my perspective is how do we face those challenges with as much grace as we can?
00:21:43
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You know, yesterday I had a really challenging situation that arose that was out of my control and I was like,
00:21:50
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Oh man, like, oh my God, like this totally threw a wrench in my day and everything had to change.
00:21:57
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I had a pivot and it was like, all right, you know what?
00:22:00
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How am I going to handle this?
00:22:02
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Am I going to like be playing victim and cry all day and be frustrated and blame and complain?
00:22:11
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And it's like, no, you know what?
00:22:13
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I'm going to cry for a few minutes, let some of my emotions out.
00:22:16
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I'm going to rage a little bit in my car with some music and then I'm going to keep moving.
00:22:20
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And I'm gonna keep coming back to claiming my own happiness and choosing
00:22:26
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what story I'm going to tell myself, right?
00:22:28
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Because I caught that story, that like, what if, what if, what if, poor me, poor me, poor me, and go like, oh, hey, guess what?
00:22:38
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You're not in the driver's seat.
00:22:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:41
Speaker
You know, and that's a practice.
00:22:43
Speaker
It's such a practice.
00:22:45
Speaker
And, you know, I think it's really important to have people in our lives like you, Halcyon, that is also on that path of just continuous growth
00:22:56
Speaker
improvement of self because then we get to rise together and be reminders for each other.
00:23:00
Speaker
Because I know there's certain times where I might forget and then you remind me.
00:23:06
Speaker
Or you might forget and then I remind you.
00:23:09
Speaker
I think it's hard to undervalue the presence of people who have inspiring energies or vibrations.
00:23:20
Speaker
I've been thinking a lot about my grandfather who passed in 2007, but I think about all the time the ways that he would vibrate at this place of
00:23:31
Speaker
his what ifs were always optimistic and his embracing changes were always so free from hang up.
00:23:39
Speaker
I remember there was a time when he sat me down and he was explaining this process that they were putting a, I think it's called a stint in his penis.
00:23:51
Speaker
And I was kind of like a little shocked as he was telling me the story and he looks at me kind of real matter of fact, he goes, hey, this is gonna be your body someday.
00:23:57
Speaker
You gotta learn this stuff.
00:23:59
Speaker
And I was like, oh, wow.
00:24:01
Speaker
He's not like regretting and angry about aging.
00:24:04
Speaker
He's just witnessing this incredible process that's happening around him, which is, I mean, aging is a tough one for me.
00:24:13
Speaker
So I think about how he did it a lot.
00:24:15
Speaker
My other favorite grandpa embracing his aging
00:24:19
Speaker
story is he, a nurse that is facility came with, hey, I just wanted to share with you, you know, your grandfather, she he asked if we could install a riser on his toilet for him.
00:24:30
Speaker
And I said, Oh, are you are you having trouble with your knees?
00:24:33
Speaker
Are you having trouble getting up and down off the toilet?
00:24:35
Speaker
And he looked, he goes, Oh, no, no, my testicles are dipping in the water.
00:24:42
Speaker
And it was like, just like, I'm just in this body.
00:24:46
Speaker
This is just, you know, I got no, that's not a negative thing.
00:24:50
Speaker
It's just what's happening.
00:24:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:52
Speaker
Oh, that is so funny.
00:24:54
Speaker
I love that.
00:24:54
Speaker
You have just being the witness like, oh, here we go.
00:24:57
Speaker
I know the other day, it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago.
00:25:01
Speaker
And then like, I had a few days after I looked in the mirror and I had a gray hair and it was kind of shiny and sparkly.
00:25:09
Speaker
And I felt so happy to go like, oh,
00:25:12
Speaker
Okay, there's a gray hair.
00:25:13
Speaker
Okay, cool.
00:25:15
Speaker
All right, well, let's see how this goes, you know, and it felt really nice to not be in the like, Oh, God, I'm getting old.
00:25:22
Speaker
I actually started to consider like, wow, what would it be like one day to have a full head of silver, you know, and that's inevitable, likely, you know, it's it's a part of life.
00:25:33
Speaker
And one of the things I find with the embracing change with aging,
00:25:37
Speaker
It can be really challenging, of course, especially because there's society models that say that aging is not beautiful, right?
00:25:47
Speaker
We're programmed to believe that youth is beauty.
00:25:52
Speaker
But I find that as I'm getting older, it just becomes even more important for me to tend to my self-care and tend to my body and to work out and to eat well and to
00:26:07
Speaker
habits that support longevity and vitality.
00:26:11
Speaker
And, you know, there's just so much resource now on the power of breath work, the power of movement, red light therapies.
00:26:21
Speaker
There's so many biohacking kind of things that really support the longevity.
00:26:26
Speaker
And so it's like, oh, wow.
00:26:28
Speaker
Okay.
00:26:28
Speaker
I can actually commit to these things to keep feeling really good even as I age.
00:26:34
Speaker
You know, I hold a vision of my 85-year-old self strong.
00:26:38
Speaker
I see her tiny and mighty with strong biceps and she's like, she's walking fast and she's doing her thing.
00:26:45
Speaker
You know, that's who I want to be and who I'm becoming.
00:26:49
Speaker
I love that.
00:26:51
Speaker
I have a habit of
00:26:54
Speaker
Once a day, I check on my Facebook memories and to see what I posted a year ago, four years ago, six years ago, 10 years ago, 14 years ago.
00:27:04
Speaker
And because I record so many videos and post so many pictures, I every day get to see what I looked like before my hair was going gray, before this body change happened.
00:27:18
Speaker
And it's...
00:27:20
Speaker
sometimes I look back at youthful me with this just wonderful memories and sometimes I'm dissatisfied with the current state of me and so there's this practice of embracing change, embracing change and I'll admit like I so
00:27:38
Speaker
With my bleaching my hair and dyeing my hair and the changing color of my roots and such, I get to a certain point in my hair growing out where because of my thinning
Accepting Life's Impermanence
00:27:51
Speaker
in the back of my head, it kind of looks like a target where there's like a red ring, a brown ring, and a white ring.
00:27:57
Speaker
And...
00:27:59
Speaker
And when I first, actually my mom was like, hey, you get a little thin back there because I can't quite see it.
00:28:05
Speaker
And it's really jarring for me to have this identity and of the way I look and the way I present and having to try to embrace a different version of it, a different
00:28:19
Speaker
a version that is not as close to what I want.
00:28:23
Speaker
I'll admit, I am putting Rograin on my little thinning place every night.
00:28:30
Speaker
I am not...
00:28:32
Speaker
calmly and gently surrendering to aging.
00:28:36
Speaker
I'm trying to do these things without judgment of myself and without too much story, but it's a doozy, the process of aging.
00:28:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:57
Speaker
Yeah, you know, I have had some deep conversations with some girlfriends recently about it as well.
00:29:03
Speaker
And thank you for sharing that vulnerable share around your own process of loving yourself and also taking action to to stay full.
00:29:18
Speaker
You know, it is a it's sensitive.
00:29:20
Speaker
It's really sensitive, you know, to really face some of these things.
00:29:24
Speaker
And I think that there is some programs that we get to be with, you know, have a one friend in particular.
00:29:31
Speaker
She's in her early 30s and she's deeply fearful of aging and she's doing everything that she can to avoid it.
00:29:41
Speaker
And, you know, when we're talking about it, I was like, is that actually yours?
00:29:46
Speaker
Like, where does that come from?
00:29:48
Speaker
You know, and that's where I start to get really curious around like, well, where's that fear coming from?
00:29:53
Speaker
Is that coming from our parents?
00:29:57
Speaker
Is that coming from society?
00:29:59
Speaker
Where does that deep program inside of our cells and DNA or some of us, you know, to have such a deep fear of aging?
00:30:07
Speaker
And is that associated to the deeper fear of death?
00:30:12
Speaker
Right?
00:30:12
Speaker
Excuse me.
00:30:14
Speaker
That is one of our foundational places that we kept scared of death.
00:30:19
Speaker
So many, we're not prepared for it on a human level, very, it's a huge part of our existence.
00:30:27
Speaker
But it is a very scary thing to think about leaving, you know, and so is that fear of aging associated to that?
00:30:35
Speaker
Well, one day, I actually I'm not going to be in this body and the great mystery, right?
00:30:41
Speaker
And so I think that there's a lot to unpack there and that comes right back to impermanence.
00:30:47
Speaker
You know, this tool will change.
00:30:49
Speaker
Your hair is going to change.
00:30:50
Speaker
Your body's going to change.
00:30:52
Speaker
We're going to eventually not be in these bodies.
00:30:55
Speaker
You know, this home that you're sitting in right now, this moment that we're experiencing the pain that we might be feeling in a body somewhere, the exuberant joy that we might be experiencing in our hearts.
00:31:07
Speaker
It's all momentary.
00:31:09
Speaker
It's all changing.
00:31:10
Speaker
And so it is, you know, in the theme of this conversation, how do we embrace aging, how do we embrace big changes like a move, how do we embrace new or ending relationships.
00:31:25
Speaker
You know, with that, knowing that like this tool change and I feel like it's a consistent steady practice.
00:31:33
Speaker
I really like that idea of shifting to the preciousness of this moment.
00:31:38
Speaker
If I could think about this chapter of my life in the same way that I can look on,
00:31:47
Speaker
my bio son Asher's five-year-old chapter where it's a temporary thing and it has, it's all its unique qualities to it.
00:31:55
Speaker
It's not a better chapter than when he was four, you know, or when he's six and this chapter I'm having now, it's not better.
00:32:02
Speaker
It's just, it's unique and it's precious and trying to find a way to, to really not squander things.
00:32:10
Speaker
the the now that I'm having because I'm wishing it was different or fearful of it changing that's I think that's really helpful thank you for that that's a I'm definitely I'm sparked by that for sure thank you good yes savoring savoring savoring this preciousness and you know it's also like kind of like when we're looking towards a change that like if we're kind of ready for something to be done
00:32:37
Speaker
And we're like, God, I just wish it was already here.
00:32:39
Speaker
You know, that just creates suffering and pain and frustration and angst.
00:32:46
Speaker
And it's like, oh, actually, you know what?
00:32:48
Speaker
One day I'm going to look back at this moment and be like, wow, I wasn't actually even really present to that.
00:32:54
Speaker
What was actually happening?
00:32:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:58
Speaker
You know, like, wow.
00:32:59
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:00
Speaker
How can I get present?
00:33:02
Speaker
You know?
00:33:03
Speaker
The butterfly is a major inspiration for me.
00:33:07
Speaker
As many of you know, if you follow me at all, I love getting to commune with the monarchs and help to raise them and witness their process of change.
00:33:18
Speaker
They are perfect examples of metamorphosis and cycles.
00:33:23
Speaker
And recently I had a beautiful opportunity to witness a monarch come out of the chrysalis right at the moment that it cracked through that
00:33:33
Speaker
that shell.
00:33:34
Speaker
It's like little antennae popped out and its head popped out.
00:33:38
Speaker
And it's like, then its wings dropped down.
00:33:40
Speaker
And I witnessed this being experience its new form.
00:33:46
Speaker
And it's a miracle.
00:33:48
Speaker
Truly, I witnessed a miracle in nature in that way, like to turn from this little tiny egg into a caterpillar and then just break down everything into this process to become this flying creature, a pollinator, a
00:34:02
Speaker
And it's just like, wow.
00:34:05
Speaker
All right.
00:34:05
Speaker
So who am I becoming?
00:34:09
Speaker
What do I have to let go of within myself in order to become who I want to be?
00:34:16
Speaker
And that is a continuous checking in with myself.
00:34:18
Speaker
What do I need to let go of in my life, in my consciousness, in order to become who I'm here to be?
Letting Go for Personal and Collective Evolution
00:34:25
Speaker
And I think that's the journey of evolution, the journey of growth, you know, as my own personal considerations, but also collectively, what do we as a species need to let go of in order to embrace a new way of living?
00:34:41
Speaker
It's very obvious the planet is letting us know that we need to make some big changes.
00:34:47
Speaker
So what do we need to let go of?
00:34:49
Speaker
In order to choose new new habits new ways of operating, you know, and it can be scary, but it's like okay atomic habits, right, we always reference this book atomic habits, what are the small changes that we can take every day.
00:35:06
Speaker
whether that is a small change in our thought process, whether that is a small change in the ways in which that we purchase or reduce our consumption or simplify our lives, you know, the atomic habits make monumental changes.
00:35:26
Speaker
You know, there's another helpful thing for me is to try to
00:35:32
Speaker
notice if I am seeing the changes or the need for change or like am I viewing the interruptions of my life as obstacles?
00:35:44
Speaker
Are these things in the way or can I say this is the way?
00:35:49
Speaker
Like the fact that I just stumbled and knocked over this jar of honey, it's like, oh,
00:35:59
Speaker
My experience right now is about cleaning up this honey.
00:36:03
Speaker
That's, it's, it's not what is keeping me from doing something else.
00:36:08
Speaker
It is what I need to do.
00:36:09
Speaker
So having to let go of expectations, let go of what I think it should be and go, this is what's happening now.
00:36:15
Speaker
Like, I mean, sometimes it's really hard, especially, you know, with like, I can think about earlier this year when I had an injury and really had to change my expectations of what I could do with my body, you know, that, but
00:36:29
Speaker
The more that I was in a headspace of what I can't do, the more I suffered versus trying to shift to this is the chapter I'm in right now.
00:36:38
Speaker
This is not in the way of what I should be doing.
00:36:42
Speaker
This is what I'm doing.
00:36:46
Speaker
Yes.
00:36:47
Speaker
So powerful presence.
00:36:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:50
Speaker
Yes.
00:36:50
Speaker
And trusting the perfection of all things.
00:36:53
Speaker
The affirmation is like, I...
00:36:57
Speaker
trust and know that I'm exactly where I need to be when I need to be there and who I need to be with.
00:37:01
Speaker
You know, I always think of that metaphor of like, well, I don't know if it's a metaphor, but it's like an example of, you know, sometimes if you, if you stop to tie your shoe or you clean up that spilled, whatever, and then, you know, 30 minutes later, you happen to run into that person on the street, you would not have ran into them if you didn't stop to tie your shoe, you know,
00:37:22
Speaker
you are constantly in this rhythm with life, you know, and when we can trust the perfect unfolding of all things, then there's a lot less resistance and rushing and frustration.
00:37:34
Speaker
And it's like, oh, actually, no, I needed to run back into the house to forget my keys because then I ended up getting all the green lights.
00:37:44
Speaker
Right.
00:37:45
Speaker
Or you got all the red lights.
00:37:47
Speaker
And that was the adventure you needed.
00:37:49
Speaker
That was the classroom of patience that you needed.
00:37:51
Speaker
You know, like when I was really struggling with with a decision about moving and where I was going to go and is this the right way?
00:37:58
Speaker
Is this the right way?
00:37:59
Speaker
Someone said, oh, there's no right path.
00:38:03
Speaker
There's just multiple adventures.
00:38:05
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:38:08
Speaker
You're always going to make the right decision.
00:38:10
Speaker
Even if later on, you're like, I should have done something different.
00:38:13
Speaker
It's like, well, your soul needed to learn something.
00:38:16
Speaker
There's always something to learn even if we make mistakes.
Guided Decision-Making and Integrity
00:38:21
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, that goes to that desiring to avoid discomfort.
00:38:28
Speaker
And so we think, oh, this path is providing discomfort, therefore it's bad.
00:38:32
Speaker
But that's actually not the way life works.
00:38:35
Speaker
That's not the way, you know, an active examined life of growth is not one of avoiding discomfort.
00:38:43
Speaker
So if the path that you wanted, you don't get it.
00:38:47
Speaker
that doesn't mean that you're on the wrong path at all.
00:38:50
Speaker
It just means that you need to let go of your expectations and try to be present, figure out how is this situation precious?
00:38:59
Speaker
Ooh.
00:39:02
Speaker
Yeah, I'm getting sparked on embracing change as we face big changes, right?
00:39:10
Speaker
How do we make good decisions?
00:39:13
Speaker
You know, there's this change that's imminent coming for me and it's like, is this right for me?
00:39:22
Speaker
Am I making a good decision?
00:39:23
Speaker
Is this actually gonna support the higher unfolding of my life and all the people that are in my life?
00:39:29
Speaker
And it's like, how do I make good decisions?
00:39:32
Speaker
And I feel like for me, one of the ways is to really tune in with myself through journaling, through meditation,
00:39:40
Speaker
through making sure that I am really tuning into my soul, and also at the same time listening to wise counsel, you know, having opportunities to check in with my allies, you know, I have a
00:39:58
Speaker
psychic reader, she's really helpful.
00:40:00
Speaker
She's given me some really great things, but also taking with a grain of sand, you know, really tuning in, checking and tuning in with some dear friends that I really trust that I know love me dearly and are able to maintain a sense of neutrality and then really like weighing all of the different things.
00:40:17
Speaker
And then, then I start to pay attention to the signposts that the outer world starts to giving me, you know, these little confirmations,
00:40:27
Speaker
that come up.
00:40:28
Speaker
So in my decision to move, this has taken me almost two years to make the decision.
00:40:35
Speaker
I keep getting these little like confirmations.
00:40:37
Speaker
This is where you're meant to be.
00:40:38
Speaker
This door just flung itself wide open for you.
00:40:42
Speaker
You know, it's like, okay, there's a doorway.
00:40:45
Speaker
Okay, I'm going to take one step.
00:40:46
Speaker
And it's like all of a sudden abundance starts to show up on that path.
00:40:50
Speaker
I start paying attention where these really beautiful openings start happening.
00:40:55
Speaker
And then I start to notice where these other places are closing as well.
00:41:00
Speaker
And so, yeah, it's an interesting dance to be in the deep listening to what the world is reflecting back to me and also to my own soul's calling.
00:41:09
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:41:12
Speaker
One of the tools that I use when trying to figure out what should I do to get the outcome I want, what's the right decision to get to where I think I should be, is recognizing that I don't know.
00:41:29
Speaker
And that strategizing is using the part of my mind that is the least wise.
00:41:34
Speaker
And so that's why I make these stickers that I've given thousands and thousands away over the last 15 years.
00:41:39
Speaker
And
00:41:40
Speaker
In fact, I'll give you one for free if you want to send me a self-addressed stand envelope.
00:41:44
Speaker
But it says, be present, have integrity, align with love.
00:41:48
Speaker
And so if I try to figure out what should I say here so that this person has the reaction that I think I want them to have, or what should I do to get to the thing?
00:41:59
Speaker
And you go, you know what?
00:42:02
Speaker
How do I know what the right outcome is?
00:42:04
Speaker
So instead, slow down, be present, be present.
00:42:10
Speaker
have integrity, which to me means like,
00:42:14
Speaker
What are your values in this moment?
00:42:19
Speaker
Are you being guided from the inside out or are you reacting to something outside in?
00:42:24
Speaker
Are you dealing with some old story of what you should do or are you feeling called in some direction?
00:42:30
Speaker
That's the integrity piece for me.
00:42:31
Speaker
And then align with love of just, can you feel the pull towards the highest, best version of yourself?
00:42:41
Speaker
And then act from that place, speak from that place and trust that even if the recipient is upset, even if you don't get the apartment that you think you wanted.
00:42:50
Speaker
I got to witness this.
00:42:51
Speaker
My partner recently, she really wanted to get this living space and asked the people, what are you looking for in a tenant?
00:43:04
Speaker
And they said, well, really looking for someone that will be here for a really long time.
00:43:08
Speaker
And so she walked around, viewed the property, knew what the thing to say to them would be if to try to increase her chances of getting the space and came back and said, here's what I can offer you.
00:43:21
Speaker
I can promise you I'll be there for a year.
00:43:24
Speaker
I can promise that I will help you find a new tenant.
00:43:26
Speaker
I can promise all these things, but I really don't know how long I will be here.
00:43:30
Speaker
Knowing that that would jeopardize her chance, but trusting that if the place is for her, the place is for her.
00:43:37
Speaker
And if she's directed elsewhere, that is what is supposed to happen.
00:43:42
Speaker
And I've, I've, I mean, I think that is such a huge practice in your life.
00:43:47
Speaker
If you can stop trying to be attached to what you think can have happened, instead coming back to be present, have integrity, align with love, act and speak from that part of yourself, and then just trust.
00:44:03
Speaker
Thank you.
00:44:05
Speaker
I love you so much.
00:44:08
Speaker
So potent, potent, good reminders for
Inspiration and Listener Engagement
00:44:12
Speaker
us all.
00:44:12
Speaker
And I think, I think maybe we can actually use that as our closing sparks.
00:44:17
Speaker
Because I am absolutely feeling sparked and receiving so many beautiful reminders around embracing change with presence, integrity, with love, with trust.
00:44:31
Speaker
And so, yeah, I think that there's always more that we can unpack here.
00:44:37
Speaker
But I think for me in this moment, my closing spark will be just what you shared, to be present, have integrity, and align with love.
00:44:47
Speaker
be present, to have integrity, and to align with love.
00:44:51
Speaker
And I'm going to be sending you a self-addressed envelope with a stamp because I don't think I have one of those stickers.
00:44:57
Speaker
Oh, you are in for a treat.
00:45:00
Speaker
Be sacred, be silly, be sexy.
00:45:01
Speaker
That's the one I have from you.
00:45:03
Speaker
And a love ambassador, of course.
00:45:05
Speaker
And well, I got some stickers for you.
00:45:08
Speaker
And if you do send me a self-advented stamp up below, tell me if you're a Burning Man person or not, because I also have lots of Burning Man stickers, but I won't give you them if they will be unwanted.
00:45:19
Speaker
And I guess my closing spark is that reminder of seeing the transitory nature of things and the preciousness
00:45:31
Speaker
of what is and how powerful I'm seeing that can be as a reframe to fear of change into a celebration of the present.
00:45:42
Speaker
That is my, I'm feeling sparked by that.
00:45:45
Speaker
Yay, good.
00:45:47
Speaker
Yes, amazing.
00:45:49
Speaker
And if anyone out there that is listening would like to share a spark with us, if you received a spark of inspiration from this conversation, please don't hesitate to reach out.
00:46:01
Speaker
We love it, especially if you put those sparks of inspiration on Apple Podcasts, because what ends up happening is you put a review on there with five stars, then Apple notices and starts to spread the sparks more.
00:46:15
Speaker
And so if you feel that this is valuable content for other people to hear, please take a moment to get on Apple Podcasts and leave us a review.
00:46:22
Speaker
That's very, very helpful.
00:46:24
Speaker
We love that and appreciate that.
00:46:26
Speaker
And also in the spirit of appreciation, I realized we didn't start with any gratitude.
00:46:31
Speaker
Well, but we were embracing change.
00:46:33
Speaker
So I thought we're going to do it differently today.
00:46:34
Speaker
Oh, I guess so.
00:46:35
Speaker
We'll end with gratitude today.
00:46:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:38
Speaker
Let's end with some gratitude.
00:46:41
Speaker
I am just going to share my gratitude for this beautiful time to be alive.
00:46:48
Speaker
I feel so grateful to be healthy.
00:46:51
Speaker
I feel so grateful to be
00:46:53
Speaker
at this juncture of change in my life, I feel so grateful for all the people in my life that have held me in San Diego, that I have gotten to deepen my relationships with over 20 years.
00:47:06
Speaker
And I am so grateful that those friendships and relationships will continue to deepen across space and time.
00:47:16
Speaker
Especially with you, Halcyon.
00:47:17
Speaker
Well, I'm going to say I am grateful that I got to participate and witness your birthday celebration and got to see so many friends of yours that I did not know.
00:47:29
Speaker
And of course, the incredible network of loving spirits that you consider friends and to just witness the
00:47:41
Speaker
the wake of your life the the echoes and the ripples in the people around you and it's inspiring so i'm so grateful to be your friend and to get to celebrate you on that day and every day thank you so much so it's like a words of affirmation is like a big hug thank you for hugging me thank you
00:48:04
Speaker
Oh, well, we give shout out to Yanis.
00:48:05
Speaker
Bless you, brother.
00:48:06
Speaker
We love you.
00:48:08
Speaker
And we will close it with an affirmation based on your sticker.
00:48:13
Speaker
I am present.
00:48:15
Speaker
I have integrity and I align with love.
00:48:19
Speaker
I choose presence.
00:48:21
Speaker
I have integrity and I align with love.
00:48:25
Speaker
I choose presence.
00:48:27
Speaker
I have integrity and I align with love.
00:48:29
Speaker
We're going to expand on that a bit.
00:48:32
Speaker
I am continuously returning to the present moment.
00:48:38
Speaker
I live in integrity with myself and the world around me.
00:48:42
Speaker
I live with integrity with myself and the world around me.
00:48:46
Speaker
And I align with love.
00:48:49
Speaker
I align with love.
00:48:51
Speaker
I am love.
00:48:52
Speaker
I am love.
00:48:52
Speaker
I am love.
00:48:53
Speaker
I am love.
00:48:54
Speaker
And I am so sparked.
00:48:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:58
Speaker
Thank you all for listening.
00:49:00
Speaker
Love you, Halcyon.
00:49:02
Speaker
I love you too.
00:49:02
Speaker
Stay sparked, people.
00:49:05
Speaker
Find us on Instagram at stay sparked and leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts.
00:49:10
Speaker
Thanks so much for helping us spread these sparks.