Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to Stay Sparked. This is a sparkle snack, a short bite-sized conversation aimed to light up your world today. i am Betsy Finkelhoo. And I am John Halcyon-Stinn.
Speaker: We always start with gratitude, and I will share my gratitude is for the simplicity of clean water. um feeling extra hydrated and extra grateful to be able to have such delicious clean water from a local company.
Speaker: Hmm. feeling grateful for the cooler weather. I have become a little bit of a delicate flower from years in San Diego. And so I am so grateful that the weather outside is is more attuned to my comfort zone.
Speaker: All right. well Well, here we are in Asheville preparing for the cold snaps to start to come, too. So, hmm. Good luck. Yep. Well, we want to give it a little shout out to our sponsors, Lucid, a mushroom nootropics drink that has either coffee, matcha, or a nighttime beverage that is just really wonderfully delicious and great for you. so big shout out to Lucid, becomelucid.com if you want to try it out.
Speaker: Betsy and I have been fans of Lucid for many, many many months, over a year. And so we are very excited and proud that they are one of the sponsors of the show.
Speaker: Cheers. o So today's topic is about learning new things or embracing beginner's mind. And this is topical for me because i am neck deep in learning a new thing.
Speaker: i joined the wholehearted chorus ah four months ago and have been practicing, practicing, practicing, And it has not been easy.
Speaker: i have a story. It's even hard for me to say a story because I like like i have struggled to remember lyrics. yeah I like singing. I do a impromptu improv song every morning on my broadcast.
Speaker: But I can't do it wrong because I'm just making up as I go. Once there's a right way and a wrong way to do it, it sets me up for one of my traumatic moments. issues of if I do things wrong, then, you know, love will be withheld.
Speaker: And I, that's a ah much longer episode about early trauma and stuff, but that is one of my things. So I, actively decided I am going to do this thing knowing that it's going to be uncomfortable.
Speaker: It's I'm going to have this tightening in my chest. I'm going to have this the shame feeling. And so i actually early in the process there after like a month of practices, there was a night when I had a men's group and a choir practice the same night.
Speaker: And I was really struggling, like, which ones did I do? Which ones? I i mean, they're both good for me. And if i go if I just go towards what feels good, men's group, for sure, because Coors is so uncomfortable.
Speaker: And then I remembered the lessons of the men's groups that I've been going to, which is growth is towards discomfort. So i i I made the choice to actively court the discomfort.
Speaker: And I'm so glad I did. Oh my gosh, I finally turned a corner um ah just like a week ago where I i was at a chorus, with practice, and was like,
Speaker: and For the first time, was singing and knew the songs well enough that I was feeling the connection of this, you know, 80 people all singing together and this harmony. And and i was I wasn't in my head. i was in this, like, body embodiment of music. And I was like, whoa, oh, my gosh, it's happening. It's happening. You know, I mean, it was.
Speaker: But like i couldn't I couldn't have got there. Without the struggle. And i'm so there's so I can't think of how many things i have not learned to do because of that fear.
Speaker: Yes. It's so humbling. So humbling. And I hear that you went through the stage of being a beginner and then crossed over into someone who is no longer a beginner because you've been practicing.
Speaker: And it is so applicable to so many different things, like riding a bike, for example. Not knowing how to ride a bike is so uncomfortable and so scary and so intimidating and so full of risk, you know, that you could just like, you know, plummet.
Speaker: And you have to really get through those first stages of learning in order to be able to get to that place of feeling so free and liberated to be able to ride a bike on your own. you know, or learning instrument.
Speaker: I've also gone through that similar thing with learning instruments and they teach me so much. it's so uncomfortable to not know how to play. And so I've been um playing the native flute for some years now. I was gifted one many years ago.
Speaker: Thank you, Mario. um He kind of just gave me this flute and i was horrible. Not good at all. And so for a long time, i didn't play it because I just did not want to hear what it sounded like when I was playing it so horribly.
Speaker: i took a few lessons. I was not getting it. So I just really started to avoid it And then I kept seeing this instrument and I knew I wanted to play it. And so I leaned in and I just kept playing and I committed to myself to play often, even if it sounded bad. And I committed to ah learning some scales and starting to explore what it is to actually get the fingering right and that sort of thing.
Speaker: And then same with you. One day i got to a place of going, whoa, that actually sounded kind of good. Wow, I might actually feel comfortable to play in front of someone. And now I've gotten to a place where I feel really comfortable playing it. I'm by no means like professional. We're going to play in big crowds or anything like that. But I feel so grateful I've transcended that initial stage of feeling so uncomfortable. And then and recognizing having that beginner's mind oftentimes is so humbling.
Speaker: Yeah. And I think it's funny you're talking about flutes because that is an instrument that I had a desire to try and learn. And just recently I was at an event where someone was selling flutes and they're like, come play with them, come play with them.
Speaker: And I... Stared at this table, walked around the table, and because I didn't make the commitment, I didn't i didn't summon enough courage, I never i never tried it.
Speaker: Actually, I may have picked it up, and the first note I made wasn't great, and i got flooded with that. a feeling. And because I hadn't prepared myself in advance, my defense mechanism kicked in, which is like, avoid that feeling, avoid that feeling. And I, and I booked.
Speaker: And so that's kind of what I've had to try to do with the chorus is before practice saying, you're going to have that feeling tonight. You know, you're going to have that tightening. You're going to have that, I shamey, that physical sensation that you dislike, but let's knowingly go into this knowing it's going to happen instead of subconsciously fleeing from that that that that potential feeling, which is what I usually let take over and and keep me from those steps, those beginner steps.
Speaker: So powerful to have that much self-awareness and to recognize the work is the the discomfort to really lean in in and just keep exploring something. And then i I feel sparked on this idea of the beginner's mind and humility to on the one hand, what we're talking about is being humbled by not being good at something or being incompetent until we get to that place of feeling confident.
Speaker: um And then the other flip side of it is continuing to remain humble and continuing to maintain a beginner's mind, even when we become a master at something. And so if you've you know you are a ah master um at facilitating because you facilitated 10,000 hours, but still continuing to show up to every...
Speaker: group from that beginner's mind and staying humble and staying centered. I think that that is such a valuable gift that you can give in whatever it is that you're doing, staying in that beginner's mind and not transcending the ego in that sort of way.
Speaker: It's funny. I feel like like younger me had more confidence and had less doubt. And and as I've grown, and more aware of my own limitations.
Speaker: And i i recently led an event and Yeah. something wasn't just right like i i feel like i didn't do a good job and there was somebody in the in the group in the event that i knew is very skilled and very experienced and it took me about five days before i reached out and said would you talk with me about what i could do better Because I i wasn't, I was scared.
Speaker: i wasn't confident enough. I was afraid of of ah that feeling like I suck and I didn't want to, you know, like, but of course, talking it through, i ended the conversation feeling like, oh, it didn't go as bad as I thought.
Speaker: And i have some real clarity on some things I could do better next time. And man, that process is is like the secret code to life.
Speaker: If you're afraid of learning what you could do better, which I often am, you are stunting your potential so dramatically. Absolutely. Yeah, to be able to be willing to see ourselves in a place of growth.
Speaker: I feel like after every experience, whether that is a group facilitation or a talk or so something that I'm putting out, i always try to consider the highlights, like the wins, and then also the growth points.
Speaker: And I think that that's such a wonderful place to consider how can I actually refine and learn and grow? Not what didn't work, but more what's the growth point? but Totally.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. I think that, you know, I... had some early experiences where some things came easy to me and then had identity wrapped up in success or, or doing well.
Speaker: And so then anything where I did not do well quickly became something I would quit, you know, and, and it's, I'm really trying to embrace in my fifties returning to this beginner's mind and really understanding trying to consciously choose the, those discomfort, knowing that, ah there's so much joy on the other side of those discomforts. And I should say like, like my, my hump that I got over with singing wasn't to a point where I'm now ah beautiful voice in the choir.
Speaker: It's that it was over the hump of the discomfort of, of uncertainty, you know? and and it, and, Yeah, that there's so and and then there's getting to both like the joy is in the doing, not in the success, which is ah is another huge shift that is possible if you can embrace beginner's mind and then you can be proud. Oh, I did it. I showed up, that which is how I got through all those early practices. you're like, hey, how was choir practice? I was like, I got credit.
Speaker: I showed up. I did it. I did it. yeah Exactly. i' have been there before, too, where I'm like, wow, that didn't go so well. But you know what? I did it. I did the thing, even though it's really scary and it my my voice might have cracked.
Speaker: But I did the thing. And here we are on this podcast. This is a perfect example. You know, we didn't really know what we were doing when we first got started. And it's like, well, let's just try it. Let's come with a beginner's mind and let's explore what it is to get together and record and see what kind of things we can explore with this common theme of inspiration. And i feel like if we would have held ourselves back, then we wouldn't have recorded all these episodes. And so I'm so grateful that we have had the courage to lean it into a beginner's mind and try something new and to be in this place where we get to keep sharing these sparks.
Speaker: Yay. i mean, it's really ah but like, i guess my closing spark on this is around this, this ability to embrace beginner's mind, to see the, the,
Speaker: see the possibility of growth instead of what went wrong is the cheat code to the life of your dreams. I've been coaching ah ah young man who has been really focused on finding his person.
Speaker: And throughout the you know couple of years we've been working together, there have been these moments where he thought he was so into somebody he and we continually go back to that place of the, the victory here is in you asking, you know, the, the, in time you will be able to see that if it doesn't work out, then it is exactly the learning and the stepping stool and, and the, the, the classroom you need to be more equipped and better suited for when the right person comes. And so after doing this a couple times, it's so wonderful to witness his perspective
Speaker: And being able to see these past experiences that were so scary and to have so much gratitude for them as as learning experiences to get to where he is now, which is badass.
Speaker: Yes, that's awesome. all Well, my closing spark is really about cultivating a big beginner's mind in regular daily day day-to-day life.
Speaker: And I feel one of the best teachings that I have received is through meditation. And in my training is the Vipassana meditation. And what the training is, is that we go through these different processes.
Speaker: self-awareness practices and the first one is really focusing on the sensation around the nostrils and the upper lip as you breathe it's so simple and so basic it's a basic technique and then you evolve to being able to scan your entire body um but this beginner practice is the thing that i always come back to continue to practice it's such a simple practice Same thing with the scale, you know, to keep coming back to the scale. Even once you start learning more and more songs, musicians will continue to come back and practice the scale because it is what informs that beginner's mind and keeps us humble and keeps us integrated.
Speaker: And so um I'm loving this conversation and probably going to go play some scales after this, maybe focus on my breath. ah So thank you so much for this. Yeah.
Speaker: There's a song that we're singing in the performance, the choir performance called Humble that is running through my head right now. Humble yourself to the side of your brother.
Speaker: You gotta bend down low and humble yourself in the side of your sister. yeah Ask them what they know and we shall learn. Okay, that's enough.
Speaker: Woo! Yeah. thank you so beautiful a testament that you are beyond your beginner well in the spirit of just stay inspired you guys can reach out to us please do we love hearing from our listeners on the instagram channel ah stay sparked and then also apple podcasts your reviews are so helpful thank you so much for just taking a moment to just pop some stars on there and a little message helps spread the sparks far and wide So thank you all so much.
Speaker: And also, if you want to find us to work with us directly, learn more about John's um men's work and so many of the other beautiful offerings he has, lifestudent.com. And if you would like to see me sing, I'm singing with a wholehearted chorus on Tuesday, October fourteenth in San Diego.
Speaker: Amazing. Great. And if you'd like to get in touch with me, find my products, thepoweraffirmation.com. You can get in touch with me there through um the different modalities as well that I offer in person, in Asheville, also in San Diego a couple of times a year. So please do reach out. I always love hearing from you. um You are so inspiring, Betsy.
Speaker: Thank you. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah. Let's close it out with an affirmation, shall we? All right. A short and sweet sparkling affirmation is i stay humble as I live life.
Speaker: I stay humble as I live my life. I stay humble as I live my life with a beginner's mind. I stay humble as I live my life with a beginner's mind. i stay humble and as I live my life with a beginner's mind.
Speaker: Ah, I hope this episode inspired y'all. Thank you so much for listening. Stay sparked, people.
Speaker: Find us on Instagram at stay sparked and leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcast. Thanks so much for helping us spread the spark.
Speaker: Stay sparked, friends.
