Introduction to Sleep Divorce
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Speaker
but sleep divorced have you heard of this i know i actually so i would say my husband and i have maybe like have maybe tried that a tiny bit because my husband sometimes works very late at night and he'll i'll be like please do not come in and wake me up because i will not go back to sleep so sometimes he'll sleep in my son's room he's at college and i'm like yeah are we getting to be those people that were like the sleep divorce But it is lovely when he's not in there because I'm sleeping so nicely.
Meet the 'Three Little Fishes' Podcast
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Speaker
Welcome to Three Little Fishes.
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Speaker
We're three sisters who grew up in the Midwest together, but have since spread across the country. I live in Los Angeles. I'm in Nashville. And I live in Philadelphia. We are all married with children, have all had careers, but now we stay at home with our families. Join us as we share secrets and stories about being women, wives, and mothers. We welcome you to laugh along, learn something new, reach out, and join our conversation.
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Speaker
So let's jump in.
Winter Storm Fern's Impact on Nashville
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Speaker
What's up, fishes? What's up, fishes? So you all, we are down a fish. Linda is not with us today because as a lot of you probably have felt it across the country, a big winter storm has hit.
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Speaker
I think the storm is called Fern and Ice and snow has gone across the country and hit Nashville as well with a lot of ice. And Linda has been out of power for like three days and she continues to not have power.
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Speaker
I know this storm has been something. I mean, even my sons in Texas, they don't know what to do because they don't have, you know, resources to like plow the streets. So I mean, my son my son is used to the snow. So he's like, you know, this is like no big deal, but people are freaking out.
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Speaker
We were out of school yesterday because of all the snow. But then today they actually called school again because they were worried about the ice.
Michigan State's Heated Sidewalks
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It's so cold that they can't even clear the sidewalks for people to walk.
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Speaker
So that's what I think they called school for because they don't want kids obviously falling and hurting themselves. But I did find out an interesting fact that I want to share because my poor son that's a freshman at Michigan State, he he's not missing a beat. They have school, like it's like business as usual today. Oh, really? Yesterday, yeah.
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Speaker
He said, Mom, our sidewalks are heated. we Oh. Because we have such terrible weather. ah they They're prepared for it. So they don't, I don't know if they ever have a snow day. I'm not sure. okay I didn't even know that existed. Heated sidewalks? Yeah, did not know that either, Nancy.
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Speaker
Okay, well, only the best for Michigan State kids, you know? All right. Go Spartans. Yeah, exactly. yeah um Well, Kathy, at least you can get around because I remember many years ago you were complaining that Peter bought a Mac Daddy snowmo snowblower and you're like, why do we need this Mac Daddy snowblower for our little house?
Snowblower Mishap
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Speaker
So at least you can probably like get out to your driveway and stuff, right? Well, I mean, this snowblower has kind of been a joke in our family because he when we first moved there, there was a blizzard and he went to buy a snowblower like panicking.
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And all they had was this like huge Cadillac snowblower and he bought it. And we had a little puppy at the time, Maya.
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Speaker
And I was like freaked out. She couldn't go to the bathroom because she was so tiny. i was like, could you just clear a couple strips? And he ended up sucking up the day he bought this thing, one of the dog toys. And it like bent down.
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Speaker
one of the spools in this snowblower, yeah you take it back like a half an hour later. And the people at the store are like, are you kidding me, man? Like, what are you doing? This is not a problem that you're sucking up dog toys. Well, at least at least Millie, your your lab now, is old enough. So, he I mean, is he sucking up dog toys now? Well, I mean, Peter was so mad at me about this thing.
00:04:32
Speaker
10 years ago and then just recently he went out there with our Mac Daddy snowblower, which it only gets used like once every three years or so. I mean, it takes up an incredible amount of like room in our garage.
00:04:49
Speaker
But i I mean, this is a kind of a funny story, but the other day, I was going to work out and i had put my I had gotten this sweatshirt, but I didn't put it on because I was going to be too hot.
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Speaker
And I thought I'm going to put it on after I work out because it's like frigid here. So after my workout, I was like, I can't find this stupid sweatshirt. I looked everywhere for it. I went down the basement. i went up to my room. I could not find it And then i go out to the garage.
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Speaker
My husband with all this snow has been out there all day, snow blowing. He's got like ski goggles on the whole thing. I mean, he is in it. And I see this like sweatshirt covered in snow by the garbage can. And it's the sweatshirt I've been looking for all morning.
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Speaker
And I'm like, What did I said? Did you like take this or something? He's like, no, Kathy. He said, I sucked it up in the snow blower.
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Speaker
Our dog, Millie had taken my sweatshirt outside. boy. Had like buried it in the snow playing with it. And then Peter happened to suck it up in our snow blower, which actually hurt our snow blower. It doesn't even work right anymore.
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I'm sure, because you keep sucking stuff up. Does Peter... dogs are ruining our equipment. Maybe Peter needs some ski goggles that actually have some eye help in it so he can see that there's stuff he's sucking up.
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Speaker
What's wrong with him that he can't see he's sucking up a sweatshirt? I mean, I guess to be fair, it's like how much how many inches of snow did you get? A lot, right? Well, I mean, honestly, we didn't get as much as... i They were calling for like...
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Speaker
I think at one point a couple of feet, but we thought for sure we'd get like a foot or snow. But I think we got about maybe eight inches. But that's a lot. What happened on top of that was it came freezing rain. So it everything's ice now.
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Speaker
Yeah. Like we can't even clear anything because it's like f frack like frozen. Yeah. But anyway, this this whole snowblower thing and our dog, Millie, I mean, she took it outside and was like having a big time with it. Well, that's a Labrador for you. They love the snow. They love the ice. She's having a party. i thought I was losing my mind. I'm like, where's this sweatshirt? Like, I hope it wasn't one of your favorites, like a really fancy one. Well, I mean, I kind of did like it. I mean, but it's ripped to dreads now, so I can't wear it.
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Aye, aye, aye, Millie. um Okay. I wanted to also address where we
Absence Due to Family Care
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were last week. We did not get an episode on air last week because the fishes were home taking care of our mother. Our mother had to have hip surgery.
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Yes. So we were all home taking care of her and we thought we would be able to record when we were with her. And even though she's doing fine now, it didn't go as smoothly as we thought. So,
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um We weren't able to we weren't able to do any work there, but luckily she's doing better and she's recovering. um I will tell you that we all handle stress differently.
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a lot of us do clean like Linda had called me today to say she felt bad. She couldn't record because they don't have Internet or power. And she's like, I'm currently taking apart my refrigerator and ice maker.
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um and doing a deep clean. And so she did that at my mom and did she did that mom dad's house, right? So she decided to take, we were waiting for mom to hear about how surgery was going. was taking longer, there was complication. so she was just, you know, nervously cleaning and she literally was taking apart the dishwasher.
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All the parts were out to do this deep clean. And then we're she's putting it back together and she's trying to do a load of dishes. And she's like, it won't work. It's like flooding with water like it wouldn't it wouldn't work. So we're like frantically like, oh, my gosh, what are we going to do? So we're breaking the dishwasher. The toilet broke when we were there. What else did we break? I mean, we came to help mom. Oh, the dryer broke. So we came to help mom and dad. But we do this deep clean on everything and everything was breaking. So we're like, welcome. home
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Speaker
who's your plumber who's your repair guy i've given so i just want to say i was at the hospital with my father, yeah like trying to keep him calm and like yeah manage everything. I was like the go between and that they're texting me like,
00:09:36
Speaker
Who's our plumber? We've broken the dishwasher. Also, the dryer doesn't work. I'm like, what is going ah at home?
00:09:47
Speaker
I mean, there's nothing. They're supposed to be making food. is like So when we come home, we have something to eat stuff like this. Yeah. I mean, the bottom line, we were a nightmare. It all got put back together, but I'm not sure that we were helpful. Like when you guys were at the hospital,
Breaking and Repairing Appliances
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like we were trying to destroy everything. I was like, um dad, don't, please don't freak out.
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but i have to to ask you. Who's your handyman? Can you give me his name so I can call him? Who's your handyman? I mean, and he did. and God bless this man came like at nine o'clock at night to like to look to look at all the things that we broken. He's fantastic.
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Speaker
So thank you. So thank anyway, we're back. We're so happy. My mom is doing better. And um and hopefully Linda will be back next week. OK, so today we're going talk about what's the buzz. And then we're going to talk about resetting with sleep.
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Speaker
But before we get into it, I just want to remind everybody to please rate, review, comment and invite your favorite fishes to jump in and join our conversation. Okay, what's the buzz?
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Kathy, do you remember the movie The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock and Quentin Aaron? Quentin Aaron played the football player. He is currently on life support, fighting for his life. He took a fall at his home, and he has a blood infection, and there's a GoFundMe fund going for him to help with medical and living um expenses for him. So shocking.
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i hope that i loved that I actually love that story. i know. So sending him our best and hoping that he recovers. um The other thing making the news, the Super Bowl is set. So we have the Seahawks playing New England Patriots.
00:11:44
Speaker
Yep. So the rams the Rams could not win out over the Seahawks. It was kind of sad. So I don't know, Kathy, do you have a dog in this fight? Would you care? Well, I mean, I'm not really in it now. i feel the same. No bears, no Rams. I don't think I care. i mean, but go like when they lost, I kind of was like, whatever. Yeah. I mean, good luck teams, but yeah. And the Bears, they lost. I would have bear i would have been rooting for the Bears too, but they lost. I know. I know.
00:12:19
Speaker
I know no dog in the fight. I don't know if I'm even into the Super Bowl now. Yeah. Honestly. I know. I'm struggling. I think I want to go um and hang out with friends and watch the commercials, but I care less about the game for sure.
00:12:32
Speaker
Yeah, me too. um But good luck teams who's in it. Yeah. Yeah. The other thing is that I'm really excited about, I'm really, I'm looking for something to distract myself TV wise and shrinking is coming back on Apple TV this week. Do you watch shrinking? i love shrinking. it's bad i love how like it kind of real. Yeah. It's just like everyday, you know, thoughts about what's going on.
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Yeah, they're back. They're back. So it should be super fun. I know who is guest starring on the season is Michael J. Fox because there's a Parkinson, you know, connection. actually think that that is cool. This is a real life person that has Parkinson's that's going to be on the show. I mean, he's but he's beloved. I mean, I'm super I'm here for it.
00:13:23
Speaker
And then the other thing. Yes. And then the other show that I'm excited about this coming back the following the following week on Netflix is The Lincoln Lawyer. Okay. I love this show. it's like my I love him. Like he's a doll.
00:13:38
Speaker
Oh, he's delicious. I'm here for all day long. Yeah. Yeah. I could just re-read, watch this all all day long. Yeah. 1000%. one thousand percent Okay, so when we were home with our mom,
00:13:55
Speaker
we were thinking about health and like rebooting and sleeping. So let's jump in and talk about rebooting, particularly with sleep. And you and I had to share a room, Kathy, and you were kind of like really on me about my sleeping. I'm having a harder time sleeping right now, and I try to read to try to fall asleep, but you have this whole routine of how you go to sleep. So...
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And you're very, very, very dedicated to your routine of sleeping. So can you go through with our with our listeners, like,
Personal Sleep Routines
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what do you do to fall asleep at night? What's your routine?
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Okay. So first I just want to say, when we were growing up, Nancy and I shared a room. Okay. Okay. We used to have bunk beds and then we had like separate beds, but I've always shared a room with Nancy and it's been a delight.
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Speaker
really I know. i but I'm waiting for it. Like the best roommate ever. Let's hear it. No, she's awesome. I mean, would she get in my personal space? Yes, but she she's good.
00:15:08
Speaker
Um, um You know, honestly, so going back to my home and like sleeping in my old bedroom, it like is so comforting. Like there is a comfort there knowing like this is where you grew up or whatever.
00:15:23
Speaker
So this bed we're sleeping is not the bed that we had when we were young, but it's a king bed now, which is plenty big enough for Nancy and I. But Nancy is like, she encroaches in your space. And I'm like, don't cross the line.
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Speaker
Like don't cross the line. You're known to be that snuggler. i'm ah I'm a, I'm a cuddler. What, what can I say? I'm a cuddler. I'm like, don't touch me. Just like stay in your own area.
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Speaker
I know. So I would think it's a little harsh, but whatevs. No, but sir I actually, i think because my husband, I think I have a harder time going to sleep because I'm used to my dear husband snores.
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And so I just have been, we've almost been married for 25 years. So I'm used to, I have to have earplugs because of his snoring. I cannot, I can't sleep if I don't have something blocking out the the noise. And then I also need a sound machine because it's so bad that earplugs aren't enough. You need yeah like i mean a noise level to like help block it out. So yeah, they like the sound of an airplane is what you like, right? So you like earplugs and you like, an airplane noise airplanes going on your earbuds are in okay what else do you i know i'm sorry this yeah what your fault is fault it's peter's fault and that's all i can say because i'm so used to it now if i don't have it i'm like it's too quiet and then i'm like oh what's going i feel like there's a i do feel like there's a third important thing that you use what is it
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Speaker
oh Okay, this is a must if you do not have this. It's an eye mask. You have to have a sleep mask. Yeah. That goes over your face and your eyes because yeah the light really does affect you. And yeah I'm not just saying this because I personally feel this. It's also sleep experts say this.
00:17:19
Speaker
When you have light interfering, that affects your sleep. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry, Nancy. I am kind of a handful when I go to sleep, but I found out that Nancy has sleep problems herself because I would be like so dead tired from, you know, being at the hospital, whatever. And I was like, can we just go to sleep?
00:17:43
Speaker
Yeah. And then I know you do have a time change difference, which probably affected your sleep too. I do appreciate this, but I would like wake up and she'd be like on her phone with the light on, like reading. I'm like, what are you doing? It's like one o'clock, two o'clock in the morning. She's like, oh, I can't sleep. I'm like, well, now you're keeping me awake.
00:18:08
Speaker
But the fascinating thing is, how did you even know you've got the sleep mask on? You've got your earbuds in. You've got the airplane going. Like, how would you possibly? We have the pillow barrier. How do you possibly know that? just trying to read. I had to like push it down and to be like, what are you doing? To go to sleep. So here's a little nugget about me. It was kind of stressful, like being home, because it's hard to see somebody you care about who is Yeah, not feeling well. I'm dealing with the time change. I feel like emotions were a little bit high. and then I'm overly tired on top of that. I haven't been sleeping great anyway.
00:18:48
Speaker
So I just I had a really hard time just downshifting and shutting my brain off. And I really, really did struggle. So I'm sorry about that. But I just found out, Kathy, another reason why I think I was having a hard time is because you know how we're talking about perimenopause and and menopause a lot lately. i just had a bunch of blood work done.
00:19:10
Speaker
And it found I found out I have zero estrogen. Like I'm full blown menopause, no estrogen, and I'm not sleeping. So I'm now that hopefully track that hopefully with some medication, I will start sleeping.
00:19:27
Speaker
Well, I mean, I know you super well. So I'm saying this, I've, I've said this gently to you many times that I knew your estrogen was low.
00:19:41
Speaker
Oh, you're not, you know, people have like really low estrogen have like low tolerance for things, kind of like PMSing, you know, you can relate to PMS. That's kind of what it is like when you have low estrogen. And so I think you're calling me cranky. You said that I've been a little cranky. I said gently.
00:20:01
Speaker
with love yeah that you needed some support there. So I'm glad I'm, I'm happy that you actually have a medical reason now. And like, you can get some help because I think you'll feel better.
00:20:18
Speaker
But i I think you are right. You do talk a lot about how important sleep is. And I think that you are right. Like if we are not well rested, we do not handle just everyday life. Well,
00:20:30
Speaker
It doesn't feel good to be tired and feel like you are slogging through your day. No, it's terrible. And like, I honestly think that my husband and I have an issue with this because he's kind of a night owl and I am not.
00:20:45
Speaker
And yeah to try and manage... How do you navigate that situation? Because yeah he's like at 10 o'clock, it's a party. And I'm like, I'm like, I can't even keep my eyes open. Like, what are you doing?
00:20:59
Speaker
Like, you need to like... Bring it down. so Listen, I'm trying to put in my i'm trying to put in my ears, my sleep mask, and I'm trying to get that you know the airplane going. yeah I need the airplane. I mean, what are you doing? You're like party mode. I'm like, stop. Have you heard of people who this is becoming a thing that gets sleep divorced? Have you heard of this? I know. i actually, so I would say my husband and I have maybe like have maybe tried that a tiny bit because my husband sometimes works very late at night and he'll be like, please do not come in and wake me up because I will not go back to sleep. So sometimes he'll sleep in my son's room.
00:21:40
Speaker
Who's at college. And I'm like, are we getting to be those people that were like the sleep divorce? But yeah it is lovely when he's not in there because I'm sleeping so nicely, but I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, I think there are some people, there's a camp that they believe firmly
Does Sleep Divorce Affect Relationships?
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Speaker
in this. And then there are other people that think it's not healthy for a marriage because you're not together and you're not going through the same things throughout the night and your rhythms are off and all this. And
00:22:13
Speaker
i don't know. you know, maybe we can revisit this another time. And I'll ask, like, I hope that our likes temporary sleep divorce isn't permanent. But I mean, it seems like, if you're not together, then you're not talking and you're not communicating. And I'm not sure it's great.
00:22:32
Speaker
But I think for some people, it might be okay. I mean, it probably just depends on who you are. i don't know. But I do. I think the bottom line is, You have to be getting sleep.
00:22:45
Speaker
So whatever it takes for you to get sleep, whether it be, you know, earplugs or eye mask or meditation or, you know, they say you're supposed to like,
00:22:58
Speaker
Get your room zenned so it feels good to you. It's relaxed. Maybe have some great sheets that are super that you really love. So yeah you're setting yourself up for a successful night's sleep is what you need to do. then do it.
00:23:16
Speaker
And I think um for me, i think the eye mask works really well because I think the I'm very sensitive to light. So maybe that's why Peter thinks I'm like, what are you doing? I see the light on your phone. Do you want to hear something funny? You gave Johanna a sleep mask and she loves them. She wears a sleep mask every single night. She's like, where's my sleep mask? And she like she loves it. It's hilarious.
00:23:42
Speaker
yeah She's all about it. I think it's great because for me, it just blocks out everything. When I put it on, I'm just like, oh, I'm like by myself.
00:23:53
Speaker
Yeah. It's like it's my body relaxed. Yeah. For some other people, it may not work. But, you know, arch kind I do. Our parents are sleep divorced. Do you know that, Kathy? I don't know this. I don't know if that they would care of me putting this out there. I don't think that they would. But for years, they've like toggled. They didn't.
00:24:14
Speaker
You know, mom likes to sleep in cold. Dad wants tons of blankets. Mom doesn't want any blankets. You know, they want a different size firmness of mattress or whatnot. So what they did was they have two beds that are next to each other, but they have their setup how they want it.
00:24:34
Speaker
So i don't know. Do other people do that? Is this just them being creative? Is this happening more and people don't talk about it? I mean, Nancy, I don't know. I mean, i like I was saying, I'm not sure if sleep divorce is great, but it works for our parents. And, you know, if it works for you, go. i mean Yeah. But they're in the same room. They're in the same room.
00:24:57
Speaker
They can hop on up each other's bed if they want to. Well, don't know if I want to think about that, but, yes, they can do whatever they want. Yeah. yeah I think the thing for me is, like my husband and I,
00:25:11
Speaker
I think the thing that bothers me at night is that because he is a night owl, he's like multitasking.
Creating a Sleep-Friendly Environment
00:25:18
Speaker
Like when I'm like shutting down and he's like on his phone doing work, he's like doing papers, he's doing this, but then he's also trying to watch our show. And I'm like, yeah, what are you doing? Like, you're not relaxing me by like, you're doing like four different things. Yeah. So it's like,
00:25:40
Speaker
I think your bedroom should be more of a safe space. And I hope people figure out what's good for them. But like my earbuds are just like foam.
00:25:53
Speaker
I used to have um Bose, like fancy Bose, like earbuds. Yeah. Were like noise canceling. They used to, they actually still have them now, but like years ago that I had some and they discontinued them.
00:26:09
Speaker
And that's why I don't have them anymore because they broke. But yeah, there are several companies that have them that are really fancy that like seriously drowned out the noise. Yeah. Like if you want to pay that kind of money, I mean, they're like two, $200 or something like that.
00:26:27
Speaker
But then there's like just the phone ones that I have that are like, I don't know, 10, $11 or whatever for a pair. I mean, mine drowned out my husband enough.
00:26:40
Speaker
And with my airplane noise, I don't care. Like, yeah. And I think those those Bose ones I had, like they kind of, because they're hard, they hurt my ears over a time.
00:26:54
Speaker
doesn't I don't know. I don't know what the right solution is, but if you can find it, it's perfect because, you know, getting, like we were just saying, getting a sleep is super important and it makes you happier. Like you wake up happy.
00:27:06
Speaker
When you don't get a good night's sleep, you're grumpy, right? And you're like, why did you keep me up? Like I was mad at Nancy because... I mean, that night- I know, you really were mad at me.
00:27:17
Speaker
You were so mad. I mean, because she woke me up and she was reading or whatever, we ended up talking about stuff. And then, I mean, we talked about stuff for hours. and We did. Isn't that so nice? We got to really get into it. Like, was nice. We didn't sleep till, like, maybe five in the morning. You're welcome. You're welcome. You know, mean- The next day we were a little grumpy, but it was fun to just catch up.
00:27:47
Speaker
So maybe we're like the challenge, maybe the fishes are challenging you all to find what works for you. Like whether that's your eye mask or that's, you know, shutting off your electronics like an hour before or listening to some, you know, peaceful music.
00:28:03
Speaker
um getting Maybe you're sleeping in separate beds from your spouse and that is going to help you. Maybe you need some help, like natural, like melatonin to help you relax. Or maybe you're having an issue like me where you need to talk to your doctor. and You need a little hormone.
00:28:20
Speaker
You need a little hormone kick. So, um fishes let's try, let's try to work on this together and get some good sleep. Yes. All right. What's for dinner?
Cooking for Recovery
00:28:33
Speaker
So when we were home, we did a lot of cooking there. And one of the things we realized is our mom loves chicken piccata. She loves it so much. So we were trying to come up with some ideas, like when we all had to go home to make it easier for my mom and dad to maybe just pull some stuff out of the freezer. And Linda and Kathy um were able to stay a couple days longer than me. And you all made mom and dad lemon piccata, right? So we made some fresh and actually our mom did not want to have any that day. She just wasn't feeling up to it, but our father ate it.
00:29:09
Speaker
And then we, we froze the rest and I think they did eat it the next couple of days. So, I mean, I think if you can, you know, prepare meals for people that you're taking care of is helpful.
00:29:21
Speaker
Um, yeah, try to get them some protein, maybe something that they really like, like our mom really likes lemon, little vitamin C. I mean, just something that they, they like that's, you know, tastes good to them.
00:29:36
Speaker
But chicken piccata is good. And it's something that I don't really think to make very often, but it's a nice way to kind of shake up a chicken dinner. Like we eat a lot of chicken at our house.
00:29:46
Speaker
So I kind of, I'm always looking for new ways to like spice it up. Yeah. Yeah. And lemon. And we have a little lemon tree in our backyard and I have some lemons are due to be harvested. So I think I'm going to make some chicken piccata with our lemons from our lemon tree. Don't be jealous.
00:30:05
Speaker
I am jealous. I have like the freezing cold out here. You've got a lemon tree. i know. We could all use a little extra vitamin C, I feel like, in this winter months too.
Closing and Upcoming Themes
00:30:18
Speaker
We want to thank you for listening to our podcast and letting us sisters jump into your day. Please make sure to hit the subscribe button and access all of our show notes and all of our podcasts.
00:30:29
Speaker
Also, please share our podcast with your favorite little fishes so we can grow. Our next month's theme for February is all about love. So please tune in.
00:30:39
Speaker
Have a wonderful weekend. Sisters, out.