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Relationships "With Thyself."
124 Plays6 years ago
Eric and Ami, talk about being in a healthy relationship with thyself prior to being in a relationship with someone else.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Bigger Talks' and Episode Overview
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to Bigger Talks.
00:00:02
Speaker
I'm your host, Eric Bigger, motivator, fitness trainer, and life speaker.
00:00:06
Speaker
I'm here to inspire the world by having real conversations about the power of life, love, and vulnerability.
00:00:12
Speaker
Join me as I uplift you, challenge your thinking, and improve your understanding on living your best life.
00:00:18
Speaker
Let the Bigger Talks begin.
00:00:23
Speaker
Well, well, well.
00:00:25
Speaker
Another episode, Bigger Talks.
00:00:27
Speaker
We're back once again, and Amina is here.
00:00:30
Speaker
Phenomenal co-host.
00:00:33
Speaker
How are you?
00:00:34
Speaker
I'm great.
00:00:34
Speaker
This time, I'm great.
00:00:36
Speaker
You wasn't great before?
00:00:37
Speaker
No, I said- I'm good.
00:00:38
Speaker
I'm good.
00:00:39
Speaker
I'm very great.
00:00:40
Speaker
She's good at the hood.
00:00:41
Speaker
She's good.
00:00:43
Speaker
Yeah, so we're back.
00:00:44
Speaker
We have another episode and a topic of-
00:00:47
Speaker
This episode is what?
The Foundation of Self-Relationship
00:00:50
Speaker
The topic of this episode is relationships, but relationships is just a broad subject.
00:00:58
Speaker
So we're going to start with the self.
00:01:01
Speaker
And then, you know, as time goes by, we'll work our way up.
00:01:04
Speaker
Okay, so the self meaning the relationship with thyself, yourself.
00:01:08
Speaker
Uno.
00:01:09
Speaker
Uno.
00:01:09
Speaker
The person that you see in the mirror.
00:01:11
Speaker
Yes.
00:01:11
Speaker
Every day if you don't, every other day.
00:01:14
Speaker
Correct.
00:01:16
Speaker
I believe in having a relationship with yourself.
00:01:20
Speaker
And then once you start building on yourself, then you're able to be in a position to find someone that matches your frequency.
00:01:30
Speaker
I like that.
00:01:31
Speaker
But the question is...
00:01:34
Speaker
Do you have a relationship with yourself?
00:01:39
Speaker
Um, having a relationship with yourself consists of multiple things.
00:01:47
Speaker
I would say like I've been on a journey myself.
00:01:52
Speaker
So I'm speaking from, you know, my personal experience.
00:01:56
Speaker
Hence, I'm still growing.
00:01:57
Speaker
But there are multiple things that I missed when I was dating back in the gap.
00:02:04
Speaker
So as I started to...
00:02:07
Speaker
learn about the different ways and how my relationships went wrong, I was like, okay, there is an equation that I am not necessarily...
00:02:18
Speaker
adding up that's equaling the results that I want.
00:02:22
Speaker
So I had to change my actions in, uh, in order to get, you know, different results, which I'm still working on that.
00:02:30
Speaker
But, um, there are specific things that I started to realize, uh, that I had to do in order to become whole or, you know, be in a position where, um, I could seek another person.
00:02:45
Speaker
And you obviously have to know who you are.
00:02:49
Speaker
There are specific things as far as your non-negotiables, your five love languages, attachment styles, and so on and so forth.
Understanding and Overcoming Codependency
00:03:01
Speaker
So I believe that when you are whole and when you are comfortable with yourself, you
00:03:09
Speaker
you are confident enough to be able to communicate the things that you need from another person.
00:03:16
Speaker
I know like back in the day, I was always nervous to tell a guy like who I was because I was like, okay, well I have to like what he likes that way.
00:03:27
Speaker
You know, we can stay together.
00:03:28
Speaker
And I compromised myself.
00:03:30
Speaker
who I was to be with this person when I could have just easily said, hey, this is me.
00:03:36
Speaker
This is who I am.
00:03:38
Speaker
This is what I like.
00:03:39
Speaker
If you don't fall into any of these categories or if my lifestyle doesn't agree with yours, then, I mean, good riddance.
00:03:47
Speaker
Good riddance.
00:03:49
Speaker
Good riddance.
00:03:50
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:03:52
Speaker
Yeah, I think all those factors are true.
00:03:55
Speaker
But I will say one thing.
00:03:58
Speaker
Definitely have to have a relationship with yourself before you get in a relationship.
00:04:03
Speaker
Correct.
00:04:03
Speaker
That's one.
00:04:04
Speaker
You got to have the ultimate, ultimate relationship with yourself before a relationship that you want to commit to.
00:04:11
Speaker
Right.
00:04:12
Speaker
But even for that, you have to be able to take care of yourself.
00:04:19
Speaker
Okay.
00:04:20
Speaker
By yourself, for yourself, on your own before you think about it.
00:04:24
Speaker
or you should be in a relationship.
00:04:26
Speaker
I agree.
00:04:26
Speaker
You have to take care of yourself.
00:04:28
Speaker
So as an individual, okay, you know yourself, you love yourself, you own everything about your insecurities, you know, stuff that makes you you, raw, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:04:38
Speaker
Perfect.
00:04:39
Speaker
Now, can you take care of yourself?
00:04:43
Speaker
Can you depend on yourself?
00:04:44
Speaker
Can you pay your bills?
00:04:46
Speaker
Can you pay them on time?
00:04:47
Speaker
Do you have a backup plan if something goes wrong?
00:04:50
Speaker
Who are you when adversity hits?
00:04:53
Speaker
Who are you when you make a mistake?
00:04:55
Speaker
Can you take constructive criticism?
00:04:58
Speaker
Can you take care of your mind, your body, your spirit, and your finances, your material world, on your own, for yourself, by yourself?
00:05:06
Speaker
Now, if you can meet those parts of the relationship with yourself, then I think, okay, you're open to being in a relationship.
00:05:15
Speaker
Okay.
00:05:15
Speaker
Because I want to talk about, I don't really understand the word codependent or codependency, but what is that actually?
00:05:25
Speaker
I am a victim of being codependent on somebody.
00:05:29
Speaker
So elaborate, Chase.
00:05:32
Speaker
I did not anticipate talking about myself.
00:05:37
Speaker
But no, like I would say this.
00:05:40
Speaker
A lot of the traumas that we go through in our childhood flares up in your adult relationships.
00:05:45
Speaker
So I didn't really grow up with my father present, right?
00:05:51
Speaker
So...
00:05:53
Speaker
I was always looking for him, hence why I have a lot of male friends, why I love to be around men.
00:06:01
Speaker
It's because I'm seeking the essence of my father, like a man, right?
00:06:07
Speaker
So, 14, 15 years old, I got a boyfriend.
00:06:11
Speaker
That's pretty young, okay.
00:06:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:15
Speaker
14, 15?
00:06:16
Speaker
I was in 10th grade.
00:06:18
Speaker
That's an amazing spot, girl.
00:06:19
Speaker
You had that first girlfriend, boyfriend.
00:06:21
Speaker
You know, it was puppy love.
00:06:23
Speaker
It was puppy love.
00:06:24
Speaker
But then we remained together up until college.
00:06:28
Speaker
Like, I moved.
00:06:29
Speaker
Must be nice.
00:06:31
Speaker
I mean, for that long.
00:06:32
Speaker
It must have been a nice relationship.
00:06:34
Speaker
No.
00:06:35
Speaker
Like, Sarah Bow Wow?
00:06:36
Speaker
No.
00:06:36
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:06:37
Speaker
I'm sorry.
00:06:37
Speaker
No.
00:06:38
Speaker
Because clearly we ain't together.
00:06:40
Speaker
Well, I'm just saying, that's a long time from...
00:06:42
Speaker
High school to college.
00:06:43
Speaker
That's still a long time at a young age.
00:06:45
Speaker
But that stemmed from codependency.
00:06:48
Speaker
Okay, let's break this down.
00:06:50
Speaker
Staying with somebody for that long only meant that I could not leave him.
00:06:55
Speaker
I was depending on him in order to carry on through my days.
00:07:00
Speaker
So he put me in a position where...
00:07:03
Speaker
I never asked, but he did everything for me.
00:07:06
Speaker
You know, like he would surprise me with an album, like a CD, shoes, this and that.
00:07:12
Speaker
So I became dependent on him for my happiness.
00:07:17
Speaker
And I didn't know that I was doing that.
00:07:19
Speaker
So in times where we should have broken up, we didn't.
00:07:24
Speaker
And...
00:07:27
Speaker
I stayed because of the fear of him leaving.
00:07:31
Speaker
And in retrospect to me not having a father there in my life, I have, you know, the essence of a child that has been abandoned.
00:07:41
Speaker
So if he would threaten like, nah, I'm leaving, I'm leaving.
00:07:45
Speaker
I'll be like, no, please.
00:07:47
Speaker
So codependency, if you can break it down, it means you depend on someone for
00:07:53
Speaker
Everything.
00:07:54
Speaker
Your happiness.
00:07:55
Speaker
Can you paint the picture?
00:07:56
Speaker
Can you give a visual?
00:07:57
Speaker
Give us a scenario or just an example for the listeners?
00:08:02
Speaker
I mean, people might know, but I'm really not aware of what it really means.
00:08:05
Speaker
I think I know, but I want to be sure because you have this past.
00:08:09
Speaker
I would say codependency is when you're in a position where you are dependent on
00:08:20
Speaker
on somebody else to take care of the things that you can fulfill within yourself.
Exploring Attachment Styles in Relationships
00:08:27
Speaker
So if in the event that person happens to walk away from your life, you will feel as if you have lost a part of yourself when it's an illusion that you created based off of what they've given to you, based off of you telling your mind, I can't live without my partner.
00:08:47
Speaker
Yes, you can.
00:08:48
Speaker
You will be just fine.
00:08:50
Speaker
But a lot of us do that because it goes to show like... Because of lack of happiness.
00:08:54
Speaker
Exactly.
00:08:56
Speaker
And that makes me want to talk about attachment styles.
00:09:01
Speaker
Like I stated before, when we are younger, we don't know that a lot of the things that we went through in our childhood flares up in our relationship.
00:09:12
Speaker
Sigmund Freud always says you marry your parents.
00:09:15
Speaker
Right?
00:09:17
Speaker
You know what's funny?
00:09:18
Speaker
What?
00:09:18
Speaker
The fact that you said you were codependent, I was like the opposite.
00:09:22
Speaker
Avoidant.
00:09:23
Speaker
So I believe as a child, I was emotionally abandoned.
00:09:29
Speaker
Okay.
00:09:30
Speaker
Because my mom and my dad wasn't there to emotion me.
00:09:33
Speaker
But they were there.
00:09:34
Speaker
So I think what happened for me, especially in relationships with dating, I avoid depending on anybody for anything.
00:09:41
Speaker
Avoidant.
00:09:42
Speaker
You know, I don't want to, nah, I'm good.
00:09:45
Speaker
So I didn't know how to
00:09:47
Speaker
help yeah so i was just like no i got it and i would do everything on my own and i was and i and then it wasn't recently probably like two years ago two and a half years ago and i'm like oh it's simple just let people help you and that's how you will go further right and i'm like oh less is more i don't have to do everything so i was missing that part because
00:10:16
Speaker
cool i just do everything at home because my mom or my dad or whoever i was looking for dependency or you know they didn't give me that i couldn't depend on them so i depended on myself everything and didn't know how to just receive and allow people to help me for whatever reason so nah i like that i i i learning as we're talking and we're talking and we're learning yeah teaching and
00:10:45
Speaker
So now what I want to go to is to help you guys understand what type of person you are first.
00:10:53
Speaker
There are four different attachment styles and everyone wants to get to the secure.
00:11:00
Speaker
The secure attachment styles allow you to be who you are, allows your partner to be who they are.
00:11:06
Speaker
You're secure in the relationship.
00:11:08
Speaker
If they leave, you're fine.
00:11:09
Speaker
So one of them is secure.
00:11:13
Speaker
That's the autonomous one.
00:11:15
Speaker
Like you're comfortable, you're warm, you're loving and emotionally close in relationships.
00:11:21
Speaker
Like you're emotionally available.
00:11:23
Speaker
The other one is avoidance.
00:11:25
Speaker
That's something similar to what you were talking about where
00:11:28
Speaker
If anything emotionally flares, you try to avoid people.
00:11:33
Speaker
I'm out of there.
00:11:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:35
Speaker
I'm out of there.
00:11:35
Speaker
You just run.
00:11:36
Speaker
We're not doing that.
00:11:37
Speaker
We're not going to commit to those feelings.
00:11:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:39
Speaker
There's a lot of people that are avoidant because they'd rather not deal with their feelings.
00:11:44
Speaker
They know it's there, but they'd rather not.
00:11:47
Speaker
But now I'm all in those feelings.
00:11:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:52
Speaker
trying to bring you to me.
00:11:53
Speaker
I need to feel this love now.
00:11:55
Speaker
I've been running for 29 years.
00:11:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:57
Speaker
Help a young man out.
00:12:00
Speaker
The other one is anxious.
00:12:02
Speaker
That's when you're always anxious.
00:12:05
Speaker
Like, for example, if you're in a relationship with someone and you text them,
00:12:11
Speaker
And they don't text you back.
00:12:13
Speaker
You start to feel like, you know, he doesn't love me.
00:12:17
Speaker
Like this guy doesn't care.
00:12:19
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:12:20
Speaker
And then once they text you back, you're like, oh, okay.
00:12:22
Speaker
Well, everything's fine.
00:12:23
Speaker
Like you, you, you go back and forth with your emotions and,
00:12:27
Speaker
To where, you know, it's like you're not secure.
00:12:30
Speaker
You're not still.
00:12:32
Speaker
The last one is disorganized.
00:12:35
Speaker
It's when your mindset is unresolved, like your emotions are unresolved.
00:12:39
Speaker
You had a lot of trauma in your childhood.
00:12:43
Speaker
You're always scared.
00:12:46
Speaker
So those four are, you know, things that you can look at.
00:12:50
Speaker
If you Google.
00:12:51
Speaker
Scared, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized.
00:12:54
Speaker
Correct.
00:12:55
Speaker
And those are the four.
00:12:58
Speaker
attachment styles there's also a book called attached it's so good it has multiple scenarios of different relationships to where you can find and it has a survey you can fill it out to kind of see where you are and then you can work your way up to secure that's the goal you want to always be secure in a relationship
00:13:20
Speaker
We also want to talk about five love languages.
00:13:23
Speaker
Yes.
00:13:24
Speaker
Service, touch, words of affirmation, quality time and gifts.
00:13:29
Speaker
Right.
00:13:29
Speaker
So you need to know those love languages that you convey or have.
00:13:33
Speaker
Right.
00:13:33
Speaker
To understand this is my love language.
00:13:36
Speaker
Let's talk about the non-negotiables.
00:13:39
Speaker
Okay.
00:13:39
Speaker
Break that down because I think you came up with this idea or you came up with this and I didn't really know what it was, but it makes sense.
00:13:46
Speaker
So there are five non-negotiables that I learned from my awesome therapist.
Non-Negotiables and Essentials in Relationships
00:13:52
Speaker
Yes, I do go to therapy.
00:13:54
Speaker
I believe in therapy.
00:13:56
Speaker
So five non-negotiables are things that you are not willing to negotiate in a relationship.
00:14:03
Speaker
So the five non-negotiables is not something that everyone has the same thing of.
00:14:10
Speaker
So my five non-negotiables will probably be different from your five non-negotiables.
00:14:16
Speaker
And let's say some people will say, oh, well, my boyfriend or girlfriend has to be a specific race or a specific religion or they have to be of a specific political party.
00:14:27
Speaker
When it's like that's not a non-negotiable because those are things that...
00:14:32
Speaker
can be negotiated.
00:14:33
Speaker
Somebody could convert to another religion.
00:14:36
Speaker
Someone could be, if, if let's say I'm only looking for black men, I could, I could meet a white guy that will change my entire world.
00:14:45
Speaker
Entire world.
00:14:46
Speaker
Be open to it.
00:14:47
Speaker
Exactly.
00:14:47
Speaker
So those are not considered non-negotiables.
00:14:50
Speaker
I'll give you examples.
00:14:51
Speaker
Um,
00:14:53
Speaker
I would say mine, here I go again, opening up my business, sharing my business.
00:14:59
Speaker
So mine are communication, communication,
00:15:04
Speaker
honesty, self-care, drive, and respect.
00:15:09
Speaker
Those are five things that I am not willing to negotiate when it comes to a relationship.
00:15:15
Speaker
My man has to be communicative.
00:15:18
Speaker
He has to be honest.
00:15:19
Speaker
Ain't no lies coming over here.
00:15:21
Speaker
Even though it hurts, I do not care.
00:15:23
Speaker
Don't lie to me.
00:15:24
Speaker
Self-care, I take care of myself.
00:15:28
Speaker
I eat healthy.
00:15:29
Speaker
I'm in the gym.
00:15:30
Speaker
I'm working out all the time.
00:15:32
Speaker
I am doing things to avoid my husband having to be in the hospital just because I could have avoided something while I was younger.
00:15:42
Speaker
And I feel like you should do the same.
00:15:43
Speaker
If I'm in a gym, you got to be in the gym.
00:15:45
Speaker
Accountability.
00:15:46
Speaker
Right.
00:15:47
Speaker
Drive.
00:15:48
Speaker
Now...
00:15:49
Speaker
Men sometimes.
00:15:51
Speaker
Why do you women want to always say care to man who doesn't have drive?
00:15:54
Speaker
Let's talk about that.
00:15:55
Speaker
What's that about?
00:15:56
Speaker
That's not me.
00:15:57
Speaker
You got to have drive.
00:15:58
Speaker
You have to have drive.
00:16:01
Speaker
You have to.
00:16:02
Speaker
Just because a lot of people talk.
00:16:04
Speaker
We're in an era where you could post a picture.
00:16:06
Speaker
You're doing this and this and that.
00:16:07
Speaker
I want to see you moving.
00:16:10
Speaker
You got to move because I'll be busting moves.
00:16:12
Speaker
When I say I'm going to do something, I do it.
00:16:14
Speaker
And you should as well.
00:16:16
Speaker
And the last but not least is respect.
00:16:19
Speaker
the most disrespected human being on the planet is a black woman.
00:16:24
Speaker
So I need that fact.
00:16:26
Speaker
Well, that's just theory based on the information you have available.
00:16:29
Speaker
Um, it's like high percentage theory.
00:16:34
Speaker
And why is that?
00:16:37
Speaker
I mean... Is it because black women might not respect themselves enough or know how to respect themselves?
00:16:43
Speaker
I think there's a lack of... I think a lot of cults do, like I said in the previous podcast, I didn't know how to be nice to myself.
00:16:50
Speaker
Not that I didn't want to be nice to myself.
00:16:52
Speaker
Maybe some black women, not all, don't know how to respect themselves based on
00:16:57
Speaker
how they grew up, what they believe.
00:16:58
Speaker
I agree.
00:16:59
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:17:00
Speaker
Some women in general might think the man is supposed to make all the money and then they can take the back and they take the pay cut.
00:17:06
Speaker
And women, ladies, it's not true.
00:17:08
Speaker
You are more than enough
00:17:11
Speaker
have so just put that out there so and I think a lot of us in a lot of different ways we have behavior patterns or thoughts or beliefs based on the upbringing or what the world is telling us you got to believe in this religion you got to get married like this you got through that for some people not everybody but sometimes people were so programmed that that is their life and if they go outside of that it's different and it's weird and it's uncomfortable so
00:17:40
Speaker
I think that's another conversation.
00:17:42
Speaker
I think that's another topic.
00:17:42
Speaker
We can just talk about women, women empowering, not getting enough, not getting what they deserve.
00:17:47
Speaker
And, you know,
00:17:48
Speaker
Uh, but I like that.
00:17:50
Speaker
I mean, that's.
00:17:51
Speaker
But yeah, I feel like I've been disrespected.
00:17:53
Speaker
And I mean, based on where I grew up, I grew up in a place where fathers weren't there.
00:18:00
Speaker
So these men didn't know how to love themselves.
00:18:03
Speaker
So the way they would express their angers to their moms and stuff, they would take that out on us.
00:18:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:11
Speaker
So, you know, that that's something that I'm like, I've dealt with so much disrespect in my relationships that that must be there.
00:18:19
Speaker
And I would say this.
00:18:21
Speaker
I always used to say dating is not to find out what you want.
00:18:26
Speaker
It's to find out what you don't want.
00:18:28
Speaker
You pick and choose.
00:18:29
Speaker
All right.
00:18:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:30
Speaker
No, I don't want that.
00:18:31
Speaker
I want that.
00:18:32
Speaker
I want this.
00:18:33
Speaker
I want that.
00:18:33
Speaker
And you get better every time you date somebody else.
00:18:38
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:18:39
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:18:39
Speaker
And I think it's important to hit on one of your non-negotiables communication.
00:18:45
Speaker
So think of it like this.
00:18:47
Speaker
We have heartbreak.
00:18:49
Speaker
We have relationships that are tough for many people.
00:18:52
Speaker
You have divorce.
00:18:54
Speaker
I've grown up in the inner city of Baltimore.
00:18:57
Speaker
I've seen women get pregnant and the guys leave.
00:19:03
Speaker
And I'm like, why is that so consistent?
00:19:05
Speaker
What is that about?
00:19:08
Speaker
songs about heartbreak and cheating and confession these are confessions you know all that right but the main thing to all of it is communication and the lack thereof of knowing how to communicate effectively so instead of cheating won't you just have a conversation with your spouse and talk to them why do you want to cheat talk to them about your thoughts and your feelings and your emotions
00:19:36
Speaker
But I believe we don't because we think we're sparing our partner by not telling them the truth or we don't want to hurt them or we don't want to, whatever the case may be.
00:19:47
Speaker
But I think we hurt each other by not telling each other what we're thinking and feeling in those moments of the communication that's not.
00:19:57
Speaker
That makes sense?
00:19:58
Speaker
No, it makes sense.
00:19:59
Speaker
In the world, we're not taught how to communicate openly and be diplomatic about our delivery without, I can't say not hurting someone because people are going to be hurt based on how they receive the information.
00:20:13
Speaker
But...
00:20:14
Speaker
telling someone the truth it might hurt but it also helps yes and it heals yes because I was in a situation where I was dating someone and she told me yeah I'm really into you but I'm still not over my ass I'm still in love with him okay did it hurt yes but I respected so much more like you know what I'm like
00:20:36
Speaker
Because it's so real.
00:20:37
Speaker
It was so raw.
00:20:39
Speaker
Yes, it hurt.
00:20:40
Speaker
But I needed it.
00:20:41
Speaker
Because prior to that, I knew there was something going on in their situation that I couldn't figure out.
00:20:47
Speaker
I'm like, why is she so distant?
00:20:48
Speaker
I feel like she's pulling away.
00:20:49
Speaker
Like, what is she doing?
00:20:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:51
Speaker
She gave me that information.
00:20:52
Speaker
Like, okay, that makes sense.
00:20:54
Speaker
So I said, guess what?
00:20:55
Speaker
I respect you.
00:20:56
Speaker
I appreciate you.
00:20:57
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I got a lot of love for you.
00:20:58
Speaker
You go handle that and deal with that the best way you know how.
00:21:02
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But thank you for your honesty.
00:21:04
Speaker
Thank you for that communication because you gave me peace even though it hurt.
00:21:08
Speaker
And I think as human beings, as adults, as individuals, when we can get to that communication with one another, but also realize that communication starts with yourself.
00:21:21
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Yes.
00:21:22
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Open communication.
00:21:23
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Yes.
00:21:23
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Being honest and say, you know what, Biggie?
00:21:26
Speaker
What you call me, Biggie?
00:21:28
Speaker
you and your ego.
00:21:29
Speaker
And I'll be like, no, I ain't in my ego.
00:21:31
Speaker
No, you and your ego, bro.
00:21:33
Speaker
You need to relax and tone it down.
00:21:35
Speaker
And just be okay with that and understanding that you can grow, things can change, but you don't got to be in your way so much.
00:21:43
Speaker
And I think in relationships, we get in each other way.
00:21:45
Speaker
Or let's think about the person who's married, you know, with three kids and the husband makes millions of dollars.
00:21:51
Speaker
He's never home.
00:21:52
Speaker
They're not getting the intimacy they want.
00:21:54
Speaker
They're not getting the tension or the affection.
00:21:57
Speaker
And it's like the kids are, what, 10 and 12, let's say.
00:22:00
Speaker
And they're over it.
00:22:01
Speaker
But they're staying because of the money, because of the circumstance.
Impact of Financial and Energy Dynamics on Relationships
00:22:06
Speaker
and they're known deep down inside they're hurt right they're not feeling the best they don't feel love they don't feel appreciated there's no communication there's just oh here baby here's the money his account you know what to do how to do it i even think some women in those spaces might have you know no i i 100 no
00:22:27
Speaker
And I know, I can't say I know, but females, females be having their side.
00:22:35
Speaker
And women cheat better than men.
00:22:38
Speaker
We know how to lie better than men.
00:22:42
Speaker
So I agree.
00:22:44
Speaker
And I tell, I told my sister this the other day, like sometimes, you know, these men that are gone, like what you think your wife is doing?
00:22:51
Speaker
What you think she's doing?
00:22:53
Speaker
Not to say that.
00:22:54
Speaker
I'm not trying to say anybody's, you know, husband is out there doing, but.
00:22:58
Speaker
We just got to be real with the situation.
00:23:01
Speaker
Correct.
00:23:01
Speaker
And just communicate with each other.
00:23:04
Speaker
And I believe I told you this last time about the gas in the car.
00:23:12
Speaker
The gas in the car.
00:23:12
Speaker
I like this.
00:23:13
Speaker
So I have an analogy about, you know, like men and women's needs.
00:23:19
Speaker
And
00:23:19
Speaker
When you are able to communicate your five non-negotiables, your five love languages, and that person is like, okay, I'm rocking with you, right?
00:23:29
Speaker
There's another step to that.
00:23:31
Speaker
And I say this because I believe this theory is accurate, but I believe that men, this is for a heterosexual relationship, men are the gas and women are,
00:23:49
Speaker
Are the car.
00:23:51
Speaker
If you put gas.
00:23:53
Speaker
In a woman's car.
00:23:54
Speaker
She will take you.
00:23:56
Speaker
Wherever.
00:23:58
Speaker
Take me wherever.
00:23:59
Speaker
You need to go.
00:24:01
Speaker
You want to go to the moon.
00:24:02
Speaker
Let's go.
00:24:03
Speaker
Take me to.
00:24:05
Speaker
And the gas isn't money.
00:24:07
Speaker
The gas isn't.
00:24:10
Speaker
Material things.
00:24:11
Speaker
It's a tangible asset.
00:24:13
Speaker
It's empowerment.
00:24:14
Speaker
I call it spiritual currency.
00:24:18
Speaker
Empowerment.
00:24:23
Speaker
secure come on yes yes yes she'll take you wherever you want to go because behind every man is a strong woman there it is also yeah i like this i love talking about this um you know there's just so many ways we can we can go through this there's also the myers briggs if you want to dig really deep into knowing who you are
00:24:51
Speaker
The 16 personalities dot com.
00:24:54
Speaker
There's also your astrology.
00:24:57
Speaker
And last but not least, my thing is the energy shifts.
00:25:02
Speaker
Sometimes when you are in your honeymoon phases and, you know, like you really like somebody, you love each other, blah, blah, blah.
00:25:10
Speaker
You are unaware of the things that are going on in your surroundings.
00:25:16
Speaker
So my thing is just make sure that when you are welcoming somebody into your life, there is a new energy source, a frequency that is...
00:25:27
Speaker
So things can change, but you want to make sure that things change for the better.
00:25:33
Speaker
Because sometimes you get in a relationship, all of a sudden you ain't got no more money.
00:25:38
Speaker
You lost your job, you lost your car, you lose everything.
00:25:42
Speaker
And you're like, wait, wait.
00:25:44
Speaker
It's fine.
00:25:44
Speaker
I'm dating someone.
00:25:46
Speaker
So it's okay.
00:25:48
Speaker
The love is still here.
00:25:48
Speaker
There's someone that has my back.
00:25:50
Speaker
But what you don't realize is that person is shifting your energy to a point where you're losing the things that you very need, which is your ultimate self.
00:26:00
Speaker
So be very, very aware of who you're committed to.
00:26:04
Speaker
Yes.
00:26:05
Speaker
Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically.
00:26:08
Speaker
It's important.
00:26:11
Speaker
Don't let the good good get you.
00:26:13
Speaker
What's good to you ain't always good for you.
00:26:16
Speaker
So just be aware.
00:26:18
Speaker
Set boundaries.
00:26:19
Speaker
Be honest with yourself.
00:26:21
Speaker
And build that relationship with thyself.
00:26:24
Speaker
And just be great and love yourself.
00:26:26
Speaker
Love yourself.
00:26:26
Speaker
We love you.
00:26:29
Speaker
for others to love you.
00:26:30
Speaker
Correct.
00:26:32
Speaker
So there are books.
00:26:33
Speaker
There's The Mastery of Love, The Path to Love, The Weight, When God Writes Your Love Story, If You're Religious, Attached, and The Four
Resources and Encouragement for Self-Love
00:26:43
Speaker
Agreements.
00:26:43
Speaker
Those are some books.
00:26:44
Speaker
And don't forget The Five Love Languages.
00:26:45
Speaker
The Five Love Languages, yes.
00:26:47
Speaker
That's the fivelovelanguages.com.
00:26:49
Speaker
You can go to that website.
00:26:51
Speaker
And I have a quote.
00:26:53
Speaker
Do you have a quote?
00:26:54
Speaker
I have a quote.
00:26:56
Speaker
I have a quote.
00:26:57
Speaker
My quote is coming from me, but go ahead.
00:26:58
Speaker
Okay.
00:26:59
Speaker
My quote is coming from Don Miguel Ruiz.
00:27:01
Speaker
Shout out to him for agreement.
00:27:03
Speaker
Exactly.
00:27:04
Speaker
And he says, no one is ever going to treat you worse than you treat yourself.
00:27:10
Speaker
The moment they do, you will leave.
00:27:14
Speaker
So you have to make sure when you see somebody treating you bad, that's how you treat yourself if you stay.
00:27:20
Speaker
So be very aware of the way people treat you.
00:27:23
Speaker
Red flags.
00:27:24
Speaker
Get them out of there.
00:27:25
Speaker
Flag on the plane.
00:27:26
Speaker
Leave it.
00:27:26
Speaker
Yes.
00:27:27
Speaker
My only quote that I got that I stick to or try to express to people is love yourself unconditionally.
00:27:36
Speaker
And that means good, bad, happy, sad.
00:27:38
Speaker
Don't beat yourself up too much.
00:27:40
Speaker
Get out of that mental prison.
00:27:42
Speaker
But love yourself unconditionally.
00:27:44
Speaker
Your good self, your bad self, your angry self.
00:27:46
Speaker
And my dad always said, a man should always pray, even when he's wrong.
00:27:54
Speaker
Go there.
00:27:54
Speaker
That prayer gets you right back into the love of yourself unconditionally, forgiving yourself, accepting yourself for who you are and not what you think you should be.
00:28:01
Speaker
Good, bad.
00:28:01
Speaker
But anyway, that's it, guys.
00:28:03
Speaker
Relationships.
00:28:04
Speaker
That's all.
00:28:05
Speaker
A wrap.
00:28:05
Speaker
A wrap.
00:28:06
Speaker
I love you.
00:28:07
Speaker
Love yourself.
00:28:08
Speaker
Love yourself.
00:28:09
Speaker
Peace and love.
00:28:11
Speaker
Peace out.
00:28:11
Speaker
Yow.
00:28:13
Speaker
Hey guys, thank you so much for joining us today.
00:28:16
Speaker
For more, be sure to follow us on social media at BiggerTalksPodcast.
00:28:20
Speaker
And remember, it's miracle season, so don't forget to be great.