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Bonus Solo Episode: Feeling Like An Outsider With Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
47 Plays1 year ago
In this episode, I share a few stories about feeling like an outsider growing up and how being bullied for my hair texture impacted my entire life.
We Talk About…
- Being bullied
- Mean teachers
- My hair journey
Resources:
- Follow @taylorraealmonte
- Full episode transcription and citations: https://www.taylorraealmonte.com/on-the-outside-podcast
Keep In Touch:
- Visit taylorraealmonte.com
- Instagram @taylorraealmonte
- TikTok @itstaylorraealmonte
- YouTube /@TaylorRaeAlmonte
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'On the Outside'
00:00:06
Speaker
Hello and welcome back. It's another solo episode of On the Outside.
00:00:18
Speaker
Hey, hey friends and welcome back to the podcast. In today's solo episode, I am just telling you guys a little bit of my story of times that I felt like an outsider.
Social Media Promotion
00:00:32
Speaker
I used a ton of these stories as promo on social. So if you go to our Instagram, you'll see a bunch of reels where I'm telling some of these stories because this is really what inspired me to start the podcast.
Childhood Reflections on Racism
00:00:46
Speaker
I don't think when I was a kid and when I was a teenager, I really would have described myself as someone that was being bullied, but I knew that I was ostracized, left out a ton, that I didn't feel included, and that I was definitely experiencing
00:01:03
Speaker
some forms of racism, some forms of, yeah, bullying, but I don't think I really had the mindset that that's what it was. So those experiences really led me to creating a space for me and my friends and people that I didn't even really know too well, the different guests that I've had on the show, people that I got to know through our interviews and our episodes together.
00:01:30
Speaker
I really wanted to make a space for us to all talk about those times that we had growing up. I feel like truly everyone has had those experiences from big to small, from super upsetting to a little bit funny. There are so many different ways that we've been made to feel left out or un-included.
Girls Inc. of NYC Keynote Panel
00:01:52
Speaker
I'm so grateful that this week I actually got to do the keynote panel, got to be a moderator for the keynote panel.
00:02:00
Speaker
for an event with Girls Inc. of NYC. And I got to speak with seven girls that are about 15, 16 years old, and they got to tell their stories of times they felt like outsiders. And that was so amazing to hear and be a part of the way that they
00:02:18
Speaker
have experienced that and how they continue to empower themselves and grow. And I really wish I had had those conversations when I was their age. So let's just get into some of these experiences. The first one that I got to start with is a
First-Grade Racial Awareness
00:02:35
Speaker
classic. It's a classic Taylor story when I was in first grade.
00:02:40
Speaker
I was sitting at the lunch table and this boy in my class reaches over to a piece of bread. One of my friends had a toasted sandwich for lunch, which honestly I always thought was a little bit weird. I was always like, it's not getting soggy. Toast kind of needs to be eaten right away, but nonetheless.
00:02:58
Speaker
and said you look like this and everyone else looks like this and then pointed to a piece of white bread. And that was really the first time that I saw myself as different from people around me. It's so interesting how little kids won't really see color even though
00:03:17
Speaker
I think there's a lot of issues when adults say, I don't see color because you do. But in many ways, little kids really don't. They don't see the nuances of race and ethnicity and how we relate to each other in the world based on those things. So that was really the first time
00:03:34
Speaker
that I noticed, ooh, I am a couple shades darker than the rest of the kids in my class because, you know, pretty much everyone that I remember being in my early elementary school days was white. I think as I got older, there were a couple Asian students or a couple Latino students. There were
00:03:53
Speaker
maybe one or two other black students. But when I was really young, I really don't remember any. So that was kind of that first experience for me.
High School Challenges with Racism
00:04:07
Speaker
As I got older, there was this truly awful AP history teacher that I had. And he, oh my gosh, he was truly the worst. I have like multiple stories from this man.
00:04:19
Speaker
One of them was when I was sitting in class and I had a clip on ponytail. It was not the best This is you know, it's early 2000s girl. These are not we don't have the hair technology that we have today And it was looking a little bit rough. Nonetheless. I was doing my best. I was really working it I was giving it my all and he's walking up and down the aisles of the classroom and he literally like
00:04:42
Speaker
taps the back of my head, like hits this ponytail with his pen and goes, why does it always look like you're wearing fake hair? And honestly, my classmates gasped because I don't think that he actually knew that they were extensions or a fake ponytail. I think he was just being a jerk and thought that he was being funny. And he was like, I think I was just silent.
00:05:07
Speaker
And I remember he tried to overcompensate. He started calling me prom queen, like started making that my nickname for the rest of class that day and tried to be really nice to me. But that, as someone that has always struggled with their hair, always, always, always, always had so much insecurity about my hair, my hair texture, and just so much internalized
00:05:28
Speaker
struggles with how my hair looks and how I think it should look, that was a really, really rough moment for me. That same teacher when I got accepted to NYU said, I got accepted early decision and he said to my class, how does it feel to have only gotten accepted because of affirmative action?
00:05:51
Speaker
And I, you know, once again, I feel, you know, I always wish I could go back in time and like yell at this man, but I was, you know, 17 years old and he, everyone loved this teacher also. So that made it, you know, even, even more difficult.
00:06:08
Speaker
And that was just so mean. And as I got older, I remember visiting my high school after I'd gone away to college. I feel like the first year of college, people do that. They go back to their hometown and visit their high school. So I did that with my friends a couple times who I'd gone to high school with.
00:06:29
Speaker
I remember walking into his classroom and he was teaching a class and I was no longer a student. I'm like 18 or 19 years old at this point. And he's like, oh, Taylor, perfect timing. We were talking about reverse racism. Do you think you can tell the class what that might be like?
00:06:45
Speaker
just truly an awful man. And my parents have listened to the podcast and seen my reels and my TikToks and stuff talking about this. And they're like, girl, how did you not tell us this? We would have gone to the school and yelled at that man. But I honestly don't know why, because I'm such a blabber mouth, so I can't believe I didn't tell on him. But that man was so mean, and I hope he has the life he deserves. I really do.
Hair Identity and Beauty Standards
00:07:13
Speaker
So my final little anecdote that I will share is actually a memory that is kind of painful. I've spoken about it so many times and you would think that by this point it wouldn't really hurt anymore, but the truth is it does. Like this was pretty rough. So when I was in sixth grade that was the first time that I got hair extensions. And basically how it went with my hair was my mom and my sister have pretty different hair textures than I do. I have hair that's a lot more similar to my grandma's on both sides.
00:07:42
Speaker
And that being said, my mom didn't always know exactly the best way to go about working with my hair. A lot of times it was just slicking it down and slicking it back with gel, which looked really good, but honestly didn't give me a lot of variety. And I didn't really see anyone around me that was wearing their hair just like big and out and curly. So that wasn't really the look I wanted. I wanted super long pin straight hair. That is what I wanted. So the truth is it doesn't matter how my mom
00:08:10
Speaker
did my hair i would have still hated it because it wasn't just long and straight and that was what i thought was beautiful at the time and that's something that i still struggle with today at 30 years old almost 31 and so at this time in my life i was in sixth grade
00:08:25
Speaker
And my mom says that she remembers me looking in the mirror and crying and just being like, I really hate how I look and I hate my hair. And so her and my dad got a bunch of hair extensions. They got the hair glue. We didn't really look things up on YouTube at the time. That wasn't really like common, at least not in my house. And so my parents like figured out how to do these extensions and they did glue in extensions in my bathroom. I remember all of it. I remember my dad with the gloves on
00:08:54
Speaker
I remember them parting my hair and gluing these extensions in and honestly I felt so amazing. I remember exactly when I wore this school the next day. I wore this orange dress with rainbow pastel polka dots on it over jeans because jeans dresses dresses with jeans under them was such a look of the time.
00:09:14
Speaker
and I remember I like pulled my bangs if you want to call it that the front of my hair like pulled it back and put in a poof because remember I was growing up in New Jersey so having a little poof was the look and I just remember feeling like wow finally I'm going to look the way that I want to and these were curly extensions they blended a little bit more with my hair but I just so so vividly remember
00:09:37
Speaker
that experience. And then I also remember the day that my parents took those extensions out. It was a couple weeks later, maybe two weeks or so later. And I remember, you know, they had to come out, they were falling out. And I had put so much glue, like trying to keep them in. When I got home from school, I would like sneak and grab the glue bottle and try and like glue them in longer because I just didn't want it to end.
00:10:01
Speaker
and my hair was so so thin and like damaged from those extensions and I remember actually looking at myself in the mirror of my locker and being so taken aback because my hair was so thin and I hadn't realized it was the first day I was back in school without the extensions and I was just so so devastated to you know have my natural hair back.
00:10:25
Speaker
So keep in mind that this is a very sensitive time for me, for my soul, for my spirit, my self-esteem, my confidence. It's all just, you know, it's all very fragile at this time in my life. And in sixth grade, you're what? You're like 12 maybe, 12, 13, 14.
00:10:42
Speaker
Yeah, maybe 11, 12 in sixth grade, I think. So that's kind of where I'm at. And I remember my mom took me to a black salon to get a weave. And this was not something that my cousins were doing. This wasn't something that I had seen any one of my family do, because, you know, even my cousins didn't really have the same kind of hair texture as me. And I always
00:11:09
Speaker
you know, really struggled with that, but my mom got this recommendation, I think from someone at work, took me to the salon, they cornrowed my hair, braided it down, did a sew-in, and wow, when I tell you this, I could cry. I could cry. This could bring me to tears with how much this meant to me.
00:11:29
Speaker
looking in the mirror and feeling like i finally looked like who i always wanted to be like my reflection matched up with who i felt like i was inside like the beauty that i felt on the inside was finally there on the outside and if you've never experienced something about your appearance that felt this extreme then that might sound so dramatic to you but if you have if you've
00:11:51
Speaker
you know, struggled with the facet of your appearance and then had it, you know, what I felt like was solved. It just, it is such a huge, huge moment in your
Bullying and Self-Esteem
00:12:02
Speaker
life. And so I remember it and I went to school and this boy in my class crushed up a bag of Doritos and at lunch and he poured it in my hair. And I, it's funny now because I'm, you know, I'm a boxer and I like run around and punch people.
00:12:21
Speaker
more often. But at the time, that was definitely not my demeanor. And I got up at lunch and I remember grabbing the collar of his shirt and he tried to run away. So his shirt like started ripping, like the collar was stretching and I was just like punching him in the head. And, you know, I can't say I condone violence, but I can also say shout out to me because that man really sucked. And just crying so much in the lunch room because of how embarrassed I felt.
00:12:48
Speaker
And I continued to struggle with my hair, you know? I remember this girl making fun of me because she was like, oh, the way you turn your hair because you're not used to having long hair, like you look like you have a stiff neck. And I remember her making fun of me because I wasn't used to having all that hair on my head and I was so scared of messing it up or like getting a hair out of place. I just remember all of the, you know, the ways in which I felt like finally I'll fit in with this hair, but also the ways in which the bullying kind of continued.
00:13:18
Speaker
And, you know, now, today, I'm so grateful that I started braiding my hair a couple years ago because I think that makes me feel the most me that any hair has ever made me feel. But it definitely, those scars have lasted me my entire life, being bullied for my hair, being a little kid and having sticks and leaves thrown in my curly hair because I couldn't really feel it. And the kids in my class, like throwing and seeing how many
00:13:45
Speaker
things they could put in my hair before me noticing it recess. Like these moments just so deeply stayed with me and really just truly made such a mark on my identity and how I see myself and how I saw myself my entire life, how I continue to see myself.
00:14:02
Speaker
and how my hair identity has really shaped so, so much of my self-esteem.
Embracing Differences and Shared Experiences
00:14:07
Speaker
So those are some of my outsider stories, guys. I have had so many ups and downs. I've had incredible friends and moments that I felt so seen for who I am, and also so many moments that were rough. So if you've experienced those rough moments, if you're still experiencing those rough moments, I see you and I'm with you as always, and that is why I started this show.
00:14:30
Speaker
So we could have a space together to talk about all the ways that we feel different, which in fact are the ways that in a lot of sense bring us together and help us empathize and really see one another. Thanks so much for being here. As always, see you out there.