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Family Chat: Racial Dynamics As A Corporate Girly With My Cousin, Shailyn Tirado
43 Plays1 year ago
In this episode, Thalia Romina @thethaliaromina and I talk about her feeling on the outside as a female comedian.
We Talk About…
- Corporate environment
- Microaggressions
- Diversity and inclusion
- Hair and identity
- Racism and microaggressions
- Corporate culture and authenticity
- The Crown Act
Resources:
- Follow @sugashai
- Full episode transcription and citations: https://www.taylorraealmonte.com/on-the-outside-podcast
Keep In Touch:
- Visit taylorraealmonte.com
- Instagram @taylorraealmonte
- TikTok @itstaylorraealmonte
- YouTube /@TaylorRaeAlmonte
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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Transcript
Family Reflections and Season Highlights
00:00:06
Speaker
Hello and welcome back. This is our final family chat of season one of On the Outside.
00:00:20
Speaker
I honestly cannot believe it. This is our final family chat of the season. I got my girl, my cousin, Shyleen, back for another conversation. Honestly, one of my favorite conversations, but I feel like I also say that for everyone.
00:00:38
Speaker
because I'm speaking to like people that I, not only the family chats, but all the episodes with the guests as well, just people that I honestly love, respect, admire and view as friends or actually family members. So I'm just really grateful that I had so many amazing conversations this season and we got another one coming at you.
Corporate Experiences and Diversity Challenges
00:01:01
Speaker
So let's get into it.
00:01:06
Speaker
Hello, friends, and welcome back. This week is another family chat with my cousin. If you didn't hear her last week, if you didn't get to know her, then you got to go back and listen to that one. But today we got another little conversation going. We're actually talking about her life as a corporate girly, which I can't really relate to because I've not really been a corporate girly. So I'm excited to learn. I'm excited to hear the tea. I'm excited to know the vibes. Well,
00:01:35
Speaker
I feel like being a corporate girly, it's a whole lot of nothing. And essentially it can be like ducking microaggressions depending on how you sit within the corporate sphere. As a black Latina woman, I'm a regional director, a regional research director. And so my team covers all of the Americas. And so what that means is that I have a UK counterpart
00:02:04
Speaker
who covers sort of Europe, Middle East, and Africa. And then we have our Hong Kong colleagues as well. So there's the three of us who make up our global team. And so our global head of research, who's based out of London, obviously will have collective global calls just to make sure that we're all kind of progressing at the same pace, that our teams are doing well, giving updates on, I have 12 direct reports, so do my colleagues have a little bit less and so on and so forth.
Diversity and Leadership in Corporate Meetings
00:02:33
Speaker
And I remember in 2020, when I was first promoted to this role, our team consisted of the Global Head of Research, who's a Scottish man, the UK Head of Research, who is a British man, the Hong Kong Head of Research, who is a Southeast Asian man. And we had some other colleagues who
00:02:58
Speaker
Kind of ran our events team and stuff essentially long story short men across the board or for being white men one being a brown man and And I will be honest all of my colleagues are good people and I enjoy working with them but I remember in the first meeting that I joined after getting promoted I Remember specifically I remember knowing this fact and yet I was I wanted to make everyone uncomfortable. I don't know why I
00:03:27
Speaker
but I was committed to the discomfort of others. And so I, and I was not uncomfortable. You know me, Taylor. I'm very much like, I'm very, I'm outspoken. I'm vocal. I'm not shy to speak my mind. And of course we have this global call and right before my manager kicks it off, I'm like, am I the only woman on this call? Obviously. And my global manager, he was like,
00:03:54
Speaker
um and then start obviously we're in a virtual room so he starts to like look around the virtual room and he's like i believe so and i was like oh and i'm also the only black person like i just threw that in for just an extra and he was like
00:04:12
Speaker
looking around. Yeah, it looks like it could be and then of course he looks at my colleague in Hong Kong like not wanting to identify him but also being like but he's a brown man. Looking down. Yeah, looking down over there. And yeah, so I was just like, Oh, okay. Okay. Anyway, carry on.
00:04:33
Speaker
And I just sat there with a smile, like ready to collaborate and to be that. I love it. Not a corporate errand. I don't know if you've seen the corporate errand. Oh, I love, I love corporate errand. When she's her normal self, it's like jarring. I'm like, Oh my God. That's like your, you being your regular self, like not being corporate errand. Yes. So I'm thinking about it for those moments.
00:04:58
Speaker
Yeah. No, I love it. That was cracking me up. Like you saying, I don't know why I said it, but I did say it. Have you said it on any other calls after that? Yes. Yes. It's hard to do with the same people, obviously,
Research on Productivity and Pandemic Insights
00:05:11
Speaker
right? Cause like most of my team is still consistent. So like they, my colleagues like haven't changed their positions. Neither have I. So, but they're, when I'm on
00:05:21
Speaker
other calls. For example, maybe a month or two ago, I had a call with I think it was like our head of marketing, our head of awards, our head of somebody else, our editor, and it was just women on this call. And it was diverse women all over. Like we had Asian women, we had Black women, we had everything.
00:05:36
Speaker
And it was maybe it was like a 30 minute meeting was supposed to be, we got everything we needed with like eight minutes to spare. The last few minutes we were all like, look how productive we were when there are no men in the room where we're just like, what do you need? I haven't readied by this, this, this, this, this is our timeline. This is our proposal. This is when you'll have it. This is when sales can hit the market. And we were like, wow, with time to spare. And all of us collectively were like, this is what happens when you get women together. We just get a shot.
00:06:05
Speaker
No, there's actually research about that. And now I feel like this needs to be a whole regular episode because for those, I actually do all the research for the family chats. It's just vibes and combos. But there is research about like black women that were like CEOs and presidents of companies and how much more productive they were in like their delegation, their time management, just like overall like
00:06:31
Speaker
I believe it's low just everything and I there's like actual actually a study was done and I remember hearing about it on another podcast being like incredible and then on a different podcast this morning, I was hearing how
00:06:45
Speaker
Black women during the pandemic, when they were working from home, were so productive because they didn't have to deal with the mental and emotional toll of microaggressions. They were like, wow, I'm just home not being harassed. This is amazing.
Hair, Microaggressions and Personal Stories
00:07:00
Speaker
Love it.
00:07:02
Speaker
appreciate so much now because in grad school sure I do see the same people every week but like you don't really chitchat that much because you don't know each other you don't you definitely don't know the whole class like that well you maybe know like a few people a little bit better
00:07:18
Speaker
but it's not really the same vibes of like walking into a job, you know? So if I change my hair especially, like I change my braids, I change from braids to a ponytail, I wear a different ponytail, I don't really get any comments. But that was something that used to like give me so much anxiety when I worked in the same place every day, like I'm gonna walk in. And usually I would say something for us like, guys, I changed my hair because let's just get it over with, let's just rip the bandaid off so that I don't have to be like waiting for someone to be like,
00:07:47
Speaker
Oh my God, you're here so long. Yeah, it's fake. It's fake. This is made of plastic. It continues to be made of plastic every single time. These braids are literally not from my scalp, like... Yes, I still experience that. Yeah. And to your point, exactly from going from curly hair to braids to, you know, I want to give myself a blowout, there's always comments. There's always comments. And there were comments in person. And admittedly, I'm a big, like,
00:08:17
Speaker
video on kind of girl. I don't like to force others to do it, but I just tend to have my camera on. So obviously inevitably that welcomes comments on physical appearance and hair is definitely one. I'm sure there's probably not a black woman on this planet who hasn't had some kind of comment being made about hair in some form or fashion, whether it's compliments or not so favorable.
00:08:42
Speaker
But or or it's the compliments masked as or, you know, something as something else. Yeah. I remember I had a manager who I actually absolutely loved. Like she was iconic. She was a white woman, but she was like, very, very with it. Very great vibes, very great energy, like loved her. And one time I had gotten my braids done.
00:09:05
Speaker
And they admittedly were like very fun. Like, I don't remember what I got, but it was like the first time I got this style, they were like very fun. And I remember she was like, oh my God, your hair looks amazing. And as her hair is coming out, she literally goes like this, I pretend it's a yawn. Because I think midway through, she was like, what am I doing? And she like stopped herself. And I literally was laughing so hard. I was like,
00:09:29
Speaker
I was like, that was amazing. I didn't say anything to her because, yes, she was an incredible manager, but we weren't like BFFs. Like I wasn't going to be like, were you going to touch my hair and then you did it and then you pretend you yawned. I respect that very deeply though. I respected it so hard. She literally was like, huh, nice little stretch. Bye. And like runs away.
00:09:47
Speaker
And I was like, I love this for you, girl. Honestly, you stopped yourself from doing it. And that was amazing. You did the right thing. Yes. Oh my God. First of all, I probably would have hugged her just for the effort. And even though, yeah, maybe we shouldn't be celebrating stuff that people should be doing. I know. We're like the bar is solo. But still. The bar is solo. But I have had someone not retract. I have had someone not retract and literally just me feel hand in hair. And it was a colleague of mine who is a good person deep down
00:10:16
Speaker
She is Irish from Ireland, only in New York a few years, and was very much like... Before I could even say anything, her hand was in my hair. And I remember turning around and my Guyanese friend was literally already anticipating with eyes large and beady, just already anticipating me flipping my shit. And I remember her being like,
00:10:40
Speaker
And like going and being like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And kind of like removing her hand from my scalp. Yeah. And then her being like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And like walking with her somewhere else. And me being like... Oh, right? Yeah. And I remember in that moment, me having to say to myself, like, she's not from here. She's not from here. She's not from here.
00:10:57
Speaker
Like I had to talk myself off a ledge, which one is not fair to me. Like I should have had every right to kind of just like spazz. 100%. But at the same time of being like, I'm at work because this was pre COVID day. So we were in the office and we'd be like, she didn't mean it. She doesn't know she just got here. I was intentional about being like, I accept your apology. We're good.
00:11:15
Speaker
Let's move on, you know, but I didn't want to say it's okay because she encounters might not be as generous as me Yeah, 100% and I wouldn't expect them to you know, who knows but yeah, I just didn't but it was a very I but it's something you don't forget
00:11:31
Speaker
No, I don't think that I have... I mean, most of my life, especially... Well, when I was a little kid, yeah, people would touch my hair all the time. Adults would touch my hair all the time. Other kids in my class would touch my hair all the time. Kids used to put sticks in my hair. They'd see how many leaves and sticks they could put in my hair and recess without me feeling it.
00:11:54
Speaker
Because if you just put a leaf in my hair, I can't feel it. But also, if I just put a leaf on top of someone with straight hair, they also can't feel it. Like, what? How is this unique? But it would stick in my hair, obviously. So it was racist. No, it was super racist. No, it was super racist. So that. But then most of my middle school through my adult life, I wore weave or extensions or something. So my hair was straight. So that wasn't really necessarily something
00:12:21
Speaker
Like I didn't really experience people touching my hair then, but one time, especially when I started working in fitness, I would be paralyzed in fear and I still experience it today, but I am getting so much better with it. I am paralyzed with fear when I'm in a locker room and I have to take my hair off to shower.
00:12:39
Speaker
Like literally that was so, so horrible for me. My first few years now I, from one to 10, in the beginning I cared out of 10. Now I'm probably at like a two. Like I feel mildly uncomfortable because it's like, I'm taking my hair off and like someone might look at me and I don't love that, but I don't actually care what they think or feel like it's going to be an issue. And once I take my ponytail off, I'm like, okay, I'm fine now. It's just like that initial part. I'm always like, kind of hate this.
00:13:07
Speaker
So that being said, I was in the locker room. I'm proud of you. 10 to 2. Thank you. This is a significant milestone. Yeah. And I took my ponytail off, and I had my bun that's underneath, that's my hair that the ponytail clips onto. And this girl came out to me and went and tapped it with her hand. She was like, oh, you just have such a little bun. Went like that to my head, like this white woman that I worked with.
00:13:35
Speaker
I remember crying after that, feeling actually so upset by it.
00:13:44
Speaker
Uh, like I, it's like one of those things I wish I could go back in time. I'm so mad. I would say this, I would say this, I would say that, like I would say all this stuff, but I, it was kind of like my worst fear came true, right? Because I was always so scared to take my hair off because what if someone sees me, what if they say something and then they did. And in some ways it was like, okay, well it can't get worse than that. So I think that actually kind of helped me because I was like, not that it wasn't racist that she doesn't suck because she does, but in some ways it kind of helped me because I was like, okay, well that happened already.
Embracing Natural Hair and Cultural Identity
00:14:13
Speaker
like the worst thing that I thought would happen. Like someone saw me and they did and you know, I survived. It's one thing to see you. It's another thing to touch you though. Oh no, that was crazy. The hat is egregious. It's insane.
00:14:29
Speaker
But now, like, I definitely feel like you only had the brains that you just had from grandpa's birthday. I feel like you only had them for a minute. How long do you keep yours in? So I normally will keep them at least 30 days. But I will say, because I got COVID, my my scalp, I couldn't be bothered with anything touching me me going to sleep and putting my hair in my bonnet.
00:14:49
Speaker
it would slip out and I would feel it on my neck when I was already when I already felt a lot of tension on my on my head and I was sick with COVID and I had fevers and left and right and I Taylor when I tell you I was this close to just taking the scissors straight to the scalp because I was like how am I going to find the time to you know remove it from the bottom and filter it out and then you know you have to like wash your hair because you get the residual
00:15:12
Speaker
Absolutely. Hair strands. And I didn't wash it right away. I spent like four days just like living in a nest. And when I finally washed it, it was obvious. You already know how that goes, but yeah, that's the only reason why I didn't keep it. So to your point, it was less than two weeks. Yeah. Because I was going to say, I was like, I feel like you didn't have those that long.
00:15:32
Speaker
But yeah, wearing braids now is the most healing thing for my soul and spirit. I think I am going to cut my hair off though. I think I'm going to cut it short, like my mom. I think I'm just going to cut it short. That's the cut I've always wanted, like a real teeny Braxton. Your mom has had the short hair game on lock for decades. Your mom has been that girl. She has. So it's been in good hands.
00:15:54
Speaker
Yeah, I think I'm gonna cut my hair off because what I've hated about my hair my whole life is that it's not long. Like I always just wished it was more and it was long. Like I mean, not even more because I never wanted it to grow like out. I just wanted it to be long. Like I wanted long hair and my hair is never gonna be long. So I think if I cut it short, then it will be like intentionally short. So it might actually be like easier for me.
00:16:22
Speaker
But yeah, all that being said, having braids has been so healing for my spirit. And I definitely have to shout out Kira because Kira's also, I don't think her episode, it might actually be airing the same week as this episode, now that I think about it. But Kira, hi. I love her braids.
00:16:42
Speaker
Yeah, she had her box braids like she always does. And I was like, I'm going to try box braids. And that was like when I got braids for the first time. And I'm like, Kira looks so incredible. But if I also look incredible, and I was like, yeah, one million out of 10 best decision in my life. So she knows this. I told her five million times. She's like, you don't have to thank me every time you get braids for changing your life. And I'm like, no, I do. I'm like, thanks again, girl. You know, what's so interesting that the first time I got braids in
00:17:09
Speaker
Just as an adult, I would always get them for Afropunk, so that festival that they have in Brooklyn every year. I went for six or seven years in a row with one of my best friends, with Ken. And I would always get braids for this festival because I was like, I'm in my blackness. I feel like this is a good space for me to have them. And this is something that I've said since then, but I feel my most beautiful when I have braids on.
00:17:34
Speaker
Oh my gosh. I literally feel like no one can tell me nothing. I feel like my confidence is on a million and I feel so in my element. And if it wasn't because of the, not even the maintenance, it's such low maintenance to just like wake up and you're dressed for the day and like you're already flying. Yeah, I think of it. I'm literally beautiful of my bowels.
00:17:57
Speaker
Stunning right and and but I felt like even I've said this to some of my friends and I'm like no I feel beautiful when I have braids on they're like, do you not feel beautiful? Otherwise, and I was like honestly no not all the time like all the time
00:18:08
Speaker
And I'm like, but with braids, I feel like I'm always that girl. Why don't you just get them back to back? I feel like you don't get them that much. I don't get them back to back, but mainly because I want to give my scalp room to breathe. And because just like throughout life, like, I just feel like my, like, you know, your hair recedes a little bit, or you're not doing it. So I try to give my scalp room to breathe, but it's not for
00:18:33
Speaker
for not having the desire to do that. I literally feel like that girl when I have braids on. No, me too. I love... Did you see the Alicia Keys in the Super Bowl? Yes, of course. Her hair looked so, so good. Her hair looked amazing with her little baby hairs. And I was like, correct. I was like, yes, this is all I want. When I saw her, I was like, that's my new style. That's my new style that I want to get the way that she had it.
00:19:01
Speaker
Cause she had a little corn road and then also the down the- Yeah, like it was like twist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, she looks so good, but I totally agree. Do you feel, have you been, well, you don't work in an office now, right? All of your work's remote. I work remote. Yeah. Only when I fly into New York, do I kind of pop into the office cause we have like a one day a week kind of policy now. Yeah. Because I think about.
00:19:25
Speaker
like, you know, us talking about braids and everything, like that experience in a corporate setting, because I know it's something there's like the crown act. Do you know what the crown act is? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. So there's the crown act with people
00:19:40
Speaker
you know, really fighting to have equal treatment for all hairstyles when there's like, whether it's in schools or in corporate settings, being made to feel like it's not professional. And I think that is... And also being removed from certain things. Yeah. Like they're also like, people are not allowed to graduate, not allowed to walk. Yeah, not allowed to walk at graduation, not allowed to go to prom. There's consequences to these types of decisions. Yeah, which is just, it's just so ridiculous when I really sit and think about
00:20:09
Speaker
Like, is this what we're fighting about? Like, do we not have enough challenges in this world that we're creating another obstacle for people and it's their hair, like how it naturally grows out of their scalp?
Breaking Stereotypes and Genuine Communication
00:20:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:22
Speaker
I, uh, because I always think about wearing my, I mean, being in grad school, it's not a corporate setting, but it is, you know, it definitely has the undertone of like, it's an Ivy league school and it has the undertone of like, just being in the world of academia and like,
00:20:43
Speaker
what you should look like if you're presenting at a conference or if you're doing something serious, if you're a serious student. And I always feel very much intentional about wearing my braids, wearing my hair, being as authentically close to myself as possible. Even I focus so hard on trying not to
00:21:03
Speaker
code switch into who I feel I become when I'm in those spaces. Because for me, it's always, you know, the way I talk, like, one, I call, and this isn't, I don't necessarily do this, like, in my classes, but I call everyone girl, like, what's up, girls? Instead of like, what's up, guys? What's up, girls? Like, hey, girls, that's to everyone. Or even saying, like, love that for you. Or like, whatever. And I still answer my questions like that in class.
00:21:30
Speaker
I'll be like really hated that for me when I read this paper I was it was giving nothing and I'll like because that's who I'm gonna be in the world always even when I started this podcast I was like oh I need to be so serious I want to be taken seriously I want to be seen as an expert on these topics but like I am an expert on these topics and I also talk like this
00:21:53
Speaker
Right. You know? Right. Honestly, I think breaking that threshold is so hard because we've, I think we've all grown up, even like generations before us, right? Everybody has their customer service voice, right? Where you're just like trying to get... Sorry, that came out of nowhere. I love that. It came up while it was happening. You were like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay, wait, let me cough too.
00:22:26
Speaker
Okay, so go back to the customer service voice. So typically, I feel like even intergenerationally, this predates all of us, we all have a customer service voice when we're trying to get something accomplished or something signed off or something just because we want to be taken more seriously, so to speak. But to your point, you should be taken seriously based off of the content of what you're talking about, depending on the theme on the topic on
00:22:54
Speaker
whatever that you're trying to bring awareness to. And it shouldn't have to be because of the style in which you choose to communicate. And even just to go back to the whole corporate errand thing, the reason why that's such a kick is because everyone can relate to those individuals who kind of put the face on of speaking about
00:23:15
Speaker
getting all our ducks in a row and logging onto the portal and Do you know what I mean? And like touching base circling back like I'm guilty of using that later with my team and then but then at the same time what I've realized gets the most out of my team is when I'm like guys, let's just like shoot the shit and This is what we need to do. We need to do it by then and if anybody has issues like please bring it to the table Let's talk about it and so on and so forth, but it's not all the corporate jargon
00:23:45
Speaker
that you feel kind of confined to, because that's not who you are. And people can sniff that shit out, I feel. People can constantly tell if you're not being genuine or if you're just kind of putting the face on. And I've been guilty of that. But like I said, what I've realized gets the most out of my colleagues and my team is when I'm just shy from around the way.
00:24:14
Speaker
That's just who I am. You're just shaved from around the way. That's who she is. Shaved from around the way. That's it. Period. I'm just that girl in that corporate girly as opposed to just that girl.
Season Reflection and Listener Engagement
00:24:31
Speaker
Thank you so much for coming and hanging out with me and my family this season. These family chats have been so special because I've gotten to speak to people that I love and care about and know super well about things that we don't always get the opportunity to talk about.
00:24:48
Speaker
I really liked these conversations because I think you got a little bit of a glimpse into kind of all the different sides of me between the three different types of episodes I put out this season. So make sure to send me a little DM on Instagram or write a review letting me know what you thought of these family conversations. See you out there.