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"Graceful Transitions" #65
8 Plays1 year ago
Life is always changing. How can we best embrace the new chapters - while treasuring the old? What role does grief have in healthy moving on? Betsy & Halcyon share details of their current personal transitions and what they are learning.
HOSTS
BETSY FINKLEHOO is a healer of massage therapy, CranioSacral and Dharma Coaching. She is an 8 year burner and has spent the last several years seeped in the personal development world, cultivating her passion for transformation and growth. Her recent project, The Power Affirmation Journal and virtual group empowers women to cultivate self awareness and healthy habits so they can live in greater freedom, mind body and spirit.
http://poweraffirmation.com/
Click here to get a FREE affirmation for Stay Sparked Listeners!
HALCYON is full-time Love Ambassador. He is the founder of Hug Nation YouTube channel and daily zoom gratitude circles. He is co-founder of the Pink Heart Burning Man camp and the 1st Saturdays project for people experiencing homelessness. In his free time he coaches individuals on how to live joyfully and authentically. His other podcast is "Hard on the 80's."
http://LifeStudent.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Transitions and Changes
00:00:00
Speaker
On today's episode, we talk about graceful transitions, letting go of the old, embracing the new, figuring out how we can celebrate the old books and enjoy the ones we're going through currently.
00:00:10
Speaker
We also get to share a little bit about our own personal big life changes that are happening and how we have found grace in the process of preparing and also integrating a new chapter.
00:00:23
Speaker
Enjoy the episode.
Meet the Hosts: Betsy and Halcyon
00:00:25
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Stay Sparked, where we share conversations that are aimed to light you up.
00:00:31
Speaker
I'm Betsy Finkel-Hoo, and I am a somatic bodyworker and the creator of the Power Affirmation Project, Tools to Support Transformation.
00:00:41
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I am John Halcyon.
00:00:42
Speaker
I am the author of Love More, Fear Less, Float More, Steer Less, and I do daily broadcasts online for love ambassadors like you.
Expressions of Gratitude
00:00:51
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Yes, and we always love starting our conversations with gratitude.
00:00:55
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So would you like to spark us off with your gratitude, Halcyon?
00:00:59
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Yes, I feel so full, but right now I'm thinking about how grateful I am for my parents.
00:01:05
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They are still together.
00:01:06
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My mom is 81 and my dad is 83 and they're so cute and in love.
00:01:11
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And I just saw them yesterday and my mom goes, I'm your arm candy.
00:01:17
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And my dad says, you're my trophy wife.
00:01:20
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And I just thought it was so adorable.
00:01:22
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I just am so grateful to have them as role models for long-term partnership.
00:01:27
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Oh, so sweet.
00:01:28
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I got to meet them before.
00:01:29
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They are so precious.
00:01:31
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Love that.
00:01:32
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How about you?
00:01:34
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Well, my current gratitude is I am cuckling off of a weekend of sharing the Power Affirmation Journal and cards at a trade show.
00:01:42
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in Denver.
00:01:43
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It was the second time I've done a trade show with my publisher and it was so cool to meet and talk to so many shop owners and also retail customers about the power of our thoughts and about using affirmations and reprogramming our belief systems.
00:01:57
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And, you know, these days there's just so much done online.
00:02:00
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So when there's an opportunity to see people face to face and hug them and look in their eyes and really have deep connections, it just brings me a lot of gratitude for that opportunity to get to do that.
00:02:12
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That's so,
Life Transitions: Burning Man and Trade Shows
00:02:13
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so cool.
00:02:13
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I'm freshly back from Burning Man, and I was thinking about you at the trade show and how many parallels there were in your theme camp offerings and your gifting and your face-to-face sharing of your gifts.
00:02:29
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It's so inspiring.
00:02:31
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Oh, I love that.
00:02:32
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Thank you so much.
00:02:33
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Yeah, it's interesting to see how there's a lot of parallels that Burning Man culture can bring out into the world.
00:02:39
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Totally, yeah.
00:02:42
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Well, welcome back from the burn.
00:02:43
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Thank you.
00:02:45
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Loved all your posts.
00:02:46
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So for anyone out there hasn't got a chance to see John's cool Burning Man prep page that is filled with so much inspiration about the plyo magic, how to prepare.
00:02:59
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I feel like I didn't even go and I gained a lot of inspiration from watching your Instagram profile to share so much goodness about Burning Man.
00:03:07
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Thanks.
00:03:07
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I should say that it's kind of in the next few weeks, it's kind of converting to a decompression and integration page.
00:03:15
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So sharing some tips that make this phase easier for people that have gone.
00:03:19
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So follow Burner Prep on Instagram and follow along and contribute.
00:03:25
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Wow, I love that.
00:03:26
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Well, you know what?
00:03:27
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I'm going to weave in some relevance for the topic because the topic that we're going to share today is really about graceful transitions.
00:03:36
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And what you're doing with that page is you talked about preparations, basically for a rite of passage, which is Burning Man, a week in the desert is a rite of passage.
00:03:47
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And then also the decompression and integration, which I see as a really valuable and important part of any rite of passage, any big changes.
00:03:58
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And the reason we wanted to share on this conversation today is because we both
00:04:03
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And also many people I know currently are going through really big changes.
00:04:08
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Me personally, I am about to complete a 20-year cycle of living in San Diego and starting a new chapter of my life living in North Carolina.
00:04:19
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And so there's a lot that goes along with that.
00:04:21
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And there's been a lot of preparation.
00:04:24
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There hasn't been an Instagram page that I've been looking at to do a move across the country prep.
Betsy's Move: Thoughtful Decisions
00:04:30
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But it has been a lot of prep.
00:04:32
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And then there's also the leap.
00:04:34
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And there's a lot of layers of letting go and grieving and saying goodbye and tying loose ends up.
00:04:41
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And then also preparing for something new.
00:04:43
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There's a birthing happening, a newness happening.
00:04:46
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And so for me, the words graceful transition have been a really important part of my intention and my affirmations.
00:04:56
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And then also with you, Halcyon, you've been in a really big letting go of your Burning Man camp, which was how many years?
00:05:03
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that you ran the pink card?
00:05:04
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I'm like 15, something like that.
00:05:08
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13, 14.
00:05:08
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It gets fuzzy after 10, but a long time.
00:05:13
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I'm curious, as you are settling into this new chapter, are there things that you did that you are feeling like, oh, that really made this transition easier?
00:05:25
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Are there things you're looking back and saying, I wish I would have spent more time or energy on that?
Halcyon's Reflections on Identity and Growth
00:05:31
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Yeah, great question.
00:05:32
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Yeah, for me, actually, I'm really proud of myself because I've given myself a lot of time.
00:05:37
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This has been a very slow process to make this big decision.
00:05:42
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It's been actually almost like two and a half years or so of making the decision.
00:05:47
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The first time I went to North Carolina, I felt it.
00:05:50
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Felt the calling.
00:05:51
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The mountains were calling.
00:05:53
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The people were calling.
00:05:54
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Was feeling that subtle whisper that, hey, this might be our next home.
00:06:00
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But I really took my time and I checked back in with myself and I checked back in with my life in San Diego.
00:06:05
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And I really looked at the things that I had built in San Diego and, you know, what it would look like to make that big change.
00:06:12
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And so I didn't push myself.
00:06:15
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I didn't force myself.
00:06:16
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And there was quite a good amount of time that I felt sort of tugged between both, like this pressure to make a big decision around choosing one or the other.
00:06:26
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And one of the best things that I did for myself was let go of that pressure.
00:06:32
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And I received a lot of help from some different people on that, like saying like, hey, guess what?
00:06:37
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You don't have to make the decision.
00:06:38
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You can be in both for a little while.
00:06:41
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And so embracing that, knowing like, okay, yes, I can actually do that.
00:06:44
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I can relax into like just knowing that there is a, it's a process of gaining, you know, the just trust.
00:06:54
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Right.
00:06:54
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So I kind of just was, I called it bi-coastal curious for a while or poly-city amorous where I had like two cities that I was in lovership with and San Diego was my primary lover for a while and
00:07:07
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And now I am shifting my primary city partner into North Carolina, Asheville, North Carolina.
00:07:15
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And now San Diego will be my secondary.
00:07:17
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And that helped me a lot to really go slow and to not put so much pressure, having to do it fast.
00:07:26
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And that actually has really helped me to feel safe landing.
00:07:30
Speaker
And so I made my first leap recently and I landed softly.
00:07:36
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into the arms of some really, really special people that have helped me to just really anchor in and recognize the importance of this process.
00:07:45
Speaker
And if I wouldn't have taken my time, I might have gone to a new city not hardly knowing anyone.
Balancing Old and New Identities
00:07:50
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And that can be a little jolting, personally, you know, to go somewhere and just have so much newness and not know where to start.
00:07:58
Speaker
It can be overwhelming.
00:07:59
Speaker
So, yeah, taking my time has been really nice.
00:08:03
Speaker
It's interesting.
00:08:03
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I think
00:08:05
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People have been asking me questions about leaving Pink Heart and quitting Pink Heart.
00:08:10
Speaker
And I have not been thinking about it in those terms.
00:08:14
Speaker
I've been thinking about my experience right now is one where something else serves me better.
00:08:19
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But the idea of committing to an end to one thing and a beginning of something else is a little bit too finite for what feels right for me.
00:08:29
Speaker
But in camping with A New Camp, which was Burners Without Borders,
00:08:33
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I did have this abrupt feeling of a whole new city in a way, like you're saying.
00:08:38
Speaker
When I arrived on Playa, because I came late in the week and showed up to a camp of people that I'd only met some of them on Zoom, but I didn't know any of these people.
00:08:48
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The last time I joined a camp, an existing camp, and got to meet a camp full of people was in 1998.
00:08:56
Speaker
So 26 years ago, my first year, I joined a camp.
00:08:59
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And ever since then, I've been a part of beginning camps.
00:09:02
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And there was a really valuable lesson in how traumatic and how significant it can be to be
00:09:12
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entering into a new group of people, even if they're the most welcoming people in the world, it's a big shift.
00:09:20
Speaker
It's a lot of relationships.
00:09:21
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And I feel this gratitude of sympathy towards anyone who is having the courageous experience of joining in on experience.
00:09:32
Speaker
And everyone that has joined one of my camps in the past and maybe like, oh, I should have been maybe a little softer, a little bit more understanding of how much is going on during that transition.
00:09:43
Speaker
So powerful to gain that perspective.
00:09:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:47
Speaker
And you kind of shift your position.
00:09:49
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You can start to see things in a different way.
00:09:52
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Yeah.
00:09:53
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It's and it's I think that's.
00:09:57
Speaker
You know, as far as the transition, the gracefulness part is.
Self-Worth and Embracing New Chapters
00:10:03
Speaker
I was in a state where I was kind of feeling like there was.
00:10:09
Speaker
The experience before and me before, and I should say that some blurry lines in my transition as a burner, some have to do with being someone who's in charge of the theme camp and some has to do with someone who is no longer doing a ton of intoxicants at Burning Man.
00:10:28
Speaker
So the identity shift of who I am has all these facets and there's parts of it where
00:10:36
Speaker
I have had to figure out, is this a hard line?
00:10:40
Speaker
And are there parts of myself that can never be expressed again because they're part of the old chapter or they're parts that can serve me in healthy ways?
00:10:52
Speaker
And it's been more difficult than I realized to identify, is this a healthy part of who I am or is this a kind of a
00:11:03
Speaker
a reaction to some old pattern or some fear and they'll figure it out.
00:11:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:11
Speaker
It's like staying in that curiosity of what do I want to bring with me into this next phase of who I'm becoming?
00:11:17
Speaker
You know, I want to leave behind, too.
00:11:20
Speaker
You know, and there is something about putting to rest these old parts of ourselves and and certain parts of ourselves that may never go to rest.
00:11:28
Speaker
We have to empower these different parts of ourselves in a way, you know, because it's like this death and rebirth cycle constantly that we're in.
00:11:38
Speaker
You know, that is what I'm hearing you say is like there's certain elements that are that are that are dying and also certain elements that are being reborn.
00:11:46
Speaker
But then different qualities of each of those things can start to transform and metamorphosize.
00:11:52
Speaker
And it's a process.
00:11:54
Speaker
You know, I really consider how we create our identities through these different things that we do and places that we live and people that we're with.
00:12:03
Speaker
You know, and then when that changes, you know, Pink Heart, for example, it's like that's obviously it's pink.
00:12:09
Speaker
It's furry.
00:12:10
Speaker
It's friendly.
00:12:12
Speaker
It represents a culture.
00:12:14
Speaker
you know, and that is, you know, who you are and who you've become.
00:12:18
Speaker
And then you pull yourself out of the pink path or no, you'll always
Letting Go and New Opportunities
00:12:23
Speaker
be on the pink path.
00:12:23
Speaker
But, you know, it's the environment changes, but there's elements that will always be you because your value system is friendly.
00:12:33
Speaker
It's pink.
00:12:34
Speaker
Well, and what I think that is has been interesting is trying to tune into the
00:12:41
Speaker
It was my connection to that part of myself.
00:12:44
Speaker
How much of it was healthy and how much was maybe unhealthy and how much can I appreciate from a different place now?
00:12:48
Speaker
And I'll say that I can be more specific in a way that's a little embarrassing is that.
00:12:53
Speaker
I have been doing Burning Man videos online for a long time.
00:12:56
Speaker
I made this camp a long time ago.
00:12:58
Speaker
So if you, there's a good chance if you're researching Burning Man, you'll read about me or watch my videos.
00:13:04
Speaker
And so it is a real kick in the pants to walk around Black Rock City and have hundreds of people say, how's that on?
00:13:11
Speaker
And some people treat me as if I'm a celebrity through this one week.
00:13:15
Speaker
And it is really incredible.
00:13:18
Speaker
For someone who spends a lot of their life alone in front of a computer, looking at a webcam, making videos, to have a week of people just energetically full of gratitude, it's an ego boost.
00:13:33
Speaker
And it's something that even when I was thinking about, I'm not sure if I want to go to Burning Man, I was hungry for that ego boost, hungry for that people telling me, you're great, I love you.
00:13:45
Speaker
And this year,
00:13:47
Speaker
I so appreciated when people were saying, I love you, you're great, but I didn't feel hungry for it in the same way.
00:13:56
Speaker
And I think there's a bunch of reasons for it.
00:13:58
Speaker
One is the process of really questioning my identity, looking into what parts of myself in the past were so needy for external approval and trying to heal that inner worthiness so that I can appreciate it but not need it.
00:14:14
Speaker
And the other part is all of the work that I've been doing in relationship and finding this healthy attachment where within the connection bond that I have with Lisa, healing these parts of myself where I'm like, I know that I'm enough.
00:14:30
Speaker
Even if somebody just run up to me and go, so I can greet and be in that space.
00:14:38
Speaker
I don't have to reject that parts of myself, but I can experience it in a much healthier way, I think.
00:14:45
Speaker
So powerful.
00:14:46
Speaker
Self-reflection of who we have been can support a deeper sense of moving forward, right?
00:14:54
Speaker
Those old ways, those mechanisms to kind of help us start to feel worthy.
00:15:00
Speaker
And then when we actually...
00:15:02
Speaker
Or to remember that we are already worthy without the outside validation.
00:15:07
Speaker
That's a really big one.
00:15:08
Speaker
And that here also a deeper sense of self-security, right?
00:15:12
Speaker
And the attachment styles, you know, anxious or avoidant or secure within ourselves.
00:15:17
Speaker
And we're secure within ourselves.
00:15:18
Speaker
We don't need the outside validation.
00:15:20
Speaker
And then it just becomes a bonus, you know, and to operate in the world from that place.
00:15:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:28
Speaker
And that's the, I think the interesting part of the transition and the gracefulness for me is trying to figure out, are there parts of old me that are still wonderful as long as I...
00:15:43
Speaker
like I don't have to let them go if I can be that person from a healthy place.
00:15:49
Speaker
And it's just continually doing that inquiry.
00:15:50
Speaker
Because I still, I like old me, you know, it's just trying to figure out how can I be old me or what parts of old me still work.
00:16:00
Speaker
Like when I was initially trying to like break down and I felt like I was a more serious rejection of my identity, especially when I started sobriety.
00:16:09
Speaker
And
00:16:10
Speaker
And people will tell me, but you're a good person.
00:16:13
Speaker
I'm like, I know, but I almost feel like I need to rebuild this house and figure out what the foundation is.
00:16:20
Speaker
And I got to remove all the furniture first.
00:16:22
Speaker
Some of the furniture I'm going to bring back in.
00:16:24
Speaker
You know, some of like, I'm still going to work with the homeless.
00:16:27
Speaker
Yes.
00:16:27
Speaker
You know, I'm still going to do these, a lot of things, but every once in a while, I'm going to pick up a piece of furniture and go, oh, I'm
00:16:35
Speaker
I do this because I don't like myself enough and I need my dad's approval or something like that, you know?
00:16:43
Speaker
And so, but you can't do it unless you are willing to say, I'm let, I let it all go.
00:16:49
Speaker
Yep.
00:16:50
Speaker
Embracing change.
00:16:51
Speaker
Embracing change.
00:16:52
Speaker
Yes, that's so powerful.
00:16:55
Speaker
And I love this metaphor because I know personally when I rearrange my furniture or I move, there's this element that kind of like stirs things up in such a good way.
00:17:07
Speaker
It starts to bring up old memories and old reflections around who I was and then like certain pieces that I like really want to hold on to and certain pieces that I'm like, why do I still have that?
00:17:19
Speaker
And the power of letting go of those different things that are no longer in alignment to who I am.
00:17:25
Speaker
It's powerful.
00:17:26
Speaker
I know like in this process of moving, I've been getting rid of a lot of things and I've put everything in storage and the storage bin is about to get shipped across the country and
00:17:35
Speaker
And I have been without most of, like, I'd say 80% or more of what I own is in that bin.
00:17:41
Speaker
And I haven't seen it for a month.
00:17:43
Speaker
Probably won't see it for another few weeks.
00:17:45
Speaker
And that's okay.
00:17:46
Speaker
And I know that I'll probably want to get rid of more when I do see it.
00:17:50
Speaker
Because there is, like, there's an attachment to the past through our physical things.
00:17:57
Speaker
And it is so beautiful to let go and open up to something new.
00:18:02
Speaker
Right.
00:18:02
Speaker
And the thing that's been really supportive for me to embrace this new chapter is remembering that it's safe to let go of what's good in order for me to step into something else that's good or even better.
00:18:17
Speaker
You know, and trusting like I just I just moved out of a house that was right on the water, right on the cliffs in beautiful Encinitas, California, gorgeous multimillion dollar house.
00:18:29
Speaker
And I moved out of there.
00:18:31
Speaker
And everything was great.
Legacy and Leadership in Pink Heart
00:18:32
Speaker
I mean, there was a few things that I was like, it wasn't really aligned for me.
00:18:35
Speaker
It was certain, you know, things about living in community that just didn't feel aligned for me anymore.
00:18:43
Speaker
But everything else was so beautiful.
00:18:44
Speaker
And it's like, okay, well, I can let go of
00:18:47
Speaker
this beautiful experience and trust and know that there's more beauty to be had and that this chapter is always going to be in my heart you know it's like when we're reading a book when we close a champ to chapter we're like maybe maybe i'm just gonna go back and read it again not often we want to like keep going what's what's gonna happen next
00:19:09
Speaker
That's really hard.
00:19:12
Speaker
I applaud your bravery and your courage and your faith.
00:19:16
Speaker
I think it's easy to grasp and be like, this is good.
00:19:20
Speaker
This is good.
00:19:20
Speaker
And be afraid of losing it.
00:19:24
Speaker
And you have to find this balance of like, okay, I'm grateful for what I have and –
00:19:30
Speaker
I have faith that there is an even better thing for me, an even better adventure, an even better, more nourishing source of lessons and on a different path.
00:19:41
Speaker
Not forcing it, but if it's calling to me, I got to not be afraid.
00:19:46
Speaker
Yes.
00:19:47
Speaker
What is in greater alignment for where we are now?
00:19:50
Speaker
Because who I was when I moved into that place two years ago, who I was when I moved to San Diego 20 years ago, I'm different.
00:19:59
Speaker
always changing and there is something that is in greater alignment for me now and that alignment is in Asheville and I feel it and I know it and I'm getting confirmation after confirmation that that's where I need to be in order to live this next part of my my life and let the next part of the chapter or the next part of the book reveal itself which has these very specific pieces that are not in San Diego and
00:20:25
Speaker
And so I'm excited to embrace this new life and this new way of operating with a whole new set of people and places and experiences while also knowing that San Diego and the people that I love so dearly are still right here in my heart and they are a plane ride away, a phone call away.
00:20:48
Speaker
Same thing with you.
00:20:49
Speaker
I actually imagine pink heart is still going to keep going.
00:20:53
Speaker
It was there this year, right?
00:20:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:56
Speaker
In fact, I wasn't sure how it was going to feel.
00:20:59
Speaker
And I rolled up Pink Heart and it was glorious.
00:21:04
Speaker
It looked so good.
00:21:06
Speaker
They were on the Esplanade.
00:21:07
Speaker
They brought back Kiwi's beacon.
00:21:10
Speaker
It looked better than it's likely in a long time.
00:21:12
Speaker
And I was like, am I going to feel guilty that I'm not there?
00:21:17
Speaker
Am I going to feel, I don't know.
00:21:19
Speaker
I don't know what I was going to feel.
00:21:20
Speaker
And I just felt so proud.
00:21:24
Speaker
And I felt like this is still a part of me.
00:21:27
Speaker
I'm so proud of all the memories that I have.
00:21:28
Speaker
And I'm so proud of all the things that I contributed to it.
00:21:32
Speaker
I'm so proud of all the things that other people have contributed to it.
00:21:34
Speaker
And it was almost like a couple weeks ago, my brother dropped his oldest off at college.
00:21:39
Speaker
And it kind of felt like that scary but super proud feeling of like, oh, yeah, this is –
00:21:47
Speaker
This is a thing that I have been a part of, but it's not me.
00:21:51
Speaker
You know, it is so beautiful.
00:21:53
Speaker
There was a moment I was at the, one of our events, I say our events, one of the events that Pinkheart did.
00:22:01
Speaker
And because people associate it with me, there were people saying, oh, thank you for the ice cream.
00:22:07
Speaker
And I was sitting next to another old timer in camp and I'm like, oh, you know what?
00:22:12
Speaker
I'm actually not camping here this year.
00:22:13
Speaker
These are the people that are putting it on.
00:22:16
Speaker
And after the person left, I was like, I don't want to be – was that awkward?
00:22:20
Speaker
Like, I'm not sure exactly what to say.
00:22:23
Speaker
And he looked me in the eyes.
00:22:23
Speaker
He goes, when someone says thank you to you, the correct answer is you're welcome.
00:22:29
Speaker
You're welcome.
00:22:30
Speaker
And I'm like, oh.
00:22:32
Speaker
But I needed him to tell me that, you know, because I didn't want to feel like anyone – like, I left and then took credit.
00:22:40
Speaker
And it just – it was a beautiful moment where the existing campmate was like,
00:22:45
Speaker
You're always family, man.
00:22:47
Speaker
You can always be proud of this and you're always welcome.
Grieving and Preparing for New Chapters
00:22:50
Speaker
So it ended up being a really powerfully healing experience of like, I don't have to be responsible and yet I can still feel a part of it.
00:23:01
Speaker
It was awesome.
00:23:03
Speaker
So beautiful.
00:23:05
Speaker
And you know, when someone says thank you so genuinely, it is such a beautiful thing to just smile and witness their gratitude, even if you didn't lift a finger in that moment.
00:23:17
Speaker
And of course, like, giving credit when credit is due, but also, like...
00:23:21
Speaker
You don't want to rob someone of their gratitude and be like, oh, no, no, no, no.
00:23:25
Speaker
I can't do anything.
00:23:27
Speaker
And it's like, OK, like just take a breath and say, wow, even if you can't take any credit is like, thank you for your thank yous.
00:23:37
Speaker
You know, like 15 one on one.
00:23:38
Speaker
I robbed them of the joy of their thank you.
00:23:41
Speaker
And it was my issue that luckily I got a chance to heal.
00:23:44
Speaker
So I was able to to to receive the next thank you.
00:23:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:48
Speaker
You know, I want to touch on something that I find is really important about embracing big changes and letting go of something that is so meaningful.
00:23:57
Speaker
in our situations here, you know, my big move and you, you know, releasing this part of you and your history with the camp.
00:24:05
Speaker
And for those of you listening out there that might be going through something, you know, I'm actually preparing to be with one of my best friends for her first birth.
00:24:14
Speaker
You know, so she's preparing for some big changes.
00:24:17
Speaker
I was just with another friend who is recognizing that his business of 30 years is coming to a close and he's got a lot of things coming up around that.
00:24:25
Speaker
And it's like, how do we,
00:24:26
Speaker
How do we actually prepare for it?
00:24:28
Speaker
And I feel like one of the biggest things that has helped me a lot, and I love your thoughts on this too and where you go with it, is the grieving process.
00:24:41
Speaker
Like giving myself the space and the...
00:24:45
Speaker
time and the just permission to grieve and to cry and to feel the depth of emotion that it is to let go of something knowing that it's never going to be the same that that old part of who I am like for me it's like my healing space I've had a beautiful healing space where I do my somatic body work and intuitive guidance and healing work with people that I've been there for almost a decade
00:25:14
Speaker
And so I went there while I was making the decision to make the move.
00:25:19
Speaker
And I set up a little kind of ritual with myself with some fun guys to help me kind of access some emotion.
00:25:29
Speaker
And I wept and I journaled and I danced and I cried and I cried.
00:25:34
Speaker
thought about all the good times that I had in that space and all of the healing experiences that happened there.
00:25:39
Speaker
And I felt really important to grieve it.
00:25:44
Speaker
And that opened up something for me to allow the next phase to come in.
00:25:49
Speaker
Because shortly after, this amazing woman who had just finished massage school, who was ready to step into the next level of her business,
00:25:58
Speaker
she was ready to take over the space and the space was blessed to me my early career and so it just like feels like the grief cleared out the holding on the grasping and opened up for something really important to reveal itself and that now I'm in that place of being and
00:26:19
Speaker
That is beautiful.
00:26:21
Speaker
And I really appreciate, you know, you bringing that up and that reminder that, you know,
00:26:29
Speaker
it's grief is not just when you, when a loved one dies, you know, there are so many things that loss we experienced in so many ways.
00:26:40
Speaker
And I know that my, like for a long time, I was like, Oh, I haven't had trauma because I wasn't physically abused.
00:26:45
Speaker
Therefore I don't have trauma, but I definitely am the result of traumas.
00:26:52
Speaker
And I feel like, well, I haven't experienced grief, but I definitely have experienced loss in different ways.
00:26:57
Speaker
And we, and, and,
00:26:59
Speaker
And you're right, acknowledging that it's okay to let go and to feel whatever it feels to let go.
00:27:05
Speaker
This weekend I'm cleaning up and organizing my place and cleaning up the garage because Lisa has emptied her storage unit in Northern California.
00:27:14
Speaker
She's adding stuff to our space or our new space.
00:27:18
Speaker
And I ended up finding and cleaning out and throwing out like some drug paraphernalia that I had.
00:27:25
Speaker
And as you say, it was like a grieving, you know, it was like.
00:27:32
Speaker
I have fond memories.
00:27:34
Speaker
I have aspects of myself that I miss and feelings came up that were pretty dramatic.
00:27:42
Speaker
And it was like a, you know, almost like smelling a t-shirt of someone who's died.
00:27:47
Speaker
Like, oh, wow, like I miss this thing.
00:27:50
Speaker
And it's sad.
00:27:52
Speaker
Or I'm sad.
00:27:54
Speaker
Everything is good, but I'm sad that it's gone.
00:27:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:59
Speaker
Yeah, and that's okay.
00:28:02
Speaker
Grief is so dynamic and we all feel it in such a different way and it comes in waves.
00:28:08
Speaker
And, you know, I'm hearing you speak to nostalgia, you know, helping you access that sense of grief.
00:28:15
Speaker
And yeah, that's, I think, a really important part of being able to move forward is like honoring those feelings and
00:28:22
Speaker
honoring the like love that's there and that's ultimately what it's about you know it's like you the the that old parts like oh I love you I loved you I miss you and also like I'm not you anymore yeah
00:28:36
Speaker
Yeah, I, I, I, to me, that has been a really, I guess I used to have like kind of a story of like, this is the right decision.
00:28:42
Speaker
That's the wrong.
00:28:43
Speaker
This is the right.
00:28:43
Speaker
This is the wrong.
00:28:44
Speaker
And it's like, it's just a series of the exact right adventure we're supposed to have the exact right classroom.
Recognizing and Aligning with Change
00:28:52
Speaker
And so whatever the new thing, it's not necessarily an improvement or what's better than what was old.
00:28:59
Speaker
It's what's new and it's what is right now.
00:29:01
Speaker
And, and,
00:29:02
Speaker
And shifting that to an ability to then have gratitude and appreciation for the past book.
00:29:07
Speaker
And you would say chapters, but it helps me to think of this actual books, like, okay, that book, the characters were different.
00:29:13
Speaker
These book characters are different.
00:29:14
Speaker
And that was awesome.
00:29:17
Speaker
But this book requires a whole different theme, a whole different set of behavior from the characters.
00:29:22
Speaker
And, um, it's, it's not necessarily better.
00:29:26
Speaker
It's, it's what's right for right now.
00:29:27
Speaker
And I can celebrate the past and the present from that perspective.
00:29:31
Speaker
Mmm, yes, absolutely.
00:29:33
Speaker
Yeah, I love the element of getting to reinvent and create this new way of operating.
00:29:42
Speaker
Because if we have just this one life in this body, how many lives can we live in one lifetime?
00:29:48
Speaker
You know, like, wow, I want to squeeze the juice out of this life.
00:29:51
Speaker
You know, I know personally, I've gone through quite a lot of big changes.
00:29:55
Speaker
You know, I grew up in Ohio, and then I moved across the country to Arizona, and then I lived in California.
00:30:00
Speaker
Now I'm going to be
00:30:01
Speaker
shifting my life again.
00:30:03
Speaker
I've had multiple careers.
00:30:04
Speaker
I've been primarily a body worker most of my adult life, but I've also been a clothing designer and I've been an event producer and a speaker emcee.
00:30:14
Speaker
I've done quite a lot and now I'm an author and coach and it's really beautiful to get to embrace the transitions of interest, the transitions of service,
00:30:28
Speaker
And I know I'm unique to myself.
00:30:31
Speaker
I'm me.
00:30:32
Speaker
Everyone does things differently.
00:30:33
Speaker
Some people are more like the metaphor I've heard before is like a woodpecker.
00:30:38
Speaker
You know, the woodpecker finds that one thing, stays committed to that one thing, does that same thing its whole life, you know.
00:30:46
Speaker
And then there's some people that are hummingbirds like myself.
00:30:49
Speaker
You know, I love getting to go to all the different flowers and experience the different things in life and get to
00:30:57
Speaker
expressed in all kinds of different ways.
00:31:00
Speaker
And so I know for me, that's been really helpful to embrace my nature as the hummingbird and not try to force myself to be someone who stays committed to the one thing my entire life and lives in one location.
00:31:12
Speaker
And then honoring people that do do that, that, you know, that really works for some people where they're like, okay, I found my forever home.
00:31:19
Speaker
I'm 30 and I'm going to live here for the rest of my life.
00:31:21
Speaker
And I know that that's what works for me.
00:31:23
Speaker
And I'm going to be a school teacher for 50 years, you know, and that's great.
00:31:28
Speaker
You know, some people don't have the impetus to have so much change in their life.
00:31:34
Speaker
And there are quite a few people that do.
00:31:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:39
Speaker
I think.
00:31:40
Speaker
As long as you are motivated by a sense of
00:31:51
Speaker
I'm growing in this place where I'm at, or I'm comfortable in this place that I'm at, and I'm okay with that.
00:31:57
Speaker
And as long as it's not fear that is keeping you there, and which is why I so love an example of someone like you, where you're like, oh, you're allowed to just move your location.
00:32:06
Speaker
Oh, you're allowed to change your job.
00:32:08
Speaker
Oh, you're allowed to just do this.
00:32:10
Speaker
And the more that you, for me, when I first went to Burning Man, that was like, oh my gosh, you're allowed to do so many different things.
00:32:16
Speaker
And I think that culturally, at least I think it's different now, but it used to be like you pick a career, you put your head down and you do it until you retire.
00:32:24
Speaker
And we don't, you can be hummingbirds.
00:32:29
Speaker
Well, yeah.
00:32:29
Speaker
And, you know, it's interesting because there is something that can be very real when when we get locked into a certain thing, then change becomes so overwhelming.
00:32:42
Speaker
Like I was just talking to a friend of mine the other day who, you know, she has lived in the same place for a really long time.
00:32:47
Speaker
She's got a lot of.
00:32:48
Speaker
Chords and connections and my other friend who is changing his business has he owns a huge building and he considers that as like a 40 ton anchor.
00:32:56
Speaker
So to actually conceptualize change is just so much.
00:33:00
Speaker
I have another friend that owns a million dollar house and like the idea of selling it is like how would he do that?
00:33:06
Speaker
There's just it's like how would I actually embrace change?
00:33:10
Speaker
And what I say about that is that when you can feel the swell, because sometimes the swell in the ocean, you can see it coming from far away.
Handling Uncertainty with Affirmations
00:33:19
Speaker
You can know something is going to be changing.
00:33:22
Speaker
Or just you can feel like when the seasons change, it's just subtle.
00:33:27
Speaker
It's like whispers.
00:33:28
Speaker
And when those whispers start coming in, then you take small steps, small actions every day.
00:33:34
Speaker
You start starting to look at the horizon line.
00:33:38
Speaker
And go like, okay, you know what?
00:33:40
Speaker
Something is going to be changing.
00:33:42
Speaker
And then having the conviction that I can do it.
00:33:46
Speaker
even though it's overwhelming, but like one little bit at a time of lightening up.
00:33:51
Speaker
Maybe that's getting rid of things if it's a physical change in environment.
00:33:56
Speaker
Maybe there's, you know, if there's a career change up ahead, but you're so deeply locked in, maybe just slowly starting to imagine what it would feel like, like slowly starting to have conversations with other people that might inspire you for your next career.
00:34:12
Speaker
Maybe just slowly starting to look at
00:34:14
Speaker
LinkedIn, for example, you know, preparing for the change, preparing for that swell, because then when when things start to pressurize and you can feel like, oh, God, I'm going to have to take a leap soon, then we're
00:34:29
Speaker
lighter you know i kept getting this message this has happened to me twice before i moved i had a big shift after i lived in a place for seven years and i could feel it coming for quite a while before and i kept hearing lighten up lighten up something's changing soon something's gonna change soon just get ready so lighten up and so you know i started to go through my junk drawers and
00:34:52
Speaker
And I started to clear things out and I started to get, you know, just a little bit.
00:34:57
Speaker
And I'm so glad I did that because that just helped me when all of a sudden I could feel it.
00:35:01
Speaker
It was like all the momentum, just something said it was time and I was prepared.
00:35:08
Speaker
Wow.
00:35:09
Speaker
That was really helpful for me.
00:35:11
Speaker
I think that I can really get stuck in patterns.
00:35:17
Speaker
This is how I'm doing things.
00:35:19
Speaker
And someone once told me that it's not that winners never quit.
00:35:23
Speaker
Winners know when to quit.
00:35:25
Speaker
I'm like, oh, all right.
00:35:27
Speaker
And so even like taking a shift away from Pinkhart is part of that, is like, that was working, you know, and there's tons of reason to hold onto it, but something in me was
00:35:40
Speaker
I was feeling the swell, you know?
00:35:42
Speaker
And I think part of it too is, and this is where your work with affirmations I think is so helpful, is when you start to kind of like open your brain to the possibilities of things, then you notice things around you that you were not able to see because of your cognitive bias before.
00:36:00
Speaker
And someone says, oh, well, I'm going to this retreat that's about this.
00:36:06
Speaker
And you go,
00:36:07
Speaker
oh, wow, maybe I should go to a retreat.
00:36:10
Speaker
I'd never even considered that.
00:36:11
Speaker
But now that I know that I'm kind of looking for a swell, maybe I will join my friend on this retreat or I will say yes to this thing.
00:36:17
Speaker
Or maybe I will pay attention when the sign comes.
00:36:21
Speaker
And it's a process of letting go and slowly pulling your anchor up a little bit for when the swell comes.
00:36:28
Speaker
Yes.
00:36:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:30
Speaker
And to go like,
00:36:31
Speaker
wow, something's not working.
00:36:32
Speaker
Actually, something's not been working for quite a while.
00:36:36
Speaker
All right, well, if something's not working, then what needs to change?
00:36:39
Speaker
Right?
00:36:40
Speaker
I know, I spent quite a bit of time feeling stuck.
00:36:43
Speaker
I was like, ah, something's not working.
00:36:46
Speaker
Something needs to change, but I don't know what.
00:36:48
Speaker
And I can't see which way I'm supposed to go.
00:36:50
Speaker
And it's like, it's a very deep process to surrender and to look deeper inside to see what I need to change within myself in order to see my outside world change.
00:37:01
Speaker
You know, and is that facing my fears?
00:37:03
Speaker
Is it getting deeper into like, what are the mental blocks that I have?
00:37:07
Speaker
What are the different things that I, you know, the protectors that I have and police mechanisms?
00:37:14
Speaker
So it's a really interesting journey of change.
00:37:18
Speaker
And I've heard that a lot from a different people, too, is like, I just don't know how to change.
00:37:22
Speaker
I feel so stuck.
00:37:24
Speaker
And that's an affirmation.
00:37:27
Speaker
I realized that when I was in it.
00:37:28
Speaker
I was like, wow, I keep affirming how stuck I am.
00:37:32
Speaker
I need to change that.
00:37:33
Speaker
All right, so then I started to change.
00:37:35
Speaker
Gosh, I feel so stuck.
00:37:36
Speaker
Why do I feel so stuck to...
00:37:39
Speaker
I'm working on finding a way to transition and change.
00:37:43
Speaker
I'm not quite sure exactly what's got to change, but something's changing.
00:37:48
Speaker
And even though I can't quite see where I'm going, I'm going somewhere different than I am now.
00:37:54
Speaker
And I'm staying open.
00:37:56
Speaker
I'm staying open to something shifting.
00:37:59
Speaker
The line from The Lion Tracker's Guide to Life
00:38:09
Speaker
I don't know where I'm going, but I know exactly how to get there.
00:38:13
Speaker
And so when you feel like, I don't know what's next, getting really clear on what are the values that are, feel that are lighting you up?
00:38:22
Speaker
What are the things that are, that are making you feel like, eh, that's not really feeling good when I feel, when I know I have a commitment to do this and this and this and, or what, when I'm having to act in this way to make that work, what are the things that like, and then you sort of go, oh,
00:38:38
Speaker
I'm not sure where it goes, but I'm starting to notice the things the way I need to be.
00:38:43
Speaker
And then maybe that will help me find out where I need to go.
00:38:48
Speaker
I love that so much.
00:38:49
Speaker
Thank you for that.
00:38:52
Speaker
I'm receiving so much inspiration from this.
00:38:55
Speaker
Thank you for this conversation.
00:38:57
Speaker
I feel like this would be a perfect moment to find a graceful transition into
Reflections and Upcoming Guests
00:39:07
Speaker
the completion of this conversation.
00:39:10
Speaker
And I think actually, I know I'm even sparked to like, how can we take this conversation further on another episode or just personally, what are the micro graceful transitions?
00:39:20
Speaker
You know, how do we train conversations?
00:39:23
Speaker
How do we have grace in the transitions of relationships?
00:39:28
Speaker
How do we find grace in the transitions of a phone call or a meeting or even just moving from, you know, one location to another location daily?
00:39:39
Speaker
Transitions are happening all the time.
00:39:40
Speaker
And it's like, OK, grace, smooth grace, graceful transitions like watercolors.
00:39:46
Speaker
They blend into each other.
00:39:48
Speaker
And there's something so lovely about that.
00:39:51
Speaker
Wow, this is really resonating.
00:39:54
Speaker
I mean, since the burn, a lot of things didn't go my way once I got home.
00:39:59
Speaker
I lost my phone.
00:40:01
Speaker
My vehicle broke down.
00:40:03
Speaker
I stepped on glass.
00:40:06
Speaker
And there's something in, and I'm still figuring out what it was about being post-Burning Man where I was able to just embrace what was and embrace the change and not fight
00:40:20
Speaker
The circumstances like serenity prayer over and over again, you know, what can I, what, what can I do?
00:40:25
Speaker
I have control over and what don't I have control over?
00:40:27
Speaker
But you're right.
00:40:28
Speaker
I think that is, that is a, that is a whole other episode that I'd like to do a little, a lot of reflection on.
00:40:35
Speaker
Yes.
00:40:36
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:36
Speaker
Seed planted.
00:40:38
Speaker
The show continue.
00:40:40
Speaker
Yes.
00:40:41
Speaker
Amazing.
00:40:42
Speaker
Well, and for those of you who have listened thus far, there's more sparks to be had.
00:40:46
Speaker
We're going to be having some guests coming on some of the next shows.
00:40:49
Speaker
So I'm really excited about that.
00:40:52
Speaker
But not to get too far ahead.
00:40:55
Speaker
And our tradition is to always close with some sparks.
00:40:59
Speaker
And so...
00:41:01
Speaker
The closing sparks really the intention of that is like, what are our biggest takeaways?
00:41:06
Speaker
What are the things worth repeating after a conversation like this?
00:41:11
Speaker
And so you have any brewing for you?
00:41:17
Speaker
I think my closing spark is that the that.
00:41:23
Speaker
I guess there's this idea that you need to let go of who you are so that you can become who you can become.
00:41:31
Speaker
And that seems really scary.
00:41:35
Speaker
And what I have experienced and I am continually experiencing is that when you let go of who you are, it doesn't mean you say goodbye to all that forever.
00:41:48
Speaker
It means that you are willing to say goodbye to it all.
00:41:53
Speaker
And then the healthy parts will find you again, and you will return to those healthy parts yourself.
00:42:01
Speaker
So it's not as scary as it sounds, and the graceful transition can happen by trusting that the best parts of you will meet you on the other side.
00:42:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:13
Speaker
Trust is huge.
00:42:15
Speaker
Yes.
00:42:16
Speaker
Beautiful.
00:42:17
Speaker
I feel like for me, my closing spark in finding grace in transitions, especially big ones, big life transitions is grieving.
00:42:29
Speaker
I watched my dear friend cry in her baby blessing way as she is being born a mother.
00:42:36
Speaker
And I watched her grieve her past self.
00:42:40
Speaker
I watched her grieve the maiden.
00:42:41
Speaker
And I've seen many of my soul sisters do that.
00:42:44
Speaker
And it's a very important part of allowing the next part of ourselves to be born.
00:42:51
Speaker
And so, yeah, saying goodbye, letting go, crying, grieving, whatever that might look like to allow this next
00:42:59
Speaker
phase of who we're becoming to be more clear.
00:43:04
Speaker
Beautiful.
00:43:08
Speaker
Betsy, can you remind us where we can find you on online if we're looking for you?
00:43:12
Speaker
Yes, easy to find.
00:43:14
Speaker
As it turns out, you can probably put my name in chat GPT and say, who is Betsy Finkler-Who?
00:43:19
Speaker
And it gives you a pretty good answer.
00:43:21
Speaker
So I just did that the other day.
00:43:26
Speaker
Also, I am here in service to a project, the Power Affirmation Journal and the Inspiration Cards are my...
00:43:34
Speaker
Current Passion and Service, it's tools for transformation.
00:43:38
Speaker
The cards are pretty straightforward, powerful, powerful affirmations to get us to have mindset resets and think in positive ways to help us create our best lives.
00:43:49
Speaker
And the journal is really a tool for going deep inside your belief systems and reprogramming.
00:43:55
Speaker
changing the old outdated beliefs, getting clear about where you want to go, and pumping the mindset muscles for a new belief systems to be born.
00:44:04
Speaker
So you can find those on poweraffirmation.com.
00:44:08
Speaker
And if you want to work with me one-on-one, if you happen to be in San Diego or Asheville, I'm in both.
00:44:14
Speaker
I love seeing people one-on-one doing mind, body, spirit, transformational body work.
00:44:20
Speaker
Amazing.
00:44:23
Speaker
I am available online at lifestudent.com, and you can find links to all my free daily broadcasts in the morning and midday, as well as some books and the burner prep podcast.
00:44:39
Speaker
Instagram page we mentioned is a good place to kind of just take it all in.
00:44:43
Speaker
Although it also has a link to the first Saturday's homeless, where someone who was there this weekend said, you should promote your personal Instagram.
00:44:52
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It's way more fun.
00:44:53
Speaker
I went, okay, so Halcyon Pink, you should follow me there as well.
00:44:59
Speaker
And with so much talk of affirmations and so much clarity that it's a part of this process, will you blow this out with an affirmation?
00:45:07
Speaker
I would be honored to.
00:45:09
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All right.
00:45:10
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So focusing the mind, if you feel good to close your eyes and take a deep breath.
00:45:17
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I embrace the path of graceful transitions.
00:45:22
Speaker
I embrace the path of graceful transitions.
00:45:25
Speaker
I embrace the path of change and graceful transitions.
00:45:31
Speaker
I embrace change.
00:45:33
Speaker
I embrace change.
00:45:35
Speaker
I embrace change with grace.
00:45:37
Speaker
I embrace change with grace.
00:45:39
Speaker
I embrace change with grace.
00:45:43
Speaker
Simple and clear, remembering to repeat our affirmation as a way to infuse our consciousness, help us to stay focused on where we're going and who we're becoming.
00:45:55
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And I also find those affirmations help to quiet the monkey mind.
00:45:59
Speaker
And so let's keep embracing these changes with grace and watch the life journey just continue to unfold.
00:46:10
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They spark.
00:46:13
Speaker
Find us on Instagram at StaySparked and leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts.
00:46:18
Speaker
Thanks so much for helping us spread these sparks.