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30 | Unveiling Purpose Through Pain with Ali Hornung
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Ali Hornung's passion for giving goes beyond philanthropy. It's about hope. A nonprofit leader and speaker, Ali joined Ethocast to talk about how she managed grief in college and the importance of college students managing their grief. The Sigma Delta Tau member reveals that grief doesn't just have a personal impact, but it also affects academic performance and student leadership responsibilities. Her story explains perfectly why it's important for brothers and sisters to be there for each other, fully.
About the Guest
Alison Hornung is a passionate childhood cancer advocate and the former Miss Rhode Island 2024. A graduate of the University of Rhode Island, she holds degrees in global business management, German, and human development & family sciences. Ali's advocacy began at age 12, inspired by her honorary “little sister” Ella, who courageously battled leukemia for three years. Ella’s strength continues to drive Alison’s mission to bring comfort, hope, and tangible support to children and families facing cancer.
As the founder of the Glimmer of Hope Foundation, Ali has raised nearly $1 million to support childhood cancer awareness and holistic health initiatives. Her work has led her from local communities to national platforms, including speaking before Congress and serving on a panel at the White House for President Joe Biden’s Cancer Moonshot initiative.
Through Glimmer of Hope, Ali provides bald dolls to children undergoing treatment, empowers families with programming and resources, and champions legislation to fund pediatric cancer research. Ali’s efforts have made her a nationally recognized voice for change and a tireless advocate for families navigating the unimaginable.
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Transcript
Introduction of Ethocast and Eddie Francis
00:00:07
Speaker
Welcome to Ethocast, a podcast about sound leadership practices to boost the life in college fraternities and sororities. I'm Eddie Francis, presenter of Followership to Leadership and the D9 Leadership Blueprint, presentations designed to help Greeks become more ethical and effective leaders. I'll share lessons learned from my college days, my career journey, and leadership research.
00:00:33
Speaker
This is Ethocast, leadership to the letter. Welcome to this episode of Ethocast. I'm Eddie Francis. Ethocast is presented by Edify Ventures, LLC, publishers of the D9 Leadership Blueprint ebook.
00:00:50
Speaker
Go to d9leadershipplueprint.com and take a look at a free excerpt of the ebook. My guest on this episode isn't just anybody. She's a nonprofit leader. She's a speaker.
00:01:03
Speaker
And oh, oh, by the way, Miss Rhode Island. Allie Hornick joins me on this episode of EthelCast. The views expressed on EthelCast do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts, guests, or any entities with which this podcast's participants are affiliated. Questions, comments, email eddie at eddiefrancis.com.
Meet Allie Hornick: Sorority Experience and Philanthropy
00:01:26
Speaker
Thank you so much for joining me on Ethocast. It is always good to be with you. And it's always good to speak to somebody who's a fellow speaker, especially someone who is trying to help folks build their leadership skills in Greek life. And so I just happen to have someone who has been doing that kind of work as well. Her name is Allie Hornick. And, um you know, among the many, many things um that Allie has done that has been pretty cool, probably one of the coolest has been Miss Rhode Island um and also running a nonprofit right now. So, Allie, thank you so much for joining me on Ethocast. How are you?
00:02:09
Speaker
I'm doing great. Thank you so much for having me. No problem. So let's start with your sorority. um You joined Sigma Delta Tau at the University of Rhode Island. So let's start with why you decided to join that sorority. And what did you learn from that experience that still sticks with you today?
00:02:31
Speaker
I joined Sigma Delta Tau after, you know, rushing all the different sororities and each one of them had such awesome members and different qualities about them that I loved. um You know, my mom and my grandmother are alumni of Sigma Delta Tau, so definitely was on my radar, but I wanted to, you know, pick a sorority because I loved it, not just become ah because my family loved it. And what it really came down to for me is i'm I've been really passionate about philanthropy philanthropy my entire life, but I also wanted to have a college experience, and I really saw the ability to have that balance within Sigma Delta Tau. And people weren't just going to look at me as like, here's the philanthropist. Like I could still be a normal college student and have um fun and hang on with my friends and meet new friends. And I really valued that and had that great opportunity in SDT.
00:03:21
Speaker
And one thing that I took out of the sorority, I took so many different things. i I think probably the greatest lesson is that it's not – You know, it's quantity, equality over quantity, right? Because there's so many members in every single sorority and you can't be close friends with everyone.
00:03:41
Speaker
happen to meet two of my best friends in the sorority, ah Lauren and Claudia, and I love them dearly and I'm still friends with them today. And so, you know, but I have those connections with my other sisters for the rest of my life and we're still cheering each other on from afar.
00:03:56
Speaker
Oh, that's pretty cool. So you're a legacy. So where were your mom and your grandmother initiated? My mom was initiated at the University of Rhode Island and my Grammy at Buffalo. She was one, I think she was in like the fourth chapter ever created of SDT, which is really cool. um SDT was created because um Jewish students didn't really have a place on campus and And so that was really cool to me growing up in a Jewish household, even though, you know, it's no longer just Jewish students in Sigmil Tata. It was just kind of a tradition thing that stuck out to me and it was really cool. And on my Grammy actually surprised me and she pinned me at my initiation.
Founding of Glimmer of Hope and Sorority Support
00:04:37
Speaker
Oh, man, that is very cool. um one thing ah One thing I want you to do is ah tell me quickly about your nonprofit. Yeah, so I founded Glimmer of Hope in 2020. I've been a very passionate pediatric cancer advocate since the age of 12.
00:04:52
Speaker
And my friend Ella, she battled leukemia. She unfortunately passed in 2019 when she was only 14 years old. And she really, really inspired me in the work I do today. She actually wrote a letter to American Girl and asked them to make a doll without hair when she lost her hair. And she named her doll Hope.
00:05:10
Speaker
So now we give out those dolls. We give out dolls with hair. We do photo shoots. We do a really big Christmas program. And we also have our biggest event of the year coming up in June. It's called Glimmer Gala. And we have about 50 childhood cancer fighters and survivors walk the runway with local mentors. And it really is the joy of my life. And I started it, um you know, out of my room in my sorority house. So it's super special how it's come to fruition.
00:05:37
Speaker
Did you get support from your sorority sisters when you were building a nonprofit? Yeah, Glimmer of Hope actually was ah ah one of the beneficiaries of um a large fundraiser that we had at URI. We also um initiated an honorary sister. um That was a friend of mine who battled cancer.
00:05:57
Speaker
And um my sorority did a couple of fundraisers for her. So it was really cool to see them kind of rally around that. And and when my friend Ella passed away, they were very supportive. um And I remember for her birthday, we all tied pink ribbons around the trees on campus. It just
Grief and Leadership in Greek Life
00:06:14
Speaker
meant a lot to have their support.
00:06:17
Speaker
So you do a talk entitled Unveiling Purpose Through Pain. What motivated you to create that talk? I lost my friend Ella one week before starting my sophomore year URI and I felt extremely lost in that time. I isolated myself a lot from my sorority sisters and my friends.
00:06:39
Speaker
um I felt like i the world was moving and I wasn't moving with it. And then I found purpose and glimmer of hope and in creating that and in um you know continuing Ella's legacy. and I think what I came to the realization that there's a lot of college students that are grieving, as I saw many of my sorority sisters you know lose very important people in their lives over the years. And um I was like, oh my gosh, I know how they feel, but i don't think you know other people – I felt –
00:07:15
Speaker
so internally bogged down but i don't think from the outside other people noticed and so i wanted to create that talk to you know motivate college students not only to check on one another but also how to internally deal with your grief because you know no one's really going to pull you out of that besides yourself yeah how does greek life make that different dealing with grief or some sort of pain.
00:07:40
Speaker
I think that there is pros and cons to being in Greek life. The pros being that you are surrounded by a big group of people. Sometimes that big group of people can feel like, you know, too big and too overwhelming. And for me, like, I just remember when we were filming like a recruitment video and i just got in my car and I started to drive the sorority house and i just started to cry and break down and I had to turn around and go home. um because sometimes when you're in a group that big, you can feel very alone. Um, but I think the other end to that is that I did have my really close friends and I was able to lean on them in that time, um, who I met through my sorority, which was really, really special. I also think, um, you know, although when I was grieving, I didn't want to go to any of the events that had to do with Greek life. I just wanted to sit in my house.
The Role of Social Media and Public Image
00:08:30
Speaker
Um, it does, it is,
00:08:32
Speaker
And ah a distraction and it, you know, serves its purpose to even though you feel so alone and so drained, it can kind of make you feel normal, even if it's just for a few minutes.
00:08:45
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That's come up a few times on the podcast when I've spoken to people about, um you know, what it's like to be in a fraternity or sorority and to go through something, how we tend to have a couple of things going at the same time. Yes, we do have the support system. But at the same time, we feel the need to mask whatever is happening because so many of us can get into perfectionism. and so many times we can say, well, I don't want anybody to see me like this, especially someone who's not Greek.
00:09:19
Speaker
yeah Or I don't want my frat brothers or my sorority sisters to see me like this because I just I just don't want them to see me breaking down in some way. So it's interesting how that has that's come up a few times i'm on the podcast. and And when you think about that, um I want to tack on to that.
00:09:41
Speaker
What does it look like to be a leader in those moments when you are dealing with whatever it is that you're dealing with, especially as a college student?
00:09:52
Speaker
How did you feel as a leader, even even without some sort of office or anything, but just knowing that you have those sorority letters on and their expectations? Does anything come to mind?
00:10:05
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I also was actually serving on my executive board at the time that this happened. And um that was really difficult because I think, you know, you say masking and like, I don't even know if I so much felt like I was masking. Of course, I wasn't like crying and breaking down every single time that I walked into my sorority house. But I think...
00:10:28
Speaker
you know, college girls, they don't understand. And although I felt like, oh my gosh, I must look awful. Everyone knows what I'm going through. Everyone knows that I'm so upset. Girls that I necessarily wasn't like friendly with probably looked at me and they're like, she's fine. And they didn't know like the depth of my relationship with Ella. So,
00:10:44
Speaker
it was hard for them to understand, like, why wasn't I keeping up with my tasks? Why did I want to live in, um you know, a room alone instead of share a room with another member of the executive board? And I butted heads with the executive board a lot because I think, you know, the five phases of grief, I was dealing with anger, i was dealing with sadness, and i ah didn't, didn't know why the executive board wasn't always receptive to like, I was like, I'm going through this big thing. How do you not understand that? And like now looking back, I'm like, do I see that in other people? No, I don't know when, so if someone just lost their mom, if someone just lost their friend, you don't know. So you just go on about your day and act normal.
00:11:32
Speaker
Um, But i i mean, I think it happens. You have to go through grief to see grief in other people. But, you know, so it was really important to me when I realized that another member of my sorority was going through something that I could be a hand for them to hold. But at the same time, I could have walked by a member of Zeta, for example, and and not known. So um I definitely struggled a lot. um And I.
00:11:59
Speaker
And it was it was mixed
Leadership and Individuality in Greek Life
00:12:01
Speaker
emotions on on the end of, you know, being a leader because I dealt with a lot of the side effects of grief, one of which being memory loss. um which I didn't even know was a side effect of grief until years later. And that not only impacted me in my classes, but it really impacted me as the secretary and being a member of the executive board because I would forget to do stuff. I would forget to do tasks. I would forget about meetings. I wasn't motivated. And again, it was hard for other people to understand
00:12:32
Speaker
Why? and and again, everyone's in their own lives. They're going through their own thing. So they're not necessarily thinking like, well, Allie's going through this. This might be why she's not on top of her game. Like, I felt like I got that response from most people for like two weeks.
00:12:51
Speaker
And then after that two weeks was over, even though I was feeling the gravity of that grief for years and still feel it today. But the heaviness weighed on me for at least at least two years while I was in school.
00:13:03
Speaker
Yeah. Thanks a lot for sharing that, because I just think um I think that's one of those things that a lot of folks don't necessarily um they don't. they You know, a lot of times we don't necessarily think about that sort of thing.
00:13:17
Speaker
um And I think we just we just go along and we try to get along a lot of times. um So you're listening to Ethocast. I'm Eddie Francis. And we are speaking to Allie Hornigan, who is and she is a speaker. Also, she is a nonprofit leader, Glimmer of Hope Foundation. And also in speaking, she talks about helping students unveil their purpose through pain. so When you think back to your college days and about the students you currently encounter, um do you find that it's common for fraternity and sorority members to try to mask their pain? I mean, we talked about your experiences, but do you still see that in current students when you run across them?
00:14:03
Speaker
Absolutely. I think if the only reason that I would know that a student's grieving, whether I was in college or today, is if they post it on social media. Like if I saw them in person, I would never know.
00:14:18
Speaker
i would never see a reaction enough to know like they would just act completely normal. And like, again, like that's what could be said about most grieving people, but especially students, what are you going to do? You're expected to show up and nobody wants to be around someone who's just depressed all the time. And it's like the same thing that I, with working with grieving parents and
Supporting Grieving Members in Greek Life
00:14:38
Speaker
bereaved parents and glimmer of hope, it's,
00:14:41
Speaker
they look at me and they're like, well what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to go out and just cry all the time? No, like no one wants to be around that. So you just learn to live with the pain. And then you have to deal with the repercussions when you go home at night and are by yourself.
00:14:56
Speaker
Yeah. It's interesting that you mentioned that a lot of times you won't know unless they post something on social media. I did this social media experiment once and i deliberately did this post where I made the argument on Tik TOK. I made this argument. Actually I did it on both Tik TOK and Instagram.
00:15:20
Speaker
And I made this argument that if people show you only the best of their lives on social media, That is just as thoughtful and just as honest and just as authentic as someone who is telling you about bad things happening in their lives because they're making that choice. They're making that conscious choice. The interesting thing about that, Allie, was how many people said, if I don't see bad things happening in your life, you are not being honest with me at all.
00:15:50
Speaker
and And I thought that was so interesting. that the The real reaction was on TikTok. That's where people seem to really disagree with me about interest ah that. But it was it was so interesting how There seems to be this thought that if I can't see you struggling, then you are hiding something.
00:16:11
Speaker
Yeah. And i I do not know who you really are. And it's interesting how people feel as if you are somehow obligated to share your pain on social media. um And so i just I just find that interesting when you I find that very interesting when you said the only way you can find out what someone is going through sometimes in the current, you know, among the current generation um is if they do tell you about the bad stuff. And so that's that's that is so interesting. Are these the only way you find out is if they post it on social media? Yeah, it's a double edged sword, too, because if you don't post about it, like you said, like, oh, you're not honest, you're hiding something. Oh, like, you're not actually grieving. You're you're being fake. You're so and so whatever. But if you do post about it, then it's like, oh, my gosh, she wants attention. She love smile so it it's and it's like, how how much am I going to trauma dump on social media? I'm ah I'm allowed
00:17:09
Speaker
I really am just of the opinion that everyone grieves very differently. um But for some reason, especially at a college age, grief is so judged. Like yeah no one. and And it's funny because I felt like the people who were judging me a lot of the time had no idea what I was going through.
00:17:28
Speaker
Yes. Yes. And yeah. So it is a very, very interesting concept. And um I don't now the older that I get, I don't feel any obligation to share to trauma dump on
Conclusion and Promotion of Ethocast
00:17:40
Speaker
social media. I know what I'm going through. i don't I don't need to post about it. And if somebody is going to judge me for not posting about it or think a certain way about me, that's says more about them than it does about me.
00:17:52
Speaker
But see, you have an added layer, though, and and I'm interested in hearing about this. What about this added layer of being a public figure of somebody who was Miss Rhode Island?
00:18:05
Speaker
um how How does that add to it, especially when it comes to dealing with grief and especially with being a public figure with the social media presence? How does that add a layer to it?
00:18:17
Speaker
i I guess as Miss Rhode Island, I encountered a whole new audience that didn't necessarily know me and my story. So I definitely posted a lot more... um you know, vulnerable things. Like I used to post a lot when Ella first passed away, writing and posting it was very cathartic for me. And so I kind of utilized that with my audience as Miss Rhode Island as well, so that I could feel like they got to know me in an authentic way. um And one other thing about being a public figure and being Miss Rhode Island was that I knew I stepped into that role to
00:18:53
Speaker
help other people. And I knew that if I was ever going to be in a position of being a public figure, I wanted to give others permission to express their pain and express that publicly if that's something that they wanted to do or sit in that privately if that's something they wanted to do. And I knew that by being that person and being vulnerable, especially on social media and also in person in front of high school, college students, um that that invited them to express that same vulnerability.
00:19:21
Speaker
Yeah. So let's talk about helping people move forward, especially fraternity and sorority members in college. um How can they be an example of support for students, um you know, really helping their fraternity brothers or the sorority sisters deal with some sort of pain?
00:19:39
Speaker
But how can they be an example for people outside of fraternity and sorority life? What do you think? I think it starts at the top. I think it starts at the executive board and it kind of trickles down from there. i think the one of the issues within sorority and fraternity life right now, I would say probably more sorority than fraternity, is that the executive board feels like they're a hierarchy rather than an example for their members. And this not only the president, because we can't put this entire load on the president, everyone on the executive board needs to you know, be that person that's checking in on their members, be that person that treats every member equally, not just their friends, not just who's in their pledge class. um
00:20:24
Speaker
And that kind of sets the example to the rest of campus, right? Because if you have a strong leadership within a chapter, and then that means the rest of the members are happy and feel fulfilled and feel supported. And then that trickles out to the reputation of the fraternity and sorority and their example of leadership on campus.
00:20:42
Speaker
Yeah. You know, it's funny whenever I've had these kinds of conversations with my college frat brothers, um you know, and I've said, hey, listen, you you wanted this. So now you have it. First of all, you wanted to wear these letters. That in and of itself is a responsibility. It is.
00:21:01
Speaker
But now you're a chapter president, you're a vice president, you're a treasurer, you know, you have now an another layer of responsibility of leadership. And the look on the look on their faces when they realize how much they've taken on, um in which case.
00:21:17
Speaker
I think this is where it's really important for us to learn how to lean on each other yeah um because the leaders can't do it alone. But I do agree with you, though. I would definitely i agree with you that um that the leaders do have to realize how they set culture and that sort of thing. So um and, you know, i and the reason I ask that question is i always think about how people outside of the fraternity were always watching us just watching.
00:21:46
Speaker
watching us like hawks. yeah And half the time, we didn't realize how closely people were watching us. it's It's very true. I distinctly remember, I will literally never forget this. I was in um an honors class my freshman year, and it was a very small class in the Honors College. i think there was probably like 16 of both And at the I remember, you know, introducing myself to everyone and we were talking and I said, oh, I'm a member of Sigma Delta Tau. And this girl kind of gave me this look and I was like, whatever. But we ended up, you know, kind of becoming friendly. There was only not a lot of us in the class and everyone was very different, came from very, very different backgrounds. um It was a diversity and inclusion class, actually. And um at the end, we had to go around at the end of the class.
00:22:28
Speaker
um We had to go around and say, i don't know exactly what it was. is like something like that, it like changed our perspective or whatever about, you know, the class and – one That same girl that had given me that look that first day, she said, you know, I was quick to judge Allie because she's a member of Sigma El Tata and I had a preconceived notion of them and their reputation on campus. And I learned that you can't judge a book by its cover and you can't judge people by what you hear about, you know, the group that they're in. And it really made me think because I i was like,
00:23:00
Speaker
So taken aback, first of all, I was like, I'm my own person. i I belong to this chapter. But if you could only meet, you know, so many different people in this chapter, the the five people that you see on Instagram, they don't they don't own this chapter. They don't speak for the entire chapter. And even them, maybe you don't know them personally. Maybe if you came to know them personally, you would know that they're projecting because they have their own struggles internally. And so I think that we...
00:23:25
Speaker
as especially as college students, chalk everything up to, oh, this is how this fraternity is. This is how this sorority is. And we don't actually get to know and realize that there are 200 plus individual members in each chapter and they all have something different to offer. So that really enlightened me and made me want to, you know, establish that meaning throughout the rest of my years on campus.
00:23:51
Speaker
So the last word here, what advice would you have for current fraternity and sorority members on campuses who are both experiencing pain and close to those experiencing pain?
00:24:06
Speaker
I think it can never hurt to just step in even when you're not asked to step in. And I think that that's, you know, I was really projecting my pain on my friends when I, when I lost Ella and I was like, don't come here anywhere near me. I don't want to see you. i don't want to talk to you. I want to be alone. And,
00:24:23
Speaker
But what friends don't realize is they take that too literally. They don't know how much it means to show up for their friend, to show up at their house, to just send them a simple text and not necessarily, how are you doing? How is it? Because that can get exhausting. But like, hey, do you want to go out tonight? People didn't ask me to go out because they thought, oh, she's grieving. She doesn't want to go out. But I wanted a lot of things, anything to distract me during that time. And so it hurts to to not only isolate yourself, but be isolated because you're grieving. So definitely reach out to those people. And um you never know, people change and a lot when they're grieving. So even if you're not that close to that person, to reach out to them and be a support for them, even if you don't know them at all, just, you know, but you're a member of their chapter, a member of a different chapter, to say, hey, I know you're going through. and
00:25:16
Speaker
And you're there to be a support and actually mean it and follow through on it.
00:25:21
Speaker
Allie Hornick, she is a speaker, also CEO of the Glimmer of Hope Foundation. Thank you so much for joining me on Ethocast. Thank you for having me. appreciate it.
00:25:33
Speaker
Ethocast is a four-hour edification limited series. If you like what you heard, like, follow, and share this podcast for more leadership insights for your fraternity or sorority chapter. To find out how your campus or a campus near you can book followership to leadership or the D9 Leadership Blueprint, contact me today, eddie at eddiefrancis.com. Until next time, spread brotherly and sisterly love everywhere you go.