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23. Psi | The Neuroscience of Goal-Setting with Maria Maldonado Smith
12 Plays13 days ago
Maria Maldonado Smith gets into the neuroscience and benefits of goal-setting. The leadership coach and speaker visited "Ethocast" to talk about how goal-setting fits into college fraternity and sorority life as well as the importance of members leaning on each other to meet their goals.
About the Guest
Maria Maldonado Smith is the chief empowerment officer of MMS Consulting Firm and creator of the Executive Vision Imagery program. After 18 years of award-winning success in the corporate space, working as a sales leader for Fortune 500 companies across three different industries, Maria brings her unparalleled combination of experience to her proprietary process and interactive training, helping companies understand the neuroscience and benefits of goal-setting for their employees. She equips leaders, employees and organizations to clearly define goals and create a roadmap to achieving them, which allows for better alignment with corporate culture, leading to increased productivity and profitability.
Maria has served numerous national and international clients, including U.S. House of Representatives, Johnson & Johnson, Disney, Paramount Studios, and Constellation Brands. Growing up as the daughter of an immigrant parent, goal-setting has always been a way of life for Maria. At age 9, she set goals to become the first college graduate in her family and to earn the title of Miss Kentucky. Maria graduated from the University of Kentucky with a degree in political science, won the title of Miss Kentucky, and competed in Miss America in 2005.
A sister of the Beta Psi chapter of Alpha Delta Pi, Maria served as executive vice president and began honing her leadership and professional development skills. Her proprietary process has been an essential practice in achieving these goals and many more throughout her career and personal life. Maria has performed twice at Carnegie Hall and sang the National Anthem for an audience of over 120,000. She and her husband of 20 years raise their three children in a loving and encouraging environment where anything is possible when you set a goal and create a vision for it.
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Transcript
Introduction to Neuroscience of Goal Setting
00:00:00
Speaker
On this episode of EtherCast, we're going to get into the neuroscience of goal setting. I know that sounds really impressive. Just as impressive as our guest, Maria Maldonado-Smith, ADPi, represent.
00:00:15
Speaker
It's episode psi of EtherCast.
Purpose of Ethocast and Leadership Lessons
00:00:21
Speaker
Welcome to Ethocast, a podcast about sound leadership practices to boost life in college fraternities and sororities. I'm Eddie Francis, presenter of Followership to Leadership and the Black Greek Success Program, presentations designed to help Greeks become more effective leaders. On Ethocast, I'll share lessons learned from my college days, my career journey, and leadership research. Ethocast is a four-hour edification limited series and presented by Edify Ventures. This is Ethocast, leadership to the letter.
00:00:54
Speaker
Thank you so much for joining me on Ethocast.
Maria Maldonado-Smith's Experiences and Leadership Skills
00:00:57
Speaker
I'm Eddie Francis. Joining me, one of my colleagues. You know, i love to bring my speaking colleagues on. And so the one and only Maria Maldonado-Smith, You know, i always forget this about you, that you were Miss Kentucky.
00:01:14
Speaker
Once upon a time. Once upon a time. ah That is the coolest thing. I've never spoken to a Mr. or Miss anything besides, you know, neighbors. and so mis can So tell tell us about the experience ah of being Miss Kentucky. What what was that like?
00:01:30
Speaker
I got to hear this. It was incredible. And it was incredible. It was a goal I set really actually when I was a lot younger. um but But actually being able to be Miss Kentucky and live out that year and compete at Miss America was ah definitely a dream come true for sure. a goal I'd had in my mind for a long time.
00:01:49
Speaker
And, um but, but doing the job, it's like in anything in life, right? Once you actually get into the job, you realize it's so much more than you ever imagined. um I think at the time when I was setting those goals and thinking about um competing and and and eventually going to Miss America, for me, it was all about scholarship money. It was all about trying to pay for my college.
00:02:11
Speaker
so that I could come out of college you know debt free. And um once I got into the role, you actually are hired by the Kentucky Department of Agriculture. So you work for them and you are paid to go around to i like almost 200 schools, if not, yeah, maybe even more than that. But you make a ton of school appearances and you speak to um elementary, middle and high school students all about a program. Now now they call the program is called Kentucky Proud.
00:02:38
Speaker
And it's basically promoting our farmers and food producers. At the time that I was Miss Kentucky, we promoted a program called No Ifs, Ands, or Buts. It's the law. And it was to mitigate underage the underage purchase of tobacco products.
00:02:52
Speaker
So talk about a very interesting topic. I had to get really creative. And a doctor. I'm not a... I'm not ah not a researcher, so we weren't allowed to talk about anything health related to it. We were just able to talk about, like, you're not 18, so therefore you shouldn't smoke. Don't do it.
00:03:11
Speaker
Right. Don't do it. In one of the highest um tobacco producing states at that time in our nation. So very, very interesting. That was...
00:03:22
Speaker
ah but So maybe that was like clue number one, that this job was going to be a lot more difficult than I thought. But ah no, but we actually, um the way that i I ended up framing my talk, I got a suggestion from sorority sister of mine, believe it or not, who um who was a smoker at the time, is no longer, but at the time, and she said, I always think about if I could kick this habit, how much money I would save if I had never smoked.
00:03:51
Speaker
And I was like, oh, that's brilliant. Like, it was just in casual conversation. She and I were talking. had, you know, you you get an apartment as Miss Kentucky. So I was and was moving into my new apartment and she was in town before she was about ready to um to leave, to go back to um Chicago where she lived. And we were just sitting on my couch and i was like, you know, I know what I'm go to say to these school kids. Like, I totally am like down for talking about dreaming big and all these other things. But ah that creative spin really was the catalyst for me developing out a really cool keynote and program for them to talk about the difference of if we saved all that money instead of purchasing tobacco products, um which at the time of heck of cigarettes was $3 and 16 cents.
00:04:34
Speaker
um You compound that over time with interest in 10 years, you're a millionaire. And so like showing that visually to kids was huge. I had these massive poster boards and I would have all these pictures. I'd,
00:04:47
Speaker
cut out a picture of like Air Jordans and then I just replicated it and I put like 60 on this like one big poster board. And I was like, you could have, you know, 150,000 pairs or whatever, you know, of like Air Jordans, you know, like basically just to give them that visual piece. So probably also like a little like seed was planted to like what I do now and how I run my own business because I do similar type tactics tactics in the work that I
Sorority Leadership Skills in the Corporate World
00:05:13
Speaker
do now.
00:05:13
Speaker
Yeah. But was really fun. It was really, really fun to represent my my home state. And my father's an immigrant, so he was you know i came to this country. And so to have his daughter like represent the country that he just you know loves and so much. um Well, and I say loves in the present. He actually he passed. Yeah.
00:05:31
Speaker
We still talk daily. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I get that. And so, so Maria here, you know, um is someone, again, I've had the pleasure of working with her as a speaker. as She is the chief empowerment officer of MMS consulting and a member of Alpha Delta Pi. And so, you know, goal setting.
00:05:51
Speaker
um is one of those things. Okay. So confession time, goal setting is one of those things I've struggled with for a very, very long time. I'm just getting used to goal setting, but I want to talk about, first of all, your engagement with your sorority because you stay very engaged with them.
00:06:07
Speaker
And one thing I'm really curious about is what is something um that you like to impress upon your sorority sisters about leadership whenever you speak with them?
00:06:21
Speaker
to take advantage of the opportunities that they have right now. And I think that's the biggest thing I want to impart on them is that I didn didn't realize until I was starting and into my career and out of college, and even even honestly in the role of Miss Kentucky, like how much my leadership opportunities in Alpha Delta Pi helped me so much in that role and then helped me even more when I went into the corporate world and spent 18 years so you know working in corporations um as a sales leader, leading teams, developing people. like
00:06:51
Speaker
Being in a sorority, is it's so many things. It's conflict resolution 101. It's leading your peers 101, which sometimes can be hard because you know you the very peers that are voting you into an elected position are also sometimes the very ones that you're butting heads with when they don't like you. Don't unknow it.
00:07:13
Speaker
Yeah. so think the The skills that you're developing and learning being in that environment are incredible. And I i always say it because i you know as the older person, like looking you know looking back, I'm like, girls, this is the stuff that you've got to wrap your heads around.
00:07:30
Speaker
Really take it in. And of course, they're like, okay, yeah, we just want to we just want to have a really fun day party and like raise a lot of money for the Ronald McDonald House. I'm like, yes, absolutely. But while you're at it, make sure that you're taking stock in all of the leadership things that you're you're learning.
00:07:44
Speaker
So I actually have a workshop where alongside goal setting, we're actually starting to identify um how their role looks on a resume.
00:07:56
Speaker
So how does the Sergeant at Arms look on a resume? How does the president look on a resume? The vice president, the, you know, the, the, the VP of finance, you know, membership education. Oh my gosh, you're kidding me. Like that's, there's so many nuggets of like wonderful, know,
00:08:11
Speaker
skills and um leadership aspects that they can relay from those types of positions. And then just being involved in a sorority. Because I also have women who will say, well, I wasn't in a leadership position.
00:08:23
Speaker
Okay, but you still what? You showed up, you participated, so you you you were a part, you were a member of something bigger than yourself. You were a part of that community to drive an overall mission.
00:08:35
Speaker
So I think we also shouldn't discount the fact that not everyone wants a leadership position when they're in college. Some women want it and they they just have other things going on. They're they're on a sports team or they're engaged in you know an arts-based program that just doesn't allow for the time commitment. And just being in the community is is like all that they can manage. And that's okay. I think that there's beauty in that too.
00:08:56
Speaker
And then we can show and develop how we were able to set those boundaries and yet still prioritize needs that were important to us. You know, what when you talk to them,
00:09:07
Speaker
when you talk to them And you you get some of the feedback from them. At what point do you say to yourself, OK, nothing's really changed? it's It's the same thing. Just rinse and repeat from generation to generation.
00:09:22
Speaker
And then at what point do you say, oh, well, that's new. i what What's this about again? What are you doing? So what are some of the things that remain the same? What are some of the things that are different? i think what remains the same is still the drive, the ambition, the desire to build sisterhood and the longevity, like, see you know, looking into the future of I've got my career ahead of me and this experience in this organization over these next four years.
00:09:50
Speaker
will be with me forever. I don't think that has that has changed once. um like i just I still feel that. It still is like palpable when you walk into the the doors of any chapter, of whether that's 80 Pie you know, Kappa Delta or Chi Omega, like in any chapter that I have been invited into, um i still feel that like on behalf of them, even though I might not be one of their sisters, like it's just a part of that sisterhood feeling in an environment that is created.
00:10:18
Speaker
um i think what has changed is most definitely technology for sure. I mean, that's probably the first thing I would say. um I still remember writing paper calendars, writing all of our notes on paper, making physical copies of them.
00:10:33
Speaker
passing them out to people. And I mean, I was like early 2000s. I was 2000, 2004. So it doesn't feel like I should be this old. And yet, you know, everything now is like iPad driven or you know, ah PowerPoint presentation or Canva presentation driven. And I love that. I love that because those are skills they're developing now that I had to hone and develop when I was in the corporate space.
00:10:55
Speaker
um And so those are things that I think, um are different, but yet i i I like that, especially having a daughter who's going to be a senior in high school and thinking about that journey for her.
00:11:07
Speaker
There are a lot of opportunities I think that she will develop and have exposure to um that are going to set her apart when when she is ready to go out into the real world. You're listening to Ethocast. I'm Eddie Francis and joining me is Maria Maldonado-Smith.
00:11:24
Speaker
um And Maria is someone who talks about goal setting. She is into leadership, of course. She's a speaker. And so let's talk about goal setting.
Neuroscience of Goal Setting Explained
00:11:33
Speaker
And you ah you talk about the neuroscience of goal setting, which sounds very, very cool.
00:11:40
Speaker
um What is that and how do you apply that to fraternity sorority life? Mm-hmm. So our brain is incredibly powerful. And I think that's the the key.
00:11:53
Speaker
I talk a lot about goal setting from a visual perspective because 80 to 90% of us are visual learners, yet less than 3% of us set goals, like actually sit down and set goals.
00:12:04
Speaker
And I think that's, you know, you you kind of hit the the nail on the head when you said earlier, you have like a difficult relationship or like a, ah like a strain, like a, almost like a love hate relationship sometimes with goal setting, right? Yes, it is love hate. Yes. Because we have to set, we have to have goals in mind.
00:12:21
Speaker
I think the irony is that we, it's just that that's just it. They're in mind. They're they're in our mind. Whenever I do a workshop and I always ask people, you know, Who here has goals they're working towards? Everyone raises their hand. I'm like, oh, yes, this is amazing.
00:12:34
Speaker
And then I ask the follow-up question. How many of have them written down in a detailed plan on how you're going to get there? And then it's like, oh, yeah oh no, i don't. No, I don't. and then i back up and i say okay how many of you just wrote them down you just like stuck them on a post-it note or something you know and then it's like oh kind of yeah have like maybe a to-do list you know and like okay exactly i'm like this is this is this is where i want to start this is where i want to start and i start anywhere where either whether i'm with a a group of executive leaders in an organization non-profit employees or their leadership team and government entities and sororities fraternities this is where i start because we all have the best of intentions
00:13:13
Speaker
And the thing is, is that if we're casting a vision for our four years in our collegiate institution, we gotta have some goals that we can measure and track over those four years.
00:13:24
Speaker
I'm not looking for people to accomplish things in three months, six months, you know, even a year sometimes, because this is progress that we're building towards. That's why it takes four years to get your degree to, you know, to earn that because you're, you're building the blocks of that knowledge base that it's going to take to get you there.
00:13:40
Speaker
um So I start there by just impressing on upon the power of our brain and how powerful our brain is. We have 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day. The majority of them are negative.
00:13:52
Speaker
And so we have to learn how to rewire our brain for that positive thinking. I know it sounds a little woo. Sometimes sounds a little cringy. Like, oh my gosh, what do you mean? I got to rewire my brain for positive. yeah Oh, you're going to tell me to do affirmations. Yeah, I am. I am going to tell you the affirmations. 100%. I'm going to tell you.
00:14:09
Speaker
ah My kids have them on their mirrors. Like we have them on our mirrors. You know, things that I just, when I wake up, I don't want to forget. Just stick it on a post-it note. These are all over the place in our house. Like everywhere, you know, different colors, all things. I have my own branded ones. Like because I am...
00:14:25
Speaker
i i know how much we forget things because we have 60,000, 80, 60 to 8,000 thoughts a day. So there's that piece of, of how our brain kind of will can overpower us or overwhelm us when we're not specifically, you know, writing things down. Because I say, listen, if you're just thinking about them up here, unfortunately it's a fleeting thought.
00:14:45
Speaker
You think, oh, that would be a great goal. That's what I want to do. That's what I want to do. But then in in a nanosecond, something else has already taken its place and another thought has come into your head. And that thought could become be negative or could be pervasive or overwhelming.
00:14:58
Speaker
And it starts to compound. And you have all of these types of thought processes um that are occurring. So in order to rewire our brain, we have to introduce it to new things.
00:15:09
Speaker
It's why the saying you have to get uncomfortable or comfortable with being uncomfortable, because that's literally what we're doing. Our brain wants to work on our behalf. um It wants to do what we ask it to do, which typically means it wants to be very comfortable.
00:15:24
Speaker
It wants to do what we ask it to, which is i don't want to go work out. Okay, cool. Let's not. oh you know I don't really want to eat that salad. I'd rather have the burger. Oh my God, a burger is so amazing. Absolutely. like Think about it. you know It's always like that little like you know angel devil. like you know And that's essentially what you're...
00:15:41
Speaker
what your, your brain is, is doing and there's chemicals involved in it. You know, there's neuro dopamine, of course, but you've got, um, norepinephrine, you've got serotonin, um, involved in those chemical responses. When they interact, they're going to release a response and that's either going to be positive or negative.
00:16:01
Speaker
um And so when I work with fraternities and sororities, especially, I remind them that what we're looking for is to have something that we can achieve that dopamine response tied to, not tied to this, but tied to our our goals. And so we thoughtfully write out what it is we're working to achieve. The views expressed on EthelCast do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts, guests, or any entities with which this podcast's participants are affiliated. Questions, comments, email eddie at eddiefrancis.com.
00:16:36
Speaker
Are you familiar with Tuchman's model of team formation by any chance? No. the ah the the forming, norming not informing storming, norming, performing. And so I think about that because that's something that I bring up in followership to leadership whenever I speak to fraternity sorority members. And one of the things that I bring up to them is that In fraternity and sorority life, what we have to deal with in college is that
Importance of Goal Setting in College
00:17:06
Speaker
you mentioned four years. In some cases, it's three years. It's two years.
00:17:10
Speaker
Some people decide the last year of college they want to do it. But in that time, that time is compressed. And so a lot of our fraternity sorority members, you know i was a chapter president. And so you have so much less time to figure out what the goal is going to be and how to help drive the chapter towards that goal. and so it it it it It occurs to me that even more so being able to set goals and being able to stick to the process of of meeting that goal, it becomes even it it can becomes that much more important, it seems. So, um so so you know, that whole ah that whole way of understanding how your brain works. And I'm ADHD, so i I have to understand how dopamine what a dopamine rush is.
00:17:57
Speaker
yeah And so in a fraternity sorority, it is so much easier to say party over study. You know, it is so much easier to say, go hang out with the frat brother, go hang out with the sorority sister, go get the burger with the frat brother, the sorority sister. When I know actually probably should be on my way to class. I mean, that that is.
00:18:17
Speaker
that it occurs to me that what you're doing is that much more important. So whenever you, whenever you are talking to fraternity sorority members and you can see that light bulb going off ah with them, what kinds of conversations do you have with them? Say after a presentation, um, when they realize how much really is involved in goal setting, but then being able to progress toward a goal. Mm-hmm.
00:18:44
Speaker
So you're bringing up so many wonderful like nuggets of of like and like what we would say in ADPi, like pearls of wisdom in the sense that, yes, the goal setting is just literally scratching the surface. That's like, okay, I wrote the goal down. I got specific. i met you know I'm going to measure it.
00:19:00
Speaker
Here's how it's achievable. Here's how it's relevant, time-bound. Great. Got my my smart method. I add an E and an R onto you know my process. I think a lot of people do, which is evaluate because we need to evaluate. Do we even like this goal anymore?
00:19:12
Speaker
And then the R is reward. How are we going reward ourselves for our success? um Because that's a big catalyst and piece to us staying engaged with that goal. Are we actually going to you know stay involved? Well, we know when we reward ourselves, we get there a little a lot faster and reward ourselves consistently, not just at the very end.
Overcoming Goal Setting Challenges
00:19:29
Speaker
So what I would say is that, yes, that you've scratched the surface, but now you have identified something that's very important to you. And so goals are very personal. And so what I would say to any member of a so sorority or fraternity is that once you've identified the goal and you've kind of, and you've taken yourself through that process now comes even the nittier and grittier part of how do I set boundaries around this goal to make sure that at all costs, I achieve it.
00:19:56
Speaker
Um, I think one of the biggest things I talk about, um, and I find this more so with my women groups, honestly, you know, just like whether I'm doing a women's empowerment group or working with the sorority is just, uh, allowing ourselves and giving ourselves that permission to say that we are worthy of ah of accomplishing this goal and that we can honor it um and really honor that commitment at all costs.
00:20:15
Speaker
Because I think, Eddie, that's the biggest thing is that we we are learning before our brain fully develops We have this collegiate experience and this opportunity to really say, now, how am I going to set myself up for success when at 25 to 20, studies are now saying more like 28, like 28 years of age. And my brain is fully developed that I am like set because these these types of habits and processes are so much more difficult to put in place when you are older, when you are out into the working world.
00:20:45
Speaker
um to try to set a cadence for consistency in your life becomes really difficult if it's not um learned at a younger age. We know that about most everything in life. When we can and incorporate healthier habits and when we how how our brain learns, all of that, the reason that we start school at such a young age and we start to you you know um introduce concepts slowly over time so that by the time we are out of high school and ready for college, we're prepared.
00:21:14
Speaker
um it's the same it's the same thing. So I would say three things come into play. um Prioritization through time management would be one, setting boundaries, and then procrastination is one that we have to address because it's very much an emotional trigger.
00:21:27
Speaker
i work a lot with groups that i I say to them, have you ever felt like, oh, I'm just so lazy or that person's so lazy? And I said, yeah, exactly. We we throw that term around.
00:21:39
Speaker
And really, I like to use laziness as a reward. i get to be lazy because I worked my butt off and now I'm going to lay and I'm going to rest, you know, and I'm going to lay let you know be be be lazy in the sun or on the couch with the book.
00:21:51
Speaker
um I truly believe that that that we're not lazy by by choice or desire. It's driven by an emotional response um to to something that we don't want to have happen. Going back to the whole, the the brain, going back to that, our brain wants to do what makes us comfortable.
00:22:13
Speaker
It wants to create stability and calm and peace and joy in our life. And so being uncomfortable means that our brain has to do more work for us. It's got to create more neural networks and more neural pathways so that we can learn and absorb new information and we can do something differently.
00:22:30
Speaker
Once we get our brain over that hump and we get ourselves over that hump, we start to believe that we are capable of accomplishing it. So procrastination is so much of an emotional trigger. It's usually driven by fear, fear failure, rejection, not understanding where to start.
00:22:46
Speaker
So we are we are stalled into an action because we're overthinking so much. And we've already talked ourselves 10 ways to Sunday out of how this goal might not work.
00:22:58
Speaker
We can't even get started. So procrastination becomes a huge thing. And so I always say, you just got to start. You got to rip the bandaid off. And even if it's like, you know what? I said I was going to run a mile today. I don't care. Run a half mile then. Run a half. Get started. Do something.
00:23:11
Speaker
And then from there, um you got to set the boundary. you got it You got to understand what is my boundary for this. i I'm going to go no less than two times a week doing engaging in this goal or this activity. And set that boundary and honor it.
00:23:24
Speaker
I'm not looking for perfection. I'm not looking for all or nothing. i don't think any of us are. Like that I think is something that college students bring to me often is that feeling of like, I have to be perfect or I have to get this right.
00:23:38
Speaker
And this is actually your time to not get it right at all. And this is your time to figure out what's gonna work best for you. And then that third piece would be um would be the time management of it all is is understanding that your goal is so important to you that you will prioritize it above the burger and the talk with a friend, you know, for the time being, or that you say, i got to get this done first, because this is what's so important to me.
00:24:04
Speaker
And then afterwards, how about we go get that burger in that conversation? Yeah. And you know what? It's so interesting. I've interviewed a few people on this podcast about the way we behave in fraternity and sorority life.
00:24:19
Speaker
And it's interesting how many times that belief that we have to be perfect has come up. It just comes up constantly.
Social Media Advice for Sorority Women
00:24:27
Speaker
With that being said, this is a really good segue into something that I saw on one of your social media posts.
00:24:33
Speaker
And um you wrote, ah you don't have to figure it out alone. um on one of your posts to um to the women in sororities particularly. And so I wonder about that because i think that's also common in fraternity men. I think a lot of us believe, especially men, because we're so pig-headed, i think, you know, we're sitting there like, well, if I'm figuring it out alone, then, you know, I'm a loser.
00:25:01
Speaker
you know and And I think a lot of us believe that. Why do you think We are under so much pressure to figure it out alone. And by a definition, we're fraternities and sororities, we're in brotherhoods and sisterhoods.
00:25:16
Speaker
So we should be leaning on each other. But why do you think we have to figure it? We we we feel that we have to figure it out alone. Oh my gosh. Well, that's a loaded, that's a loaded question.
00:25:29
Speaker
Um, because I have about four different responses to that, meaning I think there are different reasons why. One, I think that it's, it's born of just our intrinsic desire to not um burden anyone else with our problems, with our issues. It's why we won't ask for help.
00:25:47
Speaker
And the irony, um i actually just shared this recently um with a sister via a DM over Instagram who said, yeah, I have a hard time asking for help. And I was like, oh, I'm like, it is hard, isn't it? It is. It's hard to ask for help. However, um studies show that when asked, like when people are asked for help, 93% of people will say, would love to help someone. If they asked me, I'm all i'm there for them. I want to know how I can support them.
00:26:12
Speaker
I want to know how I can can be there for them. I think in our mind, it's a narrative that we create that, man, if I ask for help, I'm showing one, a sign of weakness and two, I'm burdening someone with you know with with my ask or with my need.
00:26:26
Speaker
um I think we also think we should be able to figure it out on our own. But you know what? you were all what you When you were talking, i also thought about we're high achievers too. And so we're just like, well, if I don't get this done, if I if I can't do this alone, then what what good am I?
00:26:42
Speaker
You know, I mean, I've had that thought. Yes. um That if I can't figure it out, then I'm surely I'm not I'm not worth my salt as an alpha man. You know, I have had those kinds of thoughts before that I shouldn't have to call on my frat brothers because.
00:26:58
Speaker
I should know how to do this thing. I should know how to get through this problem. I should know how to straighten myself up and go study instead of going to step practice and that sort of thing. So, I mean, that high achieving thing is another thing that that, to me, it seems like it's just a bit of a bugaboo that makes us believe we have to do it alone. Do you think so? or Have you seen that?
00:27:18
Speaker
Oh, 100%. 100%. And I think that what you find in you know, like like you just said, I think what you find in fraternities and sororities is that so many of those high achievers are ascending to positions of leadership because because were we're one, we're drawn to it. And then two, we we are just inclined to always be trying to better ourselves, always, you know, we're always trying to focus on What's the next level? How can I level up? How can I be better? How can I learn more?
00:27:42
Speaker
um And so because we always outwardly appear to have all of the answers when we don't, it's a shock to our own system of, I don't understand. I don't, I don't have the answer. i don't know what to do here.
00:27:54
Speaker
um I also think, and that's why I said this a little bit question, because I think there's also this side to me that does fear for in some ways for our younger generation of,
00:28:06
Speaker
oh fraternity and sorority members is this idea of social media and always seeing people's highlight reels. And so we're seeing the end product of things.
00:28:18
Speaker
And so helping people understand how you got there. So like the, you know, the influencer that gets to, you know, the end of their whatever goal or they're posting their video will back me up and show me everything that led up to that so that I, as a grown woman know that that's the case, but younger impressionable minds might not realize that. And when they're inundated with it, we, they are actually rewiring their brains.
00:28:47
Speaker
So the images that we see are so incredibly powerful. I share this stat often with groups that I work with because I think this bleeds right into the whole inability to ask for help. um We're so emotionally and visually overstimulated.
00:29:01
Speaker
um If you have one social media account, you see anywhere from 10 to 100 images a day based on the length of time you're spending on that platform. So if you multiply that by, you know, I've got Instagram, I've got TikTok, I've got um Snapchat for my kids.
00:29:15
Speaker
I've got, you know, but I've got i've got LinkedIn, I've got Facebook. I I've got five just right there. and that doesn't even take into account WhatsApp, which 6.9 billion images a day, a day are shared across WhatsApp alone.
00:29:28
Speaker
Over 14 billion images are are uploaded and exchanged online every single day. That alone is an overwhelming number. By 2030, the estimates are that it'll be over a trillion.
00:29:39
Speaker
So when we think about how we goal set and how we see our goals out in the universe and how we see them out in play, it's really hard for me to see that I'm capable of accomplishing something when all I'm doing all day is scrolling and and and and I'm embedded in other people's lives or I'm embedded in other people's highlight reels or or their end result.
00:30:01
Speaker
um I think it's It's something that we have to be mindful of because I love social media. I love a good social media post. I love sharing, you know, but we have to do it.
00:30:12
Speaker
We have to set those boundaries on it so that it doesn't interfere with the the vision that we're creating for our life. And think that's one of the biggest the biggest um issues that i that I find in addressing with younger younger um the younger generation.
00:30:26
Speaker
whether that's middle school, high school, and even on on up into into college. um And then that, but that because that directly that directly feeds into our inability to ask for help because we start making assumptions.
00:30:38
Speaker
We start making assumptions that clearly this person just has it all together and I don't. So therefore, where do I even begin? and and then that creates that false narrative and those negative thoughts of you know start to creep in I'm incapable of doing that. I could never do something like that.
00:30:55
Speaker
um I wouldn't even know where to begin. all The whole time, all we have to do is just simply ask for help and be willing to say, i don't know. i do a lot of interview prep for you women competing in the Miss America system and the Miss USA system and a lot of different systems.
00:31:12
Speaker
But one of the things that I always share with them is one, I'll never tell them what to say. their Their words and thoughts need to be their own, need to be original. But two, if they don't know the answer to a question, it's okay to say, I don't know.
00:31:28
Speaker
I, I, I, now I'm curious though, to learn more about what you just asked me about. So thank you for the question. i don't have an answer for you. That would be adequate. Like I wouldn't even want to try and make something up because I just simply don't know.
00:31:42
Speaker
But now you've brought something into, into my, my knowledge sphere, you know, my, my realm of knowledge. Now I'm aware of it. Now I'm going to go seek out an answer. and We might never meet again in this particular thing, but at least I'm going to know how I feel about whatever it is that you just asked me.
00:31:58
Speaker
That is so much more of of a a thoughtful, intentional response instead of just trying to wing it and and and figure something out and stumble over your words and ramble on about something that you truly have no clue what you're talking about.
00:32:15
Speaker
The same goes with asking for help. We have to be able to say, I don't know how to do this, but if you will help me, or I've identified that you're someone who who can help me, you're doing a couple of things. One, you're going to find out the answer. And two,
00:32:31
Speaker
you're helping to boost the self-esteem and confidence of the person that you've come to. So it's really a two-way street when it comes to asking for help.
Maria's Contact Information and Resources
00:32:40
Speaker
So Maria, if anybody wanted to get in touch with you, learn more about you, how can they do it?
00:32:46
Speaker
Well, I just mentioned I'm like pretty much in all the places that you can be. I'm on the TikTok, I'm on Instagram, um I'm on LinkedIn, I'm very active on LinkedIn and Instagram. um More specifically, I'm on Facebook as well. You can also email me, Maria, at MMSConsultingFirm.com.
00:33:06
Speaker
um And then you can also visit my website, MMSConsultingFirm.com. um Yeah, and reach out to me. I would love for, you know, I have a YouTube channel as well where... Um, it's got the episodes from my first season of my podcast. And so we've got a second season coming out as well.
00:33:21
Speaker
It's called creating the vision. It's on um iTunes, Spotify, wherever you, wherever you would get your, your podcasts. And I also have a workbook that's on Amazon. It's called creating a vision board.
00:33:32
Speaker
Um, and it really does explain a lot of the neuroscience behind why and how we can effectively set goals. Oh, that is so cool. So all of Maria's information in the show notes. Maria, thank you so much for joining me on Ethocast. Thank you. Ethocast is a four hour edification limited series. If you like what you heard, like and follow this podcast for more leadership insights for your fraternity or sorority chapter. To find out how you can bring followership to leadership or the Black Greek Success Program to your campus or a campus near you,
00:34:04
Speaker
email today eddie at eddie francis.com until next time spread brotherly and sisterly love wherever you go