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Stay Sparked #50 "Imposter Syndrome"
6 Plays1 year ago
"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!!!"
Guess what? We've all thought it. What are the root causes of Imposter Syndrome? How can we move through our cycles of doubt?
HOSTS
BETSY FINKLEHOO is a healer of massage therapy, CranioSacral and Dharma Coaching. She is an 8 year burner and has spent the last several years seeped in the personal development world, cultivating her passion for transformation and growth. Her recent project, The Power Affirmation Journal and virtual group empowers women to cultivate self awareness and healthy habits so they can live in greater freedom, mind body and spirit.
http://poweraffirmation.com/
Click here to get a FREE affirmation for Stay Sparked Listeners!
HALCYON is full-time Love Ambassador. He is the founder of Hug Nation YouTube channel and daily zoom gratitude circles. He is co-founder of the Pink Heart Burning Man camp and the 1st Saturdays project for people experiencing homelessness. In his free time he coaches individuals on how to live joyfully and authentically. His other podcast is "Hard on the 80's."
http://JohnStyn.com
JANUS REDMOON is a 10-time Burner, and has spent the last several years as an advocate for psychedelic medicine research and treatment. He is the founder and CEO of NuWorld Nutritionals, a nutritional supplement company providing mushroom-based, all-natural products to improve and maintain health for both body and mind. (Use code "SPARKED" for 10% off)
http://www.nuworldnutritionals.com
MASSIVE Thank you to Dub Sutra for their beautiful opening music. Check out their incredible music catalogue online.
https://dubsutra.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction & Episode Focus
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to Stay Sparked.
00:00:03
Speaker
On this show, we explore how to stay inspired in the modern world through the most profound lessons from Burning Man, relationships, entrepreneurship, psychedelics, spirituality, travel, and more.
00:00:17
Speaker
On today's episode, we talk about imposter syndrome.
00:00:19
Speaker
We talk about all our own personal struggles with overcoming self-doubt.
00:00:24
Speaker
And what is imposter syndrome and how do we advocate for ourselves to do the things that we're wanting to do?
Meet the Hosts
00:00:31
Speaker
Enjoy the episode.
00:00:33
Speaker
Welcome to stay sparked.
00:00:35
Speaker
We are three longtime friends sharing conversations aim to light you up.
00:00:40
Speaker
I'm Betsy.
00:00:41
Speaker
I'm Halcyon.
00:00:43
Speaker
And I am Iannis.
Expressions of Gratitude
00:00:46
Speaker
And today we are going to start off with gratitude as always.
00:00:52
Speaker
So Halcyon, what are you grateful for today?
00:00:55
Speaker
I'm feeling grateful for my mom.
00:00:57
Speaker
She just had her birthday and got to shower her with appreciation and love and just feeling so grateful that she's still in my life.
00:01:07
Speaker
And I get to have that ability to make her feel loved whenever I can.
00:01:14
Speaker
Oh, yeah, mama.
00:01:16
Speaker
That is very sweet.
00:01:16
Speaker
It's not even Mother's Day.
00:01:17
Speaker
That's great.
00:01:20
Speaker
How about you, Yanis?
00:01:21
Speaker
What are you grateful for today?
00:01:23
Speaker
I am grateful for my friends, you two included.
00:01:30
Speaker
So I've had a couple of friends kind of drop off my personal radar of late just because that kind of thing you do.
00:01:40
Speaker
You want your friends to show up the ways that you show up for them.
00:01:43
Speaker
Not all the time, but sometimes.
00:01:44
Speaker
And I've had some friends really do that of late and I've had other friends really not.
00:01:49
Speaker
So I'm grateful for those friends that show up.
00:01:53
Speaker
You know who you are.
00:01:55
Speaker
Love you.
00:01:59
Speaker
Oh, well, I'll share my gratitude is being here with you guys today.
00:02:03
Speaker
So it's really nice to just allow the inspiration to flow through our conversation.
00:02:08
Speaker
So for those of you listening out there, we actually have been on the call for like over 45 minutes, just sparking each other up behind the scenes, just all kinds of different topics that just feel so natural and uplifting.
00:02:22
Speaker
I feel sparked by this trifecta and I'm so grateful that we are getting to record
00:02:28
Speaker
And get to share some more conversations, some of our conversations with you guys out there too, with the intention of spreading sparks.
00:02:36
Speaker
So here we are.
00:02:37
Speaker
Let's dive in, shall we?
Understanding Imposter Syndrome
00:02:39
Speaker
Let's.
00:02:41
Speaker
So we decided to talk today about imposter syndrome.
00:02:47
Speaker
What is it?
00:02:48
Speaker
What's our experience of it?
00:02:50
Speaker
You know, let's see what we can uncover in our conversation here.
00:02:55
Speaker
And so I'd love to spark us off with an inquiry around what is imposter syndrome?
00:03:02
Speaker
Either of you want to dive into sort of defining it in your own way?
00:03:07
Speaker
Sure.
00:03:08
Speaker
I mean, it's that way more common than we think phenomenon of feeling like nobody realizes that we don't know what we're doing and that we are in a situation where we are way out of our league.
00:03:22
Speaker
We are unqualified.
00:03:24
Speaker
Everyone else knows better than us.
00:03:26
Speaker
And we're just faking it.
00:03:27
Speaker
And everyone's going to find out.
00:03:29
Speaker
Everyone's going to know.
00:03:29
Speaker
I don't know what I'm doing.
00:03:32
Speaker
And it kind of collapses the confidence.
00:03:35
Speaker
And I think the reason why it's good to talk about it is because we always think that we're the only one that is ill-equipped to be where we are.
00:03:44
Speaker
And yet everybody falls into that feeling sometimes.
00:03:48
Speaker
Well said.
00:03:51
Speaker
Great.
00:03:51
Speaker
It definitely comes up.
00:03:54
Speaker
It's a sensation that I feel pretty good having processed it for myself.
00:04:01
Speaker
But it's interesting how it still will come kind of rarited from time to time.
00:04:05
Speaker
Recently, most recently, and my partner and I just had a baby.
00:04:10
Speaker
That common sensation when we're walking out of the hospital, it's like they realize we have no idea.
00:04:15
Speaker
Like how good they're letting us leave this with this baby.
00:04:18
Speaker
It's like, it's like, do they have any idea how bad this is going to go?
00:04:22
Speaker
But it is, it's so far so good.
00:04:24
Speaker
It's been going well.
00:04:25
Speaker
But, but yeah, I think a lot of us, we kind of think that we're going to be like, we're going to be found out that there's people actually like looking at us being like, what is, what is Betsy think she's doing?
00:04:37
Speaker
What is, what's, you know, what is, who's Halcyon to be hosting gratitude circles everyone?
00:04:43
Speaker
What is Yana?
00:04:44
Speaker
What are these three people doing a podcast for?
00:04:46
Speaker
Nobody's out there thinking that.
00:04:48
Speaker
Nobody's out there.
00:04:49
Speaker
We tend to be very concerned about
00:04:52
Speaker
think about us, what their possible potential perceptions of us might be.
00:04:56
Speaker
And I think the imposter syndrome is closely linked to perfectionism.
00:05:01
Speaker
Like, you know, if we, if we can't do something absolutely right to the best way it could be done, then we have no business doing it.
00:05:08
Speaker
I think it befalls a lot of artists as well.
00:05:10
Speaker
People who consider themselves to be artistic.
00:05:12
Speaker
Like if I can't be as good as like,
00:05:15
Speaker
If I can't write a song or if I can't sing or if I can't paint as good as like these people who are famous, then I probably, and I got no business doing it.
00:05:21
Speaker
And it's like, you're kind of forgetting the whole idea of like, you know, life is about, you know, play and exploration, trying something
Strategies for Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
00:05:30
Speaker
new.
00:05:30
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:05:32
Speaker
Totally.
00:05:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:33
Speaker
And you know what I feel like with what you shared around considering what other people think or worrying about other people finding out that we're a phony, I feel like my personal experience with the imposter syndrome is really more about myself.
00:05:47
Speaker
Like, well, who am I to do the thing?
00:05:50
Speaker
You know, I could never actually do a be this or be that, you know, especially in specific genres of character or archetypes.
00:06:00
Speaker
or professions, you know, like being an author, for example, when I was working on creating the Power Affirmation Journal, and people were kind of calling me an author, oh, you're becoming an author.
00:06:10
Speaker
I was like, no, no, I'm not.
00:06:12
Speaker
No, it's just a journal.
00:06:13
Speaker
I'm just downplaying it, downplaying it, even though I wrote a lot, and there's a whole section in there.
00:06:17
Speaker
It took something to really overcome that, where my own internal dialogue is like, no, no, no, I'm not that.
00:06:25
Speaker
I'm not that.
00:06:26
Speaker
right it's uh it's a continuous checking in with myself around believing that it's possible for me to become something that i've never been before right and i have a dear friend recently who spoke at an event i hosted and she shared her journey of becoming a musician where one day she decided she wanted to become a musician and it took her quite a while to get there but it was the claiming of that
00:06:50
Speaker
Whereas previously she was like, no, I'm not a musician.
00:06:54
Speaker
I can't see myself as that.
00:06:55
Speaker
I would never put myself out there like that because I'm not a musician.
00:06:59
Speaker
And then she started to become a musician and she's like, wait, am I?
00:07:02
Speaker
I don't know.
00:07:03
Speaker
Am I?
00:07:03
Speaker
I think I am.
00:07:04
Speaker
No, wait, no, no, I'm not.
00:07:05
Speaker
I'm not.
00:07:06
Speaker
Right.
00:07:06
Speaker
Because then it's the comparison that comes up around other musicians or other authors or like these little mechanisms that we have that kind of put us in certain categories.
00:07:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:22
Speaker
I think there's this feeling...
00:07:25
Speaker
that people are, if you are a musician, then you are perfect at that all the time.
00:07:33
Speaker
And so if you are aspiring to be a musician, then, oh, I'm not a musician.
00:07:37
Speaker
And I feel like when you said, who's Halcyon to think you can do gratitude circles, I've been really struggling with a little bit of imposter syndrome just in the last month because I have had some struggles with health and with injury and with pain.
00:07:53
Speaker
And I've had some days when I'm like really struggling to be grateful.
00:07:56
Speaker
And I actually came to the gratitude circle and said, hey, I need to have other people host for a little bit because, I mean, I didn't say it in these words, but I was feeling like an imposter.
00:08:08
Speaker
I was feeling like, who am I?
00:08:09
Speaker
Delete a gratitude circle.
00:08:10
Speaker
Because I had in my mind that
00:08:13
Speaker
the assumption or the irrational expectation that I need to be like so overflowing with gratitude that I can just lift up the circle no matter what, you know?
00:08:24
Speaker
And if I don't have that perfection of the gratitude specialist, then I can't,
00:08:31
Speaker
serve as someone who is going to hold a gratitude circle.
00:08:35
Speaker
And I think that we all fall into that place, not realizing that every single person on the planet is struggling sometimes, is having off days, which is kind of going to be a trip when you go, wait a minute, is that true for surgeons?
00:08:48
Speaker
Is that true for, you know, the guy who just told me that, you know, my mechanic, like, yes, everyone is struggling a little bit.
00:08:56
Speaker
And so we got to be a little cooler to ourselves when we feel like we maybe aren't having our best days.
00:09:02
Speaker
We're human.
00:09:03
Speaker
We're human.
00:09:03
Speaker
And I know I've had people be like, how are you so positive all the time?
00:09:06
Speaker
I'm like, I'm not, I'm not, you know, this is the nature of being human, right?
00:09:13
Speaker
We go through these ranges of feelings and experiences and challenges.
00:09:18
Speaker
And it's like, how do we navigate it?
00:09:19
Speaker
Right.
00:09:19
Speaker
And that's really amazing that you were able to be vulnerable and show up in that circle and let people know where you're at and how was that received?
00:09:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:29
Speaker
That's what's so interesting is that it was received incredibly well.
00:09:33
Speaker
Like nobody had the expectation that I needed to be positive.
00:09:38
Speaker
In fact, there was an outpouring of love.
00:09:41
Speaker
And I think there was...
00:09:43
Speaker
a growth experience of others who are able to then be more of service to me.
00:09:51
Speaker
You know, they were able to like, nobody just wants to be student all the time.
00:09:57
Speaker
Sometimes people want to be teacher.
00:09:58
Speaker
And I think that in that perfectionism or that need to be perfect at it, I was robbing the community of the experience of where we all have things to offer one another.
00:10:12
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that's the that's the that's the juice.
00:10:15
Speaker
That's the that's the gold in that
Childhood Influences on Self-Doubt
00:10:17
Speaker
moment there.
00:10:18
Speaker
We've said it before here.
00:10:19
Speaker
But yeah, vulnerability is a superpower.
00:10:22
Speaker
And when we flex that and we dive into that, it gives us and others the opportunity to step up.
00:10:27
Speaker
It's a gift that we're giving to to ourselves and to others to be like,
00:10:31
Speaker
you know, I'm, you know, I'm a little wobbly today or I'm a little, whatever.
00:10:35
Speaker
It's like, I could use some assistance.
00:10:37
Speaker
People love to be of service.
00:10:40
Speaker
People love to help.
00:10:41
Speaker
And given a sudden opportunity to do so, most of us will, will jump at the opportunity.
00:10:46
Speaker
Like you see this out in the world when there's like a car crash, people like everybody stops.
00:10:51
Speaker
Everybody wants to help.
00:10:52
Speaker
Um, because being there's, there's something very fulfilling of being of service.
00:10:57
Speaker
um getting to and getting especially when it comes to getting a chance to help people that we love see it like all these gofundme things it's like that happened people just like leap to the leap to leap to the cause um you know humans are inherently good i think so and getting back to the topic at hand um a lot of that can be you know that that that feeling of like not good enough um
00:11:23
Speaker
It's interesting because a lot of that stems from childhood stuff, you know, either where it weren't
00:11:28
Speaker
Either we were told we weren't good enough or we just weren't given the message that we were good enough.
00:11:32
Speaker
So we dragged this imposter syndrome aspect of imposter syndrome with us into childhood, which gets magnified.
00:11:40
Speaker
I think the older we get, we're not that old before we finally realize that as kids, you think adults have got it all figured out.
00:11:48
Speaker
And then you might not even get to adulthood before you do it.
00:11:53
Speaker
It's like, wow, nobody knows anything.
00:11:55
Speaker
Like, wow, everybody's just winging it.
00:11:57
Speaker
Everybody's just like, just like making it up as they go along, which is comforting because that's what I've been doing my whole life.
00:12:04
Speaker
But then it also, that kind of feeds the imposter syndrome.
00:12:06
Speaker
It's like, well, wow, nobody knows anything.
00:12:09
Speaker
I don't, I don't know what I'm doing here.
00:12:10
Speaker
What should I, you know, who am I, who am I to do this thing?
00:12:15
Speaker
And I think we get also thrown off by,
00:12:19
Speaker
the people that come into our awareness are people who are really good at doing something.
00:12:23
Speaker
They've mastered something.
00:12:25
Speaker
And we get the idea that people are like savants, almost.
00:12:29
Speaker
Like musicians.
00:12:31
Speaker
Like we hear about these musicians who were playing music at the age of five.
00:12:35
Speaker
And so they become these virtuosos.
00:12:37
Speaker
Like, well, gosh, I haven't been...
00:12:38
Speaker
making music i'm 30 years old i've never played an instrument but i want to be a musician who am i to try to be a musician while we forget that so much of like life you can learn it you can learn how to do these things i remember there's a friend of ours uh patricia i'll give her a little shout out uh patricia bliss uh she was posting she took started taking a painting class and her first she was posting like all her paintings and her very first painting was like
00:13:04
Speaker
something you would see like frankly out of out of a gray schooler or something like you see all you know everybody has to paint the same thing so her her version of it was not great um but she did it and it was fine but you saw over the course of like she would post it every week for like half a year and by the time like 20 weeks had passed it's like that's a legitimately cool painting you did and she's like yeah it's like i learned how to paint i can learn we can learn how to do these things public speaking
00:13:30
Speaker
While it can be terrifying, you can learn how to do that.
00:13:33
Speaker
You just have to have that, you know, that just little bit of push to get over the idea that you can't do it or that you shouldn't do it.
00:13:41
Speaker
And that's where that imposter syndrome needs to be kind of uprooted out.
00:13:45
Speaker
Yes, so true.
00:13:47
Speaker
Right.
00:13:47
Speaker
And that first, those first early stages, it's a little awkward.
00:13:51
Speaker
It's uncomfortable.
00:13:53
Speaker
And when we can rise above the initial stages of learning, then it can be much more fulfilled.
00:14:01
Speaker
And then we can start to believe in ourselves a little more.
00:14:03
Speaker
You know, I think we've referenced the Atomic Habits book many times, but I always love coming back to that one because there's a section in there that talks about identity-based goals.
00:14:15
Speaker
instead of like outcome-based goals when we can really have a goal to see ourselves become something become a painter or a musician or you know an author or a speaker right when we can start to see ourselves going towards that then that can be such fuel for our growth
00:14:34
Speaker
You know, I
Identity-Based Goals as a Confidence Booster
00:14:36
Speaker
will speak to a personal experience of playing the flute.
00:14:39
Speaker
So many years ago, I was gifted a really beautiful native flute.
00:14:43
Speaker
And I had no idea how to play it.
00:14:46
Speaker
I tried to play it.
00:14:47
Speaker
I sound horrible.
00:14:48
Speaker
And I was like, I don't see myself as somebody who plays a flute.
00:14:51
Speaker
It was uncomfortable.
00:14:53
Speaker
It sat there on my shelf as decoration for a long time.
00:14:57
Speaker
And then I started to...
00:14:59
Speaker
start to see myself as somebody who plays flute.
00:15:02
Speaker
Like, what would that be like if I could actually see myself sitting on a cliff somewhere playing the flute and really enjoying it and contributing to a soundscape in a pleasant way, not in a really awkward way.
00:15:15
Speaker
out of tune sort of way.
00:15:16
Speaker
And I started to feel confident in myself to practice when I started to see myself as somebody who knows how to play the flute.
00:15:25
Speaker
And it's taken a long time and a lot of consistent action and practice to get to a place where I actually now feel comfortable playing in front of other people.
00:15:32
Speaker
You know, and that identity being skulls, I think is really valuable to be able to hold a direction in mind for where we're going and who we're becoming.
00:15:44
Speaker
I love that.
00:15:45
Speaker
We have...
00:15:47
Speaker
so much more awareness of ourselves than anyone else does.
00:15:53
Speaker
And I think that's the fear is that like, let's say you get a new job, you convince people by doing, you know, you're doing your best in your interview and you, and, and, and so they give you a job and suddenly you're like, Oh my God, I don't know if I can do this because you know, all the times that you've messed up, you know, all the times that you struggle.
00:16:10
Speaker
And so now you, now you're like, Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.
00:16:12
Speaker
I have to now, or are we allowed to swear on our podcast?
00:16:15
Speaker
I hope so.
00:16:18
Speaker
We got to put an E next to the, I don't know.
00:16:22
Speaker
Is that the, is that who you want to be?
00:16:24
Speaker
Gosh, darn it.
00:16:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:25
Speaker
My identity is one who does not offend.
00:16:29
Speaker
Fuck it.
00:16:30
Speaker
Um, it's that you're, you know, it's,
00:16:36
Speaker
you have this really broad spectrum of you that no one else has.
00:16:41
Speaker
And so you start to amplify your awareness of your limitations.
00:16:47
Speaker
I think that the important thing to remember is that
00:16:50
Speaker
especially as you're given responsibilities or roles or jobs, as you get more advanced in those roles, one of the reasons you get higher roles is because you're trusted to make mistakes.
00:17:01
Speaker
You're trusted to do your best.
00:17:03
Speaker
A leader is not someone who crushes it constantly and gets everything right.
00:17:08
Speaker
A leader is someone who goes,
00:17:10
Speaker
okay, I'm going to try here and have the courage to try.
00:17:14
Speaker
No one is expecting you in that position to never make a mistake.
00:17:18
Speaker
They're just trusting that you got there by some, maybe even by you convincing people in this fraud, you're still, you're exactly where you're supposed to be and you're allowed to fail, which is, for me, that's a hard one to let go.
00:17:32
Speaker
Really?
00:17:35
Speaker
interesting it brings with that what that sparks up in me is the the quote by um i think the author jr r tolkien um said this back in the back in the day regarding a political you know somebody running for prime minister uh saying that anyone anyone seeking to be a leader is automatically unfit to be that leader uh and it was like oh okay i had to think about that but
00:18:04
Speaker
And this is in regards to politics.
00:18:06
Speaker
Like anybody who's trying to be like a leader of men and women, you know, should not be allowed to do that because it's the people who are, it's a whole difference between like people, some people are born to greatness.
00:18:18
Speaker
Some people have it thrust upon them.
00:18:19
Speaker
It's like the people who have it thrust upon them are usually the ones who tend to like be the best at it or the most admirable at it.
00:18:28
Speaker
So there's something to be said for kind of,
00:18:31
Speaker
feeling your way into like what you innately want to do, like looking into your source of motivation for doing something.
00:18:39
Speaker
Like Betsy, when you were doing like, you were leading like the community speaker series.
00:18:46
Speaker
To the best of my knowledge, you were not doing this because you wanted to be on stage speaking to people.
00:18:50
Speaker
It's like, no, it's like I know so many people in this community who have a lot to
Service as a Motivation to Overcome Doubt
00:18:54
Speaker
offer.
00:18:54
Speaker
I want to create a forum for them to do this.
00:18:57
Speaker
That is what made you good at it.
00:18:59
Speaker
It wasn't like a, hey, look at me.
00:19:01
Speaker
I got a microphone and I'm sending them on stage.
00:19:03
Speaker
It was like, no, this forum needs to be created so that I can bring people together.
00:19:07
Speaker
you know, who has something to offer to the community at large.
00:19:10
Speaker
And that's why it was such a success, I think.
00:19:12
Speaker
And that's why I think housing your gratitude circles and your, you know, hug mornings.
00:19:17
Speaker
I'm not sure if I'm getting those two right at all, but as long as he does swear, I promise I'm not going to swear, but yeah,
00:19:26
Speaker
That's what makes you so good at it.
00:19:27
Speaker
And that's why I think draw so many people because you're, you're there to, you're offering something.
00:19:32
Speaker
You're not looking to get something.
00:19:34
Speaker
It's the offer versus get kind of thing when you're, so what helps me, what has helped, what has helped me to really kind of like,
00:19:41
Speaker
squash the imposter syndrome aspect of my life pretty quickly is turning it into an offer.
00:19:47
Speaker
What am I offering people?
00:19:49
Speaker
That's worth just the energy behind that.
00:19:51
Speaker
It's like, no, I'm offering somebody something.
00:19:54
Speaker
Nobody may want it, but I'm going to offer it anyway.
00:19:57
Speaker
And usually when I go at it from that approach, it turns into something pretty great.
00:20:03
Speaker
Yes, I love that so much when it comes from an authentic place of service and wanting to make a difference in the world coming from our own unique drive, right?
00:20:15
Speaker
It is something that helps to eradicate that imposter syndrome.
00:20:20
Speaker
And then we can watch as it comes up, maybe, like I know for me personally, where I felt this really strong, deep, authentic place to serve something that helped me a lot, which was journaling.
00:20:32
Speaker
I created this power affirmation journal to help people to really get into a right relationship with their thoughts because that's what helps me.
00:20:40
Speaker
And I wanted to share that and serve.
Role of Community Support & Accountability
00:20:42
Speaker
And so I started creating it.
00:20:43
Speaker
And as I was creating it from that place of joyful service and creative offerings, then it felt really, really good.
00:20:51
Speaker
And then the imposter syndrome started to sink in when somebody else started calling me an author.
00:20:57
Speaker
I was like, no, no, no, I'm not an author.
00:21:00
Speaker
I'm just doing this thing to bring service to the world.
00:21:03
Speaker
And so then I got to really navigate that, taking ownership into a whole new persona and learning how to let go of my fears of being seen.
00:21:14
Speaker
And so it really is a whole journey to be able to unwind where those programs come from.
00:21:20
Speaker
And I think, you know, Yanis, you spoke so beautifully about our childhood, right?
00:21:25
Speaker
You know, because there are certain programs that we get conditioned, you know, everybody is different.
00:21:29
Speaker
Everyone has different upbringings from, you know, different cultures and, you know, just parenting, right?
00:21:38
Speaker
Some people might have more support when they're growing up and some people have a lot less.
00:21:43
Speaker
you know, and hearing certain words can stick in there.
00:21:46
Speaker
So I think it's a really beautiful thing to go deeper inside ourselves and go back to some of those roots where we might feel like we don't believe in ourselves, you know, and to be able to choose to reprogram our mindset and really go like, actually, I do believe in myself, I can step more fully into this next expression of who I'm becoming.
00:22:08
Speaker
even though I have these deep core feelings that I don't know if I can do it, but we have the ability to give ourselves pep talks.
00:22:17
Speaker
And I think one of the things you spoke to Halcyon was so beautiful around letting other people know that you might be struggling.
00:22:23
Speaker
Then that gives our community granted if we have community or supportive people in our lives to fan our flames.
00:22:31
Speaker
You know, I, when I first started writing the journal, I was like so scared and it was a lot of work and I let some of my closest friends know this is like really edgy for me to step into this.
00:22:42
Speaker
And I asked for the support and I, I very specifically asked to be held accountable and I hired people to actually hold me accountable and to fill my flames, coaches and people that were like, you got this, you can do this.
00:22:56
Speaker
I believe in you because I was having a hard time believing in myself.
00:23:00
Speaker
And so I think it's really beautiful to be able to recognize our humanness and ask for support when we need it.
00:23:08
Speaker
I love hearing that struggle of stepping into author.
00:23:11
Speaker
You know, one of the most popular videos I've ever done about Burning Man is when I look in the camera and said, you are an artist.
00:23:19
Speaker
And, you know, to explain to people that because we really people struggle with, oh, no, I'm not an artist, you know, no, no, no, no.
00:23:25
Speaker
And it's hard to to to let go and to like, well, because I know personally, I.
00:23:32
Speaker
I have kind of bypassed some of my inability to take on certain roles and identities and job titles by kind of making up my own jobs throughout my life and doing, you know, instead of trying to become a writer, I'm like, well, let's see if I'll just, I'll do my thing on the web.
00:23:51
Speaker
And instead of trying to become a psychologist, I'll just learn about self-growth and talk about it.
00:23:56
Speaker
And I mean, now we have coaches, which is kind of this like, it can be whatever it is.
00:24:01
Speaker
But even though – so there are times when I can look at myself and my life and my accomplishments and go, dude, I am super accomplished.
00:24:11
Speaker
I'm definitely worthy of helping people, of charging for that time, of asking people to support me.
00:24:21
Speaker
And then there are times when I'm like, I don't have any degrees that –
00:24:26
Speaker
I don't have any certificates that say I can do this.
00:24:28
Speaker
I don't know any certain tactics that I can teach.
00:24:31
Speaker
Who am I?
00:24:31
Speaker
I'm just a guy showing up with a bunch of experience.
00:24:34
Speaker
Who am I?
00:24:36
Speaker
This is my reality.
00:24:39
Speaker
This isn't a past chapter of mine.
00:24:41
Speaker
This is a cycle I go through frequently.
00:24:43
Speaker
I just did a coaching workshop and people showed up and
00:24:48
Speaker
everybody said they had a great experience.
00:24:50
Speaker
I left it going, I don't know if I should, I don't know if I'm, I can do this.
00:24:55
Speaker
I don't know.
00:24:55
Speaker
You know, yeah, I, so it's, but it does go back a little bit to that.
00:25:04
Speaker
I find myself liberated from a little bit of the downward spiral by confessing and by saying, I'm having these thoughts and then letting people go,
00:25:15
Speaker
Yeah, that's cool.
00:25:16
Speaker
And you're also qualified.
00:25:17
Speaker
Okay.
00:25:18
Speaker
Okay.
00:25:20
Speaker
That's so powerful.
00:25:21
Speaker
Like, you know, how often do we or people hold ourselves back because of not having the credentials?
00:25:29
Speaker
Right?
00:25:30
Speaker
I have a dear friend who she's one of the most wise women I know.
00:25:36
Speaker
She has so much
00:25:37
Speaker
wisdom, just in our friendship, she's helped me so much.
00:25:41
Speaker
And she won't put herself out there as somebody who can coach or support or heal because she doesn't have degrees.
00:25:50
Speaker
So that's like deep programming and conditioning around like, I need to have a certificate with my name on it that says I have a
00:25:57
Speaker
three letters behind my name in order to be able to help people.
00:26:00
Speaker
Otherwise, I'm just going to like sit at home and, you know, do my nails, you know, so it's really, it's, it's deep in there.
00:26:08
Speaker
And so it takes each of us to be able to overcome our own imposter syndrome to find that authentic place of service.
00:26:16
Speaker
How do we want to serve?
00:26:18
Speaker
You know, whether that's a workshop or making art or sharing music,
00:26:23
Speaker
you know, or being there for a friend or orienting our entire career path around something that fills that authentic place of service.
00:26:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:34
Speaker
We got to get over ourselves.
00:26:37
Speaker
Get over yourselves.
00:26:38
Speaker
Yeah, agreed.
00:26:40
Speaker
Agreed.
00:26:40
Speaker
And for me, I mean, we're three friends who have been around the block a couple of times.
00:26:49
Speaker
I don't want to get too deep into like armchair psychology or anything like that because I'm wholly unqualified for that.
00:26:57
Speaker
That said, I think a lot of
00:27:00
Speaker
what falls under the there's an imposter syndrome is like an umbrella with a lot of things that it kind of hovers over um
00:27:08
Speaker
And for me, a lot of that stuff, it's clear that it just stems from childhood, that, that voice that kind of tells us that we're not good enough or we shouldn't be doing this or whatever.
00:27:16
Speaker
That's just, that's just like the, just the inner, that's just a voice that we got imprinted with as kids that we have just dragged with us or that has tagged along for the ride into adulthood.
00:27:27
Speaker
So that voice that telling, Oh, you have no business being a coach.
00:27:30
Speaker
You have no business being an artist or this, any other thing.
00:27:32
Speaker
It's just, it's just voices from our friends and our peers and our, um,
00:27:36
Speaker
authority figures in our life that kind of just put that on us.
00:27:40
Speaker
That is a hard thing to unroot, get, you know, unpack and get out.
00:27:46
Speaker
But for me, what helped a lot was the realization, which I keep, I keep kind of coming back to because we remember, then we forget.
00:27:53
Speaker
But instead of like, okay, I'm not, I'm,
00:27:57
Speaker
I'm going to continue to kind of unpack or kind of uproot this negative self-talk, but what I'm, that's going to be a lifelong process.
00:28:04
Speaker
But what I'm going to do is I'm going to advocate for myself at least as much as I'm going to give any sort of attention to this negative self-talk that might, that will always rear its head.
00:28:16
Speaker
But what needs to also rear up on occasion is like, no, you got this.
00:28:21
Speaker
You can do this.
00:28:22
Speaker
I can do this and cheerlead for myself.
00:28:24
Speaker
And,
00:28:25
Speaker
Putting energy into that as opposed to putting all this energy in it like, no, I got to be like this best version of myself that I can be.
00:28:31
Speaker
It's like, no, put some, you know, put energy into this cheerleader, this advocate to be like, no, you got this.
00:28:37
Speaker
You can do this and have that voice be at least as loud, if not ideally louder than the negative voices.
00:28:43
Speaker
That has helped me a lot in overcoming this.
00:28:45
Speaker
this belief that I can't do it.
00:28:46
Speaker
I don't deserve to do it.
00:28:48
Speaker
I'm not worthy.
00:28:49
Speaker
It's like, no, the simple fact that I'm born and I'm here, I'm worthy.
Self-Advocacy & Positive Inner Dialogue
00:28:53
Speaker
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm pre-worthy.
00:28:55
Speaker
My worthiness has been predetermined already.
00:28:57
Speaker
I don't need to convince anybody, especially myself that I'm worthy of it.
00:29:01
Speaker
I am just the simple fact that I'm here.
00:29:03
Speaker
I have the idea to do this thing.
00:29:05
Speaker
I'm doing it.
00:29:06
Speaker
I got this.
00:29:06
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no.
00:29:07
Speaker
You shouldn't be there.
00:29:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:08
Speaker
Yes, you can do it.
00:29:10
Speaker
You know, build a fear and do it.
00:29:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:12
Speaker
And I think what you're speaking to is also parts work.
00:29:16
Speaker
It was a very deep process of parts work, right?
00:29:18
Speaker
I have had a direct experience where my inner critic was so loud and she was, this part of me was protecting me from playing small.
00:29:28
Speaker
So, or from, from being embarrassed by playing small.
00:29:32
Speaker
And I got to do some very deep work around that.
00:29:34
Speaker
Like I was wanting to go bigger and share my gifts more fully.
00:29:39
Speaker
And I want to put myself out there, but it was like having this like overwhelming inner critic that was like, no, no, don't do it.
00:29:44
Speaker
Don't do it.
00:29:45
Speaker
You're going to embarrass yourself.
00:29:46
Speaker
You're going to fail.
00:29:46
Speaker
If you fail, then, you know, then you're going to be totally shamed or, you know, just, just don't even do it because then you'll just be protected.
00:29:55
Speaker
And so then I was able to see that mechanism inside to protect myself.
00:30:00
Speaker
And then I had a therapist that helped me to start to have a relationship with that part of myself and actually love her and say, hey, thank you so much for protecting me from being embarrassed or failing.
00:30:13
Speaker
And I'm ready for you to have a new role.
00:30:16
Speaker
And I got to empower that part of myself to become the cheerleader because it's like one thing to say, like, I want to be more of a cheerleader for myself.
00:30:25
Speaker
But if we're like pushing away these other parts of ourselves, and this is like, yeah, a whole other conversation and rabbit hole parts work.
00:30:33
Speaker
But it takes something to really love all parts of ourselves to get to that place of feeling authentically,
00:30:41
Speaker
connected to that inner cheerleader.
00:30:43
Speaker
Like, yes, yes, yes, you can do it.
00:30:44
Speaker
You can do it.
00:30:45
Speaker
I believe in you.
00:30:45
Speaker
You got this.
00:30:46
Speaker
So that other part is going like, Hey, what about me?
00:30:50
Speaker
Hey, no, you know, she can't, no, she can't.
00:30:52
Speaker
You know, the little like image of the two beings on either side of us, like the angel and the devil, you know, we have, we all have these many different facets of our inner dialogue.
00:31:02
Speaker
And it's about how do we develop a healthy relationship with all parts to be able to rise and to step more fully into who we're becoming.
00:31:09
Speaker
It's a journey.
00:31:11
Speaker
I'm pretty sure your inner critic and my inner critic have like a mean girls type gang that they've been hanging out with each other.
00:31:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:19
Speaker
Because I was really thinking about that a lot related to this, too, and that there's a part of me that is trying to protect me from being embarrassed and letting people down.
00:31:27
Speaker
I don't want to let people down.
00:31:28
Speaker
And so that that you're a fraud is a part of me that's trying to protect me from from that.
00:31:37
Speaker
I actually had a really significant breakthrough on that in a tragic way where I had a dear friend, a campmate that took their life a week after I refused to hang out with them because of their behavior.
00:31:56
Speaker
And it hit me so hard.
00:32:01
Speaker
And it became this, it, I feel like it's a gift from him now because I, it helped me to see like, oh, that's, that's the worst case scenario.
00:32:13
Speaker
The worst case, if I disappoint someone and like give a workshop and someone goes, that wasn't worth $500.
00:32:18
Speaker
Like,
00:32:20
Speaker
Okay, I can live with that.
00:32:23
Speaker
But previous to that experience with my friend passing, I thought if somebody said, I didn't get value out of your workshop, that just was so horrifying to me.
00:32:35
Speaker
And I realized, oh, my gosh, I've demonized this very normal human experience of letting someone down.
00:32:41
Speaker
And I've made it so dark and scary that I have protected myself from letting anybody down.
00:32:46
Speaker
So thank you, Nick, for letting me know that I know it wasn't my fault.
00:32:52
Speaker
And that's the worst case scenario.
00:32:53
Speaker
And now I can disappoint people in so many more beautiful ways.
00:32:58
Speaker
You are free to disappoint people.
00:33:00
Speaker
Yes.
00:33:01
Speaker
New and exciting doing.
00:33:06
Speaker
Wow.
00:33:07
Speaker
Wow.
00:33:08
Speaker
My condolences to your friend and also to that part of you.
00:33:12
Speaker
I'm sure that there is so much learning in that whole journey.
00:33:15
Speaker
It seems like you've come a long way.
00:33:18
Speaker
And yet still.
00:33:20
Speaker
Still struggle.
00:33:21
Speaker
Still on the regular.
00:33:24
Speaker
Of course.
00:33:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:25
Speaker
And we get to, as we get older, we start to become more aware of those parts of ourselves.
00:33:29
Speaker
And when the imposter syndrome kind of comes in, right?
00:33:32
Speaker
Because maybe sometimes it comes in, you don't even realize that you're playing out this whole, like, nope, can't do it.
00:33:39
Speaker
But the more present we become, then we can start to choose more efficiently and go like, oh, wait, actually, who's in the driver's seat here?
00:33:47
Speaker
Is my higher self in the driver's seat or is this inner doubter in the driver's seat?
00:33:53
Speaker
I mean, this conversation today is, I think, I mean, my recent broad experience is quite recent.
00:34:02
Speaker
You know, the last few weeks has been struggling.
00:34:04
Speaker
So us having this conversation today is helping me to, you know,
00:34:10
Speaker
reframe some of the voices in my head.
00:34:13
Speaker
So if nobody listens to this, I still have been helped dramatically by this conversation.
00:34:17
Speaker
So thank you guys.
00:34:20
Speaker
Yeah, I'm always sparked fire conversations.
00:34:22
Speaker
And I do hope that that those of you out there are feeling sparked as well.
00:34:27
Speaker
And I guess on that note, I'll actually instigate a little something.
00:34:30
Speaker
So for those of you that have made it thus far through our this episode, we'd love to know that you're listening.
00:34:36
Speaker
It's really helpful.
00:34:38
Speaker
It's fuel for our fire.
00:34:40
Speaker
We have set up an Instagram channel that is Stay Sparked Podcast.
00:34:44
Speaker
So hop on there.
00:34:45
Speaker
Let us know that you are listening by putting a comment, maybe even writing us a review.
00:34:51
Speaker
It's really helpful for us to be able to want to keep sharing these conversations.
00:34:56
Speaker
And if some of this resonates with you, we want to know.
00:35:00
Speaker
So just a little plug there and a little instigation to our listeners out there.
00:35:03
Speaker
And I just want to, I just had to check.
00:35:05
Speaker
It's actually stay sparked.
00:35:06
Speaker
Just stay sparked is our Instagram.
00:35:08
Speaker
Oh, got it.
00:35:09
Speaker
Okay.
00:35:09
Speaker
We can save all that typing.
00:35:10
Speaker
Just stay sparked.
00:35:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:12
Speaker
Awesome.
00:35:13
Speaker
And also reviews.
00:35:14
Speaker
We can be left on Apple podcasts.
00:35:16
Speaker
It's a great place to leave a review and a rating.
00:35:18
Speaker
So five stars, five stars only.
00:35:24
Speaker
So in the spirit, in the spirit of our stay sparked, we always close it up with some closing sparks.
00:35:31
Speaker
So you guys feel,
00:35:32
Speaker
You got some closing sparks for us?
00:35:36
Speaker
I got one.
00:35:37
Speaker
I actually got one.
00:35:38
Speaker
I'll jump in.
00:35:39
Speaker
My closing spark is actually about stay sparked and being an imposter, having an imposter syndrome when we first started this, because Halcyon was the spark for this trifecta, the threesome of us to be doing this podcast over a year ago.
00:35:56
Speaker
And when you first asked me, I was like, oh, what?
00:35:59
Speaker
I couldn't ever be.
00:36:00
Speaker
be on a podcast.
00:36:01
Speaker
Like I can't see myself as somebody who does a podcast and in the invitation to do it and the encouragement and just the support, it really has been such a beautiful opportunity for me to step more fully into the confidence in my voice.
00:36:17
Speaker
So it's really so beautiful to have people in our lives that are willing to just raise us up and, you
00:36:25
Speaker
help us to have those breakthroughs and getting over ourselves.
00:36:28
Speaker
So right now I'm feeling so sparked that we've come this far and you've helped me come over, overcome imposter syndrome around being able to do a podcast.
00:36:41
Speaker
Amazing.
00:36:43
Speaker
What a beautiful illustration.
00:36:45
Speaker
I'm pretty sure everyone listening is like, what?
00:36:49
Speaker
Because you absolutely are such a beautiful voice and presence.
00:36:54
Speaker
And it's just...
00:36:56
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to take that as evidence of my non-imposter because me being able to see your genius makes me feel confident.
00:37:06
Speaker
Oh, good.
00:37:08
Speaker
I'm glad we are living embodiments of the conversation that we're having.
00:37:15
Speaker
My spark is, I guess, about confronting the need to be perfect and the need to have our act together and...
00:37:30
Speaker
confessing, if not publicly to yourself, that it's okay to, to have doubt.
00:37:39
Speaker
Uh, I feel like that there is, um, it's a continued, like, uh, vulnerability undressing.
00:37:47
Speaker
And that in, in, in almost every situation where there's connection that happening, um,
00:37:54
Speaker
that if you remove the facade of pretending that you know what you're doing always and confess that sometimes you don't, that the people that you are trying to connect with will find that crack in your facade as the way to feel your heart and to allow themselves to be touched by you.
00:38:14
Speaker
So it is, we share, we have a commonality, all of us, in that sometimes we doubt ourselves.
00:38:23
Speaker
The universal connector, self-doubt.
00:38:27
Speaker
Exactly.
00:38:28
Speaker
None of us know what we're doing.
00:38:29
Speaker
None of us know what we're doing.
00:38:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:31
Speaker
So what sparks for me while listening to you both is one of the main lessons that comes from the sacred Hindu text of the Bhagavad Gita.
00:38:45
Speaker
And that is the undertaking of action without attachment to the outcome.
00:38:51
Speaker
So this, these things that we're moved to do, or these things that we're thinking about doing, we're trying to do.
00:38:58
Speaker
The thing, I think the thing that holds us back or the thing, thing that makes us think we're not worthy is visualizing the outcome of this.
00:39:05
Speaker
Like, how do I get to that outcome?
00:39:07
Speaker
How do I do this thing and have it be this thing that I want it to be?
00:39:10
Speaker
It's like, no, no, no, let go of that.
00:39:13
Speaker
Just do the thing that you feel like you want to do.
00:39:16
Speaker
And it's going to be whatever it's going to be.
00:39:18
Speaker
And that's,
00:39:20
Speaker
Certainly easier to set up and done.
00:39:21
Speaker
But a lot of times, you know, for me, just to undertake, just to start something, and it might just fizzle out while it's like halfway through.
00:39:30
Speaker
Often it goes to exactly where I want it to do.
00:39:34
Speaker
Usually, I end up in some place I had no idea was going to go, and it was awesome, and it was fantastic.
00:39:40
Speaker
There's a friend of mine who said, the universe has a better imagination than we do, so let it come up with something that you can never think of, and it's usually to your benefit.
00:39:51
Speaker
It's usually to your highest benefit, and you'll find yourself at the end of undertaking this thing that you're thinking about undertaking.
00:40:01
Speaker
You're going to find yourself in a place that...
00:40:03
Speaker
you would never in your wildest dreams have imagined.
00:40:06
Speaker
And it could be something completely random.
00:40:08
Speaker
Like all it did was introduce you to a person that, but that thing you did is by the wayside, but it brought you to, to meet somebody who then you and them went to a whole different thing.
00:40:19
Speaker
Great.
00:40:19
Speaker
It's like, let the universe like, you know, help you out and just undertake that thing you're inspired to do.
00:40:27
Speaker
And as long as you're not attached to where that ends up, you're going to love where it ends.
00:40:32
Speaker
Hmm.
00:40:33
Speaker
Yeah, so beautiful.
00:40:35
Speaker
Thank you for that.
00:40:38
Speaker
Well, I just love getting to be on these conversations with you guys always feeling so sparked and love to make sure that those of you out there listening can find us in our own channels as well.
00:40:50
Speaker
So we can just keep the inspiration flowing.
00:40:53
Speaker
So
00:40:54
Speaker
I'll just start off with letting you guys know if you haven't already followed me on Instagram, Betsy Who is my handle.
00:41:01
Speaker
My website is poweraffirmation.com where I share tools to help people to get into a better relationship with themselves.
00:41:09
Speaker
So it is a journal.
00:41:10
Speaker
There is audio affirmations.
00:41:12
Speaker
There is some other wonderful offerings on there.
Sharing Personal Projects
00:41:16
Speaker
So check that out.
00:41:17
Speaker
I also am a body worker and
00:41:19
Speaker
a healer.
00:41:21
Speaker
I used to not be able to say that because I felt imposter syndrome, but now I feel really grateful to get to hold a space for some really beautiful transformation one-on-one.
00:41:31
Speaker
So find my website about more of my modalities, thinklewho.com.
00:41:37
Speaker
So love that and love to hear from you.
00:41:40
Speaker
Halcyon, where can people find you?
00:41:42
Speaker
I am on the interwebs at johnstyn.com, J-O-H-N-S-T-Y-N.
00:41:48
Speaker
And I've got t-shirts and stickers and gratitude circles, but I'm going to confront my imposter and say, I also do coaching.
00:41:59
Speaker
It is non-traditional.
00:42:01
Speaker
It's not any sort of special technique that I have a certificate on my wall, but I have some...
00:42:08
Speaker
some wisdom and some presence and some love that can be very healing on a one-on-one basis if you would like to work with me.
00:42:17
Speaker
A perspective.
00:42:18
Speaker
You have wonderful perspectives.
00:42:20
Speaker
So supportive.
00:42:21
Speaker
Thank you for that.
00:42:22
Speaker
Yes.
00:42:23
Speaker
The pain of perspective.
00:42:25
Speaker
So fantastic.
00:42:27
Speaker
I can be found.
00:42:29
Speaker
My company can be found online at new world nutritionals.com spelled N U world nutritionals.com.
00:42:36
Speaker
We have a couple of products that are designed to help elevate and improve your state of mind.
00:42:45
Speaker
One's a microdose product that helps alleviate symptoms of anxiety, depression, ADHD, even PTSD, symptoms of dementia.
00:42:54
Speaker
Anything neurological helps with that as well.
00:42:56
Speaker
And even if all you're looking for is a little bit more focus, a little more ability to retain
00:43:04
Speaker
information and also the ability just to relax, to relax your brain.
00:43:07
Speaker
These products are fantastic for that.
00:43:09
Speaker
I'm happy to say we've got plenty of fantastic reviews for them online at our website, newworldnutritionals.com.
00:43:16
Speaker
You can use the code SPARKED for 10% off of all of our products.
00:43:21
Speaker
Awesome.
Closing Affirmation
00:43:23
Speaker
Well, I think the only thing left is, Betsy, would you give us an affirmation to close with?
00:43:31
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:43:33
Speaker
To help to eradicate the imposter syndrome, an affirmation sparked by this conversation, actually wrote it down about partway through.
00:43:43
Speaker
So the affirmation is I am an advocate for myself and for who I am becoming.
00:43:49
Speaker
And so if you like, we can just go ahead and close your eyes, place your hand on your heart and just affirm internally, I am an advocate for myself.
00:43:58
Speaker
and for who I am becoming.
00:44:01
Speaker
I am an advocate for myself and for who I am becoming.
00:44:05
Speaker
I am an advocate for myself and for who I am becoming.
00:44:09
Speaker
Affirming that again and again, I am an advocate for myself and for who I'm becoming.
00:44:14
Speaker
The more that we affirm that, the stronger our beliefs in ourselves become.
00:44:18
Speaker
It helps to dissolve any doubt, fears, and insecurities.
00:44:23
Speaker
We can keep showing up to be an advocate for ourselves and for who we are becoming.
00:44:28
Speaker
In service to a better world, in service with our authentic gifts.
00:44:32
Speaker
And so it is.
00:44:35
Speaker
So it is.
00:44:36
Speaker
Thank you, Betsy.
00:44:38
Speaker
Thank you all so much for listening.
00:44:42
Speaker
Stay sparked, people.
00:44:43
Speaker
Stay sparked.