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Puberty, Periods and PDA
868 Plays2 months ago
In this episode, Rachel and guest Julia Daunt begin an open and thoughtful conversation about puberty and PDA, exploring how hormonal, physical and emotional changes can intensify anxiety and demand sensitivity during this stage of development.
The discussion looks at how puberty can affect PDA profiles in ways that are often misunderstood or overlooked. Listeners are guided through common challenges including heightened emotional responses, sensory sensitivities, changes in body awareness and increasing demands around independence, social expectations and self-care.
This first part focuses on building understanding. It highlights why puberty can feel particularly destabilising for PDAers, and why behaviour changes at this stage are often a sign of overwhelm rather than defiance. The episode offers reassurance to parents and carers who may feel unsure how best to support their child during this complex transition.
Key Themes
· Why puberty can be especially challenging for PDAers
· The impact of hormonal changes on anxiety and regulation
· Increased sensory sensitivity and emotional intensity
· Understanding behaviour as communication during puberty
· Supporting safety, trust and connection through change
Deep Diver Subscriber Episode
For those who would like to go further, Part 2, an exclusive “Deep Diver” subscriber episode, is available through our Training Hub. You can access it here: https://training.pdasociety.org.uk/pda-podcasts/
Disclaimer
The views and opinions expressed by guest speakers in this podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the PDA Society. While we aim to provide balanced and inclusive discussions, individual experiences and perspectives may vary. The PDA Society is committed to using language and terminology that reflects the preferences of PDA and autistic people, but sometimes our guests may use language and terminology which differs. Appearance on our podcast is not an endorsement of an individual, and not all of our guests will align with our position on the issues discussed.
Further sources of support and information
· PDA Society Training Hub: https://training.pdasociety.org.uk/pda-podcasts/
· PDA Society Website: https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/
· PDA Society Training: https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/support-and-training/training/
· PDA Society Support Service: https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/support-and-training/support/
Guest’s links:
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/JuliaDauntPDA
Blog: https://memyselfandpda.com/
The books Julia mentioned in the episode are:
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to PDA and Puberty Challenges
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the PDA Society's podcast. We're here to chat about all things PDA to help you understand what people with this profile of autism are experiencing and how you can help.
00:00:13
Speaker
We'll be sharing research, professional expertise and the insights of people with lived experience to help you understand PDA and have more tools to make life easier. So, whether you're a PDA yourself, family member, friend or professional trying to make a difference, welcome from everybody at the PDA Society. We hope you'll find this useful.
Understanding Puberty with PDA
00:00:39
Speaker
Welcome to the PDA Society podcast, where we explore the real experiences behind pathological demand avoidance and what it means to live and grow with a PDA profile.
00:00:50
Speaker
Today's episode is all about puberty and the teenage years, a time that can bring a whole new set of challenges for PDA-ers and their families. For many young people, puberty brings big changes to the body, emotions and social world.
00:01:06
Speaker
But for someone with PDA, those changes can also mean new demands, new uncertainties and new sensory experiences that can feel overwhelming and confusing.
Julia's Puberty Journey
00:01:18
Speaker
I'm joined by Julia Daunt, an adult PDA-er who's kindly agreed to share her own experiences of puberty, periods and those teenage years and what helped and also what didn't help along the way.
00:01:30
Speaker
So welcome Julia and back to our podcast. Would you just like to say a few words to about yourself? Hi everyone. Yeah, um my name is Julia um and as as Rachel said, I'm i'm here to sort of talk about puberty and my lived experience of it.
00:01:46
Speaker
um yeah it's it's it's a topic isn't it that's not covered often enough with it with anyone um and I think it's really important that it's covered um and that people learn to start to talk about things like that so yeah that's great I'm saying yeah yeah we really appreciate you coming on to talk about it so I think a good place to start then was just sort of maybe if you could just tell us a little bit about what puberty was like for you Is there anything that stands out particularly um or, um you know, when you when you're thinking back to that time?
00:02:20
Speaker
Yeah, it's, um it was weird. I sort of, when I look back on it, sort of um just momentarily and think about, you know, there,
00:02:31
Speaker
um it it almost felt like everything happened overnight. Like I went like, you know, like, a you know, the film Big where he he goes to bed as a child and wakes up as a man. It almost felt like it happened like that, but obviously it didn't. um And when i think about specific points in my life, then I can actually see that actually it did happen gradually.
00:02:52
Speaker
But as a snapshot, I just went to bed as a child and woke up as a woman. um I think because the changes were so slow.
00:03:04
Speaker
Yes. That my brain just didn't register most of them. Right. So i wasn't particularly upset by anything.
00:03:15
Speaker
i think the the biggest um biggest upset for me was hair. Yeah. um I didn't like that. Mm-hmm.
00:03:26
Speaker
even though I knew I'd get hair, it still came as a shock, which was a bit odd. But I quite enjoyed boobs because that meant I could pick really nice, like, child bras ads. My first bra had strawberries on it.
00:03:42
Speaker
Brilliant. like that. I like that. And, um yeah, it was a, but it was a long process and it's, um, It's sort of interesting because they say, you know, that that puberty in girls starts inside the body two years before you see anything outside. Yeah. So for me, the physical signs of puberty started around sort of seven or eight.
00:04:08
Speaker
Right. so we're talking then that would make me five or six when my body was preparing for that. Yeah, she's very young, isn't it? Yeah, I was i was a young starter.
00:04:21
Speaker
Yes. but but So it doesn't sound like the the the physical changes, were were there any physical changes that you did find stressful? You know, growing taller, you mentioned about breast development, the hair, any of the other physical changes that you found stressful or did you do were they all taken in your stride?
Physical Changes and Sensory Impact
00:04:42
Speaker
um Most of them were quite good because obviously getting taller is good because then all of a sudden you can go on the rides that you couldn't go on last year. um And...
00:04:55
Speaker
Yeah, it just...
00:04:58
Speaker
It was mostly the hair. And then obviously the periods when they arrived. That's like the sort of final nail in the coffin, isn't it? It is. Yeah. So those physical changes, like the hair growing, would that...
00:05:15
Speaker
Was that perceived by you then as a demand, the fact that you've now got hair growing in places that you didn't have hair growing before? was that the demand that your body was changing, but did you feel any sense of feeling out of control or was it okay?
00:05:30
Speaker
Not really. I didn't like the the sensation, particularly armpit hair. Right. That really bothered me. and And I wasn't very good at shaving and there weren't other options.
00:05:45
Speaker
When I a kid, you shaved it off or you used that really smelly hair removal cream yeah that used to smell like you know like rotten eggs. It's not the nice stuff you get now um because you you didn't wax children, so there was there was no other option.
00:06:02
Speaker
so yeah So my mum used to have to shave my armpits for me, obviously for safety reasons. Yes, yes, and as well I suppose because you went could that you were having these experiences relatively young, so therefore you know that you've got that health and safety as well, but I suppose for some PDA is that demand of hair growing and that what neat wanting to shave off, it's and it's another demand that could cause anxiety for some.
00:06:29
Speaker
Yeah. So when your period started then, how did that experience feel for you, sort of both physically and emotionally? um They came out of the blue. I had i have had some tummy ache sort of a few weeks before, but children often get tummy ache, don't they? it's not a It's not a big deal. No one really notices it.
00:06:54
Speaker
um And I just went to the toilet one day and then I was like, oh. And... I was quite scared at time because although I knew what it was, I was still sort panicked by it.
00:07:06
Speaker
um So mum obviously came into the bathroom and clarified what was happening. And it was the day before my 11th birthday. i remember that. And I was so pleased.
00:07:18
Speaker
i just felt I just felt instantly grown up. And um so I remember I got on my bike and I rode to my best friend's house, who was also called Julia. And um I went and told her.
00:07:30
Speaker
and I remember she was so jealous. i was like, yeah, we got there before you. And um yeah, I was just, you know, overjoyed. And then sort of after a couple of months, sort of the pain started.
00:07:45
Speaker
and then I was like, I don't like these anymore. Yeah. Yeah. But to begin with, it was a sort of, you know, I felt really grown up. Yeah, it was almost like marking that milestone, isn't it? In that all old girls go through, whether they want to or not, but it it is a milestone. And I suppose, yeah, it it is that sign that we we are now, you know, but we're now a woman, so speak. We are... Yeah, that's it. Yeah.
00:08:10
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So physically then, was there any, you know, sort of how, you know, so it were there any... and sort of physically impact on you? You mentioned about the the pain, was there anything else or was it just period pains?
00:08:24
Speaker
The bloating, I didn't like that. How you could almost go up one size just by, you know, bloating. and And from a sensory point of view, smell, didn't like.
00:08:40
Speaker
And and Obviously at 11 I didn't use tampons or anything like that. So the sort of hygiene aspect I didn't like. Because, you know, if you don't use a tampon then you always feel wet. And I didn't like that.
00:08:58
Speaker
So um it was that sort grossness of it I didn't like. So there's quite a few things sensory going on there then as well. you know You've got, as you say, you've got your pain, you've got that and so so that that squits cramping, squeezing feeling that you probably that you probably hadn't experienced before. You've got the wetness, as you say, the smell. and Was that overwhelming from a sensory point of view for you?
00:09:26
Speaker
Yeah, the smell was. I used to use a lot of... um You know, the spray body. Obviously not on that area, but yeah as as close to as possible.
00:09:40
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. And... and you know My personal hygiene wasn't that good, um but it did get quite a nudge into almost very good once I started my periods.
00:09:51
Speaker
Right, okay. um Before then, it you know if you got me in the bath once a week, you were doing very well. And then all of a sudden I was showering every day. Right, okay. Just for that that week of period, and then it was back to... I mean, you can have too much for a good thing.
00:10:07
Speaker
um But yeah, certainly during during the period, it was... I became like the hygiene queen. And was that was that then perceived as a demand, did you perceive that as a demand or did you see, was it more of the demand of of feeling uncomfortable and feeling unclean, that was driving you to go and get wash? yeah a lot the need to get rid of that smell and that sensation was greater than the need to avoid the demand.
00:10:36
Speaker
Right, okay. I just couldn't cope with that. Yeah. Yeah, so it's it's this it's a relative thing then, even though it's it's putting more demands on you, actually the drive to, because of the sensory stuff, was a stronger drive.
00:10:50
Speaker
Yeah, and even if I couldn't shower that day, then I'd use a wet wipe, know. Right. at At the least, you know. i couldn't I couldn't just not do anything, you know what I mean, something had to be done. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:11:07
Speaker
No, I fully understand that, yeah. So... Did these sort of extra amount demands then, we've we've talked a little bit about how you manage the hygiene, but about how about, m you know, extra routines that you had to put in place or maybe talking to, talking about periods to people, were you able to talk to others about it um with parents or friends and were there extra routines that you had to put in place?
Support Systems during Puberty
00:11:34
Speaker
Yeah, not so much with friends because, um I mean, I was still at primary school, so nobody, nobody else had their period. Um, I was the only one in, you know, in that year, what the only one in school.
00:11:50
Speaker
yeah Um, so there was no one else to really talk to. Um, obviously mom was very, you know very open about things. So I could talk to her. Um, and you know, my nan would help from a practical point of view. So would quite happily take me out to buy new bras and,
00:12:07
Speaker
things like that. That was her, you know, my nan was a spender. So if she could spend money on it, she'd do it. Yeah. this is ah Yeah. So that was fine by me. Yeah, it's one strategy, isn't it? Yeah. You know, and um yeah, it was a sort of, it's a weird time, isn't it, puberty? It's not a, yeah.
00:12:33
Speaker
Yeah. It's that, it's that, yeah, cause because we all go through it at slightly different stages. So as you say, then, if you haven't got your friends going, if you're going through it first, it's almost like, well, yes, that initial elation in that, yes, I've reached it and I've done it first and I've, you know, i've I've got the first period. But then after that, when the reality kicks in and that every month, you're going to have these feelings, you're going to have these sensory overloads, you're going to have all of this. extra demands then that's difficult isn't it so I guess you know what you're saying is your mum was your main source of support in the beginning and then did that change then sort of you know when you were sort of 12 13 did that change that you had more support from friends when friends were yeah you internet as well yeah once they caught up with me
00:13:23
Speaker
then yeah it made it much easier um you know because you could sort of share it well another thing we did was um think i was about 12 and i i had awful pmt um just awful um i don't know what they call it now but it's not pm anymore is it yeah i think it got another letter on the end i don't know but anyway um so pmt was bad and And obviously I was, as me and mum had got into sync with our periods.
00:13:54
Speaker
Right. go that was quite, you know, that wasn't good. so we... Went to the doctor and said, what can we do to help with periods? My periods were very irregular.
00:14:07
Speaker
um So I didn't know when they were coming. I didn't know when they'd finish. Yeah. um So I was actually put on the pill to help manage the PMT, but also give me a start and stop date.
00:14:23
Speaker
Yes. Which was lovely because then I knew exactly when it was going to happen. And I could also have the control to take it for another month. Yeah.
00:14:34
Speaker
Yeah. you could you You could take it for three months, couldn't you? ah so um So it gave me back some control, which was lovely. yeah and To decide, actually, no, um I don't want to bleed this this month because we're going on holiday or whatever. Or I just don't want to.
00:14:56
Speaker
Yes. It was...
00:14:59
Speaker
it was It gave me the you know that control, obviously. and um And I've been on various forms of contraception throughout throughout my life. But there was um what I'm noticing now as I sort of approach menopausal age is that for the first time ever, with and without contraception, my body is now regular.
00:15:23
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Which is ironic, isn't it now? It's with've it's like, but we're done now. We've finished that part. We're done. um And there was actually a period, a period, is ironically, um in my life where I wasn't on contraception for about three years and I didn't have a period at all.
00:15:41
Speaker
and So that's how irregular I was. And it it I think the pill, I know people are scared to give it to children. Right. as they are with most medications, aren't they?
00:15:53
Speaker
and It doesn't mean your child's going to run out and have sex, you know. um And if they do, they're on the pill, so that's a good thing. um But it it gives you that that confidence back, and i you know, because you can see the pill packet and you can see, you know, Monday, Friday, you know, whatever.
00:16:16
Speaker
Yes, it's a demand to watch the countdown, as I said earlier, you can take it for three months solid. you know So you get that control back. If your child is coming up to their period, they can actually go, no, I don't want to do it this month. I can't do it this month.
00:16:35
Speaker
Yeah. so So it really yeah it gives you, as you say, it gives you that control, but it also gives you that predictability as well, doesn't it? yeah Which will therefore lower anxiety, because if it's more predictable, if you know something's going to happen, and then you start preparing. yeah if If it's when it's that you know that intolerance of uncertainty increases, if you don't know, if you are naturally irregular your periods, you don't know when they're going to happen, which causes anxiety, doesn't it?
00:17:02
Speaker
Yeah. And if you, there's some women, and girls get a lot of build-up before their periods. You know, they get a lot of bloating, a lot of cramping, things like that. So there's a sort of fair warning it's coming.
00:17:16
Speaker
But I don't get that until it's actually here. So I may get the odd bit of tummy ache, That maybe lasts for 10 seconds and then that's it.
00:17:27
Speaker
and Well, that could just be, you know, air moving about. it You know, it's not, it could be anything. oh It's not definitive enough. um And when you're a teenager and things, there's nothing worse than being out and about and it happening.
00:17:44
Speaker
Yeah. Because... you know, up until a certain age, you're too embarrassed to ask your friends for stuff. And if you go to public toilets, in my day, they were the sort of the sanitary pads that were about that thick. Yes. It's like, yeah, it just, there's nothing worse than that.
00:18:03
Speaker
No. Being caught out with it. It's not. um So if you can help stop that. um And I was thinking earlier, when i sort of before you know the prep for this, I was thinking one thing my mum did was that for about the age of seven, she put sanitary towels in my knicker drawer in my bedroom.
Preparation and School Experience
00:18:24
Speaker
Right, okay, yeah. Just to pack randomly. um i obviously asked, you know, why? um i mean, I knew why, but why have you put there? And she said, well, just when you're ready.
00:18:35
Speaker
Yeah. And it's also that sort of, that's great strategy, isn't it? Because that's actually getting you used to the product before you actually need to use it. Yeah. So when your anxiety is lower, you can look at it, feel it, smell it, whatever, whatever you want to do, but you don't need to use it.
00:18:55
Speaker
Yeah. So, um you know, it's some it's important that you get used to what's available. Mm, yeah. You know?
00:19:07
Speaker
Yeah, and and and understand what they're for, how they're used, all of that sort of thing. How often you should change them, et cetera. Because again, it's it's a very often a conversation that parents don't have with kids, isn't it? You sort of, as a parent, you know, you put that off me. My my PDA or is just going into puberty now. yeah I've got a boy, so I won't have to have the period chat with him, but I do need to have some other chats with him. And I'm just putting it off, putting it off.
00:19:35
Speaker
until that right moment. But I know that right moment isn't going to come off. So, you know, how did you how did you find out what periods were? Was that from mum or was that from um school friends? Because when we were in school, we didn't really have any of that period chat until you were in secondary school.
00:19:55
Speaker
I certainly didn't. Yeah, unfortunately, I had two older brothers, 10 and 11 years older than me, who thought it would be funny. when I was about four or five to sit me down and tell me everything about reproduction right and how babies are made and all the words used to associate with the activity of making a baby.
00:20:22
Speaker
ah So there wasn't anything really I didn't know. Right. So I knew about periods, which and I ended up in hysterics at that point because they obviously described it the way 10 and 11 year old boys would just describe it, which was obviously very graphic and made it sound more like a horror film than something natural.
00:20:43
Speaker
So I was obviously quite worried that I you know would bleed to death. Yeah. yeah well you wouldn't be wouldn't you at that age yeah so obviously mum had to do a lot of corrections um which she did do and then then it was fine um but we'd always spoken openly like you know when you know when children ask where the babies come from parents will say or the stork brings them more Something like that. Mum never did any of that.
00:21:09
Speaker
right She would just tell us babies are made when a man and woman have sex. And then obviously you'd say, well, what's sex? And then, yeah. um So she'd always been very open about it. She never hid.
00:21:22
Speaker
um Like, if I came into the bathroom and she was on the toilet, she wouldn't hide that she had her period. It was just a natural thing. um You know, so i think that helped.
00:21:36
Speaker
Yeah, massively, I would have thought, because again, that's that's demystifying it and therefore not making it not making it an unusual thing for when you see it yourself, is it? it know that That familiarity will lower that anxiety about it, wouldn't it? Yeah, and she even used to warn us. She used to say, and I'm on my period and the three of us would all leave the room.
00:21:57
Speaker
Right, yeah. How about teachers in school then? If you started at primary school, were they supportive? No, they didn't have a clue, bless them. They didn't have a clue.
00:22:10
Speaker
They had to create a special lost property box for Julia with sanitary products in that they'd never had to buy before. Oh, my gosh.
00:22:22
Speaker
Because it wasn't it wasn't a thing, you know, because they were like, well, where do we keep them? You know, do we keep them with the nurse? Or do we keep them in lost property? And it's like, well, so they had a big meeting.
00:22:36
Speaker
And it was decided lost property was better because it's likely if she needs the product, then she's going to need something clean to wear. Yeah, yeah. So good good logic, I thought. man Yeah, yeah.
00:22:51
Speaker
But yeah well it wasn't a great source of support for you. i mean, hopefully it's it's much better. I'm sure it's much better and they're far more informed and more prepared these days. but I hope so, because it was funny. It was like it almost like I remember looking at them thinking, well, surely they get them.
00:23:08
Speaker
um But it it felt like they didn't. It was like, yeah, I think it just freaked them out that a child of 11, well, yeah. well yeah it would even have been just in the Easter holidays because I'm an April birthday of day so so I didn't have much left until I went to secondary so um yeah but it is but it is to say so I mean you know it's not unusual that unusual for girls to start their periods in primary school yes most in secondary but some do in primary and and there needs to be that support there and I think these days certainly you know I've got um
00:23:47
Speaker
I've got a daughter and she's, when she was at primary, they debt these days, they definitely have the chat throughout periods there. and Whereas they did't it just that didn't exist when i was in primary school. And I'm sure when you were as well, it was, you know, it's it's thankfully there is more information. So therefore it makes it less of that fear of the unknown, doesn't it?
00:24:09
Speaker
And also there's something, you know, fundamentally missing from the girls' toilets at primary school. Yeah, yeah. And there needs to be them. you know Because I was confident enough to go to a teacher and say, you know i'm in a mess. I've started my period.
00:24:27
Speaker
um Whereas some girls won't. ah And what does i do they do? they just sort of hope and pray that, you know, black trousers are good enough for the day or what? it's it's There needs to be a machine somewhere in a school, a primary school. It doesn't necessarily have to be in the toilet, but just tucked away somewhere where they can access products. that Yeah, yeah yeah it that fear it's that fear of... um you know, foot well, first of all, you've got to tell someone about it and what's their reaction going to be? And then is there going to be blamed that it's your fault, which obviously it's not, but are... For somebody, you know, for a PDA, I know with with my PDA, who's a boy, but he has, and often has accidents, toileting accidents, and he gets certain with certain teachers, he won't tell them that he's had an accident because he's worried at letting them down. So I could see that would could be the same for a girl with, who's having having, you know, their first few periods, that it's their fault that they've had an accident. Obviously it's not, you know.
00:25:31
Speaker
And we have to remember that we're dealing with an adult function that's happening to a child so yeah the child isn't going to react the way an adult would you know its child will react the way a child would yeah you know and an adult wouldn't feel guilt or shame or much embarrassment really they would just say oh you know enjoy you know um whereas a child is gonna blame themselves feel guilty feel ashamed feel embarrassed yeah um
00:26:02
Speaker
So I think people forget that. They just think, well, you know, they're having periods. Oh, adult, you know. And it's like the brain has not caught up with the body. We're years off that. You know, we're not even started yet.
00:26:15
Speaker
So, um but yeah, i was I was also thinking about bras. It was quite funny because obviously I was the only girl in primary school to wear a bra. And the thing that used to really wind me up was obviously you had to wear school shirts and I didn't like vests.
00:26:31
Speaker
So refused to wear one. Which obviously meant that the bra strap was visible, what the whole bra was. through the ah I wore white bras. they had They had to write a dress code because we didn't have one for bras.
00:26:45
Speaker
So we had to add that in. It had to be a white bra. and them But all the boys used to ping the back of the bra. Right. like all lunchtime, every lunchtime.
00:26:56
Speaker
And it just, like, yes, and I actually stood up one day and i was like, yes, I'm wearing a bra. Can we move on now? You know, is it that fascinating? Yeah. Yeah, so i so I suppose then that that's really then you've got an extra layer of demands from other people, from peers, because it's a bit of a fascination from other people that actually that's unwanted attention and more demand for you again then, isn't it?
00:27:22
Speaker
Yeah, well, I actually brought a bra in to show them. I brought one, obviously, I'm not wearing it. Yeah. But I brought it in, I was like, here we are, play with that. You know? um Yeah. Because it just, it drove me nuts. Yeah.
00:27:36
Speaker
Yeah, believe And I thought, I thought it was sort of, I remember speaking to mum and I said, adult men don't do this today. And she's like, no, not very often. I was like, oh, thank goodness. Because I was like, I can't have my whole life being pinged.
00:27:51
Speaker
was like, I can't. No, too much of a demand. I was like, please, please tell me they grow out of that phase. Yeah. It's just... I can imagine exactly what yeah what the experiences you had because for boys of that age, it's all new. It's all that secretive thing that they're not they're not really aware of. They're vaguely aware of, but not really aware of. And then there's you know the the somebody going through it in their school, which again, because you went through it so young, that it's more unusual. Therefore, it sparks their interest, isn't it? And it's the it's the mystery of woman.
00:28:25
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's it's hard, isn't
Guiding Children through Puberty
00:28:30
Speaker
it? Okay, so to finish off this first part then, if you could give one piece of advice to parents or carers about helping PDA teen through puberty, through their first stages of periods and things like that, what would it be?
00:28:48
Speaker
Be as open as possible without being in your face. So if you can see that they're visibly not comfortable with you talking about something like that or asking them a question, then don't do it.
00:29:06
Speaker
um I can almost guarantee you that most youngsters do not want to hear about mum and dad and their sex life ever.
00:29:17
Speaker
Ever. Yeah. Yeah. nor do they want to hear about your first time ever. Yeah.
00:29:29
Speaker
You know, i no, even even me, I don't want to know either. um Yeah. You know, so obviously try not to be too
00:29:43
Speaker
detailed with what you're telling them try and keep it to you know just try and think what you'd like to hear from your parents and what you wouldn't and um but be open about things if they come to you with a question um obviously if it's age appropriate answer it truthfully um you know and And try not to look shocked when you do it, when they come to you with a question and you're like, oh my God. yeah know Because that sometimes when a child asks you something, you feel like you've missed five years of development.
00:30:20
Speaker
Like, you know, where did that come from? And how on earth do you know that word? and like You know, there is that moment of panic. So obviously try not to do that, to display that sort of like, oh, my baby.
00:30:36
Speaker
yeah Yeah, because that will only incite more panic then, won't it? Because if they if they can see parent is stressed and panicked, then there must be more to this than the child that knows, and therefore that's going be anxiety yeah as well. So calm, calm open, and keep it to the keep factual.
00:30:53
Speaker
Yeah, and if you if you need a sort of an example, then, you know, celebrities, um you know, if you want to, there's lots of celebrities, isn't there, that have had like surrogate parents for their children. and So there's always ah an example that you can give of somebody, um you know, if you want to talk about um sexually transmitted diseases, you know, you can talk about Freddie Mercury or something, you know, there's all sorts of yeah other examples you can give other than your own.
00:31:24
Speaker
yeah like yeah you know or um yeah we don't want to hear about that from from our parents yeah that's great and I think you know in regards to um help you know advice about periods I think you've you've you've probably covered that as well haven't you in in that you know know the fact that your mum was so open and didn't hide it and actually that make it normalizes it doesn't it It does. And bring in humour as well. And there is a book.
00:31:53
Speaker
and There's one for boys and one for girls. And I can't remember the name. But when I do, we'll put the link. Can we put the link somewhere? We can put the link in the show notes, yeah. Yeah, yeah it's um it's a cartoon book, but very graphically drawn. Right.
00:32:11
Speaker
Detailing about puberty. Right. um Right, okay, great. And it it is a very good book for for youngsters, autistic or otherwise. Yeah. But I'll look the link up in a minute. and we'll Okay, that's great.
00:32:23
Speaker
Brilliant. Thank you, Julia.
Conclusion and Resources
00:32:25
Speaker
We really appreciate you being so honest about this conversation, that but you know, that this topic that, you know, lot is a sensitive topic, but it's a topic that we all go through, or that we all experience, and that it's not not talked about very often. So we really do appreciate you being open and honest and talking about your experiences with puberty and periods etc um so thank you thank you very much and you know we are going to have um i'm going to sort of julia are going to carry on our conversation in our deeper dive part of our podcast and are talking a bit more broadly about teenage life and others struggles and relationships and things like that and emotions with family so if you want to listen to that then please do have a look at the deeper dive podcast
00:33:10
Speaker
So today's conversation has resonated with you, then please remember you're not alone and there is support out there for you. You can find more resources, guides and community support on the PDA Society website and hub. And we'll put all those links in the show notes and for you.
00:33:27
Speaker
And if you found this episode helpful, then please do share someone else who also might benefit. And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on future conversations. So thank you once again for listening and until next time, please take care of yourself and each other.
00:33:42
Speaker
So if you want to hear more from today's special guest, then there is a longer version of this podcast available over on our training hub. Sponsors of our training hub make it possible for us to create and put out this podcast for everyone for free.
00:33:56
Speaker
As a thank you, they get free access to all recordings and self-guided training on our training hub. Thank you, subscribers, for your generosity. If you'd like to become a subscriber, there's a link in our show notes.