Transcript
Speaker: bitch it's fucking hot i swear to god it's like a sauna it's a sauna you know could have swore that i saw that the temperature was only supposed to be 83 today which would have been lot cooler than yesterday but then like on my car it said 88 and it was super humid so it was like yeah it's hot it got up to 90 today supposed to be 90 again tomorrow with like full fucking humidity yeah And then it's going down super fucking like, I swear to you, it's like two days at 89 and then two days at 88 and then a day at 87 and then it'll drop to 80 as the highs.
Speaker: Crazy. And I'm just like, fuck. hu So. yeah Yeah. But like every time I step outside, I'm just like. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: I hear you. It's August. It is. yup
Speaker: I have to apologize. i i just had a nap, so I'm like who not fully functional brain-wise, but also my voice feels like it's not, I don't know. like it's still waking up? Still trying to sleep. Yeah. Are you a little froggy? a little, but it just feels like A little deep and rough.
Speaker: and know. It doesn't sound any different than usual for the record. Okay. for me for fifty You always say that. Because it's true. Maybe I need to blow my nose. I mean, you're this is the thing that's like true about um voices in general is they always like, they always sound different inside your head. First of all,
Speaker: And second of all, like, you are way more attuned to, like, a whole bunch of tiny differences. Like, probably from what you're used to listening to your own voice inside your head.
Speaker: and The general you, not just you specifically, k Christina. I just blew my nose. I think that's helped a bit. Oh, But you see what I mean? Yeah. I think that that's, like...
Speaker: the reason why it's like, it sounds so different inside your own head, but like externally, it's really not, yeah really not any different. Yeah. I totally, totally hear what you're saying.
Speaker: Pardon.
Speaker: No worries. It would appear that maybe, maybe that jalapeno has something to do with it too. Oh, true. oh my God. Oh, sorry. Did you just fall over? No, i was trying to scoop myself.
Speaker: Sorry about the coughings. I was trying to scoot myself back a little bit further from the edge of my seat. I just saw you like, like take a dive to the left and and at the same time be like, oh my God. And I was just like, what the fuck?
Speaker: what is she doing i'm literally on my bed so i can't just fall over oh my god am i am i close enough to the mic though oh yeah you're fine all right i'm gonna you're probably actually you're honestly probably perfect because every time that you shriek with laughter it blows the mic out so i think you're good okay future well god damn it
Speaker: oh my god but yeah um all good all good ah what what the fuck else was i gonna say oh shit i derailed you yeah but what else is new i don't know was it jalapeno dip i think that was a question i had in mind no it was um i had leftovers from mr miguel's and basically when you get there they bring you a shit ton of chips and a big bowl of salsa and then we ordered the nachos grande or whatever it's called grande nachos and it comes with jalapenos but my friend asked for jalapeno on the side instead of on the nachos and so when I was packing up the rest of the food essentially they brought us a whole new bag of chips and I had a container for what was left of that big bowl of salsa and I also had like the three sampler not a sampler it's like
Speaker: It's like a trio of dips that you can get. I had a little bit of guac left over and a little bit of pico. And so I dumped the pico into the salsa and I dumped the jalapenos into the salsa as well. So dug out and ate a couple of the jalapenos with my chip and salsa.
Speaker: Nice. um Big bowl of salsa, you say? Yeah, quite a big bowl. Like actually big bowl? I mean... Because here's why I ask. It's because every Mexican restaurant that I have been to, they only, with their like, you know, your complimentary chips and salsa, the salsa dishes that they provide are like literally the size of like a tea saucer, like a teacup saucer. You know?
Speaker: Yeah. With like maybe a one inch depth. Right, no, this is quite a bit larger than that. Completely dissatisfied yeah with that. So like, how can you give like dimensions? Are you familiar with these type carryout containers?
Speaker: Yeah, like plastic round. Yeah, a lot of times they're like twice as tall as this. but The bowl that they provide? No, no. These oh these type of plastic containers.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. like I'm familiar with all of it, yeah. yeah So normally like they're twice as tall as this one, but that we still had enough leftover salsa to halfway fill this one up. So, yeah, it's a pretty good size bowl that they bring.
Speaker: I'm trying to like figure out if I can even describe it. It must be... like if you could describe like compared to is it like a cup or like two cups or i would say it's at least one whole cup but it might even be closer to two i'm not sure i'm thinking like i'm i'm mentally comparing it to like a little you know the measuring cups that are two right like a eight ounce like an eight ounce cup measured measured cup um yeah no i think it might be a little bit more than that mm-hmm
Speaker: i'm not positive though that's a lot it's quite it's like like that's an adequate amount but oh yeah there's always leftovers there like there's always leftover salsa like Even though I can eat it the entire time I'm there. So did you discover this place only since the last time I was there? No.
Speaker: Okay. Because we've only ever been to Mexican Village. Oh, well. And so Mr. Miguel's is something. I've heard you talk about it. but yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never been. so okay. There was one that opened up by my house like for three or four miles away. Okay. And...
Speaker: Um, been there a few times, liked it. Okay. It was like, at first I was just kind of like, meh, I still like Mexican village. Right. And then a new one opened up at Partridge Creek mall, which is over by like where I work. Yeah.
Speaker: And actually you remember, cause you were at the movie theater there once. Yeah. Yeah. So a new one opened up there in the last like few months.
Speaker: I don't even remember for sure, like maybe a year, maybe a year already because fucking years fly by now. So I don't know. But um yeah and so me and Julie have gone there quite a few times and their location is way better than the one by my house.
Speaker: I don't know what it is, but their cooks are better or something. um nice So we go there all the time now and like it's super close to where julie lives so that's like our first choice most of the time these days and their happy hour is awesome because it runs okay this restaurants a lot of restaurants open at 11 a.m m right huh because they open just before like the lunch rush right this one opens at 11 a.m m happy hour starts at 11 a.m oh and goes until five
Speaker: okay and then it starts back up again at eight and goes until close so it skips the happy hour that most other restaurants like yeah a lot of times most restaurants are like six to eight or something yeah right but after work hours yeah so they do 11 a.m to 5 p.m and then 8 p.m to to close So most of the time when we go there, I'm like trying to make us get there before five. And they're ginormous like margaritas, the jumbo size one, which I can't remember if it's 12 or 16 ounce.
Speaker: they're They're like half off. And yeah you only need two. Trust me. You only need two. I don't even need one. Yeah.
Speaker: And they're like, so they end up being like seven bucks each. And then like the nachos, the grande nachos are one of the two food items on the menu that are um half off at happy hour too. So we'll get the grande nachos for like eight bucks or something. i don't even know.
Speaker: Like, I don't even, i don't, I don't care to look at the receipt because it's so cheap. Wow. Yeah. Walking out of there spending like 20 bucks or something. It's crazy.
Speaker: that's bonkers well sounds like it's very good i'm gonna have to go there whenever i can get back out to you yeah absolutely i know i said that to you like one of the last times i talked about it i was like yeah you have to go there many many many a time you have said we must go to this place to eat This place or that place or place at all. You're like, we must go to this place. yeah and And I can't tell you any of them at this moment. That's okay. because That's why I like keeping lists, man. I know, dude. Like I'd have a running. I already have I ever shown you visually my running list of like restaurants to go to?
Speaker: i don't think so, but I believe you. look i know that's there's more than just that yep holy shit molly that's like that's like a hundred fucking restaurants there's no chance in hell i'd ever get to like two percent of those oh i'm not saying that i have to take you it's that i want to make sure to go to them if I get the chance and they're also there one you haven't even been to most of them I've only off I checked off the ones I've been to now um but like they're not even all just in Massachusetts I limit them to the like general New England area okay
Speaker: um i don't even think i have anything in new york on this list oh i do have one thing in new jersey i have to teller c o's deli my god jersey you are so goofy so goddamn good But there's like places that are super close. There's places that are way far and, you know, lots of places in Boston. Do you have them organized in that list by how far away they are or what state they're in? They are just in order by when I...
Speaker: become aware of them when you add them so add them to the bottom of the list then then next them i'm gonna the next thing i gotta to do is create a spreadsheet oh shut up no i'm for real i know you're for real is create a spreadsheet and then uh then i can add things like distances from home oh lord help me but it's also like i i uh keep the list because of like you know the chance that potentially i'll be in the vicinity of one of these places yeah and remember like oh yeah i want to you know check that place out that i've had on my list for a long time and Then I'll go.
Speaker: So on your list and next to the name, does it say where they're located so that you know? right and Town and state. Okay. um and If it's in Boston, I have the neighborhood, comma Boston.
Speaker: Okay. So... yeah interesting so my my list would consist of places that i've been to that i have to take you to take me to that would be my list but i haven't made that list like since like i don't know 2019 or something this list is like honestly primarily because of the number of um local restaurants that i get shown on tiktok that's why i started this list gotcha it's because i keep getting shown places that are reasonable for me to get to ah that i'm like i need to not forget this yeah the clip i'm not gonna say closest but like one of the closest ones that i'm the most interested in because it's literally specifically fine dining
Speaker: It's called Vivienne and it's in Worcester. um And I've heard a lot of really good things, but it is hella expensive. Yeah. so you know.
Speaker: But then I have a place called Hot Dog Annie's in Leicester on this list. Yeah. or crazy stone crazy stone sushi Marlboro dude there's a place called goblin sushi like I know I told you about this place Wienerama oh my god I don't remember that island ah I don't remember that it's a hot dog place obviously um yeah yes but um sorry which place did you miss where were you said there's there's a sushi place called goblin sushi
Speaker: like on my i don't know why they call it goblin sushi but it seems like I think I have heard about it before somehow which must mean it's probably good hopefully but I drove past it again like today or yesterday and I was like oh there's that goblin sushi place and so nice i need to try it like myself one day and then i can tell you for sure if it's any good i need to try like a real sushi restaurant i've been to like one asian fusion place that like had sushi that i actually did try um and there's actually a new asian fusion place that just opened up uh where the chinese place used to be here uh
Speaker: my town uh just opened up like literally last week um and people have been anticipating it for a long time uh and so far it's gotten really good reviews including the sushi but i uh i don't really know anything about it other than that it's a fusion place um but i love grocery store sushi and i really oh i guess it's another place that's on my list is an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet buffet buffet uh
Speaker: that's in i think stir bridge not far from old stir bridge village yeah i recognize that name yeah um it is a i don't think i'm gonna find it on this list in time to not sound like an idiot but it's a place and it's on this list for sure oh ishi shabu That's what it's called.
Speaker: Found it. um And I definitely want to try it. um ah Yeah. Anyway, food.
Speaker: We just recorded a bonus episode yesterday all about food. Jeez, yes we did. And I guess we're still on the brain right now. Because we are, 17 minutes While I was munching on salsa and frickin' burned my asshole with some jalapenos.
Speaker: Thanks for that. I knew you were going to say something about it. Well, you're provoking me, so you deserve it.
Speaker: Anywho, I have a question for you. Okay. Have you seen in your very limited internet time ah over the last a handful of weeks, have you seen addds or a trailer for a movie coming out in October called Wicker?
Speaker: have. Wow. Why does that sound familiar? it I'm sure I've heard like the morning show radio people talking about it or something.
Speaker: Oh, probably because it's an interesting it's an internet sensation right now. Okay. And it hasn't even come out. Okay. um Yeah, it sounds really familiar, but I can't even think about what I heard about it. Just the name sounds familiar.
Speaker: Okay, yeah. um Obviously, I'm bringing it up for a very specific reason. It's a highly entertaining premise for a movie, and it's a highly entertaining trailer. Particularly, I'm going request when you get a chance to watch the...
Speaker: uk version of the trailer okay um because for some reason they get a better cut more entertaining looking trailer how did you find out about that tiktok tiktok tiktok i have seen a i've gotten the trailer literally you know promoted on my feed so i've seen it And endless commentary on it.
Speaker: Endless. Which is hilarious because there's really not a whole lot to say about it, in my opinion. and this is not a criticism. I fully intend to watch it.
Speaker: But I'm just like, everybody's, I think, just saying the same things over and over. It becomes a little bit of an echo chamber. um Everybody's obsessed with it because...
Speaker: This movie, it stars Olivia Colman and Alexander Skarsgård. Okay. You familiar with the Skarsgård family? Yes. They're a bunch of freaky boys. and There's some freaky freaky ones in that family. that i mean they wear they They love playing some crazy fucking roles. Alexander is no exception. I believe he is the oldest of all of the songs. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: the scars guard sons okay um he was most famous for i being in true blood yes that's what i was thinking yeah and then i think one of the younger ones was in a ah show that i don't think had that many seasons but it was called castle rock and i think it was a stephen king series I have no idea which one that would have been.
Speaker: Bill Skarsgård has been in several horror movies. Yeah, I think it would be. Bill Skarsgård was Nosferatu in Nosferatu. oh He was Count Orlok.
Speaker: um And he was also Pennywise in the remake of it. h he did he He had that creepy ass smile. Okay.
Speaker: um but oh so olivia coleman alexander scars guard also starring peter dinklage who i love yeah bill bill scars guard was the one in castle rock okay and they also have a brother
Speaker: is it gustav i think it's gustav um the only thing i know him in uh was the show vikings oh okay um But I know he's been in more than that.
Speaker: But anyway, so the premise of this movie, Wicker. Huh. I never heard of Gustav and I just saw a picture of and I'm like, he does not look familiar to me. okay anyhow you listen i'm listening i'm just letting you know that i don't recognize him i do know their dad who's been a lot of crazy things too fucking love that man yeah ellen is a god um yeah huge fan of him okay sorry sorry sidetrack you again it's okay uh the premise of this movie is that olivia coleman is a fisherwoman
Speaker: who lives in a village, and... She seems to be the only unmarried woman in the village. Okay. And everybody like seems to make fun of her being like, why don't you just get married? All the like potential single men ah are like super gross at her being like, Oh, marry you. Like they're so like, so funny. Nobody wants to marry you. yeah And then Olivia Coleman goes to Peter Dinklage, who
Speaker: seems to be the the town wizard. ah And she says, i want you to make me a husband. And he says, be at the chapel in a month.
Speaker: Okay. And so she shows up to the chapel a month later and Peter Dinklage has built a wicker man. Okay. Played by Stellan Skarsgård. Okay.
Speaker: Wrapped in a literal like wicker prosthetic. Like it's practical effects. entirely it seems crazy yeah and uh so olivia coleman marries wicker wicker alexander stars scars i almost i keep almost saying stars guard i don't know why it's easy to do because stellan and then scars guard it like yeah conflates i just taught my son that word earlier conflate as he conflated
Speaker: ah He conflated two words and then he laughed at himself for five minutes about it. That's the best kind of laughter to have. But yeah, Olivia Colman marries wicker Alexander Skarsgard and then he fucks her real good and everybody in the jail and everybody in the village gets jealous.
Speaker: Okay. So I don't really know where the story goes from there, but...
Speaker: that's the reason this trailer has gone viral that's insane everybody's talking about it and the reason the other reason that everybody seems to love the uk trailer more is because you get a tiny little flash of the wicker ween no way mm-hmm oh in fact In the British? In the UK version of the young trailer? What? They get everything. I'm telling wow In fact, I dug up a screenshot that I'm about to send to you. So please enjoy the screenshot. Oh, Lord, help me. You know, I remember now because I think I might have i might have seen a flash of it somewhere on the internet because...
Speaker: when you said olivia coleman i'm like okay i know the name but i cannot think of who that actress is she was no i know who she is middle-aged queen elizabeth yes yes and she was also in a number of other movies that i've seen recently and i'm just like okay she's really getting big now yeah she's really she was in the bear as well she was really good the bear and the show the bear i've never heard of that i don't think it's on hulu um very very popular jim and i just watched it uh what was that recent like um what do you call it like that a prequel to willy wonka that came out like what two three years ago something wonderful wonka or whatever i don't know she was in that um
Speaker: okay i never saw that that had tim timothy chalamet right yes i believe yes yeah he played the young willy waka she was in that i'm trying to remember what else i've seen her in now but i've seen her in a lot of shit um anyhow you and then your message and then peter dinklage like being in it i it's like okay i remember seeing I remember seeing the two actors in that thinking, oh, that's an interesting combination of people in this movie.
Speaker: Oh my god. that is hilarious. who
Speaker: i mean, comparatively to like him, it's not like it doesn't look like you know ginormous or anything, but it's there. comment that I saw was, remember, this one is soft.
Speaker: Well, that's true. yeah That's true. Oh my god. So anyway, a lot of people are about prepared to the release date. They're calling it Wicker Weed.
Speaker: Why? Because it's in October? Oh god. Oh my god. Happy Wickerween. Holy crap. But this movie, a lot of the discourse around it which again, i do feel is a little echo chamber-y, but I still want to talk about it because it it like calls upon a larger conversation. um it's it is reminiscent the
Speaker: me slash genuine discourse that was going around like two years ago maybe three years ago i can't even remember exactly how long ago again also on tiktok about how women overwhelmingly when given the choice between coming across a bear in the woods or a man in the woods women choose the bear yeah i've heard that plenty of times at this point yeah and uh Now people are calling back to that and being like, not only will women choose the bear, women will choose wicker.
Speaker: Hilarious. man Yeah, because I can't even imagine what that would feel like going in. don't know what I want to. Ouch. I'm sorry, you mean the wicker dick? Yes.
Speaker: Okay. I was talking about choosing wicker man over a human man. i know, but yeah, especially involving thing. Or choosing a basket.
Speaker: Women will choose a basket over a man. ah Which, yes, LOL, it's jokes. But also, it's true.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Because, yeah, I think, like, i the the premise of the movie being that she's got this wicker man and he fucks her really good and he breaks the bed every day and he fixes the bed every day. like whatever. Wow. Like, so everybody in the town gets jealous and honestly pretty threatened by like how good this is for her ah And it's like, it becomes a bigger concern where they're not just threatened or jealous about like, oh, she's got it. Like, you know, she's getting dicked down real nice.
Speaker: But like, also like, oh, he's actually good to her. Yeah. Yeah. Like, That's like disrupting the social order. Yeah.
Speaker: And it's fucking crazy to me that that is so normalized within general world society that it is insane and scary for a man to be good to his woman. Mm hmm.
Speaker: To the point that people feel threatened by it and feel a need to put a stop to it. Yeah. Yeah. and in the And that it's like written into this fictional story, but it is believable because of the state of our world.
Speaker: oh Yes.
Speaker: And like, really... You know, it's just another facet in the gigantic, insane conversation, like general discourse around the quote unquote male loneliness epidemic. and the reasons why that even can be a thing.
Speaker: yeah Like how low the bar is for men and they still overwhelmingly can't clear it. Right. Like, the bar is in hell.
Speaker: Yep. And they can't even hurdle over that. They're like, o I'm going to just drag myself on the ground. It's crazy. It's banana town.
Speaker: Yeah. So it's like, and it's it it it goes beyond... only like the you know man versus bear scenario of like why a woman would prefer to meet a bear in the woods because a bear 75% of the time is gonna just sort of leave her alone but a man who finds her in the woods is going to attack her yeah or just the the
Speaker: fact that it's completely unpredictable what a man can do whereas yeah and a little more predictable what a bear would he could start out being like oh like helpful like whatever and then flip on at a moment's notice there's like that issue but even beyond that there's the issue of like the problems the like micro problems that a man will deliberately cause in a woman's life on a day-to-day yeah
Speaker: Like, have you heard of the term negging?
Speaker: No. It is effectively, i think, I don't know if it's like specifically short for like, I only know it as being short for like negative or something. that it's like the way that a man will like make comments that are designed and intentioned specifically for cutting a woman down emotionally.
Speaker: like deflating her ego making her feel bad about herself yeah so that she is more on his level because otherwise she's way too good for him and so like and i like don't even need to give examples of like what you know that could look like because every one of us has experienced it I have a very recent experience I could share. boy. Would you like to hear it?
Speaker: As long as you want to tell it, my friend. Okay. Because holy shit. Yeah. um So I have recently had pneumonia.
Speaker: And when I was first ill, I didn't have a lot of energy um to be able to get up and fix myself food. So I wasn't really eating all that much. I mean, I sort of had an appetite, but it wasn't enough for me to bother with trying to like appease it.
Speaker: So over the course of a week, I mean, let's just say the first three, four days, whatever, when I first went to urgent care, I weighed in on their scale like six pounds less than I had at the previous appointment I've had like had like a few months before that. Okay. And then by the end of that week, because I still was struggling to like feed myself. Um, And I took a shower. i took like my second shower of the week because I felt like, you know, i was so crappy that I just had no energy take a shower. So by the second shower that week, I could tell I had lost more. Like I felt thin when, you know, you you know this when you're washing your body and you can tell like parts feel different, you know?
Speaker: So I got out of the shower and I just, made the comment like dude i probably will probably lost like 10 pounds i feel like i can feel it you know and i made this comment to my husband and he goes no you didn't
Speaker: and i looked at him and i was just like excuse me like i let it go for the moment but i actually addressed it pretty well later on and i said you know whether or not you think i've lost weight doesn't factor into the fact that I'm telling you that I have because I can tell that I have.
Speaker: But like, you don't need to make comments like that. Because it just you're just being mean. Yeah, I said you are just mean. Yeah. And this is this is my problem with you most of the time is that you're just a mean person.
Speaker: Like if you don't agree with me, and you don't think I've lost weight, then just say, oh okay. Who gives a shit? You know, I'm not asking you to like, you know, agree with every single fucking thing I say, but like Jesus Christ, you don't have to say no, you didn't.
Speaker: And just, you know, sound like a fucking asshole. Yeah. And like coming from such a place of like insecurity. It's like stupid. It's like, you know, just because he hasn't physically observed it on me doesn't mean it's not true.
Speaker: So like, who the fuck are you to say, no, I didn't. You know, it just pissed me off. And so I called him out. There's no reason for that. Right. I called him out. I was just like, there, you know, there's no reason to say something like that to me. If you don't agree with me, just be like, all right, you know, and act like you don't care. The only reason is to make you feel worse. Exactly. Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, but that's the thing is, it's so fucking so unconscious, unconscious to them that it just rolls off the tongue like nothing. Right. I think in some cases it is unconscious. I think in a lot of cases it's not. Maybe not. I think in a lot of cases it's very important. think that it's become so goddamn easy for them to do in common that they don't think about it anymore.
Speaker: it just happens. That's what I mean by unconscious. Because they're so used to doing it. It's so common for them to do it that it just happens constantly. And God forbid they have an ounce of self-awareness. Exactly.
Speaker: Exactly. you know So that was a whole big thing. I just flat out, I went off on him about being a mean person. Right. And I'm like, this is what I cannot deal with anymore. I'm not tolerating this shit.
Speaker: Right. So. Right. Good. Yeah. And that's what should happen. But here's the problem is that like, it happens among all age groups and demographics to the point that like,
Speaker: it's i I mean, I think the stories I hear the most about it are like the ones um from much younger relationships, much younger couples, girls who are in relationships and don't have a lot of experience with relationships and are not necessarily prepared to safeguard their own mental health. Yeah.
Speaker: Like as, you know, fiercely as us like older women. Okay. that had to learn to That would explain why I was in a shitty relationship for like eight or nine years. Oh my God. Yeah. I was like 25 when first started and dating that guy. Destroyed you?
Speaker: That guy. Yeah. I mean, that was, it was awful. i like came out of that with the worst self-esteem ever. Mm-hmm. and yeah And that's, it was deliberate. he does Exactly. To what you are saying is because I was younger, i hadn't had a whole lot of like, really serious, or long term relationships. That was my first long term one. Right. And I didn't know how, like, you know, people have made a comment and probably including my husband, but like, you know, like,
Speaker: would you ever go, you know, go back to Steve or would you, or you should go back to Steve or something or some stupid thing, whatever. And I'm like, fuck no. and like, well, why were you with him for so long? Because I had no fucking self-esteem. That's why.
Speaker: because I didn't realize my value at the time. That's why with him for so long. And that's the thing you live and you fucking learn and you hopefully make better choices in your life after that. But like,
Speaker: At the time, nobody can tell you, nobody can tell you, hey, this guy's a dick. You're wasting your time with this guy. and you know. yeah blah blah but because you just don't want to hear it nobody could even like it's the thing is that it's so hard even if they phrased it differently like if they were to say it like the way that you just expressly said like that your husband is mean huh like girls don't even want to hear that their boyfriends is are their boyfriends mean right they don't want to hear that because like it says a lot about them that they've chosen him yeah
Speaker: i've like I've had like similar... like i've had I've experienced this a lot with regards to my ex. like not Because he was he was a big nothing burger of a person. like he He did not... like i I know that he nagged me in certain ways. I feel like I've blocked out mentally a lot of what he's done.
Speaker: But I know that like he never once... made me feel good about myself except for one time when he was drunk off his ass yeah where that's like the only time he ever told me i was beautiful and like you know i think that like the biggest issue in my memory is just the complete lack like the absence of anything positive coming from him but like
Speaker: It was a similar situation where it was just like i came away from that relationship feeling so ashamed at having chosen him and then staying with him for four years. Because, like, i had, was 23. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: i was twenty three when I first, you know, met him. Yeah. and like, I fully, ah i was able to be honest with myself and acknowledge that, like, I had no idea who I was when I, when he and I broke up.
Speaker: And unfortunately that was also 2020 when everything was a fucking nightmare. yeah So i just had a real shitty fucking time trying to figure out, you know, what I was doing with my life and who I was as a person. um But it was like, i it's taken years for me and I still struggle sometimes with like,
Speaker: processing the shit that he put me through and the horrible like things that he made me feel and process the fact that I did that to myself that I chose it. Yeah. And like, um like I remember specifically on a hottest 2024, day and my god when we were packing up and yeah like we were coming off such a great high with that event. It was such a great time and we were flying, you know, emotionally and mentally and spiritually.
Speaker: and then I get a complete like, bombshell of ah text from him informing me that he had been arrested for a DUI and that his license had been suspended for three years and like the very first thing that hit me in the gut was shame m It had been four years since we'd broken up and I was still that prone to feeling such intense shame for the kind of person he is and the fact that he has never changed even so long after we broke up. you know And not not fucking two weeks prior, he had been at a friend's wedding and gotten so humiliatingly drunk
Speaker: that his best friend texted me the next day on my birthday, i woke up to texts from his best friend being like, oh no, he's a mess. like all of he like listed out everything that happened and was just like yeah like they just figured out that he has problems or something for multiple years during the relationship i was trying to tell his best friend he needs help and this is four years after the breakup yeah and his best friend's next to me oh he needs help bitch i told you yes i know yes this and it was a really oh god it was such a low low moment for me
Speaker: Because it was just like, this is the person that I chose to stay with for four years. And even at the end, he was the one who initiated the breakup conversation.
Speaker: Like, yes, it was a mutual decision. But if he hadn't initiated, i don't know how long i would have gone. without you know ah finally like caving myself so like yeah it's it's the kind of thing where it's just like i know i have to give myself grace i understand that but also like i do have to accept the reality that like i i did this to myself i chose it i still chose it and if i don't
Speaker: face that i'm prone to choosing it again right and like you know i that's why i just knew coming out of that relationship i was like there is so much i'm learning so much that i'm learning about myself and what about about what i need in relationships about what i like what i dislike yeah things that like i let slide with him that i would never let slide ever again right like
Speaker: But it's like, I feel like my bar is still probably not quite high enough. Yeah, I mean, your bar is higher than mine. I'm not ready to just like go ahead and make a huge evaluation about like what my bar is or is not, but like or like the specificities of what my standards are. But more so, it's just like,
Speaker: Collectively, i feel like it's the feminine experience, especially the like cis, straight, feminine experience in human life to settle for so much less than we not only deserve, but simply need.
Speaker: Yes. And here's another interesting thing I've heard recently. Okay. um Talking about ah I'm trying to remember the phraseology of whatever this is. Okay.
Speaker: okay Talking about how it's our nature in our nature because of hormones, like evolution. I don't know what the hell like phrase I'm trying to come up with, but it's like literally our physiology is with the hormones that we have because we are, you know, the estrogen and progesterone are like,
Speaker: things that cause us to be caretaker caregivers or care you know like motherly type and people and so it makes us tolerate like every fucking shitty thing it makes us tolerate so This is the conversation. Women in perimenopause right now, the gen x Gen Xers that are all in perimenopause yeah right now or have already just gone through it completely are all talking about it. It's like, yeah, now that those hormones no longer exist in our body, we are fucking pissed and we're not dealing with your shit anymore. and like women of prior generations have hardly talked about this stuff.
Speaker: It's yeah insane. Well, the thing is that women of prior generations didn't have the freedoms that women of this generation and these, you know, more modern ages do Yeah. Women of our grandmother's generation or even our own mothers, you know, depending on how old your mother is, general you, um you know, didn't have the ability to have financial independence from men and didn't have the ability to get, you know,
Speaker: sufficient jobs to yeah survive or didn't have the safety and the freedom to be able to speak up about she yeah and certainly like didn't have like i think it was um
Speaker: was it in the 90s when no fault divorce was finally legalized i don't know i think so i'm not sure i certainly know that it was in the 90s when marital rape was outlawed oh my god Yeah, I was well into my childhood when that finally was outlawed. That's horrifying. This is what I mean. Like, we as women like did not have the freedoms to be able to survive and and live without...
Speaker: men um it's just like the way that the world was set up and like this is where it's like you know you mentioned hormones being the thing that um make women tolerant of poor behavior but i think there's also a huge factor of like social conditioning oh yeah oh for sure because yeah because like We're conditioned to be afraid of consequences for backtalking, disobeying, for... simply just having an opinion of authority figures sorry i know you getting in the way i just said having an opinion but for real yeah i don't know if like if it was going to come across as like you couldn't understand either of us because we spoke at the exact same times that's why i'm clarifying yeah oh god but but it's like
Speaker: so goddamn real like i just i i think that it's social conditioning i think that plays a huge goddamn factor especially women raised in like particularly conservative communities or religions yes such as mormonism I'm sorry, i'm further away from my microphone right now, so if you can tell the difference, I apologize.
Speaker: Okay, no worries. um Like, I know a lot of people who are ex-Mormons, like women specifically who are ex-Mormons, who are are or have been insanely susceptible to...
Speaker: continuing to allow abuse in their lives because they don't know how to do anything different in terms of handling abusive people.
Speaker: um And it's like an endless struggle for them. where they're like hyper aware of it, very, very self-aware, but like seemingly helpless when the moment comes, when they're in the middle of a, you know, ah ah altercation or or a disagreement or what have you, and can't summon the words to counter whatever's being said, or even the will to like walk away.
Speaker: Yeah, that was me for many, many years. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. it's it It's hard to say for sure which thing was the factor in how I started to change, but it was either because I was starting to finally heal and learn and grow.
Speaker: or hormonal changes it's really really i'm not sure because it was about the same time for both yeah truly a combination i would say yeah and like also the fact that like this is a little a little different and like not exactly you know on topic and we've talked incessantly about narcissism in general, but like you also had to grow up learning how to tolerate and handle or or even just, yeah, survive narcissistic abuse from your grandmother and your mother. And it's startling, but also not surprising.
Speaker: Every time you mention the like parallels you see, in the behavior you got from your mother and grandmother ah with the behavior of men that you've dealt with in your life.
Speaker: And how, like, yes, it's all narcissistic, but, like, there is a true difference between, like, women, narcissistic women who are abusing their own children or grandchildren versus narcissistic men who are abusing...
Speaker: arguably everybody in their life yeah ah but especially the women and girls in their life um like it it it manifests similarly but you gotta handle them kind of differently yeah um but yeah like yeah there's so many crazy factors in uh determining like how and why it took me so long to figure out how to deal with like issues in my marriage, you know? Yeah. Like it was during the course of my marriage that I finally was able to start speaking up for myself and not being afraid to, or walking out if I needed to or whatever, like you just said, like, you know, not knowing what to say or even walking away from the situation, like just yeah freeze, like freeze the freeze or fawn thing.
Speaker: you know Yeah, but freezing and fawning is less of a coping deal and more of a like trauma reaction. like It's more of like a giving the narcissist nothing to work with kind of like like gray rocking in a way of just like, if you don't give them any ammunition, if you don't, like A, you don't give them information,
Speaker: you know outside of what is absolutely necessary and B if you don't give them the arguments that they're picking for that they're desperately trying to get out of you so that they can start to like you know cut you down the way that they always try to like if you just give them nothing to work with like all the better yeah um which is why I said it the way I said it effectively of like walking away or just staring them down
Speaker: like they don't know what to do with that narcissists in general but yeah like
Speaker: there's just such low goddamn standards and men can't even meet those and they wonder why the fuck they're all so lonely mm-hmm Why there's so many of them who are now just not being chosen and for to be in relationships with women. Yeah.
Speaker: I think it's not a mystery, even remotely. Right. Not at all. So... It's a mystery to me that they can't figure out how to, you know, be a decent human. You know, there's there's so much...
Speaker: like Oh God, online stuff, you know, like social media stuff that there there's, there are movements or like whatever so social media personalities that are literally dedicating their entire platform to like talking these guys up and saying like, it's the women's fault.
Speaker: And like, you just have to keep being a man and keep doing your thing. Oh yeah. They call it the manosphere. Oh my God. It's so fucking gross. Yeah. They're just perpetuating the problem. They're making it worse. Yeah.
Speaker: You know, don't listen to what women want. Okay, great. That's going that's going to make you have a great relationship when you eventually i like find a girl who will settle for you.
Speaker: God. Yeah. yeah It just, it's fucking it's so gross. It's so gross. And it's like, I really, you know, i am scared for my kid being on YouTube so much. Like, I'm not sure what he is seeing all the time.
Speaker: And so I really, things are going to be changing here soon because I'm going to be home more. will have more control over what's going on. Yeah.
Speaker: ah Anyhow, it's like scary. And as as mothers, women, parents, whatever, we need to learn how to teach our children better and like help them navigate this crap because...
Speaker: if they just listen to social media shit or their friends, like they're not going to get the guidance. They need to like be better people. Right. We have to have like active hands in shaping the behavior and the like tendencies of the next generations because God knows our own parents didn't do that for us.
Speaker: Right. It's kind of a miracle. Any of us turned out remotely. Okay. Yep. And like also, I'm grateful that I have my kid in therapy because that and hes and it's a male counselor so i feel like that is you know he he will literally be providing a better male role model figure for my kid than what he's used to, you know? Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. That is good. Definitely. Yeah.
Speaker: ah Yeah. So it's just, ah you know, it's an ongoing discussion among the world, among the internet, h among society.
Speaker: ah But it is like, A necessary one because until ah everything changes, it's going to continue. Like we're we're going to keep having the same problems. We're going to keep running into the same.
Speaker: i would go so far as to call it like generational ancestral trauma that just is going to continue to be perpetuated.
Speaker: So it's a good cycle. Hmm.
Speaker: Hmm. But in the meantime, we got Wicker Fantasies. oh and we'll choose the Wicker Man over the Human Man.
Speaker: you know, I remember when I first, like, whatever it was that I had heard of about this movie, made me think of the Wicker Man. There is a movie called the Wicker Man.
Speaker: Yes, it is a completely unrelated story. Yeah. and Apparently this movie is based off of a short story called the Wicker Husband. yeah i don't know where to read that i tried to see if i could find like a digital copy on like you know amazon unlimited kindle unlimited or whatever or kindle anything but couldn't find anything so i don't know but
Speaker: yeah uh yeah i it's it's really funny because that Wicker Man movie.
Speaker: I actually saw that with my boyfriend Steve back in the day. oh yeah. And it has Nicolas Cage in it. I'm not sure if you've ever seen this movie or not. I've never seen this movie, but I don't think I will. It wasn't that great. Let's put it that way. But there's a funny scene Because, like, basically, Nicolas Cage is, like, on this island and he's investigating something, whatever. I don't remember exactly everything about the story, but he's, like, investigating something. And he found, like, a doll or something that had been burned.
Speaker: like it was, like, some kid, like... you know, with some kid's doll and it had been burned and he found this thing and he comes up to somebody and he's like, why did it burn? Why did it burn? It was the worst acting ever. it was so funny. So then any, you know, like that was the thing that me and Steve used to do all the time. Like he would just randomly come out and be like, why did it burn? Why did it burn? Yeah. Or how did it burn or whatever the line was. But it was so funny. It was just so bad. The acting was terrible. I love Nicolas Cage but he's not the greatest actor in the world. He is a phenomenon unto himself. Yeah. a absolutely good way There are moments there are moments when it when his whatever he's doing when it lands and it works. Yeah.
Speaker: And there are moments when it really doesn't. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. And it's okay. it's okay i'll be honest man leaving las vegas was a super phenomenal like i don't even know anything about that portrayal like he did a great job in that movie it's extremely depressing so i don't know if you want to watch that but no i'm good um i know i i know i mentioned to you but you're probably not gonna remember that like back in can't remember if it was the fall or like the very beginning of this year um jim got me to watch the movie adaptation yes i know and i remember watching it too back then back in that in those days when i was with steve but i don't really remember that much about the movie because i don't know if i understood it
Speaker: there's not a lot to understand like it's it's a weird fucking movie but i will say because the only other like nicholas cage movie that i had serious experience with with national treasure which like is it's a national treasure it's it's good uh but like it's a decidedly less serious role it's a decidedly less serious yeah movie it's an adventure movie easy to say it because adaptation is fucking insane but like it is it has very very serious um undertones to it and so like Nicolas Cage does a phenomenal job because not only is he in it but he's in it twice because he plays twins oh my god and so like he does it's really cool to watch and it's I mean that's always cool to watch but like it's cool to watch him specifically because he does it really well he does both really well
Speaker: you know they're two extremely different personalities even though they are twins and he does each of them very very not just convincingly but like it's just it's it flows like water so it's good um i'm not gonna rewatch adaptation i've seen it once i'm not gonna see it again
Speaker: it's but it was um But it was worth watching for the experience. But yeah. So if you like action movies at all, and I i don't feel like you do, but like if you want decent one. It really depends on a yeah million things yeah that I cannot even predict. But go ahead. I was going to say, if you like a good one, i remember the movie called Face Off was a really good action movie with Nicolas Cage.
Speaker: It was interesting. Because the name the name doesn't quite portray like what it was about.
Speaker: Okay. um i mean I don't know. i You're right that I really am just like... I don't know. Action movies are just... I'm not an action movie fan. like I don't i Fast and the Furious and crap like that. I don't like that shit. but I like super interesting action movies that are not just like, bam, bam, fight, fight, speed, chasing. That's what I'm trying to tell you.
Speaker: I feel like Face Off was one of those more interesting ones and it was good. I remember liking you know And I think John Travolta was also in it.
Speaker: Oh, he is a character. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was him and Nicolas Cage. And so it was good. Okay. And like if Jim hasn't seen it, he might actually like that one. You might want to just bring it up to him.
Speaker: We'll he We are putting each other through through our paces pretty intensely lately when it comes to like watching stuff. Okay. Not just movies, but shows as well. Okay. Okay.
Speaker: um he is dead set on watching things we haven't seen before uh
Speaker: ah and that takes a bigger toll on me than i even realized emotionally struggle so like it's all things that even he hasn't seen before well so like more so that's like been well it's slow going because shows are always slow going like we're we can't we don't have the time to be able to sit and binge watch shows right now so it's like we get through an episode or two per day usually um so it's been a while but like a show that i agreed to and i like it so far but it is intense is the sopranos
Speaker: Oh, yeah. I have never made it past season one with that. I've tried a few times. It got better for me after season one. Okay.
Speaker: Like, I was really not super compelled, but I was willing to, like, write it out. And then it got better. Like, once you get more familiar with the characters, and then also they start to, like, actually make the show better. One of the things that i noticed about season one that was so bizarre was that there's, like, no, like, music.
Speaker: Really? from like in-world music that plays on the radio or something. Like they don't have like soundtrack music. ah For like Except for the opening song. I'd say maybe like... Well, that doesn't count. Yeah, I know what you're saying. I'd say it was noticeable like the first two-thirds of the first season.
Speaker: And then they started to like incorporate. And I was like, okay, so did they learn? Like, did they realize that they were fucking up by not having a soundtrack? Like, what the fuck? You know, like what compelled them to start out that way? but um now i can i can jive with it a little bit and it's it's still pretty like oh it's it's a dated fucking show yeah um it is does not age great um right but it's a little nostalgic because it is you know like right now i'm in season three and that took place in 2001
Speaker: like oh childhood yeah right you know or like another show that we started to watch which actually he has seen but not since it came out um was entourage okay so on hbo um and that is very like i think that started in 2004 that's like my middle school years um and so i'm just like whoo trends they were weird yeah i remember um i remember thinking that that show seemed intriguing to me for some reason was is jeremy piven in that i have no idea and to be honest i'm not gonna i'm not gonna vouch for entourage where i'm at so far okay that's not very far into it i think it's kind of fucking stupid okay um but that's mostly like it doesn't seem to have a whole lot of depth to it
Speaker: Yeah. um And also, these dudes are, like, hella misogynists. Oh. Like, everything we just talked about. oh no. All of these main character dudes embody. And so, I'm just like, okay, y'all suck.
Speaker: Hmm. But whatever. but like, ah yeah, it just, it's occurred to me, like, when I'm not familiar with a show already,
Speaker: like I or a movie. ah It's it's harder on me emotionally, just cause I don't know what's going to happen. Yeah. What to expect. um That is like, you know, I've seen it said or heard it said that.
Speaker: it could be, you know, a sign of real serious like anxiety or trauma when you tend to only gravitate to stuff you've already seen before because of the fact that you've seen it before and you know what happens. And so nothing's going to particularly like upset you. oh Yeah.
Speaker: And God damn, is that the truth? Like I am appreciating that I'm spreading my wings a little bit more ah lately um but I sure wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't Jim's like rule for deciding on what to watch I got you yeah I just looked up Entourage and yes je Jeremy Piven is in that and okay um for a while I had kind of a thing for him
Speaker: okay But I can't say I still have that thing anymore. Just because I think I moved on because there's been better options since him.
Speaker: you should have because that's an old fucking show. i mean, but him in general. I just had a thing for him and I never saw that show, but Right, but like in general, um that was, you know, 22 years ago. Oh my god.
Speaker: ah my god. You know. no um Yeah, so anyway. ah I don't know what we just devolved into, but that's our episode, I think. Yeah. um Yeah.
Speaker: Thanks for joining us on this ride. um And do not lose hope if you are a person who is attracted to men against your own will. ah We understand.
Speaker: and our sympathies are with you. Yeah. um But it's also not impossible to hold higher standards, get some people like, whether it means that you like actually change a guy's mind and you know, they meet your higher standards or if you simply just teach someone along the way, which not saying you are required to, nobody's entitled to that.
Speaker: but it is you know nothing's gonna change if nothing changes so if we don't start like like holding our own standing up for ourselves yeah nothing's gonna change um and if your family and friends are telling things say that i'm sorry You just don't have to settle for things. So like you can hold people to higher standards if they're not going to meet it.
Speaker: You don't need to stick with them. And maybe they'll learn and do better next time, even if it has nothing to do with you anymore. Yeah. And I would like to add that if your family and friends are telling you that this person is no good, maybe listen to them.
Speaker: Maybe know it's hard personally, and I can say this. Christina can say this. It's very, very true. like we don't want to hear it. feel it's It's hard when you feel such and such intense shame having to face the poor treatment that you have put up with.
Speaker: um But it is so much better in the long run than continuing to put up with it. So... yeah yeah that's all i'll say about that heed the warnings from your friends and family that's all i'm saying yeah they care they really genuinely care otherwise they wouldn't say anything also they they can see things a little bit clearer when they're when they're objective yeah yeah and like you're not you're the one in it yeah mm-hmm yep so yeah
Speaker: Well, thanks y'all for being here. And we hope you're having a beautiful, like, if, you know, if hot ah August. And we'll catch you next week if we don't die of heat stroke for our hundredth episode. Oh my God.
Speaker: yeah Oh my God. That's amazing. It's upon us, dude. It's basically our two year anniversary. right right exactly so yeah all right all right catch you on the
Speaker: catch you on
