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Podcast 35 - Marriage Part 2
50 Plays12 days ago
Join us as we continue to follow our sermon series on marriage
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Transcript
Introduction & Overview of Marriage as a Covenant
00:00:09
Speaker
Hey, welcome to the Grove Hill podcast. It seems like an eternity since we've been here, but just last week we started this topic of marriage, talking about marriage being a covenant between two people, not a contract, and there's a world of difference between the two. If you haven't listened that podcast, I encourage you to go back and start there. We're going to jumping into week two, and because of the nature of the subject this week, I think we're going to pray before we start, all right? good I've got my good friends, Lori Harbour, of course, you know. You've seen her on here before if you've been watching a long time. She is our children's minister here at Grove Hill Church. This man across from her is the lucky man to be married to her, Mr. Keith Harbour, a friend of mine. He and I got to coach the baseball team this year, so it's been a lot of fun getting to know him and just expect both of them to have a lot of wisdom to
Meet Lori and Keith: 20 Years of Marriage Experience
00:00:54
Speaker
bring to this. Y'all been married how long?
00:00:56
Speaker
Almost 20 years. 20 years. 20 years in July. I'll let him answer that make sure he knew. 20 years in July. That your first test. That was my first test. All let me pray for us. God, we thank you for this means of communication, the way we get to speak into people's lives, and we pray that those on the other side of this podcast are able to get some wisdom.
00:01:14
Speaker
gain from other people's life experiences and hopefully come out a better follower of Christ because of it. We do pray for marriages, good marriages, bad marriages, marriages that are hurting, Lord. We pray for all of them because What we all need, even the good marriages, is more of your spirit in the middle of it.
00:01:30
Speaker
So we pray that our conversation day is beneficial, that you would guide our words, and that, Father, you would be honored by every podcast that comes away from this church. It's in Jesus' name I pray.
Understanding Marriage as a Covenant, Not a Contract
00:01:41
Speaker
Amen. So we did talk last week on our podcast about the idea of covenant versus... contract. And one of the things about a marriage being a covenant versus a contract is that marriages, of their covenants are much more relational oriented.
00:01:58
Speaker
That being said, we know that every single marriage experiences conflict of some kind.
Resolving Conflicts in Marriage
00:02:04
Speaker
There's a whole lot of reasons for it. I love the fact that they're smiling already because they probably have some particular instance in mind, some conversation or whatever. So the issue isn't whether conflict exists. The issue is Are we fighting for resolution to the conflict or are we fighting to win the conflict?
00:02:22
Speaker
Big difference between the two. Most marriage problems are rooted in communication issues. In fact, when I do premarital counseling with couples, I talk about basically four things that really, really hurt marriages.
00:02:35
Speaker
Finances, of course, conversations around sexual activity, around the physical intimacy part of it. communication which is huge and then of course the idea of conflict itself how do you handle conflict and one of the things i've noticed is that when when when marriages come together it's always two centers involved yeah yeah for sure because of that there's going to be issues so uh okay first test i wish i could send one of y'all in the room but on a scale of one to five five being pretty good how healthy are you two with your communication
00:03:07
Speaker
now um there we go i'm gonna say four yeah now okay good that's up from two and a half ten years ago yeah awesome for sure that's cool what do you attribute that to i mean oh the lord definitely lord oh yeah okay that was not paid for by the church so that comment so uh what in what way do you think god has worked in your heart to to change your relationship in that that aspect I think that God is now at the center of our marriage. God was a part of our marriage. He was a part of our family, but he was never the main, not never, but he just was not consistently the focus. okay And he is now. He was the add-on, not the not the center. It's kind of the, yeah kind if you took your lunchbox, he was the bag of chips, now he's the sandwich. I love this guy's illustration. It's perfect. I don't know about that.
00:03:59
Speaker
So let's talk about some things that cause conflict in marriage.
Communication Issues and Improvements in Marriage
00:04:02
Speaker
First one, which is usually typically a bigger issue for the guy than it is the girl, is the subject of pride. guys yeah We don't like to be wrong about much. No, we don't. I'll even argue with you about that. No, we don't like to be wrong. Guys are the protectors. Guys are the, I don't know what the right word is. where where We got our chest puffed out and we're we're ah always always right about everything. so yeah or we seem like we are. We think we are. So that's,
00:04:30
Speaker
The ego, the the pride. I think the hardest part for me as a man, maybe you feel this way too, is that our wives know us better than anybody else. They see behind the veneer. And so they can see us in our ugliest moments. Oh, yeah. The ones we don't even really want to recognize about ourselves. Yeah, no doubt.
00:04:48
Speaker
Yeah. How is that? i mean, you see that played out with him and you don't have conversations. You see that pride thing coming. Well, yeah. And it's like you said, it usually comes from a place because he's trying to protect me. and But I don't always...
00:04:59
Speaker
view it that way i come in like you're just trying to tell me what to do or you're trying to you're you think you're right and i'm dumb or whatever but it's really because his motives are to protect my heart and protect our family yeah some of that could be tone how yeah how things absolutely yeah or body language know how how absolutely yeah for sure and and you mentioned tone i can't tell you how many times My wife has said to me in the middle of a conversation, it's not what you're saying, it's how you say it. Oh, yeah. yeah We're both a little guilty
Unmet Expectations and Early Struggles
00:05:31
Speaker
of that. Maybe a lot. It's like reading a text message. you know guess She sends me a text message. I'm like, the words the words match, but what's the what's the intent? What's the what's the mood? what's the What's all behind the scenes stuff with that? That's a great segue to another problem. We have unmet expectations.
00:05:48
Speaker
Now, this may be unfair. Help me defend myself over it. Okay. But I feel like this one probably falls with women a lot more because I believe women tend to think their husbands know what they want oh yeah without communicating at well. Of course we do. whole mind reader bit we kind of joke about, but, you know.
00:06:06
Speaker
Why are you laughing, honey? we cut that part out? No, but yes, for sure. And that's a lot of times where that miscommunication happens because I just assumed that he knew things or or thought...
00:06:19
Speaker
you should have understood what I was thinking. Yeah, guys aren't that deep. no Or this guy's not. We're not. not yeah I'm i i surface level on a lot of things. She can go get her hair done and and she walks in and I'm like trying to think what she went and did different today. Right. You know, something like that. I my hair done, you paid for it. Yeah. yeah I think it it goes to a lot too to the way men and women think differently. The illustration, at least, and I like to use is that women, their brain their brains are thinking like spaghetti while guys are like waffles.
00:06:50
Speaker
We can park compartmentalize our thinking and our our even our days. So when you come in from work, you shift gears into dad, being at home, those kinds of things, while women tend to carry every emotion, every conversation, everything throughout the day. and that That can create a whole lot of mixed emotions as they're dealing with with different things. And frustration when he doesn't feel the same things that you're feeling. Well, and it's the same for me, though. If he's frustrated, if I'm not understanding why he's right doing this or this or this, it can be the same thing. we we Women sometimes blame men, but a lot of times it's us actually not understanding either. i will take I'll take that. Another one of the areas of conflict, the book of James is very clear about this one. It says, why do you have so many things going on? Why do you have so many arguments and quarrels among you? It talks about selfishness. Selfishness. You know, we kind of have our plan for the day and he or she derails it.
00:07:43
Speaker
Different expectations again. um Just want to do things a particular way. I think that's typically, for me at least, it was earlier in marriage that i had more problems with that because it's like the more you spend time with each other, the more you begin to learn each other a little Well, and you learn how to talk to each other, talk through those things and figure out what he needs at the end of the day, what I need at the end of the day, when I get home from work, what kind of questions he asks. He knows now because it's taken us years to get there, you know.
00:08:12
Speaker
Yeah. did Did you find early on in your marriage, at least for me, this was one ah one of the things, the family that I came out out of and the family my wife came out of were different enough that when we came to the marriage, we had to work out a whole lot of different years that customs, rituals, traditions.
00:08:29
Speaker
I don't know. We came from, i mean, we were a lot alike growing up, but then we were a lot different growing up too. So it was having to mesh those two and what worked for us. and Right. understanding each other. I mean, it's... Anyway, just throw my hands up. You're doing good. You're doing great. There's all the standard jokes that we make about the opposite sex, about, you know, we we fight about dishes, we fight about laundry, we fight about toothpaste, and whether it's rolled from the top or the bottom, you know, all those kinds of things. But the truth is, that's rarely the real issue.
00:09:03
Speaker
For sure. there's There's usually a lot more at a deeper level that's involved. Things like... Um, many times women feel like they're unheard. Yeah. That they can be controlled too much by their husband. Uh, husbands feel very disrespected.
00:09:19
Speaker
Like you said, trying to be the protector of the home, the provider in the home. So talk a little bit about those things. You feel that in your marriage? We did early on. It's not as bad now.
00:09:30
Speaker
um Early on, we i mean we met very quickly, fell in love very quickly, got engaged, got married real, real fast. So that first year marriage, well, years's years marriage, was a lot of figuring out what what temperaments, what set him off, what set me off. It took several years to figure all that out. I mean...
00:09:51
Speaker
Everybody talks about the seven-year slump or whatever. I think it took us more like 10. Yeah. Well, and we had to figure out that sometimes we had to go to bed angry. I know that that's not really probably solid merit advice. No, but we both had to chill before we could really talk through it and with a clear mind and not be so emotional. We would get defensive. We would say stuff we didn't really mean. We would um you just just argue over nothing instead of getting a clear mind, sleeping on it, praying about it.
00:10:20
Speaker
and then you kinda work through it. I jokingly tell the story about our very first fight. I was heating him up a bowl of chili. You remember this? I do. And I heated it up and I stirred Well, then I dropped the spoon in the floor and I blew it off.
00:10:36
Speaker
And just put it right in that bowl. And then stuck it back in there. It didn't bother me. Well, that greatly bothered him. And i it I'm like, that is so... what What is wrong with you? Those are probably all the words that I said. And you were asking the same questions. I was like, what you? what I came to realize later was that he likes for things to be clean.
00:10:53
Speaker
That's not a bad thing that he wanted it to be clean. That's just something that he likes. And so now it's something that I... If I drop it, I either don't tell you I dropped it or put it in. Get a new spoon. yeah Go ahead. This morning I made a cup of coffee. The first thing I did was hold my cup in the light to make sure there were no crystals in it from the dishwasher because there is a lot. yeah And I have to rinse the cup out, a clean cup out before I make coffee some days because there's one speck of something in it.
00:11:19
Speaker
But then when you dig a little deeper in that, he grew up on a dairy farm. Everything had to be sanitized. Everything had to be clean. So it was just different things that I had to get to, like, why in the world does that bother you? You know, you know so many times, too, i have found that couples have, the individuals in a couple, come at conflict from a either a fight-or-flight mentality. mean We talk about that a lot. Either you you're the kind who likes to...
00:11:46
Speaker
Stick there dig your heels in and we're gonna fight this out till we get it right or I'm gonna walk away for about two days, then we'll come back and that's me later. That's her. Yeah Yeah, um Lisa and I went through that Lisa's very much. a Let me go calm down. Let me have some time I'm like, uh-uh, let's get this out of the way right now.
00:12:06
Speaker
That's me. I want it done. I want it fixed. Mm-hmm The man mentality. i want it I want it done yesterday. yeah i want the I want to get past it. What I realized is when I did walk away or I did, i would go the dollar store. I'd go to my classroom and work. That actually actually made things worse. It actually made him even more angry that I had left. So yeah i'm working we're working through that. I couldn't understand why you would...
00:12:30
Speaker
just leave and it was it wasn't leaving me it was going to dollar general to get away from me where she got to look at me where did you find the compromise in that what do y'all i mean do you do one like both of them from time to time like sometimes you fight sometimes you cool down or do y'all learn how to resolve that we've learned how to resolve and we just don't honestly we don't argue a whole lot anymore because that's cool we've just figured out yeah It's better just to talk every day, check on each other every day. yeah i don't honestly know when the last argument, argument, like a real one that we had was. We usually try to stay ahead of all that if yeah if the open communication ahead of time about things.
00:13:10
Speaker
It helps a lot. It's taken years to do that. and Yeah. We know each other really well now. Well, yeah, and we and and we spend time in prayer together. Those things have made a huge difference in our marriage. Well, that's really key. You bring to mind a great
The Role of Consistent Communication
00:13:23
Speaker
element in this whole conversation. Communication is kind of like um the thing that puts out the fire before the fire gets too big. yes for sure. It does. You know, when you see a spark, you stomp it out because you've got that great communication going on. And sadly for many of us, like you've mentioned, it takes those early years of grit and determination just to stay in there and have the hard conversations and learn so much about each other. But yeah it is it does pay off. I will say we do argue, but fight, fight.
00:13:52
Speaker
We're not perfect. That's different. No, no marriage is perfect. In any marriage that tries to act like they're not, they lie. that's That's what I can't stand about movies. Our kids watch movies and... um The characters on there are, oh, everything's great. They're both from wealthy families and they're they're just, everything's great. and yeah they're They're all lovey-dovey. They're always smiling. That's not real life. yeah So let me talk real quick about some unhealthy communication habits. One of them is sarcasm. I have that gift. yeah I do know that about you. As we have become friends, I picked up on that. It's part of why you entertain me so much. um But you mentioned entertainment.
00:14:32
Speaker
This one is displayed on TV and movies for kids all the time. Like it's cute to be sarcastic to people and ah and they just play it off. But In real life, you get sarcastic with somebody, they want to bite your head off. Well, and that's one of my favorite things about him is that he is funny. and He makes me laugh. But sometimes we both, I'm not just saying you, will take it too far. And that's when sarcasm comes in and can just really do some damage. Yeah.
00:14:54
Speaker
Yeah. lot easier be sarcastic with my friends, my male friends, than it is my wife. Yeah. You know, I can be sarcastic with you or Chad the dugout. Guys can be super cool and casual about that, but women don't understand that. Yeah. So. Yeah. ah We can be defensive.
00:15:11
Speaker
instantly you know rise up why are you asking me that question why are you doubting me those kinds of things uh she looked at you on this one but shutting down i've known this woman long enough yeah he knows that's me let me remind you along the way that she and i've been friends for 20 something years too so yeah i've seen this 27 years at this point so I've seen her do that. Even here in the office from time to time, have to go, okay, yep that's not an acceptable answer. We're going to go a little deeper. I just, and I'm reading the book right now about it, and it's actually ah very unhealthy, which I knew that, but it's a very unhealthy boundary and wall that I've got, that I've put up that I've got to work through, of of just retreating and avoiding things. so
00:15:52
Speaker
ah You and I probably can immediately think of people, i don't know if you two are like this, but people in our lives who are interrupters. You can't finish your thought because they immediately want to jump in.
00:16:04
Speaker
Yeah, I know a few like that. Sometimes do. Do you want a list of their names? Nope. Not at all. I wouldn't put you out there like that. Yeah. Another one. This is one that 1 Corinthians 13 warns us about people bringing up the past. Yeah. You know, you you say you have forgiven, but the instant there's a problem, of conflict, then we can jump back to it. Hey, you remember five years ago when you did so-and-so? Yeah. I'm actually very thankful for his past because...
00:16:31
Speaker
I think that ah had he not gone through what he went through with his former ex-fiance, I don't know that he would have loved and appreciated me as well as he probably does because he went through so much. i So I really try to shift my, instead of being angry about his past and things that he did or things that he didn't do, I'm actually very thankful for it because that's a lot of times when God does the most work anyway. And for me, he's been so patient with my past because it took me years to get through some things.
00:17:01
Speaker
And he was so kind and loving and forgiving and just like, hey, this is not your fault actually from your past. So both of our our past are both similar but not at all similar. um I'm very thankful for his, honestly. So I try, we try really, I don't really think we try to bring that up.
00:17:18
Speaker
Sometimes if your family member says her name, I get little a little scratchy. Yeah, maybe. um Because I don't, you know. Yeah, but. or if I see a picture of her, I get a little scratchy. um But I've actually seen that scratchy here. um But we really, I mean, I don't know that that's ever really been a huge thing for us. think it hasn't with me. I mean, I messed up a lot when I was younger. I just did. Right. I did. all if it was If it was right, I ran the other way.
00:17:43
Speaker
Just bonehead. That's just, that was me. Yeah. So a lot, I mean, is it fair to say that a lot of your early problems might have been you finding your way back to where you needed to be? Oh, yeah, that's exactly. That's cool. Very cool. Cool story. One other thing that we caution you about, Lisa and I fall prey to this sometimes, but we have worked on it to the point where I think we're better about it. Using always never.
00:18:08
Speaker
You never do so-and-so-and-so. And because I'm sarcastic like you, I would look at it and really? Never? You really mean that word? Yeah. yeah Our son has that gift, too. He's in good company. years It's a male thing, I think. We have another two hours. We'll talk about him. yeah That's another episode. Yeah.
00:18:30
Speaker
So let's talk about this. i want to throw out four healthy ideas for conflict. Give me your thoughts. Maybe some instances where you've seen it work for you too, or maybe some ideas about it. Number one, always attack the issue, not the person.
00:18:46
Speaker
You want to talk about our finances? Because that's usually what we fight about. That's a big one. yeah And we had to get down to what? Go ahead. We had to strip things away and start over. Good for you. With that. That's hard. Because it's easy to want more for your kids. Yep. Honestly. Yeah. We would do without. We're fine with that. Right. But we would overcompensate kids for our stuff that we never had, you know.
00:19:09
Speaker
Yeah. And that's where we, it was real easy to just just spend. Here, here. And that's what we had to figure out. that why Where were we spending this money? where It was just, we had to get down to the real issue. Like, okay, that's because we are trying to do some things that we don't need to doing. was not a money-making problem. It was a spending spending problem yeah yeah and it goes back to something we talked about in the first week i think when we we're talking about covenants is the reminder that when jesus called or excuse me when god called us to get married he said a man's going to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife not to his children yeah and we get it all mixed up we start trying to focus on our children so much which is natural because we love them so much but we can do that so much not only do we neglect the real important relationship yeah
00:19:55
Speaker
we can actually kind of damage our kids in the process because we spend too much focus on them. But that's one of those instances where we had to get to the root of why we kept arguing about this and what was causing it. But it wasn't an attack on you or an attack on me. It was, let's get this issue taken care And it felt like that at first. It did.
00:20:16
Speaker
You kind of took it personal. I did. when ah yeah When I mentioned it. I did. I did. Very cool. but That's a great example, again, of the communication part of it. You've got to be willing to communicate. And I had to be disarming. I didn't i i couldn't, well, you're doing this or you're doing that. Here's your list of expenditures. Yeah, I mean, it was, look, this is not just you. It's me too. Right. You know, yeah that kind of thing. This is one for all of us guys.
00:20:43
Speaker
You have to listen to understand, not just to respond. Because guys are fixers. We want to jump to the solution very, very quick. Yeah.
Listening and Timing in Marriage Communication
00:20:54
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not the greatest at that. I'm just going to be bluntly honest. us We'll just put a sign right here that says, work in progress. Yeah. yeah you're You're getting better, though. Yeah, it's listen to hear, not to write. Well, and you're kind enough now to say, hey, how was your day? And you actually look at me actually instead of just getting it of my mouth. I'll tell something that was helpful for me when my wife is many times she learned early on, she would just look at me and go, I'm going to tell you this, but I don't need a solution. don't want you to respond. I just want you to listen.
00:21:25
Speaker
Yeah, don't go through the motions as a husband, as a father, just to check that box. um yeah Be there, be present. yeah not Not scrolling through your phone and going, yeah, uh-huh, and not have heard a word she said.
00:21:40
Speaker
Yeah, and it doesn't do a whole lot for their security for you to be, okay, it's halftime. Now we can talk. Now we can talk. But I also want to be respectful that because I know he enjoys game, so I try not to ask. I learned.
00:21:55
Speaker
don't ask him a question when Tennessee's on their third down and they got two yards to go. That's not a good time to ask him a question. I can patiently wait till a commercial or to halftime. So I have to be respectful of that too. Cause that's his, cause he's respectful of me.
00:22:09
Speaker
My wife does the same thing. She'll and she'll go, oh it's the, it's the ninth inning. Yeah. and Yeah. You know, I'm not going to ask you a question right now. yeah um And that kind of kind of moves into the third one that's just really good here. Own your part quickly. um It would be real easy for you to say, no sit down. We need to have this conversation right now. And sometimes that's necessary. yeah okay Sometimes it's necessary. But for the most part, if you know your wife has to have a few moments coming in the door to transition to being at home and letting some of the the day just fall off of her, then you know this isn't the right time for me to have this conversation.
00:22:45
Speaker
We can wait until little bit later. Well, let's go with yesterday. Yesterday I had a long day. My brain was full I got home. It was just the two of us. Our son went to a friend's house, and our daughter lives on her own now. and his favorite show is not my favorite show. My favorite show is not his show, but he knew I had a long day. He knew I didn't want to talk, so we turned on Hometown, and we both fell asleep on the couch. But he knew that's what I needed. Remodeling show, putting me to sleep every time. He knew I needed just to not talk, to not do anything, just to sit and just breathe for a second. So that's... We just have to learn. he had to We've had to learn that about each other. It's taken very long time. It's just learning each other, and kudos to you.
00:23:22
Speaker
So... he's all right. I'm going to keep him. So, so the ownership part of it too, good go also flips around to the other side.
Taking Ownership and Commitment in Marriage
00:23:30
Speaker
Hey, if there's a problem, I need to recognize that I'm part of the problem. Oh yeah, that's true too. You know, I've been in, um, gosh, hundreds of counseling situations where somebody will come in many times on their own at first without the other spouse and go, well, they did it and they did it and I did it and I'm like, I need to have them hear why well because I need to hear what their perspective is yeah because it always takes two people to create problem yep that's exactly right you know it's not fair for me just to hear your side of the story or your perspective on what's going on I need both of you to take ownership of what's happening in this relationship so that that goes right to the heart of pride again
00:24:08
Speaker
Yes, it does. It's hard for us. All right, last one. And this this one I i absolutely underline, highlight, and especially during premarital counseling with with young couples, don't ever use the divorce language casually.
00:24:23
Speaker
A lot of marriages this day and age, I want to throw that word out there, it's usually the quick quickest and first response. And sadly, what happens many times is they are in the company of people who encourage that thinking. Yeah.
00:24:36
Speaker
Oh, he ain't treating you right? Well, just leave him. It's become too casual and too yeah too easy to do. it's it's ah It's not on the table. It shouldn't be. In our early years, I don't know if that...
00:24:49
Speaker
I don't know if we ever said that word, but there were indications of that in our early years that, well, fine. Well, you know, but then he he said something to me one time and he was like, I didn't get married to get divorced. I got married to be with you for my whole life. So it's just something that I've had to hold on to, like, cause that's a, that's a fact for him. That's truth for him. And I have to get back to the truth of what's the facts, you know, have to list the facts in the in the situation. So. We we had probably, Lisa and I had probably been married for a couple of years at this point, maybe maybe not quite that long when this happened.
00:25:21
Speaker
But one night we had a really big fight going on and I went and grabbed my hat to walk out of the room and just go take a walk, which I don't usually do. i'm the fighter. I'm the same fight. So that was out of the norm. But I grabbed my hat and said, fine, I'm out of here.
00:25:38
Speaker
And what I meant was, I'm going to go take a walk. But she lost it because she thought I was saying divorce. I'm um yeah done on the marriage. And so I immediately turned and had to take ownership of what I said, how I said it, because I knew her past and I knew what was going on. But I had to look at her and say kind of the same way you did.
00:25:56
Speaker
I'm not a leaver. No, I'm never going to leave you in that regard. I just needed to cool down. ah I don't need a fallback plan. you know When you meet the right woman, which you have done, and you've got this incredible gift that God has given you, why would you want to blow it? I don't have a contingency plan on this that's good marriage. is good and Guys, especially girls too, but you've got two guys talking to you here. I want just say that to you as you're listening. If you have a backup plan, you will eventually use that backup plan.
00:26:29
Speaker
But if your marriage is your only plan, then you're going to fight for a tooth and nail. That's it. That's what you're going to hang on to. And everything that's worth having is worth fighting for. Absolutely. That's a good one. Say that in the microphone again. Everything worth having is worth fighting for. Way to go. If it were easy, everybody would have it. There's another one. That's right. And that's why when you get to these...
00:26:48
Speaker
Gosh, it almost makes me want to cry. When you get to these moments where you see these couples who've been together 50, 55, 60 years, and you know they've had their fights, they've had their moments, they've had their hard times, and yet they're sitting there on the front row at church holding hands, or he's got his arm around her while
Marriage's Impact on Children and Positive Encouragement
00:27:06
Speaker
they walk. You go, doggone it. That's what it's for. Well, and what's so beautiful about he and I is something that a lot of people don't have. But both of our parents, my parents have been married for 55 years. His parents are getting ready to celebrate their 60th. That's crazy. And that, crazy to me, has been such a beautiful example for both of us. And we're hoping to do that for our kids, you know?
00:27:27
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And so parents, if you're separated, divorced, considering any of those things right now, I just encourage you. It isn't just about you and your, your marriage. It's also about the legacy you're leaving for your kids. yeah It's an example you're setting. If you don't have that, you can break that. right You can be the chain breaker. Yeah.
00:27:47
Speaker
Break the cycle. so Yeah. You you know, and let's go back to the beginning of this. Cause this is, I think this is a really important part of this conversation. um You've got to have Jesus at the center of this. the center. Yep.
00:27:59
Speaker
that's the that's the That's the key to life. Put Him at the center. Your own testimony here this morning. You can tell night and day difference in your marriage. Oh, absolutely. and Absolutely.
00:28:10
Speaker
Yeah, that's cool. It's cute, too. yeah She just found you sexy. That's even better. That's great. That's great. So, um listeners, is you're as you're thinking about your relationship with your significant other, whether you are married yet or maybe just engaged...
00:28:27
Speaker
But definitely if you are married, think about these things. What are some conversations you're avoiding? um I can promise you putting them off doesn't make them any easier. They're always going be hard conversations must be had. But you've got to be willing to have them, and you've also got to be willing to listen to them when they come from your spouse without being defensive. Where are some places where maybe you need to apologize to your spouse? Some place where you need to backtrack and go, you know,
00:28:51
Speaker
The other day, I just, I really wasn't at the right place, right frame mind, whatever. And then this is this has got to be the underlying factor for every home is where do you need to extend grace to one another?
00:29:04
Speaker
Daily. Daily. Moment by moment sometimes. Absolutely. And it goes for our kids too. Yep. You know, but I go back to what we said at the very beginning. Marriage is the union of two very bad sinners. And because of that, we need grace as much as possible.
00:29:22
Speaker
Any final thoughts? Anything you want to add? One last tip? Just keep fighting. When's your anniversary? Our anniversary July 8th will be 20 years. July 8th, 20 years. And we had people who told us we wouldn't make it a year. year We did too. Jokes on them. Yeah. We barely knew each other.
00:29:40
Speaker
Jokes on them. 8th. So, are y'all going to do anything special? Dinner? Trip? Well, I don't know. Stay at home and sleep on the couch. We're going on a trip the week before. Okay. So, yeah. That's cool. We'll count that. We got that planned. We'll do something. You'll have a fantastic time. Well, thank you. Yeah, I might even give you the day off. Oh, there you go. Thanks. It's probably a Friday, so you probably were already going to give me the day off. Give you Friday off.
00:30:04
Speaker
Hey, thanks for listening to us today. We hope this has been helpful. As always, we invite your conversation. Any questions, thoughts, further ideas on the topic that you would like for us to to bring back to the table. We will be back next week with a little bit more on this subject of marriage. We are in the middle of a series, a family series right now at to our church. We invite you to go to our website, our YouTube page, or our Facebook page and and check in on those messages because I feel like those are very helpful too as we're talking about the home and relationships in the home and what it looks like to have a godly home. ah Like, click, share. Make sure you're back next week, and we'll look forward to seeing you then. the meantime, come join us at 8 o'clock, 9.30 or 11 on Sunday morning at Grove Hill Church.
00:30:48
Speaker
Bye.