Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Ep 03 - Adult Peer Pressure Part 2: Who's Identity Are You Living?
78 Plays1 year ago
Join me as we explore these four key areas - emotional intelligence, religious and spiritual practices, health matters, and lifestyle choices - and how they intersect with adult peer pressure and personal identity.
I invite you to evaluate the authenticity of your own adopted identities and behaviors, and I encourage you to embrace bold, confident self-expression. Let's dive in!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Empowerment Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Evolution of Bold podcast, where we celebrate the power of women and their journey to greatness. I'm your host, Denise Johnson, also known as the boldness coach. I'm excited to take you on a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and transformation. Whether you're just starting out or well into your journey, I'm here to guide you through the challenges, help you find your purpose, and to help you let go of anything that's holding you back.
00:00:26
Speaker
So take a deep breath, relax, and get ready to dive into some juicy topics that will inspire and empower you to find your level of bold and evolve into the best version of yourself.
00:00:40
Speaker
But before we get started, let's take care of a little bit of housekeeping. Make sure that you hit the subscribe button so that you can join a community of bold women who are transforming their lives. Make sure that you hit that notification button so that as new shows are released that you get notified.
00:00:59
Speaker
and also connect with us on social media. We want to hear your journey. We want to celebrate you on the journey. We want to support you on the journey. And also when you share, you inspire other women in the community to share their journey as well. So now that we got the housekeeping out of the way, let's get into the juicy topic of today.
00:01:20
Speaker
Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I'm so happy to have you back.
Exploring Adult Peer Pressure Series
00:01:25
Speaker
In today's show, I am picking up on part two of the series, Adult Peer Pressure. Whose life are you living? I'm encouraging you to go back and listen to the previous episode where I break down some really important factors that I will be building on in this part two of the series. um I talked about identity. What is identity? And how is our individual identity influenced? You know, what are those factors? I introduce you to societal norms, to cultural norms, to peer norms, and then ultimately that kind of leads to what I call the individual gumbo of life identity.
00:02:12
Speaker
because I'm a Southern girl in and I like gumbo. So go back and listen to that prior episode so that you again can get the foundation and connect the dots, you know, as I move deeper into the additional topic areas around whose identity are you living. So there are four areas that I'm going to cover in this show. So let's get started.
Emotional Intelligence and Identity
00:02:36
Speaker
So the one that I want to start off with is emotional intelligence.
00:02:41
Speaker
So whose identity are you living around emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence really recognizes, understand, and when you recognize and when you understand and manage the influence of your own emotion, as well as the emotion, the the influence of your emotion on other people.
00:03:03
Speaker
And here's the thing about this that's really pivotal and interesting from an identity standpoint is that oftentimes without probably you know unbeknownst to us that we take on other people's emotional identity. And I'll say in this day and age, we've got social unrest. We've got um and you know injustices happening around you know our country as well as around our world.
00:03:30
Speaker
especially when it comes to black and brown people and when it comes to women also. And it's very easy to adopt an emotional identity because these different um areas, they really pull at our heartstrings and they really challenge the value system between what's right, what's fair, and what's completely wrong. So no wonder we can fall into that trap.
00:03:57
Speaker
you know, of taking on someone else's emotional identity, making it our own, and then navigating, you know, our day-to-day interactions from that place of negative, you know, emotional, I would say connection, right? Or negative emotional identity. It's easy for us to fall into that space. And you might say, well, how do I know if I'm in that space or not? So the one thing that you want to do is really be self-aware.
00:04:27
Speaker
you really do get to be hypervigilant about who you are being when it comes to looking at the identity that you are living from and the identity that you're showing up in the world as. I always say to people that one of the litmus tests so that you can really check you know the identity that you're living is to look at the reality of your life.
00:04:52
Speaker
It doesn't lie. So you can look at what's going on around you and that emotional interaction that you have with people and how you show up with them emotionally and how they're responding to you emotionally. But that self-awareness is so important and it's so key. You also got to be aware of your triggers.
00:05:14
Speaker
Let me just tell you something. It's easy for triggers to lie right under the surface. Like, you know, you you ever watch like you go to a lake, even the ocean and you look out on the water is so beautiful, right? And you're like, oh, it's so, it's so blue. It's so, it's just, you know, just natural and you know, all of the colors and it's the lights, you know, the sunlight is beaming off the,
00:05:38
Speaker
the the water and glistening and you're just in love with it, right? But the thing that we have to keep in mind is that under that beautiful water that you're looking at, there is a current that's happening. And that is the same as where your triggers are that your triggers lie, is they're right up aneathat underneath the surface. And you get to watch yourself and how you show up and what emotional identity that you take on when a trigger unfolds.
00:06:08
Speaker
We all got them. It's like biases. We all have something that we've been through in our lives that we may have not totally emotionally healed from. And it's just waiting for the right opportunity to come out and to show up and have us to be somebody that we probably are in that moment, but that's not really the authentic version of who we really, really are. When you look at the depths of our hearts,
00:06:35
Speaker
Another way that I've seen um you know individuals take on others' emotional identity is when people around you in your circle, especially your peers,
00:06:46
Speaker
When they're not happy about something, when they're disappointed about something, mad at something, they tend to call us, we congregate. They do emotional transference of negative energy, negative emotional energy. And we find ourselves taking on that energy and adopting that emotional energy and perhaps even start to display that behavior, right? One of the things I know for sure that I can share with you is that I just remember you know in in different phases of my dating experiences, right?
00:07:16
Speaker
Y'all know I'm gonna tell my business to put it out there. How, you know, if if if a other if another girlfriend of mine who was perhaps single and dating also and was having negative experiences, you know, at her dating life with men, then she would call me and we would get on the phone and Kiki and she would talk about all the negative things that this man and all the other men, you know, have done or haven't done and should do and ought to do. And we would just get ourselves all riled up, you know, with that in that conversation. And then next thing you know, of we both mad as hell.
00:07:48
Speaker
and got an attitude, right? And so then I would take that energy and attitude with me, that identity, when I'm going out on a date, and then I would show up in that identity with that person, and now this person probably is seeing me as this angry single woman. And that is not who I am at all.
00:08:09
Speaker
Then I would come back and and get that yeah identity reinforced by talking to my girlfriend and telling her that this is exactly what I saw, just like you said. So you see how peer pressure, and I know that my my girlfriend, you know, she is a kind person and all of my girlfriends are kind people. And I know that she didn't intentionally want to put that on me, but that's how peer pressure can happen sometimes. So you really want to look at the triggers that are lying, you know, under the, under that, that beautiful surface, you know, what's going on and be vigilant and looking at what it could set you off emotionally.
00:08:50
Speaker
and learn how to manage, learn how to recognize, learn how to understand. And you got to ask yourself good questions. Where is this emotional energy coming from? Even if it's really exciting and palatable emotional energy, you still want to know where it's coming from because you may want to learn to lean more into the positive side of where it's coming from versus really you know reverting to the negative side of that.
00:09:19
Speaker
You also wanna look at your motivation, right? Motivation is either intrinsic or it's extrinsic. So you really wanna think about on the inside, that's that trigger, where's this coming from? On externally, you know it's out there, society, from the culture, from peers, where is it coming from? So that you have the opportunity to choose what's the best identity for you.
From Religion to Spirituality
00:09:45
Speaker
The next area I want to talk about is religious and spiritual practices. So here's the deal. I'm going to break each one of these down individually. Religion has to do with the organization, you know, of rituals, traditionals, you know, you know really revolved around a popular faith.
00:10:06
Speaker
And I mentioned to you guys, I was born and raised in Louisiana. So I'm going to tell y'all and some of y'all who grew up in the South, look at myself and draw coming all out. Some of y'all that grew up in the South in the Bible bed area know exactly what I'm talking about. When I grew up every Sunday, if you lived in a town in Sunday and if you had Christ in your life, you was at church air Sunday.
00:10:30
Speaker
You was at Sunday school, you were ingrained in a church committee, whether that was a choir member, an usher on the motherboard, you helped with the offering, you know, ah whatever you were ingrained, you know, in the church. So you went to morning service. And then if you were lucky, you got a chance to go home and have Sunday dinner. So you could come back for night service, right?
00:10:58
Speaker
um And if you weren't so lucky, then you would finish up morning service, then you would have to ah travel to another church, whether your your choir was a preacher choir, or if your preacher was a preacher pastor so and preacher for that day, you would have to travel and then come back to church that evening. So in the Southern culture, in my little town of Bastrop, Louisiana, you know that was something that was a ritual that happened every Sunday.
00:11:29
Speaker
So no wonder I grew up you know really with that dogma attached to me that I have to go to church every Sunday and I have to be in church from sunup to sundown and that I had to just give it all to you know my religious faith of being a Baptist. right And so that really shaped my identity for a very long time. However, I came at a crossroads. so I think it was probably in my early forties that I came at the crossroads that I needed something a little bit more than just religion. And no doubt, parts of religion have served me very well. Other parts of religion, you know, and those practices, those rituals, those customs, they left me longing for more.
00:12:21
Speaker
And so when I was in my early 40s, I really started to lean more towards spiritual practices. And spiritual practices has to do more with the seeking and the experiences. It's more about your own personal spiritual journey.
00:12:37
Speaker
And so when I chose to break off from the the dogma part of religion and the the structure of religion, I did it quietly because it was so ingrained in the culture. I was really afraid to tell you know the friends that I grew up with, also family members that I was seeking something more experiential for me.
00:13:01
Speaker
That was more feeling for me and more, you know, individual for me because I was, I was pulling away from the pack. I was pulling away from the norm, you know, and I was also stepping into a territory where my inner circle.
00:13:18
Speaker
And including family members didn't have, you know, a lot of information other than saying the Holy Spirit, right? And so I found myself really kind of out there doing a lot of seeking. And I'll tell you this, I'm so glad that I personally was able to make the differentiation between the two and to find the balance of that for my own identity.
00:13:44
Speaker
you know, I'm able now to embrace Sundays, you know, as a day of rejuvenation, as a day of, of spiritual practices, you know, that are important for me, as well as every day, you know, being a component, adding the spiritual practice component in that for me. And it's really helped me to be well-rounded. It's helped me to manage the emotional intelligence part. And it's also allowed me to be better connected to,
00:14:13
Speaker
life at large around me. So being able to embrace the identity of having my own spiritual journey, but not tag my identity to a specific religion or to tag my identity to, you know, a specific practice, you know, that's more organized has really just gave me the freedom to be.
00:14:37
Speaker
And it's been very freeing for me. So now, you know even as I talk to family members that still thrive you know in those in the organized rituals of religion, I respect them. I don't talk down or against them. I understand. I understand. But I also don't push onto them my spiritual journey and the identity that I've adopted for my spiritual awareness and my spiritual growth.
00:15:05
Speaker
So I just want you to check and see where you are. And here's another litmus test. Is the you know the religious practice, the you know the rituals, are the rituals, you know the organization, the traditions, those that you have, are they really serving the woman that you are right now in your life on this journey? You get to answer that question and you get to look at the evidence, right?
00:15:33
Speaker
I found that some parts did serve me well and other parts needed an upgrade. And I'm so happy that I did that, did that. So give yourself some grace if you need to do an upgrade on your religion and your spiritual identity.
Health Choices and Identity
00:15:50
Speaker
Another area are health matters.
00:15:53
Speaker
Now, this one is really interesting because we're not just talking about the physical, the mental, the emotional, the wellbeing, and your Medicare. It's all of that, you know, lumped into your your healthy, your your health matter lifestyle, right? Health matters lifestyle. All of that's lumped together. And it's really important to look at what's healthy versus what's unhealthy for you. And one of the best ways to be able to look at that are the habits we have around the healthy and the unhealthy. And I'm going to say this, this is going to make somebody uncomfortable, but you know what? Oh, well. and because What I noticed about myself in some of my earlier years, you know, when I started, you know, my evolution journey of coming into my own is I had a lot of unhealthy
00:16:47
Speaker
habits when it came to my diet, when it came to exercise, when it came to substances, right? And let me break this down and tell you what I mean. Some of my unhealthy habits were getting together with some of my friends, KiKiN, and we would go out to these places and eat all this fat-full food, right? Like, ooh, girl, it's been a long week, child. I just can't wait to get me a cocktail, one or two.
00:17:11
Speaker
Right? That's the substance that I meant, everybody. um You know, going to happy hour and just, you know, piling on the drinks, buying a pitcher, you know, a margaritas and drinking and, again, eating, you know, food that was high carb, high fat.
00:17:28
Speaker
low nutritional value, and then stuffing myself like overeating, right? And then I would be at the table with the group of friends and, you know, if I didn't eat girl, you're not gonna eat that, pass it over to me. I'm gonna eat that over there and give me, order me one more of these and then give me this to go. Birds of a feather flock together.
00:17:47
Speaker
So I found that at a particular point in my journey, that i my identity of being you know unhealthy was showing up with the habits that I had.
00:18:00
Speaker
And I didn't really pay attention to it that way until I went to the doctor and the doctor was like, listen, you're going to need to change your diet, you know, on some things. Now here's the tricky part. I did have, and I do have friends that are on the more healthier side. And I was going to Zumba. Some of y'all might remember my Zumba videos, uh, that I had on when I was in 24 hour doing Zumba on the week on Saturdays and you know, and in in the evening times. So I was out there working out, right, with that group of friends and I was also hanging out with the unhealthy side doing unhealthy habits. And when I went to the doctor, that came the pivotal time for me to make a different choice.
00:18:47
Speaker
I had to make a different choice. And I'm so glad that my doctor informed me so that I could be able to choose what health identity do I want to now embark on? And, you know, that I see myself as, and how will having this, i this this healthy self identity, right? How would this help me to really be able to be my best self when I'm showing up in any aspect of my life?
00:19:16
Speaker
Now I still go to happy hour, but I'm down to one drink, right? And it takes me all night to drink that one drink. And now I look at my food differently. I look at my food as fuel, not just as food that I want to stuff my mouth with. I pay attention now to what it feels like in my body. Even when I'm with other people, I'm listening and hearing you know what their experience is with you know interacting with diet and also exercise, but I don't adopt theirs. And I've also learned to have some isolation when it comes to my own health journey and my own health habits. I needed that so that I could be able to really be proud of myself from a perspective of of good, healthy habits.
00:20:04
Speaker
And I needed that to create my own identity that I know what level of health is important to me and how I want to show up healthy and every aspect of my life, as I mentioned before. So I want you to just really take a look at, you know, those healthy versus unhealthy habits. And I remember too, at one point, and this is a culture theme.
00:20:27
Speaker
that I remember when I was going through my weight release and I remember, you know, friends of family members saying, don't get too skinny. And some of y'all ladies, y'all have heard men say that before too. Don't lose the thighs, don't lose the butt, you know, but here's the deal. What my response to that is I'm going to lose whatever it is that I need to lose to put my body in the most healthiest position possible.
00:20:53
Speaker
I had to stand up and say that and it's in my head. It felt a little, it sounded a little uncomfortable, but out of my mouth it came y'all. And when I said that, that allowed me to embrace and embody my healthy identity even more for myself. So now I'm like, no, I'm going to give my body what it needs. So I want you to just really step back and look at whose health identity are you living?
00:21:20
Speaker
Is it the peer pressure that's coming at you that you kind of stuck in that space? You know, is it the cultural pressure where it's like you're getting healthy, but they don't want you to out-health them? I want you to take a look at that.
Consumer Culture and Personal Identity
00:21:35
Speaker
And the last area that I want to talk about is lifestyle choices. This one is such a pivotal area for us in this moment in time of the life that we're living.
00:21:47
Speaker
Lifestyle choices are all about your individual decisions. It's about your personal habits. It's about your relationships. But there's one area specifically that I would really zero in are under lifestyle choices. The consumer culture. Y'all, this consumer culture is really driving behavioral lifestyle choices for all of us. We are kind consistently constantly bombarded with self-images, with body images, right, around what our body should look like and the standard that our body should be. We're consistently bombarded with images around our hair. And, you know, if our hair should be straight, if it should be curly, if it should be natural,
00:22:36
Speaker
You know, we are consistently bombarding with, um you know, people that are out there living their best lives and they they're flying all over the world and they're working from these remote backdrop, exotic places and making us feel like, you know, our lives are crappy. You know, um we've seen, um you know, lifestyle choices where women are in their soft eras.
00:23:03
Speaker
you know, and so making us, you know, come across if we're not there yet, feeling like that is the ultimate identity that we need to have in that, right? We've seen this from the relationship aspect when we when we've been bombarded with messages about high value man and high value woman, and then we go and adopt, oh yeah, I'm trying to be a high, you know, high value woman, you know? And all of this, whew, that was a lot just even saying that.
00:23:32
Speaker
All of that is fed to us through social media. ah you know And then we embody that and become though that imagery that we see. And sometimes we don't even realize that we are taking on that imagery because it has just become so pervasive and so normal to us. So I want you to really stop and think about your lifestyle as a whole.
00:24:01
Speaker
And what what areas from the consumer culture have you adopted adopted as your own identity? What are those areas? And look at yourself in the mirror and really look at you know the authentic you. Have you changed something about yourself to fit someone else's beauty standards?
00:24:24
Speaker
you know are you um experiencing any type of eating disorder because you need to fit a particular body image. Or perhaps, are you doing things to your body to change the physical image because you think that you will be more attractive or more liked by a particular group of people or a person? you know So I really want you to step back and take a look at that. Are you overspending, putting yourself in debt? you know Or perhaps, are you putting yourself at risk?
00:24:58
Speaker
you know, based on lifestyle choices because of the identity that you feel that you need to adopt. You know, one of the um the best things that I could have done for myself when it comes to lifestyle choices is to really sit down and get clear about what's important to me. I mentioned, I think on maybe podcast episode, maybe the very zero zero episode,
00:25:24
Speaker
um I talked about being in a season of aloneness, even though I'm not lonely, but being in my season and on the journey of aloneness has given me a lot of time to be introspective and reflective on these areas of identity that I'm talking to you about, you know, in this episode, as well as the previous ones. And it's allowed me to really talk to myself And by the way, you are not crazy if you talk to yourself. Please spend time talking to yourself, because when you talk to yourself, you start connecting with experiences around whatever it is that you're talking to yourself about. You start remembering things, you start checking your body to see how it feels, even when you bring it up a memory, or if you are talking about, you know, perhaps the vision, you know, of what's next for you, you can feel the excitement, you know, or feel when something doesn't feel right in in your body.
00:26:19
Speaker
Spend some time with yourself and be hyper ah hyper-aware. I said hyper-vigilant before, like be hyper-vigilant with your self-awareness so that you can start to become who you really are meant to be. And listen, this doesn't happen overnight, everybody.
00:26:38
Speaker
And i I only touched on several different areas around identity, right? You get to be with you and to look at all those aspects of the identity of who you are and how that's showing up in different aspects of your life. But I'm sharing this with you because it's important to stop and to really take inventory about who are you in this moment and who is the woman that you see yourself becoming.
00:27:09
Speaker
and And who do you need to be in order to step in your becoming of that woman? What identities do you need to let go of and perhaps adopt? You know, what behaviors will support the new identity of yourself? What character traits do you need to develop?
00:27:29
Speaker
to strengthen and support the behavior as well as the identity. And what actions do you need to continually commit to and be intentional around to solidify those different important areas of growth for you? I've been on this journey for a while and I am the product that you see of a woman who has created and adapted her own identity and navigating it through the world so beautifully that the joy and the fulfillment is up on my life and I'm happy for it. And I hope that what I've shared with you sparks this in you as you move further into the evolution of your own bold. And you see, I'm saying it loud and proud with my t-shirt, right? Bold, big and bad.
00:28:18
Speaker
So for those of you that may be catching this podcast on my YouTube channel, please make sure to check it out, but you'll also probably see different. um Different pictures, you know of me around also with this T shirt on as a matter of fact I just dropped this as a. um as a upcoming um ah limited edition merch alert. So make sure that you're following me on the different social media platforms and you'll see my t-shirt, Bold Big Bad. It's red on top, bold letters, white letters in big, and then red letters in bad. So that way you'll know specifically the t-shirt that I'm talking about.
00:28:57
Speaker
But all right, as we recap and wind down this episode, we talked today about four areas, emotional intelligence, you know, recognizing, understanding, and managing your emotions, one's emotions and the influence that your emotions has on other people, right? We talked about religious and spiritual practices for you to check your identity meter in those areas and see if those things still work for you from the organization of religion and also from the seeking and experiencing, you know, or perhaps you might create, you know, a hodgepodge of a little bit of both and find what works for you. We talked about health matters, looking at healthy versus unhealthy habits and really looking at self-care and wellness for yourself and taking ownership and taking charge
Episode Recap & Embracing Boldness
00:29:48
Speaker
of that. And we rounded it out with lifestyle choices
00:29:51
Speaker
and how consumer culture is really impacting the authentic you and perhaps how you may be showing up in the world. So thank you for your time and spending and hanging out with me. I would love to hear your ahas, what came up for you. Drop them in the comments, you know, um on social media platforms.
00:30:13
Speaker
um Also, you can drop them on the podcast website, but I would love to hear you know what really came up for you. And remember, when you share a comment, you give permission to other women to comment as well, because if they see that you're being vulnerable in sharing, they're going to be vulnerable in sharing as well. So until next time, next episode, I want you to always strive to be in your bold, big, and bad with no permission needed.
00:30:44
Speaker
I'll see you next thank you for joining me on today's episode of the evolution of both podcast i hope you found the conversation as inspiring and empowering as i did it's always a pleasure to share the stories of my journey along with those of other remarkable women who have shown us what it means to live life boldly i'd love to know what stood out to you the most Your feedback is really important to me, so please leave a comment in the feed or on one of our social media channels. And don't forget to hit the subscribe and notification button before you go. Stay connected with us for more insights and exclusive content.
00:31:25
Speaker
Keep evolving, stay bold, and always live your truth. Thanks for listening and stay tuned for our next show. Until next time, I'm Denise Johnson, the Boldness Coach, cheering you on in your journey towards your level of bold.