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Guest: Author Adam Millard
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Adam Millard is the author of 29 novels, 13 novellas, and more than 200 short stories. Probably best known for his post-apocalyptic and comedy-horror fiction, Adam also writes fantasy/horror for children and Bizarro fiction for several publishers. His work has been translated for the German, Russian, and Spanish markets. He lives in Newcastle-Under-Lyme, UK, with his wife, Dawn, and her cats, which were not his idea at all.
www.adam-millard.com
X - @adammillard
We talk addiction and recovery, dual diagnoses, the Faces of Death franchise. Adam talks about writing a horror series for his son, and how babysitting set his feet on a path. Later, Wednes says way too much about the subject of her current WIP, and of course, a MadLib.
A transcript of this episode can be found here.
Transcript
00:00:02
Speaker
You are listening to The Mentally Oddcast, where we talk with creatives about neurodivergence, trauma, addiction, and all the other things that impact and inform our art. Our goal is to show everyone that no matter what you're going through, you are not alone and you can make art about it.
00:00:34
Speaker
Hi, friends. You are listening to The Mentally Oddcast, brought to you by sometimes hilarious horror. Today, we have with us Adam Millard, and he is the author of 29 novels, damn, 13 novellas and more than 200 short stories. God, leave some prose for the rest of us. um and so So he's all over the place, collections, magazines, anthologies, um Largely known for post-apocalyptic and comedy horror fiction, Adam also writes fantasy horror for children and bizarro fiction for several publishers. ah His work has been translated ah into, my goodness, German, Russian, Spanish. Wow. Wow. And he lives in the UK, which you'll tell because he has one of those sweet UK accents. um And he's got a wife and some cats, which ah
00:01:25
Speaker
I mean, you're not really a cat guy though, are you? I was of the impression that you were not a cat guy. So we'll have to get into that too. Yeah. let sort So welcome. Thanks so much for being here. No, thank you. It's my pleasure. It's good to talk to you finally. Right, right. We've been online friends forever. we Yeah, we've been been in contact a lot, but this is the first time we've actually got to actually you share. a I was going to say an intellectual conversation then, but ah but say with yeah we'll Yeah, well, we'll see.
00:02:06
Speaker
um My goodness, are you on a drag strip? That's insane. That's just typical. it' not right Yeah, well, I'm a poor person, so I live by the highway, too. I get it. I can't afford one of these fancy soundproof studios. Apparently, I work at Le Mans. OK. So that's nice. Nice. um All right so our first question is always to ask for the story of the first horror movie you ever saw and I'll bet this is going to be good so lay it on me.
00:02:46
Speaker
oh yeah Well I mean I was very young when I got into horror and I mean like By the time I was 11, my mom was actually giving me the Scanner's box set for my birthday. Nice. Yeah, she did, really. So by I mean, it was, I think I would have been seven um when I ah started watching um what I like to call gateway horror, you know, poltergeist, gremlins, maybe the Lost Boys, that kind of thing. Okay, yep, yep. So
00:03:24
Speaker
So i was I was quite young, but I mean, real horror, I suppose, was the the original Evil Dead. I was ah used to live in a block of flats, only a small one, not a high rise, and the woman in the across the hall, she had a ah toddler, and the woman was, well, you know, She was still a bit of a party animal, so she liked to go out. to And so as a, I'd say about a nine year old, maybe, um I was trusted to babysit a toddler at nine. Wow. um
00:04:06
Speaker
But it was only across the hall, so my mum was like, yeah, if there's any problems, he'll come and tell me and whatever. So I used to do that um like once a month, maybe. But the woman that I babysat for, um she had quite a collection of classic horror videos, VHS tapes. The Evil Dead was the first one. I remember I watched it the first night while while she was out, the kid was in bed, whatever. um And was just me, sat there on my arm, just laughing my head off to the original Evil Dead. um I was terrified by it. um wow But also, I was like, this is just amazing.
00:04:54
Speaker
Why do I not know about this? why don't you know So over the months, I worked my way through the collection that she had. So it's pretty much down to her that I got into into horror in the first place. And I dread to think what would have happened if all she had was period dramas. yeah ah michelles but But yeah, yeah she had some classics like Sorority Babes at the Slime Ball Balleron. Oh, wow. Yeah, classic like classic B movies. Nice. Well, you know, the VHS Slasher was king in the 80s, for goodness sake. Yeah, exactly. so
00:05:38
Speaker
So that started and it was like a time of ultra violence, my childhood, not like, you know, and not my fault. I mean, like, I mean, films in terms of viewing. Yeah, absolutely. mo call I mean, it was RoboCop and Terminator and, and, um, obviously we had video stores then right you're from the shops, like the corner shops and that, uh, used to be able to go in and just pick a few. And so I always used to pick the most violent ones, like, uh, anything that looked like, like class of 1988 or whatever it was. And, uh,
00:06:17
Speaker
so Anything with Cynthia Rothrock. If it looked like it was goingnna and it had 18 on it, I'd be like, yeah. and I had a pretty easy upbringing when it came to censorship. no Was it but was more difficult in your part of the world to get those kind of films, like in stores? Because I'm aware like, like I used to watch the young ones and I know they talk about the video nasty that that that title applies to like sex movies, but also violent movies that they were kind of put into the same category tried to do it. She did do it successfully. Mary White House is renowned for
00:07:00
Speaker
sticking a roaring, I'd like to say, um and pretty much getting anything with too much blood or band. I think it was things like yeah the original Evil Dead, Cannibal Holocaust, obviously. Well, I mean, honestly, Cannibal Holocaust is a bit of an exception because there was some real killing in that, not the people, but like, you know. I didn't watch that until I was 12. Wow. Well, I think 12 is about when I discovered Faces of Death, which at the time, everyone thought was, well, I don't know if everyone thought it, but it was advertised as being 100% real. And even at 12, I was like, wait a minute, that's two cameras. No, no. But when you're a child, it looks... Oh, yeah. And the whole hype around the
00:07:57
Speaker
the back of it like and you're like oh yeah it is. I remember having um a DVD called Executions which was a tape as well ah and it was just like that's what it was. It was just an hour and a half of people being beheaded and shot in the face and that was real. Yeah we we actually had those here. They were released as Faces of Death sequels Because here there are like six faces of death movies that were released as such. And the further you get into the series, um the more it's it's just, you know, like news footage of violence. There's ah the Budson shooting. I don't know if you know, it's a famous ah suicide that happened on camera, like a lot of that sort of stuff. And yeah, yeah, that's I mean,
00:08:47
Speaker
I don't even know how to feel about that because I'm uncomfortable with the idea of someone casually putting that on and watching it for enjoyment. I'm but i'm concerned about the person that it is. but it and you i think it was more for you know just to see what it was. Oh, I get it. I've i've watched them. i've I've certainly watched all of the Faces of Death movies one time through, just to see. When you when you were that young as well and like, you know, it's like I used to lend tapes to my one friend at school who was into pretty much the same as me and we used to swap tapes backwards and forwards. um And he'd say, have you seen this one? He said, I don't know, the Boneyard and all these kind as I'd say, have you seen the gate? And he'd be like, yeah, yeah, swaps off.
00:09:33
Speaker
So we'd swap them like overnight and watch them. and then um But occasionally, one of these, this is real. This really happened. You've got to watch this. This is just people getting beheaded. And I'm like, oh, I've got to watch that. Well, in a way, it seems like that kind of thing was almost easier to get then because on the internet, sometimes there is real violence and it shows up and then it it goes away. like Every once in a while, something will stay up. I don't know if you saw the um the janitor at the Singapore Zoo that went into the white tiger cage and did not come out because that footage was up forever. like For years, people were showing that footage. I'm not going to say that I do hunt these things down when I catch wind of them, but I try to see them once. I guess it's ghoulish, but I can't help being fascinated by
00:10:30
Speaker
like i mean the whole thing like why would you walk into the tiger cage why would you think you were gonna be okay why i mean how i you know i i want more information and if unfortunately that's just not available but i mean like tim treadwell you know Like, I've never gone looking for that audio footage. And I'm sure it's out there. I'm sure that, you know, somebody could get to it if they wanted to. But that's the sort of thing that, I mean, you can't unhear that. Once you hear that, that's going to be in your head forever. That's it. I mean, occasionally you'll see something and be like, yeah, no, I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have seen it. I shouldn't have watched it. That will probably haunt me at some point.
00:11:16
Speaker
I know that, and I followed you online during some of this, you've struggled with ah overuse of alcohol. um You have some some mental health stuff going on. like what What would you like to share about that? Oh, I'm open about all of it now. It's taken me this long to actually sort of get to a place where I'm i'm quite happy with discussing and talking about it. But yeah, I was I was a pretty hard alcoholic at one point for many years. And I mean like to ah two of whiskey a day. Wow.
00:12:00
Speaker
um Yeah. And or if I if I was out and I'd go out all day long, I'd drink probably 30, 35 points. um So yeah, that was something that, uh, obviously I had to get help with before. I mean, I assume that drinking that much is a coping mechanism. What were you, what were you coping with? It definitely was. Um, and because of my, my, um, I have, I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. So, um, not a good combination. Um, so yeah, my way of, uh,
00:12:46
Speaker
dealing with those feelings constantly he was to to basically shut them down with alcohol. Which obviously, as you probably are aware, it just exacerbates things. Typically, yeah. In the long run. But yes, it's something that I'm doing better with. m But yeah, there was there was a time, I mean,
00:13:15
Speaker
When, I mean, I went into rehab about, I think it was about nearly four years now. Four years ago, I did a detox in a rehab center. That went well, came out. Still drinking, but nowhere near as much. I haven't touched spirits since, and obviously I'm off it completely now. So yeah, it's just the alcohol, and the mental side of it combined to make a very nasty yeah concoction that has cost me a lot really um i'm not gonna lie um it's it's it cost me my marriage um
00:14:05
Speaker
Well, part of the reason. um It's made it difficult to have contact with my children. um as it It does affect, you know, everything affecting me physically as well. The yeah the combination of the alcohol, the amount of alcohol I've drunk for that many years, that number of years and the medication that I've been taking since I was 19. Oh wow. 25 years of hardcore antidepressants which have made my stomach lining about us.
00:14:55
Speaker
thick as a Durex condom. It's so Have you ever had a happiness? I think that's what my stomach's like. I have not. No, i think I think if I was in a place that tried to serve me, Haggis, I would ask for a Scotch egg because I know they come from the same part of the world. yeah You're going to be a bit wary of those Scotch eggs. Really?
00:15:24
Speaker
I'd rather have a haggis. Well, not having had either one, I should probably defer to your judgment on that. A haggis is basically the contents of a Scotsman's hoover bag. Yeah, it's like oats or something, right? yeah I'm going to get into draw for it. So you um you were aware of your mental illness while you were drinking and you were medicated for it. is that Am I understanding that right? Yeah. and ah first The first three years, I think it was, see I was in the army and I was medically discharged.
00:16:08
Speaker
um and when i came out that's when i really started getting the symptoms of depression and but then it grew into something a lot more and i was having more manic episodes and then i started to think and like this is This isn't just depression because I'm good for four weeks and then I want to kill myself for the next four weeks. um And I thought that's that's not that's not right.
00:16:44
Speaker
But the alcohol, yeah, that sir ah didn't help things. I think the longest I gave up drinking for um would have been seven years between between No, 2019. And no, sorry, 2000 1999. Wow. And now um I had a few years off when my when my first when my son was born. um Didn't touch a drop. And but I was still obviously being bombarded with all this sir sadness and depression. But now I didn't have anything to deal with it. And other than
00:17:31
Speaker
Well, you know, the the usual. Yep, yep. Well, the usual because I mean, medication is helpful to a lot of people, but it's not a problem solver per se. And just because you have medication doesn't mean that it's the right medication. You know, bipolar in particular is very difficult to medicate. Like the first time I was diagnosed, they told me I had depression and they gave me antidepressants, which is one of the worst things you can do for someone with bipolar disorder.
00:18:03
Speaker
this is This is what my but my my least proud moment of mania, shall I say, was I got married, my first marriage in 2010, yeah. And then about two days later, while she was at work, I just left the house, jumped on a plane and went to Ibiza on my own. What? Wow. Yeah. Man. that she tried to She actually tried to have me arrested at the airport. like said he's He's not in the right frame of mind. He's having one of his things. Oh, geez. Can you stop him? Did they? Did they stop you? No, they couldn't because they said he looks all right to us. We can't stop him. He hasn't done anything. sir So I went to, I beef i had a honeymoon on my house.
00:19:02
Speaker
But the reason why I went was to actually kill myself. um So that sort of makes it less funny. um But at the time, that's what my in my head was to to go there and not come back. Oh Jesus, you know what? I just realized that I gave you a copy of my last short story collection and there's a story in there where that happens. Where someone goes, oh shit, man. i negative triggers I'm having some feelings about that. Well, the thing is I am in favor of trigger warnings in the abstract, but I rarely use them
00:19:42
Speaker
Just because, ah first of all, I'm not that famous. So most of the people that read my books are people that know me from social media. So they already know I'm a nutbag, but, uh, yeah, it just, uh, I'm also not, not easily, um, triggered in terms of, you know, PTSD, like the actual definition of triggered because people misuse that word all the time, you know, just, just they think it means like an upset being affected by something, um, you know, emotionally or. You know, um but not doesn't really, it just makes me maybe a little bit upset or but I'm not gonna say it triggers me and doesn't so send me over the over the edge completely. Okay, I cry at the softest of things nowadays.
00:20:33
Speaker
I really do too. it's Yeah, I hear you. i'm a cry like i Every other Doctor Who episode probably is going to make me cry for some reason because it's so emotional. like but If I see in other videos where they have like a child in ah in a doctor's room and and they put the glasses on them and they can suddenly see for the first time or something, or they put like ah a pair of a hearing aid on and the and the child just sort of like looks around and hears his mom's calling him a name, you know, for the first time. And I'm like, that that makes me cry. Like, seriously, I'm like, Oh, God, but see, that's the thing. When you're not numbing yourself anymore, you get to feel all sorts of things. And some of them suck. And some of them are really beautiful. But that's, that's the thing. It's, it's a, it's a good thing to feel emotion. yeah um But with
00:21:29
Speaker
and with untreated borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder. um Those things can really twist you. Oh, yeah, you know yeah. It's completely different that the feelings then that's when it becomes a problem. Yeah, but I've done when I've when I've been under a
00:22:00
Speaker
So when I've been having um a manic, so, um, yeah, I've done crazy things and, you know, I've woken up in police, so I've never, I haven't got a criminal record or anything. Oh, lucky you. Little things, you know, little things. and Um, um, there's sort of, I know.
00:22:25
Speaker
I even, even like when I was under the influence of alcohol or sort of, um, I still, I was still polite all the time to the police. I think that makes a difference. But, um, yeah, no, I'm no saint, but I'm, you know, I'm, I'm happy with my life now and and I'm happy that i've I've managed to get to a place where it's under control and No, um I don't drink it anymore. um ah did When I came out of rehab I did for a little bit um because obviously the rehab worked but the amount that I'd been drinking before I went into rehab still meant that I had to reduce gently ahha otherwise because I was having seizures.
00:23:15
Speaker
as a as a result of coming off the alcohol um to too quickly. yeah People don't realize how dangerous it is if you have a physical addiction to alcohol. It's is it's as but dangerous physically as coming down off of heroin. and That's it. i mean i went to the ah This was around that time um when I was going into rehab. I think it was just before um I went to the supermarket on the morning ah I was it just about to go and get enough alcohol to get through that day and and just collapsed, woke up in hospital. I'd had a massive seizure in there, just bleed on my brain subdermal hematoma, subdural hematoma. Oh no.
00:24:08
Speaker
Uh, on the brain. Yeah. Cause of, uh, the way I dare gone down apparently, but yeah, it's very dangerous to just quit.
00:24:21
Speaker
Yeah. Um, you know, I would like to ask actually, um, at least where I am in the world, I'm in America obviously, but, um, it is often more stigmatized for men to get help with their mental health. um did Did you find that? that that the i mean Were people judgy with you when you got i when you got treatment for mental health? um I wouldn't say and no. the professional like The professionals here, ah you know they'll treat everybody the same. but
00:24:57
Speaker
I think the stigma is still that you should be able to cope being a man. I think that's, you know, that's still a problem. I mean, I wouldn't say I've got a great um pool of ah friends in this country. I've probably got about, I could count them on one hand, basically. close friends, and but they wouldn't understand you know about bipolar disorder or or anything like that. They'd be like, it's just feeling a bit down and empty. That's just the way that's the way is, I don't think that's going to change anytime soon. Well, I don't know, man. Millennials. are then i
00:25:49
Speaker
Yeah, think things seem to be moving in the right direction and with our new government installed that say they're going to focus on bringing in mental health level with physical health in the treatment and the funds. so You know, hopefully I'm i'm still waiting um to be fair. I've been waiting for six months now, six months for a new therapist. Yeah. um And that could take up to two or three years of waiting before the therapy even starts. Yeah, we've we've got the same kind of wait times here, especially since COVID. um And that's like if you have somebody that takes your insurance because here, you know,
00:26:38
Speaker
healthcare is terrible. I actually was just complaining because I got a medical bill for $450 and that was my copay for my annual physical and blood work. So it's required. I have to get it or they won't prescribe my medications without which I would you know die. But yeah, i mean that's you know that they they say, oh, well, why don't you come in more often? Why don't you get this test or that test? and't Because it's outlandishly expensive. so unless I'm in pain. Well, that's how I ended up in the hospital in 2022, because I knew that there were things that were wrong with me. But honestly, I was depressed and I figured I was just dying and that there was no reason to spend the money. But when you have a husband, man yeah I mean, you you know, age he's got a real bug up his ass about me staying alive. So it some night right it's a nightmare, You know, a loving spouse and
00:27:37
Speaker
ah I'm coming to terms with my own, to be fair. I mean, she she keeps trying, she keeps helping, you know, trying to, you know, get me to go to appointments. and Well, and it's, that's the thing is that when you are living with someone who loves you and wants the best for you, it's much harder to treat yourself like garbage. You know, cause then you have to justify it. Like my husband will say, why are you doing this? Why haven't you slept? Why haven't you eaten today? What are you doing? And you know, he demands explanations for these things. And if I don't have them, I i really have no choice but to straighten up and fly. Right. Cause I didn't take a lot of wedding vows, but I did tell him that I would try my best to be the spouse that he deserves.
00:28:24
Speaker
And i I'm not sure that I'm living up to my end of that bargain, to be honest with you. I'm sure you are. I hope so. He says it, but you know he he's into me, so he's going to say whatever. um So how much would you say your work is influenced by your mental health?
00:28:47
Speaker
Oh, it definitely is. um if you look at pattern of writing. It's becoming even more erratic, to be fair. No, i because I'm right, I fluctuate between writing in the, you know, the serious, um you know, I can write a serious, quiet horror novel, you know, a folk horror, you know, with zero jokes in it. And then I'll go to writing a parody or a satire of something stupid and
00:29:24
Speaker
And that sort of describes my um what I'm feeling at the time of of writing. um These last couple of months have been great. I've managed to finish one book, started another. so Wow, that's great. um Yeah, no it's been it's been great these last six months, I'd say. so But I'm expecting that to change. Because there's always that anticipating that fall. Oh, yeah. But at least, you know, at least you got it good. My wife actually sees it coming before I do. I mean, she'll say, yeah, yeah, you're not feeling right today. And I'll just go nah, and she'll go, I didn't think so. Just like, sort of preempting my mind. Well, and it's really important to have that kind of
00:30:19
Speaker
support structure and that kind of like, I don't want to call your wife a sounding board, but someone who is there and like notices what you're going through and provides like, uh, you know, uh, yeah, she sounds amazing. I mean, and you know, I, I've noticed like how much happier you have been. since you guys have been together so it's been dope for like people on the outside watching your life like yeah check that out brilliant ah and um actually i wouldn't be writing again now if it wasn't for her to be fair um so that's it that's a great wow that's huge well um so that's all coming back and
00:31:03
Speaker
I'm looking forward to the future in that again, which is something I didn't think I'd i'd have it you know three three or four years ago when it got really close. Yeah, I know that feeling. Definitely. You just don't see a way, do you? the you know sir So if your work is reflective of your mood and your mental state, what happens when you look back on old work? Do you look back on it fondly or? with I mean, because you know, there are writers that hate their own books because of where they were at in life when they wrote them. Like Joe Hill hates his novel horns, which I love. I love that book. I thought it was pretty. Right. But it's also like you can see where it is very angry. It's an angry book and it's a really sarcastic book. It's a book that has run right out of fucks. So I mean, do do you find what do you what do you experience when you look back on your old work?
00:32:03
Speaker
Yeah, I think you you do. You can see when you see the nihilism. That's probably the best. The nihilism and, you know, then the misanthropy that you're feeling at the time when you wrote it. you it's just it's apparent it's quite it's you can you can and i remember like when i wrote i think when i finished the october boys um i was feeling pretty bad during that one and that was the last book i wrote for a couple of years um
00:32:40
Speaker
So I sort of had, yeah, two two, three years break of not writing anything at all. um That was partly as well to get myself back, you know, up and running. Because at that time I was actually homeless as well. I was i was on the streets for a bit. um How long were you homeless? Um, that time, um, just a couple of weeks, I think, a friend in the, a friend, a bartender at the bar that I worked at, so that I drank at, um, that I frequented for 14 hours a day. Um, she, uh, she just basically said, you know, I see I'm not having you on this. And so she, I moved in with her and, uh,
00:33:37
Speaker
And then COVID happened. Right. And so I spent all of the first COVID um with with her and her family. Oh, wow. I know it was it was a strange time, but it was it was it was quite nice. was When I say her family, it it was just a young son. um He said said was 17 at the time. So we we got on like a house on fire, me and then we just played video games all day. And we got through COVID. So where where you were in the world with COVID, were people cool about it? Were they careful? Did people mask up without complaint? or Because I mean, here.
00:34:19
Speaker
Shit got crazy during COVID. People were fist fighting each other over toilet paper and you know making scenes in places over masks. i mean ah A security guard was murdered because he told someone to put a mask on. and we had We had some of that. A lot of people were more angry at what our government were actually doing while we were all making an effort. um, because they were all having parties, um, secretly. Wow. Which, which then became a major talk. I would think so. Yeah. But yeah, no, it was, it was just the whole thing. It dragged on a bit, didn't it? To be fair, as far as, as far as things go. Well, I mean, there's still new strains. People are still getting it, you know?
00:35:09
Speaker
I know, I keep watching, I'm checking, them I think it's, I don't know whether it's, oh yeah, I won't say any names, but I keep all these conventions on your side of the pond, and um there's always a bit of a peak after a convention yeah from people, but people have just stopped testing over here, so we wouldn't know. We wouldn't know if we are. I've probably i probably got it now, to be fair. The way a they stop doing tests and giving tests away. and Yeah, I mean, we we have tests here because they sent out tests for everybody. but keep it here I keep hearing of all these new strains coming in and I'm just like, this is just going to go on.
00:35:58
Speaker
Well, i one I mean, I did, I did all the right things during COVID. I wore the mask, I stayed in, you know, I went to the shop for 10 minutes a day exercise, you know, I did everything that they said, but I still caught it. There is, there there's a, there's a little bit of a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's with a, you know, and i'm just watching it It seems like we're just going to have to live with COVID for a while and get a shot annually, like a flu shot. And that'll just, you know, well, I'll just hope for the best like we've been doing. What I find frustrating about it though, is that when you talk to people about precautions, a lot of people will say, well, it really is only killing people who are already sick.
00:36:46
Speaker
as if people who were already sick are disposable and as someone who's been sick for some time. Most of my life I've had various things wrong with me, ah which is true of a lot of people I know and to just dismissively say, well, if you're not in tip top health, maybe you don't need to keep living. well Yeah, that's completely right. I mean, ah you know, I've had i had pneumonia twice at the start of this year. That could have combined with Covid. That could have finished me off. And then they just said, oh, well, you know, he was sick anyway. Yep. ah the other That's ridiculous. Thanks.
00:37:26
Speaker
Well, I had a cousin who died from COVID and he was not yet 40, and he did have some stuff going on, but he also had a family who loved him. so you know it's and it It really like caused a big to-do in my family because We have MAGA people in my family, and then we have like you know normal people. so it's And then when when you know a couple of people get COVID and someone dies, it creates this whole, like i don't I mean, you know what's going on out there. It gets pretty ugly, and people say very ugly things to each other.
00:38:02
Speaker
You know, I mean, I was called a Libtard by someone who once told me they were so proud of me for like winning the science prize. And now, you know, they're saying things like, oh, you idiot, how could you believe in vaccines? Like, well, what?
00:38:20
Speaker
Um, as good old politics. for yeah claim qua ten familial really I will be very glad when my political trilogy is done and I don't have to think about it or that particular person anymore. Cause God damn, did I step in it with that. um yeah ah So, but by the end of the year, I'll have book three out and then that'll be it. So that, well, no, I'm going to actually do them all together in one volume. It kind of depends on what happens with the election, because I really think that after he loses, MAGA people are not going to take it well.
00:38:58
Speaker
And i I don't know, because it seems like if on some off chance he wins, people are gonna protest and he's gonna send in the military. And here, that means a bunch of barely 18 year old kids are gonna have to decide whether or not it's a lawful order to fire on civilian protestors. And taking a wild guess, a few of them will think, sure, sure that seems like a valid order. And then a bunch won't. and it's just gonna go downhill from there. That is my prediction. Should he win? Should he lose? A lot of sore losers are gonna... I can't even... I don't even know.
00:39:39
Speaker
yeah yeah i'm um'm I'm firmly ah in and Kamala Harris's Oh, yeah, to be fair. um So that's my that's my views. im I'm a stupid Englishman, so I have no I have no horse in the race, so to speak, but I know what's good for the world. I don't know what's not good. See, if you were an American, you would know what was good for the world. That's what we do here. We tell everyone that we know what's good for the world.
00:40:13
Speaker
i could If I'd have been living in Switzerland all this time, I'd have i'd probably put myself in one of those capsules by now. yeah yeah but Yes, slowly, the suicide capture. and But thankfully, I don't have access to one of those. I'm pretty sure you can 3D print one now. Well, let's not, okay. understand i' I'm sure I saw that they were 3D printable. Well, as as convenient as that might be, I still have to vote that down.
00:40:45
Speaker
Yeah, no, I'm glad I didn't have access because if I'd have been a ghost now, I would have had serious redirects. I hear that, man. I do. It's funny because every once in a while, people decide that marijuana is dangerous. I bring that up because if marijuana were dangerous, it would be the most popular suicide drug in the world, and I certainly would not be here. If it was possible to smoke an amount that would actually unalive me. I probably would have accomplished that by but well before I hit 30. There isn't a know, having just come back from Amsterdam. i can
00:41:29
Speaker
I can assure you that there is no amount that can physically kill a person. So if we could get off of that, actually, I'm aware that you write books for kids. And I need to hear more about that because that is not in keeping with the you that I know on the internet. So how how does that break down?
00:41:53
Speaker
i roved and and should probably take the out on by really I wrote three three children's books that were basically humorous um with with horror involved. um when When my son was born, I wanted to sort of write something that I could read to him that might sort of start him off into liking horror. Nice, nice. had Yeah, but it turned out wrong. He went into Peppa Pig instead. um But yeah, so I wrote Peter Crumby, Teenage Zombie.
00:42:34
Speaker
And then I wrote the sequel, which was Peter Crumby versus the Grandpiers. And then I wrote a book called The Thing Is. But I'm actually thinking of writing more more middle grade, um I'd say, humorous horror. I don't know it's this is the like um with my with my humorous books obviously there's a lot of references and adult references and rude parts and language and puns that
00:43:21
Speaker
children just see that's that's really what i wonder like where do you find those lines like what is a joke that like how do you determine because i i'm bad at that i uh i usually end up apologizing to kids parents after i tell their kids a story i i know this is um it's it's not yeah um taking anything away from people with Tourette's or saying anything negative about Tourette's But I actually believe that I have a form of it because and my my wife says the same, she says, I'll say something and it'll come out before I've i've got time to stop it from coming out.
00:43:58
Speaker
So I'm like, and she'll say, was that like, she said, she calls it your Tourette's. I'm like, I think so. Yeah. Cause I wouldn't have said it that quickly. It comes out before my brain sort of before my mouth can stop it. Um, so that actually is the same for when I'm writing the humorous stuff. Um, and as I'm writing and it goes down on the page and it'll just flow and then I'll read it back and if it makes me laugh, that's that's the best feeling in the world, because then I'm like, oh man, that's just, that it makes me wonder if i'm if I'm right in the head. But but I mean, i get it you'll you'll see what I mean, because the the book I'm writing at the moment, sometimes when my wife gets up in the morning,
00:44:53
Speaker
I'll treat it, because I get up early, I get up at 7am every morning. Ew! Sorry. And then write. I start writing by 9am. Wow! And I finish. That's my schedule every day. So by the time she gets up, I've already written my 2000, 3000 words for the day. And she'll say, she'll say, what's such and such character doing now, you know, and I'll be like, Oh God, I've left him all night with in this predicament. And then I feel really bad about it. And, then but I think it was not yesterday, the day before um I actually read ah the the extract that I was, ah that I'd written that morning and I couldn't finish it. We were both just absolutely in tears to the point where I was just like, I can't believe it that um I said, I have to read that out of every single convention and every reading they give me. I've got to read just that part there because
00:45:51
Speaker
we we We were in stitches and I was like, that's just wrong on so many levels. And this is not a children's, but this is definitely a very adult book that's going to get me into trouble. Oh man, I'm excited. hey bob I can't tell you about it yet. But I can tell you about the one book, but not that one.
00:46:11
Speaker
Well, so I guess maybe this is difficult to answer, but for people that are not familiar with your work, where is a good place to start? Like, what is your quintessential work?
00:46:26
Speaker
um Okay. Everybody always like starts with the Larry series. It's still like to this day, I mean, 10 years old now yeah the first book um and that one is still probably the biggest seller of all my books um so for slasher comedy And with every cliche and trope thrown in just just for the fun of it, um the Larry series is probably the the best place to start. um For more serious horror and you know no jokes, you know because I can write as well.
00:47:18
Speaker
I would say the October boys probably or um there's ah a novella out called swimming in the sea of trees which is a very sort of serious
00:47:34
Speaker
that's actually about suicide as because it's set in the Japanese suicide forest. But that's quite a ah dramatic, sad little story that's been out for a few years. Okay. and So yeah, now I am I fluctuate. Like I said, I'm fluctuating now. I'm all like a little butterfly. yeah ah this And do you are do you encourage readers to find you on social media? Because not everyone does. Oh, yeah. No, good i'm I'm open to everybody. um I do perform cavity checks.
00:48:19
Speaker
and No, I do. I do check because obviously, you know, i I definitely like look at accounts to make sure they're real. But there are writers that seriously vet people because I added Ramsey Campbell on Facebook and I forgot about it. He didn't add me back right away. And then a couple of weeks later, I got a private message from him and I thought it was some scam or pretending to be Ramsey Campbell. And I was like, what? that is it i think i was like yeah because i was like what a dick and yeah it turned out to be him i actually got a private message from ramsey campbell so yeah yeah no i did i i do this on facebook um on twister not so much because people just well twitter is just a cesspool anyway so hey
00:49:14
Speaker
yeah senioror I'm on Twitter for one person and I don't even like him anymore. the yeah The convention was the last straw because I mean the thing about if everybody knows I'm talking about Don Jr. so I'm talking about Don Jr. because I'm finishing up my book series about him. But the thing is, I was such a sincere fan of him for so long that I was I was dug in and I did not want to give up. And every stupid, terrible thing he did or said, I was like, no, no, no, still a good guy. I swear it. You just he's faking. This isn't real. And ah and at the RNC, he dressed up his oldest daughter, called her sexy and sent her out on stage to say my grandfather is a normal guy like anybody else.
00:50:03
Speaker
And I cannot respect anyone who would feed their own children to the machine like that. just i Because he knows better. He knows what it was like to be raised by a brash asshole and be associated with just fuckery and cruelty. and And he knows how hard that is for kids. And he did not care. And he does not care. And my heart breaks to know that that's who he is because that could be who he was the whole time. I really don't know. Maybe he was always a piece of shit and I just never knew. I don't think so. But the thing is, if he used to be good and now he's this,
00:50:47
Speaker
then he's a fucking coward. And that's just as as tragic as, I mean, I would much rather have been wrong all along than have it turn out that he is that much of a coward, that he would let himself get bullied into doing that to his children.
00:51:05
Speaker
You know, they're not litigious, are they? It's probably okay that I'm saying this right.
00:51:13
Speaker
it's of Luckily for me, I really don't have anything. Like, oh, what if they take my house and card? No, I think my most valuable possession is like an eight year old computer. so come at me bro i'm i'm sure you know you you're i'm sure you're on his radar oh yeah um he knows who i am not to the point where he's contemplating um Well, you know what's funny is I actually got invited to go on the podcast for his magazine, Field Ethos. This was like a year ago. I wrote to cancel my membership because he said some stupid fucking thing and I was like, oh, I'm not giving him money anymore. No more money. And I canceled my subscription to his magazine and the editor in chief emailed me and was like,
00:52:06
Speaker
uh you don't have to tell me but why did you subscribe to our magazine because you know in my email i have you know links in my signature for all the work i do you know sex writing and horror and whatever and so they're like who what and i explained like you know what i was actually raised conservative and i've always really liked don jr i had a lot of respect for him i thought he was brave and strong and honorable and you know all these things and Whoops, I was incorrect. And and I had, you know, enough back and forth with this guy that he was like, you should come on our podcast. And I'm like, no, I shouldn't. You don't want me on your part. Actually, I was kind of cowardly about it because I said that I would do it. And then I went on to explain why, no, of course they did not want me on their podcast because I think they're a bunch of G.I. Joe cosplayers fucking up gun.
00:53:02
Speaker
culture and and and I didn't hear back after that. so but But they kept sending me the magazine. and like I canceled it and they still sent it to me for free for like a year. They finally stopped when I posted on Twitter, stop sending me your magazine. and yeah so like The most recent issue is the first one I don't have. so yeah If anybody wants to buy ah old issues of Field Ethos, I got them. I'll sign them. Don't you but you have something signed by him? Do I have something signed by him? Dude, I have at least 30 signed copies of of his books. I was collecting them. In fact, when I published the first Don Jr. book, the money that I made for that book all went toward Don Jr. memorabilia and merch. i have Some of the shit I have is insane.
00:53:51
Speaker
ah have like drinking cups with his dumb face on them. I have like all these old magazines of stories about them, bunch of signed books, t-shirts, like seven or eight t-shirts, just a ridiculous amount. So yeah, I actually have a Secret Service Challenge Coin of, you know, the Mountaineer, which is his Secret Service code name. I have one of those, which is a big deal here. So that's, uh, yeah. oh Scary. Honestly, if I was him, I would not be surprised to learn that I have an FBI file for for just that reason. I think my Twitter alone would be reason enough. for like but But if he ever found me like in his Instagram inbox, there was a period where I would just get high as a fucking kite at 3 AM m and just be like, you should turn your family in and run away. just like
00:54:46
Speaker
yeah I was so rooting for him to not get sucked into that like for it because i I really thought he was better. and I mean, I didn't just think he was the smart one. I thought he was the nice one. like There used to be that stupid TV show and on that show, he seemed like someone who didn't like to hurt people's feelings. He seemed genuinely kind. which is oh my gosh I'm like getting upset right now fuck yeah it's embarrassing because it's a really emotional issue and I have like all these super strong feelings on it and unless people don't know who he is like anyone who knows who he is is just like what why
00:55:34
Speaker
But, but you're not an idiot. How could you possibly think that? And I'm like, I don't know. I started thinking it a long time ago and I just couldn't stop. But, um, but actually this is the point of the show where you get to ask me a question if you want to.
00:55:55
Speaker
I haven't, I haven't really got anything prepared. Well, wow. I'm not very interesting. So, you know, that's that's fine, too. OK, I've obviously I've read your work and you were great gracious enough to send me your, you know, your your your collection of spidery. if like Oh, what did I call it? Yeah, it's spidery, stabity. Wait, hang on. I have it. That is spidery.
00:56:28
Speaker
I don't know what it's, yes, spitefully, spitefully stabity, spidery stuff. every Yeah, I was going to call that collection 15 Shades of Day, but then I put more than 15 stories in it. Yeah, no. yeah That's what I was going to ask you, actually, where where the name came from for it, because, I mean, the spidery thing, yeah, I get, and the stabity, stubby stubby stuff it's just it's the alliteration that uh it's it's a bit of a tongue it is well and because like stabby and spidery aren't really words it's kind of hard to search for i think that that should be a new rule for me that uh
00:57:09
Speaker
From now on, I'm only going to use real words in my my book titles. oh No, that's the worst mistake. ah Do you know, I've added more words to my dictionary this week. I feel like I'm teaching. Yeah. Seriously. And do you know what? That's what so most words didn't exist before Shakespeare. I'm just saying. Oh yeah, totally. you know So i'm um' i'm doing I'm doing a bit of a William Shakespeare now. I'm just making words up. and hoping that you have to i mean sometimes the english language yeah as much as a conglomerate as it is it doesn't cover everything i mean how often do you hear a german word for something and say that's brilliant why don't we have a word for that
00:57:51
Speaker
ah love it I love it. I'm a big fan of etymology anyway, so um i i i I gather words and I i sort of eat every word and and learn it. So and let me ask you this, in the gym have you considered writing your own language for a book?
00:58:14
Speaker
Uh, no, that's just, that's going to take, I mean, Tolkien was like too much, right? Yeah. Now I'll tell you, I, cause I've, I've toyed with that. And at one point, cause I learned Dothraki when Game of Thrones was like super huge. I just learned Dothraki for fun, which is stupid because no one speaks it, you know? But, um, I did it just because I was really interested in the language. And my husband bought me some books from the Language Creation Society. and I must've been on a manic tear because I was all like, okay, well, I'm doing this. I'm going to have this family of cannibals and they're all going to have bad mouth diseases and that's going to affect their language and I'm going to make up a language. I had all these ideas and ah and and no, it's it's an enormous endeavor.
00:59:04
Speaker
that ah Yeah, yeah like it it just turned out to be too huge for me, but then then another writer I know, Scott Sigler, who I did went to undergrad with, he said he has been using AI to do language creation. and To me, that's a valid use of AI. Now, I certainly don't agree with using AI to write anything that you're going to publish, but I thinking kind of borderline, if you're talking about creating a whole language to use within a work of fiction. Yeah. Cause you're using it more as a, as a tool rather than, and it's not actually an English, you know, sentence that it's putting it together. So yeah, no, I could, I could see how that might be an acceptable use for AI. Yeah. So I got that on the back burner right now, but I love that as a concept.
00:59:59
Speaker
Yeah. Wow. I used to create languages as a, as a kid, like, you know, so that we could talk about mom, mom behind her back. Really? its like Yeah like me me and my brother used to make make languages up just so that only us knew what we were saying. like It used to be something stupid like we'd just change letters here and there and I'm sure it was pretty, it wasn't like you didn't need the enigma you know machine. You didn't have to be Alan Turing to figure out what we were probably saying as seven-year-old children but
01:00:33
Speaker
um But yeah, to so think about creating a whole language, that's a massive one. Right. So daunting. But yet, I mean, how satisfying would that be if you could actually pull it off, right? And then like, you know, have it become part of the greater lexicon. So idiots like me would learn it just for fun. That, I mean, I can't even imagine making that kind of contribution to the zeitgeist. That's just way too huge, right? i would be i'd i'd learn All right. Well, speaking of the zeitgeist, man, it's time for the mad lab. Are you ready for this?
01:01:13
Speaker
oh Do you do bad libs? Is this a thing where you are? No, it's not really a thing in this country. we do ah
01:01:27
Speaker
I don't know. We did poker. We did. See, no, like Mad Libs is party game for smart people and people who love words. So it is the perfect game for writers. So you know how this works, right? I'm going to tell you a bunch of parts of speech and then you give me the words and I fill them into this thing and then it makes a story and I read it. So that's how it works. All right. So start with I need two nouns. two nouns uh we'll go with since it's you we'll go with dildo and uh light bulb because i'm so bright i get it
01:02:17
Speaker
yeah All right. So I need a couple of plural nouns. Let's see. One, two, o two plural nouns. You know, like when you, I just said that I was really good at eating words. Well, you know, for nouns, I mean, people just look around the room and and say nouns. So that's always allowed.
01:02:42
Speaker
Um. Plus, I cut out the long pauses in post, so don't worry about those. It's OK. Let's say party. um This is going to be so bad. Sorry, parties or parties. ah
01:03:08
Speaker
Babies. I know. Okay, I need adjectives. I need one, two adjectives. Two adjectives. Let's go smelly. And this is one of those long pauses. Right. um
01:03:33
Speaker
Slippery. Slippery. All right. Now I need a place. We should probably put Wolverhampton because I love that word and that's where you're from, right? Wolverhampton, yes. No, I was from Wolverhampton. um Yeah, I moved. Moved to Stoke. Stoke? Nice. All right. I need a verb ending in ing.
01:04:04
Speaker
See, I think this game is harder for writers because writers feel compelled to come up with better words. um Comparing.
01:04:15
Speaker
go compar Okay. And okay, so it's gonna want a couple of parts of the body. Two plural and three singular. So a bunch.
01:04:28
Speaker
And this is not a kid show, so anything goes. Two plural parts of the body. Okay. Kidneys, elbows. All right. And three singular part of the body. Oh, this is crazy.
01:04:51
Speaker
You've got to put an eye in, definitely. um Okay. I tested call. All right. and
01:05:10
Speaker
Pinky finger. All right. I need a color. Purple. And an adverb. Breathlessly.
01:05:27
Speaker
All right. this this may anything Well, it's not supposed to. It's a mad lib. It should be mental. where the magic Right. Exactly. It's not about liberals at all. It's just, you know, mad lib. So this is entitled, why do skunks smell?
01:05:48
Speaker
Surprisingly, a skunk is a friendly dildo who can make a smelly household pet. See, you did one that works. But what makes these parties smell to the high Wolverhampton? The skunk has scent babies that contain a slippery smelling fluid. what relax When it attacked, the skunk aims this smelly light bulb at its enemies. But the skunk does give warning before comparing. It raises its eye first or stamps its kidneys so that you can run away as fast as your elbows can carry you.
01:06:35
Speaker
The most breathlessly recognizable skunk is a purple one with a line on its testicle and another line between its pinky finger and its ears. See? Irreverent!
01:06:51
Speaker
Right? no That was amazing. I like the way it did the thing with the kids. That's pretty much what I've been doing. Before COVID, when I was having parties all the time, we played tons and tons of Mad Libs. and yeah they're always i mean because That's the thing, you can play Mad Libs with a room full of kids or a room full of perverts and it's equally funny any time. It does not matter. Dude, I am that's that's something that we need to play more than I agree sure Well, especially now that we know because of the internet how poor a lot of people's grammar is We could we could do a lot better with that and Mad Libs could help Yeah, definitely. It's a good way. it's good way to teach Yes. Well, if it's fun, I mean, that's how you make people learn things you make it fun That's why everybody watches YouTube now
01:07:47
Speaker
Dude, I am so glad that you could be here. I'm really thrilled that we were able to have this conversation. Oh yeah, me too. I mean, i've i've it's just fun boy. So that's when you know, you know, it's been, it's been great. Um, so yeah, no, I'm glad that we finally got to do it. ah This is when I remind everybody that The Mentally Oddcast is sponsored by our magazine, sometimes hilarious horror. And you can find us on Ko-Fi if you want to support us and we hope you will. um So thanks to Adam and thanks to everybody for listening. We'll see everybody next week.