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Facing Our Fears: Reclaiming Autonomy and Agency in Life and Leadership
30 Plays3 months ago
- Explore the complex relationship between fear, autonomy, and agency in this insightful episode of "How We Think." Hosts Neha Indoria and Bhavna Awasthy dive deep into how our fears shape our decisions and actions, both personally and professionally. Learn about the neuroscience behind fear responses, discover strategies for recognizing and overcoming limiting beliefs, and gain valuable insights on cultivating self-compassion and resilience. Whether you're a leader looking to improve team dynamics or an individual seeking personal growth, this episode offers practical advice for transforming fear into a catalyst for positive change. Tune in for a thought-provoking discussion on reclaiming your power and making conscious choices in the face of uncertainty.
References
1. Multi Dimensional Perfectionism Scale https://novopsych.com.au/assessments/formulation/frost-multidimensional-perfectionism-scale-fmps/
2. Agency at Work
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/319578031_Agency_at_Work_Learning_and_Professional_Development_An_Introduction
3. Self Determination Theory
https://positivepsychology.com/self-determination-theory/
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Transcript
Introduction to Coaching Conversations
00:00:05
Speaker
Hey there, welcome to How We Think, a podcast that takes a deeper look at coaching conversations, the biases and beliefs that show up in such conversations and ideas that make you sit up and take notice of your own patterns, your behaviors and any opportunities to change. I am Neha and with me once again, I have the amazing Bhavna Vasti. Hey Bhavna, how are you doing? Hey Neha, I'm good and also very excited about what we are going to be talking about today because this is something that has been close to me and also has been an area of self-work for me for many years. And would you like to introduce the topic to our listeners today?
00:00:49
Speaker
Yes, absolutely.
Exploring the Roots of Fear
00:00:50
Speaker
So, um you know, when I started researching, and by the way, we are talking about, we're talking about fear today. We started from the usual points of saying, how can you move beyond it, the way that it holds us back. um You know, I found a great many quotes on conquering our fear, just do it. And Mr. Mandela's quote saying, the brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
00:01:15
Speaker
But the one key theme that sort of stood out to me was that there is an implicit acceptance in most of them that fear exists and that the only way out is through. But what seems to get like less attention is what really makes us afraid. Now, the theory that we are proposing today is that what makes us afraid is only one thing. It might look different to different people, but we are all afraid of losing our autonomy on the outcome. And in simplest terms, what I mean is that if I don't know what would happen with certainty, I would be afraid of all that could happen. So today we are not talking about conquering your fear. You you know you need to conquer your fear. You don't need another podcast on that. Instead, we are focusing on understanding our fear and then trying to take
00:02:04
Speaker
ah look at some of the steps on how we can change our response to it. Awesome. I love your take on this and totally resonate with what you just said.
Fear's Impact on Autonomy and Agency
00:02:14
Speaker
We started talking about what fear does to us and how it all boils down to when there is fear of any kind, there is a little hijack that happens in our brains. And ah what happens next is that we lose power.
00:02:29
Speaker
power over our autonomy or ah the state of being self-governing or independent. We lose the freedom from external control. And while we have spoken about autonomy, I also want to bring in the loss of power to our agency, which is about our capacity to act and make choices.
00:02:51
Speaker
the ability to affect change through our actions. And in simple terms, it's our internal control. So it is both internal and external in that sense. So autonomy and agency, these are you know ah the fact that I'm controlling the outcome and the fact that i'm that I have power in terms of how it happens. And I found the work of Mr. Michael Goller. He has written a couple of books specifically on agency at work and how human beings can be seen as agents of power and change. um I don't think anybody doubts the fact that we are agents of a lot of change.
00:03:33
Speaker
But um you know humans are not fully subjugated by surrounding structural forces. They are they're able to make choices and they're able to act on these choices. And with this, we can start to understand how the fear of losing our agency is the fear that gets manifested in various forms and shows up differently for different people. For instance, in me, the way that it shows up is that I can't be considered stupid.
00:04:00
Speaker
Sounds very silly. um There is enough evidence to say that I'm not stupid, but probably in my head, that's my biggest fear. And that someone else or everyone else, everyone else will take what I say or do and tell me that I am unintelligent or worse, if relevant.
00:04:16
Speaker
And the relationship that I have developed with my fears is that I will get louder. i I don't go into a corner. In fact, I go all guns blazing. And in my thoughts, my actions, my actual volume of speech, I will go ahead and do something stupid and then I will prove all my fears right and the cycle will repeat itself.
00:04:36
Speaker
At the base of it, the way I want to express my agency is by saying things the way I think about them. And that's the one thing I would like to control so much that I naturally mess it up. How does it show up for you? First off, thank you for that honesty, Neha. And this is right this right here is why I love doing these conversations with you. Thank you for that.
00:05:03
Speaker
yeah he meant ah And before I can talk about how many ways fear has shown up for me, this is a this is ah part that I have always been very intrigued with and I wanted to quite quickly talk about and share here what goes on chemically or harmonically in our brain when we are feeling fear. And There are these two parts. And I'm sorry, but I'm going to get like really can wordy here, but just bear with me. It's very interesting. The amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. So the amygdala processes emotions, especially fear and anxiety. um Imagine in a high pressure situation, we are experiencing fear, then the body's stress response gets activated. Now, when that happens,
00:06:00
Speaker
Cortisol and adrenaline are both released, which prepares the body for flight or fight response. Now, prefrontal cortex, on the other hand, is responsible for ah things like decision making, planning, and impulse control, and tries to manage the fear response. But now the system is already flooded. It's got cortisol and adrenaline. And hence, that logic is going out of the window. And reasoning is not happening.
00:06:28
Speaker
And finally, there is no plan. And this overwhelm then leads to impaired decision making and avoidance. Interestingly, you know, this is actually called amygdala hijack.
00:06:42
Speaker
And this is not it. There is another aspect or another part that comes to play ah when we experience a fear of any kind and that is the hippocampus. So the hippocampus, however small that it is, is involved in forming and retrieving memories and thereby impacting or reinforcing the fear. ah So if I have had a negative memory about a certain situation, my hippocampus will find it and trigger the amygdala and prefer to cortexes you know, sitting there, not able to actually contribute to the situation. And finally, there are the neurotransmitters. This is the last one, okay. yeah There are these neurotransmitters. Basically, ah chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, which are crucial for mood regulation and imbalances, these chemicals ah can aggravate feelings of anxiety, ah making the experience of fear more intense,
00:07:41
Speaker
And so in a nutshell, if we have a chemical imbalance, our mood regulations will be compromised. Hippocampus is already retrieving memories of the past to contribute to how we feel about a certain situation. Then there is the amygdala that has already hijacked the situation. And finally, the prefrontal cortex has limited or no power. So logic reasoning will not come to play.
00:08:07
Speaker
It sounds simple and yet so complicated. Have I made this too complicated, Neha? No, no, you've not made it complicated. I mean, it's this is evidence on the fact that there
The Human Fear of Uncertainty
00:08:19
Speaker
is there is a chemical reaction going on in your brain, which is actually making you feel the way you feel. And if if if we were to paint a picture of this of these events, it's it's like a comedy of errors that's going on, right? The moment a conflict appears,
00:08:33
Speaker
First, the amygdala kicks in, pumping us with fight-or-flight hormones. And then the prefrontal cortex is now a little heady with all the adrenaline. Imagine him standing up like this drunk uncle and saying, you wait, I will show you. And then the cortisol is drunk.
00:08:51
Speaker
but Sorry. Not be able to do anything because he as he's drunk. And the cortisol is like trying to be the nice little auntie there and saying, no, no, it's okay. let Wait, wait. But nothing's happening. yeah So I can, you know, and in the middle of all of that, the hippocampus is sitting there. He's tweeting at both of them. Do you remember this happened? Do you remember this happened? Oh, but don't forget this happened. I i can imagine that little comedy of errors.
00:09:18
Speaker
And if you're a movie freak like me, if you can remember there was Ruchikesh Mukherjee movies, where in the end there would be a series of events. And Charlie Chaplin for the international, for the folks in Saskatoon, Charlie Chaplin. That's what you should think of.
00:09:36
Speaker
But essentially what we are saying is that the fear of losing control is ultimately rooted in our fundamental need for certainty. All of this is happening in our brains because there is past experience that is defining how we will act at that particular moment because that past experience can tell you what's going to happen next.
00:10:00
Speaker
And the fact that we aren't really that far ahead from our Cape dwelling ancestors as humans, we are wired to seek predictability because the tiger or the bear can attack it anytime. So our but brains are designed to protect us from the unknown because ah uncertainty poses a potential threat. And it is this instinctive drive that makes us afraid of outcomes we can't control. That's exactly what a fear of failure would sound like, right? Depending on your unique genetic makeup, your time and place in life and the importance of the event for you, the manifestation of this sort of comedy of errors inside your brain will look different for different people. And I'll say if you are the kind of person who goes more towards flight and retreats from conflict and you have a boss who goes full on fight club, you can imagine that the relationship will look quite
00:10:54
Speaker
chaotic and difficult or even if both want to fight or both want to fly away. Yeah, I get that and maybe for some this will actually work. You know what worries me more? It's when both the parties are in the same mode. Imagine I want to fight and you want to fight and then with this fight.
00:11:16
Speaker
I guess that's where the theories of yin yang, you know, the balance opposites attract come from. But and really enough about that. Let's first talk a little bit about the various ways our autonomy and agency can face a threat ah in a manner that ultimately we lose power to decide what happens in our lives. Yeah.
Fear's Connection to Identity and Relationships
00:11:41
Speaker
Essentially, the the reason we are talking about agency and autonomy is that what we are trying to say is that at the heart of all our fears lies the threat to our autonomy and agency, our ability to make independent choice and affect our environment. This is a core concern, and it manifests itself to three interconnected domains, our personal identity and self-worth, our social relationships and interactions, and our sense of control and stability.
00:12:08
Speaker
And obviously, as you can imagine, are these are not domains that are isolated. they are They are interacting with each other. They have influence over each other. They are sharing our perception of autonomy and agency. In fact, I came across this psychological framework called the self-determination theory that emphasizes that autonomy, along with competence and related nets, it's a basic psychological need which is crucial for well-being and intris intrinsic motivation.
00:12:36
Speaker
When our autonomy is threatened in any of these domains, it can trigger fear responses, impact our overall sense of urgency, agency and my um i apologize agency and so our social relationships influence our self-worth, which in turn affect how much control we feel over our lives. Similarly, our sense of control can impact how we form and maintain social relationships.
00:13:05
Speaker
You know what Neha, as you were talking, I was realizing that I have one significant significant fear in each category that I've had a deep personal relationship with. Yeah. And that's that's how you that you you, I mean, you're absolutely right. That is why we are saying that they're all interconnected, right? Because yeah in each of them lives one little demon of his own out to party. Yeah.
00:13:34
Speaker
um if If I look at how I think from the lens of um personal identity and self-worth, I feel like how I saw success had a large impact on how I thought and subsequently showed up.
00:13:53
Speaker
I actually had a larger fear of success than how I related to failure, surprisingly. When I feared success, I actually displayed behaviors like self sabotaging my achievements. And have this I did in order to not deal with the consequences of success, which in some cases look like ah avoiding prosperity, whether it was financial, spiritual or otherwise. So if I had to simply put, I actually didn't fear the money that came with success, but felt the or the fame, even jealousy that came from it. For me, you know, it translated something like this. I had a fear of success because I was afraid of letting people down.
00:14:40
Speaker
for not having the time for those two most important people in my life. I did not put myself out there professionally for the longest time. I mean, don't get me wrong. I was actively contributing to the development of my daughter. The depth of my relationship with my husband, that's what um in fact is really good. And I had the luxury of time to nurture my own creativity.
00:15:10
Speaker
I did develop my presence and most of all as a result of showing up the way I did, I also today have an epic level of patience which makes me very good at what I do. Yes, I know. Could I have had more professional success? Sure, that's a possibility.
00:15:29
Speaker
But so today I think I'm OK. I'm OK with my pace. I have professional successes now. I believe in my journey. So ultimately, what I mean to say is that now I understand that fear of success led me to make certain choices. Along the way, I grew up, I am matured, and realized that work what worked for me and what actually didn't. But if someone had asked me,
00:15:59
Speaker
you know, then or challenge me that I didn't have to choose. I didn't have to choose between one or the other being present for my family or having a professional life. And maybe, just maybe life would have looked different. I don't know. Or maybe not. What do you think?
Fears of Success and Failure
00:16:22
Speaker
No, I hear you and you know it was a it was an interesting, ah your your story reminded me of an interesting conversation I had with a friend recently where we were sitting in a group of people and then this person, the gentleman said, you know what what is the problem? Why are we afraid of anything? You know what you know what the aim is, so let's all work towards the aim.
00:16:48
Speaker
And um the girl and I, might myself, both of us looked at each other and we said, well, for a lot of, we are not trying to make this gender based, but for a lot of females, knowing the aim is difficult because you have grown up with this certain definition of your identity needs to be. And you have also at the same time i'm grown up with what your professional identity needs to be. And then there is this constant battle that you're having internally, it has nothing to do with anybody else. But you're internally kind of having that battle of which one needs to win, which, you know, unfortunately, fortunately, however, it is a it is a fact of life, possibly for for men, it is but probably not the way that it goes.
00:17:32
Speaker
But in direct contrast of that lies the fear of failure or insignificance, which might be something that you know the male gender might allude to more. And these are fairly profound, but often intertwined anxieties that can significantly impact our sense of control and our sense of stability. Now, these are fears that strike at the core of our need for meaning, for purpose, for validation and the influence are personal and professionalized in sometimes subtle, sometimes not so subtle, but definitely powerful ways.
00:18:10
Speaker
The fear of in insignificance could look like overworking, burnout, seeking validation, or even avoiding risk. And you can imagine that that would look like either you're going headlong into the eye of the storm, something like I was just talking about, or staying exactly where you are, um or in fact, running in the opposite direction as fast as you can. And interestingly, a fear of failure would look quite similar, your anxieties towards failing may lead you to
00:18:41
Speaker
avoidance, procrastination, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, perfectionism. So how how a failure of insignificance and a failure of fear you know tend to kind of look similar. In fact, there's a research done by Dr. Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett, and they created something called the Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale, which demonstrates how different types of perfectionism can impact mental health and performance.
00:19:09
Speaker
Again, fight or flight, we all respond to similar things in different ways. Wow. Multidimensional perfectionism scale. Yeah. i have i mean I have the PDF. I'm going to attach the PDF to this. Yes, please. Yes, please. Because I really want to know, I'm curious, what does this entail in, you know, how much can we learn from and use? Yeah. I mean, essentially it's a quiz that you can kind of fill out for yourself and then it'll tell you on the scale where you where you stand in terms of
00:19:44
Speaker
your relationship with perfectionism. Perfect. I think me and you both should do it. And we can share where we lie in the in the next episode. What are you saying? That's a challenge for us. oh Well, i this is one test I would rather fail, but I don't think I will.
00:20:07
Speaker
Yeah, see, again, it's not about passing or failing. It's about just knowing where we are. And I think we we can live with that. that Yeah. Yeah. Remember, ah you know, earlier, ah very interesting, your whole conversation about fear of failure or insignificance.
00:20:23
Speaker
um Remember, I had said I too had my own special ways of looking at things, you know, another one for me.
00:20:35
Speaker
And that got triggered as you were talking, this got triggered that um another one for me was how I saw conflict. I was so proud of my belief that I was conflict averse and what that meant was that I had a fear that made me avoid disagreements and confrontations in social context. And funnily, as I worked my way around understanding what my relationship with conflict was leading to, or ah in effect getting me, I realized it not just affected how I communicated with others, but also how assertive I was in situations that I did not align with.
00:21:15
Speaker
And lastly, there were relationship dynamics that I just did not like. I was constantly in situations that pushed me mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically. I had very little autonomy and I justified it by saying, but well,
00:21:35
Speaker
I am conflict averse, no? I choose to be conflict averse. And funnily, I clung to my belief so much that I was just falsely justifying my lack of agency as my choice. Today, however, um Bite the bullet and bring it on are my two favorite mantras. I mean, you come and I will show off. Yeah, that is what my relationship with conflict look like. And that's what did not work for me. Not making a choice is also a choice. Yeah, absolutely. That was another one of my favorite lines.
00:22:20
Speaker
Yeah. So it can be said that mistaking a fear-based reaction for a conscious choice is, well, it's a, you know, I mean, it's a i it is still a choice that you're making. And you believed you were choosing to be conflict averse, but in reality, this aversion was a fear response that limited your options and in in in effect, limited your autonomy. The illusion of choice You know, it's it's particularly insidious because it allows us to maintain a sense of control, even as we are giving it up. So by telling yourself, I choose to be conflict averse, you were trying to preserve your sense of agency. However, it sounds to me that this belief can actually limit the ability to act to
00:23:07
Speaker
what is true to you in various situations. And what's particularly interesting about your experience is the paradox it reveals. In trying to maintain control, you actually lost control in whatever areas of life you wanted. And this, I feel, is the paradox that is at the heart of so many behaviors that we do to limit our agency when all we are saying is, I want to make my own choices.
00:23:33
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Seriously. And it is interesting that you mentioned control. that word control because this is another one of my favorites.
Control Issues in Professional Settings
00:23:44
Speaker
The need for control. And it's such a double-edged sword. And I know it. You know, it's, it's said that our weaknesses are, are overused strengths. And this one need for control is what I have seen in so many of my clients and myself, if I'm just being very honest here.
00:24:03
Speaker
um
00:24:06
Speaker
There is an intimate relationship with needing to control things. I had that too. I had to control situations around me that sometimes I showed up as a tyrant to myself, to others. And who am I kidding here? I'm a work in progress and have become become more far more conceding than before. um I had this insight, but If I just look at it externally in a professional world, people with attachment to control of fear, of losing control, show up as ah generally anxious or nervous. They're short-lived people. they ah They have extremely high expectations of others. ah Sometimes they even micromanage others. Not trusting others to do a job as well as they think they can do is something that is like a clear definer in their minds.
00:25:00
Speaker
and they end up being controlling and extremely tightly wound. And, you know, funnily, it just doesn't end there. They end up contributing to creating environments that support being like this. And in some cases, I've even seen um the same happening to people in the team. So imagine if a leader is controlling or micromanaging or you know pushing to extremely intense outcomes, they actually generate minimis around them.
00:25:44
Speaker
And then there are other you know managers of managers now also trying to do the same thing because the you know the boss does it and it's acceptable, approvable. It creates silos and eventually the level of effectiveness or impact from this set team of people starts to go down or is low.
00:26:04
Speaker
in It also then most likely leads to disconnect, frustrations, stagnation, demotivation and in worst case and scenarios attrition. Can you see because we think and believe a certain way, there is no room for questioning if it is the right way or even if it is working or not.
00:26:28
Speaker
We don't think, we just do. And in case of leaders, their teams just follow. like There is no other way. So this sense of control or you know fear of losing that control, again, it's like a big definer.
00:26:44
Speaker
on how things show up, how we show up. Sounds like the perfect definition of culture, no? How you behave is what will happen everywhere else and you're setting the tone. Another added layer to look at it is that the team's belief that there is no other way often stems from their own fears.
00:27:02
Speaker
But I think that's, you know, let's if we come back and focus on the leader, um there could be two ways that this is playing out in their minds. One, the leader is entirely devoid of any awareness about their own behavior and internal narrative, which can be the case until it's not and someone or something will, you know, will bring attention or focus to their behavior, or they are aware, but they're literally unable to help themselves.
00:27:28
Speaker
So for today, I would like to focus on how those that are aware um are essentially, they know that they're kind of mucking it up, but they're just not able to kind of get beyond that. What can they do?
Managing Fear through Self-Awareness
00:27:42
Speaker
ah And the first ah the first step, i I feel it could be to recognize the pattern, understand how fear shows up, ah you know similar to what you were saying earlier, that that once you start looking at the pattern and showing up, it ah it starts you start to see what the what the connecting dots are. And instead of beating ourselves up when a response
00:28:06
Speaker
could have been better, become a deductive. Ask, what was I really afraid of? Why did I feel the need to control that? Sometimes stepping away from a moment gives you the perspective to shift from blaming external factors to seeing what's happening inside. um Take a chill pill, calm your mind, assess the fear, start trusting your team, and let go of control.
00:28:30
Speaker
It's beautifully, very easily said. I understand that it's very, very difficult to to sometimes apply. I agree. Creating awareness may be a crucial step. You know, just question yourself. Lean into your feelings. Identify. Give name to what you're feeling. Simply, is it hurt? Is it frustration? Does this feel like betrayal? Do I feel helpless? Do I feel like I have no voice?
00:29:00
Speaker
you know ah It's called name it, tame it. This is something that ah I had read somewhere and I often use it as as a framework when I'm coaching someone, where if you can identify what you're feeling, you're in a better position to actually address it. So checking into the inner voice and here's here's where the kicker is.
00:29:26
Speaker
When you are doing a check-in to your inner voice, you have to observe the inner voice. Is it empowering or does it have a negative tone? Is it challenging or is it or is it just justifying everything, everyone around you?
00:29:41
Speaker
Because sometimes why we say, you know, I'm my biggest critic and I can hear myself and you know, i I know when to stop and all of that. Sometimes we don't realize that we are becoming internally very negative and hence feeling a certain way because who likes to be constantly critiqued, right? Even if it is subconsciously by your own self. um and Another one is listening to your gut. Most often it is actually telling us And you on we don't lean in. we don't you know It's like a passing feeling and we ignore it. Being honest to one's one's own self, we are so good at creating alternate truths and realities that we lose sight of what is it costing us, what's at risk. And it's actually our agency, our autonomy.
00:30:35
Speaker
Another one that I can think of is, and I don't know whether this is a very long thing, then but I'm just so passionate about this whole thing. you know i have I have so deeply studied this and worked on it. um That big part of my work was to have a support structure. Like just notice the people that I was surrounded with.
00:30:59
Speaker
um And what I was trying to see was that, are they mirroring me or? um Are they holding me accountable? Do they have the capacity to challenge me or correct me or even shake me out of my super sometimes? So when one knows what are the fears that are driving particular decisions, we could use them as a reference point.
00:31:28
Speaker
Much like most decisions that I take, I would consciously ask if any of my three fears are at play. And if they weren't, how would my outcome or result be? And the last one, to be curious. Being a spectator to make your own life mostly doesn't work. To have autonomy and agency,
00:31:52
Speaker
one actually needs to fiercely protect and cherish their own autonomy and agency because, you know, if we don't, why would anyone else? yeah That's true. That's true. So we got name it, tame it. We got honest, being honest to yourself. ah We got having a support stricter and we also got ah being curious and all of this, um,
00:32:22
Speaker
you know when I was listening to you, the thought that was coming up in my mind was that knowing it and doing it are sometimes different things. And ah for anybody who's listening, yeah, it there might be days where you know it, but you're still not doing it.
The Role of Self-Compassion
00:32:39
Speaker
And then what could perhaps help you is some compassion towards yourself, maybe. ah Yes, your fueler fear-fueled response wasn't ideal.
00:32:52
Speaker
but it's a mistake you made. It's not who you are. And even if the realization did come late, it's okay. Self-compassion means giving yourself the same grace you would offer to someone else. It's about not being overly concerned with everything and everyone else, but focusing on how you treat yourself. And again, there is research from the American Psychological Association that shows that practicing self-compassion actually helps us regulate emotions and recover from stress. So the same error for which you are beating yourself up, if you were to just give yourself a little break and say, it's all right. I made a mistake this time. I'm going to do better next time.
00:33:34
Speaker
you have an opportunity to actually do better next time. your your The potential to do better next time actually improves. So give yourself a break, show some kindness and probably it could be the way for us to regain the emotional balance and move forward with clarity.
00:33:55
Speaker
Yeah, self compassion. I'm like a big promoter of self compassion, self care, kindness. In fact, that was one of the podcasts I wanted to do, which we will eventually at some point. I heard you and I wanted to share a very relevant quote here. And it's also one of my favorites. It's by Rebecca Solnit.
00:34:18
Speaker
who's an American writer and she's written on variety of subjects, including feminism, environment, politics, art. I mean, she's written a lot. And there is this one book of hers that's interesting, and it's called The Far Away Nearby. And but it's an account of her yeah Yeah, it's an account of her coping with her mother's Alzheimer's. Anyway, so here is the quote. We think we tell stories, but stories often tell us, tell us to love or hate, to see or to be seen. Often, too often, stories saddle us, ride us, whip us onwards, tell us what to do, and we do it without questioning.
00:35:08
Speaker
The task of learning to be free requires learning to hear them, to question them, to pause and hear silence, to name them and then become a storyteller.
00:35:23
Speaker
And that right there is how it comes together for autonomy and agency. Imagine if we change our narrative, change the story of all things negative,
00:35:35
Speaker
hardships, see them for what else they are. Sometimes the root of our strength or understanding of others. It's like, imagine if I was bullied as a child, I could keep that story and be a bully to others as an adult, or I can use that experience to recognize another bully, challenge or correct the said bully and then I do that I'm actually exercising my agency.
Changing Personal Narratives
00:36:10
Speaker
so So essentially what we are trying to say is, There are stories that you have told us. that There are stories that you have told yourself to now. there is errors There are errors that have been made. There are stories that others have told you, stories that you've grown up with. um We are all a fairly complicated composite of a lot of things.
00:36:35
Speaker
But to give you some hope, um as we reach the end of this, towards the end of this podcast, ah there is something called post-traumatic growth. It was a research done by Dr. Richard Tedeschi. And what that says is that facing challenges can actually lead to profound personal development. So yes, today's shitty tomorrow is probably going to be shittier, but this growth it isn't It's not going to go away, it will it will lead to a greater appreciation for life and increased personal strength. And this growth isn't just about overcoming fear, it's about reclaiming our sense of agency. Each time we face a fear and push through, we build resilience and confidence. We are not just surviving, we are evolving. And the thing is,
00:37:26
Speaker
And the thing is, fear often lies to us, saying we have no options, but we always have choices. The key is making different choices than we are used to, even if it means stepping into the unknown. It's not easy.
00:37:40
Speaker
But here's hoping that it is transformative. A simple exist exercise that would be good to ah interesting to do would be to look back on tough times you will overcome, identify what helped you then and apply those lessons now. Start small at whatever feels manageable. And by consciously choosing our responses instead of reacting out of fear, we shift from as a victims to active agents in our own lives. We take back control, aligning our actions with our true priorities rather than the impulse to avoid discomfort. And hopefully, this is how we grow beyond our fears, one choice at a time. One choice at a time, keeping it short, keeping it simple, I
Conclusion and Reflection Invitation
00:38:26
Speaker
like that. I mean, be we've gone through the whole episode and we've talked about
00:38:35
Speaker
things that contribute towards, or things that can impact or threaten our agency, our autonomy. These are our internal fears. We've talked about fear of losing control, fear of ah success, fear of failure, fear of insignificance. These are some of the fears that came up for us.
00:39:01
Speaker
um There are many others that we haven't talked about, but I think it's i want to leave our listeners today to look within themselves to really see what could be some of the fears that have power, that they have unconsciously or consciously given power to, that may be contributing to their results, their outcomes.
00:39:28
Speaker
um Looks like this is a good place to wrap up. And as always, always thank you for listening. Do write to us about what you thought of this conversation and any other topics that you would like us to explore in the next episode. And if this episode resonated with you in any way, we would appreciate if you could take 30 seconds to follow us on our adventures and share it with someone whom we needed. Hit subscribe to stay up to date. Thank you and goodbye.
00:40:22
Speaker
Thank you, bye bye.