00:00:00
00:00:01
Success : What it means and how you can show up for it
32 Plays2 months ago
Join hosts Bhavna and Neha Indoria as they unravel the complexities of success, challenge societal norms, and inspire you to redefine your own journey. In this episode, we explore the multifaceted nature of success, its subjective definitions, and the impact of a growth mindset. Tune in for engaging discussions, personal stories, and practical tips to help you navigate your path to fulfillment and happiness.
Keywords: Success, Coaching, Personal Growth, Mindset, Fulfillment, Happiness, Overcoming Obstacles, Resilience, Growth Mindset
Transcript
00:00:03
Speaker
Hey there, welcome to How We Think, a podcast that takes a deeper look at coaching conversations, the biases and the belief beliefs that show up in such conversations and some of the ideas that make you sit up and take notice of your own patterns, your behaviors and any opportunities to change. I'm Bhavna here and with me once again, I have the amazing Neha Indoria. Hey Neha, how are you doing? I'm doing well Bhavna, how are you? I'm very well too. Thank you. So what are we talking about today? Before we talk about anything, are you familiar with the theory that you need to do something 21 times for it to become a habit? Yeah.
00:00:47
Speaker
Well, congratulations. We are one third of the way there. One third is good. I mean, if somebody gives me one third of pizza, I'm very happy. When you say it like that, one third is very good. And I am so happy that we are doing this together. It just makes it so much fun. and So, the topic that we're talking about today is one that seems to be the guiding force behind all human actions, if you ask me, and that is success. In all its varied forms, success comes up everywhere and in everything, in professional and personal lives, in our interaction with each other, and in our interactions with ourselves. Success ah sounds to me like this
00:01:43
Speaker
far away, just about to be achieved notion that stands just bit out beyond the horizons. You can see it, but you can't necessarily get it. You know, and all the questions around success, I mean, where you were you successful in reaching a professional goal? Is your relationship successful for how long it was successful? It is, I mean, everything seems to be measured on some, some parameter of success. um But do we all define it the same way? I'm not sure. And I feel like for majority of people at the base of it all, success seems as transitory in its pursuit as it is once attained. What do you think?
00:02:22
Speaker
You know, the most critical one that I'm landing on is that it's very important to remember when we talk about success that success is highly subjective and can vary from person to person. What one person considers as success may not align with another's definition. And ultimately, defining success is a deeply personal journey that reflects not just your values, but your beliefs, your aspirations, and much more. Sometimes success can be seen as an accomplishment of specific goals and milestones, much like how you were talking about, you know, if if there's a goal and you've met it, then you're successful. um It could be related to career advancement, personal growth, financial stability,
00:03:11
Speaker
In fact, some people also define success based on the level of happiness and fulfillment they experience in their personal and professional lives. So there are different ways of looking at success for different people. Another example that comes to me is for many, success is tied to the positive impact that they make on others and the world around them. Hence, making a difference or helping others and leaving a legacy are really important aspects by which they measure success. And let's not leave accumulation of wealth possessions that can again be seen as a measure of success by some. And then overcoming challenges, pushing boundaries, and becoming the best version of oneself, um demonstrating resilience in the in the face of challenges. All of these are markers of success. Finally,
00:04:07
Speaker
Success can also be viewed as a continuous personal growth, learning and self-improvement. And that is something that I can actually personally relate to.
00:04:22
Speaker
Yeah, if our viewers could see the Zen that is you, it would be and we would understand ah how ah personal growth, learning and self-improvement can be a measure of success ah for some people. But I feel like for most ah currently, ah you know, everything we've been made to understand as success seems to be objective and finite. The terms and conditions that we initially put on our success are mostly borrowed from the world around us. And more often than not, they're not really specific to us.
00:04:57
Speaker
um You know what i mean is I mean? Of course, when you're speaking of self-improvement and personal growth, it's a different different terms altogether. But other than that, accumulation of wealth, finding a career goal, all of that is not specific to us. It could be anybody in our position at that point in time and and and they would be considered successful. So it seems like it may also be the reason because there is There is so much internal conflict that exists on this topic. For instance, I recently worked with a client who's balancing her main job with running a fledgling business, and she's been at it for nearly a year without a big breakthrough. um Our initial chats focused on sales, revenue, ROI,
00:05:43
Speaker
know The first meeting she comes to, she's like, I have a six month action plan. this is This is how I'm going to get profitable. And we started with the work on her plans. we you know But it seems like it seemed like she was disconnected with it. like The progress was slow. There was always something else that kind of ah took her attention away. And then she disappeared. So when she resurfaced, my i was like first question was, you know, what happened? And and she said the one that question that stayed with me was how did, how big did I want it to be? And I realized that I didn't start the business for making it a huge deal. I started it because it was fun. It was an outlet that was other than my work.
00:06:26
Speaker
um And I'm already successful in my career. So this was supposed to be just for me and somehow the fun has gone out of it. So for now I want to take a break and I want to, you know, put the manufacturing on hold. And I want to really work on the idea first, get more clarity before I take any steps. So even if Even if you put these external measures of success, sometimes it just doesn't resonate. Yeah. In fact, when I was hearing you, what reminded me was the conversation that you and I had before we started this podcast.
00:07:02
Speaker
And I said, I want to do a podcast, but I actually want to have fun. um It's not that I don't want people to listen or I don't want to ah for my podcast to have a reach or impact. But the point is, along the way, I want to have fun. And that's my major thing. And that's exactly what you did agree to also. And I think yeah we've been fairly successful. In the fun department, we have had so much fun. It is. That is the whole pizza. That's not one third. Yeah. Yeah. Going back to um what you were talking about, your friend, I i get that. And you know, this story further reinstays that what I was talking about earlier, that success is subjective for most and much like um your client and the two of us,
00:07:57
Speaker
We've had our definition of success in various um facets of what we do. But if I look at it individually, my definition of success is personal and it has evolved over time as I have grown. And not just in age, but in life experience. But what is ah consistent through my understanding of what success means to me is that I have stayed true to myself. listened to my inner wisdom, whatever little I have, and created a definition of success that reflects my unique vision of a fulfilling and meaningful life. See, my core values and beliefs are always at the centre of things. When I define success for myself, what matters most to me in life, what is truly important to me
00:08:50
Speaker
Visualizing my ideal scenarios mostly gives me insight into the aspects of life that contribute to my sense of fulfillment and therefore sex success. And on that note, sometimes understanding what success is not can be as important as knowing what it is. Yeah. Most often reflecting on, you know, either whether it is societal norms, external pressures, ah misconceptions about success that may not align with my two desires. Those are the things that kind of, you know, help me redefine, realign as I go along. Seeking input from trusted friends, mentors, even fellow coaches to get to gain some different perspectives on success.
00:09:38
Speaker
And sometimes hearing how others define success also helps me define my own definition for a particular situation and to see things from new angles. So what essentially that long monologue i I'm trying to say is a mere success kind of doesn't have one definition. It keeps changing depending on the situation, depending on my motivation and, ah you know, how important that particular subject or episode or matter is to me. Success looks differently for me. i can I can see and so the viewers can hear the content in your voice and through this through this journey, um as I have come to know you more, I've also understood how you are totally at peace with what your definition of success is.
00:10:30
Speaker
Personally, I think I can't define what success is. what What seems to work for me is to ask myself, How would I know if I'm successful? you know That typical coaching question. and then once i have once i have started you know As I started my coaching journey and I got to hear this question, um it has it has really helped me. and The idea was, ah before I can define what success is, I wanted to see it. and As you know, I'm very good at counting my failures, successes. ah But what I landed on was that I don't know what needs to happen to make me believe that I'm successful because that definition, like you said, changes frequently.
00:11:14
Speaker
oh And maybe it changes because I'm willing to give a lot of things a try. Like the last thing I ever want to do is to be doing the same thing day in and day out. I like change, I like challenge. And so maybe for me being a success um simply is to answer the question, did did I please give it a shot? And that lands me on resilience every time. um I am successful if I am resilient. um I will have my down days, but when they pass, I will try again. And that is success for today.
00:11:49
Speaker
Very well said. And as you were talking, what I was experiencing was that um I cycle, I go to the main road while everybody tells me not to. I say I go early in the morning at 5.30, there is no traffic. And I walk six kilometers every day. ah But this was three months ago Three months ago, I had a nerve compression which got me horizontal, bed ridden for almost 20 days. I couldn't get up.
00:12:23
Speaker
And now that whole thing of, you know, earlier it used to be, did I do my 28 kilometers on the cycle and today was a successful day? Has changed down to, today I got down, ah when went outside, didn't do six kilometers, but for 20 minutes I could walk without wincing and I think it was a successful day. So I totally get where you're coming from and that part about resilience that really struck a chord with me. um When you were talking about it, um it also reminded me of the concept of growth mindset, which was proposed by Stanford professor Carol Dweck in her book Mindset. And in this book, she basically talks about people who believe that their success depends on time and effort.
00:13:13
Speaker
People with a growth mindset feel their skills and intelligence can be improved with effort and persistence. They embrace challenges, persist through obstacles, learn from criticism, and seek out inspiration in others' success. Although people may differ in every which way in their initial talents or aptitudes, interests or temperaments, everyone can change and grow through application and experience. Now, does that mean people with this mindset believe that anyone can be anything and that anyone with proper motivation or education can become Einstein or Beethoven? No.
00:13:54
Speaker
But they believe that a person's true potential is unknown and unknowable. And that it's impossible to foresee what can be accomplished with years of passion, toil and training. Which means we are in the now. We are in the now. Yeah. Yeah. Being in the now. You know, there's this theory in mathematics called the potential theory, and um and it's a fairly complex concept oh based on some Newtonian principles. But very, very broadly, it studies ah harmonic functions and their potential, um how certain forces like gravity or electricity spread out and influence different areas. So essentially, you know how everything is connected for a very simplistic ah example. ah Imagine you're in a park with hills and valleys. Now, the potential theory studies how water would flow and settle in this landscape. If you want to if you pour water at the top of a hill, it will flow down to the valleys where it gathers. If you were to pour water you know in the hill, in the valley, it's never going up and and all of those things.
00:15:08
Speaker
And that, I would argue, can be connected to this whole transient concept of success that we are talking about today. um Because there is immense potential, but the potential is operating in a field full of other forces. some you might have control over and some you're probably not even aware of. So this mindset bit that you just brought up actually works brilliantly because now we can start focusing on our mindset and certainly anything is possible because we have established potential, we have established that any number of outcomes are possible and we have also accepted limitations both known and un unknown. All you now need to do
00:15:52
Speaker
is do the work and whatever happens happens. I get that. I get that. um ah With the growth mindset, success success is found in doing one's best, which is which is pretty much what we are saying through yeah the theory in mathematics too, the potential theory, right? um And success is also found in learning and improving. So I think we should do a bit of an exploration of habits, mindsets, something that you were just not talking about necessary for success. Some maybe practical tips for incorporating these habits into the daily routine. What do you say Neha?
00:16:33
Speaker
Yeah, so essentially what we are proposing is that we approach the concept of success as something that needs to that needs the right mindset and a belief in potential, not an outcome, but in potential. The question that comes next is what needs to happen for you to know that you are successful. A potential, you know, ah it's natural. One can say potential and natural mindset, it's all good, but there needs to be some finite measures of success. And those, ah to my mind, can be or need to be defined personally, because again, if your definition of success is personal, how you measure it needs to be personal as well. um One marker that
00:17:18
Speaker
kind of kind of worked for me and I could hear a bit of it ah when you were speaking about your definition of success also, was satisfaction. What would happen if you start with, I will be successful if I am satisfied. Now suddenly the parameters are all looking different. It will go from I will do anything to achieve success, it turns to I will do anything to be satisfied. And that feeling I know well. I might not be able to grasp what success is, but I know what satisfaction is. So you can now create a roadmap to satisfaction and learn to do everything that drives your satisfaction. And suddenly work-life balance might not look so difficult. Taking a break might not look so bad. um And if you take that concept and go back to the field of hills and valleys that I was just taking you in, um The ultimate potential would be that you achieve the goal. um You are in the valley today and it is an uphill climb. It's about to be nightfall. You have a few hours left to climb today. What will be satisfactory today before you stop for the night? That is the measure of success when you break it down into manageable pieces.
00:18:33
Speaker
Yeah yeah makes sense because then it doesn't look as daunting as you know we got to do everything and if we don't have everything then we do we have nothing. then we have nothing yeah yeah Yeah and you know as you were talking um it's getting more pronounced that how one sees overcoming obstacles is also a big part of having a successful outcome. Yeah. um We could call it resilience or we could call it perseverance. But either ways, a couple of ways to help ground the right mindset could start with rising above. And it's not just about
00:19:16
Speaker
other people but it's about rising above the noise that's from the other people sometimes it's internal like an internal chatter ah self-criticism the self-perception the self-talk A whole of this, and this is this is something when you were talking about saying believing in your true potential, that is what it is. That is what it is, right? If we don't believe in our true potential, yeah then that right there is the self doubt.
00:19:55
Speaker
Yeah, you're absolutely right. And I feel like self-doubt and this ah lack of belief that you can overcome any obstacle, they actually form the part of all coaching conversations. I mean, whether we are partnering with a client that is looking to gain more clarity towards their brand, whether we are struggling with productivity or getting ready for the next leadership position, whatever it is, it's almost always a direct link to having the belief that you can overcome obstacles and reframing the noise, whether external or internal. um I was listening to this podcast the other day from Mel Robbins and ah she said this one fantastic line. She said, your change doesn't inspire people, it confronts them. It challenges the narrative in their head about their behavior.
00:20:47
Speaker
And then it becomes easier to attack your change, right? Instead of changing their own behavior, they can attack your change. um And this attack or this noise in a way contributes to your internal narrative as well. And that seems to create the obstacles that that we feel are too difficult to overcome. Now, bear in mind, it is it is impossible to control anyone else's narrative attack or noise. You can try. I i definitely have tried in the past. But now I'm thinking...
00:21:19
Speaker
why like Why bother with anybody else with any other noise that's coming your way um if you can conserve that energy and focus that entirely on making yourself believe in potential? yeah Yeah, well said. So I read this book called Mastery by Robert Green and in this book are examples of how seemingly ordinary people became masters in the field and were ultimately highly successful. This book talks about Mozart, Marcel Proust, Leonardo da Vinci, John Keats, Henry Ford and so many others.
00:21:59
Speaker
The main idea that the author is trying to highlight in the book is that there are a few steps that, if taken systematically and consistently, can lead to mastery and therefore success. um It begins with a rigorous learning of the secrets. Basically, all things behind about the field that one may be wanting to succeed in. Then have a very, very intense apprenticeship. Absorb the hidden language that comes from years of experience. And finally, blast established patterns of excellence from within, like what I am thinking about something. That is not what I need to be bothered about. What is, is what I need to be bothered about.
00:22:50
Speaker
evidencebased Evidence Evidence-based, yes, exactly. Unlocking the passion within you and becoming a master, that is like the gist of this and entire thing. So if you're not passionate about something, you're not really going to truly master it. Therefore, your success you know is dependent on on that invariably. There are stories after stories, examples after examples in that book that prove that you need not be the most intelligent one or the smartest one or even the most gifted one. What you essentially need is to be clear about what are your areas of passion, what are you passionate about, and then chase that passion. Learn from others who may be better at it. Practice, practice, practice. Put in the time to truly and undilutedly show up for your own self.
00:23:43
Speaker
Now, after I had read the book and and you might be wondering, is there a guarantee that you will achieve success? No, because, and this is something you were talking about earlier also, because much can change our circumstances, our needs, our wants. You know, they can change and then we may have to course correct and start the process over. But just like you were saying, it is, about, did I give my best? And if yes, can I now do that once again for this new thing that matters to me? in And can I then call myself successful?
00:24:26
Speaker
yeah I'm reminded of that there was a quote from Aristotle. And he says, we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act for a habit, an act that we repeat eventually becoming ingrained in us. It forms part of our culture and lifestyle. and So simple. yeah so um do Yeah. In fact, I'm reminded of, um I don't recall the exact details, but I think there was this um
00:25:02
Speaker
chess grandmaster somewhere in Germany or Belgium or someplace and they did this this whole exercise of can we create can we create talented chess players um and they started training their daughters when they were four, I think, ah four or six. And they, the family, like the parents created four chess grandmasters simply by practice. I will, I will look that up and I will probably um
00:25:33
Speaker
add that to this podcast. But but I like the quote, of course. I mean, excellence is excellences not an act, it's an habit. And to my mind, it also helps us look at happiness differently. like If you start with the acceptance that the road to your goal is long, dark, it's twisted, maybe you're holding the map wrong, you know maybe you will maybe you'll find a bear on the way, then you will probably start enjoying the ride, you know, if if that makes sense. um Because nothing is now unexpected. You were expecting anything to happen, so nothing is unexpected. yeah And it's a very celery sort of way to look at life. um
00:26:16
Speaker
And finding fulfillment and joy in the pursuit of activities and goals that align with our values, passions and strengths, all of that becomes much easier because it's driven because now success is driven by simply finding the right path. It is not about where you reach. So happiness becomes an experience throughout the journey rather than it being dependent on a future event or achievement for us to be fulfilled. Yeah. um You know, in my coaching practice and experience, there are a couple of things that some of the senior leaders that I've worked with have identified ah as measures that led to supporting their success journey. And um I know you were talking about happiness and fulfillment, and I'm like really derailing this into something very but ah corporate and you know tangible, but now nevertheless, it does make sense, hear me out. One of them is networking.
00:27:15
Speaker
Knowing a diverse group of people, not just the right people, but a diverse group of people is a great way to contribute to your own success because your learning changes, your experiences change, and hence you change. And um then there is ah something that they all appreciated was mentorship. the Most of them talked about having a mentor from the industry or from outside the industry that gave them the perspective. And through these mentors, you are learning, but you're learning
00:27:57
Speaker
much faster than how you would you know start from reinventing the wheel. And finally, what ah what also stood out was cultivating meaningful relationships. That's another one key thing that contributes to success because meaningful relationships foster a sense of belonging, support, and ah emotional well-being. and I think emotional well-being is truly required by the bucket loads in the journey to success, for sure. Yes. um Yes. And I don't think any journey to success works without emotional well-being. It it it we just can't. And essentially, I think the what where it landed for me was that
00:28:45
Speaker
Not every friendship needs to have a purpose and not every purpose needs a friendship. So and do what floats you want um and with whoever whomever it works out best. And by creating this little circle around you, um maybe getting up every day to work to do the same thing might not seem that painful. Having said that, of course, success can sometimes feel like you're competing in a race with the finish line being moved farther and farther away. And while you were talking about you know the very corporate concept of networking, um an interesting study that I found while I was looking this up was that 72% of successful entrepreneurs suffer from depression or other men mental health concerns. And CEOs,
00:29:34
Speaker
are probably the more most depressed at more than double the rate of the public at large. So it is lonely at the top, um which is why I think networking and finding different friendships, like you said, might be a very, very good idea to just a lot of some steam for the lack of a better word. um And it is perhaps easy to relate to this statistic, because when you do have a certain amount of success, success um it is only then that you would want more, right? Because now you know what it feels like. So you want to keep going after it, but you keep getting lonelier and lonelier
00:30:12
Speaker
yeah in the in the pursuit. So promotions, pain increases, professional recognition, all of it comes, it might it might give you some joy, but then it's like... Now what? help And that that's a good ah point for us to also think about ah talk about what are some of the things that can come in your way while you're pursuing success. ah We've talked about self-doubt. We've talked about negative thought processes. um And also to check in what your relationship with fear is, like what are you afraid of um and what makes you afraid of of those particular things.
00:30:51
Speaker
ah Because moving past a fear of failure is is one of the biggest obstacles when you think about it when it comes to the path of success. um in And again, it requires a mindset shift ah from viewing failure as a dead end to recognizing that it is perhaps another catalyst. In fact, um I saw this in social media somewhere and it said, um When God closes the door, just open it. It's a door.
00:31:28
Speaker
That's true. It is fairly simple. How did we not know this man? We needed Instagram to tell those to us. Yes, absolutely. Okay, so um on that very humorous note, I think we've we've spoken a lot about success today, what it means to me, what it means to you, yeah how we can look at it, how we can support it, and I think it's a good time to bring our conversation back home. um So just to recap, we started by exploring what is success. And through the conversation we established that success can mean different things for different people. And the definition of success can also change based on our life experiences and context. Success could and most likely should be defined based on our values, beliefs, and perspectives.
00:32:25
Speaker
There is no specific key to success that will work for everyone. However, for if you look at specifically for gold but goal achievement ah leading to success in the long term, one needs to have a system in place to sustain it. This system has many aspects like networking, cultivating meaningful relationships, being intrinsically motivated, having a growth mindset, believing in your own potential, being resilient, overcoming barriers,
00:32:56
Speaker
or as you say Neha, enjoy the chase. Oh, I love the chase. I love the chase. But a good way to look at success could be a very nice little quote from ah a Swifty fan to Miss Taylor Swift. ah Life isn't how you survive the storm, it's about dancing in the rain. And I guess at the end of the day, that's what success really is, at least in my definition. The enjoyment of the journey in whatever form it presents itself and keeping this awareness with you that your version of success can be transient, it can be finite, it can even change over time.
00:33:34
Speaker
And perhaps a good way to not be caught by surprise is to check in with yourself regularly. Have a couple of markers. um Does my idea of success look different today than it did a while ago? Am I okay with this change? If not, what would I like to do? And remember that change is the only constant and finite element.
00:33:57
Speaker
Change is the only constant and finite element. What a dramatic end. ah yeah i had to I had to give something beyond the door, right? And that seems like a good place for us to pause until next time. Thank you for listening. Do write to us about what you thought of this conversation and any other topic that you would like us to explore in the next episode. And if this episode resonated with you in any way, We would appreciate if you take 30 seconds to follow us on our adventures, share it with someone who may need it and hit subscribe so you can stay up to date. Thank you and goodbye. Bye-bye.